#Danny really does want that nap tho.

[goodfish-bowl]

A Unicorn Hair Rope

Danny Phantom x Gravity Falls Crossover

Part 1 (Read for this to make sense)

Masterpost

DP Crossover Angst Week Day 7 - Captured by the characters of a different media

Summary: Dipper and Ford give chase, intent to take Danny down before he can hurt anyone else.

Warnings: near panic attack, it/its pronouns used for Danny by Ford

Notes: I've decided the story takes place between the GF episodes “The Last Mabelcorn” and “Dipper and Mabel vs. The Future”, so Bill is a known and acknowledged mutual threat, but not yet able to start Weirdmageddon.

Word Count: 3109

AO3 link

Grunkle Ford was on a warpath, and Dipper was helpless to stop it. The mad dash from the gas station to back to the Mystery Shack was enough to leave him breathless for several minutes, and gave Ford enough time to devolve into a frenzy of preparation and catastrophizing. Dipper could barely keep up with Ford’s ramblings, the very little of it that made sense to him at least. There was too little that made sense, and his Grunkle was not giving him any sort of explanation or at least letting him mentally catch up. 

“Grunkle Ford!” Dipper shouted, finally both catching his breath, and Ford’s attention. “Explain what’s going on!”

Ford paused for a minute, before taking in a deep breath, as if he hadn’t been breathing, before leveling a tense, worried glance at Dipper, before returning to work at a much more controlled pace. 

“That boy, or well, what’s possessing him, is dangerous beyond belief,” Ford started, sinking into one of the chairs scattered about his lab. 

“There are many beings across many different dimensions, but there are some that exist between dimensions. Spirits, ghosts, even gods. But they can’t exist on the physical planes very long, due to the amount of energy they need. If this one has been here for months, then something is very wrong. I honestly doubt there’s much left of the boy it’s been using as a vessel. We need to find it, and exorcise it before it can cause more damage.”

Dipper blinked owlishly, processing for a second before it hit him, “You want to exorcise a god?” 

“I doubt it’s actually a god, more likely a spirit of some sort, or simply a powerful ghost. Either way, the same methods will work no matter what it is. Though I fear it’s too late for the boy, he’s as good as dead,” Ford explained while answering nothing. 

“What?!” It was Dipper’s turn to panic. 

“They’re not meant for this plane, they need a host of some sort to stay for any extended period. No wonder that boy looked ill enough to be confused for a vampire. But with the way their blood has been mixed, there’s no separating them now. Best get it in its current vessel, while it’s weakening.”

“If… If there’s no separating them, then why do we have to go after him?” Dipper asked. 

The… spirit guy hadn’t done anything. Dipper already felt horrible about the entire situation. There were plenty of magical creatures already living in Gravity Falls, he didn’t see why they had to go after this one in particular. 

Ford gave Dipper a look that was likely intended to be sympathetic. “After this vessel fails, it will go after another, it has to. Even if it ‘doesn’t do anything’, that doesn’t mean it’s harmless. It’s already taken at least one life, best not let it get another,” Ford paused, taking out the machete, scraping the multi-colored blood into a vial, and into one of the many machines on his workbench, before discarding the machete into a corner. 

“There’s no guarantee of this, but there is a non-zero chance that this spirit is working with Cipher. We can’t take any chances that he could get his hands on the rift.” 

Dipper frowned, unable to picture Danny, worn and looking more exhausted than Dipper did after two all-nighters, working with someone like Bill Cipher. But he knew how manipulative Bill could be, the chance was non-zero. Danny looked like he’d do it for a decent sleep. 

“Fine… I… I don’t like this. But, fine,” Dipper gave in. 

The machine beeped, and Ford connected a different, handheld device to it. 

“But… how are we even supposed to catch something like that?” Dipper asked. 

Ford gave a confident smile, pulling the handheld device off the other after it gave a small ‘beep’, showing it off. “This device will allow us to track it based on its unique energy signature,” Ford explained. “From there, trapping it shouldn’t be too difficult, especially since we have some leftover unicorn hair from Mabel.”

 Dipper swallowed the uncomfortable feeling in the back of his throat, before putting on a nervous, tense smile. 

“I guess we’ve got a ghost to catch, then.”

Danny Fenton had not expected to encounter ghost hunters in nowhere, Oregon. In fact, he had run as far as he practically could to and from any and all locations that could potentially have ghost hunters. Gravity Falls, as odd as it was, was supposed to be safe. It was only be coincidence that it had just enough ambient ectoplasm in the air to keep him going. The veil was worn thin here. 

Gravity Falls was supposed to be safe, and it had been, Danny supposed, for all of 2 months. He had only managed to get the nightshift at the only gas station in town because no one else had wanted it, too scared of whatever metaphorically haunted the night. Sure, the gnomes were weird but they were paying customers, and he had to occasionally chase Old Mac Mcgucket out from under the dumpster, but this was the closest to normalcy Danny had experienced since getting chased from Amity Park. Gravity Falls was just weird enough that Danny was able to fly under the radar. 

There were also the kids. Mabel and her gang of girls who dragged her twin brother around. Then the group of teens (who were not always paying customers, unlike the gnomes, but Danny was not a snitch), but he didn’t have any problems. At least not until the brother had decided he was a vampire charming his sister. He had thought the kid had been joking, and Danny had laughed him off, claiming girls were just ‘like that’ sometimes. (Danny did not want to think about Paulina’s Phantom Phan Club and their treatment of him anytime soon). The kid was apparently serious enough to find someone who believed him, and Danny’s cover was blown clear out of the water. 

The silver was expected, the machete and the solid iron cross were not. Danny didn’t know he reacted to solid iron until it burned him, and that old man tried to lop his head off. He was lucky that the camera’s in the store were dummies, otherwise Danny wouldn’t be surprised if the GIW made a grand appearance. No one other than the kid and the old man had seen him use his powers. He hadn’t expected them to actually be competent vampire hunters. 

Danny had fled back to the old hunting shack he’d been staying in. No one had been there in years before Danny had decided to haunt the place, so he’d figured it would be safe enough. He clutched at the cut on the side of his neck, forcing whatever energy he could spare towards healing it with gritted teeth. That old man had tried to kill him, full and in earnest. 

After two months of being a normal human being, Danny had forgotten just how much a look like that hurt him. But at least it was from a stranger this time (even if he was vaguely familiar). It was worse when it had been someone he knew. It was worse when he knew they intended to draw out his suffering for the crime of his existence. The old man was practically merciful in that regard. But merciful or not in comparison, he had still tried to kill Danny. He probably couldn’t go back to work then. 

Danny started the process of packing, fitting the few belongings, some newer than others into his backpack when the hairs along his neck raised. It was nothing compared to his ghost sense, but Danny knew better than to ignore any sense of danger he could. He dropped his things and clicked off the battery powered camping light he used to light the space. He locked the door and closed the curtains in the same second, hunkering down, pushing his hearing as hard as he could to hear whatever was approaching the cabin, fingers crossed it was just the multi headed-bear again. 

There were voices, very quiet, and Danny couldn’t pick up what they were saying from so far away, but there were two of them, one old and the other young. Danny hunched even deeper into the corner cabin, as far from the windows as he could. It was likely the same pair from the store. Danny didn’t think they could find him this quickly. It had been, what, maybe a few hours at most? They must’ve found a way to track him. Images of all of his parent’s ghost tracking devices came to mind. He hoped, with all he had, that they hadn’t gotten one from his parents. Either way, he would have to run, run far and fast as he could to get out range of the tracker, and mark another location off as uninhabitable. 

Danny gathered what energy he had to spare, letting it buzz just underneath his skin, and finished tossing the absolute necessities into his bag before transforming and launching himself into the air. 

Danny collided hard with what he had almost assumed was the wall of the cabin. He blinked the spots and stars out of his vision, feeling a tingling, pins-and-needles sensation burn over his skin. He was still about half a foot from the wall, he hadn’t run into it. Danny slowly reached out to touch the wall, and was met with a shimmering barrier several inches from the wall, sending pins and needles at contact. He pushed against it, sending more sparks over his skin, until the sensation became painful and repulsed him away. 

Danny painted against the threadbare carpet, more panic building under his skin, joining the burning of his ectoplasm. Danny traced the barrier, hoping for a hole. It curved around the single room of the cabin in a lopsided circle, leaving only the path the door free from obstruction. That wasn’t an option. Danny watched the barrier cautiously. It wasn’t ectoplasmic in nature, he would’ve had a much stronger reaction to running into it if it was but… it moved, shocking him in the process, pulling in tighter, still leaving the door as the only exit. 

Danny cursed a vile string of words across a smattering of languages, living and dead. They weren’t going to give him a choice, they intended to drag him out, slowly tightening their noose of a barrier until he was forced outside. Danny hissed at the invisible barrier, before taking a steadying breath, and becoming human again to try his typical escape tactic. It wasn’t one of his parents' barriers, he should be able to get out like- it zapped him again. Danny couldn’t get out. He was going to die here. 

Danny screamed, desperation, frustration, and fear spilling from him all at once.

Dipper’s knee’s almost buckled at the sound of whatever was screeching inside. The whole cabin shook with the force and power behind it, shattering the remaining glass in the windows. Dipper did his very best to swallow his fear, looking towards Grunkle Ford for reassurance. 

Ford had something between a grimace and a grin on his face. “Looks like we made it mad.” 

Ford continued pulling in the end of the rope that he had Dipper run around the cabin. He had said it was some kind of unicorn-hair laced rope, completely slipping through anything non-magical, and only snagging the supernatural. It also made a decent portable, if makeshift barrier as well. He had hammered the end of it, tied up in a slip knot in the end, slowly pulling the rope in. Dipper stayed carefully behind Ford as the barrier closed in. 

Dipper jumped when the door to the cabin creaked open, but nothing seemed to be there. Ford just continued to pull the rope in, eyes not leaving the space just above the rope. 

Ford dropped the rope standing further back from their oblong barrier, which now had less than two yards of diameter inside. 

“We can wait here all night, you’re not going anywhere. Might as well show yourself,” Ford growled. 

A figure flickered into visibility, vaguely reminding Dipper the ghosts haunting the only convenience store, and the ones from Pacifica’s party. It was Danny from the convenience store, looking several times more exhausted than he had earlier that night, with burns up and down his arms. His eyes blazed that same bright green that Dipper had only managed a glimpse of in the store. He was curled into himself, glaring at the rope, sharp teeth bared. His eyes seemed to linger on their tracker, glazing over Dipper, before settling venomously on Ford. Something in Dipper’s mind couldn’t seem to connect the earlier shriek to the person… to the spirit in front of him. 

“Well?” Danny rasped out. “You’ve managed to drag me out. What now?”

“Release the boy you’re possessing, spirit,” Ford demanded. 

Dipper held his breath as something in Danny’s expression shifted, mouth closing into a frown. 

“I can’t do that.”

“Why not?!” 

Danny did not break eye contact with Ford, and Dipper was grateful to be ignored. 

“I’m not possessing anybody. This is my own body.”

