#Do I have a fixation on Tragic Space Crews Dying Tragically? Maybe

[specialagentartemis]

📓

Something I keep thinking would be fun (and awful, and tragic): writing the last days of the Hermes mission.

I’d probably tell it from Jordan’s viewpoint. Cutter and Pryce unexpectedly show up. What a surprise! They seem very interested on whether Jordan has heard from the Hephaestus recently. Bernoulli is on edge. Do they know what’s wrong with the Hephaestus? Minkowski hasn’t answered for months.

Pryce calls Bernoulli away, and Cutter pulls Jordan away to grill her about anything she’s seen or heard from the Hephaestus. Though she has a weird feeling about all of this, Jordan is honest about the radio silence, the way no messages seem to be getting through. Cutter doesn’t seem interested on the weird and bizarre crises going on on various other ships and stations; he’s singularly focused on the Hephaestus.

Jordan thinks she hears Klein scream somewhere in the distance. Cutter tells her that it’s nothing.

Eventually Cutter sends Jordan to Pryce, and Persephone (the station AI) is straining to tell Jordan something, and Jordan sees Bernoulli and Klein and Birkhoff stiffly trying to escort her to a machine… and when it’s clear what’s going on, that Bernoulli and Klein and Birkhoff aren’t right, that Pryce did something to them, Jordan screams, wriggles away, and bolts. Bullets fly. She runs, frantically, to the comms room, and barricades herself in. There’s banging on the outside of the door. There are gunshots. The door creaks inwards under the barrage.

Jordan desperately sends out a message—“This is Communications Officer Leilani Jordan of the USS Hermes, repeat, this is Jordan on the Hermes, and something is wrong, something is really wrong, Cutter is here and his people did something to Bernoulli and Klein and Birkhoff’s brains and they’re trying to do it to me too, help me, if anyone’s out there send help—“ although of course she knows that no one out there could come in time to help her, no matter how long she holds out…

“Officer Jordan!” Bernoulli says cheerfully outside the door. “Stop hiding, Officer Jordan, it will be easier if you come out!”

Jordan brandishes a gun at the door. “Get away! Get away or I’ll shoot! I mean it!” Her voice and hands are shaking.

“You won’t shoot us, Officer Jordan!” Klein says, equally cheerfully. “We’re your friends!”

“Ignore what she says,” a woman’s crisp, cold voice that sounds so eerily like Persephone, But Evil, says. “Just get the door open.”

”Yes, Dr Pryce,” Bernoulli and Klein say in unison

The gunfire on the other side of the door intensifies…

[het-reccers]

ship manifesto: jyn erso/cassian andor

Fandom: Star Wars: Rogue One Pairing: Jyn Erso/Cassian Andor Recced on livejournal by: sugangel7

What do you get when a headstrong, fiery rebel meets a cool, reserved captain?

ALL OF THIS:

He hadn’t known her, didn’t know her, of course. There wasn’t the time.

Credit to: http://cassianskywalkers.tumblr.com/post/155918947283/he-hadnt-known-her-didnt-know-her-of-course

I’m not used to people sticking around when things go bad.

Credit to: http://wrinchester.tumblr.com/post/155693213487/im-not-used-to-people-sticking-around-when-things

Credit to: http://jedileiaorgana.tumblr.com/post/155282010231/jyncassian-text-post-meme

Why write a ship manifesto for these two? Rebelcaptain stole my heart and then some. The one thing that soothes my soul is that there is a whole community of like-minded folks who have written tons of seriously beautiful fic that pretty much meets every single desire you had for this unwitting rebel and intelligence captain after watching the beautiful action-packed war epic that was the movie Rogue One. And you probably read the novelization too, which just whetted your appetite even more. (And let’s not forget about the official Star Wars Spotify playlist for Cassian Andor which just reaffirms their tragic, beautiful love story even more.)

I could’ve spent ages longer on this manifesto, and there are still some gorgeous fics out there that I have not yet read that I am dying to read, but I hope this serves as a somewhat comprehensive look at what the rebelcaptain fanfiction fandom has to offer. (Also look at the het-reccers tag, because a few of my favorites of theirs have already been recced). And check out the rebelcaptain tag on tumblr because there is so much good stuff to be found on there.

Rec #1: If you’re in the mood for some really well-done slow burn...

Title: semantics (it’s a series of one-shots!)

Author: katsumi

Link: http://archiveofourown.org/series/631220

Rating/Warning(s): Teen and Up

Word Count/WIP?: ~2000 words for each one-shot / four one-shots with perhaps more to come

Why This Must Be Read: This captures the careful hesitation on the parts of both Jyn and Cassian while all their friends just don’t quite get it while some of them do. Fluffy, humorous, and heart-wrenching by turns.

“How is sleeping not the same as sleeping?” K2 asks, and shit, this is not a path Cassian wants to go down with him. He closes his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Semantics,” he says, and he can hear the clink of bolts as K2 slumps a little. K2 has always been moody about that human tendency to say things that don’t mean what they’re supposed to mean, a tendency the droid finds “complicated” and “uselessly theatric.” “Oh,” K2 says, voice dripping with disdain. “I see.”

