#Edited Version of the story is found on Fanfiction.net not Wattpad. Though the story is not completed.
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powerful-niya · 4 years ago
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So I've been doing a lot of editing on my Naruhina stories, mainly on my Naruhina fanfic 'Enemies Or Lovers.' And so far, I truly like the result. It's wonderful!
Warning: Violence-Dark Themes. Supernatural/Vampires.
Before:
Hinata's P.O.V
"Mmm." I moaned out as I drunk from a young girl's neck, far into the woods, late at night.
I suck vigorously, my hunger getting the best of me.
My eyes closed tightly as my best friend stood beside me, monitoring me and watching out for werewolves..
Our arch enemy...
Vampires.. Arch enemy..
Her blood tasted so good, I just couldn't stop.. I knew I should but...
"Um Princess, I think that's enough." My best friend, Sakura warned me.
I didn't stop though, I couldn't stop.
Her screams were drowned out by me.. All I focused on was erasing my intense hunger for...
Blood.
My eyes shined a dark purple which was very different from my normal lavender.
I held the girls head tightly as my razor sharp fangs sunk into her neck, drinking up all of her blood, making her fall limp.
I finally removed myself from her neck, my teeth shrinking back to normal.
I breathed heavily and then backed away, my eyes now catching a glimpse of the now dead, innocent girl below me.
My eyes widen as I stared at the wide-eyed black haired girl that laid dead on the grass below.
Her neck bloody and completely torn out..
I, did that.
Oh no..
"O-Oh my goodness. I killed her. I killed her." I screamed and wiped my mouth that was covered with her blood.
Sakura sighed and shook her head "Damn. I knew I should've never brought you out here. You was just hungry Hinata. It's normal for us vampires." She informed and bend down and helped me up, grabbing my hand and pulling me up.
I stumbled onto my feet, my red and black long dress following my movement.
I sighed sadly, the cool, night air blowing through my long midnight blue hair.
I looked down at my feet, feeling tears prick my eyelids "I'm so bad at being a Vampire, Sakura. My bloodlust just gets the best of me.. And I can't help it.." I admitted to her and then looked up at her concern expression "I'm so weak." I continued but she waved her hand at me, reassuring me.
Her pink, short hair swaying in the night wind also as her emerald eyes stared at me intently.
She shook her head at me, a smile etching her lips despite my terrible behavior "It's okay, Hinata. That's why I'm here to help you. It's just you're so innocent, My Princess, it just can't be helped." She said and guided me back to my Mother's palace.
I nodded slowly to her claim "Yeah, I guess. It's just, I'm still, so hungry." I said yearningly, my eyes turning back to a dark purple again, just thinking about getting my hands on some more blood.
Sakura frowned and rubbed my back, calming me back down.
I gasped quietly, my eyes turning back to my normal lavender.
I laughed nervously when Sakura shook her head at my behavior "Let's hurry, inside." She quickly instructed and nodded at the vampire guards who were standing watch.
They nodded back and opened the gates to the vampire palace.
I smiled and walked into the palace with Sakura by my side.
I sighed exaggeratedly and looked up at the same, old boring chandeliers and paintings that's been here ever since I was born..
I groaned and parted away from Sakura to go to my room, which was located, up a flight of stairs.
She waved at me and made her way to hers.
I sighed sadly and entered into the same room I've been seeing over the past 100 years.
I blinked wildly at the darkness and cut the light on, but dimmed it.
I sighed and decided to lay on my bed for now away from the drama that goes on outside.
I laid down gently on my freshly made bed and just stared up at the ceiling with sadness.
As I carry on through life.. I feel like, there's something.. missing.
Because I'm a little older now.. I just think the empty feeling in my heart is thirsty for someone to care for, to love.
It's more of a longing feeling and I've noticed it gets stronger and stronger by the days processes on...
After:
{Edited}
Hinata's P.O.V
"Mmm." I moaned out as I steadily drunk from a young girl's neck, far into the woods, late at night. I suck vigorously into the flesh of the human who had unfortunately wandered in the woods too far, entering the territory of the beasts; where we vampires lived.
With my razor-sharp teeth, I had torn two holes into the girl's neck, and from there, I drunk and drunk, drinking her blood in a daze. I didn't know what I was doing anymore, reality was not my own. All I wanted was to satisfy the aching hunger I felt. My eyes were shut off from the world, my arms wrapped tightly around the whimpering girl, my body huddling on the ground.
My best friend stood not too far from me, constantly monitoring me as well as watching out for werewolves. Our arch-enemy. Vampires, arch enemy.
I moaned once more, steadily taking more and more of the human girl's blood, unknowingly taking her life. The taste of her blood was divine on my tongue, to my taste buds, I just couldn't stop... The voice in my head continuously told me to but I chose to ignore it.
"Um Princess, I think that's enough." My best friend, Sakura warned me cautiously. But I didn't stop though, I couldn't stop.
The human girl's screams and desperate cries for help were drowned out by me. All I focused on was erasing my intense hunger for; Blood.
