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bookshelf-in-progress · 1 year ago

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Loving Memory: A Retelling of East of the Sun, West of the Moon

The woman striding across the ballroom floor takes my breath away. She is perfection in human form--regal and statuesque, with hair like a raven's wing, skin like a fresh fall of snow, and ice-blue eyes that can captivate a man's heart.

And the gown! It makes her beauty seem almost divine. It shimmers and swirls like rivers of gold, making the icy-white marble of the floor and walls glow with the light of the sun that has not shone here for a month of days. I nearly fall to my knees, but I am a prince--soon to be a king--so I merely bow over her hand, lead her into the dance, and thank heaven for our impending marriage. Jorunn knows I do not love her, but at moments like these, I have no doubt that I shall.

We whirl through the dancers, the lords and ladies assembled for our upcoming wedding, all of them flawless in form, wearing suits and gowns of impossible beauty--a rainbow of velvets and silks, gold and jewels. My betrothed outshines them all. I feel clumsy and common in comparison, and marvel yet again that I am deemed worthy to join--and soon rule--this court.

When the dance ends, I bring Jorunn to the refreshment table, where we take glasses of sweet blue punch.

"You should drink your tonic, darling," Jorunn says, removing a small silver flask from a pocket in her skirt.

"Must I?" I ask, glancing to the watching crowd. I usually take the tonic before bed, in private. I don't relish my future subjects knowing that their king is an invalid.

"You must have your strength tonight," she says, pouring what looks like a double dose into my punch. The icy blue liquid turns a murky amber.

I down the drink in one gulp, cringing as the bitter aroma fills my head. I swear I can feel it coursing through my limbs. They feel heavier than they had a moment before. My head feels murkier.

It passes in a moment, and once again I'm overjoyed to be here, with her, in this impossibly beautiful realm.

I kiss Jorunn's cheek and thank her for her watchfulness. I feel as if I could dance all night.

The music starts up--an enticing melody of flutes and strings--but just as I pull Jorunn into the dance, a commotion starts at the other edge of the crowd. The music stops, and the crowd parts to reveal...something...crossing the floor. Some kind of animal has entered the ballroom--smaller than a bear, larger than a dog, with patches of fur in every shade of white and black and brown.

As it comes nearer, I see that it walks upright on two legs--two human legs, with two small, white human hands poking out from the folds of the fur.

"What is it?" I ask Jorunn. "Who let it into the ballroom?"

"I did," Jorunn says. "She is my invited guest."

I bow my head in embarrassment. "I'm...certain she's quite charming."

Jorunn pushes my shoulder, gently urging me toward the girl. "Dance with her, Eirik."

"I?" I yelp. How could a prince--a future king--demean himself by dancing with such a creature before all his subjects. "Why?"

Jorunn tilts her head toward me and murmurs, "Because I keep my promises. This girl is the one who gifted me this dress, and in return all she asked was a dance with you."

"A strange boon to demand from a woman about to be married," I say. Stranger still that Jorunn granted it.

"We aren't wed yet," Jorunn says playfully. "I can't keep you all to myself, no matter how much I may wish to." She urges me toward the girl. "Go on, my love. It's not too much to ask."

Despite myself, I feel a pang of pity for the creature. She gave away a dress fit for a queen and had to appear in this ballroom in a bundle of furs. Such unselfishness merits a few minutes of kindness. "For your sake, my dear," I say, bowing over Jorunn's hand. "And for hers. I assure you I'll take no joy in it."

Jorunn smiles. "I've no worries on that account."

Fighting a feeling of revulsion, I approach the girl, bow, and offer my hand. "Might I have this dance?"

The girl--she barely reaches my shoulder--looks up at me. A white face appears from within the furry hood--a pointed chin, high cheekbones, a determined mouth, and defiant green eyes.

The woman faintly smiles, and my heart stops. In this palace of perfection, she seems so real. Not ice and gold and glamour, but sun and earth and, oh, a million ordinary, beautiful things I haven't thought about since I came to this place.

"Who are you?" I gasp, the words slipping out before I can think.

Her eyes go wide--confused and dismayed. She throws back her hood, revealing yellow hair. Not golden or raven or mahogany or any of the awe-inspiring shades that make the people of this realm so beautiful. Just yellow. But it is braided into a crown about her head that suits her better than any jewels.

Those green eyes meet mine. "You know me," she says.

I stare into those eyes, which seem to hold something I haven't known I've lost. If I know this girl, I can't remember her. My past before this palace is a murky haze--standing in such brightness makes everything else seem dim.

I shake away the threads of memory before I go mad from trying to grasp them. "Forgive me," I say, "but if we've met, I can't recall."

I signal to the musicians to start the music, and I sweep the fur-clad maiden into a waltz. She is silent as we dance, gazing up at my face as if trying to memorize me.

I say, trying to be kind, "That's a wondrous cloak you wear. I've never seen its like."

It's not a lie. It seems to be made of the skin of every beast there ever was. I see white fur, black fur, brown fur, some solid, some speckled, some striped, all stitched together in a haphazard pattern, as though someone was desperate to make use of every scrap.

The woman looks down. "It is all I had left to me, after..."

I kindly wait for her to speak.

"I've had a great loss," she finally says. "I have searched ever since to find you."

"If there is anything I can do for you," I say, "you need only ask. You have done a great service for my bride."

The girl stumbles.

I catch her and help her upright. "I am sorry. Did I trip you?"

"No," she gasps, grasping her side. As we slide into the dance again, she looks up into my face. "Do you truly not know me?"

"I wish I could say otherwise," I say, and I mean it with all my heart. There is something about this girl that makes the world seem larger than I realized. "Perhaps if you told me your name?"

She shakes her head. "I can't. Even if I could, what good would my name do if you've already forgotten my face?" She bows her head with a strangled noise, and I see tears streaming from her eyes. "I spent so many months imagining this moment. I hoped you'd be overjoyed to see me. I was afraid you'd hate me. But I never imagined...this. That I meant so little to you that you've already forgotten me."

"There is much I have forgotten," I say, before I can remember that none are supposed to know of my affliction. "This place, it...dazzles the mind. There are many things I wish I could recall about the world beyond this realm. If I knew you there, I am certain you were well worth remembering, and it pains me to say that I do not. But whatever we had before, I am glad to know you now."

She wipes her face against the fur on her sleeve. When she looks up at me, her eyes hold something like hope. "Do you think--"

The music slows to a stop, and before we can finish the step, Jorunn steps between me and the girl. She places one hand on the girl's chest and pushes her away. "You've had your dance," she says. "Now trouble us no more."

The girl steps away, but she takes a hesitant glance back at me.

I smile gently. "Thank you for the dance. I will remember your face next time."

Those words put a determination into her gaze that seems instantly to dry her tears. "I will see you again," she says and disappears into the crowd.

For the rest of the night, I dance with the queen of the realm at the top of the world, a peerless beauty with the radiance of the sun who lays a kingdom at my feet. But my thoughts are on a girl with green eyes, wearing a coat made of all kinds of fur.

At the next night's ball, Jorunn wears a sleek gown that gleams with the silver radiance of the moon. It makes her seem ethereal, a woman of wondrous mystery. But she is not the mystery I find myself pondering.

"You seem distracted tonight, Eirik," she says. "Have you taken your tonic?"

Upon my denial, she pours a dose into my punch glass. After one swallow, my racing thoughts begin to slow. What does that strange girl matter? I can be happy here, with this incomparable queen at my side.

A commotion begins on the other side of the ballroom, and the many-furred girl appears among the crowd. I take a hasty swallow of the tonic, but set down the punch glass while it's still half-full.

I look to Jorunn, whose eyes are narrowed toward the girl. "Another dance in exchange for tonight's dress?" I ask.

"Two," Jorunn says. "She drives a hard bargain."

I squeeze her hand. I know my duty with this marriage. She has no need to be jealous. "I will do what I must," I say. "We must keep our promises."

I smile as I approach the girl. She smiles in response, and it makes her more radiant than Jorunn's dress. Again, I am struck by how real she is, practical and solid in a world of wisps and dreams.

"You returned," I say, as I whisk her into a waltz.

"I said I would," she replies.

"I'm glad to know you keep your promises."

She winces, and tears spring to her eyes.

"Forgive me," I say. "I don't wish to cause pain."

"No," she says, shaking her head and wiping her tears into a furred sleeve. "It is no more than I deserve."

"You have broken promises?" It seems cruel to ask, but I think she might welcome the question. It could shed some light on the past that she wants me to remember.

"Only one," she says. "But it destroyed everything."

I remember what she said about her cloak last night. It was all that was left to me. I have suffered a great loss.

"We all break promises sometimes," I say, trying to soothe her.

"Not like mine," she insists. "I did the one thing I was asked not to do. I betrayed the man I loved, and now he is lost to me."

"And he is why you have sought me out? You think I can convince him to forgive you?"

She looks into my face for a long, long moment, step after step, turn after turn. "I don't think," she says at last, "that he knows there is anything to forgive. And that's the worst thing of all."

How can this man be lost to her if he doesn't know she betrayed him? Has she run from her failure, rather than face disgrace?

I know well the temptation to hide from dishonor. Don't I hide my own affliction? This girl has no kingdom to run, but she still has pride to protect.

"Tell him," I say.

Tears flow freely down her cheeks. "I can't."

"I can help you."

"You can't!" she says, dropping my hand. She buries her face in her sleeve. "I don't know why I came."

I place a hand on her shoulder, and fight the strangest urge to turn it into an embrace. "Forgive me," I say. "You come to me for help, and I only cause you pain."

She wipes her face and swallows down a sob. "It's not your fault," she says. "Here I am, wasting our dance by crying."

The song fades to a close. "I still owe you another." I find myself panicked at the thought she won't take it.

"You do," she says, with a wet little laugh. My heart leaps at the sound of it. "Will you give me a chance to compose myself?"

"Take all the time you need," I say, leading her to a seat by a towering window that looks out upon the vast snow plains and a gorgeous spectacle of northern lights. She sits in the soft wing-backed chair and looks out the window, while I stand behind her leaning over the headrest. Despite knowing Jorunn for months, I have yet to have a moment with her that feels this...comfortable.

In the blue-black night, ribbons of violet, blue and green dance and flicker across the sky. The girl snuggles into her robe and gazes upon them with wonder.

"Have you ever seen such lights?" I ask. No matter how many times I see them, they never lose their appeal.

"Many times," she says. "Perhaps not quite this beautiful. Though they are lovely when seen from outside." She lays her head contentedly on her arm rest, using her furs as a pillow.

Her phrasing surprises me. "Do you often travel at night?"

"Night after night after night," she says. "Day after day after day. I never stopped. I climbed mountains, crossed rivers, rode the backs of all four winds."

"To find me," I say. "To find the man you love."

She startled and sits up, looking me straight in the eye. "Yes," she breathes, quivering with excitement.

"I wish I knew how to help you," I say. "You must love him very much."

Her shoulders sink. She sighs. "More than you may ever know."

"I only pray my wife and I can know such love."

She examines me closely. "You mean the princess. Do you mean to say you don't love her?"

It seems improper to speak of such things, and yet I find myself able to tell this girl things I couldn't tell anyone else. Why should I speak less than the truth? "Ours is a political match," I say. "I find her beautiful. I respect her strength. I appreciate her care for me. Love can come with time."

"What would she need to do to make you love her? What would you want in a wife?"

Someone who can come into a ballroom clad in furs and not feel shame. Someone who knows how to laugh and cry. Someone who loves to watch the northern lights. Someone who travels night and day to apologize to a man she betrayed.

In the end, I choose the diplomatic answer. "I don't know that I can ask for more than what I already have."

The girl is quieter during our second dance, carefully content. Her tears are stored away and she will not risk letting them out again.

Now that I'm not distracted by the mystery of her identity, or my lack of memory, or her sorrow over her lost love, I am able to focus on the dance itself, and I find that she is a marvelous dancer. Not so supernaturally graceful as Jorunn, but surprisingly easy to dance with, especially considering that she is wrapped in furs. The woman follows at my every touch, stepping smoothly through turns, patiently waiting if I stumble. I don't stumble often. My limbs feel lighter tonight, my head clearer--strange, given that I've had only half a dose of tonic.

"How did you come to have such wondrous dresses," I ask, "when you have only furs to wear yourself?" The question that had been easy to dismiss last night now seems impossible to ignore.

"You meet lots of strange people when you travel the world," she says with a smile. "They were gifts from some of the most marvelous old women I've ever met. Of course, I've had no occasion to wear them."

"A royal ball is not reason enough?"

"Not if I can't get inside. I'd rather have the dance than the dress."

A dance with me, worth more than a gown of celestial wonders? All for the chance I could help her reconcile with her lost love?

"I am sorry to have been such a disappointment."

"You're not that," she insists. "It's been wonderful just to see you."

"Worth a trip around the world and two wondrous dresses?"

"Not quite," she admits with a smile. "But enough for now. There's still time."

The music slows and falls silent. I bow her out of the dance. "Not for us, I'm afraid. I can give you no more dances."

"Tomorrow, then," she says, smiling over her shoulder as she disappears into the crowd.

Something about her glance--the twist of her hair, the angle of her head--sparks what might be a memory in my mind. Those green eyes flashing. That mouth open in a laugh. White flakes flashing around her as she runs through the snow, while I follow her--strangely--on all fours.

