#Do I still think she is hot? Yes
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I have some opinions on Boa Hancock and I want to talk about them. Im currently in the middle of watching one piece and I’m at ‘the island of women’ arc of the series. And I, sadly, have seen spoilers for the arc before I even began watching it. So I know of Boa and her sisters past… …and it is fucked up as SHIT…. BUT as I’m watching this arc, I can’t help but dislike Boa.
Im only on episode 414 and the arc finishes on episode 421. So my critiques are only of what I’ve observed since I have started the arc. So what I say may be something EVERYONE has observed and/or has said about this arc. But before I state my opinions, I wanna state the things I KNOW about Boa from what I’ve observed in this arc.
Boa Hancock (if I spelled it correctly) is the captain of an all-woman pirate crew, the kuja pirates. She is known as the Pirate Empress and/or the Snake Princess. She is the princess and ruler of Amazon Lily, an island that is fully inhabited by women. She is also a warlord of the sea, and has a devil fruit that allows her to turn anyone into stone. She was, previous to being a pirate, a former slave who was captured by slave traders when she young along with her sisters. She and her sisters were abused, most likely sexually, for a long time. In this time she grew to resent and hate MEN.
(I don’t know how she escaped because I haven’t gotten to that part of the story yet, but I assume someone was able to break in and free her and her sisters along with many other slaves as well).
She has a mark on her back that she has to constantly cover bc it gives away that she was a former slave. So she protects her back at all cost, and since she became ruler, she since banned men from EVER stepping foot on Amazon Lily (but I could be wrong and men could have already been BANNED but she just implemented it more so after she began ruling). Amazon Lily is located in the calm belt, where sea kings are known to breed. And the sea kings scare off pirates, marines, traders and anyone else that she doesn’t want near her island. So she and all the women she rules over are protected by the sea kings. But she still has to scare off someone people she doesn’t want in her waters. Such as marines and other known warlord's. In the episode where Boa confronts the marines for being near her island, in short, she turns all the marines into stone and then leaves for her island. But in this episode, her crew members are intimidated by her and try to avoid making her mad. She kicks one of the crew members pet kitten(?) and the crew member apologizes and takes the angry kitten away. (From this scene on, I started to not like her). Then she heads home to her island, and to fats forward to where luffy is captured and put into the arena, she turns the women who supposedly ‘helped’ luffy into the island. (Technically they did but they didn’t know he was a man) Boa precedes to turn them into stone and gets luffy mad by tossing them around and threatening to smash them (which would kill them.) I’ve gotten this far into the arc so FAR, so I can’t state anymore than I have only observed and watched.
Now that I’ve stated what I KNOW about Boa. I can talk about my opinions on her character. Boa, to put it simply, is NOT a nice person. To men or her people, it doesn’t matter. She treats them both like complete and utter shit.
Yes. She is beautiful. Yes. She is the most gorgeous woman I’ve EVER seen in one piece. Yes. She is also VERY powerful. And Yes. She also has had a terrible and horrific past that can only be described as INHUMANE…
…BUT…
That still doesn’t, and I mean this when I say this, ever give her the right to treat whoever she wants as trash and inferior to her. From what I’ve seen, she has treated her people like trash. It didn’t even matter if they were doing something nice for her, she would still treat them horribly. I understand the hatred for men because she was treated horribly and didn’t deserve the shit she went through. BUT that doesn’t give her the excuse to treat the women of her island, who all but worship the ground she walks on, to be treated badly. I understand the fear that if men were infiltrate her island, everyone would and/or could possibly end up being in danger, especially her and her sisters. Boa, to put it simply, has some unresolved trauma (which is pretty obvious) that stems from her being a slave and how men have treated her in the past. From the way she acts as if she is inferior to every being in existence, is false confidence to put it simply. Maybe a coping mechanism to protect herself from being hurt by others. But idk, so I could be wrong.
But back to my point, that whole ‘treating everyone like shot’ does NOT give her the right to act like an immature, spoiled toddler/adult to her own people. Also from what I’ve seen how her people treat her, I’m guessing that they know about her past and sympathize with how she was treated and basically give her whatever she wants because she was a victim, and deserves whatever she wants. And if I was one of the women, I would probably do what they are doing and justify her actions and excuse them to her having a terrible past. And bc of her past, she has a right to treat everyone and anyone who she seems inferior like shit.
Now that I’ve stated my opinion, I wanna clarify that I think her character is amazing in terms of power and strength. She is, in all honesty, a very powerful women. The fact she was able to become the ruler of her island after the fact she went through some very traumatic shit, and was able to technically recover and become a warlord to protect her people. The fact that she wanted to protect her people bc she never wanted the woman of her island to ever experience the type of shit she and her sisters were able to endure and survive. This was a very big W on her part and I can respect her for putting her people first. She’s risking everything to protect them, if they even see a glimpse of the scar on her back, she would be captured. So she has to live in constant paranoia that no matter what, she can NOT let her guard down.
