#EXTRA LONG CHAPTER LETS GOOO

[fleetways]

Chapter 24: New Beginnings

[borathae]

Chapter 23 LETS GOOO

bro get the fuck out lemme sleep zzzzzzzzz This man has no manners, none, nada.FR MY SLEEP BITCHES

one blood bag each and a cup of coffee. It is a peculiar combination, but if they like it then you won’t question it.😭😭

“Why are you asking me?” “Cause you’re the oldest here?” “And? Does this automatically make me the leader or something?” “Well…yeah?” Hoseok cocks an eyebrow up, “unless you want me to take over.” they really havent planned their boyband well

It’s after one of my grandmother’s recipes, WTF HE LIVED THAT LONG AND STILL RMEMBERS SHIT? my vampire ass would be a disappointment

“You’re adorable. A vampire with red ears, that’s a sight to see” fr TELL HIM SIS

This means he hasn’t returned home yet.  SHIT is he hurt or did he hurt someone else???

“Okay bro I was going through something?” Hoseok squeaks. “And ended up with a tummy ache”, Seokjin teases. so ur not safe from tummy ache even as a vampire great

perhaps it is because of the tension he is always walking around with, you’re sure this will develop muscle as well. STOP THE ATTACK tho he fully deserves it MY BLANKIE MY ZZZZZZZ

Is that your feel good face?” yeah -_- -ㅅ-

“Dead. Again. Congrats, you died four times already”, this made me laugh and extra pissed YOONGLES WHAT ARE U TRYING TO DO WARM HER UP TO BOILING OR WHAT??

ok she went berserk ... like a human would GOOD REMEMBER THOSE POINTS GO HARDER BABY U CAN DO IT

ok now WTF IS HIS PROBLEM AAAAAAAH ok we get it she fucked up, she went to talk to him and it escalated and neither knew consequences ok mr genius jjang jjang man boong boong

wtf hobi are u ok whats going on now shit

“Blood…uhm I just realised that this sounds very disgusting to a human”, he laughs awkwardly, “sorry.” its ok pookie, just took me off guard 💀💀

ok guys we are really in hobari's room and getting to see past his mask yall, slightly nervous idk what im expecting ahaha

that’s like my eight one. Those fuckers are amazing”, they dont have overdose issues?? wow nice wait how did hobi get tummy issues then??

Hoseok stops laughing, fidgeting in his chair rather nervously. His smile stays on his face however, never reaching his eyes and looking like a mask he can’t seem to shake off. slightly scary with description, but its really funny u can pass off everyones questions with this smile, just answer the are u ok question properly and smile, or else u look like hobi right now haha

“I’m kinda sad that I didn’t die today.” oh that was slightly out of pocket half expected it but also didnt expect it

We have Yoongi, who fought god knows how many battles. Then Jungkook, a high ranking military dude. And Seokjin, who had the nerve to serve in both world wars just for fun. wow jin really said imma fight ww1 & 2 for shits and giggles

“Because I feel like an imposter”, he confesses, “I’m a vampire, that can’t even control minds, has never been faux killed before, has zero fighting experience and whose origin story is being killed by a blowjob. How pathetic can you be?” ur just simply a vampire, not all have to go through shit to be a vampire, its just they lived that long so the probability of going through shit is higher, u got lucky. its ok ur not a clown. youre a great friend for real

WE GOT HIM HAPPY YAYA

bro get the fuck out lemme sleep zzzzzzzzz This man has no manners, none, nada.FR MY SLEEP BITCHES

me actually I hate being woken up early :/

“Why are you asking me?” “Cause you’re the oldest here?” “And? Does this automatically make me the leader or something?” “Well…yeah?” Hoseok cocks an eyebrow up, “unless you want me to take over.” they really havent planned their boyband well

lmaooa they're so chaotic i fucking hate them (i love them with all my heart)

It’s after one of my grandmother’s recipes, WTF HE LIVED THAT LONG AND STILL RMEMBERS SHIT? my vampire ass would be a disappointment

LIKE HE IS SO <3 okay but in his defense, he writes down yummy recipes sooo

This means he hasn’t returned home yet.  SHIT is he hurt or did he hurt someone else???

LIKE I'M SCARED

“Okay bro I was going through something?” Hoseok squeaks. “And ended up with a tummy ache”, Seokjin teases. so ur not safe from tummy ache even as a vampire great

hahahah they're so chaotic dhfahs

Is that your feel good face?” yeah -_- -ㅅ-

i love him :D

“Dead. Again. Congrats, you died four times already”, this made me laugh and extra pissed YOONGLES WHAT ARE U TRYING TO DO WARM HER UP TO BOILING OR WHAT??

HAHHAHA he is so rude like I love him sm <3

ok guys we are really in hobari's room and getting to see past his mask yall, slightly nervous idk what im expecting ahaha

no but I actually love this scene a lot <3

that’s like my eight one. Those fuckers are amazing”, they dont have overdose issues?? wow nice wait how did hobi get tummy issues then??

overdose can't happen for vampires, it's more of a blinded by bloodlust where they can't control themselves anymore and go feral but he is very far away from that state

Hoseok stops laughing, fidgeting in his chair rather nervously. His smile stays on his face however, never reaching his eyes and looking like a mask he can’t seem to shake off. slightly scary with description, but its really funny u can pass off everyones questions with this smile, just answer the are u ok question properly and smile, or else u look like hobi right now haha

no but I'm actually so sad for him :( I hate that he thinks he needs to pretend to be happy :( like hobi :( you're allowed to be sad too :(

We have Yoongi, who fought god knows how many battles. Then Jungkook, a high ranking military dude. And Seokjin, who had the nerve to serve in both world wars just for fun. wow jin really said imma fight ww1 & 2 for shits and giggles

i feel like it was an honour thing for him where he was all like "i have a duty as a man" 😑

“Because I feel like an imposter”, he confesses, “I’m a vampire, that can’t even control minds, has never been faux killed before, has zero fighting experience and whose origin story is being killed by a blowjob. How pathetic can you be?” ur just simply a vampire, not all have to go through shit to be a vampire, its just they lived that long so the probability of going through shit is higher, u got lucky. its ok ur not a clown. youre a great friend for real

YES THANK YOU !!! i love this agenda!!!

[alphabetboyluvr]

I saw the lil snippet from the new BD chapter referencing an old chapter. IM EXCITED for this one lets gooo

me toooooo he he

i meant what i said about it being a long one, so it might take a little extra time to get finished, but hopefully will be worth it!!

[hua-fei-hua]

hey! i stumbled across you on ao3 through genshin (i think? that was in september i have no idea at this point), went to check out your profile and saw my hero academia works there. i am currently very much into it, so i was like let's gooo sooo I found B♭ and that has been a wild journey.

firstly, i don't have any experience with american school system, so a lot of worldbuilding was new for me. moreover, marching band is something from another universe(aka music lover but never got educated on the matter), so fic constantly challenged me with new details-concepts-vocabulary. stepping outside of your comfort zone while reading? great idea! i think i never learned so much from a fic while enjoying it so much ^^

secondly, i am simply amazed by sheer amount of effort you put into it. i decided to read in publishing order, so non-chronological really impressed me. you're honestly a mastermind being able to pull that off. also, having a song for every chapter with specifically picked out lyrics relevant to the content is so, so cool! the diversity of your playlists should be astonishing, i'm jealous :)

thirdly, the characters are just so real. i love all the canon references, i love the reactions that don't feel exagerrated or too mild. they are acting...exactly as i would expect them to in that circumstances and setting. i just accepted leads' ways of thinking and reflecting so naturally

i also read the extra notes when they were available and just...how much thought is put in is mezmerising. for some reason i never thought pulling directly from your life experiences when writing? but it actually makes a lot of sense and it brought me some ideas to try out so hehe ;)

as i am very smart and hadn't scrolled down on the order post, i didn't see until quite late in the reading that the end of perfect harmony is published as notes, so that was a surprise. i understand your reasons and the fact that you're not even in the fandom anymore, but you mentioned in some extra notes that it's ok to ask for them even if years passed so...here i am three years after, complimenting B♭ :D

anyway, i finished it a couple of days ago, and even the notes are quite detailed. images of described shenanigans popped into my head just like that, and i really appreciate that you published them and i got to know what happened next!!

i actually wondered why were the comments disabled since i really wanted to comment on a few chapters bc your work deserves it so much...but yeah, that's what led me here so i guess congrats, you get my thoughts all nicely packed in one place ^_^

there's probably a lot of specific pieces, details, ideas i liked about B♭, so that is merely a summary of exciting things i remember!

i'll say goodbye using my favourite oneshot title:

thank you for the music ✩°｡⋆⸜(ू｡•ω•｡)

not gonna lie i'm kind of obsessed w/the way you just glossed over the fact that you (probably) found me through my (anonymous) genshin fics, which means you jumped through the (minimum three) hoops required to get here, my (named) fandom blog, and then proceed to gush abt a bnha series i did. like i would assume that if someone put in the effort to find my other fandom fics from my genshin stuff, then there must've been smth really worth looking into w/the genshin stuff lmao

for the sake of my mutuals' dashboards, since this ask is so long i'm just gonna chuck the whole (long) answer under a cut lol

anyway yes Bb!! the amt of effort n planning i put into that series was legitimately insane. i made school schedules for EVERY SINGLE BNHA CHARACTER and PUT IT ON A SPREADSHEET so that i could PLAN WHO COULD WALK WITH WHOM TO THEIR NEXT CLASSES n have PLOT-RELEVANT CONVERSATIONS LIKE THAT. i made little profiles for each of the characters, where i chose their favorite musical key (and why), how many years/instruments they play, and gave them each a funny little quote/catchphrase!!!

what possessed me to do this for ~20 different characters i honestly could not tell you

i definitely loved working on Bb a lot. i remember sitting down three years ago, practically to the day by this point, n hashing out the events of every single chapter to the epilogue, then reorganizing them into a proper timeline (i also kept a calendar in my notes with the chapters in order), all while occasionally looking out my bedroom window n thinking how wonderfully bright n warm n sunny the world was becoming again. bc really, 2019 was a very struggle year for me, n i didn't take the time to appreciate the sunlight then the way i have every year since. from there, i worked off that very strict outline, and most of the note-chapters that were eventually put up are primarily just copy-pasted straight from there.

i remember being on youtube a lot for music recs when working on perfect harmony too!! a bunch of them changed in the years btwn walking away from the series n actually publishing the notes (which were actually published mid-december last year, then backdated to 2020 a few days later ahaha), with a number of the tour arc alternate chapter title songs coming from songs that didn't even exist at the time of the fic's original planning. my mp3 collection grew a lot during the planning phases of Bb lmao.

i'm glad the characters felt so real!!! while no one character was based entirely off one single person i knew irl, one could say that writing Bb was a bit of a love letter to my time in high school band in some places, both the events i partook in n the people i knew there. it was a very "write what you know" type of fic.

anyway haha yeah the end of my bnha days were not fun, but i still loved Bb enough to hold onto the idea of returning to it Soon(tm) that i put off publishing the chapter notes for almost two years. even then, that was a difficult decision for me to make bc a part of me wasn't ready to close that chapter of my life. i think ultimately it was the best decision to make though, since the fics are p heavily tied up in a much sadder part of my life that i'd just rather not return to.

the main reason comments were turned off of Bb (and indeed, the majority of my bnha fics) is most simply described as "resentment". it's different from how i feel abt my old snk fics (where i turned comments off of them so that i could pretend no one's really reading them anymore), which is more impersonal "oh my god i was so young back then and i give fewer than negative shits abt any mistakes i might've made on them or what anyone thinks of them" bc in bnha it's kind of hard to avoid the fact that i had a Name in the circles i typically traversed for a while. it wasn't that big of a name, but it's certainly more than nothing.

it's not really a feeling i like to dwell on, so i just archive-locked the responsible works n turned off comments for the most heinous culprits (mostly sparklers, but even tho i love Bb as a story, i do not love Bb as a publishing experience, if that makes sense), and for the most part, that keeps the resentment contained.

still, i'm genuinely happy that you enjoyed the au so much!!! i honestly love love love how goddamn SPECIFIC the premises are for this fic. the world was truly built with love, and the music puns for every title were always such a joy to come up with c':

thank you for the ask!!!! :D

[sunshine-overload]

[BSTS] Main Story S5CH7 ‘Wait and Hope’ - Part 2

Part 1

Chapter 3

-street, daytime-

sinju: Team K's new show will finally be opening today. Maica told me about the original text it's based on, I'm excited to see what kind of show it will become!

saki: Me too.

sinju: ...Hm?

saki: Is something the matter?

sinju: I was wondering if that person's alright. They've been glancing around a lot. I wonder if he's lost? I'm gonna go and ask.

saki: I'll come with you.

