#Disclaimer for the dudes that don't get the joke:

[erineas]

HELL YEAH, LET'S GOOO

Question for Boysen:

Could I get a copy of his dating handbook? For research purposes, of course.

[newwavesylviaplath]

you think hugh is gay? why? he could be bi but there’s no way his marriage to Deb was fake

OKAY STARTING OFF WITH THIS DISCLAIMER!!! i know hugh has denied all gay rumours + it's generally frowned upon to speculate on the sex lives of celebrities HOWEVER i'm nothing if not a little morally ambiguous

so for the sake of me not wanting to get cancelled - this is all jokes!! i'm just being silly take everything i say with a grain of salt

i don't think his marriage to deb was fake or just a cover up because 27 years is a long ass time to spend in a loveless marriage, and from what ik about deb she seems like she wouldn't put up with that - ESPECIALLY because when they first got together she was the more famous one so it's not like she married him for his money

in all honesty hugh gives me very much bisexual vibes and some of the 'theories' on why he might be into men lowkey make sense to me so i wouldn't be surprised if he's screwed dudes before. i'm not gonna lie to u guys i think most people in hollywood are swingers and tend to fuck around with one another which is why i'm not taking these cheating rumours very seriously (that along with the fact it's usually common for people to be separated for a significant amount of time before actually getting divorced, so we can't really tell if there was actually any overlap)

overall i don't actually know these people i have no idea what they're lives are really like - everything i say is speculation. again, when it comes to famous people being a gossipy bitch is something i take a lot of joy in and will happily do on here with all of u guys but at the same time i'm able to recognize these are real life people ill never meet and it's important that u guys recognize that too.

[odd-kid-42]

Listening to the post-s1 Talking Dads, and I swear Brennan Lee Mulligan needs to come into contact with Anthony Burch. They need to both be waiting on a crosswalk and Anthony can sigh wistfully about how he never asks players what they imagine as the long-term arcs for characters because he 'is actively playing against them'. I whole-heartedly think Brennan "I believe in railroading players to allow characters to grow in the directions I as DM and the player see fit while keeping the game interesting" Lee Mulligan could advise on the kayfabe.

It is just so obvious that they are operating off a false understanding/self-imposed rule about how D&D is supposed to work that doesn't actually help storytelling and DM-player satisfaction. Like, idk guys! I feel like you can talk about intentions without ruining anything. It's not like Dimension 20 is suffering under Brennan's approach to storytelling. He has a whole podcast about it.

[tgcg]

an open fly walking

i didnt like this one but i thought id finally air it out since its been sat in my folders for months now

TG: hey karkat

CG: YEAH?

===

TG: you ever noticed you like

TG: walk weird

CG: WOW, OKAY.

CG: HAVE *YOU* EVER NOTICED THAT I DON'T GIVE A SHIT?

TG: pff

===

TG: no listen because i got my ears scoping that shit im like a scouter for dude activity

TG: ok maybe me mentioning it to you is gonna fuck up your ecosystem or something but

TG: you have the heaviest feet of the century man

CG: I DO???

TG: just thrust them straight down into the ground like youre trying to homebrew a san andreas fault

TG: viciously tamping on tectonic plates hoping for top score on the richter scale

TG: waging war against solid particles and the basic flow of gravity

TG: i could ID those footfalls out of a million i mean it

CG: SERIOUSLY?

===

TG: i mean theres nothing wrong with it but

TG: yeah

CG: I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU'RE FUCKING WITH ME RIGHT NOW.

TG: im not fucking with you striders honor

TG: when have i ever lied to anybody about anything

CG: NOT UNPACKING THAT QUESTION WITH YOU TODAY.

CG: BUT SHIT, HOLD ON. LET ME SEE.

TG: yeah take the umbrella go over there and just walk to me

CG: ON IT.

===

===

TG: see you just kinda slam em straight down dude

CG: THIS IS THE WORST DAY OF MY RIOTOUS FUCKING JOKE OF A LIFE.

TG: dont your feet ache

===

CG: MOOT POINT. THIS MIGHT SOUND INSANE BUT I'VE ACTUALLY HAD MY STRUT PODS FOR A WHILE. ANY KIND OF PAIN THIS WOULD'VE BEEN CAUSING WOULD BE TOTALLY FILTERED OUT OF MY SPONGE BY NOW AS BACKGROUND NOISE.

TG: damn i didnt think that through

TG: my shades

CG: ALRIGHT, GET BACK UNDER THE SHITTING UMBRELLA AND THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU'VE DONE TO ME.

TG: look ive fucked myself over here too i dont have shit to clean these with

TG: ugh

===

TG: guess its karma

CG: HOLY FUCK. HOW DID I NEVER NOTICE THIS BEFORE?

TG: i dunno but im gonna assume having a dad thats a literal crab monster is probably a contributing factor

TG: im guessing thats not a great role model for this kinda thing

TG: just conjecture i mean

CG: YOUR ENVY IS OVERWHELMINGLY OBVIOUS DAVE. AS A DISCLAIMER, HE WOULD'VE ABSOLUTELY KICKED YOUR ASS.

TG: yeah probably

CG: THAT'S PRETTY MUCH ALL THERE IS TO SAY ON THE MATTER.

===

TG: but see bro had me stringent on feather feets

TG: i bet i could slip across a bike horn warehouse with nary a fucking toot

CG: HAHA. ASSUMING YOU DON'T MAKE A TOTAL ASS OF YOURSELF, AS PER USUAL.

CG: IF YOU WEREN'T CONSTANTLY RUNNING YOUR GASH ABOUT EVERYTHING AND BEING AN INIMITABLE CLOWN I SERIOUSLY THINK YOU COULD BE ON PAR WITH YOUR CUSTODIAN.

CG: THAT IS A MONUMENTAL "IF".

TG: well look at it this way

TG: im basically doing you all a favor by being a dumbass

TG: never gonna get caught off guard by the bozo patrol

CG: WOW. GOOD POINT.

===

TG: also screw this can i use your shirt

TG: this stupid hoodie is just smudging my lenses up

TG: i cant see dick

CG: UH

CG: SURE, I GUESS.

TG: cool

===

TG: so yeah i could be prowling around like a goddamn verbal assassin sniping convos left and right

TG: but no ive got the decency to go bunp in the night

CG: YEAH.

CG: IT'S DEFINITELY COMPOUNDED BY THE CONSTANT INANE RAMBLINGS.

CG: BUT

CG: IT'S ACTUALLY PRETTY RELAXING, Y'KNOW? IT HAS ITS OWN RHYTHM.

TG: see yeah i sound it off and

===

TG: wait really?

CG: YEAH

CG: I DON'T KNOW

CG: FUCK. HOW DO I EXPLAIN THIS WITHOUT WANTING TO CRAM MY FROND DOWN MY PROTEIN CHUTE.

===

CG: IT'S LIKE

CG: A SALVE FOR MY AGGRAVATION SPONGE.

CG: YOUR VOICE IS THE HUMAN EQUIVALENT OF ASPIRIN.

TG: uh damn karkat hold your hoofbeasts i was talking about the rhythm thing

CG: ALRIGHT, THAT'S IT. I'M TAKING US BOTH THE FUCK OUT RIGHT NOW. YOU HAVE REACHED THE BAD END OF THIS CONVERSATION.

TG: you think thatd be heroic or just

CG: IF I WAS STILL GHOSTING AROUND THE RUINS OF SGRUB'S ARCANE FRIGGIN GAME SYSTEMS, THE COMPLETE LACK OF SHIT AFOOT NOWADAYS WOULD BORE ME TO DEATH.

CG: LIKE. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME OUR THERMAL HULL LEVELLED UP, DAVE?

TG: hah

===

TG: but uh

TG: i mean we had aspirin on earth

CG: NO, NUMBNUBS.

CG: I'M SAYING YOU ARE MY ASPIRIN.

TG: oh

CG: YEAH, TAKE THAT TO THE BANK AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR 20-KARAT ASS.