Anyways, the point I’m trying to make is that I can respect Boa Hancock as a powerful character and very powerful woman. But I CANNOT for the life of me, excuse her for how she treats her people and others.
I will probably be doing some more character analysis’s later, but I just wanted to talk about her character and rant.
#one piece#boa Hancock#monkey d luffy#i respect boa but man she has a shitty personality#Do I still think she is hot? Yes#one piece is a fucking roller coaster man#im sorry for the rant#the one piece is real#believe me#also wtf boa#WHYYYYYY#I believe in the luffy aroace agenda#not All the time bc of film red but yk people like what people like
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What did/do you like about Pharah?
Uh, gameplay-wise, I really love characters in shooters who rely on three-dimensional movement techs. Chaining together hover and jump to stay in the air for as long as possible and keep momentum is so satisfying, and picking enemies off from the sky made me feel like a bird of prey. I was a good Pharah main.
Story-wise, there unfortunately isn't much to canonically go off because Pharah is so underutilized and neglected. Her personality's pretty boilerplate "heroic hero" (she's literally inspired by Captain America).
But it's the crumbs/bits and pieces that I really latched onto. Pharah's a confirmed lesbian; her short story with Baptiste implies she harbors a crush on Mercy (fucking thank you.). She's biracial Egyptian/First Nations. She has major mommy issues, having grown up both admiring and resenting Ana. She's the bridge between Old Overwatch, inspired by the idealized heroes who surrounded her childhood, and New Overwatch. She's one of the only inter-generational characters in the cast; someone whose experiences span the gap, which is why I seriously believe Pharah would make a great main character.
There isn't much to go off of, though; she's a very uncomplicated character (she's a soldier for a private military corporation, lol.). But that just means she's a blank slate character, so I've seen fanfic writers run wild and create some really interesting takes on her. My favorite interpretation of her's a dense, herbo gym-bro type (a lot of her liens are about work outs, exercising, and playing sports) who's easily excitable under her seemingly self-serious, armored visage. We see how she tends to gloat and hype herself up when she's on a streak too, so Pharah definitely has a competitive and boastful side under her more professional and militant performance.
Now Mercy? Mercy is a real complex character.
#i was a diehard pharmercy shipper back then btw#the inherent homoerotic experience of pharmercy gameplay.#the homoerotic experience of looking to the skies to fly to safety under the protection of your knight in shining armor#the homoerotic experience of feeling white hot murderous rage at an enemy trying to pick off your pocket mercy#i still kinda despise gency lmao. you cannot convince me mercy would be in love with genji. at all.#he'd make her feel so uncomfortable and guilty. in my head. the canon is obviously different#gency is sexless. absolutely zero bite or tension.#i could go on about mercy and how her character has so much missed potential#i'm no longer in my overwatch fandom phase but#i still think about that new flirty line they added in ow2 where mercy goes “ahh you're like my knight in shining armor!”#and pharah goes “that's what i'm goin for ;)” and i sigh dreamily#really happy that pharah outright says she's a lesbian too but it's hard to feel good about rep when you know blizzard uses it for pr#to be honest i'm willing to bet cash that blizzard's keeping pharmercy in their back pocket as ammo for the next controversy#last year we already saw logs about pharah fretting and taking care of mercy and the two talking about how good it is to see each other#tbh pharah has the same energy/demeanor as applejack. cheerful and competitive in a can of whoopass#but yeah overall pharah's a pretty shallow character. i have IDEAS on how i'd go about deepening her but. whatever#that's sorta what happens when you have to juggle a cast of 40 characters. a lot get left with the bare minimum#ok so i wrote this entire post up saying that pharah isn't in ow2's storymode when she is. she's in the story i just. forgot#because she doesn't do or contribute anything interesting#ok i'm stopping here. overwatch's story is such an interesting narrative mess i could go on for hours#i dunno how you come up with such incredible character designs and give them such an unincredible story#it's also so so so interesting seeing the conflicting takes on characters the writers have#mercy in gameplay and voicelines is peppy and cheerful and optimistic#but mercy in the storymode journal logs is tired. jaded. a total shut in who forgets to leave her room and social#and YES! THAT'S WHAT I WANT!!! THAT'S MERCY TO ME!!! THE DOCTOR WHO FORGETS TO TAKE CARE OF HERSELF#ask me#anon
