#Demetri still being so hopeful about giving Cobra Kai another go is both funny and kind of sad :(

[demetriandelibinaryboyfriends]

@allvalley100​

Prompt: Shoes

Pairing: Hawkmetri

***

“Seriously? What kind of karate do you wear shoes for?”

Eli glowers, standing in the middle of his backyard with arms crossed and blue hair looking especially pointy.

“Sheesh, sorry!”

Demetri kicks his sneakers onto Eli’s back porch before joining him. His sparring preparations get immediate criticism.

“Okay, first off, your stance is a mess. You’re re-joining Cobra Kai looking like that?”

Demetri tries not to acknowledge his burning cheeks as Eli grabs him with firm, calloused fingers, repositioning his arms. Get a grip.

He reminds himself to take off his shoes when he goes back to Cobra Kai tomorrow.

***

So it’s actually a little funny to me that Demetri knew immediately to take his shoes off when he tried re-joining CK in S2. Like this can mean one of four things: 1) He remembered from the two karate classes he went to several months prior 2) Eli rambles about karate so much that Demetri has learned absolutely everything about it by proxy 3) Demetri specifically has researched everything about karate himself in an attempt to impress Eli or 4) In early S2, Eli harassed Demetri into doing some private sparring/training with him to try to further entice Dem into joining Cobra Kai. Like “hey look! Isn’t karate fun??? Do you want to do a ton more with me in my karate class???”

I wrote a bit about the last one because it’s the most homoerotic akauhdpyg also who are we kidding, S2 Eli would take any possible excuse to do extra karate, even if it involved trying to warm Demetri and His Nerd Shit up to the idea of being punched in the face aksfhsiypg

[cobrakaisb]

hi bestie! i’ve had this idea for a while, but i haven’t seen it. can you do like a head cannon of what miguel, robby, and eli/hawk would be like as an older brother? it can be totally based off what you think :) thank you <3

of course! sorry it took me a while but i needed to to be perfect. i also added two bonus boys at the end (hope you don’t mind). little note: i wrote this with a fem reader in mind because of the mentions of periods. 

Having the Cobra Kai boys as older brothers

miguel:

you and miguel are so close

the age difference does not affect him at all

he is very protective of you before cobra kai

but once he joins cobra kai that over protectiveness 📈📈📈

let’s just say that this kid is bothering you

miguel definitely notices and scares them off

you act annoyed about it, but you’re highkey grateful that he did that

“my brother is the all valley champ so back the fuck off”

you were so excited for him at the all valley

you wore one of his cobra kai shirts and everything

miguel is so supportive of whatever extra curricular you do

karate? yes he stans, theater? you bet he’s at all your shows, dance? you know he’s bringing you some flowers, another sport? he’s at every game cheering for you

miguel knows about periods, and he has no shame in buying you tampons/pads

“hey y/n, i noticed you were running low so i got you some more” 🥺🥺 

you wear his hoodies all the time

they are very big on you, but very comfy

you help him with sam

“i punched her in the face” “what why?”

“y/n what do you think about this?” “it looks great miguel. sam will love it”

when he dates tory you're a little on edge about it

“miguel, weren’t you like trying to win sam back two days ago?” “i like tory now” “okayy” 

johnny loves you as much as he loves miguel

y’all hang out together

his friends are your friends and vice versa

your friends definitely think that miguel is cute but “eww that’s my brother”

when miguel is in the coma you blame johnny

“he showed mercy because of you! you did this!”

but then you cry into his chest

when miguel wakes up you’re at school

you don’t find out until after school when carmen picks you up

you hug him so tight, rambling about how much you love him

“i love you too y/n now get off me”

you can’t keep up with his love life

“y/n i’m with sam again” “what?” 

overall your bond is amazing and you couldn’t ask for a better brother

robby:

you and robby both live with your mother (because we aren’t basic here)

you’re the odd one out (your mom does drugs and robby sells them)

“you got caught with molly? i thought you and sara were hooking up?” “the drug y/n”

when robby starts being friends with those punk kids, the two of you start to drift

you actually go to school, unlike him

“just skip y/n” “no robby”

it isn’t until he gets back on track because of daniel that you two start getting close again

