#Dat first sip of something at the start of a fabulous night in. What a feeling. I should have another sip about it.

[satans-knitwear]

FISHNETS: ON

Treat me ~ Tip me

[the-second-circle-ffxiv]

Common ground

It started like any other, very early morning in Ishgard - with the exception there was a little bit of thin mist hovering above the ground. Also, the complete silence was broken by constant clatter coming from a certain viera's high heels, while she marched along the silent streets. "I don't believe this", Silke muttered to herself while heading towards the Blacksoul manor. "I can't focking believe this." She had clenched her hands into fists and gritted her teeth. The damn package Lareine had left into her apartment and which Silke had found had contained none other than the godsforsaken dress Silke had been dreaming of since she had seen a mannequin wearing it in a display window on the day before they started to sell it. It was the latest fashion: a turquoise green - and her absolute favorite hue too - long dress with puff sleeves, lace decorations, crystal pendant and everything, including also a soft, dark blue cloak. Silke had known at the first glimpse this delicacy had been something she would never be able to afford, and in low spirits had been leering at other people scurrying around and wearing it while looking fabulous. And now she miraculously had one. It also fit her like a glove. It was without a doubt the fanciest and best fitting attire she had ever owned. This was also the first day Silke had gone out while wearing it, and she was sorry for all those poor bastards who weren't there witnessing this majestic apparition flying by. Silke's first reaction after opening the package had been pure dismay. Then the tears had come. She had managed to hold them back almost for a month, but apparently this had been too much. Lareine certainly knew her the best, perhaps even better than Asagi - at least in some things. Namely, Silke hadn't told Lareine about wanting the dress. They hadn't even been talking back then. After crying for a while Silke had started to giggle in disbelief while thinking about the price she had seen in the display window. Lareine had probably burned all of her money into this attempt of hers to make amends. Silke wasn't the sort of person one could steer by bribes but still she couldn't have denied this had impressed her no matter how hard she had tried. Well, it wouldn't hurt if she gave Lareine at least an opportunity to explain herself while not being intoxicated, Silke thought while walking. And the explanation had better be a good one.

Before she actually noticed it she was already standing in front of the estate. To her surprise Silke noticed she was nervous. She wasn't sure was it more because she and Lareine hadn't met in weeks, or because this was the first time she came here alone. Before this it had always been with Lareine, or her and Arsene. Suddenly Silke felt like an intruder. The estate - not to mention its master - was very grim and repulsive, although usually Silke was drawn to and liked dark but elegant things. Silke walked through the garden to the front door, grabbed the doorknocker and smashed it three times. For a moment it was completely silent. Then she heard heavy, leisurely steps approaching inside. That wasn't Arsene, she thought. He was usually almost or completely silent. The thick, wooden door opened with a lazy creak and a moment later Silke was looking at Varg, who was dressed in white blouse, black vest and formal trousers. The only thing that broke the carefully polished whole was his hair he probably hadn't done anything else to except hastily trying to sweep it back before opening the door. He seemed bored, and stared at Silke with narrowed eyes, like he would've just found a cockroach from the floor and was wondering what to do with it. The fock was his problem as well? Silke had never been rude to him or anything. In fact, they hadn't had any negative interactions with each other and still Blacksoul seemed to loathe her. The sudden spike of annoyance drove her trepidation away, and Silke opened her mouth to blurt out something snarky just for the sake of it. However, before she had uttered even a sound, Varg stepped aside, leaving the door open, turned around and said to someone Silke couldn't see: "It is for you." Iris dropped a half-finished toast back onto plate with a soft 'thud' as she heard Varg's voice from the hallway. The fock someone wanted of her? Had she forgot a shift at work? No. The Second Circle was closed today. For some reason, Asagi had started to keep the place closed for three nights a week. It didn't bother Iris, though. Considering the fact she didn't have to pay the rent, she still made a decent amount of gil. With a drawn out sigh, she forced herself up from a comfy, upholstered chair, wrapping a black dressing gown tighter around her matching, laced lingerie, and made her way to the hallway. "...Ya have ani fockin' idea what time it is? If dis is some...", Iris never got to finish her sentence as her gaze locked on the creature standing in the open doorway. Iris felt like someone had just dropped a huge, cold stone into her stomach. And soon the stone shattered, giving birth to a swarm of blue butterflies that filled her, sending a shiver up her spine and making her head swirl. For a short moment she could do nothing but stare at Silke, her mouth slightly ajar, and taking support of the door frame, as she felt like she could pass out. "...Am... Am I a heckin' dreamin' 'ere...?” she tried to gather herself. "S... Silke? You... Fockin' 'ell, you... look smokin' hot..." Iris couldn't move her eyes from the girl. She had thought the dress would fit her former friend, but never had an idea just how good it would look on her. If this was a dream, she never wanted to wake up again. "Uhhh... I