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screamingatanemptyroom · 6 years ago

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I Can’t Eat Love Side Part 3 - Hallers

Hey everyone! I changed the order a bit. So Hallers first, then Edith, then finally the Queen. Hallers is one of my favorite characters of all time, so I hope you all enjoy this side part from his perspective.

Master post linked here.

Enjoy!

____________________________

In a previous life…

I was a professional. One of the best.

I’ve always seen this as a good thing. I came from a family that had served the Duchy of Armeny for generations, I was born to run a household. It required knowledge, determination, and above all… professionalism.

“You’re too cold.” The young woman I courted told me, before leaving me for another man. “No one wants to be with a man who is just an empty shell.”

I wished her well, confused, and continued on in my life.

“Tommy!” Jim, my brother, patted me on the back one day. “You have to loosen up! You can’t just live for your work.”

“Some of us care about our work.” I frowned at his frivolous words. “Why should I change if I’m doing it well?”

He ran a hand through his disheveled hair, groaning. “Just… find something… someone… anything to care about. I promise, it will make you more human.”

I ignored him, returning back to the duchy from my weekly home visit. Jim worked for the Royal Treasury, but his manners and demeanor left much to be desired. I saw little reason to take advice from him.

Someone to care about? It would just interfere with doing my job perfectly.

I thought this over as I entered the estate, when something ran into my legs, nearly knocking me over.

“What the…” I halted my words, looking at the wide-eyed child standing before me.

A young girl, with light hair and delicate features. She wore a dress incompatible with her age, decorated in frills, which was already covered in grass stains and dirt. In one hand was clutched a single red flower. Her eyes drew my attention; they were bright, intelligent, studying me closely.

I made a formal bow. “Young Miss, is there something I could help you with?”

This was of course the daughter of the Duke, Lady Lenora. She listened to my words, seeming to consider them carefully, before holding up the flower in her hand, offering it to me.

“For me?” At her nod, I took a slight step back. “I’m sorry miss, but I can’t accept, it wouldn’t be appropriate.”

Her eyes dimmed, the flower in her hand shaking. Feeling an inexplicable panic, I offered a solution. “Why don’t you give it the Duke or Duchess?”

“…” She stared at me silently for a few moments. “I tried.”

The words were whispered, but the pain behind them struck me like a blow.

“You…” I couldn’t say anything. I knew. The Duke treated her coldly, ignoring her existence except to buy her clothes and jewelry. The Duchess, on the other hand…

The flower in Lenora’s hand was crushed slightly, missing multiple petals… had it been stepped on?

My heart aching, I reached out to take the flower from her, giving her a professional smile. “I will happily accept this gift, Miss.”

Lenora didn’t say a word, but a bright smile spread slowly, brightening up her face. I couldn’t help but widen my own smile in response. As I felt my professional mask crack, I stepped away, confused.

What am I doing?

I gathered my self-composure, shaking my head slowly. I needed to be more careful.

____________________________

The Duchy was not doing well. The Duke spent all his time on his own interests, leaving all of the work to his subordinates. Rumors of theft and corruption abounded, many people lacked work and starved to death on the streets. The Duchess was frequently gone, spending extravagant amounts of money wherever she went. When she returned it was even more intolerable. She would abuse the maids, scream at the Duke, and the things she would say to her daughter… It was enough to make even my heart break.

Lenora grew up a sweet girl despite this. She was quiet, often overshadowed by her friend Lady Edith who spent her days by the girl’s side. It was concerning. I saw the girl treating Lenora poorly on more than one occasion. She would mock the things the young Miss enjoyed, until she was afraid to even speak up. She pushed her to wear off-putting poorly fitted gowns, convincing her they were the height of fashion. Once I saw Lenora crying, holding the torn remains of a small doll she treasured. I recognized it as a gift from the Queen, neither of her parents would have thought to give her such a simple toy. Edith stood nearby, berating her.

“If you had just given me the stupid doll I wouldn’t have had to do that! Now it’s ruined and it’s all your fault!” Her rude and vicious tone made me angry, but I kept a disinterested smile in place.

After all, I was a professional.

I made a formal complaint to the Duke, but at the mention of my concerns, he simply stared at me with a haunted expression.

“Lenora will be fine. She has a title, and anything she could ask for.”

“But Lady Edith…” My words were cut off by his raised hands.

“Let her do as she wishes.” His tone was sad. “I have no right to step in.”

Honestly, it felt wrong. Isn’t Lenora your daughter? I wanted to shake some sense into him, but kept my hands at my sides. I bowed coldly, and walked away. I knew better than to ask the Duchess. If anything, she was worse than Lady Edith.

At least she has the Queen. I comforted myself with this thought. One day, the young miss would marry the Prince Ronan and would leave this place. Not that she took her position as the prince’s fiancé for granted. I knew better than anyone how hard she trained for her future work as Queen. More nights than not she was up late at night, practicing dances, learning ceremonies, memorizing history. How many times had I helped a maid pick up Lenora from her desk or the floor where she had fallen asleep in the middle of working, tucking her into bed?

She worked so hard to please others, but no one ever noticed.

I was hopeful her life would be better once she left this place, even if I felt sad at the thought. Any man should be grateful to marry such a gentle, beautiful girl. One day, for certain, her life would be better.

I was proven wrong.

____________________________

The prince broke his engagement, declaring his intention to marry Lady Edith instead. Overnight the Duchy seemed drowned in shadows. The Duke drank steadily, the Duchess broke every fragile thing she could lay her hands on, and Lenora… she stayed locked in her room. I felt a desire to comfort her, but halted each time I walked in that direction. What would I say? It would be overstepping bounds.

I watched as the household slowly tore itself apart.

The debts were called in, without the engagement to protect the Duchy. Everything was sold, the land split up between the neighboring families. The place I had called home for so long was gone.

Jim arranged for me a job in the palace, working for the Queen. It was an enormous honor, one I never thought to have. But for some reason I hesitated.

“The young miss…” She was grown now, but I could still see the small child holding out a flower towards me. “What about her?”

Jim shrugged. “What about her? She and her parents will have to learn to survive like the rest of us do. I mean, it may sound heartless but they brought this on themselves.”

“Don’t blame her… she’s not…” The idea of Lenora undergoing hardship made my heart ache, but what could I do? I was simply her family’s head butler. I wasn’t her family. I could only hope she would be happy.

She deserves to be happy. She will be… right?

____________________________

“Lenora’s dead?”

The Queen’s face was so pale, I thought she might pass out. I instructed some maids to support her, all the while my professional mask hiding my true thoughts.

It can’t be true!

The young woman who was always smiling and polite, no matter how harshly her family and friends treated her. Who brought me lemon tea the day I had a cold and couldn’t get out of bed.

It has to be a lie.

She worked diligently into the night but was never recognized for it. She cried each time her mother came home, but refused to speak poorly of the woman. She loved her parents dearly, even when they refused to love her back.

How could she be gone?

I thought again of the flower she held out to me that day. The smile she gave me that was so bright just because someone cared enough to accept a gift from her. She should have been happy. She should have been cherished and loved.

But she was dead.

I heard the Queen, she was screaming in pain, her sobs loud enough to echo in the hallway. Unsure of what to do, I stumbled back to my room, abandoning my post for the first time in my life.

Lenora.

I fell to my knees at my bedside, tears soaking the blanket as I buried my head in my arms.

Why didn’t I stay with her? I knew she had no one. I knew she’d be alone.

Lenora.

I’m sorry.

If we meet again in the next life, please let me serve you once more. I’ll do my best. So please… please be happy, please smile once more.

____________________________

In another life…

I was a professional. One of the best.

Or so I had thought...

The young miss of our household was a special child. She had been quiet, often bullied by her friend Edith and her parents, to a point where I was often worried for her. But one day, she changed completely.

I saw her pacing outside her father’s study one morning, and stepped forward behind her.

“Shall I announce you, Miss?”

She had obviously not heard me approach and let out a surprised yell before turning to look at me. At the sight I felt shocked. Her outer appearance was unchanged, her facial features the same as they had been yesterday… but her eyes…

Her eyes were completely different.

They had always been bright, hopeful, if a little sad. They were always looking at others for approval. But now…

Her gaze was cold. As if a wall had been erected around her heart, keeping everyone else out.

She looked me up and down, her expression thoughtful. I had a strange feeling that she was evaluating my worth, and that I had been judged “useful.”

After a moment’s pause she nodded to my question. “Please do. Also I would appreciate if you would stick around, it may be useful to have your input.”

With that Lenora entered her father’s office and with a smile took all financial documents in the room. Just a short conversation, and the reins of the duchy had completely switched hands, without the Duke realizing it. I was impressed, but deep down I felt uneasy. How had she changed so much so quickly?

____________________________

Things were busy after that. Lenora swiftly took control of the duchy, punishing the corrupt officials, promoting the few honest ones. She gathered talented people, started a business, and slowly turned the duchy into a power to be reckoned with.

But still, she worked late into the night, never resting, never asking for approval. I still had to help carry her sleeping form back to bed, tucking her in. Even if she seemed colder, harsher, deep down the young miss hadn’t changed. She cared deeply for the suffering people of the duchy, crying alone when she thought no one was looking. I was proud of her, so proud I could burst, but I worried deeply that she was pushing too hard, working too much. She took on all the weight, not sharing her burdens with anyone.

I wanted to support this girl.

I did my best to help her life run smoothly, working to the best of my abilities. But even then, there were events outside of my expectations.

The prince canceled his engagement to our lady.

On one hand, I was relieved. Such an idiot obviously didn’t deserve her. But how dare he not appreciate the honor he had as her fiancé? I kept my professional mask on at work, but went to Jim’s house and cleaned it from top to bottom in my frustration.

____________________________

“Please, Tommy! You’re polishing my floors into dust!” My brother sighed, patting me on the back. “Just get revenge on the man himself, and stop taking it out on my poor house.”

“Revenge? But he’s a prince…” It would be difficult to get close enough to beat him up, unfortunately.

Jim grinned. “There’s more than one way to get revenge. You just need to be… creative.”

Creative? I thought it over that night, before coming to an answer. Our mother had been a talented musician, passing on her knowledge to me so that I would know some of selecting appropriate performers for balls and other parties. I used all that I knew, with the frustration in my heart and wrote a pleasant song.

“Ronan the Ridiculous?” Jim laughed when he heard it. “You’re even meaner than I am when you put your mind to it!”

I nodded silently, putting the finishing touches on the last few copies so that I could have Rig distribute them throughout the Capital. I felt a hand on my shoulder, and looked up to see my brother’s serious expression.

“It’s nice to see you’re human too.”

I turned away, embarrassed. “I’m just doing my duty to the young lady. She’s the duchy’s only hope, after all.”

“Sure, just keep telling yourself that.”

I felt uneasy, as if I had stepped over some invisible line, unable to return to my former state. But when I saw Lenora smile the day she first heard someone singing the song… I felt it was worth it.

She was worth it.

____________________________

Lenora escaped the terrible Lady Edith’s schemes, faced down the King, forcing him to give up and returned to Tilendria.. The young Prince Nate started courting her in earnest, and I felt a sense of relief. She no longer worked late into the night alone, unnoticed. There was someone by her side, helping her. Nate and I often worked together to convince her to take breaks, and watching her trust others, slowly share her burdens, made it difficult to hold back a smile.

The wall I saw in her gaze, that kept everyone else at arms length, was slowly breaking apart. In those moments I caught glimpses of the little girl she once had been. The one who trusted others. Whose smile lit up the room.

She was happy. And so was I.

____________________________

“Grandpa Hallers!” A quiet voice called out, startling me from my thoughts. I looked up to see a young girl running towards me, a wide grin on her face. Despite myself I smiled back, reaching down to pick her up.

“Aimee, what brings you here?” I studied the smiling girl. Her hair was dark like her father’s curling around her delicate face, but her eyes… her smile… they were just like her mother’s.

“That boy was bothering me.” Aimee pointed down the hall where a grim faced boy had stopped, glaring at her. He was dressed well, obviously the son of a noble, which was confirmed by the servants trailing behind him.

“How dare you run away?!” The boy yelled, stepping closer. “Don’t you know who I am? I’m the future Duke of Verallan!”

Aimee ignored him, looking up at me with tears in her eyes. “He pulled my hair.”

“Hahaha.” A cold laugh escaped me. I couldn’t help but feel that my professional mask had disappeared, but what expression I had instead, I was unsure. It must not have been very pleasant, as the boy and his servants all turned pale, taking a few steps back. “You wish to bother the little princess, do you?”

My smile widened. “Let me tell you the story of a young man very similar to you, who had a very embarrassing end. There’s even a song about it.”

____________________________

Once I had finished lecturing them and they had run away, Aimee hugged my neck tightly. “Thank you, Grandpa Hallers!”

“Of course, dear.” I patted her head, noticing she was holding something in her hands. “What do you have there?”

“A present!” Smiling brightly, she held out the object, a small red flower.

The young girl stood before me, her eyes hopeful, the red flower trembling in the air as her hand shook from nervousness.

I took the flower from her, blinking back tears. “Let’s go find your mother.”

We walked down towards the royal suites, and before we could enter, a lively discussion should be heard.

“They must be joking with these trade agreements! Do they think we’re pushovers?! I’m rewriting them!”

Aimee and I peeked around the corner to see the Queen, Lenora, waving a stack of papers in the air with a severe expression. King Nathaniel stood next to her, a helpless smile on his face.

“Let me help you with that, you promised you were going to take a break…”

Lenora shook her head. “No, you’re too nice. We agreed that I would handle all trade agreements. I’m fine, I’m just pregnant, it’s not like I’m an invalid.” Her hand draped across her bulging stomach as she rolled her eyes.

“Okay, okay, you can rewrite the agreement, but after this you rest, alright?” Nate knelt down, his larger hands overlapping her smaller ones. “I just want both of you to be safe and healthy.”

“Thanks!” Lenora leaned over, kissing the king’s cheek, who smiled in response.

“…” I considered stepping in to the room now, but Nate’s next question froze Aimme and I in our tracks.

“Do you regret it?” His tone was gentle, but there was a slightly worried look in his eyes.

“Regret what?”

“Marrying me?” He leaned closer, putting his forehead against hers. “Becoming Queen? I worry that you could have been happier, avoided all this stress if you hadn’t…”

Lenora put a hand around his neck, kissing him deeply. After a few long moments, during which I shielded Aimee’s eyes, she leaned back, a smile on her face. “I chose this ending for myself, Nate. I love you. I love the work I’m doing, that I get to use my skills to help others. I have a family here. Rig, Hallers… Mother… with everyone here, how could I regret anything?”

Nate’s eyes filled with tears. He reached over, placing a gentle hand against her cheek. “I love you too.”

“MOMMY!” Aimee broke from my grasp, running towards the couple with a smiling expression. “I love you too!”

Lenora laughed, a pure, happy sound. Looking up, she saw me, and I stopped in my tracks, my breath frozen in my chest.

Her eyes, the ones that had always held sadness, nervousness, loneliness, even when she was a small girl… they were clear. She smiled at me, the bright smile that always made me break my mask of professionalism, smiling back at her.

“Hallers, she hasn’t been giving you any trouble, has she?”

I laughed, quickly using my hand to wipe tears of happiness and relief from my eyes. “How could she, Miss? She’s family.”

____________________________

I was a professional. One of the best. But there was an exception:

The young girl who first reached out to me, who grew up into an amazing woman. One who I loved as my own family. Whose happiness I would protect for the rest of my life. When it came to her, everything else meant little, even my precious professionalism.

My beloved daughter, Lenora.

#writing #i can't eat love #side part #hallers #i love him #and lenora

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toldnews-blog · 6 years ago

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New Post has been published on https://toldnews.com/technology/entertainment/critics-notebook-two-major-met-opera-arrivals-just-15-hours-apart/

Critic’s Notebook: Two Major Met Opera Arrivals, Just 15 Hours Apart

Ms. Feola has a warm, full-bodied voice with natural bloom and a touch of darkening richness. She dispatched coloratura runs and filigree with ease and agility. There was nothing generic about the beauty of her singing. Depending on the dramatic urgency of the moment, she would inflect a phrase with an earthy, even steely sheen. She seemed at home in Michael Mayer’s garishly colorful production, which sets the story in 1960s Las Vegas, with the Duke (the tenor Matthew Polenzani, in excellent voice) presented as a sort of headliner on the strip. In fact, the contemporary trappings allowed Mr. Feola to tease out contemporary resonances from Gilda’s character.

From the start, you could sense how exasperated this restless Gilda was with her smothering father, the jester Rigoletto (the baritone George Gagnidze), who tries to keep her in seclusion at home. When the Duke, pretending to be a poor student, romances her, Ms. Feola’s Gilda practically trembles with pent-up longing. Even in the wrenching Act II scene when Gilda, having been kidnapped by the Duke’s men and brought to their boss, confesses all to her father, Ms. Feola’s Gilda was alternately consumed with shame and afire with helpless ardor.

Mr. Schager pretty much met expectations, which is saying a lot given the paucity of tenors who can sing Siegfried. (He shares the role with Stefan Vinke through May 11.) He has a hefty voice with clarion top notes and energy galore. He began his career singing lighter repertory, and remnants of that background came through in the lyricism he brought to Siegfried’s tender moments. Of course, given the vocal demands, Mr. Schager had his share of bellowed outbursts, gravelly low passages and raw sound. His heartiness and vigor were boundless, and, like a college athlete, he scampered up and down the planks of the mechanical set that dominates Robert Lepage’s production.

[How Mr. Schager became a star heldentenor.]

In a role that can easily make Siegfried seem like some rowdy, clueless, clunky youth, he conveyed genuine romantic longing for Brünnhilde (the soprano Christine Goerke at her best). And during the long stretch of the story at the hall of powerful Gibichung family, when Siegfried — under the spell of a potion that makes him forget Brünnhilde and fall for Gutrune (the gleaming soprano Edith Haller, in her Met debut) — Mr. Schager’s vulnerable Siegfried often seems poignantly confused, with flashes of memory when he appears to know something is not right. Until a dream-come-true Siegfried arrives, Mr. Schager will do just fine.

#anchorman 2 entertainment news team #entertainment news 2017 #entertainment news hong kong #entertainment news jennifer aniston #entertainment news today deaths #entertainmentblog

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musicoviniciusrodrigues · 5 years ago

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15 livros obrigatórios para ler durante a vida

Como as pessoas leem cada vez menos atualmente, é normal escutar que é “melhor ler qualquer coisa do que não ler nada”. Mas, para que a leitura seja transformadora, o mais indicado é se dedicar às obras que marcaram a história da literatura. A Revista Bula realizou uma enquete para descobrir quais são, segundo os leitores, os livros obrigatórios para se ler durante a vida. A consulta foi feita a colaboradores, assinantes — a partir da newsletter —, e seguidores da página da revista no Facebook e no Twitter. Os 15 mais votados foram reunidos com suas respectivas sinopses, que foram adaptadas das originais, divulgadas pelas editoras. Os títulos estão organizados de acordo com o ano de lançamento: do mais recente para o mais antigo.

Meridiano de Sangue (1985), de Cormac McCarthy

Com base nos acontecimentos históricos ocorridos na fronteira entre os EUA e o México no século 19, Cormac McCarthy reinventa a mitologia do Oeste americano. A história acompanha um garoto sem nome, conhecido apenas como “kid”, que é forçado a deixar o lar ainda na infância. Para sobreviver, ele ingressa na gangue brutal do capitão John Glanton, uma companhia de mercenários que, a mando dos governantes locais, atravessa o deserto com a missão de matar o maior número possível de índios e trazer de volta seus escalpos. Glanton é acompanhado pelo juiz Holden, um personagem sem escrúpulos que nunca dorme e anota em um caderno todas as suas observações cruéis.

Cem Anos de Solidão (1967), de Gabriel García Márquez

A obra mais importante de Gabriel García Márquez, o livro narra a fantástica e triste história da família Buendía, que vive na pequena e fictícia Macondo, ao longo de um período de 100 anos. A trama acompanha as diversas gerações da família, assim como a ascensão e a queda do vilarejo em que vivem. Os Buendía nascem e morrem, vão embora ou permanecem na aldeia até seus últimos dias. O que todos possuem em comum é a luta contra a realidade e a solidão que sentem, mesmo vivendo em meio a muitos. “Cem Anos de Solidão” consagrou Gabriel García Márquez como um dos maiores autores do século 20.

Grande Sertão: Veredas (1956), de Guimarães Rosa

Nesta obra, o autor utiliza da linguagem própria do sertão para que Riobaldo, o protagonista-narrador, conte sua vida. Riobaldo, um jagunço, fala sobre suas histórias de vingança, lutas, perseguições, medos, amores e dúvidas pelos sertões. A narração é sempre interrompida por momentos de reflexão sobre os acontecimentos do sertão e Riobaldo divaga constantemente sobre a existência do diabo, já que acredita ter vendido sua alma a ele. Além disso, o narrador conta sobre Diadorim, outro jagunço com quem estabelece uma relação diferenciada, que se coloca nos limites entre a amizade e o relacionamento afetivo de um casal.

Lolita (1955), de Vladimir Nabokov

“Lolita” é um dos mais importantes romances do século 20. Polêmico e irônico, ele narra o amor obsessivo de Humbert Humbert, um cínico intelectual de meia-idade, por Dolores Haze, Lolita, de 12 anos. Humbert se casa com a mãe de Lolita e, após a morte da esposa, começa a se relacionar com a garota. Para evitar que Lolita fuja, ele alega que ela será enviada para um orfanato se o deixar. Humbert também manipula a garota com dinheiro e presentes, em troca de favores sexuais. Nabokov compôs a maior parte do manuscrito — que ele mesmo chamou de “bomba-relógio” — entre 1950 e 1953. Nos dois anos seguintes, ouviu recusas de várias editoras. O livro foi publicado apenas em 1955.

O Apanhador no Campo de Centeio (1951), J.D. Salinger

O livro acompanha um fim de semana da vida de Holden Caulfield, um jovem de 17 anos, estudante de um respeitado internato para rapazes, o Colégio Pencey. Ele é expulso da escola depois de tirar notas ruins, e precisa voltar mais cedo para casa no inverno. Durante o caminho de volta, o rapaz busca adiar ao máximo o encontro com os pais, fazendo uma viagem reflexiva sobre sua existência, a partir de sua peculiar visão de mundo. Antes de enfrentar os pais, ele se encontra com algumas pessoas importantes na sua vida e, junto a elas, reflete sobre as hesitações que se passam em sua mente.

O Estrangeiro (1942), de Albert Camus

“O Estrangeiro” é a obra de ficção mais aclamada de Albert Camus e conta a história de Meursault, que vive na Argélia durante a colonização francesa. Ele recebe um telegrama comunicando a morte de sua mãe e comparece ao enterro, mas não demonstra nenhum tipo de emoção. Em uma briga com o irmão de uma de suas amantes, Meursault, delirando, acaba matando o homem a tiros. Durante o julgamento, o assassinato parece ficar em segundo plano, já que a acusação se concentra no fato de que Meursault não conseguiu chorar no velório da mãe. Ou seja, se ele é incapaz de sentir remorso, é um misantropo perigoso e pode cometer outros crimes.