“If that was true, then you would’ve dissipated a long time ago, spirit. Your kind can’t stay on this plane very long,” Ford argued. 

Danny huffed. “Know something about ghosts, don’t you? Normally you’re right, but not in this case. I’m as physical as you are. This has been my body since the day I was born.”

Dipper glazed up at Ford, finding his brows knit together. “That’s impossible. You’d either have to be possessing your own corpse or-”

“Of not fully dead. Bingo,” Danny confirmed blandly. 

“That’s impossible,” Ford denied. 

“Impossible things happen sometimes.”  

Dipper was actually able to see the resignation on Danny’s face, and his own guilt resurfaced. Ford was beginning to look conflicted too. He had wanted to end the ghost because he was a threat, and could possibly leave people hurt. 

“That depends, spirit.”

Danny’s gaze actually landed on Dipper, recognition filling the other’s gaze before drifting away. 

“Depends on what?” 

“First, what are your intentions here in Gravity Falls?”

“Nothing, really,” Danny seemed to respond earnestly. “I don’t want any trouble, just to lay low for a bit.”

Ford’s eyes narrowed. “What reason could a spirit have to stay low?”

Danny looked away. “Are you familiar with the GIW?”

The name caught in Dipper’s ears, completely unfamiliar. 

“They’re government goons. A bunch of idiots chasing things far above their understanding.” Apparently not unfamiliar to Grunkle Ford. 

“And what do you think they would do to someone like me, who they believe is completely non-sentient, nothing more than an echo of consciousness over energy?” Danny asked back. 

Something about how Danny described spirits and ghosts didn’t sit right with Dipper. A good collection of the monsters were sentient, and Dipper couldn’t imagine how people could see someone like Danny and claim he wasn’t. 

“Running from the government,” Ford huffed. “A lackluster reason. Fine,” Ford practically spat the admission. “Then secondly, how are you possibly getting enough energy to stay here? Your kind need massive amounts of energy, just to stay physical.”

Danny crossed his arms. “Eating food. You know, like a person. Other than that, the veil is thin here. There’s enough ambient energy that I’m doing just fine.”

‘The veil is thin here’? Dipper wondered if it was due to the portal. From the look on Ford’s face, probably. 

“You haven’t been feeding off of anyone?”

Danny just look straight up confused this time. “No, I thought we already cleared the ‘vampire’ charges?”

Ford looked a bit miffed at that response, and Dipper was beginning to let relief fill him. Danny really wasn’t hurting anyone but…

“Lastly, are you working with, for, or alongside the dimensional being known as Bill Cipher?”

Dipper could see genuine confusion on Danny’s face, more so than the ‘feeding’ question. “No… no. I have no idea who that is.”

“None at all?” Ford pushed. 

“None,” Danny confirmed, crossing his arms. 

Things fell silent then, Danny staring at them, while Ford seemed to try and fit things together. 

“So, what are you going to do now? Still going to take my head off with your machete?” Danny asked. 

“Machetes don’t work on spirits,” Ford retorted back. 

“Okay… your point?”

Dipper suddenly had an idea, probably not a good one, but, “Hey Grunkle Ford?” Dipper tugged on Ford’s sleeve to get his attention. 

“What if we enlist Danny’s help against Bill… or something like that? Some kind of, um… agreement so he can’t hurt anyone, but we could also use his help? Aren’t spirits really strong?” Dipper whispered. 

Ford frowned, leaning down towards Dipper so Danny couldn't hear, “It's… not a terrible idea. He would be bound by it under the right circumstances, but those things are tricky.”

“We would have to make one with as few holes as possible. Even then… Danny doesn’t seem the type to try and twist the deal. Mabel and I have interacted with in him plenty of times before, and he always seemed… kinda nice. Wendy and the older teens like him too. I just…” Dipper trailed off. 

Ford sighed. “If we’re doing this, then we’re doing it right. He can’t do anything from inside the circle, and I’m not letting him out without some assurance. He’s definitely a threat, but you’re onto something to get him to help us against Cipher…” 

Ford leveled a hard, stern look at Dipper. “This is your idea, so you’ll have to take responsibility for it, got it Dipper? We have no idea how strong this particular spirit is, so your deal has to be airtight. Can I leave that to you?”

Dipper gave a resolute nod. “Yes, Grunkle Ford.”

“Then I’m going to get the necessary items out of the car. Work out your deal.” 

Dipper nodded, and watched as Ford shot a glance behind himself, leaving Dipper alone with Danny. 

“Is the old man going to get a non-machete weapon to take off my head with?” Danny joked without an inch of humor. 

“Oh…uh…no. I… I don’t think so,” Dipper hesitantly answered.

“Okay,” Danny seemed just as uncertain as Dipper felt.  

Dipper took a deep breath, solidifying his will for this. He could do this. He had delt with more terrifying things this summer already. 

“Danny,” Dipper started, fully gaining the spirit’s attention, who seemed shocked at his own name being spoken, like he hadn’t expected to be addressed by name at all. 

“I want to make a deal with you.”

[aro-aizawa]

man for how really shitty 2012 was for inclusivity/shitty behaviour, some really great things were made regardless of that

[captainnameless]

Okay but now that Daniel has a camera ....

Mick absolutely loves it. Sticks his tongue out and makes a silly face whenever he notices Danny lurking around. Daniel always has to tell him the funniest jokes to capture an actual smile, but it's worth it. Mick will also 100% curl up in his daddy's lap and insist Daniel take photos of them together. (Sebastian gets a small print of one and keeps it in his wallet).

Charles is a little more shy about it. He's so used to having cameras shoved in his face when he's working - this is HIS time, no cameras allowed. Poor bub will absolutely try to hide behind Mick for a change, or run and hide his face against daddy or Carlos' chest. Daniel learns quickly that little Charles is NOT going to pose for a picture. (He does love glancing over Daniel's shoulder as Daniel reviews and touches up photos, with giggly admissions of "Mick looks silly, Danny." When Daniel comes across one of the few shots he got of Charles with Sebastian, there's a quiet gasp behind him before gleeful shouts of "Daddy, come look! 'Is me and you!"

Max wants to make Leo the star of Daniel's photography. Is always putting the poor stuffed lion in precarious situations for photos. Is always "making" him clothes with his crafting supplies - and well, Daniel just has to take photos of Leo all dressed up, even if his "cape" is just a napkin scribbled on with markers. Of course, Max wants to be a good boy too. He will smile for the camera or make a funny face or whatever Daniel asks of him.

-Lando is the bossy one. Absolutely hams it up - puts on a smile so big Daniel is sure the little's cheeks have to be sore. Shouts "Me, Danny! Take a picture of me!" Also Daniel's biggest critic (affectionately). Lando is new to photography too, still doesn't really know what he's doing himself (even less so in this headspace), just knows that it's fun and he likes looking at the pictures. But he will 100% catch Daniel trying some new technique and just - "Nooo Danny, you do it wrong. I show you how to do it." (Most of the time, he does the exact same thing Daniel was doing to begin with, but well, Danny loves him too much to argue). - 👻

so correct once again.

my heart on the Seb wallet picture bit i- 🥹🫶🏻

Mick’ll definitely be the showstealer, silly faces and moves to capture Daniel’s attention, makes both him and Lando take plenty of Angie pics too.

Charlie bb not wanting to pose 🥺 i bet he’d wanna help Daniel tho, point out pretty sunsets or some sort of cool architecture, tugging on Daniel’s sleeve before pointing something out.

Max with Leo omg stop, Daniel will never catch a break and pretends the camera’s batteries are dead more often than he’d like to admit. but Daniel loves capturing Max when he doesn’t know, sneaks pictures of him napping when his cheeks are rosy and features relaxed, when he’s focussed playing a game or the big smiles that are reserved for him.

Lando’ll take all the credit, makes sure everyone knows he did it first and he does it better but absolutely loves having a hobby to share with Daniel. sends him youtube videos on photography tips and demands silly photoshoots when in his headspace. he’ll put on a fashion show of all Daniel’s, Carlos’ and how ever many more drivers’ merch/team clothing he has acquired over the years and makes Daniel shoot the entire thing.

[ofdreamsanddoodles]

Hello friend! I've just finished watching all of doom patrol and really loved it. I want to give the comics a shot but don't know where to start, can you recommend a good run to start from? Or is the answer to read all of them lol. (Also my favourite character is Larry if that makes a difference)

A lot of people start with the most recent run! The 2016 doom patrol is kind of more of a sequel to Morrison’s doom patrol than the 2009 comics, and since a lot of the show is based on Morrison you’d probably like that! Rita isn’t in morrison’s run, though, and in 2016 she only comes in til the Milk Wars tie in which is… weird. We all have to live with the fact that dc made an alternate universe centered around milk. I think 2009 is a good comic, though it might be a strange place to start because it does reference a fair amount of the older comics, like the end of silver age, and new doom patrol, but if you want a more “down to earth” (they fight alternate reality versions of themselves, this is relative), i’d read that one too! I’m not sure where you’d want to go from there, so here’s my review of all the doom patrol comics based on how much larry is in them

Silver age: Larry is just a nice young man who wants to live with his mom and only became a hero through happenstance. Literally cannot go a second without fighting with cliff but that’s how friendship is sometimes. I love him. He accidentally helped a super villain make evil cookies. If you don’t want to read all of the comics and just want a shorter version of what the comics like, just read My Greatest Adventure (1955) Issues 80-85

New Doom Patrol: Larry wakes up from a coma and immediately decides that he hates his replacement. He’s like super depressed and just kind of mopes around until like, the last couple issues but then he immediately needs to go to the hospital because he hurts himself. He doesn’t really do a lot, is what I’m saying. Basically all you need to know is that he and negative woman are teammates but they’re also sworn enemies. This is part of the same run as Morrison, but most people skip it but if you do want to read it it’s Doom Patrol (1987) issues 1-18

Morrison: It’s everyone’s favorite run but there’s no larry so that’s at LEAST minus 100 points. There IS Rebis tho, who has Larry’s body merged w the body of a woman named eleanor, so xe’s just a cool intersex bigender person who knows xe’s Better Than You. Everyone calls hir larry tho (except jane) so minus another 100 points for misgendering and another 50 for that one weird comment about hir being mixed race (eleanor is black). If Morrison hired a sensitivity reader, I think Rebis could have been really good. I love hir as a character but xe deserved a better writer. This is the comic that introduces Jane and Danny, the Decreator, Mr. Nobody, Dorothy and Flex so like. It does have non larry related good points. Personally I found the brotherhood of dada very cool but you do have to see Larry have sex in a mindscape with Eleanor so like. Mixed bag, you know? This is Doom Patrol (1987) issues 19-63

Pollack: There’s no Larry but there are the bandage people, who live in a house with sex ghosts. The Chief is a living severed head, Cliff and Dorothy get the character arcs they deserve and we meet Coagula, aka the best super hero in the entirety of dc comics. She’s a trans woman who developed the power to dissolve and manipulate molecure structure after having sex with Rebis. Yeah. There’s a lot of sex here. It’s also pretty witchy. Cliff and Dorothy meet forest gods. It’s a short run and even if you don’t read Morrison you should read it and it’s Doom Patrol 1987 issues 64-87.