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these are A BIT OLD but uhhh here check out these aggio doodles i did forever ago. still VERY happy w my colors :3
#this was back in uhhhh jan 2023!! hot dog!! and its still perfeclty good to eat!#i think kian and chip would get along. they could talk about feelings. kian could give chip the therapy he needs. maybe kiss? who said that#jay and rand could also get along i think. smoke buddies. cigarette fans. i bet they could play dnd together. or build a contraption togeth#also WAUHG the way i colored in kira here is SO PERFECT.. SHES SO SPARKLY N PRETTY. ALSO THAT HOOORNN i remember bleeding for that#shading is HARD lighting is HARD drawing a crazy unicorn is HARD but SOOOO WORTH IT I SITLL LOVE HOW IT LOOKES.....#waht else is there. oh yes the prime defender doodles#i love mark so much.... i miss being crazy and strange abt mark winters... i need to draw him killing more people someday#anyway i gotta go to bed soon to keep my sleep schedul on track but I DONT WAANNA!!!! recently relistened to bitb. that might release spore#im also chippin away at that am i in heaven animatic between workin on commissions. I GOT RLY FAR!! i think that i could finish it within#like. 3 or 4 more inspo waves. it wont be unfinished forevcer..... its so close... just 4 more full scenes to rly fleshh out#so basically another 2 years. YEAH BABy. in the meantime i have a backlog of things i can poast. i got plenty o drawings and doodles to sha#alrigh thats all the ramblin im gonna do for now. sleep well everyone hope shool or work goes easy on u in the coming week
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top 3 fave bbys in the burrito show (bonus SUPER LONG tags on how i feel bout the characters)
#my art#boruto naruto next generations#sarada uchiha#shikadai nara#inojin yamanaka#in no particular order except sarada is my fav- i think she shouldve been main focus- girl brings all of og team 7 together at all times#just her family history alone is very interesting and i WISH we had seen a convo with sausage boi about her uncle and just everything#but shes a pretty solid character on her own- VERY good mix of both parents yet still being her own self#shikadai is funny i really like seeing him- hes a sight for sore eyes- bro got EVERYTHING from his dad minus his eyes and maybe hair#his dynamic with boruto being besties is really fun to watch- sarada too- with both shika and sara being geniuses and all#i love inojin's simplicity and how ordinary he is.... its... realistic?#hes artistically talented yes with his ninja art stuff but everything else hes kinda... mundane? at times even bad?#Considering every other prev gen child's got all these cool stuff goin on- i like that hes just... kinda normal... i like that about him#boruto i actually do like as well- he'd make a GREAT support character- i love how big bro he is and how he wants to stand up for others#hes a lot like naruto in that way- and might be a hot topic to say this but i also like how - in his very first arc- boruto hates the hokag#not his dad but internalized that the job took his dad away from him- regardless on criticism i think that concept is really neat#i am not well versed in what the story is now for boruto- ive just kinda picked my snacks on what i wanna watch lmao#but i do wish there was more showings of slice of life for all the kids- cuz they are all really interesting- especially for prev gen's kid#>>wished they did timetravel arc with sarada so we coulda seen young sasuke & sakura interact with boruto and sarada T_T#one last note: borusara is very interesting- but i actually prefer them just being friends- at most friends with crushes on eachother#i do think its cute but i like the dynamic of it being unrequited idk its new for me i just prefer them as friends with crushes lmao#prob cuz they work as characters independently Im not really interested in ANY of the new gen hookin up- borusara is the most interesting#i mean it IS the ONLY one being pushed canonically but i like it- that boruto looks out for sarada and sarada worries for boruto#but ya i wish boruto was like mitsuki in being a side character - i think a LOT more people will find him less annoying that way#though- i REALLY want more sarada and sasuke dynamics being shown- actually the uchiha fam a TON more than what we got#they are just SUPER interesting to me lmao#im a sucker for the emo boy turns soft and has family and bonds with their kids- its one of my favourite things in media#i feel like scraping the ocean floor when im trying to find quality sasuke and sarada art pieces and story stuff#cuz ive exhausted all the content in these past what 2-3 years of knowing both boruto- and now more recently - naruto#(yes im one of those people who knew boruto before naruto- smite me)
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so no one was going to tell me if i got literally one episode further tenax drops that he’s the one who saved scorpus from his mom’s pimp AND that he’s intimately familiar with scorpus’ dick when he was younger. guys. guys.