was... just 'aving tea. Ya... care to sit down with mi? J... Just tea ya know?" she waved her hand towards the kitchen. "...Just... sit down for a moment, okai? I need to explain a lot of shite... A lot..." Meanwhile Silke was still standing in the doorway, keeping her hands behind her back and squeezing them together so hard her knuckles were probably bone white. Her uneasy gaze was bouncing between Lareine, the marble floor, Varg, the door frame, the dark, wooden roof, then Lareine again and so on. It sure was a strange as heck feeling when one wanted to both embrace someone and never let go, and punch their teeth into their throat at the same time. Without showing any kind of emotion Varg casually loitered back into the kitchen. Silke could hear a couple of faint chinks, and soon he walked out of there, holding a fresh cup of black coffee with a thin trail of steam rising from it, and disappeared into the corridor leading upstairs, leaving the two vieras alone. Not wanting to let a somewhat awkward silence to continue for too long, Silke released her hands, feeling her blood starting to circulate in them again, and closed the heavy, wooden door behind her. She followed Lareine into the kitchen and sat opposite of her spot on a chair that had already been pulled from under the table. It was warm. Silke's first instinctive reaction was to lower her gaze onto the table, and she noticed there was some bread crumbs or something there. "Did I interrupt your breakfast?" she asked in a polite tone. Iris made her way to the stove, pouring herself some leftovers coffee, and started to prepare a cup of tea for Silke. “Ya aint interruptin’ shite, Silke...”, she muttered, her back turned to the other. “...I heckin’ missed ya.” The whole situation felt so fragile. Like a soap bubble, ready to break at any moment, and to be carried away with the wind. Silke's words had kept ringing in Iris' head - stronger than ever during the last three weeks. Do not ever touch me again. A scent of herbal tea with ginger filled the air, as Iris made her way to the table, carrying two cups. She placed the tea in front of Silke, before walking around the table and taking a seat from the opposite side. For just a fleeting moment, the whole room was silent like a wintry grave, except for the clinking of Silke’s spoon against the edge of her cup. “...I dunno where to even start... I'm sorry. The whole shite was a royal fock-up from mi...”, Iris started. While talking, she kept her gaze down in her coffee. This was hard enough on its own. Just seeing Silke's face there, in front of her. No. Iris felt she would break if she looked the girl in the eye. “...Was about to get ya dat book I... ya know. But I have no fockin’ idea what the name was. My memory of dat evening... It's like someone just splattered black paint all over it. I dunno if I even paid much attention to the name... Aniway. Ya just... gimme the name of the book, and I'll get ya a new one from mi next paycheck... Okai?” During a couple of weeks, Iris had gone through her head a thousand times what she would say if she ever met her friend again. And now that the girl was right there, she felt like someone had taken her brain out and replaced it with pillow stuffings. "...I cut mi medication back then, ya know... I'm back on it now, but... Yeah. Since dat, everythin' just went down a fockin' shitslide..." And without even thinking Iris told everything she could remember to Silke. She laid everything on the table before her. About the night at Sakuya’s place, and Tora, trying to take her through the night without the medical dose. And how that had ultimately led to Iris almost sleeping with the feral forcibly. She told about Sakuya, finding the two from her bed, sheets soaked with blood. And how that had led into a fight, and Sakuya almost stabbing Iris before Tora stopped her. She told Silke about the night when she got back to Ishgard, how she got thrown out by Varg, and all the way to the moment when she found her way to Silke’s doorsteps. Silke quietly sipped her tea while Lareine talked. Part of her had been expecting the similar kind of shite like during that morning a few weeks ago with some miserable excuse toppings, and she had even thought beforehand some equally sharp answers to them. But to her surprise the situation had taken almost a completely different direction from the start. She couldn't help but to listen with wide eyes while Lareine told her about the mess with Sakuya and Tora. Silke had met them only for a couple of times briefly and didn't know those two well, but based on what she knew, they were chill folks. A bit weird ones, but in a good way. Just the kind both Lareine and Silke had high possibilities to get along with. People like that were rare treasures, since Silke was more than painfully aware she and Lareine - and especially Lareine - didn't get easily along just with anyone. And now Lareine had blown it, too. “...I dunno whut the heck got into mi... The thin’s I said", Iris went on. "Fock, I dunno how I could throw such shite on ya... It just ‘appened! And the kiss... Fock’s sake, dat will never ‘appen again... I promise! I just...” Finally Iris raised her gaze to Silke, biting her lip, eyes gleaming with tears she tried to hold back. Silke tried her best to keep her own feelings in check, but she was extremely relieved there had been something else behind Lareine's behavior than just being drunk. Silke had always thought the ancient proverb of drunks 'I didn't mean it, I was drunk', wasn't valid. Since alcohol messed up functions of the frontal lobe, drunkenness actually made people more honest. That's why Silke took the words of drunkards to her heart. “...I just felt miserable... Been fockin’ bottlin’ up mi feelin’s for ya for heckin’ years... And the whole thin’ just blew up onto mi face... On yer face!” Iris sighed frustratedly and wiped