Rec #2: If you’re in the mood for some gorgeously romantic hurt/comfort...

Title: you will hope in something real

Author: tryalittlejoytomorrow

Link: http://archiveofourown.org/works/9119407

Rating/Warning(s): Teen and Up

Word Count/WIP?: 4590 / No

Why This Must Be Read: This is a brilliant character study of Jyn and is just soft, quiet, and utterly, utterly romantic.

Rain catches on his eyelashes, and she becomes fixated on that, too. His face is a blur but she sees the little drops so distinctly, can count them, and he's beautiful, she can't deny it, and she wants to kiss him all of a sudden, or maybe it's not so sudden, after all. Jyn's been wanting to kiss him since that long ride in the elevator. Wanting to kiss someone when you feel like you're about to die is not exactly the same thing as wanting to kiss them every day, in the aftermath, Jyn's painfully aware. She's never wanted that before. She can't say that she hates that her life is now divided between before and after Cassian. It's another warm, stupid feeling Saw never took the time to explain.

Rec #3: If you’re in the mood for a true action-heavy war fic...

Title: spes semper mihi adest

Author: rain_sleet_snow

Link: http://archiveofourown.org/works/9228242/chapters/20928818

Rating/Warning(s): Teen and Up, Major Character Death

Word Count/WIP?: 26945/ No

Additional Pairings: Chirrut Îmwe/Baze Malbus, Leia Organa/Han Solo, Shara Bey/Kes Dameron, Leia Organa/Luke Skywalker/Han Solo, Jyn Erso/Han Solo

Why This Must Be Read: I love this fic because it feels very much like the movie: Jyn and Cassian’s relationship is basically taken as a given with a lot of plot and action in a world where a war keeps on going, even as two people find themselves entwined in the midst of it. A poignant, engaging fic.

Cassian is half-awake. His clothes are bloody and partly shredded, and beneath them and the bacta Jyn can see scars that are healing and the distinctive marks of a torture droid, which are not. He looks thin and sunken and sick and he needs a shave. He also looks quite surprised to see Jyn; for a moment she isn’t even sure he recognises her. “Hello, Cassian,” Jyn says. Her tongue is crowded with words that won’t come out. She swallows them down. “Have a blaster.” She offers him the lighter of the blasters she stole, and he takes it with a familiar, easy grip that reassures Jyn that he’s still in there. “If this is a dream,” Cassian announces, swinging his legs off his bunk and staggering towards Jyn, “it is a beautiful dream.”

Rec #4: If you’re in the mood for a fantastic rendition of the soulmates trope...

Title: this is the fate you’ve carved on me

Author: Selkit

Link: http://archiveofourown.org/works/9372218/chapters/21217277

Rating/Warning(s): Teen and Up

Word Count/WIP?: 17465 / Yes

Why This Must Be Read: I’m such a sucker for the soulmarks trope, and this author manages to pull it off in a way that feels so perfect for these characters and this film. I appreciate the author stays true to the essence of Rogue One, but isn’t afraid to adapt the film’s plot for the purposes of making this trope work. It builds an added layer of complication to an already complicated relationship and boy does it make for some fun and suspense and angst.

It occurs to her, very dimly in the back of her mind, that it would feel right to reach out and trace her fingers along the curving script, to see what her words feel like on his skin. She doesn’t.

Yet she does feel an odd sensation steal over her, like the not-quite-unpleasant ache in her shoulders after setting down a heavy load. It’s not relief, not entirely, but it’s something close.

Rec #5: If you’re in the mood for a fix-it, bed-sharing fic because hey this is rebelcaptain after all...

Title: we were secrets to keep

Author: mollivanders

Link: http://archiveofourown.org/works/9352454

Rating/Warning(s): Teen and Up

Word Count/WIP?: 3270 / No

Why This Must Be Read: This fandom is chock-full of fix-it and bed-sharing fics but this is definitely one of the best. beautiful, flowing writing style that captures these two broken souls in such stark relief.

She's not sleeping, for one. Not sleeping well, at least, judging by the dark circles under her eyes and the way her shoulders are slumped.

His training also whispers to him that everything in her file suggests she's about to run, about to disappear, and he tries to shrug it off. (Still, the thought nags at him like an open wound.) So when she knocks at his quarters that night and slips inside, he doesn’t protest as she curls up next to him. She’s warm and solid against him, and he hasn’t been this close to her since Scarif. He doesn’t ask questions, and he drifts off listening to the sound of her shallow breathing, one pounding heartbeat at a time. (They’ll figure out the rest later.)

Rec #6: If you’re in the mood for a college AU...

Title: you might just go under

Author: andromeda3116

Link: http://archiveofourown.org/works/9780254

Rating/Warning(s): Mature

Word Count/WIP?: 8076 / No

Why This Must Be Read: This is one of the best college AU fics out there. It captures that instant attraction between the two in a realistic way, and it features the rest of the Star Wars gang in a super fun way that truly does justice to all the characters.

