#Damien's reaction is PRICELESS

[wishywashysmoshy]

I can't believe we got to see Damien get assassinated on camera what a time to be alive

[rtfics]

Delia's scenes in BJ2.

I love how they wrote Delia in the sequel.

This first scene in her gallery is SO perfect. This is exactly how I imagined she'd be, keeping up with the New York Art Scene, and her explanation of how just sculpting wasn't fulfilling enough any more. She's like every Academy of Art & Design grad I've ever known.

I fucking adore her reaction to Father Damien after he does his little speech of reassurance. Am I sensing a little something between them? (yes, he's a priest, I know). And yeah, she's wearing a cross. Is it because she believes, or for decorative purposes? When Delia says "Is that Maxie Dean?" I swear that's Tim Burton doing an Alfred Hitchcock (cameo walk through) in the background, the guy in the black hat and shades.

And her reluctance to call Beetlejuice and her reaction to him are priceless.

I absolutely LOVE that the movie teamed up these two. They both love Lydia, so they're perfect working together to help her and Astrid.

[dormarunt]

Berlin, episode 1 - a spoiler-filled live reaction/commentary 

Spoilers ahoy under the cut!

Our man wears a turtleneck from the get-go, which I find hilarious.

"This is my team - one of the three I've robbed with in my life - but this one is special to me as it's from my golden age". Maybe season 2 - if it exists - will focus on that other team? Or? The other 2 teams are The Cormorants and the Mint gangs? What do you guys think?

Also this is set before Berlin knew of his Helmers Myopathy (lol I took Liberties in my latest fic, I won't let something like canon change that)

Roi sees him as the father he never had, while Berlin sees Roi as "a loyal dog he walks every day" -- right, I'm totally going to write these two, and not just because Roi calls him "sir" and shines his shoes.

Damien is a Professor but for real.

During the first heist we see of the gang, a random guest clocks the team as "not police " in about a minute, seemingly based on Keyla's glasses/fidgeting -- okay I guess?? Make that conflict, Pina & Co!

Also iirc Berlin pulls out a bag to put the stolen artifact out of his ass thin air. 

Losing my mind at the smashed phone bit though, the panto is chef's kiss. (points pinky)

Berlin has TERRIBLE gun etiquette/safety OMG???

"Love doesn't last", says the three-times-divorcee. Believe him, before he marries two more times and unhinges his jaw to eat his beat friend's face. 

"What name did you choose?" "Cameron" -- the old gang's names are also chosen.

Pedro Alonso learned French for this okay? And he did a fine job ngl, much better than his Danish of S5.

Keyla is (at least partially) a plot device/Deus Ex literal Machina with her generating 650 pages of content about their made-up archeological gang ---- hopefully priest dude doesn't know how to double check stuff like awards because then Keyla would have to ~hack loads of sites/databases okay I'll stop but seriously 

He calls himself Berlin already. How or why? Unclear yet. 

Based on the iPod shuffle that Keyla's wearing the series takes place after 2010-2012 (so before he met Martin according to the little timeline I made a while ago)

The Berlin-Roi talk about a particular woman (Cameron) gives me Berlin-RIO (heheh) talk about Tokio

Oh no tell the guy who lusts over a girl to act as her dad instead - that's going to go WELL

The door hacking (Panasonic) device with Matrix-style flowing numbers and letters is PRIMO and not hilarious at all. (Rafael's hacking device was marginally more believable)

Three home invaders vs one angry little pup - I'm in the pup's corner!

Not a huge fan of Cameron just yet, she gives me Tokio vibes and not in a good way. She IS hot though. 

Come on Cameron, when a guy says not to touch his ass you don't take it personally?? Girl, that's not cute irl. If you wanna help him open that lock, warn him. Touching people without their consent is No Bueno. I get that she's supposed to be mentally ill but bit a creep?

Berlin is possibly an insomniac. He's not changed from the Berlin I know and love in that he feels that: 1) he's in any position to give advice, let alone about love 2) he knows all about love his experiences are universal 

(I trust Damian's take on love and kinda agree with him)

OMG THERE WAS ONLY ONE BED!!! --- and Berlin said "ew no?"

Oh Jesus Christ we were spared from another poop particle conversation but just barely (since when is the guy who fucks in stench-filled basements all squeamish?)

