#Daniel Wagner GVF | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

builtbybrokenbells · 6 months ago

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belladonna | v

Too beautiful to resist, and too deadly to survive; the tragic tale of belladonna in all its glory.

Masterlist | Taglist

Pairing: Danny Wagner x f!reader

Word Count: 20k

Warnings: SMUT 18+, unprotected sex, oral (f!receiving), fingering (f!receiving), semi-public sex, exhibitionism, name calling, dom/sub, bratty sub, biting, nipple play, praise/degradation, mentions of toxic/abusive parents, mentions of/toxic relationships, mentions of criminal activity/criminal records, poverty, crying, mentions of homelessness, mentions of physical violence, mentions of blood, mentions of AA/NA, NA meetings, heavy descriptions of addictions, use of/mentions of drugs, mentions of relapsing, drinking, flirting, mentions of hookups/sex, smoking, depression/anxiety, mental health struggles, fluff, swearing, sorry if I miss any!!

I know this story isn’t the most popular, but I feel inclined to keep writing it because it is my main source of healing at the moment. It’s imperative for me to tell this story in hopes that it helps someone who struggles/has struggled the same ways I have. So, for the few of you who continue to stick with me through this, thank you from the bottom of my heart. As always, enjoy, be kind, and don’t mind any grammar mistakes! 🤍

May 31st, 2022

“Play that again!” You exclaimed, dropping your pen against your journal and pointing your finger at Danny, sitting across the porch from you with golden sunshine accentuating his already perfect features. Daniel and Sam both jumped in surprise at the suddenness of your actions, previously not hearing a word from you since you took post on an old blanket under the early summer sun.

“What, this?” He asked, picking a quick little tune on the bottom strings of his guitar. Your heart warmed at the sound, a smile blossoming on your lips as you gave an eager nod.

“Ventura Highway!” You sat up in your seat, leaning further into the music the two of them were playing.

“In the sunshine.” Sam smirked, nodding up at the sky as he motioned one arm vaguely around the three of you.

“The days are longer,” Danny joined in, biting back a giggle at the silliness of your conversation.

“And the nights are stronger,” Sam leaned into his friend, both of their eyes pointed at you as they awaited the strong finish.

“Than moonshine!” You laughed, listening as Danny played the quick sequence of notes again. “My brothers fell in love with this song when I was a little kid. I remember dancing around the living room with them when mom was gone, because nobody could get mad at us for making noise.” You laughed, reminiscing on the fondest of childhood memories that all seemed to happen when your parents were nowhere to be found. “It was on one of the old vinyl records we found in Grandpa’s attic, so we snuck it home and played it over and over again.”

“As much as Steely Dan?” Danny teased, recalling your fascination with them.

“Nothing was played as much as that, Daniel. Don’t be ridiculous.” You shook your head, relaxing into the fleece below you as the sun kissed your bare thighs. The air was warm, the lush grass on the lawn in front of the Airbnb was desperate to be cut, and the pollen was making your nose stuffy. It was crazy how different their yard was compared to the street you lived on despite it only being minutes away.

Now that the weather was nice, the three of you spent your days (when you weren’t stuck at the Fox) lounging outdoors and enjoying the summer before it passed you by. Every afternoon, Sam and Danny got lost in playing songs and writing down ideas while you scribbled in your journal or puttered away on your laptop (which was now on its very last leg). They were writing as much music as they could, harnessing the energy they came to New York to find all while encouraging you to do the same.

Nearly all of your days off were spent with them, aside from the few days you set aside to attend NA meetings. You were still keeping that part of your life a secret, unable to find enough courage to share it with them in fear it would scare them away. Thankfully, because of their company, your addictions were much less pressing than they had ever been, so keeping it to yourself had proven easier than expected as the days passed by.

The diner was the same, never changing in the near two years you spent there. Vincent was a mess, only worsening since your altercation a few weeks prior. Talking was off the table once again, and communication was limited to an occasional snide comment and a lingering glare. You were standing your ground, furious that he had the nerve to say such despicable things to you, and he was doing as he pleased, which was no different than usual. He was still convinced he was in the right, that you were the problem and you were responsible for the heartbreak shared between you, and you knew he would never see the other side. Instead of dwelling, you did exactly as you said you would, and since that night you had stayed as far away as possible.

Although it hurt, it was the right thing to do. After telling him you were done for the thousandth time, it finally seemed to stick.

You did question if it was because you finally reached a breaking point, or because of the curly haired boy who made it impossible to worry about anything other than him.

As time dragged on, it became harder and harder to resist the pull of your heartstrings when you heard his name or saw his face in your mind.

“Sing it, Utah.” Danny said, playing the small riff over again as Sam joined in on his own guitar.

“No way!” You exclaimed, shaking your head. Although you were passionate about art in any form, singing was not your forte, and you weren’t keen on embarrassing yourself in front of the only boy who could make you feel this good.

“Come on!” Sam encouraged, playing through the intro one more time to give you an opportunity to change your mind.

“Not a chance!” You laughed, standing your ground despite feeling pressured to do so.

“Together?” Danny offered, barely thinking about what he was doing as his fingers drifted over the fretboard. Your lips were stuck in a permanent smile, unable to feel anything other than happy while in their company. Eventually, you gave a roll of your eyes and a reluctant nod. “That’s my girl!” He exclaimed, playing the intro one last time before he led the three of you into the verse.

Nothing sounded bad when there was a promise of doing it together, and if he continued to refer to you as his, you would do anything he asked of you. Despite trying so hard to ignore the feelings constantly growing in your heart, you knew you were a goner—falling for him was the easiest thing you’d ever done, and it started long before he knew your name, the very minute you heard the echoing laugh and saw that breathtaking smile from the kitchen at the Fox.

June 6th, 2022

“That’s the abandoned school.” You pointed out the windshield, looking at Danny to ensure he noticed what you were referring to. The parking lot was crowded with overgrown trees and the building itself was hidden behind them. After years of no upkeep, the plot of land had grown wildly out of control. He slowed the car, peeking out the side window to get a better look at the scene. Then, without a word, he flipped on his signal light and pulled into the poorly maintained lot. “What are you doing?” You laughed.

“Exploring! Come on, Utah. Live a little!” He parked close to the brick building, looking over at you with a hopeful expression.

“There’s nothing to explore.” You explained, a lingering smile on your lips as you sipped away at the king can of Redbull in your hands. “Unless you find asbestos and debris fascinating.”

“There’s lots to explore—you just need to know where to look.” He said, ignoring your comment as he opened the car door and stepped outside. With a small sigh and a roll of your eyes, you stepped out to join him.

You walked around the car, grabbing his hand as you led him to the side of the building, knowing it was the only entrance that you could actually get through. The front and back doors were boarded up, but they forgot about the side entrance hidden by a few trees. What was once likely the service entrance for the maintenance crew and janitors, was now the only passage inside to admire the ruin of the place. Perhaps he was right; the charm had worn off for you because you’d seen the inside a hundred times, but to him, it was all brand new. You brushed off your lighthearted negativity at the realization, putting on a smile for him and making a promise to see it for the first time all over again, with him by your side.

Since meeting Danny, new beginnings and reimagined ideas had become the norm, and if you had to admit, it wasn’t the worst thing in the whole world. In fact, it almost felt freeing.

You pushed open the door with your shoulder, using force to unstick the bottom tread from the eroded metal frame. The stale air from inside hit you in the face, musty and still damp from the thaw of winter into summer. You propped the door open with a rock on the ground, remembering how difficult it was to get the door open from the inside.

“Watch your step, Michigan.” You warned, pulling your phone from your pocket and turning on a flashlight. The place didn’t get much natural light between the lack of windows and the ones existing being covered with plywood. The floor was sticky, damp with condensation and covered in dirt and unknown substances leaking from exposed pipes. You made sure to find a clear path before he stepped inside, not wanting him to trip and fall.

“Woah,” Danny breathed, his eyes scanning the short, barren hallway that was cluttered with garbage. “Spooky.” You giggled at his reaction as you stepped forward, kicking away a few sheets of cardboard to clear the way.

“Stay with me, lots of shit to trip on.” You informed him, keeping a straight path down the hallway. The doors at the end had been busted open a long time ago, likely by kids who were often unsupervised by their parents. The top hinge of one of the double doors had rusted through, leaving it constantly open and hanging on an angle.

You felt Danny’s hand on your waist, his touch comforting as you helped him navigate the unfamiliar territory. You passed by a long row of lockers, some of the doors open and some still padlocked shut. The building was in much worse shape than it was the last time you were inside, and by the sight of crumpled sleeping bags in the corner, it seemed as though some of the homeless population had taken shelter inside.

“So what’s the story?” He asked, keeping a close eye on where he was stepping to ensure he didn’t trip.

“Not much of a story.” You chuckled, peeking your head into an empty classroom that was illuminated by a few rays of sun. “From what I heard, the building was in terrible shape when they built it. It was supposed to be a temp school until they could build a bigger, better one. The development got pushed back and the city got lazy, so they ended up using this for a few decades. Eventually, when the foundation began to crumble, they decided to shut it down and follow through with the original plan.” You recounted the tale as it was told to you, leading him into the room to look around. “Now by the looks of it, it seems like tent city has moved indoors. They keep saying they’re going to tear it down, but they can never find enough money in the budget, so people have been putting it to use.”

“Why would they tear it down if people are sleeping in it?” He asked, sympathetic to the situation but unfamiliar with the general outlook on homelessness.

You paused at his gentle ignorance, the statement forcing you to remember the differences between the two of you. He didn’t understand it like you did because he never had to witness it—and never had to live it. Instead of chastising him for his lack of awareness or responding with harshness, you thought it best to educate. It was the only way to truly make a difference.

“Right?” You gave a dry chuckle, your eyes scanning over the faded posters and art projects still hanging on the wall. “I wrote a letter to the city when they started pushing for the demo. I got signatures and everything, asking if they would reconsider their decision and transform it into a shelter for the unhoused population. Pretty sure they threw it in the trash and spit on it for good measure.” You tried to hide the scowl, but your distaste for the situation ran so deep that it nearly sickened you.

“You didn’t hear anything back?” He was shocked, almost making you laugh at his naïveté.

“I did,” you nodded, inspecting the bulletin board with torn pages still tacked to the cork. “But it was no more than a commendation for my effort and a slap in the face. They said that in lieu of the growing drug problem, they couldn’t possibly allow for such a system to be in place in an already struggling community.” You scoffed. “Like the drug problem hasn’t been this prevalent since the eighties. Like the problem doesn’t begin with poverty and homelessness, and mental health. Instead of addressing the root causes, they try and cover it up and pretend it’s not happening. They don’t care—they don’t want to help. They hope nobody speaks up against their ridiculous views and they silence them when they do.”

Silence hung thick between you for a moment longer than you liked, making you realize what kind of position you’d just thrown yourself in.

“You’re very passionate about this.” He noted, looking from the art on the walls to your stony face. You tried your best to sort your thoughts, to let him in just enough that he didn’t ask any questions but not enough for him to think too hard about it.

“I am.” You agreed, nodding slowly. “It’s hard not to be when it’s in my front yard and I see it every day. It’s hard not to be when I’m stuck in the same shitstorm as they are, praying to make it through tomorrow. I’m lucky enough to have a roof over my head, but just barely. I know that one off paycheck could have me out on the streets, too. They’re people, human beings with no house, no food to eat, no water to bathe or drink. I never understood how people could be so cruel, like the people living on the streets are less than human and don’t deserve a lick of kindness.” You worded your rant carefully, trying not to expose too much of yourself.

“I know addiction. My mother was the highest functioning alcoholic I’ve ever met, and my dad was a deadbeat who always chose getting high over his children. I left home to get away from it, and I ran so far I ended up behind it, staring at it from a different direction. Vin and Dylan are my best friends, but they’re barely 20 and their lives are ruined because of it. If they don’t change soon, they’ll spend the rest of their lives this way. I try to detach from it, to tell myself I’m fighting a losing battle, but I can’t. I can’t sit by and watch, knowing how close to home all of the issues are. I can’t stop talking about it, because I’m one of the only people who does. If I stop, maybe the rest of them will, too, and then nobody is advocating for the people who are hurting.”

He was learning things about you he started to believe you would never share, finding the soft spot for you growing tenfold as he listened to your words. He knew you were complex, closed off and focused on staying that way, but he was desperate to know you, the real you rather than the bright and shiny version you showed the world. He wanted to ask, to dive deeper, but he let you say whatever you pleased, promising himself to always listen to you. From what he gathered, it seemed like nobody ever had, and he would die happy if the last thing he heard was the sound of your voice.

“I’ll fight for it for the rest of my life, even if I die and never see change, because that’s who I am. I’ll fight for free healthcare, for affordable housing and accessible mental health facilities. I’ll fight for the food banks, for NA and AA programs, for improved social assistance, and for the justice system to take a step back from things it has no business controlling. We’re criminalizing and dehumanizing people who need help, people who turned to the streets and drugs because the world failed them. Not every addict is good, but they’re all certainly not all bad, and not every homeless person is an addict at all. There’s a family of four who lives in the alleyway next to my house, because they lost their house in a fire and didn’t have insurance, so they couldn’t afford to buy a new one, and subsidized housing fucked them over so bad they missed out on low income rentals. To overcome the problem, we have to fix it at the very root of the issue, not slap a bandaid on it and call it a day.” You paused, feeling your chest burn with indignity over the way people just like yourself have been treated.

He was stunned, speechless as he processed your words. Slowly, his hand raised to your back, a silent show of support over a topic he had never been well versed in.

He didn’t have to speak; in that moment, he had done more than you ever expected of him.

He listened, and he supported, without judgement and without questions, even if he didn’t know anything about your passion projects or why you were so passionate about them in the first place.

“I’m proud of you, Utah.” His words hit you hard, nearly causing you to double over in agony as the feeling of being appreciated ravaged you. You worked so hard, did so much and tried to put out so much good in the world to right the wrongs you did when you were a lesser version of yourself, and most of the time you received no encouragement or any kind of acknowledgment from the people around you.

Something he likely grew up hearing was a foreign language to you, something you were only lucky to hear a few times in your lifetime. He had no idea how good it felt to hear it, no idea how much it meant to you.

Maybe letting him in wasn’t so terrible after all. Maybe you had him misconstrued, and he cared enough to love you despite your struggle. Maybe for once, you had finally found someone more willing to give rather than take.

It was too soon to tell, but you were beginning to believe that Daniel was unlike anyone else in the entire world, that not only did he serve as a muse and a hero in your miserable story, but he was one who was committed to staying, rather than getting your hopes up only to leave you behind.

You couldn’t be certain, but you were eager to see if he truly was everything you hoped he could be.

June 14th, 2022- 6:57 PM

“Get in, Utah!” Danny exclaimed, splashing a handful of water in your direction.

“It’s cold.” You reiterated the same point over again, your toes barely touching the ripples of waves crashing against the shore. “It’s too early to swim.” It wasn’t too early to swim; in fact, the weather was fantastic, and you were just being stubborn after laying in the sun all afternoon.

The two of you woke up early with big plans; a road trip to New Jersey to spend the day at Long Beach, and he had booked the two of you a hotel for the night upon learning you had never actually stayed in one. The drive was fun, and the laughs were plentiful. You had never had so many good days in a row, but this was proving to be the longest streak in your entire life, all thanks to him. Sam was overjoyed at the idea of a night alone, to which neither of you inquired about, so you had the entire day and afternoon of the next day to yourselves, reveling in the joy of seclusion together.

You packed the car and set off, fingers intertwined together and your phone playing music over his speakers. The drive went by in a flash, leaving you in the lot of the (exuberantly) fancy hotel long before midday. You deposited your bags in your room, leaving them atop the king bed as you changed into your bikini and Danny lathered sunscreen over your shoulders. You grabbed lunch at the restaurant attached to the lobby of the hotel, checked out a few stores nearby, then made your way back to the car.

The beach was much less busy than you anticipated, giving you top choice at the best spots. You settled blankets a few feet away from the water, spending most of the afternoon laying between Danny’s legs as you flip-flopped between scribbling in your journal and getting lost in conversation. Eventually, when the sun began to sink in the sky and the population on the beach thinned down to you and a few other groups, Danny decided he was ready to get in the water, which you had been trying to avoid all day.

Though, you’d come to learn that you had an incredibly hard time saying no to him, and in this instance, the fact remained true.

“Never too early to swim, baby.” Danny brushed you off, ignoring your protests completely. “We drove for an hour to get here, you have to get in the water.”

“I’m getting there!” You snipped, feeling the frigid water reach your feet and fighting every urge to recoil. “You just have to give me a minute!”

“I’ve given you plenty of minutes.” He said, taking two large strides towards you. “All day, actually.” You stepped backwards, quickly getting away from him as you recognized the devilish smile on his face.

“Do not.” You warned, pointing your finger at him to stop him in his tracks. “Daniel!” You shouted, narrowly escaping him as he reached out to grab you.

“Utah, I’ve been waiting all day! Come here!” He bounded forward again, water splashing on your sun kissed legs and sending a shiver down your spine.

The softness in his face as he pleaded with you tugged on your heartstrings just enough to make you cave, and with a sign of defeat you relaxed from your rigid form. Not long after, he was in front of you, water dripping from his tanned skin as his curls stuck to his shoulders. The golden glow of the sun complementing his already breathtaking face nearly made you weak in the knees.

“Have you not learned to trust me yet?” He raised an eyebrow, refraining from touching you so you would come to him on your own accord.

“I do trust you.” You broke, the corners of your lips turning upwards as you looked over his face. He was intoxicating, so much so that it was impossible to think of anything other than him when he was near. Your mind was hazy, your vision blurring the background as you admired him, and you wondered how the hell you ever got so lucky to have him in your life.

“So you know I’m not lying.” He continued, stepping a little closer. Despite having just swam in the water, his cologne still stuck to his skin, mixing with the summery smell of sunscreen he reapplied not long ago.

He was fucking delicious, and he was making your stomach do somersaults without even trying.

“It’s not that cold—once you get in, it’s actually kinda nice. Promise, Utah.” He said, his hands reaching forward and pulling you into him by your hips. Although his skin was cold, it was offset by the fire burning in your belly that always ignited when he touched you.

“If you say so…” you whispered, hesitancy clear in your tone.

“I do.” You were close enough to him that your chest was pressed against him, ensuring he could feel your rapid heartbeat as you gazed up at him. Somehow, even after the weeks of spending every day with him, the giddiness never seemed to wear off. You were always excited to be with him, everything he did was electrifying and wonderful, making it impossible not to fall in—

No.

Love, although tempting, was not in the cards for the two of you.

“You know what’s even better than swimming?” You asked, a quick distraction to make him stop talking about it.

“Hmm?” He asked, his eyebrows knitted together so delicately you barely noticed it. He was watching you carefully, not willing to miss a single detail of the moment with you.

Instead of verbally responding, you leaned forward, a hand on his bicep and the other on the back of his neck as you pulled him down to meet you. Your lips landed on his, the saltiness of the water still lingering on his skin, making your heart race even faster. For a moment, the world seemed perfectly right, calm and peaceful, like nothing in the universe could ever hurt you again. Sometimes, when the world quieted down like this and you let yourself truly feel the beauty of being in his arms, his company made up for every bad thing that ever happened before.

“Yeah, this is better than swimming.” He conceded, his voice low and husky as he processed the surplus of emotions coursing through him. “Do it again though, just to make sure.”

“Of course.” You giggled, your eyes twinkling as you pulled him in for another kiss. Ever so gently, you felt his teeth graze your bottom lip, pulling it between them and applying a slight pressure. You melted into his touch, the pit of your stomach ablaze with desire for him.

When he pulled away, he let his forehead rest on your own as he swallowed back the urge to take it any further. Your nose brushed against his, a droplet of water running from his face on to your own. Carefully, you reached up and swiped it away, seeming to remind him of where you were and what you were doing.

“Swim with me, just for ten minutes. Then, we can go back to the hotel.” He bargained, knowing he would crack if you even suggested going back to the hotel straight away.

“Fine,” you huffed, giving in far too easily when he smiled at you. “But I want to take your picture first. You look really pretty right now.”

“P-pretty?” He stuttered, his cheeks turning red as soon as the word slipped off your tongue. You let your thumb drift over his still-wet skin, giving a slight nod and a soft smile.

“Very.”

With that, you turned and walked back to your blankets a few feet away. You rummaged around in your bag and found the disposable camera Sam had graciously donated to you a few weeks prior. He told you that it was imperative that you caught the memories on film, to which you had no argument.

You and Sam had formed an unusual friendship during your elongated (and free) stay at their Airbnb. Sometimes, in the early morning while Daniel was still deep in sleep, you found yourselves conversing in the kitchen over nothing and everything all at once. He was unlike anyone you had ever met before, a slight pretentious air surrounding him but never concerning anything that truly mattered. Below the surface he was a sweetheart, surely the nicest and kindest soul you had ever had the pleasure of knowing, and for no other reason than to simply be kind. He was funny, albeit a bit loud, and so genuine and accepting that it made your head spin sometimes. You showed certain parts of your soul to him that not even Daniel could reach, solely because he had a way of prying it from you without you even realizing it.

He was yours and Daniel’s biggest fan, and he wasn't shy to show it. In fact, it appeared like he was more invested in the label on your relationship than you were. He didn’t mind you imposing on the slightest, and even took it upon himself to invite you into their lives in many different ways, whether it be advice on a lyric or encouragement to visit them in Nashville.

He was the most unexpected ally of the entire, odd situation you’d found yourself in, but you were so grateful for his presence that it didn’t seem to matter.

You snapped a few photos of Daniel, taking a moment to admire his features as the sun continued to sink lower in the sky. Without a second thought, you tossed the camera back in your bag and sent him one, challenging glance.

“Last one in pays for dinner!” You shouted, catching him off guard as you took off in a sprint. Before he’d even registered what you said, you were nearing the water, and even once he did, he only started a slow jog.

You were racing because there was no way you could afford dinner, and he let you win because there was no way he’d ever make you pay to begin with.

𓇢𓆸

June 14th, 2022 - 8:38 PM

Freshly showered and wearing a sundress you had no idea you owned, you walked hand in hand out of the restaurant and bar branching from the lobby of the hotel. You were slightly tipsy, the pitcher of sangria you shared with Daniel taking more of a toll than you realized while sitting down. Your cheeks were blushed, your smile seemingly permanent as he led you to the elevator nearby. You watched as a group of people filtered out, dispersing in different directions without as much as a second glance at the two of you. Danny whisked you inside, quickly pressing the button for the top floor as you waited to see if anyone else would be joining you for the ride.

Eventually, the doors slid shut, locking the two of you in there by yourselves. You turned to him, your eyes heavy as your gaze scanned him as a whole, scarily similar to a predator and its prey. He was wearing a simple white button down and fitted black jeans. He had chosen a new cologne for dinner, one you’d never noticed him wear before. It was musky, strong hints of sage and cedar, and it was driving you wild.

“Thank you for dinner.” You whispered, your voice thick with emotion as he caught your eye.

“You don’t have to thank me for anything.” He assured you, sliding a hand to your hip as he pulled you closer. You couldn’t help but notice the gravitational pull towards him, like the universe was pushing you straight into his arms and giving you no other choice. You settled comfortably in the nook of his arm, your chest pressed against him as his hand grew dangerously close to your ass.

You could see it in his eyes, too. The alcohol had taken a quick effect after a day spent in the sun, leaving him a bit more courageous than he usually was. His head was turned down, watching your face as you stared up at him. It was in that moment, the slightly inebriated and overtired man realized the truth of the situation; he was absolutely smitten, head over heels for you and for far more than what you had to offer behind closed doors. Weeks of constant company and endless memories had left him feeling exhausted in the best possible way, and worse than that, teetering on the edge of the emotion you had both been trying to ignore.

You couldn’t chastise him, because the liquor had you pondering all of the same ideas.

“You sure about that?” You asked, raising your hand to his chest and gently running your fingers over the soft material of his shirt. The light touch, even through the fabric, sent a shiver down his spine. “There’s nothing I can do to thank you?” Your hand trailed down his chest, tickling over his abdomen and finally stopping just above the buckle of his belt. He sucked in a sharp breath through his teeth, swallowing hard as he watched desire begin to cloud your eyes.

“Well, when you put it that way…” he trailed off, the hum of his voice rattling his chest and in turn, your own. Feeling confident, you dropped your hand a little lower, your fingertip grazing over the metal teeth of the zipper on his jeans. You could see the muscles in his jaw tense, and you could feel his hardening length already. Your actions were not helping his situation, but they were definitely helping your situation.

You gave him a little smirk, pushing your luck a little further, but all it seemed to do was push him over the edge. His free hand came up to cup your cheek, giving you little time to react before he was leaning forward and capturing you in a kiss. Your stomach twisted with need, the ache between your legs growing tenfold as his tongue grazed your bottom lip. He tasted sweet, fruity just like the drink you finished off moments before, and it was driving you mad.

Although the entire day was filled with fun, wholesome memories you would cherish for the rest of your life, you’d been waiting for this.

With little shame, he guided your hips into his own, giving him little to no relief and only crazing him more. You raised your hands to his neck, your fingers tangling in the hair that laid over his shoulders as you held him closer to you.

If you had it your way, you’d let him have his way with you right then and there.

Just as you let a moan slip into his mouth, the elevator came to a halt and a sharp ding sent the two of you away from each other. You turned your head, looking at the floor number as you realized it was not your stop. When the doors swung open, Danny grabbed you by the hips and positioned you in front of him, just in enough time to remain concealed as another hotel guest stepped inside.

Your heart raced, beating against your ribcage with a fervor as you leaned back into him. Your ass met perfectly with his hips, and his cock strained against his jeans only made you resent the poor man who was just looking to catch the elevator.

Thankfully, his stop was before yours, and he saw himself out almost as soon as he stepped inside. When the two of you were alone again, it didn’t take long for Daniel’s hands to go wandering. He reached around you a little further, his fingertips resting on your stomach as he slowly slid his hand upwards until it landed just below your chest.

“You think we could get away with fucking in the elevator?” Clearly, he was on the same train of thought as you were, spiraling further as you pushed your hips backwards on him.

“Probably not, considering we almost got caught already.” You giggled, feeling his hand cup around your braless breast, only the thin material of your dress separating you from him.

“Worth a shot though, right?” You could hear the smile in his tone, wondering how he made it so easy to feel so carefree. You felt like a horny teenager, excited at the prospect of living for the first time and unbothered by any consequences. He brushed your hair to one shoulder, leaning down and pressing his lips to your neck. At the same time, his thumb traced over your hardened nipple, both sensations working together to turn you into a mess.

“You can wait the three extra minutes it takes to get to our room.” You said, your words breathy as his tongue traced over a sensitive area of skin. Your eyes fluttered closed and your stomach twisted in a knot, making you wonder if you could wait the three extra minutes.

“Normally, yes.” He agreed, humming the words against your burning skin, slick with his saliva. You tried not to think too hard about it in fear of losing all self control. “But not when you look this fucking good. Not when you act like this.” He said, noticing the movement of your hips just like you hoped he would. You could feel his heart thrumming in his chest, making the display all the more intimate as he held you close to him.

“Can’t take a little heat, Daniel?” You tried to chastise him for it, but the whine that followed your statement made you look like a fool.

“If I remember correctly, you started this, not me.” He reminded you, pulling the top of your dress down to expose your chest. The chill of the AC was a shock, but he didn’t take long warming you back up with his hand. The feeling of his skin on yours was even more euphoric, only worsening as he began rolling your nipple between his thumb and forefinger. “Seems like you want to get yourself in trouble.”

“Daniel, we can wait. Seriously.” You tried again, but it was no use, you were too far gone and he wasn’t open to discussing the matter any further.

“Where’s the fun in that, Utah?” He teased, his fist already beginning to bunch up the fabric of your knee length dress. “Wonder if that stop button will sound an alarm…” he trailed off, his eyes settled on the bright red button, devious thoughts filling his mind.

“Yes, probably.” You rolled your eyes, unable to believe he was truly considering the possibility.

“Only one way to find out.” He shrugged, dropping his hand from you and sliding out from behind you. You grabbed his forearm, stopping him before he could move any further away, a look of warning in your eyes as he grinned at you.

“Where’s your sense of adventure, baby?” There was a condescending tone in his voice, but you knew he didn’t truly mean it. Still, it irked you beyond belief as you dropped your hold on his arm.

If he wanted to take the chance, he could take the responsibility if you got in trouble.

Even if his cocky attitude was getting on your nerves, you couldn’t deny the wetness pooling between your legs from his actions. Besides, you were in a town where you knew nobody and would likely never return to. The thrill the idea gave you was enough to pique your interest, and as his finger settled over the stop button, you no longer felt any need to argue with him.

The wine definitely wasn’t helping your poor judgment, but you figured however it went, you could deal with the consequences later.

Right now, the only thing you cared about was getting his hands on you again, and the walk to your room seemed far too long to endure while needing it so intensely.

The two of you held your breath as he applied pressure to the button, your eyes locked with his as you prepared for the shrill sound of an alarm. You felt the elevator come to a stop, making you lose your balance ever so slightly. Gripping on to the rail tighter, your stomach twisted with anxiety. After a few seconds passed and silence remained, you both let out an audible breath of relief.

Without any further thought, you sprung forward and wrapped your arms around his neck. His hands found your hips, pulling you closer as you pressed your lips to his. This time, you had no fear of interruption and your hands grabbed the collar of his shirt, so far gone you were tempted to tear it straight from his body.

“Better be quick if you don’t want to get caught.” You breathed, squeezing your eyes shut as his lips attached to your neck. He sucked a mark into the skin below your ear, his large hands sliding backwards as his palms cupped your ass. You felt a whine slip through your lips, nearly embarrassed about how desperate you were for him and how easy it was for him to get you there.

“That’s up to you, baby.” He corrected, his fingers gathering the soft cotton of your dress as he pulled it upwards. The chill of the air on your legs only furthered the ache between your legs, reminding you of how risky the situation was. Although you had always been rebellious and impulsive, this side of you did not exist until you met him. “If you’re good, we’ll be back in our room in no time.”

He pulled your dress up over your hips, his fingers dusting over the smooth skin of your thighs. He trailed them upwards, ready to taunt you with a snap of the elastic band of your underwear, but seemed to freeze in place for a moment. On your hip, where it usually sat, was bare and telling of the mischief you were hoping to cause.

“Fuck, babe.” He hummed, looking down at your face through his dark lashes.

“You like it?” You flashed a sickly sweet smile, using one hand to hold up the skirt for him. His hand moved between your legs, his middle finger wasting no time running through your folds and gathering your arousal. He trailed it up to your clit, tracing slow circles into the already sensitive bundle of nerves. Your legs quivered as you felt a pull of pleasure deep in your stomach. “Did it just for you.” You forced through your teeth, already lost in the sensation and trying your best to keep your composure.