a single stray tear onto her dressing gown's sleeve. Meanwhile Silke quickly put her cup back on the table and yanked her hands into her lap so that they wouldn't be shaking on the table for all to see. “...I fockin’ love ya, Silke... And I know I focked it all up big time... But... Can ya, like ever... in dat cute head of yer, even think about forgivin’ mi? I know its fockin’ lot to ask, but... Could we at least... like... heckin' try to build somethin' back? I cant live without ya, Silke...” After Iris finished her story, there was a long silence. Finally Silke cleared her throat and forced herself to speak. She thought she owed some explanations to Lareine as well, about something else, from the time they had even met. "Back when I was a kid, I used to wonder why monks and priests dedicated their life to their faith and retreated into some desolate monasteries in the mountains", she started silently. Immediately she had to clear her throat again. It felt like there would've been some lump. "During my teenage years in Kugane I found out I was gifted in channeling aether. It was a mindblowing experience for me." Silke made an instinctive silly face accompanied by a gesture with her hands portraying like her head would've exploded and brain splattered all over the place. Then she remembered the situation she was in and lowered her hands into her lap again. "Before that day, I had managed whatever tasks I had done only averagely. I had never been truly skillful at anything. I don't know have you ever experienced anything like it, Lareine... discovering your true calling." There was still some tea left at the bottom of her cup. It'd be shame if such a good tea went to waste just because she had forgotten how to swallow, Silke thought. "My family members have always been very supportive, and I'm so, so grateful to them...", Silke continued after a short while. "But pretty much everyone else - both my so called friends and romantic interests - have been against it. 'Are you reading again, Silke? You're so boring, have fun sometimes! You have lessons again, Silke? We haven't focked this week even once, just cancel them! You wanna follow your dream, Silke? But what about meee?'" she imitated in a mocking tone dripping with bitterness. She had to take a very deep, long breath before she went on: "I was so angry at them... part of me still is. But after it had happened multiple times I also realized perhaps it wasn't fair of me to expect anyone to spend their time with a bookworm who hardly has any time or interest in the things most of other people prefer. So... I decided I would never again give anyone a reason to blame me for being cold or heartless for following my path, feeling my lifeblood in my veins..." During talking Silke had been mostly just staring at the table, her cup or her hands. She grabbed the cup again and gulped the leftover tea down, hoping it would've been something more potent. She had read from somewhere mind was actually so powerful it could become drunk without alcohol if one believed in it strongly enough. It didn't work now, though. At least not fast enough. She should've probably started telling her brain she was drinking booze since they had started talking with Lareine. "You saying you love me, Lareine... I'm humbled by your words. And... so flattered it almost makes me speechless. But I could probably never give you what you want from me... As much as I care about you... so much I could maybe call it even love of some kind... and I would absolutely want to keep you in my life no matter how this conversation will end... but it still doesn't make me want to stray off my course." At that moment Silke could've otherwise been like an archetype of a fancy looking portrait made of some revered noble. She was sitting straight, hands squeezed together on the table in front of her, wearing her expensive dress, and her long, straight, ash black hair tied in a loose bun. Her voice was stable and formal like she would've currently been in a job interview. But this paintinglike whole was broken by a slow flow of tears. Iris kept the gaze of her purple eyes nailed to Silke, as the girl told her story. She knew about Silke's old lovers. What they had been after. How Silke had been unable to live up to their expectations, and in the end, always got left with her books and spells. Was Silke right though? Had she been right all along? Maybe she had noticed all Iris' attempts to get close to her, and had kept offering cold shoulder to protect Iris from a let down. Damn girl thought she knew better what Iris needed. Bullshite. She took a sip of coffee, sniffing her nose at it. For some reason, the coffee had suddenly started to taste so bitter on her tongue. "Stop with da Lareine-crap, Silke... It's Iris. Its startin' to...", but before she got any further, she noticed Silke's tears. The tears on those pale cheeks were like a raging river for the flames of her frustration, putting them out in a heartbeat. Without thinking, Iris got up, walking around the table and searching for a tissue from the pocket of her dressing gown. She cursed in her mind as she came to a conclusion both her pockets were empty. Silke couldn't help but to frown slightly at the remark about the name. She wiped her eyes on the back of her hand, not giving a damn did it make her look like a panda bear with all her smeared make-up or not. The Iris thing was still partly a mystery to her. Silke had heard some people calling Lareine Iris sometimes, but she had thought it was a nickname they had given her. However, at times it seemed like a hot potato and Silke had never found a proper moment to ask about it. And mostly she had just forgotten the whole thing until it popped up again later. With a couple of quick steps, Iris suddenly made her way to the stove, picking up a towel from the hangar, and walking back to her friend.