#thinking about an INSANE divorce fic. as a follow-up to the 30k canon-compliant backstory i have not written#(really it could be an au of that because like. am i sentimental and would i want them to get emotionally divorced NO but i will get into#the variants of this later i have to tell you about them ACTUALLY divorced first before i get into the hot divorcee energy of it all)#where they fucked around when they were younger and then broke up because. yeah tenax can dream but scorpus needs certainty he is what he#is he wants attention and dignity and when blue offers for him he goes and we don’t need to know what the massive fight was but we DO need#to know that they stopped fucking and maybe they stopped talking too but now they’re Colleagues. putting the ‘because i can’ moment#into a WHOLE different light bc it’s very much a ‘you no longer have a say in who I get to fuck because it’s not YOU. because we’re not’#and thus we get an exes-to-lovers arc I still know you the best and yes I SEE the scorpus xenon andria potential & once again I am saying:#put that in a box we can’t talk about that right now I see it but that’s not what we’re here for. anyway I was TRYING to say the ‘I know u#best of anyone’ of it all and if you think I have stopped thinking about tenax goading scorpus & talking about his dick for a single second#I have not. I REALLY have not because that is top tier blatant manipulation to be like ohhhh poor baby you’re so old and rotting I can just#get a new chariot driver I don’t even really want you anyway 😇 and scorpus KNOWS It’s bait however. he’s gotta get his attention back.#anyway they are ugly divorced and it’s very slow burn but I know exactly how you taste & what buttons to press & how to grip your shoulders#in an argument until they fuck nasty on all of their riches or however this thing ends. not well for anyone but I WILL be getting them back#together. the other fun little big divorced energy thoughts i had were very much ‘divorced and arguing but it’s foreplay to threaten to#leave each other’ so they can have hot aggressive mean sex because they get off on arguing with each other. everybody in the stables starts#to see them arguing about chariot design & the brothers are scared they’re gonna kill each other & then suddenly scorpus is tongue-fucking#Tenax’s throat with a fist still in his hair and tenax has a hand pinning him back against the post by the throat and that’s all they see#before everybody clears the FUCK out. this is a regular occurrence at all times in all arguments it’s so fun I love the dynamic#OHHHH AND IT’S AN OUTSIDER POV FIC i said the brothers really i meant elia but also now that i say that. could be a fun five + 1 of#everyone watching them threaten to kill each other and then y’know. la petit mort. ALSO i know i see the calla/tenax too we can’t talk abt#that put it in the box with the chariot drivers we can have one (1) thing at a time. the calla note is because i want a calla pov of them#where she’s just like ‘freaks. right in front of my salad?’ and does not give a fuck at all. top tier. anyway. andria/elia/calla/domitian#(Domitian seeing them petition him would be so fun because he wants to puppet master everything he’d want to know SO BAD.) the 5th one idk#because I don’t have any idea about the third brother yet but maybe Tenax catching scorpus in a brothel again? and the +1 is their POV ofc.#(anyway for myself: the vibes i want here are geno/anna cat and mouse follow/unfollow divorce and win her back rumors)#scorpus/tenax#those about to die#scorpus#tenax
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Armand's simpering little "and I never have" has taken on new dimensions for me. Technicality king and also I think very in keeping with his whole malign fairy creature deal. You can tell him not to hurt the bae, but you should really specify what "hurt" entails. Is chopping someone's hands off really hurting them? If they have annoyed you very much I mean.
-questions Armand might pose to Lestat that inspire him to leave the country
#I do think the root of what makes Lesmad so funny is that it is literally the one of two times Lestat has displayed good sense in love#both times his mother was standing right there telling him what to do so take from that what you will#but lestat does enjoy negative attention and fucking around to find out and needling powerful entities who are enamored with him#it takes so much for him to say yes you're hot. but still no#you are too good at fucking will my head and too willing to take liberties with my body i don't like this#though iirc part of it was having experienced Armand's mind whammy he didn't want to leave him in proximity to Gabrielle#once again mommy issues carry the day#anyway#press says iwtv#I have a post percolating in my heart about the reversal of Gabby telling Lestat she just wants to die knowing he's safe in Paris with his#boyfriend#explicitly severing their codependent you're my other half my twin me but a man thing#and Gabby telling him to leave Nicki with Armand and run#but it's actually half a post that amounts to a) this too is a perversion brought on by living past your own death and#b) actually though it's her being a good mom in both instances#like probably the two times she most clearly manages that are#leave this place and me and live your own best life without guilt or shame#and leave your boyfriend who has had a psychotic break and hates you now. do not involve yourself with the sewer creature who is violently#obsessed with you.#she packed up her kid and she left! also did some other things but we don't need to talk about that#cw: incest#interview with the vampire