O Lobo da Estepe (1927), de Hermann Hesse

Harry Haller acredita que sua integridade depende da vida solitária que leva em meio às palavras de Goethe e as partituras de Mozart: um intelectual próximo aos 50 anos, tentando equilibrar-se à beira do abismo dos problemas sociais e individuais, ante os quais a sua personalidade se torna cada vez mais ambivalente. Haller sente um permanente mal-estar, cuja fonte é sua inadequação à sociedade e à vida burguesa. Ele aluga um quarto na casa de uma senhora, onde pretende se isolar e se matar quando fizer 50 anos. Mas, ao conhecer Hermínia, Maria e Pablo; Haller embarca em uma viagem de autoconhecimento que pode levá-lo à redenção.

O Castelo (1926), de Franz Kafka

O agrimensor K. chega a uma aldeia coberta de neve e procura abrigo num albergue perto da ponte. Ele foi chamado para prestar seus serviços num castelo ali perto. No dia seguinte o herói vê, no pico da colina gelada, o castelo: como um aviso sinistro, bandos de gralhas circulam em torno da torre. No entanto, K. nunca consegue chegar até o alto, os donos do poder não permitem que o faça. Em vez disso, o suposto agrimensor recorre aos moradores da vila, para que o ajudem a entrar em contato com os funcionários do castelo. Enquanto espera, ele aceita trabalhar na aldeia, imerso em um ambiente de indiferença, burocracias e dificuldades.

A Época da Inocência (1920), de Edith Wharton

Em “A Época da Inocência”, Wharton tenta compreender os valores que guiaram a sociedade norte-americana até a Primeira Guerra Mundial. Na velha Nova York no fim do século 19, vive o abastado advogado Newland Archer. Prestes a se casar com a inocente May Welland, uma jovem da aristocracia local, ele conhece a prima de sua noiva, a condessa Olenska, que retorna da Europa após divorciar-se do marido. Apaixonado por Olenska e exasperado pelas restrições do mundo a que pertence, Archer vaga em busca da verdadeira felicidade ao mesmo tempo que procura amadurecer, imerso nas tradições que se vê obrigado a seguir.

Anna Kariênina (1877), Liev Tolstói

Publicado originalmente em forma de fascículos, entre 1875 e 1877, a obra conta a história de Anna Kariênina, uma aristocrata da Rússia Czarista que aparentemente tem uma vida perfeita, com riqueza, um casamento estável, popularidade e um filho amado. Mas, em seu interior, ela se sente extremamente vazia. Isso muda quando ela conhece o impetuoso oficial Conde Vronsky, com quem inicia um caso extraconjugal. Vronsky afirma que se casará com ela assim que ela se divorciar do marido, Alexey Karenin, mas Anna é vulnerável às pressões da sociedade. Ao mesmo tempo, ela teme que Vronsky se relacione com outra mulher e se torna cada vez mais possessiva e paranoica.

Crime e Castigo (1866), de Fiódor Dostoiévski

O livro retrata a vida de Rodión Románovitch Raskólnikov, um estudante de direito que vive em um cubículo em São Petersburgo. O jovem ganha dinheiro fazendo pequenas traduções, mas vive à beira da miséria e não consegue honrar seus compromissos básicos, como o aluguel. Desesperado por dinheiro, ele planeja matar velha Aliena Ivánovna, uma agiota. Ele tenta justificar seu ato por meio de uma teoria: se grandes homens, como César ou Napoleão, foram assassinos absolvidos pela História, por que ele não seria? Quando a polícia resolve investigar o crime, Raskólnikov se sente perturbado ao ser interrogado pelo juiz Porfiri Pietróvitch.

Jane Eyre (1847), de Charlotte Brontë

Jane Eyre, uma garota órfã e rebelde, vive na mansão de Gateshead Hall, sob os cuidados de uma tia. Após um confronto com sua tutora, ela é enviada para a escola Lowood, onde recebe uma rigorosa educação, tornando-se uma mulher madura e independente. Formada e depois de ter trabalhado como professora por dois anos em Lowood, ela aceita o emprego de tutora de Adèle, na casa de Thornfield Hall. Aos poucos, ela começa a se aproximar de seu patrão, o sr. Edward Rochester, e se apaixona por ele. Jane sente que finalmente encontrou a felicidade, mas Rochester esconde segredos que podem separá-los para sempre.

O Morro dos Ventos Uivantes (1847), Emily Brontë

O patriarca da família Earnshaw, dono na fazenda Morro dos Ventos Uivantes, faz uma viagem e, ao retornar, traz consigo um pequeno órfão, que recebe o nome de Heathcliff. O filho legítimo do sr. Earnshaw, Hindley, fica enciumado e submete o irmão adotado a várias humilhações. Já sua irmã, Catherine, se torna uma grande amiga de Heathcliff e os dois se apaixonam com o passar do tempo. Apesar desse amor, Catherine decide se casar com Edgar Linton, que possui melhores condições financeiras. Então, Heatchcliff deixa o Morro dos Ventos Uivantes e retorna anos depois, rico e disposto a se vingar de todos que o humilharam, mas ainda apaixonado por Catherine.

Dom Quixote (1605), Miguel de Cervantes

O livro narra a história do engenhoso fidalgo Dom Quixote e de seu fiel escudeiro Sancho Pança em três incursões pelas terras da Mancha, região de Aragão e da Catalunha, na Espanha. Dom Quixote adora ler histórias de cavalaria e, de tão influenciado por elas, enlouquece e sai em busca de aventuras memoráveis, tentando imitar seus heróis favoritos e levando consigo Sancho Pança, que tem uma visão mais realista dos fatos. O clássico de Miguel de Cervantes é considerado o expoente máximo da literatura espanhola e, em 2002, foi eleito por uma comissão de escritores de 54 países o melhor livro de ficção de todos os tempos.

Hamlet (1603), de William Shakespeare

O Rei Hamlet de Dinamarca acaba de morrer, deixando seu filho, o Príncipe Hamlet, e a viúva Rainha Gertrudes. O irmão do Rei, Cláudio, logo se casa com Gertrudes, assumindo o trono. Certa noite, um fantasma aparece ao príncipe, alegando ser seu pai, e revela que foi morto por Cláudio, que o envenenou. O Príncipe Hamlet passa dias perturbado e recluso, sem saber se deve acreditar no espírito, até que descobre como saber a verdade. Ele monta uma peça de teatro encenando a morte do pai e convida toda a corte para assistir ao espetáculo. Ao ver a reação de Cláudio, que se levanta cambaleante após a cena do assassinato, Hamlet se convence de que o tio é culpado e decide se vingar.

15 livros obrigatórios para ler durante a vida publicado primeiro em https://www.revistabula.com

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hearsandsights · 8 years ago

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Lohengrin, Wagner

4h25, Opéra Bastille

Mise en scène : Claus Guth

=> A réserver aux connaisseurs et amateurs, c’est quand même long L'histoire est la suivante : Lohengrin est envoyé pour sauver Elsa d'une injuste accusation. Il lui promet de la protéger à la simple condition de ne pas se voir questionner sur son identité et son origine. Au troisième acte, Elsa succombe à la tentation et lui pose la question interdite. La suite de l'histoire, c'est-à-dire le mariage d'Elsa et Lohengrin, en sera bouleversé. Lohengrin (1850) compte parmi les trois opéra de jeunesse de Wagner (1813-1883), mais il se singularise par ses caractéristiques romantiques : son sujet, la figure du cygne et du chevalier messianique et salvateur, et par son prélude, dont la fonction est désormais d'établir une atmosphère sonore à la différence de l'ouverture qui annonce l’histoire. Il permet à Wagner de quitter l'opéra héroïque pour le drame légendaire. S’ensuivra la Tétralogie... Dès Lohegrin, l'orchestre prend de l'assurance, et ce ne sont plus les voix qui dirigent l'action. J'ai bien aimé cette représentation, tout de même longuette, il faut avoir de la patience et être disponible tôt… L'opéra est long , mais j'ai particulièrement aimé l'orchestration, l’utilisation des cuivres par Wagner et la structure mélodique. La mise en scène est okay, sans plus. Les décors sont monumentaux, mais je leur trouve peu de charme. J'ai apprécié la performance des deux principaux interprètes Stuart Skelton (Lohengrin) et Edith Haller (Elsa von Brabant), néanmoins j'ai eu du mal à ressentir leurs émotions, cela me semble être resté quelque peu froid... J’ai eu l'impression qu'ils ne se sont pas impliqués autant qu’ils auraient pu dans leurs personnages. L'exécution est néanmoins irréprochable.

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screamingatanemptyroom · 6 years ago

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I Can’t Eat Love Side Part 2- Rig

Sorry for the long delay, I just started a new job and I’ve been really busy! Here’s is the next side part, from Rig’s perspective. Next will be a quick part with Edith, and then Hallers and finally the Queen.

Master post Linked Here

Enjoy!

___________________________

In a previous life...

I was always a simple man, with a simple wish. I had secrets, more than most, but this fundamental thing about me never changed. Even in the underground world of spies and intrigue, my heart always yearned for one simple thing to be happy:

A family.

When I first met Helda, I didn’t know she was the daughter of the Lord of the estate I lived on. I came across her one day, standing in the gardens, a beautiful girl with a bright, kind smile. I felt nervous, having never seen such a pretty girl before.

“Do you like flowers?” I asked her, my heart in my throat. Around her I felt foolish, tongue tied.

“I love them!” She laughed at my question, and I couldn’t help but smile.

We met frequently after that, despite the differences in our statuses. We spoke of many things, gradually learning about each other, our lives, of our hopes and dreams.

___________________________

“What do you want most in life?” She asked me one day, stroking the blue flower I had given her earlier.

“I want to be happy.” I grinned at her. “Family, friends… if I had people who truly cared for me, I wouldn’t want for anything else.”

“A family… what about your father?”

Her question dampened my mood, and I frowned as I thought of the overly serious man working in the stables.

“He doesn’t care about me much.” I tried to keep my tone light. Truthfully, my father hated me. He often complained about being stuck with me after my mother had died, and about how useless I was. I didn’t say that, however. I didn’t want her to think less of me. I just wanted her to smile at me like she always did.

“…” Despite my efforts, an awkward silence stretched between us. I looked down at my lap, only to be shocked when a small delicate hand reached over and grabbed my own.

“I care about you.” Her soft words stuck a chord in my heart, shaking me to my core. I looked up at her, unable to hide the emotions in my eyes.

I loved her.

Even without a mother or father, perhaps I could build a new family. One that I loved and loved me in return. I smiled at Helda, blinking back tears.

My dream was coming true.

___________________________

SLAP!

“You brat! You were sniffing around the Lord’s daughter!” My father’s hand struck my face with force, knocking me to the ground. I spat out blood, having bit my tongue in the impact, and shakily climbed to my feet. The flowers in my hands were trampled on the ground, and I stared at the ruined blossoms in dismay.

“I love her.”

“She’s beyond your reach, fool. Stop dreaming!” His sneering words made me angry, but before I could retort he through a small bag at me.

“The lord has already given his order. You are to leave today, and never return.”

I clutched the pack, stunned. My father was turning me out without hesitation, just because the Lord had seen me bringing flowers to his daughter?

What would they do if they knew how close we truly are? Suppressing this thought, I took the bag and left, writing to Helda what had happened.

___________________________

A few weeks went by, but she didn’t respond, causing me to panic. I sent letter after letter until finally her maid sent me a message, describing her condition.

“You’re pregnant?”

I went to see her, sneaking into the estate and finding her alone.

“Run away with me, we’ll make a life together.” I was nervous, excited, my hands shaking as I tried to reach out to hold hers. “I may not have much, but I will love you and our child with all of my heart.

My hands grasped nothing but air. She stepped away, out of my reach, shaking her head. I felt pain in my chest, my blood freezing in my veins at her distant expression.

“You can’t give me what I want.” Her voice was cold, unfamiliar. Was this the same girl who held my hand and told me she loved me? What had happened?

“What do you want?” I begged her. “I’ll do anything to make you happy.” I was fired up, ready to go to the edge of the world and back for her. I would make this work. I would make a life for us. I could already see a wonderful future, with her and our children...

“A title. Can you give me that?” Those two words crushed my spirit, extinguishing my naïve dreams. No matter how hard I worked, I couldn’t make my blood more noble. It was not a true request. It was a rejection.

“But… our child…” My words cracked.

“Will be raised as the child of a noble. It has nothing to do with you.” She stepped even further away. “So please stop approaching me. Stop writing me. Pretend you don’t know me. Don’t ruin my chance at happiness.”

She walked away, leaving me broken hearted behind her. I couldn’t speak, could barely leave. The feelings we shared, the dream of a family… were worthless to her in the end.

I snuck back out of the estate, never to return home again.

___________________________

Starting a new life wasn’t easy.

I found that there was money in secrets, and although it required some dark deeds in the shadows, obtaining and selling those secrets soon made me a force to be reckoned with in the underworld of the Capital. I gathered a team, infiltrating all areas of society. The little white lies, the darkest secrets, I knew them all and would sell them for a price.

But no matter how hard I worked, how much money or power I gained, it didn’t change the fact that I was alone.

Helda married right away, and was given a title and a position in society just like she always wanted. She gave birth to a daughter… our daughter. I gathered all the information I could on her, watching the young girl who seemed to love flowers, just like her mother.

Raewynn. My daughter.

I passed the years by, watching my child from the shadows, despairing of the remnants of a dream that still haunted my heart. But it was too late, I had lost my chance at family.

Or so I thought. Until I met her.

___________________________

The first time I saw that girl, I couldn’t help but reach out a hand towards her. I was walking to a meeting, and happened to pass by a young beggar on the streets. I had seen countless before, I knew I couldn’t save them all, so I tried to look away, hardening my heart. But after once glimpse, I already found that she was impossible to ignore.

Despite the dirt that covered her, the fatigue that clearly showed on her face, and the too-thin frame, her eyes stared right at me, studying me curiously. They were bright, intelligent, but buried within her gaze was a sense of anger and grief incomparable with her age. I paused, despite myself, and looked down.

“Poor thing, you starving?” I spoke up softly, and her eyes narrowed, watching me more closely. She seemed to be in good health besides being malnourished, and seemed smart enough to be able to be useful. I made up my mind instantly, holding out a hand to help her to her feet. “You can work for me, get back on your feet.”

She studied my hand, distrust clearly written on her face. Something flickered behind her eyes, and I couldn’t help but wondered what had happened too a young woman to cause such a sad look.

“Why would you help me?”

I shrugged. I wasn’t completely sure myself. “Who know? Maybe in another life you can pay me back.”

A silly joke, one that meant nothing. How could a young girl ever help me out, even if we met again in a different life?

___________________________

“Again.”

The girl glared at me, the expression vicious. “I’ve already done it a thousand times.”

“Can you even count to a thousand?” I handed her back the throwing knife with a grin.

“Easily.”

I laughed. Her words were forced through gritted teeth, I had a feeling that if I kept pushing her, the next target for the throwing knife might be me. Every day she was louder, more self-assured. Watching her actions and expressions slowly match the brightness I had initially seen in her eyes made me feel happy. The girl was quicker than I had expected, picking up skills and knowledge at a speed that left me amazed.

THUD

The knife flew from her hand with practiced ease, striking the center of the target with a solid sound. The girl let out a cheer, jumping up and down .

“Good job!” I complimented her without thinking, and she froze in place, her eyes wide with shock. I laughed at her expression.

“Why are you acting so surprised at a simple compliment? You worked hard. You deserve it.”

She shook her head. “I’ve always worked hard. That doesn’t mean people will care.” The pain I sometimes saw hidden in her eyes was clearly visible. At the sight, I felt a slight tug in my heart. Forcing a smile, I reached out and ruffled her hair, ignoring her annoyed reaction.

“I care.” I paused, and stepped back. “Which is why it should be perfect. Do it again.”

“…” She stared at me silently for a few moments, and I wondered if she would revolt. Instead a bright smile lit up her face, startling me.

For a moment I thought of my daughter Raewynn. Did she smile like that sometimes too? As I struggled with my thoughts, she had already gathered the throwing knifes and positioned herself farther away from the target.

“I’ll do it perfectly then.”

___________________________

Each day the girl grew more confident. I found myself struck by her intelligence and hard work. After only a few months, she was one of my most talented runners. The air around her changed, becoming less suppressed and angry to one more bright and cheerful. I watched her change day by day, amused at how such a thin, quiet girl had become so different.

One day I overheard two of my men talking:

“That girl keeps taking all the best jobs. Should I teach her a lesson?”

“Idiot! She’s Rig’s daughter! If you mess with her, he’ll kill you!”

“Ugh, I’m glad you said something, I’ll steer clear.”

I watched the man run off, a smile tugging at my lips.

My daughter?

I had investigated Lenora when I first picked her up, of course. Her story wasn’t pretty. To start so high up, a valued and treasured daughter of the duke, only to be thrown away and lose everything. She must still be hurting, even if she never brought up her family or her old home. The more time I spent with her, the more I felt a kindred spirit from her, a special kind of loneliness that searched for a family.

A daughter like her… wouldn’t be bad.

I treated her with special interest from then on, teaching her everything I knew. She learned things quickly, especially when it came to business negotiations and threats… even I was scared of how talented in that regard. She stayed by my side more and more, and I couldn’t help but feel proud of her as my adopted daughter.

Finally, one day, I took her to see Raewynn.

We sat in a tree, watching the smiling girl in a flower garden. In a quiet voice, I explained my history with her mother, and the girl’s identity. Lenora seemed to stare at her with great interest, almost falling out of the tree in her haste. I reached out to hold her in place, but was barely spared a glance by her before her attention was focused on Raewynn once more.

When we came back home that evening, she was still smiling. “You should tell her!” She jumped up and down with excitement.

I frowned, shaking my head. “I’m not sure, she might not be happy to hear the truth.” In my heart I still remembered how her mother looked at me the day I asked her to come with me… like I was disgusting, worthless. I felt a brief moment of fear, at the thought of Raewynn looking at me like that as well.

“But you’re amazing, much better than any silly earl! She should know who her real father is!” Lenora smiled warmly, pulling on my sleeve. “I know I would want to know.”

Really? The dream I thought I had abandoned so long ago stirred to life in my chest at her few words. Would it really all work out so neatly? What if it did?

I made up my mind, sending a letter to my young daughter. In it I explained the truth of who I was. The moment it left my hands, I felt panicked. What if she was too young to understand, she was only thirteen… I agonized over it for days, until finally a reply was sent my way.

Both she and her mother wanted to see me.

I was overwhelmed. The letter seemed to imply that if the meeting went well, they would consider running away, starting a new life together.

Had Helda regretted her decision that day? She wanted to be a family again? Part of me was hurt and angry after her betrayal, but I couldn’t contain the yearning that sprouted deep within me.

A family.

Was it really within my reach?

I left Lenora behind, telling her that if we left, I wanted her to come with us. She may be grown, but I had come to regard her as my daughter. I didn’t want to leave her behind.

“You can be part of the family, have a younger sister…” I smiled as I told her, “I can’t run off without both of my daughters, now can I?”

She cried into my shoulder, promising to wait for me to return. My spirits raised, I headed towards the meeting point, happy.

My family.

My dream was coming true.

___________________________

Once I arrived at the promised spot, however, there was no one else there.

Was I too early? I felt uneasy. I had honed my instincts on the streets these past years, my gut told me something was wrong. I knew, I should get out of here, quickly.

But if I turn and run away, what if I miss them? I hesitated, unwilling to lose this chance…

But I hesitated just a moment too long.

A blade pierced my chest, the sound reaching my ears before the pain hit. I grunted, shocked, slumping to the ground, a weak hand lightly clutching at the handle protruding from me, my fingers slipping on the surface slick with blood.

“Is it done?” A voice I knew better than any other, even after all these years spoke up. I closed my eyes briefly, not wanting to open them, not wanting to see the person in front of me.

“Yes.” A stranger, a man, answered her.

“Finally.” She let out a sigh of relief, and unwittingly I opened my eyes and saw her.

Helda.

She knelt down, looking at me with a cold expression. “You should have just let the past go, Rig. You’re lucky I found the letter first. I can’t risk what you know getting back to my husband. Did you tell anyone else?”

Lenora. I shook my head resolutely, denying her question.

“Hmph.” She stood up, studying me closely. “To be safe, track down his people, and kill them.”

The man who had stabbed me shook his head. “That wasn’t part of the deal…”

“I’ll triple the amount.” She shook her head slowly. “Just get rid of them.”

Helda walked away, never once looking back at me.

The masked man stared at me with a frown. “Sorry friend, at least your friends will join you in the afterlife.” He reached down, pulling out the knife. I felt my entire chest become soaked with blood, my vision going dark as he left me behind too.

I just wanted to be happy. I wanted a family.

I thought of their words, tears filling my vision as I realized that Lenora might be harmed. The bright girl, who had just learned to laugh again. Who just started to smile after so much pain. Who was so lonely that she cried at the thought of being a part of my family… What would happen to her?

“Lenora.” I whispered the name, feeling pain, feeling regret.

My daughter. I’m sorry. I have to leave first.

Please be happy, find a new family.

Please…

“RIG!”

___________________________

In another life…

“RIG!”

I opened my eyes, having fallen asleep by the window, startled awake at the sound of my name. Blinking, my thoughts scattered, I looked around, only to stop my gaze on the young woman standing before me, my breath catching within my chest.

“You look beautiful.”

Lenora stood there, her hands on hips, a smile tugging at her lips as she rolled her eyes at the compliment.

“I would hope so, given all the work Marile and Erica have put into this!”

She turned around, showing off the flowing white gown, the golden trim shining in the sunlight pouring through the window. She was always lovely, her appearance bright and confident, but today she was stunning. Her clothes and hair were carefully styled, an excited blush coloring her cheeks.

A beautiful bride.

I stood up, giving her a tight hug. “Nate is a lucky man.”

She grinned. “You two gave him a hard enough time when we first got engaged.”

“How else is he going to know how precious you are to us?” I shrugged. “If I didn’t like him, he wouldn’t still be standing, prince or no.”

“I know.” She reached out, touching my face gently. “You and Hallers both defended him against his parents. It meant a lot to him.”

I looked away. “They should know they have a good son.” I muttered. It’s true that Hallers and I both had many long “talks” with Nate after the engagement, which he took in good spirit. But the moment we saw his father make a disparaging remark against him… Hallers was the first to crack.

“Prince Nathaniel is the finest young man of his generation, you are foolish if you don’t recognize how lucky you are to have him as your son!” The words the normally stoic butler shouted out that day still shocked everyone. I had stepped up as well, agreeing loudly.

Nate, his eyes teary, had simply hugged us both, thanking us quietly. A good man, a little quiet, but he was kind and intelligent. More importantly, he made Lenora happy. He was accepted into our odd group without issue after that day.

“Thank you, Rig. For everything.” Lenora’s words brought me back from my thoughts. I looked at her for a few moments, feeling I had to ask one last time.

“Are you sure you don’t want your father to give you away?”

At my question her face grew cold, her normally cheerful gaze growing harsh. “The old duke? He is not my father. Not in any way that matters.” She shook her head. “Rig, in both lifetimes I’ve lived… you’ve always been there for me. You won’t leave me now, deny me having my father with me on my wedding day, would you?”

I smiled. She often spoke about a past lifetime, one that I never remembered. It was strange to hear about. I knew from what she had told me that I had cared for her like a daughter then as well. It seemed almost too much to believe, but no matter my thoughts, I couldn’t help but be grateful that it caused her to seek me out in this lifetime.