Period-inappropriate Imagine Dragons cover

That's why I started learning the guitar in high school, this scene right here, to have someone look at me with that wonder in their eyes. (all the boys learned to play guitar to pick up girls, years later I figured out that so did I lol)

The sights in this episode are beautiful though! <3

Berlin's philosophy on courting women is, according to my headcanon, stolen from Martín who's "an infantry general by vocation" and NO ONE can change my mind

Roi's sincere WTF look here is priceless 

All in all - yep, i'm watching the rest too (lol). Can't guarantee live reactions for the next episodes (unless requested/I have the time)

[reyaharrington-ramsey]

Imagine if our favorite LIs could see all the thirsty shit this fandom comes up with and their reactions to it, á la "Reading Thirst Tweets", that would be priceless, especially Ethan and Damien.

[ask-the-cordium-crew]

volume 7 (team CWDM aka team cordium)

(all design work done by my lovely friends) this is a master post of all the volume 7 character designs for the who killed team cordium (rwby/who killed markiplier) crossover au) all the designs will be posted one last time once the 7th season of rwby finishes 

@anastasijablr​

@babymarionette​

@phonysparrow​

C

(Celine the seer) 

W

(William the colonel of atlas military) 

D

(Damien the runaway mayor/king of vale) 

M

(dark mark the insane most trusted Allie of salems followers) 

(also an idiot because he’s going to an island where it’s winter almost all the time without a shirt on just because he thinks peoples reactions to it are priceless) 

all these characters combined create Team cordium/CWDM

You know this goes without saying, but thanks to @markiplier​ , I was finally able to make something I am proud of This au? who killed team cordium despite it just being a fun crossover story 

Is my best work sure it’s not perfect, but unlike almost all of my creations? I am proud of it, so I only have one thing to say 

thank you mark for inspiring me to create something I can be proud of over my 6 years on Tumblr your videos be them gaming or your personal projects make me happy, and hell is one of the reasons I am even alive 

Your honestly my biggest hero. 

Thank you honestly for everything.

[ernmark]

Do you think when Sir Damien gave Lord Arrum the Queen’s head scarf to bandage his arm he was giving Lord Arrum exactly what he was looking for? A piece of the queen to bind her to the creature? Knight of the Crown, Lord of the Swamp

I think that’s exactly what happened. 

Arum’s reaction to getting the scarf is pretty telling when he gets it:

ARUM: Is this… silk?DAMIEN: One of the Queen’s headscarves. Her collection is priceless, they say.ARUM: (REALIZING SOMETHING CUNNING) Your Queen…! How… interesting. (Knight of the Crown, Lord of the Swamp)

And then Arum throws him a hint afterward. 

DAMIEN: But… there was something you wanted in the Queen’s chambers, wasn’t there? Our lives aren’t the only things we could wager—ARUM: If you think I did not take what I wanted while I was there, you’ve insulted the intelligence of the monster who outsmarted you. Consider that carefully.

And then we see fabric being mentioned again in Arum’s workshop. 

RILLA: Research log, entry 4301. Observing what appears to be a colony of those grubs I found beneath the Numbcap… Lord Arum’s creations. Interesting. My original sample didn’t exhibit any unusual behavior, but when you put them in a group they cluster and move as one unit. I think I see something behind them, but they keep getting in the way. Come on, come on…Seriously? No matter where I look, they… keep moving in my way. They cluster where I look before I look there… like they know where that’s going to be. I can just catch glimpses of what they’re blocking. It looks like a rolled-up cloth of some kind… A scarf? (Moonlit Hermit)

I’m pretty sure that’s the Queen’s scarf, but it’s possible that it’s the Chrysalis Cloth instead? But I suspect that the latter is too valuable to rip up like that. 

[ceo-entity-a]

Hi Mod for everyone’s favorite furby, THE ENTITYS REACTION TO THIS IS FUCKING PRICELESS, IM CRYING ??

WHAT CAN I SAY, DAMIEN WAS VERY RUDE

[sunnydaleherald]

The Sunnydale Herald Newsletter - Monday, September 21st

JOYCE: (seeing Angel) Hi. ANGEL: Hi. BUFFY: Oh! Okay... Um... Angel, uh, this is my mom. Mom, this is Angel. Uh, we ran into each other on the way home. ANGEL: Nice to meet you. JOYCE: What do you do, Angel? BUFFY: He's a student. Uh, first year community college. Angel's been helping me with my history, you know I've been toiling there. JOYCE: It's a little late for tutoring. I'm gonna go to bed, and, uh, Buffy? BUFFY: I'll say good night and do the same! JOYCE: (to Angel) It was nice to meet you. (goes up the stairs) BUFFY: (pretending) Good night! We'll hook up soon and do that study thing!

~~Angel~~

Submit a link to be included in the newsletter!

