#DONT even get me started on Kabru hes got me in even more of a chokehold than these two

[jinbedreams]

It's been so fascinating to see how strongly people react to Toshiro in Dungeon Meshi. When I first read that scene I didn't feel hurt by Toshiro's rejection of Laois at all, I was more shocked at Laios raising a hand to him in anger because Laios had always felt like a man free from such anger and aggression. Although it was very powerful to see that Laios was capable of feeling such a way. I felt the scene was very emotionally charged and an important moment for both characters.

So when I started hearing about how hurt other people were at seeing Toshiro lash out in frustration towards Laios, and seeing people express discomfort towards Toshiro I was surprised but not confused. Honestly I was more surprised at myself for not having a similar reaction because I have also been subject to being led on in "friendships" that the other person secretly despised (or at least did NOT feel the same). It can be very hurtful to discover that someone has built a resentment towards you but never made any attempt to clear the air with you until a point of crisis.

I am autistic and I struggle a lot with relationships but in this instance I didn't see myself in Laios' shoes (although I have been there) instead I found myself relating to Toshiro. A man trapped by social expectations, rigid rules of engagement hammered into him from a young age, only to discover that there is someone who does not follow these rules at all. Even more bizarrely they seem completely free from any of the consequences that would befall Toshiro if he ever deviated from his carefully cultivated mask.

I can say from experience it is confronting to try and unpack your own high masking trauma while also feeling compelled to support the low masking autistic person in your life. Even if the other person means no ill will and has not truly done anything wrong, having them unknowingly walk all over you can be enough to push you to a breaking point. There is an intense frustration that comes with seeing someone else get away with not following the social rules you have beaten yourself painfully into shape to fit.

Yes Toshiro could have chosen any moment to correct Laios on his name, or clarify his discomfort or his personal boundaries, but that is operating under the assumption that Toshiro feels safe enough to do so. He is a stranger in a strange land, and often in that position it is a safer choice to subject yourself to a level of discomfort simply to keep the general peace. Where my fellow high maskers at? We make biting our tongue a fucking art.

[millin21]

I was talking with a friend the other day about how Laios has Autism, how other characters have kinds of autism or neurodiversity... And then we got ot chilchuck.

I was about to ask what kind of autism/neurodiversity he might have, but she said something about him having pad. And i was going "....what??"

She brought up how he was exposed to how half-foots were usually used as bait for monsters hence he started becoming a union man.

And.... I dont think we talk enough about the ptsd everyone goes through. Not just what half-foots go through... But everyone.

Every. Single. Adventurer, at some point, experiences getting killed.

That has GOT to leave some scars on the psychie...

And we have already seen the times Chilchuck got gobbled up by mimics but also by those plant things in the frog episode.

I can only imagine the sight his wife sees when he got back home after getting revived and looking more thin than usual....

Weve seen Laios first kill was with the living armor. And how casually they talk about it makes me sad. How Marcille panics over her first kill being attacked by a slime. WHILE A SLIME SUFFOCATES HER.

Even that scene where the party almost gets crushed, Marcille is thinking how it isny the first time she would get killed but that knowing no one would find them to revive them. Just... What goes through adventurers when they get killed by monsters in the dungeon? They all need therapy! Even getting revived isnt calming. (Dont get me started on Falun) We see Kabru gasping and coughing like he just stopped drowning. Which would make sense. Hes getting his lungs to move again after a ling time of them just staying still. Just.... Aaaahhhh

[dreamyrat]

now that i’ve written about sappy functional middle aged labru i’m thinking about more realistic and sad scenarios…

kabru who gets married young and has children because HEAR ME OUT he believes it makes him more trustworthy than being a bachelor… not quite aware of why he feels the need to appear as normal as possible around others and encouraging laios to do the same… continuing to be unaware of his feelings for laios, writing it off as purely sexual and therefore easy to deny and ignore, despite the fact that he’s closer to laios than anyone.

laios never marrying because the idea of disrupting the status quo is uncomfortable, since he just got used to being king and kabru’s family. also fundamentally disagreeing with kabru’s opinion on needing to get married just for the sake of others, by extension never having to confront his attraction to kabru, even being afraid to get near it mentally. thinking that his jealousy and insecurity stems purely from the threat of losing his closest friend and confidant, DEFINITELY no other reason.