“Of course not, girl. We’ll take care of you.”

“Good!” Lenora clapped, “Before the ceremony, I have a surprise for you!” She leaned out the window, looking outside while chuckling. “And it looks like it’s just arriving!”

“A surprise?” I was a spymaster… I didn’t get surprised. Curious, I turned as she walked past me, opening the door to her rooms with a flourish.

I paused, completely shocked.

“Hello… father.” A young girl, thirteen or fourteen years old, stood in the doorway, watching me with a shy expression. I knew her… how could I not? I had spent years watching her grow up, hidden in the shadows of the garden.

“Raewynn?” I choked out the name, barely able to speak, then turned to Lenora. “How…?”

She answered my unfinished question with a smile. “You hadn’t had a chance to see her since coming to Tilendria with me. I know that you said you would be fine, just hearing reports on her wellbeing, but how could I ignore the sacrifice you made to help me?”

She stepped forward, taking Raewynn’s hand with a smile. “Due to some… arranged circumstances, I have been able to correspond with Rae regularly, and as we got to know each other, I invited her here to come to my wedding… And see our father.”

Father. The word repeated in my head over and over, I could barely breathe.

“Arranged circumstance?” I didn’t recognize my own voice, my mind was racing.

“You know how much Raewynn loves flowers, and learning about their uses?” Lenora waited for me to nod, before continuing with a satisfied grin. “Well, I arranged for her to learn under a master gardener.”

“Hello cousin.” the new Duke of Armeny, stepped into the room behind the girl, smiling. “I brought my apprentice, as you asked.”

“Henry!” Lenora hugged him tightly, then stepped back to show him her gown. “What do you think?”

“Hmm… we’re missing something.” He looked her up and down with a serious expression.

“Roses?” Raewynn tugged on Henry’s sleeve with a grin.

“Too traditional. How about lilies?”

“Not enough color.” Both of them were excited, getting into a lively debate before deciding on peonies. Henry ran out to grab a potted plant from the carriage while Raewynn inched closer to me, a curious expression on her face.

“You both are ridiculous.” Lenora smiled while watching her.

Raewynn shrugged, still staring at me. “Flowers are amazing, you just don’t appreciate them enough.”

“I don’t think it’s possible to appreciate them as much as you and Henry.” She patted Raewynn on the head. “Now talk with our father for a bit, he’s still in shock.” Looking around, she sighed. “I have to go get Hallers. He’s been crying ever since he saw me in my wedding dress.”

“Hallers?” I couldn’t help but be skeptical. That stone faced man could cry?”

She grinned. “Take your time, you two.” I realized just how much effort she must have made to arrange to bring Raewynn here without raising suspicion, and felt a warmth in my chest. I stepped closer, hugging Lenora tightly.

“Thank you.”

“Of course.” She whispered back. “We’re family.”

Family.

I sat down to talk to my daughter, waiting for the wedding to begin. A smile stretched across my face and for the first time in a long time, a weight seemed gone from my shoulders.

___________________________

The time for the wedding to begin arrived. Hallers finally calmed down, taking his place to the other side of Lenora as we brought her to the wedding hall. The Queen, a beautiful smile on her face, wiped tears from her eyes as she hugged Lenora tightly.

“Mother.” Lenora’s voice sounded muffled, as if she were holding back tears.

“I’m so happy for you, dear. My daughter’s wedding day.”

I agreed with the Queen, looking down the hall where a nervous but clearly happy Nate stood, shifting in place as he tried to catch a glimpse of his bride. Henry patted him on the shoulder, pointing at some of the wedding decorations, obviously complaining about the flowers. We walked Lenora towards them, Raewynn scattering petals ahead of us, Erica and Marile supporting the bride’s train behind her, both grinning from ear to ear.

Hallers, the Queen and I all took turns kissing our daughter for good fortune, before placing her hand in Nate’s. I stood off to the side, watching the couple speak their vows of love, my heart full.

The bride and groom kissed, and I cheered with the rest.

This strange group that gathered around Lenora, we were more than simple friends, people brought about by chance. We looked out for one another, cared for one another.

A family.

What more could a man ask for?

#writing #i can't eat love #side part #rig #second chance #second life

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screamingatanemptyroom · 6 years ago

Text

I Can’t Eat Love- Side Part 1 - Nate

This is the first of 4 or 5 side parts (I might do an Edith part, but if i do it will be fairly short). We’re starting off with Nate, with plans for Rig’s to be the next one.

Master post linked here. (I’ll update it again after posting).

Again, this will be from Nate’s POV.

Enjoy!

______________________________

In a previous life...

No one ever truly looked at me, despite being a prince, despite trying my best. Their gazes always slipped past me, to focus on someone else. I felt sometimes that i was shouting, screaming for someone to see me, see who i was... but it always came to nothing in the end.

I noticed it early on.

______________________________

“Nate!” My older brother George called out as he crashed into my room without notice. “People are in trouble! We have to go help them!”

I sighed loudly. George always said the exact same thing. Last time was because his favorite shop was out of sweets. “What is it this time?”

“I saw some people didn’t have homes on the streets, I’m going to help them.”

“You want to start a charity?” I stood, up, already thinking through the steps that would need to be accomplished.

George stopped in his tracks, his enthusiasm waning. “Eh, a charity? Can’t we just… get them off the streets?”

A headache started forming behind my eyes. I rubbed my temples, closing my eyes. “I’ll take care of the paperwork. We’ll get a charity started and help the people you are worried about.”

“Perfect!” Excited once more, George clapped me on the back before charging back out, the open swinging door the only trace of his outburst. I sighed again.

I would be busy for a while.

______________________________

“George! We are so proud of the charitable work you’ve been doing lately!” Father spoke up at dinner, his eyes warm as he studied my brother.

Wait, what? I looked up from my meal, shocked. Neither of my parents paid any attention to me, however, both focused on my older brother.

“Thanks!” George happily accepted the compliment, never glancing in my direction. An angry flame built up in my chest.

Why wasn’t he telling them that I did most of the work? Why doesn’t anyone care that I was the one who made this project a success?

“But…” I tried to speak up, feeling embarrassed but determined to be seen.

“You need to be more like your brother, Nate.” My Mother smiled calmly at me, not noticing the pain she was causing. “You could learn a lot from him.”

My determination shriveled to nothing in my chest, and i stared back down at my plate, blinking back tears.

I didn’t finish dinner that night.

“Why didn’t you tell them?” I asked him later, upset. His only response was to stare innocently back at me.

“We both worked hard. I’m sure they realize that.”

But they didn’t.

They never did.

______________________________

“Let go of her!” George yelled out, charging into the middle of a group of men harassing a young woman. They outnumbered him twelve to one, and he had below average fighting ability, he was quickly restrained, a punch landing on his stomach by a smirking gang member.

Seeing all this as I arrived, I ordered the royal guards I had brought with me to split the group in half, quickly joining the side that held my brother captive.

“DO YOUR WORST YOU COWARDS!” George screamed fearlessly at them even as he was helpless to break free.

I saw the knife pointing in his direction, and jumped forward to protect him without thinking, wincing as the blade cut through my skin.

At least I had saved him, despite his rashness. I felt my heart lift, ignoring the painful bleeding wound on my arm. They would have to see me now.

______________________________

“WHY DIDN’T YOU GO WITH YOUR BROTHER?” My father was angry, glancing between a bruised and battered George and me. “He wouldn’t have been hurt nearly as badly if you had been there from the start!”

I gritted my teeth, still holding pressure to the bandage across my slashed arm. “I don’t know what George told you, but we needed reinforcements…”

“He said you didn’t care when he told you about the young woman in trouble.” My father’s eyes were cold, freezing my heart.

“I just said we needed more people to do it safely… I was always planning to help but...”

He raised a hand, dismissing my words. “Why can’t you be more like your brother?”

Looking at George’s pitiful smile, and my father’s uncomfortable stare, I slowly closed my mouth, refusing to speak further.

______________________________

Incident after incident, it was always me bailing him out of trouble, yet somehow he took all the credit for the achievements, and I was responsible for all the failures. A darkness grew in my heart, a deep and angry bitterness that I couldn’t suppress.

Why was I helping him?

The thought came more and more frequently.

And then came the day.The terrible day i regretted more than any other.

“People are in trouble! There are bandits! We have to go help them!”

I smiled coldly at my brother’s frantic words, but never looked up.

“Then go help them.”

“…” George stared at me in shock. I understood. In the past I had always leapt to my feet, eager to help any way I could.

“You should probably get more information, such as locations and numbers. Make sure to bring reinforcements, too.” I spoke carelessly as I continued to read the book in front of me, ignoring him.

“Aren’t you going to take care of things?”

“No.” I smiled, looking at his disappointed expression without flinching.

“Don’t you care about our people?”

“I’m just taking our parents advice to heart.” I laughed, but it was a bitter, unpleasant sound. “I’m going to be more like you. I’m going to sit here, and let someone else do all the work.”

I felt a brief moment of elation as he left empty handed. This time, I wouldn’t be used. This time, our parents would see that it was always my hard work that George had depended on. They would look at me, truly look at me, for the first time.

I smiled, turning my attention back to my book, not sparing another thought as George slammed the door behind him.

But that was the last time I saw my brother alive.

At first, it seemed like a bad joke. How could he die the one time I didn’t help him? Why did he just rush in like always without reinforcements, had he thought I would come despite what I said?

All my anger, my frustration, my jealousy… it was left without a target.

It was just me left.

But still… no one truly looked at me.

The nobles, the castle servants… my parents. They continued to mourn, and now instead of fighting to be compared to an imperfect older brother, I was constantly haunted by the perfection of their memories.

I was trapped.

______________________________

I traveled a lot, hoping to escape their sad gazes. Escape my own guilt. In Reterand, I met some interesting people. Jim was an official in the Royal Treasury, who spent some time explaining economic theory to me. The Queen in particular was kind, even if she spent most of her time telling me how wonderful her “daughter” was and how much we would get along.

I found this confusing. As far as I knew, The Royal family only had one child, a son.

I didn’t stay long in that kingdom. The crown prince Ronan was particularly annoying. He spent the majority of his time boasting about his many talents, and the small remainder complaining about his fiancé, who he called “a boring girl.”

I felt sorry for her, whoever she was. It wouldn’t be easy to marry a man like that.

I returned to Tilendria, and never thought much of it again. A few years later, however, a report crossed my desk.

“Ronan broke his engagement?” I raised an eyebrow as I read the report, a slight pain in my chest as it described the way the poor girl had been callously tossed aside at a public party.

“And is now engaged to her close friend, the daughter of a count.” A servant confirmed.

“Poor girl.” The words left my mouth in a whisper. I searched my memory, trying to think if I had ever met her, but came up blank. I hoped she was able to find a better life. Ronan would not have made a good husband. I set the report down, shaking my head as I caught sight of the name at the top of the page. “Poor Lenora.”

______________________________

It wasn’t until almost two years later that I visited Reterand again. Any time spent in the presence of Prince Ronan and his wife Edith was insufferable. Ronan was no better than the first time I met him, arrogant and loud. Edith was even worse, with no sense of propriety. She would attempt to order me around as a servant, claiming that Tilendria was a “small, insignificant country” and I should be glad for the opportunity to serve her.

What a fool. I ignored her, curious instead as to why I could no longer meet the Queen. She had been kind and helpful last time I had visited, if a little obsessed with her daughter. But when I asked around, everyone had similar uncomfortable expressions.

“She’s in mourning, Your Highness.” One of the more competent butlers, a man named Hallers, informed me finally. I was curious, and couldn’t help asking.

“Who is she mourning?”

“…” Despite the man’s professional mask, I caught sight of a brief flash of grief behind his eyes. Hallers hid it well, but he seemed to be deeply affected by the loss of whoever had died.

Seeing his reluctance to speak, I simply patted him on the shoulder, allowing him to leave. Such a cold, professional man, what kind of person could have gotten close to him to leave him so heartbroken?

Still thinking of this, I headed out of the castle, wanting to escape spending time away from the prince and his group. I decided to go igcognito, using a scarf and cloak to hide my features and forgoing my guards. It was a little foolish, but I felt that as long as I wasn’t recognized, I’d be fine.

I was definitely mistaken.

______________________________

“Give us your money!” A pair of burly men cornered me in an alley. He held out a knife towards my face, giving me a gap toothed grin.

“I can honestly say I don’t have much on me.” Other than a couple of crowns, which I readily held out, I hadn’t brought anything with me. My free hand gripped the pommel of my sword under my cape. I wasn’t a brilliant fighter, but I should be able to hold my own against these two.

But still I hesitated. If I was found to be involved in a bloody incident, this could have some diplomatic ramifications. While I was thinking this over, the man stepped closer, his eyes vicious. “Then I’ll just have to cut you open and see what else is worth selling.”

My hand tightened on my sword as he drew near, but before I could draw it…

THUD.

A throwing knife grazed the man’s face, hitting the wall behind him. The sound of happy laughter filled the air.

“What the…?” Surprised, all three of us looked up at the roof of the nearby building, the source of the attack. To my utter shock, a beautiful young woman sat on the edge, spinning a blade on her palm. She was dressed in black, loosely fitting clothes, her light hair tied up behind her head. The woman was smiling, but it was not a kind smile. And her eyes…

Intelligent, sad… they were deeper than any other I had ever seen. I was lost in them.

“Hate to spoil your fun, but you know that Rig doesn’t like you two doing business in his terf.” She laughed again, a pleasant sound. I felt my cheeks flush with warmth. I had seen beautiful women before, there were plenty in the royal court, but none with the simple confidence and steadiness she displayed with the smallest of actions. It was breathtaking to watch.

“WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE…?” One of the robbers started to shout, only to be stopped by his friend, who was still clutching his bleeding face.

“Shut up, fool! That’s Rig’s daughter.”

“The brat he picked off the streets?” The other man’s eyes widened.

“He threatened to absolutely destroy anyone who hurts her.”

THUD.

Another knife flew past, a long slash appearing on the previously uninjured robber’s chest. He screamed in pain, holding the wound. I stared up at the woman, but all she revealed was a cold grin.

“That’s assuming you are talented enough to hurt me.”

“Don’t be so cocky!” One robber raised his fist. “I’ve heard that’s there’s a noble with a grudge out on Rig. If he get’s taken out, don’t think you’ll last long!”

She picked up a third knife, shrugging. “I’ve given you so many chances, and you’re still not leaving? I guess you’re ready to die then.”

“…” Without another word, the two men turned and ran away. She watched them leave, her face expressionless, her eyes filled with sadness.

“Hey mister, you should be more careful in the streets.” At her words I clutched the scarf that hid my face closer, and made sure my hood was still up. “You stick out while you’re hiding you’re face like that.”

I gave a formal bow. “Thank you for saving me. I wasn’t paying proper attention.”

“Of course.” Grinning, she jumped to the ground in front of me, and gave a formal curtsey. It was flawless, and I stared at her in shock. “Nobility running around without guards though… you could really get into trouble.”

“I could say the same to you.” I returned her words, unsure of what secrets this girl was hiding. She had been formally trained in etiquette, though, it was easily visible in every movement she made, every gesture.

“I’m not nobility… not anymore.” She had a bitter smile, but even more so she seemed… lonely. I found myself wanting to reach out, to comfort her, but my hand froze mid-gesture, unsure if she would be insulted.

“What’s your name anyways?” She studied me curiously, her eyes looking straight at me. “If you don’t mind me asking?”

She was my savior, how could I refuse? I started to pull down the scarf covering my face.

“I’m…”

“LENORA!” A voice cried out, and a distraught young man looked around the corner into the alley, his face pale. “IT’S RIG… he’s…” He trailed, off, shaking his head.

I heard her breath rush in. “Let’s go.”

She ran after him, pausing in the alleyway entrance to look back at me once. “Be careful in the future. I may not be there to save you next time.”

I grinned. “How about next time, I save you?”

“Deal.” She laughed, although anxiety now had crept into her voice. She was obviously worried about her this man Rig. I hoped he was okay. Without another word, she turned around and left, and I was alone once again.

I stared at the spot where she had been for a long time, my heartbeat in my ears, before turning back and returning to the palace.

______________________________

On my arrival I received a message, calling me back to Tilendria. I hesitated, my mind turning to the young woman I had met today, unable to completely forget her. Was she okay? Did she need help?

She was the first person to reach out and help me, not expecting me to do anything in return. So many people were willing to use me, wanting me to help them… even my own brother… but this woman… Lenora, they had called her….

I wanted to see her again.

I returned home, heeding the urgency in my summons, but I didn’t forget. I sent some of my servants back to Reterand and asked them to search for the young woman, and to offer help immediately if she was found. They had discovered that Rig, who had apparently run an information and spying ring, had been murdered, and the remainder of his gang had been imprisoned or killed.

My heart in my throat, I had them examine the bodies, and look at those captured, but none of them matched the description of Lenora.

Had she escaped?

Weeks, months went by without a word. I visited Reterand again, ignoring everyone else, just wandering around the Capital city, hoping to catch a glimpse of her, but my efforts were fruitless.

Until a terrible day came, and they found her.

______________________________

My men’s faces were solemn as they reported to me, the sense of failure hanging heavy around them. i fell to my knees, my breath freezing in my lungs. It was too late.

She was dead.

I had them take me to her, a stabbing pain in my chest. I took in her overly thin form, her gaunt face which was still, so different from the lively woman who I had met on the streets that day.

I reached out, touching her cold, stiff hand, blinking back tears.

“What happened?” My voice was cold, I saw some of the servants shiver before one stepped forward to answer.

“We examined her… it appears to be starvation that took her life. Only…” He hesitated again, but at my glare swallowed and continued on. “Someone must have had a grudge against her. Her body was taken away to the palace, for a short while, and then tossed out into the wilderness beyond the city for the animals to dispose of. In fact, the only reason we were able to find her was due to those strange movements.”

I felt my heart break, my hand tightening on hers. Starvation. What a terrible death.

“I promised to save you.” My words were whispered, but each one hurt like a blow.

“Your Highness…”

“We’ll bury her in Tilendria. In the Royal plot.”

Silence filled the room for a few tense moments.

“A-are you sure? That’s only for…” He trailed off, unsure, but I smiled, knowing what he was trying to say.

It was a place made for the burial of royalty. Typically the only ones who could be honored there would be my parents, myself… and my wife.

“She saved my life.” My words were simple, but the servant flinched away from me, bowing.

“It shall be done, Your Highness.” He left to make arrangements, and I stared at the young woman once more.

We had only met once, but she had left such a deep impression on me. What would it have been like if we had lived side by side?

I closed my eyes, grieving. “If there is another life, Lenora. Let me help you in that one. If I’m fortunate enough to meet you again… let me fall in love with you. Let’s get married, and live a happy life. I won’t lose you next time, alright?”

I opened my eyes but the scene before me hadn’t changed, I stood up, staring at her face for the last time.

“Goodbye.”

______________________________

In another life…

“Nate!” A small hand waved in front of my face and I caught it in my own, laughing. Looking up, Lenora was smiling at me, all traces of the troubles she had recently been through long since faded away.

“Yes?” I continued holding her hand, watching with interest as her normally confident expression faltered, her cheeks flushing a bright red. She shook her head slowly, as if trying to clear it.

“Do you believe me?” Her voice was quieter than I was used to, a tone of uncertainty in it that tore at my heart. I reached out, pulling her in with a tight hug.

“Of course.” It was a fantastical tale. She had lived and died, being reborn five years earlier and given a second chance to change her fate. If it were anyone else I would laugh, call them crazy.

But this was Lenora.

The strange, beautiful girl who saw things too clearly. Who sacrificed herself at a moment’s notice to prevent anyone from starving within her duchy. Who had stared at her fiancé and best friend betraying her with tired eyes, as if it were only to be expected. If anything, her actions, her pain, made a horrifying amount of sense.

“Do you regret how this life turned out?” I kept hugging her, my heart beating rapidly in my chest.

I loved her.

Even at our ridiculous first introduction when she grabbed my arm, frightening me by demanding my clothes, she had unknowingly become an irreplaceable presence in my heart. Each moment I spent with her from then on, from arguing with her day after day in lessons with Jim, to helping her gather resources to build a fortune, I fell further and further, unable to escape how I felt and without desire to. Whether we were fighting, or agreeing, or working together she had always truly seen me.

I still thought this might be a dream. That her telling me she loved me too, agreeing to marry me might be a fantasy my desperate mind cooked up. But here she was, by my side, smiling.

I hoped she was happy.

“No. I like this ending much better.” She grinned, leaning up and kissing my cheek. I felt myself turn red, looking up at the ceiling with a sigh.

“Still, it seems really unfair.” I frowned at her. “You knew everyone else in your previous life. Even Rig and Marile were close to you. But you didn’t know me?”

Lenora shrugged, a smile tugging at her lips as I pouted. “I’m pretty sure I would have remembered you.”

“Well, if I had known you in the previous life, I would like to think I would have tried to help you.” The thought made me curious. A life that only Lenora could remember. A life where we never met.

What kind of person would I be, if I hadn’t met her when I did? She had changed my life so much already…

“Well, I guess you’ll have to work even harder in this life, since you didn’t get a chance to know me last time.” She teased me, but her eyes widened with shock as I let go of her, kneeling on the floor in front of her with a solemn expression.

“I promise to try my hardest as your future husband to make you happy in this lifetime, so you won’t regret it.” I reached out, taking her hand and kissing the back of it, enjoying the sight of her being flustered. I was usually the one who got embarrassed first.

“THIS IS SO CUTE!”

A shout caught both of our attention. To my shock there was a whole group of people hanging behind the cracked door of the room. Hallers and Rig, with serious expressions, had their hands clapped over Lady Erica’s mouth, who had obviously been the one shouting. Marile and the Queen stood nearby, pretending that they hadn’t been spying.

As they let go of her, Lady Erica rushed forward, hugging us both, before grabbing the Queen and Marile to immediately discuss wedding plans. I watched them with a smile, sitting back down next to Lenora, ignoring Rig and Hallers’ cold stares at the closeness between us. I broke out in a cold sweat at the intensity of their gazes, but held on to Lenora’s hand, refusing to move.

She chuckled at their expressions, waving them to sit down. “Stop trying to scare him.”

“He’s a very lucky man, Miss.” Hallers spoke quietly. I fought the urge to hide behind my fiancé at his tone. “We’ll have to have a… talk… with His Royal Highness before the wedding of course.”

Rig cracked his knuckles, grinning. “Yes. A talk. Just so he understands how our girl needs to be treated.”

“I look forward to it.” I lied, hiding my terror.

Lenora burst out laughing, and unknowingly the whole room smiled at her. I squeezed her hand.

“Thank you.”

For looking at me when no one else did. For loving me. For using a second chance at life to spend it with me.

She smiled in response. “Let’s make a new future.”

I nodded, agreeing. “Okay.”

And we would build a new future. Side by side.

Together.

#writing #i can't eat love #side part 1 #Nate's side #a little past #a little future #Rig is next

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screamingatanemptyroom · 6 years ago

Text

I Can’t Eat Love Masterpost

Here are all the links to all the parts for I Can’t Eat Love. I will continue to update this as I write more, and will link this in my blog description for easy reading,

You can also read the story on Wattpad, or here on AO3!

