#EDIT im not being sarcastic i am genuinely asking!!!

[aleisters]

i think the thing that puzzles me about dnf/dni as a concept is just that i don't check my followers. do y'all check that a lot?

[wabatle]

HEY BESTIE YOU KNOW I WAS COMING

sososo obvi bllk and you obvi alrdy know i am a girl and would like to be matched up w i boy (honestly what girl from bllk would youmatch me up with anyway💀.. egos assistant??)

for personality

i am a weirdo uhh my friends call me an anime nerd but i dont think in that much of one??

i am VERY sarcastic, savage, and snarky

traits are (plz dont take this as like bragging or anthying just being honest) humorous, uhh VERY soft hearted, kind of a pushover but i used to be a rlly big push over, in ambiverted but at first you would prolly think im introverted, oh im also kinda teasing and in very emotional i will cry if watching a sad movie and i get frustrated easily whicheventually makes me cry(crybaby ik)

oh another thing abt me is that im not rlly good at like expressing my emotions like thro words and sometimes in my face like sometimes i see like scenery for egi probably think it’s really pretty and like stunning and beautiful but like if you ask me what i think id prolly just say “oh its nice” like do yknow what i mean?? Same with my face like i always have a straight face unless in rlly happy that day and the only time ill like actually express my emotions is if youre talking to me or make me laugh

dam that was a lot

un ok for hobbies voice acting, gaming, watching anime, listening to music, writing, editing

kinda semi hobbies thati like but dont rlly do that much are baking and dancing

Things that make me feel negative? Hmmm not entirely sure what you mean by that but… i tii hi ink just negative stuff in general like i HATE movies or shows with sad endings they make me so sad and theres jo feeling of satisfaction at the end :((

Things that make me positive? Well it makes me rlly happy when i make other laugh or when ppl approach me or pop in my inbox like what im bot the one starting a convo fir once?? CRaZY

Someone i dint wanna be matched up with… hmm uhh well any of the side chars like the bald monk💀💀💀 i forgot if you even write for them but also others liek naruhaya and giganaru OH i dint wanna be match up with barou either

Idrc if you post this answering my ask or tagging but sometimes i like to read over my ask when someone answers it so actually could youanswer with my ask

OKAY THANKS POOKIE ❤️❤️❤️ DRINK WATERR

𓆩⚝𓆪 — @stellas-starry-stories13's Blue Lock Matchup~!

𓆩⚝𓆪 — A/N: It might be because you're biased and I'm biased but now I genuinely think you and this person are soulmates. ❤️ Ngl we're actually really similar lmaooaoaoao anyways enough of my yapping!!

𓆩⚝𓆪 — I think your Blue Lock soulmate is...

𓆩⚝𓆪 — Chigiri Hyoma!

I read the part where you said you were sarcastic, savage, snarky, and sassy and immediately said, "Chigiri."

You two are such a duo ngl. Like genuinely you guys are perfect for each other. Such a sassy couple like omg.....

The teasing is real. You probably tease each other so much like help.

Chigiri also isn't that great with expressing his feelings, so you both can help each other on that front. If, like in the example you gave me, you say a view is nice and he can tell you're not saying what you're thinking, he'll ask you, "what are you really thinking about?"

He'll def laugh at you if you're crying about a movie 💀. I'm sorry but he would.

He's pretty good at noticing when you're getting stressed or frustrated, so he'll remind you to take a break and watch something with him.

You definitely pick anime to watch together and watch at least one episode every time you see each other.

Similar to when people come into your inbox, Chigiri texts you every day, whether to ask you something or talk to you about stupid things.

It doesn't take him long to laugh at your jokes. Someone else said the same joke as you and he's just (ㆆ_ㆆ), but you say it and he's giggling.

I think he would like to take you to an arcade for dates. I mean, he's pretty much down for doing whatever you like as long as he can enjoy it too.

I hope you liked it! Thanks for the req Stella my pookie bear!!! 😍😍😍

[charlesdesvoeux]

top five terror men (this is a command)

I got another ask which is about my favorite tertiary characters so these will be excluded from my ranking so here's my top 5 terror guys (main and secondary characters edition)*

1. John Irving: as I said in my pinned post I am a JIRVGIRL AT HEART. idk man everything about his character is delicious to me. the self-denial and subsequent mixture of self-righteousness ("I'm better than you bc I can repress control myself") and self-loathing ("I'm horrible bc I feel these things and I'm going to hell I'm not good enough") is just. chef's kiss to me. he makes me crazy.

