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screamingatanemptyroom · 5 years ago

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I Can’t Eat Love Side Part 3 - Hallers

Hey everyone! I changed the order a bit. So Hallers first, then Edith, then finally the Queen. Hallers is one of my favorite characters of all time, so I hope you all enjoy this side part from his perspective.

Master post linked here.

Enjoy!

____________________________

In a previous life…

I was a professional. One of the best.

I’ve always seen this as a good thing. I came from a family that had served the Duchy of Armeny for generations, I was born to run a household. It required knowledge, determination, and above all… professionalism.

“You’re too cold.” The young woman I courted told me, before leaving me for another man. “No one wants to be with a man who is just an empty shell.”

I wished her well, confused, and continued on in my life.

“Tommy!” Jim, my brother, patted me on the back one day. “You have to loosen up! You can’t just live for your work.”

“Some of us care about our work.” I frowned at his frivolous words. “Why should I change if I’m doing it well?”

He ran a hand through his disheveled hair, groaning. “Just… find something… someone… anything to care about. I promise, it will make you more human.”

I ignored him, returning back to the duchy from my weekly home visit. Jim worked for the Royal Treasury, but his manners and demeanor left much to be desired. I saw little reason to take advice from him.

Someone to care about? It would just interfere with doing my job perfectly.

I thought this over as I entered the estate, when something ran into my legs, nearly knocking me over.

“What the…” I halted my words, looking at the wide-eyed child standing before me.

A young girl, with light hair and delicate features. She wore a dress incompatible with her age, decorated in frills, which was already covered in grass stains and dirt. In one hand was clutched a single red flower. Her eyes drew my attention; they were bright, intelligent, studying me closely.

I made a formal bow. “Young Miss, is there something I could help you with?”

This was of course the daughter of the Duke, Lady Lenora. She listened to my words, seeming to consider them carefully, before holding up the flower in her hand, offering it to me.

“For me?” At her nod, I took a slight step back. “I’m sorry miss, but I can’t accept, it wouldn’t be appropriate.”

Her eyes dimmed, the flower in her hand shaking. Feeling an inexplicable panic, I offered a solution. “Why don’t you give it the Duke or Duchess?”

“…” She stared at me silently for a few moments. “I tried.”

The words were whispered, but the pain behind them struck me like a blow.

“You…” I couldn’t say anything. I knew. The Duke treated her coldly, ignoring her existence except to buy her clothes and jewelry. The Duchess, on the other hand…

The flower in Lenora’s hand was crushed slightly, missing multiple petals… had it been stepped on?

My heart aching, I reached out to take the flower from her, giving her a professional smile. “I will happily accept this gift, Miss.”

Lenora didn’t say a word, but a bright smile spread slowly, brightening up her face. I couldn’t help but widen my own smile in response. As I felt my professional mask crack, I stepped away, confused.

What am I doing?

I gathered my self-composure, shaking my head slowly. I needed to be more careful.

____________________________

The Duchy was not doing well. The Duke spent all his time on his own interests, leaving all of the work to his subordinates. Rumors of theft and corruption abounded, many people lacked work and starved to death on the streets. The Duchess was frequently gone, spending extravagant amounts of money wherever she went. When she returned it was even more intolerable. She would abuse the maids, scream at the Duke, and the things she would say to her daughter… It was enough to make even my heart break.

Lenora grew up a sweet girl despite this. She was quiet, often overshadowed by her friend Lady Edith who spent her days by the girl’s side. It was concerning. I saw the girl treating Lenora poorly on more than one occasion. She would mock the things the young Miss enjoyed, until she was afraid to even speak up. She pushed her to wear off-putting poorly fitted gowns, convincing her they were the height of fashion. Once I saw Lenora crying, holding the torn remains of a small doll she treasured. I recognized it as a gift from the Queen, neither of her parents would have thought to give her such a simple toy. Edith stood nearby, berating her.

“If you had just given me the stupid doll I wouldn’t have had to do that! Now it’s ruined and it’s all your fault!” Her rude and vicious tone made me angry, but I kept a disinterested smile in place.

After all, I was a professional.

I made a formal complaint to the Duke, but at the mention of my concerns, he simply stared at me with a haunted expression.

“Lenora will be fine. She has a title, and anything she could ask for.”

“But Lady Edith…” My words were cut off by his raised hands.

“Let her do as she wishes.” His tone was sad. “I have no right to step in.”

Honestly, it felt wrong. Isn’t Lenora your daughter? I wanted to shake some sense into him, but kept my hands at my sides. I bowed coldly, and walked away. I knew better than to ask the Duchess. If anything, she was worse than Lady Edith.

At least she has the Queen. I comforted myself with this thought. One day, the young miss would marry the Prince Ronan and would leave this place. Not that she took her position as the prince’s fiancé for granted. I knew better than anyone how hard she trained for her future work as Queen. More nights than not she was up late at night, practicing dances, learning ceremonies, memorizing history. How many times had I helped a maid pick up Lenora from her desk or the floor where she had fallen asleep in the middle of working, tucking her into bed?

She worked so hard to please others, but no one ever noticed.

I was hopeful her life would be better once she left this place, even if I felt sad at the thought. Any man should be grateful to marry such a gentle, beautiful girl. One day, for certain, her life would be better.

I was proven wrong.

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The prince broke his engagement, declaring his intention to marry Lady Edith instead. Overnight the Duchy seemed drowned in shadows. The Duke drank steadily, the Duchess broke every fragile thing she could lay her hands on, and Lenora… she stayed locked in her room. I felt a desire to comfort her, but halted each time I walked in that direction. What would I say? It would be overstepping bounds.

I watched as the household slowly tore itself apart.

The debts were called in, without the engagement to protect the Duchy. Everything was sold, the land split up between the neighboring families. The place I had called home for so long was gone.

Jim arranged for me a job in the palace, working for the Queen. It was an enormous honor, one I never thought to have. But for some reason I hesitated.

“The young miss…” She was grown now, but I could still see the small child holding out a flower towards me. “What about her?”

Jim shrugged. “What about her? She and her parents will have to learn to survive like the rest of us do. I mean, it may sound heartless but they brought this on themselves.”

“Don’t blame her… she’s not…” The idea of Lenora undergoing hardship made my heart ache, but what could I do? I was simply her family’s head butler. I wasn’t her family. I could only hope she would be happy.

She deserves to be happy. She will be… right?

____________________________

“Lenora’s dead?”

The Queen’s face was so pale, I thought she might pass out. I instructed some maids to support her, all the while my professional mask hiding my true thoughts.

It can’t be true!

The young woman who was always smiling and polite, no matter how harshly her family and friends treated her. Who brought me lemon tea the day I had a cold and couldn’t get out of bed.

It has to be a lie.

She worked diligently into the night but was never recognized for it. She cried each time her mother came home, but refused to speak poorly of the woman. She loved her parents dearly, even when they refused to love her back.

How could she be gone?

I thought again of the flower she held out to me that day. The smile she gave me that was so bright just because someone cared enough to accept a gift from her. She should have been happy. She should have been cherished and loved.

But she was dead.

I heard the Queen, she was screaming in pain, her sobs loud enough to echo in the hallway. Unsure of what to do, I stumbled back to my room, abandoning my post for the first time in my life.

Lenora.

I fell to my knees at my bedside, tears soaking the blanket as I buried my head in my arms.

Why didn’t I stay with her? I knew she had no one. I knew she’d be alone.

Lenora.

I’m sorry.

If we meet again in the next life, please let me serve you once more. I’ll do my best. So please… please be happy, please smile once more.

____________________________

In another life…

I was a professional. One of the best.

Or so I had thought...

The young miss of our household was a special child. She had been quiet, often bullied by her friend Edith and her parents, to a point where I was often worried for her. But one day, she changed completely.

I saw her pacing outside her father’s study one morning, and stepped forward behind her.

“Shall I announce you, Miss?”

She had obviously not heard me approach and let out a surprised yell before turning to look at me. At the sight I felt shocked. Her outer appearance was unchanged, her facial features the same as they had been yesterday… but her eyes…

Her eyes were completely different.

They had always been bright, hopeful, if a little sad. They were always looking at others for approval. But now…

Her gaze was cold. As if a wall had been erected around her heart, keeping everyone else out.

She looked me up and down, her expression thoughtful. I had a strange feeling that she was evaluating my worth, and that I had been judged “useful.”

After a moment’s pause she nodded to my question. “Please do. Also I would appreciate if you would stick around, it may be useful to have your input.”

With that Lenora entered her father’s office and with a smile took all financial documents in the room. Just a short conversation, and the reins of the duchy had completely switched hands, without the Duke realizing it. I was impressed, but deep down I felt uneasy. How had she changed so much so quickly?

____________________________

Things were busy after that. Lenora swiftly took control of the duchy, punishing the corrupt officials, promoting the few honest ones. She gathered talented people, started a business, and slowly turned the duchy into a power to be reckoned with.

But still, she worked late into the night, never resting, never asking for approval. I still had to help carry her sleeping form back to bed, tucking her in. Even if she seemed colder, harsher, deep down the young miss hadn’t changed. She cared deeply for the suffering people of the duchy, crying alone when she thought no one was looking. I was proud of her, so proud I could burst, but I worried deeply that she was pushing too hard, working too much. She took on all the weight, not sharing her burdens with anyone.

I wanted to support this girl.

I did my best to help her life run smoothly, working to the best of my abilities. But even then, there were events outside of my expectations.

The prince canceled his engagement to our lady.

On one hand, I was relieved. Such an idiot obviously didn’t deserve her. But how dare he not appreciate the honor he had as her fiancé? I kept my professional mask on at work, but went to Jim’s house and cleaned it from top to bottom in my frustration.

____________________________

“Please, Tommy! You’re polishing my floors into dust!” My brother sighed, patting me on the back. “Just get revenge on the man himself, and stop taking it out on my poor house.”

“Revenge? But he’s a prince…” It would be difficult to get close enough to beat him up, unfortunately.

Jim grinned. “There’s more than one way to get revenge. You just need to be… creative.”

Creative? I thought it over that night, before coming to an answer. Our mother had been a talented musician, passing on her knowledge to me so that I would know some of selecting appropriate performers for balls and other parties. I used all that I knew, with the frustration in my heart and wrote a pleasant song.

“Ronan the Ridiculous?” Jim laughed when he heard it. “You’re even meaner than I am when you put your mind to it!”

I nodded silently, putting the finishing touches on the last few copies so that I could have Rig distribute them throughout the Capital. I felt a hand on my shoulder, and looked up to see my brother’s serious expression.

“It’s nice to see you’re human too.”

I turned away, embarrassed. “I’m just doing my duty to the young lady. She’s the duchy’s only hope, after all.”

“Sure, just keep telling yourself that.”

I felt uneasy, as if I had stepped over some invisible line, unable to return to my former state. But when I saw Lenora smile the day she first heard someone singing the song… I felt it was worth it.

She was worth it.

____________________________

Lenora escaped the terrible Lady Edith’s schemes, faced down the King, forcing him to give up and returned to Tilendria.. The young Prince Nate started courting her in earnest, and I felt a sense of relief. She no longer worked late into the night alone, unnoticed. There was someone by her side, helping her. Nate and I often worked together to convince her to take breaks, and watching her trust others, slowly share her burdens, made it difficult to hold back a smile.

The wall I saw in her gaze, that kept everyone else at arms length, was slowly breaking apart. In those moments I caught glimpses of the little girl she once had been. The one who trusted others. Whose smile lit up the room.

She was happy. And so was I.

____________________________

“Grandpa Hallers!” A quiet voice called out, startling me from my thoughts. I looked up to see a young girl running towards me, a wide grin on her face. Despite myself I smiled back, reaching down to pick her up.

“Aimee, what brings you here?” I studied the smiling girl. Her hair was dark like her father’s curling around her delicate face, but her eyes… her smile… they were just like her mother’s.

“That boy was bothering me.” Aimee pointed down the hall where a grim faced boy had stopped, glaring at her. He was dressed well, obviously the son of a noble, which was confirmed by the servants trailing behind him.

“How dare you run away?!” The boy yelled, stepping closer. “Don’t you know who I am? I’m the future Duke of Verallan!”

Aimee ignored him, looking up at me with tears in her eyes. “He pulled my hair.”

“Hahaha.” A cold laugh escaped me. I couldn’t help but feel that my professional mask had disappeared, but what expression I had instead, I was unsure. It must not have been very pleasant, as the boy and his servants all turned pale, taking a few steps back. “You wish to bother the little princess, do you?”

My smile widened. “Let me tell you the story of a young man very similar to you, who had a very embarrassing end. There’s even a song about it.”

____________________________

Once I had finished lecturing them and they had run away, Aimee hugged my neck tightly. “Thank you, Grandpa Hallers!”

“Of course, dear.” I patted her head, noticing she was holding something in her hands. “What do you have there?”

“A present!” Smiling brightly, she held out the object, a small red flower.

The young girl stood before me, her eyes hopeful, the red flower trembling in the air as her hand shook from nervousness.

I took the flower from her, blinking back tears. “Let’s go find your mother.”

We walked down towards the royal suites, and before we could enter, a lively discussion should be heard.

“They must be joking with these trade agreements! Do they think we’re pushovers?! I’m rewriting them!”

Aimee and I peeked around the corner to see the Queen, Lenora, waving a stack of papers in the air with a severe expression. King Nathaniel stood next to her, a helpless smile on his face.

“Let me help you with that, you promised you were going to take a break…”

Lenora shook her head. “No, you’re too nice. We agreed that I would handle all trade agreements. I’m fine, I’m just pregnant, it’s not like I’m an invalid.” Her hand draped across her bulging stomach as she rolled her eyes.

“Okay, okay, you can rewrite the agreement, but after this you rest, alright?” Nate knelt down, his larger hands overlapping her smaller ones. “I just want both of you to be safe and healthy.”

“Thanks!” Lenora leaned over, kissing the king’s cheek, who smiled in response.

“…” I considered stepping in to the room now, but Nate’s next question froze Aimme and I in our tracks.

“Do you regret it?” His tone was gentle, but there was a slightly worried look in his eyes.

“Regret what?”

“Marrying me?” He leaned closer, putting his forehead against hers. “Becoming Queen? I worry that you could have been happier, avoided all this stress if you hadn’t…”

Lenora put a hand around his neck, kissing him deeply. After a few long moments, during which I shielded Aimee’s eyes, she leaned back, a smile on her face. “I chose this ending for myself, Nate. I love you. I love the work I’m doing, that I get to use my skills to help others. I have a family here. Rig, Hallers… Mother… with everyone here, how could I regret anything?”

Nate’s eyes filled with tears. He reached over, placing a gentle hand against her cheek. “I love you too.”

“MOMMY!” Aimee broke from my grasp, running towards the couple with a smiling expression. “I love you too!”

Lenora laughed, a pure, happy sound. Looking up, she saw me, and I stopped in my tracks, my breath frozen in my chest.

Her eyes, the ones that had always held sadness, nervousness, loneliness, even when she was a small girl… they were clear. She smiled at me, the bright smile that always made me break my mask of professionalism, smiling back at her.

“Hallers, she hasn’t been giving you any trouble, has she?”

I laughed, quickly using my hand to wipe tears of happiness and relief from my eyes. “How could she, Miss? She’s family.”

____________________________

I was a professional. One of the best. But there was an exception:

The young girl who first reached out to me, who grew up into an amazing woman. One who I loved as my own family. Whose happiness I would protect for the rest of my life. When it came to her, everything else meant little, even my precious professionalism.

My beloved daughter, Lenora.

#writing #i can't eat love #side part #hallers #i love him #and lenora

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joaquimblog · 8 years ago

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INSISTINT EN EL RETORN DE JONAS KAUFMANN: LOHENGRIN A PARÍS

Lohengrin a l’ONP Jonas Kaufmann-Fotografia: Monika Rittershaus @Opera National de Paris 2017 Avui insistiré, tot i que no de la manera que m’hagués agradat en a mi i a molts de vosaltres, amb el Lohengrin que Jonas Kaufmann va cantar durant la segona quinzena del mes de gener a la ONP i que jo vaig tenir la immensa fortuna de veure en directe el dia 27. La representació que France Musique va…

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#Choeur et Orchestre de l&039;Opèra national de Paris #Claus Guth #Corinne Talibart #Cyrille Lovighi #EDith Haller #Egils Silins #Evelyn Herlitzius #Hyun-Jong Roh #Irina Kopylova #Jonas Kaufmann #Julien Joguet #Laetitia Jeanson #Laurent Laberdesque #Lilla Farkas #Lohengrin #Philippe Jordan #René Pape #Richard Wagner #Tomasz Konieczny

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toldnews-blog · 6 years ago

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New Post has been published on https://toldnews.com/technology/entertainment/critics-notebook-two-major-met-opera-arrivals-just-15-hours-apart/

Critic’s Notebook: Two Major Met Opera Arrivals, Just 15 Hours Apart

Ms. Feola has a warm, full-bodied voice with natural bloom and a touch of darkening richness. She dispatched coloratura runs and filigree with ease and agility. There was nothing generic about the beauty of her singing. Depending on the dramatic urgency of the moment, she would inflect a phrase with an earthy, even steely sheen. She seemed at home in Michael Mayer’s garishly colorful production, which sets the story in 1960s Las Vegas, with the Duke (the tenor Matthew Polenzani, in excellent voice) presented as a sort of headliner on the strip. In fact, the contemporary trappings allowed Mr. Feola to tease out contemporary resonances from Gilda’s character.

From the start, you could sense how exasperated this restless Gilda was with her smothering father, the jester Rigoletto (the baritone George Gagnidze), who tries to keep her in seclusion at home. When the Duke, pretending to be a poor student, romances her, Ms. Feola’s Gilda practically trembles with pent-up longing. Even in the wrenching Act II scene when Gilda, having been kidnapped by the Duke’s men and brought to their boss, confesses all to her father, Ms. Feola’s Gilda was alternately consumed with shame and afire with helpless ardor.

Mr. Schager pretty much met expectations, which is saying a lot given the paucity of tenors who can sing Siegfried. (He shares the role with Stefan Vinke through May 11.) He has a hefty voice with clarion top notes and energy galore. He began his career singing lighter repertory, and remnants of that background came through in the lyricism he brought to Siegfried’s tender moments. Of course, given the vocal demands, Mr. Schager had his share of bellowed outbursts, gravelly low passages and raw sound. His heartiness and vigor were boundless, and, like a college athlete, he scampered up and down the planks of the mechanical set that dominates Robert Lepage’s production.

[How Mr. Schager became a star heldentenor.]

In a role that can easily make Siegfried seem like some rowdy, clueless, clunky youth, he conveyed genuine romantic longing for Brünnhilde (the soprano Christine Goerke at her best). And during the long stretch of the story at the hall of powerful Gibichung family, when Siegfried — under the spell of a potion that makes him forget Brünnhilde and fall for Gutrune (the gleaming soprano Edith Haller, in her Met debut) — Mr. Schager’s vulnerable Siegfried often seems poignantly confused, with flashes of memory when he appears to know something is not right. Until a dream-come-true Siegfried arrives, Mr. Schager will do just fine.

