#Ed and Edna my beloved

[orangeoctopi7]

While everyone else is excited at the possibility of Jay's biological mom showing up, I'm only excited by this because if Libber does appear then Jay's real parents are legally obligated to appear. Barring that one cameo at the end of Seabound, we haven't seen Ed and Edna since The Hands of Time!

[ninjamelissajulien]

Rewatching Crystalized after a long time- here are my thoughts.

The first third isn’t bad (season 1), honestly it’s still funny

Fugidove you weirdo (affectionate)

I still hate the mayor/the new ninja/ronin

Pythor you bitch (derogatory)

Nya my beloved, how they wasted your potential

Skylor my beloved, how they wasted your potential

Pixal my beloved, how they wasted your potential

Mechanic you motherfucker

HARUMI MY BELOVED CHILD YOUVE RETURNED TO ME

I hate how they changed the overlords voice, rebooted was the best version

I think the overlord intercepted harumi’s soul while it was on its way to the departed realm. Overlord can never truly die, so he’s stuck in an ethereal void. That’s why no one else was around

Harumi, my beloved scrimbly, your body was literally crushed and probably impaled by rebar and concrete

Oni temple still ugly as shit

“Fall of the monastery” is homophobic because my favorite girls got the shit kicked out of them and I’m gay so it’s homophobic

Also Pythor is misogynistic like bro Nya saved your ass from wohira

Also mechanic is misogynistic

Fantastic fights tho

MINI PIXES

I love the minipix 7 saved her mama first 🥹

We did not need the fakeout death for Nya

I love the samurai x mech and Nya’s Sam x outfit

I think they took off the overeffect on pixals voice in Darkness within - that just gave Crystalized extra bonus points in my book

Lloyd dangling sideways is so stupid but funny

Ok but like that wasn’t the last time you fought, technically that was the SECOND to last time shitlord, Zane killed you last time lmao

The coming 👀 of the king

But they didn’t lose??? They killed you???

Golden master was better tbh

Ah, the ugliest fortress in the entire series

Uglyass motherfucker

Harumi my scrimbly

Harumi really be like I hate you but maybe we could be friends but also no I despise you but maybe???

ACAB

Harumis such a brat- I love her so much

GARMADON RETURNS

Garmadon is the funniest motherfucker

The fact that they didn’t get to fully acknowledge Harumi and Garmadon is a missed opportunity

Christofern is an innocent victim

Mechanic motherfucker I want you to die

I forgot about Zane’s head trauma reverting him to the ice emperor. Such a missed opportunity

MISAKO MY BELOVED!!!!!

T*mmy fuck off

Pixal being a badass like usual. Queen!!!!

They put her effect back over her voice

JESUS CHRIST ZANE

ronin redeeming himself 🫡

Pythor you annoying bitch

SKYLOR YOU ARE A QUEEN I’d let you punch me any day

When skylor put her hand on Cole’s head, his scar was glowing

Skylor god I love you

Kai you got trauma we need to discuss

RACER 7 aka BLAZY H. SPEED!!!!!

I would burn everything for Pixal

Jennifer you say the word and I would kill for you

THE PIXANE SPIN

“You brought me back.”

Pixal has the coolest mechs because she deserves it

Garmadon sprint past, screeching, with a barrel is my favorite

“Uh oh? What does uh oh mean?” A callback to season 13 💙

“Pet plant” Lloyd that’s your brother have some respect

I’m gonna be honest- I forgot the overlord was the literal threat this season 😭😭😭

Why do the dragonites have tits????

I literally still can’t believe they have to “jump up kick back whip around and spin”

And the reveal was when the paper was “fold” ed you motherfuckers

Why did the coolest form of the overlord come TWO EPISODES AT THE END

Coles crew showed up

VANIA MY BELOVED SCRIMBLY

MINIPIX

MAYA EDNA BENTHO LOU (💔)

SALLY YOU QUEER QUEEN

Dragon form is literally so dope tho

I’m still not a fan of the “plot twist” with the overlord x devourer

Anyways KICK HIS ASS HARUMI GO BABY GIRL GO

Mechanic shut the fuck up honestly

OKINO

Cole mocking Vangelis is so fucking funny

It hurts to see Lou honesty knowing he’ll never speak again

ADAM

VANIA MY BELOVED

Is it me or is Kai really handsome in his dragon form

Cole and Vania’s hug 🥹

PIXANE SPIN 2.0

Oni Lloyd my beloved

ROTSM 2: Electric Boogaloo

I like to think that it is the ninjas spirits that protected Lloyd and defeated the overlord, not a golden power

Inner Steel is a good song shut up

Overall honestly not a bad season, has some hiccups and missed opportunities but not as bad as I think it’s judged

[berryblu-soda]

Ok but you cannot tell me that Jay's parents aren't exactly the type of people to get their hands on every single peice of merch relating to him, like, one day he goes home and there's a whole shrine looking area filled with like, toys and ads he's appeared in, cereal boxes, they have several Jay themed clothing items which they blatantly wear, etc...

