#ESPECIALLY with how horrible everything in the world is right now 🙃

[threnodians]

ohhh btw y’all i had zero pity but got a gold at only twenty pulls... only to lose the 50/50 to keqing 💔 i got c0 sethos after fifty more pulls and now i am saving my guaranteed for furina because i adore her and i need her; hopefully she comes home early 🥲👍🏻

[ditaliaa]

Skip over this if you don’t want to hear me ranting about my personal life

Just a fun little update on how my life is going because I need to rant. Please feel free to ignore all of this lmao, it just helps me to write it down. 1st off, I finished my antibiotics a few days ago but unfortunately, my strep throat came back and even worse than before. Unfortunately this is no surprise as I used to have it really bad all the time when I was growing up, but it still sucks to experience. Especially since I told the doctors this and that whenever I have strep it is horrible and they still prescribed me amoxicillin rather than giving me the shot of penicillin, which means that I get to pay for another outrageously priced doctor’s visit again tomorrow because they didn’t listen to me the first time. 2nd, the car that I just bought and have had for a little over a month is actually a piece of shit and has so many new problems popping up with it, I can barely keep up. Right now I’m up to about $5000 worth of repairs on it (not including labor) and I am ready to cry. It’s still under warranty, but I am frustrated because every time I have taken it back to get fixed they tell me they have “fixed” the problems, but they are still there. I finally took it to an independent mechanic who found everything wrong with it in less than two hours. So now I’m going to have to call the dealership tomorrow too and see if they’ll buy it back because they sold me a shit car that was supposed to be “certified” and have “passed a checklist” and apparently they did enough to fix shit until they could sell it. Which also makes me mad because now I’m out of money and back to square fucking one. And to top it off, one of my coworkers is angry with me (for reasons I don’t know) but when I asked if I could talk with her about it today, she blatantly ignored me, talked about me behind my back, and left without speaking to me. It’d be one thing if I was used to this, but I thought we were friends and I’m also upset because she is a grown ass woman and -even if I did anything to warrant this behavior- I still think it’s ridiculous that she refuses to talk about it like a fucking adult. Also I love the fact that she told me one time that she “hopes I will come to her and talk to her if she ever makes me upset” to which I had told her that I would as long as she returned the sentiment 🙃

So, not only have I lost hope of getting out of a house I find miserable to live in for the time being, I am sick and get no reprieve at work either. The world is fucking testing me right now

[geesenoises]

i was tagged in a different (shorter) version of this awhile ago and i had it all answered and then accidentally backed out of it just as i was about to post 🙃 so this time i did it in google docs. thank you @saintgarbanzo for tagging me! deepest apologies to everyone for how long this is. i tend to go on.

relationship status single, but also i take my marriage to @ihopeyoubothstaysafefromharm very seriously.

favorite food dim sum. shrimp rice rolls drowned in sweet dim sum soy sauce foreverrrrr.

favorite color green, pink. i think i’m really just a very saturated color person. neons. jewel tones. love them.

song stuck in your head for reasons unknown - the killers. they bring fans up on stage to play the drums with them when they play it on tour and i watched so many of them last night. my favorites are kyle, from their scotland show (which @wolfpants will probably appreciate) and katie from manchester (brandon calls her casey, but there was a fairly credible article that identified her). but there are so many and you should look them all up!! i clap and cheer at the end of every single one.

last thing you googled "how much is a steinway” i cannot play piano, nor do i want one. i just couldn’t remember if they’re in the $50k or $100k range (probably could get an old used one for $50k if you looked, but starting around $70k depending on model. and the sky’s the limit.)

time 8:13pm

dream trip a trip that literally will only exist in my dreams is one i was supposed to take before the panini ruined everything. visiting my brother in japan. i would stop in singapore for a week first, and then go visit him and we’d maybe go on a road trip together. he’s moving back here in the spring, so it can’t happen, but i did get to see him and take a mini american road trip so thats okay. other places: italy, hong kong, taiwan, various american roadtrips, a house in the country or next to lake with all the people i love most in the world.

last book you read uhhhh this is very embarrassing. i have not read a complete book in the longest time. but the last book i started is george saunder’s A Swim in a Pond in the Rain

last book you enjoyed i was enjoying the saunders book. brain just does not cooperate.

last book you hated reading i’d have to have read something to hate it

favorite thing to cook/bake either things that are low effort, high reward (my favorite brownie recipe), or things that are high effort to make, which makes it very expensive to buy or source, so i must supply it for myself. the pinnacle of this for me are canneles. my favorite pastry ever, especially fresh. i think i will go make myself some chocolate cake now tho.

favorite craft to do i’ve been very into knitting since i started last year. so far i’ve completed: a scarf for myself, a hat and scarf for my friends’ toddler, a shawl for my mom, a hat for me. working on: a shawl for me, a sweater for me, a cowl for a friend. 

most niche dislikes the phrase “have a good one” feels too vague for me. though i’ve mellowed on it somewhat over the years. i hate bell peppers. i think they ruin anything they’re in. traffic lights on roads where the speed limit is 40+ mph. (which is like in many places in the US, but god, it’s horrible trying to stop in the right time/place for the red at that speed without slamming the brakes.)

opinion on circuses i don’t know enough about present day circuses to have an opinion, tbh. might have to go change the “last thing you googled” answer shortly.