#anchorman 2 entertainment news team #entertainment news 2017 #entertainment news hong kong #entertainment news jennifer aniston #entertainment news today deaths #entertainmentblog

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thomastherhymer · 6 years ago

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Photograph of a terracotta head of Marie Laurencin by Hermann Haller

The following excerpt is from a brief biography of French painter, portrait artist, and set designer, Marie Laurençin, by Elizabeth Ashburn at the GLBTQ Archive:

'In 1914 Laurençin married Baron Otto von Wätjen. For the duration of World War I, she and her husband took refuge in Spain. In 1921 she returned to Paris and divorced von Wätjen. While Laurençin had a succession of male lovers, she also had close female friendships and lesbian relationships. She became part of the female expatriate community in Paris that sought both artistic and sexual liberation. Lesbianism, for many of these women, was a crucial element of their resistance to bourgeois social conventions. The first American who befriended Laurençin and bought her paintings was Gertrude Stein. Laurençin soon became part of the Stein salon on rue de Fleurus, where artists, writers, and intellectuals met for conversation and inspiration. Laurençin remained in contact with Gertrude Stein and Alice B. Toklas until Stein's death in 1946 and continued to see Toklas until her own death. She also met Natalie Barney during these early years in Paris and corresponded with her during the period 1940 to 1950. As another expression of her interest in lesbianism, late in her career Laurençin illustrated Sappho's poetry, in a translation by Edith de Beaumont [in 1950]'.

#marie laurencin #Hermann haller #lesbian #lesbian history #female artists #v&a #Victoria and albert #Victoria and albert museum #queer history #queer art

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fangirlsarecool · 8 years ago

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My 10 Favourite Female Characters

In honour of International Women’s Day, I thought I’d make a list of my 10 favourite female characters.

1, 2 & 3: Mary, Edith and Sybil Crawley

My favourite sisters and strong, independent women. I admire how modern they all were for the time they grew up in.

4: Rose MacClare

Another woman who was modern for her time. She did not allow her rocky relationship with her mother to change who she was and, despite settling down in the end, she remained her wild self.

5: Amy Pond

A ginger, a good mother and a true friend. Easily worth two men.

6: Belle

A Disney princess who proved that you can still be smart and beautiful, and that falling in love doesn't happen instantly.

7: Hermione Granger

Without Hermione, Harry and Ron wouldn't have done so well. Her book smarts, level-headedness and bravery made her the cog that the trio needed to work.

8: Queenie Goldstein

A talented Legilimens and a kind person.

9: Syd Barrett

Not only does she share my love for David Haller, she is smart and curious.

10: Jillian Holtzmann

A brilliant scientist, a fun friend and she’s not a bad dancer either.

Bonus: Frances Crawley - my OC

I love her to absolute pieces.

#mary crawley #edith crawley #sybil crawley #rose macclare #amy pond #belle #hermione granger #queenie goldstein #syd barrett #jillian holtzmann #frances crawley

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passion-of-arts · 7 years ago

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Serienmittwoch Nr. 82, 83 und 84

Jo, mich hat es erwischt und trotzdem konnte ich mich nicht mal kurieren, weil mein Arbeitskollege im Urlaub ist und meine Kollegin sonst ganz alleine wäre. Daher habe ich mich mit Medikamenten vollgepumpt und nachmittags geschlafen und ausgeruht, so gut ich konnte. Kurz, ich habe Zeit für mich genommen. Leider bin ich immer noch nicht recht auf der Höhe, ständig bin ich müde oder kaputt. Naja ……

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musicoviniciusrodrigues · 5 years ago

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15 livros obrigatórios para ler durante a vida

Como as pessoas leem cada vez menos atualmente, é normal escutar que é “melhor ler qualquer coisa do que não ler nada”. Mas, para que a leitura seja transformadora, o mais indicado é se dedicar às obras que marcaram a história da literatura. A Revista Bula realizou uma enquete para descobrir quais são, segundo os leitores, os livros obrigatórios para se ler durante a vida. A consulta foi feita a colaboradores, assinantes — a partir da newsletter —, e seguidores da página da revista no Facebook e no Twitter. Os 15 mais votados foram reunidos com suas respectivas sinopses, que foram adaptadas das originais, divulgadas pelas editoras. Os títulos estão organizados de acordo com o ano de lançamento: do mais recente para o mais antigo.

Meridiano de Sangue (1985), de Cormac McCarthy

Com base nos acontecimentos históricos ocorridos na fronteira entre os EUA e o México no século 19, Cormac McCarthy reinventa a mitologia do Oeste americano. A história acompanha um garoto sem nome, conhecido apenas como “kid”, que é forçado a deixar o lar ainda na infância. Para sobreviver, ele ingressa na gangue brutal do capitão John Glanton, uma companhia de mercenários que, a mando dos governantes locais, atravessa o deserto com a missão de matar o maior número possível de índios e trazer de volta seus escalpos. Glanton é acompanhado pelo juiz Holden, um personagem sem escrúpulos que nunca dorme e anota em um caderno todas as suas observações cruéis.

Cem Anos de Solidão (1967), de Gabriel García Márquez

A obra mais importante de Gabriel García Márquez, o livro narra a fantástica e triste história da família Buendía, que vive na pequena e fictícia Macondo, ao longo de um período de 100 anos. A trama acompanha as diversas gerações da família, assim como a ascensão e a queda do vilarejo em que vivem. Os Buendía nascem e morrem, vão embora ou permanecem na aldeia até seus últimos dias. O que todos possuem em comum é a luta contra a realidade e a solidão que sentem, mesmo vivendo em meio a muitos. “Cem Anos de Solidão” consagrou Gabriel García Márquez como um dos maiores autores do século 20.

Grande Sertão: Veredas (1956), de Guimarães Rosa

Nesta obra, o autor utiliza da linguagem própria do sertão para que Riobaldo, o protagonista-narrador, conte sua vida. Riobaldo, um jagunço, fala sobre suas histórias de vingança, lutas, perseguições, medos, amores e dúvidas pelos sertões. A narração é sempre interrompida por momentos de reflexão sobre os acontecimentos do sertão e Riobaldo divaga constantemente sobre a existência do diabo, já que acredita ter vendido sua alma a ele. Além disso, o narrador conta sobre Diadorim, outro jagunço com quem estabelece uma relação diferenciada, que se coloca nos limites entre a amizade e o relacionamento afetivo de um casal.

Lolita (1955), de Vladimir Nabokov

“Lolita” é um dos mais importantes romances do século 20. Polêmico e irônico, ele narra o amor obsessivo de Humbert Humbert, um cínico intelectual de meia-idade, por Dolores Haze, Lolita, de 12 anos. Humbert se casa com a mãe de Lolita e, após a morte da esposa, começa a se relacionar com a garota. Para evitar que Lolita fuja, ele alega que ela será enviada para um orfanato se o deixar. Humbert também manipula a garota com dinheiro e presentes, em troca de favores sexuais. Nabokov compôs a maior parte do manuscrito — que ele mesmo chamou de “bomba-relógio” — entre 1950 e 1953. Nos dois anos seguintes, ouviu recusas de várias editoras. O livro foi publicado apenas em 1955.

O Apanhador no Campo de Centeio (1951), J.D. Salinger

O livro acompanha um fim de semana da vida de Holden Caulfield, um jovem de 17 anos, estudante de um respeitado internato para rapazes, o Colégio Pencey. Ele é expulso da escola depois de tirar notas ruins, e precisa voltar mais cedo para casa no inverno. Durante o caminho de volta, o rapaz busca adiar ao máximo o encontro com os pais, fazendo uma viagem reflexiva sobre sua existência, a partir de sua peculiar visão de mundo. Antes de enfrentar os pais, ele se encontra com algumas pessoas importantes na sua vida e, junto a elas, reflete sobre as hesitações que se passam em sua mente.

O Estrangeiro (1942), de Albert Camus

“O Estrangeiro” é a obra de ficção mais aclamada de Albert Camus e conta a história de Meursault, que vive na Argélia durante a colonização francesa. Ele recebe um telegrama comunicando a morte de sua mãe e comparece ao enterro, mas não demonstra nenhum tipo de emoção. Em uma briga com o irmão de uma de suas amantes, Meursault, delirando, acaba matando o homem a tiros. Durante o julgamento, o assassinato parece ficar em segundo plano, já que a acusação se concentra no fato de que Meursault não conseguiu chorar no velório da mãe. Ou seja, se ele é incapaz de sentir remorso, é um misantropo perigoso e pode cometer outros crimes.

O Lobo da Estepe (1927), de Hermann Hesse

Harry Haller acredita que sua integridade depende da vida solitária que leva em meio às palavras de Goethe e as partituras de Mozart: um intelectual próximo aos 50 anos, tentando equilibrar-se à beira do abismo dos problemas sociais e individuais, ante os quais a sua personalidade se torna cada vez mais ambivalente. Haller sente um permanente mal-estar, cuja fonte é sua inadequação à sociedade e à vida burguesa. Ele aluga um quarto na casa de uma senhora, onde pretende se isolar e se matar quando fizer 50 anos. Mas, ao conhecer Hermínia, Maria e Pablo; Haller embarca em uma viagem de autoconhecimento que pode levá-lo à redenção.

O Castelo (1926), de Franz Kafka

O agrimensor K. chega a uma aldeia coberta de neve e procura abrigo num albergue perto da ponte. Ele foi chamado para prestar seus serviços num castelo ali perto. No dia seguinte o herói vê, no pico da colina gelada, o castelo: como um aviso sinistro, bandos de gralhas circulam em torno da torre. No entanto, K. nunca consegue chegar até o alto, os donos do poder não permitem que o faça. Em vez disso, o suposto agrimensor recorre aos moradores da vila, para que o ajudem a entrar em contato com os funcionários do castelo. Enquanto espera, ele aceita trabalhar na aldeia, imerso em um ambiente de indiferença, burocracias e dificuldades.

A Época da Inocência (1920), de Edith Wharton

Em “A Época da Inocência”, Wharton tenta compreender os valores que guiaram a sociedade norte-americana até a Primeira Guerra Mundial. Na velha Nova York no fim do século 19, vive o abastado advogado Newland Archer. Prestes a se casar com a inocente May Welland, uma jovem da aristocracia local, ele conhece a prima de sua noiva, a condessa Olenska, que retorna da Europa após divorciar-se do marido. Apaixonado por Olenska e exasperado pelas restrições do mundo a que pertence, Archer vaga em busca da verdadeira felicidade ao mesmo tempo que procura amadurecer, imerso nas tradições que se vê obrigado a seguir.

Anna Kariênina (1877), Liev Tolstói

Publicado originalmente em forma de fascículos, entre 1875 e 1877, a obra conta a história de Anna Kariênina, uma aristocrata da Rússia Czarista que aparentemente tem uma vida perfeita, com riqueza, um casamento estável, popularidade e um filho amado. Mas, em seu interior, ela se sente extremamente vazia. Isso muda quando ela conhece o impetuoso oficial Conde Vronsky, com quem inicia um caso extraconjugal. Vronsky afirma que se casará com ela assim que ela se divorciar do marido, Alexey Karenin, mas Anna é vulnerável às pressões da sociedade. Ao mesmo tempo, ela teme que Vronsky se relacione com outra mulher e se torna cada vez mais possessiva e paranoica.

Crime e Castigo (1866), de Fiódor Dostoiévski

O livro retrata a vida de Rodión Románovitch Raskólnikov, um estudante de direito que vive em um cubículo em São Petersburgo. O jovem ganha dinheiro fazendo pequenas traduções, mas vive à beira da miséria e não consegue honrar seus compromissos básicos, como o aluguel. Desesperado por dinheiro, ele planeja matar velha Aliena Ivánovna, uma agiota. Ele tenta justificar seu ato por meio de uma teoria: se grandes homens, como César ou Napoleão, foram assassinos absolvidos pela História, por que ele não seria? Quando a polícia resolve investigar o crime, Raskólnikov se sente perturbado ao ser interrogado pelo juiz Porfiri Pietróvitch.

Jane Eyre (1847), de Charlotte Brontë

Jane Eyre, uma garota órfã e rebelde, vive na mansão de Gateshead Hall, sob os cuidados de uma tia. Após um confronto com sua tutora, ela é enviada para a escola Lowood, onde recebe uma rigorosa educação, tornando-se uma mulher madura e independente. Formada e depois de ter trabalhado como professora por dois anos em Lowood, ela aceita o emprego de tutora de Adèle, na casa de Thornfield Hall. Aos poucos, ela começa a se aproximar de seu patrão, o sr. Edward Rochester, e se apaixona por ele. Jane sente que finalmente encontrou a felicidade, mas Rochester esconde segredos que podem separá-los para sempre.

O Morro dos Ventos Uivantes (1847), Emily Brontë

O patriarca da família Earnshaw, dono na fazenda Morro dos Ventos Uivantes, faz uma viagem e, ao retornar, traz consigo um pequeno órfão, que recebe o nome de Heathcliff. O filho legítimo do sr. Earnshaw, Hindley, fica enciumado e submete o irmão adotado a várias humilhações. Já sua irmã, Catherine, se torna uma grande amiga de Heathcliff e os dois se apaixonam com o passar do tempo. Apesar desse amor, Catherine decide se casar com Edgar Linton, que possui melhores condições financeiras. Então, Heatchcliff deixa o Morro dos Ventos Uivantes e retorna anos depois, rico e disposto a se vingar de todos que o humilharam, mas ainda apaixonado por Catherine.

Dom Quixote (1605), Miguel de Cervantes

O livro narra a história do engenhoso fidalgo Dom Quixote e de seu fiel escudeiro Sancho Pança em três incursões pelas terras da Mancha, região de Aragão e da Catalunha, na Espanha. Dom Quixote adora ler histórias de cavalaria e, de tão influenciado por elas, enlouquece e sai em busca de aventuras memoráveis, tentando imitar seus heróis favoritos e levando consigo Sancho Pança, que tem uma visão mais realista dos fatos. O clássico de Miguel de Cervantes é considerado o expoente máximo da literatura espanhola e, em 2002, foi eleito por uma comissão de escritores de 54 países o melhor livro de ficção de todos os tempos.

Hamlet (1603), de William Shakespeare

O Rei Hamlet de Dinamarca acaba de morrer, deixando seu filho, o Príncipe Hamlet, e a viúva Rainha Gertrudes. O irmão do Rei, Cláudio, logo se casa com Gertrudes, assumindo o trono. Certa noite, um fantasma aparece ao príncipe, alegando ser seu pai, e revela que foi morto por Cláudio, que o envenenou. O Príncipe Hamlet passa dias perturbado e recluso, sem saber se deve acreditar no espírito, até que descobre como saber a verdade. Ele monta uma peça de teatro encenando a morte do pai e convida toda a corte para assistir ao espetáculo. Ao ver a reação de Cláudio, que se levanta cambaleante após a cena do assassinato, Hamlet se convence de que o tio é culpado e decide se vingar.

15 livros obrigatórios para ler durante a vida publicado primeiro em https://www.revistabula.com

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hearsandsights · 8 years ago

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Lohengrin, Wagner

4h25, Opéra Bastille

Mise en scène : Claus Guth

=> A réserver aux connaisseurs et amateurs, c’est quand même long L'histoire est la suivante : Lohengrin est envoyé pour sauver Elsa d'une injuste accusation. Il lui promet de la protéger à la simple condition de ne pas se voir questionner sur son identité et son origine. Au troisième acte, Elsa succombe à la tentation et lui pose la question interdite. La suite de l'histoire, c'est-à-dire le mariage d'Elsa et Lohengrin, en sera bouleversé. Lohengrin (1850) compte parmi les trois opéra de jeunesse de Wagner (1813-1883), mais il se singularise par ses caractéristiques romantiques : son sujet, la figure du cygne et du chevalier messianique et salvateur, et par son prélude, dont la fonction est désormais d'établir une atmosphère sonore à la différence de l'ouverture qui annonce l’histoire. Il permet à Wagner de quitter l'opéra héroïque pour le drame légendaire. S’ensuivra la Tétralogie... Dès Lohegrin, l'orchestre prend de l'assurance, et ce ne sont plus les voix qui dirigent l'action. J'ai bien aimé cette représentation, tout de même longuette, il faut avoir de la patience et être disponible tôt… L'opéra est long , mais j'ai particulièrement aimé l'orchestration, l’utilisation des cuivres par Wagner et la structure mélodique. La mise en scène est okay, sans plus. Les décors sont monumentaux, mais je leur trouve peu de charme. J'ai apprécié la performance des deux principaux interprètes Stuart Skelton (Lohengrin) et Edith Haller (Elsa von Brabant), néanmoins j'ai eu du mal à ressentir leurs émotions, cela me semble être resté quelque peu froid... J’ai eu l'impression qu'ils ne se sont pas impliqués autant qu’ils auraient pu dans leurs personnages. L'exécution est néanmoins irréprochable.

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screamingatanemptyroom · 5 years ago

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I Can’t Eat Love Side Part 2- Rig

Sorry for the long delay, I just started a new job and I’ve been really busy! Here’s is the next side part, from Rig’s perspective. Next will be a quick part with Edith, and then Hallers and finally the Queen.

Master post Linked Here

Enjoy!

___________________________

In a previous life...

I was always a simple man, with a simple wish. I had secrets, more than most, but this fundamental thing about me never changed. Even in the underground world of spies and intrigue, my heart always yearned for one simple thing to be happy:

A family.

When I first met Helda, I didn’t know she was the daughter of the Lord of the estate I lived on. I came across her one day, standing in the gardens, a beautiful girl with a bright, kind smile. I felt nervous, having never seen such a pretty girl before.

“Do you like flowers?” I asked her, my heart in my throat. Around her I felt foolish, tongue tied.

“I love them!” She laughed at my question, and I couldn’t help but smile.

We met frequently after that, despite the differences in our statuses. We spoke of many things, gradually learning about each other, our lives, of our hopes and dreams.

___________________________

“What do you want most in life?” She asked me one day, stroking the blue flower I had given her earlier.

“I want to be happy.” I grinned at her. “Family, friends… if I had people who truly cared for me, I wouldn’t want for anything else.”

“A family… what about your father?”

Her question dampened my mood, and I frowned as I thought of the overly serious man working in the stables.

“He doesn’t care about me much.” I tried to keep my tone light. Truthfully, my father hated me. He often complained about being stuck with me after my mother had died, and about how useless I was. I didn’t say that, however. I didn’t want her to think less of me. I just wanted her to smile at me like she always did.

“…” Despite my efforts, an awkward silence stretched between us. I looked down at my lap, only to be shocked when a small delicate hand reached over and grabbed my own.

“I care about you.” Her soft words stuck a chord in my heart, shaking me to my core. I looked up at her, unable to hide the emotions in my eyes.

I loved her.

Even without a mother or father, perhaps I could build a new family. One that I loved and loved me in return. I smiled at Helda, blinking back tears.

My dream was coming true.

___________________________

SLAP!

“You brat! You were sniffing around the Lord’s daughter!” My father’s hand struck my face with force, knocking me to the ground. I spat out blood, having bit my tongue in the impact, and shakily climbed to my feet. The flowers in my hands were trampled on the ground, and I stared at the ruined blossoms in dismay.

“I love her.”

“She’s beyond your reach, fool. Stop dreaming!” His sneering words made me angry, but before I could retort he through a small bag at me.

“The lord has already given his order. You are to leave today, and never return.”

I clutched the pack, stunned. My father was turning me out without hesitation, just because the Lord had seen me bringing flowers to his daughter?

What would they do if they knew how close we truly are? Suppressing this thought, I took the bag and left, writing to Helda what had happened.

___________________________

A few weeks went by, but she didn’t respond, causing me to panic. I sent letter after letter until finally her maid sent me a message, describing her condition.