2001: there’s only one issue of this that matters and surprisingly, it’s the only one with larry and rita in it. The issue is called “Sell Out” (Issue 20) and it’s literally just… people trying to write an episode of a doom patrol tv show. Issue 13 was fun too because cliff got trapped in the past with his new team in the bodies of his old team but on the whole this is just. kind of boring. if you really want to see cliff be a mentor for a bunch of new heroes, you can just read new doom patrol

2004: good news! larry is back. Bad news: what he’s wearing. Please google it so you can laugh at him with me. Also I will never forgive this comic for including rita/cliff and the fact that they made it uber creepy by making rita a kid when cliff ended his career and also that weird pedophile apologism they stacked onto that. also the racism. Nudge is good tho, we love Nudge and her gorilla bff

2009: Since Jane comes in later on, this basically has the same basic team structure as the show, only with bumble bee instead of cyborg. Larry is very deadpool-ish but he’s valid. I keep on making posts about giffen larry and that’s because he has exactly the personality you’d expect for someone who’s lost their body several times over. According to this run, Larry and the Negative Spirit are intertwined, which means that as long as the spirit doesn’t die, larry can’t either. he just needs a body to inhabit. I also really love this take on Rita. She punches a vampire. She’s also just super angry and you know what? She deserves it. Other good points: danny the bungalow, danny getting tossed around as a brick

2016: Larry has to get like, rebonded with the negative spirit, who now has a name (Keeg). Keeg decides what Larry needs to cope with the whole splintering of his personality is a nap so he spends this entire run falling asleep on people. I really like this larry! at one point he just makes cliff go to the mall with him because he wants a smoothie but it’s also very weird and cool. Mr Nobody gets a daughter! Danny gets a daughter! A cat turns into an anthro! if you read this you should also read the milk wars tie in. one of them is called doom patrol/JLA special and the other is called JLA/Doom Patrol. I don’t remember which comes first

[kakarmasobessioncorner]

Rambling time! More on the ancients and their caretakers, or to be more precise about each one individually. A few are OCs I have ideas of, and ideas for a story with. They will be obvious. The name in brackets is their Ghost name, and the other is their chosen ‘human’ names. Taken for when they need to go to the human realm and blend in. Gotta love how helpful baby naming sites are, ones that can be looked though by meanings.

A lot of this has to do with a thing I’m writing. So I’d love to hear what you think of the base ideas!

They will be done in order of their Caretaker’s ages. 

The elements and their caretakers in general

A caretaker can communicate with their own element, but not the others. However the elements can translate each other to their caretakers if they need to.

They aren’t controlled by their caretakers, they are their own beings and thus do occasionally mess with their caretakers. Just because they are ancient and incredibly powerful doesn’t mean they have to act it.

They never had to disclose their caretakers, and for the longest time no one knew about Pandora since hope kept rather quite about finding and choosing the young human woman until she died.

They grown and change as time passes to remain attuned to what they must do. Such as Creation becoming more fit to be called Dreams. Since with the world mostly formed and now in a state of maintenance, it needed to create things from scratch less and began creating goals, wants and potentials  for the creatures instead. Making their dreams.

The elements can’t be destroyed. Only changed.  However their caretakers can be ‘destroyed’ in the sense that who they were is mostly gone though so much damage they have to reform from scratch with no memories. This has only happened once before.

Not all the caretakers are known to the Spirit Realm. It’s common knowledge that Prophet, Vito, Lady Muerte, and Clockwork are caretakers, however they don’t know the others are. Notcturne is reclusive and little is known about him around the zone, Pandora is known to be powerful but no one knows a Ghost could be a caretaker, and GW and SD are thought to be ghosts when they are spirits and thus no one suspects them either.

Fate and it’s keeper, Cecil Tiresias. (Prophet)

Cecil is blind, but can see beyond normal sight to do his job.

Has no patience for people who won’t accept the obvious. 

Is otherwise very calm and kind. 

Reclusive. 

Fate’s direct mutation core type is Crystal. and this is where the use of crystal for seeing important events in the future came from.

Weak Point is his eyes made of foggy crystal balls. If attacked they can be cracked and it takes him out until they mend. 

Cecil is a name that means Blind, and Tiresias comes from greek mythology where Tiresias was a blind prophet of Thebes. 

Human form looks like a young boy, blind and pale like he never seen sunlight before. 

 Life and it’s keeper, Chayan Thanasis. (Vito)

Chayan is a slightly sadistic person. He says this is because he believes life can only truly be enjoyed with a little suffering to make the joy stronger. 

Vito means life, as does Chayan. While Thanasis is a commonly shortened form of ‘Athanasios’ which is a Greek name that means immortal.

Life is slightly bitter over the fact it only got domain over one of the three halfas. Since being half alive and half dead they had a 50/50 chance over whether they’d be under it or Death’s domains. It got Vlad.

Healthy young animals, pregnant creatures, and children find life, it’s keeper, and the one halfa under it’s domain very comforting. Calm in their presence and very agreeable. 

Dying creatures find them almost sickening.

Weakness is poisons, they won’t kill life or it’s caretaker, but the strong ones will weaken them a lot. 

 Death and it’s keeper, Morrigan Menahem. (Lady Muerte)

Morrigan is a very forgiving woman. 

Her name Morrigan is ‘derived from Irish Mór Ríoghain meaning "great queen". In Irish myth she was a goddess of war and death who often took the form of a crow.’ and Menahem apparently comes from a hebrew word meaning "the consoler" or "comforter".  Chosen for how she is a calm spirit whom does what she can to comfort newly departed souls how she can. 

She got domain over two of the three halfas. Danny and Danni. 

Healthy living creatures find her presence very unnerving and always flee her if able. Even humans feel the need to avoid her unless they are mediums, dying, or just accustomed to her. Dying creatures find her, and the two halfas in her domain, very comforting to be around.

Weakness is the antidotes to strong poisons that act much like poisons do to Life.  

Inspiration and it’s keepers, Andrew Riter (Ghost Writer) and Dumi Ellyda (Spirit Dancer) 

GW’s name was inspired by ibelieveinahappilyeverafter’s stories on fanfiction.net. I’m not a shipper of Iambic Prose really, but I enjoy their writing of it. I absolutely recommend going and checking them out. A lot of the ancient energy ideas I had were really undeveloped and nothing I felt I could write,but some of their writing helped encourage and even build these ideas up.

Dumi means 'the inspirer’ and Ellyda means ‘Small winged one’ and I chose Ellyda for it’s energetic sounding nature and how her being the performance muse it seems fitting since she’s light on her feet.

They caretakers are not siblings. they were just both chosen by Inspiration for different reasons. 

GW has a brother who is not a caretaker but very powerful in his own right named Randy seriously go read @Ibelieverinahappilyeverafter ‘s writing.

SD changes appearance a lot for parties, blending in, performing, and just plain having fun.

Her natural form looks kinda like a cross of Olivia from Fire Emblem Awakening and the muse with the long down hair from the cartoon Hercules movie. Y’know the muses that sung Gospel Truth. Tho I recommend this one the RL models are great.

SD is weak to places that muffle sounds, and GW has problems with things that don’t rhyme. 

SD can make her ecto-signature invisible to even the strongest sensors as long as she doesn’t use powers other than cloaking. 

Creation and it’s keeper, Morpheus Dremurr (Nocturne)

His lair is not a physical one like other spirits and ghosts. Rather the physical entrance leads to a bedroom with several bunk beds (for guests) and one king’s size poster bed. You fall asleep in there and enter the dream Realm.

Was asked by Clockwork to mess with Danny and really meant no harm by it. Clock work never gave a clear reason as to why it was needed but he trusts his judgement. 

Had fun acting the villain though. Something really fun about playing a bad guy. 

Only gets energy from good dreams and before going dormant for a long time after Pyrah Dark was sealed, he’d go out and travel the human realm to banish kid’s nightmares when he could and harvest energy. 

He helped make the coffin of sleep, but it took a lot out of him.

Often ends up having to go to the Clock Tower to make Clockwork at least take a nap. 

Pandora gave him a stuffed ram as a joke one year when it was well known that they were ‘mandatory for a goods night rest’ and he actually came to love it. Though if anyone questions it he tells a story about stuffed animals

Still has the ability to create land and spaces out of nothing, but doesn’t do much anymore.

Weakness is dream catchers, that weakens his powers. 

Time and it’s keeper, Horace Hidiyah. (Clockwork)

Here it comes I have a lot of ideas for him.

Horace means Timekeeper, and Hidiyah means ‘guide to righteousness’.

Is the only caretaker who wasn’t picked like the others. He was made for the job.

Time is a picky, chaotic, and (to those with a closed mind like the Observants) dangerously unpredictable.

In reality Time can always be trusted to try and aim for the path of the greater good even if it looks like the worse path at the time. 

Clockwork doesn’t hate the observants, just is more annoyed with them for not trusting that he, the one able to see far more than they could, didn’t know what he was doing.  The reason they don’t he doesn’t know. However time does know it’s because they worry he’d let his emotions effect his choices, since he has far stronger emotions than he was supposed to when he was made. They didn’t want care or love to get in the way of doing what had to be done... they pushed almost all those emotions away long ago to do their job.

Can hold one age for a while, but shifting is something he got used to and finds being so in touch with time that he moves with it so much to be comforting.

Time does like to play tricks or mischief on it’s keeper, and one way is to send his powers out of wack, sticking him in one age form and with limited powers to be babysat by one of the others. It’s for Clockwork’s own good, but it has fun with his frustration and embarrassment too. It doesn’t happen often, but when it does, it’s almost always his child form he’s stuck in.

Has a slight lisp (well that’t cannon but needs reminding) 

Had a lot of fun playing the bad guy when he and Danny first met.

Picked up baking from Pandora and kept it up seeing that it would be useful. 

Puts off resting as long as possible to keep working. Nocturne has taken it upon himself to visit and make sure he doesn’t pass out. It leads to bad situations for time.

Feels he has basically adopted the Phantoms and takes the responsibility very seriously. Especially after Danny’s future was made to be his responsibility. 

Asked Nocturne to pick a fight with Danny knowing that he wouldn’t actually hurt him, and that Danny needed to stay on his toes because something big was coming.

Also as revenge for how often Nocturne shows up to pester him into sleeping. He knew the chances of him standing even the slightest chance against Danny was almost nil even with all the dream powers. 

Hope and it’s keeper, Pandora Anesidora.

Pandora is the only ghost caretaker.

It was her idea for the others to pick out names that would fit in better with humans, rather than the names they used in the Spirit Realm. 

As such she is the only one without a ‘ghost name’ since she just uses her birth name.

I got her last name from her myth, since it’s apparently an alternate name for her. 

tried to keep up with the knowledge of the Human realm, but in order to keep guard of her box doesn’t get to go out much. 

Only one that has a hard time taking a human appearance without the help of some artifact due to once being human herself.