“You shouldn’t have.” He smirked, noticing your eyebrows furrowed together as he applied more pressure. “You’re too good to me.”

“I can be nice sometimes.” You sucked in a sharp breath, all of the tension that had been building all day finally having an outlet.

Watching him, shirtless on the beach was almost too much to handle, but you persevered until dinner, where he only seemed to want to torture you more. He dressed up, an expensive looking watch on his wrist and a shiny gold chain around his neck. The ring on his middle finger drew attention to his already captivating hands, making it hard to ignore the picture in your mind of his fingers closing around your neck.

The wine had clouded your mind, leaving you lightheaded and making your normal anxieties flee you completely. The entire evening spent in the restaurant left your fingers intertwined with his, or on his knee below the table, gently tickling his jean-clad thighs. Even your legs were intertwined, and you seemed to gravitate closer to him the more that time passed.

Silently, you’d been begging him to take you back to your room all night, and now you couldn’t handle another minute without him.

“Since you were so nice, I suppose it would only be right if I was, too.” He bargained, his nose brushing over your shoulder as his tongue grazed your collarbone. Your skin was littered with goosebumps, your head swirling with thoughts pertaining only to him.

“God, you make it sound like a chore.” You snipped, feeling his teeth gently close over the flesh of your shoulder.

“Not a chore, no.” He muttered a disagreement, his middle finger still keeping a steady pace on your clit. “I enjoy it quite a lot, actually.” At that, a nervous flutter erupted in your belly, making your cheeks burn red and your heart beat a little faster. It was difficult to comprehend anyone being kind to you, but kindness from him was even better than anyone else’s. You couldn’t wrap your head around the fact that he wanted to be with you, to be around you—he wanted you, and you had no idea why.

Even if you didn’t understand it, you certainly weren’t protesting it.

“Here, baby.” He nudged you back towards the wall, closing in on you until your back pressed against the cool surface. Without any further hesitation, he dropped to his knees before you, wasting little time as he guided your leg over his shoulder.

“Oh, fuck!” You gasped, feeling the warmth of his mouth connect with your aching core. Your posture slipped slightly, your entire body melting into the feeling as his tongue swirled around your clit. You felt him smile against you, floored by the immediate reaction and eager to keep up the momentum.

Your hips bucked forward against his tongue, the friction gentle enough so not to overwhelm you right away, but just enough to give you the relief you were searching for. A high pitched moan filled the tiny space, echoing off the metal panel walls and contained behind the heavy doors. For a moment, you forgot where you were and what you were doing, focused solely on feeling one with him.

There was something so profound about the two of you that it made your head ache and your bones heavy. You wondered why it took so long to find him, and more importantly, why it couldn’t last forever.

The knowledge that he would be leaving haunted you, infiltrating every dream and waking thought, consuming you every second of the day. After twenty three long years of misery, you were finally comfortable, and more than that, happy. It felt like two decades spent wandering aimlessly finally landed you in the right spots, that the mistakes you made didn’t matter and the scars you collected could fade rather than stay red and angry forever.

However, you knew that the peacefulness that came with his company was bound to end no matter if he packed up and left or stayed in New York forever, for he did not know the truth about the woman he was falling for. In fact, he hardly knew anything at all.

You wanted to let him in, to show him the jagged edges and daunting faces of all the monsters in your closet, but you were afraid. Being bright and shiny was difficult, and pretending things were perfect was hard, but showing him your innermost struggles was even worse. You had given him pieces of you that you never intended to hand out, and even if he handled them with care and caution, you worried he might not do the same if he knew everything.

You were privy to the fact that your past was hard to digest, mostly because you still struggled to swallow it down. You longed to bare your soul to him, to give him all of you, mostly because you had never done it with anyone else. It was hard to carry it around on your lonesome, and sorrowful to constantly feel so isolated. You wanted to share it with him not because you needed help with the weight of it, but because he was the only person you could trust with it.

Still, you feared it would send him running, and cutting your time shorter than it already was seemed agonizing.

But you could let him in a little, right? Show him some things, but not enough to reveal yourself too much?

The thought was tempting, and the more days that passed, the more comfortable you felt about doing so. You just wished that he would continue to be around, to be in your life even when he was far away and living a completely different lifestyle. The thought of telling him such things and then returning to strangers made you sick, which ultimately forced your hand in the matter, locking up all of the things you came a little too close to sharing.

After all, you were friends. No more, no less.

Very close friends—closer than anyone who ever came before him.

Friends who fucked. A lot.

And friends who slept on hotel beds with rose petals and shared bottles of champagne. Friends who drank a little too much wine at dinner and let the sparkle in their eyes shine, showing more emotion than they should for the label they put upon themselves.

God, what a mess.

A beautiful, intricate, life changing mess.

Your hands tangled in his curls, the softness of his hair on your skin comforting as pleasure twisted your stomach. You wanted it so bad your limbs were aching, locked and trembling as he continued to use his tongue to push you closer to the edge. You were shamelessly riding his face, your hips moving with no intent to slow. The pleasure took precedence over shame, and the feeling he was giving you was too strong to resist.

You needed an orgasm, so badly that you managed to push all other thoughts out of your mind, which was something you had never been good at. Perhaps the idea of people waiting for the elevator, wondering what was taking so long and almost willing to report the issue at the front desk, was forcing you to remain focused.

Either that, or how good he was making you feel quickly outshined any other worldly trouble you could think of.

“Come on baby,” Danny pleaded, pulling away just enough to talk you through it. He let his thumb take the place of his tongue, not daring to slow down the momentum as he looked up at you through locks of his hair. Your expression was telling of all that you were feeling; your eyebrows knitted together and your lips parted as whiny moans filled the air. Your cheeks were flushed and your eyes were clouded with lust. “Being so good for me. Don't make me wait any longer.” He caught your eye, the glisten of your arousal on his chin making the knot in your belly tighten even further.

You were a mess for him, and he was keen on keeping it that way.

He returned his mouth to you, the warm wetness of his tongue a million times more enjoyable than the rough pad of his thumb (though, you’d never been picky, especially when it came to him). He let out a hum, pleased just from the taste of you on his lips. You watched his face, delirious from the sight of his beauty as you wondered how you got so lucky.

You didn’t have to wonder for long, because the knot in your belly snapped under the tension, leaving your legs weak and your mind blank as you descended into your climax. Your fingers tightened around the locks of his hair, your body slack as you tried to push your weight against the wall to keep you upright. He had a hand on your hip, his fingers bruising the skin as he used his strength to help you, never wanting you to fear falling so long as he was by your side.

His name slipped past your lips, sung like a hymn and washing down over him like summer rain. Never in all of his years on earth had it ever sounded so beautiful. He wished you could scream it from rooftops, speak it until your lips turned blue and your lungs deflated from a lack of air. He never wanted you to stop saying his name, no matter if it was selfish of him to think so.

He worked you through the high, attentive until the very last second. Your legs relaxed, still wobbly as the height of the pleasure passed you by. Your heart pounded against your ribs as you sucked in a long breath, regaining some of your senses as he parted from you. Your mind was still hazy as he moved your leg from his shoulder, standing slowly as he kept a firm hand on your hip.

With little help from you, he spun you around and pulled your hips backwards ever so slightly. Tired and still fighting the effects from the wine and the lingering orgasm, you pressed your cheek against the cool metal panelling and let the temperature sooth your burning skin. You heard the metallic clang of his belt buckle as he freed himself from his pants, a whole new rush of emotion flooding you just at the thought of what was to come next.

You wiggled your hips back towards him a little further, silently showing him you were eager for him to continue. His hand ghosted over your ass, a long inhale sounding from him as he admired the scene before him. You swallowed your insecurities, knowing that he viewed you much differently than you saw yourself, but still self-conscious as you felt his eyes rake over you.

“Fuck me, please.” You whispered, a slight quiver in your voice as you tried to draw his attention elsewhere. “Please, baby.” You continued, hoping he could feel how badly you needed him from your words alone.

“Since you asked so nicely.” He crooned, his voice low and gravelly as he lined himself up with your entrance. The action sent your body into overdrive, feeling yourself clench around nothing as you anticipated the feeling of him being inside you.

He pushed his hips forward, letting out a hiss of pleasure at the feeling of you wrapped around him. The stretch was slightly painful, but you couldn’t help but focus on how perfect it felt, like the two of you were made for each other.

“God, you feel so fucking good, Y/N.�� Danny’s posture faltered slightly, his top half leaning forward into you as he gave in to the pleasure for a moment.

“S’all for you, Danny.” You promised. Although there was a lack of labels on the two of you, there was no doubt that you were one-hundred percent his, and he was yours. The fact alone was freeing, liberating you from your torturous mind and for once, giving you a breath of hope that the next fifty years did not have to be the same as the previous twenty.

The thought twisted your stomach, forcing a plethora of other things to swarm your mind. For the first time in your life, you could see seventy, and not in some miserable, shrouded state of you hunched over in a rocking chair, still angry about the choices you made as a teen. You pictured seventy with aching lungs from laughing and crows feet by your eyes from smiling so much, grandkids around and begging you to tell stories of how you met their grandfather.

The grandfather in question was not some random old man who you would encounter years from now, but the very same man who stood behind you now, whispering sweet nothings in your ear.

Seventy did not seem uncertain and unappealing—for the briefest of moments, you felt a shred of joy at the thought. Excitement, even.

Troubles would come to pass, but never destroy you as they had in the past, because you believed with Daniel by your side, you could conquer every bad thing and kick any lingering habits.

But he was leaving, and you were friends.

He would not be by your side when you had gray hair and wrinkles. He would not shout loudly over a blaring television to catch your attention because the years had greatly depleted your hearing. He would not share wisdom and stories with your grandchildren, because he would not even be here when the year came to an end. A few months from now, he would be packed and ready to head to Nashville, ready to make an even bigger name for himself without you to hold him back or tie him down.

In three months, you would not even be a passing thought in his mind. You would be nothing, equated to a summer fling that served just enough purpose to keep him company and ensure he was not bored.

If you were just friends, a fling with no strings attached, why the hell did it hurt so bad?

“Where’d you go, bug?” Danny’s hips slowed, concern thick in his voice as he reached up and brushed the hair from your face. With worried eyes, you looked back at him over your shoulder, your stomach twisted with sadness as the warm brown of his irises seemed to stare straight into your soul.

“I’m okay,” you breathed, blinking hard as you tried to bring yourself back to earth. The ache in your chest was still very much alive, but seeing his face made it ease indefinitely. “Just feels so good.” You weren’t lying, because it did feel good. You were just withholding the truth about your mental absence, which to you was much different.

“You sure?” He asked, not fully believing you and always hyper-aware of your comfortability.

“Promise, baby.” You gave him a soft smile, leaning a little further back and pressing a kiss to his lips. At the feeling, his hips pushed forward automatically, showing you how little it took to drive him crazy.

Maybe he felt it, too.

You pushed the thought from your head, knowing it would serve no purpose to feed into a delusion. Instead, you let yourself live in the moment, just the same as you had been since the day you met him. When he began a steady pace with his hips again, it was much easier to let go and move on from the sick feeling in your stomach.

“Ah, fuck.” You whined, letting your forehead rest against your forearm. “Better hurry up, honey. Wouldn’t want to get caught.”

“Let someone catch us.” He hummed, gathering your curled hair in his hand and wrapping it around his closed fist. He pulled your head backwards, his lips settling just over your ear as he added more force to his thrusts. “One look at you and they’d know why I couldn’t wait any longer.” At the sound of his words, your eyes squeezed shut and your walls fluttered around him, pulling him in even further. “That’s it, baby. Just like that.” He smiled, pressing a kiss to the side of your neck and you rocked your hips backwards into him, desperate for more than he could give.

There was something about him, so intoxicating and alluring that it made all of the fear go away. Your normal apprehension, your new found need to think twice, all seemed to disappear as soon as you were near him. It was almost as if nothing else mattered so long as he was beside you, because the only thing that made any sense was being in his company. With him by your side, you felt like you could do anything.

“God, you’re so tight.” He hissed through his teeth, also seemingly lost in the euphoria of being inside of you. He didn’t care if he got in trouble, because every second spent with you was worth any kind of risk. “Feel so fucking good like this. Does it feel good, baby? Want to hear how good it feels.”

“Feels good.” You reiterated his point, a strangled cry leaving your lips as you felt him brush against the sensitive spot he knew so well. “Could stay like this with you forever.” You confessed, your moans growing louder and more intense as he continued at the same pace.

“Think I like the sound of that.” He chuckled, reaching one hand around your hips and settling his middle finger over your clit. “My beautiful girl, just like this, forever.” He crooned, reiterating your point as he began to trace slow circles into the sensitive area. Your legs trembled under the weight of your body, both sensations sending your body into overdrive and making it difficult to stay upright.

“Danny,” you warned, your voice weak as euphoria began to creep in on you. The tingle began in the very tips of your toes and fingers, quickly snaking up your limbs and wrapping around your torso. You felt light, the pleasure pulsing under your skin and behind your eyes. You tried your best to resist it, but you knew it was no use.

“Cum for me, baby.” He encouraged you, just as far gone and ready for a release.

It didn’t take much convincing—with one last thrust of his hips, you were pushed over the edge and were sent spiraling once again. His name fell from your lips amidst a slur of curses and raspy cries. He raised one hand to your mouth, clamping it over your lips to silence the sounds begging to escape. As much as he would have liked to listen and commit all of them to memory, he knew it was best not to draw any more attention to your current situation.

Before you came down from the high, he was reaching his climax too. You rode out the last of the pleasure as he spilled his release inside of you. He leaned forward, his chest flush against your back as he let out a long breath, the tail end of it resembling more of a whine. You felt yourself clench around him, the sound producing a whole new immortal desire within you. Before you let it get any further, you shook the thought from your head and returned back to reality.

Danny’s arms snaked around you, squeezing around your torso as he held you close. He wasn’t ready to part ways, to end the moment that left him so blissful and calm. You relaxed into his touch, figuring another minute wouldn’t hurt anything. Eventually, he placed a kiss to your shoulder blade, his nose brushing against your skin and sending butterflies erupting in your stomach and chest. Carefully he withdrew himself, taking a step back as he let your dress fall back to your knees. You straightened up, your cheeks turning crimson as you squeezed your thighs together. The lack of underwear seemed like a cheeky choice at the time, but now it was biting you in the ass. With a knowing smirk on his lips, he buckled his belt and adjusted himself in his pants, then reached forward and pressed the emergency stop button. Within seconds, the elevator began to ascend to the top floor as if nothing happened at all.

“Better hurry back to the room, Utah. Wouldn’t want to make a mess.”

𓇢𓆸

June 14th, 2022 - 11:43 PM

Tired and no longer tipsy (but a bit stoned from the joint Danny provided), you were curled up under the comforter on the king bed. The television was playing reruns of a sitcom in the background, but neither of you were paying attention to the corny jokes and cheesy laugh tracks. Instead, your legs were tangled delicately with Danny’s as you laid on your side, your head resting comfortably on the fluffy pillow below you. He was close to you, also on his side and facing you with one hand draped over your waist. His eyes were heavy and red, a permanent upturn of his lips sending butterflies erupting in your stomach every time you thought of it for too long.

He was tracing shapes into your skin, his touch featherlight and tickling you further every time he moved. Your hand was hovering over his arm, your fingers doing the same as his. The moment was filled with intimacy, just like the rest of the evening so far. Since returning from dinner, you’d only left the bed twice; once to share a joint on the patio attached to the room, and Daniel left to get concessions at the front lobby to stave off the midnight munchies. Other than that, you had stayed wrapped up in him and cherished every second you had alone with him.

Conversation was limited, the day filled with activities leaving you both exhausted. The weed was no help, and every time the television went quiet, you felt the lull of sleep draw your eyes closed for a moment. You forced them back open, deciding that time spent with him was much more important than sleep, especially knowing that it was limited.

You were so full of emotion it felt like your chest would explode, and you were having a hard time swallowing it back. You were certain he could see the sparkle of admiration in your eye, telling him more than you were willing to give. You wished to let him in, the thoughts that came to you in the elevator still plaguing your mind and only ever growing louder the longer you ignored them. You were still afraid, in a constant back and forth battle with your own mind, and it was relentless.

The haze from the high left your guard down, and the sleepiness was only worsening the situation. Would it be so bad? You didn’t have to tell him everything. Opening up wasn’t the worst, especially knowing he would keep it just as safe as you would. Besides, he had proven he was a good listener, and you thought he was the only person in the world you could share a piece of your soul with and not come to regret it.

Oh, to hell with it. You were tired of always holding back, tired of living halfway instead of fully. You wanted him to know you, so what was the big deal? Even if he was leaving, even if he would become a stranger again in the future, you knew deep down that you wouldn’t regret it. He was the only person in the world you ever wanted to see you as you were, rather than the mask you put on for everyone else.

“You know, I’ve never really had anything like this before.” You whispered, your voice raspy from the smoke and sleepiness.

“What do you mean?” He asked, his tone gentle and intrigued. He gave a soft smile, happy that you were willing to offer any kind of personal details. He knew you were reserved when it came to sharing your story, so he waited patiently in hopes you would eventually feel comfortable enough to do so, and now it finally seemed to be paying off.

“I don’t know… like this. Us.” You explained, finding it difficult to phrase. You didn’t know exactly what you were, aside from being messy. “I didn’t have many friends growing up… and the ones I did weren’t really friends, I guess. Never had someone care like this before.” You swore you saw his eyes twinkle at the recognition, but you tried not to focus on it. When you did, it only made your stomach do somersaults, and you were still trying to convince yourself there were no feelings involved in your relationship.

“Tell me more.” He urged, tracing hearts into the bare skin of your hip. Your heart raced at the touch and the idea that he wanted to know you genuinely, rather than just on the surface.

“What do you want to know?” You giggled, pulling the blanket a little tighter to your chest.

“Everything.” He breathed, his eyes trailing down to the fabric squeezing against you, noticing the spill of your breasts from the taut material wrapped around you. “Whatever you want to tell me.”

“Well,” you started, brushing your hair from your shoulder. You felt the strands tickle your back as they fell behind you, but you paid no mind to it. “I didn’t have the best upbringing, I s’pose. My dad was never around, n’ my mom was… my mom, I guess.” You let out a stale laugh, the sound seeming far away as the weed continued to work at your mind. “That’s a story for a different day. My brothers and I stuck together, thick as thieves because we only ever had each other to rely on. God knows nobody else would do it, ‘cept my grandparents, but they were old and tired. Think they always wanted to get us out of that house, but they knew they couldn’t afford it. Besides, they knew they would never win a fight against my mom. Nobody could. Just the way she is.” The conniving, evil, narcissistic bitch that she was. You kept that thought to yourself, not wanting to make it too heavy on him.

“We grew up in a small town, so everybody talked. Everyone knew everyone's business, even if they shouldn’t have. Think because of that, lots of people had this preconceived notion about us three based off what our parents were like, which isn’t really fair, but I can understand it now. They told their kids to stay away from us, which made it hard to have any kind of social life. Once we got older, things changed a bit and some people came around, but I almost wish they didn’t.” You chuckled, pausing to see if he was still listening. It was hard telling him half a story, especially when you wanted him to know everything, but you knew it was for the best. Maybe someday, but definitely not yet.

“I didn’t have any true friends. We were more like partners in crime, always getting ourselves into trouble and then laughing about it later on. My brothers tried really hard to warn me, but it never really stuck.” You explained, periodically checking to see his reactions to your story. His face showed nothing other than a desire to listen and learn. You thought about your old friendships and relationships, finding parallels to your life now and wondering if the cycle was caused by you, or the universe trying to punish you. “Boyfriends too, I guess. Not like I ever had any real relationships either, but the ones I did were a waste of my time. I got in with the wrong crowd, and it fucked me up more than I ever thought it could.”

“I don’t think you’re fucked up.” Was all he said, catching your eye so you knew he was telling the truth. You gave a sad smile—he didn’t think you were fucked up because he didn’t know. Once the truth came out, you were sure that outlook would change.

“So I’ve never had this.” You changed the topic, avoiding his sweet sentiments like the plague. “Someone who cares, who listens, who wants to be around. Never had someone look out for me like you do… whatever we are and whatever that means.” You have a wry smile, saddened from the thought of not being anything more.

“We’re lots of things, Utah. For what it’s worth, all of those things mean a hell of a lot to me.” He whispered, wording his response carefully so he would not scare you.

“Earlier, in the elevator… It got me thinking about a lot of things. ‘Bout us, more specifically.” You let your eyes close, taking in a long breath to sooth your tight chest. Anxiety was riddling your entire body, and not even the high could satiate the feeling. Being open and emotional was hard for you, but for him, you wanted to try.

For the first time in your life, all you wanted to do was try.

“Like?” He pried a little further, wanting to know what you were thinking about, wondering if it was the same things he was thinking about.

“I want you to know me, Danny. Like, really know me, not the surface level shit I give to everyone else.” You confessed, knowing the only reason it was so easy was the effect of the drug coursing through you.

“So let me.” He smiled, relieved you felt so comfortable with him. Your face fell slightly, your chest burning with sadness as you swallowed the lump stuck in your throat.

“It’s just… it’s not so easy. When we first met, you asked me if everything was a long story, and I laughed it off at the time, but it’s true. Everything is a long story, and it’s a hard story to tell. My life has been anything but boring, and for all the wrong reasons. I want to tell you, I just can’t do it yet, and I don’t know when I’ll be ready.”

“Okay.” He hummed, his thumb reaching soothing circles into your skin. “Tell me whatever you want, whenever you’re ready. I won’t pressure you, and there’s no rush. I like being this person for you, Utah. The one you can trust, the one who looks out for you… I want to keep being that person, as long as you want me to be.”

“I’m scared.” You whispered, catching his eye. The warmth in his stare made the world seem okay, but you feared you could not trust it. You didn’t know how to trust anything, and that was your biggest flaw. “I don’t want it to make you look at me differently. I don’t want to scare you.”

“Then we’ll work on it together. Start slow and then we’ll go from there. I’m not going anywhere.”

Oh, how you wished it was true.

“Start slow?” You asked, pushing the end of the summer far away from your mind. You had to enjoy him while you could, and you felt deep down that part of enjoying him included being vulnerable with him.

“As slow as you want, baby.” He promised, giving a gentle nod.

“Okay.” You spoke so quietly it was almost hard for you to hear yourself, but he waited patiently for you to keep going. You wondered where to start, what you could say to let him in just enough to reap the benefits but avoid the consequences. Figuring it was the easiest, you started with you and him, and why you were so reserved about loving him.

“You know, I say that we’re friends a lot… I know that whatever this is, whatever we are, is more than friends, even if we don’t have a label on it. I don’t want you to think that it’s because I don’t want to be more, because I do, I just don’t know how to be.” You explained, choosing your words carefully. “I have this undying desire to love people, and to take care of them. I don’t know if it’s because I genuinely want to, or if it’s an easy way to avoid doing it for myself. I do all of the motions, do everything a girlfriend should but I run away when I think about a label so serious. Vincent kind of threw it in my face the other day, and I know it was because he was hurting about something else, but it really made me think about it.”

“How so?”

“I commit myself completely, and then I throw the friend label on it as if it lessens my commitment somehow. To me, friends sounds better, because I don’t know what a real relationship is or how it works. Maybe I’m trying to protect myself, convincing myself that it will hurt less when it ends —and that comes back to me always expecting everyone to leave when things get tough.” You shrugged, finding yourself tracing the stick and poke sun on the back of your hand. It was a nervous tick that you’d coined not long after rehab, and you did it subconsciously more often than not. You wondered if he was judging you, if he was too nice to say that you were crazy, but when you allowed yourself to study the look in his eye, it was nothing but sincere.

“Growing up, my parents didn’t teach us a whole lot, and what they did wasn’t good. A lot of fighting, a lot of blame, and even some violence.” You chuckled, even if the situation was not funny at all. “They taught us bad decisions, how to avoid accountability, and lots of other stuff, but never love. My parents were together on and off until I was ten, and when they were on, they should not have been. Never loyal to each other, and they were fucking miserable on their lonesome and even more so when they were together. Eventually, when my dad left for good, my mom got together with a guy who was worse than my dad, which I didn’t even think was possible. We didn’t have a fuckin’ shot.”

You braced yourself for sympathy, already regretting telling him because you knew what you would receive, but it never came. Instead, he remained stoic, the corners of his lips dipping down into the tiniest frown as he studied you in silence. Then, quiet and gentle, he spoke.

“It’s crazy how life works, sometimes.” He started, hoping he wasn’t deterring your desire to share by giving input. “How someone so fantastic has to endure something so terrible, how someone so precious came from something so hard.” You sniffed away a tear that sprung to your eye, your chest burning from his sweet words. You wondered if he knew everything, would he still view you in such light? Or would your darkness become too much and taint the radiance that was him? “You know, learning all this stuff doesn’t change how I feel about you, Utah. What happened before doesn’t change who you are now, and that’s the person I love spending time with. As much as I hate knowing you’ve been hurt before, it would never change how I think of you.”

“There’s so much shit, Danny. So much you don’t know… so much I’m not sure I want you to know.” You argued, a tear slipping down your cheek as you squeezed your eyes shut. Your chest ached, your stomach sick as you pictured the look on his face when he finally learned all of the pieces to your twisted little jigsaw puzzle of a life.

“So what, Utah?” He gave a soft smile, reaching up and swiping away your tears with his thumb. For a moment, the pain in your heart was replaced with warmth, making you wonder how he always made it so easy to fall further for him. “Everything that happened made you into the person laying beside me right now. To you, it seems ugly, but to me… it’s just a story. We all have one.”

“You always know what to say, huh?” Feeling more tears flood your cheeks, you wished you could disappear and turn to dust, for the mattress to open up and swallow you whole. You didn’t want him to see you like this, but you knew if you were going to open yourself up to him, he’d be seeing a lot worse than some tears and a broken heart. It scared you, but at the same time, it made you feel lighter than ever before.

Nobody had ever been so calm, so accepting of your feelings and your faults, but there he sat, ready and willing to listen and take whatever you had to offer him. He was the best thing this world had ever known, and you were sure of it. As much as you were grateful, you also wondered what you did to deserve him, almost fearing that there was something he was hiding that would offset the beauty of his existence.

‘No, Y/N.’ You stopped your train of thought before it could progress any further. ‘Apple Juice—not the big complicated mess.’

If you continued searching for a flaw, you would end up creating them all on your own, ruining something good for no real reason at all. It was your best trait, but you couldn’t stomach the idea of inflicting that fate upon him. He deserved more, and because of that, you were determined to be more, to be the person he deserved to have.

“It’s not a bit or an act, Y/N. It’s the truth. I haven’t and I would never lie to you.” He said, still wiping away tears as they fell. You weren’t sure why you were plagued with so much guilt at his confession; you hadn’t lied to him, but you had withheld the truth. Was that the same thing to him? To you, it wasn’t, but maybe it was just a poor justification for your shitty actions, for your need to keep him in the dark.

But he knew there was stuff you were holding back; you had been more than open about that, and he was choosing to stay. He would make his own judgment about the situation when the time came, but he refused to start this relationship with you with preconceived notions and ideas about a person he hardly knew.

He was so much better than you, and every day that passed only further proved that.

“If being friends is easier for you, that’s okay, Utah. I don’t need a label to be secure about how I feel about us.” He promised, his thumb drifting over your still damp cheek as a soothing gesture. “If calling ourselves friends and still doing whatever we’re doing makes it so I can be with you, I’ll take it, and I’ll be happy about it.”

“I’m sorry I can’t be more, Danny. I truly am—you deserve the world, and since the day I met you, that’s all I wanted to give you.”

“You give me so much more than you know.” He whispered, the softness of his tone paired with the loving actions making it impossible to keep your eyes off of him. “Whenever you want to tell me more, I’ll be here, ready to listen. Hopefully, when you’re ready, I can show you something different, that I’m different. That I want to be here and help you, and that I’m not going anywhere. We’ll take it at your pace, baby. I’m happy as long as I’m with you, no matter what we’re doing or what we are.”

It was hard to focus on his sweet sentiments, especially when he continued to promise that he wasn’t going anywhere, even whilst knowing the end of the summer would mean the end of the two of you.

If he had never and would never lie, why was he promising himself forever when you both knew your relationship had an expiration date?

June 28, 2022

Your phone ringing loudly on your bed beside your head woke you with a start. With blurry eyes and an aching head, you turned the screen to see who was daring to disturb you. You blinked a few times to allow your vision to focus, and your previous annoyance disappeared in an instant. You hit accept and pressed the speakerphone option, immediately hearing the whir of traffic on the street in the background.

“To whom do I owe the pleasure, Michigan?” Sleepiness was laced in your tone, a lazy smile on your lips as you heard him chuckle.

“Just wondering if you’re up for a few visitors? Should have texted before we came, but I got ahead of myself.” A touch of guilt filled his tone, but you couldn’t help but roll your eyes.

“You’re always welcome here.” You assured him.

“Great. We’re downstairs.” He informed you. “Wanna let us in?”

“Yeah—give me five and I’ll be right down.” You breathed, throwing the tattered old blanket from your legs and sliding out of bed.

“No rush.” He assured you, a smile clear in his tone.

“A little rush—“ Sam’s smart remark was cut short, a groan sounding from him instead. You assumed Daniel’s fist collided with his arm, his protective nature growing tenfold when it came to you. “See you soon, Utah!” Sam recovered quickly, replacing his earlier sentiments with a cheery tone.

With that, Daniel ended the call, leaving you staring at the notifications on your Lock Screen but not fully registering them. You rushed to the bathroom, quickly brushing through your knotted hair with one hand as you brushed your teeth with the other. You applied some mascara and lipgloss after washing your face, and dabbed on a touch of blush on your cheeks. Once you were satisfied, you ran back to your room to change. You picked out an old cropped tank top and a pair of jean shorts that were a tad snug around your hips. Since getting sober, you noticed some weight begin to return to your body, which was as uplifting as it was motivating.

You weren’t sure why the two were at your apartment so early—the night prior, you and Daniel had spent most of the evening lounging on your couch as you watched Netflix (his, of course) on your laptop. When darkness took to the sky, he sadly informed you he had to head back to the Airbnb, without an invitation for you to come with him. You thought it was odd, especially considering you hadn’t spent a night apart in weeks, but you didn’t pry. Instead, you took the opportunity to work on your novel without any distractions or disturbances, which allowed for you to make a whole lot more progress than you thought you would.

You left your front door open, knowing the other tenants of your building wouldn’t dare go in (it wasn’t like there was much to steal anyway). Most were too old to leave their house, and the others were too strung out to know where they were. The remaining few stragglers were either at work or not home. You rushed down the stairs, seeing the two patiently waiting at the front door. With a smile on your face, you lifted up on the handle and pushed it open, allowing them to step inside. Before they had a chance to greet you, a leashed Rosie ran to greet you, her tail wagging happily as she sniffed at your hands.

