#Edward Cullen is an idiot

[edwardsdeathcabcd]

remember when bella was playfully like "’something I should know’? what lol, are you not a virgin?" and edward went on to confess that he murdered dozens of men. SO unserious can you imagine how quickly the vibes in that room shifted. I know she felt so fucking awkward for saying that

[xalonelydreamerx]

It was there, sitting in the lunchroom, trying to make conversation with seven curious strangers, that I first saw them.

They were sitting in the corner of the cafeteria, as far away from where I sat as possible in the long room. There were five of them. They weren't talking, and they weren't eating, though they each had a tray of untouched food in front of them. [...] But all this is not why I couldn't look away.

I stared because their faces, so different, so similar, were all devastatingly, inhumanly beautiful.

[anakinh]

genuinely do not understand how anyone could play crisis core and come out of it thinking that angeal possesses the brain cell between him, genesis, and sephiroth. there are no brain cells here.

[iiconicxpersona]

You know what I’ll never understand in the battle scene on Breaking Dawn pt. 2? WHY THE HELL DIDNT BELLA ATTACK JANE AND ALEC FIRST???

SERIOUSLY! She’s a freaking SHIELD. Jane and Alec couldn’t hurt her even if they tried! She could’ve saved Jasper and Seth if she would’ve just finished them off first, but NOOOOO. Especially Jane with how many times she’s hurt Edward with her powers. Literally right then and there would’ve been a perfect time to get revenge. Those two should’ve been #1 on her list but whatever.

I know it was all just a vision in the end but it still pisses me off.

[weregonnabecoolbeans]

The way I feel about Anakin Skywalker is very similar to how I feel about Edward Cullen.

[sonnioverload19]

No thoughts, just this 🤣

[neon-vocalist]

asaki “i know it must feel like shit just stay with me for a couple minutes” kiyama and hinata “dad calm down and listen to me when i explain things” suzuki

[mvndrvke]

Bella's brows furrow as she listens to Edward talk. The image her mind conjures up is a gruesome one straight out of a horror movie, and she's glad that Edward can't read her thoughts and see the mental image she has of the story he's told her. "That sounds awful," she says, voice quiet. "I'm sorry that happened to her. And happened to you."

She leans into Edward's touch, grounding herself in the gentleness and intimacy of the gesture.

"Those are still possibilities," Bella argues. "Those things don't have to be lost. And it--" She stops, exhaling heavily. "That's what you remember of being human. And I understand wanting me to keep that. There's risks and changes to becoming a vampire, I know that. But being a human isn't what it's become in your mind. Not to me, at least. I feel so fragile, Edward. Life feels so fragile, and it's felt like that before I even met you. I understand that becoming a vampire has its dangers and challenges. I do. I know it's not going to be easy. But being human isn't better for me. The exhaustion, the pain.... and yeah, maybe part of it is selfish. I'm not going to lie and say it isn't."

THE SECRETS I KEPT FOR MY family all seemed to rise in my mind at once. The moments I could not give them privacy thanks to my gift. Rosalie would doubtless not be thankful if I used her in this teaching moment. Emmett was too jovial, even with his past mistakes. But there was one person who would forgive me this trespass, as she would forgive all I did.

“I came home once,” I began, turning my eyes to look out the windshield, praying this wouldn't make her think badly of Esme. “To find my mother, weeping on the floor, covered in blood. The man she had killed was laying on the floor behind her, drained. He was a salesman of some sort, and he’d made the mistake of knocking on the wrong door. She lost control.” Esme’s cries echoed in my ears, the phantoms of her fingertips on my arms as she clutched at me, and I flinched a little at the memory. “She still sends flowers to be placed on his grave each year, no matter where we are. She will never forget the terror in his eyes. And I will never forget the pain in hers.”

I had looked back at her as I murmured the final words, reaching out with my free hand to run my fingers along her cheek, as if I could impart the knowledge I wished to give her through touch alone.

“I remember enough,” I said, giving her a melancholy smile, turning in the seat to face her more fully. “I remember having dreams. Plans. I remember wondering where I would be in five years. Ten years. There were possibilities I don’t have access to now, and that I never will.”

[peterparkeeperer]

sitting pretty (edward cullen x gn!reader)

You could tell he was looking at you. His eyes had a presence of their own.

“What do you want?” You asked teasingly, without looking up.

“Your attention, preferably.”

You smiled impishly and found your eyes repeating the same sentence over and over on the page below you. He probably knew he was a distraction, or that you were really bad at concentrating.

“Oh, really? What kind of attention?”

It was his turn to be impish, “Only the innocent kind. I am a gentleman.”

“Someone has to be,” you finally turned to him, he was sitting at your desk while you studied on your bed.

“Come here,”

You craved him closer suddenly, wanted to hold him in any way. This feeling often shot you out of nowhere, usually when he was sitting and looking so incredibly pretty (which was a word you found yourself using to describe him more often than not. Smooth skin, soft hair, and brown eyes that you’d always been a sucker for) that you had no option but to crave him.

Edward looked pleased with himself, and you sighed inwardly as you pushed your (unfinished) homework away to make space for him.

“You’re a bad influence, you know that?”

He smirked as he lowered himself to lay by you, and your hand naturally drifted to the side of his waist.

“You’re the one who told me to come here,” he said innocently, with his deep eyes daring you to fall inside the well of them.

“How can I deny you your attention you so desperately crave?”

He smiled, “I don’t ‘desperately crave’ anything,” yet his eyes were playful and he looked seconds away from tossing this playful banter and speaking sad and lovely poetry.

You grinned and came closer, and with every inch removed his eyes got more and more black. Like tar. When your breath could hit his cold lips you spoke, “oh, really?”

He sucked in a breath he doesn’t need and came closer to close the distance, but you leaned back casually.

He looked prettier like this. Desperate, frowning at the rejection of the kisses he’d been spoiled with and now addicted to.

You took pity on him and slid your hand from his waist to go under his shirt, allowing you to stroke the skin there. It was domestic affection, yet he was weak to this too.

“I love you, very much.”

You softened, and leaned in naturally to kiss him. It was slow on your part, loving. But he seemed eager and pushed into you, soon you were laying with him almost sitting on top of you. You pushed at his shoulders lightly.