And Jay pretends to cringe at them, but really it's heartwarming, bc even if it's a little obnoxious, they just genuinley love him and care about him, and they're so fricken proud of their little boy :')))

[nightingaelic]

FO4 bots meeting FNV bots. Nick, Codsworth, DiMA, Ada, maybe the gen3 synths but they're pretty much just humans so idk... Yes Man, Victor, Muggy, ED-E, FISTO, etc. This is kind of a vague request so just do whatever you want with it *shrugs*

The AI's voice echoed warmly through the large conference room at the Tops Casino, hushing the assembled crowd. "I'm Mr. New Vegas, and I want to welcome you all, dear listeners, to the 41st National Robotics Expo. Vegas has been hosting this convention since 2037, and even though we skipped a few years, we're so happy to welcome it again. Let's get back to business."

A smattering of applause with a distinct metallic edge followed, which the automated DJ paused for before continuing in a tone as warm as the desert outside. "As most exhibitions do, let's begin by introducing our various delegations. We'll start with the home team, Securitrons by RobCo: RobCo Industries, automation designed and built for the private sector."

The Securitron in the back of the room with a cowboy on its screen waved. "Present!" he piped up in a southern drawl.

The robot next to him, identical in every way except for the woman's face on its screen, patted his arm. "Thank you, Victor."

"Yeah, thanks Victor!" added the Securitron with a permanent happy face on its screen. "It's not often I'm let out of my room, but it sure is nice to see another part of the hotel!"

Nick Valentine, who was sitting in the front with his arms crossed, looked down at the miniature Securitron that was pacing next to his seat. "Shouldn't you be back there with them?"

"With the House Industries bunch?" The cartoon-faced coffee mug on its screen looked up at him with an unchanging smile, but every word dripped with contempt. "Don't lump me in with them, gumshoe."

Nick frowned. "What's your name again?"

The robot gestured at its screen. "I'll give you three guesses."

"Cheeky little-"

"Ssshh." DiMA looked over from Nick's other side. "We're guests here, Nick."

"Next up we have the RobCo eyebots, both classic design and Duraframe-upgraded models," Mr. New Vegas continued, completely oblivious to the chatter in the room. A pair of eyebots on the left side of the room, one in bright Atom Cats paint and the other with haphazard shielding including a car license plate, began bobbing up and down and beeping ecstatically. A third model, outfitted with some kind of modification that crackled with blue energy, let loose a sonic blast that shook dust off the ceiling. The crowd tittered, but the courier accompanying the license-plated eyebot just laughed.

"I know folks, I know, it's a day full of excitement, but let's get through our list," Mr. New Vegas said smoothly, evidently worried that the eyebot was going to shake the room's speakers loose. "Moving on to the assaultrons, something you don't see often out here in the Mojave. Welcome, ladies."

"The pleasure's all mine," replied KL-E-0 from her seat behind Nick. The Goodneighbor trader was reclining precariously on the conference room chair, with her frame's considerable weight straining the piece of furniture's limits. She didn't appear particularly concerned though, given the way she was examining her claws the way an uninterested woman examines her nails.

"Preliminary adjustments to statistical models complete," added PAM, who was seated next to KL-E-0 in a much more attentive position. "Commencing introduction. I was, am, and will most likely be an assaultron."

"An astute calculation," agreed Ada. She was standing next to PAM and KL-E-0, as her own modified frame would not let her sit down.

"Objection." A mechanical voice rang out from the back. "Petition to acquire the modified assaultron model into the protectron class. Model clearly uses more protectron parts than assaultron."

"Stand down, Mr. First Mate," ordered the exasperated sentry bot parked next to the protectron that had spoken up. "We must show a certain measure of decorum, in these waters."

Ada rotated her head all the way around to face the first mate. "Acknowledged. I am willing to re-categorize myself if requested."

"Baby, don't let him talk you into anything you're not comfortable with," KL-E-0 replied, uncrossing her metal legs.

"Next we have the workhorses of the robotic world, the protectrons," Mr. New Vegas cut in, once again oblivious.

"Sound off!" the first mate ordered.

"Howdy pardner! Primm Slim at your service!"

"ナンニシマスカ?"

"I'm NIRA, your friendly Nuka-World Informational Robotic Assistant. Is this your first visit to Nuka-World?"

"Fully Integrated Security Technetronic Officer active and reporting for duty."

Nick made a face after the last one. "Fisto? What kind of-"

"And rounding out the RobCo set, our sentry bot representative, who I understand is responsible for our Commonwealth friends' safe arrival."

"A fine voyage for a fine vessel!" Captain Ironsides said jovially. "Our mission was a glorious success, the first of many for the pride of our navy!"

"Thank you, Captain," Mr. New Vegas replied, with a hint of amusement in his announcer's voice. "Now for RobCo's greatest partner and competitor, General Atomics International: The finest industrial robots in the world!"

The collection of Mister Handy and Miss Nanny robots on the right side of the room perked up and began applauding. "Spot on!" Codsworth said, at the front of the crowd.

"Let's start where General Atomics started, with the classic Mister Handy model. I see we have a few who made the trip with the USS Constitution."

"Present!" Codsworth answered.

"Fresh lemonade here!" cried Deezer at the same time, attempting to distribute dented cans to everyone within reach of him.

"Don't burden this lot wiv your swill, Deezer," said Whitechapel Charlie, collecting the cans as quickly as they were handed out.

"Wonderful, wonderful. Now let's hear it for the ladies again, our elegant Miss Nanny robots!"