I cannot explain the memory or remember her name. But I do know, whatever her name is, or whatever she was to me, that somewhere in the past, in some way, I have loved her.

The next evening, the last night before our wedding, Jorunn wears a deep blue dress that shimmers with the light of the stars themselves. It is breathtakingly beautiful, but coldly, distantly so--like the woman who wears it. She doesn't smile like the girl with the furs. She doesn't converse while we dance--we can't think of anything to speak of. I can think of no part of my heart I could share with her as I did with the girl last night. I wonder how I thought I could ever grow to love her.

Tonight, Jorunn's offer of the tonic seems, not considerate, but overbearing. Last night I had only half a dose, and I felt better than ever. After Jorunn pours a dose into my punch, I barely sip at it, and when her back is turned, I dump the rest into a potted plant. There will be no more dances after our wedding tomorrow. If I'm to help the girl find her lost love, I want my mind to be as clear as possible.

The glance Jorunn gives the strange girl as she enters the dining room is cold enough to freeze. The girl doesn't seem to feel it through her furs. When Jorunn hands me off, her behavior toward the girl is sullen and hostile.

The girl smiles and curtsies. "The dress is stunning on you, majesty."

"It ought to be, for what it cost me." Jorunn starts to stride away, but then turns around and levels a fierce finger toward the girl. "Not a moment past the stroke of midnight."

The girl bows her head. "I know the bargain."

"Until midnight?" I ask, as I lead the girl into a dance.

The girl smiles. "For tonight, at least, I have you all to myself."

We dance a few dances, while the girl asks me on occasion if I remember anything about my life before. I have flashes of images that might be memories, but nothing that will help the girl in her search. After a while, the girl grows warm in her furs, and we leave the ballroom for the cold quiet of the balcony.

Together, we gaze at the stars and across the vast plains of snow. I remember seeing her like this, on a sunlit balcony in a faraway palace. I wanted to kiss her then, but I couldn't. Probably because she loved another. Just as I am promised to another now.

"Please," I ask in a low whisper. "Can't you tell me your name?"

She shakes her head with tears in her eyes. "Please stop asking. If you don't know it on your own, I can't tell you."

"Why not?"

"It is part of the bargain."

Does Jorunn know who this girl is? "The queen isn't here."

The girl squeezes her eyes shut against some memory. "I have seen the consequences of breaking promises to her. I will not risk it again."

It destroyed everything.

"Your lost love?" I ask.

She nods.

How could that great queen separate this woman from the man she so faithfully loves? What role could Jorunn possibly have in this spat between lovers?

We start down a staircase that leads to a stone path through the snow around the palace. The light from the ballroom windows pours out over us, shining on the girl's furs. The cloak I wear is mostly decorative, and I find myself wishing for furs of my own.

I wore a coat of white fur, thicker than thick.

The flash of memory has no bearing on the mystery I'm trying to solve.

I ask the girl, "If Jorunn knows of your lost love, why do you come to me for help? Why do you not ask her?"

"Allowing me to speak to you is all the help she is willing to give."

I do not begin to understand the complicated politics of this realm. When I am king, I will have to learn, but I will rely on Jorunn for a long while.

"After our wedding, perhaps, I can ask her to help..."

"After the wedding, it will be too late!" She storms down the path. "You'll be married to a woman you don't love! She'll have trapped you forever!"

I try to soothe her. "She won't be able to stop me from speaking to you."

She throws her hands in the air. "You don't understand! You'll never understand!" She is sobbing now. "It was hopeless from the beginning! You can't see the truth about her, or me, and I've no way to tell you! I've doomed us all! I don't deserve redemption, or mercy, or even compassion! I'm the faithless wife who threw away love!"

As she speaks the last words, something flies off her hand, flashing golden as it spirals into the snow. The girl flees down the path, silently sobbing.

I dive for the divot in the snow where the item fell. I pull out a small golden ring set with amethysts and emeralds and ice blue diamonds--the northern lights captured in stone. The ring glitters on my palm, round and flawless. I remember its every facet.

By the One who made the sky and stone, I pledge my heart and soul to you.

Clutching the ring, I race after her and call out, "Karina!"

I stood outside a cottage, trapped in the form of a white bear. The girl with a crown of yellow hair faced me fearlessly and agreed to be my bride, sliding the golden ring upon her left hand.

Short sunlit days on a beautiful tundra. She would ride on my back for hours, laughing for sheer joy as we raced across the snowy fields.

For nearly a year, she shared my bed. I was man by night and bear by day. She was forbidden to see my face and did not mind.

A year and a day, and the curse would be broken. Eleven months after our wedding, I woke to hot wax dripping on my shirt, from a candle she held over my face.

The palace dissolved into dust, and the troll queen arrived to claim her lawful prize. My wife screamed my name as I disappeared into a whirlwind of magic and snow.

In the shadows and snowbanks far from the palace, I grip Karina's shoulders and gaze deep into her familiar, beloved face. "Karina," I breathe. "I remember."

"Everything?" she asks, as tears stream down her face.

"Everything," I say, and kiss her senseless.

Karina and I sit huddled together beneath her coat of furs. I have told her of my months of imprisonment, of the magical tonic the troll queen forced upon me until I thought myself a willing captive. Karina has told me of the harrowing journey she has taken--the three dresses she received from three magical women, the way she rode the backs of all four winds to find me. If there was ever anything to forgive her for, the devotion she has shown in finding me more than absolves her.

I kiss her again as she finishes her tale, finding joy in finding her so real, in knowing my own mind and knowing her.

My own.

My beloved.

My wife.

It is like falling in love all over again.

"I'm so sorry," Karina says again. "I should never have listened to mother. If I hadn't burned that hateful candle--"

I silence her with another kiss. "If you hadn't betrayed me, I wouldn't have this moment. Meeting my wife all over again." I press her to my heart. "I could have no greater joy."

"But you're getting married tomorrow," Karina says. "By the terms of the curse, you must wed Jorunn."

"Trust me," I say, "and all will be well. So long as you will let me borrow your wedding ring."

In the bright light of midday, the ballroom has become a wedding chapel, filled nearly to bursting with lords and ladies and lesser subjects. I now know them for what they are--trolls whose perfect human appearances are nothing but glamours over huge, thick, ugly faces. My would-be wife is ugliest of all, her cruelty coming out upon her in black boils upon her snow-white face and long, pointed nose. The glamour hides her face for now, but it cannot hide the malicious triumph as she gazes upon me--her pet and prize. Her wedding to me will give her dominion over a human realm, and allow her kind to wreak havoc across the world of ordinary men.

She wears the golden sunlight gown, but in daylight, it seems dim and colorless. Even her flawless glamoured face is ugly when I compare her to my ordinary, beloved Karina. My wife is somewhere in the crowd, I know. She has promised to be here, and I trust her to keep her promises.

I do my best to play the magic-addled prince as the highest-ranking of the lords reads aloud their marriage ceremony--endless lists of the glories this alliance will bring to our two realms.

At last, the high lord cries out, merely for form's sake, "Is there any impediment to the marriage between this man and woman?"

"Only one," I shout, stepping away from Jorunn.

Jorunn's expression is black. I can almost see the troll's face beneath the glamour. "Eirik, what is this?"

"Under the laws of troll-kind," I tell the crowd, "Queen Jorunn can wed me if she keeps me here for a year and a day. But there is another law--as would-be husband to the queen, I have a right to set a standard for my bride. If she fails to meet it, all bond between us comes to an end." I stride across the dais to stare into Jorunn's black eyes. "All bonds," I say. "Matrimonial, moral, and magical. Isn't that right?"

Jorunn seems a heartbeat away from tearing out and eating my eyeballs, so I turn to the lord performing the marriage rite. "Isn't that right?"

The troll lord blinks at me. His human form looks like a jittery old man. "That is... technically correct," he says. "But I don't believe this is the right time."

"There is no better time!" I say. "The very last moment when I can see if she is worthy to be my bride."

Jorunn is proud, regal, icy. She steps toward me. "What is your challenge?" she demands. "Make it anything, and I will meet it."

No doubt she thinks she can. I have seen what her magic can do. If I set an enormous challenge--moving a mountain, emptying a sea--she will accomplish it easily. Fortunately, the challenge I plan is impossibly small.

"In the human realm," I say, "we marry under another law--older and more sacred. This marriage rite is bound by the words of a man and woman, and symbolized in the exchange of a pair of rings." I brandish the Karina's ring and hold it high. "By that law, my lawful wife is the one who fits this ring, and I can wed no other."

I search the room for Karina, but I can see her nowhere in the teeming, agitated crowd.

Jorunn stride toward me and snatches the ring from my hand. "Is that all?" she sneers. "Any woman can do that."

Her glamour has fooled even herself. She has forgotten that her hands only appear slender. Trolls can change the forms of others--into a white bear, for instance--even addle the minds of others into believing in changes that aren't real, but their own bodies are impervious to magic. Any alterations to themselves are mere glamours. Beneath her glamoured image, Jorunn's hands are as thick and blocky as any troll's.

Jorunn is unable to slip the ring onto so much as a fingertip.

In rage, she throws the ring onto the floor. It bounces down the stairs and lays flat at their base. "A trick!" she cries. "He has set an unfair challenge! Find me a woman who can fit that ring, or else the challenge is void!"

In the snowy plains outside, I hear the wind building in strength--a whistle, a howl, and at last a roar that bursts open the wide doors of the ballroom. The wind blows the crowd of trolls toward the walls and down to the floor, leaving an open path down which a tiny, yellow-haired girl, clad in a cloak made of every kind of fur, strides fearlessly toward the dais.

I climb down the stairs, pick up the ring, and go down on one knee to offer it to Karina. This time, I can do it with human hands.

"My lady," I say, gazing up into her smiling eyes. "Will you take this ring?"

I slide it upon the fourth finger of her left hand. It fits perfectly.

I kiss her in triumph as Jorunn roars with rage.

Her roar is soon drowned out by the roar of a wind that surrounds me and Karina, lifts us into the air, and carries out the ballroom doors. Soon, we are soaring over snow-covered plains, and before I can fully understand that I am free, the pointed towers of the troll's icy palace have disappeared from sight.

Karina lays on her stomach, the pale blue currents of wind keeping her aloft. She helps me to do the same. While I marvel at this miraculous wind, she is perfectly at ease, and I realize she has done this. My ordinary, unmagical, entirely human wife has saved me.

"Eirik," Karina says, "I would like to introduce you to an old friend of mine."

The North Wind takes us far beyond the tundra where I lived with Karina as a white bear, beyond even the cottage where she lived with her parents, and to a castle in a rocky mountain range that I remember from my boyhood. As the wind sets us upright on the ground before the main doors, I laugh for joy.

"Am I...?" I ask, barely able to believe that I'm standing in this place, where I can recognize every rock and flower that emerges from the melting snow of the springtime ground.

The North Wind now looks like a man--huge and old, with an impossibly large beard. "Prince Eirik," he says, "I have brought you and your bride to the lands of your family."

The full understanding of my freedom comes upon me. Not only am reunited with my bride, not only am I free of enchantment, but I am home, able to move about in the ordinary world like any ordinary man. After so many years of magic, I can think of nothing more wondrous.

I sweep Karina up in my arms and point her gaze toward the door. "Come, my love," I say. "I've waited a very long time to take you home."

#the bookshelf progresses #fairy tale retellings #east of the sun west of the moon #i wanted very desperately to write another fairy tale retelling for new year's eve and i barely made it #forgive the inevitable horrendous mistakes for i've no time to edit #for those who've been following along this is *not* the version of east of the sun west of the moon #that would live up to my idea of the traditional fairy tale #that's an entirely different story #this is a mashup i came up with yesterday and wrote in a frenzy today #and i came up with a title in like ten seconds so please forgive the cringe

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patheticbatman · 4 months ago

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@answeringmysister won this round!

The 53rd Win A Commission story was ‘West of the Sun, East of the Moon’, based on the Norwegian fairy tale, ‘East of the Sun, West of the Moon’! If you would like to read the story and see the illustrations in context, please

Dani was tired of the East Coast. Tired of the traffic, tired of the loneliness of being one in millions, tired of her family's drama.

So when a recruiter offered her a contract in Alaska, she snapped it up.

“Are you out of your mind?” Asked everyone she knew.

And every time, she would tell them the same answer. She loved her friends, her family, even her very dependent maman. But it was just too much.

“Dah-nee-el-la,” her maman would say, drawing it out in a way only a Dominican accent could. “We have no family up there! No friends! Who will take care of you?”

Unspoken was the ‘Who will take care of me?’ Maman had cancer attacking her spine.

Dani had been her roommate, her confidant, her servant, and a little bit her punching bag for too long.

Meanwhile, her brother had finished school and then some.

The lawyer for the misdiagnosis case was still working on it, but it had been eight years – so Dani did not expect anything to happen now.

Dani was 27. She deserved to have her twenties too.

“Maman, I’ll be fine. I can fly back whenever I want!” - provided that there wasn’t a snow storm – “and it’s only a year. Jordan will stay here” – to keep an eye on you, finally – “until I get back.”

Dani was not going to be dissuaded.

So when her contract at Cooper finished up and Christmas was over, Dani hopped on a plane with several bags of clothes and left for Alaska, much to her maman’s dismay.