-they walk over to the man-

sinju: Excuse me sir, are you lost?

Man (Yoshino's father): Oh, what lovely timin'. There's a place I'm tryin' to get to but I can't seem to figure out where it is no matter how many times I look at this map.

sinju: Where is it?

-sinju looks at map-

sinju: Oh! Where you're going is around where we're headed. If you'd like, we can guide you there.

man: Thank ya kindly. The streets all got so complicated I couldn't understand it.

saki: There's lots of narrow alleyways around here.

man: Which way are we headed then?

sinju: This way!

-they begin walking-

sinju: Are you from the Kansai region? Visiting Tokyo for a holiday?

man: Yes, I suppose ya could call it that. I'm from Kyoto.

sinju: Is that so? I can't blame you for getting lost then. This area especially is really confusing...

man: Ya can say that again. But even so, it appears to be a lively and prosperous area.

sinju: Yeah! There's all kinds of different stores around, it's a lot of fun.

man: That's wonderful to hear. Are we close to my destination?

sinju: It should be right around this next corner.

saki: (Hm? Wait, could it be that the place this man is heading is...)

-outside starless-

yoshino: What do you think you're doing?

sinju: Woah, Yoshino!?

saki: (Yoshino-san...?)

sinju: Uhh... This man was lost, so Saki-chan and I were guiding him to where he wanted to go.

yoshino: We're not open for business yet.

man: In that case, I will return once you're open. I will be gettin’ one good look at ya performance.

sinju: Wait, huh? Do you know who that man is?

yoshino: Yeah. It seems like he caused you some trouble, I'm sorry. You too, Saki-san, I apologise.

saki: No, it's fine...

yoshino: Let's head inside, I'll escort you.

saki: Thank you.

yoshino: ...... (shaky breathing)

—end

-

Chapter 3 extra

-starless restaurant area-

saki: (Team K's opening show is today, I'm looking forward to seeing it.)

man (Yoshino's father): Excuse me young lady, could I speak with ya for a moment?

saki: Oh, you're that man from earlier...

man: So you're a Starless customer as well. Have ya been comin’ here for a long time?

saki: Yes, I suppose so.

man: Could I ask ya some questions then? Regarding Yoshino.

saki: Huh...?

man: I'd like to hear some candid impressions of him from the guests here.

saki: I think that Yoshino-san is a wonderful singer.

man: There's no need to hold back, tell me ya honest thoughts.

saki: I'm not holding back anything. No matter how many times I see him perform, that's truly what I think

man: Even after hearin’ ya say that, I don’t think a man as fainthearted as him can perform on stage.

saki: That's a bit...

man: Ah, right right. My apologies for sayin’ somethin’ so unrefined. Before long I'll be able to see for myself just what kind of show it is that he will put on.

saki: (I don't know what to say...)

-nekome and sin walk up-

nekome: Excuse me~ I'll be borrowing this guest here for a moment. Dear customer, I have a message for you, please come this way.

saki: Ah, but...

sin: I shall take things from here.

man: I don't mind Miss, please deal with whatever it is you need to.

saki: Ok. In that case, please excuse me.

nekome: Alright, to the lobby we gooo~!

-starless lobby-

saki: Um, what message do you have for me...?

nekome: Hm? I don't have any message for you. A little white lie never hurt anybody and you had a troubled expression on your face.

saki: Thank you for looking out for me.

nekome: You're here to watch the show so I want to make sure you enjoy your time here~ I'll get a different seat prepared for you, so just wait here a moment.

saki: Ok, thank you.

-nekome leaves-

saki: (I wonder what that person's relation to Yoshino-san is... Whoever he is, I hope that Yoshino-san is able to convey his talents to him...)

—end

-

Chapter 3 SideA

-backstage-

yoshino: Phew....... (shaky breathing)

sotetsu: Oi, don't tell me the nerves are getting the better of you?

yoshino: N-no... I'm fine...

-yoshino leaves-

sotetsu: Damn, he can't even joke about it.

-time pass, starless stage-

yoshino: "Wait and hope!"

-audience cheers-

female guest 1: Yoshino-kun was amazing!

female guest 2: I know right! His will was so strong, he felt like a protagonist that couldn't lose to anyone!

-starless hallway-

yoshino: Good job out there.

kei: Is that what you call learning about yourself?

yoshino: I know I'm still not self-aware enough, but... No nevermind, I'll think it over more.

-behind starless, night-

yoshino's father: That is the performance that ya wanted to show me?

yoshino: Father...!

yoshino's father: Ya acted all big... And yet all ya were doin' is bluffin' about all of it. No matter how composed ya try to look on the surface, ya can't hide what's inside. 

yoshino: ......

yoshino’s father: Your insecurities, unreliability, all of ya weaknesses still show through. Ya can't call that 'art', it's just a tool that you're usin’ to comfort yourself. Quit right away and return home already.

-yoshino's father leaves-

yoshino: Please wait!

menou: He's really riled up huh.

maica: Are you ok? Actually, who even was that? Why was a guest hanging around back here?

yoshino: It's nothing, don't worry.

maica: It obviously wasn't nothing—

yoshino: I'm sorry for the disturbance. I'll be going now.

-yoshino leaves-

maica: ...I wonder if something happened. He didn't seem like himself in the show either.

menou: You think? He used to be like that all the time though. I enjoyed his interpretation of Dantès, the way he had to encourage himself to carry out his revenge was great~

maica: You were just looking at his acting...

menou: There's no point in you worrying about him, Maica. It's Yoshino's own problem.

maica: That's true, but still...

—end

-

Chapter 3 SideA extra

-backstage-

yoshino: Thank you for coming to watch tonight, Saki-san.

saki: Your show was amazing, Yoshino-san.

yoshino: Thank you. Um... if you'd be ok with it, could we walk home together? I'd like to talk to you for a bit while we walk.

-time pass, park, night-

yoshino: I'd like to apologise for causing you trouble a few days ago.

saki: What do you mean?

yoshino: You helped an older man in Japanese clothing with Sinju the other day right? That man was my father.

saki: Oh...

yoshino: He even went and bothered you inside the store too... I heard about it from Sin, that he went and spoke with you. You came to the store to have fun and yet he dragged you into my own mess, I'm really sorry.

saki: No, it's ok...

yoshino: I heard he tried to ask you things about me. I wouldn't put it past him to do something like that...

saki: I was quite surprised by his questions, but Nekome and Sin appeared to interject right away.

yoshino: ...In truth, I hadn't been planning to talk to you about all this. However, I would hate to cause you any more trouble than this, so...

saki: I don't mind at all... Rather than myself, are you ok, Yoshino-san?

yoshino: I wish I could say that I was... It's pitiful to admit, but once I started thinking about how my father was coming to watch, I couldn't hold it together... It's been a long time since I felt so much pressure and so nervous that it affected my performance.

saki: I think it's understandable...

yoshino: I thought that I'd gained some confidence, and would be able to overcome this but... In the end I'm still just as weak as ever. I need to get stronger, if I don't then there's no point in me even being on this stage.

saki: That's not true...

yoshino: I finally got this opportunity, and even though I wanted to show you I've grown... This is the result. It's frustrating.

saki: Yoshino-san...

yoshino: Anyways, I'll try even harder from now on. In order to put on a show even better than the last one. In order for my father and Kei to recognise my efforts as a singer...

saki: Please don't push yourself too much.

yoshino: I'm fine, don't worry. I'll do my best in order for you to recognise me as well. So please, make sure you watch me.

-time pass, outside train station, night-

saki: Thank you for walking me here.

yoshino: You too, thank you for keeping me company. See you tomorrow.

-saki leaves-

yoshino: ..."Wait and Hope". Wait... huh?

—end

-

Chapter 3 SideB

-starless alcohol storage area(?)-

sotetsu: You sure are working hard.

yakou: You say that like I'm working on a farm or something.

sotetsu: Your company job, your cast member job and your management duties, I just thought that you're handling them all pretty darn well.

yakou: Do you want to ask me something?

sotetsu: It's about Yoshino. If he wasn't here then your spot as K's singer would go unchallenged.

yakou: I'm not gonna take that bait.

sotetsu: Oh? Meaning Yoshino taking that spot doesn't frustrate you?

yakou: Yoshino's in that spot for this performance according to our leader's judgment. Our lineup always changes to suit each show, it's nothing new. I'm not going to object to the decision, however I can't say that it’s not at least a little frustrating.

sotetsu: Hahah look at you, you're all grown up.

yakou: What about you? Aren't you awfully unbothered by all this? ...I can more or less guess why though.

sotetsu: You understand me well.

yakou: You never change huh.

sotetsu: Well, either way, the end result depends on Yoshino. I'm just going to enjoy the show.

yakou: Then I'll do my best to make sure the guests are pleased as well.

-yakou leaves-

sotetsu: He really has become a fine adult huh…

—end

-

Chapter 3 SideB extra

-starless kitchen-

unei: Um, excuse me~ Do you have a moment, Kongou-san? I'd like to show you this...

kongou: Hm? Are those feedback surveys?

unei: I- I wasn't sure what to do, but I figured I should at least relay them to you...

-unei gives the surveys to kongou-

kongou: .......

ran: Hm~? Whatta we have here? "The flavour was too strong and not to my tastes." Hm, hm... "It was a menu aimed at youngsters." ...Wow. Damn you're gettin' flamed here.

kongou: ...It appears so.

unei: Honestly, I was shocked. Your cooking has always been popular, Kongou-san. I've never seen things like this be criticised before...!

hinata: What? People that don't like Kongou's food actually exist? That person has no idea what they're talking about, everything he makes is super delicious!

kongou: Thank you. However, it's reality that this person wasn't happy with their meal. They took the time to tell me their opinion, so I will sincerely accept the criticism.

ran: No way, ya don't need to do that. Old people rarely ever visit here anyway.

lico: The food targets our main customer demographic, there's nothing wrong with that.

kongou: I won't make any drastic changes, when adjusting the menu I always take into careful consideration whether or not it suits Starless.

lico: Sure thing.

ran: By the way, do we know who submitted these surveys?

lico: It's obviously that one guy, y’know, the old guy dressed in Japanese clothes. He's been coming here every day. Trying to act all posh, but if he doesn't like the place he doesn't need to keep coming back.

ran: Oh ya, I think I've seen him.

hinata: That guy is here all the time now, does someone know him?

lico: Isn't he a relative of Yoshino-chan? I saw them arguing over something. Anyways, get back to work already, I wanna go home.

ran: Got it. Here, go and take the trash out, Lico~

lico: Tch...