"Hello!" said Pearl and Miss Edna, bobbing in place and prettily snapping their little claws.

"Merci beaucoup," added Curie, who was seated with the group, despite having shed her Miss Nanny frame in favor of a synth body months ago. Nick grinned.

"Objection." The first mate, despite not having a face, appeared absolutely scandalized by this development. Captain Ironsides was having none of it, however, and bopped the protectron on the head with his minigun arm.

"Maybe I should look into getting a synth upgrade," Mr. New Vegas mused. "Finishing out General Atomics are the robobrains, once human like any wastelander, now showcasing the best in technology that pre-war America can offer."

"Thank you, thank you so much," said Gilda Broscoe, who breezed up to the room's stage. She had decorated her shiny brain dome for the occasion with an enormous hat sprouting peacock feathers, and she grabbed the stage's microphone with practiced ease. It wasn't on, but that didn't appear to be enough to stop her. "Thank you all so much for this opportunity. I'd like to thank my studio, Starlight Cinemas, and of course my beloved Keith McKinney-"

"Get off the stage!" yelled the other present robobrain, Jezebel. "My orders from the Mechanist didn't include listening to you drone on about your fantastic former life!"

"-of course, I feel I have to thank my dear Santiago, Santiago, you were such an inspiration even if you couldn't bear the thought of us parting-"

Curie shifted uncomfortably in her chair. "Mademoiselle, might it not be better to wait and see-"

"Get off the stage, you old bat!" yelled Muggy, who appeared to share Jezebel's feelings.

"-and I'd like to thank that bitch Vera Keyes for passing on the role so that I could give it my own, personal touch. Thank you everyone, and good night!" Gilda let go of the microphone and curtseyed as best she could with treads. A few robots clapped, while the courier in the back stiffened and looked at the robobrain actress with wide eyes.

"Only one category left, folks, and then we can start the planned festivities," Mr. New Vegas went on. "Now for a Commonwealth Institute of Technology original, the prototype synth model. Only two in the world, and we're lucky enough to have both of them with us today."

DiMA turned around to wave to the other bots, while Nick sank deeper into his chair and pulled his hat down. "Christ."

"Objec-" The first mate didn't even get the full word out before Captain Ironsides bonked him again.

"And that concludes the introductory portion of the expo!" Mr. New Vegas paused. "Unless there's anyone I've inadvertently left out."

"Me!"

The curtain on the stage behind Gilda flew open, revealing a toaster placed on top of a stool. Gilda let out a theatrical gasp and rolled backwards, giving way to the appliance's maniacal laughter.

"Ahahaha! I am online once again!" the toaster cried. "Tremble, world, before my electric heating coil of doom! You thought you could silence me by drowning me in a bathtub, but I swore you would rue the day you had bread and no way to toast it!"

The courier in the back jumped out of their chair. "Oh shit."

"That's right, buddy, the day of bread has come!" With a ding, two slices of C-4 plastic explosive popped up from the toaster's slots. "Cower before my nuclear fire!"

Mild panic swept the room of robots. Gilda fainted dead away on the stage. Nick eased up off his chair. "Talk about delusions of grandeur. I've seen more intimidating appliances in a scrap heap."

"How dare you!" the toaster screamed. "I am the scourge of all small appliances and the bogeyman that keeps lesser toasters awake at night!"

"You're the scourge of breakfast, I'll give you that," Nick answered with a smirk. He tried not to draw attention to the courier that was inching their way to the stage. "But you're low on the ladder of bogeymen, compared to the ones I've dealt with."

"NAME THE ONES MORE FEARSOME THAN I!" the toaster demanded.

"An interesting development here at the Tops, folks," Mr. New Vegas commented. "The crowd appears to have been taken hostage by a rogue toaster."

Nick started counting off adversaries on his metal hand. "Well, there's the Rust Devils, the Gunners a few times, the Pack and all of their angry critters, the Disciples and the Operators, can't forget the Triggermen and Skinny Malone, plus his doll Darla..."

The toaster let out another frenzied laugh. "Nothing but bags of meat, easily toasted in-"

Its speech died mid-sentence, and the courier emerged from behind the curtain holding its electrical cord. "That takes care of that."

Nick winked at them. "Good on you, kid. Should we get on with the shindig?"

[derangedrhythms]

Hello! 🖤

I was wondering if you had any quotes about heartbreak, or more specifically, someone you loved choosing another over you? Ty, have a wonderful day!

Hello! I’ve also included poems and quotations about heartbreak in general following on from the specific theme you requested 🖤

Marina Tsvetaeva, ‘I’m glad your sickness’, ‘An Attempt at Jealousy’', 'Yesterday he still looked in my eyes'

Anna Akhmatova, ‘He Loved…’

Carol Ann Duffy, 'Unloving'

Dorothy Parker, 'The Burned Child'

Edna St. Vincent Millay, 'Time does not bring relief; you all have lied'

Mary Oliver, 'Letter to______.'

"She took you the way a woman takes / a bargain dress off the rack / and I broke the way a stone breaks. / I give back your books and fishing tack. / Today’s paper says that you are wed. / At night, alone, I marry the bed."