“Did you just say that so I would kiss you?”

He looked away, “well, I do love you.”

“You’re an idiot. But I love you.”

[fxstpace]

“i’m outside your window.”

“wow. you’re so creepy.” you balance your phone on your shoulder and lift it up, pressing it to your ear so that you can finish folding your laundry. “did you watch twilight recently, or something?”

“no.” jake’s voice sounds tinny through your phone’s speaker. he huffs, and you can imagine the look of utter chagrin on his face. “...maybe. i mean, sunoo kinda forced me to, yaknow? he thinks it’s romantic or whatever.”

you snort, folding a t-shirt and placing it on your mattress. “i’m not surprised. are you actually outside my window or are you—”

a soft knock against your windowpane makes you still. there’s no way your boyfriend is actually outside your room, right? it’s dark and cold, and as much as you love jake sim, you don’t want him to catch a cold just because he wants to see you.

“you’ll never find out unless you open your curtains,” he says. “i love the colour, but i’d prefer seeing your face.”

“jake…” you trail off, walking over to your window and drawing the curtains. he’s there, leaning against the glass like this is some kind of real-life romcom. it’s chilly, but all he has on is a thin, striped jumper and a smile so wide, it makes his eyes crinkle by the corners. you put down your phone and wave at him.

he waves back. you undo the latch and open the windows. “hi,” he says cheerfully, as though this is normal. “i wasn’t lying.”

“oh, my god. that’s all you have to say?” 

jake shrugs. “i wanted to see you. i missed you a lot today. can i come in?”

“yeah.” you step aside, giving him space to climb through the open window. “careful, don’t trip.”

he clambers in, a little clumsily, because jake’s reflexes aren’t the best. he catches himself, though, and lands on the floor of your bedroom with a flourish. 

“wow,” he says, grinning at you, “it was cold outside.”

“idiot,” you scold him gently. “who told you to wait outside my bedroom window like some wannabe edward cullen in this weather?”

jake steps forward and plants his hands on either side of your face. his palms cup your cheeks—rough and calloused, but also incredibly cold to the touch. “mm, i don’t know. i really wanted to see you, that’s all.”

you soften. how could you not? you rub your own palms together to generate heat and place them over his. “your fingers are so cold,” you say. “what if you catch a fever?”

“warm me up, then,” he tells you, and kisses you—just once, softly.

the back of your neck prickles with heat. “don’t say weird things.”

“was i being weird?” jake asks, widening his eyes with fake innocence. “you’re the one assuming things.”

“what?” 

“i just wanted to hold you underneath your incredibly warm blanket.”

you pull away, embarrassed, but smile all the same. “i have to finish folding my clothes.”

“after that, then.”

“okay. i missed you too, you know.”

“aw. someone’s getting all soft on me.”

you throw your half-folded sweatshirt at him in response.

author’s note — let’s all collectively ignore that last line because it is so! anticlimactic! also this was kind of inspired by that one video where jake pokes his head out the window and waves at people during his prada shoot in milan :) thanks for reading 🤍

[flippinpancakes64]

Day at the pool with the Cullens

I love pools and I love swimming so here we are

All additional photos I found on Pinterest

Edward:

Volleyball expert

Loves having competitions to see who can "hold" their breath the longest

(There's never an actual winner, it's just who gets bored first)

Loves to tackle you in the water

Can and will sneak up on you to pull you under

Roughhousing x100

Will think you're boring if you just sit on the side of the pool

He wants to play, dammit

Wears a nose plug unfortunately

He doesn't like the feel of the water in his nose

Can and will stay there all day

He doesn't go out of his way to go to the pool, but when he does he never wants to leave

I imagine he'd like swim shorts with a pattern

He doesn't want to wear something boring

Alice:

Diving board queen

She could go to the Olympic level if she wanted to

Definitely an attacker

Will sneak up behind people just to scare them

Does that freaky thing where they go underwater to swim through people's legs when they don't expect it

Loves seeing how fast she can lap the pool

Loves getting on Emmett's shoulders and wrestling people

Splashes people

Not too fond of the beach balls or volleyballs but she will play

She wears something intricate and definitely uncomfortable looking

Stylish tho

Jasper:

Not really interested

He came along because everyone else went

He prefers baseball

He's in the water though

He might join in on volleyball or diving, but I think he'd prefer to just chill out on a raft or a tube

He just wants to enjoy all of the positive emotions around him

He might swim around with you though if you ask him

He's not opposed to doing anything

Would really enjoy a lazy river though

He just wants to veg out and I love that for him

Just lets Alice choose whatever she wants him to wear

Has absolutely no preference at all

Rosalie:

You're lucky if she touches the water at all

Prefers to lay by the poolside and "tan"

She really just enjoys the heat from the sun

Like a lizard under a heat lamp

Might dip her toes in

If you beg her to get in she might go to the shallow end and stand there for a little bit

If you splash her it's over for you

So best just to leave her alone :')

Will throw the diving toys though

Like those girls on tiktok who are tanning and throwing the toys for their boyfriends like they're dogs

That's her

She thinks it's funny

MIGHT get up to retrieve the ball if you guys throw it out on accident

Heavy on the might tho

She'd wear something cute with a pretty pattern

Emmett:

King of the Pool

Roughhousing final boss

Will start actually wrestling with people

He brought the water guns

Shows absolutely no mercy

His favorite game is water chicken

Always the base guy

Even though he's not supposed to be fighting, he still does

Is the one mostly diving for the toys Rosalie throws

Wears goggles just because they look funny

Has broken the bottom of the pool before

Would do it again too

Likes to pick people up and throw them as far as he can

Jumped off the diving board and did a cannonball once

That's how he broke the pool floor

Wears the most idiotic trunks he can find

Since it's only their family at the pool, Alice can't use the whole "keeping good appearances" thing as a reason why he should wear what she picks

Carlisle:

Likes to let loose a little bit

He has to act old to keep appearances, so everyone forgets he's physically only about 25

Like Alice I think he'd enjoy the diving board

Would love to unwind on an inner tube as well

He likes to swim to the bottom of the deep end and just sit there

He finds it peaceful

Won't join in with the fighting though

He's here to relax and have a good time

Keeps it simple and classy as far as suits go

For the longest time he wore a speedo though...

