#EDDIE DIAZ TIME IS PASSING WITHOUT U

[gayeddieagenda]

eddie have u talked to your son about how you were just barely older than him when you met shannon. have u talked to your son about how u were a teenager and didn't know who you were but u got set on a path anyway. have u shown him your wedding photos lately. your prom photos. how young u were in both of them, playing dress-up in a rented suit. shannon left chris a letter; what did u tell him? how does chris even start to understand what eddie and shannon's relationship was actually like for them (how does eddie?)? i know eddie is about 10 thousand miles away from understanding what is going on in his own heart but he is rapidly running out of time when he can push everything away on the assumption that chris is too young to understand. he's almost the age eddie was when he got started on this path he's still on today - is eddie still too young to understand how he got here? where he wishes he was? where he wants to be in five, six, seven years, when chris is the age eddie was when he was starting a family?

[srue-on-fire]

Everything Comes Back To You

2. LIGHT IN THE DARK

Pairing: Eddie Diaz x Reader Rating: General Audiences Title: Niall Horan's Flicker Summary: After Shannon leaves, surrendering custody of Christopher, Eddie is left to raise him alone under the weight of guilt and his parents’ judgment. You try to hold everything together, but love, frustration, and a bitter argument leave you both fractured and silent. Tags: childhood friends, temporarily unrequited love, angst, emotional hurt. Word Count: 1300

read on ao3 ~ part one | tumblr

🐟

The days slipped by in strange shapes. Some were heavy, dragging behind you like wet laundry. Others passed so fast you didn’t remember what you ate or said or did, only that it had been one more day without them.

No Christopher. No tiny sneakers on the welcome mat. No Eddie. No worn jacket tossed over your couch.

After the first week, it felt like holding onto numbers was a way to keep the pain alive —like checking the wound every morning to see if it still bled. And it always did. You’d wake up and your heart would ache the same way it did the day Maria told you they were gone.

So instead, you learned to exist again. You started filling your days with the kind of things that didn’t make space for grief —going to work, volunteering at community center, walking shelter dogs, baking muffins you didn’t eat. You’d learned how to keep busy without feeling better.

You stopped checking your phone after the second week. It didn’t help. Not when there was no missed call. No text. Not even a dumb meme Eddie would���ve sent when he didn’t know how to say he missed you. 

And oh fucking hell, did you miss him . 

You told yourself it was better this way. You told yourself this was what love looked like sometimes.

But you never stopped glancing at the crayon drawing still pinned under the fading fridge magnet. The pictures on your walls. In your phone.

Especially Christopher’s. His laughter haunted the corners of your house.

You missed the way his arms would wrap around your waist and squeeze with everything he had. You missed how he’d ask questions you weren’t ready to answer —like the time he asked ‘ why do grown-ups cry when they think nobody can hear them?’ when Shannon had a bad day and left him with you.  

You missed the little things. Friday evenings at the park. Making him pancakes shaped like dinosaurs or spacecrafts.

You missed your little boy.

🐟

It happened on a Wednesday.

The sun was just beginning to dip below the horizon, spilling orange light across the kitchen floor while you stood at the counter, chopping vegetables without much thought. The house was too quiet, save for the soft hum of the fridge and the click of the knife against the wooden board.

Your phone buzzed.

You glanced at it without much interest— then froze.

New text from: Abuela Isabella

Your heart stuttered. Then stopped entirely when you read the message.

Abuela Isabel Hi 🐟 I miss u Dont tell bisabuela ok

Your knife slipped against the cutting board. You barely noticed. You fumbled the phone into your wet, shaking hands, breath caught in your throat.

You Who is this?

Three dots blinked.

Abuela Isabel Its me Christopher 🙂

Your knees went weak. You braced yourself against the counter, exhaling sharply, pressing a hand to your chest. It took another few seconds before your brain rebooted and you scrambled to type a reply.

You Oh my god, kiddo I miss you too! Are you okay??

The reply was instant. 

Abuela Isabel Yes We have fish I miss pancakes

You Fish??

Abuela Isabel Yes real ones One is named noodle She is my best friend now

You laughed. It came out rough and wet and more like a sob than a sound of joy. You covered your mouth with your hand and sat down slowly at the kitchen table.

You I’m so glad you have Noodle. I bet she’s lucky to have you, too.

Abuela Isabel Is daddy okay? He says weird things Like he's glad I am his kid

You stared at the question. Your thumbs hovered above the keyboard, unmoving. It shouldn’t be a hard thing to answer. But it felt like holding a glass sculpture in your hands —too fragile, too sharp in the wrong places.

You He will be. He’s trying really hard, huh?

The reply came quicker this time.

Abuela Isabel Yes He runs a lot He says others are fast but he is faster I think he is like a superhero

You chuckled as more tears welled up. Of course, Christopher thought that. That kid was so proud of his dad, if only the dad knew it.

You I bet he is. I’m proud of him.

There was a pause. Just a few moments, but it felt like time stretched thin between each bubble of dots.

Abuela Isabel Are you mad at daddy? He told abuela that you fought Dont tell him I was listening ok

You stared at the question. Felt the echo of it hit somewhere deep in your chest, just under the bone. It wasn’t fair —that Christopher had to ask. That he was the one threading the needle between two broken hearts, trying to sew something back together with hands still learning to tie shoelaces.

You pressed your forehead to the table.

Then you typed.

You No, sweetheart. I could never stay mad at your dad.

You paused. Watched the cursor blink like it was holding its breath.

We just said things that hurt. But I still love him. Very much.

More dots. And then, 

Abuela Isabel I think he misses u too Like I go to sleep He sits on the porch and looks sad

You gripped the phone tighter and squeezed your eyes shut.

You I sit on the porch too. The light is flickering. I need to fix it.

Abuela Isabel There is a light here too But it is too bright I like the your porch better

You Me too. I miss you, Christopher. Every day.