Sees Nocturne and Clockwork as younger siblings ever since she watched on in amusement as they bickered like children over something silly and she needed to step in to break them apart... the first time.

[taraljc]

The Defenders

Now that I’ve had time to digest, I’m still left with a bunch of questions. Really spoiler-y questions.

OK, so in Iron Fist, Madame Gao used “the substance” to bring Harold Meechum back from the dead without months of amnesia. And he came back from the dead AGAIN without needing another dip in the Hand’s Lazarus Pool. But now suddenly not only does Elektra come back with very useful amnesia, but the Hand need more ground up dragon bones in order to continue regenerating?

If that’s true, and it’s so precious and rare that they’ve got an ounce of the stuff left and are hella pissed off that Alexandra used it on the Black Sky, then why waste it on footsoldiers like the ninjas who attacked Metro-General in Daredevil s2?

And if Harold Meechum and Nobu both came back without said Lazarus pool, why do the Hand still need to keep topping up their supplies?

It’s one thing, if Alexandra and Gao and the other three have figured out over time that their bodies are breaking down, and so they actually know that they need to fire up the old magic sarcophagus and take a blood nap. But it’s implied that it’s only used on a body after death. So they’d have to die first and stay dead?

And ‘The Culling’ makes it sound as if killing millions of people has some kind of point, or benefit to the Hand. But then we find out that no, it’s just a pesky side-effect to mining the dragon bones under Elena Cardenas’ old tenement. Also, why even waste time and resources and build a ginormous skyscraper over the hole, if they’re going to destroy it by removing the dragon bones that mysteriously are all that’s keeping Manhattan afloat?

And why kill the architect at all? How the hell did he even find out that the people who constructed the building even had evil plans involving a giant vault 300 feet under the building?

Also, I am sorely disappointed that Matt and Claire’s relationship is literally the elephant in the goddam room. They danced circles around it, and somehow seemed to think it was absolutely imperative to make sure that none of the Defenders’ friends and loved ones put the pieces together and realised all four of them knew Claire. Don’t get me wrong, I get that Matt’s the only one with a secret identity, and that Claire would respect that it’s not her secret to tell. But Foggy knows that Claire knows both Matt and Luke, and it makes absolutely zero sense that they never tell Luke that Matt was Claire’s first vigilante. Or that that character moment would be off-screen.

Because part of Claire’s entire arc was how torn she was about Luke actually finally doing what she’d pushed him to do all the way through Luke Cage: use his abilities to help people instead of hiding. Unlike in Daredevil, where it was made abundantly clear that the reason Claire left Matt was because Matt had a fucking death wish and she couldn’t deal with the idea that she’d lose the man she loved–either to being corrupted by the violence, or just getting curb-stomped to death–they never truly address the fact that she doesn’t have that same problem with Luke. That him being bulletproof is part of why she allowed herself to fall for him and stay with him.

So the waffling back and forth on Claire’s part doesn’t feel like storytelling choice or character development. It felt more like just badly scripted scenes, and half-baked ideas. Especially when they revisit it in the scene with Claire and Misty, talking about Luke’s true North.

That said, Jessica and Luke’s scenes were perfection, and everything I’ve wanted to see since Luke fled the scene of Jessica’s apartment at the end of Jessica Jones. I just wish Matt and Claire had got the same treatment. Instead, it’s as if the showrunners want us to forget Matt and Claire were ever a thing, instead of mining it for plot and character because Jesus, that would have been so emotionally satisfying. Even Matt and Karen get more lovingly handled by the plot.

Also, Trish knows at least as much martial arts as Claire, why was she left out of the ass-kicking? It would have been a nice parallel, having one of Jessica’s friends putting themselves on the line, instead of relegating her, Malcolm, Foggy, and Karen to be basically props.

It would have been one thing, if Karen and Trish were actually doing something investigative-reportery to actually help save the day, and I legit thought that was where their scenes together were headed. I’d have liked to have scene those scenes in episode 7, and integrated with Claire and Colleen’s. Then Colleen going to Midland Circle with the explosives would have made WAY more sense, and actually have been more of a group effort. I get that again it’s all about Matt’s secret identity staying a secret. But it felt as if the plotting in the last 3 episodes could have been way tighter.

(Not to mention completely wasting Sigourney Weaver, as the third act reversal)

Lastly, it seemed to take way longer than it should, to rescue Danny. The only reason to have the Hand successfully take Danny in the first place was to move Matt like a chess piece so he would be down there to fight/save Elektra, but still survive due to the vault being open and the air being filled with powdered Drogon.

It felt so awkward and so forced, and intercutting it with Colleen and Claire’s fight actually made it feel as if it was taking even longer.

Not to mention STAYING TO FIGHT once they grabbed Danny, rather than GETTING THE FUCK OUTA THERE and destroying the elevator to trap the Hand. If the Hand had been fighting the gang of four to KEEP them from escaping, that would be one thing. But it was an action set piece for the sake of having an action set piece, and the pacing felt all wrong. The choreography didn’t even make sense–Jessica, Luke, and Danny should have been fighting to get to the elevator. Instead they are waiting around for Elektra and Madame Gao and more ninjas WHY?

It just made zero sense.

OK, maybe once I’ve rewatched, it will. But as it stands now, for all the character beats and character growth I loved, the actual A-plot was flimsy and poorly handled.

Misty getting a bionic arm is gonna be so fucking badass tho, and if she and Colleen don’t get the Daughters of the Dragon after this, I am going to be so pissed off. Iron Fist (and Danny) is a hell of a lot more bearable if you think of it as The Colleen Wing Show, co-starring her cute-but-dumb blond sidekick/boytoy.

[joseph-joestar-plz-twerk-4-me]

eyy i was tagged by @lancekoganee, @lovelylangst, and @fictionismynationality for the 92 truths thing so here it issss

LAST… [1] drink: dr pepper [2] phone call: uh well the last like 5 people to call me were spam numbers but the last i actually talked on was with my sister [3] text message: bff callie [4] song you listened to: just one yesterday by fall out boy [5] time you cried: a few hours ago when i remembered my characters name in the demi episode game that i played a year and a half ago was “whipe dat azz”

HAVE YOU EVER… [6] dated someone twice: unfortunately yes [7] been cheated on: no [8] kissed someone and regretted it: no [9] lost someone special: ?? im not sure bc there’s a lot of people who used to be special but the friendship either imploded or slowly died sooo [10] been depressed: no [11] gotten drunk and thrown up: no lol i am rather pure for my age lmao

LIST 3 FAVOURITE COLORS: [12] dark green [13] pastel pink [14] that blue that looks really good in velvet

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU… [15] made new friends: yeah! [16] fallen out of love: yes? im not sure if it was love to begin w sooo [17] laughed until you cried: bruh i did like 3 hours ago lol [18] found out someone was talking about you: yeah apparently im “famous” at best buy bc my coworker (who also works there) was telling his coworkers about shenanigans him and i get into  [19] met someone who changed you: yee [20] found out who your true friends are: yeah. ive cut out a lot of people but its for the better [21] kissed someone on your facebook list: not currently lol (my current bf isnt my friend on facebook lmao)

GENERAL… [22] how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: most of them tbh, but i need to go through and clean out my friends list [23] do you have any pets: 3 cats and a doggo [24] do you want to change your name: nah but a nickname would be cool [25] what did you do for your last birthday: i didnt work  i saw Fantastic Beasts in the morn and had lunch w my bf, then hung out w my friends and had dinner w them and the fam, went home and played sims [26] what time did you wake up: 7-730ish am [27] what were you doing at midnight last night: coming home from work/starting precal hw [28] name something you cannot wait for: obviously voltron season 3 but i also want to jsut get thru the next few weeks bc work is going to be a   n i g h t m a r e  and i want my suffering to be over asap [29] when was the last time you saw your mother: 2 hours ago [30] what is one thing you wish you could change about your life: honestly i would go back in time and tell little middle school me to try out for region (bc i honestly believe if i had just had a year or two more expirience auditioning, then i wouldve made the all state choir) and then go to junior yr me and say “stop being an angry ho and   c a l m   d o w n   . i wish i could go back a year from today and tell myself that the management position is not worth it. to find another job while i can. (however, i use my job as motivation to do well in school: “do well, keep up my gpa, get my degree. i dont want to be at the movie theater forever”) [31] what are you listening to right now: my klance playlist (death of a bachelor is currently playing) [32] have you ever talked to a person named tom: ive talked to a tommy and someone whos last name is toms [33] something that is getting on your nerves: anything customer related/ “can an available manager come to the stand for an employee purchase” [34] most visited website: college homepage, math hw website, tumblr, gmail, netflix (recently made my friend watch voltron every MWF after out speech class lol) [35] elementary: my awkward acne/glasses/pre-braces/braces phase. also i wore training bras for 3 yrs bc i was so uncomfortable w my boobs that i couldnt tell my mom i needed an actual bra [36] high school: i can look at pictures and tell by my smile where i lost my childish innocence (halfway thru junior yr)  [37] college: community rn, but i plan on transfering to tamu and getting at least a bachelors in environmental science. i have to research into carriers to see if a masters/phd is worth it, but that is something im interested in [38] hair color: blonde when clean [39] long or short hair: the question of the century. i look good w a lob, but i also love braiding hair sooo [40] do you have a crush on someone: i mean i have a crush on my bf lance [41] what do you like about yourself: i guess im funny. i can sing the whole danny phantom theme song  [42] piercings: triples in each ear, helix and double forward helix in my right ear (planning on getting a faux snug in my left ear eventually. id like a nose ring, but work wont let me. i maybe want a belly button ring, if i decide to work out for it lol as if) [43]blood type: i dunno, but looking at it makes me queasy so [44] nickname: maycakers, big titty t, mak [45] relationship status: long term relationship (idk how many months now but its over 2 yrs so) [46] zodiac sign: scorpio [47] pronouns: she/her.  [48] fav tv show: voltron, avatar the last airbender (im laughing i typed “airbeder” at firs), the office, drake and josh [49] tattoos: never (ill stick w piercings) [50] right or left hand: right 

FIRST… [51] surgery: does having a wart dug out of my toe count [52] piercing: the standard single pair when i was 6 [53] best friend: aaliyah but once we got to middle school we didnt have classes together and i didnt see her much in highschool (i heard about her bc she broke a lot of sports records. shes gonna be an olympian in 2020 y’all. i can feel it) [54] sport: does drill team count [55] vacation: we went to the state capitol w my grandparents  [56] pair of trainers: wtf are trainers

RIGHT NOW… [57] eating: nothing bc my stomach is currently revolting [58] drinking: grape powerade [59] i’m about to: take a nap gd im tired [60] listening to: euphoria by loreen [61] waiting for: sleep to take me [62] want: my period back ache to stop [63] get married: i want to get married so bad i want to be super domestic and have a bb and that kid is gonna recycle EVERYTHING and i will love them [64] career: ecologist? environmental researcher? environmental biologist? agricultural reformer? idk i just want to do something w the environment 