Alice quickly put an end to that

Esme:

A less grouchy Rosalie

She's here to enjoy the sun and the warmth

She would also enjoy sitting on a raft and floating though

Lazy. River.

She would enjoy watching more than anything

Would keep score and help be a referee

Would also throw the diving toys

I feel like she would enjoy just wading around though

Making laps or just floating slowly

This is her big relaxation day

I think she would enjoy suits with a bit more coverage

And she would love flowy skirts or shawls

It makes her feel elegant <3

Vampire! Bella:

Another roughhouser here folks

She went her whole human life being a walking accident, of course she's going to make the most of actually having reflexes

Loves to do just about anything

Volleyball, basketball, diving, chicken, wrestling, water gun fight

Literally anything

Is usually Edward's partner for chicken

Loves to do things that humans absolutely cannot do

She's still getting used to it and everything

One time she stayed underwater for a full 5 hours

Just to see if she could

Will ask you to time her laps around the pool

She goes for a more practical suit

Something similar to what she had when she was human

[cullencouture]

And I’ve had an epiphany - this is why he wants her to live out her normal lifespan and die a human. He’ll have limited her life and made it worse (in his opinion) but that’s the only way he or another vampire doesn’t directly kill her.

we make fun of Edward for doing all the hades/persephone shit but the line where he goes “every word we spoke here— was another pomegranate seed” is the truest line in any twilight book. The closer she gets to Edward, the closer she gets to vampirism, this horrible secret she cannot tell another soul, whose mere existence to her means she cannot, by law, live a human life and know it’s truth, the farther she gets plunged into the rabbit hole that is the world of inhumanity. There is not going back once she knows about vampires she either dies or gets turned— each word, each instance of supernaturals, is a pomegranate seed. The more seeds, the more time she spends in the underworld, until she is full. Until she has swallowed all of them. The moment she met Edward she was dead. She was damned. And she can never. Go. Back.

[ceirinen]

December 2023

I decided to make a list of every fic I read each month.

I would like to interact more, but life has been complicated recently and when it comes to interacting, I get very anxious which is something I'm trying to overcome.

So, here I made this to appreciate such amazing writers and stories that inspire me and others everyday. To the authors, I want to thank them for their dedication and time spent on writing to offer us fascinating stories.

I totally recommend their work.

(If you are in this list and you don't want to, please let me know so I can fix it).

@cillianmesoftlyyy

So New | Cillian Murphy x fem!reader Method Acting | young!Cillian Murphy x Reader

@runnning-outof-time

Research | Tommy Shelby x Reader Bedtime Stories | Tommy Shelby x Reader & Daughter

@zablife

teacher!Luca Changretta x Reader Funeral | Tommy Shelby x sister!reader A Visit to the Peaky Blinders Set | Cillian Murphy x wife!reader

@gypsy-girl-08

Festive Spirit | modern!Tommy Shelby x Reader All I Need... | modern!Thomas Shelby x Reader A Gentle Warning | Thomas Shelby x wife!Reader

@pacifymebby

Arthur Shelby x Reader

@fkmarrycill

Pre-Gaming | Cillian Murphy x Reader

@holacia3

Lost and Lucky | modern!Tommy Shelby x Reader Surprise visit | modern!Tommy Shelby x Reader

@beastofburdenxo

Let Me Praise You | Tommy Shelby x Reader Raising Catherine | Tommy Shelby x Reader

@look-at-the-soul

If I let you go | Cillian Murphy x Reader

@your-nanas-house

What does my princess want? | sugar daddy!Cillian Murphy x sugar baby!reader I'm pretty sure you're mine | sub!William Killick x dom!fem!Reader What are we, idiot? | Neil Lewis x best friend!Reader Thirsty | Tommy Shelby x secretary!Reader

@raincoffeeandfandoms

To the end of the world | Alfie Solomons x fem!oc Tommy, the teddy bear | Alfie Solomons x fem!oc Emergency surgery | baby!Tommy Shelby Fanfiction | Alfie Solomons x fem!oc Anon | Alfie Solomons

@lis-likes-fics

Loner | Edward Cullen x Reader At the End of the Day | Tommy Shelby x wife!Reader

@rafeology

Mentor!Finnick Odair x victor!reader

@wife-of-all-dilfs

Flower Therapy | Finnick Odair x Reader

@darlingsfandom

Cillian Murphy x Reader Tommy Shelby x artist!reader Soft sugar daddy | Robert Fischer x Reader

@pinguwrites

Home Is Where the Heart Is | William Killick x future!reader

@http-finnick

Skin to skin | Finnick Odair x fem!insomniac!reader

@acewritesfics

Lost Love | Tommy Shelby x Reader 36 Minutes | modern! Tommy Shelby x Reader

@dearshelby

Had you first | Tommy Shelby x Reader Little Tommy | Thomas Shelby x oc

@lau219

Red Carpet | Cillian Murphy x Reader

@peakyswritings

I Do Bad Things | demon!Tommy x Reader

@shelbystales

Ceramic Lessons | Cillian Murphy x Reader

@darthannie

Day eighteen: breeding kink with Lenny Miller | Lenny Miller x f!Reader

@hllywdwhre

Afterglow | Cillian Murphy x Reader

@red-write-hand

I'll be home for Christmas | Thomas Shelby x Reader

@mysaintkitten

Bad Behaviour | Mike Kiernan x fem!Reader

@notyour-valentine

The Spirits that I summoned | young!Tommy Shelby

@brummiereader

No Son Of Mine | Tommy Shelby

@youbyradiohead

Strawberry Syrup | Cillian Murphy x Reader

@cillianthinker

British accent | Cillian Murphy x Reader Young and in love | Cillian Murphy x Reader

@cillspropertea

Coming home | Cillian Murphy x Reader

@cillmequick

Operation Christmas Tree | modern!Tommy Shelby x fem!Reader

[estellan0vella]

Goth Vampire Mafia Older Brother Sukuna AU HFBU

It's a lazy Sunday afternoon and you’ve got the living room to yourself. The tattoo parlour is closed for the day, and you’re cosied up on the living room couch with a blanket draped over your legs, the first Twilight movie queued up and ready to go. The TV’s soft glow is the only light in the room as you settle in, grabbing a handful of popcorn.