“You’re pregnant?”

I went to see her, sneaking into the estate and finding her alone.

“Run away with me, we’ll make a life together.” I was nervous, excited, my hands shaking as I tried to reach out to hold hers. “I may not have much, but I will love you and our child with all of my heart.

My hands grasped nothing but air. She stepped away, out of my reach, shaking her head. I felt pain in my chest, my blood freezing in my veins at her distant expression.

“You can’t give me what I want.” Her voice was cold, unfamiliar. Was this the same girl who held my hand and told me she loved me? What had happened?

“What do you want?” I begged her. “I’ll do anything to make you happy.” I was fired up, ready to go to the edge of the world and back for her. I would make this work. I would make a life for us. I could already see a wonderful future, with her and our children...

“A title. Can you give me that?” Those two words crushed my spirit, extinguishing my naïve dreams. No matter how hard I worked, I couldn’t make my blood more noble. It was not a true request. It was a rejection.

“But… our child…” My words cracked.

“Will be raised as the child of a noble. It has nothing to do with you.” She stepped even further away. “So please stop approaching me. Stop writing me. Pretend you don’t know me. Don’t ruin my chance at happiness.”

She walked away, leaving me broken hearted behind her. I couldn’t speak, could barely leave. The feelings we shared, the dream of a family… were worthless to her in the end.

I snuck back out of the estate, never to return home again.

___________________________

Starting a new life wasn’t easy.

I found that there was money in secrets, and although it required some dark deeds in the shadows, obtaining and selling those secrets soon made me a force to be reckoned with in the underworld of the Capital. I gathered a team, infiltrating all areas of society. The little white lies, the darkest secrets, I knew them all and would sell them for a price.

But no matter how hard I worked, how much money or power I gained, it didn’t change the fact that I was alone.

Helda married right away, and was given a title and a position in society just like she always wanted. She gave birth to a daughter… our daughter. I gathered all the information I could on her, watching the young girl who seemed to love flowers, just like her mother.

Raewynn. My daughter.

I passed the years by, watching my child from the shadows, despairing of the remnants of a dream that still haunted my heart. But it was too late, I had lost my chance at family.

Or so I thought. Until I met her.

___________________________

The first time I saw that girl, I couldn’t help but reach out a hand towards her. I was walking to a meeting, and happened to pass by a young beggar on the streets. I had seen countless before, I knew I couldn’t save them all, so I tried to look away, hardening my heart. But after once glimpse, I already found that she was impossible to ignore.

Despite the dirt that covered her, the fatigue that clearly showed on her face, and the too-thin frame, her eyes stared right at me, studying me curiously. They were bright, intelligent, but buried within her gaze was a sense of anger and grief incomparable with her age. I paused, despite myself, and looked down.

“Poor thing, you starving?” I spoke up softly, and her eyes narrowed, watching me more closely. She seemed to be in good health besides being malnourished, and seemed smart enough to be able to be useful. I made up my mind instantly, holding out a hand to help her to her feet. “You can work for me, get back on your feet.”

She studied my hand, distrust clearly written on her face. Something flickered behind her eyes, and I couldn’t help but wondered what had happened too a young woman to cause such a sad look.

“Why would you help me?”

I shrugged. I wasn’t completely sure myself. “Who know? Maybe in another life you can pay me back.”

A silly joke, one that meant nothing. How could a young girl ever help me out, even if we met again in a different life?

___________________________

“Again.”

The girl glared at me, the expression vicious. “I’ve already done it a thousand times.”

“Can you even count to a thousand?” I handed her back the throwing knife with a grin.

“Easily.”

I laughed. Her words were forced through gritted teeth, I had a feeling that if I kept pushing her, the next target for the throwing knife might be me. Every day she was louder, more self-assured. Watching her actions and expressions slowly match the brightness I had initially seen in her eyes made me feel happy. The girl was quicker than I had expected, picking up skills and knowledge at a speed that left me amazed.

THUD

The knife flew from her hand with practiced ease, striking the center of the target with a solid sound. The girl let out a cheer, jumping up and down .

“Good job!” I complimented her without thinking, and she froze in place, her eyes wide with shock. I laughed at her expression.

“Why are you acting so surprised at a simple compliment? You worked hard. You deserve it.”

She shook her head. “I’ve always worked hard. That doesn’t mean people will care.” The pain I sometimes saw hidden in her eyes was clearly visible. At the sight, I felt a slight tug in my heart. Forcing a smile, I reached out and ruffled her hair, ignoring her annoyed reaction.

“I care.” I paused, and stepped back. “Which is why it should be perfect. Do it again.”

“…” She stared at me silently for a few moments, and I wondered if she would revolt. Instead a bright smile lit up her face, startling me.

For a moment I thought of my daughter Raewynn. Did she smile like that sometimes too? As I struggled with my thoughts, she had already gathered the throwing knifes and positioned herself farther away from the target.

“I’ll do it perfectly then.”

___________________________

Each day the girl grew more confident. I found myself struck by her intelligence and hard work. After only a few months, she was one of my most talented runners. The air around her changed, becoming less suppressed and angry to one more bright and cheerful. I watched her change day by day, amused at how such a thin, quiet girl had become so different.

One day I overheard two of my men talking:

“That girl keeps taking all the best jobs. Should I teach her a lesson?”

“Idiot! She’s Rig’s daughter! If you mess with her, he’ll kill you!”

“Ugh, I’m glad you said something, I’ll steer clear.”

I watched the man run off, a smile tugging at my lips.

My daughter?

I had investigated Lenora when I first picked her up, of course. Her story wasn’t pretty. To start so high up, a valued and treasured daughter of the duke, only to be thrown away and lose everything. She must still be hurting, even if she never brought up her family or her old home. The more time I spent with her, the more I felt a kindred spirit from her, a special kind of loneliness that searched for a family.

A daughter like her… wouldn’t be bad.

I treated her with special interest from then on, teaching her everything I knew. She learned things quickly, especially when it came to business negotiations and threats… even I was scared of how talented in that regard. She stayed by my side more and more, and I couldn’t help but feel proud of her as my adopted daughter.

Finally, one day, I took her to see Raewynn.

We sat in a tree, watching the smiling girl in a flower garden. In a quiet voice, I explained my history with her mother, and the girl’s identity. Lenora seemed to stare at her with great interest, almost falling out of the tree in her haste. I reached out to hold her in place, but was barely spared a glance by her before her attention was focused on Raewynn once more.

When we came back home that evening, she was still smiling. “You should tell her!” She jumped up and down with excitement.

I frowned, shaking my head. “I’m not sure, she might not be happy to hear the truth.” In my heart I still remembered how her mother looked at me the day I asked her to come with me… like I was disgusting, worthless. I felt a brief moment of fear, at the thought of Raewynn looking at me like that as well.

“But you’re amazing, much better than any silly earl! She should know who her real father is!” Lenora smiled warmly, pulling on my sleeve. “I know I would want to know.”

Really? The dream I thought I had abandoned so long ago stirred to life in my chest at her few words. Would it really all work out so neatly? What if it did?

I made up my mind, sending a letter to my young daughter. In it I explained the truth of who I was. The moment it left my hands, I felt panicked. What if she was too young to understand, she was only thirteen… I agonized over it for days, until finally a reply was sent my way.

Both she and her mother wanted to see me.

I was overwhelmed. The letter seemed to imply that if the meeting went well, they would consider running away, starting a new life together.

Had Helda regretted her decision that day? She wanted to be a family again? Part of me was hurt and angry after her betrayal, but I couldn’t contain the yearning that sprouted deep within me.

A family.

Was it really within my reach?

I left Lenora behind, telling her that if we left, I wanted her to come with us. She may be grown, but I had come to regard her as my daughter. I didn’t want to leave her behind.

“You can be part of the family, have a younger sister…” I smiled as I told her, “I can’t run off without both of my daughters, now can I?”

She cried into my shoulder, promising to wait for me to return. My spirits raised, I headed towards the meeting point, happy.

My family.

My dream was coming true.

___________________________

Once I arrived at the promised spot, however, there was no one else there.

Was I too early? I felt uneasy. I had honed my instincts on the streets these past years, my gut told me something was wrong. I knew, I should get out of here, quickly.

But if I turn and run away, what if I miss them? I hesitated, unwilling to lose this chance…

But I hesitated just a moment too long.

A blade pierced my chest, the sound reaching my ears before the pain hit. I grunted, shocked, slumping to the ground, a weak hand lightly clutching at the handle protruding from me, my fingers slipping on the surface slick with blood.

“Is it done?” A voice I knew better than any other, even after all these years spoke up. I closed my eyes briefly, not wanting to open them, not wanting to see the person in front of me.

“Yes.” A stranger, a man, answered her.

“Finally.” She let out a sigh of relief, and unwittingly I opened my eyes and saw her.

Helda.

She knelt down, looking at me with a cold expression. “You should have just let the past go, Rig. You’re lucky I found the letter first. I can’t risk what you know getting back to my husband. Did you tell anyone else?”

Lenora. I shook my head resolutely, denying her question.

“Hmph.” She stood up, studying me closely. “To be safe, track down his people, and kill them.”

The man who had stabbed me shook his head. “That wasn’t part of the deal…”

“I’ll triple the amount.” She shook her head slowly. “Just get rid of them.”

Helda walked away, never once looking back at me.

The masked man stared at me with a frown. “Sorry friend, at least your friends will join you in the afterlife.” He reached down, pulling out the knife. I felt my entire chest become soaked with blood, my vision going dark as he left me behind too.

I just wanted to be happy. I wanted a family.

I thought of their words, tears filling my vision as I realized that Lenora might be harmed. The bright girl, who had just learned to laugh again. Who just started to smile after so much pain. Who was so lonely that she cried at the thought of being a part of my family… What would happen to her?

“Lenora.” I whispered the name, feeling pain, feeling regret.

My daughter. I’m sorry. I have to leave first.

Please be happy, find a new family.

Please…

“RIG!”

___________________________

In another life…

“RIG!”

I opened my eyes, having fallen asleep by the window, startled awake at the sound of my name. Blinking, my thoughts scattered, I looked around, only to stop my gaze on the young woman standing before me, my breath catching within my chest.

“You look beautiful.”

Lenora stood there, her hands on hips, a smile tugging at her lips as she rolled her eyes at the compliment.

“I would hope so, given all the work Marile and Erica have put into this!”

She turned around, showing off the flowing white gown, the golden trim shining in the sunlight pouring through the window. She was always lovely, her appearance bright and confident, but today she was stunning. Her clothes and hair were carefully styled, an excited blush coloring her cheeks.

A beautiful bride.

I stood up, giving her a tight hug. “Nate is a lucky man.”

She grinned. “You two gave him a hard enough time when we first got engaged.”

“How else is he going to know how precious you are to us?” I shrugged. “If I didn’t like him, he wouldn’t still be standing, prince or no.”

“I know.” She reached out, touching my face gently. “You and Hallers both defended him against his parents. It meant a lot to him.”

I looked away. “They should know they have a good son.” I muttered. It’s true that Hallers and I both had many long “talks” with Nate after the engagement, which he took in good spirit. But the moment we saw his father make a disparaging remark against him… Hallers was the first to crack.

“Prince Nathaniel is the finest young man of his generation, you are foolish if you don’t recognize how lucky you are to have him as your son!” The words the normally stoic butler shouted out that day still shocked everyone. I had stepped up as well, agreeing loudly.

Nate, his eyes teary, had simply hugged us both, thanking us quietly. A good man, a little quiet, but he was kind and intelligent. More importantly, he made Lenora happy. He was accepted into our odd group without issue after that day.

“Thank you, Rig. For everything.” Lenora’s words brought me back from my thoughts. I looked at her for a few moments, feeling I had to ask one last time.

“Are you sure you don’t want your father to give you away?”

At my question her face grew cold, her normally cheerful gaze growing harsh. “The old duke? He is not my father. Not in any way that matters.” She shook her head. “Rig, in both lifetimes I’ve lived… you’ve always been there for me. You won’t leave me now, deny me having my father with me on my wedding day, would you?”

I smiled. She often spoke about a past lifetime, one that I never remembered. It was strange to hear about. I knew from what she had told me that I had cared for her like a daughter then as well. It seemed almost too much to believe, but no matter my thoughts, I couldn’t help but be grateful that it caused her to seek me out in this lifetime.

“Of course not, girl. We’ll take care of you.”

“Good!” Lenora clapped, “Before the ceremony, I have a surprise for you!” She leaned out the window, looking outside while chuckling. “And it looks like it’s just arriving!”

“A surprise?” I was a spymaster… I didn’t get surprised. Curious, I turned as she walked past me, opening the door to her rooms with a flourish.

I paused, completely shocked.

“Hello… father.” A young girl, thirteen or fourteen years old, stood in the doorway, watching me with a shy expression. I knew her… how could I not? I had spent years watching her grow up, hidden in the shadows of the garden.

“Raewynn?” I choked out the name, barely able to speak, then turned to Lenora. “How…?”

She answered my unfinished question with a smile. “You hadn’t had a chance to see her since coming to Tilendria with me. I know that you said you would be fine, just hearing reports on her wellbeing, but how could I ignore the sacrifice you made to help me?”

She stepped forward, taking Raewynn’s hand with a smile. “Due to some… arranged circumstances, I have been able to correspond with Rae regularly, and as we got to know each other, I invited her here to come to my wedding… And see our father.”

Father. The word repeated in my head over and over, I could barely breathe.

“Arranged circumstance?” I didn’t recognize my own voice, my mind was racing.

“You know how much Raewynn loves flowers, and learning about their uses?” Lenora waited for me to nod, before continuing with a satisfied grin. “Well, I arranged for her to learn under a master gardener.”

“Hello cousin.” the new Duke of Armeny, stepped into the room behind the girl, smiling. “I brought my apprentice, as you asked.”

“Henry!” Lenora hugged him tightly, then stepped back to show him her gown. “What do you think?”

“Hmm… we’re missing something.” He looked her up and down with a serious expression.

“Roses?” Raewynn tugged on Henry’s sleeve with a grin.

“Too traditional. How about lilies?”

“Not enough color.” Both of them were excited, getting into a lively debate before deciding on peonies. Henry ran out to grab a potted plant from the carriage while Raewynn inched closer to me, a curious expression on her face.

“You both are ridiculous.” Lenora smiled while watching her.

Raewynn shrugged, still staring at me. “Flowers are amazing, you just don’t appreciate them enough.”

“I don’t think it’s possible to appreciate them as much as you and Henry.” She patted Raewynn on the head. “Now talk with our father for a bit, he’s still in shock.” Looking around, she sighed. “I have to go get Hallers. He’s been crying ever since he saw me in my wedding dress.”

“Hallers?” I couldn’t help but be skeptical. That stone faced man could cry?”

She grinned. “Take your time, you two.” I realized just how much effort she must have made to arrange to bring Raewynn here without raising suspicion, and felt a warmth in my chest. I stepped closer, hugging Lenora tightly.

“Thank you.”

“Of course.” She whispered back. “We’re family.”

Family.

I sat down to talk to my daughter, waiting for the wedding to begin. A smile stretched across my face and for the first time in a long time, a weight seemed gone from my shoulders.

___________________________

The time for the wedding to begin arrived. Hallers finally calmed down, taking his place to the other side of Lenora as we brought her to the wedding hall. The Queen, a beautiful smile on her face, wiped tears from her eyes as she hugged Lenora tightly.

“Mother.” Lenora’s voice sounded muffled, as if she were holding back tears.

“I’m so happy for you, dear. My daughter’s wedding day.”

I agreed with the Queen, looking down the hall where a nervous but clearly happy Nate stood, shifting in place as he tried to catch a glimpse of his bride. Henry patted him on the shoulder, pointing at some of the wedding decorations, obviously complaining about the flowers. We walked Lenora towards them, Raewynn scattering petals ahead of us, Erica and Marile supporting the bride’s train behind her, both grinning from ear to ear.

Hallers, the Queen and I all took turns kissing our daughter for good fortune, before placing her hand in Nate’s. I stood off to the side, watching the couple speak their vows of love, my heart full.

The bride and groom kissed, and I cheered with the rest.

This strange group that gathered around Lenora, we were more than simple friends, people brought about by chance. We looked out for one another, cared for one another.

A family.

What more could a man ask for?

#writing #i can't eat love #side part #rig #second chance #second life

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screamingatanemptyroom · 5 years ago

Text

I Can’t Eat Love- Side Part 1 - Nate

This is the first of 4 or 5 side parts (I might do an Edith part, but if i do it will be fairly short). We’re starting off with Nate, with plans for Rig’s to be the next one.

Master post linked here. (I’ll update it again after posting).

Again, this will be from Nate’s POV.

Enjoy!

______________________________

In a previous life...

No one ever truly looked at me, despite being a prince, despite trying my best. Their gazes always slipped past me, to focus on someone else. I felt sometimes that i was shouting, screaming for someone to see me, see who i was... but it always came to nothing in the end.

I noticed it early on.

______________________________

“Nate!” My older brother George called out as he crashed into my room without notice. “People are in trouble! We have to go help them!”

I sighed loudly. George always said the exact same thing. Last time was because his favorite shop was out of sweets. “What is it this time?”

“I saw some people didn’t have homes on the streets, I’m going to help them.”

“You want to start a charity?” I stood, up, already thinking through the steps that would need to be accomplished.

George stopped in his tracks, his enthusiasm waning. “Eh, a charity? Can’t we just… get them off the streets?”

A headache started forming behind my eyes. I rubbed my temples, closing my eyes. “I’ll take care of the paperwork. We’ll get a charity started and help the people you are worried about.”

“Perfect!” Excited once more, George clapped me on the back before charging back out, the open swinging door the only trace of his outburst. I sighed again.

I would be busy for a while.

______________________________

“George! We are so proud of the charitable work you’ve been doing lately!” Father spoke up at dinner, his eyes warm as he studied my brother.

Wait, what? I looked up from my meal, shocked. Neither of my parents paid any attention to me, however, both focused on my older brother.

“Thanks!” George happily accepted the compliment, never glancing in my direction. An angry flame built up in my chest.

Why wasn’t he telling them that I did most of the work? Why doesn’t anyone care that I was the one who made this project a success?

“But…” I tried to speak up, feeling embarrassed but determined to be seen.

“You need to be more like your brother, Nate.” My Mother smiled calmly at me, not noticing the pain she was causing. “You could learn a lot from him.”

My determination shriveled to nothing in my chest, and i stared back down at my plate, blinking back tears.

I didn’t finish dinner that night.

“Why didn’t you tell them?” I asked him later, upset. His only response was to stare innocently back at me.

“We both worked hard. I’m sure they realize that.”

But they didn’t.

They never did.

______________________________

“Let go of her!” George yelled out, charging into the middle of a group of men harassing a young woman. They outnumbered him twelve to one, and he had below average fighting ability, he was quickly restrained, a punch landing on his stomach by a smirking gang member.

Seeing all this as I arrived, I ordered the royal guards I had brought with me to split the group in half, quickly joining the side that held my brother captive.

“DO YOUR WORST YOU COWARDS!” George screamed fearlessly at them even as he was helpless to break free.

I saw the knife pointing in his direction, and jumped forward to protect him without thinking, wincing as the blade cut through my skin.

At least I had saved him, despite his rashness. I felt my heart lift, ignoring the painful bleeding wound on my arm. They would have to see me now.