Do not ever touch me again. Iris dropped the towel on the table, in front of Silke, before taking a step away from the girl, and leaning onto the table. Didn't Lareine like her own name? Silke thought to herself. She knew Varg had given it to her. Or was the name itself fine but Lareine just didn't like it because she didn't like the one who had given it to her? Or did it have something to do with her odd shifts? Silke's thoughts were interrupted by a towel that was dropped in front of her. She grabbed it and wiped her face, more thoroughly this time. "...Heck... I'm sorry, Silke... I do love ya... I fockin' love ya more than anythin' I have ever loved. And its scarin' the livin' shite outta mi. Yer all I 'ave been able to think durin’ these past weeks. And...", she sighed deeply, tapping the surface of the table with her long nails. "...However dis ends, I too want to keep ya in mi life. Abso-fockin'-lutely! And 'onestly? Why the heck ya keep thinkin' I'm tryin' to get ya stray off ya course? Haven't I fockin' supported ya durin' these years we have known? Not heckin' once I have told ya to drop yer classes and be with mi. Have I?" Sitting this close to Silke made her blood burn, like a dragon's breath. Like someone had drawn out her blood and replaced it with molten iron. Tears on Silke's cheeks made it just worse. Oh, how much Iris wanted to wrap her arms around this beautiful creature, and never let go. Protect her from all the heart-ache and poison-dripping words the girl got from people. But could she protect Silke from herself? The idea terrified her to the core, where the emptiness was lurking, ready to be set free. Ready to consume everything good and beautiful Iris had laid her hands on. And like speaking of a demon, called by her thoughts, the emptiness rose its head. A fleeting thought. To lift Silke on this very table, and rise her up to the heavens. Fill the emptiness just for a moment. Iris swept the thought on side, like it was an annoying insect, trying to get into her drink. The 'ell is wrong with me?

"I... think I might 'ave burned our heckin' loveboat on dat evenin' at yer place, huh? I kinda thought so. And 'onestly? I did not expect ya to just forgive me... Heck, I'm glad over mi head ya even came. At least let me tell ya I'm sorry. If we... can build somethin' out of this... Even an echo of whut we had. It would be...", Iris felt salty tears burning her eyes, and she had to work hard to hold them back. She couldn't cry now. Not now. Silke needed her. "...But tell mi this... okai? Ya have like... Whut? Six? Seven bells a day in dat class of yer? Mages 'ave relationships. Whut the heck is keeping ya from havin' one? Fock's sake, people have careers, Silke! And still dey have love-life. Heck, some might even have couple of kids! How come all yer time goes into studyin'? And... I'm not 'ere keepin' ya from followin' yer dreams! Nor strayin' ya away from yer path.. But really? Ya gotta 'ave somethin' else in life... A fockin' relationship is no full time job... Don't ya ever feel like ya just want someone to wake up next to ya in tha mornin'? Be dere when ya get home... Fockin' worship dat form of yer! Don't get mi wrong, but always when ya talk about damn relationships, it's like yer talking about some fockin' chore! Dats somethin' I will never get in ya... But ya may be right though! Maybe we were never made for each other in more wais than friends..." As the words left Iris' lips, she felt like they ripped a part of her soul with them, and scattered it into the wind. She felt the emptiness' low growl deep in the depths of her heart. "No, you haven't told me to relinquish anything, ever", Silke admitted, sniffed and put the towel back on the table. "Not even once... And for that I was very grateful. That's why I felt so happy around you. ...Until the last time we met." There was a short pause. "According to what you said to me back then I understood you've been just keeping up a facade, pretending to accept me, but in reality you had been hecking frustrated all the time. And that it took a couple of years and a few bottles of booze for you to gather courage to say it straight to my face." Silke also knew more than well other mages had relationships and whatnot. And it felt like everyone would've been constantly pointing out she should as well. Heck, she wasn't even certain did she want to. So far she had been trying out things mostly because she had been told to, not of her own volition. It wasn't only romance, but other aspects of life as well. Silke had been purely horrified when people of her age or younger had been saying they 'felt like settling down' and then got pregnant or married. Or worse: both! She felt like a caged cardinal craving to take off and disappear into the limitless blue, but was constantly told to stay in her cage. Because it was good for her. Because it was appropriate. Because others thought she should. It all made her so frustrated, baffled and furious before all, wanting to flap her wings and peck the bars even harder, not giving a damn about her pretty plumage wearing off of all the struggling and revealing blood, tendons and flesh beneath. What a useless, weak body and mind of a bird, she shuddered at the mental image. A demon or dragon would've fit her better. Like the great Hraesvelgr and Nidhogg. Oh, what magnificent creatures. Silke shook her head, forcing her thoughts back into the moment. "Haa, you are kinda right... about the chore thing", Silke explained after the silence had gone on for long enough without