“i’m gonna get back on track y/n i promise” and you believe him

you go to the skatepark with him

he skates while you read or draw or skate (whatever you’re into tbh)

when you’re on your period robby will buy you stuff, but he doesn’t like to

he feels so awkward about it

“um are these the right ones?” “yes thank you”

robby gives the best hugs (idk why he just does)

i feel like robby is also really good at reading emotions

like he knows when you’ve had a bad day at school or when you’re stressed about something

he also knows how to cheer you up :)))

“i know you did not just eat cereal with water???” “and what about it?”

when your mom comes back after being gone for days robby pulls you behind him

because he really doesn’t want you to be exposed to that

you cry into robby’s chest once she leaves

“why can’t she just be our mom?”

when daniel asks robby to move in with him he denies

but quickly explains that he can’t leave you

daniel tells robby that you can come too

“thanks for helping my brother mr.larusso, i really appreciate it”

you definitely walk in on robby and sam making out at some point

“hey robby- oh my god i’m so sorry” slaps hand over eyes and immediately leaves the room

when robby pushes miguel off the balcony it's the first time you’re genuinely scared of him

you visit him in jail, but it takes awhile for you to go

“i’m sorry y/n” “i know robby”

you just understand each other

when robby joins cobra kai he tries to get you in too

you agree to one lesson, and know it’s not for you

you have many arguments about this

“he’s brainwashing you!” “he knows what’s best for me, for us!”

robby feels so betrayed when he finds out you’re staying with johnny

the two of you definitely drift after that, but you find your way back to each other, you always do

eli/hawk:

okay so before he flips the script you defend eli, no matter what

you cry with him about the bullies and definitely try to fight kyler more than once

you wear his sweaters (fight me on it)

you encourage him to do karate

when he flips the script you’re very happy for him he finally feels confident in himself and you love that for him

now the roles are reversed

hawk protects you now

no one even dares to look at you because they are scared of him

i feel like he has a tattoo for you, whether that's your name or your favorite flower idk but he gets one for you

“um wow okay we’re doing that now” “do you like it or not?” “yeah but i wasn’t expecting it”

sometimes he’ll let you pick his hair color “how about purple” “maybe” 😉

he definitely flirts with your friends “hello ladies!” “hi hawk!” “get out!”

you’re the only one that is allowed to call him eli

“eli i need ten dollars?” “for what?” “a snack” *hands over the money*

“eli can i have your sweatshirt? i’m cold” “yeah take it”

“i can’t, me and eli are going to the movies today”

one day you’re sitting with him and his minions (you refuse to call them friends) at lunch

“so eli” -one of the cobra kais “shut the fuck up! you can’t call him that!” -you

hawk has a proud brother moment

anything that you do hawk is like “fuck yeah that’s my sibling!”

his friends are not allowed to look at you, talk to you, have a crush on you, or even think about you

“woah dude she’s hot” “that’s my fucking sister! stay away from her!”

“eli who’s your friend-” “NO!” 

as eli he will buy you period products but is very shy about it

as hawk he will not be caught dead in that isle of cvs

“eli i need them!” “i don’t care! i’ll drive you there and you can run in and get them”

when hawk breaks demetri’s arm you don't speak to him for weeks

you confront him about his new behavior

“this is who i am!” “no it’s not! you’re not my brother!” 

you’re crying and then storm off to your room

that breaks him

is highkey the start of his redemption

when he’s at the fight at the larusso house, and he sees demetri about to get his arm broken, he thinks of your words: “you're not my brother!”

literally motivates him to fix things

you see hawk and demitri and just know that your brother is back

you hug him so tight

“you were right y/n. i’m sorry” “of course i was. i’m always right” “gee thanks” “love you”  

bonus demetri:

he is a nerd, you are a nerd

the two of you watch star wars, marvel, harry potter, etc. together 

“daddy anakin” “please shut the fuck up”

you want to punch him in the face because he is so sarcastic 

it gets on your nerves 

bust out laughing when johnny makes fun of his pi shirt 

“stop laughing” “if it’s funny i'm gonna laugh”

even though you’re a nerd you’re cool 

like you have a lot of friends in your grade 

“demetri if i don’t talk to you at the halloween party that’s why” gestures to his costume 

listen to his rants about how eli’s changed 

you try to give him advice, but it doesn’t work out

so proud of him when he joins miyagi-do

“i'm glad you’re stepping out of your comfort zone” 

demetri tries to get you to join miyagi-do

if you do join great more sibling bonding

if you don’t join no biggie y’all are still besties

y’all go to the comic book store together

its sibling bonding time

you threaten to fight hawk after the laser tag thing 

“hey asshole you leave my brother alone!” 