Abuela Isabel Miss you too Ok I told Noodle u missed me She says hi

You smiled, watery. Imagining a fish tank perched on abuela’s sun room table, sunlight dancing on glass. Tiny fingerprints where he probably tried to chase the fish. It was calm and warm and so Christopher.

You Give her a cuddle for me. And tell her I said thanks for keeping you company.

You hesitated again. Then, careful, 

You Can you do something for me, mijo?

Abuela Isabel Ok

You Tell your dad to be kind to himself. Even when it’s hard.

There was a longer pause this time. You could picture him, tongue between his teeth, thinking hard like he always did when he felt like something was too big for just words.

Abuela Isabel I will But only if he lets me eat ice cream first

You laughed again. This time, it didn’t hurt as much.

Another beat.

Abuela Isabel Ok I need to go

You Alright. Love you, kiddo. Give Noodle a high five from me.

Abuela Isabel Ok She does not have hands But I will try I love you too 🐟💙

You laughed again. A soft, shaky thing. Your hand pressed over your heart like it might keep it from breaking wide open all over again.

You didn’t move after that. Just sat there, phone warm in your hand, the kitchen bathed in orange light. It smelled like cut vegetables and lemon and something like hope.

He was okay. He was okay. They were okay.

Maybe the wound hadn’t closed. Maybe it never would. But for the first time in weeks, it didn’t ache so loudly.

For now, there was hope.

And one little boy with a fish emoji who still knew exactly where to find you.

🐟

A/N: Thank you so much for the response on the first part, guys!

[dangerpronebuddie]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers! Spread the self-love 💞

My five favorite fics?? Hmmm... This was a lot harder than I thought it was going to be.

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This fic was SO cathartic to write. It took me months to finish, but I am really happy with how it turned out. And not just because of the Helena Diaz bashing! (Though that is a major plus lol). I was stuck on how to include Buck in the matter without making it seem like he was fighting a battle for Eddie instead of with him. I think I did a pretty good job 😊.

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The whump in this one!! I'm so proud of it. Another one I fought with for MONTHS, writing and rewriting till I got it where I wanted it. I think besides the whump, the actual mystery involved was so fun to write. Weaving it all together for part 2 though is proving to be just as big of a challenge and I have... 2 weeks? to finish it in time for Spooktober. 😅

[klarriel]

walk me home - chapter 2/3

This is the part of Eddie Diaz that he keeps tucked away in the tightly locked chest in the corner of his mind.

This is the shame behind the lie that he tells the world, every day. 

It’s a secret Eddie has always kept; a whisper in a church hall; the beat of the heart that lies behind his St. Christopher medal.

this chapter features

- eddie’s journey in el paso - lots of realisations - eddie and christopher talk it out - diaz parents being disgusting - eddie finds his real family - buck is in eddie's dreams - gratuitous supernatural reference

fic playlist here 😊

excerpt under the cut!

Water gushes - clear and fast, cascading over Eddie’s hand like a waterfall.

When he realises the glass he’s filling is overflowing, he jumps back into being aware of his surroundings. He quickly moves forward to shut off the tap, cursing under his breath as he shakes off his hand, trying to dispel some of the liquid. 

He turns, sipping from the glass as he takes in the expanse of his new home - well, as much of a home as it can be without Christopher.

It’s been a week or so since he made the move to El Paso. He’d settled on a modest, furnished, ground floor apartment, not too far from his parents house. It’s got hardwood floors and cream plastered walls, with a noisy washer-dryer and a leak under the sink. The building has a wooden sunshine over the front door, and Eddie had spent the best part of his first couple of days here passing under it to move his belongings from the U-Haul to his lounge. In true form, his parents hadn’t extended an olive branch of assistance, probably still too busy revelling in the fact that they’d been right about Eddie’s parenting choices all along. In the end, it had actually worked in Eddie’s interests - he’d used their absence as an excuse to delay his first face to face meeting with Christopher, given the amount of work there was to do. 

When he’s unpacked every box, and rearranged the photos on the bookcase five times, he realises it’s probably time to face the music.

He calls ahead, to make sure his parents are expecting him, and to let Christopher have a chance to prepare. He puts on his best plaid button down, picking up the newest Punch Planet game on his way there - bribery, in Eddie’s book, was as good as any foot in the door to getting his son back.

The minute he spends on his parents' doorstep after ringing their buzzer is the longest of his life. He shuffles from foot to foot, tapping the game case impatiently against his palm.

His mother finally opens the door, a pitying smile playing across her lips - Eddie finds it hard to actually spot any joy at seeing him.

“Honey… come on in.” She steps back, and he enters the house he grew up in.

“Where’s-” Eddie starts, and that’s when he spots him.

Christopher - who is taller and ganglier than he remembers. The glasses perched on the bridge of his nose are a new shade of forest green, and they slip as his head leans down to read. He’s wearing a light blue t-shirt that Eddie’s never seen before. The passage of time is so evident, that Eddie almost tears up with the pain of it.

“Christopher.” Eddie sighs out his name as he brushes past Helena, striding across the few steps between him and his parents couch, the torture of being so far from his son for so long seeping out uncontrollably.

Christopher doesn’t react to him walking in - doesn’t even look in his direction. He must realise Eddie’s entered, though, because he doesn’t seem surprised when Eddie bends to hug him. It’s a squeezing circle of Eddie’s arms - he’s here, he’s real - that Christopher doesn’t replicate. When Eddie realises that he’s not going to, he releases his arms, rising and stepping back. He clears his throat awkwardly, scanning for any part of his son that he recognises. 

“How, uh-” He tries not to let the hurt of their first meeting in months choke him, “How are you, son?” 

“I'm good.” Christopher replies, finally looking up at him, expression surprisingly flat. 

Eddie smiles politely, before remembering the video game in his hands. His smile widens, and he holds it up to show Christopher. 

“Got this for you.” He places it on the coffee table, tapping it to further exemplify his point, “Thought we could get a couple games in one night this week.” 

“Yeah, maybe.” Christopher murmurs, almost absentmindedly, “I don’t have a console here, though.”

