#DearOaks

[agaylatterdaysaint]

Dear President Oaks.

You know, it’s interesting, for a long time, I had admiration for you. I remember as a young child I would admire you, you were funny, spunky and spoke with a funny overbearing tone. You were almost like a cartoon character for my young impressionable mind. You were someone I thought would be fun to know. Now I want to get to know you, but for a different reason. I want to get to know what I did to you. What us Queer people did to you. Why do you persecute us so? I really don’t understand. As I got older I did lots of research on Apostles backgrounds, I was interested, don’t know why, probably the historian in me. And I found something quite disturbing, and it should make any person look at your vigor to define marriage how God sees it a little more skeptical. You have a history as defining marriage this way and blocking any advancement of LGBTQ+ Rights. In fact, you were one of the chief architects of the Family - A Proclamation to the world. It was Elder Packer’s and your brain child.

What’s interesting about the Proclamation is that it was often represented to me as a prophetic message. I grew up in a small majority-LDS community in Idaho and people would often talk as if Gays didn’t exist before the proclamation. They would say things like, “When the Proclamation came out in 1995, there was no disagreement about what marriage or gender was. Everyone just accepted what everyone knew.” Is that true? Well anyone that knows anything about LGBTQ+ history knows that’s completely false. But for those that are unaware of the Proclamation’s context, let me educate you.

The Proclamation, as eluded to in the quote in the last paragraph, was written in 1995, some of the main co-writers were then-Elders Packer and Oaks. Much of the language, especially those dealing with gender and gender roles have their roots in some of Packer’s old talks. His hill, much like your hill of LGBTQ+ issues, Mr. Oaks, was gender roles, specifically those of women. You both were able to send your messages in this proclamation. But why? What was the timing? Was it really a prophetic inspiration to write this before it was really an issue? Or was a it reactive? It was very reactive. In 1995, Hawai’i was arguing about whether or not to legalize Gay Marriage, and who was one of the people to immediately reject this proposition? It was you, Oaks, you.

When the Proclamation was finished it was immediately drafting into the war for “Traditional Marriage”. You enlisted it to the front of the battlefield at the time, Hawai’i. Later, it was used in California to defeat same-sex couples, first in 2000 for Prop 22, and later in 2008 for prop 8. Prop 8 was especially noteworthy, because the Church poured money into the campaign. At the time I was 6 and maybe gave 50 cents for tithing that year, but does it hurt now knowing that, well it’s unlikely my money helped that cause, it very well may have been given to defeat Human Rights at your request? Yes, yes it does.

But do you know what hurts more? That your talks, your documents, the whole thing, has been used by friends and family to convince me you know me better than I know myself. You were once convinced that “same-gender attraction” was the fault of the individual experiencing it. And I believed you. The person who saved me from believing that horrible heresy was God. They told me that They loved me, that I was made perfectly in Their image, I was Their son, beautiful, beloved, saved for a very pivotal point in history. For a long time, I thought I would be the one to tell my Queer brothers, sisters and siblings that they just needed to follow your council, that your council was from God, and not a personal crusade. Now the tables have turned and I’m one of your critics.

What’s interesting though, is though this letter is technically addressed to you, I understand you probably will never read it, but, if you are, let me tell you something, it might not be what you expect, I love you. I love your charisma, your undying loyalty to the cause you have started, your love for God, your love for his children. I have no doubt you love me, you see. I just don’t think you understand me. Not entirely your fault either. You’re Straight, I assume anyway, you’re Cisgender, you’re White, you’re Male, smart, probably really popular when you were younger, you were a football player. I heavily doubt you know what it’s like to feel constantly invisible, like a minority, like you don’t matter. I doubt you know what it’s like to question if God loves you for the way They made you. It’s hard to really hold contempt against you. Even though I think you are one of the reasons I won’t be sealed to my lovely husband in the temple when we get married, even though whenever you get up to speak I have a panic attack, I don’t blame you. In fact, I love you.

It’s interesting I can say that, and that it feels so natural to say that. You see, I write my letters as I go, I didn’t expect to say that, but I’m glad I did. Because I meant it. I hope you can understand that well I will fight against your cause, I do so in love. Just as you think you are doing what is best for me, I think I’m doing that is best for those around me. I’m sad some of died of depression for years because of your mistreatment of them. And I can’t speak for them, but I can speak for me, I don’t hate you, I don’t hold a grudge against you, I love you. That being said, I can’t justify your belief any longer, and I can’t sit quietly either. Some have told me that they love me, the sinner, but hate the sin. Well I suppose, I should end a tad passive-agressively just as my Straight friends that idolize your inclusion do and finish with this: I love you, the believer, but I really can’t say I love the belief, in fact, I hate it.