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thought--bubble · 10 months ago

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All of your senses

Ettore X (Riding Ettore Reader)

Word Count: 2,082

Ettore Masterlist

Full Masterlist

Banners & Dividers by @arcielee

Based on THIS request

Warnings:: Ettore, Dubcon, smut (PinV unprotected). Male whimpering because I wanted it, and I can! Hehehe

Therapy! Ettore scoffs at the thought. As if therapy could ever help him. As far as he understood himself, he didn't need therapy.

Therapy is something to help a person sort through their emotions. Ettore simply doesn't have any. He does not feel things in his head or his heart. The only feelings he recognizes are physical.

You can't hurt his feelings, but you can break his nose. You can't send his heart a flutter, but you can get him off.

In order to be cleared for that damn space mission in which he would be made part of a co-ed population of inmates, he had to go through therapy and nothing was going to stop him from getting on that ship and once again having access to women.

So, with full fledged irritation and annoyance, he drudged his way down to the prison shrink. A guard flanked him on either side.

He thinks it's a bit dramatic. Yes, he can be violent, but it's actually pretty rare. Only when it serves a purpose and beating down the person who could clear him would be counterproductive to his plans.

When you open the door and beckon him inside, he becomes painfully aware of why the guards are necessary. You're his preferred victim type. A young voluptuous woman, long silky hair, skin-tight pencil skirt, and button-up top. The only thing that can make him lose control.

Ettore walks into the room, the chains connecting his hands to his feet scraping across the floor.

"Hello, Ettore." Your voice makes a shiver run down his spine. He doesn't answer you. Instead, he steps closer and sniffs before one of the guards grabs him and pulls him back, shoving him into a cold metal chair before proceeding to strap his arms and legs down.

Once Ettore is securely fastened to the chair one of the guards turns to you with concern.

" We really should stay. This inmate can not be trusted...... around women"

You chuckle at this. " therapy doesn't work well with an audience. I trust that you have fully secured him?"

"Yes, but-" you stop him with wave of your hand.

"I have full faith that he will stay right where you put him. You can wait outside the room."

The guard mumbles under his breath as he motions for the other guard to follow him out into the hallway. He gives Ettore a final stern look before closing the door, leaving the two of you alone.

You sit down in a plush chair directly across from Ettore with his file in your hand. You had been reading everything the prison had on him for the last week in preparation for this evaluation, and you had a pretty good idea of how he ticked.

"So Ettore. How are you feeling today?" You knew this approach most likely wouldn't work with Ettore. Making him comfortable didn't matter. He wouldn't open up to you just because of some pleasantries. He doesn't know how to open up, and if he did. He still wouldn't.

Ettore stares back at you blankly, his eyes endlessly scrolling the length of your form, yet never looking into your eyes.

It's carnal, the ache he feels inside at the sight of your soft skin. His fingers twitching around the arm of the chair. He wants to touch you. He needs to touch you.

"Why don't we start with your childhood. Your file says your mother died when you were young and you were left with your father, who may have had a bit of a drinking problem." If your words were affecting Ettore, you would never know by looking at him.

His eyes continued to ravish you from your neck to your knees. His heart pounding in his ears. What he needs is right there in front of him, yet just out of reach. He once again fights subtly against his restraints. The inability to move suffocating and controlling his every thought.

"Losing your mother so young, coupled with the nature of your crimes. It's my belief that you are in need of a gentle touch." Ettore finally lifts his eyes to meet yours, and you smile back at him.

Touch? His favorite word. Not care, support, or love, as all the other therapists have deamed. No. You used the word touch, the simple phrase having the desired effect.

You stand from your chair and step toward him slowly, his eyes darting down to your legs watching each step.

"Something ....... soft. " You walk up to the side of Ettore's chair and gently graze his cheek with your finger. You can see his arms and wrists fighting against his restraints, and you chuckle.

Ettore's eyes darken at the sound. How lucky you are that he is strapped down to this chair. If he were not, chuckles would not be the sound to come from that pretty little throat.

"Oh, no need to worry." You lean down and bring your mouth right up next to his ear and whisper, "I'll be gentle."

"I won't be." He growls in response, his patience waning. This challenge to his dominance is not something he likes or is willing to accept.

From this angle, you couldn't see his face only the back of his neck where the hairs stood on end, his breathing controlled and heavy.

"You will." You coo in his ear.

You place your hands on the back of the chair, one over each of his shoulders, and bring your mouth close to the nape of his neck. Just gently breathing, letting him feel the ghost of a touch across his skin.

"I'll teach you"

You enjoy watching his response. The tightening of his shoulders the flex in his bicep as he pulls and pulls against his restraints with no hope of getting loose.

"You need some tenderness. That's all. " You walk back around to the front of his chair, Ettore looks up at you, rage clearly written across his face.

A caged animal. Face to face with his prey and unable to act upon his most primal desires.

You hike your pencil skirt up to your mid thighs, and Ettore's eyes instantly drop. The look of anger quickly replaced with hunger, his arms again pulling against his restraints.

"Tsk tsk." You gently rub at his wrists. "Stop that silly boy, you're going to hurt yourself."

His eyes flit about your body wildly, and you smile before placing yourself in his lap, your legs straddling either side of his hips.

Automatically, Ettore thrusts his hips up toward you. "No," you gently scold and hold him down by the hips. "Gentle"

Ettore closes his eyes and breathes deep. A predatory grumble rattling in his chest.

"Now, sweet boy." You bring your cheek up to his, the stubble on his face a little coarse against your skin and the tightness in his jaw apparent.

"Relax," You roll your hips against him slowly, his thin prison pants giving away his excitement.