[Drabbles & Short Fiction]

Dribs and Drabs (Xander/Cordelia, Joyce, The Groosalugg, G) by Francis_Eugene

Five Little Deaths for Liam O'Hallaran (Liam/Darla, Liam/others, E) by girlpire

Farewell, my dear (Angel/Cordelia, Spike/Buffy, T) by Bl4ckHunter

Roses are overrated anyway (Gunn/fem!reader, not rated) by prose-for-hire

Jenny’s-alive Bandcandy (Giles/Jenny, not rated) by angelinthefire

[Chaptered Fiction]

Perfect Color Me (Ch. 6 of Giles' Detective Agency, Mission 2) (Xander, Buffy/Devil May Cry crossover, T) by madimpossibledreamer

Taken, Chapter 3 (Buffy/Spike, R) by chaoz

Inside Man, Chapter 10 (Buffy/Spike, NC-17) by Holly

Distant Thunder, Chapter 22 (Buffy/Spike, NC-17) by Axell

Thanks for the Memories, Chapter 5 (Buffy/Spike, R) by Soulburnt

A (Mostly) Comprehensive Guide to the End of the World, Chapter 15 (Buffy/Spike) by Annabellee

Code Name Slayer: Part 5: Winter Soldier (Buffy, Marvel Universe crossover, FR7) by Kittykitkat

A Touch of Her Style, Chapter 18: Raining Revenge (Buffy/Spike, M) by myrabeth

[Images, Audio & Video]

Artwork:POV: you’re a 200ish year old murderous vampire who ... (Giles) by layersoftweed

Artwork:Dark Willow paper collage (Dark Willow) by addisin

Artwork:Two btvs emblems (Buffy/Spike, Buffy) by sanshodelaine

Artwork:Ripper (Giles sketch) by unemployedlibrarian

Video: Buffy the Vampire Slayer for Game Boy Color (FULL PLAYTHROUGH) - RHPlays! Twitch VOD by Retro Hangover Podcast

Video: How to make a skin of Spike from Buffy the vampire slayer in minecraft by Weirdlord 42

Video: (BtVS) Jenny's Sacrifice (Jenny) by SlayerBoiProductions

Video: buffy + spike | ice cold heart (Buffy/Spike) by Yulia I.

Video: Impossible | buffy and angel (Buffy/Angel) by lovepetrcva

Video: Doppiaggio: Buffy l'ammazzavampiri | Joyce conosce Angel (FanDub) (Italian fandub of the scene where Joyce meets Angel) by theminimarti

Video lecture: Buffy - Feminist Representation in Buffy (PART 1) by Mr Corbett Media

Music: Rest in Peace - Heavy Metal Buffy cover by Iron Damien

Music: Unreleased Buffy Score: "Buffy's Dream" (Season 3, Episode 1) and more unreleased Buffy scores by Buffy Unreleased Scores

[Reviews & Recaps]

Boom!Buffy Reviewed: Issue 16 by harsens-rob

Reacting to reactions 2.17 Passion by Stoney

PODCAST: Dead Man's Party by Buffy the Vampire Straya

[Recs]

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: All Hail the Queen (the There Can Be Only One remix) by Dragonsphoenix recced by punch_kicker15 at fancake

Costume Codex videos recced by Priceless

[Community Announcements]

A Trip Down Memory Lane (2008) at Seasonal Spuffy

A Trip Down Memory Lane (2008) at Seasonal Spuffy

[Fandom Discussions]

One of the secrets to Buffy’s success by cantigasdetanjaouia

Ok so I just finished Buffy… and I have things to say (F-word) by babyhoneyltommo

Lilah and romance by prose-for-hire

Is Tara a "strong" female character? by DeadlyDuo

Has anyone not seen Buffy? by Weezlecheesle

Does anyone feel bad about Cordelia? by Elfish-Phantom

Best prom episode of TV ever, hands down by maedocc

Spoilers for a season 4 relationship that I love up ahead (I just saw the scene where Willow comes out to Buffy) by nerdycrazykid

When did the writers know that Angel had been cancelled? by Weezlecheesle

Anyone else cheer during this scene? Goodbye rampant misogynist wannabes! by buffster95

I need help finding this fanfic (Buffy/Faith) by Jade of Shadows

Find-A-Fic: spike is a criminal. Famous paintings involved. Buffy is... undercover? Prisoner? IDK (Spuffy) by Luvit

[fivenightsatfreddysfanfiction]

Reunion

(Idea came to me of a little scenerio involving a reincarnated Mahogany. Enjoy~! ;) )

“Come along.” The social worker said sternly as she gently pushed the girl forward, towards Damien and Ven. The social worker looked at the two with a nervous smile. “Magnolia’s a tad shy towards new people…”

“I understand,” Ven spoke first as he got to one knee, to the girl’s eye level. “Hello, Ms. Magnolia, I’m Steven and he’s my friend, Damien. We’ll be taking care of you for a little while….are you alright with that?” The girl looked up at him, Ven sensing something off with her; not bad or malicious in the slightest, but definitely something off about the little girl.

