#EXCUSE ME WHILE I BOW DOWN TO YOU SIR PLEASE I AM SUBSERVIENT TO THIS MAN BARK BARK BARK BARK WOOF

[aggressivedaikons]

I’m sorry ignore me BUT OPTIMUS PRIME’S VOICE ESP IN TFP 😩😩😩 THIS MAN MAKES ME FEEL A CERTAIN WAY YES SIR 😳😳😳🥵🥵🥵 THIS MAN AINT NO DADDY NAH THIS MAN IS DEADAFT F A T H E R I want him to crush me

[ellebeebee]

7kpp Secret Santa 2017

Happy Secret Santa, ya’ll~~

I got @awayandlaughing, and I did your first option, with Ria, Sayra, and Jasper preparing before the Summit, and a good deal of all the other servants preparing for/reacting to their assignments. 8)  And also a bit of an oblique reference to your Pippa~

Thanks @7kppsecretsanta for setting all this up!

-

One piece of parchment.  Of average size and quality, the ink upon it unremarkable though the penmanship was unmistakably refined.  No clandestine messages written in invisible ink marked its surface, and no imposing noble seal was fashioned to its signature.  The author of the note had been clear in its message, without flowery epithets or poetic allusions.

And yet it had, more effectively than Head Cook’s infamous triple chocolate trifle, silenced the servants’ dining hall that morning.

In normal circumstances, of course, butlers sat at the head table and maids, valets, and all other miscellaneous inside servants sat at the next two tables.  The bottom two were given to the grounds workers.  This morning, the grounds workers still sat in their usual spots, albeit with curious looks and crooks in the necks around at the others.  Now, black uniforms and neat pale pinafores interspersed the top tables, no longer confined to the formerly rigid partitioning.  Wide eyes and chewed lips dotted expressions.

The two girls were already waiting for him in their new places at the head table, already looking a bit squirmy.  Jasper adjusting his plate and glass in his hands and moved toward them.

And Edmun skittered into his path.  The pale young man breathed sharply through his nose.

“Jasper,” his slightly strangled voice edged out. “I assume you’ve seen the assignments--”

“Yes, I do believe we have all seen them,” Jasper said.  He waited pointedly for the other to move from his obvious intention of obstructing him.  When Edmun did not, Jasper exhaled softly. “Is there a problem, Edmun?”

“A pro--” Edmun stopped before he tossed himself completely out of propriety. “Sir.  As I understand it, the Matchmaker shares some confidence with you.  And so perhaps you are able to enlighten me as to her reasoning for…” He inhaled dramatically. “My assignment.”

Jasper’s brow arched incrementally. “The Crown Prince of Revaire is a prestigious placement.  I fail to see how you could harbor any disappointment.”

“As a valet,” Edmun deadpanned while a vessel pulsed at his temple. “I am a certified butler.  While Montgomery certainly has seniority by far, there’s no sense in wasting my skills--”

“I am sure I am mistaken, but it sounds like you are implying the Matchmaker has been nonsensical,” Jasper said.

“I… I didn’t mean…”

“Yes.  I am sure what you mean to say is that you are grateful for the chance to learn from a senior staff member like Montgomery and it will be an honor to serve such a highly-esteemed member of the nobility.”

Edmun’s tongue floundered for a return.

Jasper pointedly inclined his head. “Now, if you will excuse me, my tea is getting cold.”

Edmun let him by with a somewhat churlish ‘Yes, sir.’

Jasper was not one to put too much confidence in hearsay, but the sheer amount of anecdotal evidence concerning the Crown Prince of Revaire’s character did make the Matchmaker’s choice somewhat curious.  Montgomery was an old hand, if rather lackluster in personality.  Edmun and the other valet were, frankly, arrogant little things.  Hmm.

Perhaps she did not think subservient servants suitable for-- how had he put it-- such a highly-esteemed member of the nobility.

Honestly, though, he was hard put to imagine any other staff member protesting an assignment to a Crown Prince-- not because of his character-- but because it didn’t suit their dignity.

His assigned maids, a Ria and Sayra, sat near the opposite end of the head table.  Ria’s shoulders had a stiff set to them, and her eyes darted a bit.  While Sayra waited with all due inscrutable placidity.  And both had not touched their plates in deference to his absence, as they had been instructed.  That was a relief.  He didn’t need absolute obedience, but he did need amenable characters if this Summit was to be a success for their lady.

The girls rose from their seats at his approach, but he waved them back.

“Good morning,” he said, taking his own chair.

“Good morning,” they replied, Sayra with quiet confidence and Ria just one moment behind her.  She blushed at her fumble.

Jasper ignored it.  He gave them a few introductory comments about the time they will spend together in the future, and the essential nature of their jobs.  Although it is the ruling class who steers the course of the world, they cannot do it without trustworthy and competent help.  Which was made quite difficult by the young maid a few seats down seasoning her slowly congealing cream of wheat with her noisy tears.

“Oh, do buck up,” a young butler nearby finally told her. “How bad can it be, really?”

She blinked wetly at him, her face gone ruddy and drippy. “I’ve-- I’ve-- It’s the pr-prince from Hise.”

The young butler raised a brow. “Do they have princes there?”

This did not console the girl.  She hiccuped. “I d-don’t want to be kidnapped.”

“Oh, yes, how inconvenient that would be,” the young butler agreed solemnly. “After all, I hear dying from scurvy is quite painful.”

The girl gave a quiet wail.  Another younger butler across her looked sympathetic.