Ettore again desperately pulls against his restraints. You can't have the power here. He can't let you have the power here.

"Stop," you say, voice firm. You bring your hand up to his chin and gently message it with your thumb. You gently tug on his bottom lip before leaning in and placing a soft kiss against his lips. He doesn't reciprocate. The feeling so foreign, so strange.

"Doesn't that feel nice, sweet boy?"You move your hands so that you are cradling his strong jaw. Holding his face so he has no choice but to look at you.

"Just what the doctor ordered, hmm?" You bring your lips down to him again. Slowly pushing your tongue into his mouth. Not aggressive, not passionate.

You move your tongue in his mouth, and you feel him start to kiss back, aggressively at first, but you keep your pace steady and soft.

You bring your hands to the back of his head, tugging briefly on the hair there. You control his movement this way. Too aggressive, you tug him back.

You roll your hips against him again, falling into a steady rhythm.

With his head pulled back and his neck craned completely powerless as you grind yourself against him, he whimpers.

"What was that sweet boy?" You grind yourself harder against his erection and he whimpers louder.

"Tell me" you demand as you again increase the speed and pressure of your movements.

"Please." He finally croaks out, followed by another whimper. "God please"

"Oh, poor thing." You keep his head pulled back and lick a stripe up his neck. "Am I teasing you?"

Ettore groans, and you slightly lift yourself from his lap.

"I don't want to drive you mad." You release his hair, and he looks at you, panic in his eyes.

"No, wait," Ettore tries to reach for you but is trapped by those damn restraints.

"Oh. Don't worry, sweet boy. " You grab his cheeks and squeeze them briefly. "We aren't done"

You reach beneath you and shimmy his pants down just enough to free his cock. His mouth opens slightly at the feeling his eyes glazing over.

"Slow and gentle." You nuzzle your nose to him as he holds his breath.

He looks so desperate. So pathetic. It's so satisfying.

You press the head of his cock to your entrance and sink down just enough so the tip breeches your walls and nothing else.

Ettore instinctually bucks his hips once before you again grab him and hold him in place.

"Tsk tsk," you scold him as you hold him down and slide up and down over just the tip of his throbbing cock.

His body starts shaking so harshly that it's nearly convulsing. It takes your full strength to hold him in place, his hips desperate to move.

"Fuck fuck fuck" He whimpers loudly. "I need it. More. Fuck more!"

"More?" You sink down just a smidge further and watch as Ettore's head lulled, and his eyes started to roll back.

"Ahh!" He clenches his jaw and moves his hips subtly, getting himself just a tiny bit further.

You slide down further, now halfway down his shaft.

"Kiss me nice and gentle like I taught ya" He lifts his head and looks at you with confusion.

"Not moving another inch till ya do," Ettore quickly brings his face to yours. He tentatively kisses you with slow unsure movements.

As the kiss continues, you slide slowly down the rest of his shaft until your ass rests on his thighs and he moans into your mouth.

You smirk, you have an apex predator beneath you, whimpering, moaning, and begging for relief.

"See? So gentle you are. " You softly blow into his ear as you roll your hips slowly.

Ettore gasps at the sensation, his entire body vibrating. He's been in this prison for two years already, with no one but his hand to keep him company.

The pressure builds up in the base of his spine quickly, but he fights the urge to buck his hips, knowing you would stop if he did.

"You wanna cum sweet boy?" He nods a pained expression on his face.

You lean back in and kiss him again, this time with more urgency as you bring your fingers to your clit. The perfect mixture of his soft kisses, your nimble fingers, and his thick cock scraping against your walls bring you over the edge quickly.

As your cunt pulses around him you grip his hair again exposing his neck to you.

"Cum sweet boy. Right now, " He has no choice but to comply he bucks his hips twice and then spills himself inside of you, his mouth wide open and eyes closed.

You kiss him once more, but he is spent, mouth just hanging open lazily. You hop off of him and fix his pants as he smiles up at you, a smug look of satisfaction on his face.

You fix yourself and, without another word, to him open your office door telling the guards to take him back to his cell.

On his way out the door, he keeps his eyes on you, tripping over his shackles and being caught by a guard.

You pay him no mind and quickly close the door behind him and sit down at your desk.

You fill out the sheet you were given approving him for the mission, and of course, suggest a few more therapy sessions before he goes.

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#ewan mitchell verse #ettore x reader #ettore high life #ettore smut #ettore #ettore imagine #ewan nation #ewan mitchell fanfic #ewanverse #ewan mitchell #jess fics #my red flag bf

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foundmywei · 6 months ago

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Buddie Fanfic Recs 3

Here are my favorite buddie fics, I will be updating this as I read~

Check Part 1 and Part 2 for more

(last updated: 07/10/24 - 30 fics)

10k words or under

still by brewrosemilk

(9,368 words | Teen And Up Audiences | Chapters: 1/1)

For the first time, Buck longs for a bullet wound to treat. Dirt to dig at. A door to break through. Something. There’s nothing. “Your guess was correct, Diaz,” the bomb technician tells them, as he gestures to the orange circle. “You’re standing on a large sensor plate, wired to a detonator. It’s incredibly important that you don’t move. Don’t shift. When you put your weight down, it was like cocking a gun - you take your weight off, this thing is powerful enough to take the entire house with it." Inspired by Castle, S05E22: Still

If You Said I Do I Would Too by giselleslash

(5,894 words | General Audiences | Chapters: 1/1)

Eddie starts telling people Buck’s his husband to get out of annoying flirting situations on calls. Buck starts to like it a little too much.

