#Dan heng is so dramtic LMAOOOOO

[fxvcsd]

Little Bit of Lovin’ You

Wc: 936

Synopsis: Where you and the astral express family nearly die after Caelus’ daily dumpster dive.

XTRA: lots n lots n lots nd lotsss of crack! Shit writing bcs i honestly js wrote this on a whim, pt. 2 which is guaranteed will have better writing but will be published in like a few days or something. “Lalala” Caelus, “Okokok” reader. GN! Reader

warnings: emetophobia(ish?), silly dorky goofy nicknames, ooc characters (NOT RLLY), mentions of himeko getting a lil drunkity wunkity

“HE QUITTT, babe! He literally quit being the Trash King! Like, full on smashed his crown to the floor and ran out of the castle, Elsa style!” 

You could barely hold back another groan as Caelus’ stinky body pressed against your own as you made your ways back to the Astral Express. For hours on end, Caelus complained to you about his newfound ‘universal enemy.’ You plugged your nose and held back a gag, the stench of rotten food and other kinds of trash piled up in Caelus’ hair; every crevice and fold in his clothes. 

The minute the two of you stepped foot into the Astral Express, Dan Heng had a clothing pin squeezing his nostrils shut with a fan fluttering the smelly wind out the door. March had a gas mask on, taking pictures of you suffering (to which you’d beat her ass for later on), Himeko backing up with a giggle, and Welt just…being Welt. He covered Pom-Pom’s sensitive nose as the wind Dan Heng blew their way almost made the poor conductor pass out. 

The doors shut with a loud echo. You shoved Caelus off of you and went to the nearest trash can (how ironic!) to barf up the contents you ate earlier that morning; your boyfriend stood by the door like a confused puppy. He tilted his head to the side, jutting his lip out into a pout. He didn’t know what he did wrong. 

As they say, you can’t smell what you carry. 

You take heavy breaths as March cackled, patting your back. The others looked away to respect your privacy, but they couldn’t help but let little giggles slip past their lips. You would let Welt deal with the trash can later… he wouldn’t mind a little cleaning up after his favorite child, after all. 

Probably. 

Caelus tried to walk to your side, but with the help of Dan Heng — who reluctantly stopped waving his fan around and pushed Caelus away with the back end of his polearm, stopped him in his tracks. 

“You stink,” he muttered. Caelus froze, and with a hurt look, his head snapped to you for confirmation. The way you were plugging your nose with your cheeks puffed out, a green tint to your skin told him all he needed to know. Dan Heng nodded sympathetically, patting his shoulder before taking a large step back. 

“Babe…” 

“Nope. Bye.” 

You ran off into the other car, trying to avoid your stinky boyfriend who ran after you. You let out shrieks of horror as you looked over your shoulder, seeing dust lift from the ground as he caught up to you in what seemed like such little time. Caelus had such long legs and amazing stamina — it wasn’t fair! Not at all! 

“Come back, baby! Give your fav boy a kith!” 

“NONONONONO-”

—————

He caught up to you in the end, trapping you between him and the couch. You were so lucky that the smell wore off a bit and wasn’t as potent as before. If it was, you were sure you would’ve died beneath him. You loved Caelus with all your heart, but when he would make the ship go off course and travel back to Jarilo-VI to go dumpster diving, you would rather have Blade stab his shattered sword through your left—

Anyway…

“Baby…” Caelus dragged out a whine, his lips pressed against the crook of your neck. Your arms wrapped around his shoulders as you were in a daze, scrolling away at random news articles on your phone. You let out a hum, kissing his temple.

“Do I really smell that bad?” 

“PFF-”

The whole train burst out into fits of laughter. March, once again, choked on her spit and ran around the car as she hit anyone she could, repeating what Caelus asked with stutters and heavy wheezes. Dan Heng chuckled before going straight-faced again; Welt pulled a classic old man wheeze, and Pom-Pom giggled; Himeko jolted forward, slapping her hand against the table (if you couldn’t tell, she was quite tipsy). 

“Baby, don’t tell me you’re serious…” You respond, cupping Caelus’ cheeks. You can see the way his eyes glazed over a bit, his cheeks puffed out with pink, slightly chapped lips, pouting. You could never resist that face, for it was the one he gave you when he asked you out for the first time. And again, and again, and again until you finally accepted. 

The human-raccoon nodded, a small whine leaving his lips. Your eyes softened, pulling him closer as you gently rubbed the tip of your nose against his. “You smell horrible, Caelussy. But I still love you.” 

“NOOoOOOo,1 I don’t! I smell-” He paused, grabbing a fistfull of his jacket and forced it to his nose, taking a long whiff. He was fine at first.

Until he almost barfed on you. 

“GET OFF????” You shrieked, pushing him away and running to the opposite end of the room in .2 seconds, hiding behind Welt who protected both you and Pom-Pom from the influx of sludge that was about to surge out of Caelus’ mouth. 

You paused. The room was silent, and so were the stars. You waited…and waited…and waited. 

No gagging. 

No sniffling.

No nothing. 

Caelus only stood there…menacingly. He was laughing. Hands clutching his sides like he was the funniest person in the world — slumped over like the hunchback from that Disney movie, giggles rolling off his tongue like the Mad Hatter. You stepped away from Welt silently, a shadow cast over your eyes.

You dragged a breath: in… and out. 

“I gagged all of you! AHAHAAHA-”

…

Nobody wanted to talk about what happened to Caelus after that. Dan Heng decided to sort it in the files of… ‘The Unspoken.’ 

tags: @maitadori , whoever else wants 2 be tagged !!