-behind starless, night-

lico: Must be nice, having a home you can just run on back to…

—end

-

Chapter 4

-starless office-

unei: Good work on all of your performances so far, everyone! I will announce the current audience ratings of the show— It's a great success! Yoshino-san's singing especially is getting lots of positive feedback!

yoshino: I'm glad to hear that…

sotetsu: Hey, how come you're looking all depressed despite the good results?

gui: Are you not happy, Yoshino?

yoshino: Uh no, it's not that. I'm just not satisfied with this...

kei: Precisely. Aim even higher and continue to devote yourself to your training.

yoshino: Yes, of course.

saki: (The air around Yoshino-san and Kei-san is so tense...)

unei: That is all I have to report, please do your best in the remaining performances!

-hallway-

-yoshino's phone rings-

yoshino: Hm...? (sighs)

yoshino (on phone): Hello...? What is it? ...Yes.

yoshino (on phone): Yes, I understand that. The result isn't just from my ability alone... However, I'll show you that I can get an even better result by the end. Yes, I'll be going now...

-hangs up-

yoshino: Sigh...

-gui walks up-

yoshino: Oh, Gui. You spooked me.

gui: What are you thinking about, Yoshino?

yoshino: I'd actually like to ask what your thoughts are. What do you think about my singing during this show?

gui: What do I think...? What do you mean?

yoshino: Like, is there anything off about it? Are you finding it hard to match your movements to my voice?

gui: ...I don't really understand.

yoshino: I was just wondering if my singing is restricting everyone else's movements. Even though I'm the one that's supposed to be leading you all. For example... Sorry, never mind, don't worry about what I was saying just now.

-yoshino leaves-

gui: Yeah, I really don't understand…

—end

-

Chapter 4 extra

-starless lobby-

female guest 1: Your performance today was seriously the best! I'll be coming back again!

female guest 2: I got so fired up that I've already bought another ticket for tomorrow's show! I'll be looking forward to it!

kei: Yes. We'll be awaiting your visit.

-the guests leave, yoshino's father walks up-

yoshino's father: Popular, ain't ya.

kei: Hm...?

yoshino's father: When I first watched one of ya shows here, I thought that this store didn't even know the mere definition of art. However, after I observed the audience's reactions, I started to sense that it wasn't a bad thing.

kei: Of course. I make sure the guests leave fully content. We create shows whilst keeping that intent in mind.

yoshino's father: I'd like to apologise for initially leavin’ such a critical review. 

kei: There is no need for you to do that.

yoshino's father: Is that so? But still, that boy's singin’ hasn't managed to resonate with me.

kei: Hm.

yoshino's father: I cannot comprehend puttin’ the family business aside to choose this path. You too, why have ya allowed such an unrefined man to stay employed here? It can't be profitable for your business either.

kei: I am simply selecting the best members to achieve the best show.

yoshino's father: Ya have a good eye, I can tell. That's why this store is flourishin’.  Usually one wouldn't expect someone as talented as you to be holed up in a tiny box like this.

kei: Here I am simply Starless’ Kei. Nothing more, nothing less.

—end

-

Chapter 4 SideA

-in front of starless, night-

yoshino: Are you heading home, Saki-san?

saki: Good work today, Yoshino-san. Yes, I'm heading home.

yoshino: If you'd be ok with it, would you like to walk together? I'll escort you to the station.

saki: Thank you.

-street-

yoshino: Did you enjoy today's show?

saki: Yes, of course. It was fun.

yoshino: I'm glad... Saki-san, could I talk to you about something?

saki: About what...?

yoshino: I realised I've never told you why I started aiming to become a singer. It was actually due to my uncle's influence.

saki: Your uncle?

yoshino: He's the kind of person that's always seen wandering around with a guitar in his hand. Even I don't know what he's up to these days. However, back then, I longed to be a free spirit like him. 

saki: Is that so?

yoshino: I told my father that I wanted to attend a university in Tokyo, and came here all by myself. I used the excuse that I wanted to gain more life experience in Tokyo. Once I was away from home, I aimed to become a singer, I planned to get recognised and make a name for myself. However, it obviously wasn't that simple, with my stage fright I couldn't even stand out in my university's music club. 

saki: That's too bad...

yoshino: Around then was when I found Starless, I happened to see a show and then just kept coming back... Once I joined, all I wanted was to stand on the stage, since Starless didn't send away a useless singer like me, it was a unique place because of that. 

saki: Yoshino-san...

yoshino: Even now, I'm still envious of my uncle. Our situations are different but still... I can't help but envy his freedom. Despite saying all that though, I can't just throw away my family and our business. I wonder if I can express any of this optimism in my singing. I doubt it... Even though I'm supposed to be stronger now.

saki: I think that your singing really is beautiful, Yoshino-san.

yoshino: Thank you. Hearing you say that makes me feel a little better. Sorry for talking so much, for now all I can do is try my best. Because, if I do that, you'll be watching me.

—end

-

Chapter 4 SideA extra

-break room-

-yoshino uses vending machine-

yoshino: Ah... Crap. It hasn't been messing up lately either…

maica: Coffee again?

yoshino: Well, yeah, that's what it gave me...

maica: What to trade drinks? I haven't put my mouth on it yet.

yoshino: No, it's fine.

maica: Hey, are you ok? I may be overstepping my bounds but—

yoshino: Sorry, I need to get back to practice. I'm not like you, I need to dedicate myself to practice to improve.

-yoshino tries to leave-

maica: Excuse me? What's that supposed to mean?

yoshino: Nothing...

maica: Hey, you understand that I still don't want to lose to you even now, right?

yoshino: What?

maica: I can say with confidence now that I am Team P's singer. However, even now I still think that your version of 'Beyond the Rainbow' was amazing. And yet, why are you putting yourself down like that?

yoshino: Even if you say that... Cause I mean, unlike me, you're able to lead the performance with your singing...

maica: Sigh... Am I what you're worried about?

yoshino: !

maica: "Keep singing in your own voice." Aren't you the one who said that to me?

-maica leaves-

yoshino: My own... voice...

-camera pans across to kasumi watching-

kasumi: .....

—end

-

Chapter 4 sideB

-street, day time-

akira: Yaaaawn...

sotetsu: That was one big yawn.

akira: Huh? Oh it's just you, Sotetsu. If someone's gonna call out to me I'd rather it be a cute girl~

sotetsu: Sorry to disappoint.

-they walk together-

akira: By the way, is Yoshino gonna quit?

sotetsu: Rumours spread fast huh. He hasn't decided to do that yet.

akira: But he's having a fight or something with his old man right?

sotetsu: Yeah, seems like it.

akira: Fighting with your parents huh, must be quite something having a family name to uphold. I don't remember exactly but they run some kind of art related business in Kyoto, yeah? Wait, his family don't own a temple do they?

sotetsu: Who knows.

akira: If it's a temple that's rough. You'd have to become a monk. I could never~

sotetsu: I doubt the chief priest would want a corrupt monk like you in the first place.

akira: If I didn't have to go bald, I could probably pull it off y'know. A beautiful monk with a beautiful voice, I might just become a hit with the ladies. ♪

sotetsu: Yeah that ain’t happening.

—end

-

Chapter 4 SideB extra

-starless kitchen table area-

kongou: Sorry for calling you here to sample dishes for me.

taiga: Well, I was hungry anyways.

mizuki: Just serve us the food already. C'mon Heath, sit down.

heath: I don't think my opinion is necessary.

kongou: Just let me know your honest thoughts. No need to hold back.

-they all start eating-

kongou: ...How is it?

taiga: Uh... The flavour is pretty subtle?

kongou: Yes, that's what I was going for. Unlike our normal menu, I tried making a dish that suits a wider audience of people's tastes outside of our usual guests.

taiga: Ah... I see. True, even its appearance has that fancy food look.

mizuki: The serving size is way too small and it's all just grass.

taiga: Is this diet food?

kongou: That's not what I was going for, no... So it's not to your tastes then?

mizuki: Gimme the mayonnaise, then I'll be able to eat it.

kongou: That bad huh…

heath: I don't think it's bad.

kongou: I'm sorry for bothering you all.

heath: I just told you what I think...

kongou: I'm glad you tried it, Heath.

-mokuren, qu and aogiri walk in-

qu: It sure is lively in here.

kongou: I'm having them sample a new dish for me. I'd love to hear the three of your thoughts as well.

aogiri: Whatever it is, it smells delicious.

mokuren: Oh? I'll eat it.

-mokuren tries it-

mokuren: There's not enough meat. You can't fill a stomach with this.

kongou: Ah, no, well... That's the point...

aogiri: Ooh, I see.

qu: Are you trying to get into vegetarian cooking...? It tastes great but I'm not sure if it suits Starless.

aogiri: Since our customers are mostly women I'm sure they wouldn't dislike more healthier options being on the menu though?

mokuren: Screw that. Put more meat on the plate.

kongou: As expected, I should just leave our menu as is huh...

—end

To Part 3

[nabesthetics]

CHARACTER OPINION: If you can, the main 6 LIs?

Aight, the remaining 4 let's gooo

(putting under the cut because I'm sure some people are tired of these by now hahah)

Asra:

Well if you've followed this blog for long enough you might know that I have some strong feelings about Asra and his relationship with the MC and everything that he's done and ahgddhkfdgh I really want to explore these topics with him and my brainkids but it WILL take a lot of energy out of me.

And technically my perception of him is based on quite a lot of headcanons, assumptions and "filling in the blanks" but I feel like in his case, it's fitting in a way.

Done dirty by people calling him creepy and portraying him in the """yandere trope""" and still going for the rent joke smfh

Nadia:

Hhhhgh unfortunately I'm just not very invested in her route & the main upright/reversed conflict going on. I've played though it three times and that separation from her family still feels… off? Very much wish we'd see more of the nerdy artisan side that I KNOW exists, some extra background (like a childhood/youth chapter, y'know, like every other character has), things like that. The "deeper than they seem" tile is more of "should've been portrayed deeper than she was portrayed".

Muriel:

Well I've rambled before about how NH did him incredibly dirty with the route, so I'm not going to repeat myself for the Nth time hah.

"Got done dirty" by SOME fans - that can be said by all characters in existence I'm sure, but his case is a painful one - though I also have to mention that there are a lot of passionate people going "no" and making some A+ content and I love to see it.

The closest I can get to "never done anything wrong" so he's the only one getting this tile checked off.

Portia:

Hm. I have to replay her route one of these days, it's been a while and since she barely appears in most other routes, I don't have a great grasp on her at the moment.

It's kinda odd because I do like her as a secondary character, she's a great friend for both of my MCs. As with Nadia, there's an issue with lacking background - but in Portia's case it's just the fact that she didn't play any role in pre-game events, being "new" to Vesuvia. Between that, shortened route and an entire separate villain that doesn't show up anywhere else, I don't have many strong feelings. That might change if I finally come up with a suitable MC for her route though, so we'll see.

[caliwashere]

TGKDN Ch 20.5-22 Thoughts & Spoilers

I didn’t want to spam post so I’m going to shorten these 3 chapters (20.5 is literally almost the same length as a regular chapter sooo)

context: TGKDN is a jjkxoc (additional add-ons: dad!gojoxoc, yutaxoc, megumixoc) fic called Tsuki Ga Kirei Desu Ne. It’s linked in my bio in case anyone wants to read it. I don’t own TGKDN or take credit for the story/OCs! I’m just a fan!

spoilers below ⬇️

- these three chapters are the reason why i support the TGKDN rewrite so much 

- Imma be organized for once and split them into chapters cuz there’s so much to uncover for each of the three chapters (all the ppl who have been following since my old acc gasping cuz Cali’s gonna be organized for once lmaooo) anyways.....