Just as the movie starts, you hear little footsteps padding down the hallway. Yuji, your boyfriend Sukuna's younger brother, peeks into the living room with curious eyes.

“Whatcha watching, Y/N/N?” he asks, climbing up beside you on the couch.

“Twilight,” you reply with a smile, ruffling his hair. “Want to join?”

“Sure!” Yuji grins, snuggling up beside you.

When the scene comes where Edward stops the car with his hand to save Bella, Sukuna can't contain his disbelief as he walks into the room and sits down next to you, wrapping an arm around your shoulders. “Did he just stop a moving car with his hand? And no one questions this? Are all the humans in this town idiots?”

The iconic forest scene soon appears. Edward Cullen, looking as brooding as ever, says to Bella, “You’re my own personal brand of heroin.”

“What the hell does that even mean?” Sukuna scoffs. “That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.”

“Just wait, Kuna,” you tease, “it gets better.”

The movie continues, and soon it’s the infamous spider monkey scene. Edward lifts Bella onto his back and takes off into the trees. Sukuna lets out a bark of laughter. “Spider monkey? Who the hell wrote this script?”

By the time Yuji’s eyes light up at Alice’s entrance, you can tell he’s hooked. “She’s so cool,” he whispers, watching her with rapt attention. You smile, noting his budding crush.

As the movie progresses, Sukuna's running commentary continues, providing a constant stream of humorous and critical remarks. When the scene comes where Edward reveals he’s been watching Bella sleep for months, Sukuna’s incredulity peaks.

“Why the hell is he watching her sleep? That’s creepy as fuck,” he says, shaking his head.

Yuji looks up at him, curious. “Why does he do that, Suku?”

“Because he’s a fucking weirdo,” Sukuna answers bluntly. “Only a complete creep would think that’s romantic.”

You chuckle, trying to keep your laughter quiet, and ruffle Yuji’s hair. “Just remember, Yuji, if you like a girl, don’t ever do that.”

Sukuna nods, smirking. “Exactly. Normal people don’t stalk their crushes while they sleep.”

As the movie continues, Sukuna finds more to criticize about Edward’s behaviour. During the infamous scene where Edward takes Bella to meet his family and they play baseball, Sukuna can't help but comment on Edward’s overprotectiveness.

“Look at this guy, acting all possessive. Bella can’t even hang out with his family without him hovering over her,” Sukuna says, rolling his eyes.

Yuji, still entranced by the movie, asks, “Isn’t he just trying to keep her safe?”

Sukuna snorts. “There’s a difference between keeping someone safe and treating them like they’re made of glass. Edward’s got control issues.”

When James, the villain, makes his entrance, Sukuna’s disdain is palpable. “This guy’s supposed to be a threat? What a loser.”

When the movie reaches the climax with the showdown in the ballet studio, Sukuna’s frustration with James grows. “So, this is the big plan? Lure her to a ballet studio? Real original, James.”

As James taunts Bella and the tension builds, Sukuna’s disdain is clear. “This guy talks too much. If he spent less time monologuing and more time actually doing something, maybe he’d be a real threat.”

When Edward finally arrives and the fight ensues, Sukuna critiques every move. “Look at Edward, trying to be all heroic. This fight looks like two high school kids who took one too many drama classes.”

As Edward defeats James and the scene calms, Sukuna leans back with a sigh. “That’s it? All that buildup for such a weak villain. They could have at least made the fight interesting.”

The first movie ends and you pop in New Moon. As Edward breaks up with Bella and she collapses in the forest, Sukuna throws his hands up in exasperation. “You’ve got to be kidding me. All this drama over a breakup? Get a grip, Bella.”

Yuji looks confused. “Why is she so sad, Suku?”

Sukuna sighs. “Because she thinks her world is ending because her sparkly vampire boyfriend left her. It’s ridiculous.”

You can’t help but fangirl a bit when Paul Lahote appears on screen, and Sukuna rolls his eyes every time you sigh over him. “Really, babe? This guy?”

The movie's dramatic elements give Sukuna plenty of material. During one of the many shirtless scenes, he mutters, “Why do they keep stripping every time they turn into wolves? Do they not own shirts?”

Yuji giggles. “Maybe it’s because they get too hot?”

Sukuna shakes his head. “Or maybe it’s just an excuse to show off their abs. Either way, it’s absurd.”

As Bella continues her self-destructive behaviour, Sukuna can’t help but comment. “So she’s jumping off cliffs now? What’s next, bungee jumping without a cord?”

When Bella cliff dives and Edward goes straight to the Volturi, Sukuna groans. “Oh, come on. This is so over-the-top. Just because she jumped off a cliff?”

You laugh, patting Sukuna’s arm. “He thinks she’s dead, Kuna. It’s dramatic, but it’s love.”

Sukuna raises an eyebrow. “Love? This is obsession. There’s a difference.”

The Volturi make their appearance, and Sukuna looks genuinely baffled. “Why is there a vampire goth mafia with creepy twins? This makes no sense.”

As Jane demonstrates her power, Sukuna snickers. “Look at her, trying so hard to be scary with her little pain trick. Adorable.”

Yuji watches intently. “She’s kinda scary, though.”

Sukuna shakes his head. “Scary? Maybe if you’re a toddler. She’s just another overhyped character in this mess.”

When Bella and Alice race to save Edward, Sukuna rolls his eyes. “Of course, now we have a race against time. How cliché can you get?”

The scene where Bella runs through the crowd to stop Edward from revealing himself makes Sukuna groan. “This is straight out of a bad romance novel. Just stop already.”

When Bella saves Edward and they confront the Volturi, Sukuna is unimpressed. “So, he was willing to die because he thought she was dead? This guy needs therapy.”

As the Volturi threaten Bella, Sukuna scoffs. “Now they’re all protective over her again. Make up your mind, Edward. Do you want her in your dangerous world or not?”

The movie drags on with more angst and drama, and Sukuna’s patience wears thin. “This whole movie is just one big pity party. Can we get to something interesting?”