I think kabru would marry a working class woman rather than nobility because they can relate to each other better, the idea they both have to serve people in some capacity, and all the turmoil and triumph that comes with that. I imagine kabru performing the role of doting father and husband very well. his wife loves how attentive he is and how he notices things about her no one else ever has. he’s patient but stern with the kids and earnestly connects with them. until he ultimately burns out and his wife realizes he can’t be honest with her, despite years of trying to get him to open up. up until that point his romantic relationships had all been fun and non committal, and she took pride in the fact she made him want to settle. she never could fully explain what was off about their relationship, because he really was very kind and loving, until she realizes how deeply kabru has repressed his emotions and cant help but question everything and feel she fundamentally misunderstood kabru as a person…

maybe a near death experience with laios triggers it, and kabru’s unable to take care of himself completely, he can’t mask his fear and neurosis and rage anymore, he can’t eat or sleep until he’s okay. he throws himself into his work and refuses to acknowledge that he is struggling when she asks him about it. her realizing that despite kabru’s best efforts to love her and care for her, his relationship with laios is more emotionally intimate than theirs, will always be what drives him and centers him, and she shouldn’t have to compete with that… she obviously mourns what she thought their marriage was, and can’t help but feel betrayed, but overtime starts to feel a deep empathy for him.

I guess I want to explore how kabru’s social dexterity has the potential to be just as destructive as laios�� social ignorance… even though they both have the best intentions and care about others.

when his wife divorces him, he is forced to be honest with laios about why she left, and he has immense guilt over not being able to love her correctly, about being fundamentally flawed and strange, the child that was raised to be a perfect doll, the monster kid no one wanted to play with, how his efforts to compensate for his innate wrongness blew up in his face anyway, which obviously laios can relate to better than anyone.

I think they would dance around each other after that, both now fully aware of the attraction but being so practiced in the art of denial they dont know what to do. It just feels so good to have it out in the open, they forgot that they can actually do something about it. Also kabru feeling like he shouldn’t be allowed to indulge after causing so much pain.

when they finally do get together, it’s surprisingly shy and chaste at first, like they are scared to face the depth of their desire and the years they wasted. it’s slow until it’s not, and everything bubbles to the surface, and they have mind blowing autistic sex. lol.

as for his children i think laios always really liked them as their weird uncle and since he has no heirs, he’d leave his kingdom to them. I’m not sure if kabru’s ex wife would be able to have a relationship with kabru after they get together, but maybe… maybe they could be friends.

[non-fantasy]

ok i have sone words now

the way i blindly trusted laios even when it looked like he had lost then i thought oh he planned all of this (<- foolish assumption, no precedent for me to believe this, his plans often fail) and when things worked out i was so proud of him and everyone is like WOAH I CANT BELIEVE LAIOS PLANNED ALL THIS!! and kabru asked "omg laios did you plan all this from the start?" and laios face became a loading screen like. mf was just so into his special interest (monster) he accidentally succeeded at doing the impossible and saved the world....

the way marcille's lil gay ass was still able to be saved because saving falin was more important to her than her biggest desires and her life goal. pointing at her entire arc. just all of it i dont have words to describe my thoughts theres so many.

izutsumis lil chapter as her fumbass figures out only after everything that she stayed w the group this whole time because she actually does care about them. the way senshi is like a father to her. She ate the pie w vegetables in it so she can be healthy and live longer and see marcille. she was sad about not being able to hang out w her friends immediately after saying those arent her friends. Girl theyre ur besties. The way she got said when yaad thought he was gonna die cause she wanted to go on adventures together... shes so full of love and she doesnt even realize it....

chilchuck wanting to help the other halflings before he goes on to start his shop because making sure his people arent hungry means so much to him its ok bestie laios will never let anyone be hungry in his kingdom the halflings r safe u can go reconnect w ur family and ur grown ass daughters.

senshi just. Actually everything about senshi tbh. i dont have words to express my undying live for senshi. The man of all time. Peak performance.

Thistle. Thats the whole sentence.

Falin!!!! Falin who we get to see so little of but whos so important to the entire plot. Façin ehos full of love and compassion and curiosity and admiration for her friends and her brother even tho shes incredibly powerful on her own!! Falin who is so happy about her fuzzy feathery legs and shes so loved.

The way everyone worked together to eat all that meat. Even if they didnt like the idea at first.