— Anne Sexton, Love Poems; from 'The Ballad of the Lonely Masturbator'

"Jealousy is a dance in which everyone moves. It is a dance with a dialectical nature. For the jealous lover must balance two contradictory realities within her heart: on the one hand, that of herself at the centre of the universe and in command of her own will, offering love to her beloved; on the other, that of herself off the centre of the universe and in despite of her own will, watching her beloved love someone else."

— Anne Carson, Decreation: Poetry, Essays, Opera; from ‘Decreation: How Women Like Sappho, Marguerite Porete and Simone Weil Tell God’

"I cannot pray: ‘Let me have her.’ Yet often she seems to be mine. I cannot pray: 'Give her to me.’ For she is someone else’s."

"Sometimes it is beyond my comprehension that any other man can love her, is allowed to love her, since I love her solely, with such passion and so completely and know nothing, understand nothing, have nothing but her."

— Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, from ‘The Sorrows of Young Werther’ tr. David Constantine

"But I didn’t look after my heart / And it was stolen from me."

— Anna Akhmatova, Rosary: I, tr. Judith Hemschemeyer

"And my whole heart under your hammer,"

— Dylan Thomas, The Collected Poems of Dylan Thomas: The New Centenary Edition; from 'To Others than You'

"And what are you that, wanting you, / I should be kept awake / As many nights as there are days / With weeping for your sake?"

— Edna St. Vincent Millay, A Few Figs from Thistles; from 'The Philosopher'

"Every breath was a heartache."

— Janet Fitch, from 'The Revolution of Marina M.'

"This hole in my heart is in the shape of you."

— Jeanette Winterson, from 'Written on the Body'

"What is my heart to you / that you must break it over and over"

— Louise Glück, The Wild Iris; from ‘Matins’

"…I never was bereft / so utterly."

— Marilyn Hacker, Love, Death, and the Changing of the Seasons; from ‘Coda’

"After loving you so much, can I forget / you for eternity, and have no other choice?"

— Robert Lowell, Lizzie and Harriet; from 'Obit'

"When you give your heart to somebody, you can’t take it back. If they don’t want it, it’s gone."

— Sylvia Plath, quoted by Elizabeth Compton in ‘Sylvia Plath: Method and Madness’ by Edward Butscher

"You are a splinter in my soul, always."

— Caitlín R. Kiernan, The Very Best of Caitlín R. Kiernan; ‘Houses Under the Sea’

"…and in this / splendid night there are / saw-teeth going over my heart."

— Marina Tsvetaeva, Selected Poems; from ‘Insomnia’, tr. Elaine Feinstein

"You have left an indelible mark, / an unfaded bruise I lean into."

— Lorie Miseck, from ‘Pronouncing the Dead’; published in ‘Death Poems: A Disinformation Anthology’, ed. Russ Kick

[pengiesama]

A Cat-astrophic Curse (Fic, Sorey/Mikleo)

Title: A Cat-astrophic Curse Series: Tales of Zestiria Pairing: Sorey/Mikleo

Summary:

“I have my doubts that Little Miss Hotpants meant for it to turn out this way. If she even had a gameplan in the first place.” “My plan is to go out and play with Mikleo!” kitty-Sorey announced proudly. “And then we’ll read together and eat Mikleo’s de-lic-ious treats and cuddle all night!” Edna rose one critical eyebrow at kitty-Sorey. “Are we a hundred percent positive that she actually did anything to him at all?” she asked flatly.

In which a cunning villain turns the Gentle Shepherd into a Japanese cartoon cat mascot.

Link: AO3 

This was a commission for Karin/firidus on twitter!

Check out my commission info here.

Read on Tumblr!

“What’s on the menu for today?”

“You’ll just have to wait and see. Go back to the tent and read, and I’ll bring it over once it’s finished.”

“Well, now you’ve gotten me all curious, so there’s no way that I can just go and read. C’mon, Mikleo, tell meeee…”

“It’s a new recipe! Telling you anything about it would jinx it.”

“Everything you make is amazing. But I think this recipe could maybe use a little bit of extra spice while you stir…”

And then the tickling started. It was an altogether entirely revolting display. Symonne scowled down at the heartwarming scene beneath her feet, mulling over how to best destroy it.

Symonne had initially been perched atop a nearby cliff face, for it was the highest point in the area, and to properly loom menacingly over one’s unsuspecting prey one needed to be at the highest point in the area. But it was also a little bit too far away for her to see or hear anything, which was also an important aspect of looming and menacing, so she had to move to a nearby tree instead. She managed to climb up it well enough, but didn’t really know how to get down. The bark scratched her, there were bugs, and tweety little birds and fluffy forest animals. Leaves and twigs were stuck in her hair. And now the Shepherd and that water seraph were flirting and canoodling and being generally loathsome right in front of her.

All these various inconveniences compounded on Symonne’s psyche, upsetting its delicate (and questionable) balance, and drove her to a single conclusion:

She needed to kill them both immediately.

There was the matter of her master’s wishes to consider, but...Symonne squinted and thought back. She kind of forgot what her master was going for with this Shepherd. In fact, she couldn’t really remember the last time she got a specific and direct order about performing acts of chaos and various mischiefs. Her master had always been rather hands-off with his management of his loyal followers. He just kinda let them do whatever, and then wandered off to stand in a single spot in the middle of a field for weeks at a time. It was nice on paper, and allowed her a lot of artistic freedom, but sometimes she felt that she could do with a bit more direction. She would have to remember to bring this topic up in her next employee evaluation.