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5 / Part 6 / Part 7 / Part 8 / Part 9 / Part 10 / Part 11 / Part 12 / Part 13 / Part 14 / Part 15 / Part 16 / Part 17 / Part 18 / Part 19 / Part 20 / Part 21 / Part 22 / Part 23 / Part 24 / Part 25-26 / part 27 / Part 28 / Part 29 / Part 30 / part 31 / Part 32 / Part 33 / Part 34/

Side parts - 1- Nate / 2- Rig / 3- Hallers / 4 - Edith / 5 - Queen Amerande

#Writing #I can't eat love #will update as more parts are written

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screamingatanemptyroom · 6 years ago

Text

I Can’t Eat Love pt 31

Thank you everyone for all your kind messages yesterday! I really appreciate it!

Edith is in Tilendria.

Master post Linked Here

Enjoy!

_________________________

“What are you doing here?” I tried to remain calm, but even the sight of Edith standing next to Nate was making me feel uncomfortable.

“I’m here just to visit as a representative of Reterand’s royalty.” She smiled warmly, the expression making my stomach churn. “This kingdom is lovely, Nate. You’ll have to show me around tomorrow.”

She stared at Nate, fluttering her eyelashes. My chest hurt as i watched her, my heart sinking as I felt an overwhelming sense of defeat.

_________________________

“Make way for the Prince!” A loud voice called out, waking me from my stupor. I clutched the empty begging bowl in my hand, feeling humiliated, but I didn’t have the energy to run and hide. I could only lower my head, and hope he didn’t look too closely at a beggar on the street.

The entourage made its way closer, and glancing upwards I noted Ronan and Edith, riding on horses, talking side by side. I felt a stab of pain in my heart, my eyes filling with tears. Of course they’re together, they’re engaged. Despite the rationality of it, watching my best friend and the man I loved smiling at each other while I crouched on the street in rags was almost too painful to bear. I prayed they would just move on, but to my horror, they stopped right in front of me, chatting.

“I’m so lucky to be able to marry a wonderful man like you!” Edith’s flattery caused the prince to smile. “But, some days, I just feel so guilty that I stole Lenora’s place…” She dabbed her eyes, looking sad and pitiful.

“Lenora?” Ronan sneered, the word tearing at my heart. “I’m glad to be rid of her. Who would want her when they could have you?”

I felt Edith’s gaze focus on me, and stiffened, wondering if she had recognized me. She didn’t call out however, just sat there smiling.

“Yes, who would want her?” Her voice was low, but loud enough to be heard by me, shredding the pitiful remains in my chest.

I kept my head down, too tired and hungry to cry.

_________________________

Nate shook her off, his face stony as he looked at her. “I’ll find you a guide. I’m afraid I have too much on my schedule.” His tone was borderline rude, surprising me. He was normally a very polite person, almost to a fault.

“What…?” Edith started to protest but Nate ignored her, walking up to me and taking my hand, a smile on his face.

“Do you want to go on a walk tomorrow?

I couldn’t help but smile, even as I felt nervous at the contact between our hands. Realizing my feelings, it was difficult to be as calm around him as I used to be. “Won’t you be too busy?”

His grin was shameless. “I cleared my schedule for you.”

“…” Everyone stared silently in shock at the obvious difference in treatment. I laughed, squeezing his hand gently.

“Sure. Let’s do that then.” I wasn’t sure what to do with the chaotic feelings in my heart, but I was clear on one thing: I wasn’t about to step back for Edith.

“Good! Then the three of us can go together!”

As Edith invited herself along, Nate and I turned to stare at her coldly. She seemed unaffected, giving another sweet smile. “Your Highness, I just wouldn’t want your reputation to be affected, after all, back home… Lenora’s history…” She trailed off, blushing as if too embarrassed to continue, “I wouldn’t want people to talk, they might say you two have an… inappropriate relationship.”

“Wouldn’t that be great if that were true.” I heard him mutter quietly, and poked his side. He just winked at me in reply. Ignoring him, I turned to Edith, a cold smile on my face.

“We appreciate your concern, Edith. You know better than anyone the devastating effects of having a… promiscuous reputation.”

Her face paled, her expression twisting with rage for a moment, before immediately conforming into a hurt, betrayed expression. Tears fell from her eyes, and she twisted her hands, looking pitiful. I truly was impressed with her acting skills, slightly less annoyed by her now that she wasn’t touching Nate.

“How could you, Lenora?!” She cried. “We’ve been so close all these years…. Only having each other…”

I interrupted, feeling tired. “Really? I would say you are much closer to Prince Ronan than you are to me.”

“You’re twisting things! It wasn’t my fault!” She glanced at Nate, obviously hoping for sympathy, but he only stared in a different direction, as if pretending she didn’t exist. “I was forced into it… he doesn’t really care about me…”

“Are you criticizing your prince?” I raised an eyebrow. “Do you know the consequences of that?”

“Don’t you do that all the time?” Nate whispered, his chest shaking with surpressed laughter. I poked him again.

The King and Queen had since arrived, watching the proceedings with disapproving frowns. Edith glanced at them, and then turned, staring at me with confusion. I had always given way to her, in this life and the last. She was unused to arguing with me, and obviously wasn’t sure how to proceed.

“Lenora, the initial sales are fantastic!” Erica ran up, nodding approvingly when she saw me and Nate standing together.

“YOU?!!” Edith faced her with a glare! “So THIS is where you’ve been hiding you slut!”

Nate and I both bristled, ready to intervene, but before we could speak Erica turned and smiled. “Who’s the dancing monkey?”

“HOW DARE YOU?!” Edith shouted. “Do you know how much trouble the Earl of Beral gave us after you ran away? Half of my family’s fortune is gone thanks to you!” She then looked to the King and Queen, “Your Majesties, she is a criminal, who broke a promise of engagement and ran away with a deserter from the Eastern guard!”

I stepped forward. “Oh, Edith, you’re mistaken. You’re thinking of Lady Erica, the young single noblewoman who mysteriously disappeared before her forced marriage to a terrible older man.” I pointed in the direction of the girl in question. “THIS is Erica, a married commoner of Tilendria who works in my shop. With all the proper paperwork to prove it.”

Edith glared at me. “Do you think I’m an idiot?”

“Yes of course.” I shrugged. “But I fail to see the relevance to the issue at hand.”

The Queen burst out laughing, as if unable to hold it in any longer. Turning red, Edith took a deep breath. “I will not stay here and be mistreated like this. I will return to the palace.”

“Have a safe trip, that’s a long road back to Reterand.” I called after her.

She stopped. “The TILENDRIAN palace!”

“Oh.” I turned to the king and Queen. “You may want to find her a room with a lock. Just to keep the number occupants in her room consistent overnight.”

“LENORA!” Edith shouted, but I ignored her.

“Well, I’ll go oversee the rest of the grand opening, farewell!” I grabbed Erica’s hand and walked back towards the store. Nate started to follow but was held back by his parents.

“Actually, son…” The king shuffled awkwardly. “Can we talk?”

Nate paused, “Sure?”

I entered the shop, smiling.

_________________________

We kept busy until the shop closed, the group sitting down with a long sigh.

“Thanks, by the way, for defending me!” Erica smiled. “You’re a true friend.”

I shook my head slightly, too tired to argue.

“Are you returning to the palace?”

“Hmm… maybe I’ll just stay here a little longer.” I coughed uncomfortably. It had been easier to face Nate earlier because I was preoccupied with Edith, but what if he wanted to spend time alone. My face turned red, and I felt an aching pain in my chest at the thought.

“Wait… why…?” Erica’s eyes widened. “You’re blushing! There’s been a breakthrough in the impenetrable wall of denseness!” She squealed with delight, clapping her hands

I frowned. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Why, isn’t this a good thing?” Erica walked nearer, ignoring the warning glances from Rig and Marile. “You should be happy…

“I’m not.” My voice was cold.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Marile asked, looking concerned.

“No, I would like to be alone.” Everyone exchanged glances at my curt tone.

“Okay, we’ll go get Hallers then.” They walked upstairs, leaving me staring up after them, speechless.

Hallers walked down from where he had been cleaning upstairs, his face solemn. “Miss, would you like to take a walk?”

“…”I looked up at him, my heart in tangles. “Sure.”

_________________________

We walked side by side silently. I slowly relaxed, feeling more comfortable as we moved along.

“Hallers, what if someone once made a terrible mistake, and then got the chance to do things better… only to make the almost the exact same mistake again?” I started talking, my voice quiet. “Wouldn’t you call that person an idiot? They knew exactly what happened the last time they made that mistake… but they still… did it again.”

My eyes filled with tears, and I blinked rapidly, trying to keep them at bay. “How foolish would that be?”

Hallers was quiet for a few long moments, and I tensed up again, feeling miserable. Suddenly he stopped and I almost crashed into him, looking up with confusion.

He was smiling. “Miss, it is never a mistake to love someone.”

“What?” I started. “How did you…?”

He patted my head. “I’ve known you for a very long time. You’ve faced every adversity head on, and never let go of the people you care about. You’re aren’t a fool, or a coward.”

“But I am.” I whispered, my head hanging down. “I can’t face this. Not again.”

He reached out, pulling me into a tight hug. “You can face anything, Miss. And no matter what happens, good or bad. I’ll be by your side.”

I held onto him, feeling warmth in my heart. “Thank you Hallers. How do you always know exactly what to say?”

He stepped back, smiling. “Never underestimate a competent butler.”

We kept walking. “So what is your plan?” He asked finally.

“No plan yet. “ I looked around thinking. “Even just facing my feelings is too much right now. And even if I care… that doesn’t mean it would be reciprocated.”

“…” Hallers started coughing, as if covering up a laugh. “I wouldn’t worry too much, Miss. Everything will happen in good time.”

I sighed. “I suppose so.” I reached out and hugged him briefly. “Thank you Hallers.”

“Anything for you.”

_________________________

Having Edith around was extremely uncomfortable.

She spent nearly every waking moment around Nate, smiling, flirting, and complimenting him. The only time she let him out of her sight was when she was trying to get on the King and Queen’s good side.

“It’s horrible.” Nate sat next to me in Prosperity’s back room, his face pale and haggard. “She’s everywhere, always smiling. I’m starting to have nightmares.” He looked over at me. “How you survived growing up near her is a miracle.”

“I’m sorry.” I felt genuinely bad. “It’s my fault…”

“Oh no!” He interrupted. “There’s no way this is your fault. What is she thinking? She’s about to marry that idiot Ronan and now she’s behaving like this?!”

I smiled, suppressing a brief desire to reach out and hold his hand, “Maybe she’s wised up and realized who the better prince is.”

“Really? Do you mean that?” Nate’s grin was mischievous as he stared at me. “Do you think I’m a better potential husband than Ronan?”

I felt embarrassed, but tried to force my expression to remain calm. “That’s not really a compliment… I’d probably marry a dog before I’d marry him.”

“Still…” He shrugged. “Glad to know at least I’m on the list of candidates.”

I couldn’t help but laugh, shaking my head.

“How are you getting along with your parents?” I asked.

“I won’t lie… it’s been rough.” His smile was sad. “Too many years of mistakes, too many words spoke that hurt. But they’re trying, they really are. “ He reached out and took my hand. “I can never thank you enough for what you’ve done.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I said, staring up at the ceiling.

He chuckled, and didn’t say anything further.

_________________________

Later that evening, Edith was even more blatant than normal. The King and Queen had arranged a quiet dinner, and Edith immediately headed towards the spot next to Nate, preparing to sit next to him with a smile.

I was done.

“Edith.” I called out, my voice stern. “I realize that you haven’t begun your etiquette training yet and probably don’t know, but seating is in order of rank and position.”

She paused her eyes narrowed as she tried to hide her hostility towards me with a fake smile. “Lenora, surely you’re joking. I am a future Queen!”

I didn’t return the smile. “That is yet to be determined. Future rank does not determine your position now. You are below me, Edith, as the daughter of the Count of Erand. You will refer to me as Lady Lenora, and kindly take your proper place at the table or be escorted out for offending your superiors.”

I forced myself to remain calm, walking over to the chair next to Nate as if the conversation hadn’t occurred. Inside I felt acutely uncomfortable. I had never in my life used my rank to push someone down. But I was done watching Edith play around.

If she wanted to continue pretending then I would tear her façade down.

Edith’s face turned red, then white, astonishingly bright shades. She began sobbing, looking up at the King and Queen for pity, while reaching out to grab Nate’s coat. “How could you be so cruel?!! I know you’re jealous, Lenora, because Ronan never loved you but still, you shouldn’t take it out on me…”

Nate pulled back, avoiding her hand. “Was anything she said untrue?” The King and Queen nodded, their faces unsympathetic.

She stared at him in shock. “Y- you can’t talk to me that way! Ronan will have your head!”

I tried to hold back my anger and frustration of the past few days, her last words threatening to snap my tenuous control. “Where do you think you are? ” The question was soft, but Edith, seeing my face, backed away. “This is Tilendria. Whatever pitiful influence you have back home means nothing here. Your actions and words bring shame to our kingdom, and bring in to doubt Prince Ronan’s judgement and character.”

I sat down finally, noting the Queen’s approving smile.

“Miss Edith is tired.” Nate spoke up, his voice angry. “Please escort her back to her room.”

Edith protested, but quickly followed the servants out of the room, leaving the room in silence.

Nate sat next to me, grinning. “You’ve never fought with her so openly before. Do you feel better?”

I frowned. “A little. Don’t really like the methods I used.”

“Don’t worry.” His hand reached out, gently touching my hair for a moment. “I’m just happy to have you on my side.”

The rest of the dinner passed peacefully.

_________________________

Later that evening, I received a letter from Nate to meet him in the kitchen. I read it, wondering if he had a servant write it. The handwriting seemed different. Strange, he usually comes and picks me up personally.

Not wanting to miss a chance to speak to him, I headed out, moving towards the kitchens, a slight smile on my face. But as I drew closer to the entryway to the kitchen, my steps slowed, my enthusiasm fizzling out.

There were two people talking in the kitchen.

I peeked around the corner, my heart skipping as I realized it was Nate and Edith.

How did she know Nate was here? I wondered briefly. Was this all set up by her? It would explain the strange letter.

“Where is Lenora?” Nate’s voice was colder than I had ever heard before.

Edith clasped her hands, stepping closer to the prince. “I’m sorry, Your Highness, I deceived you. I just desperately wanted to speak with you and knew you wouldn’t come if I put the right name on it… after all, I know what lies Lenora has spoken about me!”

She wiped a few tears from her eyes, smiling prettily. “We grew up together, but she was always jealous of me. Always making up terrible rumors to ruin my reputation. Even now, I’m forced into an engagement with the prince due to her schemes when the one I truly love…” Edith hesitated, her cheeks blushing, “… is you.”

My breath froze painfully in my chest, as I stood silently in shock, staring at the two. What was happening? Why is this…? I shook my head, unsure of whether or not to step out. I had no claim to Nate, regardless of my feelings. He should have the chance to respond…

“Is there something wrong with your brain?”

“…”

Edith and I both stared at Nate silently, confused.

“I’m not even going to touch your blatant lies about Ronan, when I’ve personally seen you scheme behind Lenora’s back to betray her with her fiancé. I’ll ignore the lies about whatever feelings you claim to have for me, when you treated me as a servant not too long ago before you knew my identity. “

He stepped forward, his face grim. “But I will not look aside as you lie about the woman I love.”

What?

“What?” Edith voiced out my thoughts unintentionally.

“Is it really so surprising?” He laughed, spreading his hands helplessly. “Lenora is a truly amazing person. I have never met someone who cares for others so much. She once intentionally put her life in danger, just to prevent the people in her Duchy from being taken advantage of by corrupt men. She cries at the thought of someone going hungry. And no matter how hard she works, how much effort she puts in for others, she never seeks the spotlight, never asks to be compensated or rewarded.”

“But…” Edith sputtered. “You’ve just been fed lies by her people… They’ll say anything for her!”

He shook his head. “Why do you think the people around her are so loyal? She furiously protects those close to her, never putting herself before them. She’s earned their trust, and doesn’t betray it.”

His voice grew softer. “I love her. Her confidence at facing a hostile world, her absolutely crazy plans. Her smiles. Her tears. Everything.” He chuckled. “Even her denseness.”

“I-“ Edith stared at him, open mouthed, obviously thrown. I felt the same.

“So whatever your plan is, to make her sad, to make her jealous, I don’t know. But I’ll never look away from her, so it’s useless to waste your time here.” He turned away. “I was going to tell you this in the morning, but your shamelessness has overcome whatever thoughts of politeness I had. I’ve arranged for you to leave Tilendria and return home. Never bother Lenora again.”

“YOU CAN’T DO THIS!” She shouted.

“I can, and I have. In fact… I think you should leave tonight. I’ll make your goodbyes to Lenora.” He rang a small bell on the wall, and after a few moments a servant stepped in through a back door. “Escort her to the stables. Miss Edith is leaving now.”

It took three servants to drag her out, as she struggled and cursed, screaming at Nate that she would never give up. Her shouts faded into silence as they closed the door behind them, leaving Nate alone in the kitchen, with me spying on him from the doorway.

He sighed with relief, sitting down and holding his face in his hands. “As long as she’s safe, it’s okay.” He whispered.

I felt torn. Should I step in and talk to him? What would I say? How could I say it? I felt happy, embarrassed... terrified.

After a few moments of indecision, I quietly went back to my room, ashamed but unable to turn around to speak to him. I wasn’t ready to face this.

Not yet.

_________________________

Over the next few days I became more and more restless, an uneasy feeling building in my chest. I couldn’t help but think that something terrible was about to happen, even if I couldn’t figure out what. My anxiety seemed to infect Hallers and the rest, who were more on guard.

Then, after about a week, Nate called me over, looking upset.

I kept my expression carefully neutral as I approached him. We had still spent time together in the last few days since I overheard him and Edith, but I had cut most of our time together short, feeling uncomfortable. I didn’t know how to face him, knowing how I felt. How he felt.

I had trusted love so much in my last life. Could I really do it again?

“I have to go on a trip.” Nate told me as soon as I arrived.

The unexpected news gave me pause. “Is something wrong?”

“Bandits.” He said quietly. “Right at the border. There’s already been multiple attacks. Something isn’t right, either… they seem too well trained…” He paused shaking his head. “I have to go and see this for myself. There’s something we’re missing. I have to leave today.”

I thought of how George died, my chest tight with fear. “Do you really have to? I mean… it won’t be safe.”

“It’s okay.” He smiled, seeming to understand my concerns. “I’ll take every precaution. “ He reached out, taking my hand in his. “I’m just sad to be away from you. Please be careful while I’m gone.”

I nodded, not taking my hand back, letting him hold it. “I’ll be careful if you will be too.”

He laughed at that. “Deal. And when I get back…” His face grew more serious. “Let’s have a talk.”

“Okay.” I agreed, my heart beating fast. “We will.”

“…” He still seemed reluctant, but eventually bowed, kissing the hand he still held. “Goodbye Lenora.”

Nate turned and walked away, his cheeks bright red.

“Goodbye, Nate.” I whispered, wishing I could pull him back.

_________________________

I felt slightly lost with Nate gone, even as I stayed busy, overseeing the shop, wandering the city, having dinner with the King and Queen. It was strange to know he wasn’t nearby. Even with me avoiding him, the knowledge that I could see him every day had been comforting, and losing that made me feel off balance.

I returned to my room that night, sitting down with a sigh.

The peace and quiet didn’t last long.

“LENORA!” Rig burst in, Hallers trailing behind. “Something’s wrong!”

“Is it Nate?!” He had just left!

To my relief, he shook his head. “We received two messages, one from my people, and one from your spy within Edith’s people.

Angela?

I took the messages reading them carefully. Rig’s spy was concerned as the Reterand Royal palace had been making movements, organizing a secret force, but the location of their deployment remained unknown.

The second from Angela was simple:

“Please come back. The Queen needs you.”

I shook my head. “Something is wrong.” The uneasiness I had felt grew worse. “The King is planning something. We have to go.”

Rig shook his head. “Don’t be foolish. You returning home right now could put you in danger! Let me send some people over, to investigate.”

“No.” I stood up. “We have a plan, remember? And for that… I’ll have to see the King face to face.” I looked at the note from Angela, my mind racing. Had she betrayed me again to Edith? Or was the Queen truly in danger?

Either way… it was time to go home.

#writing #i can't eat love #things are happening #fantasy #second life #second chance #love and other such things

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screamingatanemptyroom · 6 years ago

Text

I Can’t Eat Love 25/26

Hey everybody. Wasn’t sure where to cut it, so I’m posting both parts together!

The party is here. Bad schemes afoot.

Master post linked here.

Enjoy!

___________________________

This feels like a trap.

I walked into the ballroom of the royal palace, unable to shake a sense of dark unease that hung over me. I glanced around the room, admiring the golden decorations, and the guests enjoying themselves in small groups, each dressed in the latest and finest fashion. Despite the beautiful and jovial atmosphere, there was a tenseness, an anxiety I couldn’t shake. I was on the King’s territory, and I still had no idea as to what his plans could be.

Things started going wrong right from the beginning.

“I’m sorry miss, only servants from the royal palace may serve in the banquet tonight.” A palace steward blocked Hallers’ path as soon as we entered , explaining his actions with an apologetic smile.

I frowned. “Is there no way I can bring him in? I depend on him greatly in all matters.”

The steward shook his head. “This regards Their Majesties’ safety, and so I’m afraid I cannot compromise on this.”

Hallers looked distraught for a brief moment, before gathering his composure and stepping back. I stopped in my tracks, staring back at him, feeling unsure. Hallers was always nearby to support me, and especially tonight, with my worries… I didn’t want to be alone.

But I had no reason to be exempt from the rules, and I couldn’t defy the King’s orders. With a smile in Hallers’ direction to reassure him, I turned back towards the ballroom, preparing to head in with my family.

Mother had traveled home, making it back in time for the banquet, and now stood beside father without expression. She and I hadn’t spoke since her arrival, I glanced over at her, studying her composed appearance, beautiful in her gown, which was a blue so dark it was almost black. Mother must have sensed my gaze, our eyes met as she smiled coldly at me.

“Ready to enter? Or would you like to delay us further because you don’t want to be separated from your servant?” Her voice was mocking, the clear dislike in her eyes obvious to everyone around us.

Father shifted uncomfortably, but didn’t speak up in my defense. I felt a brief flash of disappointment in him, before dismissing his presence from my mind. Instead I smiled prettily at my mother, enjoying her discomfort at my reaction.

“Thank you for your concern, Mother. I was being too selfish. You are a shining example of nobility and faithfulness, and I can only hope to learn from you in the future.” I curtsied, carefully not letting any sarcasm escape my voice.

Mother’s face went pale. “You smart mouthed brat!” She hissed. “How dare you disrespect me…”

“But Mother,” I interrupted, my smile widening. “I only said you were noble and faithful, why would this upset you?”

She gaped at me, her face now red with anger, as she realized she had no answer to that. Chuckling, I turned away, preparing to enter the ballroom.

“Ready?” I asked Henry, who stood at my side with an uncomfortable expression.

He tugged on his collar. “Can I go back home to the greenhouse?”

“Nope.”

“Then yes, I’m ready.” He offered his arm, and we walked down he steps into the main ballroom together. Multiple stares turned in our direction as the steward announced us, and I fought to keep my expression unchanged. Between the public dissolution of my engagement, the rumors of my supposed affairs, and the even darker whispers that the Duchy of Armeny was financially ruined, I had become a target of scrutiny and speculation.