Walking into the apartment (where, she could not stress this enough, she was supposed to be meeting two or three people for a study group after being on her feet all day behind the bar) was like walking unfortunately back in time, to the English department parties at Northeastern -- complete with the now-dated Lady Gaga music playing. Bodhi heaved a sigh when they walked through the door.

“I tried to wrestle the playlist away from Kay,” he said. “But he’s stronger than he looks.”

Rec #7: If you’re in the mood for an epic, action-packed fic that features the entire crew of Rogue One...

Title: floating, sinking

Author: shuofthewind

Link: http://archiveofourown.org/works/9053302/chapters/20596522

Rating/Warning(s): Teen and Up

Word Count/WIP?: 135568 / Yes

Additional Pairings: Chirrut Îmwe/Baze Malbus

Why This Must Be Read: With alternating POVs, this fic is a beautiful homage to the entire crew of Rogue One. So if you want something that features Bodhi, Baze, and Chirrut in spades while still doing justice to the beauty that is Cassian and Jyn’s relationship, then read this. The action and plot are just as substantial and important as the romance. It basically reads like another movie, and runs through A New Hope.

Jyn looks at the bedspread. She’s still confined to the sickbay, even though she could walk. There are guards on the door, Rebels in helmets. She can’t make out their faces, but they stop her when she tries to leave. If she wanted she could take them both out and vanish, but Cassian is in the next bed over, still kept sedated, and Bodhi wanders in and out when he needs quiet in this noxious jungle prison, and Baze is—untethered, is the word she wants. Baze is untethered. Chirrut is still hovering somewhere between life and death, and Baze is lost in space for as long as the question remains. She cannot be their fixed point, not the way they want—she isn’t a leader, for all she dragged them into hell—but she sees no point in leaving when they cannot come with her yet.

Rec #8: If you’re in the mood for a hilarious modern-day take on the friends-with-benefits trope

Title: I’ll Be There For You

Author: caramelle

Link: http://archiveofourown.org/works/9422429

Rating/Warning(s): Teen and Up

Word Count/WIP?: 4215 / No

Why This Must Be Read: This is one of the best modern-day takes on Jyn and Cassian I’ve read. It’s quite funny with Kay and Bodhi acting as kind of intermediaries or peacekeepers in Jyn and Cassian’s evolving friends-with-benefits relationship. This is such a delight to read, and characterizes Jyn and Cassian’s dynamic so wonderfully with her insecurities and his patient waiting.

Jyn scoffs. "I mean, at this point, they might as well just come out and say it to my face, right?" She drops her voice into a low imitation of Chirrut's stately drawl. "'Jyn — no one cares about your feelings.'"

Cassian snorts. "Well, to be fair," he says conversationally, "everyone's still on the fence about whether you actually have feelings."

Rec #9: If you’re in the mood for a historical AU...

Title: Resistance is Built on Hope

Author: ChronicOlicity

Link: http://archiveofourown.org/works/9079141/chapters/20644807

Rating/Warning(s): Teen and Up

Word Count/WIP?: 117509 / Yes

Why This Must Be Read: This is the rebelcaptain WWII AU that you’ve been waiting for. The author has done a marvelous job of adapting all the elements and characters of Rogue One to this historical time period with great pacing, dramatic, action-packed scenes, touches of humor, and the most beautiful simmering romance between our favorite spy and unwitting rebel.

For Jyn, that was a measure of trust. A feral animal wouldn't let another see its wounds — Cassian knew that firsthand. Battlefield instincts powered Jyn, no question about it, fight-or-flight instincts drawn even closer to the surface than anyone else he’d seen before. Dangerous and unyielding and all the more compelling for it.

More than that, Cassian was beginning to see her hunger. Not the appetite that Kay was constantly complaining about, but a kind of visceral need, elemental and nearly irrepressible. Now and then he caught glimpses of it behind Jyn’s eyes, in the stubborn set of her shoulders, the flash of something — like the electric shock from a fleeting, triggered memory — when she was caught by a seemingly innocuous scene. A picture of a lone child. Two, three figures disappearing into the snow, without a backward glance. A plane taking off and vanishing into the sky. Pieces of a puzzle, and Cassian had them in his hands, but in many ways, Jyn Erso was still as much an enigma to him as she’d been the day they met.

Rec #10: If you’re in the mood for a glimpse of domesticity for these two...

Title: That Would Be Enough

Author: mosylu

Link: http://archiveofourown.org/works/9272258

Rating/Warning(s): Teen and Up

Word Count/WIP?: 782 / No

Why This Must Be Read: Cassian and Jyn rarely get quiet moments, and this is a short but sweet look into them enjoying something approximating domesticity in the midst of the war. Well-written dialogue and bed-sharing FTW!

On Echo Base, Jyn and Cassian shared a bunk. Or to put it more accurately, they both had a bunk that they could sleep in on the rare occasions they were planetside, and it just happened to be the same one.