===

TG: heh

TG: well get this

TG: i will literally talk at you forever for free

TG: you got lifetime priority seating for the davealogues

TG: never gotta go to the drugstore again you can just get doped up on my dulcet tones for the rest of time

TG: take that and some of this

TG: im packin punches

CG: OW, FUCK! NO! MY MIGRAINES!

CG: SWEEPS OF VEINCLOTTING AND NERVEFRAYING DOWN THE FUCKING GAPER. BECAUSE OF YOU.

CG: YOU ASSHOLE, THIS IS THE WORST THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED TO ME.

CG: AND YOU'RE LAUGHING.

TG: chuckle up it only gets worse from here

===

CG: BE HONEST WITH ME. DID FONDLING MY SHIRT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET EVEN DO ANYTHING?

TG: barely but yknow sometimes you just gotta deal the cards youre given

TG: ill just be astigmatic for a while its cool

CG: PFF… OKAY MAN.

[teojira]

[Dance with The Devil] [movie!Shadow x reader headcanons]

Summary: a collection of random headcanons/small scenarios based on my "Click Click Boom" post for Shadow!

Word count: 1.5k

Disclaimer (1): Harkness scale people, he is of age and can consent and is sentient. I'm allowed to want to kiss the hedgehog.

Disclaimer (2): This can be read as Romantic or Platonic! Though I did write it to be implied romance.

A/N: Yall asked for more, who am I to deny the people (I imagine kissing him every second of the day). I tried to hit a lot of asks all in one to give eveyrone what they asked for! I hope y'all enjoy! Reblogs and comments are super appreciated and motivate me to write more <3

˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗

Shadow is so extremely overprotective of you, borderline to an unhealthy agree but is it really when you're welcoming to it??

You, by all means, shouldn't encourage him. He's one of the strongest beings on the planet. He can't just make threats, God knows if he'll act out on them.

You can't help but let it happen though, a warm fuzzy feeling deep in your chest clouds your judgment for a few moments. Knowing that Shadow sees you as someone worth protecting, of caring for.

˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗

Shadow baring his fangs at Sonic and fucking growling is new though.

"Shadow did you just- did you just fucking growl?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Sonic was just trying to hug me dude, relax.'

"He'll get his scent all over you. No."

Shadow turns his back on you, so he misses the blush that overtakes your entire face.

He has an inkling though, if the strangled cry from your throat is any indication.

˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗

Riding ! With ! Him !!! He takes you on drives all the time, it helps him clear his head and it's his way of asking for physical contact without giving you idea, feeling you against his back and your body pressed up against his does wonder for his mental health, he'll purposefully take longer routes and side roads at night to keep you close.

˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗

If you fall asleep on the couch, Shadow isn't gonna curl up with you, but he's next to the couch, head propped up against the arm rest as he watches over you. He's well aware he could just teleport you both to your room, but you look too peaceful :( and he knows he takes up all your time and energy, so he rather let you rest.

˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗

Shadow always walks behind you. It's a nervous habit. If he wanders behind, he has the perfect view to scan for threats.

You go to tell him he's being paranoid, but stop yourself. The last person he cared for died, the girl who gave him a purpose. You shut your joke down fast, shaking your head when Shadow raises an eye bridge at your expression.

"Do you want to hold my hand?" You go with that instead.

"Absolutely not."

˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗

Please god can you imagine shopping for him, getting his leather jackets and what not bc he fucking deserves it, especially when you nervously claim that he needs the correct gear for riding his motorcycle and he hits you with:

"That's useless, I can easily chaos control if need be."

BUT HE DOESN'T RIDE WITHOUT IT EVER !!!! You even got it monogrammed, and he runs his thumb across it often, scoffing at himself when he realizes, snatching his hand away.

˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗

Shadow likes to be useful, even though you tell him again and again that he doesn't owe you anything, he doesn't listen.

˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗

If you wear makeup and ever fall asleep in it, you can't ever seem to remember if it was you who took it off, your memories jumbling up together to the point you're not sure.

It was Shadow, he knows you don't like showing others your bare face, which he thinks is ridiculous as shit, he likes you as you are, whether with makeup or bare, you're you.

Please I could cry imagining him so gently taking a makeup wipe and rubbing small circles to get that waterproof eyeliner off of you, eyes laser focused into his task. I'm gonna throw up.

˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗

In the colder months, he's susceptible to being more mellow and relaxed. Despite being the ultimate life form and having fur, he still gets cold and hates the feeling.

This brings me to the fact that bro steals your blankets, he has no remorse and will walk right into your room to take your heated blanket. He's an asshole.

˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗

Fully believes that nicknames are stupid and that they don't matter, the best he's gonna do for you is call you by your first Intial (ex: Teddy = T) It's rare that he'll do call you by it regardless, but beggers cannot be choosers.

˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗

Getting matching bangles to match his inhibitor rings!! Makes him go stupid for a second, brain computing that oh??? You want to match him?? He's gonna tease you, but when you threaten to just take them off, he immediately goes quiet.

˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗

The subject of being sick came up often in asks, and he struggles really hard with it. It's not obvious, but if you look closely, his quills are pin straight, and he's easily more agitated.

He's not mad at you, it's not your fault, it's just that seeing you curl up into bed brings back so many bad memories of when Maria has flare ups and couldn't leave her bed.

It made him feel useless. His whole reason for being was to help cure illness, maybe not the common cold. He's aware of that, but the point remains.

Shadow gets more docile, even going to ask Maddie what to do. The woman offers to come over and take care of you instead, but Shadow shuts her down quickly. He's more than capable, and he's a little overprotective.

"Are you sure? I don't mind, I don't have anything going on."

"That isn't necessary."

"But it might be better if it's m-"

"I can take care of them."

It's hard to argue with a 5ft hedgehog that can easily snap your neck, so she regents and hands him over some cold and flu medicine along with painkillers and vaporub and instructions. He looks so silly with all of it in his arms, Gatorade, water, the medicine, some food, but it warms your heart. You haven't had anyone really look after you when you were sick, always left to fend for yourself, so it's nice.

˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗

For my period havers, I am on mine, so this made it in:

Shadow using his hands as personal heating pads for your stomach or the small of your back, you can't seem to remember where you put your heating pad so he sits there with you and just, shoves his hand onto your skin, it's added comfort due to his fur.

"Oh my god, that feels good."

You groan into your pillow, curling up into a ball, your back facing the ultimate lifeform.

"Is it really that bad?"

Shadow hums, moving to ever so slightly knead the skin, smirking to himself when you damn near moan at the feeling.

"You know damn fucking well it's that bad."

Shadow snorts.

˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗

Once you're both closer, he allows you to touch him alot more, so long as you ask him first if you can run your fingers over his quills, he finds it soothing, it's common to find you both on the couch, fast asleep together with the TV set to come true crime YouTube video.

Sonic takes a million pictures, to which he sends to Shadow later. The black hedgehog doesn't say anything, but he secretly saves each one.

˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗

Speaking of the others, you try and force him to spend time with team Sonic to varying degrees of success. Mainly the success being if you will also be there and be by his side. The team likes you well enough, always playfully telling you that they can handle Shadow if he ever hurts you.

Which gets them Shadow staring them down, his eyes lighting up as a warning.

You'd think they'd learn that this man doesn't play when it comes to you, but they're a bit stupid.

˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗

When it comes to any insecurities you may have, he shuts that shit down IMMEDIATELY, you think it's because he genuinely doesn't give a fuck, but no, it's because he cares about you and will logically tell you facts. Does it help? It's varying, but he still tries.

Issue with your weight. He doesn't care. Are you healthy? That's all that matters. He's strong enough to lift you up, and he'll demonstrate it on you if need be. He doesn't know who put it into your head that there's any issue with it, but he'll fix it.

"Shadow, can I ask you something?"

"Go on."

"Does my weight ever bother you?"

"I am not like human men."

˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗

You're insecure about talking about your interests/hyperfixations? He actively will sit down and listen, eyes intense as he takes in every single word you're saying. He'll nod and hum, but his ears are flicked towards you, and Shadow will ask questions pertaining about the characters.