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im so sorry for the person im gonna become in 12 days
#no games are doing it for me rn i need to play in datv character creator#i need to make my sweet stupid idiot himbo gym bro vanna NOW. i need them to bench press the gang. all of them#vanna is 5’0 ft tall and she can benchpress taash no problem shes just that strong#i think if emmrich turns into a skeleton i will romance taash 😭 YES IM STILL ON THIS#idk where that theory came from or if its even backed up by anything besides ppl just deciding in their heads thats what happens#but im hoping it doesnt happen idc im sorry for being a hater but I DONT LIKE SKELETONS THEYRE CREEPY 😭#taash/emmrich are my canon party either way tho itll be so fun watching them vy for vanna’s attention 🐝#vie? vy? idk. im a martini espresso in you cant expect me to spell in these conditions#anyways IM SO EXCITED I CANT WAIT TO PLAY THE GAME 🐝#even if he does turn into a skeleton its ok i still love him but im superficial he needs to be hot too thats all im saying SORRYYYY PEEPAW
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amy dunne “something is horribly wrong with my husband” 🤝🏼 love quinn “my husband is the problem”
#i am nothing if not an apologist for murderous women with cheating husbands#like apologist in a hot self aware way not in the weird ‘she can do not wrong she’s perfect!!!’ way#thinking about them both <3 their similarities and differences#yes the amy quote is Fake Diary Amy but it still applies
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yargh. complicated characters save me complicated characters…
#im thinking about ceroba…#im thinking about how ive seen so many ppl (in ‘hot takes’) call her a bad mother for what she did to kanako#and im thinking about how its. silly to base the entire view of her as a character around one mistake#yes sure a very BIG mistake but still one mistake#i dont know if i would even say shes a bad mom. to do so would require me to make some kind of criteria to actually define#what MAKES a bad person#ive spoken before to a friend about how our concepts of good and bad as a whole r subjective anyway#but thats besides the point#i think ceroba as a interesting character becauseee of her mistakes because of her flaws#i think (er. KNOW) that she was a very caring mother. she loved kanako lots lots lots and did everything in her power to fix that mistake#but that doesnt take away that it still happened#im just rambling at this point. nonsense probably#but i think the reason i dislike the bad mom ceroba takes so much is that its reduction to her character in a way…#and that it cant and shouldnt rlly speak to her characterization before and after. yknow the incident#sorry thats a big mess….. i have thoughts i dont know how to speak them#i could say the same abt the other characters too… how ppl like to equate their whole view of a char#to only a few moments with that char#weve forgotten star tried briefly to take clovers soul </3 but oh well#ok im done jfkdkd this is disorganized
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such is the tale of a ✨chronically online hypocrite✨
#(please forgive this old folk’s rambling for a hot min bc i need to get this off my chest somehow and in some way)#tl;dr: come and get into the hw idol series!!! we have ship discourse; more ship discourse; even more ship discourse#(yes ik people should be free to ship what they do b u t claiming a noncanon ship as canon and forcing it on everyone else is. not cool.)#yes yes friday’s mv was visually cute and ino.rin’s singing was peak b u t i feel like it has caused more harm than good in some way???#i cant b e l i e v e the jp hwtwt beef over friday’s mv is still going on mannnnnnnnn#no less than 3 separate people have made posts along the lines of#‘p l s stop using [official tags] to post about *[unnamed] non-official ships* p l s there’s a time and place for everything’#and n o n e of them even remotely run in the same circles yet they’re all banded together against a *certain* group lmfao never change hwtwt#lhy (esp yhy) shippers are always at the scene of the crime mannnnnnn#i cant see anything on their end of the naval battle (has every single lhy tag+account that i could think of blocked)#b u t it’s still really funny to witness on my twtdash against my will. i think i need to touch grass#‘kyhn isn’t canon either so why do you like it while being such a hater towards lhy—‘#great question!!!!!! it’s bc (disregarding the movie) they actually interact really well together~~~ like the honeypre event y k—#and also bc yukki treats hina really nicely all the time (even when she was being tsun and literally running from her feelings for him)#a n d hina loved him for who he truly was; even before his image change arc. and she also does her best to appeal to him and such~~~~~~~#but lhy. uh. they just bully hiyo 95% of the time and while they do look out for her bc they’re pals#they’re just pals. guys. and lxl have gone ‘uwu it must be u uwu’ to each other one too many times so shoehorning hiyo between them would.