“Christopher has a very packed schedule this week, honey.” Helena interjects, walking to stand behind her grandson, “He hasn’t really had much time for video games.” 

Eddie clenches his jaw, eyes still trained on Christopher.

“Okay, well… Maybe we can hit the pool - get some laps in.” He persists, “I gotta bulk up - make a good impression at the new station.” 

Christopher and Helena both whip their heads to look at him when he says this, speaking in unison.

“You quit the 118?”

“You got a job here?” 

Eddie scoffs, looking between the two of them.

“Well, I couldn’t exactly live down here while I’m working at the 118.” He shakes his head, “And how do you expect me to afford rent without a job?”

Christopher seems to think about something for a few moments, before wordlessly turning back to his book.

Eddie sits on the armrest of the armchair perpendicular to the couch, resting his hands on his thighs.

“Come on, buddy.” His voice is more pleading than he’d like it to be, “We don’t see each other in person for months, and you’ve not got anything else to say to me?”

“You’re the one who’s had trouble talking about stuff, Dad.” Christopher’s tone is pointed and cutting, and it has its desired effect.

Helena senses the unease, pouncing on it like a vulture with a carcass.

“Christopher actually was planning on getting some homework done with Issy and Gianna today, weren’t you honey?” 

She places her talons on Christopher’s shoulder, and he doesn’t look at Eddie. 

Eddie stares at his son, pleading for him to say something - but he doesn’t. Eddie’s eyes track up, glaring at his mother.

“Sure thing.” He states, plainly - today is not the day for a battle. 

The whole interaction crushes Eddie’s heart - it’s always been him and Christopher, against everything. Living with his grandparents is the last thing he wanted for his son - it was the worst possible future Eddie could imagine for him, and yet here it is.

And Eddie’s around to endure it. 

He steps over to kneel in front of Christopher, tilting his head until Chris finally makes eye contact with him.

“I love you.” Eddie states, and it’s the only thing he knows to be right. 

Christopher doesn’t say it back.

Eddie stands, pressing a quick kiss to the top of his son's head, before he nods his head at Helena, indicating for her to follow him to the front door.

When they’re out of Christopher’s range of hearing, he spins, anger evident. 

“Do you not want me to spend time with my son?” He grits his teeth, his chest tightening, “You knew I was coming, but it’s like you couldn’t keep him away from me more if you tried.”

“I can’t believe you would say that.” Helena clutches her chest, as if she’d be incapable of manipulation like that, “We told him you were on your way, you can’t blame us for his reactions. And as for planning your time here, I just don’t want Christopher to upend his schedule - consistency is very important for children.” 

“Yeah - I think building up the relationship he has with his father is a little more important than chess tournaments.” Eddie spits, throwing open the door.

He hates letting himself be so affected by his parents, but he knew what he was in for when he moved down here. His therapy sessions back in LA had given him a semblance of emotional resilience - at least enough to stand up to his parents boundary pushing from afar - but he realises now that the boundaries he had enforced need to be broken back down, out of necessity.

He needs to get Christopher back - no matter the cost.

_

On his way back to his apartment, he gets so caught up in his thoughts, that it’s a surprise when he parks up outside St. Joseph’s. 

The church stands just as tall as he remembers it - towering red brick starkly contrasting with the three front-facing stained glass windows that, when the sun hits just right, cast an array of colours onto the pews below. 

It’s unusually warm for a spring morning, Eddie’s face basking in a golden glow as he peers up at the spire.

He remembers being a kid, trying to make out the metal cross all the way at the top of the tower. Somehow, the building looms taller than it did when he was younger. 

He looks down, dusting off his pant legs - at least he’s dressed appropriately. 

He starts to make his way inside, faltering at the top of the steps. He thinks for a moment, before retracing his steps, opening his car door and leaning inside. He pops open the glove compartment, grabbing the book of prayers Bobby gave him months ago - since then, aside from an outing during Bobby’s hospital stint, it had been stowed in his car; he found comfort in it being there, but could never bring himself to actually open it. 

Today seems like a good day to try. 

He enters the porch, the silent, cool air a stark contrast from the worlds outside. He dips his fingers into the glassy water, the act of making the sign of the cross a reflex he could never forget.

Sun passing through thin stained glass sends rainbow shards of colour that collect on the floor of the church - a mix of reds and yellows, and a blue that flashes a pair of eyes through his head, just for a moment. 

Eddie passes through the second set of doors, scanning the chamber - memories of Sunday services and family weddings hang like storm clouds over his consciousness. His gaze catches on the altar, the ornate crucifix a looming fixture since before Eddie was born. 

All at once, he is nine years old again - he kneels in the pews next to his grandmother, tears flowing as his pupils are fixated on the cross. He begs to be made whole; he begs for forgiveness - he knows he is innately wrong, and he’s not sure how to fix it on his own.

From the looks of things, he’s the only other person inside, although the flickering candles that rest at the altar and across the body of the church tell him differently. He makes the sign of the cross, knee bent, before taking a seat near the back. 

His mind crashes like thunder in the silence of the church. He tries to soothe the storm inside his head, but it only works harder to persist - is this what rumbles under the surface in his mind all the time? He can’t pinpoint exactly what it is that’s messing up his psyche like this, but if he could just get a bit of peace, he might be able to make a start.

He’s brought back to awareness by a figure appearing next to him. 

“Welcome, child.” Father Lopez stands beside him, his settled nature a soothing presence.

“Hello, Father.”  Eddie replies, rising to his feet as a sign of respect. 

Father Lopez had ordained over this church since Eddie was in single digits. He had always seemed like a pariah to Eddie - a saintly figure that was always just out of reach. They’d only ever spoken together one-on-one a handful of times through the years - mostly when Eddie was experiencing a crisis of faith, and needed a little extra encouragement.

“What brings you here at his hour - something on your mind?” Father Lopez asks, encouraging them both to sit. 