“Hello, sweet girl.” You grinned, giving her some attention before you turned to the two boys. “And hello Daniel and Sam.” You added.

“What, no nicknames for us?” Sam feigned offense to your greeting, clearly teasing.

“Right, sorry.” You chuckled, as if you had forgotten completely. “Hello Dumb and Dumber.” You corrected yourself, stifling a laugh as Sam’s lips turned down into a frown.

“First one was better.” He deducted.

“What’s all that?” You asked, motioning to the bags in their hands.

“Let’s go upstairs and you’ll find out.” Danny said, placing a kiss to the top of your head.

“Can I help?” You asked, reaching for a bag. He retracted his arm, giving a slight shake of his head and soft smile.

“Don’t worry about it, Utah.” He hummed, nodding to the stairwell. With a shrug, you led them back upstairs.

Before you passed through your front door, you paused in your tracks, noticing a white plastic bag hung on the handle, black sharpie marks scrawled on the front of it. Your eyebrows furrowed as you slipped it off, wondering how you missed it on your way down but not spending too long dwelling. You let the boys in first, a nervous feeling in the pit of your stomach as you watched Sam’s eyes take in the surroundings. He’d yet to step foot into your building, and you wondered if he would be as accepting as his best friend, or if he would pass judgment like so many others would have.

You closed the door behind you with force, shaking the knob to ensure it latched shut. You flipped the lock, noticing it was stuck and refusing to work with you. With a huff of annoyance, you shoved your shoulder against the hollow wooden paneling, using your body weight to hold it shut as you twisted the deadbolt. Finally, it clicked in place and you eased up on your shoulder, looking to the other two who weren’t even aware of your struggle.

“I love these windows, Utah.” Sam stared in awe at the large panel windows of your living room, casting rays of golden light through the entire apartment. Overlooking the mold growing on the waterlogged sills, he went straight to the style of the glass. “Very Victorian.” He commented, his eyes trailing to the art hanging on the walls peeling of their paint.

“Well, thank ya.” You smiled, noticing the seriousness in his tone. They didn’t see you as some poverty stricken struggler. They saw their friend, who lived in a worn down apartment complex that still had some breathtaking elements despite its flaws.

They were too good for you, and you felt horrible for placing blame on them for something they would never do. Since the day you met them, they had never made you feel lesser for your lifestyle, even if it was different than theirs.

Maybe you just needed to hear someone else’s appreciation to find some of your own.

“What’s that?” Danny asked, raising an eyebrow as he sat the surplus of bags down on your kitchen table. He was referring to the little bag held in your hand, which you seemingly forgot about amidst your anxious thoughts.

“Oh!” You exclaimed, looking down at it yourself. “Not sure. Let’s see.” You said, pulling it towards your face. At the rustle of the plastic, Rose’s ears perked up and she trotted over to join you, hopeful for a treat.

“Here, Rose.” Sam called out to her, reaching in his pocket and grabbing a bone shaped biscuit for her. He tossed it to her, and she caught it in her mouth with little hesitation.

You turned your attention back to the bag, noticing the word ‘dollface’ scrawled across the thin plastic. You knew it was from Vincent and Dylan, but you had no idea what it was or why they dropped it off. More than that, you wondered why they didn’t knock and come inside. You gave them your spare key way back when you started working at the Fox, knowing quickly that they were the only ones you trusted with it. They shared an apartment close by, which meant that if in peril, either one of them could make it to you within minutes if need be.

You untied the top, peering inside with furrowed eyebrows. You grabbed a pack of Marlboro Reds, wrapped in plastic with a shoelace tied around it as a makeshift bow. Alongside it were two joints rolled to perfection encased in a small ziplock bag to keep them safe. A few messily drawn hearts decorated the clear plastic, bringing a small smile to your face. There was a napkin and a small piece of what looked to be receipt paper inside, so you pulled them out too, just to see what it was all about.

On the napkin was a small, handwritten note that was signed by both of them.

sorry we couldn’t aford anythin better doll. happy birthday we love ya! here late last nite didn’t want 2 wake you. cya thursday

Dyl and Vin

The small piece of receipt paper was in fact not a receipt, but a voucher from one of the slot machines at the Pony. It was redeemable for 31.78, which was a whole hell of a lot in Dylan and Vincent’s opinion.

Wait—birthday?

Hastily, you pulled your phone from your back pocket, tapping on the screen to see what the date was. When the white letters stated it was in fact June 28th, you felt a wave of dread wash over you. Not only was it your birthday, it was also your least favorite day of the whole year. Already exhausted just from the thought of surplus of calls and texts from people who cared little about you, you began dreading the yearly Facebook post on your wall from your mother in which she raved on about how much she loved you and how proud she was of you, only to neglect to actually call you or care about you. To her, it was important to maintain outward appearances, even if she had always been your worst enemy and biggest bully.

On top of that, you were twenty-four. Not that you were aging and withering away, but you were sickened at the thought of another year passing you by and having nothing to show for it. No accomplishments, no celebrations, no progress. Another year that left you just as dejected as the last, making you wonder if the rest of your life was destined to be the same things over again in one, relentless, mind numbing cycle.

“It’s my birthday.” You let out a dry chuckle, slipping your phone back in your pocket as you sucked in a sharp breath through your teeth. “I forgot.”

“Really? It’s your birthday? We had no idea.” Sam giggled, finding your forgetfulness amusing. “How’d you forget about your birthday when we didn’t, Utah?” From anyone else, you might have blown a fuse at the lighthearted jokes poking fun at your hidden traumas, but from Sam, it was oddly funny and aided you in pulling yourself from your misery.

“It’s not my most favorite day.” You gave a soft smile, placing the bag from Dylan and Vin on the table after tossing the items back in. “Never really celebrated it when I was a kid. If my mom let me go to my grandparents house we did, but she usually wasn’t that nice.” Sam gave you sad eyes, which made you avert your gaze to the floor. “Most of the time it came a couple days after, the next time we went to my grandparents house. Then they’d have a cake or whatever.” You explained further, trying to lighten the mood.

Even after you moved out of your mothers house birthdays were never anything grandois. The first year, you spent at your eldest brother's tiny apartment where you were so poor you couldn’t even afford the power bill. Eventually, your addiction got too out of hand and you left to spare him from the worst. You spent a year floating around on couches and shelters, and one at your ‘boyfriends’ house (he was a dealer and the house was a trap). The fourth still in Utah, you spent at the Pinnacle Recovery Centre, where they gave you a cupcake and decorated the common room.

Your first one in New York was spent at the Pony, which got you in more trouble than you ever expected. You originally went to cash in the voucher for the slots Vin and Dylan gave you that year, but got caught up in the cheap drinks and company at the blackjack table. Your ‘winnings’ consisted of a dime bag, which made for a wonderful gift. A night spent in the detox box and a surrendered key tag made you vow to never celebrate your birthday ever again.

“Well, this year, that’s going to change.” Sam assured you, taking a seat in one of the rickety chairs at the table.

“Guys, you don’t have to—“ you began to protest, but Danny held up his index finger to cut you short.

“We want to.” He said, a tone of finality in his voice. “Maybe after today, you’ll change your mind.”

“Guys, this is too much.” You whined, crossing your arms over your chest, plagued with guilt at the idea of them spending so much time and effort on a day no different than any other. “It’s just a birthday. It’s not a big deal.”

“It’s your birthday, Utah.” Danny corrected. “It is a big deal to us—to me.” Your cheeks turned red, your eyes glistening with unshed tears.

How did you ever get so lucky?

“Besides, you can’t say it’s too much, ‘cause you don’t even know what it is yet.” Sam pointed out, which was fair. At the same time, you’d come to know them quite well, and you knew for a fact it was too much. “Start us off, Daniel.”

“Right.” He nodded, carefully picking the first bag from the pile of them. “See, I wanted to stay here with you last night, but if I did, I wouldn’t have been able to surprise you with breakfast.” He smiled, flashing you the inside of the bag, which was filled with takeout containers. “And I needed Sam’s help with some stuff.”

“Yeah, he didn’t actually invite me. He used me for hard labor and felt too bad to drop me off at home.” Sam rolled his eyes, joking but not all at the same time.

“Whatever.” Danny rolled his eyes, brushing him off completely. “You remember that restaurant we stopped at on our way to Jersey? The one with the huge waffles?”

“Danny, you did not!” You exclaimed, overwhelmed with joy at the thought of how much he cared for you.

“I did.” He grinned. “One waffle for Utah, on her birthday.” He sat a container out in front of an open chair. “And some other food too, but I remembered how excited you were when you ordered it, so I couldn’t help myself.” He scattered the rest of the takeout containers around the table, grabbing paper plates and forks.

“You’re the best, Michigan.” You whispered, your eyes sparkling with glee as you bargained with your own happiness.

It was the first time in twenty four years you had ever felt so loved (or loved at all for that matter) on your birthday, and it was all thanks to him.

“It’s what you deserve, Utah.” He replied, just as hushed as he pressed a kiss to the top of your head. Then, he pulled a chair out for you, taking place next to you once you were settled.

Breakfast was fun, lighthearted and sweet. Danny had picked you up a king can of Redbull, remembering that it was your favorite, and they had gotten coffee to go from the restaurant they retrieved breakfast from. After about an hour passed, filled with laughs and smiles, you couldn’t force yourself to eat another bite if you tried. They asked you about your novel, to which you told them how good writing was going after it seemed like you were stuck at a dead end. After nearly two years, the end was just out of reach, but still attainable.

For once, life was good. Writing was great, your free time was never boring, and your addiction had never been so far from your mind. You didn’t want to accredit it to Danny completely, but he served as a fantastic distraction from life’s normal routine and trouble. After the confessional at the hotel, it left the two of you closer than ever, happier than ever. He finally felt like he was breaking through the walls of defense you had built so high, and you finally had someone you could trust.

The only downfall was that you were falling further and harder with every second that passed.

You wanted to tell him more, to keep explaining bits of your past you never cared to share with anyone, but you were taking it slow. You’d always been impulsive, jumping the gun and getting yourself in trouble, and although you didn’t think this was the same, you still wanted to err on the side of caution.

When the morning began to bleed into the afternoon, the boys took it upon themselves to get on with the next birthday festivity.

He searched through one of his bags, pulling out a few different things after urging you to keep your eyes closed. You heard the crinkle of packaging plastic, then felt him step closer to you. After a few moments of nothing but rustling plastic, you felt him place something on top of your head, then urged you to open your eyes.

When you did, the first thing you saw was an expensive looking cupcake, taken from a half dozen container sitting just off to the side. There was one candle stuck in the middle of it beside a little topper that read ‘happy birthday’. You looked across the table to Sam, who had a cheap cardboard party hat from the dollar store sitting lopsided on his head. You looked at Danny as you reached up to see if he’d placed one on yours, too. He had a goofy smile on his lips, the thin elastic holding his hat in place only making the sight all the more funny.

He leaned forward, igniting the wick of the candle with a cheap gas station lighter. Before you had a chance to speak, the two began singing a dramatic and drawn out rendition of Happy Birthday. You couldn’t begin to express your gratitude—your eyes were brimming with tears, the lump in your throat making it hard to breathe as you felt Danny’s hand on your shoulder. For once, the tears were not because of sadness, or a feeling of being forgotten. Instead, you were overwhelmed by the surplus of love being thrown in your direction, unable to comprehend the kindness of their actions.

“Make a wish, Utah.” Danny whispered, his lips hovering over your ear as he spoke. The warmth of his breath on your skin sent a shiver down your spine, sending your mind swirling with thoughts of him and only him.

You did as you were told, leaning forward with a smile on your lips as you closed your eyes. You needed no time to think, knowing exactly what your wish was as soon as the breath left your lips to extinguish the tiny flame.

You wished for the boy behind you, and every good thing he had brought to your life since walking into it. More specifically, you wished he never had to leave.

You opened your eyes, forcing yourself out of the dreamlike state as you pictured a life with him always by your side. You were greeted with a kiss on the cheek from Danny, and a whoop and a holler from Sam.

“What’d’ya wish for?” Sam asked, his eyebrow raised as he watched you pull the candle from the top of your cupcake.

“Can’t tell ya, or it won’t come true.” You bargained with the pain that came from realizing it would never come true anyway, no matter if you kept it secret or not.

“Yeah, s’pose you’re right.” He hummed, leaning back in his chair with a defeated nod. You gave a soft smile, pulling away the parchment wrapper lining the bottom of the cupcake.

“Thank you guys… for everything. This is… it’s fantastic. It’s more than anything I’ve ever gotten.” You spoke gently in fear your voice would crack and the tears would finally make an appearance. Thankfully, you’d been able to swallow back all that dared to threaten you thus far, and you were intent to keep it that way.

“Days not over yet, Utah.” Danny reminded you, giving you a long lasting sinking feeling in your stomach. You could never repay him for what he’d already done, and he was planning for more?

“And it’s not that much. Cake was supposed to be homemade, but as it turns out, we are not very good at baking.” Sam informed you, taking a bite from his own cupcake. At that, you let out a small giggle, already picturing the two of them covered in flour and arguing over ruined cake batter.

“It’s so much, Sam.” You corrected, ensuring they knew how appreciated they were.

“Well, one more thing from me and I’m out.” Sam slapped his palms against the table, a mischievous smile on his lips. “Then you and your lover can have some alone time.”

“No more!” You exclaimed, panicked at the idea of receiving anything else. Guilt was already eating you alive, and you were sure if any more was added atop of what you were feeling, you would crack under the weight of it.

“Oh, quit!” Sam exclaimed, laughing at your stubbornness. “If you haven’t noticed, Utah, we love you.” He stood calmly, reaching for a gift bag as if he hadn’t said the most earth shattering words in the entire world.

They loved you.

After all the bad they’ve seen, the tears and the struggle, the impoverished lifestyle you led, they didn’t care. They thought you had enough good to outweigh all of the bad combined, and so much so that they had surpassed the threshold from simple friendship to something stronger.

And damn, you loved them too.

Even if you didn’t want to.

Even if it was easier not to.

You loved them, and so much so that you were almost unable to picture a life without them.

Out of all the things in the universe, that scared you the most. You were resilient, independent and strong, and you never once needed anything from anyone. You had let yourself grow a soft spot, or a weakness more likely, without even realizing it. Normally, it would make you want to run and hide. Usually when things meant so much to you, you tried to detach, just so it wouldn’t hurt as bad when it inevitably disappeared, but you didn’t want to this time.

For the first time in your life, you let yourself truly and genuinely be loved, no matter the consequences.

You could worry about those later—for now, you never ever wanted to let it slip through your fingers.

“In my opinion, this is the best part.” Sam hummed, his eyes drifting towards Daniel.

His appearance was nervous, his fingers drumming against the edge of the table as he nodded along in agreement. He turned his head towards you, offering a soft smile as he spoke a wordless conversation with Sam. The other boy seemed to catch on to his drift, picking up a neatly wrapped box with a bow on the front from one of the bags.

Before any more words were shared, Sam placed it in front of you, then grabbed another wrapped item, this one thin and much smaller. You looked between the two, your stomach twisted in knots as you already began to worry about the money the two spent.

“Happy Birthday, Utah.” Danny whispered, his features soft as he swallowed hard. “Those are from me.”

“Danny…” you whispered, concern knitting your brows together as you silently objected to the act of kindness.

“Open them, baby.” He responded, dismissing your unspoken point entirely. “You’ll love it—I know you will.”

“I have no doubt about that. I just… I feel bad.” You expressed your opinion on the matter.

“No need. I wanted to.”

He wanted to.

Since the day you met him, he continued to show you that he wanted to do more than anyone else ever had, and he was still committed to it months later.

“It doesn’t matter which one you open first.” He said, ending the conversation so you couldn’t argue any further.

Your eyes lingered on him for a moment longer, but eventually turned to the two packages in front of you. When was the last time you had a real birthday gift? One bought with care and consideration, one in which was curated for your taste only (as much as you appreciated the cigarettes and joints, you knew that was the same gift the boys gave to everyone). Maybe, the last time you’d ever torn wrapping paper off a box or pulled tape from a shiny bag plastered with color was when your grandparents were alive. Possibly even before then, because in later years they stuffed cards with cash, and upon learning about your addictions, gift cards for groceries and clothes.

With their help, you were reliving a childhood dream you only got to participate in every now and again.

For that alone, you were forever indebted to them.

You reached forward, settling on the smaller of the two gifts. You let the tip of your finger run across the thin piece of tape holding the paper together. You peeled it back, the coloured paper underneath it lifting with the adhesive. You folded it back once you freed it from the tape, your heart skipping a beat at the familiar tan colour of the item inside.

With a new found bout of excitement, you flipped it over, tearing the rest of the paper away from it as you did so. You nearly jumped from your chair as you tossed the wrapping to the ground, your eyes studying every detail of the abstract picture. The bright yellow and blue of the lettering caught your eyes, and your hand raised to it as you gently traced over the words like you used to do so long ago. The red lips standing prominently underneath them brought a smile to your face. Slowly, you turned to look at the man who wasn’t technically your boyfriend or your friend, and understood that he did not need to be either of those things, for he was the best thing that had ever happened to you, the most important person in the world, no matter the label.

In your hands was a brand new copy of Steely Dan’s Can’t Buy a Thrill, the plastic wrapping still shiny and perfectly intact as it waited for you to spin the familiar melody of Dirty Work.

“You remembered.” You forced the words through your teeth, your throat scratching as you wheezed in a breath. Holding back your tears was becoming more difficult by the second.

For some strange reason, you wished he didn’t.

It would have made it easier to overlook the bond that had formed between the two of you.

“Keep going.” He urged, not wanting to dwell too long when there was more sitting in front of you.

You moved onto the bigger box, knowing exactly what it was before you even tore the paper from it. Underneath the fancy bow and wrapping, sat a brand new record player that likely cost him a pretty penny.

Your stomach filled with lead, your bones heavy as you sat with your own thoughts for a moment. With no way to stop it this time, you felt tears flood your cheeks, angry and vengeful for being repressed for so long. You raised the back of your hands to your eyes, the coolness of your skin soothing to you as you drew in a shaky breath. Without thinking twice, you pushed your chair backwards and sprung forward, taking the few steps towards him. He stood to meet you, noticing your distress and worried that he overstepped.

When you wrapped your arms around him and buried your face in his chest, shamelessly loving him and unafraid to show how much it meant to you. Your tears stained his t-shirt, but he assured you he wasn’t bothered by it as he held you tighter to him.

“I’m sorry if it was too much, I just wanted—“ you cut him off by pulling away, staring up at him with watery eyes and a smile as you nipped the thought in the bud.

“Don’t you dare apologize.” Your statement was strong despite your quivering lip and dry throat. “You don't have anything to be sorry for. This is… you are… Danny.” You breathed, tripping over your words as more tears spilled down your cheeks. “This is the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me. You’re the best thing…” you trailed off, your bottom lip caught between your teeth as you swallowed back a sob. You didn’t need to say it aloud, because he knew exactly what you meant. Instead of replying, he pulled you into a tighter hug, happy to know the tears were not from sorrow, but from happiness.

“Alright, alright.” Sam cut the two of you off. You both looked over at him, smiling as he nudged his gift bag towards you.

You stepped forward, wiping your cheeks as you pulled at the tape holding the bag together. It popped open with ease, giving you the freedom to look inside. First, you pulled out another record, the tears making an immediate return as you looked at the cover.

“Bringing It All Back Home?!” You exploded, another sob shaking your shoulders as you hugged it to your chest. You felt like a child on Christmas morning, high on sugar and the feeling of being alive while sorting through gifts laced with magic from Santa himself.

“Aaand?” Sam raised an eyebrow, nodding towards the bag again. Cautiously, you set the vinyl on the table and reached back inside, pulling out one last record to top it all off.

“Harvest…” the yellow cover that was so distinct sent a smile straight to your lips. “I seriously can’t believe you remembered I said all this. It was so long ago, and so unimportant.”

“Nothing is unimportant when it comes to you, Utah.” Danny placed a hand on the small of your back.

“Seriously… thank you. You have no idea how much this means to me… it’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever done… the best gift I’ve ever gotten.” You were beside yourself with emotion, your chest aching from all of the love you held within it.

“One last thing from me, Y/N.” Sam added, pulling something unwrapped from the bags beside him. He handed it across the table, watching as you pieced it together and waiting for your response. You grabbed it from his hands, the cool leather immediately sending a shiver down your spine. Wordlessly, you flipped it open, in awe of how well made it was. “I saw it when we were out today, and it made me think of you. You probably have lots, but when you get to that one, at least you’ll think of us. Maybe it’ll even give you some motivation on the hard days. Someone as talented as you should never stop writing.”

“Sam, this is the most beautiful journal I’ve ever seen.” You assured him. The black, leather bound journal was hefty, heavy from its size and astonishingly beautiful in its simplicity. It was big, many more pages than any of the ones you already owned, and it was even better because it came from him, one of the truest and most genuine friends you had ever had.

You placed it on the table, quickly scurrying towards him as you pulled him into a hug. Your tears had become less aggressive, but were still steadily rolling as you laid your head on his shoulder. Perhaps one of the best things about falling for Danny was gaining a friend like Sam, because you’d never experienced anything like it before.

“Thank you so much.” You whispered, your eyes closing as you enjoyed the brief moment of intimacy.

“Can’t think of anyone who deserves it more.” He promised you. “You make him so happy, Utah. You deserve people who make you happy, too.”

You held him a little tighter, touched by his sentiments but stuck pondering the same question that would ultimately eat you alive; would you still make him this happy if he knew the truth about you? Would they still think you were so fantastic if they learned of all of your mistakes?

You wanted to say yes, to be certain that two people as wonderful as them would love you no matter what, but it was very hard to believe.

Hopefully, by the time the facade faded away, they will have grown to care about you enough to look past it, to accept you as you are and let go of who you were, just the same as you had to do (and still continue to do).

Or, better yet, you hoped that maybe they would be gone before you ever had to expose yourself at all.

No matter how much you loved them or how different life seemed, you were still the same person they met at the diner all those months ago, even if you desperately wished you weren’t.

TAGLIST: @imleavingyoufornewyork @itsafullmoon @bladenotblaze @jessicafg03 @dont-go-home-without-me @peaceloveunitygvf @torniturntomyarrow @lostoverseer @clairesjointshurt @jordie-gvf @lallisonl @smoking-jakelane @gretavangirlie @hollyco @aintthatapity @dont-go-home-without-me @demonrat444

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unplugfromthesource · 5 months ago

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hii! this is the master post for all my posts! i am still working to release more pieces so this will be updated frequently! any requests i’ll take you can just text me and the same thing for my tags!

- b🌞🌛✨🪩

JOSH🌞🎥🦢

🪩BODY GLITTER

JAKE⚔️🏴‍☠️🍷

🎲VIVA LAS VEGAS

SAM 📷🍂🎹

✨taking requests

DANIEL 🥁🍻🥀

🎤STRANGERS BY NATURE

SERIES

✨taking requests

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sparrowofthedawngvf · 1 year ago

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#greta van fleet #gvf #daniel wagner gvf #daniel wagner #daniel gvf #danny wagner gvf #danny gvf #danny wagner #the indigo streak

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crossczeched48 · 7 months ago

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To Be With You- Chapter 6

Is This The End?

You awoke with a jolt to the sound of pounding at your front door. Wiping the sleep from your eyes, you look over your shoulder to see Alex asleep in your bed next to you. You adjusted your pajama shorts and tank top while heading towards the pounding.

“I’m coming, hold on.” You grumbled halfheartedly, knowing the person behind the door couldn’t actually hear you.

You exited your bedroom just as your door unlocked and swung open. Danny stood distressed in front of you, your spare key in his hand.

In one motion he dropped his keys to the floor and pulled you into his arms.

You stood with your arms crossed, trying to prevent your nipples from showing through your sleep shirt.

You mumbled into his chest, “Dan, is everything okay?”

Danny continued to hold you. Reluctantly, you dropped your arms and wrapped them around his torso.

With a final squeeze, he released you, resting his hands on your shoulders and looking you over.

“Y/N/N, I heard about your job. Sam tried to blow it off, but you didn’t come back last night. I tried calling and texting you, but it just went straight to voicemail. I’m sorry to just show up like this, but I just… I don’t know. I know you’ve been stressed lately and I was afraid of the worst…”

He ran a hand through his hair, anxiously.

“I’m okay. You don’t have to worry. It’s probation for now. If not…” You pause with a sigh, “I don’t know what I’ll do.”

Danny listened intently, frowning as you finished.

“This is my-“

You cut him off with a wave of your hand.

“Daniel Wagner, my god. You are most certainly not to blame. I should have done my job correctly. I got frazzled. That is on me. I have had a lot on my mind. I am really happy to have been there this week. I know it doesn’t fix anything long-term for you but I hope it has been helpful.”

Danny nods reluctantly, “It has. Thank you again. Though it’s a lot better when you’re there…”

His sentence trailed off.

You smiled and chuckled, averting your eyes to the floor.

He continued, “We can BOTH forget about our worlds for a little bit longer.”

Behind you, Alex left the bedroom, quickly darting into the bathroom next. Danny’s head snapped up at the noise in time to see the bathroom door close.

You watched him thoughtfully, “Okay, I’ll come back. I just have to take care of Alex.”

You motioned vaguely towards the restroom. Danny’s eyes widened. He crossed his arms across his broad chest, looking away from you.

“Right, yeah. Sorry. Um, you should finish up with him, I suppose.”

You cough in surprise, “Oh! No, no. Sorry.”

You felt the heat rise to your face and extend throughout your body. Distantly you swore you could hear Alex laughing through the closed door.

“Alex is my friend. SHE’S the one from work, remember? She came over last night after she got off work. We fell asleep mid-discussion.”

You watched as Danny’s demeanor softened, a hint of pink staining his cheeks.

“She needs to be at work soon. I need to get her Motrin and get her back to work. They’ll definitely fire me if I start being the cause of her fucking up too.”

Danny laughs lightly.

“I can meet you back there. Okay?” You finish, reaching out a hand to playfully push his shoulder.

Danny catches your hand before it falls, pulling you back into a hug. “Okay. Next time text me back, okay? You’re my best friend. You can talk to me about anything.”

You nod, gently bumping his chin on the top of your head.

“I will. I’m sorry for worrying you.”

______

Danny left quickly after breaking from your hug. Behind you, Alex threw open the bathroom door.

“Y/N. Come ON! He drove all the way out here because you didn’t answer the phone.” Alex yelled across the hall.

You took a step back, sinking onto the edge of the couch with a laugh, “I’m not being crazy?”

Alex crossed the floor to you and plopped herself down next to you on the couch.

“No. You’re absolutely not crazy. He was worried about you when you didn't reply to him and jealous when he thought there was a guy here. I don’t know what’s going on in that curly-haired head of his, but it is more than friendship.”

You sighed, lying back against the couch, and sinking into the pillows.

“Y/N, I stand by what I said last night. I think it is time you tell him. He might need time, because what’s her name?” Alex paused.

You started to tell her Kayla’s name, but she continued, “Whatever her bitch ass name is, just broke his heart. So maybe this is the start of it? You let him know where you’re at and then you break on it. He’s about to go off traveling again, right? You’ll have time to both process it.”

The idea turned your stomach. You closed your eyes and imagined the possibilities that could happen if you were to tell him your truth. You continued to think about his demeanor the morning before after your kiss. How he had apologized first thing in the morning and had retreated from the group onto his phone. Once again you felt yourself taking another spin on the eternal Daniel Wagner merry-go-round.

“Why don’t I come join you?” Alex looked over at you.

You scoffed. “Al, I can’t ask you to do that. Work is going to have our asses if you miss even a minute of work.”

You threw her a disapproving glance.

Alex bit her lip, “I guess I should come clean.”

You sat up, turning to face her on the couch.

“Alexandra Marie. What are you not telling me?”

Alex sighed and threw her arms out to her side across the couch, “I quit.”

“ALEX!” You yelled, covering your mouth with your hand.

“Hold your horses. It’s not as bad as it sounds. I heard them talking. They interviewed someone else for your position. They are planning to offer you either a demotion or letting you go.”

You watched her in mute horror as she continued.

“It just so happened, last week I ran into Mario from the firm across Olympic. He is in sudden need of a paralegal since his gal’s out on maternity leave early. He offered me a position. I was planning on taking more time to settle some of my cases, but after they pulled this with you… I don’t know. I just couldn’t stay there and watch security walk you out.”

You leaned your head over on Alex’s shoulder, absorbing her story and all it meant. In an instant, your future in LA became unclear. You sat together in silence.

When you entered the law firm, you had no idea that a job you didn’t want would bring you the sister you never had. For years since Callie, you were afraid of letting another girl into your circle. You lived your life surrounded by boys and their circle. You convinced yourself that their community was all you needed. But it was in moments like this where you realized how much you needed someone like Alex. You needed someone removed from the gravitational pull of the band to set you straight and be purely on your side.

“I don’t know what the future holds for me, Al. But no matter what, I appreciate you. Gabe may be a fucking asshole but he at least introduced us. I can’t believe we’ve only been friends 2 years. It kind of feels like I’ve known you forever.”

You and Alex laughed.

Alex playfully pushed your head off her shoulder, “Well, you aren’t getting rid of me, bitch. I quit my job for you!”

______

Within a few hours, you and Alex were pulling up to the rental house. More cars had appeared since you had last left, leaving you to park down the road and walk in. Alex carried a bag full of your borrowed clothes and toiletries, hanging you your backpack you had not yet unpacked from your last trip to the house.

“This place is fucking crazy.” Alex gasped as you reached the driveway, taking in the view.

You nodded and laughed, “Not bad for a last-minute vacation, eh?”

Alex opened the door to the house and was greeted immediately by Sam and Rosie heading out for a walk.

“Y/N/N! You’re back!” Sam exclaimed, closing the door behind him, quieting the noise from inside, “Who’s this?”

Sam pointed to Alex.

Alex scoffed and crouched down to pet Rosie, “Oh forget me. Who is THIS? Oh you’re a good baby, aren’t you?”

You laughed and watched as Rosie spun in circles on Sam’s leash.

“This is my best friend, Alex. She’s the one who I met through work.”

“Alex this is Sam.”

Alex smiled, standing up from the ground, and shook Sam’s hand, “Nice to meet you!”

Sam smiled and nodded, “You too. You’re the one who keeps her together when we’re gone, right? Or I guess the one who gets her in trouble when we aren’t here to do it, right?”

You rolled your eyes and Alex barked a laugh.

“Oh, I have plenty of stories about Y/N getting into her own trouble. Get me a few drinks in and I’m sure you’ll hear some.”

You laugh and push Alex gently towards the door, “Okay then. Enjoy your walk. If we don’t go in, we’ll be out here all night.”

Alex called over her shoulder to Sam as you ushered her inside, “See you later!”