Chapter 20.5

- HIYORI POV LETS GOOO 

-why is it that Hiyori POVs are the rarest when she’s literally the main character of this story ????

- the jars symbolism was just *chef’s kiss*

- honestly highlights one of the main differences between old TGKDN and rewrite TGKDN cuz there’s more in-depth talk about Hiyori’s struggles now to better paint that image of how she’s perfect at the surface 

-p sure this is the gojo and hiyori parallel cuz they’re both strong and “perfect” in almost every way but they’re actually not 

- whole chapter made me tear up a lil ngl like it hit where it hurt cuz it was relatable like the struggle of being responsible and doing what u believe is ur duty (my tsukuyo hiyori analysis rlly on point thooo wooooooo)

-author frames a lot of stuff in a pretty tasteful manner like the darker/heavier chapters involving mental struggle (i.e Jars + Under the Surface chapters) which honestly props to her cuz i could never 

- the only problem is that she does it too well and it rlly hits (my eyes be swollen too much cuz of this story)  where it hurts every time 

-yuta coming in to help my our precious bean (im writing a hiyorixreader fic for my own satisfaction afanfiosa) just at the right moment

-when he ate the salad aodinasioda she was so surprised 

- i had to google wtf a mousse cake was cuz im uncultured lol

- him opening the jar without saying anything and having no clue how his literal presence just makes her feel better 

- she literally says he’s amazing which mirrors what he said about her in one of the earlier chapters (i forgot which one ooops) DONT THINK I DIDNT CATCH THAT AUTHOR

-mans out here thinking its one-sided but she’s just as down bad as he is

-they’re so cute together

-bouta get cavities from how sweet they are

-they need to hurry up and date already aifnasifnsaionas

- feeling extra single after reading that chapter

- my heart feels full

Chapter 21

- PROTECTIVE BESTIE MAKI WOOOOOOOOOO

- love Maki and her POVS

- her and hiyori are literally best friend goals like i want that (if my irls see this ahahah no u didnt)

- the flower shop moment even the flower shop lady can tell yuta’s down bad lmaooo

- HE GETS HER ONE OF HER FAVORTE FLOWERS EVERY SINGLE DAY CUZ WHEN HE FIRST GOT HER A FLOWER IT WAS JUST ONE AFOIASFNIASFA THATS SO CUTE 

- kazuha. back. off.

- let her draw in her sketchbook that best aunt Shoko got her 

- at least he’s dead 😌 better not come between by precious TsukuOkko

- wait Yuri would be such a good ship name for YutaxHiyori thooo and it means lily too 

- my unwarranted kazuha hate cuz he’s literally the reason she got stabbed cuz she remembered his words from a flashback when she was about the absolutely destroy that crazy cult guy

- even Rika finds him creepy and she’s literally a yandere cursed spirit 

- hiyori not believing in soulmates when she’s literally blessed by a GOD and exorcises curses for a living is hilarious. GIRL U LITERALLY HAVE A TALKING FOX WDYM U THINK THE RED STRING OF FATE AND SOULMATES ARE UNREALISTIC 

- i wonder how this will work out since yuta obviously thinks they’re soulmates or smthin 

- ok tsuki is still mega sus but im starting to wonder if her disappearances for long periods of time in the story are just hiyori getting her to investigate stuff

- that would make sense but tsuki is still mega sus

- also still waiting to find out why hiyori paid mei mei 15 MILLION yen like what’s that about??? 

- ik gojo in the actual manga/anime pays mei mei 10 million at one point to help him with something so maybe it’s another parallel but i don’t think so at the same time

- what’s hiyori planning?? like why tell mei mei of all ppl to do it and not someone like nanami or something??

- moving on, what did Tsuki mean by “nothing on Hokkaido”? 

- maybe the mei mei thing + whatever is going on in Hokkaido is connected??

- we know hiyori is from hokkaido since that was where gojo found her soooo i feel like maybe she’s doing some investigation on what happened to her sister?

-back when her profile was up (pre-rewrite) it said that her main cause of stress was her missing sister so ig it makes sense

-im interested on how this subplot goes cuz even in the regular jjk anime/manga there’s a lot up with hokkaido like it just happened to be left out of Kenjaku’s culling games too

- i keep forgetting hiyori is rlly intuitive like ms. ma’am figured out something was up and got the investigation done 

- ok ok so yall know how tsuki says “if this gets out, you know what they’ll try to do since they’ve been trying to make you a more official part of the family for years now” after hiyori finds out that yuta is related to gojo? 

- i think it’s implying a forced marriage cuz we know that even tho hiyori is ADOPTED she’s still gojo’s heir AND we know that there’s a lot of attention and stuff placed on blood relations for the three big clans (like zenin, kamo, and gojo) cuz they’re old-fashioned like that (p sure there’s probably old-fashioned ppl in the gojo clan but not as bad as zenin and kamo cuz gojo satoru is the head of the clan) 

- if yuta and hiyori were to get married then she would be marrying someone of technical gojo blood cuz yuta is related to gojo thru a common ancestor even tho its distant WHICH would probably strengthen her claim as the next head of the gojo clan after satoru since that would make her an actual part of the gojo clan

- that’s definitely gonna be brought up again i can feel it in my bones 

- i think this is where u can see that hiyori, even tho she cares about doing what is most beneficial for the world and stuff along with how she mentioned she was down for an arranged marriage (not to yuta but in general) if that was most beneficiary, cares more about her loved ones cuz she’s not willing to subject yuta to an arranged marriage at all

- so ig i was wrong before and she places her loved ones and their happiness first over the world basically (aot eren yeager flashbacks oop)

-hiyori valuing yuta and rika’s relationship speaks volumes about her character because even tho yea it was probably superficial and like one of those kindergarten playground marriages type beat...it was still love 

- this is one of the reasons why i like hiyori’s character so much cuz never once does she even attempt to stand between rika and yuta’s relationship even tho she obviously has feelings for yuta

- she knows how important rika is to yuta and vice versa so she’s willing to give up and leave her feelings for yuta unrecipocated if that’s what makes both of them happy

- like this along with 20.5 emphasize how hiyori truly sees rika as a FRIEND even tho rika’s a murderous cursed spirit 

- maki is headstrong and obviously cares alot about hiyori so im glad that maki was the one who gave yuta the push he needed 

Chapter 22

- rika is so adorable going for the hello kitty plush aghhh

-  it’s nice that yuta went to tell rika first that he liked hiyori and even went thru the whole process of apologizing and stuff

- it emphasizes how yuta does love rika but he’s moving on now which most yutaxreader and yutaxoc writers don’t do like they undermine rika and yuta’s relationship in favor of the yutaxoc or yutaxreader relationship

- the author of tgkdn never once does this and emphasizes how yuta, even tho hes in love with hiyori, did love rika and still does and she’ll always have a place in his heart no matter what

- its made clear that rika will always be his childhood love and he will always love her but he also loves hiyori and he’s moving on from his past which is probably one of my favorite aspects about this book

- yuta doesn’t suddenly stop loving rika or decide he’s not gonna love her anymore. he still loves rika and he always will but he loves hiyori too and sure that love is probably greater than his love for rika cuz when ur younger u exaggerate a lot but rika will always remain as a part of his past/heart and that’s what matters 

- he chooses hiyori but its made clear that he will always care and love rika

- props to the author for doing that cuz that takes a lot of courage especially when ur own OC is involved (ik hiyori isn’t a self-insert oc but it still requires a lot of courage to pull something like this) to deal with a situation like this 

- back to hiyori, she never oversteps the boundary between her and yuta. she’s made it clear that she won’t pursue her feelings for yuta out of the respect she has for yuta, rika, and their relationships

- that’s what makes her so likeable as an oc cuz she never does something extremely stupid that can hurt other ppl just cuz she’s in love 

- her relationship with rika is one of my favorites cuz hiyori doesnt see rika as a cursed spirit but as who rika is as a person even tho hiyori has NEVER met human rika 

- yuta finding out that hiyori has been visiting rika’s grave broke my heart cuz that’s probably the moment he realized just how much of a kind soul hiyori is to go above and beyond for other people 

- like the moment he made the connection between the hello kitty stuffed animal and the hello kitty bracelet rika had was just perfect

- the flashbacks of what maki told him combined with him talking to rika is just a work of art in my opinion 

- i think this was probably one of the main points of yuta moving on and getting the closure he needs now all that’s left is rika to be freed then he finally has the closure he needs

- her waiting out in the cold for him was so wholesome 

- when hiyori wrapped the scarf around yuta my heartttt ahhhh

- red scarves are the epitome of romance (look at eren and mikasa) 

- him helping her with her coat while she takes his scarf off without either of them saying anything like its the most natural thing in the world 😌

- making sure he gets his favorite food in the bento cuz she knows he’s probably gonna be hungry

- him eating the sour plum thing for her and her moving the bento so his favorite food is in front of him is just so mfing cute

- maki and the others thinking hiyori is crazy for specifically requesting cabbage salad in her dinner even tho hiyori doesnt even like cabbage salad 

- she doesnt even like cabbage salad and yet she asks for it just cuz she knows yuta likes it (the amount of serotonin i get from these two is just ✨)

Summary 

- i think that hiyori and yuta are both stuck in the past to varying degrees

- it’s p obvious especially from “It May Be the Last” and “Under the Surface” that 

- the difference between yuta and hiyori is that they handle what happened to them in different ways like yuta ended up isolating himself and becoming depressed while hiyori continues on with her life and tries to do better 

- she strives to do better, to get stronger, so it won’t happen again and bottles up her emotions so they dont get in the way of that while yuta doesn’t bottle his emotions up

- its obvious that she’s improving and doing it less thanks to yuta, maki, and the others as seen mainly in “Rika’s Love” and “Jars”

- i hope they can learn from each other and move on from their traumatic pasts together 

- they both have a lot to unpack until they’re finally free of the past but they’re helping each other with it even if they themselves don’t know it 

- the fact that they’re both unintentionally/unknowingly helping each other thru tough times and dealing with their pasts is what makes their relationship so likeable

- ik i talk about liking hiyori a lot and that’s just because she’s a likeable OC. she’s not the type that needs saving from anyone and she’s independent

-she’s strong and knows she is 

- i just like strong female characters 

- she’s not dumb like a lot of other OCs/reader-inserts (i get that having a dumb oc/reader-insert is supposed to make them relatable but it just gets rlly annoying sometimes cuz it’s just one bad decision after another)

- it’s not like she’s perfect either tho

- it’s shown that she still has moments where she fails (and boy does she fail like she literally almost died cuz of it) and she’s flawed but her flaws enhance her character rather than make her hateable. 

- another big reason is that hiyori is nice and basically a ray of sunshine unlike most OCs/reader-inserts who act cool/cold (tsunderes and kuuderes). 

- she doesn’t try to act cold towards other ppl or try to push them away like what most OCs/reader-inserts do either 

- she’s not toxic

- there’s no her trying to deny her feelings for yuta or anything. 

- she just accepts it. 

- she doesn’t cry in front of everyone but she DOES cry in front of those closes to her. she has breakdowns and she cries which makes her human. 