The both of them planetside together, at the same time, for more than a few hours (days, Jyn had said, awed, when they compared schedules, at least two, multiple) was like finding a kyber crystal rolling around on the snowfield outside.

Rec #11: If you’re in the mood for an EU fic set 20 years in the future during The New Republic...

Title: the road that sets into the sun

Author: lyin

Link: http://archiveofourown.org/works/9268955

Rating/Warning(s): General

Word Count/WIP?: 5189 / No

Why This Must Be Read: This is a poignant look into what these two aged warriors would feel like in The New Republic. While it draws heavily on EU canon, it is not necessary to appreciate this beautiful rendering of how these two have given so much to the cause.

There are names written in the lines of his face. Jyn doesn’t even know them all, but she knows Cassian thinks they deserved to live more than him, that the universe plays games with the life of men. That Cassian has always thought he had a righteous cause, but has never thought himself a righteous man. That the cause is slipping from his grasp.

Rec #12: If you’re in the mood for a funny, fluffy one-shot...

Title: flight lessons

Author: ignitesthestars

Link: http://archiveofourown.org/works/9276590

Rating/Warning(s): Mature

Word Count/WIP?: 1044 / No

Why This Must Be Read: Jyn is all kinds of sassy, and it’s such a delight to read. This is a hilarious look at another mission that almost went wrong and some lovely Jyn/Cassian and all of their feelings to boot!

“Ah,” she says, and the breath turns into a shriek of agony as white-hot pain lances through her body, and really, dying doesn’t seem like all that bad of an option right now. Except for the part where it will probably piss off Cassian and make K2 happy, and there’s a lot that Jyn is willing to do just to ruin that droid’s day.

Rec #13: If you’re in the mood for some seriously beautiful angst...

Title: where my caution should be

Author: rosaxx50

Link: http://archiveofourown.org/works/9822866/chapters/22055765

Rating/Warning(s): Teen and Up, Major Character Death

Word Count/WIP?: 1237 / No

Why This Must Be Read: Poignant, heartbreaking, and oh-so-poetic. This shows the beauty of their connection post-Scarif while also demonstrating the natural consequences of war.

I am glad you're here with me, he says, or she says, or both. Their hearts beat in time, slow and restful.

The plans stream across countless stars. He chooses to believe, because she does, that somewhere, someone listens to the greatest difference he has ever made to the galaxy. Their names will turn to dust like their bodies, but this legacy will live on.

Rec #14: If you’re in the mood for sassy K-2SO...

Title: The Genre Does Not Support This

Author: nymja

Link: http://archiveofourown.org/works/8977609

Rating/Warning(s): Teen and Up

Word Count/WIP?: 990 / No

Why This Must Be Read: K-2SO being K-2SO while Cassian and Jyn must act like normal human beings without copious amounts of UST between them. Fluff and humor while everyone is still so in character FTW!

“I have decided to be proactive,” the droid responded primly.

“Proactive? For what?” Jyn leaned forward in her chair. “Sexual tension will increase mission failure by approximately 12.95%.”

Rec #15: If you’re in the mood for a tragic modern-day AU...

Title: Emergency Contact

Author: randomdreamer101

Link: http://archiveofourown.org/works/9541490

Rating/Warning(s): General

Word Count/WIP?: 3420 / No

Why This Must Be Read: Post-divorce, modern-day Cassian/Jyn is just as tragic and heartbreaking as you thought it would be. This is the last in a series, and I haven’t read the rest of the series yet, but this fic really captures brilliantly, how, even in a modern-day setting, Cassian and Jyn’s relationship has the potential to be very complicated and not at all easy.

“This is not exactly what I'd imagined meeting you again would be like," she says.

“What? You in critical care? Me holding back your hair while you vomit into a bin? What part of this scenario is lacking in romance?” Her mouth twitches. “The hair-holding was sort of romantic.” “Oh, I beg to differ," he says. “Well, I’ve always preferred life-threatening situations to flowers and chocolates.”

Originally Posted At: http://het-reccers.livejournal.com/1104941.html

[theotherscarmanthewoman]

Series 2 Episode 1: NOT THE BEES!!! (and other stories)

Susan, decked out in dungarees, goes to check the fault locator, which has indeed located some faults. And HOLY KLAXONS BATMAN, the Tardis doors are opening! The Doctor yells for everyone to close the doors, which they finally manage to do; the Doctor mops his brow. And oh phew, they’ve just landed. Ironically, for this serial, the Tardis miniature they use for such shots is entirely appropriate. Ian is rather sweet with his Space Bro and swoops over to check he’s ok; the Doctor asks Ian not to bother him. He orders Susan back to the fault locator, and when Babs (reasonably I think) says that at least they seem to be all right, he tells her off for being childish, and seems fixated on the fact that the doors opened before they properly materialised. Rude. When Ian and Babs want to know what the big deal is, the Doctor is frustrated that they are ‘talking on the 20th century level’ and is making a big song and dance about being terribly misunderstood. At this point, Susan pops up to tell her grandfather there isn’t a fault anywhere…which I wouldn’t find comforting at all given that it didn’t say anything was wrong in The Edge of Destruction either. The Doctor doesn’t take Susan’s word for it and goes off to check it himself; Susan looks pissed off, as well she might. Ian and Barbara are disgruntled, but then they remember that Susan actually knows stuff about how the Tardis works, too; after an unflatteringly long pause, they ask whether she can maybe translate the Doctor’s cryptic bullshit for them. Susan just knows the most dangerous moment is at the point of materialisation, and that the doors have never opened like that before. The Doctor returns from double-checking Susan’s work and has also come to the conclusion that no harm has been done. He doesn’t apologise to his granddaughter for doubting her abilities but he does apologise to Barbara, and it makes me realise just where Moffatt and Gatiss got Sherlock’s modern-day personality from:

Gifs by cleowho

Clearly I’m not the only one who remembers The Edge of Destruction in this serial—specifically the epic tongue-lashing Barbara gave the Doctor the last time he was being a tool. Also, this is adorable. Anyway, Susan turns on the scanner to see where they are, and BOOSH! The scanner explodes. How ominous. Hilariously, Ian suggests the Doctor might need a new tube, which I realise will mean nothing to anyone who grew up with an LCD telly display. I, however, have a Dad who is a massive nerd and who enjoys explaining these things to a less-than-captive audience. Just google cathode ray tube. Anyway, the shock of the explosion has apparently caused the Doctor and Barbara to do a spot of clinging for mutual moral support, and the Doctor speculates that the way the screen blew out was like something was too big for its frame. Which is gorgeously imaginative I have to say, but I would’ve thought that if (spoiler alert) they have been shrunk (oh come on, everyone knows the basic premise of this one) the picture wouldn’t be too big to fit in the frame because that’s not how the telly works.

The upshot of this is that they don’t know what’s waiting for them out there; formerly unwilling adventurer Barbara Wright suggests they go outside and look. How quickly they grow up. Susan opens the door, and the Doctor advises the team to exercise caution. Ian lags behind so the Doctor can tell him, man-to-man and all that, what made the doors open. The Doctor says the space pressure was too great, technobabble-technobabble, and that the strange thing is that they all came out of it unscathed; he looks positively delighted at the fact that he hasn’t a fucking Scooby what’s going on. Outside, Babs reckons they’re in a mountain pass or something. The Doctor wonders why the scanner couldn’t just show them that, and Ian suggests the only thing wrong with the ship might be overloading on the scanner circuits. Yeah, Ian, because a science degree from Earth in what I’m going to assume is the late 1950s really qualifies you for diagnosing faults in a dimensionally-transcendental space-time travel machine. Far more so than, y’know, SUSAN, who can only co-pilot the bloody thing. Babs and Susan are busy examining the rocks, and the Doctor (who is swishing about in his cape like a pro) calls Ian over to confirm something a bit more in his comfort zone, namely whether they are in fact looking at cement. Anyway, the Doctor suggests that he and Barbara go exploring one way, while Ian and Susan go the other way. Whether it’s because the Doctor’s bagsied Babs or because, as has been established in previous episodes, Ian has developed an entirely rational fear of splitting up, his reaction is priceless:

Ian agrees on condition that if they see anything, they’ll ‘sing out’; Team Barbator (for this is what I shall call them) agrees. The Doctor just can’t get over this rock, but is rudely interrupted by Barbara, who has found a huge snake that is quite obviously a giant earthworm. Because they made Barbara really, really dumb in this serial. And that angers me. The Doctor, however, is utterly delightful, and assures Barbara that the ‘snake’ is dead with gleeful morbidity:

Well, he’s not wrong. They go out of shot, clinging…obv. Because they are ludicrously cute together. Meanwhile, Ian and Susan are commenting on how hot it is and discovering giant, pill-shaped eggs…AND A DEAD, GIANT ANT. (Though if Ian thinks this is a fantastic size, he should wait until he gets to Vortis.) Ian has a weird little Freudian aside about worker ants who would rather give their own lives than abandon the eggs (broody much?), while Morbid Susan speculates as to the swiftness of the ant’s tragic demise. With almost Snape-like delivery, Ian wonders aloud ‘what sort of a world…could produce an insect…THAT SIZE’. Elsewhere, Team Barbator has found the other end of the ‘snake’, which the Doctor pronounces a giant earthworm; if it weren’t for its size, he could swear it came from Barbara’s world. Well. He also reckons this maze of passages suggests a brain behind it all. How mysterious. Meanwhile (again), Susan has been counting the dead ants, because of course; they’re all about them, everywhere. Then they come across something ‘really baffling’—an enormous picture of a seed packet. And the address is…NORWICH! Which means they’re on Earth! Ok, I’ll actually stop to analyse this bit, partly because I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone this excited about Norwich who isn’t Stephen Fry, and partly because this is how Ian reacts to the possibility that they actually made it home. He has a gorgeous little fluttery moment to himself but immediately starts talking about something being very wrong. Maybe they’re in a crazy exhibition where everything has been increased in size…which is plausible, tbh. Perhaps it’s just lazy writing, but I choose to believe that actually being faced with the possibility that their adventures are over has made Ian realise he doesn’t want them to be over. That’s my headcanon and I’m sticking to it: it doesn’t feel wrong because there’s a scale issue, Ian, it feels wrong because you’re not ready to go home yet.