The moves Marile had made with Prosperity had quelled the worst of the rumors, but there was still quite a few who seemed to revel in the misfortunes that my family and I had fallen into. I ignored them, however, keeping our pace slow and measures as if no one was staring at me at all.

Apparently I wasn’t the only one uncomfortable with the attention. Henry leaned over, whispering. “I feel like a piece of meat at the market.”

I glanced around, noting that many of the young noblewomen were eying Henry with interest. As the young, unmarried Duchy’s heir, many had set their sights on him as a good match. The intensity of their stares were a little much, though.

“I really want to go back to the greenhouse. The plants are a lot less frightening.” He murmured, frowning.

“Head up, eyes forward, just pretend they aren’t there.” I answered quietly. “No one will force the issue with the Queen present. Just make sure not to dance with any one girl too many times or speak with them too long. Otherwise it might be interpreted as you forming a match.”

He blinked. “I think I’m just going to hide behind you if that’s okay.”

“Suit yourself.” We stopped speaking as we reached the king and queen on their thrones. I curtsied and Henry bowed, the motion near perfect, a testament to all the practice I had forced him to undergo.

“Your majesties. Happy Birthday to the Queen.” I kept my gaze down politely, but the Queen obviously had no patience for courtesy, she stepped down off her throne, grabbing me and pulling me into a tight hug.

“Sweetheart! I was afraid you wouldn’t make it!” She sounded so relieved, I felt bad for her.

“I apologize, we were delayed…”

“None of that matters now that you’re here!” She embraced me again. “Let’s go catch up!” She tugged on my hand, leading me away.

Nonplussed, I looked up at the king, concerned for a moment that he would be upset with the Queen, but his expression was calm, looking unconcerned about his wife’s actions. His gaze met mine, and I shuddered with fear. He was smiling, maintaining a perfectly happy and content countenance. Despite his son’s multiple failures to force me back into an engagement with him, the king looked as though everything was going perfectly according to plan.

The feeling of being trapped increased.

“Dear, I’m so sorry.” The Queen lowered her voice so only I could hear. “Ronan brought along that girl along today.”

My eyes snapped up, seeing Edith standing off to the side. She was sipping from a wine glass, a superior smile on her face. Despite the Prince’s lack of official announcement of their relationship, her presence at this party alone was considered an elevation of status. Even as I considered this through, the Queen’s apologetic tone startled me out of my thoughts.

“I tried to tell him to not bring her, but he insisted that they are simply close friends and it would be rude to ignore her.” She snorted. “As if I’m that stupid. But the king intervened and said it would be fine, so I had no choice but to agree.”

I patted her on the arm. “Don’t worry about it, I have no resentment seeing them together.” And it was the truth. I felt nothing but a weary relief that I didn’t have to marry the Prince, and although I disliked both of them, I preferred them getting along. It made it less likely that the prince would come around again and bother me.

But the real question was, why had the king supported her being there?

Had he changed his mind regarding forcing our marriage? My forehead wrinkled as I thought of a worse possibility: Had he simply decided that it didn’t matter whether I was willing or not?

I felt an urge to run away. Perhaps sensing my discomfort, Queen Amerande rested a hand on my arm.

“I’m here for you. Let me know if you need help.”

Silently I nodded and she left me alone.

___________________________

I chatted with a few of the guests, avoiding the prince, Edith and my parents while carefully maneuvering around the room. A few dances had passed. I danced once with Henry, and then felt a familiar hand tap on my shoulder.

“Nate!” I found myself smiling unconsciously, and quickly hid it. He on the other hand, looked openly thrilled to be talking to me.

“May I have this dance?” With an easy familiarity, we danced together, and I felt myself relax slightly.

“How much longer can you stay before returning to Tilendria?” I asked, watching his smile falter slightly at the question.

“I can’t delay my return much longer.” He continued to lead me around the room, his steps synchronizing with my own. “My Father has already written me several times reminding me of my duties at home.”

I was startled at that. “You shouldn’t ignore that! Why have you stayed so long?”

“…” He stared at me silently, a wry grin tugging at his lips. “I had a goal I was trying to accomplish.”

“Is it not going well?” I cocked my head to the side, watching as his cheeks were stained with red.

“It’s more like I’m terrified of failing, so I haven’t made a true attempt.” He muttered, avoiding my gaze.

“You don’t seem like the sort to frighten easily.”

“I’m not. I’m just facing a powerful opponent.” He smiled, and I felt my heart skip a beat in my chest as it lit up his whole face. “But I haven’t given up yet.”

“Well, you are one of the smartest and kindest people I know.” I smiled back, curious as his face was now bright red. “I’m sure you’ll succeed.”

“Ah—um, yes, I hope so too, thanks.”

“If there’s anything I can do to help, just ask.” I chuckled. “After all, you’ve already helped me out so much!”

He finally looked up, and I was startled to see a mix of happiness, fear and sadness in his eyes. “I’m happy to have your support. But I’d rather you not feel indebted. Everything I’ve ever done for you was something freely given. Don’t feel as if you need to return the favor.”

“…” I shook my head, confused. “Don’t be too worried about it. I’m not one to be forced to do something I don’t want to do.”

“Good.” He tilted his head towards the side of the room, where the Prince and Edith stood. “Did the little prince finally give up?”

“I hope so.” I sighed quietly. “I have a bad feeling about tonight, though.” I felt silly bringing up concerns like this without evidence, but Nate simply accepted my words immediately.

“I’ll keep an eye out for anything suspicious, and if you need help for anything, I’ll be right there.”

His words brought me a small sense of relief. “Thank you.”

The dance came to an end, and we separated from each other. To my surprise, however, instead of escorting me back to the side he continued to hold onto my hand while performing a deep, respectful bow.

“Thank you, Lenora, for honoring me with this dance.” Gently, he kissed the back of my hand, before releasing it and offering his arm to escort me.

I stood there, stunned, my cheeks burning and my mind racing as I followed beside them. I almost asked him what he had been thinking, but noticed that despite his calm appearance, the arm I was holding was trembling and his ears were bright red. Thinking better of it, I followed beside him silently, smiling without fully understanding why.

As Nate dropped me off by Henry and walked away, a dazed expression on his face, my cousin leaned over to whisper in my ear.

“The prince looks angry.”

I turned in the direction he was gesturing in, and saw Ronan, standing next to Edith, both of whom were staring at me. Edith was frowning, a strange expression on her face as she glanced continuously between me and Nate. Ronan’s face was red with anger, he glared at Nate’s back before looking at me with disgust. I simply shook my head and turned back towards Henry, ignoring him.

Why would he care who I danced with?

Nervous, I looked over to the King and Queen. The Queen seemed delighted, calling over Nate to talk to him, giving him what appeared to be a lecture. Nate stood calmly, nodding at her words. The King studied Nate with a thoughtful expression, his eyes narrowed. Slowly his gaze moved over, crossing over me.

He smiled, the expression confident, composed.

I shuddered, and looked away.

___________________________

Soon it was time to present gifts to the Queen. At a larger party this ceremony could take hours, but fortunately the Queen had limited the guest list to a more manageable group. Ronan went first, presenting his mother with a jewel encrusted necklace, spouting words of affection and respect that seemed scripted.

The Queen politely accepted it, her eyes seeming a little sad as she watched her son perform for the crowd.

Edith was pushed next, brought to the front of the line by the Prince. She also presented jewelry. It as beautiful, and obviously expensive. I briefly wondered how she could afford such a gift, but watching Ronan’s expression, it was clear who had paid for it.

The Queen took the jewelry delicately, as if avoiding touching the girl, setting the gift beside her immediately with a simple word of gratitude.

Edith frowned at the Queen’s response, but still seemed excited about being the center of attention. She curtsied, wobbling slightly with the gesture, and smiled brightly as she stood at the Prince’s side, her positioning a clear declaration of the Prince’s preferences. There were scattered whispers around the room as the nobility saw this, but eventually the crowd settled down and it was my turn.

“You Majesty…” I stepped forward and curtsied, only to be halted by the Queen as she held up a hand.

“Please don’t be so formal, dear.” She smiled. “We will never be related by marriage now, but I consider you my daughter. Please, I would be honored if you would call me ‘mother’.”

The room descended into chaos at these words.

Out of my peripheral vision I could see Nate beaming and Henry laughing. My mother’s face was dark with anger, glaring at the Queen with hatred. My father was staring off in the distance, unconcerned. Edith’s face was ugly as she stared at me, her gaze seeming to be trying to burn holes into me with its intensity. Ronan seemed confused. Only the King watched calmly, his expression never changing.

I had to answer.

Forcing myself to smile easily, I stepped forward and embraced the Queen instead of curtsying.

“Mother. Happy Birthday.”

I still held onto my reservations, fear, and painful memories regarding the Queen, but for now it would only do both her and me harm to reject her kindness publically. Queen Amerande smiled broadly, looking for all the world as if her truest wish had come true.

“Ah, Daughter, now I am happier than I ever have been. Any present you try to give me now will pale in comparison to the one you’ve already given.

I grinned. “Despite that, let me present my gift.” I held out a box, which she opened with a gleeful expression. Pulling out a simple gown of a dark red color, she looked at it with a smile.

“I hope that you can forgive any mistakes, it was handmade by myself.” I started to curtsey again out of habit, but stopped when the Queen raised an eyebrow. With a smile she started to examine the simple appearing gown closer.

“It’s lovely…” She started to compliment her present, but in the audience, a loud derisive snort could be heard.

The Queen turned a cold gaze onto Edith, who had made the noise. “Does Miss Edith have something to say regarding my daughter’s present?”

The titles of “Miss” given to her, and “Daughter” given to me were obviously meant to remind the girl not to overstep, but unfortunately she didn’t seem to understand the Queen’s warning.

“Forgive me your Majesty,” She smiled ingratiatingly and curtsied. “I just felt that this simple dress is not appropriate to give to someone of your eminence.”

The Queen frowned. “This was made through her hard work and time, and is therefore much more valuable than any common jewels or baubles that can be purchased on a whim.”

Edith and the Prince flushed red at her words, obviously referencing their gifts. I smiled at Queen Amerande, stepping forward to speak in defense of my present.

“Actually, Mother, This dress has many layers. This is the simple exterior.” I reached down, releasing a tiny button and folding back the skirt. Reversed, the now revealed inner layer contained intricate silver embroidery of flowers. Looked at from further away, it would appear like a glittering garden around the Queen’s feet. “This is the hidden value.”

As I revealed the true nature of the dress there were gasps of surprise from around the crowd. I kept a calm smile on my face and stepped back without commenting further. I was the owner and designer for “Prosperity” after all, how could I present the Queen with a subpar design?

She stared at her present, smiling with tears in her eyes. “Thank you! It’s beautiful!” She reached out and hugged me again. “You didn’t have to work so hard just for me.”

“I was happy to.” I murmured, waiting for her to let me go before stepping back to join the crowd.

There was a brief uproar as people stepped forward to study the dress, but soon things were organized again and the presents continued. The remainder of the gift giving ran smoothly, almost to the end, until Nate stepped forward with a smile and a bow.”

“Your Majesty, I’m afraid I only have this small gift for you, but I hope you will accept it.”

With a small flourish, he held out a small wooden chest. It was delicately engraved, and sapphire graced the top cover, lending elegance to the object. The Queen stepped forward, examining it closely, and opened it to reveal a velvet lined interior with a small recess for a single object, although it currently was empty.

Her mouth opened in shock. “A Chest of Gratitude?”

Confused silence reigned over the party. Even I stared at him, unsure. What was Nate thinking! A Chest of Gratitude was a traditional gift a man would give his mother-in-law! It was to thank the woman for raising his true love, and she was meant to keep a lock of her daughter’s hair within that recess. It was a common practice for both the rich and poor, and often presented during a serious courtship to announce the suitor’s true and noble intentions.

But Ronan was Queen Amerande’s only child!

Perhaps it means something different in his country. The thought made sense, so I used it to explain the oddity in front of me. I felt intense stares from several different people in the room, but ignored them.

Queen Amerande threw back her head and laughed loudly. “Thank you, Nate. You have a difficult road ahead of you.”

Nate smiled, bowing again. “Some of us were born to walk difficult roads, Your Majesty. I won’t turn away from hardship.”

With that he stepped back into the crowd, his cheerful grin only confusing me further. I felt the answer was clearly in front of me, but the closer I tried to look at it, the more a sense of pain and terror invaded my chest. Feeling overwhelmed, I decided to put it to the back of my mind and not think of it further.

The King stood up, clapping his hands. “Let’s all go to the adjoining room, where a marvelous birthday dinner is waiting.”

It was the first thing the King had ever said that I had approved of. Resisting the urge to give a cheer, I followed the crowd towards the banquet hall.

___________________________

A long table had been set, groaning under the weight of hundreds of dishes. My mouth watering, I waited impatiently for a groomsman to show me to my seat. Surprisingly, he led me to the opposite end of the table, far away from the King and Queen.

I would have thought she would want me nearby. A stray thought crossed my mind and unconsciously I found myself looking towards the Queen. Her face was red with irritation as she argued quietly with her husband, a finger pointing in my direction.

Ah. So it wasn’t her idea. I felt relieved at this, before pushing the emotion away. Meeting the Queen’s gaze, I shook my head slowly, letting her know I was okay with where I was sitting. After all, Ronan and Edith were sitting on that end of the table. At least I could eat in peace here. The Queen looked frustrated, but finally nodded her assent and the banquet started.

The food was delicious. As I happily tried different dishes, Nate who sat to my right leaned over with a smile. “Which ones are your favorite?”

I indicated the preferred dishes with a quick gesture of my utensils, and he chuckled. “Noted. Next time I’ll make you dishes similar to those.”

I swallowed the bite of food in my mouth. “Really? You can even make dishes like these?” Previously, after the incident with the debt he had kept his word and made me a simple stew at my request, which had been delicious, but this food seemed much more complicated.

Nate’s confident smile didn’t waver. “I can make it even better.”

“Then I would be glad to try.” At my simple answer he looked extremely happy, barely touching any more of the meal on his plate as he excitedly discussed different foods he would like me try.

As we spoke, a servant stepped between me and Henry who sat on my left, and poured wine into my glass. Feeling thirsty I started to reach out to grab my glass…

Only to stop as Henry pinched my elbow.

“Don’t drink that wine!” He hissed quietly, not looking up from his plate.

I reached out and grabbed my wine glass, pretending to take a sip. The wine looked normal, the only difference I could sense was a slightly floral aroma. I set the wine down and continued my meal, every muscle in my body tensed.

“What’s wrong with it?” I asked quietly, pretending to eat.

Henry shook his head, his eyes filled with anger. “There’s dissolved Gentle root in your drink. I smelled it when the servant poured it just now.”

I raised an eyebrow. “A poison?”

“Of sorts.” He stabbed his food with his knife, obviously trying to hide his rage. “It will confuse the senses, simulating drunkenness, and then render you unconscious.”

“…” I thought over the ramifications of that, my face going pale.

I was staying in the palace tonight.

What was the one way the King had left to force a marriage between the prince and I, a way that would tie me with iron clad chains to his son?

I clenched my hands in my lap, so tightly I could feel the bones creaking under the pressure. I lifted the glass again, using the moment as I pretended to drink to examine the rest of the room. The Queen and Edith were talking, although neither looked happy at the moment. The King sat there silently, paying no attention to me. Ronan however… He glanced over frequently in my direction, a smirk playing across his features as he saw me drinking the wine.

My stomach rolling, I set down the wine glass once more, this time very close to Nate’s glass.

“What’s wrong?” Nate whispered, pretending to eat as usual.

He had noticed. Feeling a slight warmth at the thought, I quietly relayed to him Henry’s discovery.

“Those bastards!” Nate cursed, even as he kept his face calm and even. “What do you want to do?” He tried to smile, but didn’t quite manage it. “Any revenge you want, I’ll help you carry out.”

“I have a plan.” I whispered instructions to him, and he nodded in agreement.

I reached out grabbing the nearby glass of wine and drank it steadily through the meal. I slowly began slurring my words, and swaying slightly in my seat. My words were just a little too loud to be polite, my laugh raucous and unrestrained.

All through it, Nate’s wineglass sat in front of him, untouched.

Finally, towards the end of the banquet, I staggered towards the head of the table, fumbling through a curtsey with the Queen.

“Y-your Majesty.” I spoke slowly, as if trying to force my words to remain clear. “I’m afraid I’m a bit…” I swayed on my feet, my eyes unfocused. “Unwell. Is it okay if I go to room to retire for the night?”

Edith muttered quietly “How shameful, she’s drunk!” But I ignored her, focusing on the Queen.

Her face only expressed concern. “Would you like me to come with you?”

I felt warmth in my heart at her words, but shook my head. “No, I just need to rest.”

As I walked to leave I had to pass by the Prince and Edith, and on my way… my feet moved awkwardly, slipping out from under me, and I crashed into both of their chairs. Nearly knocking both of them to the floor, there was some unbridled chaos as the three of us extricated ourselves.

“HOW DARE YOU?!” Ronan yelled, before glancing at his father and quieting down.

Edith looked enraged. “You crashed into His Royal Highness! You should be punished!”

I looked up at both of them from my spot on the floor where I had sat after falling, blinking owlishly. “Sorry. Must have tripped.”

I got up unsteadily, almost tripping again, forcing the Prince and Edith both to stand and take a step away from me, as they were afraid of being knocked down.

“Cousin, let me escort you, so that you don’t fall again.” With a gentle smile, Henry stepped forward and grabbed my arm, helping me out of the banquet.

“Let me come too!” The Queen jumped to her feet, pale with worry. I turned reaching out and hugging her.

“Let me go, I’ll explain later.” Hearing my obviously sober voice, she seemed shocked, but quickly regained her balance and nodded, saying loudly. “You’re right, daughter. It would be rude to leave my guests so soon. I will check on you in the morning.”

“Thank you.” I meant it sincerely. As I left with Henry, leaning on him heavily, I heard Nate cry out loudly.

“A TOAST!”

Smiling to myself, we left the banquet hall, and made our way to my room.

___________________________

As soon as we were there, the palace maids took over, wanting to help me change. Henry and I nodded at each other as he left, and I let the maids help me into my nightclothes, continuing to sway and slur my speech. Falling into bed, I asked them to leave and without another word they left me alone, further cementing my suspicions about what was about to happen in my mind. Despite my obviously intoxicated state, none of the maids volunteered to watch over me.

I sighed silently, waiting to be alone.

Once the door had closed I sprang into action. Changing into a pair of loose black pants and shirt and tying my hair up in a black cloth, I retrieved all of my hidden throwing knives, securing them to my belt.

“You look like a bandit, why do you own an outfit like that?” Henry stepped out from behind a painting, where the secret passages could clearly be seen behind him.

I worked on the streets as a spy for months. I couldn’t say this explanation of course, so I simply shrugged. “I like to be prepared.”

“That’s a good strategy, given the present circumstances.” Henry smiled.

“Did it work?” I asked, feeling nervous.

He gave a nod. “It did. During the chaos Nate and I each switched out a glass. They both received the Gentle Root.”

“Good.”

Silence fell over us as we waited. He shifted uncomfortably. “Are you sure they’re coming?”

I nodded. “Once they’re certain I’m asleep, and every one else has gone to their rooms, they’ll be coming to retrieve me.”

“… I’m sorry this has happened to you.” Henry looked so grieved, I couldn’t help but smile and try to comfort him.

“At least I had you here today! Otherwise…” I shook my head, not wanting to think about it.

We waited for quite some time before footsteps could be heard outside the room. Henry and I nodded at each other, each taking a spot on either side of the door, ready to move. From the other side, we could hear two voices, complaining.

“This is taking forever, do you think it’s time yet?”

“You saw how she looked when she left the hall, the Gentle root should be in full effect by now.” The answering voice chuckled, an ugly sound. “Then it’s just a matter of picking her up and delivering her to the prince’s room.”

Both Henry and my faces were grim. I had suspected the plan ever since discovering the poisoned wine, but to hear it stated so plainly…

“Well let’s go.” The men opened the door, striding into my room quietly, waking towards the bed.

We reached out at the same time knocking the two men face forward to the ground. Before they could react, Henry stepped forward, dumping a powder onto their faces. After sneezing a few times, they were quickly unconscious.

I whistled in appreciation. “That’s some powder.”

“I made it myself. I was thinking it would be worthwhile as a self defense weapon… it seems to be fairly effective.”

“That’s an understatement.” Nate, stepping through the secret passageway, smiled as he saw the unconscious men. “Good work.”

“Did they drink?” I asked stepping away from my attempted attackers.

“I made them toast at least five or six times.” Nate grinned. “They definitely drank some.”

“Good.” I turned to Henry. “Can you dump these two in an empty room, maybe put some empty bottles near them so it looks like they were drinking?”

Henry nodded. “Done.”

“Then let’s go.” I waved Nate on, and we stepped into the passageway.

I navigated the passageways with ease, moving silently. Finally we reached our destination. I stepped into the room unhesitatingly, Nate behind me.

Prince Ronan laid on the bed, unconscious. I stared at him furiously for a moment.

Although I figured the extent of their plan had simply been to place me into his room, and have me “discovered” there the next morning, my reputation would have been damaged beyond recovery. My fists clenched, the desire to strike him overwhelming.

How dare they?

With a sigh I turned away, gesturing to Nate. “Grab him.”

A sad expression in his eyes as he watched me, Nate stepped forward without hesitation, hoisting the prince over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes.

We stepped into the passage again, and when we exited we were in another room.

I smiled at the surroundings, and the young woman sleeping deeply on the bed.

“Dump him on the floor.” I pointed to the floor next to the bed. Nate put him down, stepping back solemnly.

We watched the sleeping couple for a few silent moments. I felt a burning sensation in my stomach, tired of the entire business.

“Do you think less of me?” I asked quietly.

His eyes were harsh as he studied the couple. “It’s more than they deserve.”

Reaching down, I grasped the prince’s shirt and ripped it open. Leaving the rest of his clothes intact, I stepped back into the passageway, ending up in my room once again.

“Are you alright?” Nate asked, watching me with a worried expression.

“I- I don’t know.” I shuddered with fear, acutely aware of how close I had been to falling into the King’s trap. Nate reached out, hugging me tightly, a comforting warmth surrounding me.

“You have us by your side. No matter what.” He whispered by my ear, before stepping back into the passageway, leaving me alone to my thoughts.

___________________________

The next morning I stepped into the hallway outside Edith’s rooms. A palace maid opened her outer door to my knock, her face confused to see me so early.

“Miss? Lady Edith is still asleep in her room.”

“I need to speak to Lady Edith urgently. Please wake her now.” Seeing my concerned expression, the maid nodded, opening the inner door to check on her.

She then shrieked in surprise. I looked over her shoulder, giving out a surprised shout.

“Your Highness! WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN EDITH’S ROOM?!”

The sound of the maid’s cries and my shouts woke all the guests and soon the hallway was filled with people. Edith and Ronan, still groggy from the drugged wine, were now staring at each other with silent shock.

“WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?!” The King’s roar shook the walls around us, and he entered, his royal robes askew, his face red with rage.

The maid, terrified, explained what she had found. The Queen, who had just arrived, shook her head. “We’ll announce their engagement immediately.”