- sorry now im just going on a tangent but yea i rlly like hiyori’s character and props to the author for doing out-of-the-box wild stuff 

[thekillingmoonmoon]

helllooooo (seriously whenever i type this is imagine i'm mrs doubtfire https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b7xggNtNdAE and i giggle foreeever)

i told myself i would wait until you came back from hiatus to send you more messages so as not to disturb said hiatus. i tried, i really did. so merry belated crisis and happy new year!! i hope you're doing alright! <3 i see and dig the new theme. this shade of red is amazing!

bonten, the botanical edition. mikey was the venus flytrap that started all this, right? and mochi as a green leafy dude haha. i went looking for something that made me think of mochi and i ended up with this lemon lime maranta because it reminds me of his teenage braid and bonten thin-line facial hair (https://hometoheather.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/06/lemon-lime-prayer-plant-sm.jpg).

as for the rest... challenge accepted, let's gooo.

ran for me has to be a flowering bird of paradise plant... it's just so extra (https://gardenerspath.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/Bird-of-Paradise-Flower-on-a-Black-Background.jpg).

rindou... is a napoleon jellyfish flower (https://media.sciencephoto.com/image/c0074933/800wm).

i'm visually shallow, this is kakucho, a fishtail palm (https://www.bhg.com/gardening/plant-dictionary/tree/fishtail-palm/).

sanzu... i had to look up a plant that represented loyalty but was also kind of prickly, like he'd keep you at arm's length (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Veronica_hederifolia#/media/File:Veronica_hederifolia_Nashville.jpg)

takeomi made me laugh because you suggested a tobacco plant so i naturally had to go find a ciggie-looking type (https://d3bbsv6h7qkr8y.cloudfront.net/9d/00/9d00e0d4419822c62fc75f5fc4f6aaf1.jpg).

for koko i love your suggestion of a money plant. i found this type, a lunaria, which look like silver dollars (https://www.thespruce.com/silver-dollar-plant-lunaria-4125718)

my resolution this year is to split things up and not leave walls of text. it will last two turns because i am terrible at remember what i said i would do.

i hope you don't see this until you're ready to come back <3 💐

beloved💐 anon

thank you so much for resending Botanical Bonten <3 knowing I could create my own little Bonten garden made me very happy :]

I took the liberty of saving and putting all your suggestions below so that everyone can enjoy your brilliance <3

OKAY LET'S GO

Ran's flower - I did not know these beasts were called Birds of Paradise! They're actually indigenous to South Africa, so they're very common in gardens - we call them Strelitzia though, Birds of Paradise much be the more foreign, Western name. These flowers/plants... They grow big. like huge. they get very tall, which seems right for our lanky Ran, no? 10/10 I love the South African representation hehe

Rindou - babe, I giggled so much, so so much when I saw this! what is this flower?? why does it look Like That? don't get me wrong, I want to fill my garden with these funny little guys but I'm very... confused...

Sanzu! very suitable! it has this delicate feel to the flower (don't tell me Sanzu doesn't look delicate. He's so small compared to Mucho and has these long lashes and pretty eyes) and then BOOM, prickles! (which also look like eyelashes) Sidenote - how intrigued are you about the upcoming chapters and the soon-to-be revealed drama? I'm at the edge of my seat, because I need to know the origin of these scars! please!

Omi - I wheezed when I saw these. Yes, very ciggy shaped, also very strange-looking? not for everyone (which is also Takeomi to a tee) but I find them very pretty (maybe in my ideal gothic garden I will spare a patch of earth to grow these)

Okay, so the links you sent gave me trouble (weh) so I went and got other images for the rest

Koko- okay apparently these are also called "Honesty flowers" which is really ironic if you ask me, since Koko cannot even be honest with himself, let alone others :(. but these are so pretty! they also have purple flowers, which adds to the whole luxury/royalty vibe Koko has going

Kaku - these.. can grow very.. large. Like tree large. wow. they must be a menace to maintain (not that Kaku would ever be a menace, he's the best of the bunch) I like your choice, the frill on the end does match his scar

Mochi - these are incredibly aesthetically pleasing I'm not gonna lie. they also seem to spread? like they send off these wandering branches which is fun. your aesthetic matching of Mochi various (tragic) hairstyles is spot-on here <3

Thank you for the gift that is the Bonten Garden <3 Ii hope you have a lovely week (please tell me your thoughts on the recent chapters!!!!)

lots of love

🐰🌙

P.S. thank you for notiicing the new theme! I worked way too hard on find the right gif for the header and the right shades of red :( so your comment made me feel very warm and fuzzy

[avversiera-writes]

try again; in every day we breathe life [tobirama senju/you] - chapter 5

Chapter 5 - Then 

Summary: continuation of chapter 4, Tobirama finds out that your copulating sessions have been successful. 

Word Count: ~4k

A/N: welp, here we gooo. almost done tbh. if you prefer to read on ao3, then go ahead since most of the chapters have been posted there. 

available on AO3. 

Chapter 1 - Now | Chapter 2 - Then, part 1 | Chapter 2 - Then, part 2 | Chapter 3 - Now | Chapter 4 - Then | 

When Tobirama is determined, he is very tenacious. He does not let up until the results are up to his satisfaction. Which would probably explain why the moment he comes home, the two of you are rushing upstairs to make it to the bedroom to fuck and not on the stairs, or the hallways, or anywhere else where you could get caught in an embarrassing way. You’re probably already pregnant from the first time, but since there is no way of telling at the moment, Tobirama has taken it upon himself to make sure that the deed is done well and good. He comes home earlier than usual, despite the heavy work that has to be done for the peaceful treaty with Kumogakure, and then if he still has some work to do, he goes back to the office and leaves you satiated. 

 You can tell that Tobirama is excited, despite not showing it. When you tease him about it, he only says that it is part of his duty to bring a new generation of shinobis into the village, especially as the Hokage, but when you look away, you can feel his gaze on you and practically feel his wonder at the prospect of having children. Of course, the both of you have that duty to parent children, but you trust Tobirama to be a good father and a teacher, because he had a huge hand in fostering young children into good shinobis. 

You can tell that there is also a lot on his mind, and he seems to be a bit worried about how he will be as a father. It is on the way his brows knit whenever you mention the small things you want your children to experience or whenever you see something on the street, like a toy or a nursery crib for sale. 

 You cannot get anything out of him though, so you can only guess for now. 

Today is one of those slow days, so you take it upon yourself to look for Kimiko, so that the two of you can plan ahead for your pregnancy. You are still not sure what steps to take or whatever supplements you might have to take because you never bothered to take those things seriously. Now, you wish you had because you hate bothering people for help, even though it was offered to you. 

 You chuckle silently to yourself. You preach about things people ought to do, like asking for help, but sometimes you fail to do just that. However, this is something you are trying to change about yourself. You still have a lot of growing to do. 

You head to the kitchen, accidentally startling the servants that are there. 

 You smile at them kindly, and take your time to inquire about them. You share a few laughs, and then, you ask if there is something you can do to help out, hoping that there really is something, but they refuse your help and reassure you that they can take care of everything. Not being able to say anything else, you leave them be and you go on for your search for Kimiko. 

 Finally, you find her outside, hanging up bedsheets on the clothesline. 

 “Kimiko-san!” You call with relief. You jump over the steps leading to the ground and jog to her. 

Kimiko stares at you worriedly. “My lady, you must not hurry like that. You could get hurt.”

 You shrug, and you help her spread the next sheet over the clothesline. You give her a small smile. “My husband says the same thing.” 

 Kimiko chuckles as she places a pin over the blanket. “He is very protective of you.”

 “Too much, at times,” you giggle and you hand Kimiko another clothespin. 

“He means well,” Kimiko replies and the two of you finish the rest of the laundry in silence. 

After hanging all the laundry, Kimiko leads you towards the dining room and asks you to wait there. You look towards the wall, where you and the other servants have hung some tapestries that Tobirama had received as gifts for becoming the Hokage, and to the painting of a snow mountain range on the wall. The house is minimal and almost spartan, but it is comfortable and pleasing to look at. You want the decorations to be practical, and because at times you couldn’t make yourself care about such things, you decided to make do with the collections of arts that Tobirama and the other Senju clan members have curated and given to your household. 

 Some are kept in storage as you have no idea where to place them. There are rooms in the house that remain empty, but you know that your husband may need those spaces for his growing library and his multiple journals, or his unfinished inventions that may never see the light of the day and your combined weapons. 

 And the rest of the rooms upstairs can be the rooms for your future children. 

 You smile at the thought and tuck that inside your mind for later entertaining. 

You light the incense burner propped on a stand and then you go back to your seat, feeling a bit restless. You wish you could put your extra energy into training or being a shinobi, but those days are over. If you decide to defy your husband and continue to take missions, the people of Konoha may talk, and you do not want them to speak ill of your husband. They already concern themselves with your reproductive capabilities. They cannot be privy to any of your marital matters. 

You sigh tiredly, but Kimiko walks in and you immediately compose yourself and shoot her a smile. 

“Let’s begin!” You say excitedly. 

 Kimiko lays out several herbs and medicines on the table, some in vials or jars, and you are drawn to the colors, like a little kid. She sits down in front of you and gives you an amused smile and you give her your full attention, like you assume how good students do. 

“Do you know whether you’re pregnant yet?” Kimiko inquires. 

 You shrug, and give her a meek smile. “No. I am assuming that I will have to wait and see next month.” 

 Kimiko sits down in front of you, unsure of how to react. “Well, do you feel any different? Do you feel nauseous? More tired than usual? Light-headed?”

 “No,” you think back and reflect on this hectic month, but you come up with nothing. “I don’t have any problems with fertility, do I?” You feel some dread creeping up your throat. The thought of it almost brings tears to your eyes and you’re not much of a crier. 

 “No, my lady,” Kimiko immediately reassures. “Sometimes it takes a while. It’s different for women, not all experiences are the same across the board.” She smiles and reaches for your hand. “Besides, it’s a bit too early to tell. I was just asking because I don’t know how long you two have been, well, you know.”

You blush and stare at her, dumbfounded. “Oh.” 

 “Do not worry too much,” Kimiko squeezes your hand. “Besides, that is not good for you. You don’t want your body to be stressed.” 

You nod and then gesture at the small apothecary that she brought with her. “So where do we start?” 

 “Well, since you are not pregnant yet, we’re just going to make sure that you’re eating healthy and that you’re taking care of yourself,” Kimiko says. “You need to take some supplements, and I can prepare those with every meal you have.”

 “What kind?” 

 “Like, when you’re pregnant, sometimes a woman’s body will be depleted of iron, so you’ll have to take more of that. You’ll need to eat lots of vegetables too, to get your source of vitamins. Ginger tea as well.” 

 “For?”

 “Morning sickness, and the like.”

“I don’t even know where to begin,” you tell her, but you have already noted down the important details in your mind. “It sounds like a lot.”

 Kimiko nods. “You need not to worry, my lady. It will be part of your daily routine, and I will help you.” 

Kimiko begins to point out the herbs and the tea leaves, and some of the medicines that she brought with her, and you do your best to follow. You memorize the vials for treating certain symptoms that do not sound all good to you, and the jars with the ginger roots and the honey citrus tea, and other pleasant smelling green leaves that she presented. 

 Then, she tells you all about what to expect in the coming months. They do not sound delightful, especially when she tells you about the swollen legs and your muscles loosening and the gaining of weight or the crazy cravings, but then she tells you about what to look forward to, such as the first kick of your baby, and that you can even talk to them while inside your womb. 

“Do you have any questions?” Kimiko asks as she notices that you have grown quiet. 

