#Danny ends up moving in with some guy named Jason who may or may not be dead and after the third time jason cooks him dinner and makes him | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

animeredhead101 · 7 months ago

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Jason Todd / Danny Fenton Masterlist

Completed

Wait For It by DisillusionedDanny :

When sixteen year old Danny goes to check out the Lazarus Waters in a different universe he doesn't know what he's expecting. Somehow getting a new halfa boyfriend and a baby brother was what were in the books for the young Ghost Prince. Everything seems to be going well, though, until first Jason decides to leave the League of Assassins and Danny to get revenge for his death, and then Damian decides that now that he is about to get to meet his real father, he will no longer need Danny. Years later, though, both Damian and Jason realize that they lost more than expected when leaving Danny behind all those years before. Especially after watching the powerful ghost king defeat an enemy within seconds. Now both must figure out how to fix their broken relationships with the ghost who helped them when they needed it most and never asked for more. Word Count: 33,891 Completed

Marriage, Who? by DeathlySilent13 :

Jason interrupts a ritual and gets far more than he'd expected. Like, an entire dimension more.

Word Count: 4,161 Completed

The Devil Wore a T-Shirt by DisillusionedDanny :

After a one-night stand, Danny finds himself pregnant with Red Hood's kid. Now he finds himself as a dad to a small child with an important decision to make. Does he tell Red Hood he has a child? Or does Danny raise the kid by himself? Word Count: 24,778 Completed

Deadly Assumptions and Their Consequences by Silver_star_06 :

The Justice league believes that Phantom is Captain Marvel‘s dad and tells the hero to summon him to help them with Darkseid.

They weren’t expecting the cryptic eldridge being to start hanging around the watch tower.

Danny couldn’t help but feel a kinship with the pre-teen that ended up as the current Captain Marvel. A scrappy black haired and blue eyed child vigilante, that only became one because of circumstance.

Danny was going to help this child whether he wanted it or not.

Word Count: 25,977 On-going

how to befriend your local ghost-boy by lizardtailsfails :

Fetch was a meta that managed to get in contact with the Bats, and did some support work for them. The first time Jason met him, however, the only thing he took away from that encounter was that somehow, this guy's very presence could scare the Pit into cowering. It kind of made him panic. He may or may not have shot at Fetch. And Fetch may or may not have disappeared as a result. Just when the Bats were resigned to thinking that maybe Fetch had left Gotham entirely, Jason stumbled across a warehouse that felt like Fetch's power. Looking into the owners, the Bats finally figure out Fetch's real identity--a kid named Danny Fenton. Word Count: 4,777 Completed

two dead guys sitting in a warehouse five feet apart cuz they're dense motherfuckers by lizardtailsfails :

Jason meets Danny again and gets treated to an educational slideshow. He was not prepared.

Word Count: 6,278 Completed

That Feeling When You (Accidentally) Seduce Your Landlord to Avoid Eviction by halfgone (milklywxy) :

Jason finds out the building his favorite safehouse is located in has been recently bought out. He could easily move, but he doesn't do easy. He'll just have to find a way to stick around, even if that means growing closerand catching feelingsfor his impromptu landlord. Meanwhile, Danny is pretty sure he hit the jackpot for surprise tenants. Word Count: 6,362 Completed

Like Betta Fish Do by Paperpuffin :

Danny had ended up trespassing in Jason's haunt. He didn't mean to. Total accident, he swears. (He blames Johnny.) So he bought the other halfa a basket of bathbombs and chocolate as a 'sorry, please don't disembowel me' gift. It was the proper thing to do, alright?

Everything was going to be just fine.

Then things got a little out of hand.

Word Count: 77,837 Completed

Take Out for Dummies by Mokulule :

"Excuse me?" Jason asked in disbelief. "How would you describe your ideal date?" The man repeated calmly as if he hadn't snuck up on Red Hood on a rooftop in the middle of the night. AKA Danny has been hired to take out Red Hood, there may have been a minor misunderstanding... Word Count: 2,009 Completed

Lightning in a Bottle by DisillusionedDanny :

Prompt courtesy of Stealingyourbones on tumblr: Jason gets his neck sliced by Bruce’s batarang. It irreversibly damaged his vocal cords.

Pros: He can still use ghost speak

Cons: None of his family knows ghost speak (as it’s sounds aren’t for living men to understand)

Thankfully Jason meets Danny Fenton who not only understands ghost speak but can teach him how to live again after his accident.

Word Count: 46,202 Completed

A deal with the Ghost King by JaxinKH :

When the Ghost King refused their offer of souls in exchange for saving the world, the Justice League had been scrambling to find something he would accept instead. But when the King dissapeared and the world was saved when they weren't looking, Constantine had been in a panic. Someone else had made a deal with the King, offering something worth more than all the souls on Earth. But what? And who had made the deal? Meanwhile, Jason left the meeting. He had a date to plan! Word Count: 4,524 Completed One of the cutest Jason Todd x Danny Phantom Fics I've read. I love the idea of Jason just looking at Danny in his whole Ghost-like glory and said to himself ' I need to tap that'

Core Bonded by GhostInGotham :

The only thing Tim could hear was his own beating heart and his harsh breathing. He barely even noticed that the demons had stopped what they were doing as well. Suddenly, the temperature around him dropped to the negatives. Snow started falling from the sky, melting as it hit Tim’s skin. There was a twitch from Trigon’s hand.

“ Mate, who…who was your brother just summoning? ” Constantine asked over the comms, his voice shaking.Ice spiked out of the ground into Trigons chest and forced him to stumble back. A man with blue tinted skin, and enough power radiating off of him to force an army to their knees, stood above Jason with a raised hand. Jason was on the ground and leaning his weight on his elbows, watching the being in front of him.

“ W̴e̵ ̸h̷a̶v̸e̷ ̷g̸o̴t̶ ̸t̷o̵ ̷s̸t̴o̸p̴ ̷m̵e̶e̴t̸i̸n̸g̶ ̸l̷i̸k̸e̶ ̵t̵h̷i̸s̷,̷ ̵b̴e̷a̸u̷t̵i̷f̵u̴l̴,̷” The man chuckled as he turned to the crime lord with an outstretched hand. Jason just snorted and took the offered hand,

“ Can’t help the life I live, Casper.” was heard over the comms. The being just laughed at the nickname.“ Bloody hell…Bats, your son just summoned the Ghost King… ” Constantine whispered.

Word Count: 10,085 Completed

On-going

Danny Fenton: Dead and Loving It by HyperKid :

Danny and Jason meet by chance in a graveyard on Christmas Eve over a certain someone’s grave. Neither expect to ever see the other again, until they run into each other at a coffee shop less than a week later. And once they’re both thinking clearly, there’s obviously something wrong. Between working out what to tell their families, what’s actually going on, and just… well, being happy pains in the ass and proud of it, it turns out Team Batfam and Team Phantom all over are a match made in Heaven. Now all they have to do is persuade Bruce that Jason having new friends hasn’t hailed the apocalypse. Word Count: 275,002 On-going

Ghost King in Gotham by GDogDfeld124 :

Danny Fenton moves into Gotham to get away from the GiW and his parents. Luckily for him he got a scholarship to Gotham University and could move in without trouble.Everything goes haywire when one day while doing his homework he gets summoned.

______________________________________________________________Planning for this one to be a long one. Trying not to make this crack.

Word Count: 74,968 On-going

I Am A Retired Hero And My Love Interest Is A Crime Lord!? byShyCrow :

Danny Fenton did the whole hero thing, all right? He fought bad guys, saved the world a couple of times, became enemies with a secret government faction. And it was fun. Really, he had no regrets! But now it's time for him to buckle down and focus on getting that degree. It's a good thing Gotham University gave him a full ride. But things are just now starting to get more and more complicated... It started as an accident that evolved into the Red Hood paying attention to Danny. And now ghosts are starting to lose objects that, if fallen into the wrong hands, can cause a lot of trouble for both Danny and the Ghost Zone. With the bats starting to take notice of him and the Zone's refusal to leave him alone, can he truly lead a normal life? And, more importantly, does he really want to? Word Count: 138,759 On-going

A Crow's Murder by kokoa_la :

Danny takes on a new moniker when he starts up business in Gotham as a human, but this time, he's not the hero. A vigilante to the core, taking risks and shots for the greater good at another's expense.

With his memories holding his left hand and his responsibilities holding his right, Gotham seems like the perfect place to hide.

Until he's got a clock over his head, ticking away to an unknown end.

i.e. Danny steals from the waynes and now have the bats on his tail, too bad for them the only one to have spotted Danny is the Red Hood himself. Maybe the halfa can trust the resident crime lord with his teeny tiny issue with the government. What's a little treason to murder, right?

(Post every Saturday)

TW: depression, thoughts of death (NOT suicide), character death (does it count if its danny and jason?), cursing, drugs? (idk man), sickness, fighting, injuries

Word Count: 95,530 On-going

Lost In Between Our Needs and Wants by Murriana :

After having to leave behind his mortal life in Amity Park, Danny ends up settling in Gotham. There, he gets mistaken for a vampire and decides it's the perfect cover. This has consequences, for both him and the crime lord Danny's nose keeps leading him to. Word Count: 13,001 On-going Not going to lie, as I was reading this the only thought that was going through my head. "Danny is finally living his goth dream and has made it his life's mission to make Sam jealous about it"

Danny's Daycare by RobinsEggHead :

Being the Ghost King is surprisingly boring when you're good at the job and therefore your people are at peace. In an attempt to escape his mind numbing boredom (and do a favor for Lady Gotham) Danny begins his ten step plan to help the city without donning the Phantom 'cape' once more.

Too bad the Waynes and Gotham's vigilantes seem to be taking such an interest in the strange man who willingly moved TO Gotham to open a daycare in the Bowery. It's fine, this is all fine, what could go wrong?

Turns out- a lot.

Word Count: 33,524 On-going

I find it really cute that Danny wants to help but hes like a tired Dad that has WAY too many kids. This is still an early fics, but it's already one of my favorites.

Rooftop Express by EmeraldsAndAmethyst :

Danny Fenton just wants to help his big sister be comfortable in Gotham. But he is getting so done with not being able to fly around freely. Danny tries to do things on the up and up but just progressively accidentally starts looking more and more like a new rogue trying to get set up. His parents must be retired super villains, which might not mean anything. But the rest of the evidence isn't very promising.And then he finds a half-ghost no one knew anything about. Befriending him in the suit instead of out isn't helping his 'definitely not a super villain' case in the slightest. *edit 4/3/2023 o my gosh there is now fan art!!! pics in the chapter and links here tysm AK! [sharelink] Word Count: 89,268 On-going

What could go wrong? (A lot) by Dreaming_Ember :

John Constantine sat quietly rubbing his temples with his hands. He was fighting to not pull out a cigarette and light it. He knew this meeting would be bad. As soon as the Bat called him here for a favor he knew it was going to get messy. Bats never needed him for favors. But with this League Of Assassins people joining up with an unknown cult it seemed John was the best bet, well after he tried contacting Zatanna who was busy with something else. So far they weren't getting anywhere and it had been two weeks, the only thing that John has noticed is how what the bats call the Lazarus Pits, looks suspiciously like ectoplasm. Boiling ectoplasm. But still ectoplasm. John sighs, he didn't want to have to ask Danny for help, but if those pits truly were ectoplasm he would need to get him involved. ___________________________________________________________ Or when The League of Assassins starts acting up and joining forces with an unknown cult, Batman contacts John Constantine for help. Word Count: 5,130 On-going

It's Not Sugar by ConspiracyCrows

Ellie is destabilized and nearly killed by Vlad while trying to make another, "better", clone of Danny. In order to stabilize her she was de-aged to about 7, and now has chronic issues balancing her ecto the same way a type one diabetic has issues balancing blood sugars. In fact that's the cover story the pair use when Danny enrolls Ellie at Gotham Academy. The one favor he will allow Vlad to do for them. While Vlad seems to have finally come to his senses about Ellie, Danny won't let him anywhere near her ever again. Which is why they moved to Gotham in the first place, Vlad won't step foot there. It also helps that Lady Gotham is more than happy to have the Realms' Ambassador to the Living in her streets. They settle into Crime Alley, and Danny may or may not have forgotten to introduce himself to the Haunt owner, assuming Gotham would handle the niceties as he gets Ellie settled, and handles the pressing issues of the negotiations between the city, the realms, and those denizens of both who want or need one thing or other. Word Count: 23,052 On-going This is just one of the cutest fics! I love how Danny takes zero shits when it comes to Ellie. Jason and his interactions are so wholesome, I can't wait to read more !

#jason todd #danny phantom #danny fenton #dp x dc crossover #crossover fanfiction #ao3 fanfic

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andythane · 4 years ago

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HOLY WATER CANNOT HELP YOU NOW I’VE COME TO BURN YOUR KINGDOM DOWN

MAY 19TH, 2021. OUTSIDE OF LAFAYETTE, LOUISIANA. notes & tw: this is literally all just bloody, brutal violence of every kind. andy, along side wes and wyatt, gets revenge on the rogue’s responsible for attacking rowan in february. italics are flashbacks, ps. tw for very graphic murder, lots of blood, violence, gore (eye, specifically), stabbing, decapitation/dismemberment, tc ahead. please read at your own discretion, it’s a lot.

The first time he kills someone, he’s twenty years old. Four months after he’d been officially patched into the club, reconciled with Rowan, and started this new chapter of his life. He knew what the patch sewn to his cut meant -- He had grown up next to it, had seen his father come home at all hours of the night covered in blood with a smile on his face as he slapped his gun onto the kitchen table and happily declared he needed a beer. That being said, doing it yourself and hearing stories were so comically different it made his head spin.

Most of the ride, he’s quiet, staring out the window of the Wyatt’s jeep as they drive through the backroads. There’s not much conversation to be had once they’ve gone over the plan, all three men knowing exactly what they’re going to this warehouse for. It’s roughly a two hour car ride, giving Andy enough time to go mentally go over the weapons he’s brought with him -- The gun tucked into his cut, one tucked into the waistband of his pants, one strapped to his ankle; The knife tucked in his boot strap, the other in the sheath of his belt. He’s nothing if not prepared. Andy goes over their placement for the thousandth, unneeded time, thinking through every what if scenario he could find himself in. It’s not often that his paranoid nature actually becomes a benefit.

They know the layout of the building, where each of them will cover, and the amount of people that will be there -- But he likes to prepare for the worst and the best, knowing from experience that they’re likely going to meet a mixture of both. Andy’s planned and executed this kind of thing enough times to know how to go about it blindfolded. At this point, it’s just like riding a bike.

He wonders what Wes is thinking, if his mind drifts back to Jace asleep at home, unaware of the violence going on around him; If Wyatt is imagining Iris in her hospital bed three months ago, scared of the oxygen mask strapped to her face. All Andy can think of is Rowan, sobbing in his arms while struggling not to move and potentially injure herself further, tearfully telling him why she hadn’t shown up to dinner.

It’s been a while since he’s found himself in this kind of mindset, having hung up his metaphoric hat when it comes to hitman jobs in the last few years. After his time in prison, Andy knew he had to lay low -- Being on parole, and having a daughter to raise changed his priorities. While the money from his ‘freelancing’ had been nice, he and Rowan had enough saved to last them a lifetime, especially with his cut of the guns the club sold, and her salary. There was no need for it now, not like when they were struggling to pay rent and put Rowan through school. Though, he couldn’t deny the high that came with planning a job was one Andy didn’t know he desperately missed. It used to scare him, how exciting he found this -- The rush that came from a stake out, figuring out each detail all the way down to the small possibility, the thrill of actually pulling his gun and breaking through the door. Now he welcomes it like an old friend.

He always imagined it would be a fair fight -- Or at least, not like this. Whenever the thought came to mind, he pictured himself wrestling some bond villain looking guy, the two diving for the gun that had been cast aside. It was naive, childish even -- But he didn’t expect that he’d be pointing his gun at someone who couldn’t be much older than him, one who was sobbing through swollen eyes, pleading for his life. His father kept his hand’s firmly planted on the kid’s shoulder’s to keep him from squirming out of the rickety chair, acting like this was a prize for a job well done. This could easily have been me, Andy thinks. Had this job gone wrong, he has no doubt Cronus wouldn’t hesitate to put him into that chair, make an example out of his son. Only, it didn’t. It was nothing short of an absolute success.

His father says something, but Andy doesn’t hear it. Jason is somewhere in the background cheering him on. Andy’s heart is pounding in his ears, both hands holding tightly to his gun, fighting to conceal the fact that they’re shaking. The gun is pointed directly at the poor kid’s head, Cronus’ steady hands keeping him from getting away from his obvious fate. Andy glances to his father for a moment, the wild look in the man’s surely meant to be read as adrenaline fueled pride. This is Andy’s first job after being patched in, and he had proved himself thus far. Now he just needed to finish this. Andy wishes he had the strength to lift his arms just that much higher, and put a bullet in his father’s head.

In that moment, he thinks of Rowan; Part of him wishes he hadn’t, based on the way his jaw clenches and his chest constricts -- He doesn’t want her to ever know about the horrible things he’s going to do, the horrible thing he’s about to do. Rowan shouldn’t have to see him for what he really is, what he’ll grow up to be: A monster. The rational part of himself reminds him that she already knows, and she’s still waiting for him at home, ready to pull him into open arms once he passes through the front door.

He pulls the trigger.

The kid’s blood splatters across Andy’s face.

They move quietly, each taking different sections of the warehouse. Wes covers the open space where the guns lie, Wyatt takes the small offices turned into ‘bedrooms’, while Andy takes the conference turned war room. He knows this is only a piece of the Rogues puzzle, but it’s a step in the right direction. They don’t plan on leaving anyone behind to tell the others what happened -- The grizzly scene and blood splattered across the walls will paint the picture for them.

His back remains against the wall, pulling his gun from his cut as he moves quietly, the three men in the conference room too distracted by their own conversation to notice Andy slipped into the dimly lit room. He makes presence known by firing a bullet into one man’s -- His name is Sam, based on the conversation Andy heard before entering -- knee, which creates a flurry of action as everyone tries to dive for the guns on the table. It’s the obvious move, one that Andy had anticipated. His hand reaches for the underside of the table between the four men seconds after his gun first fires, sending the flimsy plastic table over, their guns scattered and out of reach.

Sam fits one of the descriptions Will gave him, of a shorter, stocky man, blacked out ink covering him aside from a poorly done mermaid tattoo covering his throat. The man across from Sam fits the bill, as well -- Blonde, long hair, scar across his cheek, entire right arm covered in blacked out tattoos. Jack, Andy’s memory recalls. The man in question tries to make a run for one of the guns, but Andy stops him with a bullet to the stomach. Enough to knock him down, but not enough to immediately kill him. He wants them alive for this, to feel the same terror and pain Rowan did that night. They’re not going to be lucky enough to get a bullet to the head first.

The third and final man is one Andy recognizes now that he’s face to face. His name is Danny, but he’d been called Tex during his time in the club. (The nickname was stupid then, and it’s stupid now, Andy thinks.) He had his ink blacked out and left town roughly ten years ago after screwing the club over. The surprise reunion is enough to catch Tex off guard, enough that he hesitates, eyes narrowing as he takes in the scene in front of them. Both Sam and Jack bleeding on the floor, the former clutching his leg and screaming to the third to Do something, you fucking idiot. So, he does. The man charges forward, managing to knock Andy to the ground given the fact that he’s got about a hundred pounds on him.

They struggle as Tex tries to wrestle the gun away from Andy, before it gets thrown to the side in the fight. Punches are thrown on both ends, a ringing settling in Andy’s ears after a particular blow to the side of his head, though it doesn’t deter him. Andy manages to roll them over, holding the other man down with knee pressing down on his throat. Tex claws, scratches, and hits Andy in an attempt to get out from under him, but the cut off of oxygen makes it more difficult. He gets a few good blows in, though -- There’s blood dribbling down Andy’s arms from scratches, bruises that have already begun to form. He doesn’t notice, too focused on keeping the man under him from getting out of his grip. His hands move to hold Tex’s head, Andy’s thumbs digging into the inner corners of his eyes, gouging them as deeply as he can manage.

He can’t help but wonder if the three men have realized this isn’t about killing them; It’s about watching them suffer.

The fact that Tyson is still breathing is enough to send Andy into a tailspin. He had hoped the spineless piece of shit had fucked off somewhere, given that he hadn’t made an appearance in his and Rowan’s life in quite some time. Andy’s attempts at optimism always seem to be met with harsh reality, though, one that consistently proves the obvious: It’s childish to try and see the best out of a situation like this. He knows this as he throws the man off his front porch, knowing he has to take care of this problem himself -- Restraining orders and the local cops just aren’t going to cut it. Not when he and Rowan have a fragile six month old daughter sleeping in a crib down the hall.

His downfall is the fact that he reacts, he doesn’t plan. Andy knows better. The reason he’s been so successful with the club is his commitment to discretion, detail, and planning. He analyzes that night over and over for the next three years from the comfort of his prison cell, imagining how he would have killed Tyson if he had taken the time to do it properly -- Instead of grabbing his baseball bat, and kicking the front door in. He would have made it last longer, Andy decided. Prolong his suffering, before letting him gain a shred of hope that he’d make it out alive — Before finally putting him in the ground. That being said, the satisfaction that comes from the look of pure fear on Tyson’s face the moment he sees Andy come through the door? Unmatched.

The mental image is one that never fails to bring him a swell of pride. He can still hear the sound of his bat crushing bone, feel the way his heart skipped a beat with each and every hit. It didn’t matter if there was blood flying, covering him in the evidence; The fact that he hadn’t been quiet in his entrance; The sound of distant sirens headed their way, after a loud, shrill scream rang out. All that mattered was crushing Tyson’s skull, ending the iron grip he’s had on Rowan’s life for the better half of a decade. He didn’t care what happened next, as long as his wife and daughter were able to live in a world where Tyson Grant didn’t.

He only regrets not being able to finish the job that night.