“Your eyes are closed.” She said. “Why?” Ven paused.

“Well..you see, I’m pretty sensitive to bright lights.” Damien scoffed.

“That��s not what you said yesterday.” The social worker’s face was priceless as Ven groaned and face palmed, his face a bright pink. It took a moment before Damien realized what he said and went red. “I don’t mean like that!”

“Like what?” Magnolia asked, the innuendo going over her head. Ven turned between the girl and Damien before a playful smirk toyed at his lips.

“Damien’ll explain to you later after lunch and ice cream! His treat!” The girl’s eyes lit up as did Damien’s, though for different reasons.

“What?!” . . “Mariposa…” Damien grumbled in annoyance as the young teen sat casually on the couch, eating Ven’s berries, as if she owned the place. “Why are you here?”

“To see my favorite and least favorite guards.” She said casually and Damien rubbed his temples; she may not be after his soul anymore, but she was still a pain in the ass to deal with. “And I need some help programming my remote control for Matthew. You know, after Baldy’s tried beating Meera at softball.” Damien snorted momentarily as he remembered the softball game before shaking his head. 

“You should’ve at least called ahead.” The black haired girl pouted.

“Where’s the fun in that?” Damien groaned.

“We’re a little busy-”

“And here we are~” Ven sang as he made a dramatic gesture to show off the house. “Me and Damien’s-and now your’s- house!” The man paused as he saw Mariposa. Ven blinked slowly before sighing. “Are those my berries?”

“I got hungry…and Damien gets whiny if his sandwiches go missing.” Damien looked moderately offended as Mariposa looked at Magnolia who was staring at her, as if trying to process what was in front of her. “I thought boys couldn’t….” She looked at Damien and Ven trailing off. “Who is she?”

“We’re taking care of-”

“You’re Phillip…” Heads snapped to where the little girl was, who even seemed confused on what she said.

“What did you say?” Mariposa asked slowly, sitting to a more formal position as the girl shook her head quickly. Mariposa looked at Damien and Ven, as if those two had any idea what happened. . . “Magnolia! Come on,” Damien exclaimed in exasperation as he knocked on the door to the girl’s room. Damien wasn’t sure why she locked herself in her room; they were watching a movie together and then the girl looked between the two men she was sitting in between before she made a startled yelp, before scrambling to her room before the two men could ask her what was wrong. Damien sighed as he heard a muffled ‘Go Away’ from the girl. Damien sighed as he felt a hand on his shoulder. He looked at Ven. “Isn’t this supposed to happen when she’s Mariposa’s age?” Ven chuckled softly.

“Let me try and talk to her.” There was something in Ven’s voice that made Damien raise an eyebrow, but he was gently pushed away from the door as Ven smiled. “Can you make sure the movie isn’t still going on? It was getting good after all, and we shouldn’t miss it.” Damien opened his mouth to retort before sighing.

“If this bites you in the ass, I am not rescuing you.” Ven feigned offense.

“But you’re my prince charming!” Ven got a flipped bird as Damien walked back to the living room, earning a chuckle, before turning his attention back to the door. He sighed gently, sensing that Magnolia was upset. “Magnolia?” He asked softly. “It’s me, Ven…”

“Go away Vincent…I don’t want to talk right now.” Ven’s face felt as he felt the spirit of his past life appeared next to him.

“That sounded like Mahogany…” Ven pursed his lips as he controlled his reaction to that idea; it would make sense, given the age of the girl compared to when Mahogany had passed away, and it would make sense she would want to have another chance at happiness.

“And I guess she’s realized it?” Ven asked quietly. “I sure hope you know how to help her through that.” The purple man looked at his reincarnation.

“Of course. Just stay put.” Ven nodded as Vincent went through the door. He looked around momentarily and saw the girl huddled in a corner, sniffling and rubbing her eyes. His heart broke as his face softened. The girl looked up, her eyes wide, and sniffled.

“Vincent?” That definitely sounded like Mahogany, though it was moderately unnerving coming from Magnolia.

“Yeah…it’s me..” The girl frowned before puffing her cheeks and placing her head on her arms, looking away.