Alex lowered her voice and leaned back towards you to whisper, “Fuck. They’re even better looking in person.”

You raised your eyebrows and grinned.

You took your time wandering around the house introducing guests to Alex. With every open door, you hesitated, fearing that Kayla would make an appearance. With each guest greeted, your worry subsided. Aside from a few newer friends, you had met each of these guests before. None of them indicated Kayla was there or had visited.

After strategically greeting everyone else in the house, Alex convinced you to join Josh, Danny, and others out at the pool. You changed slowly, checking yourself in the mirror before venturing down the stairs.

Danny leaned against the edge of the pool, drinking a Redbull and watching as Josh and a friend competed in shooting a basketball.

Danny turned his gaze on you, smiling brightly.

“Y/N! Welcome back!” Josh yelled from the pool, throwing the ball to you.

You struggled to catch the ball while holding your towel. Once the ball was secured you threw it, watching as Josh intercepted and dunked it in the small hoop.

You laughed and shook your head. Both you and Alex threw your towels down on a nearby lounge chair and stepped into the shallow end.

Alex broke the silence between you and Danny first.

“And you must be Daniel.”

Alex held her hand out for Danny to shake. He set his can down on the pool edge before gasping her outstretched hand.

“You must be Alex. Glad to see you recovered from last night. Y/N seems well recovered as per usual. We have a theory she starts switching out her drinks with water when we aren’t looking.”

Danny gave you a wink.

Alex laughed, giving you a look over her shoulder before looking back to Danny.

“Oh, you mustn’t have had the pleasure of seeing her drunk.” Alex joked.

For a split moment, Danny met your eyes before looking away. You swore you saw a flicker of recognition.

“Oh, we’ve seen her plenty drunk before. She just carries it well and somehow doesn’t pay for it as much as we all do the next day.”

Josh finished his game and splashed his way over to your group.

“Josh, did you meet Y/N’s friend, Alex?” Danny introduced as you and Alex found your place along the pool edge beside him.

“I haven’t. It’s nice to meet you.”

Alex nodded, “It’s nice to meet you as well. So you are the singer… Twins with the one I met coming in the door?”

Alex turned to you for confirmation.

You shook your head, “No. Josh’s twin is the one inside with the guitar. We met him and his partner Jita on the couch.”

“Ah, sorry.” She shot an apologetic look back to Josh.

Josh waved his hand, “Oh it happens all the time. Most of the time people don’t think I am even one of the twins. Always those two, the bastards.”

You laughed, “Forbidden twins, right?”

Josh shook his head with a laugh.

Josh leaned over the pool’s edge, reaching his drink before rejoining the conversation.

“I can’t say I don’t miss this weather, Y/N. You’re almost able to swim like this year round.”

“It’s very nice. Sounds like you guys need to visit more.” Alex volleyed.

Josh nodded, “Yes. We really should. It’s been nice getting the whole gang back together here. Plus getting to add in the new additions. It’s like a big growing family.”

Josh threw his hands out wide. You smiled and cut a look at Danny who did the same in return.

“You know what? I know what a right of passage here is. Y/N, your favorite.”

You raise an eyebrow with caution.

“Who’s up for some truth or dare?” Josh yelled to all outside in earshot.

_____

Reluctantly, you joined the rest of the group inside the house. While waiting for the others to bring chairs and set up a circle, you took two shots, hoping their burn would give you the confidence to survive the historically embarrassing game.

You and Alex took two second-row seats in the circle and watched as all the others took turns daring each other like it was high school. Alex at some point agrees to a single body shot off of Sam’s girlfriend on the pool table.

Sam cleared his throat, “Okay, Y/N. Let’s see what’s changed in 10 years. Truth? Or Dare.”

You smirked, looking back at Sam with your newly kindled drunk confidence.

“Dare then, Sam.” You leveled his gaze, with reckless abandon.

The group around you “ooh’d.”

Alex laughed out loud, shaking her head at you.

Sam’s smile turned sinister. He took a look around the room before placing his thumb under his chin.

“I dare you to kiss someone in this room.”

You felt your confidence cool slightly as you scanned the room. Sam looked back and forth between you and Danny, clearly revealing his alternative plan.

You cleared your throat, rising from your chair and crossing the room with a dramatic swish of your hips. You walked across the circle, noting the bob of Danny’s Adam’s apple as you approached. You gave him a wink before making your decision to his right. Josh looked up at you and gave a slight nod of permission before you sat down on his lap facing him.

He smiled darkly, looking down at your lips as you leaned forward. He crossed the distance, planting his plump lips on yours in a suddenly passionate kiss. You deepened it, reaching your hands up his neck to grab fistfuls of his curly hair. He snaked his arms around your waist, resting his hands on the swell of your ass before giving one side a quick smack. You gasped, allowing him to take the lead and explore your mouth with his tongue. The people in the room sounded with a chorus of “woo’s” and hollerers.

You both broke with a laugh, feeling your lips pulse with the force of his kisses. You rose, wiping your mouth with the back of your hand. Josh gave you a wink as you turned, giving Sam a low and dramatic bow as you returned to your seat. Sam threw his head back with an incredulous laugh.

You returned to your seat next to Alex, giving her a high five as you sat. Your attention suddenly turned as Danny abruptly stood from his seat next to Josh. Sam’s face fell quickly, turning confused. Without thinking, Sam rolled his eyes, “If you’re pissed over it, Dan, then fucking do something about it.” The temperature in the room dropped. Danny quickly redded, noticing how the room quieted, and turned in his direction. You sat frozen in horror looking back and forth between your two oldest friends.

Without saying a word Danny exited the circle, pushing past his friends and heading towards the patio door. For a moment the room stayed quiet, unsure of how to proceed.

Sam shook his head before redirecting the attention back to the game. “Well alrighty then. Nice play, Y/N. You have the floor.”

The room returned to quiet conversation as you picked the next person to play. Across the room, you watched as Josh and Micah gave each other glances from across the room.

_____

Earlier that week…

“Oh fuck!”

You jump up from your bed on the floor to hold your injured thigh.

“Josh, what the fuck?” You sat up, watching Josh crawl off of your bed.

Josh put his finger to his lips and shushed you, “I’m sorry. I was trying to get to the fridge. What in the world are you doing down here on the floor?”

You sighed, propping yourself up on your elbow, still rubbing your leg.

“It’s complicated.”

Josh frowned and sat on the end of your makeshift bed cross-legged.

“What’s wrong, Y/N?”

You weren’t sure if it was the late hour, or the anxiety surrounding Kayla’s brother’s presence, but you caved. For the second time that day, you poured some of your secrets to Josh in hushed tones and prayed nobody else in the house was awake to hear. He listened as you weaved a diluted story about your recent feelings for Danny. When you finished Josh patted your leg through the blankets.

In turn, he told you about him and Micah. It was no secret they had been seeing each other off and on for years. However, a few months before, Micah grew tired of waiting for Josh to settle down. After giving an ultimatum, Josh procrastinated once more in moving in together and buying a home. The stress of keeping the relationship a secret took its toll. Micah asked for a break and the two hadn’t been the same since. Both men refused to acknowledge the breakup was hurting them.

Josh, with his heart broken, devised a plan to get back at both men at the same time. For once, your aching heart agreed to go along with his hair-brained schemes…

______

You took your leave from the group game and headed to the kitchen for another drink. You watched from a distance as Danny talked with his cousins out on the deck. He seemed back to normal after his little outburst during the game. Part of you soured, trying to analyze his behavior through the haze of your inebriation. You were exhausted. Tired of bending over backward trying to figure out what was going on in his head.

You watched as he barked a laugh and threw his head back as he did it. His hair fell off his shoulder, laying down his back in long waves. You felt your drink buzzing in your stomach as you watched him, feeling once again the unstable confidence building in you.

“It’s never going to change unless I stop skirting around this.” You told yourself and then froze, feeling the weight of the absent-minded statement in full. That was the truth. You had spent so many years running from him and your feelings, denying yourself the ability to love him fully even as a friend. You scanned the group for Alex, hoping for one last encouraging glance, but she was nowhere to be found.

Danny placed a hand on his cousin’s shoulder, excusing himself from the group, before heading in the direction of the sliding glass door.

“What can I really lose if I’ve already lost this friendship?” You gripped your glass, throwing back a shot before heading in his direction.

You reached for the door at the same time as he. He smiled, opening the door and ushering you through.

“Just who I was looking for.”

You blinked in surprise, unsure how to respond when your plan had been just to blurt your feelings out.

He furrowed his brow, “What’s wrong?”

Your hands shook. You looked down, suddenly aware you had carried your empty shot glass out the door with you. You bent down, setting your empty glass on the table nearest to you. Danny closed the sliding glass door behind you, motioning for you to join him around the corner away from the audience and noise of the party.

You walked in front of him, mulling over how to word it before settling on easing in. You turned, leaning in closer to him. He ducked his head towards you, turning his head to hear you better over the music in the background.

“Danny, I wanted to talk to you about something.” You started, your voice sounding foreign to your own ears.

He nodded, “Yes, I have something I need to tell you as well.”

Your stomach lurched. You took a steadying breath, taking a moment to ground yourself before making your confession. Outside it was still warm despite it already being nearly midnight. Danny watched you with curiosity, his hair glowing like a halo in the porchlight.

“Danny.”

“Y/N.”

You both paused at the start of each other speaking. Your heart hammered in your chest, causing a steady “woosh” in each of your ears.

He laughed and gestured to you, “Go ahead.”

You felt your body shake slightly, your nerves setting in, “No, no go ahead.”

He watched you for a moment and sighed, “I should let you know. Kayla and I are going to try to work it out.”

The air left your lungs in a quick punch. Your ears suddenly rang as you looked back at him in horror. Of all the things you had expected him to say, this was not one of the options you had considered.

“I know you don’t like her but it’s just been a really long time that we’ve been together. She saw we were here. I didn’t realize she still had my location… She came by and I just…”

You shook your head back and forth, finding yourself swimming in his explanation. The conversation felt like a familiar nightmare.

“Y/N, look at me…”

You looked back up at his dark eyes, filled with concern. Tears pooled in your eyes. You turned away from him to hide their fall, holding a hand over your mouth in case you got sick.

“Y/N, what’s wrong? I’m sorry. I know you don’t like her but…”

Danny placed a hand on your shoulder. Without thinking, you shrugged his hand off of you. You turned to face him, any feeling of hesitation now replaced with a white-hot rage.

“I am done. You can’t just have your cake and eat it too. I don’t… I don’t know what she offers you, Danny. I don’t. But I can’t be here to supplement what she doesn’t anymore. You deserve so much better than this, but you need to figure your shit out. I can’t do it for you.”

Danny gapped, taking a half step back and reaching out for you as if his instinct was to comfort.

You steeled your spine, stepping just out of his reach. “I have to go.”

______

Tears fell freely as you used your sleeve to wipe them. You rushed back into the living room, looking through the crowd for Alex. Instead, you ran into Sam. Immediately, he saw your tears and steered you to a quiet and unoccupied bedroom.

“Are you okay?” He asked, closing the door behind you.

You shook your head, afraid to speak and sound incoherent. Without explaining, Sammy seemed to know. He quietly took a seat beside you, wrapping a long arm around your shoulders.

“I’m going to find, Alex for you okay?”

Within a couple of minutes, the door had burst open revealing Alex. He held your bags over her shoulder and a scowl plastered across her face.

You opened your mouth to explain, but a sob exited instead.

“That motherfucker!” She stepped in the door, closing the door on Sam behind her.

You were about to defend him and try to calm her down when she pulled you into a hug.

“Let’s get the fuck out of here, Y/N/N. Today’s the day we start planning YOUR life. Not his.”

In a blur you allowed yourself to be ushered out by Alex. You gave Sam and Josh a weak goodbye on your way out the door. Alex did not let go of your hand until you reached the car.

Little did you know, Alex had been planning for the worst. Throughout the party, she drank anything but alcohol, wanting nothing to hold you back from a grand escape if you needed her.

As she turned the car down the road, you watched the white beach house grow small from the side mirror. And just for a moment, you believed you could see the outline of a tall figure watching your retreat.

Author's Note:

Well hello! I'm sure you did not expect to find me here.

It has been 2 years since I first posted this fanfic. For a long while, I assumed it was just going to be an abandoned project I still think of from time to time. Well, I have found myself renewed with plans and inspiration to give you the ending you deserve!

However, after 2 years... a lot has changed. Danny is different. I am different. I'm sure you, reader, are different as well. There is likely some story lines I would have written differently if it were written from scratch now. Due to this, I believe our best option to continue is to time jump. So please, bear with me as we leave the early Dreams in Gold era and plant ourselves next chapter, right in the middle of the Starcatcher World Tour.

See you soon! Thanks for sticking with me.

#danny wagner x reader #danny x reader #daniel wagner #greta van fleet fan fiction #greta van fleet smut #greta van fleet fic #danny wagner x y/n #danny wagner fanfic #danny wagner #daniel wagner gvf #Daniel wagner fanfiction #daniel wagner x y/n

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50-shades-of-gvf · 1 year ago

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FIRE🔥🔥🔥🔥

#gvf #greta van fleet #jake kiszka #jake gvf #video #dan wagner #danny #danny gvf #danny wagner #daniel wagner gvf #daniel wagner

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wildbluesorbit · 1 year ago

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someone punch me in the gut !!🚨😵‍💫

#HIS SMILE #happy baby #danny wagner #daniel wagner gvf #greta van fleet #gvf

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anthemofgvf · 2 years ago

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Harvest Moon: Danny Wagner x Reader Blurb

this little blurb is based off of this ask from @acb0116 ! thanks for planting this idea into my little danny heart:,)

description: dancing in the kitchen with Danny to the song "Harvest Moon" by Neil Young.

warnings: none, just pure cheesy fluff

word count: 808

There was something so sincere about dancing with Danny in your shared home. You loved the adoring atmosphere that surrounded the both of you every time he spun you around, causing you to giggle.

So, whenever he was back home during tour, you'd often have your record player set and ready to play whatever vinyl you would have picked for the night.

He walked into the kitchen, noticing that you had set down a Neil Young vinyl onto the record player and setting the needle down onto a specific song.

"What's your choice of song tonight?" He asked you, wrapping his arm around your waist and placing a kiss onto your cheek.

"Harvest Moon," you smiled "it's been a while since we've listened to it. One of my favorites."

He nodded with a hum. "Mine as well."

He grabbed your hand and spun you around quickly, bringing you close to his body as he began to sway with you. His thumb tapped onto your waist to the beat of the music, soft touches, yet meaningful.

Come a little bit closer, hear what I have to say.

Just like children sleepin', we could dream this night away.

He hummed to the melody, to which you joined along with him in a slight harmony. Your cheeks radiated with pink as your smile ran to the corners of your eyes. His capability of making you grin was infectious, and you didn't dare to wipe the smile off your face as he locked eyes with you and looked at you with pure adoration.

But there's a full moon risin'. Let's go dancin' in the night.

We know where the music's playin'. Let's go out and feel the night.

His hand lifted your own up and let you spin in a circle, which you did in tune of the music. Once turning to meet his eyes again, you noticed how the highlights of his hair truly shone in the moonlight that radiated through the windows that surrounded the kitchen.

The hand that rested on his shoulder dared to run it through his curls, then falling to his face. He leaned into your touch with shut eyes with a smile whilst humming along to the song.

Because I'm still in love with you. I wanna see you dance again.

Because I'm still in love with you, on this harvest moon.

"I've always loved your curls." You whispered to him.

He shook them lightly teasingly, tickling your hand. You giggled at the feeling of his dark curls brushing against your hand, so you rested your hand back onto his shoulder and continued swaying along with him to the beat.

"And I've always loved you." He said, placing a kiss on top of your head.

"You're cheesy, you know that?" You huffed a laugh through your nose.

"Well, isn't that why you love me?" He grinned.

"Yes, it's something I've always been fond over. But teasing you about it is a bit fun."

He chuckled at you. He brought his hand to your waist, pulling you closer to him and letting your head relax into his chest while he hummed by your ear. His soft voice soothed you as he sang, and you always loved to hear him sing.

"But now it's gettin' late, and the moon is climbing high," he sang softly, "I want to celebrate. See it shinin' in your eyes."

In a playful manner, you lifted your chin to meet his eyes, batting your eyelashes at him as a way of acting out the song. He kept quiet, keeping his eyes on you with his teeth poking out into a crooked smile.

His eyes spoke the most in these kinds of situations, making your heart skip a beat every time he looked at you in this light. You loved soaking up these moments, to watch how his eyes lit up and the corners of his eyes slightly crinkled as his smile ran admirably. He was a perfect individual - everything about him was. You'd always take the opportunity to tell him how much you loved him, and every little detail that made up who he is was mere perfection to you.

Because I'm still in love with you. I wanna see you dance again.

Because I'm still in love with you, on this harvest moon.

As the song slowly died down and led into the next track, he placed a tender kiss onto your lips. Cupping your cheeks, he held your face close to his.

"I always miss this when I'm off on tour." He whispered to you.

"Gives you something to look forward to when you come home." You said to him.

"Always. Thank you," he placed another kiss on your lips, "I love you, on this harvest moon."

You giggled at his reference. "And I love you too, Danny, on this harvest moon."

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frozenlight-gvf · 1 year ago

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Strawberry Wine Masterlist

pairing: barn au: danny x fem!reader (enemies to lovers)

summary: you'd spent the whole summer tormenting the new barn hand, but things were finally reaching that inevitable tipping point where you two would either fall in love or fall apart... or both

total word count: 14k

warnings (for the whole series): language, dirty talk, ~digital penetration~, something to do with a hayloft...?, praise/degradation all that good stuff, language, dirty talk, explicit sexual content, angst, injury (no graphic descriptions), talk of hospitals, language