platonic co-parents don’t kiss like we do by thelikesofus

(7,113 words | Mature | Chapters: 1/1)

Chimney wants it on public record that if he ever goes to therapy the bill is to be sent to Buck and Eddie, and that should he ever end up in an early grave for reasons related to his co-workers and their absolutely unhinged inability to act like normal people they will also be paying for all of the flowers at the funeral—and Chimney wants a lot of flowers. OR 5 times other people see Buck and Eddie kiss + 1 time they really mean it.

baby, say you'll always keep me by hattalove

(8,251 words | Teen And Up Audiences | Chapters: 1/1)

“Yeah,” Eddie says, and the darkness behind his eyelids takes on a white edge. “Be good. Nice to be married,” he yanks on Buck’s t-shirt, “best friend.” Finally, Buck takes a breath that sounds off somehow, but he laughs too, and that sounds normal, Eddie thinks. A normal laugh. “Sure, Eds,” he says, and there’s his hand in Eddie’s hair again, a puff of breath on the crown of Eddie’s head like Buck leaned in to press a kiss there and then stopped, but why would he stop—“I’ll marry you if you remind me tomorrow.” or the one in which joking about being married to your best friend is all fun and games, right up until you realize that you're not laughing.

the book of love by colonoscopys

(8,075 words | General Audiences | Chapters: 1/1)

It was a pretty regular day. He had an eight hour shift the day before, slept in a little bit, ate dry toast and drank a black coffee before dropping Chris off at physical therapy for an hour. If he had known he was gonna die, he would have sprung for the hashbrowns in the freezer.

I'll Take "Sounds I Wish I'd Never Heard" For $500, Alex by Kwills91

(5,582 words | Teen And Up Audiences | Chapters: 1/1)

Buck and Eddie get together through grindr...but not the way you'd think OR Buck hears the Grindr notification sound on Eddie's phone - several times - and inevitably has a crisis about it.

an inch away from more than just friends by allyasavedtheday

(9,963 words | Teen And Up Audiences | Chapters: 1/1)

“I think Eddie’s in love with me.” She gapes at him, mouth working for a response that doesn’t come until Chimney beats her to it. “Eddie’s what?” Maddie claps her mouth shut, stepping aside to let Buck through. Chimney’s on the floor in the living room with Jee playing with her tea set. “You’re not involved in this conversation,” Buck says, pointing at him. “It’s your fault in the first place for even putting the idea in my head.” Maddie apparently finally finds her voice, appearing at Buck’s side and looking between them. “I’m sorry, what? How did Chim put the idea in your head?” “Him and Hen!” Buck exclaims, waving a hand. “They told me I should pay attention to how much Eddie wants to be around me.” “And you took that to mean he’s in love with you?” Chimney asks incredulously. * In which Buck has a clipboard and a list and is about to romance the hell out of Eddie Diaz.

by any other name by coldbam

(7,618 words | Explicit | Chapters: 1/1)

“Eddie, this guy—he gave me my name.” Eddie’s eyebrows crease together. “Buck here is forgetting the full introduction.” Bailey steps forward and extends his hand to Eddie. “Evan Bailey, 178. I go by Evan now.” He winks, and he’s still got Eddie’s hand grasped in his, the handshake going on a lot longer than necessary. But Bailey always liked to make an impression, especially with— Well, especially with guys he thought were hot. * Eddie meets one of those other Evans from Buck's academy class. Buck is totally normal about it.

11k-40k words

I can see it in your eyes (do you mean it?) by smilingbuckley

(29,353 words | Explicit | Chapters: 6/6)

Eddie hears that his cousin is getting engaged. Not wanting to get set up by multiple family members on awkward dates so he can bring someone to the wedding, he and Buck plan to fake date. They put a lot of thought into it, getting comfortable with PDA, going on fake dates, even practicing kissing once... and then it's finally time to travel to El Paso. But faking it is hard when he's not really faking it at all. -- He fully blames his rom-com brain, having just watched The Proposal – the fake dating classic, if you ask him or Chimney. “What if I’m your fake date?” Eddie’s head snaps sideways so fast, Buck worries about whiplash. “What?” Buck shrugs, trying to play it cool, but really, his heart is beating loudly in his chest. “I mean, people sometimes already think we’re a couple. We’re very comfortable around each other, so sharing a bed or holding hands wouldn’t be too bad. That way your family could back off. And, I don’t know, maybe a few weeks after, you say we decided to just be friends and leave it at that. Or you don’t and they’ll back off full-time with the dates.” Eddie stares at him, “You’d do that for me?” “Sure,” Buck answers, like it’s no big deal.

you could call me babe for christmas ('tis the damn season) by prettyboybuckley

(30,268 words | Teen And Up Audiences | Chapters: 2/2)

"You could come with me," Buck blurts out, his own eyes going wide as he processes what he just said. Eddie looks at him with his mouth hanging open, eyebrows slowly creasing into a frown and Buck's mind grapples for an explanation, even if the reason he said it is quite simple: he always feels safer with Eddie by his side. "My parents want me to come to El Paso," Eddie says, and he looks like the words taste bitter in his mouth. "I'd love to get out of that, but I can't just leave Christopher with Abuela or Pepa while I run to Pennsylvania. Never mind that my parents would never accept it without a good reason." "Christopher can come, of course." OR: Buck and Eddie pretend to be dating as Buck takes the Diaz boys along to Hershey. Once there, things get a little out of hand, and Buck comes to a realization...