“At least I probably won’t have any seizures!” She assured her maman as she stood in line to board. “You know they don’t really happen unless it’s too hot or bright, anymore.”

Dani flew from Philadelphia to Chicago, from Chicago to Seattle, and then stopped at a hotel for the night. The next morning, she flew to Anchorage, got delayed for 17 hours due to a storm, and finally arrived in Qikiqtaġruk.

Once upon a time, the town was called Kotzebue, after an ‘explorer’, but it had recently returned to its Iñupiaq roots. She was to work in the Maniilaq Health Center, and emergency room. She adored the fast pace, and the stretch of her mind as she sought a solution. Sure, a lot of the time she would mostly just work with colds or mild allergic reactions, but she knew how to take the fun with the boring.

She picked up the keys to the car she leased, loaded her stuff, and slowly made her way through the icy roads to the little house on the northern outskirts of town that she was renting for the year.

As she suspected, the pictures had managed to hide a couple of issues – a mold spot in the bathroom, peeling paint – but otherwise, it was a good house. Toasty, already furnished, and quiet. Plus, it had a beautiful view of the sea to the west, and the low foothills to the east.

She would never tell her maman this, but on that first day, she slept straight on the mattress, no sheets at all.

By the third day, the house was mostly set up. Dani knew that she’d have to work the next day, and was not used to the time change yet. So she made everything comfortable, treated herself to some local sushi and set up her own house.

Her very own house.

The quiet was initially unnerving – her maman’s house basically needed a revolving door, with the amount of relatives from France, England, Dominica, and all over the continental United States passed through. Dani had loved it, but long to try something a little different.

Plus, it was pretty hard to date when your maman was constantly around.

But Dani pushed that thought away. Surely she’d be too busy for that!

———

She was not. It turns out, while living alone meant that she was the only one doing chores, that also meant she did not have to clean up after anyone else. Leaving her a lot of free time.

She thought about getting a cat, but decided against it. She really liked only having to take care of herself.

But that didn’t mean she liked being with only herself, all the time.

The other staff at Maniilaq were extremely friendly, and Dani could not keep track of how many outings, parties or high school sports games she attended with her new friends. Most of them were paired up or married to someone in town or close by, but that did not mean her options were limited.

After all, EVERYBODY had a cousin or a friend or a grandmother’s dog’s groomer’s husband’s brother’s neighbor who was just perfect for her.

And when she let slip she was pan? That just opened her up to more matchmaking attempts.

Finally, after the potential stress of starting dating around Valentine’s Day had passed – she had spent that weekend watching sappy romances over Teleparty with her old friend Manuela - Dani agreed to go on a couple dates.

“Just a few!” She warned, stomach sinking at the overly large grins on her coworkers’ faces. She could’ve sworn Melissa in the back was chanting under her breath, “Fresh meat!” Over and over again.

A few (“Just three or four!”) turned to several (“Eighth time’s the charm!”) Until the amount reached the double digits. Dani was becoming pretty familiar with the restaurants in town, much to her palate’s delight and her wallet’s chagrin.

A few were a little too quiet for her taste people. People she ended up befriending, but not dating. She wanted someone to help her fill her house with singing, talking and just general noise.

Some just had beliefs and habits that grated on her own. Things like not stopping completely at a stop sign, or asking excessively personal questions when she mentioned her last boyfriend was trans. Those people, she ghosted as soon as she got home.

Then there was that lady who was extremely forward and did not take no for an answer when Dani refused to kiss her good night. Danny had to jab her in the kidney before she got the message. Dani had a slight frame, but a mean left hook.

Thankfully, the friend who recommended Ms. Handsy was very ashamed and told Dani that her cousin had really only been up for the the woman anyway. Dani happily never saw her again.

On her thirteenth (“And last!”) date, Dani went out with a person named Ada. They were tall, and rounded in a way that told Dani that they really liked food, but enjoyed exercise too. They had spider bite piercings, catching the light under their smooth brown lips. Their dark eyes sparkled with mirth, accentuated by their eyelashes and facial tattoos, a skin tapestry of pride. Their hair and little mustache were black with cinnamon strands in the light, and straight as a pin. Overall, Ada was pretty cute.

“What’s something fun I can do when it’s hot out?” Dani asked after they made their introductions and ordered. “I’m enjoying catching up on my shows and books here – one of the first things I did was get a library card – but I am looking forward to the sun again.”

Ada giggled. “Yeah, I guess it’s a big change from New Jersey! It won’t even be warm enough to play in the snow for another month, basically.” They thought for a moment. “Well, we have a couple wailing festivals around the area – I am a champ at blanket-tossing.”

Dani didn’t know what that was exactly but nodded anyway.

“–And there’s sailing and hiking and – oh! Probably the biggest change is that we kind of become – what’s the word? You know, not diurnal or nocturnal but the other one?”

Dani nodded in her head. “Crep- crap- creps-”

“Crepsuc- crepus-”

“Crepuscular?”

“Crepuscular!” Ada hit their palm on the table. “Yes, that!” Suddenly embarrassed, they lowered their voice. “It doesn’t get disgustingly hot exactly. Our summers usually only hit the 60s, with only a few days much higher than that. Global warming, you know.” They rolled their eyes and Dani joined in. “But what does happen is that it gets so bright you could burn just like that!” They snapped their fingers.

Dani looked at their skin, a warm terra-cotta, darker than her own tawny. Both were slightly pallid from the lack of sun. “I don’t burn easy. It even affects you?”

“Oh yeah. So we all kind of exist during the sunrise and sunset. Even some jobs switch their shifts to those times.”

“Don’t they like, end quickly? You make it sound like sunset is a whole eight hours.”

They shrug. “It’s not eight hours, but it is a couple hours. If we were a few hours more north, the sun wouldn’t go down at all!”

Dani sat back. “Huh. I know the sun shows up differently around the world – I was even attracted to the darkness of your winter! – But I guess I didn’t really think about how it would balance with the rest of the year.”

Ada’s eyes gleamed. “Yes! And –”

The server returned with their food. For Ada, a mushroom burger with no cheese and lots of fries. And for Dani, French toast and a small salad with a vinaigrette.

“God, food is so expensive here!” Dani complained when the server walked out of the earshot. “Unless you’re getting fish – which for the record I do like – then it costs an arm and a leg!”

Ada shrugged. “Well, when the government heavily regulates our local food sources, and businesses don’t want to ship up here…” Her mouth twisted and she shrugged again. “We eat the shipping costs. But I’ve heard that the shipping lane up to Anchorage is getting more popular. Used to be, we’d get everything shipped from Vancouver or Seattle.”

Dani, who had grown up smack dab between New York City, Philadelphia and Baltimore on land colonized partly for its fertility, could only shrug back. She had always been in the center of food and shipping. “That sucks.”

“Yeah. But all this talk about food made me remember we were talking about things to do in the summer!”

“Oh?” Dani said, taking a bite of her French toast.

“I like to go on sunset picnics. Dawn’s are pretty too, obviously, but then the daytime hits and there’s hardly any chance to see the lights.”

“The aurora borealis?”

“Yeah. I, of course, have seen many,” they said smugly. “But I never get tired of them.” Ada took another bite of their burger. “I heard this year, 2024, is going to be especially pretty and strong. Magnet cycles or something.”

“I’ve always wanted to see one,” Dani admitted. “My cousin in New Zealand once saw the southern one – the australis, I think? And didn’t shut up about it for weeks.”

“Well, we’ll have to go and see some.” Ada smiled shyly.

Dani smiled back. “Sounds like a plan.”

They chatted as they ate, and Dani enjoyed herself so much that she suggested they stay for dessert.

“Best not,” Ada said, genuinely remorseful. “Looks like we’re due for another storm.” She pointed a thumb at the window.

“Oh snap! That reminds me. I have to go to Margie’s Materials before they close.” At Ada’s bemused look, she explained, “I’m making curtains. To block out the noise from the wind and I guess now to block out the summer sun.”

Ada nodded. “Yeah you’ll need them. Mention my name, she might knock off a dollar or two. We go way back.”

Dani beamed. “Thanks, Ada! Text me!”

She was still smiling as she paid her bill, picked up the material, and drove all the way home.

———

Of course, this was the one time that winter that the storm lasted for more than three days. On days Dani had to work, she woke up early, drove incredibly slow to work, hands gripped tight on the wheel, practically slid over the road, ice inches thick. Otherwise, she stayed at home, cursing at all the streaming services that were unavailable, and the frequent power outages. She did a lot of reading and sewing by candlelight and by the window. It was not the best thing for her eyes, but as a friend back home liked to say, boredom was the mind killer.

What she most enjoyed was texting with Ada, when the signals permitted. They were quite sweet and funny, and helped her create increasingly bizarre meals as her food supplies dwindled.

Dani

<<I swear my fridge was full just a few days ago. But I just don’t like driving out in this weather. And on a workday, by the time I get out, either the store is about to close or I’m so tired I just wanna go to bed!>>

Ada

<<I know what you mean lol. I live closer to my work than you do but further from Rottman’s. It sucks.>>

Dani

<<Yes! And really, they’re not that far! If it was warmer out, I’d walk>>

Ada

<<And I would walk 500 miles, and I would walk 500 more. To be the nb who walked a thousand miles to bring food to your door>>

Dani

<<😆❤️>>

Ada

<<Wait, actually do you live far? Maybe we can still have lunch together.>>

Dani‘s heart skipped the beat. Her maman did always say romance bloomed fast out in the country. She texted her address before she could lose her nerve.

Ada

<<Nice, I’m less than a five minute drive to your place. I’ll bring some home cooking. Lunch tomorrow sound good?>>

Dani

<<Omg you’re too amazing. Thank you!!! ❤️ >>

Casting her eyes around the house, Dani felt renewed vigor for her projects. “I have to show Ada my magnum opus when she gets here!”

Outside, a gust of wind blew especially hard, as if in an agreement.

———

Dani expected Ada around noon – but had yet to hang up her curtains.

A text came through.

Ada

<<Truck won’t start, I’ll be a little late.>>

Dani

<<No worries! I’ll put some candles at the window so you know which house is mine if it gets snowy again. My porch light is broken.>>

She started hanging the curtains all around the house, working double time. But as she was short and did not trust the chair she used a stepladder all that much, she was still very slow.

By the time the very last one was finished, her phone said it was 12:17.

Outside the wind started whipping again, and she neither saw a car coming up her street or anybody off-roaring in the snow planes and the low foot hills behind her house, encircling the ocean and bay.

Which meant she probably still had enough time to put all her candles out. Her family had always prized appearing perfectly ready for guests. Dani kept the habit up, because she enjoyed feeling organized. She drew away each curtain from the windows, and placed a candle on the sill. She missed summer, so she had all the more tropical scents out.

Just as she was sitting out her favorite piña colada candle, the wind cleared away from her eastern window, and she saw a large shape out back. Was that …

“Holy crap,” she breathed. “A polar bear!”

She knew they lived in the area, of course. As per her coworkers advice, she kept her trash in the garage and only set it out the morning before garbage trucks came by.

“They eat ANYTHING,” Barry emphasized. “Polar bears would be happy to eat your trash. Or,” he wiggled his fingers, “you!”

Dani had rolled her eyes at the time, but had listened, and was now glad for it.

The animal was huge – possibly 5 foot at the shoulder. And it was dragging something?

A thought struck her, and Dani’s blood turned ice. She hadn’t heard from Ada in a while, and they’ve been talking about, walking to her house just yesterday.

She grabbed her phone out of her pocket. No answer. Called Ada. No answer. Call Ada. No answer.

Her gut roiled as the beast got closer to the house. There was even something red in the trail following the bear.

She tried calling again, but her service went out. Desperately she typed out,

Dani

<<There’s a polar bear near my house! Please tell me you aren’t walking!>>

But just as she was about to hit send, the polar bear stopped right next to her window. She ducked around the window.

And suddenly there was no polar bear anymore. Instead, there stood Ada, adjusting their kuspuk, hat and mittens, shivering occasionally. And the thing behind her was a sled with a bundle on top. It was leaking red, but instead of blood, it was just a jam jar, fallen over and cracked open, dripping.

Dani could only gape.

Apparently satisfied with their looks, Ada pulled the sled a little further, out of her sight.

Oh God. Was she going to let them in? Maybe she had imagined it. But it was so cold! Plus, kuspuks were about as warm as sweatshirts – pretty good for weather over 40 degrees but nowhere near warm enough for a day like this. So something was definitely wrong. But she couldn’t just leave Ada out there! Even if she was a polar bear before, she certainly wasn’t one now.

Knock, knock, knock!

No time to hesitate now!

Swallowing down the rush of rmotion she weathered the last few minutes, Dani flew to the door. “Ada!” She plastered on a smile.

“Dani!” They answered back, their smile real, spider bite piercings glinting in the sun.

Dani’s heart skipped a beat.

And the wind smacked her in the face and invaded the house. “Come in, come in! Do you need help bringing the food in?”

“No,” Ada said, grabbing the sled one-armed. “I’m good.”

Dani’s heart fluttered again. That sled looked heavy. Still, she scooted around her tall date and grabbed the leaking jam jar. “Don’t want to spill in the house!” She tittered.

Ada covered their mouth with their other hand. “Oh, I didn’t even see that come. Dang it! That was my last jar of nagoonberry jam! Aata - my Dad - won’t share anymore of his.”