“If I’m honest… a lot.” Eddie sighs, shaking his head, “My son hates me because he came home to see me with a woman that looked like his dead mother; I’ve left my life in LA, and everyone that became like family up there; and I’m living with my parents - you choose which one of those is the worst.” 

Father Lopez mulls over his words for a minute, before shifting to look at him head on.

“You use the word ‘worst’ - it seems you think these things are inherently bad. No man is without sin, but you are a faithful man, Edmundo, and I reason that there are motivations behind them that were pure of heart at the time.”

Eddie scoffs - if only Father Lopez knew who he really was.

“Which one do you think gives you the most pain?” The man adds, tone soft.

“I need to improve my relationship with my son, Father - there’s no question about that.” 

“True - I wonder, though, why it is you’re here tonight, and not with your son?” There’s no blame in his question, just curiosity. “You seem torn about this change in your life - is there something else on your mind?” 

For just a moment, a memory sparks - he opens the spyhole of his door, seeing Buck waiting -

“I…” Eddie starts, but he doesn’t know how to finish that sentence - can’t single out any singular issue; his life is full of issues.

“‘The Lord knows your worries, Edmundo - he knows who you are.” Father Lopez places a reassuring hand on his shoulder, before standing, “Now, it is time to unravel that for yourself.” 

He leaves, disappearing to a room in the recesses of the church.

Eddie exhales, head hanging. He remembers Cap’s prayer book in his pocket, reaching in to grab it - maybe he’ll find some answers in there.

He holds it in his palms for a moment - the brown leather cover is worn, a sign of it being well used.

He opens it to the front page - a page that was originally blank, but now is covered in Bobby’s neat scrawl:

“He who gets wisdom loves his own soul; He who keeps understanding will find good’

Proverbs 19:8

Eddie laughs to himself - trust Cap to come in with the right words when he needs them, even from across the country. 

Maybe he owes it to Christopher - and owes it to himself - to start to unravel the tempest of his mind.

[worldheavyeetchamp]

wip wednesday

tagged by: @gayhoediaz

It wasn't supposed to be this way. Buck was never supposed to exist in a world without Eddie Diaz in it.

And yet, the world spins on while Buck's whole world slips away in a room he cannot enter.

They said it was a coma, said he could wake up any day just like he had after the shooting, but Buck knew better. Buck could see it written all over their faces. Eddie wasn't going to make it out of this one. This coma was permanent, in the same way bullet wounds and drowning could've been, had Buck's luck run out just the slightest bit sooner. If it was ever going to run out, Buck is of the opinion that it should've been under that truck. It should've been in the waves when all was lost. It should've happened amongst the flames in that warehouse. It should've happened in the storm when the lightning stopped his heart. It never, ever, should've been Eddie. Not when it could've been Buck.

Not now. Not after Eddie's will. Not now that Eddie is going someplace that Buck cannot follow, no matter how badly he wants to.

Buck would've dug himself down 40 feet and suffocated amongst the mud. Buck would've thrown himself into the sniper's line of fire. Buck would've signed his life away to Eddie, given the chance, and yet here he is with Eddie's whole world left in his lap and a duty to protect it, and he cannot run away. Not from this. Not from Christopher. But, but, but. But he wishes, in his most selfish thoughts, that Eddie could never go somewhere that Buck couldn't follow. He wishes the earthquake would've taken him instead.

Because of course it was an earthquake. Of course it was Eddie, in the wrong place at the wrong time. Of course.

Buck wants to go home, but home is on the other side of the door. So he sits and he stares and he waits.

The nurse tells him, so gently, that he doesn't have to wait out there all night. Buck doesn't even meet her eyes. The scrape on the wall is more of a smudge, and it kind of looks like a heart, and his is broken. So he waits.

He blinks, and Bobby is sitting across from him covering up the smudge-heart. His eyes are as sad as Buck has ever seen them.

"Buck – " he starts, stops, and lowers his gaze. The sympathy in his voice is enough to make Buck's hands shake. "Son, I think you should go home."

A beat passes. A nurse walks between them.

Buck says, "My home doesn't exist anymore." And the worst part is that he wants to mean it, but Christopher is sitting in the waiting room with Carla, judging by Bobby’s presence, and as long as he breathes then Buck's home still stands. Bobby's face tells him that he knows it.

"You need some rest, kid," he says. Buck scoffs, eyes red and swollen, and doesn't bother with a response. He only leans forward and rests his forehead on his arms.

He hears Bobby sigh, listens as the man stands and waits for him to walk away.

A hand rests on top of Buck’s head instead, Bobby’s fingers carding through his hair. “I love you, kid. He does, too. He’d want you to rest.”

Buck doesn’t say a word. The gray sleeves of his hoodie dampen as fresh tears soak into the fabric.

He waits until Bobby leaves, quiet as he came, to let his whole body shudder with the force of his grief.

tagging: @gayhoediaz (i know u tagged me, but lacho 🤨) @lesbiandiaz @buddieblr @eddiebabygirldiaz + anyone else that wants to. sorry if you've been tagged before (not u nie <3)

[babybuckleydiaz]

Hey, I was wondering if you take request? If you do, may I please request a Buck and Eddie idea where Buck and Eddie are dating and Eddie's parents turn up unannounced and they hate buck for losing Christopher in the tsunami and when Eddie goes to work, his parents verbally hurt buck causing him to leave and Christopher overhears everything and tells Eddie when he gets home and they leave to get their buck? I absolutely love a caring and protective Eddie.

an/ i am so sorry to make you wait so long, and i hope that this was worth the wait, hun. thank you so much for prompting this, i enjoyed writing it. 

  Today was one of the rare days where Eddie had gone to work without Buck by his side, so the younger firefighter had been spending his Saturday with his favourite little Diaz. As much as Buck loved to be working alongside his boyfriend and making sure that the other was safe, he enjoyed having his one on one time with Christopher and just unwinding in a place that he knows he is loved. It beats the loneliness of his apartment walls. Right now found both Buck and Christopher curled up on the couch, a book opened up on the adult’s lap with the kid leaning heavily into the other’s side. Curled up and safe against Buck.