Ready-made Family by Dark_Rosaleen

(15,884 words | Teen And Up Audiences | Chapters: 6/6)

“Sure, I love the zoo.” Chris is saying with that perfectly adorable giggle that makes Eddie want to melt whenever he hears it—which is far too infrequently these days. “My dad takes me there all the time.” Eddie’s head snaps up at that, quick and sharp. His fingers go numb and he scrambles uselessly with the tongs as they fall with a loud clatter against the grill. Because Eddie can count the times he’s been to the zoo on one hand. It’s Buck who’s been taking Christopher there nearly once a week for years.

change the prophecy by Daisies_and_Briars

(30,150 words | Mature | Chapters: 12/12)

Buck has never felt secure in any of his relationships; he’s been searching for someone to see him the way he feels he’s meant to be seen, but after things start going downhill with Tommy, he thinks that person might just not exist. Eddie cannot figure out what’s wrong with him when it becomes clear things with Marisol aren’t going to work out. But what if they’re both forgetting something?

made your mark on me (a golden tattoo) by thatbuddie (talktothesky)

(15,010 words | Teen And Up Audiences | Chapters: 1/1)

“I want another tattoo.” Eddie shatters the silence delicately, careful not to disturb the peace that cocoons them. Pressing his hand further on Eddie’s shoulder, because he knows Eddie like no one has ever known him before, like no one will ever know him again, Buck asks, “Here?” Eddie nods, tightening his fingers around Buck’s forearm. “It’s kind of…” Eddie pauses to find the perfect words, until he realizes he doesn’t need them. “It’s kind of for you. And for me. For us. You could… I’d like you to get it too.” The corners of Buck’s lips curl in a soft smile as his fingers curl around Eddie’s shoulder. “I’d like to get it too.” (or, Buck and Eddie keep getting matching tattoos, and then discover that maybe everyone is right when they think it means something more.)

authentication by v_greyson (greyson)

(18,028 words | Explicit | Chapters: 1/1)

"I think we should go clubbing again," Buck announces in between Forza races. "We have a Friday in the middle of our 96, it would be perfect." "You guys planning something?" Hen asks, coming over from the kitchen with a bowl of trail mix. "I'm trying to get Eddie to come pick up guys with me," Buck says. Hen's eyebrows arch high above her glasses. "Really," Hen says. "It's more of a wingman situation," Eddie tries to explain. "Yeah, Eddie picks the guys so I don't make stupid decisions," Buck says, flicking through menus to pick a new racetrack. The combination of Hen munching peanuts and looking back and forth between them makes Eddie feel like he's a zoo exhibit. Best Friends, captured in the wild, still feral, exhibiting behaviors heretofore unknown to science. "Well, good luck with - all that," Hen says pointedly to Eddie. She is definitely not talking about the video game.

keeping score by arcanaphora

(23,202 words | Mature | Chapters: 1/1)

“Bless your heart, you really are new to this. Good for y’all, though. I’m glad this ship is… accepting.” Eddie straightens in his seat. “What does that mean?” All four wince as a young man taps the microphone onstage. “Testing, testing,” he jokes. “Welcome to the Cruisin’ Couples Trivia Tournament!” The patrons around them cheer. Eddie digs his nails into Buck’s skin harsh enough to make him wince. “Oh,” he breathes. “This is for couples.” or: After getting dumped, Buck is left with two tickets to a weeklong cruise. Eddie steps in to support a friend in need, but complications arise when his friend becomes his fake husband. All's fair in love, war, and trivia. OR or: The Cruise Fic

love letters to evan buckley by allwedontdo

(16,872 words | Teen And Up Audiences | Chapters: 4/4)

“I want to ask Buck to marry me.” Christopher stares at Eddie, eyes so vibrantly blue in a way that reminds him of all the times that strangers would assume Buck was his father. Sometimes, he'd stand behind them in the grocery store and imagine Christopher was Buck's. That Buck was always theirs. All Christopher says that breaks Eddie out of his mind is, "Okay?” or Eddie has a question for the most important people in Buck’s life.

when everything's on fire by beartowns

(15,405 words | Teen And Up Audiences | Chapters: 1/1)

“Stay with me,” Buck blurts out the second Eddie’s eyes meet his. “We’ll pick up Chris after my shift ends in a couple hours, and you guys can—you can stay with me. Don’t get a hotel.” “Buck,” Eddie says, a searching look in his eyes. “You don’t have to do that. This is—this isn’t your mess to deal with, I can figure it out.” “I know I don’t have to,” Buck argues. “I want to.” or; Eddie and Chris move in with Buck after a fire. Buck breaks up with his boyfriend, buys a house with Eddie, and realizes he's in love. In precisely that order.

in love with every song you've ever heard by timeshareindestin

(19,223 words | Teen And Up Audiences | Chapters: 1/1)

Buck is fucking frozen. His mouth is dry, and his brain is blank except for oh no, oh fuck reverberating in his frontal lobe. He can’t answer. He feels the pressure against the metaphorical closet door, the hinges creaking against the weight of the boxes crashing down. “Are those… hearing aids?” He registers Eddie's voice through the ringing in his ears. It takes him a moment before he can finally whisper it out. He feels his head nod against his will. “Yeah.” The door gives out. or: how a conversation about tardigrades results in buck grappling with a disability he's suppressed, getting hearing aids, and realizing that the family he craves has been there for him all along. in that order.