The motherfucker is healing you slowly but surely, mentally and sometimes physically.

˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗

No one thinks that Shadow would be a good companion and will make jokes offhandily that they're sorry that YOU'RE stuck with him, and you don't correct them. They don't deserve to know him.

They don't get to know how the lifeform curls up next to you on his bad days, seeking your affection.

The hedgehog who helps you dry the dishes after every meal with a way too focused look on his face.

The Shadow that always cracks dry ass jokes in hopes to make you smile after a long day.

It's your little secret, and it's one you gladly keep to yourself.

"Oh, he's stuck with me." You wave them off with a smug smirk on your face.

˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗

[obizenyukii]

top 10 obizenyuki moments (+all of the honorable mentions that i almost picked bc these three are too much .) DISCLAIMER: these are my opinions and also i talk a lot. <3

under the cut bc this is so long oh my god

number 10

THIS PANEL OF THEM BEING SO AT PEACE RESTING BY EACH OTHER'S SIDE. OBI DEEP IN CONTEMPLATION AS HE WATCHES OVER SHIRAYUKI AND ZEN. THEM SLEEPING SO SOUNDLY BECAUSE THEY CAN LET DOWN THEIR GUARD AROUND HIM. I'M FINE.

every time i see this panel i just feel so happy. they belong together.

number 9

needless to say you'll miss the young miss, but you'll be lonely without me too, i bet. this entire conversation . obi saying this as a light joke but also because he knows how much they both mean to zen. obi searching, in a way, for a reassurance that he /is/ needed and wanted as well, since it's so obvious that shirayuki would be. zen's response. this is a moment that shirayuki isn't physically in so i bumped it down a few places, but it's still so meaningful for the ot3.

number 8

obi longing for zen and telling his bestie (zen's gf, who he's known for also occasionally longing for) about it casually under the stars (and saying he'll say that to zen under the stars) . i know what you are .

this moment is absolutely iconic and one of my personal favorites <3

number 7

ot3 date <3333 the entire next chapter is just a bunch of cute moments of them (honestly could have had like 300 pics on this post if there wasn't a limit). them spending time together, goofing off, having fun and enjoying each other's company. give me 10 more of these dates please.

number 6

whenever i reach out my hand, you would grasp it?

the most iconic trio of all time you will not change my mind. this moment being an unsaid promise between the three of them to always come back to each other . lay me to rest

number 5

THE FACT THAT YOU'RE NOT DASHING OVER TO HER RIGHT NOW IS ALL THE ANSWER I NEED. THE TRUST. GOD. SHE CAN HANDLE HIM. I'M ON THE GROUND.

this moment is not as talked about (at least i haven't seen much of it discussed) but it's SO important to me. so much is being said without needing to spell it out. obi and zen keeping watch from afar, content in each other's company but also making sure shirayuki is in their sight. this is so romantic to do under the stars . they make me unwell. i need a vacation

number 4

obi and shirayuki always keeping zen in their hearts no matter what, despite him wishing not to weigh on them. this also touching on zen telling obi he wishes the title he gave him won't be a burden to him. the bond they have is highlighted so beautifully here. it's pure love <3 i'm sick to my stomach. /j

(& the bonus of obi and shirayuki seeing zen off together and looking at his retreating figure fondly. this is so romantic . i'm crazy .)

number 3

the iconic whenever i'm with you two it's always like this ;^;; <3 obi's love towards these two started to take root here. you don't understand because it's love dude . you don't understand because you were never attached to someone like this. you never had a home to come back to, never had the acceptance and understanding you have in them. dumbass. (said fondly)

it's okay, he learns it later <3

number 2

zen, furiously questioning obi and shirayuki on their health, making sure they're fine, and finally pulling them into a hug. his relief to have them safe and healthy in his arms. them realizing how worried he was . this is probably the most iconic obznyk moment and is a contender for n1 for sure, it was tough choosing between the n1&n2 moments ;; . god this moment. zen's "that's the most important thing" . don't talk to me i love them

number 1

the iconic line that is also my ship tag, if it's for you and mistress, i'm willing to go anywhere </3 this moment was what solidified the ship for me when i was only an anime only (shudders) slowly getting into the fandom. the anime was enough but this entire chapter had me setting my house on fire (joke). the brainworms never stopped. the entire chapter is so crazy ot3 but this moment is my favorite and overall the message/highlight of obi's resolve & his answer to zen's questions. it also showed more than any other moment obi's love & dedication to shirayuki and zen. shirayuki isn't even in this scene but it's still my favorite ot3 moment in the manga so far <3

and now, some honorable mentions. these following moments were all contenders for top 10 bc obznyk is so good. also these are not all of the obznyk moments in the manga ofc. there are many that i couldn't find in my screenshots and tried to find skimming through the manga but failed lol. these are just some classics/faves.

zen's iconic heart eyes

pretty early on in their relationship development, zen liking seeing them together ;;

zen being so happy around obi and shirayuki ;-;

zen introducing himself as obi and shirayuki's companion <3 it's just spelled out at this point lol

zen's heart eyes pt 100, if this post didn't have a limit i would've posted so many more of these

shirayuki and zen fretting over obi and then spying on him (while obi knows and is having the time of his life stringing them along) because he was seen with a pretty lady

it's like a part of me is always by their side <3 <3 <3 this would've been n10, but it's now the official number 11 moment

shirayuki and zen putting their full trust in obi to the point of fully letting their guard down, and obi realizing that for the first time, he's wholeheartedly wanted.

zen and shirayuki being the obi detection/protection squad <3

there's so much more. i love them so much <333333

[amityahasfanartnowapparently]

That Time Fox's Fat Tits Saved The Galaxy - Chapter 8 - Amity Ax - (INTRO ONLY)

Hello! Chapter 8 is still very very VERY much in progress, but I got inspired to release the first two pages early. Think of it as an early holiday present :D

If you'd rather save it for when the whole chapter is out on ao3, DON'T look under the cut ;)

Also DISCLAIMER: this intro is liable to change at some point while I'm editing everything else. And consider all the tags in my fic applicable to this post too. You've been warned.

DroidBoy6969:

ok, like, I get why everybody is talking about the tits. I really do. don’t get me wrong, they’re great tits!! but that ass needs some appreciation too! Just LOOK at it! the MUSCLES, the ROUNDNESS, the TIGHT AS KARK PANTS—it has EVERYTHING

TallMannSpotted:  @DroidBoy6969 YESSS I want to be those pants <3 <3 <3

whats_love090992:  @DroidBoy69 if this is a non-tits appreciation post, I’d like to give an honorable mention to the arms and back. Hot damn. I want him to pick me up and snap me in half like a 2x4. And that v-line in the front… *chef’s kiss* Perfect. Phenomenal. Breathtaking.

xXx_R4nc0rD3str0y3r_xXx: @DroidBoy6969 get out of here butt boy this is a tit-man only site!!!!

[See 21938451 more replies]

Unfortunately_YourMother:

everyone unfollow me right now this is going to be the only thing I’m gonna post about from now on. fuck. shit. Ohmygawdzzz

kenobis_glistening_abs444:

HUGE W for the war effort that this absolute UNIT be out here serving the people, if u know what I mean ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° )

KittyqueeN:

No joke, I just clocked out for like an hour watching this guy run on repeat. the kriffing bounce is like… hypnotic. Literal drool down my face rn. I can feel the heft of those bonkers in my SOUL

dontlookatme.:

b…boobies…

cock_expert_420001:

Look, I’ll pay any amount, PLEASE more content like this @TheRepublic. I could feel myself becoming roughly 50% more patriotic just watching this compilation

ZDprofessional:

YESSS YES YES YEEEAAAS!!! OHHH MY GODS. OH MY GODDSSS BROOOOO!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!! YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH I ALSDGJDkjfifherALSDGJKHAG GRRRRRR!!!!! GRRRARRAARRRGRGRG! BRGRGRGRaaaAAAAAARRAR!GGRRGAA! I’M CRAZZY IM CRAZY IM CRAZY. YOU HAVE NO IDEAA YOU HAVE NO IDEA!!!!!!! sorry ok. I’m normal now. cool tits.