2. Cornelius Hickey: my baby my cult leader my everything. one of the more overtly "villainous" characters but he was so masterfully written and portrayed that he feels like a real human being; i feel like I can *understand* why he does everything that he does, every loathsome action, we understand why he thinks what he thinks why he made the choices that he made. even if the show gives us very little information on his backstory we can fill in the blanks- the "bugger Nelson, bugger Victoria" speech is so telling!!! I love him beyond words.

(Jirv and Hickey are my top 2 characters even including my pet tertiary guys)

3. Edward Little: I was really struck on my second watch by how much *rage* he's repressing, which is something I hadn't noticed my first time around (when I didn't even register his existence until like ep 5). this is in many ways a show about the failures of the people in charge- from the Admiralty picking goldner cans bc of the low price and not sending rescue earlier, to Sir John's hubris and Crozier's MANY failings as captain- and when our boy ned gets put in charge what does he do? he fails ❤️ which was not entirely his fault, the guys' reluctance to go save crozier is due to them both being tired as hell and probably not liking crozier all that much. his relationship to crozier is also fascinating to me, he's soooo eldest daughter coded I felt it in my bones (also an eldest daughter, also a flop). he hates what crozier put him through in eps 4 and 5 due to his faulty leadership, but I think he also develops respect for him due to trying to kick his addiction and everything that followed after they left the ships. by the time crozier gets kidnapped I think he genuinely really respects him. and, you know, dutiful to the end!!!! essentially refusing to die until the captain came to relieve him of his duties!!!!

4. Thomas Jopson: after the eldest faildaughter comes the golden child!!! fascinated by this guy. he gets many moments of tenderness which the other guys (with the exception of crozier and fitzjames) don't really get as a rule, but we see in his confrontation with hickey that he's no pushover. i find the contrast between these 2 fascinating; I think they came from similar origins but their life choices led them to develop vastly different outlooks (one isn't more valid than the other btw!!!!). aside from like blanky he's apparently one of the few guys on Terror who really knows what he's doing which is also commendable. I also just find characters who occupy "servant" positions really interesting.

5. Solomon Tozer: my dog-coded boy!!!! the breaking of solomon tozer is one of the most fascinating arcs in the show for me. at first he comes off as confident, sarcastic (his interactions with hickey as they bury david young!!!), one of the lads (im not British sorry if my usage of the term is cringe). but then one by one the marines fall (bryant killed by the bear, heather with his brains poking out of his skull, alive but not alive) and finally we get the tragedy of carnivale and his desperation to save heather which of course he's unable to do. that's always what tozer wants to do, he wants to save everyone, he wants to protect. the alienation of the marines from the rest of the men is also fascinating to me. and he falls under the spell of hickey bc of this desperation to save the people he cares about and himself and they develop that weird as hell psychosexual shit that makes me crazy. love them forever.

*main character: actor in the opening credits. secondary character: not in the opening credits but gets a relatively substantial amount of screen time/lines/a story arc more generally.

[xoxo-maxi-xoxo]

GET TO KNOW ME:3 (READ BEFORE INT)

Hi! My name is Max!!! My pronouns are He/It/Xe + neos (dont like, leave<3) I am not comfortable disclosing my actual age but I’m not a minor!! This is not my first time on tumblr as a website but im on mobile, so spare me please- but..I write stuff!! And I like using tumblr to write because it gives everyone a fair shot, i feel like. Anyways- heres the fandoms I write for (+ if i write smut for them):

-Omori (no smut)

-South Park (no smut)

-FNAF Universe (depends on what you ask)

and a few other minor fandoms, but yeah :D

I know no one cares, however I feel the need to put this here. I am a DID (disassociative identity disorder ) system with a headcount in the hundreds. So if I don’t reply to a message in a timely matter I do sincerely apologize!!! As the title of my blog suggests, I’m autistic! I also use tone tags. Tone tags help me understand your tone and make sure I am being understood by you as well. So please, please, please for the love of all that is holy use tone tags when speaking to me. Here are a few basic tone tags:

/j- Joking

/g- Genuinely

/gq- Genuine question

/sarc or /s- Sarcastic

/hj- Half joking

/srs- Serious

/p- Platonic

/pos- Positive

/neg- Negative

/neu- Neutral

and /t- Teasing

Those are the major ones! A few more things and then I’ll be done yapping my jaw (fingers??). 1. I am taken by my lovely boyfriend, Oliver, so don’t try. and 2. My DNI list!!!