______________________________

“WHY DIDN’T YOU GO WITH YOUR BROTHER?” My father was angry, glancing between a bruised and battered George and me. “He wouldn’t have been hurt nearly as badly if you had been there from the start!”

I gritted my teeth, still holding pressure to the bandage across my slashed arm. “I don’t know what George told you, but we needed reinforcements…”

“He said you didn’t care when he told you about the young woman in trouble.” My father’s eyes were cold, freezing my heart.

“I just said we needed more people to do it safely… I was always planning to help but...”

He raised a hand, dismissing my words. “Why can’t you be more like your brother?”

Looking at George’s pitiful smile, and my father’s uncomfortable stare, I slowly closed my mouth, refusing to speak further.

______________________________

Incident after incident, it was always me bailing him out of trouble, yet somehow he took all the credit for the achievements, and I was responsible for all the failures. A darkness grew in my heart, a deep and angry bitterness that I couldn’t suppress.

Why was I helping him?

The thought came more and more frequently.

And then came the day.The terrible day i regretted more than any other.

“People are in trouble! There are bandits! We have to go help them!”

I smiled coldly at my brother’s frantic words, but never looked up.

“Then go help them.”

“…” George stared at me in shock. I understood. In the past I had always leapt to my feet, eager to help any way I could.

“You should probably get more information, such as locations and numbers. Make sure to bring reinforcements, too.” I spoke carelessly as I continued to read the book in front of me, ignoring him.

“Aren’t you going to take care of things?”

“No.” I smiled, looking at his disappointed expression without flinching.

“Don’t you care about our people?”

“I’m just taking our parents advice to heart.” I laughed, but it was a bitter, unpleasant sound. “I’m going to be more like you. I’m going to sit here, and let someone else do all the work.”

I felt a brief moment of elation as he left empty handed. This time, I wouldn’t be used. This time, our parents would see that it was always my hard work that George had depended on. They would look at me, truly look at me, for the first time.

I smiled, turning my attention back to my book, not sparing another thought as George slammed the door behind him.

But that was the last time I saw my brother alive.

At first, it seemed like a bad joke. How could he die the one time I didn’t help him? Why did he just rush in like always without reinforcements, had he thought I would come despite what I said?

All my anger, my frustration, my jealousy… it was left without a target.

It was just me left.

But still… no one truly looked at me.

The nobles, the castle servants… my parents. They continued to mourn, and now instead of fighting to be compared to an imperfect older brother, I was constantly haunted by the perfection of their memories.

I was trapped.

______________________________

I traveled a lot, hoping to escape their sad gazes. Escape my own guilt. In Reterand, I met some interesting people. Jim was an official in the Royal Treasury, who spent some time explaining economic theory to me. The Queen in particular was kind, even if she spent most of her time telling me how wonderful her “daughter” was and how much we would get along.

I found this confusing. As far as I knew, The Royal family only had one child, a son.

I didn’t stay long in that kingdom. The crown prince Ronan was particularly annoying. He spent the majority of his time boasting about his many talents, and the small remainder complaining about his fiancé, who he called “a boring girl.”

I felt sorry for her, whoever she was. It wouldn’t be easy to marry a man like that.

I returned to Tilendria, and never thought much of it again. A few years later, however, a report crossed my desk.

“Ronan broke his engagement?” I raised an eyebrow as I read the report, a slight pain in my chest as it described the way the poor girl had been callously tossed aside at a public party.

“And is now engaged to her close friend, the daughter of a count.” A servant confirmed.

“Poor girl.” The words left my mouth in a whisper. I searched my memory, trying to think if I had ever met her, but came up blank. I hoped she was able to find a better life. Ronan would not have made a good husband. I set the report down, shaking my head as I caught sight of the name at the top of the page. “Poor Lenora.”

______________________________

It wasn’t until almost two years later that I visited Reterand again. Any time spent in the presence of Prince Ronan and his wife Edith was insufferable. Ronan was no better than the first time I met him, arrogant and loud. Edith was even worse, with no sense of propriety. She would attempt to order me around as a servant, claiming that Tilendria was a “small, insignificant country” and I should be glad for the opportunity to serve her.

What a fool. I ignored her, curious instead as to why I could no longer meet the Queen. She had been kind and helpful last time I had visited, if a little obsessed with her daughter. But when I asked around, everyone had similar uncomfortable expressions.

“She’s in mourning, Your Highness.” One of the more competent butlers, a man named Hallers, informed me finally. I was curious, and couldn’t help asking.

“Who is she mourning?”

“…” Despite the man’s professional mask, I caught sight of a brief flash of grief behind his eyes. Hallers hid it well, but he seemed to be deeply affected by the loss of whoever had died.

Seeing his reluctance to speak, I simply patted him on the shoulder, allowing him to leave. Such a cold, professional man, what kind of person could have gotten close to him to leave him so heartbroken?

Still thinking of this, I headed out of the castle, wanting to escape spending time away from the prince and his group. I decided to go igcognito, using a scarf and cloak to hide my features and forgoing my guards. It was a little foolish, but I felt that as long as I wasn’t recognized, I’d be fine.

I was definitely mistaken.

______________________________

“Give us your money!” A pair of burly men cornered me in an alley. He held out a knife towards my face, giving me a gap toothed grin.

“I can honestly say I don’t have much on me.” Other than a couple of crowns, which I readily held out, I hadn’t brought anything with me. My free hand gripped the pommel of my sword under my cape. I wasn’t a brilliant fighter, but I should be able to hold my own against these two.

But still I hesitated. If I was found to be involved in a bloody incident, this could have some diplomatic ramifications. While I was thinking this over, the man stepped closer, his eyes vicious. “Then I’ll just have to cut you open and see what else is worth selling.”

My hand tightened on my sword as he drew near, but before I could draw it…

THUD.

A throwing knife grazed the man’s face, hitting the wall behind him. The sound of happy laughter filled the air.

“What the…?” Surprised, all three of us looked up at the roof of the nearby building, the source of the attack. To my utter shock, a beautiful young woman sat on the edge, spinning a blade on her palm. She was dressed in black, loosely fitting clothes, her light hair tied up behind her head. The woman was smiling, but it was not a kind smile. And her eyes…

Intelligent, sad… they were deeper than any other I had ever seen. I was lost in them.

“Hate to spoil your fun, but you know that Rig doesn’t like you two doing business in his terf.” She laughed again, a pleasant sound. I felt my cheeks flush with warmth. I had seen beautiful women before, there were plenty in the royal court, but none with the simple confidence and steadiness she displayed with the smallest of actions. It was breathtaking to watch.

“WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE…?” One of the robbers started to shout, only to be stopped by his friend, who was still clutching his bleeding face.

“Shut up, fool! That’s Rig’s daughter.”

“The brat he picked off the streets?” The other man’s eyes widened.

“He threatened to absolutely destroy anyone who hurts her.”

THUD.

Another knife flew past, a long slash appearing on the previously uninjured robber’s chest. He screamed in pain, holding the wound. I stared up at the woman, but all she revealed was a cold grin.

“That’s assuming you are talented enough to hurt me.”

“Don’t be so cocky!” One robber raised his fist. “I’ve heard that’s there’s a noble with a grudge out on Rig. If he get’s taken out, don’t think you’ll last long!”

She picked up a third knife, shrugging. “I’ve given you so many chances, and you’re still not leaving? I guess you’re ready to die then.”

“…” Without another word, the two men turned and ran away. She watched them leave, her face expressionless, her eyes filled with sadness.

“Hey mister, you should be more careful in the streets.” At her words I clutched the scarf that hid my face closer, and made sure my hood was still up. “You stick out while you’re hiding you’re face like that.”

I gave a formal bow. “Thank you for saving me. I wasn’t paying proper attention.”

“Of course.” Grinning, she jumped to the ground in front of me, and gave a formal curtsey. It was flawless, and I stared at her in shock. “Nobility running around without guards though… you could really get into trouble.”

“I could say the same to you.” I returned her words, unsure of what secrets this girl was hiding. She had been formally trained in etiquette, though, it was easily visible in every movement she made, every gesture.

“I’m not nobility… not anymore.” She had a bitter smile, but even more so she seemed… lonely. I found myself wanting to reach out, to comfort her, but my hand froze mid-gesture, unsure if she would be insulted.

“What’s your name anyways?” She studied me curiously, her eyes looking straight at me. “If you don’t mind me asking?”

She was my savior, how could I refuse? I started to pull down the scarf covering my face.

“I’m…”

“LENORA!” A voice cried out, and a distraught young man looked around the corner into the alley, his face pale. “IT’S RIG… he’s…” He trailed, off, shaking his head.

I heard her breath rush in. “Let’s go.”

She ran after him, pausing in the alleyway entrance to look back at me once. “Be careful in the future. I may not be there to save you next time.”

I grinned. “How about next time, I save you?”

“Deal.” She laughed, although anxiety now had crept into her voice. She was obviously worried about her this man Rig. I hoped he was okay. Without another word, she turned around and left, and I was alone once again.

I stared at the spot where she had been for a long time, my heartbeat in my ears, before turning back and returning to the palace.

______________________________

On my arrival I received a message, calling me back to Tilendria. I hesitated, my mind turning to the young woman I had met today, unable to completely forget her. Was she okay? Did she need help?

She was the first person to reach out and help me, not expecting me to do anything in return. So many people were willing to use me, wanting me to help them… even my own brother… but this woman… Lenora, they had called her….

I wanted to see her again.

I returned home, heeding the urgency in my summons, but I didn’t forget. I sent some of my servants back to Reterand and asked them to search for the young woman, and to offer help immediately if she was found. They had discovered that Rig, who had apparently run an information and spying ring, had been murdered, and the remainder of his gang had been imprisoned or killed.

My heart in my throat, I had them examine the bodies, and look at those captured, but none of them matched the description of Lenora.

Had she escaped?

Weeks, months went by without a word. I visited Reterand again, ignoring everyone else, just wandering around the Capital city, hoping to catch a glimpse of her, but my efforts were fruitless.

Until a terrible day came, and they found her.

______________________________

My men’s faces were solemn as they reported to me, the sense of failure hanging heavy around them. i fell to my knees, my breath freezing in my lungs. It was too late.

She was dead.

I had them take me to her, a stabbing pain in my chest. I took in her overly thin form, her gaunt face which was still, so different from the lively woman who I had met on the streets that day.

I reached out, touching her cold, stiff hand, blinking back tears.

“What happened?” My voice was cold, I saw some of the servants shiver before one stepped forward to answer.

“We examined her… it appears to be starvation that took her life. Only…” He hesitated again, but at my glare swallowed and continued on. “Someone must have had a grudge against her. Her body was taken away to the palace, for a short while, and then tossed out into the wilderness beyond the city for the animals to dispose of. In fact, the only reason we were able to find her was due to those strange movements.”

I felt my heart break, my hand tightening on hers. Starvation. What a terrible death.

“I promised to save you.” My words were whispered, but each one hurt like a blow.

“Your Highness…”

“We’ll bury her in Tilendria. In the Royal plot.”

Silence filled the room for a few tense moments.

“A-are you sure? That’s only for…” He trailed off, unsure, but I smiled, knowing what he was trying to say.

It was a place made for the burial of royalty. Typically the only ones who could be honored there would be my parents, myself… and my wife.

“She saved my life.” My words were simple, but the servant flinched away from me, bowing.

“It shall be done, Your Highness.” He left to make arrangements, and I stared at the young woman once more.

We had only met once, but she had left such a deep impression on me. What would it have been like if we had lived side by side?

I closed my eyes, grieving. “If there is another life, Lenora. Let me help you in that one. If I’m fortunate enough to meet you again… let me fall in love with you. Let’s get married, and live a happy life. I won’t lose you next time, alright?”

I opened my eyes but the scene before me hadn’t changed, I stood up, staring at her face for the last time.

“Goodbye.”

______________________________

In another life…

“Nate!” A small hand waved in front of my face and I caught it in my own, laughing. Looking up, Lenora was smiling at me, all traces of the troubles she had recently been through long since faded away.

“Yes?” I continued holding her hand, watching with interest as her normally confident expression faltered, her cheeks flushing a bright red. She shook her head slowly, as if trying to clear it.

“Do you believe me?” Her voice was quieter than I was used to, a tone of uncertainty in it that tore at my heart. I reached out, pulling her in with a tight hug.

“Of course.” It was a fantastical tale. She had lived and died, being reborn five years earlier and given a second chance to change her fate. If it were anyone else I would laugh, call them crazy.

But this was Lenora.

The strange, beautiful girl who saw things too clearly. Who sacrificed herself at a moment’s notice to prevent anyone from starving within her duchy. Who had stared at her fiancé and best friend betraying her with tired eyes, as if it were only to be expected. If anything, her actions, her pain, made a horrifying amount of sense.

“Do you regret how this life turned out?” I kept hugging her, my heart beating rapidly in my chest.

I loved her.

Even at our ridiculous first introduction when she grabbed my arm, frightening me by demanding my clothes, she had unknowingly become an irreplaceable presence in my heart. Each moment I spent with her from then on, from arguing with her day after day in lessons with Jim, to helping her gather resources to build a fortune, I fell further and further, unable to escape how I felt and without desire to. Whether we were fighting, or agreeing, or working together she had always truly seen me.

I still thought this might be a dream. That her telling me she loved me too, agreeing to marry me might be a fantasy my desperate mind cooked up. But here she was, by my side, smiling.

I hoped she was happy.

“No. I like this ending much better.” She grinned, leaning up and kissing my cheek. I felt myself turn red, looking up at the ceiling with a sigh.

“Still, it seems really unfair.” I frowned at her. “You knew everyone else in your previous life. Even Rig and Marile were close to you. But you didn’t know me?”

Lenora shrugged, a smile tugging at her lips as I pouted. “I’m pretty sure I would have remembered you.”

“Well, if I had known you in the previous life, I would like to think I would have tried to help you.” The thought made me curious. A life that only Lenora could remember. A life where we never met.

What kind of person would I be, if I hadn’t met her when I did? She had changed my life so much already…

“Well, I guess you’ll have to work even harder in this life, since you didn’t get a chance to know me last time.” She teased me, but her eyes widened with shock as I let go of her, kneeling on the floor in front of her with a solemn expression.

“I promise to try my hardest as your future husband to make you happy in this lifetime, so you won’t regret it.” I reached out, taking her hand and kissing the back of it, enjoying the sight of her being flustered. I was usually the one who got embarrassed first.

“THIS IS SO CUTE!”

A shout caught both of our attention. To my shock there was a whole group of people hanging behind the cracked door of the room. Hallers and Rig, with serious expressions, had their hands clapped over Lady Erica’s mouth, who had obviously been the one shouting. Marile and the Queen stood nearby, pretending that they hadn’t been spying.

As they let go of her, Lady Erica rushed forward, hugging us both, before grabbing the Queen and Marile to immediately discuss wedding plans. I watched them with a smile, sitting back down next to Lenora, ignoring Rig and Hallers’ cold stares at the closeness between us. I broke out in a cold sweat at the intensity of their gazes, but held on to Lenora’s hand, refusing to move.

She chuckled at their expressions, waving them to sit down. “Stop trying to scare him.”

“He’s a very lucky man, Miss.” Hallers spoke quietly. I fought the urge to hide behind my fiancé at his tone. “We’ll have to have a… talk… with His Royal Highness before the wedding of course.”

Rig cracked his knuckles, grinning. “Yes. A talk. Just so he understands how our girl needs to be treated.”

“I look forward to it.” I lied, hiding my terror.

Lenora burst out laughing, and unknowingly the whole room smiled at her. I squeezed her hand.

“Thank you.”

For looking at me when no one else did. For loving me. For using a second chance at life to spend it with me.

She smiled in response. “Let’s make a new future.”

I nodded, agreeing. “Okay.”

And we would build a new future. Side by side.

Together.

#writing #i can't eat love #side part 1 #Nate's side #a little past #a little future #Rig is next

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screamingatanemptyroom · 5 years ago

Text

I Can’t Eat Love Masterpost

Here are all the links to all the parts for I Can’t Eat Love. I will continue to update this as I write more, and will link this in my blog description for easy reading,

You can also read the story on Wattpad, or here on AO3!

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5 / Part 6 / Part 7 / Part 8 / Part 9 / Part 10 / Part 11 / Part 12 / Part 13 / Part 14 / Part 15 / Part 16 / Part 17 / Part 18 / Part 19 / Part 20 / Part 21 / Part 22 / Part 23 / Part 24 / Part 25-26 / part 27 / Part 28 / Part 29 / Part 30 / part 31 / Part 32 / Part 33 / Part 34/

Side parts - 1- Nate / 2- Rig / 3- Hallers / 4 - Edith / 5 - Queen Amerande

#Writing #I can't eat love #will update as more parts are written

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screamingatanemptyroom · 5 years ago

Text

I Can’t Eat Love pt 31

Thank you everyone for all your kind messages yesterday! I really appreciate it!

Edith is in Tilendria.

Master post Linked Here

Enjoy!

_________________________

“What are you doing here?” I tried to remain calm, but even the sight of Edith standing next to Nate was making me feel uncomfortable.

“I’m here just to visit as a representative of Reterand’s royalty.” She smiled warmly, the expression making my stomach churn. “This kingdom is lovely, Nate. You’ll have to show me around tomorrow.”

She stared at Nate, fluttering her eyelashes. My chest hurt as i watched her, my heart sinking as I felt an overwhelming sense of defeat.

_________________________

“Make way for the Prince!” A loud voice called out, waking me from my stupor. I clutched the empty begging bowl in my hand, feeling humiliated, but I didn’t have the energy to run and hide. I could only lower my head, and hope he didn’t look too closely at a beggar on the street.

The entourage made its way closer, and glancing upwards I noted Ronan and Edith, riding on horses, talking side by side. I felt a stab of pain in my heart, my eyes filling with tears. Of course they’re together, they’re engaged. Despite the rationality of it, watching my best friend and the man I loved smiling at each other while I crouched on the street in rags was almost too painful to bear. I prayed they would just move on, but to my horror, they stopped right in front of me, chatting.

“I’m so lucky to be able to marry a wonderful man like you!” Edith’s flattery caused the prince to smile. “But, some days, I just feel so guilty that I stole Lenora’s place…” She dabbed her eyes, looking sad and pitiful.

“Lenora?” Ronan sneered, the word tearing at my heart. “I’m glad to be rid of her. Who would want her when they could have you?”

I felt Edith’s gaze focus on me, and stiffened, wondering if she had recognized me. She didn’t call out however, just sat there smiling.

“Yes, who would want her?” Her voice was low, but loud enough to be heard by me, shredding the pitiful remains in my chest.

I kept my head down, too tired and hungry to cry.

_________________________

Nate shook her off, his face stony as he looked at her. “I’ll find you a guide. I’m afraid I have too much on my schedule.” His tone was borderline rude, surprising me. He was normally a very polite person, almost to a fault.

“What…?” Edith started to protest but Nate ignored her, walking up to me and taking my hand, a smile on his face.

“Do you want to go on a walk tomorrow?

I couldn’t help but smile, even as I felt nervous at the contact between our hands. Realizing my feelings, it was difficult to be as calm around him as I used to be. “Won’t you be too busy?”

His grin was shameless. “I cleared my schedule for you.”

“…” Everyone stared silently in shock at the obvious difference in treatment. I laughed, squeezing his hand gently.