you sign his cast first

you definitely write some inside joke that only the two of you understand

you see him kissing yas and do a whole 🤮

“so you dating yas?” “idk why” “just checking”

very obvious about your distaste for her

when him and hawk become friends again you’re very wary

“he broke your arm” “he apologized” “he broke your arm!!!”

eventually you and hawk are on semi decent terms

“demetri forgave you and that’s fine but i’m still not over it”

your relationship = the perfect mix of love and teasing  

bonus bonus king bert 🙌🏻:

you are older than him by like a year

but you’re still besties for life 

you’re very proud of him when he joins cobra kai

“im joining a karate dojo” “period pop off”

you always ruffle his hair 

cheer for him at the all valley

“yeah bert!”

but also like you can’t watch 

when he gets eliminated you cringe 

he’s sad about it 

“i just wanted to impress you” “im very impressed bert, you did great” 

your opinion matters so much to him

he’s such a small cinnamon roll 🥺🥺

seeing him with the older cobra kai boys makes you soft

“y/n i’m going out with hawk and miguel can you drive me?” 

bert admires you a lot, like you are his hero

y’all are the best sibling duo and that’s on period

[demetriandelibinaryboyfriends]

Season 4, Episode 9: An Extremely Chaotic and Incoherent Review

The Good:

Ah hey Daryl! What's up! I missed you!

That IS the same dude from the S1 AVT right??? Like I'm not insane, right???

I wonder how much Cobra Kai pays to be one of the extras who plays a high school karate enthusiast in the AVT audience

Looking at career options here

Aight that was a MUCH shorter "Eli in Miyagi-Do" training montage than I had hoped for, but...it's something??? I guess???

At least we get one???

The blue fog lighting MD runs through is pretty damn neat

Also wanna point out that Eli's overall theme color has gone from blue to red to purple to BACK to blue, as per joining MD

Which is, you know, pretty consistently DEMETRI'S theme color

Like I shit you not, like 90% of the things I see this fucker wearing have SOME blue in them

You count how many many blue-less outfits he wears throughout the show and I'm betting it's like...under 10

Anyways point being, he and Eli matchy-matchy again just like they did in S1

Literally would be poetic cinema to use this as a means of hinting that Eli is in love with Demetri but I GUESS they really ain't gonna utilize visual foreshadowing in what would be a truly ingenious way

THEIR LOSS

ALSO Demetri and Eli run in next to each other!!!! Look I'll dig whatever Elimetri scraps I can out of the garbage bin okay

I am but a humble feral raccoon on the lookout for my next meal, my greedy little raccoon hands primed and ready to seize my gay morsels and devour them like a decadent feast

Love how Yasmine flew all the way back from Australia to grind on Demetri for a few hours only to yeet back out of town just in time to miss a huge event that is enormously important to her boyfriend and literally all his friends

If Yasmine was really as perfect of a girlfriend as the show seems to want us to think, she would have made an effort to stay for the AVT, send tweet

Or at LEAST warned Demetri at prom that she still wouldn't be able to go to the AVT??? Despite being back in town for prom???

