#Durian tastes like over ripe cantaloupe to me when it's in other things. Ive never had it fresh tho

[razette-moved]

The exploding man can't handle spicy food. I didn't see that coming, but I think I should have. Personally i LOVE spicy food. I don't have too much trouble with yellow chilies and habaneros, but I can be defeated by a jalapeno. I don't eat them often enough.

Oh here's a story.

We visited my grandmother one summer a few years ago. She made bún for dinner, my 3rd favourite food. She also provided some garden grown habaneros. She said, "These are spicy!!!! Don't take too much!!!!!" I believed her. Seriously. I took a VERY. SMALL. AMOUNT. a quarter of a smidgen!!! If my grandmother says they're spicy they are fucking SPICY!!!! I can't put enough !!!!!! White people look away.

Yall, I was crying. I was instantly in tears. Ive never had habaneros so spicy. I put five store bought habaneros in my spaghetti for fun. I would have put more but no one likes food as spicy much as I do. This little fucker was still green. I'm on deaths door.

My eyes are watering.

My nose is running.

My soul is leaving my body.

My grandmother is to my left. My partner to my right. My hair swoops from the right side of my face to left. It is JUST long enough to cover my eyes on the left side if a tilt my head just so. My partner sees me crying. My grandmother does not. My partner looks like O.O. I can barely see them my eyes are watering so bad.

Listen. Theres no shame in unintentionally eating food that is too spicy. Spicy is it's own beast. You gotta be into it. Most importantly, you also have to know when to quit. You gotta know when to use the safe word. Keep a glass of milk near by to take the edge off. Tap out early.

There's no shame at all... Unless your grandmother is a 5ft 2 vietnamese woman who loves to say, "I told you so" as much as you do. Of course we're still talking. I am a master at keeping an even voice. Pretty soon, tho, there will too many tears to hide. I don't know what I am going to do. I'm never gonna live this down.

And the phone rings. THE PHONE RINGS!

!!! IT IS HER SISTER !!!

No, no, don't worry about us, grandma, talk to your sister! We'll be here when you're done.

SHE DOES! She goes into the living room. YALL I was up so fast. My eyes were a new national monument. The habanero water falls. niagra move over. My partner is about to pass out from trying not to laugh at me. They are NOT a good liar. I'm soooo fucked. I'm so so so fucked. I pile on more food trying to dilute the spiciness. It's not working. I ate like 5x the amount I normally would. My grandma is lactose intolerant. There's no milk.

But anyway, I won.

She got off the phone. we finished dinner. I ate a prepackaged durian cake because I can't taste it even under normal circumstances. My partner was like, "How can you eat that?" Listen. I just had the spiciest meal of my entire life, and you're worried about an asian little debbie. Priorities, please! I am begging you.

She gave me 3 to take with me, but I wasn't sure I could take them on the plane. They should probably have been classed as a weapon. I had to throw them away. I've never been more sad.

She still doesn't know. She also still has those peppers frozen btw. They haunt me.