My usual innocent lavender eyes had now changed into a different color due to my body transforming because of the strong hunger I felt. Now in my feral state, my eyes were darkened, turning to a dimmed purple almost black color. Horrifying was the word to call me but at the moment, I didn't care about anything. Only when the girl fell limp in my arms did I come back to reality.
Finally regaining some sense of control, I removed my bloody canines from the black-haired girl's injured neck, my teeth shrinking back to their normal size which looked less frightening. I breathed heavily as I slowly came back down from my high, backing away but when I shifted in movement, my eyes, unfortunately, caught a glimpse of the now dead, innocent girl below me.
My eyes widened drastically, tears instantly forming in my eyes at the horrifying display before me. The young girl's neck was completely covered in blood, her eyes hooded and dull. Her frail body laid limply on the green grass. She was dead. Gone.
I, did that! It's all my fault! Oh no.
At that realization, I began to freak out, "O-Oh my goodness. I killed her! She's dead!" I screamed out into the cool night air, one of my pale hands moving up to wipe the blood from my mouth, cleaning it for my own sake.
Sakura sighed from where she stood, her light green eyes staring down at what I caused in regret. She shook her head, "Damn. I knew I should've never brought you out here. You were just hungry Hinata. This is normal for us vampires." She informed encouragingly, "You'll get the hang of it eventually." She added on, trying to cheer me up which slightly worked. But because I was quite selfless and innocent, I was still completely devastated by my actions. I couldn't believe it.
I whimpered shakily the entire time as Sakura worked to help me up, bending down to grab my hand. With it, she pulled it upward bringing my petite body to a stand. I stumbled on my feet, my wavy black dress following my unstable movement.
I sighed sadly, the cool, night air blowing through my long midnight blue hair rapidly.
I looked down at my feet, feeling tears prick my eyelids. The awful deed I had just committed kept running through my head like a broken record. A tear fell down my cheek, "Sakura, I-I don't know if I can do this. I'm so b-bad at being a vampire. I can't do anything right. I fail at everything and t-the bloodlust I feel is too much to handle. I-I... don't know if I can do this." I admitted to her, pouring my feelings out. They were words I always wished to say but never did. But now, I felt no reason to hold them back anymore. I had a right to feel this way. I am certainly a disappointment to the entire vampire species.
I looked up at the pink-haired vampire who had a very concerned expression on her pale face. I pouted, "I'm so weak." I continued dejectedly. But by my last self-loathing comment, she waved her hand at me, reassuring me. From where she stood, her short red dress flowed peacefully within the wind revealing her shiny pale legs. For her feet, she wore black flats, just like I did.
She gave her head a shake at me, a smile pulling at her pink lips despite my terrible behavior, "It's okay, Hinata. That's why I'm here to help you. It's just your nature is so innocent and virtuous, my princess. That's why it's so hard for you to grasp the techniques vampires have to commit. But, you're strong, you'll get through this." She said favorably, her hand diving around my neck to guide me forward, back to my Mother's kingdom.
I nodded slowly to her claim, a small smile slowly appearing on my slightly bloody face, "Y-Yeah. Maybe you're right. I need to have faith. B-But." I paused in my words, the lust for blood rushing back, calling for me. I growled underneath my breath, "I'm still, so hungry." I gritted out yearningly, my eyes turning right back to its purplish-blackish tinge again. Once again, I was losing the battle of control.
Sakura frowned upon that and began to rub the center of my back in circles to calm me down as we walked; which did the trick nicely. Her comforting action distracted me from the blood lust I felt. I gasped quietly, my eyes turning back to my normal lavender.
I laughed nervously when Sakura shook her head at my behavior, "Let's hurry and get you inside, girly." She said with uneasiness in her tone, our feet steady walking through green grass and tall trees. We didn't stop walking until we made it to a large but dark kingdom that stretched high into the sky, touching the clouds. The vampire kingdom could be seen from afar and we, walked straight towards the gates; the entrance of the grand kingdom, side by side.
Sakura nodded at the vampire guards who were standing watch in front of the colossal-sized double doors. They nodded back, receiving the memo from my friend, and with that, they opened the gates to the vampire palace for us. I smiled to see the doors of my home open up for me and with that, I walked into the palace with Sakura by my side.
As I entered, I couldn't help but groan. There was nothing but the same old, doddery furniture placed about, same dusty rooms, and the same boring chandeliers and paintings lying about which have been here ever since I was born. Actually, they've probably been here in the castle longer than that. Mother's taste was quite old-fashioned, after all.
I groaned but parted ways from Sakura, not before sending a quick wave in her direction.
"Bye Sakura! Thank you so much for the lesson!" I yelled out from afar which brought a joyous smile to her face. By revealing such gratitude it made my best friend feel very appreciated.
She waved back happily, walking to her own room which was located in a different part of the kingdom, "You're welcome, girly! We will definitely meet back up tomorrow night! Be ready!" She yelled back informing me that I had yet another lesson for tomorrow. I couldn't help but grimace but I gave her a nod, hiding the dread I felt.