NautilaRulz:  @ZDprofessional Dude.

TiLeavesComments:  @ZDprofessional somebody get this fine gentlebeing some water. they’re about to die of Thirst

RyurayguYuhahyrrararr:  @ZDprofessional rabies core

[See 103020 more replies]

H00tH00tMutherfarker:

I can’t believe this is real. What are they FEEDING this one to make knockers like that??? He’s got some Enormous Boobs. Absolutely Perfect Pecs. A Rockin’ Pair of Hooters. A Prize-Winning Set of Black Melons. Some Tasty Teats. A Couple of Family-Sized Milk Jugs. Some Bountiful Baps. Some Gorgeous Gazoingas…[read more]

JustSomeGuy:

Listen, I get that everybody is horny about this, but I’d like to say that this trooper is like, actually NUTS. I went back to the OG video and timed it, he was in a dead sprint for like a full HOUR. The next time you’re out of breath climbing the stairs, remember this man’s existence and weep in shame. 

NotMyOrder:

Clones really do be built different…

Drgahamne14156994:

Hello, I’m Dr. Garm Hamne. I’m a doctor from Corellia and earn 600k annually. I’m looking for a sugar baby who…[read more]

TheCommenterrrrrr:

Screaming crying throwing up I need him to choke me

FoShadeDingKing!!:

Damn where do I gotta go to spend the night with one of those

RRoller:

This is fake. You bantha-brained morons are falling for a government plant. This has sphotoshop written all over it.

N3varG0naGiv3:  @RRoller It’s OK bro, just count backwards from 10 while you inhale the copium. It’ll be over in a snap :)

U_Up?:  @RRoller because that’s what I’D do if I was trying to sphotoshop a government-approved thirst trap into looking so good it brainwashes the minds of millions. I’d make the trooper running laps in the back of the vid busty enough to belong in an art museum instead of using editing magic to make the group of buff, sweaty men duking it out in the foreground look like living gods. what a totally reasonable conclusion you’ve come to 

Nvr_Gn4_Letudwn:  @RRoller bruh just grow up and admit you wanna fuck him so bad it makes you looks stupid XD

[See 348079 more replies]

[iagi-san]

Kvothe is ambisextrous (bisexual) but he hasn't realized yet, an essay:

Okey, so this is my delulu shit and you can go with me or against me I don't care. Here we go:

Disclaimer: The author is totally cool with that idea so don't think that it couldn't be canon, because it COULD.

First, HAVE WE SEEN HOW OUR BOY TALKS ABOUT SIMMON?! Like dude, you have a gigantic crush on your mate, we get it. The only time the word "I love you" is written in the whole books is directed to Simmon from Kvothe. He says that they argue like newlyweds. When Simmon is reading that poem Kvothe makes the point to describe how handsome is Simmon. When he returns to Imre Simmon says that he is dating Fela, Kvothe makes a monologue on how Sim is the perfect boyfriend and he is just a turd (this boy as zero self esteem at his core)

Second, at the begining of the second book, at his first encounter with Denna, he gets jealous because that gentleman is really hot and has a lovely voice and it's totally unfair (we get it kid)

Third, all that bit pre-adem with Tempi, that boy got a crush on Kvothe and there are so many scenes when it could be turned out as a slow romance lol (they would be so cute as a couple)

And last, we get to his relationship with Bast. Patrick himself has joked multiple times that they are couple, or at least that Bast has a MASSIVE crush on our innkeper lol. So Kote and Bast own together the Inn, what two other men have an Inn? Exactly, Deoch and Stanchion who are a polyamorous couple and is where we discover the word "ambisextrous" that casually Kvothe knows and no one else among his friends (has he looked it up on the Archives? I totally can see our young Kvothe searching more info about his feelings)

Getting back with Bast, he is a Fae, a pansexual satyr nonetheless (pun intended), their chemistry doesn't go unnoticed among readers, specially the tenderness (that scene with Bast singing a lullaby to a wounded Kote), care (how he stitches him up and swapes his injuries althought Kote says that it's not necessary) and how he talks to him and about him to Chronicler (that bone chilling oath he makes towards his master).

At his own Kote sees Bast as someone a bit immature and who is like a child, I don't see quite romance on his side but who knows, he treats him with a lot of respect and care to not hurt his feelings.

Finally, my take is that Kvothe may not be as straight as he portrays himself to be and I'm desperate to read more fics with that in mind.

Thank you for coming to my TED talk

[lowkeyrobin]

monty x reader where the reader is apart of the dead boy detectives (ghost from maybe the 50s or 60s?) and he flirts with them instead of edwin and it’s the whole “what do you mean he was flirting with me?? he was just really really nice???”

ooo yeah sure!! ; I also decided to make the ghost time period accurate as much as I could so 🙏🙏🙏 ; but omg thank you for requesting!! hope you enjoy

MONTY FINCH ; he's just really nice

summary ; youre completely oblivious to montys flirting

warnings ; language

disclaimers ; z/s = zodiac sign

word count ; 488

masterlist

"Oh, hey, Y/n!" Monty smiles, standing up from the bench he sat on. He'd spotted you with your friends, Crystal, Niko, Charles, and Edwin, as you were coming back from another detective-y mission.

"Hey!" You grin, picking up your pace to reach him quicker.

"I got you that reading." He hands you a book, inside is a paper, a circle in the middle, with lots of writing and colored lines. "Like the outfit"

"Oh, thank you!" You smile, looking down at your dark blue bell bottom jeans and orange sweater. "I keep it time accurate here." You joke, a hand over your chest, resting dramatically as you hold your head high.

Your friends stand behind Monty, waiting for you to come along at the end of the block.

"I don't even know where to start. There's a lot going on here, dude." You awkwardly chuckle, looking to him for an explanation to his diagram.

"Okay, uh, let me explain"

The four awkwardly wait for you, now realizing that you were clearly going to be here for a minute. They weren't going to leave you alone on the street, though, knowing a witch and that damn Cat King were running around wreaking havoc.

"This is kind of..."

"Adorable"

"Wasteful"

Crystal lightly slaps Edwin. "Shush."

Edwin rolls his eyes. "This is wasting our valuable time. May we leave now?"

"Nope" Charles replies, muttering, eyes stuck on you two. "Look"

The other three look over at you and Monty, listening in as they silence themselves.

"You're really attractive, I mean, that's obviously a/n z/s thing, clearly," He awkwardly smiles.

You feel your face warm up a bit as you cross your arms. "Thanks"

That look.

Jesus Christ, Edwin would die over and over again to have Charles look at him like that.

Monty looked at you with full adoration, like he'd never met anyone so beautiful, inside and out. He looked at you like angels sang on your shoulders, like you were an altar to God.

The girls turn back to the boys.

"They're so in love with each other," Niko grins.

Crystal nods beside her.

"We need to get them to just" Charles squeezes his hands. "Kiss already"

"We'll devise a plan, then" Edwin replies. "They're quiet oblivious already, I doubt they're actually thinking he's flirting with them"

"We could force them to be alone together?" Crystal suggests. "Lock them in a room, or make them sit down with each other and get the romantic tension flowing?"

"That's brills"

"Nothing cushy"

You catch up to your friends, having said goodbye to Monty, as he had places to be. "Sorry, I'm back! What're you talking about?"

"Oh, nothing," Crystal swiftly replies

"You realize he was flirting with you, yes?" Edwin asks

"Huh?"

"He was flirting with you. Monty"

"What do you mean he was flirting with me? He's just really nice" you shrug

Edwin sighs. "I told you"

[flowerbloom-arts]

I suppose you could say they're a... Match made in hell........ (Design from Treehouse of Horror XXV, s26 ep4)

(Over-analysis of ChalmSkinn under the cut.)

Disclaimer: I know I'm overanalyzing silly gags and concepts from a silly animated sitcom that in its current state has what one could only describe as a rough approximation of continuity (and that the spooky anthology episodes in it are non-canon). Just let me exercise some media literacy for a bit.