#be pretty weird ngl? esp since the ‘widely accepted’ portrayal of lhy as a trio is p much just hiyo x 2 dudes who dont even like each other#and. like. a branch of such portrayals usually seem to have aizo waft away from the ‘r/s triad’ to date mona instead which is. very weird.#some people just pick and choose aizo and mona interactions dont they. all they see is the umbrella scene and go ‘ah yes. canon’#they dont even read further to see how mona doesn’t even use the umbrella after aizo leaves (clear rejection)#a n d how aizo doesn’t even remember giving the umbrella to mona + mona’s entire existence in general after that#and that’s not even counting the grudge mona refuses to let go of even after what looks to be literal months#so for certain shippers to just casually shoo aizo out of the hiyoharem and into mona’s unwilling arms for the sake of yhy is. weird.#and like. shouldn’t he and yujiro have a say in this?? they’re more interested in each other than hiyo so just how are they being commonly#portrayed as hiyosimps in fanon? im so confused… like. wouldn’t they be equally obsessed with each other (as w/ hiyo) if they were a rstrio?#aaaaaa get this off my twtdash plsssssssss pls see this post twtapp pls let this affect your dumb algorithm im tired of the ship discourseee#as funny as the ‘lhy vs the world’ naval warfare is it’s getting. um. very annoying!!!! and now im missing nagisa more than ever s o b s#plsplsplsplsplsplsplsplspls influence the algorithm ragepost; ik big brother is 👀watching👀 so do your thing—#(pls feel free to duke it out with me too if y’all read this i need my birdsite algorithm to le a r n that i dont wanna see stuff like this)
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i knowwww hes a piece of shit but in my heart i want to believe totoko is the one osomatsu would get his shit together for . im insane about them. IN MY HEART they don't realize how much they like each other yet, totoko was surprised w how jealous she was when they were hanging out with kin and i think osomatsu kind of is only thinking about sex so maybe he doesn't realize it either but eventually they do and obvs hes not gonna be perfect right from the get go and he would fuck up over and over again and she would get mad and it would be rocky but he keeps trying bc he LOVES HER !!!!
#can anyone hear me.#osototo#i think maybe they are closer than they realize#like their conversation on the bench when matsuzo was in the hospital#we've never on screen see a deep convo between them happen like that#and yes she quipped a bit but she listened to him bc she CARES ABOUT HIM#also in the kin ep when she was going 'im not cute!' and all the brothers were insisting she still was#and the only one who didn't was osomatsu . he was the one to break it up and say ok fine ur not cute#idk what it is about that tho . but thats osototo to me#like idk . shes clearly throwing a tantrum about it and hes the only one able to actually stand up to her#i DO like it when they blindly worship her bc shes hot but i like this too#oso is her favorite of the brothers i know this in my heart to be true#the other five like her but only in like a crush kind of way#not in a marry and love forever way#i think osomatsu is genuinely in love w her but its a secret neither of them know yet
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I just had the horrible thought that I need to fall in love because having devastating crushes on beautiful, competent, authoritative women that I desperately want to please is exhausting and I need it to stop
#this one is straight so there's no room for delusion which is good#but my burning need to be her most favorite is eating me from the inside#it IS making me better at my job though#.......i mean i think so but what the fuck do i know#on friday night amongst the grueling psychosexual chaos that ensued a very smart guy that I LOVE said to me#i have no doubts you're gonna be a great psychiatrist actually#i traded a month with him to have another month with her#he's a phenomenologist she's a psychodynamic....ist? rival theories#I don't like most of psychodynamic theory.......so far#but i love the way she works and i can see how well it fits with her manymanyMANY patients and goddamnit i love personality dosorders#so i made the choice to go with her yes and im very torn casue i LOVE that guy and i wish i could become his friend like my bff from my year#also.......kind of dumb of me since I'd only soend two days a week woth her and the other three with very scary ladies#but I've been in scarier situation i can manage#and god when she praises me (silently obv she's only been forward about my merit ONCE and i almost pissed myself like an overexcited dog)#the endorphin rush is........man#but yes i need to work on this.......idk how to define it. closest i can get to explaining it is professional sub space#with strong aspects of praise kink#pathetic is what it is really#but hey if it makes me study harder who fucking cares right#I'm gonna be the smartest most intuitive fucking bitch amongst my peers so if I can't have her (them) carnally then goddamnit#I'LL HAVE THEIR PRAISE AND RESPECT AND ADMIRATION AT LEAST#........I'll be normal again in a week or two i just need to get over these next couple of days of....idk. inflammation i guess#yeah it's just like an infected wound right now#angry red throbbing hot pain#i know the drill it'll be better in a couple of days you just need to not freak out and let it do its thing#it's nice to be mature-r about emotional impulsivity and the shame that comes after an episode of deregulation#it really doesn't have to be a big deal even while it still feels like it#it still hurts but it's like......hour three of a tattoo. it's a bitch but you know it's gonna be over eventually and wriggling won't work#the only thing left to do is enjoying it all while it's happening or trying to#I don't think I'm doing a great job but what're you gonna do right
