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shir0ch4ns-art · 2 years ago

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TW// MISCARRIAGE

I know that this isn't what I usually post or even have on this blog but like I feel like I'm gonna scream or break down if I just don't put this down on some form of like "physical" words.

This got really long and does kinda goes through the emotions felt so I suggest not clicking the read more if you're not in a good space to read this

As the trigger warning suggests, I just had a miscarriage. The same fucking day I did a pregnancy test. It was simultaneously the best and worst day of my life. I had started off kinda scared and nervous but it also just confirmed my suspicions for the past few weeks since I missed my period. I then just felt so happy, like I was on cloud 9 the whole morning. I went to work I called my mom I was on the phone until I had to officially open the store (I was on opening shift so I'm there half an hour early to prepare) I was just so happy. Then I noticed some spotting and then some more spotting and finally I caught the tiniest bit of red and I fucking left. I told my lead what was happening, and they were just shoving me out the door. I left work 2 hours early and then spent literally the whole day at the Urgent Care just to get a fucking "we don't know". I was a bit mad then but I have since realized that I had detected my pregnancy super early and most people don't even realize they're pregnant until way later on, I'm just super observant of my monthly because it's a bit irregular. And with that it would be extremely hard to tell what was happening. They put me on bed rest for 2 days and to go back the second day. I was bleeding so much between then that I just knew I had miscarried but I was deluding myself into thinking that I was wrong that maybe it was something else, something that can be fixed or maybe I was freaking out over nothing. Only to go in and do some blood work that I got the result back from before the UC doctor did and just...blue screened. I knew, I waited in that waiting room with my husband and mom for the confirmation but I knew. And just like that it was gone.

I'm devastated and angry because logically I know there's no reason, logically I know this just happens sometimes, logically I know it was nothing I did or didn't do...but emotionally I wanna know why, why did this happen, how did this happen so quickly, seriously what the fuck happened. I'm mad because I didn't even get a chance to see what kind of person it would have been, I didn't get a chance to see this potential person grow up, I didn't even get a chance to at least hold them. And I'm just gonna mention it right now that I am vehemently pro-choice and I don't want my use of referring to what wasn't even an embryo at the stage I lost my pregnancy as a potential person to be used for pro-life rhetoric. I don't make this threat casually or at all but I will fucking block and flag you if you do. I'm referring to it as a potential person because I actually wanted this pregnancy not because it was even a life at the point of miscarriage, if I hadn't done a pregnancy test I would have thought it was just a really late really bad period. But I did, and I knew, and that's what's making it so hard to fully come to terms with. It wasn't entirely planned but it was wanted and that hurts.

I'm doing better now, I have a really good support web of friends and family that have helped me through these past few days. My husband being the most supportive one and being my rock throughout this. I'm not even sure why I'm making this post but if anyone else in my position sees this and find some kind of comfort that they're not alone in this and that yes their feelings of despair and anger are valid and that just having someone else experience the same makes them feel less alone then I'll leave this up. I might delete this later or I might forget but if it helps then I'll purposely leave it up.

I nicknamed it capsicum since it made me crave spicy foods like no tomorrow.

#tw miscarriage #miscarriage #shiro blogs #im sorry for this very depressing post but i just have some very Big Feelings and they need out #if anybody needs the hotline for support i can edit in the number i found on the planned parenthood website #might delete later #i am doing better though i have already talked my feeling out and rationalized what happened but im just very tired #need a few days to recharge my social battery to face the public again without crying

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pearsandhyacinths · 1 month ago

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Mental Health Awareness Month

Summer is a busy time for the Hotlines, end of finals, school letting out, families spending more time around each other, etc. So, I wanted to answer some frequently asked questions about 988 as someone who used to work with them so if anyone needs them for any reason, here they are. If there are specific questions that aren't here or you'd like to ask feel free and I'll do my best to answer them.

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1. Police are called as an absolute last resort if there is reason to believe harm will take place that same day and the person(s) can't be deesulated.

Other alternatives that may be offered include. Venting and discussing issues Social and community supports Volunitary treatments based on needs or concerns Safety planning

Mobile Crisis Unit Etc.

2. It is okay to say you just need to vent or talk and are not looking for other supports at that time. Just let the counselor know you want to explore how you feel if you aren't sure.