ALSO if she was there somewhere she'd be with Moon, considering these fine young fucking lesbian ladies are basically attached at the hip

Funny, that

On the topic of Moon, though...okay, I know she only is at the AVT so she can later heal poor Eli with a het kiss, and this does indeed feel me with a deep and unchecked rage, BUT regardless I think it's really sweet that she's presumably going to platonically support both Demetri and Eli

Also the fact that Moon has gone from going to watch karate WITH Demetri to going to watch Demetri DO karate is both hilariously ironic and super wholesome

Like the CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT

Also always love to see Demetri and Moon's friendship!!! It's so pure, I can't ;_;

Wanna point out that when Cobra Kai comes in, Demetri turns and SCOWLS at them and leans a little bit in front of Eli. Call be off my fucking rocker but it looks just a teens bit protective

I mean he's definitely giving them the evil eye either way, he's like "this is the dojo of horror and fuckery and it's an attack against me personally" and you know what? He's right

Like the amount of times Cobra Kai has caused problems for Demetri in particular over the course of the past couple years is kind of incredible

NOT EAGLE FANG TRAINING WITH FUCKING CINDERBLOCKS

I mean it's not like that wouldn't be effective for strength training but it is hysterical

ONLY Johnny Lawrence would brag about "pummeling ever-loving the crap out of people while the crowd cheered", and I love him very much for it

Kreese and Silver are very scary, 11/10

AH THERE IT IS, LAST NAME REVEAL TIME

Love that Dem's canonically Greek!!! I remember some of my fandom friends headcanoning that and I'm happy it's officially a thing now :D

DEMETRI WITH THE KATAS HOLY SHIT

THOSE HARDCORE KARATE SHOUTS

I ascended to another plane of existence upon viewing that

As per usual, I am quick to fall in love with utterly unavailable, utterly uninterested, and utterly gay men

Okay we get like a 2 second shot of the other Miyagi Dos watching and Eli looks DELIGHTED

He is SO into that shit, goddamn

Same Energy as Eli breaking the board at valley fest and Demetri just being like "oh fuck I'm gay"

Right after the skills competition, it pans over to Dem and Eli talking in the MD group--Dem's prolly tryna reassure him ;___;

"The tigher the vices around Cobra Kai's metaphorical balls" HOLY SHIT DEVON I LOVE YOU

Aight idk what Carrie's doing here, but it's funny, so I'll take it

A general observation but both Demetri and Eli look STRESSED AF watching each other fight : O

They're both so very overprotective, god bless

It's just--it's the constant anxiety each of them have that their person is gonna get even a little bit hurt is what does it in for me chief

Especially bad for Eli, considering the, uh...Golf N Stuff incident

Like this man will simply break if he ever has to see Demetri be in that much pain again

Their gay little faces when either of them wins a match, my GOD

Like the pure, unbridled JOY!!!! Love these karate boyfriends!!!

ELI CHEERING ON SAM AAAAAAAAAAAA

They've come so far from S3 and I am very happy for them ;__;

Okay that was actually a bitchin montage, and the Carrie Underwood background music went with it weirdly well

Happy to see my boys Nate and Bert get some badass moments too!!

MY BOY DEMETRI ALEXOPOULOS MADE IT TO THE QUARTERFINALS

I AM SO VERY PROUD

Also not Demetri and Eli standing so close they're practically holding hands in the quarterfinals shot

Like when are these fuckers not nearly pressed up against each other like clingy puppies, I swear

"YEEEEAHHHHHH DEMETRI" that's deadass the happiest I've seen this fucker in like 2 seasons

It's almost like Demetri's the light of his life or something

Also VERY delighted to see him combining the "Hawk" over-the-top enthusiasm with the "Eli" wholesomeness and loyalty

Say what you will about Eli switching dojos, but by god, he is starting to be happy again!!!

And Eli needs to be in an environment where he can heal and work past his demons at his own pace, which Johnny Lawrence, much as I love him, is not always the best sensei for XD

Love how Kyler shows up knowing the easiest way to try and kill Eli's spirit and make him lose focus is to threaten Demetri

Like Eli was getting pretty into the tournament and kicking ass before then, but as soon as Kyler implies he could and/or WILL fuck up Demetri??? He immediately starts worrying and falls back into the old timid, anxious Eli persona

Adds another layer to it when you realize Kyler's probably been bullying Eli and Dem for years--and for basically all of that time, Dem was the only protector Eli had. Demetri was Eli's only "safe person" for a really long time, so of course threatening him will put Eli on edge and make him feel like he's not safe.