MITHRUN!!!! MITHRUN REALIZING HE HAS WORTH EVEN LEFTOVER VEGETABLES HAVE WORTH MITHRUN WHO REALIZES HE CAN FIND NEW REASONS TO LIVE!!! KABRU AND THE ELVES GIVING HIM IDEAS TO HELP HIM MOVE AGAIN!!!!!!!!!

ough my heart.......

OUUGHHHH YEAH RIGHT YOU ARE HITTING ALL THE NAILS ON ALL THE HEADS YOUR BRAIN IS SOOOO HUGE ILU UUUUWAAA

[fedethemace]

Giving my two cents seeing the comments there: even if It looks like youre saying different things from One another, you guys are, infact, all corredt. Let me explains why. Longass character analysis ahead.

Also, MANGA SPOILERS ALERT, SO BEWARE!‼️‼️‼️‼️

You gotta take in the social environment difference there. Yes, Toshiro has grown both as a rich master, hes polite and shy (as reason why he idealizes Falin even).

He also is from a completely different culture than the two siblings, and hes not uses to Laios overly friendliness (which Is a trait that, believe me, I myself share with him with people I'm comfortable with, not blaming the blond Boi for BEING like this).

Laios should not mask Better, not at all: the man should Just learn how to share this trait with people whom are comfortable with this trait. Learning get more social skills isn't masking, It IS respecting other people's boundaries instead.

Notice how the writer points out that some customs in the Island which Is very "general European" coded has different customs from the East, where Toshiro Is from, in his case from a very japanese coded country. There Is not only differences, but unfortunaltely, casual racism as well.Hell, Kabru party even asks Rin the very insensitive question if She knows them because they're both from the East! Sounds familiar?

Which brings us to the mispronouncing of Toshiro name. Can you Imagine coming to a foregein place, learn a new language, try to mind your own business, you start to really like a girl that seem so similar to you, calm and polite, and suddently your cowoker thinks you guys are bestfriends. He keeps mispronouncing your name, gets in your own personal space all the times, he interrupts moments with the girl that you like, and you feel incredibile uncomfortable, to the point that at One point It explodes in a fistfight, you tell the guy that he has to stop, that hes the worse, that you were NEVER bestfriends, why cant this guy get a hint, why Is he so reckless?? Why the fuck did he became a criminal, purring the girl you love in a compromising position with th authorities????

But...on the other hand. Imagine that you're like Laios. You Always lived isolated. Your only friend Is your Little sister, Who became an outcast for a field your parents and your Town dont understand. You are all you have. You don't understand social queue well at all, and are NOT initially aware of It. Just looks like everyone dislikes you for some reason and you don't get why.

Then you and your Lil sis start a new job. You DO get Friends with your cowokers. Sure sometimes they tease you, but they deeply care about you, THEY SPELL IT OUT TO YOU as you are about to get in trouble for your sister wellbeing!

You finally found people you belong with...and then the One you thought you bond with the most, that you considered your bestfriend, tells you that he despises you and you're an horrible person. That you got your sister in danger and are NOT his friend. Then why the hell didnt he told you out BEFORE and didnt tell you out loud??? You WOULD have listened, as many times as you did before. You are so hurt, you guys get in a fistfight even.

This Is literally what the comments there accurately depicted as an autistic nightmare. And I think I wrote enough to explain that this Is 100% a cultural/social Clash and neurodivergence Clash. Because yes I think Toshiro also has a form of neurodivergence + he has a higher status compared to Laios. He cant understand how someone like him cannot take an hint, he probably thinks he Is being annoying on purpose. They're completely different and cannot find a way to get along then, right? Well...

The fact Is tho...they do overcome this at the end.

Not because Laios "stops being autistic", not Toshiro has stopped being himself either: they just grew to understand eachother more. Toshiro also learns Who the real Falin Is (not an idealized girl of his dreams, but a strong sweet Maiden with a LOT of flaws), and despite his feeling persisting, he doesnt assume she'll fall for him... because She never loved him, but grew to like him as a friend, and Will see him in the future.

Dungeon meshi Is an Amazing story about food, growth, and living with your own disability, your own culture, being yourself, and start to respect other people differences and boundaries.

If there's One thing that this story teaches you, Is that people don't live in a vacuum and there are some things that we Will initially fight over. We could LET them head us to war like It often happens...

Or we could learn from eachother and live in peace.

Thank you for coming to mu Ted Talk.