her noticing. "At least partly. And for gods' sake don't get me wrong! I do enjoy the company of other people. But for some reason I... don't seem to crave for it as much as most. It often feels like... there wouldn't be enough hours in a day for me. Like... I feel like I've just gotten started with some interesting transmutation or experiment or an old scroll and gotten all pumped up, like yesss this is the stuff, and then I notice it's already four in the focking morning and I should've gone to sleep hours ago, and should be at a lecture at eight. And then some time ago one of my professors noticed me either sitting in the library or using the chemistry class long after everyone else had left and offered me a part time job in their service, saying I could 'put all of that enthusiasm into a good use and earn some gil while at it.' And of course I accepted! She could've as well shown me a jam-filled doughnut with thick frosting and lots of sprinkles and asked me do I want it or not. And I was like 'No good ma'am I definitely don't want your delicious looking doughnut that smells like ambrosia from the heavens! Just hand it over!'" When Silke noticed she had started to get worked up again, she took another deep breath and cast a glance to a partly withered sunflower on the other side of the kitchen window. It was a stained glass window, very pretty, and looked very expensive. Silke tried to make sense of the patterns and what they presented. "Then at some point, after sedating my curiosity, I get an urge to go somewhere and meet people... and then I of course just go, and usually it's really fun. But when the urge to leave emerges, I rather go while I'm still in high spirits, and not trying to stay there just for the sake of staying, and being only half present. It seems like... others see it as rude I don't meet them so often, or that I don't stay for as long as they'd want, but I think it'd be even more rude towards my companions if I didn't give them my full attention and live my time with them to the fullest." Silke slowly turned her gaze from the window back to Lareine. "I'm terribly sorry, I started to babble again", she hissed while grimacing. "What I'm trying to say is... I've seen... many times... the way you want to live your life, La... Iris. You remind me of a shooting star or comet, roaming its way through the sphere and shining brightly, attracting attention and admiration. Meanwhile I'm some distant star twinkling leisurely in the horizon, just above the trees, and one would need a telescope to see it properly. As much as I don't like it, our preferences seem to be like fire and ice, godsdamnit! It's a bad omen!" "What the fock, Silke?" Iris couldn't help herself. "Yer not a distant, meaningless, piece of shite-star somewhere in the heckin' horizon! Yer the damn brightest star dere is for mi! All the time, after I came to Ishgard... Damn, I guess maybe even before dat... I 'ave felt like I'm walkin' in a dark, swampy forest with no wai out! Not until I met ya, Silke!" without even noticing it, Iris had taken a step closer to her friend, now standing only a step away. "...Yer mi guiding fockin’ light in this shitefest we call life! Ya shine down on mi, and help mi keep goin’! But if ya leave mi now... Whut do ya think it will do for mi? I’ll be damn lost in the darkness again! Don't ya dare to call yerself some useless fart-star in mi company ever again... Okai?” What was this girl even thinking? Silke had always had low self-esteem in all other areas, except her magic. In which her pride was clear. Maybe that was why Iris somewhere deep inside... some part of her disliked Silke’s magic. Magic took everything from her. Iris hated all the people who pecked at Silke for how she was... what she did. If she knew she could get away with it, without causing Silke any trouble, Iris would've gotten rid of every damn arsepluck who dared to say bad things about this goddess among women... And almost as much as Iris hated the people making Silke’s life hell, she hated the girl doing it to herself. “And I told ya already!” Iris turned around, bending over, leaning her elbows onto the table and bringing her head on the same level with Silke’s. “...I dropped mi medicine back den! It... I dunno whut I was sayin’! But whutever it was, it was not true... Ya really think, I would ‘ave just... heckin’ bottled it all up for two years? Tell mi... Would ya waste yer time on someone ya think is just frustratin’ company? Hold up a damn facade for such person? Dats fockin’ waste of time!" Quite many people seem to be doing it, actually, Silke was tempted to say in her most annoying, know-it-all tone, but she bit her tongue. "Yeah, yer right about bein' frustrated, though...", Iris continued. "I might have thought about it time to ‘ime... Especially when ya fell asleep on mi...  