 You shake your head. “No, not really. I’m just…”

 “Overwhelmed?” Kimiko supplies a gentle smile.

 You chuckle. “Yes. A little. I’m scared and excited.”

The doors of the dining room slides open, and they reveal your husband, dressed in his training clothes, the blue wrap-around shirt and trousers and his mesh under armour, and the green sash tied across his waist. Sweat covers his neck and his chest, and you observe his collarbones, finding yourself pressing your lips together. 

“Rough day?” You ask with a sly smile. 

 Kimiko clears her throat and she starts to gather the things from the table. The servants of the house are probably tired of the two of you flirting and fucking around. 

“Are those opiates?” Tobirama inquires, his eyes narrowing suspiciously. He glances at you with a raised eyebrow. “Is she alright?” 

 Kimiko lets out a strained laugh, and you take note the way her voice changed. “Ah, my lord. Those are for pain-numbing concoctions. They can be used in small doses, and should your wife need it for the pain that comes with giving birth…”

 Tobirama nods. “I see.” His forehead wrinkles. “I need to talk to my wife.” 

You roll your eyes at Tobirama’s abruptness and you jump up to your feet. You quickly walk up to him and push him out of the dining room, and usher him towards the hallway that leads to upstairs. 

“You are so rude,” you scold playfully. You bump your shoulder against his arm. “I forgot to ask her how I can find out if I’m pregnant. I’m sure there's, like, some mystical way of doing it. Like tracing the stars on the skies, or like, a lunar eclipse.”

Tobirama crosses his arms and he rolls his eyes. “Just take some wheat or barley seeds and proceed to urinate on it. If it grows, then you are pregnant. If not, then, we’d have to keep trying.” 

 Your jaw drops open. The idea of it is embarrassing to even think about doing.

 Tobirama glances at you indifferently. “I have many nephews. The Senjus did this to confirm pregnancies. Barley for boys, wheat for girls.” 

 “You’re joking, right?” 

Tobirama raises his eyebrows and stares at you pointedly. You are not sure whether he is kidding or not, and it makes you a little peeved. 

“Why would I?” Tobirama asks in a tone that makes you think otherwise. 

 “The Senju and their plants,” you roll your eyes and let out a small sigh. 

Tobirama shrugs, and you press your hand against his chest, and you push him towards the wall. 

“What are you doing?” Tobirama suddenly looks alarmed. 

 “A service.”

 “I beg to differ,” Tobirama looks offended. A harsh, red blush begins to creep up his neck and his ears. 

You pull him against yourself using the sash around his waist. 

 “Our Hokage’s been hard at work,” you whisper on his lips. “It’s only right that I reward him for it.” 

 Tobirama leans his head  away, but there is nowhere for him to go. 

You stand on your tiptoes, and you lean forward to catch his lips. Tobirama stops, and when you pull away, he looks at you, bewildered and suddenly speechless. 

 “What?” You ask. “What were you thinking?” You give him a cheeky grin. 

Tobirama’s face pinks and his hands grasp the sides of your arms. “Nothing.” 

 “Hm-hm. That’s what I thought.” 

Tobirama’s jaw tenses, and you cannot help but smile wider. 

“You do this on purpose.” 

 “Whatever do you mean, Lord Nidaime?” You feign innocence. You lean closer to his face. “What did you want to talk with me about?” 

Tobirama stares at you, at a loss. 

 “I’m listening–”

Tobirama seals your lips with a kiss, so quick that it does not register to you that your back has hit your bed. The seal that Tobirama plasted on the bed recently does have its perks. 

“Let’s use that bratty mouth of yours to good use, shall we?” Tobirama growls into your ear, and your breath catches in your throat. 

 Tobirama slips two fingers into your mouth, the pads of his fingers brushing against the roof of your mouth. You swirl your tongue around his fingers and you begin to suck at it, and Tobirama’s eyes narrow with lust. 

 “Good girl,” he whispers. 

//

Sweaty and panting, you and your Senju husband lie side by side on the bed. Your body is still trembling from the ecstasy of being filled over and over again by Tobirama’s seed, and each touch and movement makes your shudder and moan. Tears stream down the side of your eyes, and you are sure that you have drooled yourself, but none of that registers yet. Your mind is still frayed, and you remember the sensation of Tobirama’s cock pulsating in your mouth, the way his aroused flesh just feels so rubbery and slick, and the way it throbbed and hardened inside you until he had emptied his load in you. 

 You touch your tongue to your lips, and you close your eyes, still seeing stars. 

You feel his rough hand on your waist, and you whimper, unable to bear any slight movement at the moment. Tobirama gathers you into his arms and you tense up. It takes a moment, but finally, you relax and melt into him. 

“Dinner will be ready in an hour,” Tobirama states. 

 “Hm,” you say, or what you think you have said. 

You share another moment of silence with each other, and you are content to listen to his racing heartbeat, which you have familiarized yourself with. You know every inflection and startle of his heart, and whether they mean he is calm or stressed. 

 Finally, your bones have settled into a pleasant feeling of fatigue, and you turn to your husband slightly. 

 “Something on your mind?” 

 Tobirama takes a minute to answer you. “Yes.”

 “What is it?” 

 “The peace negotiations with Kumo are successful. We will have the peace ceremony in six months.” 

 “That is good,” you comment, your eyes flitting close. 

 “I hope so,” Tobirama says. “I will have to go.” 

 “Do you want me to come with you?” 

 “No, I’d rather you stay here, knowing that you will be safe,” Tobirama answers. “Besides, if all things go well, you’ll be pregnant, and the trip to Kumo will not be suitable for your health.” 

“All right,” you acquiesce. 

 “That easy?” 

 “You know best.” 

 “I thought it’d be hard to convince you.” 

You roll your eyes. “Believe it or not, I actually do listen to you.” 

 Tobirama lets out a low, amused chuckle. “I see.”

 “You laughed,” you yawn. 

 “I beg to differ.” 

 “Chuckled,” you dreamily correct. “I’ll pull more laughs from you, Senju. Mark my words.”

Tobirama brushes your hair from your face and plants a kiss behind your ear. “I am counting on them.” 

//

A new month begins, and you anticipate for the week of your menstruation. You find yourself alone again, as these days Tobirama does not want you to concern yourself with any of his Hokage duties. He has been mostly focused with Kumogakure, and while you want to do everything in your power to help him, you know that this is something that he may have to do alone, as he is the best in delegating. Inserting yourself into his manifested but fragile chaos may not let him give his full attention to it. Besides, this is the first outside project that Tobirama has taken on as the Second Hokage. The best you can do for now is to support him. 

 In your alone time, you pick up on reading again, whether they are about parenthood that Tobirama brought into the house at one point, or books of poems and fiction that he had curated over the years. 

 And in that alone time, you ponder the idea of what Tobirama had told you a while ago. 

If it does not work, then I’ll have a good laugh, you tell yourself as you go into the kitchen. 

You rummage through the kitchen, being careful not to make any noise so that no one will come to hear your lame excuse of being here. Finally, you get your hands on wheat and barley seeds and a humongous amount of snacks because you are hungry and these snacks look delicious, and just thinking about how its flavors make you look forward to eating them. 

 You feel silly just holding on to these seeds, but you make it quick by stuffing a pot with soil, planting the seeds there and doing the rest in your bathroom. Then, you hide the pot in the inner garden downstairs, and you stay the rest of the day in your room, eating and studying. 

Time goes by so slowly when you are not doing much, and pretty soon, you find your eyes growing heavy, and before you know it, you are sleeping in the comfort of your bed. 

 When you open your eyes, it is nighttime, and your husband is peering at you with concern or maybe disapproval because you remember leaving some snacks on the bed. He touches your forehead and his cool palm makes you flip your eyes close. 

“The servants tell me you have not come down to eat lunch and dinner,” Tobirama states. “Are you unwell?” 

 You yawn and stretch, and you blink blearily at him. “No?” It takes a moment for his words to register. “Wait, I missed dinner?” 

 “It is almost midnight,” Tobirama replies. 

“Oh,” you deadpan. 

 Tobirama sighs. “Let’s get you something to eat.” 

 “Did you just come home now?” You ask as you follow him down to the dining room. 

“I got held up at work,” Tobirama replies vaguely. He makes sure that you are seated on the table and he disappears into the kitchen for a while. 

 When he arrives, he brings a whole entree of food with him: the rice, soup with vegetables and meat, steamed sweet potatoes, fish and a few side dishes to go with it. 

 Tobirama silently sets up your plate and utensils, and you thank him and begin to eat the rest of the food in silence. When the rice has run out, Tobirama stands up to get more without saying anything, only choosing to comment about making sure to slow down and chew through your food. You shrug at him, still hungry despite devouring the last of the sweet potatoes. 

Tobirama narrows his eyes, but he keeps mum for the rest of the night, and leaves you to your own thoughts. 

//

You peek from the threshold of Tobirama’s study. Your husband of almost three years is hard at work as always, with his jutsu inventing or just general Konoha policy work. You observe him for a moment, and you can’t help cracking a smile at the way his eyebrows knit together the deeper his concentration gets. His lips press together in a tight line, but you sense no bad tension from him. Right now, he is currently reading one of his notes–probably from one of his current experiments–and then transcribing it on another blank paper. 

 “Is there something I can help you with?” Tobirama finally asks and he puts down his pen. 

 You walk into his study and towards him. You gingerly take his face with both of your hands, and you study him. Your thumbs come up to caress his cheeks and then, you plant a soft kiss on his forehead. 

 “You look tired,” you comment. “You should get some sleep.” 

 “I need to finish this,” Tobirama replies, but whatever focus he has woven before you came, it is now gone and replaced by the tender attentiveness he offers to only you. 

 “Is it urgent?” You murmur. You bring a hand to his forehead and brush his hair up to reveal his pale forehead. “Can I help?” You kiss his forehead again, and then his lips. 

A smile flits through Tobirama’s face but it is gone before you can even process it. 

“It is urgent, but it requires about nine months of waiting,” Tobirama replies, and he places his hands on your waist. It seems like he is willing to be more affectionate these days. “Go rest.” 

You roll your eyes. “I have been resting a lot these days, Lord Nidaime. Why do you keep making me rest, hm? I’ve had ample rest time.” 

 Tobirama looks down at your stomach, and then at you. He does not speak, and he squeezes one side of your waist reassuringly. His face softens as an affirmation takes place on his face. 

“Do you know why?” Tobirama murmurs. 

 “No,” you start. “I thought you were just being your neurotypical, paranoid self.” 

 Tobirama sighs. “How are your meals? Do you find them agreeable? Do you tire easily?”

 You stare at Tobirama as if he had grown another head, but you know that if you do not answer, he will keep pressing you. “My meals are fine, and agreeable. I find it impossible to get tired these days since you keep micromanaging my sleep.” 

Your answers bring relief to Tobirama and you stare at him, confused. “Is there something that I should know?” 

 Tobirama takes both of your hands, and holds onto them tightly. “It feels strange that I am the one breaking the news of your pregnancy for you.” 

Your mouth drops in shock, and the two of you stare at each other, one in disbelief, and the other smug. 

 “H-How?!” You stammer. 

 “I sensed a disturbance in your chakra, and...I realized that it has the same signature as mine. Yours flare stronger than usual, too.” 

 “Since when?” 

 “I confirmed it just now. Besides, it was just a theory.” 

 “Dammit, Tobirama,” you reply, more out of habit, but you are not exasperated with him. 

Tobirama presses a kiss into your palms, and then your wrists. Warmth travels through your chest, and when you find your husband’s eyes, it is easily perceptible that he shares the same feelings as you. 