“It’s not fair…” Vincent sat across from her.

“What’s not fair?” He pressed gently, earning a look from the girl.

“Besides the obvious?” He chuckled nervously.

“Well, I mean it isn’t so bad, we’re together again…” The girl shrugged and Vincent continued. “Everyone is doing well…and while, yes, this isn’t really what anyone wanted, we can make it work.” The girl didn’t seemed convinced and Vincent smiled softly as an idea came to his head. “And besides, I need all the help I can get in referring Ven and Damien.” The girl perked up, confused as Vincent continued. “Ven’s kinda stubborn when it comes to a certain color…” The girl paused before she snickered.

“Seriously? You still hate pink?”

“It’s not a good color.” Vincent stated simply, crossing his arms, earning a smile from the girl. “And Damien and Ven and even Jonathan when he’s around, don’t appreciate the different kinds of toast there are! I mean there’s-” As Vincent went on his toast rant, the girl struggled to stay upset, but the joy and calming energy coming from Vincent was contagious and soon the girl was laughing, nearly falling over, clutching her sides. Vincent smiled as remembered why he fell in love with Mahogany in the first place. After a few moments, the little girl managed to catch her breath as she wiped her eyes.

“Vincent…” She said, smiling. “You haven’t changed at all…” Vincent beamed.

“I do my very best.” He held out his hand. “Shall we go back?” Magnolia smiled softly.

“I think we shall…”

[londontheatre]

Ottilie Mackintosh as Louise & Romayne Andrews as Justin – A Fox on the Fairway

A note in the programme from A Fox on the Fairway playwright Ken Ludwig may well suit American audiences (the Samuel French Acting Edition of the script encourages theatres to include it in their programmes, even to the point of advising that a free online copy is available on his website), but it comes across as slightly superfluous to a Home Counties one. It is, however, interesting to note how people on the other side of the Atlantic are briefed on what Ludwig calls “the great English farce tradition”, and I daresay it proved a useful reminder of its illustrious history in any event.

Of course, there’s nothing wrong with assuming no prior knowledge, and theatre productions should be appreciated and understood without having read up about it beforehand. Here, British accents have been retained by the cast in a play originally set in America. For instance, a line where one character asks another “Are you English today?” in response to a quaint turn of phrase becomes “Have you been reading PG Wodehouse again?” It works to some extent, particularly when there is a rain delay to golf activity.

But, in the end, the production’s creatives can take the play out of America but don’t entirely succeed in taking America out of the play. Let’s just say two things. Firstly, employment laws over here are somewhat different – employers cannot fire people just because they don’t like them. Secondly, the obsession with winning at any cost or consequence is distinctly American. Anyway, to rank amongst the best of farce plays, British or otherwise, this one needs to be substantially pacier than it is.

While the entrances and exits are aplenty, there seems too much of a gap between one door closing and another opening, physically and consequently figuratively speaking. As ever with comic farces, one must not read too deeply or analytically into the plotline – it is, after all, supposed to be ridiculous. If anything A Fox on the Fairway starts off a little too credibly, and it’s a while before anything significantly zany happens.

The set sufficiently portrays a prestigious country club – the Queen’s Theatre Hornchurch workshop department clearly had fun constructing it. In terms of casting, it’s the ladies who steal the show between them. Muriel Bingham (Sarah Quist) makes a late entrance in the evening’s proceedings but is a breath of fresh air, whilst Pamela Peabody (Natalie Walter) proved confident and headstrong. It’s Ottilie Mackintosh who shines brightest, as Louise Hindbedder, an employee of the Quail Valley Golf and Country Club, run by Henry Bingham (Damien Matthews). Hindbedder’s reactions to events as she sees them (jumping to conclusions, yes, but reasonable ones purely based on what is in front of her eyes at any given moment) were priceless, and a constant source of amusement. Quite rightly, she gets to say the show’s epilogue.

I thought Matthews’ Bingham could have been a little more vocal – a tad more explosive, if you will, given the importance he claims to attach to the golfing tournament underway during the play. Some good physical theatre (think ‘Cocktail Counterpoint’ in La Cage Aux Folles, for example) livens up the show before the interval. I think I would have preferred the William Tell Overture at the curtain call as suggested by the playwright in his curtain call instructions in the script – the alternative choice of music (I won’t say exactly what it is, as that would too much of a spoiler) seemed out of kilter with a distinguished golf membership club.