How do ya think it made mi feel? How it made mi look?” She let out a shivering sigh, shaking her head. “And whut the heck is dis mumbo-jumbo about bad omens? ‘ow are we a bad omen? We... We are made for eachother, Silke! I love ya, sweetie! ‘ow can dat be a bad omen in ani way? A... And ya just... Ya just said ya love me, ‘aight? So... I... I dont see whut’s the matter! I just want ya to be damn part of mi life, Silke...” As Iris talked, she could almost feel Silke’s breath on her face. Feel the faint scent of a flowery perfume. The emptiness inside her fought, tearing it’s shackles, and Iris had to close her eyes for just a moment, to keep it in check. “... And I got a job and everythin' ya know! I'm really doin' mi fockin' best! ...I just hope we could get even something back... Of whut we had before all dis..." Her fight against the tears seemed to be falling for a loss, as they started to run freely, messing her dark makeup, and painting dark lines onto her pale cheeks. "...I heckin' love ya, Silke..." Silke lowered her reddish eyes from Lareine to her own hands again and started wringing them compulsively. What the heck was Lareine babbling about? They usually understood each other perfectly, but sometimes this happened. They had a language barrier or something between them. Silke had just announced she wanted to keep Lareine in her life and Lareine was already talking about Silke 'leaving' her. Or was this about that inexplicable concept of being 'just friends' again? Silke had never understood it. She didn't have any ranks for the people precious to her. They were all equally important, just in different ways. To her, there was no being 'just' something. "Once again I'm flattered you've thought of me so highly, and that I've been able to be of help to you. But do you have any idea what kind of contract you'd want to scrawl your name on, princess?" Silke almost whispered. "Let's imagine for a moment we'd live together, okay? I would leave very early for school or work, and return very late in most days. We would see each other only slightly more often than nowadays", she started to list. "You sleep with every second person you find attractive. I couldn't care less about such things. I've done it for a few times only to please my partners. It's like housework - a necessary evil - and even more boring than housework to be honest...", she couldn't help but to roll her eyes. Silke's gaze wandered around the table and fixated on her empty cup. There was some skillfully painted, pink and white roses on it, and the cup's handle and rim were gilded. She couldn't help but wonder about the possible ratio of materials to get such a perfectly balanced hue. "As you know already, I'm striving to become an archmage, and alongside that, an alchemist", Silke continued after a short while. No more tears were coming out and she noticed her voice was saturated with perseverance and finality like always while talking about the subject. "If they call me in the middle of night... or party or dinner or whatever and there's some emergency or major breakthrough, I'll most probably be going. If they need someone to test a new portal or check stability levels of a tear in the rift, I'll be the first one volunteering. If there's demons, voidsents or extremely powerful, magical beasts causing trouble... well, you know how it goes: I will be there." Silke turned her head slightly towards Lareine, but didn't look at her directly, just from the corner of her eye. "Is that truly what you want in your life... Iris?" Suddenly Iris started to regret she ever corrected the name. When they were talking about love earlier, Silke repeating Lareine’s name over and over again had made Iris feel so miserable. Almost like her beloved was confessing her love to another woman, right there under her very eyes. But now? As things had started to take turn to the south again, it would've been so much easier to take all hits while hiding behind the mask of unsuspecting Lareine. Iris felt like she was swimming in a bottomless lake. And every sentence Silke weaved, every word leaving those pretty, thin lips of hers, felt like a creature of the deeps, grabbing Iris’ leg and pulling her down under. She tried to fight back, gasp for air, but it was no use, and soon she would just give up. Sink into the deep dark embrace of nothing. “No...”, the words left Iris’ lips, without her even noticing it. She straightened her back, and staggered to the stove. Her head was spinning. A numb hand took a grip of the teapot and filled it with fresh water, placing it on the stove. Flames in the fireplace were slowly withering away and dying, so she picked up a couple of logs, throwing them into the fireplace to keep the flames alive. Deep down Iris hoped she could do the same for her own, withering heart. The silence in the room was like that of funerals, and that's how Iris felt. A funeral. She was about to bury something very dear to her. Put it into rest. After a while that felt like an eternity in purgatory, the boiling of water broke the silence. Iris moved the pot off the stove, reached for a bottle of rum, and a tiny jar of honey, mixing them into two fresh cups, and filling to the brim with boiling hot water. She walked up to Silke, placing the cup in front of her before returning to her own chair with hers. “Ya will always be pickin’ yer damn archmage dreams over mi, huh?”, she noted while taking a sip. The steaming, hot drink burned her mouth, but it was better than the feeling of emptiness inside her. “...Don't ya get mi wrong, sweetie. I'm heckin’ proud of ya. Yer gonna be the most kick-ass fockin’ archmage dey have ever seen from ‘ere to far East. And damn I wanna be dere to see tha faces of yer fellow students, when dey see it. After all dey ‘ave said about ya... And ‘ey, maybe I dont ‘ave to use Mori’s portals animore den. I don't trust the portals of dat lass in the slightest...” Taking another sip, Iris placed the cup onto the dark, wooden table, returning her gaze to her friend. “Ya just... try to heckin’ understand how dis feels to mi. I ‘ave been fockin’ eartips deep in love with ya for damn two years. And now? It’s just kinda all shatterin’ in pieces in front of mi. Like dat damn painted glass window I broke