a/n: i consider this series a "completed work in progress!" you can read what's been written so far and not feel like you've been left on a cliffhanger, but i'm leaving it open to future additions if i ever want to write more for it :)

~~~

Part One

Part Two

Part Three

#gvf #greta van fleet #gvf fanfiction #gvf fic #danny wagner #daniel wagner #danny gvf #daniel wagner gvf #daniel wagner fic #danny wagner fic #danny gvf fic #strawberry wine gvf

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daisyrb-gvf · 11 months ago

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Wet Ink and Burning Ice-DRW

d.r.w. x f!reader

Words: 9.7k

Okay, you guys. This is the reason I haven't posted chapter 4 of "Cruising Into Love." Ya girl got too feral and needed to let some stuff out....so here you go!

Summary: Your boyfriend Danny has been bulking up, and you have some new ideas for how to break in those new muscles.

Warnings: 18+ readers only!!!!

explicit sex, unprotected penetrative sex, oral sex (m and f receiving), fingering, arm riding(!), edging, orgasm denial, bondage, spanking, slight degradation, ice play, foul language, some cheesy love because I can't help myself, INSANELY HOT DANIEL WAGNER!!!! Let me know if I missed anything!

“Alright, you two. I’m heading out,” Sam says to you and Danny, slapping his hands on his knees and pressing himself up off the oversized chair in yours and Danny’s living room. The credits from the movie you were all watching roll across the screen as Sammy slips on his Birks and heads toward the front door.

“Bye, Sammy!” you say with a smile.

“See you tomorrow, Sam,” Danny says, gently shifting you off of his chest and placing a pillow underneath you.

“See you then, Daniel,” Sam calls out, closing the door behind him with a click, as your beautiful curly-headed boyfriend heads toward the kitchen.

“Do you want another glass of wine, honey?” You hear him open the fridge and crack open a can of beer.

“Yes, please! Thank you, baby!” you call out, sitting up on the couch.

Danny rustles around in the pantry and pulls out an unopened bottle of wine. You and Sam had finished off the first one throughout the course of the evening, all of you laughing and enjoying another one of Sam’s amazing meals before settling down to watch a movie. You hear the cork pop off and the liquid pour into your glass before Danny makes his way back into the living room.

“Here you go, sweetheart.” He hands you your glass with that heart-melting boyish smile that makes you weak in the knees. You wonder if you’ll ever get tired of that-if that feeling will ever fade? Definitely not you think to yourself as he leans in to kiss your forehead. No, after two years together, you still feel that same delicious heartache that you felt the moment you laid eyes on him. Gazing at him from across the bar, watching him laugh that goofy little laugh while he got drunk with his brothers, not a care in the world. His eyes met yours and locked in and that was that. Love at first sight, as cheesy as that sounds. Maybe it is, but you don’t care. You knew at that moment that he was the love of your life, and he knew it too.

“What are you thinking about, angel?” Danny asks, sitting on the floor between your legs, his body halfway turned to face you, and his head resting against your knee.

You caress his sweet face with your hand, tracing your forefinger along his perfectly chiseled jaw as he gazes up at you with an expression that can only be described as pure love. “The night we met,” you smile, leaning down to kiss him on his sharp, angled nose dusted with the most adorable freckles.

He leans over and kisses your knee opposite the one he is resting on. “That was a good night,” he replies, gazing up at you again, gently stroking your calf with his free hand, the other still holding his beer.

A laugh bubbles up out of your chest. Danny looks at you curiously, chuckling. “What’s so funny?” he smiles, sitting up straighter.

“Just imagining how grossed out Sam would be if he were still here. You know he thinks we are the cheesiest, most nauseating couple on the planet,” you giggle again.

Danny chuckles back, “In his defense, he’s probably right, but he’ll get it one day when he finds the right person.”

“Oh I can’t wait to give him shit the day that happens,” you say with a smirk.

“You and me both!” Danny laughs, leaning back again, his shoulder in between your legs leaning on the couch cushion. “You want to watch something else?” he asks, grabbing the remote off of the coffee table.

“Yeah, sure! You pick.”

Danny scrolls through the list of movies on the screen, settling on one you’ve both seen a thousand times.

“Caddyshack? Again?” you groan, tossing your head back and running your hand over your face.

“Hey! You said I can pick!” he laughs, turning up the volume.

You play with his soft, dark brown curls tickling your knee while you drink your wine, lovingly rolling your eyes at your boyfriend as he laughs at the same lines he’s heard thousands of times. You would be perfectly happy if you never watched this movie again, but you do love that goofy laugh, and the way his eyes crinkle when something really gets him belly laughing. You finish off your wine and hand the glass to him as he tips his can of beer back, swallowing the last few drops. He leans over to set the glass and can both on the coffee table, the muscles in his shoulders and arms more visible with his reach. The few glasses of wine you had already made you clench and shift slightly in your seat. Danny knows you get extra horny for him when you drink red wine, and you know that’s why he offered you another glass earlier. Not that you would have needed it. You’re fucking feral for this man stone-cold sober 24/7. He extends his arms above his head and then out to the sides, stretching with a yawn before leaning back to his previous position. Oh, for fucks sake. You’re already feeling flushed just from his stretch. You lazily run your finger across his shoulder and bicep, tracing the outline of each beautiful muscle. Ever since he started hanging out with Dave, Danny has started to bulk up. They’re “gym bros” now, as you love to call them, poking fun at your boyfriend. But you can’t deny, you are loving the results of the work he is putting in. You bite your lip, shifting in your seat again.

“You doing okay up there?” Danny asks, turning his head slightly, but keeping his eyes on the screen.

“Oh yeah. I am just fine,” you reply suggestively, leaning over to kiss him on the cheek as you slide your hand down the front of his white “The Thing With Feathers” band t-shirt. He cut the sleeves off the sides, exposing his arms, shoulders, and the sides of his torso. Everyone thinks he’s so sweet and humble, and yeah, sometimes he is, but he also loves to show off for all of his screaming fans, and for you, of course. You feel the ripples of his pecs and obliques under the soft touch of your fingertips and he shudders. Turning around, he looks up at you through his long, dark lashes, the sparkle of gold and green flecks in his eyes making your breath hitch.

“Does my girl want to play?” he grins wickedly, licking his lips.

“You know I do. And I know you do by how wine drunk you got me tonight,” you giggle.

“What can I say? You just do it for me, baby,” he winks as you giggle again. “What are you thinking about?”

“How I’m really glad you and Dave became friends,” you reply, your eyes exploring every inch of his upper body.

“Interesting thought to get you all worked up, but I suppose he is pretty hot,” Danny smirks.

God, that makes you want him even more. The way he can just openly talk about his guy friends being attractive with no weird stigma around it. He just calls it like he sees it, and he sees it for what it is: Dave Welsh is, in fact, pretty hot.

“You’re definitely right about that,” you giggle as you lean in to kiss the shell of his ear, his head lolling off to the side, giving you better access. “But I’m referring to how bulked up you’ve gotten since you gym bros started hanging out.” Your voice is low and sultry in his ear and his eyes flutter in response.

“Do you have to call us that?” he chuckles, his voice low and soft and his eyes still fluttering as you nip at his ear lobe.

“What would you prefer I call you, hmm?” you ask, speaking barely above a whisper as you kiss his neck softly.

“I don’t know…I think maybe ‘friends’ would suffice,” he chuckles, his breath hitching when you bite his neck, soothing it with a swipe of your tongue.

You giggle and reply, “No…that just doesn’t fit quite right. See, you’re friends with Sammy and the twins, but you don’t have that special homoerotic ‘gym bro’ connection that you have with Dave. I’m sticking with gym bros.” You giggle and wrap your arms around him, feeling the strong, sinewy muscles across his chest and kissing his impossibly soft, freckle-dusted shoulder.

“Homoerotic, huh?” he smirks, gently caressing his calloused hands over your arms.

“Oh, yeah. Definitely,” You shift to the other side of his body, peppering kisses on his other shoulder.

“And does my dirty girl like that? Thinking about her ‘homoerotic’ boyfriend and his ‘gym bro’ lifting weights, standing over each other to spot one another, our faces dangerously close to the others’ crotch?” he laughs.

“You say that like a joke, but yes, in fact, your dirty girl does like that,” you giggle, running your hands down his abs before moving them back up and over his shoulders. “But right now all I can focus on are these shoulders and arms. Fuck, they are just doing something for me.”

He chuckles, “You know you’re gonna give me a big head talking about my body so much.”

“Oh please,” you roll your eyes, pulling back to sit up straight on the edge of the couch. “You got a big head during your last tour when all of the girls started losing their damn minds over you and that hot body.”

“Maybe so,” he smirks, “but you’re the only one who gets this ‘hot body.’ He turns around to kneel before you, running his hands slowly up your thighs. “So tell me, angel, what do you want to do to it? I’m all yours.”

“Well, I…I have this idea,” you start as your face turns a deep shade of red.

He looks at you concerned for a moment. “What is it, baby? You know you can tell me anything. You don’t need to be embarrassed with me.” He cups your cheek and you lean into his touch.

“Um, it’s…well, it’s kinda different, I suppose,” you fidget with your hands.

“Sweetheart, it’s me. You know I just want to make you feel good. I want to give you what you want, okay?” He leans in to kiss your forehead, his lips warm and soft.

“Okay,” you start, your nerves relaxing a little, “well, you know how I love to ride your thighs, right?”

He flashes that beautiful bright white smile, “Oh, yeah I do.”

“Do you think maybe…um, maybe I could…try to uh…ride y-your…arms?”

He releases a sharp exhale from his nose, his body tensing, causing his muscles to flex oh so deliciously. Grabbing both sides of your face, he goes in for a deep, passionate kiss, groaning into your mouth. “I fucking love you, you know that baby?” he says as he pulls back, resting his forehead on yours.

You’re so relieved by his response, your nervous tension immediately fades away as you drape your arms around his shoulders and pull him flush with your body. “So, is that a yes?” you giggle.

“That’s a hell yes,” he replies with that ridiculously sexy smile, kissing you again. “I’m not completely sure how to go about it, but we will figure it out together, okay?” His eyes are so full of adoration, you wonder why you were nervous to ask him? Your heart feels like it could literally burst from how much you love this man. He pulls back from the kiss and you gaze at him, just taking in his beauty that you will never tire of. He allows this for a moment, gazing back at you and tucking a piece of hair behind your ear before he just can’t hold back anymore. He presses you back against the couch a little roughly and you bite your lip with a wicked grin, loving how eager he is for this. “You’re so fucking sexy, y/n,” he groans as he kisses and bites along your neck, licking a long strip from the base of your neck up to your ear. “Say it,” he commands.

“I-I’m so fucking sexy,” you say, breathlessly, feeling a little silly, but already so lost in him that you don’t care.

“Yeah, that’s my girl,” he whispers, biting your earlobe just enough to sting before gently sucking on it. You whimper at his praise and start to tug at his shirt, pulling it over his head haphazardly. Grasping his shoulders, you pull him in and kiss him deeply again, letting your hands roam all over his perfectly sculpted torso, arms, and shoulders. “Mmm you just can’t get enough can you?” He licks his bottom lip and flashes that devilish grin again.

“You have no fucking idea, Daniel,” you moan, reaching for the fly of his pants, fumbling to undo the button and pull down the zipper. He groans when you slide your hand into his tight, skinny jeans, cupping him while sucking on his bottom lip.

He grips your wrist and pulls your hand out, pinning it above your head. “Not yet. I’m going to take my time tonight. Make sure you get off on my arms, you filthy little slut.” You whimper and arch your back, begging for him to touch you, lick you, kiss you, bite you…anything. You just need to feel more of him. “Mmm nope. Not until you say it. What are you, y/n?”

You turn bright red as your breathing intensifies further. “I-I’m a filthy little slut.” The way he talks to you when he gets like this sets your whole body on fire. It’s so unlike him to talk to you this way. In fact, he was uncomfortable with it at first when you told him you liked it. He didn’t like calling you names or doing anything other than adore and praise you, but once he saw how hard you got off from it, he was on board 100%.

“Yes you are, angel. My filthy little slut.” He gives you a wet, messy kiss, so desperate to taste as much of you as possible, before moving down to lick and suck down your chest, biting your peaked nipples through your cropped tank top. You shove the straps down your arms, rolling down the top until your breasts pop out with a bounce. He looks so desperate to taste you as he dives in, biting, sucking, practically abusing your chest, leaving bite marks and hickies-marking his territory. He’s animalistic right now. Your hands grip his silky soft curls, tugging on them with each excruciating bite. Fuck, he makes the pain feel so good. Working his way down your stomach, he rips your shorts off of you roughly, exposing your completely soaked light pink cotton panties.

Danny sighs and his eyes flutter for a moment, taking in the view. “Oh, baby…such a good fucking girl. So wet for me already.” He dives in, running his perfectly angled nose along your heat, his tongue following suit. You moan louder than expected, considering there is still fabric between you and his mouth. “Yeah? You like that, baby?” he goads, rubbing his thick middle finger in feather-light circles over your clit.

“Yes, Danny,” you whimper, “Oh God yes,” you say louder as he increases the pressure. You thrust into his hand, but he pulls back and grips your hips, slamming you back down onto the couch cushions. Your brow furrows and you whimper pathetically, so desperate for his touch again. He leans in and bites the skin just below your belly button, causing you to cry out and wince. Yanking you by your arms back into an upright position, he stands and towers over you, gripping your chin and tugging it up so you can look him in the eyes.

“You’re going to cum exactly four times tonight-no more, no less. Do you understand me?” He’s an angel straight from hell, bound and determined to drag you down with him, and you have absolutely no desire to fight against it.

“Yes sir,” you reply shakily. He roughly glides his thumb across your bottom lip, dragging it down before sliding it into your mouth so far back that you gag. He grits his teeth at the sound, and you can see his cock twitch through his jeans.

Danny moves to sit on the floor again between your legs, as you sit on the edge of the seat. Moving sideways, he positions his right shoulder in between your thighs, just inches away from your throbbing clit, practically pulsing through your panties. You sit still for a moment, waiting for direction, not sure what to do and a little nervous.

“Well, come on, sweetheart. This is what you wanted, right? Do it,” he demands, looking up at you through his dark, long lashes, smirking and biting his lip.

You slowly inch forward just a bit as Danny tenses and flexes his arm, glancing over and smirking. Such a show off. You take a deep, shaky breath, suddenly feeling embarrassed again. This is so weird, right? Wanting to ride your boyfriend’s arms?! He seems into it, but what if he gets freaked out?

“Angel,” his soft, kind voice pulls you out of your spiral. Reaching over with his left hand, he caresses your calf and looks up at you with those beautiful, sparkling hazel eyes filled with so much love . “Please don’t ever feel uncomfortable with me, okay? I love you. This isn’t weird if we don’t want it to be. Don’t think. Just feel,” he presses his shoulder in between your thighs, closing the gap. You gasp at the sensation, realizing just how badly you needed to feel any part of him between your legs. Gripping at his left arm that has moved up to your thigh, you slowly start to grind on him, right on top of his new tattoo, a symbol he created to represent the moon phase on the day he was born. It’s beautiful and unique and so…Danny. It feels incredibly intimate and almost forbidden to ride that particular part of his body. The sight of it causes your eyes to flutter as a moan escapes from your lips. Even through your panties, you can see his shoulder starting to dampen. His jaw drops as he takes in the scene before him, gripping and kneading your thigh. He fucking loves this. You roll your hips faster, your other hand gripping the silky soft curls on his head as you feel your orgasm start to build.

“Oh my God,” you whisper in shock. “Already?” Your voice is so quiet you didn’t thank Danny could hear, but he did.

“Oh, I knew it wouldn’t take long, sweetheart,” he smirks, looking up at you. “Come on, angel. I want to see you cum all over my shoulder. Right on this tattoo.” Glancing back down, his jaw drops again, a smile breaking through, so pleased and eager to see you fall apart around him.

Loud whimpers and moans escape from you as your legs start to shake, just on the cusp of your orgasm. Danny moves his arm up further, digging his fingers into your hip, surely leaving bruises for you to blush at later. A reminder of this moment with him. He works your hip, urging you to roll your body faster onto him. You cry out his name, repeating it over and over mixed with a string of expletives as you fall apart around him, your nails digging into the sinewy muscle of his other arm, head falling back lazily as you come down, riding out the last few pulses of your orgasm. Leaning forward, you rest your cheek on top of his head, your breathing ragged. He runs his hand over your arm that’s resting on your knee, his right arm tracing an unknown pattern on your calf.

“Fuck, baby. That was the hottest thing I’ve ever seen in my life. Why didn’t I think of this?” he chuckles.

You giggle as your breathing starts to regulate. Sitting up, you caress his face as he looks up at you in adoration. “I’m just glad you didn’t think it was too weird.”

“Y/n I would get much weirder than that for you,” he laughs, leaning his head against your knee.

“Oh really? I’m going to hold you to that, Daniel.” You lean down to give him a chaste kiss.

Pulling his arm away slowly, you get a clearer view of the mess you made on his tattoo. Seeing it glisten in the lamplight made you clench. Daniel Wagner is the only man who could make you this horny mere minutes after an orgasm. You’re dying for more already.

He looks down to admire your work as well, in awe. “Wow. And with your panties still on? Baby, let’s see the mess you can make with them off.” He flashes that wicked grin again, turning to face you on his knees, and grasping your hips to lift you up off of the couch into a standing position in front of him. Glancing up at you through those dark, long lashes, he licks a stripe from the waistband of your panties up to your belly button, then moves to kiss and lick along your hips. You close your eyes with a soft sigh, relaxing into him, feeling him, committing every single movement of his mouth against your skin to memory, your hands roaming along his arms and shoulders again, your fingers lingering on his damp tattoo. Hooking his thumbs over the waistband of your panties, he begins to pull them down slowly, continuing to feast on every inch of you, but he stops just short of exposing you and turns you around somewhat aggressively. You gasp in shock. Thankfully, he kept a firm grip on your hips to keep you from falling.

“Fuck, sweetheart, I don’t think I’ll ever get enough of you,” he murmurs, almost like he is just talking to himself. You smile, turning your head to glance at him as you caress your hands over his, still resting on your hips.

“That’s good because you’re stuck with me, Daniel Robert,” you reply with a wink. He glances up at you through his lashes again, but this time he has that adorable lovesick puppy expression plastered on his face. Your heart aches for him and you can’t decide what’s sexier: that look of adoration and longing, or that predatory look of hunger he switches to so quickly.

He peppers the tenderest kisses along the small of your back, his arms dropping to caress your legs, causing goosebumps to prickle up in his wake. Switching from kisses to soft bites and licks, he then slides his big, warm hands up the sides of your thighs, hooking his fingers into the waistband of your panties again. His mouth follows the slow descent of your panties over your ass, devouring the plush skin. You feel his smooth cheek rub against the swell of your ass as he lets out a quiet groan. Switching sides, he repeats his actions on your other cheek before moving down to taste the backs of your thighs.

Whimpering, you tip your head back and whisper, “Please, baby.”

“Please what, angel?” he chuckles, pulling back to remove your panties from around your ankles.

“Please, I need more. Can you give it to me? Give me more, please?” You are whimpery and pathetic, but you don’t care. All sense of pride is thrown out the window and you are putty in his hands.

He groans and kneads his hands into the supple skin of your ass, just barely running his angular nose up your crack, ending with a kiss on the small of your back. You gasp and let out a shaky whimper as you clench. “Is my sweet girl already so eager to make a mess of my other arm?” he asks. God, how is his voice this fucking sexy?

“Yes, baby, I need it. I need you. Please let me cum again, Daniel?” He loves it when you say his name while you beg.

He sighs out a groan before smacking your ass and aggressively turns you around again, shoving you back down on the couch in a seated position. Sitting on his knees directly in front of the sofa, he extends his left forearm along the couch cushion with his palm up, and elbow bent a little wider than a 90 degree angle right next to where you are sitting. “Straddle my arm, y’n,” he commands. You obey and shift to the side, swinging your leg over his head with a giggle as you sit on his forearm. He tenses and flexes all the muscles in his arm to give you a show and create some friction in between your legs. “Scoot forward.” You wiggle your way toward him until your clit is pressed against his bicep, your ass all the way on the edge of the couch. The veins in his arm are popping out as he continues to flex and put on a show for you, and the feel of his forearm underneath you along with your aching clit up against bicep is so fucking delicous your eyes flutter in anticipation. Danny leans forward and grips the back of your neck with his free hand to pull you into a hot, messy, deep kiss. You moan and instinctively grind on him, but he quickly slaps your thigh, leaving behind a sharp sting. You hiss and whimper from the shock of it. He grips your throat, his thumb digging into your pulse point as he leans in, his nose barely brushing yours. “Wait,” he says barely above a whisper through gritted teeth. His dominance makes you clench and you know he felt it because of the wicked chuckle he let out afterward. Keeping his hand on your throat, he moves his thumb to your jaw, jerking your head to the side so he can bite and suck on your neck. You whimper in pain, but it feels so good. His arm underneath you starts to feel slippery and you clamp your eyes shut to focus on staying still as he moves down to aggressively devour your breasts, biting, sucking, licking all over your tits. His free hand moves down to grip your thigh, presumably to keep you steady so he doesn’t have to punish you again. Although he loves to be dominant for you, you know deep down he just craves being sweet to you. You smile for a moment thinking of how tender his action is, even if his fingers are digging so roughly into your thigh that you’re sure there will be bruises tomorrow.

“Come on baby, please?” You whine again, this time your breathing heavy and ragged, choking back a sob. “You feel so good underneath me. Please let me do it? I promise I’ll make a mess just like you want me to. I’ve been so good, haven’t I?”

“Fuck, baby yes. Ride me,” he groans, his jaw dropping again as he watches you immediately roll your hips on his arm at a quick pace, rubbing your clit against his flexing bicep. You dig your nails into his shoulders, feeling his muscles tense and flex with every roll of your hips as he holds himself steady for you. “Does that feel good, sweetheart? Riding my arm like the depraved little slut you are?” He licks his bottom lip and bites it, feigning a cool attitude, but you see him shift and grind his hips into the sofa. He’s aching for release too. How is he going to wait for two more orgasms? You pick up your pace, thinking about how badly he needs to cum right now, eager to get off so that you’re one step closer to getting him off.

“Yes, Danny,” you moan, staring at his bicep as you grind on it, seeing your juices coat his skin and hearing how wet you are with each slippery roll of your hips against him. He starts to move his arm forward and back, creating more friction, and helping you chase your orgasm since your legs are already shaking. “Oh, God yes, yes yes…” you repeat over and over between whimpers and loud moans.

“There it is, beautiful. Come on, just let it happen. I want to see my arm dripping wet by the time you’re done.” His eyes are hooded and his jaw is dropped again, taking in the sight of you, his fingers still dug deeply in your thigh.

You beat your fist against his shoulder and throw your head back, going rigid as he continues to furiously move his arm beneath you. Your mouth opens in a silent moan, holding your breath until you reach your peak, coming down with a loud cry and whimper of Danny’s name as you flop backward onto the couch, sweaty and spent.

“Oh, fuck,” Danny chuckles with wide eyes.

“What?” you reply, barely able to open your eyes. You twitch as he slowly slides his arm out from under you. It is completely drenched. You turn bright red at the sight of it, your eyes going wide.

“You are a good girl, aren’t you? Doing exactly as you're told,” he leans forward to kiss you on the forehead. “Now taste it.” You blink your eyes at him confused for a moment, still trying to bring yourself back to reality. He swipes two fingers along his arm and brings them to your lips, dipping them into your mouth. “Tastes good, doesn’t it, baby?” He lifts his arm up to lick a long, langued stripe, keeping his eyes on you. Your jaw drops watching the scene. He’s so fucking sexy your head is reeling. “Come on, y/n. Lick it up.” You slowly bend down, and lick all the way from his forearm up to his bicep, tasting the salty sweetness you left behind. “Fuck,” he whispers under his breath, using his other hand to shift his painfully hard length aching to break free from those tight jeans. Kissing him deeply, you moan, tasting yourself on each others’ tongues.

“Come on baby, please let me take care of that for you?” you beg, glancing down at his crotch. “I need it. Please, Danny?” Your whine is pathetic and you know that makes him crazy.

He kisses you roughly, groaning into your mouth and gripping your hair before standing in front of you, your face eye level with his dick. His hands move to tenderly caress your shoulders as he gazes down at you, watching you practically pant in anticipation.

“Well, go ahead, pretty girl. Take what you begged for,” he smirks, licking his bottom lip. God, you love it when he towers over you like this.

Gripping the waistband of his already unbuttoned jeans, you haphazardly tug them down his legs. He kicks them off the rest of the way, helping you out. Wasting no time, you grip his length through his boxer briefs and lick from the base to the tip, dampening the fabric with your tongue. Tipping his head back slightly, he lets out a low groan, one hand resting on his stomach while the other lazily plays with your hair. He twitches when you suck on his tip, already able to taste the salty precum through the fabric.

“Come on baby, give me more or you’ll pay for it later,” he says, already breathless.

You pull back and start to kiss his hip bones and strong, slender thighs, licking a stripe up the inner part of his leg until you reach the hem of his underwear.

“Oh, so my girl wants to be tortured a little tonight, does she? Okay, then. Guess we will find out later if you are going to regret this.” His voice is soft and smooth, but the threat behind it makes you shiver at his words.

You continue your movements for a few more minutes, softly running your lips all over the skin around his underwear, but never getting near his throbbing length except for one little kitten lick over his tip.

“That’s enough, y/n,” he growls, gripping your hair roughly and yanking your head back, causing you to yelp. “Take. Them. Off. Now.” he says through gritted teeth, his eyes dark and animalistic.

Whimpering, you start to pull down his underwear, your hands shaking, not from fear but excitement. He’s about to get rough with you. As soon as they are off, he grips the base of his length and shoves it past your lips, hitting the back of your throat until you choke. He moans and purses his lips, nostrils flaring as he glares at you, pulling out and shoving himself into your mouth harder the second time. You cough around him and he pulls back out, giving you a moment.

“Relax your throat, baby. I’m not going to stop,” he warns. You know that’s not actually true. With two taps of your hand on the back of his calf he would stop immediately and take care of you, but the threat of it has you wet all over again. You drop your jaw and open your throat and he thrusts back into you a bit further. This time you don’t choke, so he starts a steady rhythm, holding the back of your head, but releasing his grip. You hollow out your cheeks and suck hard, sliding your tongue along the underside of his shaft before pulling off with a pop sound. You move to take one of his balls in your mouth before he can push his way back into you. He groans as his other hand slides further down his stomach, the trail of hair beneath his belly button peeking through in between his fingers. Moving back to his dick, you add your hand, moving it in tandem with your mouth, adding a twisting motion as you swirl your tongue around the tip. He moans and tips his head back, gripping your hair as drool starts to drip out of your mouth and gather under your hand, warm and wet. After a minute or so, he grasps your wrist and rips your hand away, shoving himself deep into the back of your throat with his hand gripping the back of your head again. You choke and gag around him, but keep moving with him as he fucks your face furiously, drool dripping down your chin, tears leaking from your eyes, and snot starting to run out of your nose. You’re a fucking mess, and he loves it. Peering down at you, his eyes flutter and his jaw drops, his breathing loud and uneven in between loud moans and whimpers.

“Yeah, that’s it baby. Take it. I love the way it sounds when you choke on me like that,” he groans. You try to moan around him, but it’s impossible with how deeply he is fucking into the back of your throat. “You’re such a fucking mess right now. Such a good girl for me…” He trails off into more moans and whimpers for a few seconds before you feel his hips start to twitch and his rhythm falter. Thank God, you feel like you are going to pass out if he doesn’t finish soon. “Yeah, baby. Right there, oh fuck yes, right there.” The pitch of his voice gets higher with each phrase until he moans loudly and repeats your name over and over, holding himself steady in the back of your throat, the warm liquid spurting out as you feel him twitch inside of you. He chokes out one last moan as you swallow around him, slurping up every last drop when he slowly pulls out of your mouth. He pulls you close to him, his hand tangled in your hair still with a looser grip, your cheek resting on his hip bone as you move your hand up to run your fingers through the soft hair on his stomach, his skin just barely damp underneath your fingertips.

“Oh, you did so good baby,” he praises as his breathing starts to stabilize.

After a moment, he grins down at you and then swiftly picks you up and throws you over his shoulder, slapping your ass as he carries you down the hallway to your shared bedroom. You giggle and reach down to squeeze one of his buttcheeks that you lovingly make fun of all the time. He has the tiniest little butt, especially compared to the Kiszka twins.

“Stop that,” he chuckles, slapping your ass again as he turns to enter your bedroom. You giggle when he throws you down on the bed. He hovers over you for a moment, swiping away the pieces of your hair that had dried and stuck to your face. He gazes at you for a moment. That heartbreaking look of love and adoration in his eyes courses through your veins and makes your breath hitch. After a minute or so, he sits up, straddling you as he takes both of your hands to move above your head. He attaches them to the velcro cuffs that have become a permanent addition to your headboard. You lift your head up and kiss his chest as he leans over, making sure the straps are secure.

Moving back down, he tenderly kisses your forehead. “I’ll be right back, sweetheart.” He walks into the bathroom and you can hear the cabinet door open and the faucet run. He has a damp washrag in his hand as he approaches the bed, laying next to you. “Here, let’s get you cleaned up a bit.” His voice is so tender and soothing, matching the way he runs the rag over your face and chest, wiping off the dried tears, saliva, and snot. If it were anyone else you would feel embarrassed and gross, especially as he gently wipes around your nose, but…it’s Danny. “There, that’s better,” he says, running his eyes over you to make sure he didn’t miss anything. “You okay? Comfortable and everything?” he asks, setting the washrag on the nightstand.

“Yes, baby.” Your heart is pounding as you smile up at him. Not from nervousness or excitement. No, this is from pure love.

He sidles next to you, tracing his finger along your cheek and jaw, leaning in to give you the sweetest, softest kiss you could ever imagine. Moving his finger down to trace along the center of your chest down to your belly button, he leans in and whispers in your ear, “Are you ready for more?”

“God, yes,” you breathe. You are so worked up from getting him off, and you are aching for more. Sweet Danny is tugging at your heartstrings, but you want dominant Danny back for just a little longer.

He wraps his hand around your throat, pressing on your pulse point and traps you in a kiss that steals all of the breath from your lungs. You moan into his mouth, already clenching and squeezing your legs together.

“Mmm my sweet girl is insatiable, isn’t she?” he chuckles against your lips. “So greedy,” he groans before capturing your bottom lip between his teeth, sucking away the sharp pain right afterward.

“You are the one who told me I was going to cum four times tonight, remember? ‘No more, no less’?” you goad.

Danny removes his hand from your throat and slides his thumb into your mouth, pressing down on your tongue. “From now on, this mouth is only going to be used to let me know how good I’m making you feel or,” he moves his lips to your ear and whispers, “how badly I’m torturing you. Understand?” You whimper and nod your head, unable to respond as his thumb is still pressed down in your mouth. He slides it out pulling down your bottom lip as he bites your earlobe, enough for it to sting and make you yelp. He pulls away and grabs the tank top that’s still bunched around your waist. “Let’s get this off.” He wiggles it down past your hips and over your legs, throwing it on the floor, leaving you completely naked and bound. “You are so fucking beautiful tied up like this for me. Just my little plaything, aren’t you?” He spreads your legs and kneels between them, smirking as he watches you squirm. “Answer me,” he commands in a stern tone.

“Yes. Yes, Danny I’m your plaything. Please just do something? Please touch me?” you beg, clenching around nothing.

“Pathetic little thing already this worked up? And after cumming twice already. Oh, what am I going to do with you?” His smile is so wicked, you know torture is coming your way. He makes his way back up to your face, his nose and lips mere centimeters away. You lean up to close the gap, but he grips your throat tightly and presses you down into the mattress. He chuckles evilly and leans down to tease his lips against yours, swiping his tongue across them before making his way down to your chest, releasing your throat. Soft curls tickle your skin as he leans in to taste you, but he never does. He hovers his lips so close to your body that you almost think you can feel it, but it’s just your brain tricking you. He hovers over your collarbone, neck, breast-spending extra time around your nipple. He even labors his breathing so you can’t feel the sensation of his hot breath on the sensitive buds aching to feel any part of him. Even just a brush of his stomach or something would ease the ache for a moment, but you feel nothing. You want so badly to arch up into his mouth, but you know if you do it will be so much worse. He repeats the action on your other breast and you whimper and jerk on the cuffs, begging him without words. He chuckles again and sticks his tongue out to lick your nipple, but it’s so soft and so fast you wouldn’t even be sure it happened if you weren’t looking. It’s even more infuriating than not having his mouth on you at all.

“Please, Danny. Please,” you whine, pulsing and clenching around nothing again.

“Keep begging, angel. I can do this all night.” He flicks his eyes up at you and grins as he moves down, continuing his movements all over your belly and hips. You do your best not to squirm, but when he hovers over your core you can’t help but roll your hips into his mouth. He immediately sits up and slaps the inside of your thigh. Hard. So hard you know you’ll see a handprint there in the morning. You cry out and whimper, your lip quivering from the sting and the denial of his lips on you where you need them most.

“Oh, such a shame. You were so close to getting what you wanted, but you had to go and get impatient on me,” he mocks, standing up and walking out of the room. Where the fuck is he going? You know better than to ask, but you whine again and squeeze your legs together for just a tiny bit of relief.

What is he doing?! You wonder after a few minutes of laying there naked, tied up, and alone. Wait..is he…laughing? He’s fucking laughing!

Danny is in the living room, checking his phone and laughing at a video that Sam sent to him as he leisurely drinks a beer. After about five minutes or so he moseys into the kitchen, gets a cup from the cabinet and fills it with ice cubes before heading back down the hall. His phone is still in hand as he rounds the corner and steps into the bedroom, eyes locked on the screen as he chuckles at something he is reading-completely unbothered. You look at him with the most pathetic, pouty expression, silently begging him to take mercy on you, but he won’t even look up. He just keeps on reading whatever is on that fucking phone of his. You’re almost on the verge of tears when he finally sets his phone down on the dresser and walks up to the foot of the bed, setting the glass of ice down on the floor next to him.

“So, you think you’re ready to try again, y/n?” he asks, hands on his hips, looking down at you with that evil grin again.

“Yes,” you breathe, doing your best to stay completely still.

“Good girl.” He leans over to grab your hips and flips you over to your stomach. “Get on your knees.”