Okay so like... What is it with Skinner, Chalmers, and being a two-headed creature? What is that meant to represent?? Once is a gag made in humor and twice is a little eyebrow raising, I think.

And it's not like they're using this as a gag because they have a kind of antagonistic relationship and it'd make for easy bickering jokes, it's actually the opposite! These representations of them with a shared body happen as a representation of them getting along!

ChalmSkinn Productions is their own production company that they originally used to submit films to the Sundance festival, and that episode was one where they got along the most, by far, as the two had a shared goal in being successful in the film industry.

(please ignore the video play bar at the bottom, thank you)

Now, the logo for the company when it got introduced as a concept was very different, it was a globe where Skinner and Chalmers' heads would spin on its surface (though, one could argue it's still their two heads attached to one thing which is roughly a similar idea to the shared body thing), but the association still applies. The company is the result of their two heads joining in an amicable way.

Demon ChalmSkinn (that's what I'm gonna call them) on the other hand is extremely fascinating to try and deconstruct into something of thematic implication.

They are... Technically not Skinner and Chalmers themselves? But they are a parallel version of them in this hell school dimension that Bart and Lisa discover and it's full of other demons that parallel characters from Springfield Elementary, so Demon ChalmSkinn might as well be Chalmers and Skinner for the purposes of this Treehouse of Horror segment.

And, given the vague idea of what Seymour Skinner and Gary Chalmers' relationship is like, you would expect the writers, when sticking their heads on the same body, to make them bicker, right? Have the Chalmers head yell at the Skinner had for some reason?

... They don't do that! They don't bicker at all! In fact, they are very much in sync in a non-hivemind sort of way, they don't interrupt eachother and they seem like very pleasant dudes in general (well, except for the part with they skinned Bart, that was a little uncool).

It's like... What are the writers trying to say with this, specifically? It almost feels like the fact they get along well is the joke.

You expect them to not get along? Well, they do. Their relationship in the regular world is so bad that it's better in hell.

And that's weird, right? If that's the joke then it sure as hell (heh) doesn't feel like it gets acknowledged as a joke. Why avoid such an opportunity for easy jokes? It clearly has to be some deliberate representation of something about their relationship, right? Why do they get along more when they're conjoined than when they're apart?

Maybe, just maybe this is saying something about the inseparability of Gary and Seymour, that they are unable to truly break apart from eachother and are actually far more miserable for it. No matter how many times Chalmers fires Skinner or plans on firing him or just gets annoyed at him for being a spineless kiss-ass around Gary, there's just no severing them. Perhaps a commentary on the status quo nature of the show.

One of my mutuals also suggested that these two would actually be happier if they were together instead of apart, that being stuck together makes them more whole and pleasant than just the sum of their parts.

Their relationship has been characterized by this great, invisible divide of some sort, where a blurry amalgamation of admiration and desperateness clash with an apathetic no-nonsense attitude. If they could just somehow bridge that divide and come to a deeper understanding of eachother then... they'll be happier for it, and maybe they'll be... Together. And inseparable.

If the episode Road to Cincinnati is of any indication, their relationship seems to be heading for a dynamic shift, almost definitely a positive one. Now that Chalmers finally sees Skinner as more earnest than placating, maybe we'll see a Chalmers and Skinner that will evolve into something more. Something metaphorically resembling that two-headed demon they are in hell.

[nezoriy]

List of "normal" things that always baffled me as a person on the aro/ace spectrum:

Disclaimer: A lot of this is based on the feelings and perception of my teenage self when I started to feel people around me were weird but didn't have the language or concept yet to understand what was wrong. So, give me a break if it sounds edgy sometimes. I don’t have the energy to sugarcoat every statement so it doesn’t offend anyone. If you're part of the mainstream and feel attacked by a random dude on the internet questioning things you find "normal," maybe ask yourself why you’re upset instead of coming for me.

1. "Love at first sight."

Even as a kid, this felt like a scam. I get friendship, and I can imagine love developing out of it. But for that, you need to know the person. You can't know someone instantly. So how on earth is this supposed to work? (The answer is, most ppl can feel sexual attraction instantaneously and it gets sold as love for the kids.)

2. Finding someone "attractive" = you’d like to fuck them.

I honestly was like 20something when I realized that actually yes, when ppl talk about someone, even celebs, being "attractive," they do mean they’d like to have sex with them and not just compliment them on their looks.

Like, I can honestly say that many of my friends, Cate Blanchett, and Hugh Jackman are "attractive." But to me, that’s like talking about a painting. Like, sure, Singer Sargent's Madame X is "attractive," but no one's trying to, uh, get it on with the painting… right?

3. The whole concept of dating (to find a romantic partner.)

So, you’re telling me people meet up specifically to see if they might develop feelings for each other when they don't have those feelings yet? 

Like, what even makes you say yes to a date if you don't know a person at all? (The answer is: once again, sexual attraction, obviously.) 

On the other hand, if you’re already friends with someone and just wanna see where it goes, why bring the flowers and fancy dinners into the equation?

4. Why people (especially women) would even risk sex back when it could have had major consequences for them

The list includes (but isn’t limited to):

Women before reliable contraception in societies where an unplanned pregnancy could be socially catastrophic;

Brothel visitors once STDs were known;

(Here’s the tricky one bc I myself kinda feel guilty for not being empathetic enough) gay people, especially men, in times and places where they could literally be imprisoned or executed for having sex

I need to be very clear here, this isn’t about moral superiority as I'm not feeling any, it’s about survival. Like, if sex could legit mess up your life, why not just… not do it? 

Yeah it's basically rip to “fallen” women but I’m different.

5. The culture of one-night stands, cruising, club hookups, etc.

This is still a bit uncomfortable in my head because this is a very prominent part of gay culture specifically, and I’ve always felt incredibly disconnected from it. But I can't edit it out.

Okay, so someone’s hot. I can maybe get that there’s a spark. But if you don’t know them… what if they open their mouth mid-action and reveal they voted for trump? Instant deal-breaker, my genitals are shriveling in terror.

6. The need to have a partner / actively searching for one.

I give it to you, if you vibe with someone, getting into a relationship may make sense. But actually, putting in effort to find one? For what? There’s so much other cool stuff in life!

7. "I haven’t had sex in five minutes/a month/half a year 😱😭" / jokes about dry spells.

Do you actually keep track of the timelines? So what if you haven’t? I get it, orgasm is great and all, but your hand still works, right? Why do you need another person for that? 

8. Imagining yourself in place of a person/character in sex scenes.

This mostly applies to fanfics but also “regular” porn. Even if the scene is hot, I don’t picture myself as any of the characters involved. Even if I'm aroused, I like it precisely for the characters in a specific scenario, I would only be a third wheel there. 

9. Sexual fantasies with yourself as a participant.

I really don't want to imagine myself in any sexual scenarios, neither with fictional characters nor with real people, even if I might have a crush on them. 

10. Cheating in relationships/marriage.

I’m not even talking about the moral aspect of breaking trust/violating the negotiated agreements; it’s the fact that someone "just couldn’t help themselves," “accidentally” had sex. Like, you’re willing to break an agreement, feel all the guilt, and go all secret agent-level to hide the thing because you… what, couldn’t keep it in your pants?

11. Extreme jealousy over sex.

Alongside the last point, I don’t really get why people make such a big deal about someone sleeping with someone else. Sure, it’s not cool to break agreements, and it’s a valid reason to re-evaluate the relationship. But just because they hooked up with someone else? Why is it such a dramatic deal?

(Spoiler alert: I’ve grown up to be poly now, who’s surprised xD)

12. The sexualization of women in media, ads, and the outrage from cishet guys about female characters wearing realistic armor instead of metal bikinis in their games now.

What do you mean, people actually like this and it works on them? Do people actually appreciate having half-naked women in their media? Seriously?

13. The priority of romantic relationships over friendships and every other kind of relationship.

From "got a partner, disappeared for two months from their friend group" to the whole idea that romance is inherently more "serious" or "important" than friendship. Why? Who made that a rule?