Meanwhile, the Doctor has found a giant and obviously manufactured wooden object…which he knocks over. He and Barbara cling to each other because of course. Babs spots the charred end of the stick, and the Doctor realises it’s a matchstick. Babs corrects him—it just looks like a matchstick; but no, the Doctor is convinced it actually is a matchstick. And Babs still doesn’t get it. Which is stupidly out of character because of the two humans Barbara has consistently been the one who, when faced with a new reality, however ludicrously improbable, has just gone with it; she was also the one who had the imagination to translate the Tardis’s attempts to communicate in The Edge of Destruction. But no. This serial, Babs is unimaginative and slow. And makes really stupid choices. I can and will defend them in the context of her character development if I must, but mostly I think it’s just shitty, shitty writing. We cut back to Ian and Susan, so that we can prolong the obvious reveal. In fairness, it is called Planet of Giants, which suggests that they might have landed in Space Brobdingnag, but enough already. They have found a matchbox. So obviously Ian climbs inside, still sticking to his exhibition story. But Susan—who, thank Zarquon, actually gets to know stuff this week—tells him he’s completely wrong (yeah Susan!) and that they have in fact been made smaller. With dramatic music. Which I thought I recognised, because lo and behold this is the first episode with incidental music by Dudley Simpson! It sounds so very Four.

Cut to the Doctor and Babs, who repeats ‘smaller?’ with some incredulity. I’ll give this serial gender points for making the smart/stupid divide a Gallifreyan/human one rather than a male/female one, I suppose. Anyway, they’ve been reduced to roughly the size of an inch. ‘AN INCH!?’ repeats Ian, back in the matchbox. Wow this back-and-forth parallel conversations thing is annoying. I suppose it keeps the pace up, but because they’re doing it as live, it’s not quite as snappy as it ought to be and just feels laboured. There are a lot of awkward pauses. The Doctor confirms with Babs that this applies to them and indeed the ship; Babs gives him her best ‘FUCKSAKE’ face. Ok so I said I could defend this from a character development point of view even if I remain of the opinion that Babs tends to go with stuff while Ian staunchly refuses to accept things that go against his notion of what is scientifically possible. These humans have been through a lot. A LOT. They’ve accepted that it is possible to travel in time and space, and that time travel has rules, and that anything goes in space. I think their unwillingness to make the imaginative leap whereby they have been shrunk in size has a lot to do with where they are: home. Home has rules which they think they know, and here they are trying to come to grips with some Gulliver’s Travels-style shit that makes a mockery of the familiar. To paraphrase Babs from later on in this serial, her complaint is that it’s just so fucking ridiculous. Anyway, there’s a fantastic zoom-out shot from the model Tardis which is of course the model they use for (de)materialisation shots all the time only this time they can actually plonk it in the middle of some Crazy Paving:

The Doctor tells Babs they ought to reassemble the squad and get the hell out of Dodge; Ian, meanwhile, is flatly refusing to believe the truth as related to him by a superior mind (Susan). I must say I’m enjoying how much Susan gets to tell Ian he’s wrong this week. Though the pseudo-science of the doors of Tardis opening and the space pressure shrinking them does sound pretty daft. But I don’t care, because Susan is well and truly back in the game this week. Thank the Whoniverse. But oh what’s this? A shadow passes overhead, and thunderous noises…er…thunder. Ian tells Susan to run, and fails to exit the matchbox. We return to the usual scale as a passing human picks up said matchbox from the ground…with Ian inside! I have to say, the continuity is pretty bad here, as the matchbox is clearly much further away from the seed packet in the normal scale than the giant scale, and is really far away from the Tardis. Also, the matchbox and the seed packet are ON THE GRASS at ground level rather than in the cracks in the pavement, which is where Team Tardis is meant to be according to the giant sets, so Ian and Susan would have a clear view up to the house if they’re supposed to be standing by the matchbox. I mention this only because the Borrowers-style sets are so gorgeous and actually convincing that it’s enormously disappointing when the unshrunk world doesn’t match up with it. Also, has the human left his briefcase lying on the ground all this time, or did he put it down to pick up the matchbox? Argh!

Anyway, Susan emerges from behind the seed packet to find the matchbox has gone, and immediately hollers for Barbara (because of course), and Babs appears from behind the seed packet, too. She cannot have been that close-by or OH what’s the use. Sorry, I know there are constraints, and I am the first to appreciate the many difficulties of filming ‘as live’ in the 60s, but it annoys me when so much effort has been put into creating the spatiality of the giant world of the miniaturised travellers and it’s undermined by that one half-assed shot of the normal-sized world. Susan has hysterics and Babs cuddles her (possibly to muffle the noise), and the Doctor with SUPERB Billy nonchalance supposes someone must’ve picked it up. Meanwhile, in the matchbox, William Russell is doing ‘being flung from side to side’ acting like he’s in that episode of Brideshead Revisited where they’re on a crazy choppy sea cruise. The man with the matchbox sits on a chair and mops his brow; Ian massages his shoulder.