on dat night. I... I feel like bein’ a damn child again. ‘ave I told ya about mi mom, Silke? She... was a useless dreamer-type, fillin’ mi head with stories about lands like those from fairytales dat waited for us outside of tha forest. And silly me even believed those words. ...Then we came to Limsa Lominsa. And instead of my fantasy fairyland, I got a stinkin’ city, full of cut-throats and rapists... Mi damn world just fell apart.” Iris’ lips curled into a smile of a kind. “...Ya know whut I promised to miself back den? While burnin’ mi mom’s corpse? To never let anyone fill mi head with shite of fairytales ever again. And for the fockin’ past two years... I ‘ave done it miself. The apple sure doesn't drop far from the damn tree...” Iris emptied her cup with one single gulp, feeling the rum burning its way down her throat. “I'm heckin’ sorry, Silke. I don't wanna lose ya. Maybe our damn lovestory was not written in the stars after all... But I still love ya, gal. And if I can't compete with ya silly dreams... Damn... I’ll be dere to cheer for ya, when ya make dose dreams reality!” A warm smile on Iris’ lips, hid behind the emptiness pulsated and growled, and finally broke its shackles. Silke tried her best to think about something extremely annoying and cling to it with all her might to prevent her flow of tears she could feel pounding behind her eyes like roaring waves against a dam that was about to break. She would've so much wished Lareine to agree, but deep down she knew it wouldn't have been fair. If Silke had tried adapting to live the wild life Lareine was after, it would've been like a fish trying to climb a tree. And if Lareine for her part had shut herself into libraries or ancient tombs and ruins, or Silke's silent apartment with Laurence, she would've eventually felt as caged as Silke currently did with generally everything. "If you want to put it that way", Silke agreed silently. If she wasn't able to have both, magick would be her choice, now and forever. "I am trying to understand. I think I even do to some extent. And I truly do wish I could give you what you seek because I want for your happiness. But I don't think I have it in me. I wouldn't want it to go to the point we desperately tried to mix our fire and ice just because it seems nice on the outside and eventually ended up hating each other for it." At least they were no longer at sixes and sevens. That alone eased the giant vortex beneath her calm surface at least some. Like Lareine, Silke also emptied her cup with one go, not caring although it made her feel like she was swallowing lava. Feeling like she didn't have anything to say anymore Silke glanced absent-mindedly outside. It had gotten really foggy. Then she turned to look at the clock sitting on a cupboard nearby. "I think I should go", Silke stated formally, and calmly stood up. "Not for work or school this time, though. It's my laundry room turn soon and I have only an hour to wash almost my entire wardrobe. Hahah!" She let out an awkward laugh and bowed politely immediately after. "Thank you for the tea, Iris. It was absolutely delicious. See you around!" I must get out, she thought to herself. I must get out right now.

Silke was able to get past Lareine before she saw Silke's face starting to twist, but before Silke got out of the kitchen, she almost collided with Varg, who had returned from upstairs, his hands full of an empty cup and briefcase, and this time with tidied hair. Silke wasn't fast enough to hide her facial expression, which made the old au ra give her a long, curious look. "Excuse me", Silke almost whispered, not lowering her wavering gaze from his chilly, black eyes, but in her mind she added a sarcastic 'wink wink nudge nudge.' His only answer was a slight frown and a calm step aside so that she could pass. This felt so wrong, Iris thought while watching Silke getting up and leaving. So wrong. Deep down Iris knew this would be for the best for both of them. Like Silke had said, trying to mix fire and ice would never end well. Still, she could not look at her friend’s back as she was walking out of the room. Silke was acting... weirdly? "Silke!" Iris shouted after the girl. But as the other didn’t pay any mind to her voice, she quickly rushed around the table and towards her friend. Usually Iris had an excellent balance. She had been honing it for years on the streets of Limsa Lominsa. Yet now, her foot got stuck around a leg of the chair that was pulled out, and the slippery marble flooring did the rest. With her hands flailing, she tried to regain her balance, but it was no use at this point. With a loud crash from a falling chair, and a series of colorful curses, Iris fell on the floor, just barely missing Varg, who had just walked in, looking annoyed. Without wasting any time, she jumped back on her feet and took a couple of quick steps, reaching her friend just before she reached towards the door. Do not ever touch me again... Do not ever touch me again... Do not ever touch me again... SHUT THE FOCK UP!! Iris wrapped her arms gently around Silke from behind. The hold was light like butterfly’s wings, and Silke could've easily walked out of it if she had wanted to. Iris buried her face into Silke’s long, velvety hair, inhaling her scent. The familiar scent of flowers, ink and parchment felt so good. Like someone pulling Iris out of a freezing water and wrapping her into a blanket. It felt like home. With one arm around Silke’s chest, and another around her neck, crossing in front her, Iris could feel Silke