It occurs to him, as his foot comes stomping down on Sam’s already shot knee, that he hasn’t done anything like this since prison. He’s gone on runs, jobs, the works -- Hell, he even threatened to brain Will in his own home. Everything pales in comparison, though. In prison, they had to be more creative; Breaking bones, cutting off fingers, slitting throats before the guards showed up. It was all quick and dirty, done by hand. There was no choice in the matter -- If he wanted to finish out his sentence, see his wife and daughter, even have a chance of making it to the end of the week at all, Andy had to get rid of the other guy. The protection that came with being a Primordial didn’t go as far as one would hope. There’s a reason they used to refer to him as the Grim Reaper. Years later, and he’s made it clear that he hasn’t lost his touch.

This man doesn’t want to fucking die, though. The way he keeps clawing at Andy, yelling obscenities between each scream of pain. He makes proclamations about how he’s going to kill Andy, calling him every name in the book as he tries and fails to fight for his life. A hard kick to the head shuts him up for a moment, disorienting him enough before Sam musters up enough energy to stab Andy in the calf, almost successful in knocking him to the floor. Clearly, the man got a last surge of something, accompanied by a knife he hadn’t realized Sam had on him. This only provokes an annoyed grunt and eye roll from Andy. He stumbles down onto one knee from the surprise of the movement, a stab to the man’s arm with the knife from his boot strap gets Sam to let go. He does, going limp as his knife is stuck in Andy’s calf. It doesn’t stop him from continuing the effort though, within a moment Andy’s on top of his unconscious victim, stabbing him in the chest over and over again like he’s in a cheap horror movie.

In that moment, he loses himself -- Something snaps, taking him back to the night he’d gotten a call that Rowan was in the hospital, the way he so desperately pushed down all of the anger and rage that came with knowing she’d been hurt at the hands of these assholes. Everything he’s fought to hold at bay for the sake of his wife, the kids, his sobriety, the club -- It all bubbles to the surface now, when he’s not worrying about keeping the kids safe and Rowan above water. When all there is is this room, and him, and the people that have to pay for the crimes they’ve committed.

Every emotion he’s expertly avoided, every ounce of it boils over as he stabs the Rogue over and over until they’re both covered in blood. The need for vengeance for what they did, the way they turned Rowan’s life upside down and left her afraid to look over her shoulder; Guilt over the fact that Andy, yet again, couldn’t protect the person he holds so dearly; The power that comes with knowing these men are at his mercy, ready to beg for their lives in a last ditch effort to survive what’s coming next. It all hits him like a freight train, leaving him a little dizzy. Though, that may be from the hits he’s taken himself, blood he’s lost -- Andy doesn’t take the time to find out. Instead, he comes to once he realizes the man under him is long dead, having succumbed to the injuries inflicted after the first few stabs.

The revelation stuns Andy momentarily, as he tries to catch his breath. If there was any witness to this, they’d see how frenzied the moment had become, that there was far more pent of emotion attached to this than Andy initially realized. Eyes glance to the two men left -- Tex, having passed out, and Jack slumped against a wall trying to stay conscious, a string of profanities passing his lips in a hoarse voice. His attention turns to his hands after that, steady but covered in a mixture of Sam’s blood and his own. A blood soaked piece of hair falls forward and onto his cheek as Andy wipes his hands off on his shirt, a wave of frustration running through him. Of fucking course he’d get blood in his hair, and now -- More on his face. He makes a mental note to book an appointment for a haircut.

They cut the man’s fingers off one by one, moving slowly and deliberately. The man in question, Gerald, is tied to a chair in the kitchen of the prison, thanks to a guard that’s on the MC’s payroll. No one is going to give a second thought to the sound of muffled screams or a hacksaw from the locked up tool shed going missing for the night. Andy’s only been out of the hospital for a day at this point -- The guy he’s torturing, having been responsible for his brush with near-death. Gerald felt bold enough to go after Andy with a homemade shank, trying to get even for some issue he held with Cronus. It was laughable to him, considering Andy hated his father just as much as this sorry bastard.

Andy had hoped to make it through his sentence by keeping his head down (for the most part, at least) doing what he needed, sticking with the right crowd -- Club members who were serving life sentences. His name gained him respect, plenty of other inmates happy to keep an eye on Cronus’ boy, but the revenge he’s getting tonight is what gains him his reputation. He becomes the go-to for these kinds of things, the one his fellow club members call on to take care of problems they have behind bars. Rowan’s words ring in his head -- Do what you have to do to stay alive. Come back to me. Playing executioner for the club wasn’t his first choice, but if it’s what kept him safe and gets him home, so fucking be it. Plus, killing the man who had tried to murder him in the showers brought Andy plenty of satisfaction. What kind of person would he be if he let some jaded idiot get away with almost killing him, right?

First the fingers, then his hands, and so on and so forth -- Dismemberment isn’t something new, Andy himself has had to cut up a few bodies so they can get rid of the evidence before. Though, typically speaking, the person isn’t still alive as they do it. Watching this guy suffer was just icing on the cake. Each time Gerald passes out, they cauterize the wound and pull out the smelling salts to give him a fake sense of safety -- That now they’re done, eye for an eye, the message is sent. Only each time he’s lulled into a half-dazed security, they stuff the rag back in his mouth and cut off another limb. It was going to be a long night.

He finds himself with a moment where he can tend to the wound he’s gotten — It's not a particularly deep stab, but it hurts like a bitch and that stupid knife looks fucking dull once he pulls it out and can actually get a good look at it. Not wasting anytime, and to make sure he doesn’t lose too much blood, Andy works quickly. The last thing he needs is to pass out and run the risk of getting himself killed, or having to have Wes haul him out over his shoulder. He has to get creative for now, knowing they can’t exactly make a pit stop at the ER on the way back and he doesn’t want to call Rowan after, given the fact that they’re bringing one of the Rogues back with them to get information out of -- So he moves to rip off part of Sam’s torn pant leg so that he can get pressure on the wound. Using a piece of folded up denim, he holds it against his injury, tying a piece tightly around his calf to keep it in place. It’s not great, but it’ll do for now, until he can get to a proper first aid kit. Andy can practically hear Rowan in the back of his head, scolding him for getting hurt in the first place. Once she knows the context, he’d imagine she probably wouldn’t think much of the injury after.

The sound of Tex’s screams pulled his attention, the man having regained consciousness and begun to panic -- The knee jerk reaction from Andy is to pull his gun back out, silencing Tex with a bullet to the chest. Andy unloads the rest of his clip into the man as he approaches, finding himself feeling lighter and lighter with each shot, despite the fact that he’s now limping. An unbearable amount of helplessness has weighed on him the last six months — Like all he can do is watch these terrible things happen from the sidelines, only able to help tend to the aftermath rather than keep his loved ones safe. What has left him lying awake at night as been the feeling that he’s constantly one step behind, always a minute too late — Whether it’s the shipment getting hijacked and Blake getting to him hours later, homes being burned down while he’s shooting up a warehouse, his own wife lying beaten and bloody in the middle of the street while he sits at a restaurant waiting for her. One thing after the other.

It’s unclear what kind of man it makes him to take such pleasure in revenge -- That he isn’t haunted at night by the people he’s killed or the homes he’s wrecked for the right amount of cash. Maybe it’s proof that he really is his father’s son, or that he’s just as heartless as people believe him to be. Andy’s not sure if it matters much at this point. The idea of knowing he is sending these assholes to an early grave gives him a sense of peace he hasn’t felt in a long time, one he wasn’t sure he’d ever know again after Valentine’s Day. This isn’t the end of the Rogues, but it’s retribution for what they’ve done, bringing him more clarity than ever before. Anyone who hurts the people he loves deserves to die screaming.

Confusion finds him when the sound of a gun firing fills his ears with a familiar ringing, a bullet hitting the dead man on the ground in front of him rather than its intended target. Andy follows the direction it came from to find a wild eyed Jack, having managed to pull himself across the floor in a bloody heap, far enough to get to a gun, clearly struggling to hold himself up right even while propped against the turned over table. He had the element of surprise on his side, but Andy has the benefit of not having been shot in the stomach -- So he moves quickly across the small room, easily smacking the gun out of the man’s hand. It’s clear Jack is running on pure adrenaline and spite, though now that he got his one shot in, it’s running out. Fists colliding with the man’s jaw only speed up the process, though before he finally gives up and slumps over to side and lands on the floor -- He spits blood back at Andy, clearly trying to get in one last fuck you before he dies. Jack doesn’t get much of a reaction out of Andy, instead he stands up fully, giving the half-conscious man a good look before the heel of his boot meets his head over and over until he is long dead and unrecognizable.

#blood tw #murder tw #violence tw #gore tw #death tw #eye gore tw #stabbing tw #decapitation tw #overkill tw #gun tw #dismemberment tw #gun violence tw #stalking tw #prison tw #if i missed any sort of tw or tag for a tw please give me a shout!!!!#self 02.#it's been a long long time since i've been able to write andy going feral.............................. i need a drink <3

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halo-jpeg · 5 years ago

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I know I asked one already today but what about slashers with a male SO? Like, a soft boy?

Y E S. I’m writing this one on my laptop (The first time I’ve done that!) so there will probably be a lot more information. Writing on my laptop just makes ideas flow better. Maybe I’ll do this from now on.

Slashers with a Soft Boy S/O

Michael Myers

Opposites attract- he’s obsessed with you. He values that you don’t feel like you have to follow the stereotyped gender norms. You’re different, and unique and absolutely adorable.

Every single instinct inside of him that usually screams ‘Kill kill kill!’ scream ‘Protect protect protect!’ and he likes the change. It’s also, in a way, similar to getting your parents approval- if the voices don’t want you dead than the two of you must be meant to be.

He also enjoys the contrast you two share. You’re kind, and you speak quietly and wear light coloured clothing. Meanwhile, he’s dark and brooding and the opposite of nice, preferring darkness and evil.

He appreciates your softness, it’s calming. After a long night of difficult hunting, he appreciates your love and affection.

His favourite thing is when you comb your fingers through his hair or pepper his face with kisses. He can feel vulnerable, he can let his walls down around you. That’s something he’s never had before.

His trust in you is absolute. You get to see his face, you get to hear his voice, you get to tell him what to do and you get to place whatever boundaries you want. He will respect them and you until the end of time.

Jason Voorhees

Soft boy? Yes please! If he was a human of normal shape, strength and lifestyle, he’d probably be a soft boy as well. He likes flowers and small animals and the quiet nature.

Speaking of flowers, he’ll want you to teach him how to make flower crowns. If you don’t know how, then you can learn together! Along with flower crowns he’ll also make any other gifts or pressed flowers for you that he can, collecting nice looking plants and pressing them to keep in a scrapbook he insists you keep.

Your calm mannerisms are a nice break. Like Michael, his days are usually filled with chaos, screams and bloodshed, so coming home to you curled up on the couch is amazing. He’ll pamper you, hugging you and playing with your hair.

He won’t let you stray too far from the house without him, afraid that you could get hurt- or spotted by other people who think you’re as cute as you are. He doesn’t want to be childish, but sharing is not something he’s willing to do.

His mother loves you too. You’re kind, and she knows you’d never ever be rude to him like this kids were all those years ago. She thinks you’re a perfect match for her boy.

He’ll do whatever you want- want to spend your evening reading? Sure! Maybe a movie? Okay. You’re so kind to him, you always get to pick how your days are spent. He never complains, he loves you too much for that.

Billy Loomis & Stu Macher

Billy, Stu and you are three points to a triangle. Billy is a bit of an edgelord, mysterious and threatening, while Stu is the definition of an energetic crackhead. You balance each other out- or maybe you create the perfect storm.

Billy is a calmer guy than most, so he likes to spend his free time hanging out with you in a chill environment, like watching a movie or something similar. Whether you chat quietly as you do or just enjoy each others company, he’ll be satisfied.

Stu, on the other hand, likes to cuddle, cracking jokes all the while. Again, he’s more energetic than Billy so calmer times like these are a break to you.

Billy likes to be big and strong, so having a softer S/O makes him feel like he needs to protect them. He’s clearly more than capable of it, too, so don’t ever worry about being in danger.

Stu is similar, but he’s more up front about it. If anyone even implies anything that he doesn’t like, he’ll call them out for it in a playful but clearly passive-aggressive way.

One of them will always be with you, yet most of the time it will be both of them. They’re attached to you and they aren’t subtle about it.

Danny ‘Jed Olsen’ Johnson

Danny will never call you by your real name, not when you’re as cute as you are. You’ll constantly be called things like ‘Sweetheart’ or ‘Honey’. He usually calls everyone nicknames like that, but now that you’re here, they’re for you and only you.

He’ll pull out his old, classic Polaroid camera since he thinks it matches perfectly with your whole soft boy aesthetic. He strings any good photos along the walls with fairy lights.

He likes to go out in public with you, flaunting his adorable S/O and waiting for people to send him jealous glances as if you’re the worlds greatest prize- which you are.

However, if anyone ever makes a move or compliments you he snaps and gets super territorial. God forbid anyone ever tried to take advantage of you. Their body would turn up days later for sure.

He’s pretty much an opposite of you, wearing dark clothes and loving dark comedy- and, of course, killing people. He thinks it’s cute that you love him so much when he’s so different from you.

He stares at you almost all the time. If you’re ever sitting on the couch, silent, not doing much and you look over at him, he’ll be looking right back at you already, a smirk splitting his features. ‘Just takin’ in the eye candy.’

Brahms Heelshire

Brahms is also a soft boy. He was more than surprised when you showed up as his nanny, but he fell in love with you the moment he realized how similar you were to him.

T e a p a r t i e s. If you act like him you must like the same things as him, so he won’t ever even ask. He’ll just... take your hand and drag you to the table where he’s already set out a teapot with some of his best tea inside. That’s the one thing he can make without wrecking it, and he makes it good.

He loves when you read to him in your calm, sweet voice, and swears he could listen to you forever.

He’ll trust you quicker than he’s ever trusted anyone, so he’ll use his normal voice and show his face quite often, either babying you or being babied, playing with your hair or having you play with his.

He’s a cuddle fiend, so he’ll cling to you all the time at random, hugging you for minimum 10 minutes whenever he gets in a clingy mood.

He’s so scared when you leave the house, afraid that you won’t come back (choosing not to or being stopped) so he’ll actually go into public with you. He hates it, but your calming energy makes him feel much more comfortable.

Norman Bates

Literal definition of soft boy (at least most days). He’s like your carbon copy, doing the things you do and acting the way you act.

He’s a poor nervous little guy, so he’s never too keen on PDA, but he’ll hold your hand and try to be confident while doing so. He’ll also apologize a million times, saying that he really want to hug you but he’s just too scared.

If you are ever threatened he’ll go crazy, snapping much more common than he normally would. He tries to keep it under control, but in the right environment and with the right scenario he’ll go crazy and beat the offender to a pulp- or to death, sometimes. Eek.

After his explosive episodes, he’ll feel so bad for potentially scaring you. He’ll hug you tightly and he’ll promise he won’t let it happen again. You both know he can’t control it, but these promises soothe both him and you.

He’s usually always working, cleaning, etc. but with you he’ll take a step back and relax with you when he almost never does.

The best at making you feel perfect. He’ll compliment you every second he can, kissing your hands and cheeks and nose. you can also see the pure unadulterated love in his eyes.

Vincent Sinclair

Vincent l o v e s you so much, you’re just the type of person he needs in his life. You’re so sweet and kind to him, which counter’s Bo’s snappiness, while you’re also very calm and soothing, a good counter to Lester’s high energy.

He’ll teach you how to sculpt like he can as best as possible, spending hours standing behind you and guiding your hands over his work-in-progress.

He enjoys towering over you, making him feel big and strong- again, the opposite of how Bo makes him feel. you give him a purpose, he feels useful when here’s there to protect you.

He’ll soak up any praise you give him, returning it full-force in the form of flowers, wax gifts, and stuff he’s scavenged off of tourists. He knows he’ll never be able to repay you for all you do for him but he’ll sure as hell try his best.

He refuses to kill in front of you. From time to time Bo will drag an unconscious (but still breathing) victim down into the basement for him to wax alive so the form is easier to get right, but Vincent will usher you out of the room so you don’t see the body or the following process. It’ll taint your perfect personality.

He soothes his insomnia simply by looking at you. Your calmness lets him know that everything is okay, and sleep comes easier when your nestled against his side snoring gently.

Bo Sinclair

Bo thinks its hilarious and impossible that you ever fell for him, a big, dangerous man with no sense of mercy. It’s also strange that he fell for you, since no one else had ever caught his eye before.

He trusts you not to run to the police, and by god you’d never even try. He thanks whatever god may be listening for the gift that is your love, wondering every single day how he got so lucky.

Your softness is foreign to him but once he gets used to it he noticed that it’s slightly similar to how Vincent acts. He is soothed by the familiarity that this realization brings.

He’ll want nothing more than to cuddle you day and night, but he knows he has to work so he’ll request that you work with him to keep him company. He also wants to keep an eye on you but would never admit to that. It’s not like he’s always terrified for your well being or anything baka

On days where he feels extra sweet he’ll make you breakfast and ask for Lester to pick up some flowers from the nearest town, wanting to make you feel special since he doesn’t ever have the chance to shower you with the love he wants to.

He’ll never believe that you know he loves you, he’ll always doubt it, and he’ll always claim he needs to show you better. Whatever gifts he can get his hands on go to you.

Lester Sinclair

Your softness is something he’s never properly seen before. He’s curious to learn about every single one of your likes and dislikes, and soon enough he knows every little thing about you.

He won’t have any spare cash- he uses it all to buy you things or to gather things for a nice date. His favourite, as I’ve said in other headcanons, are picnics at night in the bed of his truck, staring up at the stars.

If you’re ever in his truck with him while he’s working, when driving down the road, if he ever sees some pretty flowers he’ll pull over just to pick them for you, tucking them behind your ear or bundling them into a bouquet.

He treats you like glass. Even though he isn’t strong and would never accidentally hurt you, he is scared anyways.

He’ll hold your hand and kiss your knuckles whenever he’s got the chance.

Whenever Bo yells at him, your soothing voice calms him right back down. It’s so soft and gentle he can’t stay sad or angry, so he gives into the smile trying to crawl onto his face at the sound of it.

Bubba Sawyer

You’re everything he wishes he could be. He tries to be soft and gentle in nature as not to scare people (unless he’s trying to of course) but he’s just too tall and burly to do so.

He’ll try to examine how you act, incorporating it into his own actions so he can seem more like you and less intimidating. It doesn’t help much but it’s endearing that he wants to be so much like you.

Despite Drayton’s shouting and demanding he still clips sunflowers to gift to you, and you have so many sunflower-crowns, wilted and new. He also presses and dries flowers for you.

Your softness completely contrasts the chaos of his life. His brothers, all three of them, are loud, energetic, and obnoxious, but you’re the polar opposite, the calm within the storm. You make every day worth living.

You’re so sweet towards all of his siblings despite how difficult they can be, and it warms his bog ‘ol heart.

P R O T E C T. He’ll sacrifice his own life to save you, and when your life is on the line, depending on the day he can act two ways- p a n i c, where he loses track of himself and freaks out, or c a l m, where he knows EXACTLY what he’s doing at all times, and acts with strange precision and determination.

Thomas Hewitt

You are as different from him as one could get. You remind him of his mother, and he loves you just as much as he loves her. He likes standing beside you and seeing how different he is from you.

He’ll try to imagine the two of you with swapped personalities, where he’s the soft one and you’re the big scary one. He can’t imagine it no matter how hard he tries.

He’ll ask you every day if you actually choose to be with him, and when you say yes he gets just as happy and giddy as always.

He’ll collect things off of victims to gift to you in exchange for your ‘adorableness’, as he puts it.

He won’t let anyone get too close to you- not even his brothers, only his mother. The same goes for victims. Anyone who gets even a step too close to his basement gets a quick mallet to the head. He won’t take any chances.

He gets a n g r y when anyone says anything remotely bad about you. That goes for his brothers as well. He’s usually a pushover, obedient, but if they so much as say your name in the wrong tone he’ll snap and turn into a menacing beast not to be messed with.

Billy Lenz

S o f t b o y ? Y e s

He cherishes you more than any other slasher here. You aren’t a rude asshole like most of the people he’s seen in his life, you’re so perfect and different and fantastic.

He’s a soft boy too, so he’ll ask you to play with his hair while he plays with yours, like some sort of two-sided braid train. Speaking of which- braid this poor boys messy hair, he loves it.

No attic for you >:{ it’s too dark, you could hurt yourself! He doesn’t want that, it would be his worst nightmare to lose you! After explaining why you can’t go in the attic he’ll start crying simply because of the thought of losing you.

You’ll have to cuddle him lots or else he’ll cry. This little dude is a cry baby, but like all cry babies he just needs love. Lots and lots of endless love.

He will never want you leaving the house because he can’t go with you, and he gets lonely very quickly. Before you met he was always lonely, but now that he knows he has someone to love and spend time with the loneliness is amplified tenfold.

Leslie Vernon

You’re the cutest!! He appreciates every little thing about you, and analyzes you in the beginning of your relationship to learn every tiny thing you do. All your quirks, traits and nervous tics are imprinted in his mind.

He knows your daily routine and lines his up with yours so he can keep an eye on you at all times. He knows you can handle yourself but he enjoys every little thing you do and wants to see you at all times in your natural environment.

He likes to plan his hunts with you at his side to talk to him about anything you want, even if it has nothing to do with what he’s planning. Your whole aura gives him energy and creativity since you’re so different from what he’s used to.

He makes sure never to involve you with his killing, afraid that it could be traced back to you and get you sent to jail. Even if he got caught, you would still live your normal life and that’s comfort enough for him to go on.

Always missing you, every second of the day. It’s like he can’t breathe the air if you aren’t breathing it too.

He is in love with every little thing you do, trailing off mid-sentence and getting distracted by your stunning eyes or heart-stopping smile.

Pyramid Head

YOU ARE COMPLETELY DIFFERENT FROM HIM AND HES SO IN LOVE WITH IT.

As far back as he can remember everything has been dark and scary. You don’t belong in a dark world like this, but here you are, with him of all people! The scariest, most dangerous one here, but you have him basically purring like a kitten, putty in your hands.