  The atmosphere had been peaceful and quiet, but that had all been ruined by a knocking off the door that caused both the people in the house to jump in freight at the sudden noise. “That scared the sh- heck out of me.” Buck chuckled, and the slip up he almost made caused Christopher to giggle as Buck jumped up to his feet when the knocking at the door began once more; this time a little louder than the first time. Opening the door, Buck is caught off guard and more than surprised at the two people that stand strongly before him.

  The last people that he had been expecting to see when he answered the door was Helena and Ramon Diaz, looking annoyed that he had been the one to answer the door instead of their son. “Oh, um. Hi?” Buck says, confused because Eddie hadn’t hold him that he had been expecting a visit from his parents, and he was underprepared for the two people to be standing before him. And outnumber because these two never once tried to hide their dislike for their son’s boyfriend.

  “Evan. Where is Edmundo?” Questions Ramon, pushing passed the young firefighter to get into the house and beginning looking around for his son. But the annoyance that was on his face was replaced with a bright smile when he saw his grandson sitting on the couch, moving over and pulling the young child into a hug; one that Christopher happily returned with an excited smile on his face. “Oh Christopher, my boy!” Happily says Helena as she too pushes passed Buck, who sighs before running a hand through his hair and down his face as he shuts the door behind them. “Sure, come on in.” He mumbles, only loud enough for himself and would have fallen on deaf ears anyway.

  “Eddie is at work, doesn’t finish for another four hours.” Buck explained in response to the question that had been asked of him earlier, and he is raising an eyebrow when Ramon stands up straight after letting go of his grandson. He whirls around and looks at Buck, who doesn’t miss the anger that he sees there. Nor does he miss it on Helena’s face when the woman turns to barely look at him before making her way to greet and hug her grandson.

  “And he left our grandson with you? Seriously?” Buck flinches back as if he had been physically struck by the older man, the question being one that he never expected to be asked. “U-Uh yeah? Why wouldn’t he, I’m capable of looking after Chris.” Was the response that he had given back, not too sure whatever the older man could be meaning when he had asked that. He was more than capable of looking after Chris for a couple of hours, the kid is most of the time a dream to babysit for the day. An easy kid to look after.

  “I’m just surprised he would make the same mistake after last time.” Ramon utters under his breath as if what he said was nothing more than an afterthought and Buck frowns deeply at the words. “Excuse me?” Buck is annoyed now, because he had no idea what the hell Ramon was trying to imply as he spoke, and he’s angry that these people who barely even know him have judged him so easily. “You know exactly what he means.” Helena adds in, having had let go of Christopher and is now standing by her husband’s side; Chris sitting on the couch and watching the scene going on in front of him. “Hey Chris, buddy?” Buck ignores the other two adults for a moment in favour of turning his attention to the child with a smile on his face, one that’s kinda and loving. At the sound of Buck’s voice, Christopher looks from his grandparents and turns to look at the firefighter. “Can okay to go in your room for a while, we’re going to be talking about some grown up stuff.”

  Buck doesn’t want Christopher to be around for this conversation, and it was as if the young boy could see that is exactly what Buck wanted and nods his head happily at the older male. “Course, Bucky!” Christopher announces, and uses his crutches to push himself off the couch before he is making his way down the hall and into the bedroom, the door slightly jarred and Buck sighs as he watches the kid he loves so much go.

  And as much as he doesn’t want to deal with this right now, he turns his attention back to the two Diaz parents who are looking at him with barely concealed anger. “What the hell is your problem with me?” Buck jumps in first before either of them can get a chance to start, confused and annoyed that these two have come and ruined a perfectly peaceful and nice day that he and Christopher were enjoying. “I haven’t done anything wrong to either of you.” Buck says, because he hasn’t done anything at all that could have made these two hate him as much as they seem to do. But at his words, Ramon snorts a laugh that holds absolutely no humour inside of it.

  “We almost lost Christopher because of you, I warrant that as a good enough reason to dislike you.” Ramon cruelly says, and for a moment Buck is absolutely confused as to what this man was getting out before it hits him like a ton of bricks. His body growing cold and eyes widening as it is made perfectly clear it was that Ramon was talking about.

  The Tsunami.

  “Are you serious, the tsunami was a freaking natural disaster! I did my best to try and keep Christopher safe!” Buck hisses, not wanting to let either of these people come in here and blame him for something that was a natural disaster, they have no idea what he or Christopher had gone through that day on the pier. “Oh really? Your best?” Helena huffed. “Then clearly your best wasn’t good enough, because you lost him in the middle of it! He could have been killed!” buck can understand why they are thinking like this, he really can, because he had struggled so badly with no blaming himself for losing Christopher but that doesn’t give them the right to treat him as they currently are. “You’re are not fit to be looking after our grandson! I have no idea why Edmundo left him in your care.” Ramon says distastefully, and Buck rolls his eyes as he scoffs. Because as long as Eddie trusts him then that is all he needs to focus on.

  But he can’t deny that that feeling of self-doubt is crawling back up his bones, because what if Eddie was still mad? Buck quickly shakes his head as if to rid himself of the thought. If Eddie didn’t still trust him with Christopher then he would have made it painfully obvious and wouldn’t have left his son in Buck’s care the day after the tsunami. But the words being screamed at him do nothing to help all the work that he has done to try and move passed that day and all the trauma that had come hand in hand with it.

  “Well, we are here now and you can leave. We’ll look after our grandson now, thank you.”

  Once more Buck scoffs as he shakes his head. “No way, Eddie left Chris in my care, he trusts me with his son.” Buck presses on, not wanting to relent to what they were asking him; but he can’t help when the trembling in his hand begins and his heart beats a little too fast for his own liking. But he stands unrelenting none the less.

  “ I don’t care if our son left him in your care.” Ramon begins, and Buck doesn’t say anything yet, instead he clenched his jaw and looked at the older man in the eye. Whatever they have to say will never be worse than what his own parents have ever said to him, he can easily take this.

