#Downey: in my defense uh.....

[thiswaycomessomethingwicked]

Coming alongside the old building that once housed the Green Lounge, an absolute tip of a dive from his youth, Downey hears a song floating down from an open window, a few floors up. An old ditty—a little dirty, plenty catchy—about a woman washing her hair and thinking of her lover, except it’s all euphemism. 

He and Ludo would sing it, loudly, drunkenly, as they meandered home through streets. Sometimes, he’d play it on the fiddle for something to do when he couldn’t sleep as a student. He once translated the lyrics and wrote them down the side of Vetinari’s Brindisi-Ankh-Morpork dictionary as a rudeness. He also drew something abhorrent involving a woman and a horse. All very anatomically correct. The physics are best not contemplated. Their languages professor discovered it one day and took Vetinari to task. Downey only feels slightly bad about it. 

WILLIAM. A. DOWNEY. you were a menace as a student. an absolute menace. 

[captainchrisfics]

Gaps Between Us

About: Chris Evans and a first person pov narrator have an age gap, sparking a controversy in the public eye, some tension among the MCU cast, and quite a bit of trouble in paradise. Thankfully, RDJ is always there to save the day.

Word Count: 3, 418

Requested By: Anonymous

A/N: Please feel free to submit reqs! My inbox ran dry and I’m always up for some inspiration :)

“Evans, quit hogging the bread!” Jeremy Renner called from the other end of the table. It was quite a stretch to accommodate so many people, almost the MCU’s entire cast was present. Nobody could turn down a dinner invitation from Robert Downey Jr. including Chris and I. We sat together, close to the rest of the original Avengers, even though I was a newer addition to the franchise. Being included at a table of thirty or so of the biggest names in my field was immensely inspiring, the kind of awe-struck moment that made me feel like I was a part of something so much bigger than myself. Robert’s after filming dinners were often like that. 

Chris laughed as he picked up a roll, chucking it to his friend like a football. “If you hit the chandelier, I would’ve hit you harder,” RDJ chastised, shooting my boyfriend a playful side eye. Chris laughed harder as he waved a dismissive hand at Downey, insisting he didn’t need diamonds hanging from his temporary home’s ceiling anyway.

He slung an arm around my shoulders, stretching his fingers to grasp the side of my chair. “You aren’t gonna defend my honor, babe?” Chris asked me with faux disappointment and a cocked eyebrow. 

I rolled my eyes and reached for my glass, taking a slow sip before responding, “No, you deserved that one.” I didn’t take my eyes off Chris as his face contorted with an incredulous expression and I reached behind his back to high-five RDJ whose hand was already waiting for mine. 

“Wise move,” Robert quipped. Chris shook his head before returning to his plate, letting the Iron Man actor win this fight. “I learn from the best,” I countered, shooting RDJ a wink from across Chris’s lap. Over the course of this last film, the older actor and I had developed one of the closest relationships I’d ever had with a co-worker, second maybe only to my boyfriend. RDJ managed to take me under his wing and somehow I’d found a way to keep tagging along. We understood each other in a unique way, almost like we operated on the same wavelength, which was invaluable around someone as charismatic and unpredictable as Chris Evans, as much as I love him.

“You’re gonna regret that later,” Chris promised under his breath, a gruff tone only I heard. I kicked him under the table, insisting that it was all in good fun. “So,” Brie Larson said as she joined the group, dropped her plate from the make-shift buffet on the table next to mine and pulled out the chair beside me. “I’m sorry to talk shop, but I’ve got to tell you, I loved your work during the funeral scene today,” she professed, squeezing my hand with sincerity. Scarlett, who sat opposite of me, nodded in agreement as she added between bites, “Not to date myself, but I don’t think there’s a lot of actors your age who could pull off subtle, intense emotion like that.” 

I blushed, staring down at my plate to avoid all of the eyes I felt on me. “Oh, thank you... I appreciate that, but I  was just doing my job,” I shrugged. I was the youngest at the table by far, which could definitely be intimidating at times. Knowing my colleagues turned friends respected me and what I did just as much as I admired their work meant more than I could properly thank them for. “You all set a standard I only hope to match,” I added, squeezing Brie’s hand back.

“No, no, don’t bullshit these hacks,” Robert interjected. “I mean, sure, she was convincingly grieving my loss of life. But I expected more from the rest of you. Where were the theatrics? The professions of love now lost? The waterworks?” He shot pointed looks around the table at everyone who was present for Tony Stark’s funeral. Everyone laughed as Gwenyth Paltrow raised her hands in defense as she jokingly protested, “I had a little girl to be strong for.” “Really though, you did so great today,” Chris brought the conversation back to me as he paused devouring his meal to place a kiss on my temple. Down the table, someone groaned in objection to the PDA, which sent a heavy stone to the pit of my stomach. I felt Chris grow tense as well, always more self-conscious of our relationship than I was.

Our age difference made everything that much more difficult. It gave the media access to more insults to throw in their click-bait titles, contributed to the intense scrutiny the public eye had to offer in our line of work, and was always in the back of our minds. Not because we felt like there was anything wrong with it, but because other people did. If you asked any gossip site reader, Chris was in the midst of a mid-life crisis and I was a gold digger looking to capitalize on his vulnerability. Never mind that we were both perfectly of-age adults or that the same people used to praise our friendship all over the internet before they found out it was a little bit more.

“Relax Mackie,” Sebastian Stan teased from that end of the group, around where the groan came from. Seb had a teasing tone, shoving our friend’s shoulder jovially. Especially with them being some of the closest people to Chris on set, I’d gotten to know Anthony and Seb pretty well. Enough to know that they were only kidding, but that they sometimes didn’t know when to stop. I knew Chris inside and out though so when his ears perked up and his head followed the noise, previously furrowed brow raising as if to dare them to continue, I could tell you there would be trouble. “Her age isn’t on the clock anyway. That’s the thing, right?” Stan teased.

Chris smiled wryly with downcast eyes, watching as he spun his glass. Mackie laughed harder, the force of which threw him back in his chair as he prodded Sebastian’s chest in praise. “Just barely,” he shot back between breaths. The two chuckled one last time before the joke died down and they joined the rest of the cast in other topics of conversation. Chris didn’t seem to realize though, with the way he sat so tensely still like he’d draw more negative attention if he moved a single muscle.

I didn’t know the kind of pressure a few years could add until it burdened my chest every time a reporter brought it up on the red carpet, tugged down my soaring heart whenever we held hands in public and I caught people staring, weighed heavy on my mind when I noticed Chris grow as uncomfortable as he was now. All because of a little peck and a murmur that probably lost its original meaning among the translation of our anxieties.

Around us, the conversation amongst the original Avengers shifted to what everyone’s next projects would be now that Endgame’s filming was coming to a close. Chris, usually the most boisterous of the bunch, sat quietly as he shoved broccoli about his plate. His arm that had been wrapped around me sagged back to his side. His leg bounced rapidly like a revving engine, ready to run. I reached to squeeze his hand as a sign of comfort, that I was here and happy to be, knowing that the thought his nerves spiraling rapidly out of control in his head was never a good thing. As soon as my fingers brushed his, Chris pulled away so harshly he shot up from his seat, jostling the table unintentionally and grabbing everyone’s attention.

“I’m uh…” he scratched the back of his neck, skittish eyes bouncing between everyone staring at him. “Gonna go grab a beer. Anyone want anything?” Chris recovered, smooth enough not to raise suspicion if you weren’t within range of the anxious energy radiating from him. Soon, he stepped away from the table with everyone’s requests and escaped to the kitchen, leaving an empty chair in his wake. My eyes dropped to meet Robert’s across the space Chris had been occupying, just as wide with worry as I imagined mine were with eyebrows nearly through the roof. 

“I’ll make sure Chris doesn’t fuck up that tall order,” RDJ said with an effortless nonchalance I envied, clasping his hands together as he stood. He turned to me with peaked eyebrows as he added, “Why don’t you join us, kid? Takes a few actors to screw in a lightbulb.” I accepted Robert’s outstretched hand and trailed behind him, following Chris’s footsteps until we found him bent over the kitchen island, fingers gripping the quartz so hard his knuckles were white. “Why does it have to be such a big fucking deal, huh?” he spit cynically. Chris’s face scrunched up with furrowed brows and a tight lip as his eyes, firey with misplaced rage, burned holes through Downey. “Seriously, please enlighten me. Why does everyone else who isn’t a part of this relationship give such a massive shit about it?” His voice stayed quiet as to not raise the others’ suspicion, but by the strained veins in his neck and steely look in his eye held his anger instead. 

“In and out, buddy,” Robert said as he clasped a hand on Chris’s shoulder. “You know those bozos didn’t mean anything by it.” Chris snapped that it wasn’t about that, that this was much bigger than them, and I knew he was right. “That’s the problem,” he growled. “Nobody means anything by it, they’re just trying to get clicks on their articles or attention on Twitter or laughs at our expense without stopping to think the kind of shitty strain it puts us through.” Chris slammed the beer he’d grabbed on the countertop hard enough that, if it’d been opened, it would’ve created another mess for us to clean up. He was turning red and I could almost hear the tea kettle coming to a boil in his stomach, the steam ready to burst from his ears. I don’t think I’d ever seen Chris so mad.

I stayed glued to the entryway, holding my own hand behind my back as I rolled from my heels to my toes. I watched Chris nervously, not exactly sure what to do or how to help. Really I was the cause of the problem. How could I possibly offer a solution? And then, as much as I hated myself for even thinking it, the only way to fix this occurred to me. 

“We could split up, you know,” I proposed so quietly I hoped that between Chris’s angry ragged breath and Robert’s attempts at rationalizing with him they wouldn’t hear me. But they did. Their eyes snapped to me as Chris’s face fell, his eyebrows furrowed and his mouth hung open, all softened by sadness. RDJ threw up his hands, shooting me a look with wide eyes and tight lips as if to say he already had enough to deal with sans me joining Chris on the ledge he was trying to talk him down from.

“Don’t say stupid things like that,” Chris scolded with a shake of his head. His shoulders sagged from their previous position taught with anger as he slipped into a state of confused heartache. He could deny it all he wanted to, but that was the only way I saw out.

“Well, I certainly don’t want to but...” I bit my lip, searching for the courage to continue with Chris giving me pleading puppy dog eyes worse than Dodger’s. “But this is just too much. All of it, all of the articles and speculation and hurtful things being thrown our way because of our relationship, it’s overwhelming.” Even when he was puffed up with rage before, I felt smaller now. Measly compared to the giant bumbling toward me as he shoved past Downey, wrapping huge arms around me like a shield, though I wasn’t sure who he was trying to protect at this point. 

“You’ve got enough on your mind with your career, any relationship is a lot. Let alone one with our age gap. I know how much you hate the things people say. I just... I think we need to quit while we’re ahead and end on good terms before you start hating me, too. And if it’s what’ll make you happy then-” I spoke into his chest though I was sure he could hear me loud and clear, words suddenly snowballing out of me, gaining strength as the momentum grew with every tumbling syllable. I had to spit them out before I couldn’t. Before I changed my mind and picked what was selfish instead of best for Chris’s sake. And then he cut me off.

“Darling, I told you to stop talking nonsense. You make me happier than anything,” Chris was quiet with calm now, his angry energy redirected to dragging me back to earth when I felt so far away from him. “I could never ever even imagine a world where I felt anything less than love for you,” he paused to press a long kiss onto the top of my head before speaking again. “Let alone because of some stupid rumors and the opinions of people who don’t matter to me a fraction as much as you do.”

I melted into Chris, relishing in the way he radiated the excitement of an entire football stadium just when their home team scored the winning touchdown. How he smelled of deodorant I didn’t think anyone else wore and the liberating, fresh air of the mountains when you’re the only one there and something I still couldn’t identify anywhere else that wasn’t in his embrace. It was just Chris. And the way his beard scratched my skin as he nuzzled into the crook of my neck, the fact that I didn’t mind was so uniquely Chris as well. In fact, I’d miss it. He pressed gentle kisses into my collarbone as he rested his forehead on my shoulder, little wishes that I’d take back what I’d said. I was ready to push him away and tell him that this had to be it when it occurred to me just how much I’d miss him, but I couldn’t keep putting Chris through all of this stress just for me.

“I mean it,” I asserted though it was half-hearted, tears buried finally rising to the surface. I knew I had an ocean of them waiting inside of me, tossing and turning with my tumultuous emotions, but I had to stop the tide from rising. At least until Chris wasn’t around anymore. “We need to break-“

“No,” Robert finally cut in, dropping a gentle hand on one of each of our shoulders. “No, you don’t. Don’t say the b-word,” he repeated like he was trying to ease us out of a trance. Pity laced the soft circles he rubbed our backs. I turned to look at him, keeping an ear to Chris’s chest to prolong the comfort I found in the steady thump of his heartbeat. “The second you allow the public eye’s gaze to start changing your relationship is the second you lose yourself to this job. I can’t stand by and allow you two to lose each other too,” Downey continued, though his soft eyes stayed on me. 

Then he turned to Chris with a harder look of determination, really trying to drive his point home. “Anyone who knows you at all, Evans, knows that you’ve been looking for something like this for a long time.” I felt Chris’s grip tighten around my waist, not nearly ready to let me go any time soon. I knew Robert was right. Even though I hadn’t known Chris for all that long, we got along better than I did with anyone else before. It was like we’d known each other forever even when it’d only been a few weeks and I figured, with Chris’s age and his eagerness to settle down, he’d been waiting even longer than that. “Don’t let it slip away because of other people’s opinions.” Chris nodded against my shoulder, still holding me close as if I’d run off, which I guess I tried to. “If you can’t follow your heart and tell anyone else who has something to say about it to fuck right off thank you very much, then I don’t know who could,” Robert finished with a confident smile. I thought it was funny, like he was trying to make it rub off on my boyfriend. 

Chris nodded, hesitantly at first and then faster with more assuredness as what his friend said sunk in. “Now, get it together and realize that you’ve got a solid foundation with each other. I’ll be damned if you let it crumble over Mackie and Sebastian being dumbasses.”  Robert smirked at us, his usual sly spark returning to his eye. “Start thinking with these a little more,” he paused to poke Chris’s chest just above his heart. “And using these a little less,” Robert said as he tapped my temple. 