“Nagoonberry? And how did you get here? I don’t see a car.”

“My truck still won’t start, so a friend dropped me off down the street.

They hadn’t come in the direction of the street.

“Are you insane? It’s single digits out there!”

Ada shrugged asshe finished shaking off her snow pants - the last of her winter clothes to go. “Darling, maybe I’m just built different.”

Dani couldn’t help but laugh. In more ways than one! “Okay, so what did you bring me, muscles?”

Ada pulled a large basket out of a snugly wrapped blanket, which in turn had been wrapped in a tarp. “To keep the ice off, but the cool in,” they explained. The basket was woven tightly, wide and low, with a huge a huge lid, topped by a carved fish, probably made of ivory or bone.

“So, I hope you’re not too hungry, because I wanted to give you a little lesson before we eat.”

She nodded. “Are you gonna tell me about the nagoonberry?

Ada waved their hand. “All good time.” They pulled two Tupperware containers and stuck them in the freezer. “For later.” Finally, they opened up the basket, and began laying out the food.

“So I was mostly raised up in Utqiagvik, with my aakaga, my mom, until I was about 14-ish. My parents divorced when I was little. I’d see Aata in the summers and sometimes winter break if the weather was mild. Then mom’s writing career finally took off – remind me to bring a couple copies over sometime – and she had to go on a tour. So I moved in with Aata!”

“Let me guess – that’s when you started being interested in making food?”

“You bet! I mean, I knew how to heat up a pizza or make cookie dough. But Dad’s budget was a little tighter, and he’s a lot more connected to his people, so… yeah. Aaka and I are Iñupiak – that’s the dual form of Iñupiat, which is –”

“I know what a dual form ⁂ is!” Dani said excitedly.

Ada lifted their eyes brows, but continued. “Fair enough! Well, Aaka was not very traditional when I was growing up. She had to attend a lot of church as a kid, and she spent a lot more time with her father’s family than her mother’s. I think she was still sorting herself out from that, you know? But anyway, Dad is very Yup’ik. Not dual form for that, by the way,” they flashed a smile. “The plural is just Yup’ik, we don’t really conjugate it anymore.”

“Is this going to be Yup’ik food?”

“You bet! You say you like sushi –”

“Oh yeah,” Dani confirmed, eyes gleaming.

Ada chuckled. “Well, then you’re definitely going to like this. More protein, less filler, all local.” They pulled off the lid. “You seem to tend towards sweet-and-sour foods more than anything, and you mentioned wanting to eat more protein.” They smiled shyly. “So I took that into account. I’m going to introduce you to qassaq.”

Once again, Dani was speechless. Both because she was touched and in awe of the gesture, and because she didn’t know what that meant.

Ada must’ve seen her her face, because they started grabbing dishes out of the basket. “Okay! So this is not the most comprehensive introduction to Yup’ik cuisine, and I did end up going to the grocery store for some ingredients, but I figured we could ease into it.”

“This,” they held up a small casserole dish. “Is modern assaliaq. It’s a fried fish casserole with mostly bulb and root type veggies. That’ll be our main course. I’m going to heat it up in your oven, if you don’t mind.”

Dani shook her head and took the assaliaq, mouth dry. All this, for a second date? “How hot?”

Ada told her, then continued “This, if you dare,” they smirked. “is ciss’uq. Much more traditional, and a bit of a delicacy.”

Dani sniffed. Even wrapped up, its scent was strong and inviting. “What is it?”

“It’s fermented herring. Pulled it out right before I found out my truck wouldn’t start.”

“It definitely smells sweet!”

“If you enjoy this, then I think you’ll really like Tepa. But, that’s more of a summer food, remind me to show you later.” They moved on. “This is tepcuaraq, which is fermented frozen salmon. We can dip in some seal oil!” They set the container aside, with a little tureen on top. “And finally … drumroll, please!”

Dani happily obliged, giggling.

“Ice cream! Just in case you do want dessert. I wasn’t sure what you’d like, so I bought Neapolitan.” They grinned, a little sheepish.

After a moment, all Dani could say was, “I am blown away. You made all of this?” She gestured all around the kitchen as she put the ice cream in the freezer.

Ada smiled, still bashful “I really enjoyed talking with you, Dani.”

“I feel so unprepared!” Dani joked. “But I really like talking to you too.” She felt the blood rush to her face. ��I hope you aren’t expecting to go home with leftovers, because I really want to try everything!”

———

Dani wasn’t sure if she’d ever eaten so much in her life. “You eat like this every day?” She asked, dipping another filet into the nearly gone seal oil. Another bite couldn’t hurt.

“I mean, not usually when I’m working. The counseling center is great, but I don’t normally pack a ton just for one meal. I’m a snacker, so I make a bunch of little stuff on the weekends and eat it throughout the day. But you can’t snack all day for a date!”

“How is that? By the way, don’t you guys counsel like, everyone from miles around? That must get a little bit conflict of interest-y with everyone being so tight around here.”

Ada shrugged. “I mean, I like helping people. Especially kids. On Thursday and Fridays the Center sends me to both of the schools to check up more personally, in case parents don’t want to bring them in.” They shook their head. “It’s like no one remembers how tough it is to be a kid sometimes.”

“I know!” Dani fumed. “Back home, a little girl was brought in after burned her foot when she put it on the stove top.” Both winced. “Not only were the parents careless, but they didn’t understand why she nearly screamed herself blue! It was the most painful thing that little baby had ever felt. It’s like they forgot everything is new.”

“Exactly.” Ada nodded.

Dani couldn’t stop smiling. A pretty date, good food, and excellent conversation. She didn’t want this to end. “Do you wanna watch something?”

“Sure! Have you seen Dungeon Meshi?”

Dani shook her head. “Isn’t that on Netflix? I think my friend just started.”

“Let’s watch that! I think it features cooking and fighting.”

Laughing, Dani grabbed two bowls and two spoons. “Everything is food with you, huh?” She grabbed the ice cream and a scoop. She could probably fit in dessert. “So why aren’t you a cook?”

Ada laughed too. “I tried for a year! But I like to take my time while cooking. I just couldn’t keep up at any of the restaurants. So I eventually got my psych degree.”

“Yeah, the restaurant business is tough. I do not miss being a waitress.” Dani handed Ada their half of the ice cream, with most of the chocolate and some of the strawberry. Dani took most of the vanilla nd the rest of the strawberry. “Hey, doesn’t Alaska have its own type of ice cream or something?”

Ada nodded as she pulled up the show. “Mhm. We call it akutuq, Inuit or Alaskan ice cream. It’s kinda like this?” She held up her bowl. “In that it’s a cold mix of sweet and fat. You have to try it. But I used up all my berries, so you’re not getting any soon. Though Lou still owes me – wait. I doubt xe has any either. Ugh.”

“Another summer treat?

“We’ll have to see,” Ada shrugged. “Oh well. You ready to watch?”

———

By the time the two had reached the second to last of the episodes released - they kept one-moreing it straight through episode six - it was quite dark.

“Let me give you a ride home,” Dani said. “I can’t believe I didn’t think of it earlier.”

Ada snorted. “You’re silly. But yeah, I’d be happy to save the trip.”

Dani dashed out to start the car, and they finished episode seven.

After both had finished redressing - for if the trucks heat suddenly failed, they did not wish to be cold – Dani drove her home. The sky was briefly clear, and they could see the moon setting on the sea.

It looked like a fairly normal home, even with an absolutely true part-time† polar bear living there. Dani did not see any polar bear paraphernalia. Not even a Welcome mat with paw prints in the pattern. She shrugged mentally and and gave Ada a kiss on the cheek.

Judging from their bashful reaction, they really liked it. With a wave goodbye and a “Text you later!” They grabbed the sled from her truck bed and rushed in the door, narrowly avoiding a particular vicious torrent of wind.

Dani played some instrumental music on the slow ride back, truck occasionally rocking and sliding against the onslaught of wind and ice. She hummed along, in between growls of frustration.

It had been kind of stupid to invite someone new over her own house, when emergency services could take a while to respond, for a second date. It had been monumentally stupid to invite a known anthropophagous bear into her house.

But God, Ada was cute. Dani was surprised they hadn’t kissed during their long date. Had it really been six hours? Dani had trouble enjoying that amount of time with any of her previous partners – and she had been thinking about marrying her ex-boyfriend!

Ada was witty, and sweet, and quite cuddly. And God, could they cook! The food they made was delicious, and made Dani feel brave and adventurous. Their shoulders were to die for, and Dani didn’t think she had felt that warm since last summer.

She shook her head. “I’ve got it bad.”

And what did this mean magically? Were all the things her grandparents worried about real? Was the Evil Eye real? Should she start wearing a cross? Was God real?

Then Ada popped up in her head again, and her worries melted away at thought of her cute date. Dani’s existential crises could wait until she got home.

———

Both Ada and Dani were busy with work, but they made time to see each other at least every Saturday – often extending all the way into Sunday.

Spring was slow to come, but as the weather warmed from ‘Immediate frostbite’ to only ‘You really just need one pair of mittens to go outside’ Ada delighted in showing off the beauty of town in the spring time. They walked around Swan Lake, pointing out the animals’ coats shifting to summer morphs, and the occasional bits of green fighting their way to the surface. They worked out together most days, and Ada would often fill Dani’s fridge up with food, but especially qassaq.

The sunlight increased every day and Dani loved it. She missed the easier weather back home, the earlier flowers, and the perfect days of May, but Dani was enjoying her break from home far more. It was worth it.

Dani’s hair, which she usually kept straightened, was starting to get on her nerves. The static electricity from the cold certainly did not help.

Dani

<<Ugh, I wish I had remembered to bring the good straightening stuff. I bet it will cost me an arm and a leg to get it shipped up here.>>

Ada

<<Darling>>

<<We do have hairstylists>>

Dani Scoffed.

Dani

<<Babe. No offense, but your hair is straight>>

Ada

<<Darling>>

Ada liked to double text for affect.

Ada

<<Where do you think my cousin Kayla and her mom got their hair done?>>

Dani had met their cousin when she came to visit Ada’s dad, Greg, for the first time. Delighted to finally meet her, Greg celebrated by cooking a little feast. The three stuffed themselves full of qageq, cuakapaq and tamukassaaq, which they ate like if chips were chewy.

While they played Sorry!, relatives stopped by to chat. They would then see Dani, and then the little chat would last at least half an hour while they introduced themselves and told at least one embarrassing story about Ada.

Dani quite enjoyed it, though by the end, she was a little exhausted. It was the first time she’d been on the other end of the dynamic.

One of the other relatives, a very old man, had referred to Ada by a different name a few times, but his son, who’d been with him, smiled apologetically. “He gets confused sometimes.”

Kayla had been the adorable daughter of Cousin James and his wife Kendra. She and her mom had most definitely not had she and her maman most definitely did not have hair as straight as a pin. In fact, Kendra had tried to talk to Dani about her hair, but then Greg’s cat Hobbes had knocked her glass off the table. By the time everything had been cleaned, the little family had to go because it was a school night.

Dani

<<All right, I’ll bite>>

A little part of her wanted to ask if this is where they got their fur done as a polar bear.

Ada

<<Guys & Gals Inc.>>

Dani checked out the next day, and was pleasantly surprised at their work. For the first time in over 15 years, she let herself be talked into a natural hairstyle, instead of straightening it. Maybe all that talk about reconnecting from Ada had gotten to her.

Sabrina, her stylist, was mixed Yup’ik and Black, and very chatty but in a welcoming way. “So why did you straighten it for so long?” She said, working on another bead. “It seems like you took care of it, I don’t see too much damage, but that’s a long time!”

Dani considered the question for good moment. “My hometown, back in New Jersey, was almost perfectly half and half black andwhite when I was growing up. It’s a little different now, but there’s pretty much the same ratio between black-and-white.”

Sabrina was nodding.

“But my family is from Dominica – NOT the Dominican Republic – so we were pretty different from the other black folk already there. My parents have accent, we eat goats and organ meat, and with my Papa away for work a lot, no one could drive us kids around. I just wanted to be,” Dani tried to find a better word. “Normal.” She winced.

“So you hung out with more white kids?

“Yes. Jordan – my brother – didn’t really care, but I did. And to be normal –”

“You have to be like everyone on TV, AKA, mostly white people.”

Dani felt small. “Yes. After a while, it just became habit. And my maman’s half Kalinago❧ , so her hair is just wavy.” She sighed. “When she had to learn how to deal with all this,” Dani gestured to her own hair, “she had quite a lot to say.”

Sabrina chuckled. “Sounds like your mom should have thought of that when she married your dad. Because you have beautiful, definitely curly, 4A hair.” Sabrina squeezed her hand comfortingly on Dani shoulder, “In any case, hon, better late than never. Look at yourself!”

Dani looked up, and gasped.

She hadn’t been sure if she’d been able to pull off the hairstyle as an adult, but she had wanted it all the same. Her scalp had always been sensitive, and she avoided tight braids when she could.

Instead, she had opted for long twists, stabilized by beads of bone and baleen, the latter of which had a stripe of golden paint in the middle of each bead.

She felt gorgeous. Even if she never wore her hair like this again, she knew she treasure the beads forever.

Dani was still feeling gorgeous by the time she got home. But she was also exhausted.