  “We are Christopher’s grandparents and we cannot trust you to look after him, you are unfit to do so. You’ve done nothing but proved that, and we don’t want you to look after him.” Ramon is ruthless in what he has to say, and Helena standing there the entire time in support of what her husband has to say, nodding her head every few moments as Ramon continues to make his points. Leaving Buck’s heart dropping in their wake. “And we are not going to wait around and have the day come that you get him killed in your care.” Buck eyes widened, because did they seriously think that he was that unfit in watching Christopher that he would get the kid killed? We’re they seriously saying that right now? Buck really couldn’t believe what he was hearing right now.

  “I-I-“ Buck didn’t know what he was even going to say before he was cut off anyway, Ramon holding up his hand in front of Buck to silence him and Buck hates himself for how quick it worked. “Get out right now, okay? Don’t bother saying goodbye to Christopher, because we will convince Eddie to stay clear of you.”

  Not knowing what he can say to change their minds or even make them see common ground, that being Christopher’s safety, Buck just nods his head slowly. He looks down at the room that Christopher is in, and as much as he wants to ignore them and go and say goodbye to the kid, he doesn’t do that. He’s not about to give Ramon and Helena another reason to go off on him. Wordlessly, he grabs his jacket and his keys as he roughly puts his shoes on; lips pulled down into a sad and angry frown the whole time doing so.

  With one last look at Ramon and Helena, Buck is out the door without Christopher even knowing.

---------

  One thing that Eddie wasn’t expecting when he got home was the silence that filled the house, having had expecting the childish laughter of his son and his boyfriend as they caused absolute havoc on the house. But instead there is nothing of the sort, just the television playing softly and the chatter of two voices that Eddie hadn’t been expecting. Unlocking the front door and entering the living room, Eddie is greeted with the sight of his mother and father sitting on the couch, conversing quickly amongst themselves.

  The second thing that he notices is what Buck is nowhere to be seen, only now clicking onto the fact that his jeep wasn’t in the driveway where it was usually parked when he stayed over. Noticing all of this, Eddie can’t help that he is already annoyed and defensive; but usually his parents being here doesn’t always been the best news for him. “Ah Edmundo, you’re finally back!” Helena happily announces, seeing her son standing in the doorway with a frown on his face as he looks around. “Oh Christopher is playing in his bedroom, do not worry.” She says, as if that was the only thing that he was worried about in this moment, but he was able to hear Christopher moving around in his room so that wasn’t something he was too concerned about at this given moment.

 Instead he finds himself asking “Where’s Buck?” Before even giving his parents a proper greeting, but he isn’t in the mood for their dramatics right now, and them being here usually ends in arguments that he doesn’t want to deal with. Sighing, Helena just smiles softly at her son instead, knowing that he obviously wasn’t in the best mood right now. “Ah, once we got here he decided to leave and go back to his apartment.” At that, Eddie frowns because he already knows that isn’t the truth, he and Buck had a lot of plans for after work with Christopher, ones that Buck himself was excited for. But he knows that Buck wouldn’t have left without letting his boyfriend know that the plans needed to be changed. Buck has always contacted Eddie when he wasn’t going to be home if Eddie finished work long after he himself had.

  The sound of Christopher’s crutches clicking down the hallway distracted him before he could open his mouth to call them out on their bullshit, a determined but sad expression marring his features. “Hey buddy, you okay?” Eddie questions, forgetting his parents are even there and instead focusing on his son, who should never have to look as sad as he currently does. Christopher moves as quickly as he could to stand by his father’s side, looking at his grandparents before nodding to himself and taking a breath. “Hey, whatever you need to say just say it kiddo, don’t worry about them.” Eddie encourages, not caring about the displeased grunt that his father makes in response to his words.

  He and Christopher do not keep secrets from each other, and he doesn’t want the secret keeping to start now when it was clear that his son has something that he thinks is super important.

  “They’re lying about Bucky leaving, they’re mean to him.” That isn’t something that Eddie had expected to come out of his son’s mouth, and he grows a look over his shoulder at his parents before turning his attention back onto his son; prompting the younger boy to keep talking. But he seems hesitant when he looks over at his grandparents once again, obviously not wanting to make them mad but he’s clearly concerned for Buck and needed to say what it was he wanted to get out.

  “It’s okay, kid. Eyes on me, you can talk to me.” Eddie reassures with such a patient and soft smile on his face, Christopher’s eyes searching his face and nodding to himself before he begins speaking once more.

  “Bucky left because they told him to, they were yelling at him and were mean to him.” Christopher admits, and any anger that Eddie is feeling at those words, he’s pushing them down because he’s talking to his son right now. His parents will get getting a piece of his mind though, that was for sure. “They think he’s going to get me killed and that you shouldn’t trust him to look after me.” Christopher has tears in his eyes as he shakes his head though, because he feels as though he needs to explain to even his father that he’s safe with Buck. “But Bucky has always protected me, he keeps me safe! They blame him for the tsunami, but that wasn’t his fault!”

  Seeing easily that his son was getting worked up, Eddie pulls the kid into his arms and whispers something in his ear that no one apart from Christopher can hear. “It’s alright, Chris. Calm down, I know.” He sooths, running a hand through his son’s hair as Christopher listening to him; taking calming breaths like Buck had taught him not long after the tsunami had happened.

  “Now, why don’t you run along and pick out some clothes and shoes.” Eddie prompts with a smile, Christopher already agreeing with a determined look because he knew what it was that he and his father were going to do. They were going after their Bucky. “Okay, dad.” He responds even as tears still slide down his cheeks, and Eddie gives him a kiss on his forehead as he brushes his cheeks with his thumbs, dying the tears as they fall.

  With that, Eddie pushes himself to his feet and looks at his parents with nothing but anger written on his face.