Okay, that’s it off the top of my head. Might add something later. 

[cuecrynsleep]

Ranking Amangela moments based on how much I freaked out over them.

Disclaimer: This is a joke and is made for fun. This tier list isn't meant to say anything on Amanda and Angela's dynamic, nor their character, or who they are as people. It's just a tier list based on what I think of them as a pairing for certain moments. Please do not take this seriously. Amanda and Angela are real people at the end of the day.

Written Out Text Version if Photos Unclear

Tier 1: "SOMEONE CALL AN AMBULANCE I'M NOT OKAY"

-Seals in another life

-Angela making Amanda a ring + "I finally get married to the person I belong with"

-Amangela playing a married couple 3 times

-Livestream affections

Tier 2: WHAT THE FUCK AMANDA/ANGELA

-Fake kiss #1/#2: Love is Blind Edition

-"I just fell in love with you" - Angela after Amanda's TNTL bit

-"What if we kissed/made out and went missing" x4

-"Quick before we go live kiss me" | "Okay"

-"Security guard I'd like to fuck" - Angela

Tier 3: OH! Oh. I don't know man that's kinda fruity

-"Put us on top of each other" / "Dude both pants are off." - Board AF Legacy

-(Amanda talking about not talking about something bothering her for a whole shoot week) "Then again sometimes I just see Angela and I'm like 'hey' and I don't know what happens..."

-Competitive Amangela - Challenge Pit

-"We'll probably find our way back to each other" - Love is Blind 2

-New York x Toilet Girl Saga

-Tinky Winky and Detective Wheresmycoffee

-Physical affection Tapple video edition

-Reddit stories physical affection

Tier 4: They're so cute I might survive this.

-"She's a thankful person... I love that about her." - Angela

-"She knows me so well that she knows when I'm lying." - Amanda

-"You're killing it" - Amanda to Angela during her first Smosh video

-Amangela team duo during Incohearent games video

-"Angela tried to like watch the reunion with me." - Amanda

Tier 5: "Wait guys we swear it's just a bit."

-"But can you kiss me before you leave?" / "All I wanna do is go into hell and kiss your face." - Angela Board AF Legacy

-French Soldier x FBI Agent TNTL bit

-Physical affection blood clocktower games video edition

-Tinky Winky choking Detective Wheresmycoffee

Tier 6: This is just them at their normal.

-"Are you okay?" / "You have to trust yourself." - Angela

-"A soulmate can be a friend." - Agree to Disagree video

-"Aww Ange" - Amanda comforting Angela during Reddit Stories

[m00nsbaby]

Moon system as Venom hosts.

. . . x Spider-reader. (Disclaimer. Venom ooc, inspired in the movies so it's kind of a angry puppy, lol.)

Steven.

"What the fuck?" You had punched hard things before, but apparently, the huge black slime with eyes was getting the better of you.

With a thud on the ground, you assumed it might be time to seek an alternative because you were sure you heard your bones crack.

You closed your eyes, just for two seconds.

"Oh Gods, are you oka…" You didn't let him finish; you threw one last punch with all your might.

Something cracked beneath your hand, in fact.

"Bloody fucking hell!"

When you snapped back to reality, the giant mass was no longer in front of you, only a guy taller than you, lying on the ground, holding his nose.

"Did I hurt you? Where did he…" "He's inside me."

"Dude… that's weird." What else could you say?

"You broke my nose." "Your pet broke my spine."

Before you could even react, you received another blow. It turns out the slime, and yes, you refused to call it anything else because you refused to accept that this thing adhered to the laws of physics or logic.

"Sorry, sorry!" You had just broken his nose, and he was still apologizing to you. "He doesn't like being called a pet."

At least, both of you were even, or something like that.

His hand was stained with blood after trying to clean his nose, but he still extended it to you, and you took it to get back on your feet.

All your bones cracked when you stood up. At least, your spider sense was calm, or maybe it was because he had broken that too.

You still distrusted when he explained the situation as if you were lifelong friends.

Maybe you were just getting dazzled by a pretty English accent and big brown eyes.

'I'm not arguing with him, whatever you say gorgeous,' you thought.

He kept talking. About headaches, stomach pains, hunger, Venom.

When you sat on the cold and slightly damp concrete to catch your breath, he did the same.

You didn't tell him that this usually wasn't done between "villains" and "heroes." In fact, you doubted he even had a concept of how those things worked.

While he babbled, you wondered if he had no friends, and that's why he was vomiting his most personal secrets to a stranger he had just fought with minutes ago, or if it was just easy to vent to you because the mask concealed all your facial reactions.

He was cute.

Even with the broken nose.

Cute enough for you to ignore the symbiote staring at you over his shoulder.

I mean, the slime.

"So, can I trust that you won't eat anyone?" And he seemed sad to hear you say that.

'Don't say it, don't say it, don't say it…'

"Do you want to exchange numbers?" His eyes lit up.

You took off the mask for him. You could almost hear, or perhaps feel, the strong beats of his heart when you did it. Was it nervousness or something else you weren't recognizing?

"I won't say anything, you know, uh… about this." "Of course, you won't, because I also saw your face." You winked.

Steven Grant, as he had introduced himself, had the oldest phone you had ever seen, yet you pressed each number on the keyboard several times until you managed to type your name, and he struggled with your broken touchscreen to do the same.

Venom called him an idiot when his gaze stayed fixed on where you left, with the mask on, swinging through the cold city.

Venom also called you an idiot, multiple times.

He was apprehensive with Steven, but who wouldn't be? With time, you discovered the innocent nature he had, almost seemed like a joke that an evil black slime resided within him.

Ah, the same one that almost ripped your arm off for calling him slime.

"He likes you, he just doesn't express emotions well…" "He hates me." "I like you." Your handgot stuck on Steven's shirt when you flustered.

And it happened again when he kissed your cheek a week later.

And when he finally mustered the courage to invite you on a date.

Was it responsible on your part? No, clearly not, but you were good with instincts, or at least, that was supposed to be included in the package, so as long as you didn't get bad vibes from Steven, you could enjoy your silly crush.

Venom was pure bad vibes, but you couldn't say much about him.

He never stopped hating you, not even when you tried to bribe him with chocolates.

Well, maybe he could handle his hatred when he forced Steven to take steps closer to you and finally kiss you when he didn't find the courage to do it himself.

Even so, when you called him slime again, he hit you again. "

Marc.

You enjoyed testing his patience.

Marc and you found yourselves together almost every night, against his will. You would use the excuse of keeping an eye on him, doing your 'superhero job' by making sure he didn't eat anyone.

And to his misfortune, Venom adored you, if such things could love.

Over time, you got used to even the strangest things, like when his huge tongue touched you because apparently, your body lotion was seemingly sweet.

It reminded you of a puppy. Giant, somewhat liquid, and with eyes that were scary.

You teamed up to annoy Marc, so he couldn't use it against you.

"Marc Spector!" "Don't you have any concept of privacy?" "Don't you have any concept of time? It's 4 am."

You were hanging from one hand as if it was nothing in front of him.

"I don't even want to ask what you're holding onto."

"It's magic, Marc."

A third voice interrupted. The symbiote. "Yes, Marc, magic." "I doubt you know what that is, parasite." "Maaaarc, don't be mean to him."

The symbiote wasn't even paying attention to him, as usual, it was more interested in forming an extra limb long enough to give you a little push, and you swung back and forth now, just a few inches thanks to these playful shoves.

Marc saw you a little closer and a little farther away.

He found it amusing that hanging from something taller was the only way you were at his height.

Or did he find it endearing? Perhaps a bit of both.

"Marc likes you." It blurted out as if it was nothing, and you, still blushing, smiled in a way that made the guy roll his eyes.

"I don't like you, he got the word wrong; it was 'hate.'" Who was he trying to fool? He wouldn't get away with it with you.

"Do you know what my spider-sense is saying?" "Some nonsense, I'm sure." "Nope." "Is it warning you about this?"

Yes, obviously, Marc tried to punch you, it wasn't the first time he annoyed you with that, but this time, he felt chills when you stopped his hand with yours.