 “Now, go rest,” Tobirama orders, but the softness in his voice is so palpable, you are reeling from it. 

 You roll your eyes, and start to exit the study. You hear the shuffling of papers behind you, and you feel relief in your heart that he is not pushing himself as much.

 Tobirama suddenly calls your name and you turn to him, expectant. 

 You watch as he takes a few seconds to steel himself. He is looking down at his hands, which are slightly trembling and he starts to pick at the corner of papers he stacked himself.

 “Thank you, for making me a father,” Tobirama finally looks at you, and his voice is unexpectedly soft. The usual hardness in his tone is gone, replaced by this man, that is all soft tight-lipped smiles towards you. He is without the cold exterior that you experience from time to time. 

 This is Senju Tobirama, the man that you have always seen in him. Here in front of you, he is not the Nidaime Hokage, not the fastest shinobi in this generation, not the hailed politician nor his brother’s keeper. 

 He is just your husband right, here. Now. 

“I know I impose on you a lot, but I also hope that you can depend on me some more. I am your husband,” Tobirama quietly says, his eyes set towards the ground. “I cannot promise that I will be a good father, but I must try. My own child cannot experience the cruelty I grew up with.”

 “I know you will,” you tell him, and you give him a grin. “I know that you will protect them and fight for them, and that is what a good father does.” 

 Tobirama meets your gaze, and he nods. “Go. I will meet you in the bedroom in a moment.” 

You smile, and you almost break out into a run, but Tobirama quickly reprimands you. 

 “Walk, do not run,” you hear him say from his study. 

You walk, but you hurry towards the inner garden where you hid the pot of wheat and barley seeds. You pull it out from its hiding place, and you stare at it, joy bubbling deep inside your chest. 

 Tears prickle your eyes, and you blink them away. 

 The wheat has begun to grow, and you let out a breath that you have been holding. 

 You are with a child, and the realization makes you want to jump from excitement. You laugh to yourself, and decide to tell Tobirama your findings later, when the pregnancy is well on its way.

To be continued...

Chapter 6 - Now >>

[johnnysnostril]

Without You

chapter five

mark’s pov

i clenched my jaw and tilted my head. he was challenging me. 

challenged accepted, my friend.

“yeah. she is- but.” i started. “who’s to say she wont be waking up in mine?”

i finished my redbull then tossed the can over to the trash, then pulled out the hidden bottle of vodka.

i took a long sip.

johnny laughed, keeping his eyes on ivy- as she took a seat on the couch.

“you won’t win.” he mumbled.

“you sure?” i asked, downing another drink.

“you can’t even talk when you’re around her.”

he glanced over at me, then sized me up before hopping off the counter.

“i’d really like to see you try to get her out of my clothes.”

jaehyun’s pov.

alonna was now making her way downstairs. i stood over by the banister, beating myself up for slamming the door in her face.

“shit.�� i said underneath my breath.

i quickly pulled out a hoodie with some sweats- dressing myself, then grabbed an extra pair of clothes for alonna.

running downstairs, i looked in both directions to find her.

nothing.

“uh, where’d alonna go?” i asked ivy.

she pointed to the balcony.

i rushed outside, sliding the glass door open.

alonna was sitting in the swing chair, hugging her arms close to her chest. i could see her shivering. she watched her feet as they swung back and forth- humming to herself a little.

“you really wanna get sick, don’t you?” as i closed the glass door, i realized that she didn’t look up from her feet.

i rubbed the back of my neck, slowly walking over to her- leaning against the railing.

“will you come inside with me?” i asked, dangling my extra hoodie in front of her.

“i’m sure you’d like a hot shower.” i continued.

“i can’t do this anymore.” she muttered.

i furrowed my brows.

“the pretending.” alonna glanced up at me with a blank stare.

i sighed and sat down next to her. looking over my shoulder at the glass door, i made sure no one was watching.

“can we not do this right now, please?” i closed my eyes.

no one knew our secret.

“do what, jae?” she suddenly stood up. “act like we didn’t do what we did?”

“alonna, please keep your voice down.” i whispered. “im not going to argue with you. especially with your sister here. which, by the way- is pretty damn weird, since you haven’t mentioned you even had a sister.”

she rolled her eyes.

“just like you don’t wanna talk about ivy. i don’t wanna talk about that night.. at least, not right now.” 

we were both quiet.

i took a second to process what was going on, before standing up and pulling alonna into a hug.

“just a little longer, okay? i need you to be patient.” i mumbled into her wet hair.

i squeezed her tight, but i didn’t feel her arms around me.

“i would rather not be hidden.” 

alonna pulled away, stomping back inside.

ivy’s pov

i giggled as haechan jumped up and down, celebrating his victory. 

“i win again! can’t beat haechan!” he shouted and slapped his chest.

“yeah, yeah. you cheated.” mark laughed as he tossed the controlled onto the coffee table.

johnny sat off to the side. he was quiet, not really speaking to anyone in the room. just sat, with his phone in his hand.

“so, you like scary movies?” mark asked as he sat down next to me.

i pulled my legs into my chest, to give him more room.

“i do, actually.” i smiled, tilting my head.

i watched mark’s eyes scan the room. he squinted a bit as he looked over at johnny. he slightly smirked, breathing a laugh.

“my kinda girl.”

his words made my legs tingle a little bit. i wasn’t sure what that meant- and i defiantly wasn’t sure if he was supposed to be saying that.

“everyone else doesn’t really like scary movies, but- if you’re down. we can go to mine and haechan’s room? it’ll be..” he stopped. 

“more quiet.” he chuckled as he watched jungwoo and taeil fight over one of the controllers. 

i nodded my head.

“sure. let me just go ask alonna.” i hopped up from the couch and ran outside to the balcony.

stepping on the cold concrete, i saw jae huddled in the corner by himself.

“oh, i’m sorry. i thought alonna was out here.” i laughed nervously.

jaehyun looked up at me. 

his eyes and nose looked a little red.

“are you okay? it’s pretty cold out here.” i slipped my hands into johnny’s sweater.

alonna’s pov

i sat in the lobby, shivering. 

this was stupid. this entire thing was just so stupid.

i flipped my phone in my lap, keeping my eyes on the entrance to the hotel.

suddenly, my phone started ringing.

“sister<3″ 

“damn it.” i groaned before answering.

“where’d you go?” ivy giggled into the phone.

“i’m sorry- i’m just so used to storming out by myself after...”

i stopped.

“you left?” she whined. 

i shook my head. relieved that she didn’t ask what i meant.

“i’m just downstairs in the lobby.”

i wanted to tell her so bad. like badly. the lies were just burning in my chest at this point. and i was scared that if she asked me what was up, the flames were just going eat her up too.

i sighed into the phone.

“i called an uber..” i mumbled.

“i’m coming down now!”

a few moments later, the elevator pinged and ivy ran towards me.

she looked so cute in johnny’s oversized clothing.

“i’m leaving too then.” ivy mentioned as she tried to catch her breath.

i laughed and hugged her.

“you don’t even have your stuff silly. stay. you looked like you were having a good time.”

ivy stomped her feet.

“no. you have to stay with me.” as she hooked herself onto my arm, the elevator pinged again.

it was jaehyun.

i rolled my eyes and looked off to the side.

“don’t be mad at me. he followed me down.” ivy said speaking softly.

jaehyun’s pov

i leaned against the wall, watching ivy and alonna from afar. as i slipped my hands into my pockets, ivy turned around and smiled at me.

i smiled back and waved.

after a few moments, ivy made her way over to me.

“alonna wants to know if you can take us home.” she pouted.

i chuckled at her reaction and shook my head.

“now why would i do that?”

i switched my gaze over to alonna. her hair was finally starting to dry up a little.

“to be honest, i don’t want to leave. mark and i were just about to watch a scary movie.” ivy folded her arms. “alonna always ruins the fun time.” she whined.

“omg, keep that between me and you.” ivy held out her pinky.

“i’ll kill you if you tell her that i said that.”

i zipped my lip then connected our pinkies.

“she’ll probably kill me before you get a chance too.” i playfully winked. 

“why don’t you go upstairs with mark. we’ll be up in a minute.”

ivy nodded then made a run for elevator.

alonna groaned loudly as she watched ivy.

“we’re supposed to be leaving..” she shouted.

the lobby was no completely empty, beside the employees behind the counter.

“are you done?” i asked alonna.

my eyes started to scan her body.

“i know you’re not really mad at me. you just want attention.” i said confidently.

she placed her hands on her hips and cocked her eyebrow.

“excuse me.” 

she was cute when she copped an attitude.

“stop.” i said holding up my hand. “don’t talk. just listen.”

i started.

“you want me to reassure you. you want me to be open with my feelings. i get it. but-” i walked towards her, towering over her body.

i pushed her hair back off her shoulder, running my fingertips against her skin.

“i can’t do that with you know who, watching us.”

her breath hitched in her throat. she then closed her eyes, fighting back tears.

ivy’s pov

running back into the room, mark was waiting for me on the edge of the couch.

“kay.” i said excited.

he clapped his hands together and smiled, pushing himself off the couch.

“let’s gooo.” 

as he walked past me, he slid his palm against my waist- causing me to arch my back slightly.

i paused for a moment.

is he- flirting with me?

i shook my head, trying to get rid of that thought.

“johnny..” i called out for him. 

he looked up from his phone and smiled at me.

“you’ve been quiet..” i said pulling his sleeves over my hands.

“do you wanna come watch a movie with us?” i asked.

he shook his head.

it was almost like he was a little jealous.

“i had other plans for us.” 

johnny stood then wrapped his arm around my shoulder, looking right at mark.

“i noticed your bracelet.” he said taking my hand and pulling my sleeve back.

“you like ryuk?” he asked.

i gasped deeply.

“you know this anime??” i said slapping his chest. 

“it’s my favorite.” johnny smiled down at me, then tucked some hair behind my ear.

i swallowed hard.

“i was thinking we could re-watch it?” he shrugged. “but, if you’d like to watch your scary movie with mark- we can schedule it another time.” 

he tilted his head, looking down at my lips then back into my eyes.

[frisbee-camp]

Let Me Help

AO3 Link//Wattpad Link

Tj and Cyrus have been friends for a long time, but will that change after life comes crashing down and impulsive decisions catch up to them? (Angst, Ambi, love notes, slow burn, aged up so they're all in high school, god tier ships, mental health, and like a whole bunch more ladies! Let’s get this angst.)