When Jacob confesses his feelings to Bella, Sukuna can’t help but laugh. “Oh great, now the werewolf is in love with her too. This love triangle is a disaster.”

You chuckle, leaning into Sukuna. “It’s supposed to be romantic tension.”

He smirks. “More like romantic nonsense.”

Eclipse begins, and the love triangle heats up. Sukuna can’t stop commenting on it. “This is just ridiculous. Pick one and move on, for god’s sake.”

As Bella flits between Edward and Jacob, Sukuna mutters under his breath. “This girl has no clue what she wants. It’s exhausting just watching her.”

When Victoria makes her appearance, Sukuna smirks. “Finally, someone interesting. Please, someone tear Bella to pieces and end this nonsense.”

During the training scenes with the Cullens and the wolves preparing to fight Victoria's newborn army, Sukuna shakes his head. “So, we’re supposed to believe these inexperienced newborns are a real threat? And the solution is a bunch of reluctant werewolves and a dysfunctional vampire family?”

As the heated argument between Edward and Jacob unfolds, Sukuna bursts out laughing. “Look at these two, fighting over a girl who can’t make up her mind. Pathetic. They should just leave her and become best friends. They’d probably be happier.”

When the proposal scene unfolds, Sukuna’s frustration peaks. “Now they’re getting married? This is the most dysfunctional relationship ever. They’re doomed.”

When Bella and Edward are camping in the mountains, Sukuna snorts. “So let me get this straight, they need Jacob, the human heater, to keep Bella warm? That’s some love triangle they got going on.”

Edward and Jacob’s conversation outside the tent catches Sukuna’s attention. “Look at this, they’re actually bonding over their mutual obsession with Bella. This is the weirdest bromance ever.”

When Bella attempts to kiss Jacob to stop him from leaving, Sukuna’s disdain is evident. “Seriously? She kisses him now? She’s playing them both like a fiddle. This girl is a mess.”

As the final battle approaches and tensions rise, Sukuna comments on every dramatic scene. “Oh, now they’re suddenly a well-coordinated team. Convenient.”

During the battle, Sukuna is actively rooting for Victoria and the newborns. “Come on, make this interesting. At least take out one of the main characters.”

When Victoria and Riley corner Edward and Bella, Sukuna leans forward. “Finally, some action. Let’s see if they can actually pull this off.”

As the battle intensifies, Sukuna can’t help but critique every move. “Edward’s fighting style is so pretentious. And Bella just stands there. Great strategy.”

When Seth and Edward finally defeat Riley and Victoria, Sukuna sighs dramatically. “Well, that was anticlimactic. I was expecting more from the big bad villain.”

The movie moves to the aftermath, with Jacob recovering from his injuries. Sukuna rolls his eyes. “Of course, he gets hurt protecting Bella. Typical.”

As Edward and Bella discuss their future together, Sukuna can’t hold back his sarcasm. “So, after all that, she still chooses the sparkly vampire? Shocking.”

Breaking Dawn Part One is next and the wedding scene unfolds, and Sukuna rolls his eyes. “Of course, it’s a big fancy wedding. Because nothing says ‘forever’ like an over-the-top ceremony.”

When Bella and Edward’s romantic escapades start, Sukuna scoffs. “Oh great, now they’re making the bed look like it’s been through a tornado. Who knew vampires had such a destructive streak?”

Yuji giggles from behind your and Sukuna's hands. “Why are they breaking everything?”

Sukuna rolls his eyes. “They’re just... having a very intense hug, kid. Don’t worry about it.”

As the honeymoon continues, Sukuna’s smirk widens. “So, they destroy an entire bed and then play chess for the rest of their honeymoon? Sounds like a blast. Who needs a beach when you can have a game of chess in a room full of broken furniture?”

When Bella starts experiencing strange symptoms and realizes she’s pregnant, Sukuna leans back, incredulous. “Oh, come on. She gets pregnant from one night with a vampire? That’s some fast-acting biology. It’s like the moment they decided to ‘get busy,’ her uterus went into overdrive.”

Yuji looks confused. “How can she be having a baby so soon?”

You ruffle his hair, trying to keep it light. “It’s just a movie, Yuji. Things happen fast.”

Sukuna raises an eyebrow. “Fast? More like implausibly fast. I wouldn’t be surprised if she gave birth the next day”

As Bella’s pregnancy progresses and her condition worsens, Sukuna’s disbelief turns into frustration. “This is just irresponsible. Who in their right mind thinks having a vampire baby is a good idea? It’s like playing Russian roulette with your own body.”

When Bella’s back breaks during childbirth, Sukuna laughs out loud. “Well, that’s what you get for wanting a vampire baby. A back snapped like a breadstick”

Yuji winces at the scene. “Is she okay?”

You try to soothe him. “She will be, Yuji. It’s just really dramatic.”

As Jacob’s imprinting on Renesmee unfolds, Sukuna’s face contorts with disbelief. “This is so messed up. Seriously?”

He continues, incredulous. “So, let me get this straight: he’s been in love with Bella this whole time, but now he’s suddenly in love with her newborn daughter? That’s just creepy. It’s like a bad Twilight Zone episode. One minute he’s hot for Bella, and the next he’s googly-eyed over a baby. What kind of messed-up interfamily love triangle is this?”

Yuji looks puzzled. “What’s imprinting?”

Sukuna sighs, trying to find a way to explain it. “It’s like... finding your soulmate. But in this case, it’s really weird because he’s a grown man and she’s a baby. It’s like telling a toddler, ‘Hey, you’re my soulmate,’ and then waiting for her to grow up. It’s just... wrong on so many levels.”

You nod, adding, “It means he’ll always protect her and be there for her, but yeah, it’s a bit strange.”

Sukuna shakes his head. “Strange? It’s beyond strange. It’s downright disturbing. This whole imprinting thing is like a loophole in the storyline, a convenient way to make Jacob’s character relevant without actually giving him any real development.”

As the scenes shift to Bella’s transformation into a vampire, Sukuna’s tone softens slightly, though his sarcasm remains. “Well, at least she looks hot now. Can’t deny that. But the whole process? It’s still a freak show. Who knew becoming a vampire involved so much screaming and blood?”

But when Renesmee appears, he’s back to his critical self. “Why does the baby look so wrong? That’s just creepy.”