What’s Your Love Language? by songbvrd

(18,332 words | Explicit | Chapters: 1/1)

“Which do you think makes you feel most loved?” Eddie thought for a long moment. Too long, maybe. Then he shrugged, “Honestly, Buck? I have no idea.” Buck’s brows pinched up. “What do you mean? When have you felt the most loved?” “Don’t make a big thing of this, Buck. Promise?” Buck made a show of crossing his heart, brows still raised curiously. “I’m not sure I’ve ever… really felt loved in a relationship? I’m not convinced that I know what makes me feel loved…” OR - After finding out that Eddie doesn't know what his love language is, Buck sets about finding out for him. He begins a five week experiment, one for each love language, to figure out which will make Eddie feel the most loved.

we found love right where we were by Polish_Amber

40k+ words

(70,004 words | Teen And Up Audiences | Chapters: 7/7)

May realised a very long time ago that Buck was basically her stepbrother. So, when the lightning strike finally provided the impetus for Bobby to admit that he also brought a kid into their family, she had every intention of seizing the opportunity to properly integrate Buck into the Grant-Nash family. And, look, if in the process she also gains a brother-in-law… clearly the universe was just waiting for the opportunity to make that happen. - Or, the one where May ensures Buck is enfolded properly into the Grant-Nash clan, which means Bobby (and by extension the firefam, because gossip) suddenly gets significantly more insight into the inner workings of the Buckley-Diaz family, and all roads lead to Buddie…

Anywhere I Want, Just Not Home by Daisies_and_Briars

(54,856 words | Teen And Up Audiences | Series - 3 parts)

Part 1: When a work conflict prevents Athena from accompanying Bobby to Minnesota for the ten year anniversary of his family dying, Buck and May offer to go instead. Over the course of the trip, they all learn more about each other, and Bobby faces his grief. Part 2: When unexpected circumstances require Buck to travel back to Hershey for the first time in over a decade, Eddie and Chris are right by his side. Part 3: The dynamics between everyone change when Buck and Eddie have another child and Bobby moves on from the 118. Affectionately referred to as the "Grandpa Bobby fic"

Evan Buckley & The Coma-Verse of Madness by Daisies_and_Briars

(57,964 words | Teen And Up Audiences | Chapters: 15/15)

After being struck by lightning on a call, Buck experiences a plethora of alternate realities showing him different directions his life could have taken. Fighting hard to get home, Buck learns what, or who, is important to him in every lifetime. Inspired by a mix of Marvel multiverses and The Midnight Library by Matt Haig.

and here, too, am i by Daisies_and_Briars

(41,117 words | Teen And Up Audiences | Chapters: 4/4)

Six months into their marriage, Eddie is still struggling to decide whether or not he wants more kids, when he knows Buck does. The universe may not scream, but it certainly talks.

Leading with the Left by letmetellyouaboutmyfeels

(84,763 words | Explicit | Chapters: 18/18)

When Buck said he was a "bartender" in "South America" what he actually meant was "stripper" in "Mexico." And when Eddie said, "What's your problem?" what he actually meant was, "Is this about the time you gave me a lap dance?" In other words, there's a few things the 118 doesn't know about Buck. Or Eddie. Or Buck and Eddie's relationship.

that magic feeling by woodchoc_magnum

(42,694 words | Explicit | Chapters: 2/2)

An alternate ending to season 7, in which Eddie doesn't completely blow his life up, and he and Buck realise they're in love.

something touched me (like a knife-blade) by kithmet

(42,076 words | Explicit | Chapters: 4/4)

“I feel fucking explosive, Buck. Like I’m about to go off at any second. I don’t want you caught in my mess.” His eyes sting. At the very least, Buck contains the sound of it in his voice. “Eddie, I don’t know if you’ve noticed,” he replies, “but I already am.” Eddie self-implodes. Christopher, seeking refuge, flees to Buck—whose priorities amount to, in varying order: take in the kid, get Eddie to talk to him, and keep the three of them afloat in the process. (Oh, and Tommy’s there too. He thinks.)

Descendants of Cyrano by letmetellyouaboutmyfeels

(55,314 words | Explicit | Chapters: 1/1)

People have their characters romance each other all the time while playing Dungeons & Dragons. There's deep meaningful monologues and sometimes some crying. It's normal. "Normal" is definitely not the word for whatever Buck and Eddie are inflicting on the rest of the 118.

Held Up a Lightning Rod (Wonder Why I'm Struck) by letmetellyouaboutmyfeels

(128,759 words | Explicit | Chapters: 22/22)

When Eddie Diaz stumbles his way into money, he finds himself one of the most eligible bachelors in Los Angeles - to his dismay. He needs a way to get people off his back without confessing his messy marital situation, and Shannon's still not answering his calls, so he caves to a friend's suggestion: hire someone to pretend to be his partner. Enter Evan "Buck" Buckley: sugar baby, fire fighter, and the man about to turn Eddie's world upside down.

ice cream before dinner by cloudydaisies

(58,577 words | Teen And Up Audiences | Chapters: 1/1)

Missing Chris is less of an emotion these days and more of a physical entity. He’s sure everyone can see that he’s slowly hollowing himself out, that he can’t do much of anything else. But when Jee laughs at him trying to get his tongue to touch his nose, and Mara loops one of her arms through his to keep him from tossing the rest of his cup in the garbage, Eddie feels solid again. Maybe he likes yellow birthday cake ice cream after all. (or, gerrard messes with the team's schedules and eddie 'i just drove my son to flee the state' diaz is the only option to watch mara and jee-yun after school on tuesdays, which, shouldn't be a problem at all, right?)

#buddie #evan buckley #eddie diaz #9 1 1 #911 abc #911 fanfic #buck x eddie #buddie fic rec #buddie fic

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themorriganwitch · 1 year ago

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Never alone

Summary: Bradley finds you curled up on your living room floor, crying your heart out because your body image issues got the best of you

Trigger Warning: This One Shot contains mentions of self harm, body issues, Eating disorder and extremely overwhelming thought.