Nothing even thinks to mess with you since P.H. is never far away. You basically own the place, and no matter how nice you are to all the beasts they’re all still terrified of you and the promise of death hanging around with you in the form of an S/O.

He wishes you were in a happier place than this. You don’t deserve the fear and danger, you deserve a perfect life where you’re treated like you deserve to be treated. He feels so bad that you’re stuck here too.

The rage inside of him gets to be too much sometimes, but he’s always soothed by your presence alone, the sound of your voice washing away any negative emotions.

Huge separation issues. He doesn’t know why but he can’t be away from you for long or he’ll break down.

#slashers #slasher #horror #slasher community #slasher headcanons #headcanons #vincent sinclair #bo sinclair #jason voorhees #michael myers #pyramid head #billy loomis #stu macher #billy lenz #leslie vernon #thomas hewitt #bubba sawyer #brahms heelshire #norman bates

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sunsetstudiesx · 5 years ago

Text

Film Recommendations!

I thought I’d recommend some of my absolute favourite movies, because I love sharing my love of movies and just things in general with people. So, in no particular order, here is my list of recommendations:

1. Tombstone (1993)

So I just watched this movie a couple days ago and absolutely loved it. Yes, it is a western. Do you need to like westerns to watch it? Nope. That’s why it’s great. And, it’s based on real people/real events. I sobbed hysterically at the end, but I’m also a huge sap. Val Kilmer as Doc Holliday is perfection. I love love love him.

Here’s the plot summary: Wyatt Earp (Kurt Russell) and his brothers, Morgan (Bill Paxton) and Virgil (Sam Elliott), have left their gunslinger ways behind them to settle down and start a business in the town of Tombstone, Ariz. While they aren't looking to find trouble, trouble soon finds them when they become targets of the ruthless Cowboy gang. Now, together with Wyatt's best friend, Doc Holliday (Val Kilmer), the brothers pick up their guns once more to restore order to a lawless land.

Quotes:

“I’m your huckleberry.”

“Why, Johnny Ringo, you look like somebody just walked over your grave.”

“You gonna do somethin’ or just stand there and bleed?”

2. Fight Club (1999)

Okay. Okay. I just watched this one, too, and let me tell you. If you haven’t seen it/haven’t been spoiled for it, you have no idea what it’s really about. Honestly. It’s so fuckin’ weird and it blew my mind which is something I thought only M. Night Shyamalan could do. Wow, just. . . wow. Watch it, I implore you. I think everyone essentially knows the basic plot, but here it is if you want it, straight from google:

A depressed man (Edward Norton) suffering from insomnia meets a strange soap salesman named Tyler Durden (Brad Pitt) and soon finds himself living in his squalid house after his perfect apartment is destroyed. The two bored men form an underground club with strict rules and fight other men who are fed up with their mundane lives. Their perfect partnership frays when Marla (Helena Bonham Carter), a fellow support group crasher, attracts Tyler's attention.

Quotes:

“You met me at a very strange time in my life.”

“The things you own end up owning you.”

“It’s only after we’ve lost everything that we’re free to do anything.”

3. Unbreakable (2000)

Speaking of M. Night Shyamalan. While every one of his movies I’ve seen (Split, Glass, Lady in the Water, The Visit) have all been fantastic and mind-blowing, Unbreakable still has my favourite premise and my favourite Shyamalan twist ending. I love this one, even though I don’t really care for Bruce Willis.

Plot summary: A security guard, having been the sole survivor of a high-fatality train crash, finds himself at the centre of a mysterious theory that explains his consistent physical good fortune. When news of his survival is made public, a man whose own body is excessively weak tracks him down in an attempt to explain his unique unbreakable nature.

Quotes:

“Do you know what the scariest thing is? To not know your place in this world. To not know why you’re here.”

4. This is the End (2013)

Seth Rogen. Jay Baruchel. James Franco. Jonah Hill. Danny McBride. Craig Robinson. Playing themselves. The apocalypse. Hilarity ensues. Cameos from Emma Watson, Kevin Hart, Michael Cera, Rihanna, Paul Rudd, Channing Tatum, Aziz Ansari, Jason Segel, Mindy Kaling, and the Backstreet Boys. It’s so funny, I absolutely love it.

Plot summary: In Hollywood, actor James Franco is throwing a party with a slew of celebrity pals. Among those in attendance are his buddies Jonah Hill, Seth Rogen, Jay Baruchel, Danny McBride and Craig Robinson. Suddenly, an apocalypse of biblical proportions erupts, causing untold carnage among Tinseltown's elite and trapping Franco's party in his home. As the world they knew disintegrates outside, cabin fever and dwindling supplies threaten to tear the six friends apart.

Quotes:

“I don’t want to die at James Franco’s house.”

“Oh, no, no, no. I’m drinking and smoking weed. I’m on a cleanse, I’m not psychotic.”

“Take it easy, Dumbledore.”

5. You’ve Got Mail (1998)

Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks. This might be my favourite romantic comedy, and I watch a lot. They’re adorable, and Meg Ryan is everything. This one made me cry twice. Once from sadness, once from happiness. Also it has Dave Chappelle in it, who I absolutely love.

Plot summary: Struggling boutique bookseller Kathleen Kelly (Meg Ryan) hates Joe Fox (Tom Hanks), the owner of a corporate Foxbooks chain store that just moved in across the street. When they meet online, however, they begin an intense and anonymous Internet romance, oblivious of each other's true identity. Eventually Joe learns that the enchanting woman he's involved with is actually his business rival. He must now struggle to reconcile his real-life dislike for her with the cyber love he's come to feel.

Quotes:

“There’s the dream of someone else.”

“But I just wanted to say that all this nothing has meant more to me than so many somethings.”

“I love daisies. They’re so friendly. Don’t you think daisies are the friendliest flower?”

6. A Hard Day’s Night (1964)

For anyone who loves The Beatles. Here they play themselves, and show what their lives are like. It’s ridiculous and hilarious and god, if I didn’t love them before I loved them dearly after watching. It’s such a fun, easy watch and I adore it.

Plot summary: Over two "typical" days in the life of The Beatles, the boys struggle to keep themselves and Sir Paul McCartney's mischievous grandfather in check while preparing for a live television performance.

Quotes:

“How did you find America?” “Turned left at Greenland.”

“Hey mister can we have our ball back!”

“You’re a swine.”

7. Dazed and Confused (1993)

My favourite movie to watch at the beginning and end of the school year, and let’s be honest, every month in between. I’ve seen this movie more times than I can say. I love the ‘70’s setting, the actors, the plot. Another wonderful, easy watch that just makes me happy. Killer soundtrack, too.

Plot summary: The adventures of high school and junior high students on the last day of school in May 1976.

Quotes:

“You just gotta keep livin’, man. L-i-v-i-n.”

“It’d be a lot cooler if you did.”

“I just wanna look back and say that I did it the best that I could while I was stuck in this place.”

“I’d like to quit thinking of the present, like right now, is some minor, insignificant preamble to somethin’ else.”

8. Dirty Dancing (1987)

Anything with Patrick Swayze is wonderful, and this is no exception. Johnny and Baby are perfect. This movie also has the best soundtrack of any movie I’ve ever watched. Fantastic love story, fantastic movie. Watch it.

Plot summary: Baby (Jennifer Grey) is one listless summer away from the Peace Corps. Hoping to enjoy her youth while it lasts, she's disappointed when her summer plans deposit her at a sleepy resort in the Catskills with her parents. Her luck turns around, however, when the resort's dance instructor, Johnny (Patrick Swayze), enlists Baby as his new partner, and the two fall in love. Baby's father forbids her from seeing Johnny, but she's determined to help him perform the last big dance of the summer.

Quotes:

“Nobody puts Baby in a corner.”

“Fight harder, huh? I don’t see you fighting so hard, Baby. I don’t see you running up to daddy telling him I’m your guy.”

“You’re right, Johnny. You can’t win no matter what you do.”

“Go back to your playpen, Baby.”

9. The Sound of Music (1965)

This is such a beautiful movie, and I love it so much. My mom and I try to watch it every Christmas as our little tradition. Julie Andrews as Maria is so wonderful, and all of the songs are so, so good. I love all of the children dearly, and oh, do I love Captain VonTrapp.

Plot summary: A tuneful, heartwarming story, it is based on the real life story of the Von Trapp Family singers, one of the world's best-known concert groups in the era immediately preceding World War II. Julie Andrews plays the role of Maria, the tomboyish postulant at an Austrian abbey who becomes a governess in the home of a widowed naval captain with seven children, and brings a new love of life and music into the home.

Quotes:

“You cry a little, and then you wait for the sun to come out. It always does.”

“God bless Louisa, Brigitta, Marta, and little Gretl. Oh, I forgot the other boy. What’s his name? Well, god bless what’s-his-name.”

“I want you to stay. I ask you to stay.”

10. Gladiator (2000)

“Are you not entertained?” I think everyone has heard that line, from this amazing movie. One of the many that has made me cry, it’s such a beautiful story. Also, gladiators. That immediately sells it for me. All of the performances by the actors are top notch as well.

Plot summary: Set in Roman times, the story of a once-powerful general forced to become a common gladiator. The emperor's son is enraged when he is passed over as heir in favour of his father's favourite general. He kills his father and arranges the murder of the general's family, and the general is sold into slavery to be trained as a gladiator - but his subsequent popularity in the arena threatens the throne.

Quotes:

“My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius. Commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions, and loyal servant to the true emperor, Marcus Aurelius. Father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife. And I will have my vengeance. In this life or the next.”

“What we do in life echoes in eternity.”

“Falling down is how we grow. Staying down is how we die.”

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andrewuttaro · 5 years ago

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New Look Sabres: 2019 Offseason Retrospective

Some offseasons are over in a hurry. All the action is done by Independence Day and Hockey goes into hibernation for two months. Then there are offseasons like this one: hurry up and wait because something else is about to happen. That said Jeff Skinner is our Stanley Cup. In the Season Retrospective back in April I said the Buffalo Sabres’ Stanley Cup for the 2019 Offseason would be resigning Jeff Skinner. The team didn’t qualify for the playoffs so what’s the next most important thing for the team? Jeff Skinner. If you said anything other than Jeff Skinner you either thought the Sabres were going to trade up in the draft or you think Jack Eichel is a bum… or both. Either way I think you’re fooling yourself. Jeff Skinner proved to be the ideal left wing for Jack Eichel, even after the wheels flew off in the second half. Lose a guy like him and you’re in the same spot we’d been in for three years prior putting Eichel with left wingers like… Zemgus Girgensons? Yikes. Looking back at last year’s Offseason retrospective its kinda funny that I was so pumped for Conor Sheary. The guy does an important job but he’s really just a middle six wing. That left side was so barren for years that it seemed impossible we’d ever get a guy capable of skating wing with Jack Eichel. The crazy thing about the offseason the Sabres have had is that now they have… dare I say it: a very good top six! Don’t worry, we have all of Training Camp to debate roster deployment and we certainly will! The next great offseason accomplishment, our secondary Stanley Cup, is ROYAL FUCKING BLUE! On August 15th, 2019 shortly after 3 in the afternoon years of waiting came to an end. One little tweet ended years- YEARS of our bitching and moaning for the best incarnation of the Sabres look. Honestly it overshadowed the reveal of the 50th Anniversary third jerseys the following day for me. Coupled with an implied return to the original Sabres logo without the silly silver lining all over it, it’s not exaggeration, and certainly not out of place on this blog, to say Buffalo now once again hosts one of the best logo/color combinations in sports. Either way, those were the two big defibrillators taken to the chest of an exhausted Sabres fanbase this offseason.

The hurry up and wait of this offseason was Rasmus Ristolainen. That trade seemed inevitable and then it wasn’t for most of the summer. Then Chad DeDomincis spoke about his secret sources and put the likelihood of a trade at 70%. Just as we had feared the move was held up by a string of dominos that can best be described as cowardly General Managers waiting for the market to be set on restricted free agents. As of the posting of this article there is no resolution of the Ristolainen situation making any in-out section somewhat hard to do. I still believe the trade will happen before opening night, but we’ll just have to wait and see. For me its not worth getting wound up about what he said in a Finnish newspaper. It’s been clear he’s not been entirely happy here for months if not years. Does it hurt the potential trade? Idk, does it hurt more than his shitty advanced stats already do? This is already more time than its worth spending on a hypothetical trade. The moment that trade happens there will be a heartfelt goodbye from me, Risto is a guy I loved a lot. Let’s talk about the moves that did happen! Going out is Matt Tennyson, Sean Malone, Danny O’Regan, Matt Moulson (finally officially gone), Scott Wedgewood, Jason Pominville and Alex Nylander. The out list could be longer than that, but I tried to keep it to folks who were or could’ve been NHL players. That list is very scant on big names but more importantly its shorter than the coming-in list (particularly on defense): Henri Jokiharju, Marcus Johansson, Curtis Lazar, Andrew Hammond, Jimmy Vesey, Colin Miller, Arttu Ruotsalainen and… I know it was technically a resigning but Jeff Skinner because we resigned Jeff Skinner!!! Before Matt Hunwick’s neck injury unfortunately sent him to Robidas Island (LTIR for all of this upcoming season) there was not only a surplus of defenseman on the right side but there was so many that the team was going to be over the salary cap. This was what made us all think a Ristolainen trade is inevitable... and now September is knocking on our door. Once again, talking about the outs and ins of the Sabres offseason is kinda hard with this big, pending, hypothetical trade hanging over our heads. Nonetheless, plenty did happen.

As always take my enthusiasm with a grain of salt. Last offseason retrospective I was amped for Patrik Berglund and that ended in a way no one could’ve predicted. Nonetheless, I am pretty excited for Colin Miller and Marcus Johansson. Miller will be an excellent top 4 d-man once he filters into that role and Johansson is the kind of role player at left wing this team needs more of. Side note: I’m just really happy we’ve got a GM who knows how to take advantage of cap strapped teams like we saw in the Miller move. If “Trader Tim” was dumb enough to waste a draft pick on negotiating rights for Vesey three years ago, “Poppin Botts” is smart enough to poach playoff performers. Speaking of three years ago Jimmy Vesey probably doesn’t need to be in the top six, but his acquisition is low-key brilliant and if you ask me he’ll look like a steal by November. When it comes to the forwards I know we could still use a right wing, but I don’t think there are many offensively bad incarnations of this top six anymore. Pending that hypothetical Risto trade, the closest thing to a blockbuster this offseason was Alex Nylander for Henri Jokiharju. It was a one-for-one trade and pretty immediately called as a win for the Sabres; as fans we thought Nylander would go as part of a package but there it is! The steal of the summer! For one, whatever switch was flipped in Nylander’s motivational subconscious toward the end of last year’s training camp was fleeting. I’m not suggesting anything dubious but LMFAO had a longer run of quality play than Nylander. I apologized for calling him the lesser Nylander brother last year though that is plainly correct. I think the words of a Chicago blog really have the best words to form my new, final burn of the 2016 first rounder: piss-poor motivation. We may never know what he could’ve been had he given a shit, Chicago isn’t exactly where you go for quality development these days, but the return for him was way more than we could’ve hoped. While I normally struggle to wrap my head around prospect trades this one was a quick learn. Henri Jokiharju is the kind of young defenseman you can’t really put a ceiling on. He could’ve been a regular on Chicago’s blueline had Joel Quenneville not lost his job there. Keeping guys like Marco Scandella and Rasmus Ristolainen around decreases the likelihood Jokiharju starts in Buffalo but he deserves the spot whether he gets it or not. Lawrence Pilut and Zach Bogosian starting the season injured throws some more wrinkles in that story, but we’ll just have to wait and see.

Before we wrap up I want to reiterate how hawkish I am on Linus Ullmark. Both him and Carter Hutton fell off a cliff in December and never recovered last season. Those two guys are the main reasons we got a ten-game winning streak. I am crazy enough to say they’re good play early in the season was not a fluke and Ullmark specifically I think will make a compelling case for the starter role. Next up in the world of New Look Sabres is a blog on the Prospect Tournament next weekend. I’ll be in Delaware that weekend but nonetheless you’ll get a post on that as the final appetizer before Training Camp starts and we’re really off to the races! Like, share and comment. New Look Sabres is now a part of my broader Uttaro Sports Plus blog so there’s other stuff to enjoy while you wait for more Sabres content. We don’t have to wait much longer. Football season is here and I’m back in graduate classes so it can’t be too much longer! Enjoy your Labor Day weekend!

Thanks for reading.

P.S. I wrote a full-fledged Farewell Jeff Skinner piece that was never published because we were blessed enough to keep him. If there is enough interest I can post it or parts of it. Let me know what you think.

#buffalo sabres #hockey #blog #nhl

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cactiem · 7 years ago

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Arcana

Chapter Two: You Really are a Manipulative Bitch

Pairing: Jughead Jones x OC (eventually)

Requested: Nope

Summary: With Esther's knowledge about Archie's secret, she uses it for her own gain but by doing this does she put her and Grace in danger? Meanwhile four people get closer. Two that you expect and two you least expect.

GIF Not Mine

Chapter One <- Chapter Two

It was a nice day at Sweetwater River. Picturesque even. Birds were singing, leaves gently swayed in the light breeze. The whole scenery could be mistaken from a 1950s advert for the perfect American town. Esther was chasing her sister through the foliage trying to get her back into the car that she ran out of only minutes earlier. "Grace! Get back in the damn car." She called after her, her voice hushed so no one would hear the commotion.

"No. What we are doing is wrong, Esther." Grace said, her voice also hushed. Esther rolled her eyes at her sisters moral compass. She knew this would be the hardest obstacle.

"We can argue the morality of the situation in the car. Let's go." The two girls stared each other down neither of them budging until Grace finally gave in and reluctantly started heading back to the car. Esther followed behind her to ensure she actually makes it back to the car and not run off again. On the way though something caught the girls attention. Esther slowed down and heard voices coming from the opening nearby. One was a woman's voice, a giggle at times, and the other weirdly sounded familiar to Esther but she couldn't quite put her finger on it. She got to the edge of the clearing and moved the branch slightly so she could get a better view, careful not to bring attention upon herself.

What she saw shocked her. The familiar voice belonged to the one and only boy next door Archie Andrews and the woman's voice belonged to music teacher Miss Grundy. Esther got her phone out, a mischievous grin appearing on her face, and snapped some pictures of the happy couple, knowing they will become useful eventually. Although, she did promise,to herself that she wouldn't do that anymore she couldn't help herself. "Esther. Where are you?" Grace called out to her sister prompting Esther to resume what she was doing before she spotted Archie which was walking back towards her car. She climbed into the drivers seat and turned on the ignition. Grace looked at Esther, waiting for her to tell her where she was a minute ago. "Okay, what took you so long? Did you see anything?"

"Nope. Nothing at all." Esther lied. It wasn't a very good lie but it was one that Grace seemed to be satisfied with as she slouched back into her seat and looked out of the window, watching the trees pass by while the two of them continued with the plan.

——————————————————————————————————

After the assembly, students filed out of the gym discussing the upcoming dance that Cheryl happily told everyone wasn't cancelled. Esther was walking with Danny and Frankie as they talked about a plan for the night, where were they going to meet for pre-drinks, that kind of thing. When they got to the crossroads in the corridor, Esther stopped in her track and interrupted her friends. "I need to discuss some grades with a teacher. I'll see you at lunch." She said, hugging them both before walking off to the music rooms. Daniel didn't think much of it but Frankie knew that her best friend was up to something. She knew that Esther's whole 'no scheming' thing wouldn't last that long and she was right.

Esther knocked on the door and walked in before Miss Grundy had a chance to say she could. "Hi, Miss G." Esther greeted with her sickly sweet smile.

"Esther. What can I do for you?" Miss Grundy asked unbeknownst about what was to come.

"I need you to change my grade." She said, handing her music teacher the last grade she got. "My parents are going to be on my case about it and I can't have that."

"I'm sorry but I can't do that. Your work is a B." When she said that Esther's grip tightened. She was hoping it would be easy. Esther got her phone out and pulled up the incriminating photo she had saved on her phone.

"I was hoping I didn't need to do that." She said with fake regret in her voice as she showed Miss Grundy the photo. Her whole facial expression changed into shock.

"Where'd you get this?" She hissed, self conscious of who may be listening. A smirk appeared on Esther's lips. She should've thought of that before she hooked up with one of her students, Esther thought.

"It doesn't matter where I got it. What matters is that I have it. Now, I'm not going to show anyone this and in fact I'll even delete it... if you change my grade into an A."

"You promise this is the only copy." Miss Grundy thought about all of her options, which weren't that many. It was either people finding out about her and Archie or people finding out about her and Archie. The only thing she could do was oblige to Esther's blackmail. The raven haired girl nodded, her smirk widening as she had won. The music teacher changed Esther's grade on the system as the girl deleted the photos.

"Thank you so much, Miss G." Esther smiled her sickly sweet smile again accepting the paper back. She didn't care if Archie found out about her blackmailing his, whatever Miss Grundy was to him. It gave her a rush. A feeling she hasn't felt in a long time.

——————————————————————————————————

It was now lunch time and Grace was sat outside with Betty, Archie, and Kevin. They were listening to one of Archie's songs. This was news to Grace. She didn't know Archie had wrote some songs. It must have happened over the summer when he cancelled on Jughead, she thought. Grace could see how head over heels Betty was for Archie. She was wearing the same look Grace would wear for a certain boy. Too bad she realised his true intentions too late. All she could hope for was that Archie doesn't string her friend along and break her heart. Like what happened to her.

Grace looked up from her lunch when Archie had stopped playing. She saw the new girl, who she was sure Kevin said her name was Veronica, approach their table. "Can I join?" She asked. Betty told her she could and she slid into the seat next to Grace and Kevin. "What are we doing?"

"Listening to one of Archie's songs." The blonde girl told her, giving Archie the same look as before. Heart eyes.

"I thought we were going to pretend to like it but it's actually good." Kevin said with blunt honesty. Grace couldn't help but snicker at what he said. Kevin always reminded her of Esther a little. They were both so honest and kept things real. No wonder they got along so well.