He leans closer to the screen, scrutinizing the CGI baby. “Seriously, they couldn’t find a real baby for this? It looks like a haunted doll."

You laugh, nudging him playfully. “Come on, Kuna, it’s not that bad.”

“Oh, it’s bad,” he insists. “Look at her! She’s like something out of a horror movie. I half expect her head to spin around.”

Yuji, engrossed in the movie, glances up at Sukuna. “I think she’s kinda cute.”

Sukuna smirks, shaking his head. “Kid, you need to get your eyes checked. That baby’s giving me the creeps.”

The movie continues, and every time Renesmee is on screen, Sukuna has something to say. “Why does she keep staring like that? It’s unsettling. And those eyes! They’re way too big for her head.”

He mimics the baby’s expression, wide-eyed and stiff, making you and Yuji burst into laughter.

When Jacob explains the imprinting to Bella and Edward, Sukuna is incredulous. “So let me get this straight: he’s in love with the creepy baby now? This just keeps getting weirder.”

As Renesmee ages rapidly, Sukuna keeps up his commentary. “Great, now she’s a creepy toddler. And why does she look like she’s staring into your soul? Every time she looks at the camera, I half expect her to say, ‘I see dead people.’”

You can’t help but laugh at his relentless criticism. “You’re really not letting this go, are you?”

“Nope,” he replies with a grin. “They had a chance to make a normal-looking baby, and they blew it. I’m gonna keep pointing it out.”

As the movie progresses, Renesmee continues to grow at an accelerated rate. Sukuna's eyes are glued to the screen, his critical gaze unwavering.

“Is it just me, or is she ageing faster than a vampire should be allowed to? This kid is like a living, creepy time-lapse,” Sukuna remarks, his tone dripping with sarcasm.

Yuji, still captivated by the movie, looks up at Sukuna. “But she’s supposed to be special, right?”

Sukuna snorts. “Special? More like a special effects nightmare. Look at her—she’s gone from baby to child in what, a week? I’ve seen horror movies with more believable ageing.”

The scene shifts to Renesmee as a child, interacting with the rest of the Cullen family. Sukuna shakes his head in disbelief. “And now she’s a kid who looks like she’s seen some things. Those eyes are still too big for her head. It’s like they didn’t even try to make her look normal.”

When Renesmee starts using her powers to show people her thoughts, Sukuna’s eyebrows shoot up. “Oh great, now she’s a mind-reading horror child. Because that’s exactly what this movie needed—more creepy abilities.”

You chuckle, trying to keep your laughter under control. “You’re really on a roll tonight, Kuna.”

He smirks, leaning back on the couch. “I can’t help it, babe. This whole thing is a mess. They should have just let her be a normal baby. But no, they had to go for the uncanny valley effect.”

As the movie progresses, the scene shifts to a wintery landscape where Renesmee is shown jumping into the air to catch snowflakes. Sukuna's critical gaze narrows even further.

“Oh, great. Now she’s a creepy ballerina vampire,” he mutters. “Seriously, what’s with this kid? She’s like a supernatural circus act.”

Yuji, still captivated, looks up at Sukuna with wide eyes. “But she’s having fun, Suku! Look at her go!”

Sukuna snorts. “Having fun? She’s floating in the air like she’s part ghost. If I saw that in real life, I’d call an exorcist.”

You laugh, shaking your head. “Come on, Kuna, she’s just catching snowflakes.”

Sukuna raises an eyebrow. “Catching snowflakes? She’s defying gravity! Look at her. No one else seems to find this odd?”

As Renesmee gracefully lands back on the ground and smiles at Bella, Sukuna sighs dramatically. “Of course, she just smiles and acts like it’s the most normal thing in the world. No big deal, just our super creepy child playing in the snow.”

Yuji giggles. “I think it’s cool! I wish I could do that.”

Sukuna ruffles Yuji’s hair. “Trust me, kid, you’re better off being normal. Less chance of creeping people out. I'd have to disown you if you started doing freaky shit like that around me and Y/N/N”

When Renesmee looks at Jacob and they share a moment, Sukuna can’t help but roll his eyes. “Oh great, more of this weird bond thing. It’s like they’re trying to make everything as uncomfortable as possible.”

You chuckle, leaning into Sukuna. “You’re really having a hard time with this, huh?”

He smirks, wrapping an arm around you. “Just calling it like I see it, babe. This whole movie is like a bad dream you can’t wake up from.”

The scene shifts to Charlie Swan, Bella’s father, visiting the Cullens. Renesmee is playing nearby, looking much older than the last time he saw her. Sukuna’s jaw drops.

“Wait, hold on,” he says, incredulous. “Does Charlie not realize his granddaughter was a baby like two months ago? How is he not questioning this?”

Yuji looks puzzled. “Maybe they told him she grows fast?”

Sukuna shakes his head. “Growing fast is one thing, but this kid’s ageing like she’s on steroids on crack. The girl's on crack steroids. How can he just accept this without freaking out?”

Charlie awkwardly interacts with Renesmee, clearly confused but not pressing the issue. Sukuna throws his hands up in exasperation. “Unbelievable. This guy is the worst cop ever. He can’t see what’s right in front of him!”

You laugh, nudging Sukuna playfully. “Maybe he’s just trying to be supportive.”

“Supportive? He’s in denial!” Sukuna retorts. “If my kid came home with a baby that turned into a pre-teen in two months, I’d be asking all kinds of questions.”

Charlie’s scene ends, and Sukuna leans back, shaking his head. “They must have him under some kind of mind control. That’s the only explanation. Or he is unbelievably stupid and definitely should lose his job"

The scene shifts to the Cullens gathering allies from various vampire clans around the world, preparing for the inevitable confrontation with the Volturi. Sukuna's expression is a mix of amusement and disbelief.

“Look at this. It’s like a vampire United Nations,” Sukuna quips, his eyes glued to the screen as the different vampire clans make their dramatic entrances.

Yuji looks up, eyes wide. “They’re all here to help?”

Sukuna snorts. “Yeah, because nothing says ‘epic battle’ like a bunch of random vampires with barely any backstory. Who are these people? They just show up and we’re supposed to care about them?”