“S-sorey! S-stop! You’re going to make me spill everything everywhere!”

“I can’t help it, Mikleo! I’ve been possessed by the dreaded Tickle Hellion! Remember me as the man I was, not the man I have become!”

That laughter. Those kissy noises. This would all end now.

Symonne raised her wand, and began to wind up an incantation. She would addle that Shepherd’s mind, make that water seraph of his look like a delicious and irresistible treat to devour, and -- when he’d eaten his beloved whole -- she would restore to him his senses and allow him to fall to despair. A perfect plan, and one that surely would have worked flawlessly if not for the rogue falling apple that dropped from its branch squarely onto Symonne’s head. It disrupted her concentration, and also disrupted her balance, causing her to plummet to the forest floor below, screeching and firing off magic all the while.

Sorey and Mikleo’s romantic interlude was thus interrupted by a falling, screaming, spellcasting, disturbingly-half-dressed visitor. They barely had half a moment to take in the situation when one of her spells ricocheted off a rock and hit Sorey square in the chest. He was enveloped in a cloud of sparkly pink smoke, obscuring him completely from view. Mikleo let out a frantic, panicked shout of Sorey’s name, and dove into the cloud to try and retrieve him before whatever wicked curse Symonne wrought took its hold.

The commotion brought the rest of the team running, abandoning their foraging efforts to rush back to the campsite. Rose reached the site first -- she prepared herself for the worst: to be greeted by swarms of hellions, a squadron of soldiers, the sight of Sorey’s crumpled, bloodied body in Mikleo’s arms. But she could not have expected the sight of what truly awaited her.

“Hey, hey--! You’re back, you’re back!”

Rose stared as a tiny cat-like creature toddled up to her feet. Its pure white fur was accented by black whiskers, and a big blue bow jauntily bounced on its head as it hopped up and down in front of her. She would have written it off as just another oddity of this new Squire gig, some sort of distant normin relative, but…

That mop of mussed brown hair atop the creature’s head was eerily familiar. And this tiny creature was dressed in a perfect, equally tiny replica of Sorey’s clothes. The complicated cloak, those goofy feather earrings, the whole shebang. And the real Sorey was nowhere to be seen in their camp.

Mikleo -- the resident expert on all things Sorey -- was busy binding an unconscious Symonne to a tree with a sort of manic, frantic determination. He seemed so engrossed in the effort that Rose almost felt that she shouldn’t bother him. But, considering the situation, she really had to bother him. She coughed lightly, and Mikleo’s head whirled to stare at her; his eyes wild.

“...,” Rose began. “...uh. What’d we miss?”

“Mikleo was making us dessert, and I was tickling him!” the kitty-Sorey squeaked out. “It looked sooooo tasty, and Mikleo is so so so pretty--!”

“Uh-huh,” Rose replied. This kitty-Sorey seemed to have the same general thought processes as the normal Sorey, if a bit higher-pitched. “And then what?”

“And then there was a biiiiig crash, BOOM! And then all this pink glitter, and I got little!”

Which was Symonne’s doing, no doubt. Rose walked over to where Mikleo had secured her. She heard the rapid patter of tiny feet behind her as she went.

“I’m guessing you haven’t gotten any info from her,” Rose observed. She cautiously reached out to turn Symonne’s head enough to bring the big bump on it into better view. “She’s out like a light.”

“I... I should have been more careful,” Mikleo managed to get out. His body looked like it was wound up so tight, it was a wonder he could even breathe. “I was distracted and didn’t hear her coming, I didn’t shove Sorey out of the way quickly enough, I…”

His despair was interrupted by the intervention of kitty-Sorey pattering up and nuzzling his chin against Mikleo’s knee -- with Mikleo crouched on the ground, it was the tallest part of him that kitty-Sorey was able to reach. kitty-Sorey made a soft noise, and raised his stubby little arms in the air until Mikleo picked him up -- carefully, gently, as if he was cradling something infinitely precious and utterly irreplaceable. He brought kitty-Sorey close to his chest, and sighed raggedly. kitty-Sorey made a satisfied noise, and continued to nuzzle whatever part of Mikleo was closest. It seemed to settle Mikleo, and bit by bit, Rose saw the tension in his shoulders ease.

By this point, the rest of the team had finally made their appearance. kitty-Sorey waved both little arms in excitement as they approached.

“Hi! Hi! Hello! Yay, everyone’s here--!” he cheered.

“Oh my…” Lailah murmured. “Sorey, you’ve…you’ve entered something of a cat-atonic state.”

Lailah puffed out her cheeks, trying to suppress her laughter. Still holding her breath, she looked around excitedly at the rest of the team, waiting for someone to celebrate her wordplay. Celebration failed to occur. Edna strode up to where Mikleo crouched, to where their prisoner was bound, and poked at the bump on Symonne’s head with the end of her umbrella.

“I have my doubts that Little Miss Hotpants meant for it to turn out this way,” Edna said idly. “If she even had a gameplan in the first place.”

“My plan is to go out and play with Mikleo!” kitty-Sorey announced proudly. “And then we’ll read together and eat Mikleo’s de-lic-ious treats and cuddle all night!”