Words: 1,8k

A/N: This one shot means a lot to me, since it evolves around my own experience with body image issues, self harm and ED. If you are struggling with any on these topics, please know that you are valid and loved. If you ever want to talk about these things, feel free to send my a DM

Reblogs and Comments are always dearly appreciated

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Your day actually started pretty good. It was a relaxing Saturday; the sun was shining, and you were able to sleep in since there was no need for a timer. The air was warm but breezy, so you wore your new green sundress, the one Bradley had gifted you last week because he saw it and it made him think of you. Then you headed out to meet Natasha for a late Brunch in the city.

You had an amazing time with your best friend, you laughed till your bellies hurt and talked about her upcoming vacation plans as well as about your bachelorette party next month. After you waved her goodbye when she climbed into her black Jeep, you had decided to make a short detour to your favorite clothing store, wanting to pick up a new set of lingerie to surprise Bradley as soon as he would be home after his day out with his boys.

But as soon as you slipped into the first set you picked out, a dark red one – your fiancées favorite color, and saw yourself in the mirror of the fitting room your entire mood changed.

Did your thighs really look that huge? Have your upper arms always been that wobbly? And your belly- you knew that you had gained some weight since you started your relationship, you just hadn’t notice how much you had gained, at least not until now.

And that’s how you found yourself sitting on the couch in your living room, wearing nothing but some panties and one of Bradley’s old shirts, eyes red and puffy from all the tears that had streamed out. You could not really wrap your head around why you are triggered to such an extent; you barely had any problems with your ED anymore since you went to therapy and worked through your issues related to food and self-perception.

But right now, you just felt like your 19-year-old self again who was lying on the cold bathroom floor crying their heart out while begging the Universe to just make the pain stop. To make you look like anybody else, to simply make that monster inside your brain, who told you to go to bed starving every. single. night. - stop.

Unworthy.

Unlovable.

Ugly.

All those thoughts circulated around your messed up brain, spiraling over and over until you had the feeling that you must die to make this horrendous pain stop.

Against knowing better, you spiraled even further, walking in the kitchen to grab the last chocolate ice cream cub that was left in the refrigerator. Hoping this would help to numb the emotional turmoil that had taken control over your entire body.

About thirty minutes later you found yourself again on the couch, t-shirt covered in brown stains while the tears had started to fall again. Your sobbing became frantically, your stomach was bloated painfully from all the ice cream you ate and now regret.

Trying to cover your emotions with food never worked and now you felt even worse than you did when you came home.

You lie down on the ground next to the couch, forehead pressed onto the cold tiles in the desperating attempt to ground yourself and simply sit this episode out, knowing very well that if this would not work you would go back into the kitchen, grabbing anything sharp you could find and stab your arms hoping the physical pain would over wash the emotional one.

Why did you have to go through this again and again?

Were you really this awful? How could Bradley even love you? You were ugly and obviously mentally unstable. He deserved better. So much better. After everything he had been through, he just deserved someone normal. Someone beautiful. Someone who is stable in themselves and who do not burden him with even more emotional ballast.

The voices in your head and the sobs you still could not managed to hold in were becoming so loud, that you did not notice how your fiancée stepped into your shared living room, a wide smile on the lips which slowly fades as soon as his eyes catch your embrace.

“Honey?”, he asked, trying to keep his voice calm. He slowly made his way to you, trying not to frighten you since it didn’t seem that you had noticed him.

His heart ached at his view: the love of his life curled up on the cold floor, your breath unregular from all the loud sobs escaping your lips. “Honey”, he tried again, this time a little louder.

If he thought the sight in front of him was hurtful a couple of minutes ago, he could feel his heart shatter as soon as you lift your head, eyes red and puffy, tears still running down your redden cheeks.

“I’m so sorry”, you said, voice raspy from what feels like hours of crying. “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry”, you repeated yourself all over again, gratefully throwing yourself into Bradley’s strong arms as he sunk next to you on the ground.

“Shhh it’s okay, baby”, he said, rubbing your back in soothing motions as he pressed a loving kiss onto your hair. “I’m so sorry. So so sorry”, you repeated again and again.

After something that felt like hours, Bradley had managed to maneuver the two of you back on the couch, your head pressed in the crook of his neck while your sobs slowly start to fade. Your boyfriend had barely spoken to you, except for the occasional “It’s okay, I am here with you” and “Let it all out, you are safe with me”.

“What happened, baby girl?”, Bradley asked softly, after he made sure you were now calm enough to answer his question.

You cleared your throat, before lifting your head to meet your boyfriend’s beautiful hazel eyes. “I am not sure. I went out with Nat for Brunch and then…”, you went ahead and told him everything about your day and how you ended up on your living room floor.

Bradley sighed sadly. He knew about your body image issues and your Ed, you had told him about it after a couple of months after you had started your relationship. He knew all about your struggles, your nearly manic episodes when your thoughts tend to get the best of you, and you spiral deeper and deeper. “What were you thinking?” he asked, attempting to give you the opportunity to get rid of your overwhelming thoughts.

You closed your eyes, debating with yourself if you should tell him the truth, terrified of the idea he could think you are insane. But then you looked at him and you saw nothing but love and admiration in his eyes and you just knew that if you could not tell Bradley about what was going on, there would never be someone who could understand you.

“I just were in this fitting room, and I felt so ugly. So so ugly. And then I went home, and I just felt so awful, and I did not know what to do and in my head, everything got worse and worse. And then I asked myself why you could ever want me. Like you deserve so much, Bradley. You are the love of my life. You deserve someone stable, someone who does not carry that much baggage with themselves. Someone who is worthy of you love and someone who is”- you were not able to move on, because he cut you off, staring at you wide eyed.