Chris stretched an arm around Downey, pulling both of us right to his side. “Thanks,” he breathed out, almost like a sigh of relief. “Don’t know what we’d do without you,” I told Robert, patting his shoulder with gratitude. “Yeah, yeah,” he brushed us off, pulling away from Chris’s embrace as well. “Tell me how much you love me later.” He took a few steps toward the fridge and started pulling out cans of almost everything under the sun, somehow miraculously remembering what everyone ordered when Chris wasn’t even paying attention despite being the one who asked. “We better get all these drinks out there before there’s a riot,” he said, grabbing as many as he could and sliding the rest to Chris and I. “Or worse,” Robert paused dramatically, shoving the fridge closed with his hip. “More jokes.” With that, he turned and left Chris and I standing alone in the kitchen. 

Chris rolled his eyes as he turned to me, reaching for my hand. He played with my fingers for a second, watching our hands as they pressed against each other one digit at a time, before locking them together. “You know I love you a whole lot more than how mad I am at everyone else,” he said with more sincerity than I thought he could muster. It seemed to be all the honesty the world had to offer. I grinned a smile that stretched so far it made my cheeks hurt even more than the blush burned as I nodded and said with just as much integrity, “And I love you even more than that.”

Chris reached to wipe the remainder of my tears with his thumb as he shook his head and drew in a tight breath, feigning contention. “I don’t know about that. It’s like, so much for someone who was about to end things a minute ago,” he joked. Chris gathered so many drinks in his arms there weren’t any left for me to carry. 

I stretched to flick his ear anyway, all but stomping my foot in protest. “I love you a hell of a lot, Evans. So much I was about to end things for your own good,” I argued with a pointed look even though it was pointless. He already knew my heart hadn’t been in it, the problem was that I’d been listening to my head just like Downey said.

He jostled the cans so they all sat in one arm before slipping his free hand into the back pocket of my jeans. “Let’s go show the world just how much then,” Chris laughed as he bent down to press a kiss into my temple, happy to still be by each other’s sides as we joined the rest of the Marvel cast.

Tags: @patzammit , @thegetawaywriter , @coffeebooksandfandom , @captainsteveevans , @intrepidandabitcrazy , @super100012

[buckysforeverprincess]

It’s About Time I Made You Feel Good

Bucky Barnes x Reader

Words: 1328

Warnings: Maybe some language.

A/N: Reader goes for a massage and who appears? Yeah, Bucky! Enjoy!

The bell over the door rang as you walked in the door, signaling your arrival. “Welcome to Hill’s Spa and Relaxation. How can we service you today?” The woman at the front desk greets you warmly, putting you slightly at ease. This was the first time you'd ever done anything like this and you weren't sure what to expect. You were almost hesitant to give it a try.  

“Uh-I have an appointment?”

The woman smiles at your uncertainty but places no judgment your way. “It's ok, your first time can be a little intimidating, but I promise we're all good at what we do. I guarantee, you'll become a regular VIP in no time!” She winks at you can feel yourself blush at the attention. “Let's start out with your name.”

Yeah, that might actually be a bit helpful, huh. “Y/N Y/L/N. My roommate, Steve, gave me a gift certificate.” You grabbed it from your purse and handed it to her. She probably didn't need to know who gave it to you, but too late to go back now.  

“Perfect. Hopefully you'll enjoy your experience and recommend us just like your roommate did.” She gives you another friendly smile. The woman is relaxing you with just her demeanor and you can feel all the previous tension begin to melt away.  

“I just need your ID and have some forms for you to fill out. Once you're done, we'll get you to a room and your masseuse will take care of the rest.” The two of you exchange the necessary items, and you take a seat nearby to fill them out.  

The spa is nice. It's warm, but not too hot. There's a lovely scent permeating around the room and you think it's possibly lavender with a hint of vanilla. The furniture is comfortable without being absorbing and the walls are a neutral tan color. It's homey...relaxing. You no longer feel stressed about what's about to happen. This almost feels like you might enjoy what’s about to take place.

With the paperwork finished the woman leads you to a room a few doors away from where you can in. “This is your room. There's a bathrobe behind the door. Go ahead and remove all your clothes and James will be with you shortly.” She opens the door and you walk inside. “Enjoy!” The woman gives you a nice smile, shutting the door and walking away.  

It’s a pretty large room. As she said, there's a white robe on the back of the door and you sniff it just to make sure. It smells like Downey and you thank the lord it's clean. It appears they take all of this very seriously.  

Moving around, you spot the massage table. It's large and sturdy, making you feel a little safer about lying face down on it. Really it looks like a bed, and almost just as comfortable. Maybe this will relax you enough you'll want to take a nap. That possibility could be the whole idea behind this.  

A further look and you can see shelves of oils and lotions; as well as a white noise machine, a small fountain with water and stones, and a machine filling the room with some soft aroma. All in all, it was comforting and alluring. Steve had been spot on with his gift. Maybe you'll return the favor…Steve could always use a rub down.

You took off your clothes and sat them on the chair in the corner. The bathrobe was soft and fuzzy, making you feel so warm and relaxed that you didn't hear the door open or the masseuse walk in.  

“You know, if you wanted to get in my bed, you could have just asked.” The man says, and you instantly recognize that voice.

“Bucky!” You look up at him and all your previous tension returns.  

“What are you doing here?!” There's panic in your tone. You had no idea he worked here, or that he was even into giving massages. This was a total shock to your system, and you just wanted to run and hide.  

“I work here, Y/N.” Bucky laughs a little at your face. “This is what I do. James B. Barnes-Massage Therapist. I make people feel good!” He gives you a smirk, and you can tell he's enjoying your discomfort. There's no way you can go through with this now knowing he was the one getting intimate with your parts.

“Bucky, I can't do this.” There's a ball of nerves forming in your core and you need to leave his presence, like now. You grab your clothes and head for the door as fast as your nerves would let you.

“Wait!” James blurts out suddenly, stopping you in your tracks. “Don't go, stay...please. Let me do this for you.”

Turning back, Bucky looks sincere and hopeful and you almost wanted to know what it's feel like to have his hands on you. You've been harboring a crush on your roommate's friend for quite some time and there was a feeling inside that really wanted to just let go and let Bucky do this for you. It wasn’t like it would be a hardship for him.

“This is going to be...awkward?” Your voice is a little shaky from the nerves.

Bucky shakes his head and gives you a grin, “It doesn't have to be. Besides, how else will I ever get my hands on you? You always run away whenever I see you.” His cheeks are now red, and he seems slightly embarrassed.  

Now things start to make sense and click into place. “Did you plan this?” Steve and Bucky are best friends. It wouldn't be out of the realm of possibility if he'd done this intentionally and set you up.

“I had help.” Bucky confesses with a smile, and it gives you a warm feeling inside.  

“Bucky…do you like me?” You ask with a smirk across your face.

“Maybe.” He shrugs his shoulders. “Was hoping if you enjoyed what my hands could do, then we could go on a date and I’d show many of my other hidden talents that are part of my total package.” Bucky says with confidence.  

“Oh my god!” You laugh at his attempt to woo you. “I hope that's not the only pick up line you know!”

“Fail, huh?” He chuckles.

“Jury's still out.”

Bucky puts his hand over his heart, “You wound me! I'm dead.” The man has turned into a menace and practical joker. It's no wonder why you like him.

“You didn't have to go through all this trouble. You could have just asked.” You had stopped laughing and walked back over to the chair.

“Maybe I would have if you stayed in the room longer than two minutes when I come over.” Bucky does have a point. You get nervous when you see him, but that's because you have a huge crush on him. He never gave any indication he felt the same about you, so bailing out saved you embarrassment and humiliation. It was purely a defense mechanism.  

“Guess I was just nervous. You're like--big beefy, hot guy. Never thought you'd be interested in me.” You’re the one now confessing your crush, but it feels good to get it out knowing he might feel the same way.

“So, will you let me give you a massage…let my fingers do the talking?” Bucky holds out his hand to you in hopes you'll take him up on his offer.

You consider it for a moment before nodding your head and placing your hand in his. “Alright, Barnes. Woo me with your fingers...show me what I have to look forward to in the future!” You grin and give him a wink, as Bucky high fives himself. Steve’s getting the best Christmas gift money can buy this year!

“Lay down, doll.” Bucky tells you softly and you comply with his request. “It's about time I made you feel good!”  

[leverage-commentary]

Leverage Season 1, Episode 10, The Juror #6 Job, Audio Commentary Transcript

Chris: I’m Chris Downey, Executive Producer.

John: I'm John Rodgers, Executive Producer.

Rebecca: I’m Becky Kirsch, Writer.

Jonathan: Jonathan Frakes, Director.

John: And welcome to The Juror Number 6 Job of Leverage which was filmed late in the season, is meant to be broadcast late in the season, and is really one of our favorite episodes for the entire series. It’s interesting--

Jonathan: Watch the homage to Rear Window!

Rebecca: [Laughs]

John: Is it a Rear Window homage?

Johnathan: Watch this!

John: I’ve noticed--you know what? We’ve done two--this is our second commentary and I’ve noticed how often you use the word ‘homage.’

John and Chris: [laugh]

Jonathan: I was--I started by saying watch the ste- watch the rip off.

John: [laughs]

Jonathan: Here’s the steam. Right?

John: Yeah. Nice.

Rebecca: “Homage’ sounds [much] better.

Jonathan: And then there’s the steaming tea--heat. He goes down.

Rebecca: Oh oh oh oh!

Jonathan: Something bad’s happened to him from taking the drug we just saw him take.

John: Yep.

Jonathan: Scream.

John: Scream. Horror. Remember the--

Jonathan: And Hitchcock cuts to what? [imitating the sound of a tea kettle steaming] Shhhhhhhhhhhh!

Chris: There it is.

John: There you go.

Rebecca: Oh beautiful.

Jonathan: Total rip off.

John: Beautiful.

Chris: Beautiful special effects there.

[Rebecca laughs]

John: It’s lovely. And then the hot in. Which we don’t often see the team coming back from something.

Jonathan: No. I was under strict orders and I used it well, I think.

John: For what?

Jonathan: “Keep them moving.” John Rogers.

John: Keep them moving. Keep them up. Keep them moving--

Jonathan: I said it - then I called the office and said, you know, any of the problem with them talking and walking during all these scenes. As much as you can keep them out of the chairs, be my guest.

John: Absolutely. You know the Walk and Talk, as it’s known in television, is your friend. It really, you know, you need to keep them moving around in this set. Cause the problem is when actors sit, they emotionally sit.

Jonathan: Boy, so true-

Chris: Well also-

Jonathan: [Unintelligible]

Chris: We spent a lot of time in this conference room. And I think, by this time in the season, we were literally, creatively, getting antsy.

John: Yes!

Chris: And that’s why we gave that ‘Keep moving! Just move the camera around--’

Jonathan: Plus the actors like it ,too.

Chris and John: Yeah..

Jonathan: And it gives you a chance at a oner which is always a plus - it helps to make your day, the energy is better.

John: Yeah, it’s always better. Alright, uh, Kirsch!

Rebecca: Sir!

John: Filthy assistant--

Rebecca: [Chuckles]

John: --How did this episode come about?

Jonathan: [Also laughing]

John: That’s her nickname!

Rebecca: You ready for this one? It is! And I, And I ta- I wear it with pride. This episode came about in the room with our seven fabulous writers and we-- I think that, Chris, was this your original idea--?

Chris: Yes, it was.

Rebecca: --In order to have a jury? In which--

John: This was one of the ones that started with an ending and rolled backwards.

Chris: This is, yeah-

Rebecca: I think you are right! It did!

Chris: We didn’t do this very often but I--yeah, I had an ending for this and we worked backwards.

John: And so how did you develop--how did you do the research?

Jonathan: There’s your name, did you see your name on the screen?

Rebecca: I did, I did, it was very exciting.

John: There we go, written by Rebecca Kirsch!

Rebecca: Actually, Chris was a really great help, because I unfortunately don’t know a great deal about the legal system. So I purchased a book called Law 101 and I did some homework over the weekend, which was a really basic way to start things. And then Chris was really good to answer a lot of my questions about the technicalities of the order--

Jonathan: Brent Spiner!

Rebecca: [Laughing]

John: Yeah, Brent Spiner, ladies and gentlemen.

Jonathan: Star Trek.

John: This is the beginning of the Star Trek reunion.

Rebecca: Exactly.

John: And might we add, by the way, that the reason he knows about this. Chris actually used to defend the bad guys on Leverage.

Chris: Yes, yes. In my previous career I was a white-collar criminal defense attorney. So this is kind of bringing it all home for me.

Jonathan: Is that true?

Chris and John: Yes, yes.

Chris: It’s actually true.

John: That’s why I hate him.

Rebecca: Did you not know that?

John: That’s why my deep and abiding hatred of him-

Jonathan: Does he still have the suits?

John: [Laughing]

Rebecca: [Laughing]

Chris: Oh I got the suits.

John: Oh jeez, he got the brown shoes, he got the-

Jonathan: Are you kidding me?

Rebecca: [Laughing]

Chris: I’ve got suspenders, my friend, I’ll wear ‘em, I’m gonna wear it on the set this year.

Jonathan: That is really good information,

Jonathan: Kitty Swink, Deep Space Nine.

Chris: Kitty Swink.

John: Uh, and so, I remember we wound up actually sitting around the table and breaking down the phases of the trial so we could arc the episode -

Rebecca: I think we did, yep.

John: through the phases of the trial actually, and that’s why Aldis at one point says “All I’ve got is my cross-examination,” because at that point in the story we had locked into that.

Rebecca: Absolutely. Who goes first, and what happens first, as well as which role Parker is playing specifically.

Jonathan: The beautiful and talented Lauren Holly. Dumb and Dumber.

Chris: And also Lauren Holly, if you folks remember, acted with Timothy Hutton in Beautiful Girls. And uh-

John: Yes, that’s right.

Jonathan: Yeah, six degrees of separation. She looks great.