Edna continued to idly jab her umbrella at various parts of Symonne. She rose one critical eyebrow at kitty-Sorey.

“Are we a hundred percent positive that she actually did anything to him at all?” she asked flatly.

Lailah’s held breath exploded from her with a graceless, trumpeting wheeze, and she clapped in helpless delight.

“POSITIVE! PAW-SITIVELY PAW-SITIVE!” she announced to, like, the abstract concept of anyone who found her sense of humor appealing. “Purr-haps there’s a paws-sibility that we can break this absolutely a-paw-ling curse on our dear Shep-purred…”

Slowly, gently, Zaveid approached Lailah; making soothing noises and sidestepping her in her erratic movements like one would when approaching a bucking horse. He removed his hat from his head and lowered it onto Lailah’s head; pushing it down until her face was obscured and her voice was muffled. She did not appear to fully be aware of the additional accessory to her person, and continued to ramble on; her voice muted by the hat’s felting.

“Thank you, Zaveid,” said Rose. She checked the back of her hand, examining the skin there. “...I think I just got hives from saying that.”

Zaveid gave a cheeky little bow, and then sat down next to Mikleo. His composure was a blessing in itself, and seemed to further calm Mikleo’s rattled nerves.

“Lemme take a look at this little squirt for a quick second, Meeboy.”

Hesitantly, Mikleo unwrapped himself from Sorey just enough for Zaveid to give kitty-Sorey a quick look-over. Zaveid examined his tiny cloak; the embroidery on it so delicate that it looked like it was wrought by fairies, the feathers so small that they looked like wisps of dandelion fluff. He poked his white cheek; squishy and soft like mochi, and it elicited a sweet giggle from kitty-Sorey that jingled like a bell. kitty-Sorey buried his face back into Mikleo’s chest for a moment, then wriggled until he’d scaled Mikleo to perch on his shoulder and nuzzle against his neck and ear.

“Well. I can tell you that he’s definitely the real Sorey -- he’s got the same soul rattling around in that cute little noggin, and the same air about him,” Zaveid said. He scratched at his chin and frowned. “She definitely cursed him good. I don’t know how long the transfiguration spell will last, though. That kinda magic was never really my bag…”

“Who does know about that kind of magic?” Mikleo asked quietly. His hand came up to touch kitty-Sorey at his shoulder, to confirm he was there, or to comfort himself. kitty-Sorey giggled and grabbed Mikleo’s finger between his paws, steering it to poke his own nose. “Please. You must know of someone.”

“Are you in despair!? Do you feeeeeel the agony crushing your heart like a vize!?”

The team slowly turned to look at Symonne, who had woken up and broken out of the rope bindings while they were chatting. Her hair and clothing were a mess from the fall. She wobbled on her feet, and couldn’t really focus her eyes, so she probably had a concussion brewing in her fevered little skull. Still, she managed a manic grin, and tilted her head back to crow with laughter.

“Experience a taste of the magnificent salvation my master will bring to this wretched world!”

“Heldalf wants to turn us all into cats?” Rose asked, confused. “I mean, I guess cats are like...his thing.”

“Ah,” Edna said, making a face. “So he’s one of those.”

“One of what?” asked Mikleo, confused. “A cat person?”

Lailah un-hatted herself long enough to rejoin the discussion. “I think Edna means he’s a fur-midable opponent!”

“Yes,” Edna replied. “And no.”

Zaveid huffed. “Hey now, I’m not just gonna stand around while y’all besmirch the much-maligned name of a proud and noble people!”

“We all know what you think, Zaveid. We know your tastes.” Edna emphasized the last word, deliberately. “I’ve seen the stuff you like on Twitter at two in the morning--”

“Stop misinterpreting my master’s glorious vision!!” shrieked Symonne, nearly falling over in her rage, and present lack of inner ear function.

“What is your master’s vision, exactly?” asked Mikleo.

Symonne’s eyes went unfocused again, and she was silent for a long moment while she visibly tried to think of an answer. kitty-Sorey raised his paw politely, and waited for Mikleo to boop it with his finger before speaking.

“I have a vision! I spy, with my little eye, something that begins with -- Mikleo!” kitty-Sorey cuddled up to Mikleo’s neck again, happily. “It’s ‘Mikleo’! I see Mikleo! Mikleo, I love you--!”

Symonne turned green, and made a retching noise; doubling over as if she was about to vomit all over the forest floor. Edna tsked in disapproval.

“Oh come on,” she said. “They’re insufferable, but that’s just overdramatic.”

Symonne lurched upright, and brandished her wand once more. The group immediately went on guard.

“No more. No more of this,” Symonne said, pointing her wand squarely at kitty-Sorey.

kitty-Sorey blinked, and placed a single paw on his chin. His ears twitched with the motion.

It was the last straw. The last, adorable straw. Symonne shrieked in rage, and in the blink of an eye, kitty-Sorey was surrounded by the same glittery pink smoke that transformed him at the first; obscuring both him and Mikleo from view. There was a thud, and the sound of Mikleo yelping. When the smoke cleared, Sorey was back to his original form, and was cradling Mikleo in his arms as he knelt on the forest floor.