“Hold on. Hold on”, he said, brows furrowed in concern. “Baby, how could you ever think that you are not worthy of me? Please listen carefully, honey. I love you; I love you so much that sometimes it feels like my heart must explode in my chest from all those emotions you make me feel. I know we are not married yet, but when I asked you to share your life with me, I promised you that I will love you always. Endlessly. Unconditionally. And I don’t care if you are not perfect, because no one is Baby. Even though, for me, you are”, he smiled softly at you, cupping your heated cheek with his right hand.

“You are the most beautiful person I ever had the pleasure to meet. No matter if you are all dolled up in sexy red lingerie or in dirty sweatpants and one of my old navy t-shirts. I don’t care if you gained weight, nor do I care if your thighs might look bigger than normal cause our bodies simply fluctuate from time to time. But I do care about how you are feeling about yourself, and if you don’t feel good about yourself, I am here to talk to. Please, for the love of God, please talk to me. We are a team, baby girl. Your problems are my problems, and your enemies are my enemies. And it does not matter if I must get at an actual person or the monster you have in the darkness of your thoughts. I am here to fight with you. And I will always fight for you. Okay?” You nod, again feeling tears swelling in your eyes but now not because of the overwhelming hate you feel for yourself but for the soothing love your fiancée makes you feel. As he always makes you feel. “I’m sorry”, you said. “I should have called you as soon as I knew how this would go down. But I was just so in my thoughts – “.

“No need to apologize”, Bradley interrupted you. “Next time you simply remember what to do. So, what do you think about taking a bath together? Getting you all cleaned up and then we can drink a tea, cuddle up in bed and watch an episode of the office?”

“That sounds great”, you answered smitten. “I love you, Bradley Bradshaw”.

“Not as much as I love you”, he answered before pressing a tender kiss onto your lips.

He heaved his big body from the couch, taking your hand and leading you both down the hallway to your bathroom.

The both of you knew that you would still have some stuff to talk about in the morning, but right now everything that matters were that you had your boyfriend right by you side.

Your boyfriend who just again showed how deeply in love he was with you, and that no matter how much your thoughts try to get the best of you, he would always be by your side to fight the demons inside your brain. With you. Together. Forever.

#top gun #top gun maverick #top gun one shot #top gun Drabble #Bradley Bradshaw #Bradley Rooster Bradshaw #Bradley Bradshaw x Reader #BRADLEY BRADSHAW x y/n #BRADLEY BRADSHAW angst #BRADLEY BRADSHAW fluff #bradley #Bradshaw imagine #BRADLEY BRADSHAW one shot #Jake Seresin #Natasha Trace #Bob Floyd #Dagger Squad

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westcoastmenhealth · 8 months ago

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jqmalikhsgib · 5 months ago

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moonlight

two

eddie sits outside his trailer as he lights himself a cigarette. he throws the now red towel in the bucket filled with water.

his life has been nothing but predictable since the night he survived the upside down and they defeated vecna. thought he was free of any charges, people in this town still believed he was some freak cult leader who murdered chrissy and all the other victims of vecna.

eddie had to come outside almost everyday and clean the big red letters label ‘murderer’ on his front door. he knew he needed to move out of his uncle trailer soon.

it wasn’t like wayne was kicking him out. in fact, wayne practically forbid him to leave. eddie just didn’t want his uncle to have to go through this for the rest of his life. he didn’t deserve any of this.

“hi, eds!”

eddie looks up and gives max a smile. out of everyone, eddie was closest to max, at least emotionally. the two had been through quite a lot. they leaned on each other whenever they needed to talk or cry.

“hi, red! what are you doing today?”

“lucas is taking me out! it’s his birthday but he insist on treating me.” max playfully rolls her eyes.

“ah, he just loves you man.”

“i know. what about you? what are you up to today?”

“got band practice with the boys. after im headed to steve’s and nance. gonna play with the kiddos for a little while.” eddie explained.

max simply hums before she waves goodbye and gets in her car to drive to lucas house. eddie goes to his backyard and dumps out the bucket of water before heading inside to shower.

when he finished band practice he heads straight to steve’s house. he turns and notice a car parked in the house across from theirs. eddie shrugs it off before knocking on steve’s door.

“hi, stevie! where are the babies?!”

steve rolls his eyes. “eddie, i love you man, i do! but you seriously gotta stop coming over just to play with the kids! you know i exist right?”

eddie simply ignores him and heads to the living room. he sees steve’s babies playing with the blocks on the ground.

“uncle eddie!” the three and four year old yell.

“hello, mini harringtons!” eddie sits on the floor next to them and help them with their toys. nancy comes downstairs, about to head to yours when she sees the scene in front of her. she stands next to her husband while watching with a smile.

“i can’t believe he’s missed this part of his own kids life. all because of yn family.” nancy shakes her head. steve hums.

“but knowing eds, that won’t matter. he’ll finally be able to get his life back in order, nance! he’s only this happy when he’s around the kids. i think having his own daughter will bring that joy back in his life. who knows? maybe yn can get him to go to therapy.” steve whispers back to his wife.

“i hope so, honey. they both deserve to be happy. i hate seeing the hurt look on their faces.”

it had been a two weeks since you’ve been back. you had been pretty busy looking for a job before telling eddie everything. nancy was just on her way to tell you steve is offering you a job as his secretary.

“thanks for giving her this job, steve. she definitely needs it. she’s been looking for days. it could finally give her a break so she can give all her attention to kali.”