Rebecca: And NCIS of course.

John: And our only female bad guy, this season, I believe.

Jonathan: Picket Fences. She’s a great shark. She was great. And this poor guy!

Rebecca: Jeremy. Little Jeremy.

Jonathan: We finally put him in a show.

Rebecca: Jeremy auditioned--

Jonathan: He was in at least two shows that I worked on-

Rebecca: At least two.

Jonathan: --and finally got a role.

Rebecca: And he did a good job. [Laughing]

Chris: He was fantastic.

Jonathan: Beth can handle a close-up, can’t she?

John: [laughing] Yes. And this is one of the times again that we establish that the guys, at least, have formed this kind of proto-brother/father/brother relationship.

Jonathan: And more eating!

Rebecca: [Laughing]

John: More eating-

Chris: They do eat a lot, don’t they?

Jonathan: They do eat a lot.

John: Well, it’s one of the ways that you establish this is their home. I mean it helps bring the emotional resonance of what we do to it at the end of the season - kind of lands.

Rebecca: And how comfortable they are with each other by now,.

John: This by the way, is a nice piece of technical wizardry, because we originally had another type of footage behind Beth Riesgraf in the shot.

Jonathan: No, we were given the NFL footage, but we were not given the feed.

John: Yep.

Jonathan: And then someone wisely staged the actress in front so the actress could have an obstacle - it’s always good to have an obstacle. It’s like, if you can’t have an independant activity, give them an obstacle.

John: [Laughing] Yep.

Rebecca: [Laughing]

Jonathan: And now they have both.

John: So-

Jonathan: They can eat and try to get out of the way.

John: So, there you go, when you come into the scene and you’re like, ‘how will I force the guys to have to deal with her?’ So you put her between them and the object of their desire.

Jonathan: Exactly. And it becomes something else that helps the scene move along. Get the exposition, and the comedy.

Rebecca: And a little bit of football.

John: And snarky British comments from Gina.

Rebecca: Love it.

Jonathan: I love this line actually, about the rugby. I think it’s great. Who wrote that?

Rebecca: She did a good job.

Chris: I think it was…

John: I think that was me, yeah. I went to school in McGill in Montreal and I remember getting my ass handed to me my first rugby game

Jonathan and Rebecca: [Laughing]

John: I wanted to play rugby until I met somebody who wanted to play rugby more.

Jonathan: More, yes. That’s a good line.

John: And this is- this is great. This is one of the- Gina kinda settling into her role on this one, which is really, again, reinforcing the idea that Nate’s not a nice guy.

Chris: No.

John: He’s really very selfish, very perfectionist, very obsessive. Our lead of our show has to be reminded by the thieves he associates with to be a better man on a regular occasion.

Jonathan: Yeah. And setting up the father/son stuff here. This is where Aldis reveals a little more of his hand.

Chris: And it’s a nice dynamic we have where- I guess you kinda get a sense of what Nate’s character would be like as a father because he’s always putting Hardison in the most outrageous position he could be in. Most incredible challenge. You get the sense that he’s the guy that would throw his kid into the deep end of the water.

Rebecca: Cause it’ll teach him character.

Chris: Yeah.

Rebecca: Gotcha.

Jonathan: Do you think that’s conscious or subconscious?

Chris: Definitely subconscious, yeah, yes.

Jonathan: That’s what I think as well.

John: Absolutely. He can’t help but adopt him into that role. Yeah, and this is sort of the payoff to the fact that they’re now feeling obligated to each other. And here’s the thing, earlier in the season, Eliot wouldn’t have gone. You know, he would’ve refused to do this. And with even as much bitching and moaning, he’s still gonna do it because he understands that she’s in trouble. And she’s helped him out- she helped him out on the Two-Horse Job.

Jonathan: He’s gonna take his beer.

Chris: And more drinking.

John: And more drinking.

Rebecca: Absolutely.

John: Nate’s a drunk.

[Laughter]

Rebecca: This was actually the first shot we filmed of the episode, if I remember correctly.

Jonathan: You are so right.

Rebecca: Oh. It was a beautiful day.

Chris: And can we just say that Brent Spiner’s character was originally conceived as nefarious hippie?

Rebecca: Yes he was. Birkenstock wearing nefarious hippie. Granola.

Chris: Nefarious hippie. And uh-

Jonathan: It was supposed to be Jimmy Buffett meets Bill Gates.

[Laughter]

Chris: Yes, exactly.

John: An unholy matrimony if there ever was one.

Rebecca: Exactly.

John: Yeah, the light tables.

Chris: That’s a great- these are great shots here, establishing all the space

Jonathan: This was- we had the crane outside so we just snuck it inside and stole some stuff with it.

Rebecca: Looked good.

John: And the-

Jonathan: This was the well-produced Leverage episode that followed the orphanage, so we overlapped-

John: This is the orphanage!

Rebecca: It’s actually next to the orphanage.

John: It’s next to the orphanage. But this is the same- this orphanage- this evil warehouse. The Den of Evil, we called it.

Rebecca: Den of Evil.

Jonathan: Evil Den of Evil.

John: Evil Den of Evil is actually just over from the tragic orphanage in Belgrade.

Rebecca: Exactly, which we visited during out lunch break and were suitably depressed by the children in their filthy squalor.

John: Yeah, and then you went back and had fun high tech stuff with Frakes and everything like that.

Rebecca: Exactly.

John: And this is a beautiful little bit of set design and production design by Lauren Crasco to establish the Evil Den of Evil. I also love the fact- this kind of influenced the season finale. Seeing the stuff up on the bulletin boards here? It really- we wound up going low tech in the season finale, and there’s something about- video screens are nice, you know, but the clutter...

Jonathan: They look- exactly. Video screens keep- that’s always been the problem now that TV shows and movies use video screens. There’s no sound. There’s no tact- [sounding it out] tactility?

Chris: Yes. And it’s cold. Yeah.

John: It’s very cold.

Jonathan: This also has an homage to the set design from Runaway Jury.

John: Sure.

Chris: Yes.

Rebecca: That’s true.

[All laugh]

John: No, no. I think that’s outright theft, right there.

Jonathan: That’s what I meant.

Chris: Let’s get that out on the table.

John: Let’s slap that out.

Chris: That’s the elephant in the room, here, folks.

Jonathan: If we don’t say it someone else will!

[Laughter]

John: And we’ll talk about chess bit in a minute, but Kirsch, why did we set this in a courtroom?

Rebecca: Why specifically in a courtroom?

John: Yes. Do you remember?

Jonathan: Trick question.

Rebecca: I’m not actually sure.

John: Because we had a courtroom set. This actually-

Rebecca: We did! You’re right we had this from Boston Legal, I believe.

John: Yes, exactly.

Chris: [laughing] That’s right we did.

Rebecca: We had a big, wonderful set.

John: This is the splendor of your big Hollywood life

Jonathan: Is this how those decisions are made?

Rebecca: No, you’re absolutely right I forgot about that. We had the- I think it was a New Orleans courtroom from Boston Legal?

John: Yup.

Rebecca: I think we used the walls and…?

John: We redressed it.

Rebecca: We kinda scrapped it.

John: We wallpapered it really. No we ended up keeping most of it, she just wallpapered the walls.

Rebecca: That’s Lauren Crasco.

Chris: Jonathan, what’s your strategy here? Just keeping the camera moving?

Jonathan: Yeah. This is sort of the half version of the 360s that’s used a lot in Leverage. And if you shoot it enough times you end up with your coverage.

John: Yeah. But there’s a tiny amount of room between you and those screens, how did you…?

Jonathan: Oh man, Dave Connell. He gets his props yet again.

Rebecca: And Gary Camp.

Jonathan: And Gary Camp.

John: Here’s where we establish- this is really where we’ve fallen into the pattern in this show, where we’d figured out how much information the audience needs; how to establish the bad guys very clearly, very cleanly; and to make sure the audience knows at least what agenda A is moving forward in the show.

Jonathan: And we know what they look like, and what they’ve done.

John: Yes. There are definitely times earlier in the season where we are a little too clever by half, and really we were-

Jonathan: And this is the right time in the story to tell it. Right here at the end of act one is-

Rebecca: And this one is actually rather complicated as far as who your bad guy is. The fact that you have two, but one is worse than the other, who’s your man in. I think that it- I think visually it helps show the audience, okay this is who we’re going to first, but we’re really trying to go for Lauren Holly.

Jonathan: It also had an interesting in that she, Beth’s character, was reporting to jury duty in order to continue to fool other people with her alias that was- one of her aliases that was actually given jury duty.

Chris: Yes.

Jonathan: while she went to serve jury duty reluctantly, she found out that the jury that she happened to be on, was in fact corrupt, and that there was a bigger story there that Leverage could help out.

John: Very Rockford Files.

[All laugh]

John: Rockford Files- I love- Rockford Files, season 4 or 5-

Jonathan: Steal from the best, isn’t that what they always say?

Rebecca: The very best.

John: Honestly you cannot overstate the influence Rockford Files had on this show and Chris and I as writers. By season 4- there’s an episode in season 4-

Jonathan: [laughs] by season 4 they’ll be living in a trailer by the beach.

John: In season 4 of Rockford Files, there’s an episode where Rocky- his dad is literally getting mob money in the mail by accident.

[All laugh]

John: Like, WOW, man. And so we really felt like the crossover here is not bad. This is interesting because- if you look at Homecoming Job, which was shot sixth, and wound up being shown second. It’s part-

Jonathan: These are the bad guys! [Laughs]

John: That’s sort of the technique when we really started diagramming and illustrating better, but yeah. This is where we- one of the times we use the technique of we’re not going to tell you what we’re going to do and then do it. We’re going to tell you, show it, tell you, show it, tell you, show it.

Jonathan: I like that.

Rebecca: That’s great.

John: We intercut each sequence and establish-

Jonathan: This girl we loved. Remember?

Rebecca: Lisa Schurga and Norma...

John: Lisa, we celebrated her birthday on our set.

Rebecca: We did. I remember that.

Chris: Norma Michaels who I’ve used many times on King of Queens.

Rebecca: Norma Michaels - that’s what it was.

John: And this is also the first time we realized that really, splitting the screens into threes. Instead of using a bunch of stuff on the different six screens. Set each lengthwise set of screens up as your goal and you can move him left to right through objectives and you can formulate the story through temporally left to right. It helps track it.

Chris: There are these guys. I mean, c’mon, the two of them going through garbage? What’s better than that?

John: There’s nothing better than that.

Jonathan: This is one of the classic two-handers of these two.

John: They’re really great together. And at this point, it really is just roll the camera and get out of their way. At this point in the season.

Jonathan: Make sure you’re shooting in the right direction and let them go.

John: Yeah. It’s- [laughs] bang! It’s such a great bit. ‘Heads up!’

[Laughter]

Jonathan: And you know what? Never been done before.

John: Yeah, that actually is original! The- I do want to give a shout out to-

Jonathan: You know what else is great? The length of that scene.

John: [Laughs] Yes.

Chris: Yes.

John: It’s just precisely long enough to do a bit, yup. I wanna give a shout out to my dad, the speech he gave at the beginning of this scene - how- what chess is? Is word for word my dad teaching me to play chess. And really when we were trying to find a spine for this it was, well, it’s really a chess game, it’s really moves. Apollo had been talking a lot about how each con had very distinct stages. And that came up, that’s my dad-

Chris: It came in late into the episode, too.

Rebecca: It did and it really affected the pace in a great way, I think.

Jonathan: Arguably Gina’s best roleplaying con.

Rebecca: I think she did a great job.

John: Interestingly enough the one she was most worried about. Because she’s British and Indian culture is very big in England right now, and she was very, very worried about doing this wrong and was- she researches all her stuff, but she was-

Chris: I love this scene, too.

John: I love this scene, I love the text.

Chris: The darkness here, I mean the way you use light in it, I mean really gave it such a great- I mean what- Jonathan was that-

Jonathan: I mean it’s simple- it’s a very simple scene again and to Lauren’s credit, we moved everything into the middle of the room so we could actually shoot it.

John: Yup. And this is the hardest working business- office in show business. This is every bad guy’s office in the show.

Rebecca: Yes it is. Absolutely.

John: Move out the lamps, move in the lamps.

Rebecca: Change the decor.

John: And the zen garden- it’s interesting the zen garden - the tiny zen garden on his desk, is one of the LA bugaboos that drives us insane, and so wound up in the episode and allowed us to do the writing in the sand. And she does a great bit of sort of throwing it away.

Jonathan: Yeah.

John: And it’s interesting- it’s cool too. It’s interesting watching a lot of shows- a lot of old shows we cite as references, that are bound by America’s cultural understandings at the time. Where because of globalization and everything that’s in the news, we’re able to expand the scope of our cons. To where an Indian in Mumbai- everyone knows oh outsourcing to India that’s in the news, we get that.

Rebecca: Absolutely.

John: It gives you another tool in the toolbox. And also- there’s Dean right there on the left.

Rebecca: Dean Devlin.

John: But it also allows-

Jonathan: We tried to talk him into playing a part in this episode.

John: Yeah, he lied to me. He tricked me into doing mine in Homecoming and then refused to do his.

Rebecca: Maybe season two.

John: Yeah, maybe season two.

Jonathan: What is he, a producer?

John: Yeah.

Rebecca: He’s a very busy man.

John: He is very busy. Very busy getting people to drink the Kool Aid that you can make an independently produced TV show out of an old dog hospital.

[Laughter]

John: And stunningly occasionally pulling it off. Yeah, and this is my favorite scene in the episode.

Rebecca: It was so much fun.

Chris: It’s great, too.

John: It really is.

Jonathan: Now who’s idea was this? This is a wonderful three hander, it’s a very interesting-

Rebecca: I love the board.

John: This came out of the room, we always wanted Sophie teaching Parker. I think the-

Jonathan: Sophie teaching Parker behavioral things.

John: I think the orange bit-

Jonathan: But the add of Chris- of Christian is a great color to this. Because he can’t bear her.

John: Yeah it’s a trio you don’t usually see. He really just wants to punch her in the-

Chris: He plays irritation so well.