  “Look Edmundo-“ Eddie doesn’t even give them the chance to speak their mind and trying to explain what they were doing because he doesn’t want to heart it. “Save it.” He cuts off harshly, he is so angry right now. “Who the hell do you think you are, telling Buck that he will get Christopher killed? What the hell is wrong with both of you?” And now, Eddie really doesn’t care that he is being rude because they had no damn right to come in here and tell Buck that he had to leave. He was beyond furious, because Buck does not deserve to be treated so horribly.

  “You also have no right to undermined my parents and decide who I should trust my son with.” Angrily states the young firefighter, and Ramon and Helena stay silent because they already know they won’t be able to explain themselves and their actions. “Who I trust my son with is up to me, and no one else. And I trust Buck to look after Christopher.” Eddie says, and it really is as simple as that. Because as he said before: there was no one else in this world he trusts with Christopher then Buck. He meant it then and he still means it now.

  “By the time I get back, I want both of you gone. I’m far too angry at both of you right now. You have no fucking right to do what you did.”

  Briefly, Eddie wonders if he is blowing this out of the water, if he’s going over the top for what the situation is. But then he remembers the expression on Christopher’s face moments ago and how Buck must be feeling to realise how he isn’t overreacting what so ever. He’ll deal with his parents later, when he has calmed down. Because right now he has a boyfriend to worry about and bring back home.

--------

  “Okay, I’m coming. Jesus.” Buck sighs tiredly as he makes his way down the stairs when hard knocking on the door had woken him up from  a light sleep. Jogging down the stairs and to the front door, he doesn’t even really bother to check who is here, just opening it and then making a surprised sound at the people who greet him.

  “Bucky!” Christopher cries out happily as he horrible forward and goes to stand by the older man, who bends down to hug him and kiss the top of his head. “Hi there, kiddo!” He happily says back, his whole mood having shifted seeing the kid he loved so much and his wonderful boyfriend, who is smiling softly at the scene. “Not that I don’t love seeing you both, but what are you doing here?” He questions, moving out of the way and allowing his loved ones to enter his apartment, Eddie closing the door softly behind him. “Well, Christopher told me what happened today so I thought I could come and drag your butt back home.” Eddie explained in response, as if it was the most simple thing on the earth and Buck can’t help but blink in surprise.

  “Eds, it’s no big deal. Go spend some time with your parents.” Buck says, nodding his head at Christopher who motions for the television; leaving Eddie and Buck to talk about things that he really shouldn’t have to be concerned with. “Hm, nah. I’m good.” Eddie smiles, and Buck can’t help but snort and shake his head before his small smile drops and a frown takes over his expression; and it makes Eddie sad to see. At the end of the day he thinks the only expression that should be on Buck’s face is one of pure happiness.

  Or Euphoria but that isn’t the point that Eddie was trying to focus on right now.

  “They’re wrong, Buck.” Eddie says before Buck can even begin to say what it was that he was going on, because the older man already knew what it was going on in that wonderful head of his boyfriend’s. “I meant it said when I trust you with Christopher, I know that you will always protect him as best as you can.” The tone in Eddie’s voice was serious now, and he moves to cut the side of his boyfriend’s face, thump gently tracing his cheek bone as he smiled something so soft and loving that it never failed to leave butterflies in the younger’s stomach. “In the tsunami, you tried with everything you had to find him, okay? I know you never would have given up.” Buck remains silent, but Eddie doesn’t miss the tears that begin to burn in his eyes.

  “I should have tried harder, Eddie. I never should have lost him to begin with.”

  This is something that will always be quick to break the older man’s heart so quickly; and that was Buck’s habit for blaming absolutely everything on himself without hesitating. “Baby, don’t do that to yourself.” Eddie pleads, an unusually soft tone that he usually keeps reserved for Buck and Christopher, and it’s so gentle and patient that the tears in Buck’s eyes fall down his cheeks. “Don’t get so lost in your own self-doubt that I can’t find you, because I don’t and never will blame you for keeping separated from Chris that day.” This is a repeat of a conversation that they used to have so many times, and Eddie can’t help but resent his parents for making them have it once more.

  “You were both caught in a natural disaster and you did the best that you could, love. You worked yourself to the bone until you had your eyes on that kid again.”

  That was something that the dark haired man doesn’t think he could ever get, watching Buck collapse to the ground as all the fight had left his body at the sight of Christopher in his father’s arms. He just dropped and just thinking about it makes Eddie’s chest twist so painfully. And he hates that he couldn’t convince Buck to stay with him and Christopher that night, that Buck would have gone back to an apartment alone and hurt; it’s one of his biggest regrets that day. He can’t help but wonder if Buck’s feelings about that whole day would have played out the same, of having himself and Chris there that night might have played in his favour.

  “Now, you’re coming home with Chris and I, okay. We will always want you with us, no matter what my parents say.” Buck doesn’t open his mouth to protest, and that is something that Eddie is going to take as a win. “Because they will always be wrong about you, I will always trust you with Chris; never gonna hesitate about it.” Buck just sniffs back tears as he seems to search Eddie’s expression, trying to find something that will counter every word that he had just said but he doesn’t find a single thing. But everything that Eddie had just said he means it with his whole heart and being. “You know, I really fucking love you, Eddie.” Buck whispers as he is pulled into a hug by the older male, burying his face in the crook of Eddie’s neck and taking a moment to soak in the love the other is offering. He can feel the other chuckle, the sound vibrating in Eddie’s chest as he brings up a hand to cup the back of the younger’s head; fingers trailing gently through his hair.

  “Good cause I love you too, and you’re not getting rid of us.” Eddie replies. “Ever.” And to himself, Buck smiles because that sounds like something that he could happily live with.