Staying still for several hours with genuinely hard work! Ada had been knocked out all weekend when she got her hand kakiniit done. She flopped onto the couch after lighting a candle. She looked at the time on her phone. It was three hours until six… That meant she could have an hour to snooze, an hour to cook, and then she should be ready! Dani set an alarm on her phone. A little nap wouldn’t hurt.

———

Dani was at a restaurant, alone. She kept ordering qassaq and quaq dishes, but the polar bear waiter kept bringing foods that were further and further away from what she was ordering. From sashimi to grilled chicken and on and on, until the waiter lifted the lid to her plate, and it was a lettuce leaf vegan burrito.

In between all that, the polar bear brought up a ringing telephone, set it down, and left it on the table.

She would pick up, or immediately hang it up, but after what felt like mere moments would pass, it would ring again. In exasperation, she picked it up and threw it away. There was a crash, but finally the ringing was far enough away that it stopped bothering her.

“Dani!” Someone in the restaurant called. “Dani! Wake up!”

Dani whirled around, but couldn’t seem to locate the voice.

CRASH!

With the start, Dani woke up to see her candle on the floor, burning, her door was off its hinges, her phone was still ringing on the other side of the room, and for half a second a polar bear stood at her doorstep.

Then a flash, and it was Ada.

The fire caught onto Dani’s sock. She ripped it off, and beat the blaze on the floor with it.

When she looked up again, sock and floor out but still smoking, Ada was running over with a pot of water from the kitchen. She dumped it onto the smoky mess.

Heart beating wildly, Dani caught their eye. And started giggling.

Ada tried to keep their face straight, but soon started giggling with her, both falling back onto the couch and relief and the stupidity of it all.

“I can reattach - hehe – the hinges,” Ada said, after they mostly finish laughing. “Are you okay?”

Dani was not done laughing. “Just – hmheehm – Bam! And you’re there,” she kissed Ada, then giggled a bit more. “My hero!”

Blood rushed to Ada’s face. “Yeah, yeah. Your hair looks pretty, by the way. The beads are a nice touch.”

“Heehmhm – you just like them because your cousin carved them.”

“How did you know Josie makes beads?”

“Well, the little stand at the hairstylist had a blurb about her, and from there it was a lucky guess. You have a lot of cousins.”

Ada smiled. “You got me there.” Their face turned serious for a second. “Actually, I’ve been meaning to talk to you about something.”

“Oh?” Dani’s heart raced. Did Ada realize that she had seen her as a polar bear today? Could they both finally come clean?

Ada took a shuddering breath. “Yeah, so, I’ve been thinking, and… I’m going to change my pronouns.” Dani’s trepidation fell, but then turned to excitement. “Awesome! What are you thinking? Neo pronouns? I played fae/faer in college. Or xe/xir? My friend uses those. Or –”

Ada looked a little overwhelmed. “No, no. I was just thinking she/her. Like, I’m going to try both they/them and she/her for a while.”

Dani hugged her. “Thanks for telling me. I have a question for you too.” She had actually been planning on asking this at dinner, but now felt right.

“Oh?” Ada said, slightly mocking.

“Yeah, oh. Listen, do you want to be my themfriend?”

Ada kissed Dani. “Hell yeah.” Then her stomach rumbled. “I’m guessing you didn’t make dinner?” Her stomach rumbled again. “Because I’m starving.”

“Yeah, next time I say I’m cooking, I won’t get my hair done first. How about I pick up Chinese, and you get my door. Thank you, by the way.”

Ada waved her off. “It was no problem. Now go get me some General Tso’s!” They got up to get the tools from underneath Dani’s sink.

“As you wish.”

———

“Darling?”

“Hm?”

“There’s a festival up in Utqiagvik, where my aakaga, my mom lives. Do you want to go?”

“Sure! I’d love to hear more embarrassing stories about you. I’m sure your aaka has tons.”

“Ugh, why do I love you?”

“Because I’m cute. Now hand me some of that arumaarrluk.

———

It had just been getting into light jacket weather in Qikiqtaġruk when it was time to fly up to Utqiagvik.

“It’s the northernmost spot of the Unethical Spoils of America!” Ada grinned while Dani worked that one out.

“Oh, USA. Okay, good one. Why are you bringing that up while I am packing, my thrilling themfriend?”

“Because, my striking sweetheart, it will not be warm enough to wear your pantsuit.” She said, pointing out the pantsuit Dani had laid out.

“Don’t you mean my PAN-tsuit?” Dani grinned briefly as Ada groaned. “And for real?”

“I mean, pack it if you want? Global warming and stuff, I could be wrong, but whenever I go there, it’s still pretty chilly. But suits look weird layered, my pretty panwoman.”

“I think I will, my lovely lesbian.” Dani stuck out her tongue, and Ada pretended to grab it. She shrieked and tackled her girlfriend to the floor, both laughing.

———

Utqiagvik, or Barrow as some of the older people said out of habit, still had snow. Dani wondered briefly if Ada’s polar bear form missed it, but she did not ask.

She loved Ada, but knowing the secret – and knowing that Ada was both keeping it from her and didn’t want Dani to know – was eating her up inside. And she was determined to have a good time – and if the opportunity arose, and the time felt right? Then she’d bring it up!

After an exhausting few flights – they had to fly south to Anchorage to catch a flight to Utqiagvik – Dani was ready to fall asleep. She was still adjusting to incredibly long days, and the solstice had just passed.

Thankfully, Ada’s mom Barbara was waiting for them at the airport. She gave her child a hug and a kunik∵ , and then turned to Dani. “You must be the girlfriend I’ve been hearing so much about!” She opened her arms once more.

Dani hugged the woman back. “Hi Ms. Stevens! I just finished reading book 6, and I’m itching to find a copy of next one! Ada doesn’t want to give me hers!”

Ada squawked in indignation. “Aaka, that’s not true! I los– I mean, I lent it out to someone else. I’m sure … Barry will give it back soon!”

Ada‘s mom rolled her eyes. “Please dear, call me Barbara. And I have extra copies to give you both so that Ada can ‘lend’ out a few more.” She winked.

“Aaka!” Ada whined.

———

Somehow, it was even brighter in Utqiagvik, then Qikiqtaġruk, despite the extra fog. But that didn’t stop the whaling festival, Nalukataq.

A lot of the butchering was already done, so the whales were fresh and ready to eat, and people were clearing out their freezers for any bit of last year’s catch.

Since everyone there was a fan of snacking all day, Dani was soon stuffed. As a newcomer, the whale guts and flippers were offered, and then there was the coffee and the goose and the caribou soups. And of course, the frybread! It was a delicious medley.

Ada happily introduced her to her maternal family, and friends from before she moved. They ran into many of them, because virtually the whole city had turned out for the festival.

There were so many vendors selling beautiful combs, baskets, parkas, kuspuks, embroidered boots, and so many other beautiful things. Dani ended up buying a basket for herself (topped by a polar bear), an arctic fox carving, and a baby blanket embroidered and lined with rabbit fur. It was ridiculously soft and fluffy.

Her friend Annika, who she was going to see on her trip back to New Jersey the following month, was due August, and she figured it made for a great baby gift.

Barbara winked when she saw the baby blanket, and Dani tried to explain herself, but Barbara just poked her in the side. “Come on, dear. You should see Ada at the blanket toss. It’s what the festival was named for, after all!”

The activity so far had been fun, but more expected, like prayer at the church, singing, storytelling, there would be dancing later, and the distribution of meat between family. Ada’s cousin Malik had done the majority of the hunting this year, but Ada promised to come help in 2025.

The songs were lovely, but sounded off to Dani, who been hearing a lot of Yup’ik the last couple months.

“Yes, it’s like Spanish and Portuguese, or so I’m told,” said Barbara, as they strolled over to the blanket toss. “Yup’ik and Iñupiaq. They’re fairly different, despite being relatively close. I couldn’t understand Greg when he slipped into Yup’ik, I’ll tell you what!” She chortled.

“Do you miss having Ada up here?” Dani asked quietly. Being around Barbara reminded her of her maman.

“Of course. But they’re happy in Qikiqtaġruk, and I’m happy here, and they come visit very fairly often. If they,” here she raised her eyebrows meaningfully, “ ever were to have kids, I would of course expect to have quality grandma time. But seeing as all involved are adults, we all do as we wish.”

To cover up for her blush, Dani laughed. “You should meet my maman, I’m sure you two would have fun, bugging about grandkids.”

The two arrived at the blanket toss. A huge blanket, mapkuq, sewn together out of walrus and seal hide, lay stretched between ginormous whalebone stands, with a host of people surrounding the edges.

“Okay, Dani, I have to help out now –” she nodded over to the tarp, where a few spots around could still be seen – “But why don’t you climb up on my truck! That way you can see my girl best.”

Dani, excited because she still wasn’t quite sure what to expect – she hadn’t spoiled herself at all – clambered up the red truck and situated herself upon the roof.

First came the captains. All but the oldest, who held a cane, got up on the mapkuq, and took their turn.

One, two, three bounces, and then four! The naluaqtit, the pullers, would pull the mapkuq taut, and up would go the captains.

Being generally older and serious, they would perform as straightforward a jump as possible, with minimal kicking, but by the end, even the most of dour of the nalukatat, blanket dancers, would land back upon the mapkuq, slightly winded, but grinning despite themselves.

Non-pullers were gathered around the mapkuq, which worried Dani somewhat. What if someone fell on them?

After the captains were the wives. “In old times,” Dani heard a nearby father tell the little boy sitting on his shoulders, “They used to toss baleen and tobacco, and other such treats, to show their competency as providers. But today they throw –“

“Candy!” Squealed the little boy, leaning past his father’s head as he reached for the tossed candy. The father, nearly bowled over by his son’s excitement, chuckled and gently warned the boy to be careful.

To Dani’s relief, the boy obeyed, and the two moved closer to the candy rain.

The last of the wives, who seemed young and athletic, hopped up on the map with clear excitement bubbling under her skin. She held a bag of candy, but unlike her predecessors, seemed to have something more in mind.

The young woman whispered to the leading naluaqtiq. He nodded, and then the woman went to the center of the blanket.

This time, the naluaqtit seemed to lift the mapkuq with an extra heave, and on that final bounce, the young woman went sailing into the sky.

She twirled the bag of candy by its bottom, high above her head and whooped, much to the delight of the entire crowd, Dani included. The candy went far and wide. Then she when she landed, the naluaqtit sent her up again! This time, she did a backflip and landed in a curtsy. Everyone cheered. From their reaction, it appeared the captains’ wives usually did not do such things.

Next step was apparently amateurs. Three separate people accidentally bounced off the mapkuq and into the crowd – who caught them quite readily. Dani realized they were so close so they could catch any accidental crowd surfers. The mapkuq was held on hard ground, so that the naluaqtit could hold it steady. Which meant a terrible landing for any who weren’t caught. Dani was just glad she didn’t have to rush into action.

Someone called for any new volunteers, and Dani thought about it, but ultimately held off. Between her full stomach, and the fact that she didn’t know many people, she felt it would be best to hold off. Maybe next year.

Next year? A small part of her whispered.

Shut up, a larger part whispered back.

Finally, she spotted her themfriend and cheered.

They strode up to the mapkuq confidently, with a few wolf whistles and whoops in their wake.

“Ada!”

“Ayo! It’s the champion!”

“We missed you at the Olympics!”

Ada smirked and shrugged off their attention.

The crowd stood at the ready.

The blanket bounced one, two, three times. She went up. A simple jump. Then to Dani’s awe, they flipped not once – not twice — but thrice.

They were spinning, so tight that it was like Dani was looking at a ball.

Only their braids, whose fur wrappings were coming loose, flew freely as they soared higher, higher, higher – nearly skimming the clouds it seemed – and then hurtled down.

Dani‘s breath caught in her throat her girlfriend approached the mapkuq. Would she fall, just like that?

Then the last second, her legs shot out, the mapkuq arose to meet her feet and up she went again. Two barrel rolls, a backflip, and on the last flip, Ada unfolded herself a little early and landed like a surfer. She lifted her arms and whooped.

The city went wild. Dani went wild. She launched herself off the truck and flew over, grasping Ada’s face and kissing her in front of the roaring crowd.

She had the coolest girlfriend in the world.

———

Barbara was incredibly proud of her child, and was bragging all the way back to her place after the day’s festivities ended. She stopped to breathe for a second, and Ada was about to get a word in edgewise, when Barbara turned to Dani, who was riding shotgun.

“Ada is great at all sort of sports. They must’ve been practicing quite a lot at your little gym – the Lord knows no one’s pulled that level of a trick for a while.”

“Aaka,” Ada pleaded, blushing.

———

“So you were in the Winter Olympics and you never told me?” Dani poked Ada in the side. They were walking at dusk, the cool air blowing off the water just this side of kuspuk, not coat.

Ada laughed. “It’s not the Olympics you’re thinking of, I’m surprised I forgot to tell you.” A pause, then, “I won third place in the 400 m dash in the Summer 2016 Olympics.”

“Really?!”

“No, no,” They said, and laughed. And then yelled when Dani poked them in the side once more. “Okay, okay! I used to do some jumps in the World Eskimo – Indian Olympics, the WEIO¤, in Fairbanks. I went for the first time with my dad, competed two years later. I didn’t go during Covid, and between this trip and then the trip to NJ,” they squeezed her hand, “which I’m very excited about – I haven’t been able to go to one in a while. But maybe we can go, next year!”