Its pretty typical

-Usual DNI (racist, homophobic, transphobic, trump supporter, pro/com shippers, etc.

-Anti-Age/Petre and Age/Pet players

-CNC supporters/indulgers

-IRLs, fictionkin on thin thin ice.

And thats it!!!

Requests are always open, and you can request on AO3 as well!!! (user- yippee__yippee) okay bye!

Edit 1: Added my age

[kunrengui]

just sum venting, ignore :)

dont read if you have like some sort of family issues- trauma or something LOL

my family has been going through a lot of stress in these past 2 years and i feel like im in the only reason this family hasnt lost their minds yet. my dad takes out his stress by screaming at my mom, my mom takes out her stress by screaming at my (younger) brother and me, my brother is NUMB to all disappointment and im genuinely scared because my brother acts psycho and like actually full-on sobs and screams if he isnt allowed to watch vids or play video games all day or the wifi connection is weak or gets cutoff for a moment and thrashes things around but hes 10 and nobody is listening to my pleas of reducing his screen time because they cant deal with his tantrums when they try to. i feel like im losing my brother and then theres my parents who are on the verge of exploding all the time and im always on edge so im never seen scrolling on my phone or watching something kpop related because my parents are fking racist. Im always around the house doing things like getting my moms phone from the kitchen or getting my dad some water as soon as they ask me irrespective of what im doing and like if i hear my parents arguing about who is less tired to turn off the light while im the one actually sleeping i have to get up and turn off the light so my dad doesnt accidentally say something hurtful to my mom and my mom doesnt forget to make breakfast the next morning.

and like recently its been worse cuz my grandfather passed away 2-3 months ago idek it feels like forever so were staying at my grandmothers place that isnt even in the same city and i can feel my mental health deteriorating because i used to live here as a kid and i have a lot of bad memories i want to forget but here i am reliving them. anyways its 4 of us plus my grandmother so that makes 5 people sharing 2 tiny bedrooms a hall and a kitchen but the house feels like its divided into two because my dad and my grandmother dont talk to each other so they just stay on their own side and i share a bedroom with my grandmother and my brother. my brother sleeps in the middle but the bed is actually 2 twin cots with rock-hard matresses from the 1980’s awkwardly put together so the middle is uneven and uncomfortable but my parents wont let him sleep with them because he never lets anyone around him sleep peacefully (explains my eyebags) and he refuses to switch with me so now im also genuinely worried about his back. he also sometimes randomly screams at my grandmother and i glare at him and ask him to stop because its disrespectful but my grandmother screams at me instead because she is partial to him to the point where if she had to push me off a cliff to save him she’d do it in the blink of an eye and im not even exaggerating because this is a fact that everyone who knows her is aware of. shes rich and my family already knows shes going to write off her entire inheritance to my brother and idrc about the money but it hurts. like this one time my mum was talking about how she was going to preserve the land my grandmother owns so my brother can build a farm house there in the future like OKAY i get it we live in an indian society where youre just supposed to marry off the girl and give her 0 inheritance but that shit hurts lady. most of the time i even have to give up my portion of the food when my brother is suddenly in his psychotic mood where he wants other peoples stuff- my grandmother is my brother’s bodyguard, personal attendant and lawyer who’s current job is to either train me to be her successor or if I disagree then turn against me.

i cant blame anyone for the stress part tho. we werent as affected by my grandfathers death as we were by its after affect- he has a business and now my dad has to take care of that and 2 other businesses while also opening a new one and it doesnt help that all 4 require full-time attention. and in hopes of being helpful and fucking fixing this family, i promised to help with the advertising and the managing of the social media accounts of the new business. not even kidding ive been spending the last one month skipping classes saying they were either cancelled or unnecessary to work on photo and video edits for the store and promoting it. idk the last time i touched my textbooks and my parents dont know because im hiding the report cards. my limbs hurt from constantly using the stairs of the 4-floored store.

