#Diane-Adélaïde de Damas Comtesse de Simiane

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Diane-Adélaïde de Damas, Comtesse de Simiane 1761-1835 Gilbert’s mistress and, after their romantic relationship ended, his friend for the remainder of his life. In a situation a bit strange to 21st century eyes where there is no indication of an agreed open marriage between consenting partners, she also became close to Adrienne. After their release from prison, Simiane traveled to meet them in Wittmold, and for a time lived with the Lafayettes.  Adrienne’s real feelings towards her husband’s lover are difficult to decipher - she does not seem to have left any spoken or written word that has come down to us to reproach him for his unfaithfulness, and on the surface of it managed the situation with the attitude expected of a dutiful wife in the 18th century when having a mistress was hardly exceptional in their class and society. But the arranged marriage of the Lafayettes had evolved into an effective partnership, and the two genuinely loved each other. It is hard to believe that she didn’t find his affairs extremely painful. Her own feelings of inadequacy must have made the pain even more acute, and helped to stifle her voice on the subject - she was as keenly aware of what she saw as her own flaws as she was forgiving of them in others. Having a dashing public celebrity of a husband while feeling yourself not equal to him, and to even be afraid of expressing your love for him too fervently lest it alienate him (as she feared after he returned from America), along with social convention and her concept of duty, must have made it extremely difficult to express what she really felt about this situation. She was also a very devout Catholic in a time where the Church counseled wives with unfaithful husbands to forgive them for the sake of the family unit.  If there is one thing virtually all their contemporaries agreed on, however, it is that Adrienne was an absolutely extraordinary person, at the very least as exceptional as her husband, if not more so. She strongly impressed characters as diverse as Charles Fox, Napoleon and Frances Burney. Lafayette’s admiration for her grew over their years of their life together, and the maturity and profundity of his love for her deepened with their shared experiences, their trials, and with his recognition of her remarkable heroism.  While we can’t know the real truth of her feelings, Adrienne seems to have genuinely liked Adélaïde, who was a charming, warm-hearted person. She discussed even her medical ailments with her, and on her deathbed, Adrienne is said to have told Gilbert to "Give mille tendresses to Madame de Simiane.”