There was that dreaded phrase again. Next year.

Dani swallowed around the lump in her throat. “Was that the only kind of jump? The nalukataq?”

“Nope. But I mostly did stuff like the tow jump or the knuckle jump. I’d show you, but one requires a little set up and the other would hurt on the concrete.”

“I’ve never done anything like that.” Dani confessed after a moment. Then, “But I used to be point guard on my middle school basketball team. We should totally play some on one when we get to find a court! After you show me these jumps, of course.”

Ada squeezed her hand. “It’s a date.”

Fog started rolling towards their path, so both turned tail to head back to Barbara’s.

“Oh, is that a … rainbow, or something?” Dani pointed to a ring of light that encircled the setting sun. It appeared white, but the more she stared at it, the more pink and blue appeared at the edges.

“Oh!” Cried Ada, pleased “A fogbow! I haven’t seen one in ages! I think Qikiqtaġruk is too far south for any.”

“That’s neat! Back in NJ, I saw a triple rainbow once. But never anything like this! It kinda looks like a trans flag. Happy pride month to us!”

Both giggled, and then a harsh gust of wind swept away both the fog and any desire to stay outside. They hurried in.

Barbara was clacking quite loudly at her keyboard when Dani and Ada walked in – it no longer threatened to fall off her desk, thanks to Dani bolting it to said desk – but it still rattled. The woman pulled off her headphones and said, “There’s leftover assaliaq in the fridge, tepa if you want something sweet.” She put her headphones back on and returned to her clacking.

Dani rushed over to the kitchen. “Tepa? Isn’t that the sweet-and-sour stuff you wanted me to try?”

Ada actually wiggled to fingers. “Yes, oh my God. This is going to be good. I knew putting off fishing was a good idea!”

Tepa was a great way to end a great day. It was less sour than Dani expected, and she would happily admit to stealing some heads off of Ada’s plate. That got her an evil glare, but she just stuck at her tongue.

Ada put down her fork. “Hey, do you want me to show you another Olympics activity?” Her tone was innocent. Too innocent.

Despite herself, Dani aquiesced.

They sat upon the floor, and Ada showed her how to arrange herself.

With their right leg bent with her knee up, foot on the floor, and their left leg outstretched, toes of the sky, Ada folded themself around Dani, so that their left leg stretched under the arch of her right, and right foot by her hip. One mirrored the other. Ada and Dani put their left hands on each other’s right ankles, holding one another down. “Then, we cross our right arms, like this, and we pull away from each other.”

“No fair, you’re bigger than me!” Dani stuck her tongue out again. “You’ll push me to the ground.”

“Well, darling,” Ada purred, and leaned in even closer. “I could be mistaken, Ms. Basketball-Star, but I think you go to the gym more than I.” They pulled back, laughter in their eyes. “And besides, you win by pulling your opponent towards you. Whoever gets to hit the floor first, etc.”

Dani saw where this was going. She darted forward and picked Ada on the lips before they could say more. Then before the shock could wear off, she pulled them both down. “I win.”

Ada licked their lips. “You most certainly did,” they said after a breathless moment.

“Is this actually a sport, or is it just your special move to get all the girls?”

Ada rolled her eyes and kissed Dani back. “Oh no,” she deadpanned, “you found out my deep, dark secret. My armpull skills bring ALL the girls to the yard, and you’re just the latest in a slew of broken hearts.”

Dani had to laugh at that. Ada was NOT that smooth. “Well babe, I have to say, your reasoning and methods are solid. When am I getting replaced?”

Ada pretended to think for a moment before kissing her again. “Hm, I’m thinking this time next never. Sound good to you?”

“Do I have a choice?” Dani tugged on a strand of Ada’s hair.

“Nope. Suffer.”

That earned them another giggly kiss. “Love you, darling.”

“Love you too, babe. Bon swé.”

———

Something was off. Dani woke up in the middle of the night, alone in bed, dawn rising in the distance. She got up to look for Ada (and maybe grab a little tepa - the snacking lifestyle was rubbing off on her) when she heard voices just outside the lee-side living room window, accompanied by the flickering glow of a candle.

“I just don’t think it is a good idea. She’s a lovely girl, I really do like her, but you barely know her! Give it time.” That was Barbara’s voice.

“But Aaka, I think she get it, you know? She’s even Indigenous herself, I don’t think she’d reveal anything personal. She knows what it’s like to feel different in your own home. Even if we,” Ada’s voice went quiet, “broke up. Or something. She knows what it’s like to be ostracized for things you can’t control. She would not tell!”

“Maybe. Maybe not. But it’s not like she’s planning on staying. You have to protect your heart, Ada.”

The hurt silence was only interrupted by the low moan of wind on the other side of the house.

They must’ve switched to Iñupiaq after that, because Dani couldn’t catch anything more. She could’ve sworn she heard nanuq a couple times – she knew that to mean polar bear - but that was about it. Her heart became more and more numb, crouching under the window sill.

Only when she heard a growl did Dani wake up from her miserable trance. She peeked and yes. Ada was a polar bear again.

She heard the sound of footsteps towards the door. Dani flew to their bedroom, and threw herself under the covers.

Of course. Of course, she could not be told. She was just another outsider, a stranger. How could she be anything more?

———

When Dani woke up, Ada still wasn’t back.

“Oh, she just went fishing with her cousins!” said Barbara cheerily. “You know how early dawn is around here! Maybe we can all have some barbecue when they get back. Then I’ll take you up to the airport.”

Dani nodded, too morose to say much.

Ada did, in fact, bring back some fish, and they fried it up in some seal oil.

Dani tried to muster up her usual enthusiasm, and the food was delicious, but she just felt heavy.

“Are you okay, darling?” Ada asked, after Dani sighed for the third time.

Caught, she spluttered, “Oh! No. Just thinking about something, you know how it is after the adrenaline crashes!” A half truth was better than a lie, right?

“If you’re sure.”

———

Things were a little colder between them after that.

Sure, they still ate together, worked out together, and enjoyed each other‘s company. But how could she open up to Ada if Ada was not open to her? And why should Ada open up to her if she wasn’t staying? Did she want to stay?

Dani kept promising herself she would talk to someone about it. She was putting up walls and shutting Ada out – and she hated to see that hurt look flash cross their face. Dani hated hurting them. Dani loved them. But would she stay for them?

Her maman needed her. And it wasn’t fair to expect Jordan to step up all the time. Was she a bad daughter if she likes keeping away from her maman? Was that the reason enough to stay?

Was she just using Ada as an escape?

All that roiled in Dani’s gut as they flew across North America.

They caught a flight to Anchorage, to Portland, to Minneapolis, to DC, irritatingly down to Atlanta, and then finally to Newark, where Jordan picked them up. The cheapest flight plan wasn’t always the best flight plan.

Ada, who hadn’t been out of the state since college (partly due to Covid) basically had her face pressed to the window the entire time, especially when they crossed over the desert.

Dani had to laugh. Maybe next time they could stop in Las Vegas. If there was a next time. Dani did not have to laugh anymore.

To her surprise, Jordan looked older. More mature. They texted and called occasionally when she was in Alaska, but Dani had not realized how much he had become an adult. And it didn’t look like a weight on him.

She hugged him, long and hard. “I missed you! She cried. “I swear, you weren’t this tall when I left you.”

Being a whole 2 inches taller than his older sister and proud of it, Jordan gave her a noogie.

“Hey, not the hair!”

Jordan turned to Ada. “Hey,” he said, holding out a hand.

Ada reached to shake it, but Jordan withdrew his at the last second, sweeping it over his cornrows and lifting his left hand to cup his chin and smirk.

Okay, maybe he had not matured that much.

“You won’t help with the bags?” Jordan said, already grabbing two bags and hauling them towards his backseat.

It was a tight fit in the two hours it took to get back to Cottington.

Being laconic over the phone, but verbose in person, Jordan filled her in on all the family drama that their maman had forgotten to share.

“What do you MEAN, Sienna got into Princeton?! Is that why she’s ghosting me? Too good for the likes of a Rowan girl?”

Jordan sucked his teeth. “Man. I don’t know. She hasn’t been returning my calls or texts either.”

They all laughed at that.

“This is it!” Dani exclaimed as Jordan pulled in front of the house. “Let’s hit the hay, I am beat.” She grabbed both suitcases beside her, excitement beating exhaustion.

The door was unlocked, so she burst into the house. As per usual, her maman was in her armchair. But to Dani’s surprise, she actually got up. “Dah-nee-el-la!” The woman opened her arms wide. “Oh mon fille, you’re home!”

“Maman!” Dani could believe help could not help but get a little teary.

They hugged.

Maman let go first. “Now where is she? That Ada girl? Oh!” She dropped Dani like she was yesterday‘s news. “Oh, you must be Ada. You look so strong, so pretty. Though the silver bits in your mouth –” she plucked at one of them, causing Ada to yelp. Mama and sucked her teeth. “Well, nobody’s perfect. Still!” She turned back to Dani. “You’ll make even more money.”

Ada looked at Dani wide-eyed over Maman’s head – all were short, but her maman was by far the shortest – and Dani shook her head and rolled her eyes. Ada winked in understanding and went back to surviving the woman’s chatter. Her stomach rumbled audibly.

“Oh yes, and you must be starving! Tell me, do you like hot food? Dani only likes it mild, she must’ve gotten that from her father –” Maman lead them all to the kitchen, whereupon a small feast laid.

“I just thought the island food was like. Fresh fruit and pork. Maybe some fish.” Ada whispered to Dani, eyes wide, and nose at work.

Dani giggled. “Not Dominican food, babe.” She grabbed an accra. “Try this first. I told my maman you were a foodie.”

Maman had brought out the good stuff. She was a great cook, but rarely did she pull out all the stops. She must have caught a train to Philadelphia to get the ingredients this fresh, this flavorful - this Dominican.

There were grilled breadfruit strips, fried in coconut oil, accra to the side – ready to be eaten with the fish and sweet and spicy goat stew, and of course, the crêpes.

“Crêpes are more of a breakfast food, said Jordan in between stuffing his face. “But they’re Dani and Maman’s favorite, so she made them for dinner. She really pulled out all the stops with this one!”

“Yeah, we don’t usually have this much meat.” Dani said, daintily wiping her mouth with a napkin.

“But when my Dani comes home after being gone for so long –”

Dani could feel THAT little needle.

“- and she brings home such a pretty girl, I wanted to spoil her.” Maman grabbed both Dani and Jordan’s cheeks. “Not that they aren’t spoiled enough.”

“Maman!” The sibling said in unison.

Ada, who could not get enough of, well, anything, nodded politely, mouth quite full. Her eyes were watering, but Dani could see the excitement there too. Finally, she swallowed. “I must say, Ms. Romain, youre cooking is inspiring. Would you mind sharing the recipes with me?”

“Please, call me Patience.” Maman grabbed Dani‘s arm. “You better keep this one. Mon Dieu, she could make up for your lack of charm!”

Dani flushed angrily, but did not say anything, as did Ada. Her maman was a master at blending a compliment with an insult.

———

How could she keep Ada?

———

They went to Great Adventure. They went to New York City and saw The Wiz. They went out with her friends and cousins. They visited a friend’s petting zoo farm. All these things.

Dani enjoyed herself. She could tell Ada was having a blast.

But every night, Dani’s dreams, when she got to see them at all, were plagued with questions. How could she be with someone if they couldn’t be honest with each other? If they couldn’t be themselves with with each other? How could she love them this much and not be sure if she could stay? If she could leave her maman, forever?

Maman had been high energy that first night, but her chronic pain made itself quite known during the following week. Every day, after all their activities (With the exception of their day in NYC. Her papa was home that evening and he brought pizza). Dani would get home and be expected to make dinner. She could make a mean crab farci, but she did not take joy in cooking like her mama or Ada.

Her maman’s pain and love were real, but as Dani grappled with her own dishonesty and commitment questions towards Ada, the old anxieties and irritations of home reared their ugly heads.

Her maman would bark orders at her, and fawn on Jordan the next. She had been away from home for over six months, and yet she had to cook for the household again? God, she loved her maman, but hate and love were not opposites. They were two sides of the same coin.

As Dani trudged upstairs to bed, hands wrinkled from washing dishes, her maman called to her. “Dah-nee-el-la!”

Dani groaned internally and turned around. Her parents’ bedroom was on the first floor. “Yes, Maman?”

“This house is a mess. You will help Jordan and I clean in the morning.”

That meant Dani would have to get up at six to clean while Maman supervised and occasionally wiped off counters. Jordan might wake up in time to maybe sweep and take out the trash before he had to go to work.

Dani turned to go. “Oui, maman. Bon swé.”

“Bon swé. Je t’aime bien.”

“Mon aussi, je t’aime.” She meant what she said, but wished she did not.

———

Nearly everything went as she expected, much to Dani’s displeasure. 6 AM wake up, clean up for a couple hours, and then Jordan took the trash out before he went to work, apologetically smiling. Ada woke up halfway through and joined in, making Dani love her all the more, though Maman looked on disapprovingly.