As the Denali coven arrives, Sukuna raises an eyebrow. “So these guys are supposed to be their long-lost cousins or something? And why do they all look like they stepped out of a fashion magazine?”

The Irish coven’s introduction makes Sukuna chuckle. “Oh great, now we’ve got stereotypical Irish vampires. What’s next, a leprechaun with fangs?”

You laugh, nudging Sukuna. “Come on, Kuna, they’re just trying to show the diversity of the vampire world.”

He rolls his eyes. “Diversity? This is more like a bad casting call. And what’s with the vampire who can control the elements? Are we watching Twilight or Avatar: The Last Airbender?”

When the Amazonian vampires make their appearance, Sukuna shakes his head. “Seriously? They brought in jungle vampires? This is getting out of hand.”

As the Cullens explain their strategy to their new allies, Sukuna can’t help but comment on the absurdity. “So their grand plan is to stand around and look intimidating? Brilliant strategy. I’m sure the Volturi are shaking in their boots.”

When the Romanians arrive, Sukuna’s eyebrows shoot up again. “Oh, fantastic. Now we’ve got Transylvanian clichés. Where’s Dracula when you need him?”

Yuji giggles at Sukuna’s relentless commentary. “They’re all here to help, Suku. It’s a good thing, right?”

Sukuna ruffles Yuji’s hair, smirking. “Sure, kid. If you consider a bunch of random, underdeveloped characters showing up at the last minute a good thing.”

The scene continues with the Cullens strategizing with their allies, and Sukuna can’t help but shake his head. “This looks like a bad game of Vampire Risk. They’re all standing around like they’re about to take over the world, but half of them can barely keep a straight face.”

As the preparations for the battle continue, Sukuna’s criticism remains sharp. “They’ve got all these powerful allies, but their plan hinges on Bella’s mind-shield? That’s like putting all your money on a horse that’s never raced before.”

You chuckle, leaning into Sukuna. “It’s just a movie, Kuna. Suspend your disbelief a little.”

He grins, wrapping an arm around you. “For you, babe, maybe. But I’m still going to call out the ridiculous parts.”

As the final battle approaches and the tension builds, Sukuna’s commentary becomes more pointed. “This whole series has been building up to this moment, and I still don’t understand half of these characters. They’re like extras in a high school play.”

Yuji is heartbroken when Carlisle, Jasper and the wolves die. You hold him close, trying to comfort him. Sukuna, on the other hand, is visibly shocked by the plot twist with Alice’s vision. “Well, didn’t see that coming,” he mutters, somewhat impressed.

After the revelation that the battle was a vision, Sukuna can't help but voice his thoughts. “So, none of this is real? This whole battle is just one big ‘what if’ scenario? What a cop-out.” As the movie continues and Nahuel, the half-vampire, half-human child, makes his entrance, Sukuna’s disbelief is evident.

“Oh, look, another surprise twist,” Sukuna mutters, his tone dripping with sarcasm. “Just what we needed—another hybrid kid to magically solve all their problems.”

Yuji, still recovering from the emotional rollercoaster, looks up at Sukuna. “Is he like Renesmee?”

Sukuna snorts. “Apparently. But instead of clarifying things, it just makes it more ridiculous. Now we have hybrid kids running around too. It’s like they’re trying to cover every possible supernatural angle.”

When Nahuel starts explaining his origins and how he’s been living for over a century, Sukuna rolls his eyes. “Great, now we have a 150-year-old man trapped in a teenager’s body. This just keeps getting better.”

You chuckle, nudging Sukuna playfully. “Come on, Kuna, give the guy a break.”

Sukuna smirks. “A break? This whole thing is a mess. They’re just throwing in plot twists to keep it interesting. It’s like they couldn’t figure out how to end it, so they just kept adding more characters.”

Nahuel’s story about his mother dying in childbirth catches Sukuna’s attention, but not in a positive way. “So, his mother dies giving birth to him, and he’s been wandering the world ever since? What a conveniently tragic backstory. This guy’s existence is just one big plot device.”

Yuji looks puzzled. “But doesn’t he prove that Renesmee will be okay?”

Sukuna sighs. “Sure, kid. He’s here to make everyone feel better about the creepy baby growing up too fast. It’s like they needed someone to vouch for her so the Volturi wouldn’t freak out.”

As the Cullens and their allies celebrate their victory and the end of the conflict, Sukuna’s frustration remains palpable. “So, they gather all these vampires, have this huge build-up, and then it’s all resolved because of one guy showing up and saying, ‘Hey, everything’s cool’? What a letdown.”

You laugh, resting your head on Sukuna’s shoulder. “At least it’s over, right?”

He chuckles, pulling you closer. “Yeah, thank god for that. But I’m still mad about how easily they wrapped everything up. It’s like the writers just wanted to finish and move on.”

The final scenes show the Cullens returning to their peaceful lives, and Sukuna can’t help but comment. “So, everything goes back to normal? No consequences, no follow-up on the Volturi? They just walk away, and everyone lives happily ever after?”

You nod, smiling. “That’s how it goes in these stories, Kuna. Just accept it.”

Sukuna smirks. “Accept it? Sure. But I’m not letting them off the hook for this weak ending. They had a chance to do something interesting, and they blew it.”

As the credits roll, Yuji’s excitement returns. “That was awesome! Can we watch it again tomorrow?”

“Maybe another day,” you laugh, ruffling his hair again. “It’s late, and you need to get to bed.”

As you all head off to bed, Sukuna wraps an arm around your waist, pulling you close. “You know, babe, those movies were terrible,” he says with a smirk, “but I had fun watching them with you.”

You smile up at him, pressing a kiss to his cheek. “I had fun too, Kuna. Thanks for sticking it out with us.”

He chuckles, leading you to your room. “Anything for you, baby. Even if it means enduring five movies of sparkly vampires and dramatic wolves.”

As you lie in bed, you hear Sukuna’s voice one last time before sleep takes you. “I still can’t believe that goth vampire mafia. And that baby...”