And Kyler calling Eli "Lip" basically confirms he's trying to tap into the weak-willed, bullied kid he was before karate--which, of course, he does by reminding Eli how he used to push around him and the only person he had in his corner back then.

Anyways, all that to say Kyler knows Dem and Eli's relationship is deep and long-standing enough that threatening Dem could be enough to completely break Eli, just as Eli was starting to build himself back up again

It's incredibly fucked up!!! But also a testament to how close Demetri and Eli were back in the day, if Kyler was able to like...exploit their bond to try and destroy Eli's confidence and be that frighteningly precise and successful with it

Okay okay okay okay so as angry as I am about H*wkM**n I do find it absolutely hysterical that Moon said the exact same thing to Eli that Demetri did, but Moon got to kiss him because she's a girl, and ya know. Something something comphet.

Like, if this is "love interest" dialogue that is enough to warrant a kiss...we're basically getting confirmation that if Demetri was female, he would be Eli's love interest

The only reason the writers aren't putting Eli and Demetri together is because they're scared of offending the homophobic side of the fanbase, and in short they all belong at Weenie Hut Junior's

Maybe even Super Weenie Hut Junior's

The ultimate tragedy of conservatives who hate gay people

Demetri's little clap on the back, he's such a proud boyfriend!!!

So we went from Eli calling Demetri a "FUCKING NERD" to Eli vowing to "win this whole FUCKING thing" for Demetri and his dojo??? Now that's what I call a fucking CHARACTER ARC

CIMENNNNNAAAAA

YEAH KICK HIS ASS ELI!!!

Lol get fucked Kyler

Eli beating his ass was SO long overdue

Demetri clapping and cheering in the background when Eli wins because Demetri's SO FUCKIN PROUD and also in love

Not Piper being a catty mean bitch to Sam

Anyways Moon adores catty mean bitches and is therefore secretly in love with Yasmine, send tweet

Moon dun got a TYPE and the more of this show I watch, the more I’m like. There’s just no way she COULDN’T be into Yasmine

I MEAN IF IT’S MEAN LESBIANS YOU WANT

Anyways

HELL YEAH SAM KICK SOME ASS GIRL

Love to see her using Eagle Fang!!! Truly the chaos gremlin potential is endless and I support Sam LaRusso every step of the way

On the highest of keys I hope she ends up joining Eagle Fang actually, or whatever dojo Johnny is sensei-ing for

The irony of Daniel LaRusso's kid being in Johnny Lawrence's dojo would be too funny

Plus she could get to be with her mans!

Good on Sam for standing up for Johnny and EF again! Maybe one of these days it'll actually stick and Daniel will stop being self-righteous and vaguely irritating for two seconds

YAYA IS AN ICON

She simply cannot go to a karate tournament without getting totally fucking stoned first and I have to respect that

ROBBY AND KENNY'S FRIENDSHIP AUGH

I'M GETTING TOO MANY FEELS

They really came for my heart huh

Robby immediately feeling guilty for Kenny getting hurt ;___;

Tory checking in on Robby <3

Overall very happy we got to see a softer side of Robby AND Tory this season, it's honestly beautiful

AW, Daniel congratulating Miguel and wishing him luck <3 Love these two's relationship!!! Also gives me hope that any conflict between Sam and Miguel won't be permanent. I feel like if they had broken up or were having a serious fight, Daniel probably would pick up on it and wouldn't seek out Miguel. Like it would be kinda weird to go talk to your daughter's ex/strained bf???

Bottom line is that if Daniel still mentally views Miguel as his future son-in-law, I have a feeling that Sam and Miguel will be all right in the end lol

Miguel calling Hawk/Eli "Eli" in passing is something that can be so PERSONAL

Goes to show that Eli no longer feels the need for the "Hawk" mask with ALL his friends, not just Demetri

He's learning to embrace ALL the parts of himself and not rely on a facade to feel good about himself!!! Love that for him!!!

"I'm not exactly thrilled to be fighting my friend" NEITHER AM I ELI

COME FOR MY HEART WHY DON'T YOU AVT

Love Demetri's look of concern too

Like his two best friends are about to throw down and he's worried about either of them getting hurt

"Doesn't help that no one's ever beaten Miguel either" ah, so I see Dem's slightly more concerned about Eli getting hurt because he's in love with him. Typical XD

Also deeply ironic

Eli be like "Finally, a worthy opponent!!! Our battle will be legendary!!!"