about half an hour ago my mum told me to refill all the water bottles while i was brushing my teeth and my dad loudly replied with a “Why does everyone give her all the work” out of spite for my mom. everytime he says that it makes me so mad i want to punch the wall because no matter how genuine he is, it sounds sarcastic to me because he makes no effort to help me. and it did NOT help when i lost the soft thing on my earphone 5 minutes later, making me feel like crying because my earphones are the ONLY thing keeping me sane here. the only escape from this. the only excuse i can give my mother when she asks why i didnt hear her call me in such a small house.

i just want to go home. i want my own room back. i want a pair of earphones plugged into my laptop, and i want to drown myself in Kris Wu music. i want to spread my limbs on my queen sized bed and pretend like i have all the time in the world to be bored.

i dont get why we have to go through this when were actually rich. im usually humble about it in rl but atp idec because i really dont get why we have to go through this when we can even afford a house in beverly hills or something. actually, maybe its because my parents dont have enough time or patience left to fix the bed or get a bigger house.

and then i open instagram to see people my age hanging out with their friends, having the time of their lives while im just rotting away here. the only 3 closest friends i have- one just stopped calling me after changing schools and making popular friends and the other blocked my number over some petty fight from months ago. thank the universe im still chatting with my 3rd at least.

but im okay because i tell myself im doing great. im patting myself on my back. im going to go back home at some point and im going to get myself a new pair of earphones.

im proud for staying strong. im proud for not nearing the breaking point. im proud for keeping it up for 2 whole years and im proud that i wouldnt hesitate to continue.

bless you for reading this.

[macklives]

homestuck recap

i hated this so fucking much bc my 2 am bitch-ass didnt want to read a recap thats probably longer than any slowburn out there

anyways here it is

also, uhhH sorry im using this as a end of session discussion bc that shit gets explained in her as well. and im not writing up more recaps of a recap so this is where im done for the day. (by done for the day i mean last nights session, im still doing a liveblog soon. i just wrote this yesterday)

also that this is long

you dont have to read it, theres nothing of importance

ive been coping with humor to get me through it

neato.

have fun with what i suffered through:

why was “beta” the only thing unhighlighted?

like did i miss a page???

OH its the beta version of HS thats why

damn its like 5 pages and thats it

mmh

well youll all be happy to know im clicking every single one of these links again bc i like looking back like ahh i remember that. good times. also in case i forgot some shit existed.

do you think andrew had fun writing this? or was he like “fuck”

thats a lot of fucking package talk. good thing im not confused as of now and remember it pretty clearly. of else, this early on in the recap, id be screwed.

god remember when i did an analysis on each item and what it did

i feel as if i have the technology engrained inside my head right now

cruxite, alchemeter, all that jazz

flashbacks are starting up already

yeah, that was the good part in homestuck where i knew 100% that i probably would continue on this liveblog in its entirety, ngl

that one explosion scene. bc it kept me going.

OH W A IT SHIT

i just realized how the intermission spades probably fucking foreshadowed the whole jack revolts thing and gains the ring, which was also technically JOHNS fault considering he slashed up the doll in the first place

my god, i guess thats the only good aspect of the recap. looking back at things and realizing the missing pieces.

oh that makes sense for the whole “this prototyping had no effect on the enemies, since he was already in the medium” i didnt actually think about that

little did rose know where that would get her right now

oh yeah

there’s still the whole entire lab terminal thing and how mom basically knows the place exists. i guess we’re still venturing onto that and itll come up later when we find out how mom knows SO MUCH about the game.

still think shes some weird spy or secret agent

i kinda love her ngl

anyways, theres literally no reason for skaia to produce a cloning machine. so technically, they only sent the meteors in, right? so who put the cloning machine in if not mom?

oh yeah that impact was nerve wrecking asf

and still at this point in the comic i called dave fuckboy red

huh, how times change

i hated reading that whole paragraph ngl, the frustration just kicked me in the boobs again

yeah nobody else got tornadoes, huh?