Ian stuck in a matchbox forever may be my greatest technological achievement to date.

Back in the pavement cracks (SUPPOSEDLY), Susan is quite literally climbing the walls. As in The Reign of Terror, she is too much of a short-arse to see over the parapet, so Babs volunteers, only to be told by the Doctor she’ll only hurt herself and that he’ll do it. Even though he is shorter, older, and frailer than Barbara. Fucksake. Barbara’s half-lifting him up, and there’s some gorgeous squabbling between the two of them as she asks him whether the man's got the matchbox or not. Irritatingly the Doctor seems to be the only calm one of the three as he insists that they must find Chesterton before getting back to the ship. Which is endearing when you think how far the Space Bros have come in terms of the Doctor no longer being willing to leave a human behind (possibly he know Babs would skin him alive if he did) but Susan in particular is being a panicky mess. DESIST. The man with the briefcase has a cat, and is about to reach for a match to light his deathstick cigarette when a lighter hoves into view, attached to a man who is clearly a wrongun. (Also, is this the first time a character has lit up on Classic Who? I’m going to say yes.) Anyway, the briefcase man is a sciency government guy (I think) called Mr. Farrow, and he’s been testing a new something called DN6, and has called the wrongun (whose name is Mr. Forester) to talk about it. To cut a long story short, DN6 is an insecticide, but unfortunately it’s not just effective but totally destructive and will wipe out pollinators and generally cause eco mayhem. Which the scientist who worked on it (Smithers!) apparently missed whilst working on it. CLASSIC WHO GOES ECO AND I’M LOVING IT. Ahem. But Mr. Forester is a businessman who has already put all his dosh into marketing DN6, and if it can’t be made, he’ll be ruined. He also doesn’t give a shit about the bees. And doesn’t take the word ‘can’t’ for an answer. Even when Mr. Farrow burns him good:

TAKE THAT, TRU-…I MEAN FORESTER. Having told Forester that DN6 is an eco disaster waiting to happen, Farrow now wants to take a boating holiday on the rivers of France (I mean really) but is stopped in his tracks by FORESTER PULLING A GUN ON HIM. SHOCKER! Back in the trenches, a dead bee drops out of the sky and almost brains Susan. The Doctor starts imagining what human versus bee would look like in a world in which they were the same size. Weirdo. He prods the dead bee, then sniffs his own hand and comments on the distinctive aroma of all the dead things he’s encountered so far. These are all things that will bother me immensely in the coming episodes because continuity. Susan comments on the indiscriminate nature of whatever’s killing the insects, and Babs asks the Doctor whether whatever’s killing everything could also kill them; the Doctor says they’ll have to assume so, and that nobody is to eat or drink anything until they find Ian. 'BOOM!' A cannon-like noise sounds from on high. And OH CRUMBS, poor old Farrow is the first smoking casualty of Doctor Who, and has been rather bloodlessly shot. At this point, Ian pokes his head out of the matchbox, and clambers out.

Back in the maze, Babs wonders what would’ve happened if they’d met any live giant creepy-crawlies. The Web Planet AMAZING TELLY is what. Meanwhile, Ian is striding across a screen showing dead Farrow’s enormous face. Rather than seeming concerned that he’s staring into the eyes of an enormous corpse, he gets out his handkerchief to measure the scale of the destruction. Then there’s a rather puzzling time jump, or else we’re supposed to believe that the squad has been reunited in the time it takes for a cat to scamper across the floor, because now everyone’s catching up. The Doctor can smell gunpowder; superderp Ian reckons that would explain the body. DERP. The Doctor sits on a piece of chalk the better to observe the giant corpse; Babs observes that there’s death all around them, continuing her morbid streak. Everyone’s less concerned about the human murder than the bees and worms, which is refreshing and makes sense at their size. It also makes sense given how many random deaths they've witnessed, possibly to the point that the humans are now desensitised to human slaughter. Babs asks the Doctor (not Ian) to confirm that killing bees and worms is wrong, which he does, just in case we forgot that this is a show to educate the youth. But enough of that; the Doctor suggests they leave ‘this little mystery’—by which he means murder and the indiscriminate slaughter of local wildlife—and fuck off back to the Tardis, pausing to note only how it’s actually worked out pretty well for them that everything’s dead. So very, very Slytherin. But OH MY GOODNESS LET’S ALL CLING! Because the cat has returned…and it’s either very close up or ENORMOUS.