WHICH IS BETTER… [65] hugs or kisses: hugs  [66] lips or eyes: eyes are pretty [67] shorter or taller: taller bc then ur head is in their chest when u hug. or u have to get on tippy toes to kiss. yes. [68] older or younger: older older older [70] nice arms or nice stomach: yknow stomaches are nice and all but u cant see them bc shirts. u can see arms tho ohmy [71] sensitive or loud: idk im loud so  [72] hook up or relationship: relationship ftw. hook ups sound...really gross to me (my ace ass cant fathom hookups lol) [73] troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant

HAVE YOU EVER… [74] kissed a stranger? ew no [75] drank hard liquor? the only thing ive ever drank ever is a shot of cherry sake (i spit that back out it was gross) and a shot of goldschlager (which cleared sinuses i didnt know i had and made me reaaaalllly giggly) [76] lost glasses/contact lenses? lmao all the time [77] turned someone down: yeah  [78] sex on first date? no [79] broken someone’s heart? yes  [80] had your own heart broken? not really? i felt sad both times i broke up w my ex but i knew it was for the best [81] been arrested? no but ive had someone threaten me w calling the cops [82] cried when someone died? my granny, cat, hamster [83] fallen for a friend? i mean my bf was my friend before we dated so i guess

DO YOU BELIEVE IN… [84] yourself? tbh i am super confident in my schoolwork and just... not at all at work [85] miracles? yeah but sometimes they fail me [86] love at first sight? no  [87] Santa Claus? rip [88] kiss on the first date? ehhh [89] angels? maybe

OTHER… [90] current best friend’s name: CALLIE [91] eye color: blue [92] favorite movie: oh fuq i love tangled and anastasia 

i dont know 20 people or whatever so imma tag @pierce-the-llama, @marcoandthebodts (you sent me one of these like 55245 years ago and i shall do it now lol), @connors-sweet-ass, and @justklance if y’all want to 

[dickganseywrites-blog]

bio; mack

mckenzie 'mack' nelson

fc; sh(a)ntel v(a)n s(a)nten // biromantic bisexual // wellington // birthday; ship; adam drake

hiya this is mack :)

she's got 3 sisters !!! lana who is the oldest (she's carley's hon), then she's 2nd oldest, then comes dakota (jenny's bab), and then wee bailey who we know is danni's girly!

she lives with adam who also happens to be her best friend!!!! they're in love they just dk it yet ok!!!!!

so she and adam met cos she was attacked? so they met during their college days when they were a bit younger and obvy he's an EMT? she was just out and basically it was dead random but she was mugged? but in all honesty, stupid or not, she's not rly one to go down without a fight lmao so she was kinda like 'FUCK NAH' and had his fkn solid vice grip on her bag and was sorta flailing about tryna kick the prick. but he had a knife and she got stabbed? and it was Not Nice obviously and she still has a scar on her stomach to like, account for her ordeal lol. but basically adam was the emt that kinda saved her life ig??? he rly did that. and now they're best friends and they live together and they're like, each other's wingmans and it's pretty chill and solid and all the rest.

she's like, really body positive and stuff and she and adam are always just like 'we're so hot look at us go' cos fuck yeah!!! embrace that shit!!! but in all honesty it took her a long time to get confident after her attack cos she was like 'i have this ugly disgusting scar' and she grew really comfortable around adam bc he'd seen her in worse states (obvy) and that's sorta what helped her build up her confidence, having him around and encouraging her and whatnot?

anyways so unfortunately mr nelson, her daddyo, passed away! :( and naturally they were all rly devastated :( but he was dead close to all his kiddos and they all had their own like ~things~ with him ig?? but mack in particular really shared a love of music with him! and ok so her dad owned a record store? AIGHT HEAR ME OUT OK!!! the record store is called THE VINYL FRONTIER which i swear is funny just say it out loud honestly you'll love it, it's great. he was a big star trek fan ok (sorry audrey). anyway not rly the point but an a+ name ok.

so yeah her dad Loved music!!! and music became their thing and they would just lounge around listening to records together and her music taste is definitely influenced by him? she's got a rly wide range in music taste tho in all honestly like if you rock up to the store asking for the biebs she's ON IT !!! but also she loves really old school shit like a bit of sinatra? Loves It ! some fkn acdc??? WONDERFUL! she'll listen to everything and anything cos she loves music sfm.

anyways their dad used to always play music to them like he played the piano and the guitar but his kinda Main Thing was the flute? he used to play fun little tunes on the flute and take them camping when they were smol and they'd sit around this fire while he played ridiculous made up songs and just yeah.

so yeah when he passed away mack took up ownership of the store? he left a bunch of stuff behind all with like big meaning and stuff for his kids y'know like i won't force any of my own ideas on anyone else cos they're not my ocs but just yeah! and he sorta entrusted the store to mack! so mack works at the store and like... she never really had this specific 'goal' in life? she's never really had this one specific talent like she looks at dakota and she's so savvy and outdoorsy and could probably design a splint out of a teeny tiny twig and lana is so booksmart and intelligent and bailey can ride a horse like no other and just! they've all got their own things that just fascinates mack beyond belief and she's so proud of her sisters and thinks they're all incredible and can do no wrong?? but she's never had this one particular 'talent' of her own i guess? where all her pals at school grew up like 'i wanna be an artist' or 'i'm gonna be the president some day' she never really thought like that? she's just sorta going about her day like 'genuinely just here for a laff' sorta thang.

and when people ask her things like 'what are you gonna do with your life' it bothers her cos people are like 'you're getting older you have to have a path' but she's, just, quite content with her life?? she's like I OWN A STORE AND IT'S GREAT THANKS!!! but people are always like 'sure sure ok but what's the dream' and she just, doesn't have one? she's content working in her store and being happy as she is? cos she has hobbies and interests and stuff but she really genuinely adores her job?

right so yeah she's rly into hiking and stuff too!! she loves helping adam out and going on his little expeditions with him and his kiddos and he's def taught her some really nifty tricks and it's sorta nice and reminiscent of when they'd all go camping with their dad when they were smols too? and she's like FUCK YEAH I CAN START A FIRE IF I WANT like not in a violent way but just in an 'i can literally start a campfire' way. but yeah she's def quite outdoorsy and loves all that but she's not on the same level as dakota ofc :) tho it's a nice bonding thing for them n whatnot!!!!!

she's really into running too like she's quite athletic in that regard and she likes keeping in shape and is like 'MY ASS LOOKS FABULOUS' and all that jazz. she likes running a lot of marathons? and cos she's super into music too she loves going to festivals all the time and those like colour festivals and she does loadsa colour runs too?? for charity and whatnot? it's just totally her jam :'))

she's bisexual and she's like really unapologetic about it? like she rly won't take any shit about it and she's probably staring at the football squad like 'honeybees love urself' COS SHE'S JUST LIKE! SUPER BODY POSITIVE AND SELF POSITIVE AND SHE WANTS U ALL TO BE PROUD OF WHO U ARE OK? she's always like 'i'm hot as shit and i fucking know it!!!'

anyways she's not lazy but ppl think she is cos she's got no specific ~goal~ and cos she loves taking naps and just lounging about in her pjs a lot lmao but she doesn't rly give a fuck.

she's dating some guy named roy he's stupid and boring he's like this prim rich white boy businessman who ain't shit. can he build a fucking campfire? nah. this dickhead gets winded if you ask him to climb the messina stairs fam he's like 'can't i just take an uber to the top of this mountain' NO ROY YOU CAN'T!!!! and he's that kinda guy that's always like wondering when she's gonna get a real job and he's highkey a dickhead but she won't open her eyes ok

she has a grey cat. his name is pogo. he likes warm cuddles and weeing in adam's shoes.

[danwritestuff]

tagged by @sparkiewrites​​ 

rules: answer these 85 statements and tag 20 people. ...you’d think i know 20 people here buuuut @viirgowrites @rjwrites @allywritestuff @amywriteswords @darklingsea @yonduuude @ashlaaaywrites @proserpinewrites​ 

the last

1. drink: water, i think

2. phone call: with my boyfriend about how my drunken family at a farewell dinner thing is insufferable.

3. text message: think i sent a msg to my friend to have fun at his rp game session?

4. song you listened to: future friends by superfruit

5. time you cried: I cried when I was drunk af and I thought about leaving my bf behind and then how drunk I am.

6. dated someone twice: you mean the same person two times or like was in a relationship with them, broke up and then started dating again? this is very confusing.

7. kissed someone and regretted it: ehhh not really.

8. been cheated on: never? 

9. lost someone special: thankfully not, i’d like to think. but i really fucked up one time and ruined a friendship with someone. 

10. been depressed: um. every single second of existence?

11. gotten drunk and thrown up: i went to get drinks with my high school friends and we had four different kinds of drinks and i died.

3 favourite colours

12. grey

13. skyblue

14. green

in the last year have you

15. made new friends: surprisingly yes

16. fallen out of love: kinda?

17. laughed until you cried: i rarely do that so no

18. found out someone was talking about you: not really cuz i don’t pay attention to shits like that

19. met someone who changed you: yep.

20. found out who your friends are: idek what that means. like who’s your “real” friends? perhaps?

21. kissed someone on your Facebook list:  technically two of them, i think?

general

22. how many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: except like one or two, most of them. but there are random guy from mexico who added me.

23. do you have any pets: my family lives with two cats, one of whom is sleeping next to me rn.

24. do you want to change your name: eh?? not really?

25. what did you do for your last birthday: went to a meeting with my competition team and then had a breakfast for dinner with my boyfriend.

26. what time did you wake up: 6:30 am today... and then after brief nap in the car, around 5 pm i think?

27. what were you doing at midnight last night: playing mobile game and talking to bf.

28. name something you can’t wait for: sweet release of death? being financially independent?

29. when was the last time you saw your mom: like, an hour ago, at living room.

31. what are you listening to right now:  future friends by superfruit

32. have you ever talked to a person named tom: uhh......... i don’t think so.

33. something that is getting on your nerves: virtually everything... but if i have to pick, bigotry, arrogance, myself, little noises when i try to sleep.

34. most visited website: tumblr and youtube, prob. 

35. hair colour: black, mostly, but in some lights it looks dark brown i think?

36. long or short hair: short. can’t stand long hair.

37. do you have a crush on someone: does my bf count?

38. what do you like about yourself: i’m a cat person.

39. piercings: nah dude

40. blood type: AB?

41. nickname: Dan (technically a nickname cuz it’s an English name i picked), Danny boy (obviously) Danio, Dan the man, DanDan, DJ... stuff like that.

42. relationship status: taken... not for long tho?

43. zodiac: aquarius

44. pronouns: he/him

45. favourite tv show: can’t really list it all here but rn i’m watching Killjoys, Archer and Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Crazy Ex-Girlfriend. Also love Friends, Scrubs, Justified, Elementary, Jane the Virgin

46. tattoos: I WANT ONE OR TEN

47. right or left handed: right, but for some stuff i prefer left for some weird reason. i can also write on my left hand, kinda

48. surgery: a lot

50. sport: i don’t understand the question. is video game a sport?

51. vacation: i went to a fancy camp stuff (the tent had an A/C) with my lgbt group folks last week.