Lol I see what you did there, with the Coyote Creek callback 

I'M STILL ANXIOUS AND UPSET THOUGH

WHY MUST THE BROS FIGHT

AW, THEIR HANDSHAKE

I'M SOBBING

AUGH this Johnny-Miguel montage is making me emotional ;__;

MIGUELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

ELI MOUTHING MIGUEL'S NAME

DEMETRI LOOKING ABSOLUTELY DEVASTATED

Someone help me, these three's friendship is gonna kill me

Miguel's a lucky boi, his two besties love him so very very much

BUT SO DO I PLEASE BE OKAY MIGUEL

The Bad:

Okay okay okay okay I DO appreciate the one shot we got of Eli being SUPER into Demetri's kata routine, but I want MORE dammit

Like show the man being turned on to the level Demetri was at valley fest

We all damn well KNOW he would be, c'mon

SPEAKING OF WHICH

You show Demetri holding a board and Eli punching it in half, and then have the AUDACITY to not pan over to Demetri's expression???

Please I wanted to see him be turned on as all hell

Like it would have been the most hilarious Valley Fest callback and everything!!!

How dare you deprive me of this!!!

Well at least I know in my heart that Demetri was having an even bigger gay awakening than before

Ah, yes. Just what we need. More screentime for the AVT board members -__-

SIR I AM HERE FOR KARATE FIGHTS

Okay, so like. Aside from it physically paining me every time I have to watch Daniel watch his ex karate son be an evil little traitorous meow meow, I feel like they're going a direction I very much do not like with the Daniel-Robby animosity

While Daniel does have every right to call Robby out here (and Robby has the right to call Daniel out on thinking his way is the only way), I'm worried that the show just...isn't going to let these two eventually reconcile and fix their relationship??? Like I hate that they seem to be moving in the direction of Daniel giving up on Robby and Robby being forced to just deal with his subpar biological parents -_-

And while I don't think Daniel is obligated to forgive Robby for betraying MD, I feel like it's kinda in his nature to do so??? And that's definitely what Mr. Miyagi would have taught him too

And like...the guy loves Robby, at the end of the day! I feel like no matter how mad he got, Daniel LaRusso would always come around to his surrogate karate son in the end

Honestly I'm rooting for these two to fix their relationship WAY more than Johnny and Robby. Like Johnny barely TRIES with Robby, but Daniel really did do the most to give him a better life and try to help him find himself for a while

Like yes, Daniel let Robby down in the end by not trying harder to get Robby out of Cobra Kai, BUT

At the end of the day, Daniel and Robby had an IMMENSELY healthier and more loving father-son dynamic than Johnny and Robby ever did

ANYWAYS what I'm trying to say here is that if Robby reconciles with Johnny but NOT Daniel, despite Daniel overall being an immensely better karate dad, I'm going to be very angry

I'm hoping that Daniel and Robby's spat here is just a bump in the road and they'll eventually be back on good terms, but I have a bad feeling it's just going to push them further apart so Robby is ultimately forced to run back to Johnny

Anyways please don't give me painful Daniel and Robby scenes unless they're going to eventually lead to happy Daniel and Robby scenes ;__;

Oh no oh god oh fuck now you've gone and done it

You've made me rant about the absolute garbagefire that is H*wkM**n and now chances are you won't be able to shut me up for at least a few weeks

Okay so for STARTERS

You've heard it before I'm sure but Moon is LITERALLY NOT SAYING ANYTHING THAT DEMETRI HASN'T ALREADY SAID

LIKE

"I know you think that mohawk defined who you are, but it didn't. Not to me." = "You're not defined by your haircut, you know"

"I liked your energy! And your confidence!" = "YOU'RE BATMAN! YOU'RE THE HAWK!"

Something something gotta help the poor bird get his confidence back

Something something "this is who you are!"