You wiggle your way up to your knees as quickly as you can, staying completely still once you’re in position, your face against the mattress and your hands gripping the rail of the headboard that the cuffs are attached to. Danny pads over to the bedside table and pulls out the black, silk blindfold he keeps in the top drawer. “Turn your head,” he commands. You turn away from him, facing the other side of the room as he gently wraps the fabric around your eyes and secures it behind your head with a double knot. He makes his way back down to the foot of the bed and you hear him grab the cup of ice, the cubes too loud for him to be very secretive about what he’s going to do-hence, the blindfold. You shiver and tense, trying to prepare yourself for the icy chill that could start at any part of your body, but it’s not happening. It’s hard to gauge time in this predicament, but you know it’s been at least a couple of minutes. He’s really testing you tonight. Finally, you feel the ice press against the back of your thigh and you hiss and flinch from the sensation. He holds it in place long enough for it to melt a bit, causing a droplet of water to run down your leg and land at the back of your knee. Your head is reeling from how intense this feels. It’s overwhelming to the point that you don’t even know what your body is craving anymore. Suddenly, you feel the ice land in between your shoulder blades, another drop of water trailing toward your neck, quickly getting absorbed by the mess of hair around your shoulders. He moves to the side of your breast, another drop of water rolling down and dripping off of your nipple down onto the bed. You whimper again, unsure if you love or hate the sensation. He chuckles, then places a cube at the small of your back, dragging it down achingly slow in between your cheeks all the way until he reaches your clit. You cry out once he lands there, holding it in place. Your brain is scrambled, but you think this hurts. As soon as you register that it does, in fact, hurt, he pulls the ice away and replaces it with his mouth, wrapping his lips around your swollen clit and soothing it with his warm tongue. You choke out a sob, realizing just how badly your body was craving him. You had forgotten while you were so on edge, waiting for his next torturous move. He pulls back and you whine as you hear him pick up another ice cube. He doesn’t place it anywhere on your body, though. No, you feel it when his mouth envelopes your clit again. You scream and pull away, but he grips your hips hard, holding you onto him. The mixture of hot and cold against your most sensitive part is too much for you to handle, and you feel like you may pass out. Right when you think you can’t take it any longer, he drags the ice with his tongue back and up along your crack again, the opposite direction this time. Your legs are shaking and your arms are sore. Your entire body is screaming, begging for some relief. The silky smooth fabric against your eyes starts to dampen with your tears as Danny pulls away, soft sobs escaping from your lips.

“Shhhh it’s okay baby,” he whispers, placing his large, warm hands around your hips, moving them up along your back and shoulders. “It’s okay, I’ve got you, sweetheart,” he assures again as he gently unties the blindfold and turns you back over. Your eyes try to adjust to the light for a moment before he captures your mouth in the most perfect, relieving kiss. His tongue is still cold from the ice, but it feels so good tangling with yours. “I love you, angel,” he whispers, pulling back to move down to your neck and chest, lovingly licking and kissing all over your skin that was actually physically aching for him. You sigh and whimper, more tears escaping your eyes, but this time from relief. Danny makes sure to take his time lovingly devouring your breasts. Sucking, licking, softly biting your nipples just how you like it. You try to take in the scene as long as you can, but it just feels too good. Your head falls back and your eyes close as he moves down, kissing along your belly and hips.

“Oh, thank you baby,” you say with a sigh, so happy to finally be feeling his mouth all over you. You don’t think it’s ever felt this good before.

“Don’t thank me yet, angel,” he chuckles as he moves down to kiss and lick along your inner thighs. “I’m not finished with you.”

You whimper and your eyes flutter at the sound of his voice. So soft and velvety, not too deep, but with a deep timbre. The only sound more beautiful than his voice are the sounds he makes when he’s deep inside of you, your voices harmonizing together in a melody sweeter than any song he plays with Greta Van Fleet. You get to hear this private concert almost nightly (and sometimes daily), and you couldn’t feel luckier.

Danny continues kissing, licking, sucking, biting all over your thighs and hips, torturing you like you did to him earlier, not putting his mouth where you need it the most. Your whines and whimpers release from you louder and more frequent the longer he keeps this up. Your arms are aching so badly from being tied up for so long and you feel like you are on the verge of tears again.

“Baby, please. It hurts. Please just show me a little mercy?” you beg. And as much as Danny loves being in this zone, knowing how hard it makes you cum, he just can’t resist giving you what you want right now. He dives his tongue inside of you, groaning as he tastes how sweet you are, dragging your wetness up and over your clit, alternating between flicking his tongue and sucking on it so sweetly. “Oh, fuck! Shit, you do that so well, Danny. God, I need you. I need this forever. I need you forever.” He moans in appreciation, never faltering with his movements. Being the cheesy, sappy man he is, you know this urges him on more than anything else. He slides his two middle fingers inside of you, curling them, hitting that sweet spot just right as you tremble around him and cry out his name. “Yes, just like that, Danny. Just like that. Please don’t stop, don’t stop, don’t stop!” you beg, pathetically. His tongue on you and his fingers inside of you create the most delicious unholy sounds that send you over the edge. Your entire body goes rigid for a moment before your legs twitch and squeeze around his head. His fingers fuck into you hard and fast until you start to come down, softly whimpering and whispering his name. He smiles proudly as he crawls back up on top of you, his face almost dripping with your juices as he leans in to kiss you.

“Taste how sweet you are, baby. I could just eat you all day and all night,” he whispers before kissing you again.

He reaches up to release your wrists from the cuffs and you whimper with relief, immediately wrapping your arms around him, pulling him close to you, savoring the feel of his skin on your hands and against your body. You feel how hard he is again, surprisingly. He usually doesn’t cum more than once a night. Now you’re so eager to get him off, you reach down lining him up with your entrance, but he pulls your arm away, trapping it by your side.

“Don’t let my sweetness confuse you darling. I’m still in control here.” He licks your lips and moves back down between your legs. Wrapping his arms around your thighs, he dives back in and starts aggressively eating you out, even giving the softest bite, causing you to grip his hair with both hands and pull him away. He grabs your wrists and pins them to your sides, relentlessly continuing to devour you. It hurts so badly, but feels so fucking good at the same time. You can feel your orgasm building again, but then remember you only have one left. If you cum now, you can’t fuck him, and that’s what you’re aching for the most.

“Danny, please stop. Please, I want to feel you inside of me. I don’t want to cum yet. Please, baby, please?” Your breathing is uneven as you whine, sweat forming on your brow as your eyes squeeze shut, focusing hard on fighting off your orgasm.

He chuckles evilly and continues his pace, adding in his fingers again, stroking you perfectly. You start to sob and shove your one free hand into his hair, trying to pull him off of you, but he’s strong, and you aren’t able to.

“Fuck, Danny please! Please, I’m begging you! RED!” you scream at him. Your safe word. He instantly stops and crawls over you, kissing away your tears and cradling your head.

“You okay, angel?” he asks, his expression so full of concern as he shifts his eyes back and forth quickly, searching yours.

You sob harder, pulling him close to you. “I just need to feel you. All of you. Can you be sweet now? I just want to make love to my boyfriend, okay?”

“Fuck, yes baby. That sounds perfect. I want that more than anything.” He kisses you more tenderly than you’ve ever felt before and rolls over, pulling you on top of him.

You lean down and kiss softly all over his face. Each freckle on his cheeks, nose, and eyes, his forehead, his jaw and chin, his soft, swollen, plush lips, still coated with your wetness. “I love you so much, Daniel,” you whisper, resting your forehead on his, wiggling your nose on his as you both smile.

“Oh, angel you have no idea,” he whispers back, cradling your face with his hand and kissing your forehead, tears welling in his eyes. Sam is definitely right. You two are the cheesiest couple of all time.

You sit up and raise yourself higher on your knees so he can line himself up with you, allowing you to sink down slowly onto him. You steady yourself with your hands on his toned stomach, your head tipping back and jaw dropping with your brow furrowed and eyes shut. It’s the most beautiful sight Danny could ever imagine. His brow is raised in the middle, hands on your hips and jaw dropped, as well, moaning once you sink down onto him fully. You move on top of him slowly, wanting to make this last. Wanting to feel him inside of you as long as possible. He reaches down to rub circles on your clit, but you pull his hand away and move it up to your breast.

“Please, not yet baby. I’m already close and I need you inside of me longer than that.”

“Of course, angel,” he says, sitting up as you wrap your legs around him. He holds you against him, chest to chest as your arms roam all over his back and shoulders, thrusting up into you slowly. Your breathing is slower, but still labored, matching his as you gaze into each other's eyes. You have to look away to make this last, so you lean down and kiss every little freckle dusted on his shoulders. He sighs, leaning down to kiss yours as well, his hands caressing all over your back and hips. You feel his rhythm start to falter as his breathing intensifies, soft whimpers escaping from his lips. He’s getting close. “Baby, I’m trying here, but I’m so close,” he whispers in your ear.

“It’s okay, Daniel. I am too.” You increase your pace, rolling your hips onto him as he slides his hand down to gently press on your clit, pulsing it softly. Looking down, you see the large vein in the center of his wrist shift with each movement of his hand, the dainty silver jewelry swaying around it. The sight sends you over the edge as you grip the back of his neck, your foreheads and noses pressed together. Through shared breaths you both moan and whimper, whispering each other’s names into each other’s mouths between soft, deep kisses, riding out your orgasms together. Once you reach your peak, you let out one more loud, high-pitched whimper, sweat dripping down your brow and chest as you continue to look into his eyes, your eyelids fluttering and brow arched up in the middle. His face matches yours as you feel his hips twitch, spilling inside of you. Holding each other tightly, and as closely as possible, your chests damp from sweat, you both steady your breathing and come down together.

“You know, as much fun as we had tonight,” Danny breaks the silence, “I think what we just did was the best time we’ve ever had.”

You kiss his nose and forehead, eyes welling up with tears from the painfully intense love you have for him. “I completely agree, Daniel. Thank you.”

“For what, sweetheart?”

“Just for being you.”

@dazeebean @spark-my-nature @geekgirlinthegreen

#danny gvf #danny wagner #greta van fleet #greta van fic #greta van fleet fic #daniel wagner #danny wagner fic #danny wagner gvf #daniel wagner gvf

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stardustndreamsofsilver · 2 years ago

Text

Valentines Day

Danny x Reader (f)

Warnings: none

Opening the door to your little girls’ room, Danny walks in and softly says, “Happy Valentines my beautiful princesses!”

The girls sleepily sit up and rub their eyes. Looking at their dad through tired eyes, they see him holding out two roses for each of them. They gasp and jump out of their beds.

“Happy Balentie Day Dada!” The three year old says.

”Happy Vanetine’s Day Daddy!” The five year old shouts.

They both run to Danny, taking their roses and throwing their arms around him. He chuckles and hugs them back. “Okay girls, let’s get you dressed. Do you want to help me make a special Valentine’s breakfast for Mommy?’ He asks.

“Yeah!” They exclaim excitedly.

“Alright! Mommy is going to be so surprised! Let’s hurry and get you changed so we can make her breakfast before she wakes up!” He says.

Danny helps your girls get dressed in their special pink dresses with little white hearts. Once he got them dressed, he took them to the bathroom to do their hair. Marley, the three year old, got piggies and Aubrey, the five year old, got bunnies. Taking them both by the hand, they head to the kitchen.

“Okay, kiddos.” He says, clapping his hands together. “What are we thinking? Pancakes? Muffins? Omelette?”

“Muffins and omelettes!” Aubrey says.

“Muffins AND omelettes?” Danny asks. “Let’s do it!”

“Let’s do it!” Marley repeats, clappimg her hands.

For the next hour, they’re busy in the kitchen. The girls love helping mix the muffin batter and pouring it into the muffin tin. While the muffins bake and he makes the omelettes, Danny has them each color a Valentines card for you. When everything is cooked, he takes the girls outside to help pick flowers for you. It ranges from weeds to gorgeous lilacs. Bringing in the flowers, they put them in a vase for you. Plating the food and putting it and the flowers on the kitchen table, they all go to wake you up.

Creeping down the hall, they carefully and quietly open your bedroom door. Marley crawls up into the bed with you and plants a wet kiss on your cheek before saying, “Wake up Mommy!”

Slowly opening your eyes, you look at her and say, “Good morning baby!”

“Happy Valentine's Day!” All three of your loves shout.

“Happy Valentine’s!” You say with a smile.

The four of you all go into the kitchen and you see the feast made especially for you and the beautiful flowers hand picked with love.

“Oh wow! Look at this yummy food! Did you make this all by yourselves?” You ask, looking at Marley and Aubrey.

Marley nods and Aubrey says, “Well Daddy helped.”

You smile and say, “Well thank you so much for making me breakfast. Are you hungry?”

They nod their heads yes.

“Well then let’s eat!” You say before taking a seat.

Breakfast is filled with love and laughter. The girls telling you all about their morning and Danny chiming in every so often. When the girls finished eating, Danny sends them off to go play in their playroom.

“Thank you for letting me sleep in and for breakfast.” You say as you gather all the dishes.

“It was my pleasure. You deserve to be pampered.” He says, taking the stack of dirty dishes from you.

“I do, don’t I?” You tease.

“Absolutely! So what would you like to do today?” He asks as he sets the dishes in the sink.

“Hmm, well I thought I’d take the girls to the Children’s Museum. Oh, and I was going to treat my Valentine to dinner at his favorite restaurant. But, he hasn’t asked me to be his Valentine yet.” You tease, wrapping your arms around his waist.

Turning around, he faces you with a smile. “I didn’t know I’d have to ask. So, darling, will you be my Valentine?”

taglist: @demolitionndann, @ichoosetheroad-gvf, @gvfjakesjooty, @gretavanloverleaver, @lolipopsandgumdrops, @lightmylove-gvf, @positivegvfthings, @myfavsstuff-blog, @gretavangroupie, @sunfl0wer-power

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builtbybrokenbells · 1 month ago

Text

belladonna | ix

Too beautiful to resist, and too deadly to survive; the tragic tale of belladonna in all its glory.

masterlist | taglist

Pairing: Danny Wagner x f!reader

Word Count: 21k

Warnings: SMUT 18+, unprotected sex, morning sex, oral (m!receiving), fingering (f!receiving), dirty talk, dom/sub, praise, degradation, pet names, name calling, multiple orgasm, simultaneous orgasm, nipple play, biting, brief mention of ownership and free use kink, abusive/toxic romantic relationships, mental illness/heavy descriptions/behaviour of borderline personality disorder, mentions of previous OD, heavy descriptions of addictions/addicts/addict behavior, heavy mentions of drug use (stimulants/narcotics), heavy mentions of relapsing, trauma bonds, descriptions of toxic/abusive parents, death of family members, PTSD/CPTSD behaviors/reactions/explanations, dissociation, trauma, triggered trauma responses, mentions of death/dying, absent parents, death of a parent, parents with active addictions, missing persons, police stations/reports, mentions of criminal activity/criminal records, poverty, crying, mentions of blood/bleeding, mentions of self harm/self destructive behaviors, mentions of cheating, mentions of AA/NA, NA meetings, fighting, yelling, drinking, flirting, mentions of hookups/sex, smoking, depression/anxiety, sorry if I miss any 🤍

As always, please feel free to reach out to me if you need an ear, and know that you are not alone in whatever troubles you are facing. I’ve also included a list of helplines and resources for anyone who may be in need of them. I love you all so dearly.

Emergency substance abuse hotline (US): 1-800-662-HELP (4357).

Canadian Mental Health and Addictions Phone Line: 1-833-553-6983 | NEW: 9-8-8 for immediate crisis intervention

Virtual NA meetings and support (worldwide)

Canada’s complete comprehensive list of addiction helplines, inpatient/outpatient programs, and family support per province | UNITED STATES

Canada’s comprehensive list of domestic and family violence helplines and resources | UNITED STATES HOTLINE

Canada’s guide to mental health help and crisis intervention | UNITED STATES

If you are struggling with addiction or know someone who is, remember to inquire about Nalaxone kits at your nearest pharmacy, as many in Canada are active participants of the program. At participating locations and clinics, Naloxone kits are free of charge and accessible without a prescription or healthcare card. It is a fantastic and life saving tool to have on hand while waiting for EMS. There is also free online courses for Naloxone training to anyone who is interested.

Remember, no matter what is portrayed in fiction or media, the safest course of action for anyone suffering from an overdose (accidental or intentional) is to call 911.

If you are struggling with an abusive relationship or domestic violence, know and understand that you are not alone. You are heard, you are seen, and you are loved. We believe you, and we hear you.

Hi everyone 🤍 I love you all. A little bit of happiness after the rain. Thanks for sticking with me through this story. It means more to me than you know. As always, enjoy, be kind, and don’t mind any grammar mistakes 🫶🏻

And a very special thank you to @jakeyt. You have no idea how thankful I am for you and everything you do for me 🤍

July 26th, 2022 - 2:13 PM

The blanket below you was soft against your bare legs, the smell of the wildflowers potent around your head as the wind tousled the long grass behind you. The lake in front of you had small ripples over the surface, the blue water becoming more tempting the longer the sun beat down on the top of your head. Daniel was beside you, shirtless and only in his still-damp swim trunks from his earlier escapades. Ever so gently, the sweet melody of a Neil Young song reached your ears over the sound of nature surrounding you. The birds chirping in the sky rang like they were singing along.

The world was evil most of the time, but right now you could not refute the fact that it was the most beautiful it had ever been.

Your skin was warm, pink even despite the sunscreen slathered on it. The taste of strawberries on the tip of your tongue, about to be washed down with a grape picked from the container beside your leg. Danny had insisted on packing lunch before you left, firm on the fact that your healing process would only continue if you took the extra time to take care of yourself.

You had never been particularly good at doing that, but since he came around, he did an awful good job at picking up your slack.

Leaving when the morning chill was still in the air, you digested breakfast as you drove down the highway, hand in hand as the world passed you by. Still trying to process all that happened in the past few days, you had committed to finding happiness, even if you feared it was fleeting. Realizing that you needn’t look any further so long as he was beside you, it made the journey much less treacherous.

He hadn’t let you leave his sight since the day he thought he would lose you for good, and you couldn’t find a single complaint about the arrangement. The longer you spent with him, the more you understood that it was the only place in the entire world that you truly wanted to be.

Tired of missing out on the sun and laying in bed, you suggested going to the beach, which was something you never cared much for in the past. After an entire morning and early afternoon of sandy skin and uncomfortable heat, you knew exactly why you had made the sudden switch. Seeing Daniel, dripping wet with his hair stuck to his skin, the sun beating down on him and framing him in the most ethereal way, made the entire experience that much better.

“What are you thinking about?” Danny asked, the vibration of the strings slowing to a stop. As a person who typically hated disruption, you could not deny that the sound of his voice was a forever welcome distraction.

“I d’know.” You shrugged, feeling your skin sting as the sunburn continued to worsen. Still, you did not dare disrupt the serenity that you found yourself in, knowing that any ailment was worth an extra moment alone with him. “You, I guess.” You confessed, growing more comfortable with honesty and openness the more the days dragged on.

“What about me?” You noticed the corner of his lips pull upward, the crinkles by his eyes showing the longer he thought of it. Occupying your mind was his most favorite thing, and hearing about it only made it better.

“God, you’re pushy.” You chuckled, placing the container of grapes back on the blanket below as you reached into the neon yellow bag beside it, the plastic crinkling as you pulled out a wrapped candy. “Just… us. How peaceful this is.” Your words were limited, but the impact was not. His heart softened, the teasing tone dropping from his features in an instant. Vulnerability was steadily increasing, and he could tell that you were trusting him more by the minute.

That, he could not properly express his thankfulness for.

“You know, you never really told me why you always have these.” Danny said, noting the bag you were rummaging through. “Never really questioned it either, I guess.” He added, realizing he was at fault just the same.

That was something you loved most about him: his lack of hesitation to call himself out.

Sometimes, he did so when no fault was his, which frustrated you. Still, you couldn’t help but appreciate a man who was willing to confess to his own mistakes, rather than force them on you to evade the blame.

“Never woulda’ told you anyway.” You chuckled, placing the tarte candy against your tongue. Closing your eyes and focusing on the feeling, you felt the stress roll from your shoulders, allowing for a single second of relief. “Learned the trick a long time ago… can’t really remember how, but it did stick with me. Sometimes, when I’m craving something really badly, the thought gets stuck in my head… consumes me and everything, and I can’t move on from it. Can show up out of nowhere, even when I’m having a great day and I’m happy. Our brains are weird, and they work in weird ways. When I eat one of these—“ you pointed to the bag, swishing the now sweet candy around your mouth. “It like… completely rewires things up there. Least for a few seconds, anyway.”

“I see.” He hummed, studying you as you spoke. Typically, you wanted to shy away when someone’s eyes were on you for too long, but when it was him staring, you never wanted him to look away.

“Gives me a chance to think about it logically, instead of irrationally. When you want something that bad, the choice doesn’t really seem like it’s a choice at all. Sometimes, it feels like I’m going to die if I don’t use. I know that’s not true, but it really does feel like that. When I don’t have these, or something to distract myself with, it’s a bit… dangerous, I guess. Only realize it’s wrong after I made the mistake.”

“I don’t get it, but I can understand what you mean.” He replied. “You know I’m proud of you, right?”

“What?” You laughed, your eyes darting from him to the sparkling surface of the lake, suddenly finding his attention overwhelming as the dreaded phrase left his lips. You hated anyone being proud of you for a few reasons, but the main one was the pressure that came along with it. When there’s no expectations, there’s nobody to let down. Letting him down had become one of your biggest fears, and him expressing his prideful feelings only made it worse.

“You don’t see how hard you’re trying, and that’s okay. I’m just glad I’m here to see it for you, now.” He continued, absentmindedly plucking at the strings again. “This week has been rough, and I know it’s taking a toll on you, but you just keep getting up and trying again. You don’t need to be hard on yourself for falling, Utah, s’long as you don’t stop trying to get up. Wish you could see it like I do.” There were plenty of things Danny wished you could see from his perspective, but being oblivious to your own triumphs had always been your biggest fault. Or, one of, at least.

Most of the time, it felt impossible to pat yourself on the back for anything. You never felt like you were doing anything right, that you were ever worthy of celebrating. In your head, it could always be better, you could always do better, and your past mistakes left you with little patience or kindness for yourself. You believed until you settled that score, until you made up for all of the bad, none of the good mattered.

It was a relentless pursuit for something you knew would never truly change. It did not matter how happy you were, how much charity and help you dished out, if you stayed sober for the rest of your life; your self worth would always be equated to the terrible person you had been so long ago, and the only thing that could alter that was fixing your perception of yourself, recognizing that humans can be good and bad all the same, that there was no keeping score.

It was really difficult to know the answers, to address and recognize the problems, but never have the tools or time to relate the two.

“Shut up, Michigan.” You forced a smile on your face, forcing the proclamation of love back down your throat as it threatened to break free. As you looked out at the rippling water, your eyes glazed over with wetness, you hoped it did not translate to your tone.

Your emotions had been all over the place lately, your highs better than ever before, but your lows detrimental and leaving you feeling like it would never ease up. The numbness was coming and going in waves, and it didn’t take much for any of those things to switch without a moment's notice. Your eyes were never dry and your heart was always heavy, but it was not always for bad like it was before. The surplus of love and the weight of your sadness was a deadly combination, but you were beginning to believe the kindness he extended and the care he exuded was the very thing helping you keep your head above water.

“You know I can’t do that.” He argued, a glimmer of light in his eye you had only ever seen him wear. It was unlike anyone or anything else, like the small flicker was actually the ignition of hope in your chest reflecting on his iris. “Someone has to tell you you’re doing a good job, and we both know that it won’t be you.”

“Didn’t you want to swim?” You laughed, shifting under the weight of his accusation. “Isn’t that why we came here? Didn’t think the plans called for you to call me on my shit all day.”

“Is there ever a plan, Utah?” He spoke gently, easing your overactive mind and assuring you it was not as serious as it felt. “And when there is, do we ever stick to it?” At that, both of you shared a smile, a moment of clarity amidst the heartfelt confessions and heaviness.

“Never. Not even once.” You agreed, the apples of your cheeks burning from your feelings for him, the sun irritating it even further.

The picturesque summer day, capturing the two of you in yet another moment that was seared straight into your heartstrings, made you wonder why it took so long. Why did you wait twenty four years, suffer through all of the horrible things that you feared you would not survive, to finally stumble across the very thing you had wished for so long? If you had met him long ago, would things have been different? If you had known him, that love could be so sweet and kind and forgiving, would living have felt like suffering the whole time?

Worst of all, if he had known you sooner, would you have gotten to love him at all, or would it have been another tragic tale to be added to the ever-growing list in your life?

You wanted to believe that everything happened for a reason, that divine timing was real and that your life was happening the way it was supposed to, but every angle of the theory was painful. Believing anything else seemed to hurt more. To heal, finding something bigger, something meaningful, was imperative. At the same time, it felt impossible to do so, because it all seemed unfair.

Having shit parents led to an addiction, an addiction led to you betraying yourself and everyone you loved, the betrayal caused you to lose your humanity, which left you on the ground outside of a hospital with nobody around to help you through it. That brought you to a treatment centre that gave you more debt than it ever gave help, which put you on a bus to New York. A job at a diner seemed to be your big break, your second chance, until you fell into Vincent’s trap. Rocky sobriety and being treated poorly caused you to run into Danny’s arms, which finally let you begin to heal.

If all the things that happened to you were meant to happen, planned meticulously by a higher power and predestined from your very first breath, why was it so cruel? Did a past life paint you as a monster that deserved repentance in the next? And if things happened the way they did for no reason at all, was it you that caused the problems? Were you so horrible and your judgement so poor that you caused your own suffering and inevitable demise?

The biggest stressor in your life was the endless stream of questions, the constant pondering of theories and ideas you knew you would never get an answer for. You found it difficult to enjoy the moment because you were so inquisitive about the past, and due to your constant fear of catastrophe (because it was the only thing you had ever known), happy always seemed to pass you by without you ever getting to appreciate it. You didn’t want to do that with Daniel, you wanted to appreciate him for all he was and all that he gave you, but even as you sat on the blanket on the warm summer day, you were still stuck in your head, hurting and relenting over things that mattered very little in the long run.

The sound of the guitar felt like an ode to your misery, an anthem for the hurt, fitting too perfectly yet oddly obscure all the same. You felt different, inhuman and without empathy. You were stuck in a box, feeling the outward forces of the world but not actively participating in them. Your wrist continued to move, writing words down on your journal page, but your mind was elsewhere. The functions were automatic, prompted from deep within your subconscious. It was all you knew how to do, and you could do it even with your mind elsewhere, but where your mind was you weren’t even sure.

It felt like you were making progress, every day pushing you further from the pain, but it hurt in a different way now. A longing, aching sensation deep in your chest to go back. You had been stuck in the horror for so long you did not know how to live without it, how to continue moving forward without the claws of the past stuck in your skin. You didn’t know how to be happy, how to feel anything other than indifference towards your every day routine. You felt like you missed it, even if you were eager to leave it all behind.

Worse than that, you could feel yourself healing. Your heart was mending with every tender moment you spent with Daniel, and the sensation was agony. Taking the right steps, doing the right things, remembering and forgetting and piecing it all together into one big puzzle so you could move on, hurt.

Your whole life, you listened to ranting and raving about healing—how it’s our job, our responsibility and duty to ourselves to make a better future for us and everyone around us, and you agreed. You knew it was best, and you still do. At the same time, you often wondered why it was your job to mend the parts of you that others broke, to clean up the mess someone else made. Everyone talks about healing, but nobody talks about accountability.

How are you supposed to heal if you never get apologies, or even just acknowledgements from the ones who did the things that broke you?

You knew you fucked up, there were things you did wrong and mistakes you made, reactions to others wrongdoings you wish you could take back and rewrite. You weren’t innocent, but you never lied about that. You never once pretended that you were. You didn’t think you were a good person, nor did you blame your actions on everyone else.

If healing is so important, then why did it seem like you were the only one who had to take on those burdens?

As you looked out at the water, your head ached as the thoughts pounded against your skull. It was just another tale you would never live to see the end of, a story that would forever remain unfinished. Closing your eyes and tapping back into the peacefulness that Daniel carried with him wherever he went, you found one last question crossing your mind.

Why does everyone talk about having to heal and the importance of it, but never seem to address how fucking difficult it is to do so?

“Danny?” You hummed out his name, placing your journal and pen on the ground beside you. Leaning forward and wrapping your arms around your legs, you let your chin rest on your knees as he once again slowed his fingers to a stop.

“Yeah?”

I love you.

“I…” you gulped down a breath, feeling a wave of fear wash over you. “I’m really lucky to have you.” As he caught your eye, you couldn’t help but feel a deep rooted sense of shame at your inability to confess your feelings. Still, in the chocolate colour of his irises, you could sense his heart. Although unspoken from both sides, he knew what you truly meant, and he felt the same.

“I’m lucky to have you.” He smiled, so soft and sweet that for a moment, nothing else existed. “I never thought that I would have this, either.” He confessed, his palm still muting the barely-there hum of the copper coated strings.

“What do you mean?” You asked, your fingers ruffling the edges of the plastic wrapper of the candy bag.

“You remember that night in the hotel in Jersey? We were a little drunk and too high?”

“F’course I do.” You nodded, pulling your legs to your chest and resting your cheek on your knees. As he spoke, you didn’t dare let your eyes stray from his face. “I think about that night all of the time. Think that’s when things finally changed for me. I stopped being so scared and started opening up.”

“Yeah, I think so too.” He agreed, his tone laced with a soft lull in the middle of his statement, like the thought of it caught him in a moment of high emotion. “You told me you’ve never had anything like this, or like us.”

“Mhm,” you hummed, nodding slightly as he spoke. You studied the sparkle in his eye as he recalled the racing of his heart and flutter of his stomach he felt when hearing such confessions, finding your body stuck in the same reaction as his way back then.

You wondered for a single second how it was possible for him to love you so deeply, even when you had no idea who he loved. Your sense of self was ever-changing, your perception of the world flipping on a dime and reflecting within yourself, starting in one direction and ending up miles from your intended destination. You loved him without ever having intent to love at all, let alone honing the capabilities to do so. You had cycled through a million versions of yourself in the short time you had known him, never staying stationary or even really moving.

Yet, despite your unknowns and uncertainty, he loved you the same, treating you with caution and knowing exactly what you needed, whether it was help to steady yourself or to encourage reform.

You were so grateful for his existence, and felt undeserving of his kindness. Still, you tried your very hardest to show him how much you truly appreciated it, even if you felt like it wasn’t enough sometimes (or, all of the time).

“I’ve never had anything like this, either. Thought I did a couple times, but it wasn’t… it was nothing like this. I started to think I never would, and then I met you.”

Embarrassed at your racing heart and blushed cheeks, you held back a small smile as you listened to his words, wondering how he never felt loved before you, how he never felt heard or cared about. You thought it was blasphemous that anyone could have the opportunity to love Daniel and then let it slip through their fingers, to not fight until their dying breath to keep him. At the same time, you were grateful for the fact, because that gave you the opportunity of a lifetime.

“Sometimes, I get the impression that you think you aren’t important, or that you aren’t important to me. Utah, I wonder if you’ll ever know that you’re everything to me. I’ll spend forever trying to prove it, but I worry that you’ll never believe me.”

“I think I’m starting to see it.” You whispered, the serenity of the scene around you touching your soul in ways you never thought you would experience before. “I definitely have a way of making things harder than they need to be, but I’m trying not to do that any more.” You paused, listening to the wind and the rippling water hit the shoreline. “Apple juice.”

“Apple juice.” He confirmed, a smile beginning to turn the corners of his lips.

“I think I’m healing, Michigan.” The words whirred past your lips in a flash, the air of your lungs chilling the skin as the proclamation barely reached his ears. Even you were surprised at the confidence that exuded from you, but it felt right.

His head cocked to the side ever so slightly, his lips parted as he breathed in the warmth of your statement. “I never thought I’d say that… and I know I still have a long way to go, but I finally feel… I don’t know, like I’m taking the right steps, that there’s hope, that it doesn’t have to be like this forever.”

“There is hope, Utah.” He agreed. “It doesn’t have to be this way forever, and you are taking the right steps. However long it takes, I’m here and I want to help. We're in this together, and I’m so proud of how far you’ve come, even if you hate it when I say that.” His smile, infectious and awe-inspiring, struck one on your lips too.

“I’m starting to hate it a lot less, actually.” You whispered, sheepish but proud to admit it. “Guess that’s part of the whole healing thing.”

“I guess so.” He agreed, reaching across the distance and tucking a lock of hair behind your ear. Lifting your head slightly, you felt his palm cup your cheek, the peacefulness that came from his touch almost too much to comprehend. With the sun shining down on you, it was just another moment that passed you by, but a memory that you longed to live within forever.

𓇢𓆸

July 26th, 2022 - 4:58 PM

“No, Utah—“ a defeated sigh left Sam’s lips, the smell of sauce cooking on the stove surrounding the two of you as his head fell back on his shoulders. “That’s too—too, agh!” He exclaimed, so beside himself with grief he couldn’t even articulate his words.

“What, Sam?” You laughed, the blade of the knife resting on the wooden cutting board as you turned to look at him. “What’s wrong now?”

Yours and Sam’s adventures in cooking often prompted the same results every time. You, trying your best to follow his instructions with very little experience (especially for the strange but delicious recipes he often followed), and Sam appreciating the effort but always having something to say about it. Still, it was lighthearted and fun, and never once did you take it personally. From what you had grown to know about Sam, it was that he was odd and particular about certain things, and cooking so happened to be one of them.

“It’s just, you’re doing good, they just need to be a little… thinner. Just a smidge, okay?” He held up his thumb and forefinger, pinching them together to give a physical demonstration along with his words.

“Does it really matter that much?” You knew it was a stupid question, because to Sam—

“It always matters.”

“Okay.” You picked up the knife, bringing it back to the eggplant and adjusting it to the size he wanted. Carefully, you sliced another piece off, looking at him for approval as it toppled over onto the wood below.

“Perfect.” He placed a hand on your shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze along with a reassuring smile. “See, Utah? You’re learning.”

“Don’t really have any other choice.” You chuckled quietly. “Feels like you’re running Hell’s Kitchen, sometimes.”

“Oh, shut up.” You could hear the eye roll in his words despite not looking in his direction, your attention occupied with cutting the eggplant perfectly to avoid another one of his mini-meltdowns. Turning back to tend to the sauce, he didn’t offer any more conversation, which you were fine with.

Danny was off to the store to buy a few missing ingredients for dinner, and Sam insisted on you staying behind to help him with the rest of it. Although you were a bit put out that you weren’t going with Daniel, spending time with Sam had never been a problem for you. Plus, even if you would never admit it, cooking with him was giving you a surplus of helpful life skills that your parents seriously missed the mark on.

“So,” you could hear the ladle tapping on the side of the sauce pan, the noise faint as Sam began to speak again. “How are you feeling?”

“Me? Oh, I’m fine.” You dismissed his question, a slight tremble in your fingers as you continued to work away at the eggplant. You hated being put on the spot, but you didn’t want to make a big deal out of the simple question.

“Yeah, right.” You could hear him opening a can of something behind you, but you did not turn to look. “Come on, Y/N. I know you better than that.”

“Seriously, Sam. M’okay.” You tried again, now finished cutting and moving on to placing the eggplant slices on a paper towel to let them dry as Sam instructed. “I mean, all things considered, I’m alright.” You shrugged, knowing deep in your heart he wouldn’t dare let it go so quickly.