Veronica then went on to talk to Archie about his music, even flirting a little. Grace wasn't there when they first met in the diner but it sounded like what she heard off Kevin was that she was flirting then as well. Betty's smile turned into a slight frown at this interaction which didn't go unnoticed by Grace or Kevin. The raven haired girl wanted to tell her that it'll be fine. That it will get easier. She wasn't certain about Archie's feelings towards Betty. Esther always told her that he didn't feel the same way, maybe it's the hopeless romantic in Grace but she likes to believe that he does feel the same way. That the boy next door will end up with the girl next door.

"How's your first day going?" Grace asked, wanting to change the subject.

"Not to be a complete narcissist but I thought people would be more-"

"Obsessed with you?" Kevin interrupted. "Any other year you would be number one trending for sure. This year though is all about Cheryl trying to win the best supporting psycho Oscar for her role as Riverdale High's bereaved red widow." The saying is true. Speak of the devil and he shall appear. It's like that with the Blossom's. If you are talking about them they would appear out of nowhere. As Kevin was talking, Cheryl was walking across the yard making her way over to the table. Archie's face dropped when he saw the red head. He took this as he cue to leave.

"Hey, I'm going to go. I've got that meeting with Grundy and then football tryouts." He told the group before leaving. Oh how Grace wished she could leave too. She didn't feel like facing Cheryl just yet after her brothers disappearance. Instead she shrank in her seat to make herself feel small under the hope that Cheryl doesn't notice her. It seemed to have worked as she was focused on Veronica and wondering what everyone was talking about. Grace just zoned out the conversation, a technique she taught herself whenever her sister's friends came over and started gossiping about people at school.

"Betty, Grace, you're trying out too." Veronica said. Grace tuned back in when she heard her name mentioned.

"Trying out for what?" She asked, confused.

"The vixens." Cheryl smiled at her as if she suddenly realised Grace was also sat here.

"Yeah, that's not really my thing. It's more of Esther's thing. I prefer to be behind the scenes instead of on the field."

"With Jughead." Kevin said under his breath earning an elbow jab from Grace.

"Anyone is welcome to join." Cheryl said before getting up from her spot. She said her goodbyes telling Veronica to follow her on social media and sashayed off to wherever. Probably to find her minions, Grace thought.

"I'm going to go too. Library." Grace told the group, following Cheryl's lead and also leaving.

——————————————————————————————————

While Grace and her friends talk about Archie's music and cheerleading, Esther's friends talk about more topical issues. Such as Jason's disappearance. They were walking down the corridor to go to Danny's locker to get the book he needs for next lesson. "I'm just saying that they should stop calling it a missing persons case and start calling it a homicide." Frankie said, leaning against the locker once they got there. "Jason is dead. Why would he just disappear? His family is the richest in Riverdale. He's the most popular guy in school and he has a perfect girlfriend. There's no reason to runaway."

"Have you met his parents? They're unbearable." Danny chimed in. "I too would runaway if they were my parents."

"Yeah, not everyone can have perfect parents like you, Frankie." Esther added with a giggle as Frankie playfully glared at her friend.

"Esther, I need to talk to you." Archie interrupted with urgency. The three friends didn't even notice the red headed boy walk over until now. Both Danny and Frankie raised their eyebrows at Esther. The three of them weren't friends with the boy so they were confused why he would want to speak with Esther.

Esther rolled her eyes and got up off of the locker. She turned to her friends to say goodbye before being dragged to an empty classroom by Archie. "What do you want?" The girl asked, her tone full of boredom.

"You blackmailed Miss Grundy." Archie stated.

"That I did."

"Why? Why would you do that?"

"Because, I saw an opportunity and I took it. I needed the higher grade in music." Esther shrugged. "Look, if she didn't want to get blackmailed then maybe she shouldn't screwing around with her student."

"You really are a manipulative bitch." Archie scoffed. His words didn't phase Esther. It's not the first time she's been called a bitch and it won't be the last.

"I know. Are we done here?" When Archie didn't say anything Esther grabbed her bag and started leaving. She got to the door but before she left she turned around and smirked. "Like I told your girlfriend, I deleted the picture. Your secrets safe with me." Then she left, leaving Archie to curse to himself. Three people now knew his secret. The two involved and the one person who you would never want to know as they would hold it over you for the rest of your life. He has a feeling this isn't the last of Esther being in his business.

——————————————————————————————————

Grace hates school dances. She hates them. She hates having to wear an uncomfortable dress and heels. She hates having the pressure of going and dancing with someone. She would rather stay at home and watch Netflix or go to Pop's with Jughead. Tonight though Grace went. Veronica had insisted she should come with her and Betty. So Grace put on a dress, that was at the back of her closet, and went.

It's only been fifteen minutes, but to Grace it felt like an hour, and she already wants to go home. Betty and Archie were dancing together as were Kevin and Veronica leaving Grace by herself by the punch, watching from the sidelines like she always does. She fished her phone out of her clutch and decided to text her beanie clad friend.

Grace: help! I'm so bored right now. At the dance 😫

Jughead: rip you 😂 I'm at Pop's btw if you want to stop by

A smile formed on Grace's lips at Jughead's text. Whenever he texts her she gets all giddy. Grace knows that whatever the time is Jughead would be there for her. "Okay, why are you so happy? Did Jughead text you?" Kevin asked bringing you out of your thoughts. Him and Veronica decided to take a break from dancing and came to get some punch.

"What's going on with you and this Jughead guy?" Veronica wondered. Grace has just noticed how nosey this girl is. Yet another person Esther would get along with, she thought.

"Nothing." She told the girl, shoving her phone back into her clutch.

"Except from the fact that Gracie here has a crush on him." Kevin spilled. He was the only one who knew about Grace's crush on Jughead. Mainly because you could read Grace like a book. Pair that with his persistence and need to know everything he soon found out.

"Shut up." She hissed at her best friend. She didn't need the whole world to know about her school girl crush on Jughead.

"You should tell him. Who knows, Maybe he likes you too."

"I don't know."

Kevin's phone went off signalling a text. When he read it a grin appeared. "I'm going to have to skip out on Cheryl's after party tonight, sorry Ronnie."

"Ugh whatever. Grace, please tell me you're coming." Veronica looked over to Grace who responded with a shake of the head. "It's your loss then, guys. Bye." And then she went off to find Betty and Archie.

Grace turned to her friend with a knowing smile. "Have fun hooking up with whoever tonight."

"And you have fun with Jughead." Kevin returned the knowing smile before going off to find whoever was texting him.

Grace looked at the time and decided that enough time has passed for it to be socially acceptable for her to leave. She went to find her sister, not wanting to walk all the way to Pop's in her dress, for her car keys. It didn’t take long to spot Esther as she was on the dance floor with Reggie. Her back was pressed against his chest, one of his hands was placed on her stomach with the other one her thigh. Esther’s hand was reaching up to his cheek, her fingers tangled in his hair, and the other to where his hand laid on her thigh. Esther was grinding on Reggie as he pressed kisses on her neck. Grace has only been standing there for a couple of minutes and she already felt awkward.

When she realised they weren’t spotting her anytime soon, Grace cleared her throat making Esther snap her eyes open. She gave her sister an annoyed look as she was interrupting her fun. "Can I have your keys? I wanna get out of here and go to Pop's. I’ll pick you up when you’re ready to leave the party." Grace asked looking everywhere but at her sister and Reggie. Esther mumbled a 'whatever' and handed her the keys to her car. She then went back to what she was doing before. Grace didn’t waste her time with leaving the two alone and getting in the car to drive to Pop's.

Jughead has sat in his booth at Pop's for the whole evening. It has been pretty dead in the diner due to the school dance being on. He didn't mind though as it was a perfect atmosphere for him to write his book. When the bell rang, Jughead looked up. Normally, he'd ignore it but as the later it got the more time there was between each ring of the bell so when it rang again he looked up and boy was he glad he did. A girl, more specifically Grace, wearing a navy blue dress stood there and when she spotted Jughead a huge grin danced across her face. In this lighting she looked like an angel to Jughead. "You came." He found himself saying when Grace slid into the booth opposite him.

"I came." She replied.

"You look... stunning in that dress." The words slipped out of Jughead's mouth before he could process that he was saying them aloud instead of internally. This took Grace off guard. She tucked a stray piece of hair behind her ear and looked down bashfully to try and hide the heat rising to her cheeks.

"Th-thanks." Grace stuttered out.

"So, you finally realised that I'm better company than the others." Jughead said swiftly changing the subject in hopes that what he had just said would be buried and forgotten.

"Oh, yeah definitely. Between listening to your friends trying to get Betty to admit her feelings to Archie and your sister all over Reggie it gets boring. Pair that with hating dances in the first place and I have no reason to stay. Besides, I'd like my lunch to stay put." Grace said earning a chuckle from Jughead. She reached over and grabbed a fry from Jughead's tray. The action was effortless and natural as if Grace has done it plenty of times before because she has. That was their friendship. Sharing food with each other as they talked about different things from gossip to absolute nonsense. "Ooh, you never guess what. Veronica tried to get me to join the vixens." Grace was trying to hold back her laughter but Jughead wasn't. He started laughing as if he had heard the funniest joke. This prompted Grace to throw a fry at him. "It's not funny."

"I'm sorry it's just, I can't imagine you in a vixen uniform." Jughead said between breaths. "It's not a very you thing."

"I know and that's what I told her." It was true. Being a River Vixen isn't Grace's thing. She was more behind the scenes with her camera in hand. She would occasionally write too but that was more Jughead's forte. "So, what are you currently working on?" Grace asked, nodding to the laptop that was sat on the table in front of Jughead, who seemingly forgot what he was doing when Grace walked in.

"Writing about Jason's disappearance on Fourth of July... Well, trying to anyway. It's a bit hard when there's no information whatsoever." As Jughead spoke passionately about his new project he didn't seem to notice how quiet his friend went. Grace's mind went back to that dreaded week in July wanting nothing more than to forget about it and hope that while Jughead is sleuthing about he doesn't uncover the truth.

——————————————————————————————————

While everyone was safely tucked in their homes, two teenage boys make their way to the shore of Sweetwater River where the towns golden boy, Jason Blossom, disappeared not too long ago. They weren't scared of the dangers lurking out there. No, they were just two boys looking to do something stupid because in their eyes nothing bad ever happens in Riverdale.

Shirts were unbuttoned, kisses were exchanged as they stumbled to the waters edge. It wasn't until they were close that they saw a body dressed in all white. "Oh, my god." Kevin gasped.

"Is that- is that-" Daniel stuttered out. He didn't need to finish those words because he knew who it was. He can recognise that red hair from anywhere.

"Jason. He was shot." Kevin finished off. The two boys realising that maybe the town with pep isn't as good as people made it out to be. That this was just the beginning of what's about to come.

Tag List (Still Open): @mayasmedberg @lunarmoonwolf @princess-of-the-fandoms @live--aloud @actuallyazriel @betty-dale @thejulietfarciertlove @fangirling-central @angrykittty24 @kytty27 @rhyxn @notalwaysfair @serpentbaby @rochyu @inspiredbynewt @pharaohkiller @sweet-fogarty-topaz @aya-fay @jcc04220 @lostnliterature @serpentsangel

MASTERLIST

#riverdale imagine #riverdale #jughead jones imagine #archie andrews imagine #riverdale series #kevin keller imagine

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renaramblesaboutcomics · 7 years ago

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Wednesday Roundup 25.9.2017

Okay, so I had another huge comic week, and looking forward this might be the last time that really happens for a while since at least three of these issues are here due to previous delays. and I’m trying pretty desperately to cut down on comics I’m subscribed to now. Which just emphasizes the fact that this week made it SO much more difficult to declare that because there was so much good.

... There was also some hilarious outrage on my part, too, so if you’re here for that you will not be disappointed.

Image’s Black Magick, DC’s Detective Comics, DC’s Harley Quinn and Batman, Marvel’s Immortal Iron Fists, Marvel’s Moon Girl and Devil Dinosaur, DC’s Nightwing, Image’s Saga, IDW’s Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Dark Horse’s Zodiac Starfore: Cries of the Fire Prince

Image’s Black Magick (2015-present) #8 Greg Rucka, Nicola Scott

Have I mentioned lately how Nicola Scott may be the most gifted artist in the industry in a while? Not since last month? Well we are definitely well past due time!

Story: Things are ramping up as the Hammer’s members increase their numbers and keep close watch on Rowan while Rowan settles things with her partner only to be manipulated once again by the terrifying forces of these unknown entities with that creepy AF girl with the stitched up mouth. That is a lot of stuff being unpacked in one issue and yet the moving parts never feel like they’re incongruent or taking away from each other. Seeing Rowan’s familiar watching the Hammer members, seeing Rowan struggle to be more open with her partner, and then seeing her old demons (literally) beginning to come to her work and haunt her there (literally and figuratively) all feels like it moves perfectly together.

I just really wish we didn’t have to do a “gay scare” which is a bit disappointing from Rucka, honestly. Haha get it Rowan was worried that her partner was onto her for being a witch and he just was mad because he thought she wasn’t coming out to him and it’s just all a good laugh. Or at least I would be laughing if either Alex or Rowan were confirmed queer women and so it isn’t just that he’s well meaning but oblivious while... literally taking away the possibility of representation.

Maybe this will be corrected later in that very way! Who knows, I’ll be relieved if it is, but until then it feels like an unnecessary marring of what is otherwise a great story I’ve been enjoying.

Art: I mean... just look at it! Nicola Scott is... arguably the best artist in comics right now. Her work is phenomenal and nothing presents that fact more than just how expertly she manages the medium in almost any way and how it adapts based on the type of story she’s writing. It’s very special for an artist’s style to work as well in a bombastic, colorful superhero comic then turn around and hit the perfect contrast of noir and witchcraft narratives. And all of her characters are distinct and especially her variety of noses, it’s simply gorgeous.

Nicola Scott very well may be the best artist in the business right now and any comic company that doesn’t snatch her up for major titles is foolish, honestly.

DC’s Detective Comics (2016-present) #965 James Tynion IV, Eddy Barrows, Eber Ferreira, Adriano Lucas

Well, it’s weird to say but if there was any issue for me to read before I took a short break from ‘Tec I am so glad it was this one. Which has all the makings of a backhanded compliment but we’ll see where I take it. Probably will seem like a backhanded compliment but I’m going to try to swing it toward positive.

Story: So I’ve been pretty sure I was going to drop ‘Tec for the upcoming storyline and then jump on again later for the next one, similar to how I did for the Monster Men crossover event, but I was really curious about Tim’s return and more specifically about the context of Tynion bringing Tim back which made me pretty excited for this comic. I love Tim Drake of old and reading this issue reinforced the fact that this current Tim Drake is the Tim of the 90s that I fell in love with -- the dork who loved Batman and Robin so much he put his life at risk to save the legacy of his heroes. And while this issue culminated mostly in a “slideshow” of Tim’s retconned retconned history bringing us back to the Tim origins from “A Lonely Place of Dying”, it actually felt really loving and refreshing to see the character I grew to love so much back in action.

I don’t care one bit about this Evil Future or Mister Oz or literally anything else going on right now. In fact I find that whole crossover tedious enough I dropped Superman a while back but I really did feel like I needed this reminder that we’re supposed to be reading this Rebirth Tim as the Tim we knew and cared about in the past. And that made this issue on its own worthwhile to me.

Art: Eddy Barrows is an excellent artist, through and through. The coloring’s fantastic, the art itself dynamic. Even with a familiar storyline and setup that we’ve all read before, he manages to find ways to make it read as unique and new through subversive angles and set ups. I really enjoyed his take on everything from Tim’s past. But even great artists sometimes fail the Batmanequin challenge. Which is, can anyone tell who the Batboys are apart from each other when they’re all the same age. The answer is no. His Tim looks identical to his Bruce to his Jason to his Dick and most of the time to his Damian and we’ve really got to change that at some point or else there will be a singularity of Batboys and we will all be sucked into an artistic blackhole and not in the fun way.

DC’s Harley Quinn and Batman (2017) #4 Ty Templeton, Rick Burchett

After this issue there’s only one issue left and in all honesty.... it’s about time we had some real emotional direction actually driving this comic because I’ve been asking for the last few issues “where is any of this going”. And since I all but refuse to watch the animated movie sharing a similar name, it’s that much more confusing for me trying to figure out what exactly this is all culminating in.

Story: Like I said, we’re finally getting some real tension in this issue as we have Harley confronting Ivy, it becoming more and more obvious that Ivy has a genuine problem with rejecting her own humanity for the sake of becoming as much of a plant as possible, and we also get that emotional catharsis of Ivy at least somewhat confessing that Harley is the only person she cares about. And it’s obviously a deep and intimate form of caring. She’s pained by the potential of Harley’s rejection and offended at the assumption that Harley would think of herself as anything less than her partner. But this comic, like all of comic canon, just refuses to give us THE WORDS. I’m so tired of partner being emphasized instead of girlfriend. I’m tired of cared being acceptable substitution for love. And I’m REALLY tired of Harley and Ivy only being portrayed as sexy and into each other in a way that’s meant to be attractive to guys. I’m not a guy. I’m a woman who likes other women. And I would like for this relationship, if it’s to be real on any level, be treated respectfully and given canonicity. Maybe we’ll get that next issue. I’m hoping, but since next issue is the last I’m not exactly expecting much.

Dick and Bruce are... still fun? I guess. It’s not really their story and I’m not sure why Batman’s even in the title at this point. His addition to this story culminates in a “not really”

Art: I gave Rick Burchett’s first two issues a hard time, especially compared to the guest artist for last issue, but this issue really had him stepping up his game and reminding us all why he’s been working with these characters and especially this style for the past twenty or more years. He really nails it... though it still has that edge of lacking refinement that we might see in something other than a digital first comic, the colors are really enhanced, the character and background art more detailed and controlled, and just overall this was a very pleasant looking and well laid out issue. Great work all around

Marvel’s Immortal Iron Fists (2017) #5 (of 6) Kaare Andrews, Afu Chan, Shelly Chen

We’re beginning to near an ending for this miniseries and I am growing an ominous, horrible feeling that I am desperately hoping is completely off base and unfounded outside of my constant apprehension of trusting comics too much. But we’ll get into that.

Story: As we left off last time, it was the culmination of all the storylines that we had seen building up in Immortal Iron Fists before then, Pei and her friends, the popularity drama that was the school dance, Danny’s feelings of responsibility and pride, the ten scrolls of Mara, and the strangely backward advice of the babysitter that Pei had been receiving throughout. And it all came down to a climactic battle with Danny and Pei finally at long last fighting side by side, both as the Immortal Iron Fist.

But suddenly there can only be.... one? And to save the world and inherit her responsibility as the Immortal Iron Fist, Pei had to choose whether or not she would take the dragon’s heart straight from Danny himself and use his chi to defeat Mara and his legion of demons. Which, of course, Pei refused and chose instead to sacrifice her own chi so that Danny could save the world.

This apparently erased Pei from reality and everyone’s memories in one solid swipe and sent her... to hell?? Where Brenda, who was in the storyline that brought Pei into the comics but has not been a factor through all of this miniseries, is a zombie champion fighter who saves Pei and her classmate that’s been in the coma because Mara was planning to use his body for his resurrection and also the popular girl, Danny’s girlfriend for an issue, an the babysitter are all daughters of Mara who are responsible for all this chaos.

And I genuinely feel like there’s been a lot of missed opportunities in the previous four issues that would have allowed this to be set up more. And that’s what is leading to the worries I mentioned in the opening. As far as I’ve seen, in Defenders or the solicits for Immortal Iron Fist, Pei has not been allowed to make much of an impact outside of Andrews’ runs. And.... I would really hate that a series that has sold e SO hard on Pei and on a new spin on Danny Rand to be a series that gives Marvel an easy out to erase those very things.

We have one issue left to go so I suppose we’ll have to wait and see in that regard.

Art: It’s still good art, still all-ages, but I’m starting to grow the opinion thanks to @secretlystephaniebrown and mine’s insightful talks that comis with cute art and lots of slapstick are pretty much utilizing a certain style to undermine dramatic writing or consequences in fear of being genuine. Or, in terms, bathos. And I really hope that’s not the intentions here because the relationship between Danny and Pei are genuinely sweet and good and if that’s the intention I really hate that comics don’t have the confidence to be dramatic fully in heart.

Marvel’s Moon Girl and Devil Dinosaur (2015-present) #23 Brandon Montclare, Natacha Bustos, Tamra Bonvillain

I’m worried about my favorite adorable team of superheroes. How can there be a Moon Girl and Devil Dinosaur if there is no Devil Dinosaur? But also... is this the inevitable end? Are there not more adventures to come of our favorite world class genius and dinosaur? According to solicits there’s more for Lunella but is there more for the friendship that warmed our hearts? Are any of us truly ready to say goodbye?

Story: Legitimately I have no idea what’s going to happen next with this comic because it seems like Lunella is sidekick hunting for the next couple of issues, so the real question is how ready did this issue make us to move on from the loving friendship between a girl from Yancey Street and her bumbling dinosaur? Honestly, compared to the majority of the tight and loving writing of this series, it doesn’t feel like this conclusion was something we were very well prepared for. Sure, Moon Boy and Devil Dinosaur are something we know of vaguely from other comics, but the anticlimax of the goodbye, and just how obvious it was that neither Lunella nor Devil were ready for it made the profound loneliness of this move feel so dissatisfying. Especially when Lunella returns to a doombot empty base instead of going home and emphasizes the strangeness even more.

I’m hopeful that this is set up, but I’m always on high alert for books like this that could easily be canceled by Marvel and worried about ending on a note I really wouldn’t want it to.

Art: As always, the art for this book is gorgeous and the coloring is fascinating and eye popping. The cooler hues this time around really helped with the more subdued and sadder tone of the comic which made the actions toward the end not only more disconcerting but plainly just more heartbreaking. It was an excellent choice and incredibly subtle but effective. This is a creative team that truly understands their crafts more than the vast majority of people in the industry today, and that’s saying something since quality is not exactly in short supply in recent years.