52. pair of trainers: uh........ idt you mean two gym trainers or like... pokemon, so i’m just gonna skip.

53. eating: what does this question even mean? i eat when i’m hungry, but i think it can be annoying

54. drinking: coffee?

55. I’m about to: probably should sleep.

56. waiting for: death

57. want: financial independence, master’s (and hopefully doctor’s) degree

58. get married: sure? don’t think how that’s gonna be possible but

59. career: i’m trying to be a human rights law scholar/activist. maybe a professor too?

This or That

60. hugs or kisses: ew hugs. kiss if we’re gonna have sex?

61. lips or eyes: eyes

62. shorter or taller: taller

63. older or younger: i don’t mind age

64. nice arms or nice stomach: i... honestly don’t know. what does “nice stomach” even mean cuz like, you mean good digestive system? 

65. hookup or relationship: both

66. troublemaker or hesitant: idt those two are mutually exclusive... but hesitant i guess

HAVE YOU EVER:

67. kissed a stranger: well... are they strangers if you hook up with them

68. drank hard liquor: sadly i have

69. lost glasses/contact lenses: um. once a year or so. last time it was cuz my bf ate it.

70. turned someone down: i don’t have a standard but like... sometimes it’s just weird.

71. sex on the first date: most of the time, actually.

73. had your heart broken: you mean living?

74. been arrested: nah i’m a law abiding citizen

75. cried when someone died: i’ve never had someone closed to me passing away.

76. fallen for a friend: sadly, yeah.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

77. yourself: nah.

78. miracles: i don’t like to rely on them, so no.

79. love at first sight: nah, but you can be attracted to someone at first sight.

80. santa claus: nah. not since like 10?

81. kiss on the first date: um... it happens so i guess i believe in its existence?

82. angels: nah.

OTHER:

84. eye colour: dark brown. it looks like black i think.

85. favourite movie: not much of a movie person... i enjoyed Freier Fall.

[battys-home]

Teen wolf thoughts so far as of s2: (not putting this in the teen wolf tag this is just on my blog)

1. Derek hale is incredibly creepy and setting off so many alarm bells but I love him and I'm really excited to see what they do with him as the series goes on.

2. Alison is interesting, looking forward to seeing where she goes.

3. Stiles steals every single scene he's in

4. Scott/Alison are still ok so far.

5. Jackson is an asshole and my fave character. Tho this plot they've got for him is odd.

6. I really don't like the chemistry teacher and I'm bored of him.

7. Kinda bored of the coach too.

8. Danny is okay and his friendship with Jackson is interesting.

9. I'm REALLY excited to dig into Scott's boss.

10. Lydia is interesting, I think I'm preferring her and Stiles to most of the main cast rn.

11. The canon ships so far are fine.

12. Not on the sterek ship and I'm not gonna be, personally. I knew that from the pilot. As far as ships go in general I'm kinda meh too? I don't loathe Scott/Alison and I'm indifferent about the storyline surrounding Lydia/Jackson, I'm not shipping Stiles/Lydia. I was shipping Scott/Stiles but that's in my "gimme content romantic or platonic does not matter" mood. Want to search for pre-canon fic involving them eventually. Would love to look more at their friendship before the werewolf stuffs.

13. The first time I saw Isaac I said "someone get that baby a good meal and a nap he looks so tired." And that is still my mood.

[samanthasroberts]

Southern Charm Recap: Can They Get Any More White?

I have emerged from my two-day hangover solely to write this weeks recap. Guess killing brain cells is one of my hobbies now.

When we left off I wasnt sure if I was Team Kathryn or Team Whitney, and I dont think thats ever going to get resolved tbh. However, I did just notice Kathryns facial expression in the opening sequence more or less sums up her entire personality.

Thomas and JD, back at it again with the polo. Cause that ended really well the last time. Can they get any more white?

Whitney has some fruit salad and is making coffee and Larissas like, If that’s cooking, I’m about to be the next winner of.

Whitney trying to explain what going steady means to Larissa is pretty hilarious tho.

Kathryn andKody? Corey? Fuck, I forgetare getting a seaweed facial or some shit, AKA Bravo is pampering them so they can talk shit in style. Nice.

Kathryn is bummed that once she has her baby she has to go home alone with her two children.

Kathryn: Im a 24-year-old soon-to-be mother of two. If you dont think Im overwhelmed and nervous then you dont think.

Wow that was like, unnecessarily aggressive Kath.

Cooper? Cooper! Calls Thomas a 50-year-old playboy and is like,

Cooper: Instead of letting it frustrating you I just say let it strengthen you.

Cooper is the moral compass this show needs.

Meanwhile Thomas is sipping bourbon with JD on his porch because Kathryn really needs him.

JD: Hows the baby? Thomas: The doctor said fine… JD looks skeptical, because Im sure he knows better than a trained doctor.

JD: Kathryn moving up the due date seems awfully peculiarseems suspect.

JD is a regular Hardy Boy over here.

JD: I think women dont like being asked for paternity tests.

NO FUCKING SHIT.

JD is like, and Thomas is like, Its clear hes forgotten who hes about to have a kid with because Kathryn is NOT going to be down with Thomas basically accusing her of slutting it up and then trying to trap him into fatherhood. JUST SAYING.

Its date night with Craig and Naomie. Craig chooses going to L.A. over the biggest event for his company, because hes never been to L.A. before. And Craig wonders why hes not allowed to head a bourbon division. I don’t foresee this ending well AT ALL. Craig, youre a fucking idiot and for once Naomie is in the right to tell you youre fucking up.

Craig: Do you see how hard Im trying to justify this?

Yeah, because you KNOW YOURE IN THE WRONG. Thats literally what justification is.

Cameran and Landon meet up for a candle-making class and I am kind of jealous because that low-key sounds fun. Landons explaining her travel guide to Cam, so Im going to take a quick nap.

Cameran: I think its hard for Landon bc she was a typical Southern stereotype of the woman who got married young and was taken care of and she doesnt have that anymore.

Wait, how is this the first Im hearing of this failed first marriage? How has this NEVER come up before this season??

Cameran: So any man prospects? Landon: IDK not really its kind of sad and pathetic.

Landon is like Same tho. Cameran: Do you think the reason youre not meeting anyone is because you want something to work out with Shep? Landon:…Yeah

Cameran and I are both like, FINALLY!

*Cue a montage of them looking really couple-y* I’m rooting for you guys!

Landon brings up every middle schoolers dilemma which is that if she dates Shep, then shell lose him as a friend. Can we get like, a violin quartet to score some melodramatic music or something?

Craig and Shep make it to L.A. and Whitneys bachelor pad is sick. I guess this is what that Bravo money gets you. On an unrelated note, I have a very compelling idea for a new reality show, if you wanna get on board Bravo, Ill get you in at the ground level.

Craig: I wouldve had FOMO if I hadnt gotten to come out heresothanks.

Whitney: Meh whatevs

Whitney: #NewCraig has taken on this persona thats like, not chill dude.

Whitney basically lets it go with the caveat that he may never fully trust Craig again. Eh, Im sure theyll be fine.

Shep: You know when youre perfectly drunk and youre really good at pool? Is that like when Im really drunk and I think Im really good at dancing?

Classic Shmosby.

Larissa crashes the boys weekend which is not at all chill. Larissa is, I guess, the WGG of the group.

Shep: Should I change? I dont want to look all fratty and Southern.

Well that ship sailed like, approximately 36 years ago. Whitney makes a joke about waking up in the morning covered in blood and vomit. Was he secretly with me and my friends this weekend? Unclear. V. possible.

These two slutty-looking blondes show up and Shep is in fucking heaven. Craig low-key wants to kill himself.

Whitney: The goofy, disarming thing works in Charleston but not so much in L.A.

I’m sorry, Whitney, but who you callin goofy? You’re not exactly a chiseled Greek god over there. Whitney takes a casual shot at Craigs bourbon knowledge, or lack thereof, and now that hes gotten that off his chest this friendship is back on track.

The aftermath of Whitneys party looks a lot like the scene I dealt with Sunday morning. So, like, maybe they really were there.

Whitney: The marker of a good boys weekend is a pool of vomit with a partially digested meatball in the middle.

Whitney talks about how Shep didnt get any last night and Whitney said he had a meeting with Hand Solo which made me LOL.

Sheps like, and Im getting soooo mf sick of this trope. I am convinced Shep just acts this way because y’all expect him to be a fuckboy and nobody challenges him or holds him to a higher standard. Also, there’s just no way his dick games that good. THERE IS NO WAY.

JD is on the phone with Paula and SURPRISE, Craig basically didnt do shit for this festival yet still wants to be head of the bourbon division. The entitlement is strong with this one. Craigs phone is dead, party casualty, so JD is calling around to all Craigs friends like the angry dad he is. Did I mention this was dumb af, Craig?

Also, LMAO at how hungover they all look. Their hangovers are giving me life.

Craig: I just feel like Im being used to do all the bitchwork and its annoying. I lied, THIS is the whitest thing to happen on this show.

Shep: People take work too seriously. What happened to just drinking beer and laughing your balls off?

Yeah Shep, I think this may be why your restaurant is struggling to pay the rent.

Thomas and Kathryn are discussing the ins and outs of labor, which I will file away for future knowledge. Thomas calls Kathryn an expert at giving birth which is like, kind of rude lol. But I guess also accurate?

Kathryns opening up to Thomas about being alone this time around, looking up at him with big doe eyes, and Thomas is like,SHUT DOWN.

Thomas: The timing is really bad for me, could you just like, not give birth rn?

Kathryn: Thats why I like having you around, youre like a calming presence IDK why.

Kathryn, do you know what calming means? Im starting to think not.

Back at Whitneys, some massage therapist named Megan shows up, and Shep clearly has a boner.

Shep: So youre gonna give us all massages now?

Megan: Its like holding space to really connect more with yourself.

Shep is blatantly sexually harassing this poor girl. JFC. This is so creepy. Tone it the fuck down.

JD & Co. is launching his bourbon line at Charleston Cup, this horse race in Charleston. Craig is nowhere to be found, shockingly.

JD: Work isnt all roses and cherries. Sometimes its dirt and trenches.

Im putting that on a needlepoint for my office.

Sheps not going because his grandpa died. OK thats actually like, very sad. My condolences.

We will now resume with our regularly scheduled program of shit-talking.

Craig is taking forever to get readyCraig and Chad from are both the secret Betches interns.

Craig is hungover with an upset stomach and a sinus infection, which is literally what happens to me every time I drink. AKA right now. We’ll get through this, Craig. Emergen-c and green tea all mf day.

Cams like,

Craig apparently slept in and didnt do anything to help JD set up. Which, Im not surprised by, but again, is a really bad move for when youre trying to show initiative.

Cameran: #NewCraig is starting to run its course because at this point hes becoming #OldCraig

Dannis dropping some random whiskey fun facts and Craig is like, Fuck the bourbon division, Im not sure Craig is qualified to have any job at Gentry HQ, PERIOD. How the fuck is he going to be a lawyer if he never wants to do work? He’s gonna have a rude awakening if he ever makes it to first-year associate (I have heard).