I smiled, watching the scene with satisfaction. I had given Edith and the Prince exactly what they wanted, at the same time ensuring that there was nothing the King could do to force me to marry his son now.

But as I met the King’s eyes, the smile slowly faded from my face. He stared at me, a small smile tugging at his lips, his eyes filled with a deathly rage. He looked ready to kill.

This wasn’t over.

#writing #i can't eat love #multiple part post #plots schemes #second life #second chance

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screamingatanemptyroom · 6 years ago

Text

I Can’t Eat Love pt 24

Here is the next part! Lenora and the Queen have a chance to talk!

Master Post Linked Here

Enjoy!

__________________________

“I’m so glad you could come and visit me!” Queen Amerande smiled excitedly at me while she poured tea.

I took my cup, one sip confirming that she had brewed it strong and sweet, exactly how I liked it. She had always taken small details like this into consideration, despite her high status. It was hard not to feel comfortable around her.

“Well, your letters were… delayed, and I felt I should apologize in person for my rudeness in not responding sooner.”

She shook her head. “Don’t worry about rudeness, I’m just glad that you’re doing well! If I hadn’t heard anything soon I might have broken down the doors to your home to find you!”

__________________________

“Has the Queen answered any of my letters?” I hugged myself, sitting in the chair by the fire in my room.

Angela stared at me with a pitying expression. “No, Milady.”

“Do you think she might stop by?” My voice cracked on the last word, my distress all too obvious.

I felt a gentle hand pat my shoulder, offering little comfort. “Why should she? You’re no longer useful to her.”

I slumped in my seat. It made sense. That was why my own mother hated me after all.

__________________________

I pushed back the bitter memory, Looking at her enthusiastic expression, I couldn’t help but chuckle.

“I would have liked to see Hallers face on how to deal with the Queen breaking down the door.”

Queen Amerande grinned. “I suppose he would already have tea ready to serve, and would offer to brush the debris from my coat.”

We both laughed at that. Feeling refreshed, I bent forward, taking another sip from my tea.

“... You’ve changed, dear.”

Her soft statement caught my attention, and I paused in my action, almost burning myself. She was studying me with a happy look, seeming almost near tears.

“Changed?”

“You’re happier, more relaxed… That’s the first time you’ve given me a true smile in years.” She sighed. “I never wanted to push you, but I’m just so relieved we can spend time like this!”

I felt shocked. Had I changed? I thought about all the time we had spent together over the years, her unrelenting love and support. The contents of the letters she sent me after the engagement was broken, assuring that she still loved me as her own daughter, no matter what. Her relief and tears just at the sight of me smiling. Even now I wanted to reach out, to comfort her, but confusion held me back.

Why is this life so different?!

I felt torn, wanting to keep away from her, to protect myself of the agony I had gone through in my last life. But it was harder than I expected.

I wanted to believe her.

After all, Prince Ronan had dropped me, and here she was, just as loving as before.

Could I have misunderstood things in my last life?

A cold shard of pure terror pierced my chest at the thought. I shook my head, forcing my mind away from these thoughts, afraid that if I examined them too closely, all my defenses would fall apart.

And so my only response to the Queen’s declaration of my change was a silent shrug.

Her smile drooped a small amount, but she still looked happy. “Baby steps.” I heard a soft mutter as she moved to sit on the couch next to me, decreasing our distance. “Now tell me all about how you have been since Ronan’s horrible lapse in judgment.”

I only hesitated for a moment, but then decided to tell her everything. From Ronan’s proposal, to the attempted rumors, to the plot to bury the duchy in debt. The Queen’s face slowly became enraged, and by the end of my talk she had to set her tea down due to the trembling of her hands.

“THAT RAT OF A SON!” Her eyes were blazing with anger. “I’ll hold him down and let you punch him!”

I looked at her, bemused. “Isn’t he supposed to be my future king?”

She waved off my concerns. “Who cares, he needs a beating!”

I told her about the “Ronan the Ridiculous” song, and my suspicions about Hallers taking revenge for me. She cackled as I sang her a few verses.

“I’ll send him some suggestions for additional verses.” Her promise set me off and it was some time before either of us started laughing.

“Unfortunately, I believe His Majesty to be the driving force behind this.” I had tactfully left out my spying on the conversation between them, but even without this the Queen easily agreed.

“Yes, in the beginning, I was the one pushing for the engagement, but once he saw the chance to ally the Royal House to the Duchy of Armeny, he became obsessed with the opportunity to cement our family’s position.” She sighed, the cheerfulness gone. “I will speak to him, but I have rarely been able to change his mind once he has decided on a course of action.”

I noticed that her voice held no affection as she spoke of her husband, her eyes cold.

“Well, it has been a week since the last attempt, maybe they’ve given up?” I found myself wanting to comfort her.

“I hope so.” The queen murmured, before reaching out to hug me. “You’ve been through so much these past few weeks and I was completely useless. I’m sorry.”

I patted her shoulder, but she simply hugged me tighter. “It’s fine. I needed to handle it on my own.”

“You’ll ask if you need help?”

“I promise.”

After a few more moments of a rib crushing embrace, the Queen finally let go.

“Everyone seems to be hugging me lately.” I joked, sighing with relief.

Her eyes narrowed. “Who exactly has been hugging you?”

“Umm… Nate.” I had a brief feeling of regret as i spoke his name, wondering if I might have caused him some trouble.

The Queen chuckled, but her gaze remained intense “Did he now?” She laughed again, causing the hairs on the back of my neck to rise. “Hugging my daughter? It seems he’s already forgotten about our little… chat. I’ll have to have him back for tea.” The last bit was barely audible, but still managed to be terrifying.

Wanting to change the subject to something more comfortable, I asked about her plans for her birthday.

“Oh I’m glad you reminded me!” She clapped her hands, her intense atmosphere disappearing, causing me to question if I had only imagined it. “They’re holding a two day banquet in a few weeks to celebrate, and I wanted to hand you your invitation in person as my letters have had trouble reaching you!”

Moving to her desk, she rummaged around until she pulled out a large envelope, beaming with pride.

I glanced at the address on the front and immediately understood. In large letters “To my beautiful daughter” was written.

“Your parents are invited as well…” She sounded much less excited about that. “As the banquet will last until quite late you will all be my guest in the palace for the night, will that be alright?”

I felt a moment of unease of staying in the palace with everything that had been going on. But looking at her expectant expression, I couldn’t’ bring myself to refuse. I sighed quietly.

“Of course I’ll be there.”

It took quite a while to calm Queen Amerande’s excitement down after that.

__________________________

I thought over the invitation as I walked through the gardens on the way back to my carriage. Given my feud with the king and the prince, staying at the palace wasn’t the smartest course of action. I considered turning around and telling the queen I had changed my mind, but… She had been so happy.

I idly rubbed my sternum, hoping the aching deep within my chest would go away. I was so preoccupied with my thoughts, unfortunately, that I didn’t pay enough attention to my surroundings.

An action that I greatly regretted, as I nearly ran straight into an unexpected and unpleasant surprise.

“Lenora!”

Edith, clutching Ronan’s arm between her hands, looked at me with a look of shock and embarrassment, her cheeks dyed with a light pink blush. “I didn’t expect to see you here!”

I paused in my steps, caught off guard by their sudden appearance.

Letting go of the prince’s arm, she clasped her hands in front of her, staring at me with an imploring expression. “ I’m so sorry that you had to see this! It must be so… painful for you to witness our affection personally.” Her eyes glinted with satisfaction as her eyes searched my face, studying my reaction. “I never meant for you to be hurt like this, I wanted to give you time…” She wiped a non-existing tear from the corner of her eye, looking remorseful.

I let out a small sigh of relief.

Finally.

I had felt trapped, surrounded by people who insisted they cared about me, their constant presence and understanding support slowly undermining everything I had come to believe since my rebirth. I had begun to question my convictions, but here in front of me was a beautiful example of love. My former fiancé and my best friend, clutching each other in a way to express affection but both seeming more concerned with making sure I was hurt by their open display.

This, this is much easier to be around. I found myself smiling at them, feeling grateful for their petty minded and spiteful ways.

“Don’t feel bad. I have never been happier to see the both of you together!”

That took them both by surprise. Ronan’s eyes glanced around the garden as if suspecting a plot, his face betraying a discomfort at being near me. Edith, however… wasn’t nervous at all.

She continued to smile, but it was obvious from the stiffness of her posture and expression that she was furious. She didn’t look like someone who had gotten the reaction she had been trying to achieve.

Stepping away from Ronan, she patted me on the arm, twisting her lips into a more sympathetic grin. “What brings you here, Lenora? I wouldn’t expect to run into you now…” She broke off her words suddenly as if too embarrassed to continue.

“Now that my engagement to Prince Ronan is completely gone and will never be renewed?” I filled in happily. Ronan was now frowning, likely thinking of his father’s reactions to my words. I continued on, ignoring his displeasure. “I was visiting the Queen.”

“The Queen?” Edith’s smile faltered, her eyes burning with anger. “Why would you see her?”

I spread my hands, “What can I say, we’re very close. She treats me like a daughter.” They both looked unhappy with that. “Actually we were discussing the plans for the Queen’s birthday.”

“The Queen’s birthday plans?” Edith glanced at the prince with confusion clearly written on her face. Ronan was glaring at me, obviously wanting me to stop talking but I was having fun now.

“Oh, you didn’t know yet?” I sighed. “I probably spoiled the surprise, I’m sure the prince was planning on inviting you during your visit here today. The Queen is having a small banquet in honor of her birthday! We’re invited to spend the night in the castle as it’s expected to go quite late.”

Edith turned to Prince Ronan. “Why hadn’t you invited me yet?” Her tone was accusing, all pleasantness gone.

He glared again at me who grinned shamelessly. Obviously he hadn’t planned on inviting her as the King still wanted him to be pursuing my hand in marriage. But would he tell her that?

“I was just waiting until a more romantic spot in our walk, dearest!” He explained through clenched teeth.

“Oh of course! If only the surprise hadn’t been spoiled by outsiders.” She glanced over in my direction, as I struggled not to laugh.

“I look forward to seeing you both there together.”

Edith now looked confused at my continued positivity at their relationship, while Ronan was staring daggers at me. I tapped my chin thoughtfully, an evil thought forming deep in my head.

“That reminds me, have you seen His Majesty?” I looked around the garden. “I was hoping to speak to him.”

Ronan paled. “About what?”

“Oh nothing,” I shrugged, “The sights around the palace. I also wanted to express how we’ve spoken and how I support you two and hope you’ll be engaged soon.”

Edith now looked absolutely lost, while Ronan recognized my words for the threat they were.

“The King is visiting another city.” His answer was wary.

Of course he was. Ronan would never flaunt his new relationship so openly if he thought the king would see him. Of course, the king was the type to keep tabs on things, even when physically absent. I’m sure Ronan’s activities had already been reported in detail to his father.

But it might still be a chance to make some money.

“Perhaps I’ll write him a letter instead.” I started sticking out my hand in a now familiar gesture, preparing to demand hush money from my former fiancé now turned cash cow, but as soon as my hand moved, he jumped back, his hands reaching down reflexively to protect his pockets.

“I- we have something…. We have to go!” Grabbing Edith, he turned, almost running in the opposite direction.

“WHAT ARE YOU…?!” Edith started to shout indignantly, but was soon pulled around the corner and out of sight.

I stared after them, shocked, and then started to laugh.

I think I’ve scared him. I frowned. I only got to extort money from him twice and he had already wised up. Still, him running away in fear couldn’t be considered a bad outcome either…

Shaking my head, still chuckling, I headed home in the carriage.

__________________________

On my arrival I informed my father of the invitation, who sat back in his chair, a thoughtful expression on his face.

“Alright. I’ll write your mother to inform her.

His words surprised me. “You don’t have to.”

“…”

He stared at me silently for a few moments, his usually foolish expression gone. We had grown apart in the five years since I started this new lifetime. Initially I had only thought to take control of some of the Duchy’s inner workings, trying to weed out corruption and put us in a stable position. I hadn’t thought to completely take his responsibilities on, but he had willingly given up his role, content to focus on his own amusements. We spoke less and less over the years, and now with the exception of larger gatherings, parties, and occasionally having dinner together, for all intents and purposes we were practically strangers.

“She’s your mother.” Was his simple reply.

“Has anyone told Her that?” I snapped, irritated at even his paltry defense. She had been gone for years, and he had never once complained about her antics, never once stood up for himself or for me where she was concerned.

“I-… Dear… “ He paused for a long moment, as if gathering his thoughts. “It’s complicated.” He finished lamely, his expression uncomfortable.

“Seems very simple to me.” I smiled coldly. “She hates me, and makes a fool of you. Should I welcome her with open arms then?”

He winced at the word “fool,” shaking his head slowly. “I can’t excuse her behavior… but neither can I afford to judge her.”

What wonderful parents. I knew my face had grown even colder than before as he looked away rather than face my gaze. “There’s a lot you could not afford to do.”

I turned, thinking to walk away, but he called my name, stopping me.

“Was there something else?” I asked, feeling bitter.

“How is your friend?” He looked even more discomfited than before.

His question took me completely by surprise. “What friend?” I was honestly confused.

“The young woman you used to play with every day?” He swallowed, not meeting my gaze.

“Edith?” I stared at him. “Why?”

“I- I just don’t want you to always be alone! I worry about you!” He said beautiful sounding words, but they rang hollow in my ears.

“She spends her days with the prince now.” I watched his reaction, curious. “They should be announcing their engagement soon.”

“They…?” His voice trailed off, he stared at the wall, processing my words. He didn’t look shocked. “I’m sorry, it’s been hard for you dear.”

“Why are you apologizing?” I wanted to leave, his insincerity hurt more than if he had never spoken at all.

“We all have our sins, Lenora.” He whispered in reply. “Some of us are just still waiting to pay the price for them.”

I walked out, slamming the door behind me, leaving him to his thoughts without another word.

I felt regretful that I had spoken to him as long as I had. I already had enough to worry about with the upcoming party, and the possible plots and scheme from the monarchy, I shouldn’t have added to my stress. After all, nothing good had ever come of talking to either of my parents. My mother only saw me as a tool to achieve what she wanted, but my father…

He had never seen me at all.

#writing #i can't eat love #hopefully part 25 will follow shortly #the party is coming #plots and schemes #relationships

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screamingatanemptyroom · 6 years ago

Text

I Can’t Eat Love pt 20

We get to see Lenora’s response to the Prince!

Master post linked here.

Enjoy!

_______________________________

I stared at the prince in shock. “Pardon?”

Obviously not expecting this response, his expression turned quizzical. “Are you hard of hearing? We’re getting engaged!”

I dug a finger into my ear, as if cleaning it out, muttering to myself. “I swore I heard you say ‘engaged.’”

“I did...?”

“But that would be impossible!” I shook my head, before staring at him intently.

“Unless you were an idiot.”

He sputtered with rage. “What did you call me?!”

“Idiot. Fool. Moron. Buffoon….” I paused. “Give me a moment, I’m sure I’ll think of more.”

Standing up, his face turned red. “HOW DARE YOU?!!”

I stood up to face him, slamming my hands on the desk.

“NO! How dare YOU? How dare you step into MY HOME and insult me like this? A week after you cut off your engagement for another woman ‘that your heart belongs to,’ you waltz in here and expect me to fall at your feet?” I laughed.

“You’re even stupider than I thought. Self absorbed, idiotic, obsessed with hunting, horseriding and anything that isn’t facing the responsibility of your future leadership responsibilities!”

“I- I…”

“Even if I were only to give it HALF my effort, I would still be an infinitely better ruler than you are.” I sighed, rubbing my head. “Luckily for me, and unluckily for the kingdom, we are not getting married, and that will never be put to the test.”

“I’ve never been…!” He tried to shout, but I simply cut him off.

“You’ve never been so insulted?” I chuckled. “Get used to it. You’re a pathetic boy who will be a pathetic king. The only useful thing you’ve ever done is break the engagement, freeing me from the horrifying destiny of marrying you.”

I sat down, catching my breath. I had gotten more emotional than I expected. After so many years had passed, I thought most of my bitterness at how I had been treated in my first life was gone.

Apparently not as completely as I had hoped.

Prince Ronan glared at me. “I should have known you wouldn’t listen to reason!”

“What reason…?”

“Edith warned me that you were petty and held grudges!” He threw up his hands. “She cried for so long, scared that you would hate her for the crime of falling in love with me, and now I can see she was right to be! You are just as bitter and angry as she said you would be.”

I smiled. “I don’t hate her, idiot prince. I pity her.”

“Liar….”

“After all, what did she say when you told her you were dumping her to resume our engagement?”

“…” His face was sullen, but he remained silent. My smile widened.

“I thought so.” I let out a long dramatic sigh. “Poor girl, betrayed by the man who claimed to love her and you didn’t even bother to let her know. Turns out your promises were just as worthless as your brain.”

“I DID NOT BETRAY HER!” He yelled, slamming a fist against my desk, scattering the few papers that were left.

“Really? Then why are you here, proposing to me?” I was genuinely curious as to how he had thought this through.

He sat down, looking tired. “Look, we have to marry for… political reasons. But I will continue to remain faithful to my beautiful and wonderful Edith.”

“So you will plan to keep her as a mistress.”

“As my true love!” He insisted.

“She’ll never stand by your side, never have your name and all her children will be bastards with no claim to the throne.” I wanted to hit him, but kept my fists clenched in my lap. “You would take from everyone, even those you CLAIM to love, never giving back. Your only care is for what YOU want!”

“Why shouldn’t it be?!” His face was stubborn. “I’ll be king!”

“That’s not a king.” I shook my head. “That’s just a selfish and foolish person. The crown only makes it all the more obvious.”

I stood up, nodding to Hallers who appeared, out of breath at the door. He quickly straightened, forcing himself into a professional stance despite obviously having run clear across the property.

“My answer, in case you didn’t understand, is ‘no.’ I will not now or in any other lifetime marry you.” Tapping my chin, I felt a smile form once again. “In fact, you bursting in unannounced and hassling me so has caused me significant emotional stress and suffering.”

I held out my hand.

Recognizing the gesture, he stood and started to back away, his face pale. “No, not again! I have no reason to…”

I pulled out a piece of blank parchment and began writing.

“…wh-what are you doing?”

I continued writing without pause. “Writing a letter to the king.”

“What? Why?”

“Just telling him how you bumbled this proposal, insulted me, declared your intentions to have a mistress, nothing much.” I looked up and grinned. “I’m sure he’ll be very understanding.”

“No, YOU CAN’T…”

I held out my hand, palm up, once more.

Silenced, he sadly began rummaging through his pockets, bringing out his money.

Once I had cleared him of all his cash I looked over to Hallers once more. “Please escort the Prince to his carriage, his business is finished here.”

“Right this way, Sir.” Hallers’ eyes gleamed with ill-intent as he stared at the prince.

The prince walked towards the door, turning to glare at me. “You’ll regret this!” He snarled, his hands balled into fists as if he wished to strike me. “I will destroy everything you love, and you will BEG for mercy by the time I’m done with you. BEG!”

I stepped closer, noting with amusement that he increased the distance between us, as if afraid.

“Go ahead.” I spread my arms wide. “Do your worst. Whatever you do to hurt me that I’ll return the favor ten-fold. “

I turned away, walking back towards my desk, tired of looking at him. “I’ll be waiting, Your Highness.”

“…” After a few moments, the sound of his reluctant footsteps moving away could be heard. I sighed with relief, and sat down in my chair, thinking.

_______________________________

“… You can come out now.” I called out.

THUD. Nate and Henry fell from their hiding spot in the hallway. Nate had the decency to look slightly ashamed, but Henry simply shrugged, brushing himself off.

“We heard the prince was here and we were curious.” He explained.

“And your curiosity justifies you both spying on a private conversation?”

Nate hung his head. “I’m sorry, I thought you might need backup.” He looked up briefly, smiling. “I can see now that I was very mistaken.”

Henry simply shrugged again, but Nate elbowed him until he rolled his eyes. “I’m sorry too.”

“You’re both forgiven.” I motioned for them to sit, and they did. “That was…interesting.”

“Aren’t you worried though?” Nate’s brow furrowed. “I mean, you weren’t very nice… not that I blame you! But what if he tries to get revenge?”

“Let him. Armeny has never been stronger. Besides, the public knows that HE broke off the engagement. The more he tries to push the issue, the more he’ll suffer in return.”

Henry spoke up, “So he’d be a fool to try anything?”

“Which is why he definitely will.” I grinned. “But don’t worry. I’m ready.”

“Well, I’m here if you need any help.” Nate stood up. “And I’ll arrange the paperwork you need for the two people coming to Tilendria. Just send me their information and it will done as soon as possible. “

“Are you leaving already?” I frowned, unsure of why that idea bothered me. “Can’t you stay for dinner?”

“Yes, she’s right! You can’t leave now, we’ve barely even looked in the herb section of the greenhouse!” Henry spoke up, dismayed.

“I’m sorry to both of you.” Nate smiled. “But I’m afraid the Queen has requested my presence at dinner tonight. Apparently she wants to question me.”

I reached out, patting him on the arm. “Good luck.”

His face turned red, as he glanced down at my hand on his arm. Worried that I had offended him, I retracted it, and he shook his head, as if trying to clear his thoughts. “Well- yes, um… thanks! That was nice… I mean!” He slapped a hand to face. “Never mind! I’m going now!”

Awkwardly he walked out, replaced by a satisfied looking Hallers.

“Did the prince leave?”

“Yes, but I’m afraid His Royal Highness did not have an uneventful exit.” An evil chuckle resonated from him.

I couldn’t hold back my curiosity. “What happened?”

“Somehow, the prince slipped on the step into his carriage. It was unexpectedly slick... almost as if a small amount of oil had been smeared on it.” He spread his hands helplessly. “And even more mysterious was that he was boarding the carriage right next to the stable manure pile!” He shook his head. “How unfortunate for the prince of our kingdom to fall into horse dung on my watch. How shall I bear the shame?” He looked even more pleased than before.

“It will make a lovely new verse to your song, Hallers.” Henry spoke up.

“I have no idea what you mean, Sir.” His face a professional mask once more, he turned around. “I will get you both some more tea.”

Henry and I stared at each other once he left. “Do you really think we’ll be okay if the prince comes after you?” he asked.

“Yes, I’m sure of it. I can handle the Prince.”

He didn’t look convinced. “That’s all well and good, but... what about the King?”

“The king?” I paused at that. “He’s a different story. Hopefully he’ll be content to let his son run things.”

“Hopefully.”

We waited for our tea in silence.

_______________________________

A few days passed and there was not a word from the prince. With each uneventful day, I wondered a few times if he had changed his mind regarding revenge. Finally, having cleared through much of the week’s work with Henry, I headed out to the main branch of Prosperity, hoping to check in with Marile while I was there.

Most of the time she brought the financial reports to me and we would discuss plans together, but every once and a while I liked going to the shop and seeing for myself how things were being run.

“Welcome!” A cheery greeting rang out as I walked through the doors. The whole store was light and friendly, with clear displays and helpful staff. I nodded silently with a approval to myself. Marile ran a tight ship, even when I wasn’t around.

I headed to the back room, greeted by the sight of Marile sitting in a chair, humming while she sewed. It was so achingly familiar but strange all the same. How many times had I sat with her in a room like this, sewing and humming along? How many days did we chat for hours while working, talking about our hopes and dreams for the future, even if we avoided speaking about our pasts that were too painful to dredge up?