“Are you okay, Mikleo?” Sorey asked, concerned. The big blue bow was still firmly attached to his head. “I’m so sorry; I must have hurt your shoulder when I changed back…”

Mikleo couldn’t even try to hide the smile that crossed his face, and allowed his fingers to trace the line of that jaw that he’d already missed so dearly. “I’ll be fine. I’ll be fine, now.”

Sorey leaned into Mikleo’s palm, then leaned in for a kiss. The shimmering pink smoke floated about them in the midsummer breeze, catching rays of sunlight as it drifted. It showed no signs of settling or dispersing; as if it was content to frame the pair in their own little world for a while longer.

“They...just don’t stop,” Symonne said, as much in awe as disgust at the scene before them.

“You’re preaching to the choir,” Edna grumbled. She turned to face Symonne, and tapped her umbrella against the palm of her own open hand. “So, listen. You’re gonna teach me that spell so I can use it to torment the plebeians that orbit me, or else I’m going to shatter your kneecaps…”

[weirdbynorthwest]

Notes on Northern Exposure, S01E01: “Pilot”

Hello and welcome to the first instalment of “Notes on Northern Exposure”, my episode-by-episode commentary covering the entirety of Northern Exposure (CBS, 1990-1995). Without further ado, let’s get started!

 The series opens with Dr. Joel Fleischman (Rob Morrow) on board a plane to Alaska, dumping a lot of expository info on his new pal “Businessman” (John Aylward). We learn that Fleischman’s medical school bills were paid for by the state of Alaska and that, in return, he’s agreed to become their “indentured slave” for the next four years. In other words, the show has a built-in expiration date. Had it been a flop then this might, in retrospect, have seemed unduly optimistic. But the show went on to enjoy both critical acclaim and high ratings, running for six seasons and 110 episodes – providing me with enough material to keep this feature going for the next two years.

We’ll be seeing actor John Aylward again on the show, and in this same season, though not in the same role.

Joel arrives in Anchorage – Alaska’s largest city – only to be told that he’s not needed there. They have too many doctors. But before he can get too excited it’s made clear that the debt has not been cancelled. Instead, he’s expected to head out to Cicely, on the Alaskan Riviera.

What comes next is a lovely montage sequence set to the show’s theme that lets us bask in the stunning scenery of Alaska. That is, if any of the footage shown was of Alaska, as the series was actually filmed in Washington state.

The first Cicelian that Joel meets is Ed Chigliak (Darren E. Burrows). Towards the end of the episode we get our first indication of Ed’s love of cinema, after he gives Joel a pang of homesickness for his beloved New York City. Ed reveals that the source of his New York knowledge is Woody Allen’s Manhattan (1979): “I think Woody’s a genius!” I think Woody’s forever tainted by those sex abuse allegations, but those were two years away at this point. It’ll be interesting to see if Ed’s Woody fandom disappears or takes a backseat around that time. But given that, in 2017, actors are still falling over themselves to work with Allen, I’m not counting on it.

Joel meets up with former astronaut and town patriarch Maurice J. Minnifield (Barry Corbin). There’s some discomfort for Joel as Maurice mentions how excited he was to discover that Cicely “had a crack at a Jew doctor from New York City,” saying that “you boys do outstanding work.” This is the first indication we have of what, at this stage, we might charitably call Maurice’s lack of concern regarding political correctness.

Maurice goes on to introduce an essential piece of the series’ lore: “Cicely and Rosyln founded the town 97 years ago. Rumour and innuendo not withstanding, they were just good friends.” In time we’ll learn that rumour and innuendo were correct, and that Cicely and Roslyn were indeed lovers.

Regarding the painted mural outside Roslyn’s Café, Maurice says that “a hippy passing through painted that picture on the wall” but was so high on “the weed” that he forgot to include the apostrophe. In real life it was actually called the Roslyn Café, as the series was primarily filmed in Roslyn, Washington. The apostrophe was removed after production on the series ended.

At the doctor’s office, Marilyn (Elaine Miles) introduces herself by stepping out of the shadows and saying that she’s here for the receptionist job. This sends Joel running, and by “running” I mean “fleeing in terror”. Why? Was her sudden appearance that startling? Or is there an element of racism behind it?

Anyway, Marilyn persists, effectively giving herself the receptionist job that Joel says doesn’t exist (because he intends to leave town at the earliest opportunity). And she soon proves to be, if anything, overqualified for this job; she can stitch up wounds and has, as we’ll see in a later episode, a miracle cure for flu. Her professionalism in this episode is in sharp contrast to Joel, and I wonder if this is what irks him, as he turns up to work in a sweaty jogging outfit to whine about his situation. Also, he knows that she finds him ridiculous (“Please stop smiling at me. You’re constantly smiling at me.”). Joel is, in fact, an excellent doctor – but it takes Marilyn’s presence and professionalism to make him start acting like one.

After fleeing from Marilyn, Joel runs into the local bar, the Brick, and tries to renege on his contract in an angry phone call. He rants about Cicely being “the worst place on Earth,” and being stuck in a “godforsaken hole-in-the-wall pigsty with a bunch of dirty, psychotic rednecks.” Okay, so Joel is doing his level best to make himself loathsome. There’s nothing about Cicely, the Brick or its patrons to make these remarks seem remotely justified.