You fall asleep with a smile on your face, knowing that even through all his complaints, Sukuna stayed by your side, sharing every laugh and every groan.

taglist: @sad-darksoul @thejujvtsupost @kyo-kyo1 @kalulakunundrum @ryomku

[vivianthepigeon]

Batfam as quotes from my life (with little to no context) pt 7

Tim: “I’ve scared the hoes away by being myself #Societyliedtoyou”

Bruce: “She thinks really simply”

Dick: “Hey dad wants us to-“

Jason: “DAD WHATS US TO DO WHAT?!? HUH?! WORK?! MATH PERCHANCE?!?!”

Dick: “You were closer with the first one”

Alfred: “Are you hungry?”

Steph: “I’m-YEAH! Do pigs fly?!”

Alfred: “Um. They don’t”

Cass: “That was the camel that broke the back”

Damian: “Are you laughing at me or with me?”

Tim after being an idiot: “Call me Edward Cullen cuz I just hurt myself for you.”

[theasgardianmexican]

“Shitshitshitshit” Bella muttered. This is just great, fucking perfect timing. She heard a soft knock on the door

“You okay?” Edward called out “Not to be weird, but you’ve been in there longer than usual.”

“Uh, it’s fine.” Bella stared at her blood stain on her panties. Brand new fuckin’ panties. She leaned over, praying to whatever God was out there and checked the bathroom drawers. Of course, they were empty. Vampires can’t have periods, idiot.

Bella was usually pretty good about keeping track of her period, keeping a box of pads in her car or one in her bag. She ran out last month and just kept forgetting to restock; it was on her to-do list and she thought she had enough time. Especially since her period app told her she wasn’t due until next week. She could hear some commotion outside the door, it sounded like the Cullen siblings hushed fighting.

“Can one of you just check Carlisle’s office or something?” Edward asked, coming back from the hallway “I don’t need Jasper’s ability to tell how embarrassed she is right now.”

“Ah yes, let me just raid our father’s office for some menstrual products that I’m definitely sure he has” Rosalie rolled her eyes “Your her partner! Not to mention her vampiric partner! You couldn’t tell she was due?”

Jasper snorted “For having the worst case of vampire blue balls, you’d think you’d notice any change in her scent. Hell, I smelled it the moment y’all pulled into the driveway. It’s hard to ignore. Old blood is still blood.”

“Maybe don’t let Bella know you could smell that, I guess it’s a sensitive topic for women.” Alice murmured. Edward looked over to her, silently asking for her help “Don’t look at me, I don’t even remember having a period!”

Emmett sighed as he stood up “Y’all are ridiculous, we could’ve already helped Bella with the amount of time we’ve spent bickering about it.” He took off upstairs towards his and Rosalie’s bedroom.

The rest of the Cullen siblings looked at each other in confusion “I didn’t think he would get that upset about this.” Rosalie commented.

Jasper cocked his head to the side. Emmett wasn’t upset, he would’ve known. There was an aura of annoyance and concern, but tinged with another emotion he couldn’t place. It felt familiar somehow, he knew he had sensed it before.

Out of all the Cullen siblings, Emmett was the one who experienced and embraced the full scale of, what was once human, emotions. Carlisle was always cool and collected, Esme radiated contentment, Edward was always slightly panicked, Rosalie was ever annoyed, and Alice...well Alice could be unpredictable sometimes.

Edward’s ears perked up as he heard Emmett come back down the stairs towards the hallway bathroom. Bella heard another soft knock on the door “Edward, I’m almost out, I swear!” She called out, not breaking her focus of creating a pad out of toilet paper. It was rudimentary, but desperate times and whatever.

“Hey, Baby B?”

“Emmett?” There was rustling and then she saw something sliding out from the door. “Oh thank fuck” Bella breathed out. She leaned over and picked up the pad from the floor, the plastic wrapper crinkling in her hands.

“I didn’t know if you used pads, but I got some tampons too if you used those instead?” Emmett asked. She felt her eyes water up slightly at the concern in his voice. “No, Em, this is great. You’re a lifesaver, thank you!”

Emmett smiled, pride swelling in his chest “I got you, sis. We’re in the living room when you’re all done. Also I know you, don’t start on that I’m an embarrassed human who gets embarrassed about normal human things” He mimicked her, putting on a high pitched voice.

He walked back to his siblings after hearing Bella laugh. He looked up to find 4 pairs of eyes staring at him. He looked around confused. “What?”

“Dude what was that?” Edward asked.

“What was what?” “Where did you get those?” Rosalie looked up at him “Wait, how long have you been keeping pads and tampons in our bathroom?”

Emmett thought back for a moment “After a month of having Bells around. Mainly after I was sure that Ed-boy wouldn’t drain her dry.” That earned him a punch in the shoulder from Edward. “I mean, why would you have them anyway?”

“Once I realized that Eddie was gonna be preoccupied on how to bone Bella without killing her” smack “OW! I got some just in case she forgot, she’s pretty good about keeping track, so I never thought she would have to use them until now, I guess.” He was still met with skepticism and confusion.

Emmett sighed and rubbed the back of his neck “I had little sisters and I always made sure they had their monthly supplies.”

Rosalie smiled softly and took his hand into hers. She knew how much it still hurt Emmett to talk about the family he had to leave behind. “Ma and Pa had them working on the farm and keeping focus on their studies, this was something I could help them with. I would even make sure to save a little extra at the end of the month to buy them a little piece of chocolate, I overheard Ma talking about how it would make them feel better once.” A fond smile tugged at the corner of Emmett’s mouth.

Fondness, Jasper realized. He was sensing fondness coming from his brother. Emmett was the only one of them that had sisters when he was turned. Well, Alice wasn’t sure if she had siblings at all. “Bella’s family now, so I wanna make sure she’s comfortable with us. And you” He jabbed a finger playfully at Edward “need to start paying attention to that shit if you really wanna keep Baby B human. Just because you’ve been alive longer doesn’t mean you aren’t still younger than me. At least my frontal lobe was more developed before I got turned.” Jasper snorted at that little dig.

Edward closed his eyes and sighed in resignation “Yeah, yeah you’re right.” Hearing the bathroom door creak open, they whipped their heads over to Bella. She wiped her hands on her jeans and looked up, startled, noticing the attention on her “You know I don’t think I’ll ever get used to you guys staring at me like that.” She grinned “Thanks again, Em.”

He matched her grin “No worries, sis.”