“Oh, don’t please.  Listen, I have the princess from Hise and I have taken the initiative of pulling a volume of anti-kidnapping self-defenses from the library.  You can look over it as well.”

The teasing butler bit his lip around a snort.

“That’s enough,” Jasper finally raised his voice to address them.  Their seatmates around them quieted. “As Isle servants, it is not our place nor does it particularly speak well of us to judge our lords and ladies, no matter where they may hail from.  Keep your thoughts to yourself and do your work.”

A tentative chorus of ‘Yes, sir’s’ ran down the table.

Another young girl, despite her more senior companion’s glares, sort of half-raised her hand in a not-yet discarded schoolroom habit.

“But, Jasper, sir--  What if, if say, you’ve been assigned to someone you think might have unusual interests.  Such as, well-- Such as, say, p-puzzles, or piano forte, or maybe, you know,” she paused and fiddled with her braid. “Poison.”

A barely-stifled collective gasp ran down the table, worse than any penny play of the most purple prose.

Jasper eyed her.  This girl and her companion were given a position with a young man of Corval.  A country of which there was no shortage of lurid tales of evil schemers and courtly machinations.  Though there is no smoke without fire, much of these tales were idle fancy.

Jasper opened his mouth, but this girl ploughed on as if the dam on her anxieties had broken.

“I mean it doesn’t do any harm, right?  To read and prepare in case you have to handle any-- any p-poisons, right?  And practice lying, right?  I’ve heard to be a good servant in Corval you must learn to lie for your master and be deadly loyal.  I’m not-- I’m not going to have to be buried alive beside them if they die, right?”  Her voice shrilled on this last.

From the corner of his eye, Jasper could see Ria’s blush draining away to a horrified palor.  Really.  Although their future charge was also Corvali, he had hoped that the girls would be a bit more sensible than this.  Well.  Better an impressionable person with honesty than a hardened veteran with ulterior motive.  He loudly cleared his throat.

“That is absolutely enough of that, thank you,” Jasper told the panicking girl. “The practice of burying servants with their masters hasn’t been practiced in Corval in millenia.  And in any case, there will be no poison, and positively no deaths during the Summit.  What nonsense.”

He studied them all as they withered under his eye. “It seems to me that you all have much work to do in preparation before the arrivals, so I think it would be best to end breakfast early.”

He stood-- the most senior butler present-- and the others rushed to cover their surprise and stand as well.  The line of servants was dotted with sullen glares at the worriers for denying them their meal.  As they all marched sadly out of the dining hall, Jasper gestured at Ria and Sayra to keep up with him.  Sayra wore her ever-calm face, yet her counterpart noticeably still looked wan with shaking fingers wringing her pinafore’s hem.

He gave an internal sigh.  They had so much work to do.

-

In the following weeks, Jasper wondered not a few times whether the Matchmaker was specifically testing his patience.  And what, exactly, that meant about his future mistress.

Even if he were inclined to speculate on the matter, he hardly had time inbetween the hours spent prepping Ria and Sayra and the incessant pestering of those servants disinclined to just do their jobs.

Of particular annoyance was Dietr, the very newest to be qualified as a butler and given the appointment of the princess from Wellin; Jasper found himself ambushed around every corner, in every common room and parlor, with Dietr’s desperate pleas for guidance in the intricate art of etiquette.  From the proper bow of an earl to a duke on their third meeting, to the correct color of china to serve an impromptu second afternoon tea on-- the boy was near in tears over the most esoteric minutiae of proper behavior, certain that he was beyond under-qualified for his lady and that he would most certainly offend her the very moment she first laid eyes on him.

On top of that, a very petty form of hierarchy was wriggling its way into the staff.  Assignments were furtively compared, and suddenly the butler of a Revairan count thought they could order the servants of a Hisean lord to do their laundry.  The Hisean lord’s servants argued that rank was irrelevant in Hise and anyway, how dare they, etc.  A nasty feud of over-starched knickers ensued.

And of course, there was the incident wherein a maid had three of her fingers broken after she and her partner kept sneaking into the sparring practice room to clumsily whack at each other with wooden swords.  After a thorough dressing-down, they explained they were terrified their future Skaltan lady would deem them useless having never studied the blade.

Jasper was not sure where he found the time to drill his maids in the Summit schedule and etiquette, and have them practice their skills, amidst all of this chicanery, but he knew it had involved not a few cups of very stiff tea.

It was a shame that information about ladies of Corval’s inner sanctums was near impossible to obtain, else he would have had the girls work on ways to enhance their lady’s particular charms.  But with the sheer amount of different cooks and laundresses they practiced on, he had no doubt they would be ready no matter what stepped through that chamber door.  And he himself had the delegation roster down pat perfectly, and felt confident he would be able to assist her whatever her goals may be.

And with his and Sayra’s careful nudging, Ria seemed to largely divest herself of notions of being buried alive.

A success all around.

-

The door clicked softy behind Jasper and the lady’s exit, and Ria immediately slumped with a loud exhale.

Sayra patted her arm. “See?  All that worrying for nothing.”

Ria’s hand flew up to cover the sudden heat washing over her cheeks. “Oh!  I know!  When I think about how silly I’ve been-- Oh, Sayra, how did you and Jasper ever put up with me?”

Sayra knelt by the large suitcases to begin organizing and putting away the mountains of silk and beading and jewels.

“You make it easier than you think,” she said.

“So silly,” Ria repeated. “I’ve been terribly, terribly silly.  And when she is so lovely-- Oh, Sayra, promise me, please, you’ll never tell her all the awful things I was worried about.”

Sayra gave her small, soft smile. “It’s a promise.”