The Brick’s proprietor, Holling Vincoeur (John Cullum), provides Joel with a free meal and a surprisingly sympathetic ear, given Joel’s less than stellar review of Holling’s establishment. Holling explains to a curious Joel that his falling out with Maurice – until recently, his closest friend – was due to an argument over former “Miss Pacific Northwest” Shelly Marie Tambo (Cynthia Geary), who fell in love with Holling after Maurice brought her to Cicely with the intention of marrying her.

One problem that I have with this episode is that it doesn’t really treat Shelly as a character with agency. Sure, we’re told that she left Maurice and offered herself to Holling, but she doesn’t get to tell us that herself. That will soon change, but it’s still a pity that she doesn’t get a single line of spoken dialogue in this episode.

Whilst waiting for a phone call at the Brick, Joel is approached by Maggie O’Connell (Janine Turner). As Maggie attempts to introduce herself, Joel tells her that “the petulant aggressive thing is a real turn-off,” that he’s engaged to be married to “a real knockout,” and that she should take her “business somewhere else.” Joel’s sexism here – the way he automatically assumes Maggie must be coming on to him - stinks. Also, how do you look at Janine Turner and say those things? And then she drops the mic with: “I’m not a hooker, I’m your landlord.” Oy!

So what we have here is a classic example of the “will they / won’t they” TV trope. Once upon a time, this trope was everywhere you cared to look on network television. I think it’s fair to say that it’s no longer as common as it once was. The “battle of the sexes” mentality that informs it feels pretty archaic, but that could just be me. Perhaps romance in general just isn’t as prevalent on TV now as it was in the 90s? Conventional wisdom has it that a show dies when/if that “will they / won’t they” tension gets resolved, and keeping that tension going must be difficult if your show stands to run for several seasons. In real life, steamy romantic tensions don’t generally last 6-7 years, the average length of a US TV show. Keep it going too long and it’s at risk of seeming contrived. Then again, it can seem contrived right from the get-go, and that’s the case with Northern Exposure, as much as I enjoy this show. While the Fleischman/O’Connell relationship will evolve over time, I find it weird watching them launch into these slanging matches in the show’s early days. It’s as if they’ve been bickering since long before the show began.

Later on in the episode we cut to Maggie and Joel having a late-night drinking session in the Brick, where they appear to be the last customers. This scene exists to reveal more information about Maggie, but rather than have Maggie tell us herself the show treats us to yet another expository info-dump from a drunken Joel. Something else that made me cringe during this scene was Joel’s sudden acknowledgment of the obvious and indisputable beauty of Janine Turner on this show, which immediately tells you that this is the “will they?” scene.

And then we get the “DID they?!” scene, as Joel wakes up in a different bed in a different cabin. He finds one of Maggie’s shoes and assumes that fornication must have occurred. Things are moving fast for a 40-minute episode! But then Joel meets Maggie’s current beau, Rick Pederson (Grant Goodeve), and after an awkward exchange we learn that no fornication has occurred. This is one of the few times that we actually get to see Rick. Though Maggie and Joel are both in relationships, their respective partners are rarely seen and the relationships are never treated as the obstacles you’d think they’d be.

Joel is forced to mediate between Walter (Art LaFleur) and his wife Edna (Lois Foraker), who has tried shooting him and stabbing him with a swiss army knife and just doesn’t know what else to do to get his attention. Marilyn votes for divorce, and one of the first things you learn about Marilyn is that she is never wrong about anything. Still, we get to see Joel as marriage counsellor, and it’s another example of just how good his people skills can be.

The episode concludes with a large local gathering, the ninth Annual Arrowhead County Summer Wonderland Festival. It brings the series’ cast together in a grand display of the community spirit that will come to define the series.

It’s at the festival that we get our first few shots of Chris Stevens (John Corbett), Cicely’s local radio disc-jockey. It seems bizarre, in retrospect, that a character defined by his voice should be voiceless here. If you haven’t seen the show before, then you might think it odd that the camera keeps cutting to this as yet unknown character.

Holling has a quiet word with Maurice, and it’s worth singling out Corbin’s performance here as it is genuinely affecting. Maurice asks Holling what it’s like to be in love, the implication being that Maurice has never experienced “true” romantic love. A former astronaut, Maurice has staked his claim on Alaska, “the last frontier”, and been to space, “the final frontier”. But love represents a new frontier for Maurice and some of his best episodes are the ones that explore that theme. It’s significant then that Shelly, in this episode, is not presented to us as a person but as both an object (a trophy winner at risk of becoming a trophy bride) and a place (“Miss Pacific Northwest”). Maurice’s infatuation with Shelly in these early episodes has little to nothing to do with her as a person, and everything to do with whatever it is that she represents to him. Unexplored virgin territory perhaps, similar to the “new-found-land” of John Donne. That’s not to say that Shelly is a virgin, but a man like Maurice, old enough to be her (grand)father, is unlikely to split hairs. In other words we’re talking about lust, not love. But that’s all I have to say on the subject for now, as the show will return to it before long and, when it does, we’ll not only have a better idea of what Maurice thinks of Shelly, but Shelly will finally be able to share with us her side of the story.

Whether or not Joel intends it, he’s become a part of this community by the end of the episode. The moose burger might be an acquired taste, but it looks as if Joel will be able to not just reconcile himself to his new surroundings but even come to enjoy life in Cicely.