“Sure. Let’s do that then.” I wasn’t sure what to do with the chaotic feelings in my heart, but I was clear on one thing: I wasn’t about to step back for Edith.

“Good! Then the three of us can go together!”

As Edith invited herself along, Nate and I turned to stare at her coldly. She seemed unaffected, giving another sweet smile. “Your Highness, I just wouldn’t want your reputation to be affected, after all, back home… Lenora’s history…” She trailed off, blushing as if too embarrassed to continue, “I wouldn’t want people to talk, they might say you two have an… inappropriate relationship.”

“Wouldn’t that be great if that were true.” I heard him mutter quietly, and poked his side. He just winked at me in reply. Ignoring him, I turned to Edith, a cold smile on my face.

“We appreciate your concern, Edith. You know better than anyone the devastating effects of having a… promiscuous reputation.”

Her face paled, her expression twisting with rage for a moment, before immediately conforming into a hurt, betrayed expression. Tears fell from her eyes, and she twisted her hands, looking pitiful. I truly was impressed with her acting skills, slightly less annoyed by her now that she wasn’t touching Nate.

“How could you, Lenora?!” She cried. “We’ve been so close all these years…. Only having each other…”

I interrupted, feeling tired. “Really? I would say you are much closer to Prince Ronan than you are to me.”

“You’re twisting things! It wasn’t my fault!” She glanced at Nate, obviously hoping for sympathy, but he only stared in a different direction, as if pretending she didn’t exist. “I was forced into it… he doesn’t really care about me…”

“Are you criticizing your prince?” I raised an eyebrow. “Do you know the consequences of that?”

“Don’t you do that all the time?” Nate whispered, his chest shaking with surpressed laughter. I poked him again.

The King and Queen had since arrived, watching the proceedings with disapproving frowns. Edith glanced at them, and then turned, staring at me with confusion. I had always given way to her, in this life and the last. She was unused to arguing with me, and obviously wasn’t sure how to proceed.

“Lenora, the initial sales are fantastic!” Erica ran up, nodding approvingly when she saw me and Nate standing together.

“YOU?!!” Edith faced her with a glare! “So THIS is where you’ve been hiding you slut!”

Nate and I both bristled, ready to intervene, but before we could speak Erica turned and smiled. “Who’s the dancing monkey?”

“HOW DARE YOU?!” Edith shouted. “Do you know how much trouble the Earl of Beral gave us after you ran away? Half of my family’s fortune is gone thanks to you!” She then looked to the King and Queen, “Your Majesties, she is a criminal, who broke a promise of engagement and ran away with a deserter from the Eastern guard!”

I stepped forward. “Oh, Edith, you’re mistaken. You’re thinking of Lady Erica, the young single noblewoman who mysteriously disappeared before her forced marriage to a terrible older man.” I pointed in the direction of the girl in question. “THIS is Erica, a married commoner of Tilendria who works in my shop. With all the proper paperwork to prove it.”

Edith glared at me. “Do you think I’m an idiot?”

“Yes of course.” I shrugged. “But I fail to see the relevance to the issue at hand.”

The Queen burst out laughing, as if unable to hold it in any longer. Turning red, Edith took a deep breath. “I will not stay here and be mistreated like this. I will return to the palace.”

“Have a safe trip, that’s a long road back to Reterand.” I called after her.

She stopped. “The TILENDRIAN palace!”

“Oh.” I turned to the king and Queen. “You may want to find her a room with a lock. Just to keep the number occupants in her room consistent overnight.”

“LENORA!” Edith shouted, but I ignored her.

“Well, I’ll go oversee the rest of the grand opening, farewell!” I grabbed Erica’s hand and walked back towards the store. Nate started to follow but was held back by his parents.

“Actually, son…” The king shuffled awkwardly. “Can we talk?”

Nate paused, “Sure?”

I entered the shop, smiling.

_________________________

We kept busy until the shop closed, the group sitting down with a long sigh.

“Thanks, by the way, for defending me!” Erica smiled. “You’re a true friend.”

I shook my head slightly, too tired to argue.

“Are you returning to the palace?”

“Hmm… maybe I’ll just stay here a little longer.” I coughed uncomfortably. It had been easier to face Nate earlier because I was preoccupied with Edith, but what if he wanted to spend time alone. My face turned red, and I felt an aching pain in my chest at the thought.

“Wait… why…?” Erica’s eyes widened. “You’re blushing! There’s been a breakthrough in the impenetrable wall of denseness!” She squealed with delight, clapping her hands

I frowned. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Why, isn’t this a good thing?” Erica walked nearer, ignoring the warning glances from Rig and Marile. “You should be happy…

“I’m not.” My voice was cold.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Marile asked, looking concerned.

“No, I would like to be alone.” Everyone exchanged glances at my curt tone.

“Okay, we’ll go get Hallers then.” They walked upstairs, leaving me staring up after them, speechless.

Hallers walked down from where he had been cleaning upstairs, his face solemn. “Miss, would you like to take a walk?”

“…”I looked up at him, my heart in tangles. “Sure.”

_________________________

We walked side by side silently. I slowly relaxed, feeling more comfortable as we moved along.

“Hallers, what if someone once made a terrible mistake, and then got the chance to do things better… only to make the almost the exact same mistake again?” I started talking, my voice quiet. “Wouldn’t you call that person an idiot? They knew exactly what happened the last time they made that mistake… but they still… did it again.”

My eyes filled with tears, and I blinked rapidly, trying to keep them at bay. “How foolish would that be?”

Hallers was quiet for a few long moments, and I tensed up again, feeling miserable. Suddenly he stopped and I almost crashed into him, looking up with confusion.

He was smiling. “Miss, it is never a mistake to love someone.”

“What?” I started. “How did you…?”

He patted my head. “I’ve known you for a very long time. You’ve faced every adversity head on, and never let go of the people you care about. You’re aren’t a fool, or a coward.”

“But I am.” I whispered, my head hanging down. “I can’t face this. Not again.”

He reached out, pulling me into a tight hug. “You can face anything, Miss. And no matter what happens, good or bad. I’ll be by your side.”

I held onto him, feeling warmth in my heart. “Thank you Hallers. How do you always know exactly what to say?”

He stepped back, smiling. “Never underestimate a competent butler.”

We kept walking. “So what is your plan?” He asked finally.

“No plan yet. “ I looked around thinking. “Even just facing my feelings is too much right now. And even if I care… that doesn’t mean it would be reciprocated.”

“…” Hallers started coughing, as if covering up a laugh. “I wouldn’t worry too much, Miss. Everything will happen in good time.”

I sighed. “I suppose so.” I reached out and hugged him briefly. “Thank you Hallers.”

“Anything for you.”

_________________________

Having Edith around was extremely uncomfortable.

She spent nearly every waking moment around Nate, smiling, flirting, and complimenting him. The only time she let him out of her sight was when she was trying to get on the King and Queen’s good side.

“It’s horrible.” Nate sat next to me in Prosperity’s back room, his face pale and haggard. “She’s everywhere, always smiling. I’m starting to have nightmares.” He looked over at me. “How you survived growing up near her is a miracle.”

“I’m sorry.” I felt genuinely bad. “It’s my fault…”

“Oh no!” He interrupted. “There’s no way this is your fault. What is she thinking? She’s about to marry that idiot Ronan and now she’s behaving like this?!”

I smiled, suppressing a brief desire to reach out and hold his hand, “Maybe she’s wised up and realized who the better prince is.”

“Really? Do you mean that?” Nate’s grin was mischievous as he stared at me. “Do you think I’m a better potential husband than Ronan?”

I felt embarrassed, but tried to force my expression to remain calm. “That’s not really a compliment… I’d probably marry a dog before I’d marry him.”

“Still…” He shrugged. “Glad to know at least I’m on the list of candidates.”

I couldn’t help but laugh, shaking my head.

“How are you getting along with your parents?” I asked.

“I won’t lie… it’s been rough.” His smile was sad. “Too many years of mistakes, too many words spoke that hurt. But they’re trying, they really are. “ He reached out and took my hand. “I can never thank you enough for what you’ve done.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I said, staring up at the ceiling.

He chuckled, and didn’t say anything further.

_________________________

Later that evening, Edith was even more blatant than normal. The King and Queen had arranged a quiet dinner, and Edith immediately headed towards the spot next to Nate, preparing to sit next to him with a smile.

I was done.

“Edith.” I called out, my voice stern. “I realize that you haven’t begun your etiquette training yet and probably don’t know, but seating is in order of rank and position.”

She paused her eyes narrowed as she tried to hide her hostility towards me with a fake smile. “Lenora, surely you’re joking. I am a future Queen!”

I didn’t return the smile. “That is yet to be determined. Future rank does not determine your position now. You are below me, Edith, as the daughter of the Count of Erand. You will refer to me as Lady Lenora, and kindly take your proper place at the table or be escorted out for offending your superiors.”

I forced myself to remain calm, walking over to the chair next to Nate as if the conversation hadn’t occurred. Inside I felt acutely uncomfortable. I had never in my life used my rank to push someone down. But I was done watching Edith play around.

If she wanted to continue pretending then I would tear her façade down.

Edith’s face turned red, then white, astonishingly bright shades. She began sobbing, looking up at the King and Queen for pity, while reaching out to grab Nate’s coat. “How could you be so cruel?!! I know you’re jealous, Lenora, because Ronan never loved you but still, you shouldn’t take it out on me…”

Nate pulled back, avoiding her hand. “Was anything she said untrue?” The King and Queen nodded, their faces unsympathetic.

She stared at him in shock. “Y- you can’t talk to me that way! Ronan will have your head!”

I tried to hold back my anger and frustration of the past few days, her last words threatening to snap my tenuous control. “Where do you think you are? ” The question was soft, but Edith, seeing my face, backed away. “This is Tilendria. Whatever pitiful influence you have back home means nothing here. Your actions and words bring shame to our kingdom, and bring in to doubt Prince Ronan’s judgement and character.”

I sat down finally, noting the Queen’s approving smile.

“Miss Edith is tired.” Nate spoke up, his voice angry. “Please escort her back to her room.”

Edith protested, but quickly followed the servants out of the room, leaving the room in silence.

Nate sat next to me, grinning. “You’ve never fought with her so openly before. Do you feel better?”

I frowned. “A little. Don’t really like the methods I used.”

“Don’t worry.” His hand reached out, gently touching my hair for a moment. “I’m just happy to have you on my side.”

The rest of the dinner passed peacefully.

_________________________

Later that evening, I received a letter from Nate to meet him in the kitchen. I read it, wondering if he had a servant write it. The handwriting seemed different. Strange, he usually comes and picks me up personally.

Not wanting to miss a chance to speak to him, I headed out, moving towards the kitchens, a slight smile on my face. But as I drew closer to the entryway to the kitchen, my steps slowed, my enthusiasm fizzling out.

There were two people talking in the kitchen.

I peeked around the corner, my heart skipping as I realized it was Nate and Edith.

How did she know Nate was here? I wondered briefly. Was this all set up by her? It would explain the strange letter.

“Where is Lenora?” Nate’s voice was colder than I had ever heard before.

Edith clasped her hands, stepping closer to the prince. “I’m sorry, Your Highness, I deceived you. I just desperately wanted to speak with you and knew you wouldn’t come if I put the right name on it… after all, I know what lies Lenora has spoken about me!”

She wiped a few tears from her eyes, smiling prettily. “We grew up together, but she was always jealous of me. Always making up terrible rumors to ruin my reputation. Even now, I’m forced into an engagement with the prince due to her schemes when the one I truly love…” Edith hesitated, her cheeks blushing, “… is you.”

My breath froze painfully in my chest, as I stood silently in shock, staring at the two. What was happening? Why is this…? I shook my head, unsure of whether or not to step out. I had no claim to Nate, regardless of my feelings. He should have the chance to respond…

“Is there something wrong with your brain?”

“…”

Edith and I both stared at Nate silently, confused.

“I’m not even going to touch your blatant lies about Ronan, when I’ve personally seen you scheme behind Lenora’s back to betray her with her fiancé. I’ll ignore the lies about whatever feelings you claim to have for me, when you treated me as a servant not too long ago before you knew my identity. “

He stepped forward, his face grim. “But I will not look aside as you lie about the woman I love.”

What?

“What?” Edith voiced out my thoughts unintentionally.

“Is it really so surprising?” He laughed, spreading his hands helplessly. “Lenora is a truly amazing person. I have never met someone who cares for others so much. She once intentionally put her life in danger, just to prevent the people in her Duchy from being taken advantage of by corrupt men. She cries at the thought of someone going hungry. And no matter how hard she works, how much effort she puts in for others, she never seeks the spotlight, never asks to be compensated or rewarded.”

“But…” Edith sputtered. “You’ve just been fed lies by her people… They’ll say anything for her!”

He shook his head. “Why do you think the people around her are so loyal? She furiously protects those close to her, never putting herself before them. She’s earned their trust, and doesn’t betray it.”

His voice grew softer. “I love her. Her confidence at facing a hostile world, her absolutely crazy plans. Her smiles. Her tears. Everything.” He chuckled. “Even her denseness.”

“I-“ Edith stared at him, open mouthed, obviously thrown. I felt the same.

“So whatever your plan is, to make her sad, to make her jealous, I don’t know. But I’ll never look away from her, so it’s useless to waste your time here.” He turned away. “I was going to tell you this in the morning, but your shamelessness has overcome whatever thoughts of politeness I had. I’ve arranged for you to leave Tilendria and return home. Never bother Lenora again.”

“YOU CAN’T DO THIS!” She shouted.

“I can, and I have. In fact… I think you should leave tonight. I’ll make your goodbyes to Lenora.” He rang a small bell on the wall, and after a few moments a servant stepped in through a back door. “Escort her to the stables. Miss Edith is leaving now.”

It took three servants to drag her out, as she struggled and cursed, screaming at Nate that she would never give up. Her shouts faded into silence as they closed the door behind them, leaving Nate alone in the kitchen, with me spying on him from the doorway.

He sighed with relief, sitting down and holding his face in his hands. “As long as she’s safe, it’s okay.” He whispered.

I felt torn. Should I step in and talk to him? What would I say? How could I say it? I felt happy, embarrassed... terrified.

After a few moments of indecision, I quietly went back to my room, ashamed but unable to turn around to speak to him. I wasn’t ready to face this.

Not yet.

_________________________

Over the next few days I became more and more restless, an uneasy feeling building in my chest. I couldn’t help but think that something terrible was about to happen, even if I couldn’t figure out what. My anxiety seemed to infect Hallers and the rest, who were more on guard.

Then, after about a week, Nate called me over, looking upset.

I kept my expression carefully neutral as I approached him. We had still spent time together in the last few days since I overheard him and Edith, but I had cut most of our time together short, feeling uncomfortable. I didn’t know how to face him, knowing how I felt. How he felt.

I had trusted love so much in my last life. Could I really do it again?

“I have to go on a trip.” Nate told me as soon as I arrived.

The unexpected news gave me pause. “Is something wrong?”

“Bandits.” He said quietly. “Right at the border. There’s already been multiple attacks. Something isn’t right, either… they seem too well trained…” He paused shaking his head. “I have to go and see this for myself. There’s something we’re missing. I have to leave today.”

I thought of how George died, my chest tight with fear. “Do you really have to? I mean… it won’t be safe.”

“It’s okay.” He smiled, seeming to understand my concerns. “I’ll take every precaution. “ He reached out, taking my hand in his. “I’m just sad to be away from you. Please be careful while I’m gone.”

I nodded, not taking my hand back, letting him hold it. “I’ll be careful if you will be too.”

He laughed at that. “Deal. And when I get back…” His face grew more serious. “Let’s have a talk.”

“Okay.” I agreed, my heart beating fast. “We will.”

“…” He still seemed reluctant, but eventually bowed, kissing the hand he still held. “Goodbye Lenora.”

Nate turned and walked away, his cheeks bright red.

“Goodbye, Nate.” I whispered, wishing I could pull him back.

_________________________

I felt slightly lost with Nate gone, even as I stayed busy, overseeing the shop, wandering the city, having dinner with the King and Queen. It was strange to know he wasn’t nearby. Even with me avoiding him, the knowledge that I could see him every day had been comforting, and losing that made me feel off balance.

I returned to my room that night, sitting down with a sigh.

The peace and quiet didn’t last long.

“LENORA!” Rig burst in, Hallers trailing behind. “Something’s wrong!”

“Is it Nate?!” He had just left!

To my relief, he shook his head. “We received two messages, one from my people, and one from your spy within Edith’s people.

Angela?

I took the messages reading them carefully. Rig’s spy was concerned as the Reterand Royal palace had been making movements, organizing a secret force, but the location of their deployment remained unknown.

The second from Angela was simple:

“Please come back. The Queen needs you.”

I shook my head. “Something is wrong.” The uneasiness I had felt grew worse. “The King is planning something. We have to go.”

Rig shook his head. “Don’t be foolish. You returning home right now could put you in danger! Let me send some people over, to investigate.”

“No.” I stood up. “We have a plan, remember? And for that… I’ll have to see the King face to face.” I looked at the note from Angela, my mind racing. Had she betrayed me again to Edith? Or was the Queen truly in danger?

Either way… it was time to go home.

#writing #i can't eat love #things are happening #fantasy #second life #second chance #love and other such things

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screamingatanemptyroom · 5 years ago

Text

I Can’t Eat Love 25/26

Hey everybody. Wasn’t sure where to cut it, so I’m posting both parts together!

The party is here. Bad schemes afoot.

Master post linked here.

Enjoy!

___________________________

This feels like a trap.

I walked into the ballroom of the royal palace, unable to shake a sense of dark unease that hung over me. I glanced around the room, admiring the golden decorations, and the guests enjoying themselves in small groups, each dressed in the latest and finest fashion. Despite the beautiful and jovial atmosphere, there was a tenseness, an anxiety I couldn’t shake. I was on the King’s territory, and I still had no idea as to what his plans could be.

Things started going wrong right from the beginning.

“I’m sorry miss, only servants from the royal palace may serve in the banquet tonight.” A palace steward blocked Hallers’ path as soon as we entered , explaining his actions with an apologetic smile.

I frowned. “Is there no way I can bring him in? I depend on him greatly in all matters.”

The steward shook his head. “This regards Their Majesties’ safety, and so I’m afraid I cannot compromise on this.”

Hallers looked distraught for a brief moment, before gathering his composure and stepping back. I stopped in my tracks, staring back at him, feeling unsure. Hallers was always nearby to support me, and especially tonight, with my worries… I didn’t want to be alone.

But I had no reason to be exempt from the rules, and I couldn’t defy the King’s orders. With a smile in Hallers’ direction to reassure him, I turned back towards the ballroom, preparing to head in with my family.

Mother had traveled home, making it back in time for the banquet, and now stood beside father without expression. She and I hadn’t spoke since her arrival, I glanced over at her, studying her composed appearance, beautiful in her gown, which was a blue so dark it was almost black. Mother must have sensed my gaze, our eyes met as she smiled coldly at me.

“Ready to enter? Or would you like to delay us further because you don’t want to be separated from your servant?” Her voice was mocking, the clear dislike in her eyes obvious to everyone around us.

Father shifted uncomfortably, but didn’t speak up in my defense. I felt a brief flash of disappointment in him, before dismissing his presence from my mind. Instead I smiled prettily at my mother, enjoying her discomfort at my reaction.

“Thank you for your concern, Mother. I was being too selfish. You are a shining example of nobility and faithfulness, and I can only hope to learn from you in the future.” I curtsied, carefully not letting any sarcasm escape my voice.