John: This is his attempt to be- [laughs] he is not a good dad. Eliot? Not a good dad in any way shape or form.

Chris: Not patient at all.

John: But this is- if you actually track the Parker acting ark through the series, this is the third beat. The first one is she can’t do it, the second is she can do it as long as she’s in a certain type of character, the third one is Sophie has finally taught her how to do it. She actually moves through a learning experience through the entire season.

Chris: One of the appeals of this episode was putting Parker through jury duty where being around regular people would scare her, and test her social abilities.

Jonathan: So does Parker have Asperger's syndrome?

John: It’s Asperger-y like. I mean really what we’re saying is, that the trauma of her childhood sort of froze a lot of her emotional development. As will happen. Froze a lot of her emotional development at that time. But it’s much more- she’s never lived anything approaching a normal life. And that- so she’s utterly unable to- hey I know high functioning geeks who work in the software industry who are worse off than her, as far as interacting with normal humans. So, I think as long as you’re in a specialized lifestyle, it sort of cripples your ability to act in sort of general groups. You know, hell, one of the reasons I did stand up was to find other crazy people like myself. Lovely bit here with the mustard squeeze. I remember we were trying to gimmick that like mad and were like ‘no, no just have her spray him.’

Jonathan: No just have her spray him.

Rebecca: Just have her squeeze it, yeah.

John: And this is one of those Apollo ones where we were gonna show all of the lifts, but by this point in the season, you know what she’s going.

Chris: Yeah, I mean if you’re going to do the choreography of the lift, you want to make a big show of it. And here it’s just-

John: We know what she does.

Rebecca: And she is so good at it. Beth is so good at this.

John: Yeah. She is very great. Victimizing old women. That’s our heroine. It’s a very mixed bag of moral high ground on our team here. But, actually, talking about what Chris was saying - putting Parker in this situation, one of the things, on every episode, that we try to do, and we don’t always manage to put it off but, the episode really has to have a moment- some anchor to one of the characters. That it’s not just a con that for whatever reason, either the parameters or the con, have some sort of challenge that either challenges one of the relationships on the team or a team member.

Chris: I love that shot too, I love the shot of them all raising their glasses and her framed in it.

Rebecca: They’ve accepted her.

Jonathan: Well it’s her- her character arc, for lack of a better term, is- or her character is developed by virtue of being put into the position where she has to behave in a certain way and has to deliver.

Rebecca: And she rises to the occasion.

John: And that’s the kind of-

Jonathan: That’s John Storey -

John: No it’s - that’s John Storey? Or David? Shaw?

Rebecca: No David Shatraw is in one of the-

Jonathan: No, that’s John Storey. He’s in the Dean Devlin Renaissance - rep company.

Rebecca and John: [Laughing]

John: And that’s also one of those horribly complicated bits of writing where it’s like,’OK, how do we get rid of the other lawyer? You know what? Just call him and offer him a bunch of money!’

Chris: Yep.

John: We don’t really have time for anything else.

Jonathan: Yeah, we gotta get him out of the picture.

Rebecca: We had a scene where Eliot intimidated him out of it. Remember that?

John: Yes.

Chris: Yeah.

John: It was actually taken from a different-

Jonathan: This is great, where she teases the character she’s about to go into.

John: You actually see her start to get into character a bit for a moment there which is not something we usually show. And this is- this is the hats.

Chris: Yeah here we are- this is our- on our soundstage.

John: Yup. and what’s ironic is ,of course you look at this old courtroom set that we have, cause you try to do a show that saves you a little money with an established set, and it’s like ‘oh god we have to really dress it up to sell it’-

Rebecca: Ah, there it is.

Jonathan: Great entrance.

John: -ironically- fantastic entrance. And nice coming up from the shoes, by the way.

Jonathan: Yeah, it was in the script.

[Laughter]

John: yeah, it was in the script. Jesus. Well, thanks for listening to us.

Chris: Most directors don’t! [Laughs]

John: Yeah, well I appreciate it. But, you know, it’s interesting that a bunch of us were on jury duty right after this got called.

Rebecca: That’s true, absolutely

John: We all went to LA municipal courts, and they were all far worse looking than this thing that we were worried about looking too cheesy.

Jonathan: Yeah.

John: They are basements. I also love the quick glad-hand here of just, you know ‘do you trust your government?’ Most people do, ‘all right then you buy me.’ What’s his alias in this one?

Rebecca: Oh- it was from… [Pelican Brief]

Chris: No it’s from Philadelphia-

John: No Philadelphia, Joseph Miller.

Rebecca: Yes, Philadelphia, thank you.

John: Joseph Miller, in continuing the tradition that Aldis- Hardison has an unconscious, or possibly conscious, habit of faking his ID’s to amuse himself, to give himself famous movie names. And there’s almost always, in most of the IDs, they’re linked somehow to famous people. Except that- I don’t think- they make text of it, but he tends to give Nate the names of actors that have played Doctor Who. Which amuses me to no end.

Rebecca: And the fans as well. I’ve seen a lot of people being very excited about that.

John: Yeah. Now this is interesting because I don’t know much about the law, I know a little about statute of limitations on art theft because I had to research it, but that’s it. I’m constantly amazed. And so going to Chris, and there’s so much stuff in this episode that seems insane, but you can actually do it in a court of law.

Chris: Well I- look-

Jonathan: Don’t you violate the sense of truth a little bit here?

Chris: A little bit. But, I have to say, I did speak to an old friend of mine - a colleague - who’s a litigator and who’s been doing it for 12 years, and I ran a lot of the stuff by him and he was- he was on board.

John: Yeah.

Rebecca: Absolutely, we had a great conversation with him.

John: So this is the one- this is one of the ones that’s great, actually, cause you called that buddy who’s in the US Attorney's office and you gave that five second pause and went, ‘holy shit that would work’.

[All laugh]

Jonathan: You could get away with it.

Rebecca: Yeah, exactly.

John: ‘Don’t- don’t tell anyone about this!’ It’s always gratifying when you hear from somebody- like when we faked the MRI. Who was like ‘Oh yeah, that’s actually a good tumor. Nicely done.’

Rebecca: ‘You could absolutely do that.’ Yeah. [Laughs]

John: And this is the little- this little friend beat with Peggy.

Jonathan: This is the vegan meat scene. This is a very nice scene.

Rebecca: This is the tofu scene.

John: Yes. And she’s wonderful- and this is why it’s so crucial to get those daily players that are great, because-

Rebecca: She did a wonderful job.

Jonathan: Oh, we loved her.

John: -you want them to be friends.

Jonathan: Yeah you love them as friends, you buy them as friends.

John: Yeah, Peggy’s coming back.

Rebecca: Oh god, I hope so.

John: Yeah her sidekick- yeah we’re absolutely- well not just for your character payment but also.

Rebecca: Oh do I get one of those? That’s fun.

John: We’re actually thinking about- when I did Jackie Chan adventures the animated show, we eventually wound up using a bunch of the side characters in their own episodes.

Chris: Yeah.

John: And I’m thinking at some point we get all the- like Hurley, Peggy, all the side characters and do like two next year where it’s just them forming a second Leverage team.

Rebecca: Lisa earned she did a great job.

John: She did a great job.

Chris: Now Johnathan, a lot of this episode is us watching people watch other people, how did you-

Jonathan: Yeah, that was part of the prepping, to make sure I understood who-

Chris: How did you keep that all straight?

Jonathan: Who watches the watchers?

Chris: Right.

Rebecca: Exactly.

Chris: I mean it’s all very clear…

Jonathan: Well it’s clear because it was- we discussed it during prep. You know, we all- you know, it was what we talked about a few minutes ago, the idea of a tone meeting. So that you’re sure, who’s on the screen in this scene, who knows what’s being said, who hears what’s being said, and who can’t.

Chris: Right, right.

Jonathan: Probably more importantly, who can’t see or who can’t hear and get this information.

Chris: And you also made good use of using the screens as transitions. So you would go from the actual scene, then you would cut to the screen, then pull back.

Jonathan: Yeah well it begs for it a little bit. And helps avoid establishing shots like that.

[All laugh]

John: What?

Chris: Oh good establishing shot is-

John: C’mon man there’s no crime in that, that’s television, it lets you know where you are. That’s actually- talking to Dean about directing, he says that’s the big mistake young directors make, they don’t let you know where you are. You know it’s an important thing, I would rather use a shot like that-

Jonathan: Some reason that Aaron Spelling had a few shows on in the 80’s and 90’s is he made them use establishing shots and start scenes that way.

John: Yeah, exactly and you knew where the hell you were. And that’s a great transition, punch into the screen.

Chris: Yeah, that’s a great transition.

Rebecca: That’s beautiful; very nice.

John: And it’s interesting, like Kirsch said- I call her Kirsch. I always call her Kirsch.

Rebecca: And if you ever stop I’ll know something’s wrong. I know I’m being fired.

John: You’re being fired at the end of the day, yeah.

Jonathan: These two have great rhythm together. These two-

John: They do.

Jonathan: Over the week we worked together developed a great rhythm. He of course knew everything Gina had done, so he had her entire credits, and…

John: No they’re- It’s interesting because she’s doing a bad guy here, which we don’t usually have. We’re doing that in the season premiere of the second season, actually it’s a little- it’s kind of a cool con we’re working on.

Chris: Yeah.

Rebecca: We wanted her to amp up the evil. We said show Sophie, you know, how ruthless she can be.

Jonathan: She looks beautiful with her hair pulled up.

Chris: Oh boy, she looked great.

John: But that was fun being able to use just enough of what Americans know about Indian outsourcing and everything and kind of, you know-

Jonathan: It’s so nice to see Brent without gold paint on his face.

John: I know.

[All laugh]

John: I don’t- you know what he was great in? He was great in the Dorothy Dandridge story. I really liked that

Jonathan: He’s a wonderful actor.

Chris: Oh, he’s terrific.

Jonathan: You know he’s playing Don Quixote now.

John: Oh yeah, there you are.

Rebecca: I did not know that.

Jonathan: The reprise he’s playing in Man of La Mancha.

John: What’s interesting here is there’s not- the temptation to do a lot of fancy camera crap when two people are talking is overwhelming, but you just parked it on them and- the scenes great, it’s chilling, it’s creepy. That comes from two good actors talking.

Jonathan: That only comes from years of directing, is to learn that you don’t have to do too much.

John: Yeah. Sometimes just let good actors talk.

Jonathan: And it’s great. And the same thing in the editing room. You don’t have to cut around yet, I’m still interested in what they’re saying.

John: Yeah. That’s a big problem you get- when you’re moving the camera, it’s always- the kinda general rule I always use is, it’s movement or performance. If somebody’s talking- if somebody’s working it just sit on it, it’s all right. The audience is [unintelligible].

Jonathan: And also our cameras are moving even when we appear to do close-ups.

John: We do these little slides and stuff, yeah. This was also- the incredibly boring slideshow, this is sort of off of your-

Chris: Yes. I think people accept that in a court case there would be an incredibly boring presentation of evidence, and you buy that.

Rebecca: Absolutely

Jonathan: Quincy! Worked on Quincy for years!

Chris: Sure! Absolutely.

John: Quincy, exactly. 168 slides, I love Kitty- I love Kitty in that shot by the way. She’s so great.

Rebecca: Yeah, she’s so good.

John: And even that was great, because we had brought in- we got Armin first, right?

Jonathan: No I called- I asked during casting I said wouldn’t Armin be great for this corrupt juror? And I said wait a minute, ‘Armin’s married to Kitty’. And we wound up- obviously we wanted up with a female judge to mix it up a little bit, let’s offer it to Kitty too. And it was like a family package.

John: That was great.

Jonathan: Then it became the Star Trek connection. This guy was funny as hell, too.

Rebecca: Excellent job.

Chris: Yeah, he was great.

John: And speaking real Hindi there, which is-

Jonathan: And Gina pretending she understood him, which is…

[All laugh]

John: Yeah she was really great. No, yeah this is one of the few times we bring a mark back to the office.

Chris: Yeah.

John: We dressed it up a little bit, but yeah.

Chris: By the end of the season we’re getting pretty-

Jonathan: This was a good setup too, I was always wondering if the audience would understand- oh no, this isn’t- yeah we we’re gonna reveal the green screen here.

Chris: Yeah, we were gonna reveal it right after this.

John: Yeah. But yeah it was interesting because I had just gone to the CAA where they had the big new teleconferencing wall, it really was- I will believe anything that’s on the other side of that camera, you know? And we do so much set replacement on this show that it would make sense that they have that technology.

Chris: Oh I love that- I love that zoom around.

Rebecca: He did such a great job.

Jonathan: Yeah, that’s that six frames business.

John: And finding that- this guy did a great job.

Jonathan: This guy was great!

Rebecca: He was wonderful, yeah

John: Doing the Scottish accent on the way out was really- it was really great.

Jonathan: That was shameless. Whose idea was that?

Rebecca: It was originally Irish. That was your idea, John, I think.

Jonathan: Just shameless.

John: Yeah. He’s very good, the walkaway. And what’s great is they’re also- Eliot’s running the computer there. It’s one of those little things where we’ve arced his ability to use the computer at Hardison’s- you know.

Chris: Yes.

John: We didn’t do a bit - which would’ve complicated it - which was where Hardison left a bunch of sticky notes on his computer which I loved. But at this point- it’s interesting because this episode started so clean and wound up being so complicated, you know?

Jonathan: We are moving, moving, moving.

Chris: It’s great- great movement. Picking them up on the run, and the camera finally stops right there.

Jonathan: I think- driven by the idea that we think a courtroom drama is gonna be staid, that we had to- all of us were very conscious of trying to make sure everything moved, literally and figuratively, and it paid off.

John: And this is one of the times that they’re too good at their jobs. Which we don’t use all that often.

Rebecca: Exactly

Chris: Oh yeah, I love this twist.

[All laugh]

John: And the smile, and just sign the goddamn papers.

Rebecca: Oh these two guys had so much fun.

Jonathan: ‘Sign on the line before anything changes!’

John: Really great.

Jonathan: This is the part we wanted Dean to play!