Shooting under par (a good thing, for the uninitiated in golf terminology), this is one of those shows that in lesser talented hands, could have been taxing and arduous. For those who “stay the course” (to quote Louise Hindbedder), although it’s not entirely clean, this is a gently comical and entertaining production, and there are more than a few laughs to be had. If it comes across as reticent and understated in places, perhaps it is rather genuinely British after all.

Review by Chris Omaweng

It’s the day of the annual golf tournament between rival country clubs. Bingham, president of Quail Valley, discovers that his star player has switched sides. Wagering his wife’s antique shop on the outcome now seems like less of a sure bet. Fortunately, he discovers that his new young assistant is a phenomenally good golfer.

Bad weather, the lead lost, the shop is under threat, and Bingham’s wife catches him too close to his stunning sex-starved vice-president! What else could possibly go wrong…? Golfing has never been so outrageous!

Cast: Damien Matthews as Henry Bingham Natalie Walter as Pamela Peabody Sarah Quist as Muriel Bingham Simon Lloyd as Richard ‘Dickie’ Bell Romayne Andrews as Justin Hicks Ottilie Mackintosh as Louise Hindbedder

Creatives: A Fox on the Fairway By Ken Ludwig Director Philip Wilson Designer Colin Falconer Lighting Designer Johanna Town Sound Designer Max Pappenheim Assistant Director Sally Wippman Assistant to Lighting Designer Jess Bernberg

Running Time: 120 minutes (including interval)

Queen’s Theatre Billet Lane Hornchurch RM11 1QT

http://ift.tt/2wnNHUd LondonTheatre1.com

[ernmark]

Human Arum AU

I have been wrestling with this chapter for weeks, but I’ve finally got it down.

If I write anything more in this AU, it’ll either be reactions to things or little asides, but the story itself is done.

Holy crap, that wound up being long.

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10

Quite a few monsters must have noted their passage on the way to the sorcerer. On the return journey, Damien catches sight of a few watching them through the foliage. He suspects that there are others he doesn’t perceive, judging by the way Lord Arum’s claws tighten around his shoulder at odd intervals.

The constant contact isn’t a sign of anxiety, or even an attempt to reassure Damien. It’s a signal to the other monsters in the forest, so clear and deliberate that it might as well be in writing: Damien is his. He’s already killed one monster to defend that claim, and he’s ready to do it again. Damien suspects he won’t need help, but he made sure to retrieve his bow and keep it strung, just in case.

But the journey is a long one, and it isn’t all tension. Not of the hostile variety, at any rate.

Lord Arum’s nose brushes his ear, close enough to make him shiver. “Give me a poem, honeysuckle. Let me hear your voice again.”

Damien flushes. A poem. Yes. Of course.

He settles on an old ballad from the First Citadel, about lovers separated when one is called to war. He’s recited it a hundred times at least-- usually during monsoon season, when storms keep the world locked inside and the rain drums a beat against the rooftops.

He tells himself that Lord Arum’s request is another show of power, that only someone truly confident in their right to be here would so brazenly draw attention to themselves in a jungle full of monsters. He has to make himself believe that-- the alternative would leave him too flustered to articulate the ballad properly, and that would only embarrass them both.

When they return to the swamp, Rilla is there waiting for them, a relieved smile on her face and a basket of herbs on her hip. She always throws herself into her work when she‘s worried.

It’s mostly to assuage her fears that he lets her check him over. The sorcerer’s vines left heavy bruises on his neck and hands -- nothing ghastly, but it’s visible enough to cause concern. Besides, Rilla always seems to feel better after she’s had the chance to gauge the extent of his injuries for herself, and Damien won’t deny that he appreciates the contact.

He shuts his eyes and lets his attention narrow to the sensation of her hands on him, the familiar smell as she blends honey and garlic into a thick paste, the stickiness as it’s spread over his cuts and scrapes and carefully wrapped to stave off infection. Her care is as ritualized as his prayers, and just as soothing to a troubled mind. He’s nearly sorry when she pulls away.

“It looks like you’ve got a cracked rib,” she says. “I can give you something to help with the pain, but it should heal on its own in a few weeks.” Her smile could warm a winter night. “Do you think you can hold off on the adventuring for a little while?”

“I...” He doesn’t know how to answer that honestly. “I’ll try to restrain myself.”

She kisses his forehead. “That’s all I ask.” And then she turns on Lord Arum. “As for you, Lord Lizard.”

Lord Arum’s frill flattens against his neck. “There isn’t anything wrong with me.”

“And I’ll believe that when I see it,” she says, grinning. “All brave heroes have to get examined after battle. It’s a rule.”

“But I’m not hurt.”