Do you have a sense of direction and if not what’s the worst way you’ve gotten lost? i think i do! i don’t think i’ve ever gotten lost real bad, but i’ve been unable to find something and had to wander. i was in shanghai for an overnight layover and made the mistake of leaving the airport without getting cash. you couldn’t buy metro tickets without cash and we needed to get to our hotel. it was about 9pm. i wandered around the airport train station looking for an atm google maps was telling me was nearby while my dad waited with our luggage. couldn’t find it. had to find the nearest bank. jammed my card in the wrong slot and almost lost it inside the machine. a pair of nail clippers in my backpack saved me. i managed to use them like tweezers to pull the card out. finally got money. but on top of that, uh, let’s say the airplane food was not agreeing with me. so. it was a difficult hour for me. i never travel without nail clippers now.

last show you watched gamechanger, a game show where the game changes every time. it’s on dropout.tv and you should look up clips on youtube if you need a laugh.

currently watching nothing, but probably the sandman is next on my list.

currently reading nothing omg. i’m even between fics.

current obsessions welcome to mountport. eva noblezada. my backyard stray cat. finishing my ex-wireless fic. trying to figure out the ideal shampoo/conditioner situation for my head. this drarry fic that's a wip. every thing i talked about above. you know, normal things.

i'm just tagging people for attention. let's be transparent about this. do it if you feel like it!! @makeitp1nk @phoebe-delia @basicallyahedgehog @sorrybutblog @m0srael @cavendishbutterfly @corvuscrowned (who i know is away but 🤷🏻‍♀️)

[perfectionistincrisis]

Last 2 days were more of horrible and less of pleasant. It has been around a month or more since i've been handling life a bit better. Meaning that, I didnt use to get all messed up & find myself crying loudly in the middle of the night. But after a long time, it caught me again. It was different from all the other times in many ways though. I got triggered when I read some cheesy post on social media which made me look back on my past & it eventually led me to question my competency as a partner.. Multiple other thoughts and memories of me & him followed by. All the times 'I messed up'. And then came my usual masterpieces of life which I allow to stab me over and over again. I felt pity for myself this time. Plus, I think I am a hopeless person 😥 And well finally it all subsided with me being very very tired of life, but still explaining myself that whether this life interests me or not, I still can't give up on everything. Right now I need to focus on my education. That is what I told myself but to be honest, life is a big question mark for me right noww. There is still a lot for me to figure out. Everyday, I want something different, i think something different, I feel something different. Somedays I am so full of life. Other days I am weird and creepy enough to wish I had some mining job or something '-' Like, you know, cause they're like risky jobs and all so I am just assuming they live short lives😂😥😥 Ok wasn't funny at all when I was wishing for it. Things weren't so cool at home; parents were in an argument & that cheesy post I read leading to me feeling incompetent by bringing back all the bad old memories & me sending him an emoji the other day by mistake - all of that, together, just made it a harder hit to take. Also to add to that, since the house was so gloomy, I didnt feel like roaming around or talking much and I also wasnt getting any attention at all. I am more of an introvert but, if there were a million people out there, there would be one I'd feel like hanging out maybe. My point is. I hardly mix with people but I still have specific people in my life from whom I wish for and crave for all the attention I could possibly get. Ik its not an easy thing to wish for, especially in today's world. Plus I am also aware of how this certain wish of mine is just asking 'way too much from someone' but oh well I am aware of all that & I also dont get 'all' of the attention that I wish for; I mean cmon, nobodys world revolves around me 🙄 & I keep sucking that up but when people in my house are having a bad day and I get completely zero attention, it totally means I am going to be messed up real soon and probably end up crying. Also - I really think I am a crybaby and all I can do is cry about things and then blog about it like I am right now, and I keep trying to change it but old habits die hard 🙃 I am fine right now; not sad & broken but. Like I said, life is still a big question mark. I will just live one day at a time & pray for the best to happen, pray for all the strength I need to pass everyday & pray for never feeling alone. I feel like me getting tirwd of life from time to time and my normal trait of overstressing is making it hard for me to focus on my studies; I let go of everything when I feel stressed out or tired emotionally but I really need to learn to hold my sh** together if I want to get anywhere in life. SOOO, Going to begin this week with a smile inshaAllah and going to focus on my studies with intentions that would make it a form of worship, and that would aid me to move a step closer each day to finally live a life where my heart feels warm most of the time. Where I dont feel as small as I do now. Where I would feel like this life was worth it!❤