Rebecca: Yes it was, yeah.

John: Yes, exactly. But the idea, that if you use real world companies, that it will come back to bite you in the ass is infinitely amusing. And again something we’re going to use a bit more in season 2. You know the little details of the cons- you always wonder how much process does the audience want? And I think that that’s- a lot of it is what you sign up for. That’s why CSI was a big hit, people want to see people get fingerprinted and stuff.

Jonathan: I want to see the stuff, yeah.

John: And for us it’s how do we commit these crimes?

Jonathan: And I think the audience loves that.

Chris: More movement again, you panned across to the-

Jonathan: I lined them up in the order that they spoke. [Laughs] Always a good trick.

[All laugh]

Chris: Then you ended on-

Jonathan: Nate. He gets up.

Chris: Nate as he gets up and you follow him out.

Jonathan: Thank you.

[All laugh]

John: We should bring you back.

Rebecca: Honestly.

John: I was really not gonna bring you back but watching this episode again, I gotta say, yeah.

Chris: It’s a good scene.

Rebecca: We give some screen time to our infrequently used kitchen. Very well stocked with orange soda.

Jonathan: I’m a big fan of the kitchen.

Rebecca: We had a good time filming it.

Chris: Yeah we did.

John: We started using it a lot. It was- it really was- it’s not something that’s kind of in our writers heads, just cause we didn’t- it was a late addition to the set, but it’s a nice intimate-

Rebecca: There were some intimate moments, yeah.

Jonathan: It’s the office version of the water cooler. It’s where stuff can happen.

Chris: And here’s where we are challenging our two- Hardison and Parker, to really bring it home. We have our pep talks.

John: It’s a parallel scene, parallel structure, yeah. Parallel pep talks. And they’re two distinctly different relationships too, you know?

Chris: Yeah.

Jonathan: That’s a good point, the father/son relationship between Nate and Aldis is an entirely different one from the peer relationship that these two are trying to set up.

Chris: Yes.

Rebecca: Absolutely.

John: This is really- and this is something we held back for the season finale. Where the way she locks it in, in the original version of the script, is she confesses Sophie Deveraux is not her real name.

Rebecca: Yeah.

John: And then that’s sort of something we held back for the finale. Assuming you’ve watched all the episodes in a row and now are going back for the commentary, with a Guiness in hand, as you should.

[Laughter]

John: Yeah this is a- we don’t do this a lot.

Chris: No.

John: Sophie, Parker we don’t do a lot and they have a nice rhythm.

Rebecca: They have a really nice dynamic.

Jonathan: That’s the nice thing about these- this cast. There are so many formations or- what’s the word I’m looking for? Not combinations, but in that same- apples and oranges-

John: Permutations.

Jonathan: Permutations, yeah. Where Christian’s in a scene with the two girls - the chemistry’s different.

Chris: [Laughs] I love sending the kids to school. This is great.

Rebecca: The sack lunch.

John: The sack lunch. ‘You’re gonna knock it’; ‘No, no, you’re not gonna-’; ‘You - you’re gonna get hit by a car’.

[All laugh]

Rebecca: Good luck with that.

John: Big guy, you’re gonna get hit by a car. Sorry man, that’s your morning. Boom.

Jonathan: Okay end of scene.

Chris: Oh, beautiful transition.

John: Yeah, the door and then the door. It’s like you think these things through.

Jonathan: Dean’s electric car getting used, so we got a freebie.

Rebecca: One of the few remaining. Oh this was great.

John: Boom. And by the way, one of the great things about Christian Kane is he’ll do his own stunts.

Jonathan: Does his own stunts!

Rebecca: Everything.

John: The bad thing about Chris Kane is when you watch the dailies-

Jonathan: Does his own stunts!

John: And you go ‘oh my god!’

[All laugh]

John: Good fight in this one, by the way.

Rebecca: Yeah

John: Nice. Nice double take down.

Jonathan: Yeah, this is Charlie Brewer. He stages them quick and tight.

John: Which is really the only way to do it. You start doing big and slow-mo stuff and it just-

Rebecca: I just love when he throws him over his back. [Laughs]

John: Yeah.

Jonathan: Nobody sees me right? Nobody sees me with this guy on my shoulders?

Chris: In broad daylight?

John: In broad daylight.

Rebecca: Very early.

John: And we are done.

Jonathan: Okay, those guys are taken care of and I didn’t have to do my hair in the trailer this morning.

[All laugh]

Jonathan: I went for the stocking cap- went for the Jeff cap and I got to the set on time.

John: There you go. It’s actually interesting- the thing you said earlier is, when you develop TV shows, a lot of the times you’ll have a really good idea for the pilot, and you’ll write the pilot, then you’ll have a TV show and you’ll have no idea how to get to episode 100. I will say that it’s our own anal developmental process, Chris and I, is like alright, five characters any one of which can lead an episode, and how many combinations of each of these two or three characters work. If you don’t do that, you just spin your wheels, you’re just a plot machine. And, end of day, the audience really doesn’t give a crap about story. I mean they like a good story, but they’re here for this scene. You know, they’re here to see Aldis do To Kill a Mockingbird. They’re here to see Tim in the funny hats.

Chris: Yeah, yeah.

John: They’re really invested in the characters

Jonathan: Ed Begley Jr.!

John: He’s Ed Begley Jr. He’s doing Ed Begley Jr. here. Closing the internal combustion to digestive combustion.

Jonathan: This is when we couldn’t get the...

Rebecca: The smoke to work, yeah. We had many different methods-

Jonathan: Lunch was creeping up on us.

Rebecca: I was. It was a hot day outside.

Jonathan: I said, “We’ll sell it with sound.”

[Laughter]

Rebecca: I think it was an electric car, yeah.

Chris: Now what exactly is around his forehead? What is that?

Jonathan: It looks like the same piece of [word that sounds like druh-fellen] that she wore in the…

[All laugh]

John: That Parker had in The Wedding Job?

Chris: That’s a special effect folks. That’s a virtual-

Jonathan: I had more people- in the interviews I did the other day, they loved that visual effect.

Chris: Isn’t that great?

Jonathan: They think it’s real.

John: Well it’s one of the few times we cheat.

Jonathan: There’s Quark, from Deep Space Nine. And… who did he play in Beauty and the Beast? One of our wonderful underused character actors.

John: Yeah? Beauty and the Beast I’m trying to remember…

Johnathan: I think he was the third [unintelligible] and that’s his wife, Kitty

John: I also love- I love this moment. I love when, even accidentally - because he gives a shit about this case =- that he’s a better lawyer, you know?

Chris: Yeah.

John: And she’s again, April Webster casting. She’s a great day player; it’s a lovely moment.

Chris: We don’t spend a lot of time with her, our victim, so it was really kind of important at this point in the show to connect with her.

John: Yeah. And to show also, cause this is late in the season, that their relationships with the victims are changing.

Chris: And also we’ve seen Hardison have doubt, that ‘I can’t do this’, and here’s a moment where he kinda realized that he can do this, you know I’ve been doing it all along.

John: Or I have to do it.

Rebecca: And her faith gave him energy to move forward with something that was pretty difficult.

Johnathan: And it was a classic case of art imitating life, too, because this was a wonderful breakthrough for Aldis, who people feel does light comedy and they feel he does this physical stuff-

John: Honestly, after this episode, I’d put him in a courtroom show in a heartbeat. He sells the hell out of this. Particularly the closing speech, by the way, you wrote this. It was great. Chris wrote the closing argument that he’s always wanted to do, like, on his big case.

[Laughter]

John: Like this! This is the one! Does every lawyer really- every lawyer’s got To Kill a Mockingbird in his head, every lawyer…

Chris: Well, yeah, uh, yeah.

John: That was my dad. My dad became a lawyer in his 60’s and he busted his ass for like 5 years to he could get a jury trial, just so he could finally do this speech.

Johnathan: God, Armin’s good value.

John: Yeah. This is great.

Johnathan: The casting is so important when you cast these day players this way.

John: And he’s funny- he’s both funny and grounding.

Johnathan: AND, he’s making the choice to hold onto his story as long as he possibly can, and then try to defend it.

John: Yes. As one would. And that’s the other lawyer freaking out. It’s amazing. It’s very important that everyone stays present in this scene; a lot of times day players will just tend to wander off when they’re not on camera, and you never know when you’re grabbing coverage and that’ll make the moment.

Rebecca: And that was kind of difficult with 12 jurors. I mean, we had to make sure they were all focused as well as

Johnathan: When we were casting the jury, I remember we gave the jurors, each of them, a backstory.

John: Yes.

Rebecca: I remember that.

Johnathan: So that when we cast our extras we would…

Rebecca: I forgot about that

John: So each one of those characters actually lines up the characters that Sophie says when she- the tells that she read.

Rebecca: Absolutely

John: And Kitty, by the way, does a really nice job there being amused and impressed at the same time. That role could’ve easily been harpy-ish. And instead was this, kind of like she was fairly pleased by what he was pulling off. This was a rare hidden fourth act. When we do stuff, we usually let the audience know what we’re doing and why we’re doing it. This is one of the few times we give them a little piece and then walk away. And this is your big speech.

Chris: Oh yeah. Well I mean, I think with any closing argument, the greatest ones in the movies - I mean I look at The Verdict or even Presumed Innocent - they’re not about the case, they’re very general.

Johnathan: Yeah, they’re about heart to heart.

Chris: They’re about heart to heart, yeah. They’re all about communicating with the jury.

Johnathan: He was spectacular in this.

Chris: I love this bit.

Johnathan: And he had the support of the cast, he got the support of the writers, it was one of those great days.

John: Look at that, that’s great.

Rebecca: I love that moment between them.

Chris: I love that he ends on ‘some of you are friends’ and you had him end on her, and they had that little moment.

John: It’s nice, pulling that moment out. No, he’s- I love the entire cast, but hiring him at 21? This is a guy with a 40 year career in him.

Johnathan: You won’t regret this, will not regret this.

John: Absolutely. I mean it’s amazing watching this again, because you’re watching without the sound when you do the commentary. And it’s amazing how much of this feels like a fast moving, energetic episode, and so much of it-

Johnathan: We were so concerned that it was going to be too much in court, it’s not too much in-

Chris: We were, yeah.

John: But at the same time in the scenes that were there, we sit for a long time. There’s big speeches in this episode, there’s big talking scenes, and they work, you feel invested in them. It’s interesting how so much of this went from, okay we’ve got a courtroom set-

Johnathan: Wait, let me guess, is Nate drinking?

[Laughter]

John: He’s drinking.

Johnathan: Father/son moment.

John: And as a matter of fact, yes, again, a scene that is parallel to when I did my first stand up that my dad saw me do and he bought me a drink afterwards. It was a big- it was the first time I drank with my father, was that moment. And so really, we’ve turned a horrible brutal addiction into a beautiful sharing moment.

[Laughter]

John: Which is nice.

Chris: Here we go, it’s all on Parker.

Rebecca: Daunting task ahead of her.

John: All on her, yup. It’s interesting how it turns from the- from kind of a constellation show where we have a set standing, and maybe we can limp through this to I think this might be one of my favorite episodes in the season. If you get the right people, and you really commit to it.

Johnathan: Doesn’t it happen like that though?

Chris: Yeah.

Johnathan: Doesn’t it always happen like that?

Rebecca: There was such great emotion in it, there really was.

Chris: Oh look at this!

John: Oh that’s lovely.

Chris: There’s a proud use of that transition where we use that to bridge and show us where we are.

John: She’s starting to tumble to it, it’s starting to feel- and it’s great because really the chess thing did come later. It came like the week before we shot.

Rebecca: It really did and it’s-

Johnathan: Oh really?

Chris: It did it came- I think it came the week we shot. [Laughs]

Rebecca: I think you may be right about that. It was definitely later.

John: I wrote it-

Johnathan: Well everybody wanted to use it too. She wanted to use it in this scene, you’ll see at the end of the show that Nate wanted to use it, it became more than it was intended to be, and as a result I think it bookended it.

John: Well it gave it a spine.

Rebecca: It did.

John: Gave it a nice little spine for the parallel. It’s always hard, because one of the challenges on this show is keeping all five actors alive at all times. And you know you can’t always find five hats.

Johnathan: But this- but you guys have done a good job with that, if you put people in different places, and have them check in, and believe that we can hear them wherever they are. As opposed to- that’s why the scenes in the court- the conference room were so tough. You gotta get out of there, you gotta send them on their mission so you can spread them out.

John: You don’t want to hang out there. You don’t want to hang out there. Yeah and that was the problem to a certain degree in the beginning of the season as we were learning to write the show. Because you’re learning to write- every show you’re learning how to write the first season. You’ve been on a lot of series - you know, the first couple episodes, no matter how clear the vision, getting the working parts up spinning is difficult.

Johnathan: And it’s just as important what works and what doesn’t work.

John: Yeah, yeah. And our whole thing was, ‘Okay, we gotta keep all five of them active so let’s keep them together.’ And it turned out like, no, you gotta split them up.

Rebecca: Split them up, yeah.

John: Two, three, two over there. It really keeps it up.

Chris: Oh here- this is what we call the date with the devil scene.

John: Lauren Holly being delightfully evil here.

Rebecca: Absolutely. She had a lot of fun with it.

John: And really is the crux of the-

Johnathan: This is a good call, Lauren Holly.

John: Yes, she did a really great job on it, she’s a good actor and-

Johnathan: I think this was Dean… yeah. She was good, she was sharp, she was fun to be on set with, and she chewed it up.

John: ‘Oooh that’s a lot of money’ yeah.

Chris: And he plays it so great, too.

John: And what Lauren’s doing here- when you have her, too, which is a little sexy, dangerous, plainly you’re gonna get your hand snapped off you.

Johnathan: That’s her calling card now. That’s her strong suit. It used to be that sort of sweet-

John: Sweet, girl next door, yeah. No, the three- and this is another thing is- constantly on the show we’re constantly struggling with, is okay we’re dealing with obscure financial decisions for a big chunk of the show, how do we visualize it?

Rebecca: How do you do it? How do you make it simple?