It always happened. He never managed to land the blow.

You looked at him directly, he was used to only seeing the expressionless eyes of your mask.

True, you never revealed who you were. Were you going to tell him? Maybe later, perhaps next week, or the following, or next month.

Someday.

"Don't you have a city to protect?" "I protect it from guys like you." Thankfully, the mask followed the blinks and focus of your eyes so he could see your feeble attempt at a wink.

He always felt uneasy when you had to leave, and Marc always thought it was because of Venom and how apprehensive he was with you.

Or maybe it was the constant fear that one day, he would be one of the guys you stopped every night, like the time you two met.

You knew him well enough to know that he wasn't a bad person, and Venom's instincts didn't make him a… very big threat.

But would you see it the same way if he ever lost control?

"You want me to go, I get it." You tried to dramatize while your body turned with the agility of a gymnast, hanging upside down on the web, it would make it easier for you to climb the wall afterward. "Yes, that's what I want."

No, he didn't want that. His smile told you so.

"You prefer me to leave rather than admit that you like me." "You're unbearable."

They were face to face, and Marc could feel the 'other' watching from the outside. A monster with the curiosity of a child.

"I'll see you later, Marc."

He could hear your smile behind the mask.

"Spidey?" Your heart skipped a beat; he had never called you by such a 'affectionate' nickname before. "Uh-huh?"

Marc didn't say anything else; he just let Venom handle lowering your mask a few centimeters.

It tickled, you had never felt an area as sensitive as your neck.

You didn't mind.

"You finally shut up." The truth was, you were left speechless, with your mask up to the bridge of your nose, and your lips uncovered for him.

Just for him.

He kissed you, slow, soft, and savoring every second of the contact between your lips.

Internally, Marc prayed never to be one of your "guys." Never to lose control.

"Good luck." It was the last thing he said before giving you an extra short kiss and allowing the symbiote to adjust your mask once again.

Your lips and brain felt fuzzy for a few extra minutes after that.

You were no longer there to hear the way Venom tried to whisper, "That was good." To him; he definitely had to stop letting it watch those dramatic telenovelas.

The best part of this was that he had finally found a way to make you be quiet.

Jake.

Venom and Jake were the dream team.

It turned out that Mr. 'car expert' had fit perfectly with the symbiote, except for the slightly disgusting part of… ingesting things.

But other than that, Lockley knew how to use it perfectly to his advantage.

And on the other hand, it turned out that Jake also worked perfectly with you.

You had a deal.

Was it morally right? Ehh… Meh.

Sometimes, as a city vigilante, you had to simply accept that there were worse things, and if this part helped you protect more people, then so be it.

He helped you, well, Venom did. His strength was something you definitely needed on your side, along with the extra limbs since the spider bite gave you everything but a few more legs.

You turned away on the opposite side some nights, losing sight of the criminals who fell into his hands to feed 'the other.'

Also, in Jake's questionable business dealings. Nothing too serious.

"To your left." You obeyed, stepping to the left without even looking around. When one of the guys you were fighting fell forward, you were able to see what could have hit you.

This was getting ridiculous for both of you. Fighting ordinary people felt like staying in the minor leagues.

Hey, at least they finished 15 minutes earlier than usual, looking on the bright side.

"Good thing I was around."

His ego, always his ego, which made you roll your eyes. Both of you were in an alley, the one where you hid your things at the start of the patrol.

He suggested watching if anyone came while you put on the clothes that hid your suit in case there was someone awake in your house.

He had no intentions of doing it; it was just an excuse to spend time with you.

"When are you going to tell me?" The question every damn night.

"I add a month to the count every time you ask, Jake."

"That's not fair." The serious tone in his voice made you look at him. You tilted your head slightly.

"Eh?"

A step closer.

"That's not fair." He repeated. "It's not fair that you hide it from me when you know everything about me. Not when we are…"

Jake was always so calm that it was probably the most terrifying part, perhaps that's how he balanced Venom.

"We are nothing, Jake." Low blow.

Obedient to Jake's movements, two black, viscous limbs came out of him, lightly pushing you against the wall behind you.

Ugh, you hated the disgusting walls of the alleys.

A third limb sprouted while the others kept you against the wall. Jake was always rough with you, only physically, and it was only because he knew you could take it, that it never bothered you.

It was attractive. Dominant.

"We are nothing." You repeated and this time, he heard you smile under the mask.

Mistake.

The third limb went for the mask.

You didn't move from your spot; you didn't fight. You just lifted your chin to make it easier for him to remove the mask.

Jake was amazed when he could see your face. He dreamed about this so many times that he began to feel like his silly crush was turning into an obsession.

Now, it was justified.

The limb caressed your cheek; it almost seemed like an extension of him by the way it flowed with Venom.

"Surprise."

He didn't say anything, but the way he looked at you was enough.

Venom took care of bringing you closer until your body collided with Jake's, who looked down at you.

The chill that ran through you was almost similar to your spider-sense when it warned you that something was wrong.

Although with Jake, everything always seemed fine.

He rested his forehead against yours for a while, something he always did with your mask on. It was as if he was confirming that it really was you.

You waited for the kiss for longer than you'd like to admit.

And that idiot laughed.

You felt his breath on yours and chose to keep your eyes closed.

"We are nothing, huh?" His lips brushed against yours as he spoke. "I'll see you tomorrow then, cariño." It was the last thing he said before taking a step back.

All the Venom extensions that held you were gone, and suddenly he was gone too.

He left you in the alley with flushed cheeks, wishing more than ever to kiss him passionately.

Later, you would get revenge.

And yes, you couldn't stop smiling.

I'm revoking everyone's monster fucker permits according to how y'all react to jake using venom like that

[davenporttf]

Emascatine

Yo, what's up? My names Phil and I'm the quarterback for Boston College. Go Eagles! I love the sport and I'm stoked I get to play QB.

I gotta be honest with you though, I've been having a slump lately out on the field. I haven't been at the top of my game. I've been working out every day but no matter how much training I put in, I'm getting sacked left and right.

I stopped by a local vitamin shop to switch up my preworkout. I don't think this whey stuff is really giving me the boost I need, ya know? The guy at the shop seemed like he was into me. I caught him multiple times checking me out as I was walking up and down the aisles. Not that I care really, a compliment is a compliment but dude could be less obvious about it. He eventually took a break from creepin to ask me what I was looking for in particular.

I explained how I wanted to switch up my preworkout, and he said he had just the thing. It was this black generic bottle with the brand name "Hit Fit." The slogan underneath it said "It'll hit you the first time guaranteed!" I didn't recognize the brand so I looked at the active ingredient, Emascatine. I've never heard of it either but the guy at the shop said it was a new type of drug only sold through his shop.

I was weary of trying the brand but the prospect of fast results was exactly what I needed right now. I caved and decided if I didn't see any results, I'd return it later.

I stopped home and whipped up the preworkout shake and threw it in my bag along with the bottle in case one of the teammates needed some. I made it to the locker room just in time, and setup in front my locker. I took out my preworkout and took my first sip. It tasted like fruit loops which was a nice changeup from my last powder that tasted like crap. I took more sips and really liked the taste so I started to down it.

"So tasty!" my voice cracked as I said it. "You good Phil?" asked my teammate, Drew.

"I'm good, sweetie!" The words just left my mouth without a thought. My voice had raised several octaves and my face was as red as ever realizing what I said. Drew looked at me in amusement. "haha okay, babe" thinking it was a joke.

I refocus on getting dressed, and pulled on my compression pants over my jock. My skin felt so sensitive in the moment. The tightness of the pants felt so good on my legs. I rubbed my legs up and down feeling the spandex material stretch. I was getting aroused by watching my quads flex in them. My eyes were closed sitting on the bench while I rubbed my inner thighs. An inaudible moan came from my mouth as I felt my dick hardened.

What was happening to me?! I look over the Hit Fit bottle and notice a tiny disclaimer at the bottom. "Emascatine may cause side effects of heightened sensitivity, mood changes, sexual stimulation, and emasculation."