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okay i was teetering on the cusp of the DA:I chasm but i'm back now
apparently.... vampire sex. was what i needed. to step back from the beckoning abyss
gale baby you're so real for this, you were so right that time in the swamp, dick really DO be that good sometimes that it makes you wanna live
#squirrel plays bg3#oc: iona raedir#yeeeesh i did do The Boy's personal quest on my romance run today#yes Iona did get thoroughly Mary Shelley'd#and i think my writing mojo was also brought back by it a lil#first night back? gentle nonsexual intimacy of holding him in the tub and washing his abuser's blood out of his hair#then tucking him into her bed and letting him sleep#truly sleep; not meditate but genuinely drift into restorative slumber#atop her breast and in her arms until his eyes stop fluttering and whimpers die down into soft (adorable) snores#second night back? she's getting absolutely fucking railed into next week#but. like. sweetly. lovingly y'know.#what MATTERS is that whether it's the horrible crick in her neck from holding him all night#or.... other reasons#Iona is going to be walking a bit funny for the next few days#(i feel like my go-to for these is just to say they gave the coinpurse to Karlach and trusted her to keep everyone off the premises)#(I feel like she'd be an excellent wingwoman no matter what)#(only while Arvid is a bit discreet a bit more subtle)#(Iona is more like “listen- you don't want to be upstairs for what's about to happen. I still have grave dirt in my asscrack.”)#(“and if that's any indication of the kind of ravishing i'm about to get; we might as well call for new sheets now”)#(and Karlach is just like “I cannot decide whether that's hot or gross; respect”)
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breaking news: long walks, while good in their own way, don't quite provide the same 'sluicing the crankymisery out of you and replacing it with endorphins' service as runs :(
#i was like 'okay we can't go running EVERY day probably' and like. you DO in fact have to ramp up so i still stand by that#plus i got 2 phonecall with el which you can't really do on a run#but like. lil bit of Ambient Crankiness remains. :(#(only a tiny bit and i'm doing my best not 2 lean into it but.)#unfortunately i guess i remain despite Long Sloth (and yes i did immediately imagine a sloth version of longcat after typing that)#too sturdy for even a ~4 mile walk to tax me sufficiently. gonna have 2 load myself down w/ lead like a horse in a walter farley book ig…#anyway. critical updates obviously. really i'm just punting on making dinner 4 Cat On Lap reasons‚ lol#(she IS the best hot water bottle in the whole world in case you were wondering.)#however. time 2 stop posting & start prepping i think.#kiss kiss kiss 2 all.
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Every time I’m with my irls the subject comes up a lot more cause they’re into more female oriented series but man while it’s given better female rep is just okay-not astounding but not feeding into the more worse tropes of women in anime-I feel really bad for Michiru.
It’s like she’s the more prominent female in getter as she’s probably had the most appearances out of any of the others but I feel she’s never been used to her fullest potential. The manga really felt like Ken didn’t know what to do with her as she just kinda existed and then was killed off, arma just uses her as a plot device, toei I can’t speak fully but I know she’s a support character however given it’s that role and the 70s it only goes so far and in other canons she’s flat out hardly acknowledged. (SVN literally just has her as a cameo)
New is probably her best version but I feel there was some missed opportunities with her as the Hein arc could’ve shown more what was going on in the present and with her but it didn’t have enough time for that, and even if she does have dynamics with the boys hers and Ryomas are very undeveloped as they hardly interacted which is both a shock and a shame as they seemed to be fun in the one ep-ep 2-where they really talked.
And also as much as I like News approach to her characterization it is a shame we hardly ever seen the more traditional version of Michiru be fleshed out, when even if “uwu nice girl” is more basic it can still work and be a good character. Like it made me more sad watching Android Kikaider and seeing Mitsuko who’s basically the same trope as Michiru-down to even LOOKING like her-being a older sister with a dead brother, absent mother and a sus scientist father and be so fleshed out, but Michiru never got that chance.