OH that makes also much more sense

bc she did prototyped them before she entered the medium.

i gotcha

man one of my favorite edits i made, rose hitting that meteor with a bat

are you

telling me

the exiles structures they arrived on were in the form of the items the kids used to enter the medium?

THE EGG

THAT EXPLAINS “EGG”

of course it was 413 years ago. that was never explained. simply vague “many years in the future....” but i expected no less from this

man serenity is the most wholesome character in hs no doubt

damn thought andy here was really gonna spoil us jade’s planet

okay cool, im glad i now have the layout to the whole “their stations went to the coordinates of the home button” shindig

man i honestly dont know what else to say besides “yeah cool recap” when i already pretty much know what went down? ofc im looking into each link and shit and adding in things when i see fit, but otherwise its just me going “ah good times” yknow

the whole meteor thing kinda makes sense now?

we’re still missing a few pieces of info but we’re getting there, folks

oh yeah that reveal

god jade and dave have it in the shits for parents huh

bro isnt the best and jade has a fucking dog

who lowkey

is doing better than bro

who knew a fucking dog is a better guardian than bro lmfao

dreambot = terminator. im telling you.

sorry im still on that idea and it will never leave unless i have the actual proof in front of me that its not going to become a thing. meaning, ive finished hs and theres still no terminator dreambot or either andrew himself gives me a canon letter with “the robot is not arnold, mackenzie, pls just let it be”

why is the entire game session highlighted

i swear to god if this is like to a second recap or smth of the whole game session i may fucking CRY

okay thank god its just a design of the skaia layout

which is honestly cool

idk why its blurry tho but i can at least see the layout now. which is honestly how i pictured it anyways.

yeah, john did make a huge impact in his friends’ life and i find that so fucking touching

yep. got that. everything loops around. cool.

especially when the trolls come in. god we havent even gotten to that recap portion yet, we havent even gotten to the INTERMISSION

pls can this be the halfway point to the recap

AT LEAST

so they were exiled after the whole jack: ascend thing, right? considering theyre way in the future. man no fucking wonder.

speaking of jack

man that whole dad and jack interaction was gold, ngl

OH THAT EXPLAINS THE RING THEN

and wow, andrew’s really giving us the best female content huh. andrew is the true god of equality and diversity.

also hey, i didnt realize that wow. so PM tricked the queen in showing the parking ticket to be able to take the present from jack. she’s a smart cookie, that one..

she and PM basically snitched on jack and it was the best thing that has happened to me so far

oh yeah okay

but why did AR panic over bec? bc thats something we havent learned yet, right?

anyways

exile town, the only town which should exist. facts. i dont make the rules.

noice

i love PM being queen. like.. thats canon now. shes an actual queen.

yeah that was a fun game and the consorts were cute

fuck yeah the dick head

hate them even more now that i know john was killed because of them

anyways, i wonder what dick move dave’s denizen did? maybe thats why its filled with lava bc the denizen was like “fuck it. make the land red. kill them all”

UH WHAT

WHAT

OH MY GOD HOW DID I JUST FORGET NANNAS LETTER LIKE THAT LMFAO

THEIR TITLES WERE THERE THE WHOLE TIME!

so i still dont know what they mean but i can gather it has something to do with the game giving them abilities. considering dave is the “knight of time” and he can go back in time. whack.

which means john can either control someones breathing or simply wind. and rose is... like that one girl in the winx club who does the sun shit. bc whenever i think of light powers, i think of stella.

and jade is space. witch of space.

nice

i have no idea what that means ngl

okay finally

we’re at the trolls

maybe this recap will end soon

i remember when i thought they were internet bullies

yesss

someone asked if i basically knew the trolls were on a different veil than the kids, so not presently with them, and i know lol. i was making a joke before btw. jsyk. dont think im incompetent to forget these things when sometimes i choose to forget it so i can add in a joke

it be like that, i annoy many

then again, pls dont assume im trying to say im not incompetent bc im also a fucking dumbass and DO forget shit and i have no excuse

imagine being so bored on the meteor, your last resort is speaking to aliens

ngl me if i was ever trapped on a meteor and could potentially do that

nah ik its bc its their only hope at helping with their session or whatever tf CG said to john. but there was BOUND to be a conference meeting between them like “okay guys. humans. that needs to be sorted out” and you just hear CG screaming in the background

i cant wait to meet them honestly bc im growing on all 4 of the ones we’ve seen already. and on top of that, i know what they look like and i know theyre not THAT bad, just a little on the crayy zee side sometimes

but theyre trying

OH MY GOD

I GET IT

FUCK

DOES THAT MEAN THE INTERMISSION IS *APART* OF THE MAIN FUCKING STORY??