We're literally doing THE SAME THING OVER AGAIN

And oh, what, now it's supposed to be all heartwarming that she's calling him Eli??? Demetri was calling him Eli the ENTIRE GODDAMN TIME

Like her not using a nickname somehow magically makes this NOT the most shallow relationship in the entire world

These fuckers have literally nothing in common, sorry??? Like she's into flowers and spiritual stuff and Eli's into geeky sci-fi, movies, and karate??? I have not seen ONE bit of common ground between them the ENTIRE show

Sorry but the "Opposites Attract" thing only works insofar as "opposites" means CONTRAST--interesting (and successful) relationships have two people who balance each other out in certain respects, but also establish a deep connection centered around common interests and values

You know, like ELI AND DEMETRI, FOR FUCKING INSTANCE???

And like. H*wkM**n even falls apart at the "common values" level because like. Moon is an extreme pacifist. Eli absolutely fucking adores fighting. How how HOW are they not going to get aggravated with each other over the long term???

And before you say "but Demetri doesn't like fighting either!" NOPE! Not true anymore, actually! He said he was really excited for the AVT, which indicates to me he's actually grown to like fighting and karate quite a bit!

Also ffs, "I liked you for your energy and your confidence" basically confirms that Moon was specifically attracted to the overdramatic, macho facade that Eli put on as "Hawk" which is like

NOT the whole picture at ALL

Like yes, some of "Hawk" was Eli's genuine personality shining through as he gained more confidence

But a lot of it was him acting how he felt he had to to protect himself from bullies and trying to mimic people who seemed cooler, more badass, and more "together" than him (mainly Johnny and Miguel)

We've never gotten ANY indication that Moon would be into Eli's nerdier and substantially less "cool" side

Other than her laughing at "dEmEtRi aNd ElI, bInArY bRoThErS!" I guess

And judging from Eli's reaction, that is NOT a side of his personality he usually let her see

Point being that throughout a lot of Eli and Moon's relationship, Eli was putting on a pretty heavy facade--doesn't really make sense to rekindle a relationship that was only maintained through Eli being an inauthentic version of herself

And these two barely fucking interacted all season, aside from Moon complimenting Eli's hair once. We seriously have no evidence at all that she was romantically interested in the more authentic, laid-back purple-haired Hawk, and not just like...projecting cocky, macho S1-S2 Hawk onto him. Since, y'know, that not-entirely-genuine Hawk/Eli is the one she was interested in. And now, she's ever so conveniently interested in this new version of Eli after, uhhhh...talking to him a couple times and taking pity on him after he's sad at the tournament, I guess???

ALSO I want to point out that Moon has shown absolutely NO romantic interest in Eli since they broke up, like

Literally when does she EVER indicate she has lingering feelings, or might be interested in rekindling the relationship??? She's actively annoyed with him in S3, and in S4 she doesn't really treat Eli any differently than Demetri or Miguel

And no, complimenting his hair does not fucking count as showing romantic interest, she was literally just being polite???

It read like a completely platonic interaction to me--as I've mentioned before, I think any awkwardness is easily chocked up to them being exes and, as Hawk outright said, they're "just getting used to being friends again"

Emphasizing that since S2, she has not treated Hawk any different than Demetri and Miguel

Except in S3 when, you know. She actively disliked him.

Also she completely fucking ignored him at the prom to hang out with Demetri and Yasmine, just throwing that out there

Like he was standing sadly off to the side and Moon didn't even NOTICE

Because, you know, she was busy dancing with women and sneaking glances at Yas

Like if you're into someone, you'd be MUCH more aware of them than that

And try to include them maybe???

Point being that all the evidence that we have so far points to Moon having long since moved on

Like yes, she's willing to forgive Eli and rekindle a friendship--she's a kind and friendly person, and it's in her nature to want harmony. But wanting to DATE Eli again???

WHEN THE HELL has Moon been shown to want this???

And like...if she didn't even notice him sadly standing off in the corner at prom, how in the hell are we expected to believe she's going to be attentive to him and his emotions???

Like she didn't even show concern as his FRIEND at the prom

Meanwhile, y'know. Demetri WENT WITH HIM to keep him company, and at least apologized kind of for running off with Yasmine

And now we're supposed to believe Moon suddenly likes him again and they're soulmates because like...she complimented his hair once and cheered for him at the tournament???