Final disclaimer: I am NOT a Person of color, I'm infact a white European from Italy. All I did was giving my two cents as a probably neurodivergent guy adapting to social queues well into adulthood and learn to respect other people and other cultures. DM surely helped. Thanks again!

Interrupting Falin talk to bring you the scene that shows why Laios really great autistic representation and why Shuro is the worst. he's a well written character but I hate him

[kemafili]

Laois Dungeonmeshi!

GAHHHHHHHH oh holy smokes ok i have been getting ready for this all my life alrgiht i want to be as brief as possible bc if i start to real rant ill never finish

favorite thing about them: puppy sunshine attitude on natural moments, when he needs to change he will do so, sometimes (or maybe even always) he fails at it since he cant read social cues correctly, i adore his social skills epic fail, like i love your autism

least favorite thing about them: idk maybeee ummmm idk nothing i think

favorite line: im going to have to list them

they let me milk a minotaur

i wanted to be born as a quadrupedal monster, too!

at least let me count her nipples!

why am i the only person with a blindfold on..?

im being insulted in a language i dont undersand! and it sounds really nasty!

thats...! so lame.

Just being long-limbed isnt a talent

brOTP: Namari and Laius, they are very fun to see interact with each other, they seem to have a very clear opening on how one likes something a lot like an hyperfixation, Laius appreaciates Namaris knowledge of weapons and such and Namari can appreciate Laius interest for monsters like a tad strange thing but she seems to come around it, in the background panneling of the first-ish chapters and maybe even later on when namari is shown as a flashback, it can be seen that they might have been the second ones to spend more time togheter (Namari and Chilchuck being first, not including Marcille and Falin bc they are basically stuck togheter like glue), oh shit also also the adventurers bible has a few comics where namari and laius are drinking togheter and shes helping him with some shit issues and then they also speak on body hair shit lmfao omggggg fuck my life whatever uuughh i am so normal about them, i do really like them in liek aaaa ummm i say brotp bc i feel like they are very silent of romantic emotion but i also dont want to say everything is platonic lol, they bros in the way straight men that have gay sex are you feel me like that picture of two men almost kissing and it says this is how straight men hang out.

OTP: Laius and Kabru, liek omggg at first i was like they are toxic as hell but just someting so hillyius about them lmfao idk the chad (Kabru) has a love hate situation with the Nerd (Laius) and the nerd doesnt want teh chad? hillaryus idgaf keep chasing that piece of meat though.

nOTP: Laius and Marcille ☹ guhhhhh omg they are besties and Marcille has been so clear on not wanting anything with laius romantically so its liek guhhhhhhh i dont even know what to add here

random headcanon: i said liek 50 million times in the past his favorite food would be cheesecake bc he loves dairy but that is canon now so i want to add that Flan is also his second favorite annnnndddd uhhhh i have so much shit to addd here but i dont have it on my thoguhts rn bc i am Star Trekpilled so i am forgetting my own written lore but like my friends on the server once said

unpopular opinion: i dont like when peopel paint him as a kid or as an idiot because of the autism shit, like he is very much aware of other stuff, saying he doesnt even know what sex is did you forgot when he joked about the crabs inside those treasure shit (i forgot the proper name lmfao) saying if you saw their bottoms ud know their gender and he had a smirk on his face and Chilchuck got pissed off about it or when he found out the armors had sex while holding hands or when the Marcille succubi showed up he knew itd be fucked up if everyone else knew come the fuck on he knows what the hell is up, we need to sexualize autism okay and this doesnt go only there though btw liek stop making him dumber he knows what is up idk how to word it correctly but yeah he cant caught up on social cues but its not a whole umbrella of him being a dumbass

song i associate with them: woah i think its hilarryus that as one of my favorite characters i havent made him a playlist but i feel like hes just. so , so unmusical, like that before mentioned adventurers bible chapter where he says i cant sing or dance i was like yup i am ppretty sure you cant, he doenst seem to have a rhythim LMFAO id say anything that is related to medieval music thats what reminds me of him

favorite picture of them: hi

i hate having to choose only one picture but i love blushing and i love eating so this one

[survivor-all-stars-blog]

EP 10: “Did I really win or is it an alternative win?” - Logan [ PART I ]

matt exposing the dynamics of the game to me is my kink

most of it i already know but i just play dumb

also, apparently people know me and mj are close? so... yikes. i need new allies

I honestly don't know what the hell happened today other than it really sucks to go to two tribals, but I'm laughing because:

[2017-01-25 11:35:37 PM] Owen (Myanmar Host): apparnelty gage told the vl upon arrival that the alliance of u me and logan is "taking over the game" :~) oh we did that huh

And I really almost voted Owen out tonight. If this is a real thing....