Chris: And also how do you make the audience understand, here-

Johnathan: When you can’t have a bucket of money or a big bag. What do you guys like to-?

John: Sack of money! But when we were struggling- I’ll admit-

Chris: And this is our sack of money, the file folders.

John: In Homecoming it’s the envelope switch. The envelope switch- it’s really tricky, I mean you know, and I’ll say we’re breaking second season now, we found out that we’re picked up for a second season, and it’s constantly like what’s our new- what’s our thing? What’s our thing we’re chasing?

Rebecca: Hatbox full of euros.

John: We can’t do a hatbox full of euros every week. We’d love to.

Rebecca: We’d like to, sure, yeah.

John: Yeah, that would be great. But euros are devalued now so they’re not quite as important.

[Laughter]

John: Now, Johnathan I can ask you did you use- did you reference any specific movies or anything? This is a courtroom drama, there’s an awful lot of stuff out there - have you shot this type of thing before?

Johnathan: I have shot- I actually stole from Judgement at Nuremberg, which is- I did a courtroom show on Star Trek and I found that the coverage, the set of moving, pushing, singles, two shots, three shots, that they did in that is the most- that and getting it high and wide. Always.

John: Well that’s the-

Johnathan: Judgement at Nuremberg is a really wonderful courtroom drama and worth stealing from.

[All laugh]

John: Well this is actually where, where the show began is, Chris had the idea to - we’ll steal a verdict.

Chris: Let’s steal a verdict.

John: And what it’s based on, is the wire gimmick from The Sting.

Chris: Right.

John: And that’s the idea that when you announce this stuff, I mean famous trials, particularly when you live in LA, you’re all waiting around the web, and you’re waiting for the verdict to come out, on the web, of what happened.

Chris: Yeah, it was all about our team controlling the early delivery of information, which is the wire scam in The Sting, and how we could use that in the context of the trial.

Jonathan: Oh, so this is what tee’d up the whole show?

Chris: This is the raison d’etre of the show.

Jonathan: Not her being on a jury, but-

Chris: But then we thought how great would it be if she was on the jury.

John: And then the next question immediately was, who would be on the jury? Well Parker would be on the jury, I mean, that’s obvious.

[Laughter]

Johnathan: Right.

Rebecca: Who is least able to work with humans?

John: To con them. Yeah exactly. To work with them.

Chris: [Laughs] His reactions- his reactions are great.

John: He’s so angry. He’s so filled with rage. And this is the ‘zhoom-zhoom’, there’s, like, varieties- we call these the zhoom-zhoom’s by the way, cause you zhoom in and you zhoom out-

Rebecca: Peter Hanson, did a great audition for Jonathan. The Jonathan Frakes song.

John: This day player actually sang a song about you, that’s right. You have to.

Johnathan: For the future. For anybody who’s listening.

[All laugh]

John: Don’t try that, that’s not gonna work.

Johnathan: It doesn’t hurt.

John: What? You’re saying you’d actually take that?

Johnathan: I- I hired the guy!

John Alright.

Johnathan: I asked all of you. I said do I hire this guy who sang a song about me? And you all said yes.

Rebecca: He was passionate.

John: He was passionate.

Rebecca: He had fervor.

Chris: Here we go, here’s our two chess players. Going at it-

Johnathan: Who never meet until this moment.

John: Nope.

Rebecca: And this was Tim’s idea, right here.

John: Boom.

Johnathan: Boom, and… he’s got it.

John: And, by the way, there’s a very subtle thing there. By giving her the white king he’s basically announcing his presence as the black king. It’s kind of one of the little things- the chess metaphors that goes through the season.

Johnathan: Pulled back for the burger.

John: There you go.

Rebecca: Eliot’s got his beer.

Johnathan: It pays off the vegan jokes from earlier.

John: Yeah, it’s like we know what we’re doing.

[Laughter]

John: Also, I like the bad attempt at parenting Nate does here. Aldis is- Hardison’s learned the entirely wrong lesson from this particular thing.

Rebecca: Exactly.

John: Although, I’ve never sure if he learns the wrong lesson or he’s just yanking-

Johnathan: But Hardison comes into this scene thinking that I really can do anything I want to do.

John: But by-

Johnathan: And then Nate’s like, ‘that’s not what I meant!’

[Laughter]

John: He means by stealing and by grifting. He doesn’t-

Johnathan: Yeah, he doesn’t mean by becoming a doctor or a lawyer, nothing honorable. This is a very good scene, actually.

John: Yes. It basically says that no matter how- it’s interesting because this is meant to be - it’s this, to rehab, to the season finale. This is meant to set that, for whatever the journey they’ve gone on, they are now a family. A broken, weird family, but a family. So that’s why we can do really really horrible things to them in the season finale and you feel like you’re tearing apart, at this point, a family that you’ve become invested in.

Johnathan: It’s nice that they held on- for instance, Christians character, holding onto this thing about how he feels about Beth is just great.

Chris: Yeah, it’s great.

Rebecca: Really has value.

John: Yeah. It’s- they- you know this is the part in the credits where you get to say whatever the hell you want so, Kirsch?

Chris: Anything you wanna add?

Johnathan: Congratulations!

John: It’s your first episode. Say hi to your parents?

Rebecca: Thank you. Hi mom and dad, and Paul and Paul [Laughs]. And thank you guys for giving me this opportunity because this is the greatest thing that’s ever happened to me.

Chris: Thank you.

Johnathan: Oh c’mon, take that one back.

[All laugh]

Rebecca: Oh, come on! I had a great time.

John: Your boyfriend just proposed to you, that’s like horrible!

Rebecca: That’s true! And the episode’s coming out tonight, so it was good timing

John: Well there you go.

[beefybuffybucky]

Brooklyn and the Benevolent

Pairing: Sebastian Stan x Reader

Request: Could you do one where Sebastian falls for a photographer in Brooklyn?! Pleaseeee😊 (-anon)

Warnings: little bit of language - fluff, mostly

Word Count: 2K

A/N: y’all, i have an interview today, so hopefully by the time this is posted, i will be a lot less anxious

Endless buildings tower high into the sky, disappearing deep in the grey, drooping clouds as gentle drops of rain patter down on your jacket. You stand in the middle of the sidewalk, hoards of people bustling around you, their heads down, moving quickly through the streets as they pass from one place to another. A few shoulders bump into you, making it hard to get the right angle and view through your camera that you want. You focus on the view through your camera, shielding the lens from the heavy raindrops as you line up a perfect shot and -

“Hey!” You yelp, being shoved by someone whose face was masked by a dark hood, their eyes concealed behind sunglasses. The camera had tumbled from your hands and landed with a horrible crash on the wet cement below you, pieces of the outer edges flying under the trampled path of hurried feet, the lens of your camera shattered beyond repair.

“Oh god, I-I’m so sorry,” the man’s smooth voice cracks with surprise, shock, and frantic worry. He immediately crouches down, leveling his height to where you sat on the wet ground, dirty rainwater soaking through your pants, tiny pebbles biting into the soft skin of your palms as you push away from the ground to balance on your feet while you crouch next to him.

“I-It’s fine,” you mutter, an embarrassing heat rising in your cheeks. You do your best to scrape the broken pieces into a pile, but immediately realize there’s no hope for saving your camera. “I’ll, just, uh...buy a new one.”

“Let me pay for it,” the man immediately offers, nearly jumping to his feet, your broken camera in his hand. “It was my fault, I-I can get you a new one. We could go right now if you’d want.”

Your mind quickly goes back and forth between trying not to cry over your most expensive camera being damaged and taking the man up on his offer, to thinking of all the dangers that could come from trusting a complete stranger to take you somewhere to buy a new camera.

“O-Okay,” you blink back at him from the ground. He offers a hand to pull you up from the ground, and you hesitantly take it, allowing him to help you stand. You follow him by his side down the street, taking quick glances at the vaguely-familiar face, trying to place a name to his face as you search your memory for where you’ve seen him before.

“There’s one,” he sighs under his breath. You blink at him again and scan your surroundings for what he could possibly be talking about, until you spot it - a garbage can, only a few feet away. He reaches out his hand holding the camera, and panic quickly attacks your nerves.

“No!” You shriek, lunging for the camera before he had the chance to let it tumble from his grasp. You fiddle with it until you find what you’re looking for - the SD card slot. You take out the small card and stuff it into your pocket, then exhale a great sigh of relief. “Sorry about that,” you chuckle lightly, glancing up at him shyly. “My SD card. It has all my work on it.” You sadly toss the damaged camera into the trash can, the gentle thunk resonating in your ears.

“So,” he says as you start walking again, your hand tucked into your pocket fiddles with the SD card between your fingers. “Do you do photography for a living?”

“Yeah, actually,” a small smile tugs at the corners of your mouth. You love any chance you have for talking about photography. “I’ve been taking photos since I was a kid, honestly. My parents weren’t so happy when they found out I was going to school for it - they think it’s strictly a hobby, and nothing else,” you look at the looming buildings stretching into the darkened sky above you. “But, I went anyway. I finished school early, decided to move to the ‘Big City’, and now here I am.”

“Sounds like you really love it,” a large smile spreads across his face as he turns his head to look at you.

“Yeah, I do,” you return the gentle smile. A blush burns under your cheeks as you suddenly feel shy and awkward. “What, uh...What do you do?”

“I’m an actor,” he chuckles quietly, stuffing his hands into the pockets of his coat.

“And how’s that goin’ for ya?” You laugh, thinking about how most of this city is comprised of ‘aspiring’ actors and people trying to ‘make it big’, even here in Brooklyn.

“Pretty well, in my opinion,” he flashes another brilliant smile, and you could almost see the sparkle in his eyes through his glasses. “The shop is juuust around the corner.” His pace quickens and you struggle to keep up with his long strides, but as you fall behind him, he stops abruptly, and you nearly run into his broad back.

“Here it is,” he sighs happily, pulling open the door to reveal a large, high-end store full of photography equipment like you’ve never seen before - probably because you’ve never been able to afford anything like this stuff. “Get whatever you need, my treat.”

“A-Are you sure?” Your voice falters as you take in the store, your jaw nearly touching the floor in surprise. “This shit isn’t cheap.”

“Trust me,” he laughs lowly. He takes off his glasses and pushes back his damp hood. “I got it.”

“W-Wait a minute, you’re -”

“I’m Sebastian,” his grin lights up the entire room as he formally introduces himself.

“You’re...You’re Sebastian Stan,” you whisper in disbelief, pointing a shaky finger at him.

“Yeah,” he chuckles a bit louder. “I think that’s what I just said.”

“I-I can’t believe this,” you mumble.

“Well, uh,” he nervously rubs the back of his neck. “Feel free to get whatever you want, or whatever you need.”

“I can’t just take that money from you, I -”

“Really, don’t worry about it. I got you,” he puts a hand on your shoulder.

You scoff in happy disbelief and walk around the store, becoming completely overwhelmed by the sheer quality of all the amazing equipment and cameras around you. As you wander the store with Sebastian, you ask him questions about what it’s like working with his other famous co-stars like Chris Evan and Robert Downey Jr., and he asks you questions about your life and your photography works. After nearly an hour, you had finally picked out the most amazing camera you’ve ever seen in your life, and a few other pieces of equipment that you’ve always dreamed of having. Your heart was so full of excitement and joy, you couldn’t sit still as you stood next to Sebastian at the cashier’s counter, your fingers tapping speedily on the smooth countertop.

“Have a great day, Mr. Stan,” the cashier beamed as she handed over the bags to him.

“Thank you so much, you too,” Sebastian returns a genuine, flashy smile. You follow him out, giddy with excitement to use your new equipment, when Sebastian stops at the curb of the street and waves down a taxi. It pulls up to where you two stood, slowly driving up to avoid splashing the gross puddle of water all over you. Sebastian opens the door for you and motions for you to get in, and as you duck in the cab and shut the door, Sebastian jogs around the back of the cab to slide in on the other side.

“You like coffee?” Sebastian pants softly.

“Y-Yeah, I love coffee,” you sheepishly reply.

“25 Jay Street, please,” Sebastian leans forward and tells the cab driver. The driver nods in response and changes gears, pulling away from the curb and back out into the busy street of traffic.

“Where are we going?” You blink, peering out the window.

“Just a little café,” Sebastian smiles down at his hands in his lap. “It seemed like a good day for coffee.”

“You didn’t even ask if I had time to go get coffee,” you chuckle, looking at him with a look of sarcastic defense plastered on your face.

“Do you have time to get coffee with me?” He turns his head to meet your questioning gaze.

“I suppose,” you smirk, settling back into your seat. “I’m Y/N, by the way,” you break the short silence, turning back to him.

“Y/N, huh?” He tries to repress the smile tugging at his lips. “It suits you.”

“What do you mean?”

“It just…,” he meets your gaze again, then shrugs. “I don’t know, fits you.”

“Thanks,” you blush, turning back to the window, getting a little lost in thought while trying to force yourself to speak. “W-Would you, uh...Would you maybe be okay with me taking a few photos of you?” You bite the inside of your cheek as you turn to him, and find him already looking at you, which makes your heart nearly skip a beat. “It would be for a series I’m working on.”

“Sounds like a date to me,” Sebastian grins confidently, his captivating eyes sparkling brilliantly.

Before you could reply, the cab pulled over to the curb, stopping in front of an old, tall building. The white paint had been chipped away in many places from years of wear-and-tear from the weather, but the architecture was breathtakingly beautiful. Sebastian hands the driver a few bills and gets out, grabbing the two bags with him. You open the door and step out into the unforgiving rain, and quickly jog into the building, holding the door open for Sebastian.

“Thanks, hun,” he smiles, running a hand throw his short, thick hair to shake out a few of the water droplets. “Shall we?” He nods towards a small table tucked away against the far wall of the warm, cozy café. The sound of coffee beans being ground and quiet chatter, bubbly giggles, and happy people fill the comforting atmosphere. As Sebastian goes to get coffee for the two of you, you work on setting up your new camera, nearly tearing up at how beautiful the new piece of equipment is. When Sebastian returns, he takes the seat across from you and settles in, a smirk sliding up his face.

“What are you doing?” He asks before taking a sip of his steaming coffee.