holding tears. So this was why she was acting so weird? Iris was about to say something about it, but decided not to. She would let Silke have her tears. The girl had cried enough. After just a fleeting moment of standing there, Iris rose her chin, whispering softly into Silke’s long ear. “...Let mi walk ya ‘ome, okai? Just... Just gimme a moment to dress up. I can help ya with dose laundry of yer, okai? We’ll get it done in no time, the two of us? Yes?” While talking Iris brushed the back of her index finger up on Silke’s jawline. “I cant just let ya walk awai from mi like dat, Silke. Let mi give ya a ‘and. I ‘ave a day-off and all dat shite. Got nothin’ to do aniway...” Lareine's careful hug made Silke accidentally vibrate, but instead of dashing out through the half opened door, she had frozen on the spot, held by her own hand squeezing the metallic doorknob. It felt icy to touch, but Silke used it as an anchor to hold herself together. It had been embarrassing enough to weep - multiple times even - in front of Lareine, who was the only one apart from Silke's family members who had ever seen her cry. But even more humiliating it would've been in front of strangers or people Silke didn't care about. Although Blacksoul seemed to care equally little about the two vieras and their personal mess, just his presence in the next room was enough for Silke to remain as stoic as she possibly could. First she had interrupted their breakfast and now she was blocking the doorway with her carcass so that he couldn't leave for work. She painstakingly lifted her free hand and grabbed Lareine's arm she was holding around Silke's neck, squeezing it almost equally hard as her other hand had clung on the doorknob. If the place had been more appropriate, Silke could've just stood there forever. Though she wasn't quite sure what exactly was it that prevented her from running: surprise, bliss or horror. Another awkward laughter - a bit more authentic this time - escaped her lips. "If that's how you truly want to spend your day off, who am I to forbid you, princess?" Silke asked in a somewhat swollen voice. "I just hate housework. If I was some rich bastard who had enough gil to wipe their arse with it, I'd gladly pay for someone to take care of that stuff for me." “... Either dat, or ya could juust... leech yer wai into a manor wid butler, ya know?” Iris closed her eyes just for a moment. Silke’s tight grip holding her arm was like that of a valkyrie, rising a fatally injured warrior from the mud and blood, carrying her on the other side. Iris felt peace. For the emptiness inside though, the touch was like an iron maiden. Shutting its doors around it, draining its strength away. Iris could still hear the growling through that metallic face, frozen in a calm expression, but as long as Silke was holding onto her, she felt like the doors would stay closed tight. Silke half accidentally let out another laughter - aghast this time. "You kidding me, right?" she splurged, lowering her voice into a whisper. "The miasma in here is just -" She bit her tongue again before she could finish the sentence. Asagi and Blacksoul weren't on best terms with each other, and Silke had decided that despite her hanging out with Lareine and Arsene, she'd make sure she at least wouldn't be the one throwing fireballs into a powder keg. She had actually been trying somewhat to extinguish the flames, because she was tired of both Asagi and Varg's disapproval of her just because she was Asagi's sister and Lareine's friend. After a moment Iris pulled her arm away gently, taking a step back. “...Just a moment, sweetie... I will be back before ya know it!” And with those words, she rushed upstairs, her long dressing gown flowing like a cape after her. Meanwhile Lareine was getting dressed upstairs, Silke was wringing her hands behind her back again, trying to recover from her and Lareine's recent conversation and to come up with some superficial and boring subjects for small talk just in case. It transpired she didn't need them. Not a long after, Iris hurried back downstairs, now fully dressed in a leather jacket, a top with skull pattern, tight leather pants and a pair of ankle boots. “Blacksoul! I'm goin’ out! May stay over night, I dunno... No drinkin’! Promise!" she yelped at the old au ra while passing the kitchen door on her way back to Silke. “Righto! I'm ready!” Iris hurried to her friend's side, quickly hooking her arm with the other’s. “Have ya eaten, by tha way? Because I can almost bet mi next paycheck ya have not... So dat in mind, lets take a 'urn through Jeweled Crozier and get sum food stuff, okai? I’ll make a dinner for ya after we are done wid tha laundry shite! Hm?” Iris felt Silke’s tension while their arms were locked together. Her friend had been through so much. All the things Silke had said kept running through her head, but for now? Silke was all that mattered. Whatever happened, Iris would make sure this beautiful girl, who was like a ghost from the eastern legends, would never have to cry because of her. Ever again. "I've eaten only some instant ramen last night", Silke answered when they had already walked out of the estate. Immediately after she furrowed in disbelief. "...You? Dinner? You mean... You can actually cook something and not just boil water?" The thick fog soon swallowed the two vieras. If some citizen had been within hearing distance, they wouldn't have seen a thing, but had only heard some extremely loud chatter and banter somewhere from the whiteness.

With @lareine-kira​ :3c