Craig is there for all of two minutes and is already like, fuck this Im leaving.

Oh JK Craig didnt actually leave. JD gives a speech and what do you wanna bet Craig is gonna get shafted in this thank-you speech?

Wait for it..

BOOM. SHAFTED. I called it.

Cameran is so into this race its scary. How much money did she put down on that horse? Judging by her reaction to losing, Id say a lot.

Once again JD is dressed like a 1920s fat cat. Live your truth, JD.

JDs like, and Craig is like,

JD: Do you think you should have gone out of town? Craig: I mean Ive never had to give up a trip for a job so

Oh boy, Craig. I fear for you in the real world. I really do.

At Kathryns, she and Thomas are eating dinner. Kathryns going into labor tomorrow morning. I hope they dont actually film her birth. That would be kind of fucked.

Thomas: I want to have a traditional family, hear the shnookums running around, hear the house fill with laughter.

Lol, “shnookums” only makes me think of one thing:

Thomas: I still love Kathryn, I care about her but Im afraid a day of reckoning is forthcoming.

UH OH.

Kathryn asks Thomas how he feels and he says hes apprehensive and shes like, BRUH, FEEL APPREHENSIVE?!

Kathryn: If I say anything mean to you tomorrow just give me a free pass.

OK thats fair, she is giving birth and all.

Kathryn gets up and eats some generic brand Lucky Charms before giving birth. I take it all back, she really is struggling with money.

OK low blow. Sorry. Kind of.

Seeing the sheer amount of diapers in Kathryns house is enough to make me never forget to take my birth control.

Thomas: For some reason, maybe through divine intervention we were brought together. Steven Spielberg I believe said, Ive made a lot of movies, but my greatest creation of all was a child.

So I wonder at what point Thomas is gonna be like Who am I kidding, theyre gonna drag that out at least over the course of another epsiode.

OK enough shit-talking from me. That baby is cute. What did they name him?? How they gonna leave us hanging like that?

div.body_middle_part_right .bodypart:nth-child(n+2), a.prevBody{display: none;}

Source: http://allofbeer.com/southern-charm-recap-can-they-get-any-more-white/

from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2018/03/16/southern-charm-recap-can-they-get-any-more-white/

[jimdsmith34]

Southern Charm Recap: Can They Get Any More White?

I have emerged from my two-day hangover solely to write this weeks recap. Guess killing brain cells is one of my hobbies now.

When we left off I wasnt sure if I was Team Kathryn or Team Whitney, and I dont think thats ever going to get resolved tbh. However, I did just notice Kathryns facial expression in the opening sequence more or less sums up her entire personality.

Thomas and JD, back at it again with the polo. Cause that ended really well the last time. Can they get any more white?

Whitney has some fruit salad and is making coffee and Larissas like, If that’s cooking, I’m about to be the next winner of.

Whitney trying to explain what going steady means to Larissa is pretty hilarious tho.

Kathryn andKody? Corey? Fuck, I forgetare getting a seaweed facial or some shit, AKA Bravo is pampering them so they can talk shit in style. Nice.

Kathryn is bummed that once she has her baby she has to go home alone with her two children.

Kathryn: Im a 24-year-old soon-to-be mother of two. If you dont think Im overwhelmed and nervous then you dont think.

Wow that was like, unnecessarily aggressive Kath.

Cooper? Cooper! Calls Thomas a 50-year-old playboy and is like,

Cooper: Instead of letting it frustrating you I just say let it strengthen you.

Cooper is the moral compass this show needs.

Meanwhile Thomas is sipping bourbon with JD on his porch because Kathryn really needs him.

JD: Hows the baby? Thomas: The doctor said fine… JD looks skeptical, because Im sure he knows better than a trained doctor.

JD: Kathryn moving up the due date seems awfully peculiarseems suspect.

JD is a regular Hardy Boy over here.

JD: I think women dont like being asked for paternity tests.

NO FUCKING SHIT.

JD is like, and Thomas is like, Its clear hes forgotten who hes about to have a kid with because Kathryn is NOT going to be down with Thomas basically accusing her of slutting it up and then trying to trap him into fatherhood. JUST SAYING.

Its date night with Craig and Naomie. Craig chooses going to L.A. over the biggest event for his company, because hes never been to L.A. before. And Craig wonders why hes not allowed to head a bourbon division. I don’t foresee this ending well AT ALL. Craig, youre a fucking idiot and for once Naomie is in the right to tell you youre fucking up.

Craig: Do you see how hard Im trying to justify this?

Yeah, because you KNOW YOURE IN THE WRONG. Thats literally what justification is.

Cameran and Landon meet up for a candle-making class and I am kind of jealous because that low-key sounds fun. Landons explaining her travel guide to Cam, so Im going to take a quick nap.

Cameran: I think its hard for Landon bc she was a typical Southern stereotype of the woman who got married young and was taken care of and she doesnt have that anymore.

Wait, how is this the first Im hearing of this failed first marriage? How has this NEVER come up before this season??

Cameran: So any man prospects? Landon: IDK not really its kind of sad and pathetic.

Landon is like Same tho. Cameran: Do you think the reason youre not meeting anyone is because you want something to work out with Shep? Landon:…Yeah

Cameran and I are both like, FINALLY!

*Cue a montage of them looking really couple-y* I’m rooting for you guys!

Landon brings up every middle schoolers dilemma which is that if she dates Shep, then shell lose him as a friend. Can we get like, a violin quartet to score some melodramatic music or something?

Craig and Shep make it to L.A. and Whitneys bachelor pad is sick. I guess this is what that Bravo money gets you. On an unrelated note, I have a very compelling idea for a new reality show, if you wanna get on board Bravo, Ill get you in at the ground level.

Craig: I wouldve had FOMO if I hadnt gotten to come out heresothanks.

Whitney: Meh whatevs

Whitney: #NewCraig has taken on this persona thats like, not chill dude.

Whitney basically lets it go with the caveat that he may never fully trust Craig again. Eh, Im sure theyll be fine.

Shep: You know when youre perfectly drunk and youre really good at pool? Is that like when Im really drunk and I think Im really good at dancing?

Classic Shmosby.

Larissa crashes the boys weekend which is not at all chill. Larissa is, I guess, the WGG of the group.

Shep: Should I change? I dont want to look all fratty and Southern.

Well that ship sailed like, approximately 36 years ago. Whitney makes a joke about waking up in the morning covered in blood and vomit. Was he secretly with me and my friends this weekend? Unclear. V. possible.

These two slutty-looking blondes show up and Shep is in fucking heaven. Craig low-key wants to kill himself.

Whitney: The goofy, disarming thing works in Charleston but not so much in L.A.

I’m sorry, Whitney, but who you callin goofy? You’re not exactly a chiseled Greek god over there. Whitney takes a casual shot at Craigs bourbon knowledge, or lack thereof, and now that hes gotten that off his chest this friendship is back on track.

The aftermath of Whitneys party looks a lot like the scene I dealt with Sunday morning. So, like, maybe they really were there.

Whitney: The marker of a good boys weekend is a pool of vomit with a partially digested meatball in the middle.

Whitney talks about how Shep didnt get any last night and Whitney said he had a meeting with Hand Solo which made me LOL.

Sheps like, and Im getting soooo mf sick of this trope. I am convinced Shep just acts this way because y’all expect him to be a fuckboy and nobody challenges him or holds him to a higher standard. Also, there’s just no way his dick games that good. THERE IS NO WAY.

JD is on the phone with Paula and SURPRISE, Craig basically didnt do shit for this festival yet still wants to be head of the bourbon division. The entitlement is strong with this one. Craigs phone is dead, party casualty, so JD is calling around to all Craigs friends like the angry dad he is. Did I mention this was dumb af, Craig?

Also, LMAO at how hungover they all look. Their hangovers are giving me life.

Craig: I just feel like Im being used to do all the bitchwork and its annoying. I lied, THIS is the whitest thing to happen on this show.

Shep: People take work too seriously. What happened to just drinking beer and laughing your balls off?

Yeah Shep, I think this may be why your restaurant is struggling to pay the rent.

Thomas and Kathryn are discussing the ins and outs of labor, which I will file away for future knowledge. Thomas calls Kathryn an expert at giving birth which is like, kind of rude lol. But I guess also accurate?

Kathryns opening up to Thomas about being alone this time around, looking up at him with big doe eyes, and Thomas is like,SHUT DOWN.

Thomas: The timing is really bad for me, could you just like, not give birth rn?

Kathryn: Thats why I like having you around, youre like a calming presence IDK why.

Kathryn, do you know what calming means? Im starting to think not.

Back at Whitneys, some massage therapist named Megan shows up, and Shep clearly has a boner.

Shep: So youre gonna give us all massages now?

Megan: Its like holding space to really connect more with yourself.

Shep is blatantly sexually harassing this poor girl. JFC. This is so creepy. Tone it the fuck down.

JD & Co. is launching his bourbon line at Charleston Cup, this horse race in Charleston. Craig is nowhere to be found, shockingly.

JD: Work isnt all roses and cherries. Sometimes its dirt and trenches.

Im putting that on a needlepoint for my office.

Sheps not going because his grandpa died. OK thats actually like, very sad. My condolences.

We will now resume with our regularly scheduled program of shit-talking.

Craig is taking forever to get readyCraig and Chad from are both the secret Betches interns.

Craig is hungover with an upset stomach and a sinus infection, which is literally what happens to me every time I drink. AKA right now. We’ll get through this, Craig. Emergen-c and green tea all mf day.

Cams like,

Craig apparently slept in and didnt do anything to help JD set up. Which, Im not surprised by, but again, is a really bad move for when youre trying to show initiative.

Cameran: #NewCraig is starting to run its course because at this point hes becoming #OldCraig

Dannis dropping some random whiskey fun facts and Craig is like, Fuck the bourbon division, Im not sure Craig is qualified to have any job at Gentry HQ, PERIOD. How the fuck is he going to be a lawyer if he never wants to do work? He’s gonna have a rude awakening if he ever makes it to first-year associate (I have heard).

Craig is there for all of two minutes and is already like, fuck this Im leaving.

Oh JK Craig didnt actually leave. JD gives a speech and what do you wanna bet Craig is gonna get shafted in this thank-you speech?

Wait for it..

BOOM. SHAFTED. I called it.

Cameran is so into this race its scary. How much money did she put down on that horse? Judging by her reaction to losing, Id say a lot.

Once again JD is dressed like a 1920s fat cat. Live your truth, JD.

JDs like, and Craig is like,

JD: Do you think you should have gone out of town? Craig: I mean Ive never had to give up a trip for a job so

Oh boy, Craig. I fear for you in the real world. I really do.

At Kathryns, she and Thomas are eating dinner. Kathryns going into labor tomorrow morning. I hope they dont actually film her birth. That would be kind of fucked.

Thomas: I want to have a traditional family, hear the shnookums running around, hear the house fill with laughter.

Lol, “shnookums” only makes me think of one thing:

Thomas: I still love Kathryn, I care about her but Im afraid a day of reckoning is forthcoming.

