#Diaries2019

[bex-tenebrous]

Everything isn't easy.

No, not everything is easy. People sometimes live in this mindset that if they begin something, with minimal effort, things will just HAPPEN. That might be true, but that isn't my story.

I'm a Kansas girl, born and raised. I have always had a love for gaming, and that wasn't always considered cool because I'm a girl. If you played a game with a group of boys, they considered you as a non-threat. It was rare to find a girl good at videogames. So, when I stomped them into the dirt at Mortal Kombat, Grand Toresmo, or Tekken, they would get angry and say I was cheating. So, my gaming circle consisted of me, my sister, and the neighbor girl.

My sister liked to play the fighting games, but she also loved Tomb Raider. Now, she didn't like the pressure of escaping booby-Traps, so she would throw the controller at me and say," Your turn!"

She was a really great shot though.

We also played a game called Trag, it's not well known, but the hours we spent laughing, and making fun of the characters was priceless.

My first Horror game was lended to me by a high school friend, Parasite Eve. That's a game every 9O's kid knows. The opening movie scared the pants off me! Never had I ever seen a rat, a dog, or woman, turn into such horrifying creatures.

My sister wouldn't play, she'd only watch. Mainly because when I'm under scary life and death situations, my inner comedian comes out full throttle. I could be dying horribly and laughing about it, I wish I had known how to record back then, I would have a lot more than 32 subscribers had I recorded that content.

The sad part is just that. I came from a poor family, my first Play Station was a PS One, the very next year, the PS2 came out. Most of my friends got it for Christmas, good for them. I didn't ask for one. My parents went out of their way to get me my first PS. So I enjoyed it. I Really did. Racing against my dad, playing F F 9, all moments I loved. We didn't have a computer until I was in highschool.

WHAT? It's true, when Markiplier and Pewdiepie were first making videos, I was getting my first laptop, and I didn't even buy it! A good friend of mine sent me the computer because I was moving out of my parent's house and he wanted to stay in touch with me.

Back then I didn't know how to put videos on Youtube. I didn't know regular people like me could do that.

It wasn't until I got my second computer that I started playing around with recording games, mostly WOW. Then I got third computer and ventured into editing, that was a learning curve. That's when I started really putting myself out there, but I didn't know what people wanted to watch. I'll still broke, trying to keep up with Mark, and Pewds was, well,... impossible.

I could only afford Free games. Yup, free. I'm still in that boat, only because I have a lot of health problems that get in my way. No money= little content to play with.

The fact that I have 32 subs is amazing! That's32 people who enjoy my content. I wish it would grow, but like I said, not everything is easy.

Maybe one day I'll have everything I need to make a big splash in the ocean that is Youtube, if not, I'll still have fun making videos for myself.