#EAP's apprentice writes

[nopenototdaysatan]

On an Island Alone

Hi, everyone. I have found myself in a place where I feel incredibly discouraged and lonely as a Poet. I try so hard to keep pushing forward but it's hard. I feel like as a poet there's less support... And so I feel alone.

This has been a build up over many years. And I blame the public school system for everything. Fuckers only make it look like there's a billion rules to follow. Which there's not! And you don't have to follow the "rules" anyway.

...at the end of the day I feel a little bitter that prose writers can more easily find betas and help while I'm over here staring at my work for the fiftieth time trying to figure out what's wrong with it.

I love my fellow writers and I'm so glad they do get that... But having to do all this work just to get jack shit is frustrating. I feel alone and sad like a lonely ship adrift at sea. Please give love to your poet friends. They're going through some shit. (It's finding the right word. *Glares at a running thesaurus* "Get back here you dumb fucking thesaurus I need you to give me the perfect word!")

Anyway TLDR: I wrote a poem about being sad and lonely. Enjoy.

Being a Poet is rewarding…

But it feels so lonely.

We’re one in a million

And being a poet means being an expert?

I don’t feel like one.

I’ve never felt like a professional.

Just someone who put words to an emotion

Feelings to a thought.

I just wanna talk about my stupid rhymes

And my loose metaphors

And the dumb wording I used to create images.

Or the rhyming of the same word. Lol.

I feel like a magician

Putting on a wonderful show

But no one wants to see the tricks behind the magic.

They don’t wanna see the words of my magic.

And it makes me feel so sad.

And it makes me feel so alone

Lost and left alone on an island of one.

Left alone to just make more.

I’m just a content creator alone

Because no one wants to look at poems critically.

Because they think they’ll look stupid

Because they think they’re too dumb to understand.

But you were never too little.

You have always been enough.

You’re not taking a test.

There’s no right answer.

There never was.

Because…

Poems are emotion

And images

And feelings.

I’m just here to paint you a picture.

I’m just here to make a scene in your head.

I’m just here to make your cry, laugh and smile.

There will never be a wrong way to poem.

So, please.

Don’t leave me alone.

On this island of hopelessness.

On this island of having to come up with ideas, and then write them and then edit them alone.

Please,

Don’t leave me alone.

[nopenototdaysatan]

Where to find "______"?

Art

Grumpy Bunny/Blupee Cuddles: Sketch / Color

Vengeance: Color

Mini Trio: Sketch / Color

Breanna Pride dtiys: Color

Ravioli Napping (w/background): Color

Squished Bun Legend: PG Meme Version Rated M for more blood

Writing

Fan Poetry-

Ravioli:

Never Had the Chance (7/7)

In Your Arms I'm Home (1/1)

Vidow:

If only I could eat you, my dear. (1/1)

Healing and Hurting Series-

Hurting and Healing(11/?)

H&H Side Poems(3/?)

Blue/Red:

Sunshine Boy and His Supernova Girl (1/1)

Four Swords Manga:

Love and War (1/1)

Linked Universe:

Legend's Ithaca Saga (1/5) -

"Would you fall in love with me again?" (Legend/Marin)

Four's Shades of Grief (1/1)

The Way One becomes Vegetarian [Legend & Sky] (1/1)

Fan events-

RavioliShipWeek(7/7)

Satan's October Prompt Extravaganza[ Cozytober, Whumptober, Ai-less Whumptober, and Linktober Shadow] (31/31)

Whumptober continuations and alternates-

Warmed up from your heart (7/7)

Collaborative Writing:

That Hand That Holds the Sword (Masterpost) -

A Garden Without a Door (Aconite)

Poetry-

Unseen Denial and Regret

The Tower

Playlists for what I write:

"This is how you get sad Ravioli" [Never Had the Chance Playlist]

"Someday you just gotta rage (The Colors)"

"Hurting and Healing" [Hurting and Healing Playlist]

Tags:

Satan's october prompt Extravaganza (October Prompt Extravaganza 2024)

H&H Side Poems (Hurting and Healing Side Stories Tag)

Satan does Art (Art tag)

EAP's Apprentice writes ( Non fanfiction poetry)

Satan screams at a word doc (fan poetry)

(If I have missed something I'll fix it later. -Rowan)

[nopenototdaysatan]

Holding My Chest Open for You

TW: Abuse, trauma, victim blaming from the victim

I once was Free. I once knew myself. I once spoke out. I once was me.

Now, oh Now, I am just a jigsaw of missing pieces Chewed up and spit out. I make the picture they want But never mine. Never ever mine.

I used to know the plan. I used to have a plan. In my naivety I had my life planned out.

And it betrayed me. Who knew my hopes and dreams Could go ahead and betray Every good part of me.

All of the good and Kindness in me It was used against me. My trusting nature. My loving self and loyalty. MY EMPATHY.

You took it! You ripped it into shreds. Destroying me inside out. And I let you! I fucking let you!

I stood there as you cut me to pieces. I stood there as you tore out my hopes I held my chest open as you covered my heart With blades and knives And let my pumping heart destroy itself.

By the time I realized it, It was too late. I was dead. Gone. Goodbye. Breathing through a dead heart And a broken mind.

I could do nothing To feel safe again. Try as I might. I kept trusting the worst. Never seeing the light.

And as my broken mind tried to mend SO much got lost in it. Memories, Myself, My voice, My dreams.

My sense of peace.

Now, I am stuck in a state of panic. Of fear Of Guilt Of shame.

Because only those who are fully good Would not feel ashamed. Surely, I deserve this to some degree If I made mistakes.

If I slept downstairs to get some sleep If I walked away to not be mean If I left the house silently and afraid. If I wasn’t perfect.

Maybe I don’t deserve this. Maybe I never did Maybe I deserved better But the shame is so much stronger.

I am broken. I am scared. I am numb. I am a survivor. And that is so much harder.

[nopenototdaysatan]

Gotta love those days where you need to scream and instead choose to write. I started to come to terms with some of my trauma today and I just needed to write. I do like what came out of it so it's going up. This shit is DARK (because trauma). Please take care of yourselves and don't read this if it is going to upset you.

TW/CW: References to Kidnapping/Being Held Hostage, Abuse

The Tower

How do I live

Knowing what you did to me?

How do I love

Knowing the scars you’ve left on me?

All I can see are the months I spent by your side

Not allowed out on my own.

All I can feel is the silence on my skin

From where you ignored me when I tried to live without you.

I have never known the pain of being ignored till you.

The scars on my mind only matched

By the itch on my skin for any kind of touch

And now tears drying on my face is the only thing I feel.

Please God. Let someone see me.

Let someone touch me.

I can’t be alone anymore.

I can’t be locked away a single day more.

I don’t wanna be here…

I feel silenced. I feel scared.

Someone save me from this tower please!

I don’t wanna be Rapunzel a single day more.

[nopenototdaysatan]

Thought it over. Decided why not just bring over all of my work if I already want to post the new stuff. I'm gonna start with my favorites and go from there. I'm gonna read more the ones that are more intense and/or need tw's. The tag will be "EAP's apprentice writes" because it's just what I've gone by for years when writing and I refuse to stop my love for Edgar Allen Poe now.

The first poem is gonna be posted tonight and is truly special in my heart because it is technically published due to a contest I won with it in my teens. CX