[fcntasmas-archive]

hi!! i'm the anon who started 911 after her exams back in may, idk if u remember me? my last ask was in may (?) when i was through s1 and now a lot of time has passed but i'm slow as FUCK when it comes to watching shows. however! just in time for s5, i finished s4 on saturday and man. what have you dragged me into. i have a FEELS (imma try to keep it short). 1: i said: stop hurting buck. 911 said: no :) (my dumbass son has been through so much PLEASE make the universe stop kicking him in the face) 2: i love eddie diaz everyone loves eddie diaz. prayer circle for him to go to therapy. also chris is indeed a national treasure. 3: god bless carla. 4: if hen and athena so much as looked at me with a stink eye i'd pee my pants and give up on life. they can step on me and i'll say thank you 5: why are eddie and buck married without them knowing. JESUS [insert what was the reason vid here] 6: I AM SO PROUD OF ALL OF THEM FOR MAKING IT THIS FAR!!!!! petition to stop hurting my bbys!!! i'll start doing arm workouts so i can give the team a power hug and fight the universe when it throws the next bunch of traumatizing life-altering events at them. THAT'S IT!! (also you said i was through the roughest patch but, uh. doug? tsunami?? shannon??? ladder truck???? athena attack????? hen + nia situation + med school?????? i-) i'm giving you the biggest hug!! thank you for this hyperfixation!! and your blog and presence!!! mwah!! have a lovely day!! and watching 911 later!!! ❣ - exam anon

oh my god HELLO YES OFC I REMEMBER YOU!!! i'm so happy you came back and that you watched it omg fjdsaklfj that's amazing???? i'M SO EXCITED FOR YOU TO BE WATCHING LIVE THIS SEASON it's gonna take over your life even more i'll tell you that much right now i am so glad you have all the right opinions and i am so happy you're sharing them with me now i feel so empowered by this (also cough i meant roughest patch in terms of writing,,,,, yeah you definitely had a lot to go through I'M SORRY) i'm giving you the biggest hug RIGHT BACK and than you so much for sending this and i hope to see you around more often to cry together ily <333

[datleggy]

i think buck is so good for eddie (and christopher too) specifically bc buck isn’t afraid to wear his heart on his sleeve?

like he unashamedly admitted in front of the team that he always cries at those soldier family reunification videos, his voice notably shakes/cracks when he’s distressed, he’s always physically affectionate, and god thru out the whole ep where he thinks he’s being replaced at the firehouse and eventually talks to that shit lawyer?????????????? LITERAL TEARS IN HIS EYES THE ENTIRE TIME

buck does not shy away from his feelings, as opposed to eddie, who could be going thru hell and stay stone faced about it. i feel like even in the ep where shannon passed he was like >___> and even when buck told eddie he lost christopher in the tsunammi???? he had an OBVIOUS pained expression bc thats his SON but he didn’t lash out or start sobbing or anything, just kind of stood there (which i get it, i’d be in deep denial too) but STILL!

i was glad to see eddie finally break down and talk to someone (bobby---aka everyones dad) about how much he was hurting and i’m especially glad for that bc i think christopher needs to see that more often, so that he feels safe expressing his own inner turmoil (the kids been thru A LOT) instead of putting on a happy face for everyones sake!

and i think in the long run buck will really help eddie and christopher be able to be more open to sharing/expressing these feelings without the need to hide behind a facade, bc buck himself is so unabashedly demonstrative with his emotions.

like when he confronts eddie time and again after the lawsuit incident so that they can TALK and work things out--and not just in the ep after, but in this latest one in the now famous kitchen scene where eddie tries to brush it off like hey its fine all under rug swept man, but buck is like UM NO ITS NOT, NOT TO ME, IM SORRY FOR NOT BEING THERE FOR U GUYS!

and also at the pier before the tsunami when he was spending the day with christopher he was so open talking about his feelings with this nine year old instead of patronizing him or pretending he’s a-okay, he legit asks christopher for his opinion on the matter and LISTENS and christopher is able to comfort him and see that feeling down is OK like jbgrjnkea gszoureiwpok fltgrgeadvf im sorry i have so many feelings about the diaz family (which obv includes Evan Buck Diaz)

[gayeddieagenda]

11, 23, and/or 4 for fic of your choosing?

11. Are you partial to a certain character/pairing or are you more equal-opportunity? If you are partial to any character/pairing, why do you think that is?

yessss i am extremely partial to one eddie diaz. i write buck and eddie perspective somewhat? evenly?? i would have to check the stats to be sure, but it's not thaaat skewed. however. whenever i am writing buck perspective a part of me is hanging my head sad charlie brown-style, bc i am not writing eddie diaz. i don't know why exactly, beyond just that eddie's specific cocktail of issues r really compelling to me - i like, for example, stories that do a little bit of reckoning with the Being Gay Of It All, which is very much eddie's domain. i like his emotional problems. i like how tightly wound and deeply repressed he is. he's just interesting and fun to me!!!

23. What’s a trope, AU, or concept you’ve never written, but would like to?

this is so fun... i don't write a lot of AUs and i don't write a lot of traditionally super trope-y stuff, i think? for buddie specifically i have a 'buck and eddie meet earlier' fic that i've been thinking about in the back of my mind for a looong time, where buck and eddie meet in season 1 and have a relationship that is essentially buck's equivalent of the abby relationship, in the sense that it's his first serious relationship, he really throws himself into it and tries to take on everything, and it ends kind of badly - and they break up, eddie starts working at the 118, and they become friends anyway without anyone really knowing that they'd been thru this together. and then of course eventually they get together again, but not until literal years have passed!! that would be my version of an alt first meeting that i would write if i ever had the time!!

4. What detail in [insert fic] are you really proud of?

this question is so hard :0 i'm making it simple and saying something from my newest fic, problem solving - this isn't a particularly subtle detail, but i had sooo much fun trying to make it feel a little bit like the s2e1 gym fight in this fic. i feel like there's something i'm forgetting, but putting eddie in the black tank top and having buck's freakout be 'you can't just say that' ala 'you're not supposed to just walk in... there's meant to be a getting to know u period' blah blah blah whatever he says. i loveeee buck having these super engrained ideas of what Should be happening and freaking the fuck out when something outside of that track starts going down - even when it is, objectively, a positive thing 4 him!!

fic writers asks