UH OH.

Kathryn asks Thomas how he feels and he says hes apprehensive and shes like, BRUH, FEEL APPREHENSIVE?!

Kathryn: If I say anything mean to you tomorrow just give me a free pass.

OK thats fair, she is giving birth and all.

Kathryn gets up and eats some generic brand Lucky Charms before giving birth. I take it all back, she really is struggling with money.

OK low blow. Sorry. Kind of.

Seeing the sheer amount of diapers in Kathryns house is enough to make me never forget to take my birth control.

Thomas: For some reason, maybe through divine intervention we were brought together. Steven Spielberg I believe said, Ive made a lot of movies, but my greatest creation of all was a child.

So I wonder at what point Thomas is gonna be like Who am I kidding, theyre gonna drag that out at least over the course of another epsiode.

OK enough shit-talking from me. That baby is cute. What did they name him?? How they gonna leave us hanging like that?

div.body_middle_part_right .bodypart:nth-child(n+2), a.prevBody{display: none;}

source http://allofbeer.com/southern-charm-recap-can-they-get-any-more-white/ from All of Beer http://allofbeer.blogspot.com/2018/03/southern-charm-recap-can-they-get-any.html

[adambstingus]

Southern Charm Recap: Can They Get Any More White?

I have emerged from my two-day hangover solely to write this weeks recap. Guess killing brain cells is one of my hobbies now.

When we left off I wasnt sure if I was Team Kathryn or Team Whitney, and I dont think thats ever going to get resolved tbh. However, I did just notice Kathryns facial expression in the opening sequence more or less sums up her entire personality.

Thomas and JD, back at it again with the polo. Cause that ended really well the last time. Can they get any more white?

Whitney has some fruit salad and is making coffee and Larissas like, If that’s cooking, I’m about to be the next winner of.

Whitney trying to explain what going steady means to Larissa is pretty hilarious tho.

Kathryn andKody? Corey? Fuck, I forgetare getting a seaweed facial or some shit, AKA Bravo is pampering them so they can talk shit in style. Nice.

Kathryn is bummed that once she has her baby she has to go home alone with her two children.

Kathryn: Im a 24-year-old soon-to-be mother of two. If you dont think Im overwhelmed and nervous then you dont think.

Wow that was like, unnecessarily aggressive Kath.

Cooper? Cooper! Calls Thomas a 50-year-old playboy and is like,

Cooper: Instead of letting it frustrating you I just say let it strengthen you.

Cooper is the moral compass this show needs.

Meanwhile Thomas is sipping bourbon with JD on his porch because Kathryn really needs him.

JD: Hows the baby? Thomas: The doctor said fine… JD looks skeptical, because Im sure he knows better than a trained doctor.

JD: Kathryn moving up the due date seems awfully peculiarseems suspect.

JD is a regular Hardy Boy over here.

JD: I think women dont like being asked for paternity tests.

NO FUCKING SHIT.

JD is like, and Thomas is like, Its clear hes forgotten who hes about to have a kid with because Kathryn is NOT going to be down with Thomas basically accusing her of slutting it up and then trying to trap him into fatherhood. JUST SAYING.

Its date night with Craig and Naomie. Craig chooses going to L.A. over the biggest event for his company, because hes never been to L.A. before. And Craig wonders why hes not allowed to head a bourbon division. I don’t foresee this ending well AT ALL. Craig, youre a fucking idiot and for once Naomie is in the right to tell you youre fucking up.

Craig: Do you see how hard Im trying to justify this?

Yeah, because you KNOW YOURE IN THE WRONG. Thats literally what justification is.

Cameran and Landon meet up for a candle-making class and I am kind of jealous because that low-key sounds fun. Landons explaining her travel guide to Cam, so Im going to take a quick nap.

Cameran: I think its hard for Landon bc she was a typical Southern stereotype of the woman who got married young and was taken care of and she doesnt have that anymore.

Wait, how is this the first Im hearing of this failed first marriage? How has this NEVER come up before this season??

Cameran: So any man prospects? Landon: IDK not really its kind of sad and pathetic.

Landon is like Same tho. Cameran: Do you think the reason youre not meeting anyone is because you want something to work out with Shep? Landon:…Yeah

Cameran and I are both like, FINALLY!

*Cue a montage of them looking really couple-y* I’m rooting for you guys!

Landon brings up every middle schoolers dilemma which is that if she dates Shep, then shell lose him as a friend. Can we get like, a violin quartet to score some melodramatic music or something?

Craig and Shep make it to L.A. and Whitneys bachelor pad is sick. I guess this is what that Bravo money gets you. On an unrelated note, I have a very compelling idea for a new reality show, if you wanna get on board Bravo, Ill get you in at the ground level.

Craig: I wouldve had FOMO if I hadnt gotten to come out heresothanks.

Whitney: Meh whatevs

Whitney: #NewCraig has taken on this persona thats like, not chill dude.

Whitney basically lets it go with the caveat that he may never fully trust Craig again. Eh, Im sure theyll be fine.

Shep: You know when youre perfectly drunk and youre really good at pool? Is that like when Im really drunk and I think Im really good at dancing?

Classic Shmosby.

Larissa crashes the boys weekend which is not at all chill. Larissa is, I guess, the WGG of the group.

Shep: Should I change? I dont want to look all fratty and Southern.

Well that ship sailed like, approximately 36 years ago. Whitney makes a joke about waking up in the morning covered in blood and vomit. Was he secretly with me and my friends this weekend? Unclear. V. possible.

These two slutty-looking blondes show up and Shep is in fucking heaven. Craig low-key wants to kill himself.

Whitney: The goofy, disarming thing works in Charleston but not so much in L.A.

I’m sorry, Whitney, but who you callin goofy? You’re not exactly a chiseled Greek god over there. Whitney takes a casual shot at Craigs bourbon knowledge, or lack thereof, and now that hes gotten that off his chest this friendship is back on track.

The aftermath of Whitneys party looks a lot like the scene I dealt with Sunday morning. So, like, maybe they really were there.

Whitney: The marker of a good boys weekend is a pool of vomit with a partially digested meatball in the middle.

Whitney talks about how Shep didnt get any last night and Whitney said he had a meeting with Hand Solo which made me LOL.

Sheps like, and Im getting soooo mf sick of this trope. I am convinced Shep just acts this way because y’all expect him to be a fuckboy and nobody challenges him or holds him to a higher standard. Also, there’s just no way his dick games that good. THERE IS NO WAY.

JD is on the phone with Paula and SURPRISE, Craig basically didnt do shit for this festival yet still wants to be head of the bourbon division. The entitlement is strong with this one. Craigs phone is dead, party casualty, so JD is calling around to all Craigs friends like the angry dad he is. Did I mention this was dumb af, Craig?

Also, LMAO at how hungover they all look. Their hangovers are giving me life.

Craig: I just feel like Im being used to do all the bitchwork and its annoying. I lied, THIS is the whitest thing to happen on this show.

Shep: People take work too seriously. What happened to just drinking beer and laughing your balls off?

Yeah Shep, I think this may be why your restaurant is struggling to pay the rent.

Thomas and Kathryn are discussing the ins and outs of labor, which I will file away for future knowledge. Thomas calls Kathryn an expert at giving birth which is like, kind of rude lol. But I guess also accurate?

Kathryns opening up to Thomas about being alone this time around, looking up at him with big doe eyes, and Thomas is like,SHUT DOWN.

Thomas: The timing is really bad for me, could you just like, not give birth rn?

Kathryn: Thats why I like having you around, youre like a calming presence IDK why.

Kathryn, do you know what calming means? Im starting to think not.

Back at Whitneys, some massage therapist named Megan shows up, and Shep clearly has a boner.

Shep: So youre gonna give us all massages now?

Megan: Its like holding space to really connect more with yourself.

Shep is blatantly sexually harassing this poor girl. JFC. This is so creepy. Tone it the fuck down.

JD & Co. is launching his bourbon line at Charleston Cup, this horse race in Charleston. Craig is nowhere to be found, shockingly.

JD: Work isnt all roses and cherries. Sometimes its dirt and trenches.

Im putting that on a needlepoint for my office.

Sheps not going because his grandpa died. OK thats actually like, very sad. My condolences.

We will now resume with our regularly scheduled program of shit-talking.

Craig is taking forever to get readyCraig and Chad from are both the secret Betches interns.

Craig is hungover with an upset stomach and a sinus infection, which is literally what happens to me every time I drink. AKA right now. We’ll get through this, Craig. Emergen-c and green tea all mf day.

Cams like,

Craig apparently slept in and didnt do anything to help JD set up. Which, Im not surprised by, but again, is a really bad move for when youre trying to show initiative.

Cameran: #NewCraig is starting to run its course because at this point hes becoming #OldCraig

Dannis dropping some random whiskey fun facts and Craig is like, Fuck the bourbon division, Im not sure Craig is qualified to have any job at Gentry HQ, PERIOD. How the fuck is he going to be a lawyer if he never wants to do work? He’s gonna have a rude awakening if he ever makes it to first-year associate (I have heard).

Craig is there for all of two minutes and is already like, fuck this Im leaving.

Oh JK Craig didnt actually leave. JD gives a speech and what do you wanna bet Craig is gonna get shafted in this thank-you speech?

Wait for it..

BOOM. SHAFTED. I called it.

Cameran is so into this race its scary. How much money did she put down on that horse? Judging by her reaction to losing, Id say a lot.

Once again JD is dressed like a 1920s fat cat. Live your truth, JD.

JDs like, and Craig is like,

JD: Do you think you should have gone out of town? Craig: I mean Ive never had to give up a trip for a job so

Oh boy, Craig. I fear for you in the real world. I really do.

At Kathryns, she and Thomas are eating dinner. Kathryns going into labor tomorrow morning. I hope they dont actually film her birth. That would be kind of fucked.

Thomas: I want to have a traditional family, hear the shnookums running around, hear the house fill with laughter.

Lol, “shnookums” only makes me think of one thing:

Thomas: I still love Kathryn, I care about her but Im afraid a day of reckoning is forthcoming.

UH OH.

Kathryn asks Thomas how he feels and he says hes apprehensive and shes like, BRUH, FEEL APPREHENSIVE?!

Kathryn: If I say anything mean to you tomorrow just give me a free pass.

OK thats fair, she is giving birth and all.

Kathryn gets up and eats some generic brand Lucky Charms before giving birth. I take it all back, she really is struggling with money.

OK low blow. Sorry. Kind of.

Seeing the sheer amount of diapers in Kathryns house is enough to make me never forget to take my birth control.

Thomas: For some reason, maybe through divine intervention we were brought together. Steven Spielberg I believe said, Ive made a lot of movies, but my greatest creation of all was a child.

So I wonder at what point Thomas is gonna be like Who am I kidding, theyre gonna drag that out at least over the course of another epsiode.

OK enough shit-talking from me. That baby is cute. What did they name him?? How they gonna leave us hanging like that?

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from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/southern-charm-recap-can-they-get-any-more-white/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/171944066947