DC’s Nightwing (2016-present) Vol. 3: Nightwing Must Die Tim Seeley, Javier Fernandez, Chris Sotomayor

So I don’t.... really have any surprises in the works for those of you who follow my main blog at @renaroo who got to witness me liveblogging my experience reading this comic yesterday, but I’ll just put it definitively on the record here: Uh. Not a good effort here, guys. And this is officially the last thing written by Tim Seeley this gal is going to be picking up. Which I’m getting really tired of saying about writers who handle either one of my main two DC dudes -- Dick or Terry. Can we just... have anyone... care a little more? A bit?

Story: Okay so there’s about three plots going on at the same time during this comic and I’m going to address them in the three and then talk about the One Issue That Doesn’t Fit after. So four parts: The Robin Story, The Baby Story, and The Batman Story, and then The Good One. The way the plot is laid out you could argue that these three are interwoven enough to deserve going in a linear basis but I would argue no not really. Please take note that the title of this storyline according to the trade cover is “Nightwing Must Die”, a callback to the climax of Morrison’s run on the original Batman and Robin (2009-2011) series titled “Batman and Robin Must Die”. No, I’m not nerdy and observant, this thing is determined to hit you over the head with this allusion at every turn.

The Robin Story: Damian who has basically been forcefully emancipated from Bruce and sent to live across the country with the Teen Titans rather than ... idk just be sent to Gotham Academy which is a boarding school anyway, is pissed because internet forums have declared that the original Robin -- aka Dick -- is the best Robin and Damian sucks. Why Damian suddenly cares about 4Chan is beyond me but here we are. Now, despite there being an overly long and obnoxious storyline in Batman and Robin (2011-2015) called “War of the Robins” where Damian already went through this and beat up all his predecessors sans Dick because they have an actual relationship, or the entirety of “Robin: Son of Batman”, or the huge storyline “Robin Wars” where there were 30 Robins including Duke Thomas all over Gotham and something I didn’t pay attention to about the Court of Owls and Lincoln March -- this is a useless subplot that makes no sense for the characters or relationship that has already been established by Damian and Dick here. That’s what I’m saying.

Because this story isn’t interested in getting Damian right or doing him any service. This is dedicated to Dick in... about the worst way. And the weak motivation for getting Damian in Blüdhaven in order to reinact the events of “Batman and Robin Must Die” are so contrived that there’s really this feeling of “we need Damian in Blüdhaven come up with an excuse later” instead of it being something organic. For example: Damian is quick to bring up his concerns that Dick staying in Blüdhaven and starting a new life with Shawn is because he’s trying to become Batman of his “own franchise” and that he’s abandoning the rest of the family. This is really disconnected from the motivation of “who’s the best Robin” and would make more sense on a character level if Damian went to Blüdhaven of his own volition because of that concern to begin with. He feels pushed out of the family, and with Tim’s death he’s upset and surprised by Dick’s seeming abandonment of everyone else. Including him. The Robin with THE most abandonment issues this side of Jason Todd. Why not bring up something along the lines of “you haven’t been home since the funeral”. That would contrast the themes of family, Dick and Damian’s relationship, and Dick’s supposed worries about personal responsibility all at once.

This isn’t how that was handled and I am suspicious as to why. because we had to have that awful, ugly -- for me personally inexcusable -- panel where Dick tells Damian that he knows no one can balance being a superhero and having a secondary identity because Bruce sucks at it SO BAD that he now has the “burden” of being a father to a bunch of Batkids which he follows up with “And the one I think suffers the most from this is you, Damian. His only real son.”

So. You know. Fuck themes about nonconventional families and adoption I guess. Tim Seeley, go kick your own ass because you don’t even deserve the ass kicking from me.

It might seem like I’m being harsh but this one moment is SO hugely stupid and never brought up again or refuted later to the point that not only is it gross on a real world level, it actually REALLY weakens the theme of families and the such through the rest of the story specifically because there’s now this big ugly turd of a plot thread looming and never dealt with.

Professor Pyg and Doctor Hurt are back from Dick and Damian’s time as Batman and Robin and theyve made a bunch of disgusting Dollatrons specifically of Damian and Dick, or Robintron and Deathwing. This actually matters a lot less to the story than you might actually think because Robintron and Deathwing don’t have a relationship outside of being made to believe they’re Robin and Nightwing and one ultimately kills the other once they remember this. It’s symbolic because the Robintron was in Dick’s original Robin suit and Deathwing was in the New52 Nightwing suit do you get it do you get it do you get what they’re trying to say here it’s clever. Anyway.

The symbolism on a meta level is pretty on the nose “The New52 Dick killed the innocence of the old timey Golden Age Dick la da da” but in story we don’t really have Damian go through an arc or actually develop as a result of this matter and neither does Dick. Does Dick feel like his identity as Nightwing has killed his relationship with Damian? With his other family? With his idealistic self? It doesn’t... seem like it. Dick just kind of... punches Doctor Hurt after he decides that tragedy doesn’t define him... or something. It was from the hallucinations and like a whole issue later from Deathwing killing Robintron. And then Deathwing and Doctor Hurt kill each other by stabbing and falling rocks. Both ways in which villains have NEEEVVVEEERRRRR returned from the dead from before so I’m sure they’re gone forever.

So the Robin Storyline as a whole? it kinda comes to a conclusion with a genuinely nice two page spread where Dick and Damian talk about missing each other and missing their time as Batman and Robin. Dick even confesses something that would have brought all these storylines together rather nicely if it was done correctly: when Bruce came back to be Batman, Dick thought of staying as Batman, too in order to stay with Damian and train and raise him. But ultimately he thought, at the time, that he wasn’t old enough or ready enough to take that responsibility.

Dick was not ready to be a father but now he looks back at himself and who he is now and is ready for another go, with Damian or with his own children in the future. ... EXCEPT that reading of how the themes would play out are completely undermined and broken beyond repair by having Dick say that UNBELIEVABLE comment about how Damian is the only REAL son to Bruce and that the “Batfamily” aren’t a unit like that. Therefore the Robin Storyline doesn’t really have a conclusion.

Damian’s going to go back to San Francisco and still get pissed at /b/, there’s no family unit for anyone to reflect on, and.... the baby storyline:

The Baby Storyline: I could sum this up with one gif. I really could. I’m not going to but because I know this is only entertaining to hear me yell for an extent, have the gif anyway:

Now I’ll go into what actually bothered me about this storyline. Because this is tied to Dick’s relationship with Shawn and their pregnancy scare alone, and we see Dick freaking out at the possibility of the immense responsibility he may be stepping into, it actually genuinely had the potential to be a huge deal, a big game changer, something that actually would have developed both their characters and really questioned what they would be doing going forward with their lives. Would they both give up their costume lives? Would they move from Blüdhaven if they’re not defending the streets and it’s a terrible part of town? Would the baby have superheroes in its life from an early age?

It doesn’t matter because in what could probably be the weakest fake out ever, Shawn’s not pregnant she’s just... apparently not as regular as she once assumed. Which, hey, I hear that that happens fairly often for my fellow uterus havers and you know what? They’re young adults in their first serious relationship so I actually get the freakout from both of them.

But it doesn’t end up meaning anything other than Dick screams at Damian a few times that they have to save his “girlfriend AND baby” and for some reason Damian just goes with it because Damian of course has never before in his life ever shown signs of jealousy and concerns about conditional love.

The biggest problem beyond the fact that this plot’s resolution is a huge PSYCH spitting in everyone’s face is that... what... was the tie-in here?

Was it JUST the drama of “PHEWWWW dodged that bullet, now let’s go give Sandy a makeover”? I guess so.

Because if this was actually tied to the plots of the storyline it would have ended with at least one speech from Dick to Shawn, to his monologue, or to Damian that back when he returned to being Nightwing because he feared being too young and to unprepared to take responsibility for raising Damian, he had been wrong. He’s not ready because no one is, but he has a relationship with Damian that proves that he’s more than ready to be a father then and now. That he might not do it Bruce’s way because he didn’t like Bruce’s priorities, but he would find a way to balance all the aspects of his life and so can Shawn.

But that would require this story to... care about Shawn’s character more.

I actually like Shawn? I want to see more of her and I think there’s a lot of potential there, but at the end of this story outside of genuinely good moments, like the time with her and Deathwing where she tries to soothe him, she’s... just a damsel to be rescued? Just a possible babymomma for tension?

If she was more than that, then the plot would have given her more to do once she joined Dick and Damian. Like even ONE scene of her and Damian playing off of each other in the aftermath would have done wonders, made her more than just an attachment for the advancement of Dick’s character, but we get more development for Deathwing and Robintron than for the potential love of Dick’s life.

Kidding. DC would never let Babs and Dick have actual meaningful romances outside of each other anymore. Just like DC will never let them have meaningful romances with each other!

So this was a trip into a cul de sac of disappointment.

Also condoms condoms condoms condoms condoms boys and girls. Wrap it before you tap it.

Or be a lesbian. But that’s my answer for everything.

#Shawn Tsang deserves better #Hollatchagirl

The Batman Story: Oh, Bruce. How your shadow lingers large over all things that have nothing to do with you.

This is the “actual” plot. The one about Shawn being kidnapped and it all ending up being a plot by Professor Pyg and Doctor Hurt to relive the “Batman and Robin Must Die” storyline because....

Well. That’s the problem.

Doctor Hurt, as much as I really wasn’t a fan of that storyline under Morrison, served a very specific purpose. He was the antithesis to Dick when it came to Bruce’s legacy. Dick was his ward but also Bruce’s light and when he ascended to becoming Batman he took most of that with him and grew into the cape, so to speak. He embodied the detective work that Bruce taught him (finding the clues in the mantle that found the secret door), he embodied the friendship (taking his place as Batman on several superhero teams), and most importantly he embodied the head of the family. Alfred gave him advice, but Dick kept the Batfamily together as best he could, specifically by raising Damian as Bruce had raised him. And none of it was easy.

Doctor Hurt worked as a villain to Dick’s Batman because he embodied the worst of Bruce’s darkness. The strange and forgotten stories of the past, the psychological horror, the devilish iconography. Those things that were Gritty McBadBat about Bruce were never things that Dick was going to embody as Batman. And that’s why Doctor Hurt and him battled, basically over the heart of Damian: Robin, the partner, the son, the future of the cowl.

I didn’t like “Batman and Robin Must Die” because rather than have a huge statement about choosing the direction for Batman’s future by having Dick battle and defeat Doctor Hurt and his continuity drag, Morrison literally deus ex machina’d by having Bruce travel back through time and save Dick and Damian and basically take control immediately. It was such an anticlimax to both Dick and Damian’s arc even though Morrison tried to play it off as being the culmination of Dick and Damian and everyone else looking for Bruce plus Bruce’s “Return of Bruce Wayne” storyline. It’s messy and just feels like “whatever” at the end.

I don’t like it here because .... Dick’s not Batman. He and Damian aren’t partners. Neither of those things have been factors for either of those characters for six years now and, I hate to break it to everyone here, but at least one of them was “dead” for at least three of those years anyway.

Doctor Hurt is a Dick Grayson villain, but he is not a Nightwing villain. And the attempt to make him one here fell incredibly flat.

Also why was Professor Pyg there? Does Professor Pyg now know Dick and Damian’s secret identities too? Was that throw away line about him building dollatrons for Hurt meant to tell us that no only Hurt knows the identities? How is that much better? Why does everyone know Dick’s identity and he doesn’t care? Why doesn’t Damian care that the random Robintron knows his full name and who his father is? Why doesn’t Dick? If only Hurt knows then how did Pyg brainwash Robintron and Deathwing? If Pyg didn’t why did Hurt need Pyg to brainwash them for this since he apparently already knows how?

This story basically sacrificed all logic within the story itself to tie-in Dick’s time as Batman, which he doesn’t want to go back to and isn’t even tempted to go back to throughout the story, purely to justify having the Bat as part of the cover logo still. That’s it.

The Good One: There’s a one shot at the very end of this volume, #21, that’s definitely filler in between storylines but is actually the best thing in this entire volume. Probably the best of this run of Nightwing I’ve read and... apparently will ever read since I’ve paid my penance and given Seeley’s turn a chance. It’s a classic team up between Dick and Wally with a pretty inventive villain named “Timebomb”. It’s funny, has a lot of heart, the coloring isn’t muted garbage, and it features some high stakes without losing its sense of fun. It’s a good issue. I would actually implore fans of Dick and Wally to pick it up. It does a great service to their friendship.

Art: The art is good, the entire “Nightwing Must Die” part was colored in this muted, pasty way that basically made all backgrounds feel like they weren’t a part of the scenes and made all humans look dead or undead as it were to the point that Dick and Damian -- both canonically characters of color and occasionally colored to match it -- have the same pallor of the rotting corpse faces sewn onto Robintron and Deathwing.

The exception is the blue used for Nightwing’s costume and gear and for Shawn’s hair because.... idk. I guess we’re supposed to guess that they’re important to the comic or something.

No seriously, I love the art but they have to buy some more markers. I appreciate that you can only do so much when supplies are low but c’mon.

It’s a joke I know it’s a style choice I just don’t like the style.

But I emphasize again, the art is good. I just personally would go for the last issue’s coloring more than the main storyline’s.

Image’s Saga (2012-present) #47 Fiona Staples, Brian K. Vaughn

The real question comes to be... will Saga ever have a truly bad issue? I doubt it. Like at this point I’m not really sure what a bad Saga issue would even look like, but I think there’s absolutely no doubt that mediocre issues or issues that were more build up for what is to come can exist. Again, I give backhanded compliments here but I mean them... in the best way possible? Never mind, these cold opens are hard.

Story: We don’t progress too awfully much in this issue. The Will is captured by a vengeful victim’s wife who means to torture him by making him suffer and forcing him to see the very people he loves die.... until money gets involved and suddenly like everyone else she wants to capture Hazel and company to make the big starbucks. But, strangely for Saga, for the first time in this series we really don’t.... go anywhere with this issue outside of what’s taking place with the Will’s torture. There’s no scenes exploring what’s going on with the other groups, there’s no narration from future Hazel, we’re left with the Will, his past we haven’t seen yet, and his current circumstances.

Now this could make sense, the jumping around Will’s past is in place of jumping around the stars, and how could Hazel ever know what’s happening to the Will here, but it just all feels like a departure from the near omnipotence of Saga’s story before. And mostly it just feels like a setup for explaining how we get all the characters gathered for the next part of the story. And that’s.... not as cool as it could be.

It’s definitely a weaker entry for Saga overall, but that’s like saying a TV show with 100 episodes may have some that aren’t perfect.

Art: Fiona Staples’ art continues to be the star of the series, but perhaps because of the restraints of the setup, this isn’t the most visually creative or wildest design ideas she’s had in this series. The reveal of the shrew woman’s face felt.... anticlimactic compared to some of the truly out there examples of aliens unlike anything I’ve ever imagined before and it made the pause for the joke “my husband was nearly as beautiful as me” feel like... “have you seen what some of the other alien species look like????”

Likewise the backgrounds of both the flashbacks and of the room Will’s tortured in are not as wild as we’ve seen before, but I have to say the creative idea of the floating prism in space kind of makes up for it because that was creative and visually awing. Again, much like the story itself, the art only suffers because in comparison to the rest of Saga I’m only kind of blown away and not totally blown away.

IDW’s Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2011-present) #74 Kevin Eastman, Tom Waltz, Cory Smith, Ronda Pattison

Man we are just in the forest for transitions in storylines right now. Nothing is bad but nothing is standing out and I was expecting much the same with Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles considering that we’re on Part II of the Trial of Kraang, but you know, it wouldn’t be TMNT if they weren’t continuing to surprise me.

Story: So this is a court drama because if there’s one thing that TMNT is dedicated to it is DOING ALL OF THE THINGS and apparently court drama hadn’t been checkmarked yet so here we are. And as someone who really genuinely likes the minutia of continuity and rules and regulations of different worlds and the way laws work in different universes, I found things fairly compelling. Not the least of which because of the smart use of characters and how they fit into their roles -- especially Donny and Professor Honeycutt both working as the prosecution. Don, after all, is the sci-fi heart of TMNT and him being in the thick of this as Kraang is the most “his” of their roster of villains makes perfect sense.

We mostly hit the same beats you’d expect from a court drama -- an unfavorable judge, slimy defense attorney making things hard for our prosecutors, the prosecutors pull a surprise key witness, and all in the background we have the unraveling of victims and friends trying to deal with the uncertainty of the situation while also.... fighting an interdimensional alien war. Hm. Okay so that last part is pure TMNT shenanigans but the drama of the story is really structured and punctual.

Which.... basically means that this issue is something like 80% dialogue with little tiny bits of action to give the other three turtles and their friends something to do while Don and Honeycutt hold down the fort. And if you’re prepared for that going in, you’ll probably find the case as interesting and the way facts are being retold and manipulated fascinating, but if you’re not then it’s probably going to be a bit of a slog compared to the ninja action you’re usually used to.

Art: TMNT’s art is always so shockingly good that it’s hard to comment on anymore. I really like how varied and interesting alien designs are with people not afraid to be gross by “human standards” when making things. And I like that the turtles manage to be simple so that they stand out in every setting without feeling out of place, and still have enough variation and ranges of emotions that there’s no confusing them with each other when the masks are off. It’s very good art and that should always be applauded.

Dark Horse’s Zodiac Starforce: Cries of the Fire Prince (2017) #2 Kevin Panetta, Paulina Ganucheau, Sarah Stern

I have been on the edge of my seet for a few months now, waiting for news on when the next Zodiac Starforce was going to be coming out and, at long last, the answer came. It was today! And there was much rejoicing. From me. Because I’ve absolutely fallen for this team book.

Story: We learn more about the titular Fire Prince and honestly that’s where a lot of my apprehensions come into play. In the original comic series, the Starforce was comedic at times but its drama was never undercut by it. Relationships were taken seriously and the threat to the girls was certainly serious, particularly from their own goddess and from Cimmeria. So when the first half of this issue was spent with the Fire Prince and making his powers known but also having him laughably dance around and prove to be a bit of a sadsack and not even comparable to the last threat of Cimmeria -- having been imprisoned and shamed by her himself -- it was a little worrisome. The threat after a huge battle like last time shouldn’t really be followed up by something we’re directly told is lesser. And that fed right into the lesser fights too, with Savannah undercutting Alice’s threat by having to make a joke of why they were fighting and remind her of the fact that she even was a threat to the Starforce to begin with. I know I’m throwing this word around a lot lately but it feels like bathos -- like fearing the sincerity of the drama so going for a joke instead. And that wasn’t something I really remember happening in the previous volume.

That all said, the one thing always played straight and the risk that is never dampened is honestly the one that remains the most important overall, and that’s the relationships between the girls themselves. Lily and Savannah’s romance and Savannah’s obviously very supportive mother, Molly and Emma’s close friendship, everyone’s concern for Kim -- it’s all great stuff and taken seriously throughout which is why I still have a lot of hope and expectations for this series. It’s just so nice to see a book that’s so supportive and intent on emphasizing the importance of female relationships.

Art: The art for Zodiac Starforce is beautiful and popping, but it also has a very serious control of its style so as to not be cartoonish beyond the point of feeling the danger or concern for things within the story. Even so, there were a few things that felt off model this time around. It’s mostly nitpicking, but there was something different about the way Emma’s hair was drawn, specifically when she was Gemini, and there were a few times where Alice and her goons seemed to look very different from how I remembered them. but overall I can’t emphasize enough that it’s a beautiful book and really does capture the feeling of being a Western Magical Girl team story.

There was a lot of good this week in a lot of different ways but when I think of what I enjoyed the most I have to absolutely give it to Black Magick. This book captures a unique style and tone of two things I sincerely love -- noir and witchcraft -- and is really doing something special with them in the modern age. And those are the kind of daring choices -- much like doing a mostly black-and-white comic when almost all comics stick to high definition coloring -- that really capture my attention and help any book stand out in a given week. So that absolutely must be my Pick of the Week, even with some of my harsher criticisms sent its way.

And, once more, I am in a bit of a financial crunch for a multitude of reasons, not the least of which being the medical bills I’m paying for my dog, Eve, who experienced a catastrophic dog fight and underwent surgery recently. On top of that, I have exactly a month and a half to pack up everything I own and move halfway across the country again which is not helping those financial crunches I mentioned before either.

As such, I really would appreciate if you enjoy my content or are interested in helping me out, please check out either my Patreon or PayPal. Every bit helps and I couldn’t thank you enough for enjoying and supporting my content.

You could also support me by going to my main blog, @renaroo, where I’ll soon be listing prices and more for art and writing commissions.

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#Rena Roundups #Wednesday Spoilers #SPOILERS #Harley Quinn and Batman (2017)#Nightwing (2016 )#Immortal Iron Fists (2017)#Black Magick (2015 )#Detective Comics (2016 )#Moon Girl and Devil Dinosaur (2015 )#Saga (2012 )#Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2011 )#Zodiac Starforce: Cries of the Fire Prince

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junker-town · 5 years ago

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8 winners from Week 5 of the NFL season

Jeremy Brevard-USA TODAY Sports

Christian McCaffrey ruined the Jaguars. Aaron Jones ruined fantasy teams across the globe.

Week 5 of the NFL season saw some hot teams fall — or continue falling — back to earth. The Rams’ loss to the Buccaneers last week became the beginning of a possible trend when LA dropped its second straight game, this time a Thursday night thriller against the Seahawks. The Giants’ and Jaguars’ two-game winning streaks with rookie quarterbacks came to an end thanks to the Vikings and Panthers, respectively. The Bears’ dominant defense was cracked open by, of all teams, Jon Gruden’s bullying Raiders.

This week’s winners weren’t just the teams that broke out of box score to climb a rung in their divisional rankings, however. The first NFL football Sunday of October gave several individual stars — and, in the Raiders’ case, a whole galaxy of blockers — a chance to shine. Who were this week’s biggest winners?

It wasn’t...

Not considered: Washington head coach Jay Gruden

Gruden entered 2019 with the best odds to be the first coach fired this fall. It made sense; he’d only been to the postseason once in Washington and had never won 10 games in a single season.