As if Demetri DIDN'T smile and cheer and clap in the background every time Eli won a match, smh

Anyways I literally felt nauseous when they kissed

Moon has been in like...three scenes this season, and in two of them she showed immensely more romantic interest in fucking YASMINE than Eli

And no, this isn't shipping goggles, like...rewatch the scenes, her focus is MUCH more on Yas than Eli

I guess you could interpret it as her being into Demetri, but like...if that were the case, I'm pretty sure she would have made a move in S3 before he got with Yasmine

And she's been being on-and-off sapphic with Yasmine since S1 so like

Anyways bottom line is that H*wkM**n is just

GOD

How did they make it EVEN MORE of a dumpsterfire than it already was???

Worst ship in the show, hands down

Eli's been getting propped back up by Demetri since the basement scene, but you wanna tell me a straight kiss got him his fighting spirit back????!

Okay I guess technically Hawk x Moon is bi4bi

But it's bi4bi (derogatory)

Unlike Tory x Robby, which is bi4bi (affectionate)

See Hawk and Moon are a great example of why two people shouldn't necessarily date just because they're both in the LGBT community

HATE how Moon is Eli's redemption prize

Hate that hate that hate that hate that

Literally my worst fear for this season and OOP

Cobra Kai come back when you figure out how to write Yasmine and Moon please

And make them kiss while you're at it

Anyways Eli shouldn't magically get the girl just because he's resolved to be a better person, send tweet

Women--and I cannot stress this enough--ARE NOT REWARDS

Moon deserved better 2k22

Okay if I don't stop talking about this now I'm never going to so ANYWAYS

Was it just me or was the Eli-Kyler fight like...super anticlimactic???

Like this has been building up since SEASON 1 and Eli just...landed some fairly easy hits on Kyler and won???

Not to be a sadist on main or anything but I was hoping for a MUCH more brutal beatdown

Maybe not BRUCKS-level brutal but like

More cathartic than SMACK SMACK SMACK okay we're donezo

Like yes I love seeing Kyler get his ass handed to him but I want him to SUFFER more goddamn it

Lord knows all that he's put Eli through, even BEFORE the show

Anyways Kyler should get his ass much more severely kicked

Manifesting for S5

Demetri wya, you and Eli gotta pummel the crap out of this dude Johnny Lawrence style

ALSO LIKE

Why tf are Robby and Kenny fighting???

Yes yes I know it's For The Drama

But it makes no logistical sense

If the way to pick out a "winning" dojo is whoever scores the most points

Then CK is gonna get the same amount of points either way???

IDK I don't get it, they literally just did it because the plot demanded it

But it's impossible to take seriously because conceptually it seems like it would screw the whole dojo-rating system

DANIEL AND JOHNNY IMMA KILL BOTH Y'ALL

HAVE YOU REALLY NOT FIGURED OUT BY NOW THAT BOTH YOUR KARATE STYLES HAVE VALUE

Also like...their styles are actively helping both of their kids/adopted kids so why even are they being so pissy and annoying?? Like for fuck's SAKE

Also Johnny and Daniel Stop Being Controlling Challenge 2022, like...Sam and Miguel can make their own decisions and use whichever styles they want to use actually

This show really ain't never gonna let Daniel and Johnny be friends huh

Like it just keeps pulling reasons for them to be mad at each other out of its ass and I'm starting to be very irked about it

"Take his ass out" BRUH

Like don't get me wrong, Johnny Lawrence is an insensitive ass, but this seems a little much EVEN for him

Bruh this child just got super traumatized super recently and you telling your student to wail on him just because he joined your childhood karate rival's dojo???

CHILL

Okay look I know I said it was funny that Daniel and Johnny would never not be petty manchildren obsessed with their rivalry

But now I kinda wanna smack both of them

Also listen, Demetri looking absolutely horrified when Miguel's back acts up is excellent, but I want him to run to his buddy!!! Please!!!

Oh god oh fuck oh no one more episode of the Stupid Karate Show to review and then I gotta make a huge monster masterpost about how S5 should go