AND SPADES IS WV FOR THE TROLLS

GOD D A M N

wow

i didnt expect that. but maybe the signs were there and i was just willingly choosing to ignore it or smth bc “haha couldnt be, right”

flashbacks to how i thought the trolls were humans

anyways, i guess he got his revenge on the kids version of “snowman” ie the black queen. but really

he did not have to do that. he could have cut off the finger and fled. but he decided “nah, lets implode her” so the loml is dead and all i got was a catchy song

i knew they were different types of “bullies” but now i just have to replace bullies with uhh

trolling strategies

anyways, this is cute. i love how they’ve come to be friends through mutual frustration. good part in the comic.

i wonder why it explodes

more importantly

....

terminator time?

this was my favourite sequences of dialogues in the whole entirety of homestuck. that is to say the back and forth thing that the kids went through to become a sort of wingman for the other.

absolutely gold.

all except AT’s rap.

GC was the only smart one with the linear shit

anyways fuck he still has to kill the denizen now but apparently its hard to beat for a sleeping dick head so

that will be fun for the future

john will probably need to kill A LOT of imps to get there

yeah rose is a badass bc she slayed that thing with needles of all things

OH and the white queen was the cursive

damn did AR ever do the whole guide process to a kid yet? maybe he will with dave, idk

oHHH

i fucking SEE

thats why he said DNA

to use it and replace all the life forms in the ocean

fucking neat wow

man that sounded sarcastic but im genuinely impressed bc all i got was bullshit as i read jaspersprites log

so thats the secret. it was “meow” bc that somehow translates to the genetic code she needs then. and that code apparently took fucking years to write as well. sick. whack. oh man.

derse is very pretty, ngl

and wow shit

“dave had already been awake in his tower all along without realizing it” how tf does someone just

do that, awake in both places at once

i didnt even fucking realize that fact as i read that pesterlog wow

ah yes, around the time things got confusing

okay so the capsule makes sense bc at first i didnt know it was a fucking time capsule so i got confused as to how it just apparated the game lmfao

the more you know i guess *twinkle*

i find that a neat concept tho

like the whole whatever you prototype affects the imps and shit

yeah so that whole “he had no advice” basically impacted his future

no shit dave wanted to reset things bc he probably thought he caused some sort of bad butterfly effect and killed his best friend

fuck calsprite thats all im gonna say

i read that first sentence and i think i got an aneurysm

and then everything else just made me sad again

i mean good thing he fucking did amirite?

we got pain at first but now we got cool shit like idk

fucking DAVESPRITE

damn idk how that works

will rose have like two minds now? or will this be some steven universe fusion shit?

“and understood their meaning” course well i fucking didnt so could you pls elaborate, rose?

okay but then what the fuck did he use that was inside the fucking box

bc i thought he used his knife?

im only every going to refer him as that now, thank you andrew

alright okay..

god that was a lot

i dont know what will happen once i click on those links but i am going to see that for myself bc i refuse to add ANYTHING ELSE

[jacrispyretro]

i’ve had 3 shots of vodka, 2 half an hour ago and one five minutes ago so im waiting for the third one to kick in but my computer is being really slow and for  a minute i was genuinely wondering if it’s just because im drunk

im hoping ill get drunk enough to not care if i text my ex since he’s said it’s okay and i have things i need to ask and ... this sounds ridiculous but i promise our relationship makes this normal? okay i think the third shot is kicking in lmao none of this makes sense and im glad i bought vodka the day before my breakup lmao i just wanted it bc i thought claudia mght come over but she didnt except to give me presents which was amazing and anyway now i’ve had five shots in the last 2 days. being 21 is bad for me lol

i forgot my point so. im gonna go

oh yeah i wanna text fred and im still too in my head to do it. like, i am too smart and socially logical when im drunk, i dont lose my inhibitions enough which is good? but also not good right now ebcause im NOT drunk enough. okay goodbye im gonna make edits and continue watching the office because that’s a good idea when ur drunk (sarcastic for the edit part, not for the office part)