“Well… what about the things not considered?”

“What?” You laughed, caught off guard and finding his nuances comedic.

“You know,” he shrugged too, trying to pass off his prying nature as something lighthearted. “What are the things not considered, Utah?” His brown eyes stared straight through you, causing you to shift on your feet and your throat to tighten.

“How do you do that?” You broke, your cool and calm facade fading in an instant.

“Do… what?” He raised an eyebrow, a knowing smile on his face as he saw the clear emotion in your eyes.

“Fuck off, Sam.” You smiled, a huff of air passing your lips as you leaned against the countertop. “I guess there’s a lot that isn’t considered.”

“Go on.” He gave a slow nod, prompting you to keep talking.

“Like… this crushing guilt. The responsibility.”

“What do you mean?”

“I played a part too, yaknow? And I’m painting him as this monster when I—“ he held up his hand, silencing you before you could continue, giving his head a slight shake.

“No, Utah.” He spoke softly now, almost sad as he said it. “Whatever you’re feeling, yes it’s valid, but it doesn’t make it true.” Your gaze averting to the floor, you felt the same heaviness in your chest that plagued you off and on for the last few days. It was new, more visceral and definitely more intense than before. You began to wonder if you would ever be fully free from it, or if it was just another thing you would have to learn to live with. “Whatever you did or didn’t do, has nothing to do with what he did. I don’t know the guy, but I know enough about him to tell you that. He’s probably been working hard for a long time to make you think all of this is your fault, but it isn’t. What he did was horrible, but it would have happened no matter if you fought back or not, even if not that night. Hell, Utah, if it didn’t happen to you, it would have happened to someone else. Even though you were in the equation, you weren’t even a variable.”

For some reason, hearing Sam say such things hit you with an intensity never quite felt before. You heard the same things, the same ideas, but you never really believed it. When he said it, you understood.

“I’m sorry. I don’t mean to cut you off, or whatever… just don’t want you thinking that it’s your fault. You have no reason to feel guilty, and you have no need to feel responsible. You were just at the wrong place at the wrong time. The wrong girl with the wrong guy. The right heart in the wrong hands.” He listed, trying to find the right way to phrase it. “And I hope now that you’re being loved by someone else, with that heart in the right hands, you can see that too. If not now, then at least someday.”

“I love you, Sam.” The phrase slipped out as smooth as silk and as soft as a foot can fall. You didn’t blink twice, nor truly register the extent of the statement until it hung heavy in the air for a moment, even Sam stunned by your unapologetic boldness. Shocking to you too, you didn’t feel panicked as the dreaded word danced around your head. For the first time ever, it was comfortable. Loving people and being loved wasn’t war. It was safe.

“I love you, Utah.” He replied, just as relaxed as he professed the fact. “What else is beating around up there?”

“I dunno,” you sighed, your shoulders slumping ever so slightly. “Guess it’s just hard. I mean, sleeping together and feelings aside, he was a huge part of my life. We did everything together—him, Dylan and I… we were partners in crime. I always knew he wasn’t the best, but having to come to terms with him being a horrible person and grieving the loss of the routine is hard. I don’t feel right talking to Danny about it, ‘cause I don’t wanna give him the wrong idea. I hope you get what I mean.”

“I do.” He assured you, giving the sauce in the pot a slight stir. “Utah, it’s hard to lose anyone. Someone with that much history… of course I get it. It’s just important to me that you deal with that healthily, and you continue to remember why you have to stay away. If you don’t wanna talk to Daniel about it, that’s okay. You can always talk to me, about anything, anytime. I know you’re weird with that stuff, but it doesn’t change that.”

“I know, and I’m trying to not be so weird about it. Guess I just… When you grow up being punished for talking about your feelings, it makes it hard to do it as an adult. Actually, it made a lot of things hard as an adult.” You explained, sprinkling the tops of the eggplant with salt before placing another paper towel atop of them to dry them out a bit.

“And I’m sorry that I don’t understand that part, but I promise I can try my best to. That's what friends do, after all.” He gave you a small smile and a sideways glance, nudging you with his elbow ever so slightly. A small giggle falling from your lips, you finally began to feel the safeness of the home to its fullest extent. Danny and Sam were unlike anything you had ever experienced, so kind and understanding, so patient and so loving. Whatever family they felt within each other, you knew you were undoubtedly a part of it, and it warmed a piece of your heart that you never thought could be touched again.

“You don’t have to be sorry for anything, Sam.” You assured him, scraping the vegetable scraps into the garbage can and placing the cutting board and knife into the sink.

“How is that empty feeling? Still sticking around, or has it gotten better?” He pulled a glass baking dish from one of the cupboards and carefully sat it on the table as he spoke, the gentle clanging breaking up the heaviness of his question.

“The same, I guess.” You felt defeat sink your shoulders as you thought about it, knowing that the heavy and the empty was a forever type of thing. “It never really goes away, honestly. It’s just easier to ignore when I’m around other people.” You washed your hands, taking a moment longer than necessary to let the hot water scald your skin, almost liking the pain that it brought with it.

You never wanted to believe you had a knack for self harm or punishment, but every single one of your actions and decisions proved otherwise. Even if it was mindless or unintentional, you always seemed to lead yourself down a path that would end in pain. For a long time, you never understood why. As you grew older, you started to accredit it to the burgeoning emptiness in question. When you’re numb, even pain is preferable to nothing.

“Has it gotten worse?” You weren’t really sure how to answer that.

What level of nothing is worse than the last?

You supposed that it was possible for it to be worse, and it was. At the same time, it wasn’t constant. It was a hard emotion to explain because there wasn’t really any emotion behind it. That, and you never had to try to explain it before.

“Uh, yes and no?” You gave a dry laugh, mostly to yourself, embarrassed over your inability to properly express yourself at the age of twenty-four.

“You don’t seem so sure of yourself.” He laughed too, keeping it lighthearted in hopes of keeping you comfortable.

“I guess not.” You grinned, drying your hands on the kitchen towel. “It isn’t constant, but when it comes, it gets pretty bad.” Just as you finished, you heard the familiar sound of wheels on pavement outside, and not long after, Rose’s bark of warning. “But it’s okay. I’ll be okay.” You concluded, feeling your chest tighten at the thought of explaining the feeling to Danny, too. Sam understood your desire to shut the conversation down, respecting your desire to tell him on your own time, and busied himself at the stove.

“How about we go for a walk in the morning? Get some fresh air, some sun… just you and me… and Rose, of course.” He offered, knowing there was still many things you wanted to get off your chest. “Can talk a little more, get you out of the house with no other obligations.” Although he didn’t specify, you understood and appreciated what he meant.

“Yeah… that sounds really nice, actually.” You replied, an unfamiliar feeling ravaging your brain. It was unexplainable, so nice to be seen, to be heard, and for someone to want to for no other reason than want itself and the desire to know. You were still getting used to it from Sam, and even Daniel, though you had a bit more time to grow accustomed to Daniel’s keen ear.

“It’s a date then.” He grinned, finishing just as Daniel stepped through the front door with a bag of groceries. With a smack on Sam’s arm and a sheepish wave to Danny, you couldn’t help but feel you were exactly where you needed to be.

July 27th, 2022 - 7:02 AM

In the soft summer breeze drifting through the cracked window, the curls laying atop Danny’s shoulders fluttered and brushed your arm, tickling the skin and warming your heart. Waking up next to Daniel was and always had been the best and most beautiful part of your day. Turning on your side, finding yourself settled between his arm and his chest, you had never felt more at peace than when your head laid to rest on him. He was awake, you knew as much, but just as groggy and intent to enjoy the moment. Instead of speaking, greeting you verbally, his large hand curled around your back and pulled you closer to him, his fingers making home on your ass as the tips brushed the hem of your underwear on your hip.

Every time you found yourself in the position, you couldn’t help but notice how perfectly the two of you fit together, and more importantly, how nothing else had ever felt so right in your entire life. You draped your arm across him, only managing half the task as your hand settled on his stomach just above the band of his boxers.

You started the mornings this way most often, never intending for anything more yet always finding yourself in search of it.

You felt his head shift on the pillow, turning inwards towards your head as he placed a kiss to the top of it. You barely hummed a noise of content, but he could feel the rattle of your chest as you tried to melt into him further. The sticky summer air made home in the room, the morning dew long gone from the grass as the sun beat down on the ground. Leaving the window open always left you in the same spot, yet you could never find the energy to close it before your eyes forced themselves to sleep at night, your hearts too heavy with love and your mind at ease.

As his fingers traced the elastic band of your underwear, innocent and mindless, yours did the same to him. Your eyes were heavy again, threatening sleep, but your rapid heart wouldn’t allow you to return to the state so long as it had any say in the matter. Lazily, you pressed your lips to the body you laid atop of, a quiet show of affection in hopes of expressing how much he meant to you. In your ear, you could feel the thump of his own heart against his breastbone, quickening as your lips grazed his skin and giving him away entirely.

Absentmindedly, your hand drifted downward, still not intending to start anything but certainly not opposed to the idea. Again, you noticed his body react to your miniscule movements, especially as your hand met his dick, already hard and anticipating your next move.

Your mornings with Daniel were special just because you woke up next to him, but mostly because this was how you started nearly every day.

As your fingers closed around him over the thin fabric, little force behind the movements, you felt his hips raise to meet your touch. With a small smirk forming on your lips, you decided to let him suffer for a single moment. As you remained still, he took the opportunity to slip his hand under your underwear, his palm landing flat against your ass as his fingers tightened around the flesh. The feeling produced a sensation deep in the pit of your stomach, making you understand for a moment what you were doing to him.

Underneath your shirt (which, as always, belonged to him), you felt your nipples harden. You were sure he felt it too, the thin fabric doing little to conceal you as your body was pressed against his. The earliest hours of the morning, still stuck in a dreamlike state, always left your senses heightened and your body reactive.

Though, as you’d come to know, it was mostly credited to him. He had the ability to elicit a reaction just by looking your way, and he often used it to his advantage.

Fully flush against him, you took the time to appreciate the security the position granted you, the safety and the comfort it provided. When you were with him, the whole world felt still, like nothing could touch you and hurt could not know you. You wished you could exist within the bubble of comfort forever, to love him without interruption and enjoy him without any distraction. In all truth, when you focused on his company enough, you began to think you already were existing within it constantly.

Reaching across with his free hand, you were a mess of limbs as his other palm cupped your breast, the scratchy cotton of the t-shirt and the pressure from his hand against your nipple causing your thighs to squeeze together. A growing ache between your legs began to pester you, but you didn’t worry too much about it—in due time, he would ensure that was taken care of.

With little care, he enjoyed every second of touching you, feeling so incredibly lucky he was the one who got to experience every morning with you.

Letting his thumb drift over your nipple, feeling the tense of your body underneath his hands, made him remorseful that he could not see the beauty of your face. You felt all of the same things, and as if you read his mind, tilted your head upwards to catch a glimpse of his breathtaking eyes. The morning light flickering through the window casted a golden glow over his features, the shadow of his nose falling over his sun kissed skin. The days spent outside darkened the freckles dusted over the bridge of it, speckled on his cheeks in constellations you were desperate to be an expert on.

“Good morning, beautiful.” His morning rasp was like music to your ears, just sweet enough to keep the tempo but gruff enough to further the feeling blossoming in the pit of your stomach. “Sleep well?”

“Always, cause I’m sleepin’ next to you.” You smiled, noticing the curl of his eyelashes against his under eye as you blinked, wondering if anyone ever loved him so much that they studied all the intricacies like you did. It was a conflicting thought, because although Daniel was impossible not to love thoroughly and completely, you also did not believe anyone loved anyone as much as you loved him.

“Funny, ‘cause I was about to say the same thing.” He said, applying a little more pressure to his thumb. Your breath caught in your throat, your thighs giving another pathetic squeeze and barely satiating the ache.

“That is funny,” you agreed, your tone breathy as he mindlessly worked at you, barely realizing the extent of the effect he had on you. Your hand, still on his clothed cock, did nothing to aid your swarm of thoughts all pertaining to the same thing.

“Something wrong?” He smiled, cheeky as he asked the question he already knew the answer to. You managed a small shake of your head, your eyes silently pleading with him to take care of the issue he already knew you were having. “Hmm?” He pressed further, his love of torment not even leaving him in the mornings, when the love was the most soft and tender.

“Shut up.” You grumbled, only half-annoyed with his words. “Or, put your mouth to better use.” You offered the alternative, not expecting much of a response from him. Still, you felt him tense ever so slightly, thrilled at the thought of it but not jumping to action.

“Expect to get but not give?” The hand on your ass tightened, easily forcing your hips into his as he spoke. “Selfish, no?”

Instead of a verbal response, you leaned forward, your lips ghosting over the toned muscles in his abdomen. A labored breath took him by surprise, not expecting you to be so willing without at least a bit of a fight. You eased your hold on him, instead curling your fingers around the elastic of his boxers and freeing him from them. Pushing the thin cotton sheet away from him, there was nothing standing in between you and him any longer.

You inched your upper half lower, your chest settled on his hip as you wasted little time bringing your mouth to the tip of his cock. Carefully, you let your tongue trace over it, your eyes fluttering closed as the saltiness of his pre-cum filled your senses. Flattening your tongue against him, you heard a low groan rattle his chest, causing your thighs to rub together now, desperation quickly filling the room. You pulled back for just long enough to let a trail of spit fall, then returned to him as if you had never left at all.

Taking him into your mouth, you settled your tongue on the topside of his cock as you bobbed your head a bit lower, feeling him throb against you as he sucked in a sharp breath through his teeth.

If only he knew how happy you would be to do only this for the rest of your life, he never would have challenged you at all. If only you were brave enough to tell him, you wouldn’t have had to worry about it at all.

One hand still on your ass, kneading the flesh gently as his other raised to your hair, brushing it from your face and balling it in his fist as you continued to work at him. Now, familiar with the feeling, you took him further into your mouth. As you relaxed your jaw and took him all the way, you felt his hips jut forward as his tip glided down the back of your throat. You let out a low hum, the vibration sending him crazy as his fist tightened in your hair.

Letting him lead the way, he used your hair as leverage to set a pace, moving your head while still being mindful of your comfort and breathing. Although his actions made it seem like he was in control, you knew that it was always you who held the reins.

“Fuck, baby.” He groaned, quiet and gentle as his head fell back on the pillow below him. Your eyes were closed, a picture of his bliss filled expression clear in the blackness of your mind and making you envious that you could not see it. At the same time, you were grateful to be doing what you were, considering yourself more than lucky to be the one who got to do it with him. “Such a sweet little thing—always so good to me.” The praise felt like lead in the pit of your stomach, half-tempting you to reach between your legs and relieve some of the pressure that was worsening by the minute. Instead, you balled the comforter up in your fist, trying your best to distract yourself from the urge and focus on pleasing him.

The feeling of him in your mouth was enough to get you off, knowing how good you were making him feel enough to drive you insane. The dull ache in your jaw reminded you that you were doing a good job, and the sweet noises falling from his lips kept you going. On every upstroke of your head, you took a moment to trace your tongue over his tip, living for the slight tremble of his legs and the catch of his breath in his chest.

Just as you felt him the back of your throat again, a knock on the door sent your eyes wide open and your movements to halt. Danny, with his hand still in your hair, did not push you even if he wanted to.

“S’okay, baby, he’ll go away.” He assured you, keeping a hushed whisper so the man on the other side of the door could not hear you. Giving a gentle nod, you continued on with your earlier pace, not willing to stop when you had just begun.

As you grew comfortable with the sensation again, another knock sounded on the door, but this time, Daniel continued to guide your head so you did not stop.

You hated to admit it, but it only seemed to turn you on further.

“What’s up?” He called out, the lull in his voice could easily be accredited to being groggy from waking up. He was doing relatively well to remain composed, and you had little worry that Sam knew what was happening behind the closed door.

“Got a date with Utah, remember? Hand her over.” He joked through the door, clearly not knowing exactly what he was interrupting (or, nearly interrupting). “She up yet?”

“No,” Danny lied easily, his eyes flickering to the back of your head as a smirk formed on his lips. As your head came down on him, he lifted his hips off the bed to meet the time of your action, inhaling deeply through his nose to calm his nerves. “She didn’t sleep well last night—I’ll wake her up in a little bit, but not yet.”

“Okay,” you could hear the hesitancy in his voice, like he was only agreeing because of the circumstances. “But not too long, you know—“

“Sam.” Danny cut him short, no different than he would any other day. When it came to your wellbeing, he was unwilling to debate it, even if it was as miniscule as an extra half an hour of sleep. You knew that although he was saying it as a cover, his frustration with Sam disregarding your comfort was very real.

“Sorry, yeah.” He conceded. “Whenever she wakes up is cool with me.” With that, you heard his footsteps fade away to the kitchen, leaving the two of you to finish what you started.

Sloppy and careless, you let him fall from your lips and ran your tongue down the length of him, feeling him shudder ever so slightly as you came back up and took him back in. A strangled cry left his lips, muffled as he tried to silence himself so he did not give the two of you away.

“Fuck,” he hissed through his teeth, feeling your throat close around him as you swallowed him down. You could feel his need, radiating from him as he continued to hold your head in place and fuck your mouth. You had come to realize that being used by him was one of your most favorite pastimes. “God, you take it so fucking well.” At the sound of his words, you were sure your arousal had soaked straight through your panties and began to make a mess of your inner thighs. His hand still on your ass, warm and strong as he held you, the feeling more encouraging than anything else in the universe.

You tried to steady your breathing, to blink away the tears stinging your eyes as he used you as he wished, wanting to make the most of his pleasure and give him what he needed. The rise of a gag in your throat was more pressing with every upward thrust of his hips, but you swallowed it back and inhaled through your nose, trying your best to focus on the intoxicating taste of him on your tongue and the beautiful noises falling from his lips, hushed and whispered so you knew how good you made him feel.

Comfortable with the thought of him finishing in your mouth, you were almost hopeful he would, just so you could try to begin to thank him for all he had done for you in the last few weeks. When you felt him twitch on your tongue, a telltale sign, you felt your heart thrum in your chest with excitement. Then, not long after you bargained with the feeling, he was pulling you off of him by your hair, letting out a long sigh to calm himself down.

Catching your breath, you raised the back of your hand to your face to swipe away the lingering spit on your skin, your stomach twisted in a knot as he used his hand to guide you back on the mattress. As he twisted onto his side, his sleepy eyes staring down at your face, he noticed the disappointment lingering in your features. He raised a hand to your cheek, a gentle thumb swiping over your blushed skin as he gave you a smile. “Don’t want all of the fun to end before I get to fuck you.” He reminded, his voice low and gravelly as he dropped his hand to your chest. Slowly, he let his fingers graze over your nipple again, causing a flood of pleasure to fill you yet again.

As his hand reached the hem of your shirt, your mouth was dry and your throat was tight, so thrilled at the thought of him touching you that your entire body was in shock. His rough fingertips scratched the soft skin just above your panty line, leaving you shuddering below his touch. His hand drifted further down, grazing the arousal soaking through the fabric. Gently, he settled his touch just over your clit, the miniscule friction causing you to squirm. Your hips raised ever so slightly, desperate for more and unafraid to show it. The need you felt for him was primal, and sometimes you feared you would succumb to it.

“All this just for me?” He asked, leaning down and letting his lips graze your neck. The soft tickle forced your eyes closed, sending your hand out in search of him as a dire need to touch him took hold.

“It’s all for you.” You confirmed, your tone breathy as you felt his tongue trace the pulse point of your neck.

“You’re too good to me, baby.” He hummed, the taste of you arguably the sweetest thing he had ever experienced. The smallest huff left your lips as he applied a touch more pressure, his lips suctioned to your neck as he left pink marks on your skin, desperate for you to remember the shared morning long after it passed.

He loved to take his time with you, feel how your body reacted to every slight touch and whispered word, how your eyes clouded and your breathing quickened when he did something that you loved. His favorite pastime was you, dedicating himself to learning you better than anyone ever had, becoming an expert on the one thing that made him want to fall to his knees. Every sound that fell from your lips, the hitch of your breath in your throat, the pull of your body forcing him closer—it was all worse than any drug he could think of, his addiction pertaining to the only thing in the world that could actually give back.

“Do you have any idea what you do to me?” He asked, his fingertip slick with your arousal without even actually touching you yet. You felt a whine rise in your chest, beside yourself knowing that you had any effect on him at all. “Every day, every fucking night, you are the only thing I can think of.” His lips were hovering over your ear, his words loud despite being spoken so softly. As his sentence drew to a close, he pushed the fabric aside and finally let himself feel the mess he knew he was responsible for. The tip of his middle finger settled over your entrance, the slickness of your skin causing his brain to short circuit for a moment before he trailed the wetness all the way up to your clit.

You squirmed under the touch, the sensation immediately overwhelming and invigorating. The simple action seemed to set your soul on fire, the sensation turning you to ash from the inside out. You had spent your entire night dreaming of him, picturesque images of him doing these exact things, whispering the same words. The parallels made you wonder if you were still dreaming or if everything truly was this perfect for the first time in your whole life.

Tracing slow circles, his head raised from the crook of your neck just enough to catch a glimpse of your face. His eyes burned into you, blackened with lust and sheen with desire as he watched every shift in your expression. The way your hair framed the beauty of you, tickling your cheeks that were stained red. The part of your lips, pink and tempting him every time he paid too much attention to them. Catching himself struggling with holding back, he leaned down and pressed his mouth to yours, the taste of you intoxicating and to him, completely irresistible.

By the time he drew back, his middle and index finger had fallen back to your entrance, slowly pushing into you as he settled his thumb over your clit. The combination of the two feelings caused your eyes to roll back for a moment, your body melting into the mattress and his touch, leaving you a mess below him. He was leaned against you, not willing to miss out on a single second of closeness as he worked you up to an orgasm.

“God, Danny.” You breathed, catching his eye for just long enough to show him how good you were feeling. He let out a deep hum, the vibration of his chest running straight through you to your heart.

“Does that feel good, honey?” He asked, a touch of a snide twang in his tone, cocky and already knowing exactly what he was doing to you.

“F-feels so good.” You nodded, feeling his head return to its earlier resting place and his tongue trace over your skin once again, just to add to the feeling.

“You know I’d do anything to make you feel good, Angel.” He continued, the precision of his thumb and the curl of his fingers already pushing you near the edge. “But you’d take anything, hmm? Whatever I want to do to you, you’d like it, and you’d let me.” As the sharp words reached your ears, the tips of his fingers brushed your g-spot, curling your toes and arching your back. He could feel you shift underneath you, smiling at the reaction as he awaited your response.

“F-fuck, yes.” You hissed, your fingers curled around his bicep tightening as your nails scratched against his skin. You could feel the muscle flex involuntarily, only forcing your mind to even filthier places.

“Why is that, honey?” He asked, his voice sickly sweet as he whispered the words into your ear. Feeling you clench around him, pulling him in further only worsened his tyranny, his head swimming with nothing but vulgarity and obscenity. “Want to hear you say it.” You followed up his statement with a muffled, hushed whimper, your teeth holding your bottom lip hostage as you tried your best to keep yourself quiet.

“Cause I’m yours,” you gasped, the sound taking you by surprise when you freed your lip to speak. He chuckled, the gentle roll of his shoulders bringing you back to reality for a moment.

“That’s it, baby.” He encouraged, keeping his thumb and fingers in time as he sped his pace. “‘Cause you belong to me. You’re mine.” He reiterated the point, making sure you could never forget it. Possessiveness was not his forte anywhere aside from the bedroom, but he made sure to always take the opportunity to let you know when the two of you found yourselves in such a position. You never found the ability to express it quite the way you wanted to, but being his was the best thing you had ever been.

The euphoria that came along with the claim worsened the pressure in the pit of your stomach and forced a moan straight from your chest. The minute it left your lips, you tried to swallow it back, but it bounced off the walls and made a home in the wood. You hoped it did not extend beyond the door, because both of you were wishing to keep Sam in the dark about what was happening in the room. Your cheeks burned red, embarrassed at your sudden outburst, but Danny did not seem phased at all. Instead, he spoke so quietly and carefully, kindness exuding from him as his lips brushed your skin again.

“Shh, baby.” Danny cooed, his lips so close to your ear that it sounded like he was inside your head. His voice was soft, gentle, but it was driving you crazy. The warmth of his breath sent your hair raising on the back of your neck, goosebumps littering your skin as you raised your hips from the bed to meet the time of his hand. His thumb, drifting over your clit with unwavering focus as his fingers curled inside you, brushing the sensitive spot he’d grown to know so well. “Wouldn’t want Sam to hear you, hmm?”

He was hovering over you, the weight of his body pressing you into the mattress ever so slightly, something that would normally feel so constricting suddenly feeling like home. The thud of your heart against his own froze the two of you in time, your eyes locked on his face as your teeth bit down on the inside of your lip. Your stomach was twisted into knots, the need pulsing under your skin and driving you to the brink of insanity.

“That’s it, baby.” He hummed, his pace never slowing and his movements calculated and driven. He could feel the flutter of your walls, pulling him in even further and tempting you with eternity. For the briefest moment, you believed you could survive solely off his praise alone so long as you were nestled under the strength of his arms until the world burned away below you. “That’s my girl—being so good for me.”

“O-oh, fuck.” You gasped, feeling a particularly sharp pull of pleasure in the pit of your stomach. The words followed by a whine from deep in your chest, pushing through your throat and getting stuck in your teeth as you tried to swallow it back.

Catching on to the fact you were having trouble containing yourself, he leaned down and pressed his lips to yours, swallowing down the sounds with little hesitation the taste of him on your lips only worsened the intensity of the moment, and as his tongue tied with yours, he essentially doused the raging fire with a new wave of gasoline.

As he kissed you, you felt the million secrets that once existed between you dissolve into nothing; your soul, bared and open for the taking, was all his. Everything you ever were, everything you would ever be, was tangled with his name and tainted with his touch. Once, long ago, you believed it would be a bad thing for one person to exist on so many plains, to be embedded in every aspect of your life, but as time continued on, you understood that there was no other way to live. From the moment he walked into your life, you only ever wanted to be his, and every intimate moment only further cemented the notion in your mind.

You were his girl, and it was the best feeling in the entire world.

It was overwhelming, all-consuming, ethereal and beautiful just as much as it was concupiscent and vulgar, sinful and immoral. What you felt for him was something you never knew existed, a feeling often spoken about in fiction and poetry, yet never felt on the mortal level and certainly never reciprocated. The yearning that constantly held your heart in chains would send you straight to the pits of hell, and you would suffer every second for eternity because experiencing him once was worth it all.

You wanted to cry his name, to tell him of all the love you held for him in your body, but he ensured not a single sound could slip past your swollen and spit-slicked lips. Your lungs burned, aching for a breath as he poured his heart into you and bled himself dry all for your sake. You could feel him against your thigh, the strain of his boxers as he continued to torment you in the most fantastic ways. You felt greedy, gluttonous to want more and need more, but when it came to him, you never knew when to stop. The erratic rhythm of his heart against his chest, every tick in time with your own as his scorching skin laid atop yours. With every flex of his arm, stretch of his torso, the friction against your already hard and sensitive nipples sent a rush of energy straight to your core, forcing you closer to the steep edge.

“Come on, beautiful. Show me how good it feels.” He encouraged, the pattern of his movements never changing. You shuddered at the idea of him wanting it more than you did, overwhelmed by the fact he cared so deeply about you. You were so close, teetering on the edge, and with every pump of his fingers you were nearing closer and closer. “Don't be shy, baby.” He continued, the sound of his voice always the driving force behind every orgasm.

The permissive statement sent you spiraling, your legs trembling as a wave of pleasure took hold and washed over every nerve in your body. You held him tightly, keeping yourself grounded as you fought back the noises begging to escape. In hopes of silencing yourself, you turned your head to the side and buried your head in his neck, your lips pressing to his skin as your throat ached to cry out. Not once did he slow, ensuring to keep his time so he could work you through the feeling as much as he could.

“There you go, Angel.” He whispered. “Such a good girl.” You felt your hips lock, your stomach burn as the sweet praise filled your ears. Your skin was tingling, your lungs burning as you denied them any breath in hopes of silencing yourself further.

Only when you relaxed against the bed did he remove his hands from you, but not because he was finished with you. Instead, he rose to his knees, moving one of your legs to the side so he could slip between them. Still high off the orgasm, you barely noticed the shift in position until he was towering over you.

When you came-to and the blur of your eyes settled, you saw the flicking summer sun illuminating his face and chest as he stared down at you. Your mouth ran dry, the beauty of the sight almost debilitating for a brief moment. Then, as if he was trying to make it even worse for you to keep your composure, he raised his middle and index finger to his mouth, parting his lips just enough to settle the digits on his tongue. His eyes fluttered closed in bliss as the taste of you filled his senses, and as he pulled his fingers from his mouth, a low groan rattled his chest.

“If I could have you just like this for the rest of my life, I’d never need anything else.” He confessed, his hands ghosting over your thighs as he pushed your legs towards your stomach. Smitten and at a loss for words, you watched as he anchored his hands around the front of your legs and pulled you down towards him. The curve of your ass fit perfectly against him, his cock resting against your cunt as he positioned you to his liking.

Slowly, he ran himself through you, gathering all of your arousal on him before he lined himself up with your entrance. He pushed his hips forward slightly, just his tip pushing into you. Even that feeling was euphoric, and you knew what was to come would only be better. With your knees nearly to your chest, every time he moved, no matter how miniscule, you felt it with heightened intensity.

“I just can’t get enough of you.” He confessed, finally pushing his hips forward all of the way. The feeling of fullness was otherworldly, the position he had you in causing the tip of his cock to brush your cervix. Slowly, he began to move, wanting to make sure you were comfortable before anything else.

Biting down on the tip of your tongue, you still found it difficult to stay quiet. Him being inside you was the most pleasant feeling in the entire world, more intoxicating the longer it lasted. Your head was still swimming from your previous climax, your body sensitive and still craving more as he slowly withdrew and pushed himself back inside of you. The ethereal light that shined over him stole the breath straight from your lungs, forcing you to wonder how you got so lucky. Since the very beginning, you had never felt like you deserved him, and as time dragged on and you continued to subject him to your mess of a life, the thought only pestered you more.

He was the most beautiful thing the world had to offer, and you were just thankful to be able to love him, no matter if it was just for a moment or if it turned into forever.

“God, you feel so fucking good.” He sighed, his thrusts not fast but forceful, the power behind his hips bordering painful as he slammed back into you, yet you couldn’t get enough. “Just like you were fucking made for me, baby.” At that, you felt a flood of emotion straight to your core, your body loosening up for him a little more with each word that fell from his lips. The tiniest moan fell from your lips, quiet enough that you both knew nobody heard it, yet enough to catch his attention. “Does that feel good, beautiful? This is what you wanted?”

“Fuck, yes.” You muttered, your hands in search of his head as your fingers tangled in the locks of his hair. He leaned down a little further, allowing you to hold him with ease as he continued to fuck into you. His fingers on your hips were driving you crazy, holding you tight enough that you could feel the sting over the blinding pleasure. When the day turned into night again, you knew finger shaped bruises would decorate the skin, a perfect replica of the hand of the man you loved so dearly. The thought of them fading away brought an air of sadness to your heart despite them never having graced your skin yet.

You could feel the pressure building in your belly again, the warmth beginning to take over and begging you to let go. You never had much resistance to him, never a desire to hold back and never the ability to do so anyway. Losing your sanity little by little, the looseness of your lips increased and the silence ceased. Every so often, a sigh or a muffled cry would tear from your chest, and as much as Daniel didn’t want to get caught, the sound of your enjoyment was much more important to him.

Still, as he noticed your lack of poise, to spare you the embarrassment from the relentless teasing Sam would dish out, he raised one of his hands to your mouth, his large palm fitting nicely over your lips as his hips continued to move. You weren’t sure why the small action was so attractive to you, but the power he held over you in the moment. The pressure of his hand on your jaw mixed with the pulsing sensation that seemed to radiate through your entire body was nearly unbearable, and without and warning, your second orgasm washed over you and left you a mess beneath him, which was exactly what he wanted.

“There you go, sweet girl.” He whispered, his eyes squeezing shut to block out the sight of your blissful expression. He knew the longer he focused on it, the easier it would be to let go, and he wasn’t ready to end the moment just yet. “God, you take it so fucking well.” He complimented you as he continued to fuck you, the bed frame rocking and scratching against the expensive wood panelling below. There were marks all over the Airbnb, all over the small community on the outskirts of New York that would remain for eternity, reminders and memories of the love the two of you shared, haunting and beautiful all the same.

Not a single thing the two of you touched was left unscarred, seared with your heart and emboldened by your soul. Everywhere you looked, a trail of love was left behind, and you were sure even long after he left you would still be able to see the light he once brought to your life. Whether you were with him in Nashville or stuck by yourself in New York, the world was forever changed by his presence. You used to think it was for the worst, but now you knew how fantastic it was to have living reminders of the joy he brought to your life.

You would never regret loving him, and you would never forget what it felt like to do so. What he had done for you, the love he gave you and the warmth he casted upon you had permanently altered your brain and the world around you. It changed your life, the way you looked at yourself, and the way you looked at everyone else. It had given you the confidence to stand up for yourself, to learn and place boundaries, and to heal. You did the hard work, but having him there to hold your hand was the greatest gift you had ever received, the biggest motivation you had ever encountered.