Their last fun day was to be spent at the beach. Ada didn’t know how to swim, and Dani’s hair had just been redone, so they didn’t spend much time under the water. Still, they splashed and got a bit burned - despite using sunscreen, both forgot to lotion their ears - and ate overpriced ice cream and fried Oreos.

“I can feel my arteries wheezing their death rattles,” Ada said while stuffing another Oreo in her mouth “I need a salad, stat!”

Dani snorted. “There’s no saving you now. Your palate will forevermore be unclean.”

Ada died.

Dani slid her remaining Oreos over.

Miraculously, Ada came back to life to take them back just as thunder cracked in the sky.

“Snap, that looks like it’s moving in fast!” Dani said. It wasn’t raining on them just yet, but she heard the pattering of precipitation and saw a sheet of darkness fall and saw a sheet of darkness fall a mile down the boardwalk.

The same direction as her car, of course.

She grabbed Ada’s hand. “Come on!”

Everybody started fleeing, much to the couple’s dismay, the crowd moving against them. Apparently everyone else had parked in the opposite direction.

When the two finally found the car, it was cold and the wind was whipping. A sheet of rain rapidly approached the vehicle.

“Beat you there!” Ada challenged, and ran to the car.

Dani cursed and ran too.

Ada had already reached the car and was pulling on the doorhandle. They turned to Dani. “Come on,” they whined. “Let me in.”

Huffing and puffing to the driver’s side, Dani hit the unlock button. But only once, so only the driver’s side was unlocked. She slid in.

“Jezebel!”

The rain was only two cars away.

Smiling, Dani unlocked the door.

Ada slid in, frowning. “Evil woman,” she groused as the rain hit the car.

“I don’t start things,” Dani flipped her twists over her shoulder. “I just finish them.”

Ada sniffed delicately. “You better not leave me out in the cold again.”

Dani laughed hollowly at the words that reminded her of the questions that plagued her each night. “I’m sorry, babe. Let’s go to the house.”

Ada reached for a kiss, and Dani barely returned it. It was too much. She hated seeing the hurt on Ada’s face – so she did not look.

———

Their full morning in New Jersey was spent hanging out with her maman and any family who stopped by. With a farewell that part of Dani wished had come sooner, the couple left her family’s house.

Their flight was at 9 AM the next day, and her old friend Annika live close to the Newark airport. As such, she had voluntold her husband Antonio to drive them to the airport the following morning.

So, the two took an Uber to Annika‘s house.

“I’d take you myself,” Annika said over the phone, laughing, “but I’m just too big to fit behind the wheel anymore!”

It was true. When they arrived at Annika and Antonio‘s house, the woman had to waddle out. She was tall, but her husband was tall – tall. Dani did not want to know how big that baby would be at nine months.

“I’m not sure that baby blanket I packed is going to be big enough,” she whispered to Ada from the backseat.

Ada snorted.

“Dani!!!” Squealed Annika as she made her her way down from the porch, carefully.

“Nika!” Dani squealed back, getting out of the car and forgetting her bags. She rushed over and slowed down, just before impact, going in for a side hug and a cheek kiss instead. “How are you?”

“Ah well, the baby is coming along. It was beating me up earlier, the little stinker.” The woman caressed her stomach with a slight wince. “I’m surprised I’m not lack and blue yet!”

Dani chuckled. “That’s great and all, but I asked about you, not the kid.”

“Oh!” Annika smiled. “I feel like a bumper car, I can hardly walk, and I only ever feel like sleeping or crying. But I’m also bored and tired of waiting. Does that make sense?”

“Sorry to interrupt, Dani, but I don’t have the app and the driver wants us to pay.” Ada butted in, embarrassed.

“Oh sorry babe, I’ll go get that.” Dani squeezed Annika once again and rushed over to the driver, phone in hand.

“So you are the famous Ada!” Dani heard her over her shoulder.

———

The rest of the afternoon, all three chitchatted and played monopoly, too tired or too pregnant to do much else. Antonio got home and made them burgers – Annika‘s favorite, aside from sushi, which she wasn’t allowed to have due to the fetus.

“I miss it, I really do!” said Annika, eyes watering.

Antonio’s eyebrows rose with alarm.

“After the kid is out, I’d love to come up and try some of your qassaq, Ada. It sounds divine!”

Antonio cast his eyes pleadingly over at Ada.

But Ada never needed any encouragement to share their cooking. “I’d love to make some for you! You should absolutely come up, we’d be glad to have you.” They glance to her stomach. “Once the baby is ready, of course.”

“Of course!” Annika said.

Dani could see the relief flooding Antonio‘s face. “And on that note, does anyone want dessert?”

Ada declined, looking at her phone and saying that she wanted to hit the hay early. She went upstairs with a “Thank you, you two! It was nice meeting you!” Dani was pretty sure her girlfriend was actually not going to sleep just yet, considering this sheepish look on her face. She probably just saw an update notification for a fanfic she liked.

Antonio graciously got both Annika and Dani ice cream, waving off her thanks with a “It’s habit now.” Then he went to bed, probably to actually go to sleep.

Annika was a night owl – Dani remembered how they both stayed up 37 hours one weekend when the two were eleven, just because they could. Being a medical professional now, Dani winced at the thought. Both had improved their sleeping habits, but to say Annika was cured would be laughable.

“Do you want to watch a movie?”

“Does it have many flashing lights? My head is still spinning a bit from the amusement park.”

There had been a light malfunction on a dark ride and Dani was pretty sure she almost had a seizure. Which would have gotten her stuck in NJ, meaning a bunch of breach of contract, meaning her decision about Ada would have been temporarily made for her. SHE wanted to make the decision. Even if her decision at that moment was to put off said decision.

“It’s animated, but I looked it up earlier and some parenting site said it’s decently epilepsy safe. There’s a few fireworks, and some characters made of fire, but no strobing, or big flashy changes!”

Dani narrowed her eyes. “Are you trying to get me to watch that elements movie again?”

Annika pouted. “It’s like, the best movie of 2023 and you didn’t even watch it!”

“You know I don’t watch a lot of kids movies.”

Annika thought for a moment. “I’m pregnant, and you need to see this movie.”

“Your logic is astounding,” Dani said dryly. “Okay. Put it on.”

———

Dani had gone into the movie expecting to endure it. Instead, she began to draw … similarities to herself.

By the end, they were both weeping. “It’s like me with the farm a couple years ago!” exclaimed Annika. Then she blew her nose, and offered the tissue box to Dani.

“I think it’s like. My maman and I. But nicer.” Dani took a tissue.

“Mhm.” Annika snatched the box back to herself. “And you know,” her voice suddenly turned sly. “I think somebody in your life is a little like Wade.”

“Oh, shut up.” Dani balled up her tissue and threw it at Annika’s head, who squawked an indignation. “What do you know, anyway?”

Annika smiled and tapped close to her eye, creepily reminding Dani of the Beldame from Coraline. “Mother’s intuition.”

“It hasn’t even been born yet!”

Annika shrugged. “You can’t help with sneak glances at her, even this far into the relationship. You desperately wanted your mom to like her, which I don’t think she even met any of your previous partners.”

“That’s more because of her than –”

“And it looks like you’re keeping secrets, and it’s killing you.” Annika caught Dani’s eye with a long steady look. “This isn’t just a fling for you.”

Dani looked away first, unable to hold her gaze. “I’m not even sure if I should stay in Qikiqtaġruk,” she said to the floor. “Why should I make any drama if I can’t even stay.” She started to weep.

Annika opened her arms, and Dani nestled into her side. Annika gave pretty good backrubs – her calluses from work, always scratching Dani‘s back just right. “Let’s not talk about should, or would, or can.” Annika said. “Let’s just talk about want.”

“I know what I don’t want.”

“Okay?”

“I don’t want to let anyone down. But I don’t want to take care of my maman – I’m 27 for God’s sake! She loved on me the first day, and then it was like I never left!” She thought for a moment. “Plus I want to keep my girlfriend. She is pretty cool.” They both chuckled. “And I don’t want to leave all that pressure on Jordan. And it feels wrong to kind of leave Ada hanging.” Dani sighed. “I just don’t know what to do, and it’s biting me in the butt. Ada and I had a great time this trip, but I kind of held them at arm’s length. And Ada definitely saw that.”

Annika chewed on this. “Your mom doesn’t put things on Jordan the way she does on you, does she?”

Dani shook her head.

“Maybe you should ask him what it’s been like for him, instead of assuming. Either he gets out of it, or he found a way to keep her happy that works for him. Maybe … the workload changes when you’re not here.” Annika sneezed.

“Bless you.”

“Thanks. Anyway, when you start feeling like a family member is a burden –”

“It means you’re a crap person, and –”

“No! It means you need time away from them! To reevaluate and appreciate each other and stuff. I got to know my parents and like them a lot better when I moved out for college and stayed out! And you, you never had that. Until now. And with a person who looks at you like you hung the moon.” Her voice softened. “You had a terrible taste before this. All your exes were way less fulfilling, and more toxic than nuclear waste. I don’t know what compelled you to get with this person, but they’re keeper.” The woman grinned. “Especially since you still have a gooey look when I say their name. AdaAaAa!”

Dani’s face did not change. She made sure of it.

“AdaAaAa,” Annika repeated, this time poking Dani in the side.

“Hey! Cheating.”

Annika rolled her eyes like SHE was not the childish one. “Anyway, the only person you need to be worried about disappointing, is yourself. I know you love New Jersey, and me, obviously and me, obviously,” the pregnant woman put her hand on her own chest. “But I don’t think it’s enough to make you content, let alone happy.”

“I miss you,” Dani offered.

“I miss you too,” Annika squeezed her. “But it’s not like we can’t see each other. And besides,” she laughed. “With the time difference, I’m sure the baby will keep me awake long enough to call you, if this kid is anything like me.”

They both laughed at that.

“Oh! Hold on.” Dani got up and found the gift bag she’d been hiding up in her room. She waved at Ada, who was indeed reading on their phone, and went downstairs. “For you,” she said, holding out the gift bag.

She saw the water in Annika‘s eyes and she handed over the tissue box as well.

“What’s this?” Annika sniffled.

“It’s for the baby. From when Ada and I were in Utqiagvik. I saw this adorable booth selling things like this and I knew you’d love it.”

“I do,” wailed Annika, who hadn’t even opened it and was reaching for more tissues.

“Nika. Look in the bag.”

After a bit more sniffling, Annika finally opened the bag. “Oh my God, it’s too cute!” Annika practically shoved some tissues up her nose to avoid getting snot on the beautiful blanket. “My mom has this cradle her dad carved for her when she was a baby, and she put my brother and I in there when we were babies for pictures and, and, and,” she blew her nose again. “I am totally putting my baby in there with this blanket. Oh my God, thank you, Dani!”

Dani just hugged her.

———

Dani helped Annika settle on the couch. The doctors had said minimal stairs, and the couch was nice, so the woman slept there most nights.

After helping her friend, Dani went to bed. She had a lot to think about.

———

At 4 AM, Dani smacked the alarm.

Ada snorted, but snuggled back into her pillow and went back to sleep.

Dani sighed with relief. She slowly got up and dressed, packing both their things into the car (Annika said she could borrow it), only leaving each of their handbags with change of clothes in their room. Then she grabbed Wawa for breakfast, a last little New Jersey treat before returning to Alaska.

At 5 AM, she shook Ada awake. “Babe, wake up.” She planted a kiss on her themfriend’s cheek. “I want to show you something.”

Ada stretched and nodded, sleep still clouding her vision, and trudged off to the bathroom. At 5:20, Ada finally got her butt downstairs, where Dani was champing at the bit.

“Babe, come on, we’re going to miss it!”

Ada yawned as she closed the door, then fixed her eyes upon the Wawa bag. “What do you have there?” She woke up a bit.

“A reward for after we get to the beach. Come on!”

“Why are we going to the beach? I don’t think it’s safe at right now, it bei dark and all. And you didn’t tell me to get in my swimsuit!”

“You’ll see. Just come on already! Before it gets hot and you melt again.”

“In my defense, it’s stupid humid in New Jersey. I don’t know why anyone wants to live here.”

Both giggled as their flip-flops hit the sand path through the dunes. The birds were singing their sunrise songs, and already catching bits of seeds and bugs.

The couple reached the surf. Dani sat down carefully, cursing herself for not bringing a towel, and beckoned for Ada to sit too. “So I actually brought you here for two reasons.”

Ada suddenly looked guarded. “Oh?”

Dani swallowed around the lump in her throat. “Yes. First, I wanted to show you the dawn on the ocean. It’s pretty cool, and… I know you like sunset picnics back home.”

Ada smiled. “I do.”

“And… I think I’ve been dishonest. And kind of … noncommittal. And I hate that, and I want to respect your time and –” Dani realized she was rambling. “–And I know you can turn into a polar bear.”

Ada‘s eyebrows almost reached her hairline, and her mouth opened in shock. Whatever she had expected to hear, it was not that. “What?”

Dani felt all the blood rush from her face. “When you walked to our second date – I saw you. Walk up with the sled. And again – when you broke down my door? Polar bear. And – and, when you talked to your mom that night after Nalukataq!”

Ada’s face was stone.

Dani panicked. “And I think it’s totally cool and I didn’t tell anybody and I wasn’t sure if you knew that I know or if you’d be mad especially since –”

“So you’re afraid of me?”

“What?” The word vomit stopped.