He’s done nothing to justify his franchise’s decision to give him another year to turn things around in the nation’s capital. Washington is 0-5 to start the season after Sunday’s loss to the Patriots. The last three of those defeats have come by a combined 63 points. He’s put three different players behind center (Case Keenum, Dwayne Haskins, Colt McCoy, in that order) and his quarterbacks have combined for seven touchdown passes and eight interceptions in five games. His defense has given up 24 points every week and at least 30 in all but one.

So Gruden is almost certainly done as Washington’s head coach. How’s he taking it?

#Redskins coach Jay Gruden: “If the key works Monday I'll keep working."

— Ian Rapoport (@RapSheet) October 6, 2019

You can’t fault him for a lack of self awareness, at least.

This week’s actual winners:

8. Steven Sims, the pride of ... the University of Kansas? That can’t be right

Sims didn’t give the Patriots many opportunities to review his game film coming into Week 5. The undrafted rookie free agent and former Jayhawk only played 21 offensive snaps in his first four games.

That explains why New England’s vaunted defense looked wholly unprepared for this:

ALL the WAY for @StevenSimsJr #NEvsWAS pic.twitter.com/OOPQYSzaDV

— Washington Redskins (@Redskins) October 6, 2019

Sims ripped off the biggest play the Patriot defense has given up so far in 2019, exploding for 65 yards out of the backfield to give Washington an early 7-0 lead over its undefeated opponent. The Pats were ready for him the next time he got the call out of the backfield. His follow-up touch, a shovel pass, was stopped for a loss of four yards in the second quarter. He’d add one more catch to wrap up 66 total yards against the defending champions, constituting 30 percent of the team’s net offensive yards and 85.7 percent of its points in a 33-7 loss.

7. Aaron Jones, who was either your fantasy league hero or villain in the late game

Jones tied a Packers franchise record with four rushing touchdowns Sunday, and he only needed 12 carries in the first three quarters to get there. The running back led his team in both rushing (19 carries, 107 yards) and receiving (seven catches, 75 yards) while doing something no other player has ever done against the Dallas Cowboys.

Aaron Jones is the first player to rush for 4 TD in a single game against the Cowboys. pic.twitter.com/Fxk6pAE6g5

— ESPN Stats & Info (@ESPNStatsInfo) October 6, 2019

That was enough to carry Green Bay to a 34-24 road win in Dallas. It was also probably enough to sway plenty of fantasy football matchups across the fake sports landscape. Let’s say you’re in a point-per-reception fantasy league. With a standard scoring setup, Jones just sprang for 49.2 points. That’s enough to either entirely humiliate your opponent or enough to find yourself on the depressing end of a loss that once looked like a surefire win after the 1 p.m. ET games had finished.

6. The Raiders’ offensive line, which beat up a vaunted Bears defense

Oakland’s blocking faced its biggest test of 2019 against the league’s No. 2 scoring defense in London. The Bears came into their international game matchup with the Raiders averaging a sack in roughly one out of 10 opponent dropbacks as Khalil Mack, Danny Trevathan, Akiem Hicks, and Roquan Smith have presented a dominant front.

That unit was surprisingly quiet in the United Kingdom as they were snuffed out by an unheralded group of Raider linemen.

the Bears might have to bring more than 4 guys if they're gonna stop the Raiders offense today pic.twitter.com/iWkWGxOLG3

— Christian D'Andrea (@TrainIsland) October 6, 2019

Chicago lost Akiem Hicks to an elbow injury early in the game and seemed to suffer without its wrecking ball defensive tackle eating up blockers. The Bears had at least two sacks in each game this fall — including six without Hicks last week — and were averaging 4.25 per game coming into their showdown with Mack’s old team. On Sunday, they dropped Derek Carr behind the line of scrimmage zero times and only hit him once.

More importantly, the Bears’ big men were moved off the line with relative ease as the Josh Jacobs became the first player to rush for 100+ yards against Chicago this fall. Oakland was able to create space early and often up front, which led to two different touchdown dives from inside the 3-yard line. The latter of which — Jacobs’ second touchdown of the game — turned out to be the game-winning points.

The Raiders’ defensive line was pretty good, too. Oakland sacked Chase Daniel four times in an impressive all-around effort. Khalil Mack’s revenge on the team that traded him away will have to wait.

5. Jordan Phillips, who looks like he weighs 350 pounds but does not move that way

Ed Oliver was tagged to be Kyle Williams’ replacement as the Bills’ middle-of-the-line force this season. While he’s been as good as expected, he might not be the most disruptive defensive tackle on his own depth chart this season.

Instead, that honor may belong to Phillips. Phillips, who has come off the bench in each of his five games to start the season, tore through the Titans’ offensive line like tissue paper en route to a career-high three sacks ... in the first half alone.

Jordan Phillips is EATING. #BUFvsTEN | #GoBills pic.twitter.com/bapnY7pLMR

— Buffalo Bills (@BuffaloBills) October 6, 2019

Phillips teamed up with Shaq Lawson to expose All-Pro tackle Taylor Lewan in his first game back from a season-opening PED suspension, a matchup that did not go unnoticed by the fifth-year tackle:

"I was really happy (Taylor Lewan) came back today. I'm glad he could be a part of that today. That's all I have to say about him." – #Bills DT Jordan Phillips, after 3 sacks vs #Titans

— Jason Wolf (@JasonWolf) October 6, 2019

The Buffalo front seven beat the crap out of the Tennessee, hitting Marcus Mariota seven times in the first two quarters alone. That held an offense that had scored 24 points the week before to just a single touchdown in a 14-7 win.

Josh Allen’s return (both to the field after suffering a head injury last week as well as to competency in a 219-yard, two-touchdown performance) was a key component behind Buffalo’s fourth win of the season. Even so, the Bills might be starting up at .500 if not for a smothering defensive effort across the board. The emergence of a havoc-creating monster like Phillips is just endemic of that.

4. Justin Tucker, who is bored enough with kicking that he’s moved into the trick shot stage of his career

Tucker has been one of the league’s top three placekickers — and occasionally its best overall — for most of his eight-year career. So it makes sense a guy who has made more than 90 percent of his field goal attempts, including one that sent Sunday’s game against arch-rival Pittsburgh to overtime, would try to find new ways to make things interesting. Like by draining a game-winning kick with a fancy double-break trajectory.

JUSTIN TUCKER 46 YARDS FOR THE WIN IN OT! #RavensFlock #BALvsPIT pic.twitter.com/KkHM63tkBe

— NFL (@NFL) October 6, 2019

Tucker’s kick moved like Axl Rose dances, sliding side to side before slicing inside the goalpost and sending Steelers fans back to Primanti Bros. disappointed. Oh, and because kickers are weirdoes, he waited approximately one hour for Heinz Field to empty out in order to double-celebrate.

Wearing a gray sweatsuit, #Ravens kicker Justin Tucker just ran onto Heinz Field to celebrate his game-winning field goal, about an hour after it happened. pic.twitter.com/VRDnybZSMd

— Aaron Kasinitz (@AaronKazreports) October 6, 2019

3. Will Fuller, who Atlanta forgot existed and then paid dearly for it

DeAndre Hopkins is an All-Pro wide receiver. Keeping him covered is very important. Not so important that you can’t forget about all the other former first-round picks on the Houston depth chart. Namely, Fuller:

The entire Atlanta secondary decided to move with DeAndre Hopkins on Fuller's second touchdown. pic.twitter.com/czUspxVdaP

— Rivers McCown (@riversmccown) October 6, 2019

That impressive breakdown from the Falcons’ secondary produced Fuller’s second touchdown of the first half. He’d draw a little more coverage — read, one man — for his third touchdown later on, though it would be no less embarrassing for Atlanta’s cornerbacks.

Not one, not two, but three!@Will_Fuller7 | #ATLvsHOU pic.twitter.com/BiJD00uK3R

— Houston Texans (@HoustonTexans) October 6, 2019

The biggest beneficiary of Fuller’s ability to torch defensive backs with elite straight-line speed was Deshaun Watson, who’s connected with his fourth-year wideout for 14 touchdowns in 16 games together. Watson put together one of his most explosive performances in a career filled with them. Week 5 marked his third NFL game with five passing touchdowns, and his 426 passing yards were the most he’s had in a single Sunday to date. Fuller was responsible for more than half those yards (217) in a 53-32 win that only solidified the Falcons’ claim as the NFC South’s saddest team.

2. Marshon Lattimore, who shut down one of the game’s most deadly wide receivers

Mike Evans had been Bruce Arians’ offensive enabler through four weeks in Tampa. The big, rangy wideout was able to demolish defenses in single coverage and take away enough defensive focus to allow other skill players like Chris Godwin or Ronald Jones to flourish. Through four games, he helped Jameis Winston get out to a career-high pace in both touchdown rate and passer rating while hauling in 18 catches for 368 yards and four touchdowns.

The Saints didn’t have much of a plan to stop him. They didn’t need one. They just stuck former defensive rookie of the year Lattimore on him and watched Evans set season lows in both targets (three) and catches (zero).

Marshon Lattimore shut down Mike Evans in the @Saints win, allowing 0 receptions on 2 targets as the nearest defender. Lattimore shadowed Evans all over the field, lining up across from him on 43 of Evans' 53 snaps (81%). #NOvsTB | #Saints pic.twitter.com/kSsyRAMJu9

— Next Gen Stats (@NextGenStats) October 6, 2019

This wasn’t the first time this has paid off for New Orleans. Lattimore drew primary coverage duties on Pro Bowler Amari Cooper in Week 4’s win over over the Cowboys. Cooper had five catches that night, but for only 48 yards as Dallas’ offense sputtered in a 12-10 defeat.

Lattimore’s coverage had a similar chilling effect in Week 5. Although Winston was still able to glean a monster performance from Chris Godwin (seven catches, 125 yards, two touchdowns), he got only eight catches on 17 targets to the rest of his teammates for just 79 yards. Tampa Bay really needed that extra firepower, too; the Bucs lost 31-24 in a game where it was soundly outplayed by Teddy Bridgewater.

1. Christian McCaffrey, who stole the souls of Jacksonville’s linebacking corps

McCaffrey is making a legitimate case to be the league’s first non-quarterback MVP since 2012. The Panthers’ do-it-all tailback turned the Jaguars’ linebackers tasked with covering him into a teal-tinted mist en route to 237 total yards and three touchdowns in a 34-27 win. Most importantly — and extremely embarrassingly for the Jags — he did it all while running pretty much the same running play over and over again.

“I don’t know if I’ve ever in my career heard the same play call so many times,” tight end Greg Olsen said.

...

“It’s kind of like this: Defenses call blitzes until you pick them up and we ran the same play until they could stop it,” left guard Greg Van Roten said. “And they didn’t.

Sometimes he did it running through holes roughly the size of a children’s choir:

IT'S A C-MAC ATTACK!!!@run__cmc | #KeepPounding pic.twitter.com/ZS5yqksJor

— Carolina Panthers (@Panthers) October 6, 2019

And sometimes he did it be juking defenders into oblivion:

HE. HIT. EM. WITH. THE. JUKE. @run__cmc | #KeepPounding pic.twitter.com/UVnr6RpfTi

— Carolina Panthers (@Panthers) October 6, 2019

But no matter how he did it, he utterly demoralized Jacksonville’s defense. By the end of the game, the Jaguars were so shook Reggie Bonnafon (two career carries for 5 yards) was able to do this:

Reggie Bonnafon got the call and boy did he DELIVER!!!#KeepPounding pic.twitter.com/GXQ8mqpOlc

— Carolina Panthers (@Panthers) October 6, 2019

You may see that as the kind of play that devalues McCaffrey’s early dominance. I say it only makes it more important. The starter chipped away at the Jags’ foundation until even the most gentle wind could knock it over — like, say, an undrafted free agent who’d only had two carries coming into Sunday.

That’s the kind of impact ol’ Run CMC’s had in 2019.

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ryanmeft · 6 years ago

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My Favorite Films of 2018, part 1

Let’s make the introduction quick: these are my favorite films released in 2018. As always, the rules are simple: I don’t say they are the best or that you must agree, simply that I found them the most memorable. They are in completely random order, with no emphasis on one over another. Films released at festivals but not to the public in 2017 are counted as 2018, as are films that were not available in the United States. I apologize for not having the accents on certain people’s named; I don’t know how to reproduce them.

Many excellent films didn’t make the cut this year, and it was already difficult to narrow down my shortlist of 26 to 14. I had to stop there, as I could not bring myself to cut anymore. The list is in two parts this year to accommodate the additional length.

Let’s get rolling.

Sorry To Bother You

While decent-but-ordinary films got lauded with undeserved reputations for being revolutionary, Boots Riley was quietly (okay…maybe not so quietly) sliding this biting, bizarre, hard-edged satire under the radar. Where most films have simple good guys and bad guys, Riley takes furious aim at everyone in sight. Black people are exploited by a white establishment. The hero only cares about his own advancement until he himself is taken advantage of. His girlfriend rails about purity but sells out almost immediately herself. A labor organizer is mostly doing it to get laid. The film is driven by Lakeith Stanfield, whose performance as a black telemarketer who finds tremendous success by kow-towing to his white bosses is a sterling and hilarious take on the classic everyman. Supporting roles from Danny Glover and Armie Hammer, in particular, contribute greatly. Nobody escapes unscathed, leaving the film with only one viewpoint: everybody in the world is a terrible hypocrite to one degree or another. Riley’s outspokenness didn’t help the film at major awards shows, but it likely would have been shafted anyway. Like other huge, overlooked critical hits, from Inside Llewyn Davis to Lucky, it is just too nihilistic to grab people’s attention.

Paddington 2

Iron Men and super spies are nice, but they can’t approach the sheer joy, creativity, adventure, humor and heart of the Paddington series, which started out great and got better with this sequel. All the cast you loved the first time around are back, but just like the Harry Potter franchise, it’s the new faces and what director Paul King and co-writer Simon Farnaby do with them that makes this one special. Most notable is Hugh Grant, who both honors and spoofs his own career reputation by playing a washed-up former celebrity who tries to frame Paddington to restore his lost lustre. Grant devours every one of his scenes, as he skips comically between costumes and disguises. Brendan Gleeson is one of those actors who is never unwelcome, and here he plays a tough-as-nails prison cook with a heart of gold. The movie gets as sweetly silly as turning an entire prison’s uniforms pink and as genuinely thrilling as a final train chase that is the most exciting action sequence of the year. The key to Paddington is that there’s not a cynical thing about him---his movies just consistently and unerringly deliver pure creative joy.

The Sisters Brothers

In recent years the western genre has moved hard towards social commentary. Jacques Audiard’s adaptation of a Patrick DeWitt novel, co-written with Thomas Bidegain, has such unconventional heroes that it takes aim at the traditional western strongman even when it isn’t trying to. John C. Reilly and Joaquin Phoenix play a pair of mercenary brothers who are, respectively, too sensitive and too useless to have ever been stars in westerns of old. Jake Gyllenhaal is an eloquent bounty hunter and Riz Ahmed is the inventor they are all after. The wild west was definitely not a storied land of opportunity for all. The hired hands are out to kill Ahmed’s character because a powerful businessman feels entitled to his invention, and the film ends in greed, tragedy and brokenness rather than success. That’s not to say it has no trappings of the classics, as it may be the most beautiful western ever made; painstaking detail has gone into towns and saloon halls, while a wilderness stream lit up with a phosphorescent gold-finding chemical has a mesmerizing beauty. All these good looks serve to back up a dark comic story, and it is a highly effective contrast.

Capernaum

Nadine Labaki’s film about a 12-year-old boy in prison for striking back at his desperate poverty was criticized, in some circles, for not being bleaker than it is. Labaki and her team of writers, with a mostly non-professional cast, have painted a picture of life in the world’s slums that mostly foregoes easy drama in favor of being unblinkingly, ceaselessly blunt about the sheer offenses against human life that take place there. The focus of the film is Zain, named after the young actor Zain Al Rafeea, whose parents recklessly pop out kids despite barely being able to care for themselves. They enjoy themselves in a bed right next to the floor housing their seven children; in court, they insist that the existence of their kids is a burden on them. Zain ends up temporarily becoming a sort of custodian for a friend’s infant son, and we see three stops on a sad spectrum: the innocent baby unaware of life’s terrors, the broken boy he may become without help, and the adults that are the result of a life lived without hope. That the film’s bad guy, a human trafficker, is eventually foiled is not the catharsis it would be in a more multiplex-oriented movie, because we know there will just be another after him, and another, and another.

First Man

A bio-pic of a quiet man with no political message was never going to do well in the modern movie landscape, and that’s a shame. Ryan Gosling’s taciturn portrayal of Neil Armstrong is the fuel of a film that is not about the glory of space travel but about the risks and tolls it takes, all of which are recreated with bone-rattling immediacy. Damien Chazelle and Josh Singer ignore the political demands of the moment to portray one of our most important national figures exactly as he was: a reserved man more concerned with math than with press conferences, whose taciturn response to what he’d bring with him to the moon was “More fuel”. Yet what really sells the film is the time we spend in the various cockpits with Armstrong. Where Linus Sandgren could have gone for soaring vistas and patriotic imagery, he instead brings home the terror and uncertainly of space travel in a way that makes the stakes feel real and immediate. Chazelle eschews the need to see the past through the lens of the present, and an excellent movie results.

Annihilation

Some science fiction deals in lasers and spaceships. Some deals in thoughts and ideas. Alex Garland’s trippy sci-fi adventure, based on a novel by Jeff VanderMeer, is certainly the latter. A team of women, led by Natalie Portman and Jennifer Jason Leigh, enter a no-go zone where it seems the local scenery is slowly being eaten by alien vegetation. What they find there is up to the viewer to interpret, but Garland wisely decide to really let us think about it by pulling back on the horror and leaving much unexplained. The world inside the “Shimmer” is quiet and haunting, not packed with activity. When monsters do attack, it comes in small-scale, individualistic encounters, rather than wars between armies of CGi. It’s also notable that whereas a very specific kind of woman is often held up as an example of strong female characters, the women here are the opposite: ordinary people, more egghead than warrior, investigating rather than kicking ass; a movie that relegates Oscar Isaac to about 20 minutes of screen time certainly has the courage of its characters.

Roma

Another example of a film whose greatness is achieved specifically because it bucks the need to have a message or to conform to momentary fits of politics, Roma tells a simple story of a middle-class Mexican family in the 70’s and their working class servant. It commits numerous sins of modern cinema: the middle-class family is not seen as oppressors, the servant is not seen as a victim, nothing in the film is a veiled attack on systems of any kind or shape. Therein lies the beauty, captured perfectly by Yalitza Aparicio. She plays Cleo, the servant, and while the film is seen through her eyes---so that we witness only the snatches of family life she does---Alfonso Cuaron has never been given much to preaching, and that’s still true here, despite it being his most personal film. It’s also mournfully beautiful in black and white, with city houses shown as a tangle of balcony stairs and one-car garages, and an especially beautiful shot of woods on fire. The kind of film you think about for years after seeing it once, it’s also Cuaron’s most intimate accomplishment. Part 2: http://ryanmeft.tumblr.com/post/182988135292/my-favorite-films-of-2018-part-2

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remeny-writes · 8 years ago

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Roses are Red, Violets are Adored (Viadore/Katlaska/group fic)

Sorry for the long time between posts. crushing depression + writer’s block = me

Chapter 163

Adore’s Point of view

I took one last look of Violet’s sleeping face before I rounded the corner, I really didn’t want to go but Matt promised he would check in on them regularly and I trusted that he would. Lucy would be back before long as well.

It seemed like a long time since I had been at group because it felt like it had been weeks since I had last gone. I was there a bit early but Selene was there too, she jumped up as soon as she saw me and pulled me into a tight hug, “Bonjour mon amour, how are you? I’ve missed you so! Oh mon dieu! Your hand!”

“Hiya Selene, I KNOW! It feels like it has been forever since we had last spoken to each other instead of it just being the past few meetings. My hand is ok! Don’t worry!” I reassured her, flailing my casted arm around.

"And how is Violet doing now?” a look of concern marring her perfect face.

“They’re much better. We even came to the games room, with Lucy and her new little friend, to play some video games yesterday which was great fun.”

“Oh good!!”

“And how is Luc?” Her son Luc has the same cancer as Lucy does.

“He is good, thank you for asking!!” She smiled brightly, “They are saying we may be able to take him home next week!

"That is AMAZING news!! I’m so very happy for him and you!”

She smiled and nodded, before we could chat any longer, Alexa walked in, holding the hand of a petite raven haired woman.

“Hi!! I am assuming you are Leslie?” I asked, closing the distance between her and I.

“Yes I am! I wanna say you are Danny?” I nodded and she pulled me into a hug. Then she got a quizzical look on her face, “has anyone ever told you that you could be the identical twin of one of my favourite drag queens Adore Delano? She was on a popular drag competition reality show if you haven’t heard of it.” Alexa was grinning behind her.

“I know her actually!”

“REALLY? I’d love to meet her sometime if she is around! If it’s not too much trouble.”

I laughed and stuck my hand out for her to shake it and she looked confused for a moment but finally shook it. “Hi I’m Adore Delano, nice to meet you!”

“Oh my gosh! REALLY??”

“Yep I really am and Violet Chachki is just down the hall.” I grinned, bemused at the shocked expression on her face.

“You gotta be shitting me!” she blurted and then covered her mouth, “Sorry, I saw they were being treated for cancer on youtube. Sorry about the swearing,” she looked around at everyone for a minute and then turned back to me. “I should know better seeing as I’m in a kid’s hospital. Hey wait…why are you guys at a children’s hospital?”

“Well it’s a bit of a long story. The Dr in New York that diagnosed them sent them to an oncologist here that deals with their rare type of cancer, but Dr Bailey only has rights to treat here so here is where we came.”

“Makes sense. I can’t believe I’m talking to you!”

I giggled, “Well believe it baby!”

Olive came in and introduced herself to Leslie. “Ok gang, why don’t we begin?”

“Wait,” I said. “What about Grayson?”

Olive’s face fell, “Grayson’s daughter has taken a turn for the worse and he said he would much rather spend that time with her. Which of course is understandable! Keep them in your thoughts and prayers.”

We all nodded slowly, all of us dreading the possibility that that could be us someday.