“Just playing with my new toy,” you wink at him, a playful giggle slipping passed your lips.

“So,” Sebastian starts softly. “What do I need to do for your photos?”

“Nothing, really,” you shrug. “I’m just going to snap a few shots whenever. The goal of the series is to capture everyday happiness. I know it sounds cheesy and whatever, but I’ve never done something like this.” You pop your SD card into the slot and close it. “I just want to learn how to see the good in even the smallest of things, to make me appreciate life more.”

“That’s a really good idea,” Sebastian nods slowly, sipping more of his coffee.

“Yeah, I hope it is,” you nervously chuckle. “All of my other photography has been so serious and dark. I just want to try and see the lighter side of things for once.” You hold the camera up to your face and start focusing the picture.

“Beautiful,” Sebastian breathes, a soft, caring smile shines on his face.

“What?” You blush, looking at him from behind the camera.

“You’re beautiful.”

“O-Oh, uh,” you stutter, feeling even more heat pooling beneath your skin. “T-Thank you.”

“No need to thank me, I’m only telling the truth.”

You clear your throat and focus back on the camera, taking a few pictures as Sebastian notices a dog walking by the window and smiles wildly, causing you to chuckle. Once the dog passes, he turns his attention back to you, still smiling. You catch a few more photos.

“Can I see it?” He asks.

“See what? The photos?” You lower the camera from your face.

“No,” he shakes his head, the grin still plastered on his ridiculously gorgeous face. “The camera.”

“Sure,” you hand over the camera. He turns it over in his hands a few times before raising it to his face.

“What are you doing?” You giggle as you pick up your coffee, the warmth soaking into your palms. A large smirk replaces his smile as he focuses the camera, turning the lens on you for a change. “Sebastian, no -”

“Smile for the camera!”

Permanent Tags: @winters-beauty @wildefire @c-ly-g @dottirose @lokigodofsasss

[imjustthemechanic]

The French Mistake

Part 1/? - A Visitor Part 2/? - The Kulturhistorisk Museum Heist Part 3/? - Cutscene Part 4/? - The Marvel Cinematic Universe Part 5/? - Breathless Part 6/? - Escape at Last Part 7/? - Fox in Socks Part 8/? - Things Go Wrong Part 9/? - Downey and Out Part 10/? - Road Trip Part 11/? - Temptation Part 12/? - An Awful Reunion Part 13/? - Unreality Intrudes Part 14/? - A Call for Help Part 15/? - Loki’s Guests

The rescue mission starts off pretty well, actually.  You know, relative to how things have been going lately.

The group’s momentum had already been dampened once, by the downtown traffic.  Now they had another enforced delay, as they stood waiting for the elevator.

“I wonder if there is a way to take souvenirs home from this universe,” Thor mused, as they watched the numbers above the elevator doors count down.

“Why?” asked Steve.  He wanted to forget this place as fast as possible.  His ribs were going to hurt for days.

“Because I’m sure Jane and Darcy would very much enjoy seeing Chris Hemsworth in Ghostbusters,” Thor explained.

Nat scoffed.  “He can’t have been in Ghostbusters.  That movie’s probably older than he is.”

“No, there was a recent remake,” Thor said.

“Really?”  Nat looked interested now.  She liked old movies.

“Oh, yes.”

“Was it any good?”

“I don’t know,” said Thor.  “I have not had an opportunity to watch it, but I know the original is one of the films they considered essential to my education in Earth’s popular culture.”

The floor numbers reached G with a ding, the elevator doors opened onto the mirrored interior, and there was Hayley Atwell.

Steve froze.  He’d assumed – indeed, he’d hoped – he would never see her again.  Once had been more than enough, he didn’t think his strained emotions could take another encounter.  But there she was, as astonished to see him as he was to see her.

“Chris?” she asked.

“Uh, hello,” said Steve.

She reached for his face – it, too, had been banged up where he’d fallen on the stack of chairs, and he had a big scrape down his left cheek.  “Are you all right?” Hayley asked.  “What happened?”

Steve caught her wrist.  He couldn’t let this happen again.  He could not get sucked into the fantasy, because it would only tear his heart out.  “I can’t talk right now,” he said.

“Do you know the police are looking for you?” Hayley insisted.  Natasha and Thor edged into the elevator on either side of her.  Steve looked at them for help, but Nat just rolled her eyes. She still thought Steve ought to have learned from her example.

“Yes, I do,” said Steve, “but we’re kind of in the middle of something.”  He shuffled around her into the elevator.

Hayley turned around and stepped towards him, which allowed the doors to close.  The elevator started going up.  “Who were those people you were fighting with?” she asked.  “They were shooting at you, Chris!  Actually shooting!  They said it did structural damage to the building.  What’s going on?”

“You wouldn’t believe me if I told you,” Steve said.

“Probably not,” she agreed, “but tell me anyway.”

“I can’t,” said Steve.  “I’d like to, but I can’t.”  It was a real struggle.  Peggy had never doubted anything he’d told her, and it was a heartbreak all over again to have to tell himself that Hayley would think he was insane.

They arrived at the top floor.  There were only two suites on that floor, the Royal and the Presidential.  Both had the doors closed and locked.  Natasha took a pen out of her pocket.  It was a metal one with the Hyatt logo on it – she must have swiped it from the desk downstairs.  She took it apart and pulled a slim metal piece out, and used that to pick the lock.

“Chris,” Hayley said seriously, “if you guys are in some kind of trouble there are lots of people who can help you.  You’re only going to make it worse by doing whatever you’re doing.  I know it’s hard for you to talk to people, but I can promise you that in the long run it’ll be easier than whatever this is!”

Natasha opened the door a crack and put her eye up to it to look.  Steve gave Hayley an awkward pat on the arm, and went to look for himself.

The door of the Royal Suite opened onto a short hallway with a bathroom on the left and a closet on the right.  Nobody was visible, but Steve could hear distant, tinny voices, probably from a television set.  Moving very slowly so that the hinges wouldn’t creak, Natasha opened the door and the group crept forward.  Nat herself walked as quietly as a cat.  Steve could move silently as well when he wanted, although it was difficult when he was limping on a twisted ankle.  Thor was surprisingly light on his feet, and Hayley brought up the rear, tiptoeing.  Apparently as well as Peggy’s eyes and smile, she had her counterpart’s inability to keep her nose out of things.

The little hall opened onto a large room divided into sitting and dining areas.  The former, on the left, had overstuffed couches, shiny wooden tables, and a huge wall-mounted television playing a news broadcast.  The dining area, on the right, had a big oval table with six chairs, under a chandelier that appeared to be made out of shed deer antlers.

On the largest of the sitting area’s couches were three people, arranged awkwardly with their hands behind their back and shackles on their ankles – two men and a woman.  One of the men was Downey.  The woman was the one he’d pointed out in the convention brochure: pretty and forty-ish, with long dark hair.  The other man was a very tall, thin one with blond hair and a long nose.  Silhouetted against the window as he was, Steve could almost see a resemblance between him and the Vision, though it was difficult to imagine the Vision with an ordinary Caucasian skin tone instead of his normal red and green.

It was this man – he must be the Paul who’d been on the phone – who looked up first. He saw the four people in the hall and took a sudden breath in, which made Downey and the woman also look. They made eye contact with Steve and the others, then all three shifted as best they could to look towards the dining area.  Plates and scraps on the table suggested that several people had recently eaten there, but the rest of the room was empty.

Natasha came closer to inspect their bonds.  “Where is he?” she asked softly.

“A group of fans came up to see him,” Downey whispered back.  “He wined them and dined them and now he’s taken them out on the balcony to talk.” His eyes went to the sliding doors across from the dining table.  The curtain was partly drawn, and the sun was on the other side of the building, so no shadows were cast on it.  If voices could be heard through the glass, the television was drowning them out. They would have no warning when Loki came back in.

“He’s gone nuts,” said the dark-haired woman, who must have been Jennifer Connelly.  “Just completely crazy.  He thinks he actually is Loki and that there are aliens looking for him.”

“I fear he speaks the truth,” Thor told her. “We are here to apprehend him and force him to return us all to our own reality.”

“Oh, my god, I’m starting to believe it,” groaned Downey.  “Ten more minutes of this and I’ll believe I’m really Tony Stark and just pull an Iron Man suit out of my ass.  He can probably do that in the comics.”

Natasha reached down between Downey and Connelly and into the interior of the couch.  “It’s a sofa bed,” she said to Steve and Thor.  “Their handcuffs are wound around the struts inside.”

“If we weren’t, we’d be long gone even if we had to hop,” grumbled the blond man. It was the Vision’s voice, but with a disgust behind it that Steve had never heard the android express.

“Where did Loki get all these bonds?” asked Thor.

“From one of the girls at the convention,” said Downey.  “She asked him if he had a use for them and he said yes.  I’m gonna venture a guess that this wasn’t the use she had in mind.”

Natasha looked at the piece she’d taken out of her pen, then slipped it back in her pocket and instead snagged a small cheese knife off the dining table.  “This will do,” she announced, and knelt down in front of the sofa to start working on the handcuffs.

Steve and Thor didn’t need to be told what their part in this revised plan was – without a word, they went to stand on either side of the patio doors.  When they got close enough to see around the curtains, they found Loki on the balcony talking animatedly to three women.  The blonde was wearing a Loki costume of her own, complete with elaborate horned helmet.  The brunette was in a loose green shirt, with a blue and white bandanna tied around her head. The redhead was in a white shirt with green raglan sleeves, with three options printed on it next to boxes as if in a survey: single, taken, and burdened with glorious purpose.  The last option had its box checked.

There was no indication when they were planning on coming back inside.  Natasha already had Connelly’s hands freed, and Hayley had helped Connelly stand so that Nat could get the men detached from the sofa before undoing everyone’s ankles. Hopefully she could free all three before Loki realized they were there.

But of course, they couldn’t be that lucky. Loki put one arm around the costumed woman and the other around the one in the bandanna, and the one in the raglan brought up the rear as they came back indoors.  Steve and Thor tensed as the patio door slid open.

As soon as Loki stepped into the room, Steve and Thor pounced.  They grabbed Loki by the arms and knocked him to the floor before he could react.  That much went very well.  What they hadn’t counted on was the reaction of the three women with him, all of whom leaped to Loki’s defense as soon as they realized what was happening.  The one in the costume started hitting Steve with her sceptre, ordering him to let go. The other two grabbed Thor by the shoulders and started trying to pull him off, the one in the raglan beating on his bicep with her fist.

Normally this would have been a mere inconvenience to Steve and not even that to Thor.  In the current situation it was considerably more.  The sceptre was made of wood and paint, but the girl kept landing blows on Steve’s already bruised ribs, and every time she did, he involuntarily twitched.  The girls attacking Thor were small and had only their bare hands, but there were two of them and they were determined, and one of them had an arm around his neck. He was having trouble breathing.

Natasha and Hayley ran in to help.  Hayley dragged the costumed girl off Steve and held on to her, while Natasha took on both the others at the same time and had them pinned to the floor in seconds.  Steve and Thor pulled Loki to his feet, Steve rather clumsily on his bad ankle, and held him there.

Big man in a suit of armor, Steve had once said to Stark.  Take that away, what are you? Without the armor, Stark was no hero – but here was Steve without the serum, and he wasn’t much, either.  He couldn’t even take a teenage girl in a ridiculous costume, let alone an alien warrior!

Loki had noticed, too.  “So these are Earth’s mightiest heroes!” he sneered.  “Nearly felled by three children!”

“So this is Earth’s would-be conqueror,” Thor shot back, “basking in the adulation of those same children, hiding behind somebody else’s face!”

“I told you I would find a world to rule!” Loki replied, proud.  “This one suits me fine!  I already have followers, do I not?”  He looked at the girls – Hayley still had one, and Natasha was hanging on to the other two.  “Do I not?” he repeated.

“Yeah!” the fans chorused.

“Bettany delivered my conditions,” Loki added, “and they have not changed.  Call off the Chi’Tauri and leave me be, and these posturing thespians will come to no harm. Persist in opposing me, and I shall turn them all into goats and have them pull my chariot!”

“The Chi’Tauri are not here of our doing,” said Thor.  “I would not set them upon my worst enemy, let alone my own brother.”

“Your brother you threw in prison without a second thought?” asked Loki.

“I swear on the ashes of our mother,” Thor said. “I did not call upon Thanos or his creatures.”

Loki paused, then scowled.  “How would they know how to find me here, if not for you? They ought to seek me in our world, and find another wearing my flesh.”

“Is that why you came here?” asked Steve, giving Loki a shake.  “So they’d take him and leave you?”

“Of course not!” said Loki.  “It may not look it, but this world contains all we ever wanted! All any of us ever wanted!”

“Really,” said Thor flatly.  He was not convinced.  Neither, for that matter, were Steve or Natasha.  Steve did wonder what the actors thought of this statement, but didn’t dare take his eyes off Loki to find out.

“Oh, yes,” said Loki. “Do you really need me to explain?”

[blissfullylostinarabbithole]

Tender Pt. 2

Pairing: Sebastian Stan x Reader

Word Count: 3k

Summary: Sebastian plans to use to Tom to find information, and learns more than he ever expected.

Warnings: Talk of masturbation.

<< Prev .  Next >>

Sebastian took the opportunity to check his watch while he waited for the next fan to finish talking to Tom. There was a little over half an hour left before they had to get ready for the photo ops. He scanned the line and felt a little disappointed at not seeing the girl. He tried to be optimistic. After all, they were scheduled for several events over the next four days. He figured he’d have to run into her at some point if she was a fan.

“So, do you or the other Grumps have anything scheduled for today?” he heard Tom ask. He looked over curiously at the boy at hearing that word again. And again, he wondered what, or who, the hell a ‘grump’ was.

“No, today is strictly for fun. The others are getting pictures with the Game of Thrones cast right now.” the fan, an older man with salt and pepper hair, answered.  

“Oh good.” Tom was visibly relieved. “I tried really hard to have enough room in my schedule to make it to some of your guys’ events.”