Just knowing he existed made it so easy for you to want the best for you and him, whether that be together or apart. Knowing he existed gave you the strength to do the work you had been avoiding.

Being loved by him made it so much easier to stick to it, and to stand back up when you fell down rather than lay and wait for the worst to come.

You owed it not just to him, but to yourself, to continue to get better and be better. A better future was within reach, and you could almost taste the freedom that came along with it. You no longer wanted to stay dormant to protect the little peace you had left. You did not want to turn a blind eye to help or hope. You wanted to put in the effort, to hurt for reason instead of for nothing. You knew it would be hard work, but this time the struggle was worth it.

As you stared up at his face, overwhelmed with pleasure, you understood that you were completely, helplessly, utterly and irrevocably in love with the man before you. For the first time ever, you understood that there was no other way around it, and nothing else you wanted to be. Being his, loving him like so, spending your days with him, all seemed to be key to the life you had always craved.

“Can you cum one last time? For me?” He huffed out a breath, his tanned skin glistening with a thin layer of sweat as he continued to work at you. The summer sun and humidity pooling in through the open windows did not help your situation, but you had to admit it made him look even more ethereal than usual.

You managed a slight nod against the weight of his hand over your mouth, the desperation in your eyes sending him closer to the edge as his pace faltered for a moment. You couldn’t understand how it always felt so phenomenal, no matter what he did. Everything was all the more special when he was there with you, sharing the experience.

To help you get there, he slipped his free hand between your legs, the pad of his thumb settling over your clit as he traced circles into the sensitive bud. The feeling sent your abdomen tensing and your legs vibrating. As if you were addicted to him, to the euphoria of his touch, you craved it so desperately that it nearly made you sick to your stomach, feeling like you needed it to survive despite the fact it would be the very thing that would kill you.

The rawness of your throat as you cried out stung, but it barely phased you. The sounds slipping through your teeth and lips were muffled and silenced by the palm of his hand, the most noise in the room was the sound of skin on skin and his laboured breaths. The grating, irritating pleasure was invading every one of your senses, turning every thought to nothingness. As he looked down at you, fearful of missing a single second of your fucked out expression, you began to notice his own lack of composure, only holding on to get one last orgasm out of you before he allowed himself the opportunity, too.

“Come on, baby.” He urged, his warm brown eyes staring straight past any facade you tried to show the world, looking directly into your soul as he spoke. “Let go, make a fucking mess for me.” At the vulgarity of his statement, you felt your stomach lurch and goosebumps riddle your skin once more. A particularly loud noise escaped your lips, not even the palm of his hand able to lessen the intensity. You felt the pressure increase over your mouth as he faltered ever so slightly. You knew how badly he wanted to hear you, how he would cling to every sound and revel in every moment, but he knew better. “Be good for me, beautiful. Don't want anyone else to hear those slutty noises. They’re all for me.”

That seemed to be all you needed, your third and last orgasm leaving you a shell of yourself as it took over. Your body ached with pleasure, so painful yet enjoyable all the same. Your skin was aflame, your heart hurting as it pounded against your chest. Your mind was far away and when the feeling continued to burn, you almost believed you would ascend straight through the roof of not for his hands holding you close to him. Too worn out to even utter another word, your eyes fluttered closed as his hand remained on your mouth.

He wasn’t far behind you, the strength of his hold slackening immediately as you relaxed into the mattress. The warmth of his body comforted you as he spilled his release inside of you, a low groan followed by a long string of curses fell from his lips, filling all of your senses and making home in your bones. The rattle of his chest against your skin was addicting, intoxicating as he rested his weight on you to keep himself upright.

For a single moment, nothing else in the world existed aside from the beating of your hearts in time, connecting the two of you as one. Even if the moment would not last forever, the feeling would, the otherworldly sense of belonging that you had never experienced before him. You wondered how it was possible for him to show up out of the blue and change everything without even intending to do it, how it was possible for another person to mean so much to you without even knowing it.

You could feel the word dancing on the tip of your tongue, remembering how heavy and bitter it used to be when now it was nothing but sweet and tender.

You wanted to speak it, but you didn’t have enough breath in your lungs. Opting for the easier option, you leaned forward ever so slightly and placed a kiss to his nose, hoping yet again that the actions could speak louder than your words, hoping that he understood why you had such a hard time saying it, hoping he knew that you loved him more than everything and anything, even if you stayed silent more than you ever tried to speak out.

When a smile crossed his face and the softness of his lips landed on your cheek, peppering you with kisses until he eventually landed on your own lips, you knew without a doubt he understood exactly how you felt without you needing to say a word at all.

𓇢𓆸

July 27th, 2022 - 8:34 AM

Freshly showered and sporting one of Daniel’s cut-offs, you were far too focused on the way your shorts were sticking to your skin in the summer heat. Noticing a slight soreness in your hips as you adjusted the hem of them on your thighs, a pink blush dusted your cheeks. The sports bra under the skimpy shirt scratched against your skin, igniting every nerve in your body and leaving you on edge. You weren’t sure why or where it came from, but the urge to jump out of your own skin and run away was overwhelming.

Danny, always seeming to notice your bouts of anxiety and uncomfortableness, placed his hand on your knee as he took a bite of the breakfast Sam had made for everyone. Even the mere scrape of forks on plates as you all finished your meal made your stomach churn and your chest ache, making you wonder if this wellness walk was truly how you wanted to start your morning. Still, Daniel’s touch eased the rapidly growing feeling just enough for you to hold back your desire to cancel.

It wasn’t that you didn’t want to go on a walk with Sam, but simply the fact you knew you would be talking about a lot of things you’d prefer to keep quiet about. Opening up had gotten easier since you first met them, but it still wasn’t easy. There were a lot of things you hated speaking aloud, a lot of feelings you barely understood yourself, let alone expected another person to understand. You knew the two often said there was no judgement, but you couldn’t help but worry that they still would.

They didn’t know your life, they did not experience the things you did, and because of that, you knew they would never fully get it. They could try their best, listen to you for hours on end, and even cry alongside you, but it wasn’t the same. A sober heart trying to understand an addict's mind was a difficult and daunting challenge—you knew that no matter how understanding they were, there were always preconceived notions and ideas, even if they remained unspoken.

But, then again, he didn’t have to get it to love you, and he didn’t have to live it to know how it hurts and haunts you.

You were being a bit too harsh for someone who’s only ever tried to understand you.

All of the fears you had about Daniel knowing the truth, the conclusions he’d draw and the things he would think of you, never came to fruition because it was never even a possibility. You had made yourself believe some ludicrous and absurd assumptions simply because you could not comprehend loving yourself, but that did not mean that others were also lacking in that capability.

Since April, the two boys had only ever loved you, even when you could not figure out why. You could trust them, and you could rely on them. You could bare your soul to them and they would treat every secret with care and caution.

Fear had no place in this home, and you knew that for fact.

“You ready to head out, Utah?” Your eyes snapped up to the speaker, seeing Sam no longer sitting next to you, but across the island and placing his dirty plate in the sink. Blinking hard, you looked beside you to see Daniel was also finished eating and your plate was also empty.

Where did you go?

Your heart gave a dramatic thud against your chest, catching your breath and freezing it in your throat as you tried to exhale. Your palms were clammy, your cheeks red and the tips of your ears burning.

The emptiness sometimes grew so fast and so large that you didn’t even realize you were gone. You tunnelled so far down in your brain, caught on the jagged edges of worries and fears for so long that you couldn’t even feel the stab, nor did you notice the time that passed. It was a blunt and brutal switch back to reality, having to digest the fact that precious moments had passed you by without you even realizing it, and embarrassing to know you lost yourself so entirely.

Sometimes you wondered how much time you had lost throughout your life, stuck in an unearthly world that you couldn’t even quite categorize as hell. It was barren, empty, and echoing with all of your failures and losses, but it wasn’t suffering. It was bearable, comfortable and familiar. It was a place you went to when things became too much, whether for good or for bad. When you were there, the rest of the world was quiet, separate from you like you weren’t living amongst it at all.

“Yeah.” You nodded, quickly cutting off your train of thought so as not to get lost in it once again. “Yeah, let’s go.” You repeated yourself, seemingly trying to convince yourself to stand up straight and put one foot in front of the other. You were so willing to agree to his invitation the day prior, and you were angry with yourself for not harnessing that same courage now.

You hated the thought of them seeing you as an indecisive, skittish person who was scared of committing. Although you had been that way your entire life, you were desperate to prove you could conquer those fears and feelings, especially since meeting the two boys. You didn’t want to show those characteristics to them, for your faults to bear their teeth every time they got too close, but your entire life you had been a slave to the cycle, never able to change enough for it to matter. Back then, you didn’t care enough, but now you wanted everything to matter. You wanted to celebrate the small victories, because victories had never before been yours. No matter how small or ridiculous it seemed to be joyous for, you didn’t care.

As you stepped outside with Sam and Rose in tow, you understood that change was hurtling towards you at full force, and it was your choice whether to accept it or not.

Walking down the street, feeling the solid asphalt underneath the soles of your worn converse, you took a moment to reflect on your life, to find out what you truly wanted to tell Sam. As you did, you watched your surroundings as they passed you by, the bountiful green leaves on the trees, the birds chirping overhead, and the faded dead end sign that was on your right. There were few houses on the road, presumably other Airbnb’s as you considered their vacant driveways and dim interiors. Rose was just as busy sniffing the dandelions and the long grass bordering the road, also making the most out of your morning escape.

You placed the orange filter of a cigarette between your lips, lighting the end as you inhaled. Feeling your skin tingle and your stomach lurch, the morning activities no longer felt so dreadful. Closing your eyes and focusing on your feet moving forward, you began to wonder if there was a single thing in your life that you weren’t addicted to. Sometimes, even the sadness felt like a deadly desire, like if you were happy for too long you would die if you did not feel the weight on your chest again.

You were a strange person with odd ways of thinking that oftentimes got you into trouble and aided your poor decision making. You wondered if you would ever figure yourself out, if one day it would finally make sense and you could intervene before the habits took hold again. You believed that went hand in hand with your lack of self awareness, making it easy to revert to your usual way of living because you didn’t know yourself well enough to begin to recognize the issue or where it began.

“You’ve been awfully quiet this morning.” Sam noted, the sound of your footsteps echoing around you, louder than normal as you exhaled a cloud of grey smoke.

“Just… thinking.” You concluded, figuring it was the best way to explain your mental absence. “Trying to decide what to talk about.”

“Well, whatever feels right.” He shrugged, holding Rose’s leash a little tighter as she tried to run forward. “I’ve got all day.”

What felt right?

To you, nothing did.

Still, you figured the truth was long overdue, and you trusted Sam enough to let him know you completely. Keeping secrets got you nowhere, and after this long, it seemed obvious that he wasn’t looking for excuses to abandon you.

So, you believed it was time to rip the bandaid off.

As you looked over at him, noticing the softness of his features and the kindness in his eyes, the words got stuck in your throat and your eyes widened as you tried to choke them out.

Looking straight ahead, you felt your chest burn with embarrassment, wondering why it was always so hard to let people in.

Rip off the bandaid, Y/N.

“I’m an addict.” You blurted out, catching him off guard and causing him to look your way. It was not the words that mattered to him, but the fact that it felt like a confession rather than a conversation.

“Okay…?” He responded, a bit more quizzical than Daniel was, but still seemingly unphased.

“Recovering, obviously… but, yeah.” You wheezed, your chest tight and your head aching already. You always felt like you were physically ill when you experienced a surplus of heavy emotion. Sometimes, it got so bad you truly believed you might die from the sickness, even if logically you knew it wasn’t true.

“Can I ask you a question?” He spoke again, almost as if he barely acknowledged your words at all.

“Y-yeah.” You nodded, feeling your hand tremble as you raised your cigarette to your lips once more.

“Do you think we’re blind?” Instead of answering, you watched him with wide, shining eyes, waiting for him to continue. “The keytags are enough to tell us that, but your habits, Utah… your quirks. We know. We always have, and we never cared.”

One thing you always appreciated about Sam was his unapologetic attitude and his blunt nature.

Funny how he and Daniel had the same reaction, yet somehow it felt different. With Daniel, you felt loved—truly and genuinely, wholeheartedly and unconditionally for the first time in your entire life. With Sam, you felt seen. You weren’t just a person in his home, not an extension of his best friend who he had to interact with because he felt forced to. You were his friend, his family, someone he cared about enough to notice and cared about enough to not care at all.

You spend your entire life begging to be loved, and it hit you all at once in a million different forms.

Instead of running from it, feeling undeserving of it, you were living within it, surviving off it. You didn’t want to run and you did not want to forget—you wanted it to last forever, until the end of time and so abundantly that you never remembered what it felt like to never have it at all.

Their love wasn’t conditional, it had no expiration date, and it had no value to them aside from love itself. You could hurt and feel and be safe doing it. You could be a real person, with flaws and faults and trouble and they would still choose to stand by your side. You weren’t there just to serve them and their needs—they truly and undoubtedly wanted you there. More than that, they wanted to serve you in the same ways you did for them.

As fantastic as it felt, you could not deny how badly it hurt to feel such things for the first time, because it made you wonder why so little effort it took to care was always blasphemous to other people.

You knew deep down that it was because the ones that came before them were the wrong kind of people to bare your soul to, but it sucked even more to admit that.

You didn’t want to live a life constantly choosing the wrong things, constantly putting faith in people who would only let you down. You wanted to love Sam and Daniel the way they loved you, properly, but you had no idea how. You hated that the ones who wronged you left you unable to love the ones who deserved it, because standing beside a man you could confidently say was the best friend you ever had, all you wanted to do was love.

“It’s funny, you know.” You cleared your throat, the scratch of smoke bringing tears to your eyes (at least, that’s what you wanted to blame them on). “Spent my whole life with that burden, feeling like it made me this… unlovable monster. That nobody would ever want me around, that it made me lesser than everyone else. I wondered if the only friends I would ever have would also be addicts, because nobody else in the world wanted to try and understand… then you guys come along, and you just don’t care.” You almost laughed as you spoke the thought aloud, a sad smile stuck on your lips as your vision blurred. It felt like all you had done in the last few weeks was cry, but you felt lighter than ever. You felt free. All of the shit you were holding on to, that you had kept under lock and key for so long, was finally coming out all at once.

You used to dread the thought of it, but now that you were living it, you knew it was never as scary as you made it out to be.

“Don’t say it like that, Utah.” He chuckled, shaking his head ever so slightly. “We care, just not the way you think we do.”

“No, it’s a good thing, Sam.” You laughed, squeezing your eyes shut as you felt tears drip down your face. “My whole life, I’ve always been too much. Too troublesome, too broken, too… whatever. To you guys, I’m just a person. Maybe one who made some mistakes, but just a person, just like everyone else. Do you know how good it feels to be just that? Not an addict, not bad, not anything?”

“You are something, though.” He shot back, cool and calm as a small smile crossed his lips. “You’re my friend. You’re his girlfriend. You’re more than just something, Utah. To some people, you’re everything.” He continued, the two of you now treading towards the walking trail that began when the road came to an end. “It’s not a bad thing to be something to someone.”

“It always has been before, so I guess it’s hard to let that go.” You shrugged, watching your step as you avoided stray rocks and twigs in the ground.

“Well you have us.” He replied, curt and short as he got his point across. “And your brothers. I’m sure you mean a hell of a lot more than just something to them.”

“Yeah, I suppose.” You mumbled, noticing the tickle of long grass on your ankles. It was a freeing feeling, giving you the sense that you belonged to the earth rather than being enslaved by it. “Think I was always a headache to them more than anything else. Spent their whole lives taking care of me, running after me to try and keep me out of trouble, cleaning up all of the messes I made. Instead of thanking them I went out and did it again. I feel that sometimes they thought of me as an obligation, like they had to help me because nobody else would.”

“Y/N,” Sam sighed, wishing he could help you see things the way the rest of the world did. “If there’s one thing I’ve learned in this lifetime, it’s that nobody is obligated to do anything. You can tell the difference between love and resentment, and it’s not a hard line to draw.”

“I guess I’ve always been afraid of them hating me for what I put them through. I’m afraid of that with anyone, but especially them. I think since moving here, it’s gotten so hard to draw any lines because I never see them and I barely speak to them. The longer I stay away, the easier it is to think that I mean less to them than I actually do, you know?” At that, he seemed to freeze in his tracks, his eyebrows furrowed and the corners of his lips dipped downwards in a frown. “What?”

“Can you… explain that again? I just want to make sure that I understand what you mean.” You swallowed thickly, your skin prickling with fear as you realized he really didn’t know what you meant or how you felt. The thought of being isolated, alienated, for a feeling you believed to be normal, made your stomach twist in knots and the hairs on the back of your neck raise.

You spent your whole life wanting to fit in, and it hurt catastrophically to think that you were just different. That no matter how hard you tried, your wires were crossed and the people around you would never truly know how it felt to be you. You knew Sam had no malicious intent, no desire to make you feel inferior, but you hated talking about your feelings for that exact reason; you never felt right, you never felt whole. No matter how understanding or how open the one listening was, it always reminded you of the very things you desperately wanted to forget.

“I-it’s okay, I—“

“Utah, I just want to know. It’s okay for us to not understand each other. It’s okay to tell me.” He cut you off, already seeing where the conversation would leave the two of you if he did not.

“Yeah.” You breathed, giving a curt nod to try and convince yourself that. “I-I guess, it just… when I’m away from people I love, or have a relationship with, no matter how good things were where we left it, it’s so easy to forget that. Like as soon as they’re out of sight, so is that love. It’s hard to believe they care or love me if they’re not right beside me, or if I can’t see it or feel it. Even if I know logically it doesn’t make sense, it doesn’t matter—I need that reassurance, the validation, or it’s just… gone. I thought everyone felt that way.” Your voice was solemn as you concluded your statement, staring off into the distance as you watched a squirrel scale a tree. The world seemed so simple sometimes, like there were still places where hurt had not touched, lives that it had not changed. You wished so badly to be in one of those places someday, surrounded by serenity and forgetting the bitter taste of memories and the constant ache.

“No, not everyone feels that way, but that’s okay. I can tell you for sure that you’re not the only one who feels that way.” He replied, slowing so Rose could sniff the bloomed wildflowers.

“Yeah,” you hummed, watching the toes of your converse stick into the loose dirt below. “I guess I just don’t know what it is or why I feel this way.” He stayed silent for a moment, his lips pursed ever so slightly as he thought of a proper response.

“I can’t tell you why, but I think it is fixable.” He eventually spoke, soft and gentle like he wanted to ensure you believed him. “You’re a smart girl… you probably know what object permanence is, right?”

“Like, for babies? When they don’t know an object exists if they can’t see it?”

“Yeah, exactly.” He nodded, resuming his earlier pace when Rose picked up hers. “‘Cept it’s not just for babies. It’s a super common problem for people with ADHD. Put your keys down in a certain spot so it reminds you to run an errand, go in your bedroom to get changed, get distracted by a notification on your phone, it reminds you that you have to call your mom, and by the time you hang up, the keys don’t even exist in your mind anymore and neither does the errand.” He explained, motioning with his hand as he spoke. You have a small chuckle, always finding Sam and his quirks endearing.

“Okay, so what does that have to do with me?”

“Well, there’s ways to help that. Maybe not necessarily cure it, but make it easier to deal with.” You hummed in agreement, giving permission for him to keep talking. “Just like objects, there’s this thing called relationship permanence. To me, it sounds like you struggle with it.”

“So, like the same thing but with people?” You had never heard the term before, mostly because you never realized it was a problem that needed fixing. You thought it was just you.

“Exactly.” He smiled. “And that is something that you can fix. Object permanence is a little bit more complicated, but relationship permanence has a lot to do with trust and communication and commitment. I know you struggle with those, but it’s not a dead end. Those are things you can work on, in therapy or even on your own time.”

“How would I even begin to work on that?” You asked, knowing he didn’t have all of the answers but so badly wishing he did. You wanted to change, to get better and to heal, to move forward, but most of the time you had no idea where to start. It was the most discouraging element of all, and it seemed impossible to overcome. Every time you started to improve on something, you uncovered a million more things that needed to be tended to. It seemed like it would never end.

“Well, I think a good place to start is your emotional regulation. You talked to me a few times about how hard it is for you to stay stationary. Your emotions cycle so fast you don’t have much of a chance to process it, and it affects the way you see everything around you. I think when you finally feel stable and get used to it, that will help a lot, too.”

“So basically it won’t get better until I heal from all of the other shit?” You laughed, your discouraged eyes tipping him off and giving him a bit more insight to your inner thoughts.

“Not necessarily, Utah.” He soothed the worry, sending a soft smile over his shoulder so you knew you did not have to face this alone. “In my opinion, you’ve already done a hell of a lot better with it. At least with Daniel, and I hope with me, too.”

“You really think so?” You weren’t sure why he thought so, because all you could ever focus on was the things you were doing wrong, the stuff you wished to do better with. Not once had you really acknowledged how far you had come with your ability to trust and your ability to love openly.

“Absolutely.” He laughed to himself, reminiscing on the version of you he met so long ago. Looking at the woman that stood next to him now, the difference was irrefutable. “The girl I knew in the spring, the one I sat with at the park, she’s long gone I think. She was nervous and defensive, she liked us but she certainly didn’t trust us. She didn’t want anyone around, but she needed someone.” Your heart hurt as he spoke, all of his observations so truthful that it made your head spin. At the same time, it amazed you to know that even back then both of them cared enough to see you, to hear you, and most importantly, to know you. “I don’t see that girl anymore, Y/N, and when I do, it’s not the same.”

“I still feel like her.” You confessed, searching your pockets for your lighter as you placed another cigarette between your lips. “How is it possible for us to come so far yet never be able to see the progress we’ve made? I always feel like the same version of myself stuck in a new body. A little older, not much wiser, but a lot more tired.”

“It’s the human curse.” He shrugged, knowing exactly how you felt even if he could not relate to the same things. “That’s why friends are so important. We’re here to remind you of how far you’ve come, and we’re here to help you back up if you fall down again.”

“I always feel so guilty when you say stuff like that. It’s unfair for me to lean on you, it’s not your responsibility—“

“It’s not our responsibility, no.” Sam cut you off again, seemingly unable to endure your rants and ravings about being undeserving. “Loving people is not the same as obligation, Utah. And I know, without a doubt, you would do that and more for both of us. Do you know what is unfair, though?”

“Hmm?” You hummed the response, knowing the answer he would give would not sit right with you, but he was bound to say it anyway.

“You, loving people with everything you’ve got, but never getting anything back. You, loving people no matter if they deserve it or not, no matter how poorly they treat you, yet still believing you’re the one who doesn’t deserve it.” Your stomach gave a nervous twist when you thought too long about his words. Having spent so long ignoring the many people who refused to return the effort that you poured into them, the ones who threw your kindness back in your face, hearing it now and having no choice but to acknowledge it made your heart hurt.

“S’pose it is a bit unfair.” You whispered, your eyes glued to the ground as you continued to walk down the trail.

“You’re doing so good, Y/N. You’ve come so far. Don't let what happened at that diner set you back again. Vincent is… he does not speak for your character.” He cut himself off, a stony expression on his face as he tried to speak cautiously. “He does not stand for the truth. He only cares about what fits his narrative. You are so much more than you think you are, and you always have been. Utah, it never mattered to us who you were or what you’ve done. We can see who you’re trying to be, who you really are, and she is fucking fantastic.”

“Sam,” your stomach gave another anxious lurch, your eyes blurred with tears once more.

“No, Utah.” He shook his head. “I’m tired of you never letting us tell you how much you mean to us. Maybe, if someone had the courage to tell you a long time ago, you would be able to see it too. I’m not scared of it, and neither is he. We love you, and we want you around. We want to help you, and we don’t care how long it takes. You’re worth the effort, and you’re worth the time. These things you struggle with, they don’t make you a bad person, and you can heal from them. It seems impossible sometimes, or too hard or not worth it, but you don’t have to do it alone. It makes it all the more easier when you have someone to lean on.”

Silence filled the air, neither of you making a peep aside from your occasional sniffle and Rose’s half-hearted barks at the birds in the sky and rustling leaves. Your footsteps were heavy, in time with your heart and pounding in your ears as his words bounced against your skull. You wanted to believe him so badly, to take all of his thoughtful statements and impactful comments and use it as motivation, but in some strange way, it seemed to deter you from the desired goal.

Disappointment.

It was your biggest fear, your largest enemy. Before Sam and Danny came along, nobody loved you enough for you to have to care, but now? Letting them down haunted you. Knowing it would be so easy to do, almost without a second thought. Fucking up and making the wrong decisions had become your specialty, but it never mattered. Thus far, the only person you had to disappoint was yourself (and your brothers, but with them being so far away, they did not have to witness you destroying your own life any longer). Now, knowing two of the best people you had ever met were counting on you, rooting for you, cheering you on, it all seemed so much more serious. Having the freedom to mess up was something you cherished, because you did it so often. Now, you were constantly scared of losing them, terrified that the wrong thing would make them change their minds and run away.

For someone who had specialized in running, you were awfully afraid of someone else doing the same thing to you.

Finally, karma seemed to come back and bite you in the ass.

“We’re not going anywhere, Y/N.” Almost as if he could read your mind, he eased your racing heart and screaming mind with just a single sentence.

“I really hope not.” You gave a sad smile, hoping he understood how badly you wanted them to stick around. You had been afraid of forever your entire life, but with them by your side, it didn’t seem so bad. “I love you guys, more than I ever thought I was capable of loving another person. In my head, that’s not always a good thing, ‘cause it means you have this power over me, and it scares the shit out of me. You can leave whenever you want, you can say or do whatever you want… and I just have to accept it. I’m not used to people being this close.”

“You are, though.” He disagreed with your words, but not rudely. You were certain that nothing he could do would ever be considered rude or offensive. “Vincent had that power over you, but you don’t see it as the same thing because he always used it for bad anyway. Not even in the worst case scenario, not even in a million years would we ever do that to you, Utah. Not even close to it.”

You weren’t sure why you hadn’t thought of it that way before, but he was right. Power meant little when used correctly, and the only reason it scared you so was because you were used to people abusing it. Knowing the two boys, even in the little time you had spent together, you knew for certain they would never do such things.

“I love you, Sam.” For the second time in two days, the words that you spent most of your life avoiding slid out with little thought or effort. You seemed to be able to tell Sam with no issue, and you hoped that you soon would be able to say the same things to Danny with the same relaxed nature.

“I love you, Y/N.” He replied, smiling to himself as he understood he finally made the difference. The whole time he had known you, he and Danny both just wanted to say something that would help, do a single thing that might change your perspective even just for a moment, but as you walked down the trail he knew it was never as simple as a single instance. What you needed was consistency, not grand gestures. You responded best to routine, to familiarity—all they had to do was stick around for long enough that it felt most normal to be with them.

It was never you that was the problem, but everyone else that came before the two boys. They had hurt you so badly that you couldn’t believe anyone else wouldn’t want to do the same. Now that you had spent enough time with them, you could finally see that what they were telling you was the truth.

“You feel better?” He asked, his voice barely cutting through nature's ambience.

“Yeah, I do.” Honesty was not hard in this instance, and although you hit a lot of topics that normally made you want to hide from the world, you did feel better just from addressing them. You knew there was a lot of talking still to be done, but it didn’t seem as hard anymore. You knew when the time came it might feel a little different, but right now you wanted to enjoy the feeling while it lasted. “Thank you.”

“No need to thank me. Didn’t do a whole lot.” He brushed off the thanks and continued on his path, both of you watching as Rose picked up a stick from the ground to bring along with her.

“You do way more than you know.” You replied, not willing to back down on the matter. With that, he slipped an arm around your shoulders, pulling you in for a side-hug that satiated the near constant ache in your chest for a moment. “I’m really happy I met you guys.”

“We feel the same way.” He gave your arm a gentle squeeze before pulling away, happy to have made some kind of impact on you. “And just so you know, I come out here every morning, so if you ever need a minute away from the real world…” he trailed off, extending the invitation as relaxed as possible. You gave a small giggle, watching as the leaves swayed in the blowing wind.

“I’ll keep it in mind.” With that, another bout of silence took hold, but it was neither uncomfortable nor painful. Existing alongside Sam was a fantastic way to waste your time, and you already knew you wouldn’t mind tagging along with him whenever he was willing.

“Actually, while I have you out here, I have one more thing I wanted to say.” Sam cut through the silence, looking in your direction with an unfamiliar gleam in his eye.

“Floors all yours, Sammy boy.” You gave him the invitation to continue, only slightly nervous for what he might confess. With that, he slipped his hand into his pocket, pulling out a small card and looking over the glossy finish. Then, he extended his arm towards you, offering you the opportunity to take a look at it too. Carefully, you grabbed it out of his fingers, unsure of what exactly you were looking at until you read the words twice over.

Dr. Amanda Collins | Psychologist

8150 19 E 44th St, 15th Floor, New York, NY 10017, US

Below her name and address, there was a phone number to contact. On the top of the card, there was a circled date and time, written in Sam’s familiar scrawl that could not be mistaken. “August 3rd at 10AM?” You asked, your fingers shaking ever so slightly as you held the card up to read it again. “What’s this for?”

“Well, it’s for you.”

“Sam, absolutely not.” You shook your head, the motion violent, scattering your already rapid thoughts across your brain. “I can’t afford that. I appreciate the thought, but I can’t.”

“You can.” He reasoned, ignoring you as you tried to give him back the business card. “You don’t have to worry about money—it’s already covered. I just want you to go and try it out, see if it’s something that would help. If not, we can look for something or someone else, but it’s a good place to start.” You were sure your heart shattered into a million pieces, each sharp point and jagged edge stabbing you as you breathed in his kindness. It was an utterly selfless and unbelievably beautiful gesture, but it hurt so badly you thought you might die from it.

“I-I can’t let you do this for me, Sam. It’s so kind of you, but it’s to much. I-I just can’t.” You stressed, your palms clammy and your stomach sick.

“You can.” He repeated, unwilling to discuss it any further. “It’s already paid for and the appointment is set—you might as well go and check it out. Non-refundability and whatnot.” You sucked in a sharp breath, feeling the erratic beat of your heart nearly knock you off your feet.

Never in your entire life had someone cared so deeply. He cared so much that he would spend the money to get you help, that he would carry whatever burden came along with you, without struggle and without complaint. It was astounding, nearly debilitating to have a friend that loved you as much as you loved them.

“Seriously, Utah. It’s no big deal. Don’t do your thing and get all… whatever. Just go next week and tell me what you think. That’s enough thanks for me.” Staring over at him, still in awe at his unwavering love and determination to see you heal, you gave a gentle nod, slipping the card in your pocket for safe keeping.

“Yeah, alright.” You swallowed back the surplus of arguments and rebuttals trying to make their way to the surface, opting to listen to his words and take them at face value. If he was willing to to through all of this to help, you at least owed it to him to be receptive.

“If you want me to take you, I can… or Daniel, or both of us. Hell, if you want to go by yourself I’ll find you a way there and back, but I want you to go. And don’t do that deflection thing either, or make it seem like it’s not as bad as it really is. She doesn’t know you and she’s literally paid to help you. Use it to your advantage, okay?”

“Okay.” You nodded, gaining your footing with reality once more. If he thought it would help, you wanted to give it a shot. His opinion mattered greatly to you, and you trusted his judgment way more than you ever trusted your own, which in itself brought you to your next question. “How do you know so much about this stuff?” At that, he chuckled, knowing it would be brought up eventually.

“My brothers have ADHD, so I grew up and was always very committed to figuring out their brains. I have my own problems, too. We all do, Utah, even if some people try to hide it or do a better job at keeping it quiet. There’s no shame in needing help.”

There’s no shame in needing help.

God, you wished someone had told you that a long time ago.

“You’re right.” You breathed, still feeling your skin tingle with the after effects of his kindness. “I’ll give it a shot. Can’t do any harm, right?”

“Right.” He agreed, happy that you drew the same conclusion.

The conversation died down again, both of you left with lots of things to ponder on before you convened for the next morning walk. As the silence began to consume you yet again, you couldn’t help but notice that for once, the ever present and growing sense of emptiness had fled for a moment, not returning even when the conversation was laid to rest. For the first time in your entire life, you felt perfectly right and well, like you were exactly where you were supposed to be, doing exactly what you needed to do. Looking at the boy walking beside you, you knew that you never would have felt such divine rightness and comfortability without him or his best friend.

That fateful day at the Foxhole, hiding behind a wall and sneaking glances at two boys you never thought you would meet, you never once imagined you would be where you were then. Not once did you think better was in the cards, let alone so close.

And as if it were a day meant for firsts, you looked back on the things that led you there, finally able to take the tainted glasses off and view it with gratitude rather than resentment. You could see all of the gained confidence, the strength and the power your struggles had given you, and you finally had a chance to utilize them, rather than curse the events that gave you useless tools.

Finally, after twenty four years, the sun was shining again—instead of hiding from it, you were willingly and happily living to feel it, wanting to appreciate the warmth instead of run from it, to enjoy the moment while it lasted instead of being angry that it was fleeting.

Finally, the world was turning, and instead of it leaving you still and behind, you were turning with it.

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