#Don't shoot me I know Athena had nothing to do with marriage

[backpackingspace]

Athena marrying odysseus and penelope: I now pronounce you cursed

Odysseus:

Penelope:

Odysseus: uM goddess I think there's been a mistake

Athena: I said what I said

[starlitvick]

Part 2 of ArcherPrince/TelePollo incorrect quotes

Telemachus: Well, Apollo and I finally did it!

Odysseus, Penelope, and Athena: *gasps, shocked expressions, etc.*

Telemachus: That's right... We kissed!

Telemachus: What’s your body count?

Apollo: Do you mean sex or murder?

Telemachus: Two brooooos!

Apollo: Chillin' in a hot tub!

Telemachus: Five feet apart 'cause we're not gay!

Apollo:

Telemachus:

Apollo: *tearing up*

Telemachus: Babe, c'mon...

Apollo: AND HERE YOU REALLY HAD ME THINKING WE HAD SOMETHING.

Telemachus: Babe...

Telemachus: You have to apologize to them Apollo.

Apollo: Fine! But I must warn you that this might make me a better, nicer person and that is NOT the person you fell in love with!

Telemachus: I want you back...

Apollo: 3 words, 8 letters. Say it, and I'm yours.

Telemachus: I got food?

Apollo: ...you know me so well.

Telemachus: I want to kiss you.

Apollo, not paying attention: What?

Telemachus: I said if you die, I wont miss you.

Apollo, with a headache: Advil me up, daddy.

Telemachus: I will short out the language centre of your brain if you say anything like that ever again.

Apollo: You look good in that hoodie.

Telemachus: You know where else I'd look good?

Apollo, zero hesitation: My bed.

Telemachus, at the same time: By your side- wait, what?

Apollo: I think I'm falling for you.

Telemachus: Then get up.

Apollo: When you said 'Magic in Bed', I wasn't expecting this...

Telemachus: *pulls out card from deck* Now, was this your card?

Apollo: Holy moly-

Telemachus: Wow, Apollo, you want to hold my hand before marriage? How awfully lewd of you.

Apollo: We literally slept together yesterday.

Telemachus: That's NOTHING compared to the lewdness of holding hands.

Kidnapper: I have your partner.

Apollo: What? I don't have a partner...

Kidnapper: Then who just called me a lowlife bitch and spit in my face?

Apollo: Oh my god, you have Telemachus.

Telemachus: Hey, wanna take a shower with me?

Apollo: I have a gun in that nightstand beside the bed. If I ever say no to that question, I want you to take it out and shoot me because I’ve obviously gone crazy.

Telemachus: *banging a pen on the table out of frustration*

Apollo: Stop that. How would YOU feel if I banged you on the table?

Telemachus: I—

Telemachus: I don’t know the correct answer to that question.

Telemachus: Being gay is a constant battle between "I wish to sit on a window bench with my lover, our legs tangling as we listen to the birds" and "Hey, let's go throw rocks at fascists" and I think that's very sexy of us.

Apollo: If the window's open and you time it right, you can do both.

Apollo: Okay, but what if we went to dinner not as friends this time?

Telemachus: AS ENEMIES?!

Apollo:

Apollo: Telemachus is playing hard to get.

Apollo: Little do they know, I'm a master at playing hard to get rid of.

Telemachus: Strawberry milk doesn’t taste like strawberry OR milk.

Apollo: Go the fuck to sleep Telemachus.