Mother’s face went pale. “You smart mouthed brat!” She hissed. “How dare you disrespect me…”

“But Mother,” I interrupted, my smile widening. “I only said you were noble and faithful, why would this upset you?”

She gaped at me, her face now red with anger, as she realized she had no answer to that. Chuckling, I turned away, preparing to enter the ballroom.

“Ready?” I asked Henry, who stood at my side with an uncomfortable expression.

He tugged on his collar. “Can I go back home to the greenhouse?”

“Nope.”

“Then yes, I’m ready.” He offered his arm, and we walked down he steps into the main ballroom together. Multiple stares turned in our direction as the steward announced us, and I fought to keep my expression unchanged. Between the public dissolution of my engagement, the rumors of my supposed affairs, and the even darker whispers that the Duchy of Armeny was financially ruined, I had become a target of scrutiny and speculation.

The moves Marile had made with Prosperity had quelled the worst of the rumors, but there was still quite a few who seemed to revel in the misfortunes that my family and I had fallen into. I ignored them, however, keeping our pace slow and measures as if no one was staring at me at all.

Apparently I wasn’t the only one uncomfortable with the attention. Henry leaned over, whispering. “I feel like a piece of meat at the market.”

I glanced around, noting that many of the young noblewomen were eying Henry with interest. As the young, unmarried Duchy’s heir, many had set their sights on him as a good match. The intensity of their stares were a little much, though.

“I really want to go back to the greenhouse. The plants are a lot less frightening.” He murmured, frowning.

“Head up, eyes forward, just pretend they aren’t there.” I answered quietly. “No one will force the issue with the Queen present. Just make sure not to dance with any one girl too many times or speak with them too long. Otherwise it might be interpreted as you forming a match.”

He blinked. “I think I’m just going to hide behind you if that’s okay.”

“Suit yourself.” We stopped speaking as we reached the king and queen on their thrones. I curtsied and Henry bowed, the motion near perfect, a testament to all the practice I had forced him to undergo.

“Your majesties. Happy Birthday to the Queen.” I kept my gaze down politely, but the Queen obviously had no patience for courtesy, she stepped down off her throne, grabbing me and pulling me into a tight hug.

“Sweetheart! I was afraid you wouldn’t make it!” She sounded so relieved, I felt bad for her.

“I apologize, we were delayed…”

“None of that matters now that you’re here!” She embraced me again. “Let’s go catch up!” She tugged on my hand, leading me away.

Nonplussed, I looked up at the king, concerned for a moment that he would be upset with the Queen, but his expression was calm, looking unconcerned about his wife’s actions. His gaze met mine, and I shuddered with fear. He was smiling, maintaining a perfectly happy and content countenance. Despite his son’s multiple failures to force me back into an engagement with him, the king looked as though everything was going perfectly according to plan.

The feeling of being trapped increased.

“Dear, I’m so sorry.” The Queen lowered her voice so only I could hear. “Ronan brought along that girl along today.”

My eyes snapped up, seeing Edith standing off to the side. She was sipping from a wine glass, a superior smile on her face. Despite the Prince’s lack of official announcement of their relationship, her presence at this party alone was considered an elevation of status. Even as I considered this through, the Queen’s apologetic tone startled me out of my thoughts.

“I tried to tell him to not bring her, but he insisted that they are simply close friends and it would be rude to ignore her.” She snorted. “As if I’m that stupid. But the king intervened and said it would be fine, so I had no choice but to agree.”

I patted her on the arm. “Don’t worry about it, I have no resentment seeing them together.” And it was the truth. I felt nothing but a weary relief that I didn’t have to marry the Prince, and although I disliked both of them, I preferred them getting along. It made it less likely that the prince would come around again and bother me.

But the real question was, why had the king supported her being there?

Had he changed his mind regarding forcing our marriage? My forehead wrinkled as I thought of a worse possibility: Had he simply decided that it didn’t matter whether I was willing or not?

I felt an urge to run away. Perhaps sensing my discomfort, Queen Amerande rested a hand on my arm.

“I’m here for you. Let me know if you need help.”

Silently I nodded and she left me alone.

___________________________

I chatted with a few of the guests, avoiding the prince, Edith and my parents while carefully maneuvering around the room. A few dances had passed. I danced once with Henry, and then felt a familiar hand tap on my shoulder.

“Nate!” I found myself smiling unconsciously, and quickly hid it. He on the other hand, looked openly thrilled to be talking to me.

“May I have this dance?” With an easy familiarity, we danced together, and I felt myself relax slightly.

“How much longer can you stay before returning to Tilendria?” I asked, watching his smile falter slightly at the question.

“I can’t delay my return much longer.” He continued to lead me around the room, his steps synchronizing with my own. “My Father has already written me several times reminding me of my duties at home.”

I was startled at that. “You shouldn’t ignore that! Why have you stayed so long?”

“…” He stared at me silently, a wry grin tugging at his lips. “I had a goal I was trying to accomplish.”

“Is it not going well?” I cocked my head to the side, watching as his cheeks were stained with red.

“It’s more like I’m terrified of failing, so I haven’t made a true attempt.” He muttered, avoiding my gaze.

“You don’t seem like the sort to frighten easily.”

“I’m not. I’m just facing a powerful opponent.” He smiled, and I felt my heart skip a beat in my chest as it lit up his whole face. “But I haven’t given up yet.”

“Well, you are one of the smartest and kindest people I know.” I smiled back, curious as his face was now bright red. “I’m sure you’ll succeed.”

“Ah—um, yes, I hope so too, thanks.”

“If there’s anything I can do to help, just ask.” I chuckled. “After all, you’ve already helped me out so much!”

He finally looked up, and I was startled to see a mix of happiness, fear and sadness in his eyes. “I’m happy to have your support. But I’d rather you not feel indebted. Everything I’ve ever done for you was something freely given. Don’t feel as if you need to return the favor.”

“…” I shook my head, confused. “Don’t be too worried about it. I’m not one to be forced to do something I don’t want to do.”

“Good.” He tilted his head towards the side of the room, where the Prince and Edith stood. “Did the little prince finally give up?”

“I hope so.” I sighed quietly. “I have a bad feeling about tonight, though.” I felt silly bringing up concerns like this without evidence, but Nate simply accepted my words immediately.

“I’ll keep an eye out for anything suspicious, and if you need help for anything, I’ll be right there.”

His words brought me a small sense of relief. “Thank you.”

The dance came to an end, and we separated from each other. To my surprise, however, instead of escorting me back to the side he continued to hold onto my hand while performing a deep, respectful bow.

“Thank you, Lenora, for honoring me with this dance.” Gently, he kissed the back of my hand, before releasing it and offering his arm to escort me.

I stood there, stunned, my cheeks burning and my mind racing as I followed beside them. I almost asked him what he had been thinking, but noticed that despite his calm appearance, the arm I was holding was trembling and his ears were bright red. Thinking better of it, I followed beside him silently, smiling without fully understanding why.

As Nate dropped me off by Henry and walked away, a dazed expression on his face, my cousin leaned over to whisper in my ear.

“The prince looks angry.”

I turned in the direction he was gesturing in, and saw Ronan, standing next to Edith, both of whom were staring at me. Edith was frowning, a strange expression on her face as she glanced continuously between me and Nate. Ronan’s face was red with anger, he glared at Nate’s back before looking at me with disgust. I simply shook my head and turned back towards Henry, ignoring him.

Why would he care who I danced with?

Nervous, I looked over to the King and Queen. The Queen seemed delighted, calling over Nate to talk to him, giving him what appeared to be a lecture. Nate stood calmly, nodding at her words. The King studied Nate with a thoughtful expression, his eyes narrowed. Slowly his gaze moved over, crossing over me.

He smiled, the expression confident, composed.

I shuddered, and looked away.

___________________________

Soon it was time to present gifts to the Queen. At a larger party this ceremony could take hours, but fortunately the Queen had limited the guest list to a more manageable group. Ronan went first, presenting his mother with a jewel encrusted necklace, spouting words of affection and respect that seemed scripted.

The Queen politely accepted it, her eyes seeming a little sad as she watched her son perform for the crowd.

Edith was pushed next, brought to the front of the line by the Prince. She also presented jewelry. It as beautiful, and obviously expensive. I briefly wondered how she could afford such a gift, but watching Ronan’s expression, it was clear who had paid for it.

The Queen took the jewelry delicately, as if avoiding touching the girl, setting the gift beside her immediately with a simple word of gratitude.

Edith frowned at the Queen’s response, but still seemed excited about being the center of attention. She curtsied, wobbling slightly with the gesture, and smiled brightly as she stood at the Prince’s side, her positioning a clear declaration of the Prince’s preferences. There were scattered whispers around the room as the nobility saw this, but eventually the crowd settled down and it was my turn.

“You Majesty…” I stepped forward and curtsied, only to be halted by the Queen as she held up a hand.

“Please don’t be so formal, dear.” She smiled. “We will never be related by marriage now, but I consider you my daughter. Please, I would be honored if you would call me ‘mother’.”

The room descended into chaos at these words.

Out of my peripheral vision I could see Nate beaming and Henry laughing. My mother’s face was dark with anger, glaring at the Queen with hatred. My father was staring off in the distance, unconcerned. Edith’s face was ugly as she stared at me, her gaze seeming to be trying to burn holes into me with its intensity. Ronan seemed confused. Only the King watched calmly, his expression never changing.

I had to answer.

Forcing myself to smile easily, I stepped forward and embraced the Queen instead of curtsying.

“Mother. Happy Birthday.”

I still held onto my reservations, fear, and painful memories regarding the Queen, but for now it would only do both her and me harm to reject her kindness publically. Queen Amerande smiled broadly, looking for all the world as if her truest wish had come true.

“Ah, Daughter, now I am happier than I ever have been. Any present you try to give me now will pale in comparison to the one you’ve already given.

I grinned. “Despite that, let me present my gift.” I held out a box, which she opened with a gleeful expression. Pulling out a simple gown of a dark red color, she looked at it with a smile.

“I hope that you can forgive any mistakes, it was handmade by myself.” I started to curtsey again out of habit, but stopped when the Queen raised an eyebrow. With a smile she started to examine the simple appearing gown closer.

“It’s lovely…” She started to compliment her present, but in the audience, a loud derisive snort could be heard.

The Queen turned a cold gaze onto Edith, who had made the noise. “Does Miss Edith have something to say regarding my daughter’s present?”

The titles of “Miss” given to her, and “Daughter” given to me were obviously meant to remind the girl not to overstep, but unfortunately she didn’t seem to understand the Queen’s warning.

“Forgive me your Majesty,” She smiled ingratiatingly and curtsied. “I just felt that this simple dress is not appropriate to give to someone of your eminence.”

The Queen frowned. “This was made through her hard work and time, and is therefore much more valuable than any common jewels or baubles that can be purchased on a whim.”

Edith and the Prince flushed red at her words, obviously referencing their gifts. I smiled at Queen Amerande, stepping forward to speak in defense of my present.

“Actually, Mother, This dress has many layers. This is the simple exterior.” I reached down, releasing a tiny button and folding back the skirt. Reversed, the now revealed inner layer contained intricate silver embroidery of flowers. Looked at from further away, it would appear like a glittering garden around the Queen’s feet. “This is the hidden value.”

As I revealed the true nature of the dress there were gasps of surprise from around the crowd. I kept a calm smile on my face and stepped back without commenting further. I was the owner and designer for “Prosperity” after all, how could I present the Queen with a subpar design?

She stared at her present, smiling with tears in her eyes. “Thank you! It’s beautiful!” She reached out and hugged me again. “You didn’t have to work so hard just for me.”

“I was happy to.” I murmured, waiting for her to let me go before stepping back to join the crowd.

There was a brief uproar as people stepped forward to study the dress, but soon things were organized again and the presents continued. The remainder of the gift giving ran smoothly, almost to the end, until Nate stepped forward with a smile and a bow.”

“Your Majesty, I’m afraid I only have this small gift for you, but I hope you will accept it.”

With a small flourish, he held out a small wooden chest. It was delicately engraved, and sapphire graced the top cover, lending elegance to the object. The Queen stepped forward, examining it closely, and opened it to reveal a velvet lined interior with a small recess for a single object, although it currently was empty.

Her mouth opened in shock. “A Chest of Gratitude?”

Confused silence reigned over the party. Even I stared at him, unsure. What was Nate thinking! A Chest of Gratitude was a traditional gift a man would give his mother-in-law! It was to thank the woman for raising his true love, and she was meant to keep a lock of her daughter’s hair within that recess. It was a common practice for both the rich and poor, and often presented during a serious courtship to announce the suitor’s true and noble intentions.

But Ronan was Queen Amerande’s only child!

Perhaps it means something different in his country. The thought made sense, so I used it to explain the oddity in front of me. I felt intense stares from several different people in the room, but ignored them.

Queen Amerande threw back her head and laughed loudly. “Thank you, Nate. You have a difficult road ahead of you.”

Nate smiled, bowing again. “Some of us were born to walk difficult roads, Your Majesty. I won’t turn away from hardship.”

With that he stepped back into the crowd, his cheerful grin only confusing me further. I felt the answer was clearly in front of me, but the closer I tried to look at it, the more a sense of pain and terror invaded my chest. Feeling overwhelmed, I decided to put it to the back of my mind and not think of it further.

The King stood up, clapping his hands. “Let’s all go to the adjoining room, where a marvelous birthday dinner is waiting.”

It was the first thing the King had ever said that I had approved of. Resisting the urge to give a cheer, I followed the crowd towards the banquet hall.

___________________________

A long table had been set, groaning under the weight of hundreds of dishes. My mouth watering, I waited impatiently for a groomsman to show me to my seat. Surprisingly, he led me to the opposite end of the table, far away from the King and Queen.

I would have thought she would want me nearby. A stray thought crossed my mind and unconsciously I found myself looking towards the Queen. Her face was red with irritation as she argued quietly with her husband, a finger pointing in my direction.

Ah. So it wasn’t her idea. I felt relieved at this, before pushing the emotion away. Meeting the Queen’s gaze, I shook my head slowly, letting her know I was okay with where I was sitting. After all, Ronan and Edith were sitting on that end of the table. At least I could eat in peace here. The Queen looked frustrated, but finally nodded her assent and the banquet started.

The food was delicious. As I happily tried different dishes, Nate who sat to my right leaned over with a smile. “Which ones are your favorite?”

I indicated the preferred dishes with a quick gesture of my utensils, and he chuckled. “Noted. Next time I’ll make you dishes similar to those.”

I swallowed the bite of food in my mouth. “Really? You can even make dishes like these?” Previously, after the incident with the debt he had kept his word and made me a simple stew at my request, which had been delicious, but this food seemed much more complicated.

Nate’s confident smile didn’t waver. “I can make it even better.”

“Then I would be glad to try.” At my simple answer he looked extremely happy, barely touching any more of the meal on his plate as he excitedly discussed different foods he would like me try.

As we spoke, a servant stepped between me and Henry who sat on my left, and poured wine into my glass. Feeling thirsty I started to reach out to grab my glass…

Only to stop as Henry pinched my elbow.

“Don’t drink that wine!” He hissed quietly, not looking up from his plate.

I reached out and grabbed my wine glass, pretending to take a sip. The wine looked normal, the only difference I could sense was a slightly floral aroma. I set the wine down and continued my meal, every muscle in my body tensed.

“What’s wrong with it?” I asked quietly, pretending to eat.

Henry shook his head, his eyes filled with anger. “There’s dissolved Gentle root in your drink. I smelled it when the servant poured it just now.”

I raised an eyebrow. “A poison?”

“Of sorts.” He stabbed his food with his knife, obviously trying to hide his rage. “It will confuse the senses, simulating drunkenness, and then render you unconscious.”

“…” I thought over the ramifications of that, my face going pale.

I was staying in the palace tonight.

What was the one way the King had left to force a marriage between the prince and I, a way that would tie me with iron clad chains to his son?

I clenched my hands in my lap, so tightly I could feel the bones creaking under the pressure. I lifted the glass again, using the moment as I pretended to drink to examine the rest of the room. The Queen and Edith were talking, although neither looked happy at the moment. The King sat there silently, paying no attention to me. Ronan however… He glanced over frequently in my direction, a smirk playing across his features as he saw me drinking the wine.

My stomach rolling, I set down the wine glass once more, this time very close to Nate’s glass.

“What’s wrong?” Nate whispered, pretending to eat as usual.

He had noticed. Feeling a slight warmth at the thought, I quietly relayed to him Henry’s discovery.

“Those bastards!” Nate cursed, even as he kept his face calm and even. “What do you want to do?” He tried to smile, but didn’t quite manage it. “Any revenge you want, I’ll help you carry out.”

“I have a plan.” I whispered instructions to him, and he nodded in agreement.

I reached out grabbing the nearby glass of wine and drank it steadily through the meal. I slowly began slurring my words, and swaying slightly in my seat. My words were just a little too loud to be polite, my laugh raucous and unrestrained.

All through it, Nate’s wineglass sat in front of him, untouched.

Finally, towards the end of the banquet, I staggered towards the head of the table, fumbling through a curtsey with the Queen.

“Y-your Majesty.” I spoke slowly, as if trying to force my words to remain clear. “I’m afraid I’m a bit…” I swayed on my feet, my eyes unfocused. “Unwell. Is it okay if I go to room to retire for the night?”

Edith muttered quietly “How shameful, she’s drunk!” But I ignored her, focusing on the Queen.

Her face only expressed concern. “Would you like me to come with you?”

I felt warmth in my heart at her words, but shook my head. “No, I just need to rest.”

As I walked to leave I had to pass by the Prince and Edith, and on my way… my feet moved awkwardly, slipping out from under me, and I crashed into both of their chairs. Nearly knocking both of them to the floor, there was some unbridled chaos as the three of us extricated ourselves.

“HOW DARE YOU?!” Ronan yelled, before glancing at his father and quieting down.

Edith looked enraged. “You crashed into His Royal Highness! You should be punished!”

I looked up at both of them from my spot on the floor where I had sat after falling, blinking owlishly. “Sorry. Must have tripped.”

I got up unsteadily, almost tripping again, forcing the Prince and Edith both to stand and take a step away from me, as they were afraid of being knocked down.

“Cousin, let me escort you, so that you don’t fall again.” With a gentle smile, Henry stepped forward and grabbed my arm, helping me out of the banquet.

“Let me come too!” The Queen jumped to her feet, pale with worry. I turned reaching out and hugging her.

“Let me go, I’ll explain later.” Hearing my obviously sober voice, she seemed shocked, but quickly regained her balance and nodded, saying loudly. “You’re right, daughter. It would be rude to leave my guests so soon. I will check on you in the morning.”

“Thank you.” I meant it sincerely. As I left with Henry, leaning on him heavily, I heard Nate cry out loudly.

“A TOAST!”

Smiling to myself, we left the banquet hall, and made our way to my room.

___________________________

As soon as we were there, the palace maids took over, wanting to help me change. Henry and I nodded at each other as he left, and I let the maids help me into my nightclothes, continuing to sway and slur my speech. Falling into bed, I asked them to leave and without another word they left me alone, further cementing my suspicions about what was about to happen in my mind. Despite my obviously intoxicated state, none of the maids volunteered to watch over me.

I sighed silently, waiting to be alone.