WILL THE PACE PICK UP? WILL THE SCALE ISSUES RESOLVE THEMSELVES? WILL THE DOCTOR GROW A CONSCIENCE AND ACTUALLY GIVE A SHIT ABOUT THE ECO STUFF? WILL BARBARA REVERT TO AN UNEARTHLY CHILD-STYLE BURYING HER FACE IN IAN’S TEACHERY JACKET AT THE FIRST SIGN OF DANGER AS SHE HAS DONE IN THIS CLIFFHANGER, OR WILL SHE SHOWCASE HER SENSIBLE AND PRACTICAL BADASS NATURE IN THE COMING EPISODES? WILL SUSAN GET TO KNOW MORE SCIENCY THINGS? WILL ANYONE ACKNOWLEDGE HOW SHITTY IT IS THAT THEY’RE HOME BUT THE WRONG SIZE?

Summary (as applicable to this episode) Does it pass the Bechdel test? Yes but fleetingly. Is the gaze problematic? Nope. Is/are the woman companion(s) dressed 'for the Dads'? Nope. High necks and dungarees all round. Does a woman fall over/twist her ankle (whilst running from peril)? Nope. Does a woman wander off alone for the sole dramatic purpose of getting into trouble so she can be rescued later? Nope. Is/are the woman companion(s) captured? Nope. Ian, however, is sort of captured insofar as he is carried off in a matchbox. Does the Doctor/a man companion/any other man have to rescue the woman companion(s) from peril? Nope. Is a woman placed under threat of actual bodily harm? Not until the end, when everyone is menaced by a cat. Ian and the guy who got shot are mostly getting hurt. Does a woman have to deal with a sexual predator? Nope. Is/are the woman companion's/s' first/only reaction(s) to peril gratuitous screaming? Yup. And clinging. Does a woman companion go into hysterics over something reasonably minor? I think Susan's reaction to Ian having 'disappeared' is a little off, given that she's the one who worked out they'd been shrunk so surely she also ought to have twigged that someone picked up the box.

Is a woman 'spared' the ordeal of having to do/witness something unpleasant by a man who makes a decision on her behalf/keeps her deliberately ignorant? No, though Ian seems to think it might be one of those situations judging by how he takes the Doctor aside before exiting the Tardis. Does a man automatically disbelieve or belittle something a woman (companion) says happened to her? Yes ish, as Ian refuses to believe that Susan and he have been shrunk. Does a man talk over a woman or talk about a woman as though she isn't there? Not enormously.

Does the woman companion have to be calmed/comforted by the Doctor/a man companion/a man? Yup.

Is a woman the first/only person to be (most gratuitously) menaced by the episode's antagonist(s)? Nope.

Is a man shamed into doing/not doing something because the alternative is a woman doing/not doing something? No. Though the Doctor does take it upon himself to climb a wall he's least suited to climb because the alternative is Babs doing it.

Does the woman companion come up with a plan? No. Well, Susan comes up with the 'let's look over the wall' plan, but there's not really a plan this week except 'find Ian and fuck off', and that's the Doctor's plan.

Does the woman companion do something stupid/banal/weird which inspires a man to be a Man with a Plan? No.

Does a woman come up with a theory and is it ridiculed by the Doctor/a man? Yes. Barbara is worried that the Tardis is going to blow up and is ridiculed, and Susan's theory about having shrunk is flatly disbelieved by Ian.

Does a woman call the Doctor out on his bullshit? No need this week as the Doctor apologises for his bullshit before Barbara can take him to task for it, but there are some very endearing squabbles between the two.

Does a woman get to be a badass? No.

Is the young, strong, straight, white male lead the person most often in control of the situation? No.

Is there past/future/alien sexism? It's the present day, so N/A. 

Does a 'present'-day character call anybody out on past/future/alien sexism? N/A. Does an past/future/alien person have the hots for a woman companion and is it reciprocated? N/A.

Did a woman write/direct/produce this episode? No/No/Yes.

Verdict

I love the ideas and the eco stuff in this episode, and I love the sets, but for some reason this serial isn’t quite working for me so far. It’s really slow, and so are the characters, with the exception of the Doctor (and Susan to a lesser degree when she’s showing Ian his wrongness). The bits where it’s great are where the actors are building on the relationships the characters have forged in previous serials (Barbara and the Doctor squabbling is the best), but it’s not really in the script so much as the acting. I like that Susan gets to know stuff this week, but she’s right back to shrieking at stuff and only gets to be smart when the Doctor’s offscreen. I think one of the main things that bugs me about this episode is that this is the humans’ world. Ok, so they need the Doctor and Susan to explain that they’ve been shrunk, but this is the only thing about this time and place they don’t understand; to be asking the Doctor to explain things about their own world to them (like bees being necessary to the ecosystem and all that) just makes the humans seem dumb. And surely Ian as a Science teacher ought to have more to say about all this. And nobody cares about the fact that there’s been a murder! Though as I say, this may be part of a disturbing character development arc whereby the humans are gradually becoming desensitised to violence, or have like Barbara realised that they're pretty-much surrounded by death at all times. All in all, too much has gone into making it look gorgeous (which it absolutely does) and the concept of an insecticide that kills indiscriminately (which I think is a great issue to be tackling in the show), and the character development has suffered. Let’s hope it picks up next week.