[loverdrew]

Dream Girl Pt.2 | Grayson Dolan

Pt.1

Grayson POV

I came home with a slight smile on my face. Y/N made me laugh harder than I ever have, I think even more than Ethan does. She understood my witty sarcasm too, and was even sarcastic back to me. Most people I hang out with get hurt easily and then I look like a jerk, which is why some people at school may think I am. But she gets me, I feel like she understands me yet we just properly met each other. I keep trying to shake her out of my head because I’m with Stacy, but I can’t help but picture her beautiful smile...

A few hours later, Ethan and I had just got done filming our video that would be uploaded tomorrow, it was a video about logging onto Tumblr and messaging blogs and stuff like that because we never really venture out onto this platform, we’re mostly on Twitter and Instagram. Tumblr was new territory for us. But the people we messaged all seem very sweet and humble. Some of course didn’t believe us, which is why we went out of our way and Facetimed some of the owners of the blogs and surprised them. It was a fun filled and funny video, probably one of my favorites. I love when we can interact with our fanbase on multiple social media platforms. I know some of them don’t have the opportunity to meet us, so it feels great when we can meet them in other ways besides in person. 

As Ethan was editing half of the footage, I was still scrolling through blogs to message. Just because the cameras stopped rolling doesn’t mean I had to stop interacting with fans. As I was scrolling, I started noticing this one fan fiction pop up a lot. It had over 2K likes, and everyone was commenting on how great the writing was and practically praising this person at their feet. I clicked on the fan fiction and read it. It wasn’t anything sexual or even remotely cringe-worthy, but it was well written like a real novel. I was captivated with the way this person described me and made me out to be. It reminded me of how Y/N spoke and wrote. In English she was always the best writer, always getting A’s on papers and the teacher even used her papers as examples of how the rest of the class should write. She knew how to put words together that worked so well. She didn’t use too many big words, and she knew where to place punctuation to give her writing some life. 

I decided to message this writer:

“Hi! This may sound crazy, and I get if you don’t believe me, but I’m really Grayson Dolan and I want to tell you that your writing is amazing! It’d be insane if you pursued it as a career. Keep up the good work and thanks for the love and support <3″

Y/N POV

I gulped.

My hands started getting clammy and my heart beat rose to a very unhealthy beat. I could hear it in my ears and it drowned out the sound of my TV in the background. Jess sat next to me, holding my laptop gasping at the new message in my inbox. I was sat in the same position unable to move my body: eyes wide open, mouth slightly opened, hands in the same place I was holding my laptop, and legs crossed.

Jess started laughing after gasping, and hid her face with a pillow after shoving my laptop back in my chest.

“What the hell! This isn’t funny!” I shoved her off my bed, but she still continued to laugh.

“This is amazing! Grayson Dolan finally found your profile! Everything you’ve ever worked for is coming full circle!”

“NO it’s not! Grayson was never meant to see that! If he finds out it’s me it’ll wreck everything I’ve already created with him! He can’t know, he can never know.”

“Look, I don’t see the harm in messaging him back. He seems genuinely honored by your work, and lets face it, you are a damn good writer.”

“I-I don’t know...”

“You don’t have any pictures of you on there, your social media, even your real name. There are no ties that you are the person behind this blog. Messaging him back a thank you is not going to expose you. Please, just do it!”

I sighed in defeat. I didn’t even know if it was really him or not, but I assumed he was trying to connect with his fanbase because he and his brother were just those types of people. They loved their fans more than anything, and would do anything to try and meet all of them somehow. So it doesn’t surprise me that he made a tumblr to speak to them.

I started typing a thank you response:

“Wow I can’t believe this is happening! Thank you so so so much! And I just want to say, everything I do on here is simply to make others happy. Im happy that something I love can make others happy as well. It’s like what you guys do. I do it all for you!”