Hearing me walk in, Marile looked up with a smile.

“Welcome back!”

_______________________________

“Welcome back.” Marile waved a hand, tired from a long day work. “What took you so long?”

I shook my head. “I can’t find him this time.”

“Your father’s still missing?” She frowned. “Maybe he’s staying with friends?”

“He kept gambling at the clubs, no matter what I told him.” I was shaking, and sat down in the chair opposite her. “He hid it from me, but I think he’s in more debt than he let on.”

Marile’s expression was grim. “And not with the right kind of people?”

“No.”

She reached out, patting my shoulder. “I won’t give you false words of comfort, girl. What I will say is that I’m here for you, even in the case of the worst.”

I wiped the forming tears from my eyes, looking around for the dress I had to finish. “Really?”

“Yes.” She grinned. “And I’ve been working with Mr. Haggot. He’s going to sell all my designs and with that money you and I can open up our own shop!” Holding out her hand towards me, she asked with a smile. “What about it, want to be business partners?”

I reached out, clasping her hand. “Deal. One day, we’ll run a shop together.”

_______________________________

I shook my head, stepping into the sewing room and sitting near her. “How’s business lately?”

“No change. Should there be?” She must have sensed my nervousness, as she reached out and handed me a project. “Hem the sleeves. Sewing will calm you down.”

I grinned, taking the dress and settling into a familiar rhythm next to her. “Well, I worry that the prince in his desire for revenge might have struck here.”

“It’s still somehow a secret that we’re business partners. No reason for him to strike out at a random dress shop.”

I sighed, already feeling better as I worked with my hands. “I suppose you’re right.”

“No need to be so worried…” Marile faded to silence as we heard to women start to talk to each other near the back room, obviously not realizing they were being overheard.

“Did you hear the rumor going around about Lenora?” A high pitched nasally voice spoke up, sounding excited.

“The Duke of Armeny’s daughter? Yes, her engagement was broken, that’s old news.” A deeper, bored voice answered.

“No, no no! Of course everyone knows about the engagement break up! I’m talking about why it happened!”

“Why it happened?” The bored voice sounded slightly more interested. “I thought the Queen said they parted ways because they didn’t really connect well?”

“Apparently she was just hiding the truth!” the nasally voice giggled. “I heard from a close friend of Lenora’s that the young woman was actually running around with other men!”

“Cheating on the prince?”

I sighed, leaning back in my chair and focusing on my sewing. Different life, same rumors. I had wondered if this would repeat itself. Apparently this time it took telling the prince what I thought about him before he and Edith tried to ruin my reputation. I wondered if he bothered to tell her the whole story of proposing to me, and that’s why she was helping. It seemed unlikely that he would be honest with her, though.

“I don’t know…” the lower voice continued, “I’ve met her, and she seems very nice. And she has a sterling reputation in the duchy…”

“Which makes this rumor all the more exciting!” The nasally voice raised, almost a shout. She had apparently forgotten her concern about being overheard.

“SHH… this isn’t right to speak of!” The other girl obviously tried to quiet her, growing nervous. “I feel wrong talking about her behind her back like this. She seems very kind, even paid for a small debt I owed this store once.”

“Who cares if we talk badly about some cast-off of the prince?” The higher voice laughed. “Lenora is washed up, we can talk about her all we like.”

“NOT IN MY STORE YOU WON’T!” Marile, her face enraged, stormed out of the back room to confront the two.

“I- I’m so sorry!” The lower voice spoke up first, “it was terribly rude…”

“HOW DARE YOU QUESTION YOUR BETTERS?!” The nasally voice shouted. “I’ll speak of whomever I please, or you’ll lose my business!”

“I would hope so!” Marile held her ground. “From this moment forward, your account with Prosperity is canceled. You will not be able to purchase any of the newest fashion. Your debt will be sent to your family for immediate payment.”

“YOU- YOU CAN’T…” she sputtered in return.

“I can, and I will. Lady Lenora is our biggest patron, and our most respected customer! No one will slander her name and be welcome in our store.”

The nasal voice rose to a shriek. “You’ll lose your business!”

“Perhaps.” Marile sounded unconcerned. “But more likely the other young women would rather be kind to the woman they owe so much too rather than risk being the least fashionable in the room.”

The loud sound of the girl running away in tears could be heard, followed by a brief silence. Marile spoke up, much more softly this time. “Thank you for defending the Lady Lenora. I’ll handle your gown myself.”

“Really? I don’t deserve that… but if you mean it, I’ll gladly take you up on it.”

“Just please tell your friends what I’ve said here.”

The remaining girl laughed. “Oh believe me, in a few days there won’t be a noblewoman in the kingdom left who would dare slander Lady Lenora lest they be banned from the best dress shop around!”

Marile stepped back in, her face calm. I stared up at her, my sewing forgotten.

“Thank you.” I whispered. She seemed to sway in my vision as tears filled my eyes.

“What a silly girl!” Marile stepped forward, giving me a tight hug. “Of course I won’t let that nasty person tell lies about you! Not while I have breath in this body!”

_______________________________

“YOU’RE AN EMBARASSMENT!” My mother screamed, throwing her now empty glass towards me. “YOU DESERVE EVERY TERRIBLE WORD THEY SPEAK ABOUT YOU!”

_______________________________

“You don’t…”

“Shush!” Marile handed me my sewing once again with a smile. “Finish your work before you go home. We’ll sit together.”

And so we did.

#writing #i can't eat love #second life #second chance #the story continues

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screamingatanemptyroom · 6 years ago

Text

I Can’t Eat Love pt 17

We’re moving on to the second half! More intrigue, and a new antagonist!

Master Post linked here.

So this story picks up after the first scene of the entire story. The first half led up to the engagement being broken, and the second half starts immediately after.

Since it’s been a while, will link the first part here for anyone who wants to re-read that part before moving on to the second half!

I hope you guys enjoy!

____________________________

“That went well.” I muttered, walking back into the ballroom. I patted my pocket, now filled with the crowns I had extorted off of the Prince, reassuring myself that at least this time I had not come out empty-handed.

Now, off to find some food.

Ronan had grabbed me the moment the party had started, pulling me outside towards the gazebo so that he could break the engagement as dramatically as possible. I hadn’t even had a chance to look at the tables holding the food…

I stopped in my tracks, deeply disappointed.

Most of the food was already gone.

“That’s two lifetimes!” I growled under my breath. “Now that’s just going too far!”

Before I could mourn too long, however, Hallers stepped up behind me, holding a plate. My eyes widened with surprise.

“How…?”

He gave the smallest hint of a smile. “I saw that His Royal Highness had pulled you aside, and that you had not had a chance to eat today. I took the liberty of preparing a plate of the dishes I thought you would most enjoy.”

I grabbed the plate, smiling brightly. “Hallers, you are an angel! Definitely the best butler in the entire kingdom!”

He stepped back towards the wall with a quick wink, “Naturally, Miss.”

As I happily enjoyed the party food, I heard a voice behind me.

“Did the prince talk to you?” Edith was wearing an unnatural smile, her eyes searching me closely, as if expecting to find me in tears.

Ignoring the question, I looked her up and down, nodding in approval. “I like the dress!”

She was wearing one of my newest designs from “Prosperity.” Ever since I had “recommended” her, allowing her to shop there, she had been purchasing gowns on a frequent basis. I had no issues with this, despite her stealing my fiancé in both lives, having decided that I was going to be the bigger person.

And if I happened to have the store charge her twice the usual price?… well, no one was perfect.

In fact, given the fact that her purchasing hadn’t slowed down despite the increased pricing made me wonder if the prince wasn’t funding her shopping as well. Which should have offended me, but I did enjoy the idea of both of them unknowingly supporting my business.

Edith preened at the compliment. “Don’t I look amazing in it? Prosperity is expensive but definitely worth the price!” She looked over at me with a pitying look. “I see you aren’t wearing any of their new line. It’s okay, I know that your family has… financial difficulties.”

“Don’t worry about us, we’re doing just fine.” And we were. Given the revenue from my multiple stores, we were one of the wealthiest families in the kingdom. It was true that I wasn’t wearing any of the dresses released at the store, as I didn’t want them associated with me being dropped by my fiancé, but I was happy with the dress I had designed, a deep blue gown with silver embroidery.

“Of course you are.” She looked around, obviously frustrated by my casual attitude. “I think the Prince was looking for you.”

I smiled. Edith must have assumed he hadn’t broken the engagement yet, as I didn’t look upset enough. “I’ll keep that in mind, but first, I need to go greet the queen.”

“WHAT?” Her voice was a little too loud. She flinched the whispers around us, and looked around, seeing the queen enter without introduction. “What is she doing here?” She sounded upset.

“It’s her son’s birthday, where else would she be?” Not giving her a chance to answer, I walked away, heading towards the queen.

____________________________

“How are you feeling?” I felt a flash of relief, looking her over. She didn’t seem ill at all.

“I feel fine! Really, everyone was fussing over nothing!” The Queen reached out and gave me a hug.

Perhaps too much has changed in this lifetime, and she simply didn’t get sick this time. Shrugging it off mentally, I stepped out of the hug, giving her a serious expression.

She saw my face and her smile fell. “Oh no. Did he break the engagement?”

At my nod she swore under her breath, shocking me. “What a fool!”

Queen Amerande turned, looking over at her son, who was walking towards the center of the room with a determined expression. “And of course he’s planning to make a scene.” Reaching out and grabbing my hand, she quickly leaned towards me and whispered in my ear.

“Please, play along with what I do next!”

“What do you mean?” Before she could explain, however...

“Everyone, I have an announcement to make!”

Prince Ronan spoke loudly, waving his hands until the crowd quieted down. “As many of you know, Lenora and I have been engaged since childhood.” His eyes moved over to me, his mouth forming a vindictive smile. “But today, now that I am legally an adult, I am breaking that arrangement. I will not marry Lenora, and she will not be Queen.”

Everyone seemed to be talking at once, the room filled with shocked murmuring. More than one sympathetic glance was directed towards me. Just as it seemed that the noise would continue indefinitely, however, Ronan held up his hand again, and the room fell silent once more.

“I have one more announcement to make….” A more genuine smile crossed his face, and I noticed Edith starting to make her way through the crowd of people, looking excited.

I held back a sigh. This was the twisting of the knife that had hurt so much back in my first life. Not only had I lost my love, my future, my reputation… but within minutes of the first blow, Ronan had replaced me with my best friend.

It’s much nicer this time around, not caring.

“Before you do, Ronan, May I say a word?” The Queen spoke up, her loud voice startling me from my reverie. It was phrased as a question but her tone made it clear that she was going to speak, whether he liked it or not.

Confused, Ronan nodded, motioning to Edith to stay where she was for the moment. Edith’s smile faded, turned in our direction, her hands clenched visibly at her sides. I wondered briefly if I should feel sorry for disrupting her big moment, but was quickly distracted as the Queen turned to me, holding my hands between her own.

“Lenora, dearest. I have loved you as my own daughter since you were young, and always hoped that you and Ronan would marry and make us officially mother and daughter.”

She reached out tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. “Unfortunately, I know that you and Ronan simply didn’t love one another, and it wasn’t meant to be. This is through no fault of your own, I don’t want you to blame yourself for the strange workings of fate.”

I felt like laughing, but held it in, nodding seriously instead. She was very adroitly deflecting any shame of the broken engagement from me. By pretending to keep me from “blaming myself,” she was subtly warning everyone else that they couldn’t blame me either.

She wasn’t finished. “I will always think of you as my daughter, and so I want to bestow this necklace, a family heirloom to you. “ She pulled out the necklace, the small sapphire amulet twinkling in the lights of the ballroom, and placed it over my head, taking care not to disturb my hair. The necklace I had refused several years ago.

I put one hand on the jewel, its weight so very familiar to me, but strange at the same time.

____________________________

“Please, the bread was only a quarter crown two days ago.” I begged the shop owner, feeling powerless. The small coin in my hand was clenched so tightly it was painful. My stomach was empty, had been for too long, and if I didn’t get food soon…

The man stared at me, shrugging. “The price was raised. The ingredients are more expensive so I charge more to sell it.”

“But…”

“No exceptions.” He paused. “Unless you have something you can trade for it.” Looking me up and down, he laughed. “Not that a beggar like you would have anything of value.”

I paused, deeply unsure. I had one thing left. The only thing I had clung to in all this time since losing our home. I had hid it from my parents, knowing they would sell it immediately and spend the money. It was my last connection to my old life, the last connection to the woman I had thought of as my mother.

But I was so hungry.

Desperate, tired, with tears in my eyes, I pulled the necklace from my tunic. The blue jewel seemed to sparkle in my hand, but I averted my eyes, ashamed.

“How much for this?”

____________________________

Confused, I almost started taking it off, and then caught the queen’s eye. She mouthed silently, play along, and so I put on a smile, thanking her.

“You are a wonderful young woman.” She grinned. “I have never seen your match when it comes to intelligence, poise and hard work, a true role model for everyone around you.” A mischevious light came into her eyes. “I must say that I feel very sorry for whoever follows behind you. No one will ever be able to match up to you as a daughter in law.”

With that, she hugged me again, and turned to Ronan. “Alright dear, I’m done. You had another announcement?”

Ronan’s face was bright red with rage as he stared back at his mother. He had clearly been about to announce his engagement to Edith, but how could he do that now? The Queen had just publically declared that whatever girl he chose would be inferior. If he brought her forward now, it would completely color the nobility’s perception of her.

He took a deep breath, trying unsuccessfully to hide his anger. “It can wait for another time.”

Ronan stalked off to find a drink, and the music and talking resumed. Through the crowd I caught a glimpse of Edith’s face… I had never seen her so angry. She was staring at the queen as if ready to kill her right then and there. But soon she controlled her expression as well, walking away, likely to find the prince.

I turned to Queen Amerande. “Why did you…?”

“He was about to announce an engagement to another woman, wasn’t he?” She made a disgusted expression. “Even if you weren’t my daughter. I would never let him humiliate a young woman by announcing her replacement immediately. But especially you! As if I would stand by and watch you be hurt by such a terrible thing!”

____________________________

“Please, I just need to speak with the Queen. Could you tell her Lenora wants to speak to her?” I felt so out of place standing in front of the palace, where i had so freely entered in the past. But I had to know if Edith had been telling the truth.

The guard looked down at me with an unsympathetic expression. “Lady Lenora is dead. I would advise you to not come back in the future.”

Dead.

I shook my head. “There must be a mistake...”

“The only mistake is that you continue to stand in front of my gate.” The guard pushed me down, and i fell with a grunt of pain. He continued to stare down at me, his eyes disdainful. “Leave, trash.”

____________________________

I looked down at the necklace and then back up at her. It didn’t make sense. I desperately wanted to believe in her. She was here, by my side, even after the engagement was broken. But then why? Why had my first life been so different?! I shook my head.

I needed to think this over.

“Let me return this…” I started to remove the necklace, only to be stopped by a gentle hand.

“Please, keep it.” Her eyes were sad as she spoke. “Something happened to you, dear… something that made you lose trust in everyone around you…” She sighed. “And perhaps after your mother... and after what Ronan did to you, I understand somewhat. But I want you to have it.”

She patted my hand. “Keep it and remember that engagement or no, you will always be my daughter.”

I looked up towards the ceiling, blinking rapidly to keep tears back. I didn’t want anyone to think they were caused by Ronan. I stopped trying to take off the necklace however, and the Queen smiled.

“Now, with that unpleasantness out of the way, perhaps you could try to have some fun. Maybe some dancing?”

“Dancing?” I laughed. “Not likely to happen, now that I’m ruined.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure of that.” She cleared her throat, pointing behind me. Confused, I turned, only to be confronted by a familiar face.

“May I have this dance?” The young man formally bowed, reminding me of a party a few years ago.

“Nate?!” I was shocked. We had kept in touch with letters, but it had been over two years since we had last seen each other. He was taller, his face fuller and more mature than I remembered. He straightened up with a grin, and this was familiar enough to reassure me that it was in fact the young man I knew.

“Hello, Lenora, long time no see.”

“What are you doing here?”

Nate looked slightly offended. “I was invited. It’s not like I crashed the party or anything. And it’s been so long since we got to see each other…”

“Hmm…” Queen Amerande stared at him, narrowing her eyes. “You have impeccable timing.”

“Well, I- uh, you know…” Nate looked nervous under her increasingly intense stare. “I wanted to be around in case she needed help.”

“Needed ’help,’ huh?” She grinned. “Well at least you’re not dumb enough to miss out on what others have overlooked.” She glanced at me, smiling. “But you and I will need to sit down and have a talk later, given your interest in ‘helping.’ Prepare yourself.”

He nodded rapidly, his face slightly pale. “Of course, Your Majesty.” He pulled at his collar. “I- I look forward to it.”

“Me too.”

I looked between them, slightly confused. “What are you…?”

“Never mind that, how about you two dance?” The Queen smiled, pushing me slightly forward.

“Uh, sure.” I stepped toward Nate, taking his hand, only to be stopped by a familiar shout.

“Save a dance for us as well!” Richard, Nicholas and the rest of the young noblemen that I helped teach at Jim’s classes grouped around us, smiling.

I stared at them, taken aback by their sudden appearance. “Really?”

“Don’t take up all her time, we wanted to talk to her some! Especially about where she got her new dress!” I recognized Lady Erica, the young lady who had fallen in love with a captain of the Eastern guard. I shook my head, confused. I had worked with Rig to divert a few small schemes to remove her captain from his post, nothing life-threatening, but she shouldn’t have any idea of that…

“We all owe you.” Erica leaned in, whispering with a smile. “Maline from Prosperity told me how you paid some of our debt to the store.”

I had told Maline she could forgive a few small balances, they weren’t supposed to know I was involved with the business though. I assumed this was Maline’s way of trying to give me credit anyways.

The Queen took in the small crowd that had gathered on our side of the room, laughing quietly.

“It looks as if you have quite a busy night ahead of you!” She quickly organized the two groups into time slots, making sure I would not be alone for any portion of the party.

____________________________

Stunned, I was led onto the dance floor by Nate, who looked as if he were desperately trying to hold back laughter.

“Did you really not realize how much you’ve impacted the people around you?” Placing one hand on my waist and gripping my hand in his other, we danced together. I finally spoke, still feeling overwhelmed.

“I didn’t expect…” I had always assumed that everyone would avoid me after the engagement was broken, just as they had in the previous life.

“You are one of the smartest people I know, Lenora, but sometimes you are really dense.” He chuckled. “Despite your best efforts, you keep helping and caring for other people, and they now they want to help you back. Is that so surprising?”

“…” I stared at him silently, processing this.

“By the way, someone should probably hold back Hallers. He may actually murder the Prince in his sleep.”

Looking over at his words, I saw Hallers in the corner. He still stood at attention, the perfect example of professionalism, but his gaze was a little too intense as he stared sharply at the prince. I made a mental note to talk to him later. I didn’t want him to get into trouble.

“Thanks for the heads up.”

“No problem. I’ll be in town for a little while, not as long as last time, of course.” He shrugged. “Maybe we could meet up with Jim, for old time’s sake?”

I smiled, “I’d like that.”

We fell into silence after that, dancing along side the other couples. There were a few whispers and stares, but nothing compared to what I had been expecting nothing like the last time.

“It just seems too simple.” I muttered, feeling a dark unease building. It couldn’t just work out so neatly, could it?

“Oh, it won’t be simple.” Nate responded motioning with his head to the right. “Have you seen the King’s expression since the announcement?”

I glanced over, startled. The King was seated off to the side of the room, drinking wine and watching over the party. His dark blue eyes met my own for the briefest moment, and I felt a cold chill run down my spine.

I hadn’t had much interaction with the king, in this lifetime or the last. He was usually too busy to look in on my training, and although we exchanged greetings and such at parties, we had never had in significant time together to talk. I had thought that since he had not factored significantly in my last life, I needn’t bother with him in this one.

Now I wondered if I hadn’t been mistaken.

He was smiling, the expression perfectly polite, but his eyes… they were ice cold. He was studying me as if I were an object in a store, something he was considering how much he would pay for. As our eyes met, his smile widened, and he lifted his glass in a silent toast.

I had a bad feeling that even if I considered myself free of the royal family… he wasn’t done with me yet.

#writing #i can't eat love #new part #intrigue ahead

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screamingatanemptyroom · 6 years ago

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I Can’t Eat Love pt 16

Here’s the next part. This involves quite a bit of a time skip.

Next part marks the halfway point of the story, bringing us back to the very first scene between Ronan and Lenora. Things are definitely going to change!

Master Post Link here

__________________________________

The Duchy flourished.

We trained our new officials and solidified checks and balances to keep things honest and efficient. The school expanded to multiple trades, and soon I was cooperating with other nobles to open up similar establishments across the kingdom. Through it all, Armeny led the way, becoming a center for trade, skilled workers and culture.

Another year had passed, I was seventeen, and coming up on the last year before the big scandal that had ruined my life the first time around. I knew that I needed to move out of the spotlight, so that my fall from grace would have as little as an effect as possible of the work I had already accomplished.

Fortunately, I didn’t have to worry about the business “Prosperity.” No one seemed to realize that I was in charge, and simply seemed to think I was one of their most loyal customers. I would be able to continue to run things from behind the scenes.

But the Duchy was a different story. Most of the nobility knew by this point that I was the one actually in charge. At first, some of the older men had protested to my father, decrying it as “unnatural” and “harmful.” Fortunately the Duke’s laziness was not to be underestimated. After getting a chance to live a life free of the responsibilities he hated, my father was not going to be coerced into taking them on again. He simply told them he couldn’t be bothered, and that everything would work out in the end. In the face of his never faltering, if vaguely directed optimism, they were forced to give up.

I had been left in relative peace since then, but that would change once my reputation and status were ruined. To prepare for that, I needed a figurehead. Someone who could help to run the Duchy instead of me, but wouldn’t try to change too many things whenever I wasn’t looking.

And so, I sent for Henry.

A distant cousin on my father’s side, Henry was officially the heir of the title.

Traditionally he should have been at my father’s side, learning to take over from the time he was young, but that seemed that it had been too much effort for the Duke. I had met him only a few times over the years, he was always quiet, intelligent… if a little boring to talk to, and a hard worker. He spent most of his time studying the different uses of plants, and publishing his findings.

He had never inherited the title in my previous life. After my family fell from grace, the Duchy had been absorbed by its neighbors, and as far as I knew he lived his life either unaware or not caring that his inheritance had disappeared. He seemed to find joy in scientific study rather than money and the company of others.

He was perfect.

__________________________________

“So I am to take over the Duchy?” Henry sat across from me, drinking tea, his gaze more on the floor than on me.

“In part. You’ll be taking on some of the workload, but I’ll still have a hand in making sure things stay on track.”

He thought that over for a few moments, sighing. “What’s in it for me?”

THAT caught me off guard.

“You’ll have to be the Duke eventually, and this is part of the job. Also, you get to live in a nice house, you won’t have to worry about money…”

“But I really don’t want the title! I have everything I need at my home.” He shook his head. “I may not have money or a big house… but my plants…

“I’ll build you a greenhouse, and move your plants here so you can continue your studies. I’ll even buy you more plants if you like…”

“I’ll move in next week.” I couldn’t help but laugh at his immediate agreement once plants were involved.