Once the door had closed I sprang into action. Changing into a pair of loose black pants and shirt and tying my hair up in a black cloth, I retrieved all of my hidden throwing knives, securing them to my belt.

“You look like a bandit, why do you own an outfit like that?” Henry stepped out from behind a painting, where the secret passages could clearly be seen behind him.

I worked on the streets as a spy for months. I couldn’t say this explanation of course, so I simply shrugged. “I like to be prepared.”

“That’s a good strategy, given the present circumstances.” Henry smiled.

“Did it work?” I asked, feeling nervous.

He gave a nod. “It did. During the chaos Nate and I each switched out a glass. They both received the Gentle Root.”

“Good.”

Silence fell over us as we waited. He shifted uncomfortably. “Are you sure they’re coming?”

I nodded. “Once they’re certain I’m asleep, and every one else has gone to their rooms, they’ll be coming to retrieve me.”

“… I’m sorry this has happened to you.” Henry looked so grieved, I couldn’t help but smile and try to comfort him.

“At least I had you here today! Otherwise…” I shook my head, not wanting to think about it.

We waited for quite some time before footsteps could be heard outside the room. Henry and I nodded at each other, each taking a spot on either side of the door, ready to move. From the other side, we could hear two voices, complaining.

“This is taking forever, do you think it’s time yet?”

“You saw how she looked when she left the hall, the Gentle root should be in full effect by now.” The answering voice chuckled, an ugly sound. “Then it’s just a matter of picking her up and delivering her to the prince’s room.”

Both Henry and my faces were grim. I had suspected the plan ever since discovering the poisoned wine, but to hear it stated so plainly…

“Well let’s go.” The men opened the door, striding into my room quietly, waking towards the bed.

We reached out at the same time knocking the two men face forward to the ground. Before they could react, Henry stepped forward, dumping a powder onto their faces. After sneezing a few times, they were quickly unconscious.

I whistled in appreciation. “That’s some powder.”

“I made it myself. I was thinking it would be worthwhile as a self defense weapon… it seems to be fairly effective.”

“That’s an understatement.” Nate, stepping through the secret passageway, smiled as he saw the unconscious men. “Good work.”

“Did they drink?” I asked stepping away from my attempted attackers.

“I made them toast at least five or six times.” Nate grinned. “They definitely drank some.”

“Good.” I turned to Henry. “Can you dump these two in an empty room, maybe put some empty bottles near them so it looks like they were drinking?”

Henry nodded. “Done.”

“Then let’s go.” I waved Nate on, and we stepped into the passageway.

I navigated the passageways with ease, moving silently. Finally we reached our destination. I stepped into the room unhesitatingly, Nate behind me.

Prince Ronan laid on the bed, unconscious. I stared at him furiously for a moment.

Although I figured the extent of their plan had simply been to place me into his room, and have me “discovered” there the next morning, my reputation would have been damaged beyond recovery. My fists clenched, the desire to strike him overwhelming.

How dare they?

With a sigh I turned away, gesturing to Nate. “Grab him.”

A sad expression in his eyes as he watched me, Nate stepped forward without hesitation, hoisting the prince over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes.

We stepped into the passage again, and when we exited we were in another room.

I smiled at the surroundings, and the young woman sleeping deeply on the bed.

“Dump him on the floor.” I pointed to the floor next to the bed. Nate put him down, stepping back solemnly.

We watched the sleeping couple for a few silent moments. I felt a burning sensation in my stomach, tired of the entire business.

“Do you think less of me?” I asked quietly.

His eyes were harsh as he studied the couple. “It’s more than they deserve.”

Reaching down, I grasped the prince’s shirt and ripped it open. Leaving the rest of his clothes intact, I stepped back into the passageway, ending up in my room once again.

“Are you alright?” Nate asked, watching me with a worried expression.

“I- I don’t know.” I shuddered with fear, acutely aware of how close I had been to falling into the King’s trap. Nate reached out, hugging me tightly, a comforting warmth surrounding me.

“You have us by your side. No matter what.” He whispered by my ear, before stepping back into the passageway, leaving me alone to my thoughts.

___________________________

The next morning I stepped into the hallway outside Edith’s rooms. A palace maid opened her outer door to my knock, her face confused to see me so early.

“Miss? Lady Edith is still asleep in her room.”

“I need to speak to Lady Edith urgently. Please wake her now.” Seeing my concerned expression, the maid nodded, opening the inner door to check on her.

She then shrieked in surprise. I looked over her shoulder, giving out a surprised shout.

“Your Highness! WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN EDITH’S ROOM?!”

The sound of the maid’s cries and my shouts woke all the guests and soon the hallway was filled with people. Edith and Ronan, still groggy from the drugged wine, were now staring at each other with silent shock.

“WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?!” The King’s roar shook the walls around us, and he entered, his royal robes askew, his face red with rage.

The maid, terrified, explained what she had found. The Queen, who had just arrived, shook her head. “We’ll announce their engagement immediately.”

I smiled, watching the scene with satisfaction. I had given Edith and the Prince exactly what they wanted, at the same time ensuring that there was nothing the King could do to force me to marry his son now.

But as I met the King’s eyes, the smile slowly faded from my face. He stared at me, a small smile tugging at his lips, his eyes filled with a deathly rage. He looked ready to kill.

This wasn’t over.

#writing #i can't eat love #multiple part post #plots schemes #second life #second chance

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screamingatanemptyroom · 5 years ago

Text

I Can’t Eat Love pt 21

Sorry for the long break guys, but here’s part 21!

Master post linked here

Enjoy!

__________________________

After I finished sewing, I said goodbye to Marile and walked towards the shop exit. I was preoccupied with my thoughts, and wasn’t focused on where i was stepping. Which led to me almost running into the young woman who was waiting right outside the door.

I stopped just before slamming into her, taking in her appearance with a forced smile. “Hello, Edith.”

How had she found me? After a few moments of thought I quickly realized the answer to my question was easily found in my own home.

I’m going to have to deal with Angela sooner rather than later.

Edith stepped forward, interrupting my thoughts. Her face was delicately pale, her smile complicated as if happy to see me but worried at the same time. It was very pitiful, and she looked more like a wronged heroine confronting her betrayer, rather than the villain that she was. “I missed you, Lenora! I wanted to visit sooner but I was afraid you wouldn’t want to see me… after…”

Her voice broke, and she lightly dabbed her eyes with a handkerchief, actual tears forming in her eyes.

What a marvelous performance. I really felt like I should be applauding.

“After you ran around with my fiancé behind my back?” I tried unsuccessfully to hide the amusement in my voice. “Why wouldn’t I want to see you?”

She was now sobbing loudly, catching attention from those walking past. “Can you not forgive me? I never meant to hurt you! I just… fell in love! I cannot help loving him!” Even in tears her face remained pretty, her expressions showing mild sadness while maintaining a noble look. I wondered idly how many times one would have to practice crying to be able to look attractive while convincing at the same time.

I sighed quietly. “I wish the two of you can be always together.” As long as you stay far away from me!

“Are we still friends?” She stopped crying her gaze hopeful. A few people had stopped to watch the scene, the mood clearly siding with the girl who was crying. I felt many angry stares in my direction and wanted to laugh out loud. How many of these strangers would realize that the girl who they thought was being bullied was the one who had done the betraying?

Feeling tired, I forced a kind expression on my face. “Of course.” I felt no unease agreeing to this. After all, “friend” was only a meaningless term. There was no reason to hesitate applying it to such a person.

I invited her into my carriage and with a cheerful laugh she agreed. All signs of her previous tears were gone and she once again was pretending to be the gentle supportive friend. I was honestly shocked at how quickly she had switched roles. If I had honestly been in love with the prince still, did she think I would be over it so fast? She was being even more shameless than she had acted in my previous life.

There must be something else she wants.

Hiding my curiosity, I smiled blandly at her, pretending to listen as she chattered on about the latest dance she had learned. Edith at least had enough tact not to bring up the Prince… or so I thought.

“So, I am holding a party next week.” She started fidgeting in her seat.

“I see.” I nodded, my mind wandering to tomorrow’s schedule.

“There… I will be announcing that the Prince and I intend to be married. “

Calmly, I looked up at her fake-timid smile and couldn’t help but ask. “So it’s official then? You are engaged?”

Obviously the stupid prince hadn’t told her he had proposed to me again. I felt a brief flash of optimism. Perhaps my rejection had been enough for him to disregard the King’s order completely?

“Well, not officially, yet.” Her lower lip stuck out as she pouted, whether at her words or at my lack of reaction I was unsure. “Ronan has told me to keep quiet about it for a little while to protect your reputation, but by then I’m sure it will be fine!”

Protect my reputation? I barely held in my laughter. Since when has he cared at all about that? I forced myself to nod seriously.

Edith reached out, grabbing my hands, not noticing my discomfort at the contact. “I want you to be there, to support me.”

__________________________

“Please be there.” Edith begged, her hands holding mine.

“I don’t know…” I trailed off, hesitant. It had been over a month since the engagement was broken. Mother had grown angrier by the day, Father had become increasingly withdrawn, anxiety etched on his features as debtors came to call day after day. I was still hurt over what Edith and Ronan had done, unsure if I wanted to subject myself to a party where I would show my support for the girl who had replaced me…

“Oh, but you must be there! We’re friends!” She cried bitterly, her tears making me feel guilty for causing her distress.

I was still afraid to lose her approval, even after everything that had happened. She was the only one who seemed to care about me. I hadn’t seen or heard from the Queen since, all my letters had gone unanswered. She obviously had lost interest in me now that I was no longer going to be her daughter in law. Edith was my only friend left.

And it was only a party.

“I’ll go.”

__________________________

“I’ll go.” My simple words seemed to shock Edith, who was obviously prepared to argue longer. Shaking herself, she smiled happily, clapping her hands with excitement.

“That’s wonderful! It wouldn’t have been a proper party without you there!” She reached out and hugged me, “I’m so glad we’re still friends!”

“I’m glad too.” I smiled as I pulled back, glad that the slightly shadowy interior of the carriage prevented her from seeing my face too clearly. If she had, she might have taken back the invitation. She might have canceled the party and fled the city.

It would have been the smart thing to do.

But instead she took my expression for genuine, and continued to talk happily about plans for the party as the carriage moved forward.

I kept silent, nodding occasionally, pretending to listen as my brain quickly began drawing up plans.

This party could be useful.

__________________________

“The Prince’s staff have been trying to spread rumors all throughout the nobility.”

Rig paced back and forth, his expression showing his displeasure. Hallers watched silently from the sidelines, his face unreadable. “How idiotic is this man?!”

I raised an eyebrow. “The prince? He’s an idiot, but this plan is fairly well thought out… at least for him.”

“But how is the prince lashing out like this supposed to convince you to marry him?” Throwing up his hands, the man slumped in a chair, shaking his head. “I can’t see this accomplishing anything but convincing you to stay far away from him.”

“That’s because you think like a normal, decent human being.” I smiled, tapping my temple. “In the world of nobility, marriage is more of a business deal. As a Duke’s daughter, my worth is determined by my ability to tie my family to another.” Leaning back, I sighed. “Normally, I would have been completely taken out of consideration for a match after having an engagement broken with royalty.”

Rig thought about that. “But your reputation was actually not too bad after…”

“Exactly. The Queen’s actions, my own reputation, and my wealth might have been enough to convince some of the braver families to try to ally through marriage. But now?” I shrugged. “With rumors that I was unfaithful, any man who tried to marry me would be thought to be the one I was cheating on the Prince with. Even if they avoided that, I would still be considered a loose woman, a stain on their reputation.”

I laughed, a bitter sound. “No man would want his name tied to mine now. The Prince has ensured through this move that my only option to marry is to crawl back to him.”

Rig and Hallers stared at each other. “I don’t think it completely dissuaded everyone…” Rig started to talk, a small smile on his face. “After all there’s…”

Hallers interrupted. “He’s not approved... yet.”

“I thought you liked him now?” Rig glanced over at me and then back to the butler.

“Liking him is not the same as approval for this role.” Hallers face hadn’t changed, but all of a sudden I found myself shivering from the coldness in his eyes, even as I struggled to follow their conversation.

Rig’s smile widened. “Of course, anyone trying to step up to the task would have to prove their worth. We can’t just give her up to anyone.”

Hallers chuckled, an evil sound.

I interrupted their plotting, trying to bring the conversation back to one I understood. “Not that any of the Prince’s plans matter.” I shrugged. “I have no plans to marry. So he can destroy my reputation all he likes.”

“Actually it’s not spreading well.” Rig looked at his own notes, confused. “For some reason, especially among the female nobility, the rumor tends to die out quickly, like they’re too afraid to talk.”

I smiled at that, repeating the threat that Marile had made a week past, and the other men smiled too.

“Simple, but effective.” Rig praised. “I like her methods.”

“Well, it will really be put to the test at Edith’s party tonight.” I stood up at my desk, stretching. “We’ll see if they continue to hold off on then.”

“Why are you even going to that? You realize she’s trying to use you to legitimize her relationship to the prince, right?” Rig rolled his eyes. “If you are publically seen supporting her, how can anyone else blame HER for her actions?”

I grinned. “Actually I’m going for two very different reasons.” I held up one finger. “First, as the Prince is currently under His Majesty’s orders to marry me, I truly am curious to see if Ronan will allow a public declaration of their relationship to happen. I’m actually hoping that she manages to do it.”

Rig laughed at that. “That would piss the King off, something awful!”

“I certainly hope so.”

“Then what’s the second reason?”

I grinned. “I have a plan to carry out.” Handing him a note with instructions, I watched his eyebrows slowly raise as he read through it. “Can you have it arranged before the end of the party?”

“I- I can, but why…?”

I smiled wickedly. “I was going to cause trouble anyways… might as well blame it on somebody else while I’m at it.”

__________________________

The party was beautiful. The Countess of Erand was never one to hold back from extravagance, especially on behalf of her daughter. I took in the glittering ballroom with an appreciative glance, smiling as I noticed how many of the noblewoman were wearing gowns from “Prosperity” tonight. Edith’s party had granted my business a small fortune in orders. I wished I could thank her.

As I entered with Henry by my side, I heard a small amount of whispering, caught a few sidelong glances, but that was all. It seemed that even the men were restrained, likely by the hands of their wives who were terrified that Marile would hold a husband’s gossiping tongue against them.

“Terrible.” Henry muttered, looking around. At first I thought he as referencing the few gossiping nobles, but of course he hadn’t even noticed. “How could they treat the poor geraniums like this?!” He stared mournfully at the flower decorations, which admittedly looked slightly bruised and wilted.

“Shameful.” I whispered, playing along. “Should we steal the decorations?”

“No, it’s too late for these poor dears… but I’m taking their bush with me.” His eyes were fierce.

“Please tell me you’re joking.”

“Nope. I’m saving it.” He spoke, his voice filled with righteousness and clear conviction. “I have no choice.”

I sighed, rubbing my forehead. “Just make sure no one sees you, please?”

He chuckled grimly, rubbing his hands together. “Of course.”

“What’s Henry planning?” Nate walked up, dressed up in a beautiful waistcoat, looking at my cousin’s face with suspicion.

“He’s planning to liberate their geraniums.” I muttered, grabbing the young man’s arm and studying it closely.

“L-lenora.” He stuttered. “I - ..”

“What is this coat made of? This weave…”I pulled slightly on the sleeve, nodding with approval the softness of the fabric.

He sighed. “Should have realized.” Grumbling under his breath, he added. “Please, Lenora, release my arm before you cause a scandal, I promise to send my coat to you so you can study it.”

I looked around, realizing that this action would likely not have helped my shifting reputation, fortunately around the same time the prince had arrived, and it appeared that no one had been paying attention to me.

Breathing a sigh of relief, I looked around for the food, my eyes lighting up at the sight of the table. It was filled with different pastries and other delicious treats, reminding me of the prince’s birthday party.

But I had a job to do. I felt my the corners of my mouth turn downward as I cursed my scheming ways. What if all the food was taken by the time I finished my plot?

Nate, noticing my longing glances and sad sighs, chuckled. “I’ll get you a plate, Lenora. Go do whatever plots that need done.”

Startled, I looked up at him, taking in his complacent smile with confusion. “How did you…?”

“I pay attention.” He bowed politely, his hand on his heart and a smile in his eyes, before he turned towards the table, walking away.

I watched him move further away, my thoughts chaotic.

“Nate would be a good choice.” Henry spoke quietly, again causing me to jump.

“W-what do you mean?” I felt a moment of panic, my stomach hurting briefly. “A good choice for what?”

Henry stared at me. “I’m going to recruit him to help me steal the geranium. What were you thinking?”

I shook my head, “Nothing. I wasn’t thinking of anything.” And with that, I escaped

__________________________

I walked towards Edith, a smile on my face. She saw me, and threw her hands out, delighted.

“LENORA!” Many heads turned towards us as we crossed the room to meet up.

As I moved closer, I bumped into a young lady, nearly losing my balance. I had to reach out and grab her, to stabilize myself. We smiled briefly at each other, before I moved on, apologizing with a single word and then continuing my course towards Edith.

She and I embraced, and the whispers from the crowd around us increased slightly.

I realized the source as a single figure stepped out though the crowd towards us

Ronan.

The three of us stood there, smiling at each other, each of us wearing a false expression.

What an interesting party. All of us plotting behind the scenes, none of us truly knowing the moves of the others.

Edith, who was trying to use my good reputation to legitimize her actions and her relationship with the prince.

Ronan who was trying to destroy my reputation to force me to agree to an engagement with him.

And me. Who came for a reason that didn’t involve either of them.

Smiling brightly at the two, I hugged Edith once more, whispering. “Good Luck.” Before she could ask me what I meant, I stepped away.

“I wish you both every happiness.” My voice was pleasantly neutral.

Ronan’s eyes narrowed. “Don’t think that you can…”

“Thank you.” Edith grinned, interrupting. “Your blessing means the world to us!”

“Does it?” I grinned, seeing Ronan fuming, and walked away.

“Done with your plots?” A plate was held out in front of me by Nate, and I took it, looking it over with appreciation.

“Good choices, thank you.

He shrugged. “I asked Hallers, and was given very specific and detailed instructions.” Wincing, he added. “I have a feeling I’m in for a very long lecture regarding your preferences in the near future.”

“I’m sorry, I can tell him to hold off.”

“No need.” He held up a hand, smiling. “I told you I like cooking right? Might as well cook something I know you’ll like.”

I took a bite of the first pastry, savoring it. “This is amazing.”

Nate laughed. “Who knew that a pastry was all it took to impress you.” Pausing, he leaned closer, whispering. “So what was it you passed on to the young lady?

I paused in my eating, trying to hide my shock. “To Edith? I didn’t…”

“No, not her.” He grinned. “The young lady you pretended to bump into on your way over.”

“Was it too obvious?” I worried for a moment that my skills from my previous life had gotten rusty.

“Only because I was watching closely. No one else would have caught it.”

Breathing a short sigh of relief, I grinned. “Good. Otherwise there would be no point to coming to this party.”

“Food’s not bad.” Nate shrugged, picking a pastry off my plate and eating it, “Company could be better.” He pointed in the direction of the other half of the room, and I followed his gaze, sighing.

Edith and Ronan were standing closely together, flirting, smiling, toughing each other frequently. There were a few odd stares in their direction, but the pair didn’t notice, too wrapped up in their own world.

“Does it bother you?” Nate asked quietly

“Not the actions, just the indecisiveness.” I shrugged. “He wants me to marry him to appease his father, but he wants to pretend nothing has changed with Edith. He obviously has forbidden her from announcing the relationship, which was the entire point of this party for her.”