“That’s what you said about that thorn you stepped on yesterday, too, but I bet it felt better to get it out.”  Her expression softens. “For my own peace of mind, at least. You both went into that fight. I want to make sure you both made it out in one piece.”

Lord Arum gives a dramatic sigh. “Alright. If it’s all that important to you.” He makes a show of acting put out, but he can’t quite hide the half-lidded look of contentment as Rilla looks him over for cuts and bruises.

“You’re very good at this,” he muses while she cleans up a cut on his leg.

“Well, I am an herbalist. It’s my job to be good at it.” There’s a moment’s hesitation befor eshe shrugs. “It was, anyway. If I’m down to two patients, I’d better take good care of you.”

“Rilla...” The pit in Damien’s stomach is all too familiar. “I’m... sure it won’t be a problem now that the Queen is restored.” It sounds believable enough, doesn’t it? After all, it’s not entirely a lie, is it?

“I’m not so sure about that,” she says. “I caught one of her spies here last night.”

Damien’s throat goes dry. “Did you?”

She nods, smearing more of the honey paste onto a bandage. “He didn’t get far. I found him in the thistle trap close to the road. I drugged him and put him back on the road, but he sounded like he wasn’t going to be the last one.”

“Well, yes,” Damien says, trying to act out confidence he doesn’t feel. “But that was last night. Likely the Queen was still transfigured when he set out.”

“If you say so,” she says. “But I feel a lot better with all those traps around.”

“They didn’t give you trouble, then?” Lord Arum asks.

“I did set off the shriekweed at one point, but I eventually figured out how to make it stop. Where did you even find that? I’ve never seen anything like it.”

“Are you familiar with parrot plants?” he asks.

“Well, yeah, but its auditory properties are in its roots,” she says, and the two of them are caught up in a long, complex debate that mostly escapes him. Damien suspects the two of them might have a hundred conversations just like this. A thousand, perhaps.

Perhaps Rilla could be quite happy here.

He holds onto that thought.

When Damien wakes, it’s underneath a pile limbs. Rilla tucked against his side, her head on his shoulder, one leg folded over his thigh, her arm arranged in an odd configuration with Lord Arum’s over his chest. Lord Arum is curled around his other side, one leg twined with Damien’s.

They have him so thoroughly ensnared that he can’t help wonder if it’s by design.

The bed is warm, the bodies soft and comfortable against his. All he has to do is shut his eyes and fall back asleep.

Last night they spoke of contingencies and plans for the future. Lord Arum said he and Rilla were welcome to stay here as long as they wanted. Forever, if they feel so inclined. He said they would be safe here.

And perhaps they would-- safe from a single knight, or two, or five. But there’s no telling how far the Queen will go to see the Citadel secure.

Damien won’t let it get that far.

And so he untangles himself from Rilla and Lord Arum's embrace. It takes longer than he would prefer, but he can’t afford to wake them. If he has to look them in the eyes, then he might never leave.

He should write a note-- or something better than a note, something worthier-- but there is no poem that could contain the way he feels, no ballad that could describe it. If he tried for a hundred years, he might manage to arrange the words in the right order, but he doesn’t have that time. All he has is this precious handful of moments. All he can do is hope that they’ll understand. 

He allows himself one last indulgence: a kiss on Rilla’s forehead, another on Lord Arum’s cheek.

And then he leaves.

He walks along the woven walkways in the canopy, but not for long. There’s a man on the forest floor below. One of the Queen’s spies, no doubt: he seems perfectly capable, but he looks more suited to a court than to the jungle. His eyes are too wide, and glancing over his shoulder at every sound, but he never thinks to look up.

Well. There’s no use prolonging his discomfort. 

Damien takes care to keep out of sight as he makes his descent, then steps into the open right behind the spy. “I hope you aren’t looking for me,” he says cheerfully, and the spy jolts. “If you are, you’re going the wrong way.”

The spy whirls to face him, a knife already in his hand. “In the name of the Queen,” he hisses. “You’re--”

“There’s no need for that.” Damien raises his empty hands. He left the bow against the mantel in Lord Arum’s home, set just below those beautiful knives. “I surrender. I’ve come to turn myself in.”

It’s with some relief that Damien is taken back to the keep. For the last two days, he’s been plagued by the worry that the Queen’s condition and Lord Arum’s weren’t connected after all, and that they had ruined their one chance by killing the sorcerer.

But when he’s led into the throne room by two armed guards, he lays eyes on the queen in her natural form, with two arms and skin in place of scales and presumably hair hidden underneath one of her many priceless headscarves. It seems he was brought in while court was in session; she’s surrounded by half a dozen royal administrators and their attendants.