__________________________________

We built a greenhouse, and Henry moved in without causing much fuss. He took to the administrative work naturally. I found to my delight that not only was he easy to work with, but when we had time he would take me through the greenhouse, teaching me the various uses of different herbs and plants.

“And this is winterblue…” He pointed out a leafy green plant without flowers. On looking closer I noticed that the edges of the leaves were tinged with a light blue.

“What does it do?” I felt the leaf between my fingers, noting how soft it was.

“Nothing too amazing. If you brew tea with it, it can boost the body’s health. So if someone is showing early signs of illness, this can be a good thing to give them.”

“Anything poisonous in here?” I was mostly joking, but Henry nodded seriously, pointing at the far corner of the greenhouse.

“The more you know about these kinds of things, the better.” He grimaced. “I study a few of these poisons in hopes of understanding how to negate or treat them.”

“Just keep a close eye on them, please.” It made me nervous to have poisonous plants on the grounds, but after a few months of working with Henry I knew better than to try to persuade him to get rid of a plant. “I’d hate to see them fall into the wrong hands.”

__________________________________

My etiquette lessons completed a year earlier than they had in my previous life, having covered a great amount more of material.

Mrs. Rendler pronounced me a natural genius and claimed I was the best student she had ever trained. I was slightly uncomfortable with the title, given the extra three years advantage that I had, but it wasn’t as if I could set the record straight. I had hoped as the lessons were over I could be excused from visiting the palace, but found myself spending the designated days with the Queen, instead.

The reason given was that I would follow her around, “to get a feel for the work the Queen has to do.” And for perhaps a single week she stuck to this, but it almost immediately evolved into “all the mother-daughter activities Queen Amerande has wanted to do but couldn’t find an excuse to before.”

We visited other families together, went shopping, walked through various gardens and public sites. I meant to beg off in the beginning, to make excuses and miss the less than useful meetings, but… She was so excited each time. She smiled when she saw me, asking about my week. We would talk for hours, and although I tried to keep as much back as I could, she somehow would manage to get me to talk about whatever was going on.

It was painful, sometimes. She acted every bit the mother I had always wanted, but I remained aware that it had to be a simple charade. Something that would end once the engagement was broken. And she must have sensed my concern about this to some extent, because although she continued to treat me as she always had, if not closer, the necklace I had refused remained in her jewelry box, likely waiting to be given to Edith once the prince chose her.

It was what I had told her to do, but it still made me uncomfortable to think about.

__________________________________

Through the next years Nate and I continued to write each other. He seemed to be doing well back in his home country, and was implementing many of the changes we had tried in my duchy back there. His letters were always long, filled with excited rambling that made me smile. It reminded me of how enthusiastic he always was during classes to come up with ideas for the Duchy.

I missed the time we had all spent together. I still visited the royal treasury once a month but it was more to help Jim teach his newer students than anything else. If I ran into a complex problem I either wrote to Nate for advice or visited Jim on a free day to talk it out. I appreciated still having their support… but it was just not the same as it had been.

The letters were often awkwardly worded, as Nate struggled desperately to not reveal his identity through them. He slipped frequently, but I refused to think about it, or consider any obvious clues. I didn’t want to care anything about him… the less I knew about him, the better.

And if I was always happy to receive a letter from him… it was because I valued his expertise in economics… not because I cared at all.

__________________________________

I slowly paid off the family debt, and between the now three stores I owned with Maline, we were both wealthier than I had ever expected to be. We had even opened a branch store geared towards the average person, with well made clothes sold at affordable cost, and soon had to hire more and more people. I was funding my father and mother, as well as Henry’s expenses, but still had plenty more. I put more into the food charity and schools, not forgetting what it was like to not have a job or regular food.

The Duchy was thriving. The family was wealthy. I had prepared everything I could.

The future would be different this time.

__________________________________

“Miss?” Hallers opened the door, finding me sitting in my office despite the fact that it was well before dawn. “Is everything all right? Why aren’t you in bed?”

I sighed, looking at him with a sad smile. “I’m sorry if I woke you, Hallers. I couldn’t sleep. Just trying to mentally prepare for the future.”

Today was the day before Ronan’s eighteenth birthday. It was the day of my last “lesson” with the Queen, my last tea with the prince.

The day that had ruined my life was tomorrow.

“I beg your pardon, Miss, but if anyone had prepared for the future, it’s you.You can’t predict everything, but you’ve worked hard and helped those around you.” He smiled, startling me. “ You’ll be a wonderful queen one day, if you don’t mind me saying.”

I laughed at that, not able to explain the irony of his words. He would understand tomorrow. “Try not to put too much faith in me, Hallers, you’ll only be disappointed.”

He leaned over and squeezed my hand, his eyes kind. “I normally would never disagree with you, it’s not a butler’s place, but I will now: You could never disappoint me. I have never been so proud of someone, as I have been with you.”

“…” I stared at him in shock, as he slowly stood back up, resuming his professional stance.

“Now, you can go back to your room and have a short nap. We’ll bring you some breakfast and send you off to the palace once you’re ready.” He raised an eyebrow. “Is that clear?”

I stood up, chuckling. “What would I do without you, Hallers?”

“Don’t worry, Miss. You won’t ever have to find out.”

__________________________________

My last tea with the Prince was as boring as ever. I hadn’t been able to bring Edith today, as I was able to most weeks, her mother had wanted her to stay home for a dress fitting. Edith had been annoyed, Ronan was irritated once he realized she wasn’t going to be there, and I wasn’t too happy either. Normally I let them chat together, reading a book as they ignored my existence, him bragging and her complimenting.

But today...

“How are your birthday preparations coming along?”

“…” He stared down at the table, refusing to talk. I sipped at my tea, silently glad as I always was that I never let Hallers come along for these outings. I wasn’t sure if the butler had ever killed anyone before, and I wasn’t about to let the Prince be his first victim.

I kept talking, pretending this was a cordial conversation. “I heard your mother hired some of the best musicians around, so the music should be lovely. Of course food will be wonderful…”

This WAS the one thing I had been looking forward to. The royal chef was amazing, and I had missed out on the food at the party last time as I had left in tears after he broke the engagement. This time around I was determined to get to try some.

“…” He nodded silently, pretending I didn’t exist. I reached the end of my patience.

“Well, this has been wonderful, but I’m afraid I’m going to have to leave early. I need to say goodbye to your mother before I leave, and then finish preparations for the party.” I stood up, relieved I wouldn’t have to pretend enjoy his presence after tomorrow, as I turned to walk away, however, he called out, stopping me.

“Lenora?

“Yes?” I looked back at him. He seemed uncomfortable, but forced himself to speak.

“We’ll need to talk tomorrow, come find me as soon as you arrive at the party.”

Before I even get to eat? “Sure.”

I walked away, wondering how I could hide from him long enough to eat the food before he broke off the engagement, in case I had to leave the party.

__________________________________

“We need to talk tomorrow.” The prince’s face was serious.

“Of course!” I smiled, hoping he thought I looked pretty. “However long you need!”

I walked away, feeling excited. Perhaps the time we were spending together was finally taking effect! Maybe he wants to tell me he loves me! With this and other fanciful imaginings, I thought of little else for the rest of the day

__________________________________

“The tea ended so early, did it not go well?” Queen Amerande asked me with a frown as I approached to say goodbye.

“He really wasn’t in the mood to talk.” Especially not to me.

She reached out, hugging me tightly. “Dear, I appreciate you giving as much time as you have to this, I’m sorry he… he’s like this.”

“It’s fine.”

And it was.

I cared little for his personality, habits, or lack of etiquette. It was amazing how freeing realizing that he and I were never going to be married was in how I viewed him. I had always worried I wasn’t good enough, wasn’t pretty or clever or graceful enough to catch his eye. But now, it didn’t matter. I didn’t want him to notice me.

“No, it’s not. He shouldn’t treat you so poorly.” She sighed. “He’s my son, I love him… but that doesn’t mean I wish I could shake some sense into him sometimes.”

“You can’t force these things.” I smiled. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

As I spoke the words I realized: it was the last time we would get to see each other in such a casual setting. My stomach started hurting. I would need to ask Henry to see if he could brew me tea for stomachaches.

Which reminded me…

“I brought you something.” I reached into my pockets, pulling out a packet of dried winterblue leaves. “I was worried you were sounding ill, so if you brew this into your tea, it should help you feel better.

In truth, she didn’t sound sick at all, but I knew she would be soon.

__________________________________

“Where’s the Queen?” It was my first question on arriving to the party. I was nervous, curious about what the prince wanted to talk to me about. I had wanted to see the Queen first, but looking around the ballroom, I didn’t see her anywhere.

“I heard she was too ill this morning to attend.” Edith smiled at me as she spoke. She was dressed much nicer than normal, and seemed… excited, almost. I wondered what was going on, but dismissed the question as soon as I thought of it.

“I hope she feels better soon.” I murmured, making plans to visit the next day.

Edith’s smile widened. “I’m sure she will.”

__________________________________

I had never gotten a chance to visit her after the engagement had been broken, but I remembered hearing that it had taken her quite a few days to recover.

Of course… it might have all been an excuse to avoid me after her son broke our engagement.

Even as that dark thought crossed my mind, I handed her the tea. If she truly did get sick in the past life, maybe the tea would help, and if not… well, the tea wouldn’t hurt.

Queen Amerande took the tea, looking slightly confused. “You know, I must look more sick than I realized. I feel fine, but this is the second time someone has given me tea today.”

That caught my attention, “Someone else brought you tea?”

“Yes, your friend Edith brought me some tea leaves earlier today. She said it would help ‘calm my nerves.’” She shrugged. “I wasn’t feeling stressed, but since she was a close friend of yours I was planning on trying it tonight to be polite. But now I’m afraid I won’t.” She clutched the tea I had handed her, looking extremely happy. “My daughter gave me something better so of course I have to use that instead!”

Dancing around, you would have thought I had given her jewels or gold rather than a simple bag of died leaves. “It will be the best tea I’ve ever had!”

I laughed at that. “You haven’t even tried it yet!”

“You gave it to me! So it’s the best!” She pretended to frown for a moment and then gave me a hug.

I hugged her back, and then made my goodbyes, preparing to leave. The Queen stopped me, handing me a different tea bag. “Here. This is the tea Edith gave me. It’s not the most polite thing I’ve ever done, but I don’t really drink medicinal tea all that often.” She grinned. “Unless of course it’s been given to me by family. You’ve had a lot going on lately, though, so maybe it can help with your stress.”

Shrugging, I took the bag. I would likely throw it away, I wasn’t very eager to try anything from Edith. I was curious that she had made the trip up earlier without me to see the queen, but on closer thought, it made sense. Edith was going to be engaged to the prince soon. She was probably trying to make a good impression on her future mother in law.

It was funny… I had no issues with the thought of her marrying Ronan, my fiancé… but the idea of her being Queen Amerande’s daughter in law made me want to scream in frustration.

I must just be tired.

__________________________________

I headed home, feeling determined. Tomorrow was the day I had been preparing for ever since I had been reborn. So much was different, but still this day always had loomed ahead, a reminder of the terrible ending I had once faced.

It would be different this time.

I was different this time.

I was ready.

#writing #i can't eat love #second life #fantasy #didn't want to stay in the first three yea

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screamingatanemptyroom · 6 years ago

Text

I Can’t Eat Love pt 19

Spying on the King! What does he want?!!

Masterpost link here

Enjoy!

______________________________

Rig and I made our way silently along the secret passageway.

The space which had seemed so large when I was a child was now just barely wide enough to allow an adult to walk sideways. I heard a light scuffle in the distance, and wondered if we would see rats within the walls. I shuddered, thinking of the last time I had been here.

______________________________

“I hope there isn’t rats.” I muttered, trying not to breath too much of the dust that was kicked up by my passage. Rig had taught me to walk silently, leaving barely any trace of my passing, but I was too weak to manage it.

It felt like the final betrayal. Not only was I the last survivor of his group, but I couldn’t even carry on his legacy.

Useless. I chided myself silently.

I was tired, hungry, wishing desperately to sleep, but I kept moving forward, hoping desperately no one would notice the sound within the walls.

I had to find the Queen.

______________________________

“Lenora!” Rig whispered in my ear. I started, realizing with a shock that I had stopped moving, too caught in my memory of this passageway. Waving a hand to show I was fine, I moved forward once again, navigating the turns that would lead to the secret room next to the King and Queen’s suites

Rig didn’t look convinced at my silent reassurance, but followed along without further complaint. Finally we came to a slightly more open space, at least enough for us to sit on the floor side by side. I motioned to the small peep holes, and Rig took a look in one of them. Sitting back with an astonished expression, he leaned over to speak as quietly as possible.

“I can’t believe you got us here! How could you…?”

“An escape tunnel, for the royal family, long forgotten. The Queen only discovered it by reading old journals. She took me back here… a long time ago.”

“I can’t believe she trusted you with this…” He looked at me closely. “I thought you told me the Queen only was keeping up appearances, and didn’t really care about you?” Glancing at the unused passage around us, he murmured. “Doesn’t seem like it to me.”

“I don’t want to talk about it.” I stared through the peephole, watching the empty room.

“Of course not.” He muttered, settling in down next to me to wait.

Fortunately we didn’t have long to wait. Only a brief amount of time had passed before the king entered the room. Even alone, in a casual robe, a stranger would have recognized him as a king. He had a presence, a sense of power, control around him.

He scared me.

Sitting in a chair next to the fireplace, he sipped on a drink, motioning towards the door, likely instructing the servant there. He waited patiently, watching the fire and drinking, while we spied behind the wall, barely daring to breathe so we wouldn’t be discovered.

“Father,” Ronan stepped in the room, looking unsure for the first time I had ever seen in two lifetimes. “What did you call me about?”

The king smiled, the expression making me nervous at the clear anger concealed within. “I wanted to talk to you about the… interesting… decision you made at your birthday party.”

Ronan chuckled at that, clearly thinking that his father’s smile was genuine. “Oh that. Well, I didn’t think you’d mind. I mean… Lenora’s so boring! There’s no way she would make a good queen anyways. I think you’ll really like the woman I’ve chosen instead, this young lady named Edith…”

CRASH!

The glass from the king’s hand went flying across the room, smashing into the wall just a short distance from Ronan’s head. He shrieked, jumping away, his tunic already stained with some of the wine that had splashed as the king had thrown it.

“You idiot.” The king didn’t yell, didn’t stand up or scream despite the fury lacing every word. It was unnerving, his words were so quiet we had to strain to hear him. “Why do you think I allowed the engagement in the first place?”

“Because mother wanted it!” Ronan was pale, but he regained some of his former confidence, rolling his eyes. “She’s always doted on that dull girl, who knows why?”

The king sighed, closing his eyes briefly. “Your mother requested the engagement, yes, but why did I say yes?”

“I- I…” stuttering to a halt, the prince simply shook his head.

“The Duchy of Armeny is the largest in the kingdom. Their leaders have always posed a significant threat to the monarchy. Do you know how many times when the king was questioned in past centuries? And each time they always considered placing the Duke of Armeny as the replacement. They have wealth, they have power, and they have influence. “

“But… they don’t seem…”

“Under incompetent leadership, the balance is held. The current Duke of Armeny was perfect. Lazy, overly trusting. It took only spending a few crowns in the right places to complete corrupt their system.” He rubbed his face. “But even then I wanted insurance, as there was no guarantee his heir would be similarly weak. Thus your engagement. It would have tied our family to the duchy’s for the next few generations, negating most of the risk.”

Ronan sat down, shocked. “But, it doesn’t make sense. If they are so weak now, let’s just crush them!”

“Idiot.” The King, pouring himself another drink, paused as if considering throwing this glass as well. “That girl completely overhauled the entire duchy. She threw out the corrupted officials, reorganized their economic structure, and started schools and charities everywhere, making the people indebted to her. “

“Lenora did? I don’t believe it! The only things she cares about are marrying me and her pretty dresses.” Prince Ronan smirked as he spoke, making me wish I could punch him. “She’s probably just being used as a front.”

“I considered that, but she seems to be the one in control of things as far as I can tell. I can’t corrupt any of her current government, and I can’t discredit her ability as a ruler, the people love her too much.” The King frowned, looking around the room as if searching for answers. I forced myself to hold still, even as my skin crawled when his eyes passed over our hiding spot. “It would have been fine if I could control her as my daughter-in-law, but you… you ruined everything with your foolish little stunt.”

CRACK.

The glass cracked in the king’s hand with the force of his grip. Setting the leaking glass down, he cleaned his hand with a handkerchief, staring silently at his son.

“Well, it’s too late now!” Ronan shrugged. “I’ve broken the engagement and I’m marrying Edith. There’s nothing to be done.”

“No.” it was practically a whisper. “You will fix this, now.”

“But…” The prince’s words choked off as the father walked over, reached out and grabbed him by the throat. Lifting him out of the chair, the king smiled at his gasping son, and leaned forward.

“If you want to see the throne, you will get Lenora back as your fiancé. I don’t care how you do it, what methods you have to use. Just get it done.”

THUD. He opened his hand, dropping the prince to the ground. Ronan rubbed his throat, struggling to catch his breath.

“Or I will.”

The prince ran out of the room, leaving the king alone, except for us, his unknown observers.

“Maybe it would be simpler if Lenora were dead.” He muttered. I blinked at the words, caught off guard.

______________________________

“LENORA IS DEAD!”

The scream didn’t sound like the queen at all. It sounded as if her throat had been scraped with sand, rough and barely understandable.

CRASH!

The loud sound startled me in my hiding place behind the wall. Trembling, tired, barely able to think straight due to hunger, I forced myself to look through the peephole. Queen Amerande’s face was twisted in rage as she stared at the silent, unreactive servant. To my shock I recognized Hallers. I chided myself for being surprised. I knew he had gone to work for the palace after my family’s fall from grace.

“Your Majesty, if I may… Lady Edith simply wished…”

“NOTHING SHE SAYS WILL CHANGE MY MIND! SHE’S DEAD, AND SO I’M STAYING RIGHT HERE!” She sat down unsteadily into a chair, staring moodily into a fire. The Queen then muttered something intelligible under her breath. I leaned into the wall, desperately trying to hear, but I could only hear a few garbled words.

“…wish… dead.”

I stumbled backwards, my tired and starved brain trying to make sense of what I heard. Edith was right. She tried to warn me but I didn’t listen, couldn’t believe that I was dead to her.

There was something strange about how she was acting, though… Something wasn’t right. If only I could think more clearly.

I shook my head. No. Anything else was fantasy. The reality was clear:

Love was a lie.

Ronan had betrayed me. My best friend had betrayed me. My parents had never loved me. Anyone who cared for me since had come to ruin.

And the woman I thought loved me like a daughter. The woman I had loved as my family, more than anyone else?

It was all a lie.

I headed silently back down the passageway, wishing I could steal some bread from the kitchens before giving up, heading back to the streets.

To die.

Alone.

______________________________

A hand grasped my arm, bringing me out of the terrible memory. I let out a gasp of shock, before clapping my hands over my mouth. Rig and I stared at each other, dismayed.

Had the king heard?

He had definitely sensed something. His head turning to the wall we hid in, he stepped closer, his expression quizzical. The king listened closely near the wall, and Rig and I held our breath, terrified.

Finally he sighed. “Must be rats. They need to set out traps again.”

With that he was gone.

Silently, Rig and I escaped the tunnels, not stopping until we reached our meeting point in the center of town. Now sitting down on the ground to catch our breath, he finally spoke.

“That… wasn’t good.”

“Yeah, I’m sorry I made noise…” I started to apologize, but he waved a hand, silencing me.

“Not that, girl! I’m talking about the king!” He cursed loudly. “And his idiot son! Do they really think we’ll stand by and take it while they threaten you?”

I put a hand on his arm, smiling. “Well, at least we know they’re coming.”

“But…”

“And they have no idea who they’re messing with.”

Rig grinned. “You’re insane.”

“Learned from the best.” We both laughed at that.

______________________________

The next day I was working in my office, going over some paperwork with Henry, when Hallers knocked on the door, his professional mask firmly in place.

“Nathaniel…” He paused looking over at Nate who shrugged at the implied question. “... Mr. Nathaniel here to see you miss.” He didn’t seem impressed by Nate’s secrecy.

I stood up with a smile. “Nate! I’m glad you could make it!”

Sitting down next to Henry after shaking his hand, he sighed with relief. “Not nearly as happy as I am to be here! Do you have any idea what it’s like to be stuck on a week long hunting trip with that idiot Ronan?”

“Imagine having to marry him.” I shook my head, pretending to be sad. “Poor Edith.”

“She’ll get exactly what she wants, which is more than she deserves after betraying your trust!” Nate grumbled. I noted that Hallers looked on the young man with a more favorable light as he complained against the girl.

“I’m just happy it’s not me.”

“Of course. Did you hear the song they’re singing in town?” Nate laughed. “Ronan the Ridiculous? Whoever wrote it was a genius!”

A smile flashed across Hallers face, disappearing before I could truly believe it was there. “Would you like some tea, sir?” He offered to the surprised visitor.

“Thank you, Hallers, I’m would be delighted to have some!” He waited until the butler left and then looked over to me, shocked. “I thought he didn’t like me?”

I shrugged. “Must have been something you said?”

Henry turned to Nate, his eyes bright with curiosity. “Did you see any good plants on your trip.”

“Henry…” I groaned. “Leave poor Nate alon…”

“Well, I saw an abundance of rosemary, which was great, as it doesn’t grow nearly as well in Tilendria! What I really need though is some mint. I found a small patch near a pond on our trip, but it wasn’t nearly enough to harvest and bring back...” He paused at my flabbergasted expression. “What?”

“You like plants?” I asked, confused.

He shook his head. “I like cooking. I keep a herb garden at home, but it’s pretty sparse.”

Henry was visibly shaking with excitement. “You like herbs?!”

“Y-yes?” Nate leaned back slightly in his chair, obviously unsure of why Henry was reacting this way.

“COME WITH ME!” Grabbing the young man’s arm, he pulled him out of the chair and towards the door. “TO THE GREENHOUSE!”

“WHa…” Nate shot me a confused glance to which I spread my hands helplessly.

“When you get back I need help arranging paperwork for two people to move to Tilendria, open up a new store there!” I called after them. I saw Nate wave an arm, indicating he heard me, before he was pulled around the corner and out of sight.

“…I have the tea.” Hallers stepped into the room, and looked around in shock. “Where…?”

“Henry kidnapped him.”

“Ah. I’ll take the tea to the greenhouse then. If Master Henry is excited about something plant related, it could take quite some time.” With an understanding smile, he headed out, expertly balancing the tray.

I looked down at my paperwork, rubbing my head as I tried to balance the accounts. Hearing someone enter the room again and assuming it as Hallers, I spoke without looking up.

“Actually, I will take some more tea as well.”

“I’m not your servant.” The haughty voice caught me off guard and I looked up to see Prince Ronan standing in front of my desk.

“What are you doing here?” I asked, not bothering to greet him properly or curtsey. He frowned at the insult, but brushed it off, making me even more curious as to his purpose here.

Taking a deep breath, he fell on one knee in front of him, an arrogant smile on his face.

“I love you, dear Lenora. Marry me!”

#writing #i can't eat love #pt 19 #second life #second chance #tw violence

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