“Have you been afraid of me, this whole time? Is that why you always say yes?” Ada stood up, hands shaking. Her voice remained quiet. “Is that why we’re dating? Too afraid to tell this giant, man-eating beast no, unless you’re in your home territory?” Their voice broke. “Do you … not love me?”

Now what it was Dani’s turn to be shocked. “What? No!” She grabbed Ada‘s hand.

It was the wrong move.

Ada’s eyes went impossibly wide with fear, and quicker than Dani could track, they were a polar bear, and Dani was holding air. They turned to run into the ocean, but Dani swallowed her fright at the change and jumped in front of Ada.

“Ada,” Dani worked hard to keep her hands by her side. She desperately wanted to hold her love’s face. Even with the teeth, the fur, the sudden immensity, she saw Ada and those eyes.

“Ada,” she repeated. “I love you. All of you. I just don’t want there to be secrets between us.” Dani closed her eyes and breathed in Ada, and after a moment, Ada breathed her in too. A kunik.

To the east, dawn bloomed.

Ada transformed back. “I can’t speak when I’m using my Nanuq Atiq, they explained hesitantly. “I – are you … sure?”

The tension in Dani’s gut roiled into laughter. “Babe, I’m moving to Alaska permanently. What do you think?”

Tears welled in Ada’s eyes. “You what? You’re staying?”

“You bet, babe. I’ll figure it out with Maman.” Dani was tearing up too. “So you better not be planning on getting rid of me.”

“Okay,” Ada choked out, laughing between tears. “Okay.”

They sat silently, watching the sunrise.

———

“Jordan? Hey,” Dani said at the O’Hare airport lounge. Her arms were crossed over her chest, AirPods in

“What’s up, Dani? You made it to the airport okay?” He sounded sleepy but concerned.

“Yup! All good on that front. I’m in Chicago. But I wanted to talk to you about Maman.”

“Maman?”

“Yeah,” Dani heaved a breath. “You know … she treats me differently than you, right?”

A long silence, then, “If this is about me not helping you clean, I’m sorry, Dani. This was like the one week the cleaninglady couldn’t come in, and they were all these emergencies, and –”

“She let you hire a cleaning lady?” Dani’s hurt and anger rose up. “She never let me do that. Said it was a waste of money, didn’t want any strangers in her her house.”

Jordan was silent for a moment. “Did she not tell you?” He said quietly, angrily. “The compensation from the doctor who misdiagnosed her finally came in.” He cleared his throat. “She pays for a cleaning lady, a nurse and a meal service now.”

Dani was burning up. “I’m not coming back. I’m staying in Alaska.”

“What?! Listen, I thought she told you. I thought you liked taking care of her!”

“I literally moved thousands of miles to get away from her!” She yelled.

The whole lounge looked over.

Ada stood up behind her and squeezed her shoulder. Dani put her hand on top of Ada’s, just holding on.

“I – I didn’t think. Jordan said lamely.

“When did she get the compensation?”

“What?

“When did she get the compensation?”

Jordan went silent. “A few weeks before you decided to move. I thought that was why you went. Because it was okay now.”

“It was never okay, Jordan. Dani hissed. “I barely survived, keeping things as she liked and perfect for when you and Dad get home.” She swallowed her fury. “I get to live my life now, Jordan. I love you, Papa and Maman. But I’m disappointed in you all.”

Dani could hear him crying through the phone. Some big sister part of her wanted to make it stop, hated herself for making her baby brother cry.

But the truth needed to be said.

“I love you, Jordan,” she repeated. “And I always will. Call me if you need me or have a question about Maman‘s care. I’m not gone forever.”

A sniffle. “I don’t think maman is going to get better.”

Dani pressed her hand to her mouth to cover up her sob. Her breath hitched anyway. “I don’t think so, either. I’ll come help when she – when it happens. But for now, I need some space.”

Another sniffle. “OK, Dani. A beat, then, “I’m sorry I never stepped in for you. I know she and Papa were always,” sniff, “harder on you than me.”

“Thanks, J, she said simply. “Love you.”

“Love you too. Text me when you’re back safe?”

“Yeah. Bye.”

Ada came around and hugged her tight. “Do you need to go and clean up?” She asked, nodding her head to the bathroom.

Dani nodded, trying really hard to hold her tears back.

Ada grabbed their stuff, sacrificing their seats to a young couple with two children who had been loudly complaining about the lack of seats and that parents had it hard.

Ada helped her clean up and kissed her when it was done. “You okay?”

Dani shook her head and held her forehead against Ada’s, just breathing her in. “About this? I probably won’t ever be, not completely. But thank you.” She leaned back and shook a finger. “Don’t you start psychoanalyzing me, doctor. Conflict of interest.”

Ada chuckled, their warmth soaking into Dani’s heart like a bomb. “I’m still working on that doctor part, darling.”

“Oh, so it’s all right then.”

Together, they rejoined the lounge, and resigned themselves to standing. They’d be sitting for the rest of the day on the plane, anyway.

———

To Dani and Ada‘s delight, the flight attendant informed them that they had been bumped up to first class for their flight straight to Anchorage.

The loud family who stole their lounge seats looked at them with poison in their hearts.

Dani and Ada did not care.

———

Dani and Ada had both been busy at work, Dani catching up on her hours and Ada catching up on her patients. It was August when they finally had a time where both were free, neither were tired and it was a clear sky.

“The long sunsets are going away.” Dani observed as they walked towards the where the Pacific Ocean became the inlet.

“Yes, but tonight’s perfect for the for seeing a really good aurora. You ready?”

“You bet, babe.”

The two eventually settled in a clear spot, the wind gently whipping away the genuine heat of that day.

Dani pulled out some curry colombo and crab farci, the spices for which she brought home in her luggage from New Jersey. She was finally getting into cooking for herself.

Ada pulled out some slightly thawed kumlaneq and niinamayak. The niinamayak tasted just right when thrown in with the curry – and Ada had been working on her spice tolerance.

They ate peace for a while.

Then Ada turned away. “I can’t tell you everything.” She finally said, face hidden.

“Huh?”

“I can’t tell you all my secrets,” Ada said. “Some of them are things I share. My family’s berry patches, I won’t share with anyone except with any kids I have. The secrets my patients tell me. Even what my dad likes to put in uquq to make it so sweet. But everything I can’t tell you, I’ll tell you that I have to hold back if you ask. And everything else, is yours.” She turned away to grab a crêpe.

Dani gently put her hand on Ada‘s shoulder and kissed her. “Thank you. That’s enough for me, babe. I’ll do the same for you.” Then she handed Ada some jam. “Finally the famous nagoonberry jam! You made me wait months for this!”

Ada took it and thanked her. “You ready?”

“You bet!”

The hype was not unfounded. It was naturally sweet – Dani could tell hardly any sugar was added – and a little savory. Ada’s aata Greg probably couldn’t resist cutting in a little uquq. There was hardly any citrus taste, just enough to heighten the sweetness - it was clearly added by someone who knew their jam. It also tasted slightly of the sea – there was a good chance Greg had sourced the salt from the ocean to get just the right taste.

“This is delicious! I can’t believe you would hold this out on me!”

Ada grinned. “I owed Barry a lot for a favor he did me a couple years ago. I just finished paying it off, then he introduced me to you.” They winked. “Looks like I owe him again. Better memorize the taste – he’s got one hell of a sweet tooth. You probably won’t be getting any for a while.”

“No, this is mine now. He can get his own,” Dani said with a devilish smile. She glanced up and - “Oh my God! It’s here!”

The couple laid back on the blanket and watch the aurora dance its way across the sky.

It made Dani’s heart feel light, and strange.

She squeezed at Ada’s hand. “I think the only thing more beautiful than this is you.”

Ada spluttered, then smiled and gave her a kunik. “You're cheesy.”

Dani gave her one back. “And yet it works on you.”

Ada squeezed her hand and turned back to the lights above them. “To us.”

“To us,” Dani echoed.

And the aurora danced on.

———

This post is VERY long, so I split up the glossary and the explanation. Enjoy!

Glossary

Explanation

The following are footnotes from within the story

⁂ A dual form is the term that specifically refers to two objects. Like how with English, adding an -s to the end of a noun makes it plural, but Iñupiaq has a way to make it clear that there’s just two nouns, and not one or many.

So one person is Iñupiaq, two people are Iñupiak, and any more than that is Iñupiat. Same q/k/t rules apply to most nouns. The language is referred to as Iñupiaq. The Iñupiat people are neighbors and cousins of the Inuit, but are a different culture entirely. Same thing with the Yup’ik.

† There’s a cool book called, ‘The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian’ by Sherman Alexie. It’s about a Spokane Indian* boy named Arnold who learns to code-switch (change himself to fit within one’s original culture and that of the majority) to survive going to a better school off his reservation. It’s meant for young teens and up, and it’s totally worth the read. I’m pretty sure it was my introduction to modern Indigenous characters - historically, they usually only portrayed in conjunction with early colonization efforts, AKA the cowboy genre and the like, from the point of view of the colonizers.

*Indigenous is a rallying, unifying term for (generally) all peoples originally found in lands that were so heavily colonized that they are now the minority. So the Koori of Australia are Indigenous, but the Akan people of Ghana are not, despite both being colonized. Indigenous in this usage is fairly new. Usually if someone uses that term as a self descriptor, they’re young. It unifies peoples from all over the world.

Native American is a legal term to describe all peoples with ‘enough’ blood connection to the Indigenous people of the contiguous United States of America, where the blood quantum is determined by the state and not by actual connection to those cultures. This is a huge problem that legally separates actual Indigenous people from their cultures and rights just because someone(s) in their family married outside the culture. Most Indigenous people do not like to be called this, but would prefer it over slurs or inaccurate guesses.

Indian (or American Indian or Amerindian) is the historical term that many older Indigenous people use as another pan-Indigenous rallying term. While many do not like it or the inaccuracy and bloody history behind calling Indigenous Americans (both continents) ‘Indians’, a lot of people were upset when the (USA**) government changed the legal term to Native American. It’s because they did not get a choice in the matter. So many people still use it because they decided it’s their word to reclaim (which it totally is). However, mostly Indigenous people within the USA have reclaimed the word - in other areas it is a non-issue or is considered rude or out-dated. And it’s more popular with older people.

**Other modern countries in the Americas do/used to call their Indigenous peoples Indians. Some have kept that name (such as Chile, though they say ‘Indios’, which is Indians in Spanish), some have not. For example, the Indigenous peoples of modern-day Canada are now called ‘First Nations’ by the Canadian government, but were once called Indians.

So to review: Indigenous is the younger identity word that covers all populations that were colonized and are now a minority in their historical lands. Native American is the legal term as used by the United States for Indigenous peoples originally from nations in the contiguous USA. And Indian is the preferred term by older Indigenous people in those areas. The label ‘Eskimo’ is also preferred in a similar fashion for the Inuit people, and more broadly, the Indigenous peoples of Alaska and north/western Canada. See footnote 5 later in the story for the idea in context.

However, the most polite thing to do is to not mention anybody’s ethnicity unless they bring it up themselves. If you must talk about it, then use the most specific terms possible to be polite. That’s why I mention that Arnold in that book is Spokane, and did not use the very loose term ‘Native American’.

❧ So there’s the Indigenous Kalinago people of the island of Dominica. They were once called Caribs - and thus the Caribbean Sea was named - but that was from a misunderstanding on Christopher Colombus’s part. Carib likely just meant ‘brave warrior’. So in 2015, the people legally changed their name to Kalinago, their original name. Kalinago is the plural form, and Karifuna is the singular form. So Dani is Karifuna, and Dani, her maman and her brother Jordan are Kalinago.

∵ A kunik is like a greeting kiss in terms of intimacy. But it’s not just for romantic partners. One (or two! It can be mutual!) people will hold their nose close to the other’s skin, and breathe them in. It’s like loving someone so much, one just has to breathe their atiq, their spirit, in. A lot of ***Alaskan Native Peoples practice this, as their mouths were often covered outside during the long winter months (to keep water and warmth in). An ‘Eskimo kiss’ is a bastardized version of a kunik - it does not usually involve rubbing noses together.

***Alaskan Native is a legal term for the Indigenous peoples of Alaska. They get slightly different rights and restrictions by identifying as such and not ‘Native American’. The Indigenous Hawaiian (Native Hawaiian) people have a similar deal with the USA government. Both Indigenous Alaskans and Hawaiians prefer this legal distinction - while both got the shorter end of the stick, they still have a better deal with the government than the Indigenous peoples lumped under the category ‘Native American’. However, ‘Alaskan Natives’ prefer to be referred to their individual ethnicities (Yup’ik, Athabaskan, etc.) or Eskimo when relevant, and ‘Native Hawaiians’ prefer ‘Kānaka Maoli’, ‘Indigenous Hawaiians’ or just ‘Hawaiians’.

¤ This is an example of where older terms, such as Indian and Eskimo, are still used, because both Indigenous groups lumped under those old labels got to choose the name themselves. Despite ‘Native American’ and ‘Alaskan Native’ (respectively) being the legally correct terms according to the modern USA government, both groups like exercising their autonomy by sticking with the names they chose, despite the terms being legally out-dated. The WEIO’s name is a case where tradition and pride combine well.

#win a commission #wac #west of the Sun east of the moon #east of the sun west of the moon #main text

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