“and tell eddie.” steve finished.

“ill be back! make sure our three little ones don’t break anything.” nancy yells the last part before eddie sticks his tongue out at her.

steve sits next to his best friend. “how are you today, eds? anything new?”

eddie shakes his head. “nothing for me. but it looks like you and nance have a new neighbor. met them yet?”

steve bites the bottom of his lips. he couldn’t tell him too much. but he wanted eddie to be happy again. he knows how much you did that. he still talks about how you put a smile on his face, made him feel free, made all the bad things go away. when you left you took his heart with you.

eddie still had no idea what happened. he just heard that you were gone. he heard the rumors. everyone had their own little theories. none of them mattered. in his eyes, you left without saying goodbye to him. that could only mean that he wasn’t important enough in your life like you were in his.

he grieved the lost of your relationship the only way he knew how, releasing his anger out in his game. that worked for a while. he found peace though, when he met dustin and mike. he saw a lot of himself in them. eddie started to smile more and feel like he could really move on. even thought he could have someone has beautiful and kind like chrissy cunningham.

that thought went right out the window when he watched her die in front of him. it was horrific.

now that you’re back, eddie can feel that joy once more.

“yeah, it’s a woman and her little girl. she’s adorable too. curly hair, light brown eyes, and apparently has a soul for music. kinda familiar if you ask me. makes me want a little girl.” steve shrugs.

“hey!” his sons look at their dad offended. eddie laughs. “that’s cruel, steve!” eddie states.

steve playfully rolls his eyes. “you know what i mean! i love you two as well! but don’t you want a little sister?”

“no, daddy! girls are icky!”

“what about your mama? she’s a girl.”

“mamas a princess, daddy. doesn’t count.”

“ah! silly me. i forgot.”

steve’s boys giggle at their father.

“what about you, eds? when you finally start a family of your own, what do you want?”

eddie didn’t have to think about it. not really. he knew it wasn’t in the cards for him anymore but you and him talked about it in the past.

“i don’t want as many kids as you steven,” he starts. eddie still found it ridiculous that he wanted six kids. he assumed the boy was joking when he said it to nancy all those years ago. apparently he had been extremely serious. steve and nancy explaining their actual goal was six kids. “but, i did want at least three. two girls and one boy.“

“yeah? when you gonna get started on these babies?”

eddie frowns. he ignores steve’s question and this only made steve’s heart break more for his friend.

it was silent for a moment. the front door opened and in walked nancy. “we have guest boys!”

everyone turned around besides eddie. “auntie yn!” the two boys yelled before running towards you. eddie’s heart begins to papillate. he turns and sees the woman he fell in love with all those years ago.

“hi, boys!”

eddie stands up and walks towards yn. the harrington boys pull away as eddie walks closer to the only woman who he ever loved.

“hi, eds.”

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zerovapes · 2 months ago

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aelianated-star · 2 years ago

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Buckle up folks because this is a long post -

Tips for newly diagnosed dysautonomia patients:

- Drink a lot of water (so much water guys. Especially if you have hypovolemic types of dysautonomia, like hypovolemic POTS, it’s crucial)

- Keep up with electrolytes/ salt intake. Vitassium makes salt pills, chews, and tablets. I personally prefer the tablets because I can just suck on them for a while, but I know a few people who prefer the pills.

- Compression socks help, A LOT! One major component of dysautonomia, in general, is blood pooling (which can greatly increase your risk of fainting). The compression/construction helps blood flow and return back to your heart and brain

- Your disability(s) are valid, even if you don’t pass out/pass out a lot!! Only about 1/3 of people with POTS (one of the most common types of dysautonomia) pass out! And of those, few pass out regularly/daily (such as myself). No matter what, you are valid! Even if you’re undiagnosed, even if your case is “mild”, even if you manage it well without much help; you’re valid!

- Especially for those of you who are just being introduced to disability (likely because of long COVID), it’s okay to grieve the life you used to have/planned to have. You can live a wonderful, full life with these conditions (and other conditions), it just may require more accommodations than you anticipated!

- DONT BE AFRAID TO ACCOMODATE YOURSELF! Seriously, use mobility aids, get a 504/IEP, and make your space(s) accessible to yourself! I use forearm crutches for short distances, but because of how severe my dysautonomia is, I’m reliant on a wheelchair (with someone pushing me/motorized aid) to go more than a couple hundred feet/longer (or anything that requires standing for more than 5-10 minutes).

- Get a pulse oximeter or watch! Certain types of dysautonomia may cause lowered oxygen (hypoxia) because of a lack of available blood. It’s extremely important to monitor this and make sure you’re aware of your oxygen levels!

- Find community! I personally love using “stuff that works”. It not only lets you crowdsource for information about medications or treatments, but lets you message other people with the same condition(s) as you.

- If you feel like something is wrong, please talk to your doctor. I know it’s scary, especially if you have medical trauma/PTSD on top of these conditions, but it can literally be lifesaving. I noticed a sudden uptick in chest pain and casually mentioned it to my doctor. Sure enough, we found I have two types of arrhythmias (p-wave inversion and flutters) Now I’m pushing for genetic testing to see if my diagnosed EDS is vEDS/cvEDS

- Don’t be afraid to start and try medications! I’ve tried numerous medications and haven’t found anything that works quite right yet, but that doesn’t mean I won’t :). And some of you may not need medication! You may be able to manage with lifestyle changes, or IV therapy, which is great! Do what works FOR YOU. Everyone is different!

- Rest days are productive! Your body is working really hard to keep you alive, it’s okay to take a break! Take care of yourself, really, it’s okay to conserve spoons.

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