It’s an audience that he would rather not have, but he will face it all the same.

He brings his hand to his shoulder in salute and respectfully lowers his eyes.

“Sir Damien,” she says coolly. “I see you were successful.”

“Yes, my Queen. The sorcerer is dead. I apologize, but your Majesty’s headscarf was destroyed in the encounter. I had intended to return it to you. But it won’t be used against you again.”

There’s a slight murmur among the attendants. When Damien dares a glance at her face, the Queen has gone utterly still, her face expressionless. It seems the Queen’s transformation is intended to remain a secret.

“Very well,” she says, and her voice betrays nothing. “Though I am surprised that you came back at all.”

He lowers his eyes again. “I trust in your Majesty’s wisdom. I know you will do what is necessary for the safety of the Citadel.”

Rather than respond, she addresses her administrators. “This matter requires my immediate attention,” she says by way of a dismissal. “Guards, I want you stationed outside the door. I’ll call if I need you.”

Damien is about to ask if that’s wise-- he thinks her a traitor against the Citadel, after all-- but he bites his lip and says nothing. What’s unwise is questioning the Queen’s judgement in front of her courtiers.

He keeps his mouth shut and his eyes down as the attendants file out of the room and shut the doors behind them, leaving him alone with the Queen.

“Your Majesty?”

Her expression is as unyielding as a mountain. “I want to know why you really came back.”

“You gave the order, my Queen,” he says carefully.

“And you decide to start obeying me now?”

Damien tries not to cringe. “My disobedience was my crime alone, and the retribution should be my own to bear. I see no reason to bring Rilla and Lord Arum into it.”  He straightens his spine. “I regret the danger I have brought to you and to the Citadel, but I don’t regret sparing his life. I’m prepared to accept the consequences of my actions.”

“You understand that you may hang for this.”

“Is that your Majesty’s judgement?”

“I’ll make my judgement when I’ve heard the whole story.” She leans forward in her throne. “I want to know why you did it.”

“My Queen?”

“A lizard broke into my bedchamber, and you not only allowed it to leave alive, but you bandaged its wounds with a priceless royal heirloom. Why?”

His face heats. “I cannot rationalize my actions. I know my crime.”

“That’s not what I asked,” she says, undeniable force in her voice. “Explain yourself.”

Are you sure you’d rather not just get on with the hanging?

“I did it because...” He swallows. Saint Damien, give me strength. “Because I could not bear to do otherwise.”

He can’t bear to look at her face, but a slight motion of her hand indicates he should continue.

“I did intend to kill him, Your Majesty. But it was obvious when he spoke to me that he is neither a mindless beast nor a soldier, but-- but an architect. An intellectual.”

“He broke into my chambers,” she reminds him.

"And for such an offense, I could have seen him arrested and imprisoned-- but not killed. Not for climbing a wall and smashing a vase."

"That wasn't your decision to make.”

"I know, your Majesty. But I stand by it. Even before he was transfigured, there was something human in his eyes.”

“I see.” She sits back, steepling her fingers. “This Lord Arum seems very attached to you.”

That’s certainly one word for it. “Yes, your Majesty.”

“I suppose he’ll cause more trouble if something were to happen to you.”

Damien swallows. He had considered that. “It is a possibility, yes.”

“Then it seems he’ll have incentive not to put you in any more precarious positions.”

Damien blinks up at her. “I-- I’m not sure I follow.”

“You call him a lord and an architect, and when he was here, he spoke of being paid to steal my belongings. A week ago, we had no idea that monsters had such things available to them-- which would suggest that the Citadel’s policies toward monsters have been misinformed for decades. Perhaps centuries. If we are to move forward, it must be with a stronger understanding of who and what we are dealing with. And it seems that you’ve found yourself in a position to do just that, Sir Damien.”

Something bubbles up through the oozing dread in Damien’s chest.

“Don’t misunderstand, you stole my headscarf, allowed an intruder to escape, and lied about your contact with him after the fact. For that, you will be suspended from your duties. I will need to consult with my advisors about what to do with you when you return.”

“I--” Damien doesn’t even know how to put it into words. “Thank you, your Majesty.”

“I doubt your tie with Sir Angelo will survive my judgement.”

He has to try not to laugh aloud. “It is a price I am willing to pay.” But he collects himself. “And-- and Rilla? Will she be permitted to return to her patients?”

“I suspect she will whether I allow it or not,” the Queen says wearily. “I suggest you collect your things and go before your fiance and your lizard friend come looking for you.”