I tried to make it sound as genuine as possible, as if I was the fan he expects me to be. Jessica hugged my tightly, making me giggle, then pushing her off again. But within a few seconds I was hit with another message. Jess and I both looked at each other, stunned that the conversation was still going on.

“Well I appreciate it so much. Your writing reminds me of a girl I go to school with, her name is Y/N. I feel like you guys would get along well! You both are sweet, humble, and intelligent :)”

At this point Jess was practically barfing and gagging. She was screaming “HE MENTIONED YOU HE MENTIONED YOU” but it all drowned out. I started getting hot again but in the worst way possible. If he realizes now that my writing matches this blog, he could put all the pieces together and know that it’s me. He’ll think I’m a freak, and a stalker and ruin the friendship I’ve built with him. I even feel like he could like me if things kept going the way they’re going right now. But it’ll all be taken away from me because of this blog.

“I’m shutting it down. The whole blog. I’m shutting it down. Now.” I tried closing my laptop but Jessica stopped me and began typing for me. I tried getting it out of her hands but she kept pushing me away with her feet and holding the laptop in places I couldn’t get to (her advantage of being a few inches lengthier than me). Once she was done typing, she happily handed back my laptop. I huffed giving her a death glare, and read what she wrote him.

“She sounds great! She’s so lucky to know you, I would love to meet her :)”

I grabbed her arm and shook it, anger filling my body.

“Are you trying to get me exposed!?”

“No! But this is so he can talk about you more and so you can understand how he’s truly feeling about you.” 

A new message popped up right as I was about to respond:

“Maybe you could? There’s a masquerade dance in a few days and I think I’m going to convince her to go. if you would want I would love to fly you out if you don’t live close to us. It’d be a great thing to do for a fan!”

“What did he say! What did he say!”

My hands were typing faster than humanly possible, fast enough to come up with an excuse so Grayson would never meet the real person behind this blog.

“Oh no that’s alright! I don’t want you spending your money on me, a message was good enough. All I could ever ask for. But I have to go now, so thank you so much for making my entire life tonight!”

I shut my laptop so loud that I was scared I cracked the screen, so I opened it up a bit and looked. Jess was bantering me to answer her about what Grayson said. So I finally fessed up after putting my laptop away in my school bag, far away from her.

“He said he wants to fly me out to meet ‘Y/N’ and go to our masquerade dance but obviously I can’t do that so I just said his message was enough and I logged out!”

Jess continued to look at me as if I was leaving something out, she knew me too well.

“He also said he was going to convince ME to go to the dance...” I said softly. She started smiling and jumping up and down.

“Oh my god like go with him?”

“No! Just go in general. But c’mon you know me. I don’t go to school events. I never have. It’s just not my thing.”

“Y/N. This is big news. Grayson Dolan wants YOU to be there at the dance. Not Stacy, not any other girl, YOU. Doesn’t that make you the slightest bit happy? This has been like your dream since freshman year!”

“No it doesn’t make me happy. Grayson is just a good guy. We’re just now becoming friends. He doesn’t want me to be there, he’s just being nice.” I sat defeated by my own thoughts. My hands came up to cup my eyes, afraid of the tears that would come out.

I have had the biggest crush on Grayson since freshman English. I loved his humor, how he was the class clown, how even behind the sporty boy facade he was this smart boy, how even though he became super popular he remained the same nice and respectful boy that he always was. He broke my heart watching him go through different girlfriends and never even blinking an eye at me in that way. I would never be the girl he wants and needs. He needs a girl who is at his level that can help him grow and prosper. And I just can’t do that for him, no matter how much I want to.

“Y/N, please understand me when I say this. You are the most beautiful person I know inside and out. You bring out the best in everyone you meet, which is exactly what it sounds like you were doing for Grayson today in the library. He’s starting to see who you really are which is an amazing girl, a girl he needs in his life. Please, give this dance a chance. Go, and see what could happen for you.”

She cupped my face as she dried my tears with her thumbs. Her eyes stared into mine, waiting for an answer. I looked down thinking of every wrong thing that could happen, but one thought kept popping into my head. That I could put on a mask, a pretty dress, and express to Grayson how I really felt and hear his response, and reveal myself to him without anyone seeing, so I wouldn’t be embarrassed. 

I looked up at her with hopeful eyes, and nodded, causing her to hug me tight.