I snapped out of it long enough to feel my ass stretch the tights even further. My center of gravity shifted as my ass grew into a firm bubble butt. I tried to walk around but felt an itch coming from deep inside my ass. I braced myself with hands on the wall squirming to hopefully scratch the itch. I don't know why it felt so right in the moment but I started to shake my ass faster and faster side to side as if it were on display for my teammates.

Drew had taken notice, yelling over "Yo, Phil. What has gotten into you?!" They watched as I continued moving my ass in their direction. My teammates' demeanor changed the longer they watched. I could see their faces going from confusion to slight interest to lustful. My ass was hypnotizing and they could have stood there all day staring into it's fluid motion.

I loved the look on their faces and called over to them "Hey boysss! You like what you see?"

Drew smiled, "Damn, Phil. Why don't you come over here and we can do some team bonding?"

I thought he'd never ask. I let them line up as I got in position.

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Epilogue:

Coach says I need to take a step back from QB. Something about my performance not being up to snuff. I've been told I'd make a better water boy. I've really enjoyed it so far. I keep my boys hydrated as they take turns slamming my P-spot. Team morale has never been higher.

[foundheavenly]

Streamer!Gojo x M!reader where Satoru he's a famous streamer and you're his secret bf, he shows you on screen for the first time because his followers don't believe you're real <3

Thank you !

Disclaimer: English is not my mother tongue so please be nice.

Words: 800

Pairing: gojo x reader

Theme: fluff, comfort, secret partner, streamer

The camera's red light blinked on, and Satoru’s confident grin filled the screen. The chat window beside him exploded with messages as thousands of fans eagerly awaited his next move.

“Hey, guys! How’s it going?” Satoru greeted, his voice smooth and charismatic. The chat responded with an avalanche of excitement, emojis and questions. Today’s stream had a special energy, a buzz of anticipation that was more intense than usual.

“Satoru, is your secret boyfriend real?” one message stood out among the rest, echoed by dozens of others. It was the question that had been plaguing his fanbase for weeks.

Satoru chuckled warmly, leaning closer to the camera. “Alright, alright, I see you guys are still curious as ever. You really don’t believe I could pull someone, huh?” He glanced off-screen, his eyes meeting yours for a brief second, and your heart raced. You were laying on his bed and waited nervously for the big moment.

yourfavoritedilf: i bet you paid him it ain't real

Satoru frowned and recognized the username. "Shut up, Zen'in."

ihatemylifebro: he ditched his own best friend for another man.

Satoru gasped as he saw a message from Suguru. "Hey back me up on this dude!" He shook his head and grinned. “Okay, buckle up, because I have a surprise for you all.” Hesaid, his voice a mix of excitement and nervousness. “Babe, come here.”

You stepped into the frame, and the chat went wild. Hearts, shocked emojis, and disbelieving comments flooded in. Satoru slipped an arm around your waist, pulling you closer to him.

“Everyone, this is Y/N” he announced, looking at you with a proud smile. “My amazing boyfriend.”

yourfavoritedilf: ain't no fucking way this dumbass pulled a guy

“Hi, guys” You managed, waving at the camera. You could feel your face heating up, a blush creeping in as you read the whirlwind of reactions on the screen.

“No way!”

“He’s real!”

“They’re so cute together!”

“Prove it’s not a prank!”

Satoru laughed, his eyes crinkling at the corners. “You guys are hilarious. This is not a prank. Y/N has been my rock for a long time now, and I wanted to share a bit of our life with you all.”

He squeezed your hand under the table, a gesture of reassurance. You took a deep breath and smiled. “It’s true. I’ve been supporting Satoru behind the scenes, but now I guess you get to see me too.”

Questions began pouring in, and Satoru picked a few to answer. “How did you two meet?” one fan asked.

Satoru grinned at you, letting you take the lead. It was a pretty fun story. “We met at a gaming convention. I was cosplaying as one of my favorite characters, and Satoru happened to be there doing a meet-and-greet. I had no idea who he was at first. We just clicked, exchanged gamer tags, and the rest is history."

Satoru laughed warmly and kept his blue gaze on you. "Yeah, he totally played it cool. Didn’t even realize I was a streamer until later."

Chat: That’s such a cute story! Cosplay goals! What character were you cosplaying, Y/N?

You blushed and cleared your throat. "Oh, I was dressed as Tracer from 'Overwatch'. Satoru thought it was impressive because I made most of the costume myself."

Satoru leaned in and kissed your jaw. "And it was impressive. He looked amazing." He smiled and added, "he was also the one who beat me at my favorite game. That’s how he caught my attention, beside of being handsome.” He winked, making the chat explode with laughter and “aww”s.

As the stream continued, you both shared more about your relationship, from your favorite games to your inside jokes. The initial shock of your appearance started to fade, replaced by a warm acceptance from Satoru’s followers.

By the end of the stream, it felt like a weight had been lifted off your shoulders. Satoru turned to you as you both signed off, his eyes filled with gratitude and love. “Thanks for doing this, babe” he whispered.

“Of course” You replied, squeezing his hand. “I’m glad we can finally share this part of our lives with everyone.”

The screen faded to black and the chat slowly quieted down. Satoru leaned back in his chair, pulling you into a tight hug. “That went better than I expected.”

You smiled, resting your head on his shoulder. “Yeah, it did. They really love you. And us.”

Satoru kissed your cheek, a content sigh escaping his lips. “And I love you. Thanks for being real with me.”

You looked up at him, your faces inches apart. “Always, Satoru. Always.”

[blueberrypancakesworld]

Hi! Whatsup! I was wondering if you could write some headcanons or imgines about necrobutcher getting jealous cuz fem reader was talking with a guy and the guy was flirting with her but she didnt realise. Idk. Do smut,fluf idc tbh(dony do angst please)

Thank you

With love 👽

- Necrobutcher - Jealous Headcanon -

Warning : fluff/comfort, kissing, jealousy, some dude trying to flirt

Info : Thanks for the request dear anon love back 👽 so have fun reading and as always everyone else too :)

Masterlist

Disclaimer : I don't want to glorify anything, it's about the actors who play a role, not the real events.

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°It was a simple party and the black circle was invited and the band was paid extra to give a private concert. Nothing special, a few classic songs and afterwards there was as much alcohol for everyone until they could go to the comma.

°A simple but exuberant party in which Hellhammer was also present with his girlfriend who was on her way to get another beer for herself and her boyfriend. The people around her danced to the music and rambled around the house but she was glad it wasn't hers

°When she arrived at the bar, she was waiting for the two beers when she noticed someone next to her. ,,Hey beauty, here all alone?" Someone asked and she turned away from him a little, pretending not to hear him. But when she felt a hand on hers, she turned to him with a warning look.

°She didn't know him and he didn't know her, but he didn't seem to mind that he kept trying to get her around eventho she clearly not. At a moment when she was about to pull a beer bottle over his head, she suddenly felt a hand on her hip. Two arms wrapped around her and a kiss was pressed on her neck.

°,,Honey, is this guy bothering you?" Her friend asked in a feigned tone of ignorance and continued kissing along her neck. Necrobutcher loved to reveal what were actually romantic, loving gestures in bed to others. A sign that she belonged to him

°,,Oh yes?" the man opposite asked and wanted to reach for her hand, apparently he hadn't seen who it belonged to. Before Necrobutche gently pulled her back in one swift movement and tipped her beer bottle over the other's skull.

°The glass shattered on the head of the cursing man, who staggered for a moment before Necrobutcher called out ,,Goodbye!" to their mutual friends, the black tic only laughing, knowing full well what must have happened again.

°Her own smile could not be suppressed as he practically pulled her out of the party and towards his motorcycle. ,,My brave knight," she joked and received another kiss before they sat down on his motorcycle. She had seen the look on his face, had seen his lust and knew that as soon as she joined him, they would have fun.

°,,It's going to be a fun night," he cheered, revving the engine before speeding down the street towards his apartment. One hand on the steering wheel and the other on her thigh let out little creases and let her know that it was going to be a long and rewarding night.

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