“Selfishness is a powerful motivator.” He watched me for a few moments. “Do you feel sorry for her?”

“Not really. They both value the position, the crown over the person they proclaim to love. It’s hard to claim one is the injured party when each other them is using the other.” I turned to Nate with a smile. “Let’s stay out of it.”

“Sounds good to me.” With that, Nate asked me to dance, and the party moved on.

I danced several times with Henry, ignoring his muttered plant related plots, and with a few other noblemen who had obviously not heard the rumors yet. The party was drawing to a close, when…

“WHERE IS SHE?!” The Earl of Beral shouted, his face bright red with rage as he searched around the party.

I looked around the room slowly, and sure enough, Lady Erica, who had been dancing and socializing at the party, was nowhere to be found.

The Countess of Erand and Edith stepped forward in the sudden hush, the crowd parting to let them through.

“Perhaps she is taking a rest.” Edith’s mother tried to calm the man. “I’ll ask the servants to check…”

“I’VE ALREADY CHECKED, SHE’S GONE! I BET YOU SHE RAN OFF WITH THAT TRAITOR FROM THE EASTERN GUARD!” He glared at Edith, his words laced with suspicion. “She spoke with you quite a few times tonight, what did she say to you?”

Edith looked confused. “Nothing important, just fashion, the weather…”

“She couldn’t have done this alone, you helped my fiancé to run off!” He glared at the two women.

Edith looked frustrated. “Why would I do that?”

“Perhaps she paid you! I don’t know!” The older man threw up his hands. “But she just so happens to disappear from your party…. I know you had a hand in this!”

Edith shot a pleading look over to Prince Ronan, who was watching from the sidelines, but he simply shook his head, refusing to speak. The Earl was extremely wealthy and well connected. He was also one of the Prince’s greatest supporters. Ronan wouldn’t risk alienating him. Not even for a woman he loved.

“Coward.” Nate whispered under his breath.

“I swear I had nothing to do with your fiance’s disappearance!” Edith then began to cry, her tears drawing sympathy from the crowd.

The earl stepped back, his face bleak. “Very well. But I won’t forget what you’ve done tonight.”

With that, he was gone.

The room collectively let out a sigh of relief with his retreat, but the mood of the party was definitely broken. As people prepared to leave, Nate grinned at me. “Strong work, rescuing a damsel in distress.”

I kept an innocent expression. “I don’t know what you mean, I was just here to enjoy a party.”

“So I assume that’s where the travel papers I had made went to?”

I nodded, and he laughed.

“Starting a new store branch in Tilendria with an escaped noblewoman and a deserting captain… you never do things as expected do you?”

“Maybe not as YOU expect.”

“Well, at least now, you have a reason to come visit me in Tilendria.” His smile was bright, “You should at least check in on your store occasionally, right?”

I held up my hands helplessly. “Tilendria’s a big country. Even if I go check on the store, I can’t guarantee we would see each other.”

“That reminds me….” He passed me an envelope with a grin. I took it, feeling some exasperation.

“You and your envelopes. What is it now?”

“Information regarding land for sale in Tilendria.” He smiled. It’s in the Capital, right in the heart of the city, perfect for a business. You said you were opening up a new branch, so I asked around.”

I sighed. “You can’t keep doing me favors.”

“Oh, it not just a favor, this definitely benefits me, in many ways. After all, you’ll pay taxes right?”

“Yes, but what does that…?”

“Oh, there’s the signal!” He grinned, turning away. “It’s time for the flower heist!”

Groaning, I turned away, and prepared to leave the party. Sensing an angry stare at my back, I turned to the side to catch Ronan’s gaze. He seemed bitter, likely upset that the rumors he had started hadn’t affected me at all. I smiled at him, allowing him to see the mockery in it, and walked away.

In the carriage ride home, Henry clutched the large flowery bush, ignoring the wrath of Hallers at dirtying the carriage. I stared out the window, thinking things over.

Lady Erica had successfully eloped with her Captain. I was happy to have that out of the way, even more so that suspicion had been cast on someone else besides me. I remembered that man’s ruthlessness in my last life, and had no desire to face off with him again in this one.

I have enough enemies; let someone else deal with him for a change.

With the failure of the rumors to bring me around, I knew that Ronan would switch his strategy soon. My mind flipped through the possibilities, unsure of which route he would take. But i would get some sleep tonight and think about it further in the morning.

But as I entered my house, and saw the stranger sitting in the visiting room, I realized that he had struck much sooner then I had expected.

#writing #i can't eat love #second chance #second life #it's 4am #but i got carried away #oops

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screamingatanemptyroom · 5 years ago

Text

I Can’t Eat Love pt 22

The continuation of the plot! A little delve into Lenora’s fears and weaknesses as well.

Master post Linked here!

Enjoy!

_______________________________

I didn’t recognize the man sitting in my home.

“How…?” Hallers stepped in before me, his professional mask cracking as he realized that in his absence a strange man had been allowed to enter the house.

The man smiled, the expression showing too much teeth, coming across as more threatening than reassuring. “Now, now, butler… don’t get your uniform tied up in knots, your staff didn’t have a choice.” He turned towards Henry and me, giving a formal bow.

“Sir Matchins, at your service.” His voice was mocking, the bow too shallow to be truly respectful.

I stepped forward, “Sir Matchins, although we haven’t been formally introduced, I do wonder as to the urgency of the matter that caused you to be at our home so late in the evening.” I kept my face calm and neutral, ignoring the discomfort of his gaze, as he looked me up and down. “I would be happy to discuss this further in the morning.”

His smile widened. “I’m afraid this matter has already waited over five years, milady. Another day simply won’t do.” He reached out a hand, holding something out towards me.

The movement was made too quickly, both Henry and Hallers stepped in between us, as if trying to shield me. Recognizing that he was holding a sheath of papers rather than a weapon, I slowly let go of the throwing knife I had grasped inside of my pocket and stepped closer, taking the papers and studying them.

As I looked over the words and numbers written neatly there, I struggled to maintain an expression of composure.

“Why did you wait so long to come forward?” My voice was monotone, as if I truly didn’t care about his answer.

He laughed, a strange, unsettling sound. “I didn’t want to be seen as a harassing a noble family, but with how your circumstances have… changed, Miss, I thought it best to come forward and collect now rather than wait for you to honor it yourself.”

His tone was spiteful, I felt Hallers shift beside me and reached out to touch his shoulder, hoping to calm him. “Well you have delivered your paperwork. I will be visiting your office within the week to settle the matter.”

He laughed again, “Not a week. Three days. I’ve waited long enough.”

“YOU DARE….?!” Hallers’ roar of anger startled me for a moment, but I held up my hand silencing him.

“Three days, then. Goodbye, Sir Matchins. I hope you’ll forgive me for not seeing you out.”

With a smirk he left, the soft click of the door closing behind him unnaturally loud in the silence he left behind.

My fists slowly tightened, crumpling the papers in one hand, my nails digging unimpeded into the flesh of my palm with the other.

“Lenora… what does he want?” Henry asked quietly, confused by my lack of expression.

“What does he want?” I asked, not recognizing the sound of my own voice, it was so distorted by anger and disgust. “He wants everything.”

“…” Henry stared at me for a moment with dismay.

“Miss, your hand!” Hallers cried out, reaching to grab my free hand. I looked down, startled to realize that my nails had broken the skin of my palm and blood was running down my hand, staining the sleeves of my dress.

I pulled my hand away, “It’s nothing. Call Rig over, now.” I walked towards my office. “We have work to do.”

_______________________________

Rig entered the office quietly, closing the door behind him. I could hear his entrance, but kept my back to him, staring out the window as if entranced by the darkness beyond the glass.

“What happened?” His voice was soft, concerned. I couldn’t help but smile, he was always one to try to help others, protect everyone…

Of course, none of that protected him in the end.

I gestured behind me to the desk, still staring out the window. “A debt, unpaid.”

There was the rustling of papers as Rig looked over what the stranger had given me. Reading the amount, he whistled with appreciation.

“Quite a bit. I thought all your family’s debt had been paid though?”

“So did I.” I sighed. “But in the beginning things were chaotic. It would not have been difficult for someone to sneak a single page out of my room or office, hiding it until now.”

“Someone? Why would anyone…?” He paused thinking it over. “Is this the Prince’s doing?”

“Most likely.” I tapped my fingers idly on the windowsill, “This amount is excessive, even with five years worth of interest… definitely enough to sink the Duchy. I would have had to agree to marry the prince to save my home, my livelihood.”

“If not for your business.” Rig added.

“Correct. He obviously doesn’t know I have an independent source of wealth.” My hands trembled, I clenched my fists, ignoring the pain from the wounds on my hand. Nodding slowly, I remained facing the window, refusing to look back at him.

I didn’t want him to see my face.

Rig sounded relieved, “Well, easy enough. We’ll pay off this debt, and his plan fails.”

“No.” I whispered. “It’s not enough.”

“What’s wrong, Girl? He insulted you publically and you didn’t bat an eyelash. Betrayed you with your friend and you smiled in return. He spread rumors to destroy your reputation and it didn’t bother you at all… Why does this make you so angry?”

“Am I angry?” My words were barely audible.

“More than I’ve ever seen you before.”

I stood up slowly, closing my eyes and pressing my forehead against the cool glass.

_______________________________

“We’re losing the house.” Father was broken, his hands clutching one of many bills, expressionless.

“WHERE ARE WE TO GO?!” Mother screamed with rage, throwing a glass towards the wall. It shattered into a hundred pieces, the shards sparkling in the moonlight shining through the nearest window. I stared out silently at the stars. My letters to the Queen had never been answered. After the party, Edith had never visited again. Forgotten by the two people I thought cared, I took a deep breath, trying to ignore the pain in my heart.

“I’ll get a job, we’ll rent a small place to live.” I forced a smile, stepping away from the window and towards them. “We’ll make it through this.”

Both of my parents stared at me silently. Perhaps this difficulty would bring us together, I hoped. Perhaps we could be a family, even if we never acted like one before.

_______________________________

“What do you think would happen if I lost all of my money?” My question, muffled as it was, caught Rig’s attention.

“What do you mean?”

“If I lost all my money today, do you think my life would go on as it did?” I smiled, the stars through the window blurring in my vision. “Hallers would seek employment elsewhere. He is an excellent butler, the palace would hire him immediately.”

“What are you…?”

“Henry would return home to his plants, Nate will go home to Tilendria, Marile will go to live with her sister, and you… you’d move on as well.”

“Do… do you think we only stay with you for the money?!” Rig sounded horrified.

“What about the people under you? Can you afford to not pay them? It’s only natural that you all find someone who can protect you, can pay the bills, keep you fed, clothed, housed… “ My voice broke on the last word, I cleared my throat trying to continue.

“But in the end, when you all have gone. And I’ve lost my home, my family… everyone. I’ll starve to death in the streets, and no one will even mourn my death.”

It became all too apparent to me, the second I saw that bill. How fragile this new future of mine was. How easily I could lose.

But this time… I’d grown too attached… I couldn’t bear to be alone again.

I turned around, letting him see my face. Rig stepped back, his eyes widening.

“You ask me why this bothers me? It’s because it’s worked before. I lost everything. I lost everyone. I held your body in my arms and then slowly died alone.” I felt hopeless, and I knew the agony I felt was etched on my face. I couldn’t hide the pain I felt.

“We won’t leave you.” Rig whispered, his own eyes filling with tears as he stared at me.

“You already have.” I smiled, but it was a broken expression. “Here are your instructions.” I handed him a paper.

He read it, his face growing pale. “But this…?”

“It’s not enough to simply win. I have to make sure they never touch me again. If I have to utterly destroy them to accomplish that… then so be it.”

With that, I walked out, leaving him behind.

_______________________________

I spent the next few days alone, thinking things over. There wasn’t much for me to do. Henry was managing the day-to-day functions of the Duchy, Rig was carrying out my instructions. I was left to my own devices.

I felt numb, as I sat in the library of our home, listlessly flipping through a book, the words running together, making no sense.

“Miss.” Hallers caught me off guard, standing in front of me with a solemn expression. I sat up in my chair, setting aside my book to give him my full attention.

“Sorry, Hallers, I didn’t hear you walk in.” I shook my head, I’d been too distracted these past few days. “Is there something you need?”

“I think I should clarify something, Miss.” Hallers smiled. “I will not be going to the palace to work, no matter what your financial situation.”

I raised an eyebrow. “You spoke to Rig.”

“’Speak’ is not the exact term for it.” His grin turned vicious. “He was initially reluctant to explain the source of your recent change in mood, but … we exchanged some words and he changed his mind.”

“Poor Rig.” I chuckled sadly. “Hope you left him in one piece. I need him for my plan.”

“He’ll be fine.” Hallers knelt on the ground, now at eye level, surprising me. His face was serious once more. “I won’t leave you. Ever.”

“Hallers…” I hesitated. “You have to have a job, I wouldn’t blame you if something happened...”

“Forgive me for disagreeing, Miss. But you are the only person I’ll serve in this lifetime.” He reached out and squeezed my hands. “Money, no money, it doesn’t change who I am. Who you are. “

“…” I stared at him silently, unsure of what to say.

Hallers stood up. “I hope one day you’ll understand just how much we care for you.” Brushing off his knees, he resumed his professional posture. “Now, let me get you some tea.”

He turned to leave, but I reached out a hand, stopping him. “Wait.”

“Yes?”

“… If I… If I were to do something terrible…” I swallowed uncomfortably. “Ruin a man, destroy everything he knows and loves…. Disregarding the fact that he might have a family, children… Even if I do such a monstrous thing… would you still stay?”

Hallers smiled. “I will support whatever decision you make. In fact, if someone threatens you… I’m happy to do the dirty work, myself.” With that, he left.

I stared at the empty room, shocked at the conversation I just had.

Have things changed so much?

I felt a stinging pain in my eyes. Wiping them with the back of my hand, it came back wet with tears, but for some reason, I was smiling.

_______________________________

It was the last night before the stranger’s deadline. Tomorrow, I would head out with Rig to complete what needed to be done.

But first, I had something to take care of.

“You called for me, Miss?” Angela walked into my room, her professional mask firmly in place.

I smiled gently, motioning for her to sit in the chair in front of me. Confused, she sat down, perched on the edge as if ready to jump up at a moments notice.

“How long have you worked for me, Angela?” My voice was light, pleasant.

Her response was guarded. “Almost seven years, Miss.”

“Seven years.” I shook my head, still smiling. “Seven years of hard work, loyalty… that should be rewarded, yes?”

Angela jumped slightly at the word, “loyalty.” “I don’t require any reward.” She answered cautiously.

“Of course you do… seven years of loyalty… spying, stealing, scheming… how hard you have worked, for your mistress, Lady Edith.” I never changed my expression, even as her face paled and she leapt to her feet.

“I don’t know what you’re…”

“I hope she at least adequately compensated you to betray me?” I studied my nails, pretending to be bored.

Angela shook her head, “I don’t know who has fed you these lies, Miss, but that’s all they are, lies. I am loyal to you and only you.”

I threw back my head and laughed, the sound lonely and bitter, echoing around the room. It took a moment for me to catch my breath, one hand wiping tears of mirth from my eyes.

“Oh, Angela. Those lies might have fooled an innocent child into trusting you, but you are nowhere near the liar your mistress is.” I thought about it for a moment. “Or me, for that matter. I was content to let you play your little game, pass off useless information to Edith and His Royal Highness, play the odd prank or two…but you had to find the line that shouldn’t be crossed.”

“Milady…”

“You never should have stolen that debtor’s note.” I sighed, “Anything else I might have let slide, but you actually tried to financially ruin me.”

“I would never…” Angela looked insulted. “You have no proof…”

I stood up finally, walking closer, “Do I need proof though?” I whispered. “You and I both know the truth, and you know how easy would it be for me to destroy you?”

I turned away, grabbing a handful of coins from the table. “Should I plant money in your bag, claimed you stole from the household? You would never work again.” Shaking my head, I circled around, grabbing a dress from where it was laid out. “Perhaps a needle or powder in my dress… who else would have access to my clothes? You could be imprisoned for life, would Lady Edith care about you then?”

All the blood had left her face, she reached out a hand as if to stop me. “Please, Miss…”

“I know!” I smiled cheerfully, stopping in my tracks and pulling a knife from my pocket. She stepped back, clearly afraid I was going to hurt her, but instead I turned it around, placing it against the flesh of my arm. “How about stabbing your mistress when she asked to speak to you privately? They would hang you for that!” I dug the tip of the knife in, a drop of blood forming on the spot. “How well would the money you accepted to mislead and betray a young girl spend then, as you hang by a rope around your neck?”

She stepped forward, trying to grab to knife, but I motioned her away, digging the tip in deeper. Stopping, she sighed loudly, looking defeated.

“You win, Miss. What do you want from me?”

My smile faded from my face, and I sat down, placing the bloodied knife on the table between us. “What did she offer you to betray me?”

“…” She sighed again. “A position as the future queen’s lady’s maid.”

“And?” My voice was cold.

“My brother, Miss. He’s talented, very smart, but we couldn’t afford to allow him to study. Edith pays for his education at the university, and a position in the government once His Highness takes the throne.” She stared down at her hands. “I wanted to give him the chance to succeed.”

“And did you ever consider that if you ever asked me, I would have gladly provided you the funds for his education, without the need to betray a young girl who trusted you?” I stared her down, and she flushed red, unable to meet my gaze.

I threw a sack of money on the table between us, next to the bloody knife. “There.”

She stared at it, shocked. “What?”

“You are going to do what you do best.” I smiled. “Spy.”

“Miss…”

“I will ask Edith to take you in, do to the recent… financial difficulties of the family. She will be overjoyed that I am too poor to even keep a lady’s maid, and will be even happier to be able to afford something that I cannot. There, you will wait for further instructions.”

Angela stared at me with narrowed eyes, suspicious. “How do you know I won’t betray you to her?”

I smiled. “Let me ask you something instead: Do you really want to risk me being your enemy?” I leaned forward. “Because I will happily destroy you and everything you love.” I paused. “Including young Oliver, it would be such a shame if his bright future were to be destroyed.”

Her mouth gaped open in shock. “You already knew about my brother?”

“Do you think I didn’t already know everything about you, the traitor i left in my own home?” I sighed. “How disappointing. But I haven’t heard your answer.”

“…” She reached out and took the money with a shaking hand. “Very well.” Standing up, she hesitated and then took a few envelopes out of her dress, placing them on the table between us. ”Here.”

I took them silently, recognizing the Queen’s handwriting. “Letters from the Queen?”

“She’s written several times since the engagement has been broken, but I was under strict instructions to stop any and all letters between you two.”

I nodded silently. “Anything else she asked you to do that I should know about?”

“Lady Edith… She asked about your father a lot.”

That caught my attention. “My father? Did she say why?”

Angela shook her head. “No, Miss. She would always ask about his health and what he was doing, but never used any of that information.”

“Very well.” I sighed. “You may go.”

Angela hesitated. “For what it’s worth… I’m sorry.”

I waved a hand. “The girl you should have apologized to died long ago.” I smiled bitterly. “So don’t bother.”

I stared into the fire long after she left, thinking about the meeting with the debtor in the morning. What I planned to do.

What had to be done.

#writing #i can't eat love #second life #fantasy #mild self harm mention #plots #schemes

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