3. If you are tired, falling asleep, or are distracted with something let the counselor know this. We will think that something is happening if you suddenly go silent in text or chat. If you later decide to stop talking to read, play videogames, take care of a family member, visit a friend, or anything else that may limit your ability to respond within 3-5 minutes after a counselor messages you, LET THEM KNOW.

4. If you can call rather than text or chat, it may be helpful to, especially if you feel you need support right away or are afraid you may harm yourself. Text and chat wait times are much *much* longer than the wait times for callers. This is especially true during finals and the summer when students and younger teens are experiencing more stress. I am not joking, the longest wait time we had at my center was 3 hours, and each chat takes, on average, about 1 hour to an hour and a half.

5. These conversations can become uncomfortable. While we try not to pry or ask for any details that you aren't comfortable disclosing, we will ask some personal questions at times, this is just to understand the situation. We are strangers, and it can be difficult to help and talk with you if we don't really know or understand the situation.

6. Speaking of uncomfortable questions, it can be difficult to ask but we will ask if you are safe and there is reason for that. Almost every counselor has had an experience with talking with someone that they didn't directly ask about safety, just to find out that they were an imminent suicide risk or they needed medical attention. Even if you just want to talk, we will still want to ask about your safety FIRST, just to be sure you are okay before we talk about what has been going on to upset you. Two or three quick questions. I know these questions can feel weird, but it is not without reason.

7. You do not need to feel like you may harm yourself that day or that moment to reach out to 988. If you just need someone to vent to, need information about treatment in your area, or even if you are concerned for someone else and want to know how to help you can contact 988.

8. As uncomfortable as questions about self harm, suicidal thoughts, and suicidal ideation may be, please do not say you feel like you are going to hurt yourself/kill yourself and then leave the chat, text, call. We have to assume that you have plans to do so that day, and if we can not call you to speak with you directly after you leave the chat or go silent, there is a policy to call the police. If you do have plans to harm yourself, it is okay to disclose it but we need you to stay on the line and talk about it so we can collaborate and find ways to keep you safe. As well, if you confirm you have a plan but refuse to elaborate what your plan is it is more difficult to safety plan or find ways to put up safety barriers. When reaching out please keep in mind that you will likely be asked these kinds of questions in the first part of the conversation.

9. Yes, we get many, many chats and calls. Some parts of the day are busier than others. Late night until early morning 8pm-8am is usually the busiest and these calls can be back to back during some parts of the year (see above). This is to the point where the second we disconnect one chat we immediately get another one. We try to cut wait times as much as possible but again if you feel you can't stay safe alone and you don't have someone you are close to that you feel comfortable talking to about suicidal thoughts or self harm, a local mobile crisis unit can be a helpful resource.

10. 988 does not have AI or bot counselors. The only time we use a bot is when we are requesting "pre chat information" where you will be asked how you are feeling on a scale of 1 to 5 and how recently you've been having suicidal thoughts if at all, and it is used to give Automatic message updates if there is a wait time over 15 minutes. Once you are connected your counselor will introduce themselves and after that point no Automatic messages are sent unless you have been silent in a text or chat for 10 minutes and the line is disconnected.

11. Similar to the bot question. Yes, we are real people and I know that at times we can sound robotic or very direct. It does make me feel strange sometimes to have been so blunt or direct with some of my language and questions but counselors may talk like that in the beginning while we Guage what your needs are and because we need clear and direct response in return, especially when we are asking about your safety.

12. We can not recieve pictures, videos, gifs, special characters etc, on chat or text based conversations. If you send them in text or chat on our end it pops up as "Blank Message" and that is it. We also can not open any links sent to us. It shouldn't be necessary for other media to be sent. Also counselors can not send images either and can only send out links. Links we do send are usually for resources or supports.

13. We can not give medical advice. Again, we are strangers and every issue and treatment is different for each person. We can offer things that may help but cannot tell you how to detox yourself, diets, medications that may be helpful or a specific doctor. In situations where medical advice is necessary we can help find treatments or treatment centers depending on what you say your needs and will likely support you with talking to your primary care physician about the issues you are experiencing and how to go about that conversation. We can not give any other medical based advice.

I hope everyone has been as safe as they can be and has learned a lot during this Mental Health Awarness Month. I hope we all continue to be safe and learning for many Mays to come.･ﾟ✧˖°

#mental health #988lifeline #tw 988 #mental wellbeing #frequently asked questions #question list #counseling #crisis hotline #mental health awareness #mental heath support #mental heath issues #depression and anxiety #stay safe

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