Chapter 12 The Ocean is Six Miles Deep

From Muffin 😸: SKKSKSKSKSKSK WHAT IS THISS Sent: IDK lmao some kid on the basketball team sent it to me From Muffin 😸: I- From Muffin 😸:Best thing I've ever seen!!!!!!!!!! WHAT A TINY KITTTYYYYY AWWWWW Sent: Cutest thing ever right???  From Muffin 😸:Thank you for making my day Tyler James  From Muffin 😸:OH I FORGOT TO TELL YOUUUUUUU Sent: What?? whats wrong??? From Muffin 😸:NOthing,,,,,, but Nala is going to have puppies!!!!!! Sent: OH,...mygod.... From Muffin 😸: IKNOW RIGHT Sent: uhh they're mine now sry not sry From Muffin 😸:ybflhbdsonsj don't worry we'll have our own puppies someday,, my parents already have people who want them 😭 Sent: That's the worst thing I have ever heard in my entire life  Sent: what type of puppies do you want ill get you some for our future home From Muffin 😸: YES our future home must have at LEAST 30 puppies at all times From Muffin 😸:I WANT ALL OF THE PUPPIES GIVE ME ALL OF THEMMM Sent: hahaha i'll try my best  Sent: Ok Cy i really gotta gooo but i'll see you tomorrow? From Muffin 😸: NOOOOOOOO 😭😭🥺 Sent: Underdog...........its so late oh my god go to bed. GOODNIGHTTT 😊 TJ rubbed his eyes and looked at his clock, it was already 3 am and it was Sunday night. He knew he'd see Cyrus at school tomorrow. After last week's winter market, TJ had found himself gravitating towards Cyrus and his friends. He now considered them his closest friends. Wherever Cyrus was, he was there too. Cyrus had even gone over to TJs house to play video games Cyrus was extremely horrible at, they ended up eating canned peaches and playing Mario Cart (TJ let him win every time). Things were finally feeling stable, It felt like old times. He finally felt accepted, and yet there was always something off about the situation. If Cyrus really liked him like everyone told him, then why hadn't he said anything about it?  "Hey stranger," Cyrus had said to him the next morning after plopping his backpack on the table. TJ didn't care that he had to wake up thirty minutes earlier to talk to Cyrus in the mornings, he was glad to see him. "Hi," Tj smiled. He was only slightly tired.  "How'd you sleep?" Cyrus said lightly. "How did you sleep?" TJ retorted.  "Me? Like a baby." Cyrus smiled and laid his head on his backpack. Tj grinned, but he still felt like something was off. TJ laid his hands on the table, lightly fiddling with the straps of Cyrus' backpack. Cyrus put his own hand on Tj's. Tj's hand stopped moving, but his heart was about to beat out of his chest. They both knew they were something more than friends, but neither of them knew how to talk about it.  "So," Tj said.  "So...what?" Cyrus said  "Um," Tj bit his lip, he didn't quite know what to say. "I used to like Jonah," Cyrus said, as he played with TJ's fingers, "Is that okay with you?" Cyrus looked up at him, Tj didn't know if he'd ever seen such nice eyes in his life.  He nodded, his lip faintly curling, "Used to?" he said. Cyrus nodded slightly and looked away, "Yeah, well he's with Walker now...so I can't anymore,"  TJ felt his spirits drop, he whispered: "So, you still like him?"  "That's not what I meant," Cyrus sat up and took TJ's hand in both his hands.  "Then what do you mean?" TJ frowned, he didn't know if Cyrus was telling him if he liked him or Jonah.  "I just wanted you to know that I'm gay," Cyrus gave him a shy smile and looked up at him under his eyelashes. His cheeks were lightly dusted pink, Tj had never wanted to kiss someone's cheek so badly.  He swallowed the feeling down, he didn't want to complicate things. He liked Cyrus too much to confess, he was sure he'd mess it up if he did. He didn't want to hurt him. "Why didn't you tell me before? I thought we told each other everything?" He said.  Cyrus simply shrugged and said, "Well it didn't matter before." "And now it does?" Tj asked. What was he trying to say?  "Maybe, and you know," Cyrus slowly said as he traced TJ's palm, "You don't have to keep coming to school so early, I know you like to sleep."   "The morning is...nice," Tj said, looking around, he actually hated the morning, but at least it was sunny today.  "Tyler James, just say you wanted to see me and move on," Cyrus said, grinning.  TJ gave a fake gasp, "ME? Never," he said laughing, "Actually, I'm not even here right now! I'm a figment of your imagination, so take that." Cyrus rolled his eyes and gently shoved TJ, TJ ruffled his hair and laughed with him.  "Okay you two, get a room," Marty said, walking up to them. He was followed by tired looking Andi, Buffy,  Jonah, and Walker. TJ knew Amber was meeting with the student government to go over what still needed to be done for the dance in a couple weeks, so this meant she'd be extra moody when she gets home.  "Yeah guys, we gotta study for bio, the final is soon and I really really need an A," Walker said as he sat down next to Jonah. TJ noticed that Cyrus had let go of his hand. He saw Cyrus look towards Jonah, TJ felt a pang of jealousy. The rest of the morning consisted of the friends struggling to understand basic biology. During the school day, TJ was met with hesitant yet genuine smiles from his classmates. He didn't feel like he needed to intimidate them anymore, he felt normal. He walked around with his friends, shared food with them, and even gave Andi advice on how to deal with Amber. However, Tj couldn't keep his eyes off Cyrus. He seemed fine this morning, but now he looked deflated. TJ knew the smiles he gave him were fake. He had asked Buffy and Andi about it, but they just looked at eat other quickly and told him to brush it off. TJ couldn't help but notice Cyrus' absence during the second half of the week. TJ tried calling and texting, but he didn't answer. He thought it was something he had done. Was it because he didn't make a move on him? Nice going TJ, you ruined this too.  Friday night, while TJ was quietly playing a video game he'd gotten for his birthday, Amber burst into his room still in her work uniform.  "STOP BEING SO LOUD!" Amber yelled. "I'm literally playing with the sound off Amber what the hell!?" TJ said.  "You're just UGH" Amber threw herself dramatically onto his bed. "What's your problem?" TJ said.  "You're being too loud with your emotions," Amber said into the pillow.  "What are you even talking about?" Tj said confused.  "Twintuition" Amber said, "You're thinking too loud. Have you told him you like him yet?"  "No..." TJ said, looking guilty, "But soon." "That's what I thought. You need to tell him soon so that you can shut your mind up and give me some damn peace and quiet. Here, I'll call him right now." Amber went to reach for his phone, but TJ snatched it away from her line of sight.  "Bambi! Stop being so weird," TJ frowned at his phone screen, he had no notifications, "He's not even answering my texts." Amber sat up on her elbows, she hummed, "That's weird, I'll text Andi" a few moments later Tj saw Amber sit up and bite her lip.  TJ immediately stood up and took Amber's phone from her hand, he read a long desperate message from Andi saying Cyrus hadn't been answering their calls either, and when their friends went over to check on him, he barely acknowledged them. Andi said that his parents said he hadn't been taking his meds and that they were trying their best, but they couldn't do anything other than make sure he didn't hurt himself. Andi suggested TJ talk to him, maybe he needed to see a new face. Andi had sent his address in the text.  TJ frantically packed an overnight bag, "Come on!" he said to confused Amber, "will you take me?" She nodded skeptically.  TJ really hadn't thought this through. He really did not know what he was doing knocking on the Goodman's door at 10 pm on a Friday, he just knew he couldn't sit around like last time.  A man in a dark colored robe answered the door, he was holding a steaming mug, "Yes?" The man asked as he looked TJ up and down.  "Oh move Norman, it's one of Cyrus' friends," TJ saw a kind looking woman move Norman aside.  "Hi um Mr and Mrs Goodman I'm TJ, we've met before, I came, to" Tj pulled on his duffle bag strap, "I came to see if Cyrus was alright" He gave them his best handshake and smile.  "Ah," the woman raised her eyebrows and gave Norman a suspicious look, "So you're the one he's been talking about. Come in come in. I assume you're staying since you brought your bag and everything?" TJ shrank, he really didn't think this through, "If that's okay with you? I don't mean to intrude." "Oh sweetie no need to use that formal voice, you're here for Cyrus, you can stay however long you want," The woman opened the door wider and motioned for him to come in. TJ had been to Cyrus' before, but not to this house, he did have two sets of parents of course.  "He's with us this week, " The woman whispered in front of his door, "Please try to get him to take his meds," TJ saw her walk away and whisper something to Cyrus' dad who solemnly nodded.  TJ softly knocked and received no response. He knocked again. No response. He gently twisted the door open, "Cyrus?" he whispered into the darkness. "Cyrus?" he asked again as he stepped inside and dropped his bag. He saw Cyrus sitting on his bed, bundled in what Tj could only assume were all the blankets in Shadyside. Nala was sitting beside him as he stared into his blue computer screen. A breeze ran through the room, someone had left the window cracked open. TJ walked over and closed it, startling Cyrus. "TJ?" Cyrus asked confused. TJ knew that if he looked at him his heart would break, he looked at his dog instead.  "Yeah," he said as he sat next to him, "Your dog's here." "Yeah." "Does she always follow you?" "Yeah." "Uh, Whatcha watching?" TJ sat next to him. He didn't know what to do with his hands, or his feet, or his with his words for that matter.  "What are you doing here TJ?" TJ saw Cyrus stop petting Nala, she looked up at them both.  "Just thought I'd visit is all" TJ quickly glanced at Cyrus, he was right, his heart broke. Cyrus looked completely miserable, he was hollow. "What are you watching?" "Ocean documentaries." "Oh yeah? About what?" TJ really really did not know what he was doing, he just knew he had to be here. "The ocean." "What about the ocean?" TJ said grinning slightly. "What are you doing here TJ? I don't want you to see me like this," Cyrus whispered. He looked on the brink of tears, TJ hated this. He hated that Cyrus was sad, he hated that he couldn't kiss him, he hated that they were dumb teenagers with too many feelings.  "I wanted to see you," Tj said, forcing himself to look at Cyrus' sunken face. Tj wanted to cry too.  Cyrus looked down and back to his screen, he pressed play. They watched the movie in silence. Tj didn't know what it was about, he was too busy playing with Cyrus' fingers.  When the movie ended Cyrus burst into tears.  He leaned onto TJ's shoulder, "I don't know why I'm like this," he sobbed, "I don't know what I'm doing, I have nothing to be sad about." TJ didn't know what to do, so he sat there and rubbed his back as Cyrus' tears soaked his shirt. I wish I could take away your pain. TJ had to blink back his own tears. They sat there until the credits ended and Cyrus' sobs turned into sniffles.  "Another?" TJ asked softly. He felt Cyrus nod. TJ played another Ocean documentary as Cyrus clung to his shirt. Tj eventually felt Cyrus' breath even out. TJ tried to pay attention to the movie, it had something to do with the Mariana Trench and pufferfish, but TJ couldn't concentrate.  "Why are you so nice to me Tyler James?" Cyrus quietly asked.  "I'm your friend" "Friends don't do this," Cyrus said, still clinging to TJ.  "You just-" Tj thought to himself, "You get me, and I want to get you too. You know what I mean?" "You're easy to understand," Cyrus said.  "What do you mean?"  "You avoid your own feelings by fixing other people, you like feeling useful." Cyrus let out in one breath, "And so do I" he added.  "So I've heard" Tj chuckled to himself.  He heard Cyrus let out a breath, "Are you staying over?" "Yeah." "Don't you have cool jock stuff to do?" "This is my cool jock stuff," Tj grinned and squeezed Cyrus. He saw Cyrus' lips quirk up. He didn't know a smile could be so rewarding.  "I'm glad you came today and not yesterday. I was a mess yesterday." Cyrus sighed.  "Why?" TJ said, "I could've handled it." Cyrus let out a breath through his nose, "No you really couldn't have. My parents almost called all the psychiatrists in town." TJ stayed silent for a moment, simply tracing circles on Cyrus' back and hearing him breath. He wanted to stay like that forever. But, he knew he couldn't, "Why'd you stop taking your meds Cyrus?" he asked gently.  Cyrus was quiet. TJ thought he had fallen asleep, but he finally answered in the smallest voice, "I just want to be normal." Tj bit his lip, "Normal is what you make of it. You need to take them Cy, they're there to help you." Cyrus sighed and buried himself deeper into TJ's chest, "I know," Tj heard him say faintly. They stayed like that for the rest of the night, watching ocean documentaries under all the blankets in Shadyside, until they both fell asleep. Cyrus didn't let go of TJ the entire night.