"Okay!"
After I said my final goodbyes to my cherry bestie, I turned and went back on my journey to my room which was located up a flight of stairs. My smile instantly shifted into a frown upon arriving at the same room I've been seeing and lying in over 100 years. After seeing the same thing over and over again, you will surely get tired of it. That, is how I feel about everything.
I sighed sadly but approached my room in no time, turning left from the long flight of steps. One single black door greeted me, closed shut so none of the other vampires in the kingdom could lurk in. After all, we vampires live together and some do not believe in the word privacy or space.I rolled my eyes at such thoughts but moved to grab a hold of the handle of my door, throwing it open and instantly turning on the lights in my bedroom for it was mighty dark. But I made sure to dim it. See, the light switch in the castle works differently; it has three settings. You can turn the light switch to the right which will grant the room no light. Turn the light switch to the left, the room will light up brightly, and last but not least, if you leave the circular switch in the center, you will have a dimmed room. Because we vampires hate the light, hate the sun, we prefer our rooms dimmed.
That way it is not too light and it's not too dark. So that is the mode I set my room in. Dimmed.
Afterward, I closed my door and walked to my bed, deciding to lie down a bit to rest. Now, I was away from the drama; away from the chaos outside. I let out a delightful sigh once I plopped my small body down onto my large, plushy bed, my body cuddling involuntarily in its warmth. Silence took over my room as I just lied and allowed my brain to think. I had so much to think about anyhow.
I have to improve my skills as a vampire.
I have to make my Mother proud.
And I also, have to satisfy the void I feel within my heart.
As I carry on through my long, immortal life, I feel like, there's something, missing. Because I'm a little older now I just think the empty feeling in my heart is thirsty for someone to care for; To love. It's more of a longing, yearning feeling and I've noticed it gets stronger and stronger as the day's progress on.
I pouted to myself, my lavender eyes rooted on the ceiling above. I wonder.. What is this feeling? Why am I feeling it?
***
It's a big difference, isn't it? I like it so much! 💗
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brywrites · 7 years ago
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💫 About the Author 💫
Hi, I’m Bry (she/her) and this is where I write! I love stories, and I believe in the power of words to bring us together. I’m a 20-something with big dreams. I’m chronically ill, demisexual, and scared of the dark. I listen to a lot of musicals, love a good found family trope (family is the people who love you unconditionally not merely the people you are tied by blood to and I will SHOUT THIS FROM THE ROOFTOPS), and one time I met Matthew Gray Gubler and I can confirm he gives really good hugs.
I write poetry and I’m working on a novel. I also enjoy fanfiction, which is largely what I’ll post here. You are absolutely always welcome to message me - about anything! I’m a fan of many things, but this blog has become particularly focused on Criminal Minds (and especially Spencer Reid) and I’m okay with that haha.
REQUESTS DISCLAIMER: You can feel free to drop a request in my askbox, but I can’t promise I’ll be able to fill it. If I have the time and it strikes my fancy, I’ll do my best!
FAQ
Do you write smut? I usually tend to avoid it simply because I don’t think I’m very good at writing it and I like writing fluff or hurt/comfort more. If I write smut it tends to be less graphic.
What characters do you write for? Though I love every character on Criminal Minds, I mostly write for Spencer Reid, and I tend to write Reid x Reader or Reid x OC. I do have some more general fics and have occasionally written short stories for other characters/pairings.
Is there anything you won’t write? I don’t like writing stories where the Reader is the child of a character, majorly OOC stories, DDLG dynamics, or BDSM stories. They’re just not my cup of tea! Though I’m sure I can recommend some authors who write them spectacularly if that’s your thing. I also do not write any fanfiction of real people - please don’t ask me to write anything for MGG. I don’t feel comfortable speculating on the private life of an actual person.
Do you have any guidelines for your blog? Not particularly? I don’t have a lot of explicit content, though I’d ask if you’re under 18 don’t interact with that content. Above all just be kind to one another.
What is TKOW? TKOW stands for The Keeping of Words, the 250K+ Spencer Reid x OC fic that is my pride and joy. It’s published on FF.net, AO3, and Wattpad, though slightly different versions of it exist on each platform (mostly because editing on FF is a nightmare). The Wattpad verison is the most edited/recently updated version, FF is the oldest and closest to the original draft, and AO3 is somewhere in the middle.
Where else can I read your work?
You can find my stories on FanFiction.net , Wattpad, or Archive of Our Own! I tend to post longer pieces on those sites.
Why didn’t you fill my request/answer my ask/etc? It’s nothing personal, I’m just very small and I have no money so you can imagine the kind of stress I’m under. JK, JK but I am very very busy offline and a lot of times I just don’t have the energy or time to write or to respond - or I really really want to but I simply forget to and then I don’t remember until like two months later and then it feels awkward and ANYWAYS. I’m trying my best and sometimes I just don’t get as much done as I wish I could. I’m sorry. I love all of you!
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Thanks for dropping by!
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