You can always say “oh maybe in another getter project” but fuck knows when that’ll happen ever man💀
#meg text#getter robo#michiru saotome#I will say in fics im working to develop Michiru more even if the fic im working on rn is gonna be MASSIVE#but I get not everyone cares for fics and this au so weird anyways so it be nice to see a official media do this#but we weirdly and hardly gotten spin off mangas- it’s the fucking 50th and still nothing#also idk how much of a hot or cold take this is but the more I think about it I think Michiru should’ve been ryomas wife#or Hayato’s#is it cliche for the female lead to get with one of the boys? Yes but it would’ve made her more significant#especially with how those two actual wives were written💀#like Michiru going after ryoma and having a child makes more sense then ryoma getting with a random chick#or hayato getting to have one person in his life besides fucking shimishika#But I more so vote for the former idea bc even if RyomMichi is undeveloped it just makes more sense to me#I don’t hate ryo but she just exists to justify takuma😭#give ryoma a actual girl he knows and is soft that it makes sense he leans on her as his emotional support#even if he still goes into his crazy karate arc#also the idea of Michiru willingly living in a dojo and possibly dragging genki along if he didn’t die is so funny#genki deserves better too but i understand why kid characters are harder to implement#but wow it’s also fucked how once again the only good version of him is when he’s merged with someone else
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hmm. had an actual conversation with nightmare coworker today that seemed mutually productive. she apologized for saying some bullshit that hurt my feelings and i clarified that my intentions are to help not to undermine her, and we both agreed that there's no competition against each other and that it's the lack of growth in our role that's the problem. it was...productive.
and further cementing for me that it is time to begin making my Exit. i will be sending out my resume to a few places this weekend.
i'm still processing the conversation, and am struggling to place myself in where i am responsible to better my behavior. because i genuinely don't want to be an ass, even though i really don't like this lady and will jump for joy the day i never have to see her again. she stated that she knows my intentions aren't to hurt her, and that she thinks i'm very kind. i apologized for if my behavior came off as undermining her, and said that my intentions are only to better my own growth—and that i know she's trying to succeed too. i validated her feelings, and complemented the effort she is putting in.
where i'm struggling with is: am i in the wrong/causing harm and needing to change if the issue is that her feelings are incongruent with what she knows of my intentions? her feelings are her responsibility (WOW i almost typed "her feelings are my responsibility". i feel like that's a freudian slip) and she states that she knows i don't mean to hurt her. i'm going to try to be more clear in wording my intentions with her (she feels like me trying to take work off her plate is to undermine her. when really, i'm caught up and see her getting overwhelmed, and i want to help and also have something to do since i'm bored).
but i'm really struggling to look at my role in this and pass judgement on myself. i can and want to do better, and i don't think i did anything wrong, but i'm always so hesitant to say it's not my fault or i didn't do something bad. like i can't trust my judgement on that. my intentions were good, her bad feelings are ones caused by her insecurities, which she more or less has expressed to be aware that they are not true—the hurtful thing she said to me, she acknowledged was said out of hurt and not what she actually thinks. so, is it fair to say i'm not the bad guy? i'm not in the wrong? i know good intentions that still result in harm don't absolve anyone, but when the things that are clashing are insufficient communication and reactive insecurities... i'm not a monster, am i?
#well. i AM probably a monster for how much i dislike this lady#but i don't ACT on it#and i genuinely couldn't care less about her. i participate in decent human pleasantries because i am a decent human.#and at work we're stuck together#the thing that's irked me so much about this conversation is just.. her self centeredness#that she thinks everyone is out to get her. to undermine her. whatever.#bitch nobody cares about you enough one way or the other to put in that kind of effort. i sure don't#i empathize but i do not sympathize. to feel that pit that makes you feel like the worst kind of center of attention#i get it. but genuinely you are not the main character and no one is going to spend their limited time and energy to slowly attack you#you are not the cat with all the knives pointed at it#it's a terrible feeling to feel like you are! but when it influences your behavior to the point that you are making snide comments#to people who have no option not to interact with you then uh. then you're in the wrong buddy#and the people around you (who cannot easily leave! bc work!) should not have to bend over backwards to assure you#that they're not pointing knives at you. to protect themselves from your feelings making you say mean shit#like yes. i can be more clear with my intentions. i'm generally not the greatest at that. but my baseline that i want to#modify my behavior from is NOT one that a regular well adjusted person would take as anything but kind#and if a regular well adjusted person got a little offput by me volunteering to take work off their hands we would've had a very chill#3 sentence conversation about it MONTHS AGO.#i understand and respect (even if i find it annoying and overbearing) the need for me to announce my intentions like im working in a kitchen#and saying 'hot water' or 'knife' as i move around other people but we shouldn't have reached this conclusion this way#and frankly who's to fucking say me being more clear with my intentions will only feed the flames of her thinking i'm out to get her!#'i caught up on my stuff and your plate looks full. i'm bored. anything i can do to help?' could be a pointed knife for all i know!!#and if it is- and my actions still hurt her in that scenario- am i still responsible for the hurt caused??#like WHERE DOES IT FUCKING E N D ?#personal#*exhales* okay i feel better now#i just hate talking about my interactions with her bc i just want NOTHING to do with it. i want her out of my head!!#but until i process it i can't let go#and i'm still going to have to go over all of this with my shrink tomorrow#it just makes me mad how much of my time this bitch takes up. i'm not getting paid to think about work right now!!!!
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