Sebastian was now watching the exchange like a tennis match. Tom looked more excited to meet the man than the man was to meet him. But that wasn’t the only reason the conversation held his attention. He couldn’t be 100% positive, but he thought he had seen the man with the pretty girl’s group. He made a note to ask Tom about him, and ‘grumps’, so he could find if the girl was affiliated. He wondered if that would be strange, or maybe even creepy, but he quickly pushed the thought away. As of now, that was his only lead, and he would be damned if he didn’t take the chance.

“Thanks, man. That means a lot. I know the others would appreciate it, too.”

“Are you kidding? Thank you guys for making me laugh every day!”

“I’ll pass the message along,” the man said, offering Tom a handshake before moving on to Sebastian. “Hello,” he greeted.

“Hello. How are you this morning?” Sebastian asked.

“I’m very well thanks, and yourself?”

“So far, so good,” he smiled up at the man. “What’s your name?”

“Brian,” the man replied with a smile that looked out of place. He looked rather intimidating, and Sebastian thought the guy had a good ‘assassin’s stare’.

“Well, it’s nice to meet you, Brian. What have you got for me to sign?”

Brian handed him a movie poster, which he said was going to be framed and hung in his house. After a couple more minutes of small talk and a selfie, he moved on and Sebastian attended the last fans and headed with the rest of the cast to where the photos would take place.  

A few hours, and hundreds of photos later, they were finally given a break. Most of the cast decided to head back to the hotel for room service and a nap before having to head back for the panels. Sebastian was tired and wanted to get some rest, too, but he didn't dare leave knowing his mystery girl was there somewhere under the same roof. Luckily, he didn't have to come up with an excuse to stay behind.

“Hey Seabass, the kid, Evans, and I are gonna check this place out. Wanna come?” Anthony asked.

He hung his head, pretending to think about it. “Yeah, ok. I gotta get some food first, though. I'm starving.”

“Well, the cafeteria is just beyond that hall,” Tom pointed to the other side of the massive room.

“Or we could go to the diner up the street,” Chris suggested.

“I vote diner,” Anthony raised a hand.

“We could meet back here after if you wanna go there. I don't mind going to the cafeteria with Tom,” Sebastian said, trying to get him alone.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

Y/N was getting impatient, and it was starting to annoy her. As excited as she was to meet the people who portrayed some of her favorite Thrones characters, she was finding herself eager to get it over with so she could hopefully catch up to Brian before he finished up at the Civil War line. At first she thought she’d imagined THE Sebastian Stan’s eyes on her, but she could have sworn he was responding to her, and wanted to be near Brian as a safe way to confirm her suspicions.

Once she got inside, Sebastian was temporarily forgotten as she approached the first actor. She was happy with her photos, and was even brave enough to ask them to tell Iain Glen and Nikolaj Coster-Waldau to attend the next convention, making them laugh and agree to pass on the message. Her smile faltered for a moment when she saw Brian waiting outside, having already gotten his posters signed, but quickly masked it.

“How’d it go?” she asked, leaning against the wall to wait for the others.

“It went well. How’d your pictures turn out?”

She showed them to him, and he showed her the posters in turn. Her eyes immediately went to the signature under Bucky Barnes, and felt a fluttering in her middle. They intensified when she saw a folder similar to her own in his hand.

“Did you get some pictures?”

“Yeah!” He handed her the folder, and laughed when her face fell at seeing only Robert Downey Jr. and Scarlett Johansson.

“That’s cool, Bri,” she smiled, leaning back against the wall.

When the others finished with their photos, they wandered to the vendor’s area to see what treasures they could find.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

Sebastian dragged his feet, petulantly kicking pebbles along the sidewalk as they all walked back from the diner. Tom, his only hope, had betrayed him and agreed to go wherever Chris and Anthony wanted.

Back where the action was, they mostly ended up following Chris around as he and Tom bought souvenirs. All the while, Sebastian kept an eye out looking for the girl from earlier.

“Keep it up and you’re going to get us seen,” Anthony warned. “Looking for anything specific?” he asked, slight teasing in his tone. “Or should I say, someone?”

“Pshh, no,” Seb replied defensively. “I just wanna see what’s going on.”

After what seemed liked hours of wandering around, he finally caught sight of her. His mouth went dry and he felt his heart jump into his throat. Almost as if his gaze called to her, her eyes darted to his and she smiled widely, making his insides flutter.

She took and unsure step forward, and he grinned, about to take one toward her, but a hand took him by the arm.

“We’re late for our panel,” Chris rushed to explain, pulling him along.

Sebastian looked back, wanting to shout an apology, anything, but again, she had gone as quickly as she appeared.

Chris led them through the back halls until they found where they were supposed to be. Luckily, they were put to be introduced last, and just barely made it. Sebastian wore a tight smile and fought the urge to look for her in the audience, knowing deep down she couldn’t be there if he’d just seen her outside. His spirits picked up halfway into it, and reminded himself that he still had his original plan.

When their day was over and it was time to relax, the others were preparing to head out to one of the local bars.

Sebastian instantly perked up. In the U.S., Tom was too young to drink. “Nah, I think I’ll pass tonight. I probably should have napped earlier...” he trailed off apologetically.

“See, that’s how you know you’re getting old,” Anthony teased.

Sebastian laughed and waved everyone off before heading to the elevator with Tom. “You have fun today?” he asked, not wanting to tip the boy off to what was really on his mind.

Tom sighed, “Yes. It was exhausting, though. You?”

“Oh yeah, conventions are great. I love how they bring people together… speaking of, uh, you were pretty excited to meet one of the fans. I think his name was Brian? You called him something strange, like ‘gramps’ or something?” he pretended to barely remember the name.

“Oh man that was so cool! I can’t believe I met him and he wanted MY autograph,” the boy gushed.

Sebastian smiled.  This Brian guy must be pretty great to make Tom so happy. “Yeah, who is he? He seemed pretty cool...”

“He’s a musician, His stage name is Ninja Brian and plays keyboard in two bands called Ninja Sex Party and Starbomb.”

“Oh, nice. What kind of music do they play and where does the ‘gramp’ come in?” Tom laughed, and Sebastian was pleased to see the fatigue slowly leaving him as he talked about the man he admired.

“Well, uh, they’re more comedians than musicians, but their stuff is really good. A lot of their stuff is about sex, actually, and video games… Oh and it’s ‘grump’. He’s part of a group called Game Grumps, and they make YouTube videos where they pretty much just talk while they play video games.”

“They play video games...on YouTube?” he asked incredulously. There had to be something else to it.

“I know it sounds kind of lame, but they’re really funny and they have this great dynamic going. Oh, and they do some tabletop games, animations, and a few other things, too! I guess you kinda have to see it to really get it, but it’s totally worth it.”

“Hm,” he nodded as though considering it. “Yeah, I think I will check it out.”

“Really?!” Tom beamed. “You wanna, maybe, come to my room and we can order room service and watch while we eat?”

Sebastian considered it for a moment. On one hand, all he really wanted to do was look for the girl. He couldn’t very well do that with Tom around. On the other, it seemed like this group had a lot going on, and it would be easier to maneuver through everything if he had someone who knew the content. He agreed and said he’d meet him in his room.

After parting ways with Tom, he hoped the night would turn something up. He really was tired, but he knew he wouldn’t be able to sleep if he passed the opportunity to get some answers. He went to the bathroom to splash some cold water on his face before changing into his pajamas and making his way to Tom’s room. Inside, Tom already had the TV set up on a youtube channel. They ordered their food and settled down on the couch.

“So, uh, before we start, I forgot to tell you that they do often say or play things that some people may dislike for being too vulgar or offensive…” he trailed off nervously.

Sebastian pursed his lips. “It’s not like, horrible, is it?”

“No, not really. They just don’t think some things are ok to joke about, but not others. It’s all or nothing, and they sometimes take the ‘all’ approach.”

“I see,” he ran his hand through his hair. “Well, let’s do this.”

Tom nodded and enlarged the video, pointing to cartoony face in the corner. “That’s Brian,” he grinned.

Sebastian laughed, “Holy shit those little heads look funny. Who are the others supposed to be?” none of the other little angry faces resembled the girl he was looking for, but he still had to make sure.

“Oh, that’s Barry. He does most of the editing for the channel and he does Table Flip. That’s Arin, he’s one of the ones that started the Game Grumps channel, and he formed the band Starbomb. And that’s Suzy, Arin’s wife. She does Table Flip, too.” with that, he hit the play button.

It was about a minute before Sebastian realized the video had started. He felt his stomach drop at the word “wife”. The face didn’t look like his girl, but he still couldn’t be sure. He snapped out of his daze and brought his attention to the screen. “Ugh what the hell!?” He was alarmed by, what he could only describe as the two headed human sausages playing with a ball. Tom burst out in laughter.

“Yeah, loads of people thought this game was creepy.”

After the video was over, Sebastian turned to Tom, “Dude, that was weird.”

“Like, a good weird or a bad weird?”

“Just… weird, man,” he ran his hand through his hair. “What’s next?” He found himself interested despite not getting any information.

“I think next we’ll go for some Genital Jousting.”

“WHAT?!” he turned to Tom, who only laughed and gestured toward the screen. “Are those…?”

“Dicks? Yes. Yes they are.”

As the video progressed, Sebastian’s jaw dropped lower and lower. “This is a real game?” As shocked as he was, and as grossed out as he was by the sounds, he couldn’t tear his eyes away from the screen.

“Yeah, it’s real. You can buy it on Steam and play with up to seven other people. You could make it a party.”

“Oh, no, don’t say it like that,” he laughed, and he didn’t stop laughing until the end of the video. Their room service arrived as Tom searched for the next one. Seeing he was about to pick something similar, he thought he’d take a risk. “Hey, uh, are there any videos where you can, you know, see them?” he blushed under Tom’s gaze. “You know, just to put a face to the voice…”

“Oh yeah! They do adverts when they come out with new shirt designs. I’ll find one.”

Not long after Sebastian stuck a forkful of food into his mouth, his jaw dropped, nearly spilling the partially chewed contents back onto his plate. There she was, right on the screen, gorgeous smile beaming at him. He’d found her.

“Ho… Um, who’s who?” he tried to sound casual, and thanks to a mouthful of food, Tom was none the wiser. He only named them, and said a little about what they did for the channel.

“That’s Y/N. She’s Suzy’s cousin and Ninja Brian’s sister, and-”

“Woah, that guy from the line to day is her brother?” he asked incredulously.

“Yeah, I don’t really know what the deal is with that shit, but he’s her brother.”

Sebastian nodded, setting the cover back onto his plate. “So, I think I’m gonna turn in. I’m pretty tired and we gotta get up early tomorrow.” He bade Tom goodnight and rushed to his room, not even waiting until he got inside to pull up the Game Grumps channel on his phone.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

After watching endless videos where Y/N and crew got scared or angry, he found himself grinning stupidly at their oohing and aahing over a sickeningly cute game; a vast improvement over the ones Tom showed him. Sebastian himself had to gush when a little alarm clock woke a cute bear to open the next level, unsuspecting of the weird turn the video was about to take.

“I’ve never been so happy,” Arin paused. “in my life. Fucken, the day I was born; no.”

“No,” Dan added.

“My first kiss; nah.” Dan again agreed before Arin continued. “My first ejaculatory fluid; nah.”

“Maybe,” Dan said at the same time. “Oh! No,” he amended.

“Oh god,” Y/N groaned in horrified anticipation.

“It hurt, man.”

Sebastian nearly dropped his phone, not believing the conversation that had just begun. After fumbling with his phone for a bit, he turned the volume up a loud as it would go.

“Alright,” Dan prompted. “then tell us the jackoff story.”

“I dunno I was jackin’ my weiner,” he went on as Dan and Y/N giggled. “in the shower and it hurt.”

“Why’d you continue?”

“I think I might have done it too rough.”

Sebastian had to bury his face into his pillow from the second hand embarrassment he was experiencing, which only grew more intense as the conversation wore on, talking about how they couldn’t get the hang of it, the use of friction, and an Indian burn method. Still, he laughed harder as his face grew hotter, nearly choking when the focus changed.

“What about you, Y/N?” Dan inquired. “Did you ever do it wrong?”

“Oh yeah,” she replied casually.

Arin jumped on it. “Wanna share… your mast… masturbatory misadventures?”

“I feel like there’s waaay more that could’ve gone wrong there.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” she feigned offense.

“Yeah Dan! You saying she’s stupid or something?”

“No no,” he quickly defended. “it’s just you know how girls’ bodies are more confusing than guys’ bodies.”

“So what happened?” Arin gently prodded.

“Like you guys, I didn’t know how nor was I schooled in the importance of lubrication. So basically, trying out different speeds and pressures and stuff, it just ended up hurting after a while. And then all the next day or two, I had to be careful walking because it was still really tender.”

“Oooooh,” Arin grimaced.

“So you essentially rubbed yourself raw?”

“Pretty much, yeah.”

“Did you orgasm at least?” Arin asked.

“Nope.”

“That sucks.”

“You’re telling me.”

“How long until you actually had one?” Dan’s voice was laced with sympathy.

“Oh man, it was an embarrassingly long time. And when I finally did,” Y/N giggled. “I got kinda scared.”

Arin burst out laughing. “What?! Why?” he choked out. Dan couldn’t breathe.

“Because, it was so intense! I was pretty much a weak, whimpering mess. I just remember thinking that if something happened, if there was a fire or something, I wouldn’t be able to move! I seriously couldn’t get up my legs were like jello, and then I completely knocked out until the next morning. It kind of freaked me out that I was so helpless.”

“Aww,” Arin and Dan cooed, still giggling.

“Did you quit doing it?”

Y/N snorted, “No.”

Pausing the video, Sebastian went into the bathroom to splash more cold water on his face. He couldn’t believe what he’d just heard. Even though the video was up for anyone to see, he kind of felt like a creep for having listened to something so intimate. He returned to bed and finished off the video, which went on into even more embarrassing territory for the boys.

After that, he stuck to the Table Flip videos for a while, not being able to take his eyes off her dressed in her Victorian costume.

A/N: If you guys wanna hear the masturbation stories that inspired parts this fic, the video is here.

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