The meeting was subdued.At the end of it, I told Alex and Leslie I would call their son’s room if and when Vi was up to visitors as I didn’t want them to just come with me since Vi was having chemo again and I didn’t know how they would be feeling. I knew how sensitive Vi can be about their appearance sometimes.

Surprisingly, when I tiptoed into the room, Vi was sitting up chatting with Lucy, unhooked from chemo but not quite green yet. Ross bucket was lying on the bed near Vi’s crossed legs. They didn’t see me but I saw them, Lucy must have said something funny because they threw their head back in their characteristic laugh that made my stomach get butterflies like riding a rollercoaster. Their eyes flicked to me and they smiled, beckoning me forward with one finger and like a fish on a hook I followed with a goofy smile I couldn’t and wouldn’t shake.

Lucy is sitting and there is a boy sitting beside Lucy that wasn’t Frederick. He had ginger hair that was spiked up, he was wearing dark jeans, a loose diamond-patterned pale emerald short-sleeved button-up shirt and a silver bowtie. As soon as he saw me, he stood up and wiped his hands on his jeans.

“Hi! Nice to meet you! Do you prefer Danny or Adore?” He twanged.

“You forgot to tell him your name goof!” Lucy laughed, she looked radiant.

“Er…sorry! I’m Samuel, Lucy’s brother. Sorry I haven’t been here yet to meet you.” He was holding his breath, I wondered if it was because I knew he was trans. Like that even fucking mattered…well it mattered but it didn’t matter.

“Hey man.” I said, he put out his hand to shake and then switched when he saw my cast. He chuckled, the ice was broken as he sat back down beside Lucy who was beaming crazily up at her brother. It honestly made me wanna cry with how sweet it was.

Violet reached their hand out and pulled me to sit beside them

“You forgot to tell him your name goof!” Violet repeated Lucy’s earlier statement.

“Oh yeah!” I smacked my forehead, “sorry Samuel! Either is fine with me. Half the time Vi and I call each other by our drag names because we both answer to which ever! So you’re home!! Welcome back! Lucy has told us a lot about you.”

“All horrible stuff. I’ve told them nothing but horrible things.” Lucy deadpanned.

“I would expect anything less of you lil sister.” He chuckled, ruffling her hair like a big brother should.

She squirmed out of the way and smoothed down her bangs again. “Get away you!” She took a closer look at him, squinting up at him. “You doing ok? If you need to go, I understand hun. You should get some rest bro. I’m ok!”

Upon closer inspection, Samuel did look as green as his shirt.

“You ok man?” Vi asked, concern in their voice.

Samuel chuckled morosely. “I could ask you the same thing. Incoming!”

Violet groaned and grabbed up Ross, I rubbed their back and murmured the usual reassurances while Lucy and Samuel had a whispered conversation that I was probably not meant to hear.

“Sammy, you just got home, you need to rest. You KNOW that I understand.”

“Luce, it was bad enough I was away so much longer than I was supposed to be! I don’t want to leave already. I’m fine.”

“Samuel, we both know you are not fine! Do NOT even try it. You won’t heal if you don’t take care of yourself. You have to take your meds.”

“They make me tired.”

“I know, most pain meds make people sleepy. You can ask the doctor at your appointment for meds that aren’t as strong but right now you NEED them. Please?”

Vi must have heard the conversation because as soon as they surfaced from the bucket, they jabbed the nurse’s button fiercely with their thumb.

“Can I help you?” A nurse’s voice crackled from the speaker on the wall.

“Hi can I get my pain meds?”

“I’ll be right in with them Jason.”

“Thank you.” Vi looked straight at Samuel and smirked, “ok your turn.” They raised one spotty eyebrow at him. “Sorry not sorry, this room is not that big. Lucy knows what she is talking about. Listen to her. Please?”

“You too Danny?” Lucy said with her own raised ginger brow.

I put my hand up, “hey! Hey! Why you gotta bring me into this?”

“Because you are also in pain.” Violet said.

“God, aren’t we all a mess!!?” I exclaimed and we all burst out into laughter until we were holding our stomachs and Samuel was even greener.

10 minutes later we had all taken our meds, Samuel had winced when he leaned over to grab his meds from his backpack. Vi and I pretended not to notice as we were suddenly engrossed in our fingernails or the ceiling.

“You guys are so not fooling me. So I had…”

“No Samuel, you don’t have to tell us. It’s ok!”

“No, I don’t mind. I recently went to Mexico and had top surgery. I had to stay longer than intended due to complications outside of anyone’s control. It was a good facility, not one of those seedy places so it wasn’t because of that. Hopefully I can get the drains out tomorrow when I see my Dr here.” He said and then yawned.

“Hey why don’t you stretch out on the couch tonight Samuel? Vi will let me sleep with them, right hun?”

I saw a shadow of fear pass over Jason’s face, I think I could safely bet that they were worried about having a nightmare with Samuel in the room. I put my hand on their knee, and they looked at him and nodded with a queasy smile. “Yeah that would be great! Please stay Samuel, if you want to!”

“Are you sure you don’t mind? I am extremely tired.”

“Not at all! I have a spare set of pajamas if you wanna borrow them.” I offered, moving around the bed and plucking a pair of lounge pants and an oversized Tshirt from my suitcase and throwing them at Lucy since it would probably hurt him to raise his arms.

“Well the thing is, I might bleed on the shirt.” He said, looking around awkwardly.

“Meh, what’s a little blood between friends? But here, use this one and keep it.” I went to my suitcase and pulled out an extra large black Adore merch shirt, throwing that one to Lucy.”

“Really?” He exclaimed, looking like someone just gave him a million bucks.

“Yep.”

“Thank you!” He said and yawned.

“Ok you go put those on young man and I’ll make up the couch with fresh linens since I know where to find them now.”

About 20 minutes later, Lucy tucked her big bro in and a nurse came in to give Lucy her sleep and pain meds. I curled up with Violet, holding their petite body up against mine. “I really actually love you Jason. Oh and I have to go to the Doctor tomorrow at 1 about my hand. Please don’t let me forget.”

“I’ll remind you.” Jason said sleepily, “I really actually love you too. Thanks for suggesting that Samuel stay for the night. You’re the best.”

Jason sighed and was asleep within minutes. I stayed awake for a bit thinking of all the things I had to do to pull off the surprise that was in my head. The pain meds were pulling me down to sleep and I was happy that my hand wasn’t throbbing with every beat of my heart.

#roses #rarvaa

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nbablog-blog1 · 7 years ago

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2017 NBA DRAFT /2017 NBA Summer League Wrap Up

Written By Jarrett Adams on July 15, 2017

Is Markelle Fultz the lead guard the Sixers desperately needed?

The Philadelphia 76ers have been at the bottom of NBA’s pecking order for way too long. When former GM Sam Hinkie took over the reins in 2013, the Sixers were one year removed from a playoff run with Andre Igoudala and Jrue Holiday. After Igoudala left for free agency, the chips began to fall in Philadelphia after the 2012 season. What would follow in the next seasons under Hinkie was a rare case of extreme and intentional tanking. Hinkie knew that for the Sixers to be sustainable in the NBA, they would have to strip the team of talent and try to rebuild through the Draft.

But as the 2017 NBA Draft approached, a quick glance at the Sixers roster actually began to show light at the end of the tunnel. After selecting Ben Simmons first overall in the 2016 Draft, the Sixers aggressively pushed for a second consecutive first overall pick after a trade with the Celtics.

The player and consensus first overall pick the Sixers targeted was Markelle Fultz, a freshman guard from Washington. For Philly, Fultz was the perfect fit, fulfilling a need at the NBA’s most competitive position. Fultz is equipped to provide ball handling, scoring, and passing desperately needed on the Sixers’ roster. In the past drafts, the Sixers have consistency gone with frontcourt players, drafting the likes of Nerlens Noel, Jahlil Okafor, Joel Embiid, and Ben Simmons. When the opportunity presented itself to move up and draft the ideal fit in their backcourt, Philly stepped up to the plate and secured their future with this pick.

To break down Fultz game, it’s probably described as the point guard version of James Harden or Brandon Roy. First and foremost, Fultz is a scorer. He’s supremely talented at getting to where he wants to go with silky smooth moves and euro-steps. He has a certain bounce in his game running point, reminiscent of a Tim Hardaway or Gary Payton in that he has supreme confidence in his ability. Fultz definitely has the potential to be an all-star in the Eastern Conference one day. Finally Sixers fans can be excited to see both Fultz and Simmons suit up next year. And finally, it appears to be light at the end of the tunnel in Philadelphia.

Lakers Draft Lonzo, but is Kyle Kuzma the Steal of the Draft?

Did the Lakers just draft the future face of the NBA in Lonzo Ball? He’s yet to play a real NBA game, but from the looks of the NBA Summer League, Lonzo is as good as advertised. The 6-5 lanky guard out of UCLA was quickly selected 2nd overall by the LA Lakers, as many expected. Easy decision for the LA Lakers as the trade of D’Angelo Russell signaled this selection days before. Lonzo Ball brings a new excitement to LA and is easily of the most marketable athletes in recent memory. Lonzo’s decision to stay independent is working in favor, and put the sneaker industry on notice by switching brands in the 2017 NBA Summer League. When a rookie can generate the talking point “Which shoes will he wear next?” that shows immense star power and marketability.

When the Lakers scooped up the 27th overall pick in the 2017 NBA Draft from the Nets, who thought they’d draft Summer League sensation Kyle Kuzma? He wasn’t really on my radar at all, but the pick definitely showed great scouting by the Lakers. Who knows how he’ll affect the new look Lakers in the regular season, but to me he looked like a serviceable rotation player next season. He can hit the three and has the length to finish when he drives to the basket. I’m looking forward to see these new look Lakers.

Did the Celtics make the right selection by moving back and taking Jason Tatum?

Danny Ainge is a particular GM. He’s done so many favorable moves since letting go of Paul Pierce and Kevin Garnett. That’s why it alarms me, that after a season in the Eastern Conference Finals, you trade the first pick in the draft. It’s so rare to be so close to the finals, and still have the number one pick in the draft. There was a lot of talent in this draft, and arguably franchise changing talent in both Fultz and Ball. In my view, being so close to the NBA Finals mean I’m jumping to draft the best player available, no matter how he fits into the system. The Celtics already have a great point guard in Isaiah Thomas, but do you really pass on Fultz or Ball because of that? That’s what Danny Ainge decided to do here in the 2017 NBA Draft.

Lets talk about the selection, Jason Tatum, the freshman forward out of Duke. This was a surprising selection, but not to far off. I thought the C’s would draft Josh Jackson, the explosive forward out of Kansas. Coming into draft night, Jackson was consistently rated higher than Tatum.

Nonetheless, Tatum put fears to rest in only his first preseason game. The kid has got game! He’s got a great face up game, and is the prototypical stretch 4 in todays NBA. Tatum undoubtedly adds a new weapon to the Celtics this year. I probably would have selected Josh Jackson, simply because he when their careers are over, I think Jackson will reach a higher ceiling.

Josh Jackson Solidifies the Suns Wing Problem

I love this pick and fit for Josh Jackson here at 4th overall. Jackson finally solves the wing problem for the Suns, and has the potential to be one of the best wing scorers in the NBA. I think he can have a Harrison Barnes like impact in year 1. Jackson is one of the rare wing prospects with intense competitiveness and incredible body control. He’s got great size for a small forward, at 6-8, and has a great handle to get to where he needs to go on the floor. What separates Josh Jackson from forwards like Harrison Barnes is that Jackson enjoys getting in the mix and forcing his will onto the game. And I respect Harrison Barnes, but he’s not a type A guy in the NBA. Josh Jackson has the potential to be a type A player in the league, and is primed to compete at a high level in year one.

The Kings turn out a positive Draft Night with 3 1st round picks

The Kings are in complete rebuild mode after trading All-Star center Demarcus Cousins. To be fair, they never really took off under Cousins much anyway. This draft represented a fresh start. With the 5th overall pick they selected Kentucky point guard De’Aaron Fox. He’s clearly a player with a fitting name, because Fox is one of the quickest players from baseline to baseline. This guy has a great first step, allowing him to beat defenders to a spot and set them up with counter moves to get to the basket. Some will compare his game to john Wall because of the Kentucky connection, but De’Aaron Fox reminds me of Allen Iverson and Gilbert Arenas. He may not have the jumpshot right to back up these claims just yet, but with a jumpshot Fox simply becomes impossible to stop.

Two other picks the Kings made in the draft were respectable, selecting Justin Jackson from North Carolina and the injury prone yet supremely talented Harry Giles from Duke. Justin Jackson gives the Kings the lengthy wing deep threat they will need going forward. Jackson will be a great spot up player in year one, do don’t leave him open. When fully engaged on defense he should be able to cause problems with guys who can’t score over bigger defenders. Harry Giles didn’t have the college career some had hoped for, but coming out of high school, he was consistently ranked as one of the top prospects. If he’s ever able to get passed the injury bug, then this pick is worth the risk at 20th overall.

Magic Continue Questionable Rebuild Strategy and take Intriguing Prospect Jonathan Isaac

To call the Magic’s rebuild strategy after Dwight Howard as “questionable” is really fitting, considering they have not made it back to the playoffs, and don’t have the roster to show for much of anything over the past several seasons. For example, Victor Oladipo was their best long term project, but the Magic traded him for Serge Ibaka, who isn’t even on the team any more. Now the Magic are stuck with the rest of their recent draft picks, most notably Aaron Gordon and Elfrid Payton. Both decent players in the NBA, but not elite and leave a lot to be desired on the basketball court. In this year’s draft, the Magic continued their rebuild and took a player with a lot of upside in Jonathan Isaac. At first glance Isaac will draw some KD-lite comparisons because of his slim build and ability to handle the ball at 6-11. However, he isn’t as fluid and as natural a scorer as KD was – KD is undoubtedly the superior long distance shooter as well. However Isaac does have a ton of upside and displayed a strong freshman season at Florida St. Not sure how he fits in the rotation with Aaron Gordon potentially at the 4 next year, but intriguing selection nonetheless. His summer league game time showed flashes of potential but he had some lackluster performances to start out. I think it may be a season or two before Isaac is consistently ready to contribute at the NBA level.

Bulls trade Jimmy Butler, Draft pick and pop Forward Lauri Markkanen out of Arizona

I’m not going to lie to you and tell you Lauri Markkanen was even on my radar. Yet the Bulls got their guy and drafted him 7th overall. Its hard to criticize the Bulls scouting department, who have made out with some solid selections over the years, including getting players like Nikola Mirotic, Bobby Portis, Denzel Valentine and Doug Mcdermott (now on the Thunder). Markkanen is a pick and pop big man with a good face game and skillset. He may not have the tools to bang inside for a guy 7 feet tall, but he makes up for it with his ability to stretch the floor.

From day one this kid will be ready to shoot the three ball off pick and rolls and knock it down from deep if he’s wide open. He’s the perfect fit for Fred Hoiberg’s system, who likes to stretch the floor using the Bulls’ big men. In a move that shocked many, the Bulls traded their best player, Jimmy Butler, to the Wolves with the 16th overall pick for Kris Dunn and Zach Lavine. In the long run, I think the Bulls got great value for Jimmy Butler. I absolutely loved Kris Dunn’s game coming out of Providence last year. Zach Lavine has proven to be a productive NBA player, but I’m curious to see how he responds coming off a torn ACL.

In getting back two really good guards in return for Jimmy Butler, the Bulls began their full rebuild. In other words, expect a lot of losing in the near future. Nonetheless, the Bulls made out with two solid guards and a skilled 7 ft. big man in the 2017 draft. They now have a roster that will compete but be in the lottery again next year. If they don’t get a top 3 pick in the 2018 draft, this could be a longer process to rebuild, similar to situation the Sixers faced under Sam Hinkie.

The New York Knicks drop the ball again, pass on Dennis Smith and Malik Monk, take Frank Ntilikina from France, then Fire Phil Jackson

The Knicks were downright abysmal last season. I recently wrote a column on the Triangle of Disaster involving owner James Dolan, Phil Jackson, and Carmelo Anthony. When the Knicks were on the clock, it was almost cringe worthy to watch considering what players were still available. The two obvious choices for me that could have made Day 1 impact in New York were Malik Monk and Dennis Smith. Both players were the best available at this stage and filled a need for the Knicks.

To me, Dennis Smith would have been able to get the Knicks on the right track with his ability to set the tone of the offense and find scorers like Melo and Porzingis. The lack of an elite guard at point is what is really been killing the Knicks all these years. So with Dennis Smith available, this pick should have been a no brainer. Smith had been ranked as one of the nations best point guards coming out of high school, and could have landed with the Knicks here at 8th overall. Instead, the Knicks passed, and the Mavs selected him with the next pick.

The only alternate route I saw for the Knicks if they did not choose Smith was Malik Monk, the explosive scorer and shooter from Kentucky. We’ve all been seeing what the Splash Brothers and players like Devon Booker can do with just shooting. Malik Monk not only has the scorer’s mentality but also the same shooting ability of a Devin Booker or Splash Brother. Dude can simply light it up when he’s on. Again, this pick should have been clear as day, as Smith and Monk were the two best players available at the time.

The Knicks faithful decided to shock everyone and take French point guard Frank Ntilikina. Ntilikina is a slender 6-5, 190 point guard with a good basketball IQ and a pass first mentality. Technically, the Knicks do lack that skill, but I’m not sure if Ntilikina can be a threat himself in year one for the Knicks. This made this selection by the Knicks questionable at best. Why take the risk on this guy with two American bred studs still on the board? Will he have a better career than both Dennis Smith and Malik Monk? I’d go out on a limb and state that the answer is no, but Knick fans also didn’t like Porzingis on draft night either. Should be interesting to see how Frank Ntilikina can affect the Knicks’ season if they don’t trade Carmelo this offseason.

#nba draft #ny knicks #knicks #lakers #sixers #celtics #2017 nba draft #2017 nab summer league #lonzo ball #jason tatum #josh jackson #markelle fultz #2017 nba summer league #jarrett adams #sports writer #columnist

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mitchbeck · 5 years ago

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CANTLON: (FRI) ROCKET CRASHES IN HARTFORD

BY: Gerry Cantlon, Howlings HARTFORD, CT - The Hartford Wolf Pack scored two early goals and utilized a stingy defense along with solid goaltending from Tom McCollum and upended the visiting Laval Rocket, 3-1, before 4,089 on Friday night at the XL Center. The Wolf Pack improved their record to 28-13-5-5 (66 points). Their home record elevates to 21-2-0-2 while their record when leading after two periods remains perfect at 20-0-1-2. The Pack now trails the Hershey Bears by two points who lost in overtime to the Binghamton Devils, 4-3. The Wolf Pack takes on the Lehigh Valley Phantoms Saturday at the PPL Center and seeks to improve their woeful play and record on the road. Laval's record falls to 23-22-5-2 (53 points). They are in sixth place in the North Division and play in Providence against the Bruins on Sunday. Laval made the game close forcing the Wolf Pack to sweat it out in the third period as two-thirds of the scoring came from players who have hurt the Wolf Pack in the past. Phil Varone got a pass from defenseman, Gustav Olofsson, in the left-wing circle. His shot was perfectly kicked out by McCollum’s right pad. Unfortunately for the Pack, the rebound went right to Riley Barber who had position on Mason Geersten and was easily able to pot his 13th of the season into the net. The Wolf Pack’s Tim Gettinger scored his 12th goal of the season depositing the puck into an empty net with 14.6 seconds remaining sealing the Hartford victory. Laval came out with a bit more fire in the second frame and started taking the body. McCollum played a well-structured first period but had to do some diving and acrobatics to keep the Rocket off the scoreboard. He stopped Quinnipiac graduate, Matt Peca, at 6:18. Barber was denied from off the left-wing and leading Laval’s leading scorer, Philippe Hudon, from in the right-wing circle all-alone and Olofsson who was pinching off the left-point with just about 7:50 to go in the second period. “I felt really good tonight," remarked McCollum. "I think a lot of it really boils down to a total team effort. The guys in front of me did a really good job. They were blocking a lot of shots and giving me clean lanes to see pucks. Our forwards were doing a good job to create backpressure, which helped our defense." His secondary skillset as a good puck handler made a tremendous difference in the game’s outcome for head coach Kris Knoblauch. “He did well for us. His passing skills alleviate a lot of pressure. Making saves is really important, but not letting them establish a forecheck (equally important). I know our defense appreciate that.” The Wolf Pack grabbed a quick 2-0 lead early in the first period. The breakout was made possible by Mason Geersten who won a one-on-one battle along the right-wing boards getting the shot/pass to Kravtsov and the scoring sequence began. At 5:28, Vincent Loverde came across the Laval blueline and sent a short pass to Vitali Kravtsov, who did the same for Danny O’Regan in front of the net. O'Regan was all-alone and went backhand-to-forehand, slipping the puck past Cayden Primeau, the son of former Hartford Whaler, Keith Primeau, for his tenth of the season. “Our D played awesome tonight. Those small places like that made a difference whether up along the wall or from behind the net makes a big difference,” said O’Regan. The move in front of the net on the 6’4 Primeau came about as a result of a veteran's patience with the pay off being a goal. “Instinct just took over there. I was able to pull it around him and get in the harder work was done by everyone else,” remarked O’Regan while complimenting his teammates. O’Regan has quietly gone about being a stabilizing force down the middle. “Danny has been very important to us throughout the year, and that was maybe his best game," Knoblauch. stated. "I thought he won a lot of key faceoffs. The majority of his shifts were against their top line, which is pretty dangerous. So, not only was he providing offense, but he did a lot of defensive responsibilities. I thought his game was really good.” Then at 8:55, Nick Ebert skated backward to the blue line and took a pass from Matt Beleskey, who let a hard wrist shot that was blocked and the puck went right to Vinni Lettieri. Lettieri took a shot that was blocked by Laval defenseman, Josh Brook, and the came right back to him. Lettieri skated back to the blue line and sent a low wrist-shot through a Beleskey/Brook screen. Primeau never saw Lettieri’s shot, which would become his 22nd goal, go past him, “I don’t think we could have played any better in the first period. Laval got better as the game went along. We had to defend a lot more. It was a pretty good overall effort from everybody,” Knoblauch stated. Across the ice, a deeply frustrated Laval head coach, Joel Bouchard, whose Rocket squad is 0-3-1-0 in their last four, and 2-6-2-0 in their last 11, has had some tough times with recalls because of injuries in Montreal. The Laval lineup that has undergone major changes in the past two months. Bouchard and his staff are working to keep their players as upbeat as possible. “Every goal seems to weigh on us. We just sag down. We worked hard tonight, but right now we have no chemistry. We have three-or-four guys who were in the NHL most of the year and are adjusting here. Some of our veterans are not playing well. They're good guys. We just don’t have it right now. They're a good team (Hartford) and they got out quickly on us." LINES: O’Regan-Kravtsov-Fogarty Jones-Lettieri-Gettinger Newell-Beleskey-Elmer McBride-Dmowski-Ronning Hajek-Raddysh LoVerde-Geersten Crawley-Ebert SCRATCHES: Boo Nieves - (Upper-Body, Out Indefinitely) Nieves skated in practice the last few days for the first time in more than a week. Yegor Rykov - (Upper-Body) For the fourth time in the last five games is just about ready to return to action. Ryan Gropp - (Healthy) Gabriel Fontaine - (Shoulder-Surgery, Season-ending) NOTES: Pack defenseman Joey Keane was recalled to New York because Rangers rearguard, Tony DeAngelo, suffered an upper-body injury late in the Rangers 5-4 come from behind shootout victory. Keane did not make his NHL debut in Columbus as Marc Staal played despite having had the flu. Sadly, it was the last game for Minnesota head coach, Bruce “Gabby” Boudreau. He was relieved by the Minnesota Wild early Friday. The interim head coach is former Whaler, Dean Evason. Bouchard is an ex-Pack and Sound Tiger. Rocket, Hayden Verbeek, is the nephew of former Whaler great and Detroit assistant GM, Pat Verbeek, who was scratched. The AHL in a late afternoon press release announced the successor to retiring AHL President and CEO Dave Andrews on July 1st. Scott Howson, the current VP Hockey Operations, and Player Development in Edmonton. He has a relationship from their Canadian Maritime days when Andrews was the GM and Director of Hockey Operations in Cape Breton. Howson was his assistant GM and took over the reins when Andrews succeeded Jack Butterfield in 1994-95 as AHL President and CEO. According to a hockey executive who went to apply, they were told the process was being handled by Andrews himself. The fact Andrews knows Howson, he is with a Western NHL team and the league shift and focus is now more a Central and Western US-based league with the recent announcement of Las Vegas purchasing San Antonio and moving them to Nevada, the Palm Springs, CA expansion team that will begin play by the fall of 2022. WOLF PACK FAN JERSEY OF THE NIGHT: #19 Chris Mueller, #22 Tomas Kloucek and a #22 Thomas Pock whose name is really spelled Poeck. Barrett Hayton, the son of former New Haven Nighthawk, Brian Hayton, was recalled from his conditioning stint in Tucson by the parent Arizona Coyotes. Anton Sundin, the son of ex-Pack, Ronnie Sundin, heads from Hanhals IF (Sweden Division-1) to Karlskrona HK (Sweden-SHL) for the rest of the year. UCONN defeated the University of Maine in the first of two critical weekend games 3-2 handing the Black Bears their first home loss of the season. Benjamin Freeman, the Maine native scored the game-winner at of the third period. Carter Turnbull returned to the lineup with three primary assists and Freeman three points and a goal and assists from Sasha Payusov they combined for all eight UCONN points on the night. The two team splay again tomorrow at 7:30 pm (NESN). The Walter Brown Award is awarded to the top New England Division I collegiate player the award started in 1953. Of the 23 players submitted for consideration a few CT connections. The group includes two from Sacred Heart University (AHA) in Mike Lee (Hamden/Gunnery Prep) and Pioneer teammate Jason Cotton. Cotton’s brother, David of Boston College was nominated as well making them just the third brother combo nominated since the award’s inception. Billy and Bob Cleary and former Whaler Scott Fusco and Whaler draft pick Mark Fusco were the others all four attended Harvard. Jack Drury, the son of ex-Whaler, Ted Drury, and the nephew to current Wolf Pack GM, Chris Drury, who both grew up in Trumbull. Uncle Chris won the award twice while at BU. Five other players have won it twice including Ranger and ex-Pack Mike Mottau former New England and Hartford Whaler, Tim Sheehy, and former Ranger, Jimmy Vesey. Boston College’s Spencer Knight (Darien/Avon Old Farms) and Tyce Thompson from Providence College son of ex-Pack and current Sound Tigers head coach, Brent Thompson are under consideration. The winner will be announced at the end of the regular season and before the NCAA tourney begins and the winner will be presented the award on May 3rd at a banquet in Saugus, MA. Several former Wolf Pack players besides Mottau have won it. Matt Gilroy, Dov-Grumet Morris, Bobby Butler, and Ty Conklin. Rangers who have won it include current Blueshirt Adam Fox, Mottau and Brian Leetch (Cheshire). Several others with CT connections were awarded the honor, the late New England and Hartford Whaler, John Cunniff, Scott Harlow (New Haven Nighthawks) and John Curry (Taft Prep-Watertown). Keeping up with Gernander’s wonderful piece on their son, Micah, and being a part of the tradition of Greenway H.S. hockey in Minnesota. Read it HERE. Another superb piece on Brady Tomlak, son of ex-Whaler Mike Tomlak and his play the Air Force Academy. Read that HERE. Dean Bachiero (Southington/Salisbury Prep) commits to Brown University (ECACHL) for 2021-22 and the 6’3 forward is NHL Draft eligible this year. Ex-Pack, Jarko Immonen, signs a one-year extension with JYP Jyvaskyla (Finland-FEL). Ex-Pack, Marek Hrivik, is rumored to be moved from Leksands IF (Sweden-SHL) to Malmo IF (Sweden-SHL) next season. Ex-Wolf Pack, Josh Gratton, continues his career in Canadian senior league hockey with the Hamilton Steelhawks (ACH) joining another ex-Pack, Kris Newbury. A pair of former Wolf Pack players and defense tandem Dale “Diesel” Purinton and Marvin Degon are the latest pro athletes that have entered into the CBD ag-health business like retired Patriots TE Rob Gronkowski. Read the full article

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illbefinealonereads · 5 years ago

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Blog tour day! Allow me to tell you more about Husband Material by Emily Belden, as well as share an excerpt from the book.

Husband Material : A Novel Emily Belden On Sale Date: December 30, 2019 9781525805981, 1525805983 Trade Paperback $15.99 USD, $19.99 CAD Fiction / Romance / Romantic Comedy 304 pages

Told in Emily Belden's signature edgy voice, a novel about a young widow's discovery of her late husband's secret and her journey toward hope and second-chance love.

Twenty-nine-year-old Charlotte Rosen has a secret: she’s a widow. Ever since the fateful day that leveled her world, Charlotte has worked hard to move forward. Great job at a hot social media analytics company? Check. Roommate with no knowledge of her past? Check. Adorable dog? Check. All the while, she’s faithfully data-crunched her way through life, calculating the probability of risk—so she can avoid it.

Yet Charlotte’s algorithms could never have predicted that her late husband’s ashes would land squarely on her doorstep five years later. Stunned but determined, Charlotte sets out to find meaning in this sudden twist of fate, even if that includes facing her perfectly coiffed, and perfectly difficult, ex-mother-in-law—and her husband’s best friend, who seems to become a fixture at her side whether she likes it or not.

But soon a shocking secret surfaces, forcing Charlotte to answer questions she never knew to ask and to consider the possibility of forgiveness. And when a chance at new love arises, she’ll have to decide once and for all whether to follow the numbers or trust her heart.

Advance Praise for Husband Material

“Tackling thorny questions of widowhood and dating after trauma, Belden's second novel is witty, full of heart, and blindingly au courant. Packed with pop-culture references, it will appeal to fans of Sophie Kinsella, Rosie Walsh, and Plum Sykes. Belden writes twists and turns to keep readers hooked.” —Booklist

“Charming.” —Publishers Weekly

“Sensitive, thoughtful, and touching.” —Library Journal

“In this touching, witty, and timely book, Emily Belden deftly explores the complexities of human relationships in our increasingly tech-obsessed world. By turns heartbreaking and laugh-out-loud funny, Husband Material beautifully demonstrates that you can't reduce love to a bunch of 1s and 0s.”

—Kristin Rockaway, author of How To Hack a Heartbreak

Buy Links: Harlequin Amazon Barnes & Noble Indie Bound Kobo Google Books

Author Bio: EMILY BELDEN is a journalist, social media marketer, and storyteller. She is the author of the novel Hot Mess and Eightysixed: A Memoir about Unforgettable Men, Mistakes, and Meals. She lives in Chicago. Visit her website at www.emilybelden.com or follow her on Twitter and Instagram, @emilybelden

Genre: Romance, Chick-Lit

Rating: 4/5 stars

Review: This was a very fun read for me. Belden writes in a style that I really enjoy, it feels fresh and light. Though the book tackled some heavy subjects, none of it was felt in the writing. The plot was paced well, and the way it progressed felt natural. The idea behind the book was beautifully executed. The characters were well developed and set up in a way that kept the book dynamic and entertaining. Though the characters aren’t relatable, straying from most books in the romance genre, Husband Material didn’t need to rely on that to make the book as enjoyable as it was. All it needed was the wit that Belden incorporated in it, and that was enough for me.

Excerpt:

Well, that’s a first.

And I’m not talking about the fact that I brought a date to a wedding I’m pretty sure didn’t warrant me a plus-one. I’m talking about grabbing a wedding card that just so happened to say “Congrats, Mr. & Mr.” on my way to celebrate the nuptials of the most iconic heterosexual couple since George and Amal. This—and a king-sized KitKat bar from the checkout lane—is what I get for rushing through the greeting card aisle in Target while my Uber driver waited in the loading zone with his f lashers on.

It’s Monica and Danny’s big day. She’s my coworker, whose gorgeous face is constantly lining the glossy pages of Luxe LA magazine. Not only because she’s one of the leading ladies at Forbes’s new favorite company, The Influencer Firm, but because this socialite-turned-CEO is now married to Daniel Jones—head coach of the LA Galaxy, Los Angeles’s professional soccer team. If you’re thinking he must look like a derivative of an American David Beckham, you’re basicallythere. Let’s just hope their sense of humor is as good as their looks when they see the card I accidentally picked out.

Before I place it on the gift table, I stuff the envelope with a crisp hundred-dollar bill fresh from the ATM. Side note: I think wedding registries are bullshit. Everybody wants an ice cream maker until you have one and never use it, which is why I spring for cold, hard cash instead. I grab a black Sharpie marker from the guest book table, pop the cap off, and attempt to squeeze in a nondescript s after the second “Mr.,” hoping my makeshift, hand-drawn serif font letter doesn’t stick out like a sore thumb. I blow on the fresh ink, then hold the pseudo Pinterest-fail an arm’s length away. That’ll do, I think to myself.

I lift a glass of red wine from a caterer’s tray as if we choreographed the move and check the time on my Apple Watch, which arguably isn’t the most fashionable accessory when dressing for a chic summer wedding. But aside from the fact that it doesn’t quite match my strapless pale yellow cocktail dress, it serves a much greater purpose for me. It keeps my data front and center, right where I want it, not on my phone buried somewhere deep in my purse. Bonus: the band, smack-dab on the middle of my wrist, also covers a tattoo I’ve been meaning to have lasered off.

Other than telling me the time, 7:30 p.m., it also serves up my most recent Tinder notifications. I’ve gotten four new matches since this morning, which isn’t bad for a) a Saturday, since most people do their Tindering while zoning out at work or bored in bed at night; and b) a pushing-thirty New York native whose most recent relationship was the love-hate one with a stubborn last ten pounds. That’s me, by the way. Charlotte Rosen.

Though present and accounted for now, the battle of Tide pen vs. toothpaste stain went on for longer than I intended back at my apartment, causing me to arrive about half an hour late to the cocktail hour. Which means I for sure missed Monica and Dan’s ceremony in its entirety. I, of all people, know that’srude. I’m someone who is hypersensitive to people’s arrival tendencies (well, to all measurable tendencies, to be honest; more on that later). But I’m sort of glad I missed the I Dos, as there is still something about witnessing the exchange of vows that makes me a little squeamish. I got married five years ago and, well, I’m not married anymore—let’s put it that way.

The good news is that with time, I can feel it’s definitely getting easier to come to things like this. To believe that the couple really will stay together through it all. To believe that there is such a thing as “the one”—even if it may actually be “the other” that I’m looking for this next go-round.

Late as I may be to the wedding party, there are some perks to my delayed arrival. Namely, the line at the bar has died down enough for me to trade up this mediocre red wine for a decent gin and tonic. Another perk? Several fresh platters of bacon-wrapped dates have just descended like UFOs onto the main floor of the venue, which happens to be a barn from the 1800s. Except this is Los Angeles, and there are no barns from the 1800s. So instead, every creaky floorboard, every corroded piece of siding, and every decrepit roof shingle has been sourced from deep in the countryside of southwest Iowa to create the sense that guests are surrounded by rolling fields, fragrant orchard blossoms, and fruiting trees. The reality being that just outside the wooden walls of the coveted, three-year-long-wait-list Oak Mill Barn stands honking, gridlocked traffic on the 405 and an accompanying smog alert.

As I continue to wait for my impromptu wedding date, Chad, to come back from the bathroom, I robotically swipe left on the first three guys who pop up on Bumble, another dating app I’m on, then finally decide to message a guy who looks like a bright-eyed Jason Bateman (you know, pre-Ozark) and is a stockbroker, according to his profile. We end up matching and he asks me for drinks. I vaguely accept. Welcome to dating in LA.

I’ve conducted some research that has shown that after the age of thirty, it becomes exponentially harder to find your future husband. What number constitutes exponentially? I’m not sure yet, but I’m working on narrowing in on that because generalities don’t really cut it for me. Thinking through things logically like this centers me, calms me, and resets me—no matter what life throws my way. All that’s to say, I’m officially in my last good year of dating (and my last year of not having to include a night serum in my skin care regimen), and I’m determined not to wind up with my dog, my roommate, and a few low-maintenance houseplants as my sole life partners.

“Sorry that took so long,” says Chad, returning from the men’s room twenty minutes after leaving. “Did you know the bathroom at this place is an actual outhouse? Thank god it was leg day at the gym—I had to squat over the pot. My quads are burning nice now.”

Confession. I didn’t just bring a date to the wedding, I brought a blind date.

No worries, though. Monica knows how serious I am about the path to Mr. Right and supports the fact that I go on my fair share of dates to get me there quicker. Plus, he isn’t a total stranger; she knows him—or, she met him, rather. He attended her work event last week at the LA County Museum of Art and is supposedly this cute, single real estate something or other. Of course he tried to hit on her and, unlike most beautiful people in Los Angeles, Monica actually copped to being in a committed relationship with Danny. (Who doesn’t like to brag they’re marrying Mr. Galaxy himself?) So she did the next best thing and gave him her single coworker’s Instagram handle and told him to slide into my DMs. It’s a bold move on her part, but I appreciate her quick thinking and commitment to my cause, Operation: Reclassify My Marital Status.

Since Chad first messaged me a week ago, I’ve done my homework on him. And I’m not talking about just your basic cyber stalking. I’m talking about procuring and sifting through real, bona fide data. It’s essentially a version of what I’m paid to do for a living—track down all the “influencers,” people with a lot of fans and followers on the internet, and match them to events we plan for our clients so they can post on social media and boost our clients’ profiles.

Some may think my side-project software, the one that computes how much of a match I am with someone, is a bit…much, but I don’t see it that way at all. I’m on the hunt for a man who is a true match for me—one who won’t just up and leave in the blink of an eye. I left things up to fate once and look how that turned out. I’ll be damned if I do it that way again.

While I studied up on Chad, I conducted a hefty “image search,” yielding about a hundred photos of him that have been uploaded across a variety of social platforms over the years. In real life, I’m pleased to say he checks out. Chad is over six feet tall, tanned, and toned, with coiffed Zac Efron hair that’s on the verge of being described as “a bit extra.” From the shoulders up, he’s an emoji. A walking, talking emoji. But as I step back and admire him in his expertly tailored suit, he looks like a contestant on The Bachelor. In retrospect, Chad is just the right amount of good-looking to complement my physical appearance, which can be described as a made-for-TV version of an otherwise good-looking actress.

“Something to drink, sir?” one of the caterers asks Chad.

“Yes. A spicy margarita. Unless… Wait. Do you make the margarita mix yourselves? Or is it, like, that sugary store-bought crap?”

Eek. I had forgotten my discovery that Chad is a bit of a…wellness guru. I guess so is everyone in LA, but I can’t help but be taken aback when I hear that there are people who actually care about the scientific makeup of margarita mix.

“Fuck it. Too many calories either way,” Chad announces before giving the waitress a chance to answer his question. “I’ll just take a whiskey.”

“Splash of Coke?”

“God, no. So many empty calories.”

With his drink order in, Chad rolls his neck around and pops bones I never knew existed. Then, one by one, the joints in his fingers. The sound makes me a bit queasy but I’m trying to focus on the positive, like his beautiful hazel eyes and the fact that cherry tomatoes and mini mozzarella balls with an injection of balsamic vinegar are the latest and greatest munchie to hit the floor.

Chad turns to me with a smile, his palm connecting with the small of my back. “Should we find our seats? What table are we at?”

Good question, I think to myself. I’m at table six. Chad is…on a fold-up chair we will have to ask a caterer to squeeze between me and Monica’s great-aunt Sally? I kind of forgot to mention to him that I didn’t really get an official okay to bring him tonight.

“Table six,” I say pleasantly with a smile.

“Six is my lucky number. Well, that, and nine, if you know what I mean,” Chad says with a wink accompanied by an actual thumbs-up.

The waitress comes back with his whiskey neat, and he proposes we clink our glasses in a toast to meeting up as we make our way to the table. Still not over the lingering effects of his immature, pervysixty-nine joke, I reluctantly concede to do the cheers with the perpetual high-schooler.

“So, what did you think of Monica’s event?” I say to break the ice as we take our seats at the luckily empty round table.

“Well, I don’t really know what she does for a living, but she is fine as hell. I mean, that’s why I hit on her last week atthe LACMA. Sure, I saw the ring on her finger, but couldn’t resist saying hi to a goddess like her. My god, that woman is something else.”

I nod in agreement. Partly because, yes, Monica Hoang needs her own beauty column in Marie Claire, stat. And partly because I’m too shocked by his crass demeanor to really do or say anything else. Did I say Chad reminded me of a contestant on The Bachelor? I think I meant he reminds me of a guy who gets sent home on night one of The Bachelor.

“She said you’re a real estate…attorney, was it?” I awkwardly segue. “What’s your favorite neighborhood in Los Angeles?”

It sounds like I’m interviewing him for a job, which in a way, I am. But had I known the conversation was going to be like forcefully wringing out a damp rag, just hoping to squeeze out something semidecent, I would have never invited him to join me at the wedding. In fact, I likely wouldn’t have gone through with a date, of any kind, at all. Conversation skills rank high on my list of preferred qualities in a mate. Looks like he’s the exception to the rule that attorneys are good linguists, because my app sure as shit didn’t predict this fail.

So how does my software work, then? Well, it’s all about compatibility. My algorithm is programmed to know what I like and what I’m looking for in the long term. So to see if a guy is a match, I comb through his online profiles, enter the facts I find out about him, and generate a report that indicates how likely he is to be my future husband or how likely we would be to get a divorce, for example. One of the most helpful stats is how likely we are to go on a second date. I’ve determined that anyone scoring above 70 percent means that chances are good we’d go out again. And, well, a second date is the first step to marriage. You get the point. Anyone below a 70, I ignore and move on. Chad pulled a 74, which is a solidC if you’re using a high school grading system. Not stellar, but certainly passable with room for improvement.

As it’s turning out, there’s a lot of room for improvement.

“Huh? I’m not in real estate,” he says with a confused look on his face.

“Oh, Monica said you were an attorney at Laird & Hutchinson?”

“Well, yes, that’s the name of our firm. The Laird side is real estate. But they acquired Hutchinson a couple years ago, and that’s the side of the practice I work on.”

“What kind of law is Hutchinson?”

“We’re the ‘Life’s too short, get a divorce!’ guys. You’ve probably seen a few of our company’s billboards.”

Chad slides his business card my way, and as soon as I see the logo, I picture those billboards slathered all over the bus stop benches down Laurel Canyon Drive and feel physically ill. Not only because he’s in the business of making divorce seem cheeky, but also because I’m wondering what other things I might have missed or gotten wrong about Chad.

“Wait. So have you ever been divorced?” The question pops off my tongue involuntarily. As soon as the words come out, I remember he reserves the right to ask me the same question in return and immediately regret posing it. I’m not ready to explain the demise of my first marriage.

“Me? Nah. Never married.”

Luckily, a server reappears to take our dinner order. But let it be known that if Chad had asked, I would have explained that I didn’t give up on my life partner because I was frustrated he failed to load a dishwasher in any sort of methodical way. I didn’t just get bored and say “screw it,” chalking the whole thing up as just a starter marriage (google it, this is a thing now). In fact, if anyone abruptly left anyone, he abandoned me out of nowhere.

“Would you like the chicken and veggies or the short rib and scalloped potatoes?” the caterer asks me.

“Short rib and potatoes,” I say, a game-time decision made entirely by my growling stomach.

At that, Chad looks at me like I rolled into the Vatican wearing a tube top. “You sure about that, Char? There are so many hidden carbs in potatoes,” he whispers with a hint of disgust.

First off, Char is reserved for people with a little more tenure in my life, thankyouverymuch. And secondly—

“Yes, I’m sure. An extra scoop of potatoes if possible,” I say, loud enough for our waitress, who jots down the special instruction.

“Chicken for me. Extra veggies,” my 74 percent match requests.

There it is. His wellness obsession flaring up again. I’m racking my brain for what to say next to a guy who screams “dead end” to me.

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