ALRIGHT serious update time. Chronologically since the reward:

(-) Both my tribes won. Hell yeah. And thank god Steffen is only around on one tribe, because PHEW. (-) Neither adventure led to anything good, and one actually led to a disadvantage which I immediately shared with my tribes. I'm curious as to how I could be disadvantaged on a list comp. (-) The good news is that between MJ and myself, we've officially concluded that Mars is tapped out. There's nothing left there unless taking a different pair of sunglasses at the start gives something different, and I'm not convinced. (-) Carson and I collaborated as well, as did Steffen and I. Both went to Mercury and guessed at SPF numbers. This is going to be so much random guesswork and process of elimination. I'll be impressed if it's gone any time soon. (-) Like an IDIOT, I totally spaced on telling Kait and she wasted her adventure going to Mars. Dammit. I need to get better at looping her in on things. (-) I called with Lydia yesterday just to soothe her nerves before the vote. We talked politics and board games and it was a super chill and mellow call. One thing we didn't especially discuss is game, and I think it did both of us some good. Turned out her fears were totally unfounded too, which is great. (-) RIP Gage? It's a shame because I like the dude quite a bit, but it's not like we spoke very much. (-) Everyone going to tribal again two rounds after the first is too stressful. Eep. (-) As soon as that came out, Matt came to me saying he knows I'm his target. Which... is a weird way to play that. Why tackle me in an immediately aggressive tone rather than try and continue construction on the half-built bridge? (-) Anyway, he goes on to tell me that this game is all about cliques and it's not meant to be 'Friendvivor.' Super clever. I'm not sure it's about cliques so much as it is about who works well with each other. If it were that simple, Lydia and Kait probably would have taken a million shots at each other by now. (-) But... he made a point about Jakey being the obvious target and about how it wouldn't be in my best interests to get Matt out. He makes a lot of sense. Matt's not gunning for me. It makes more sense for MJ to keep Jake than it does for me, and that's why MJ is the one pushing the Matt idea. Hm. (-) I'm worried for Ruthie on Andaman. She seems like the obvious round-delayed revolving-door boot. I don't like it, but I mean... who else am I going to vote? Not Steffen. As wishy washy as he is, he doesn't seem inclined to vote me out any time soon. And he's super pleasant to talk with when he's not hemming and hawing. Not Lydia or Jack for obvious reasons. Not Kait because duh. Not Carson because he's proven to be an even better ally than I'd anticipated. Ruthie fits into the Steffen category quite a bit, but she also wanted to keep Jake last round. And I know she's against Wes and MJ and Kait, three people who are in my corner. (-) Ugh. I don't like booting Ruthie again. She's the kind of person I'd love to see win if I couldn't. But strategically, our games have been at odds since the Wes vote. I'm trying to find a reason why it makes sense for me to keep her, and the only reasons that come up are applicable to everyone else on the tribe. Friendly. Fun to have around. Not likely targeting me any time soon (?). So I'm not gonna be the one to throw out the name. I need to bide my time and wait until it's beneficial for me to say a name again. Right now, I'm best served to keep my hopes up high, head down low. (-) God, imagine ANOTHER "lol we wouldn't send every tribe to tribal Ryan's not that evil! BUYBACK COMP!" bit. I'd die. (-) Super bummed to read about the VL leaks this morning. Who really wins from affecting the integrity of the game like that? There's plenty of information to process within the game without making the conscious decision to go outside it to gather more.

tl;dr: I like people, I'm dumb for not sharing adventure clues with my close ally, calling with Lydia is fun, targets are Jakey on Thotse and Ruthie on Andaman. Time to go to work.

Oh, and this list comp has always and will always suck mega donkey balls.

I said Thotse. I meant Kabru. Old habits die hard. #megara tribe is still best tribe

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAH I AM KAIT ON HER OTHER TRIBE HAVING SO MANY FINAL 2 DEALS THAT SHE COULDN'T SUBMIT A LIST! I HOPE THEY SEND HER PACKING, I CAN'T BELIEVE I DIDN'T RANK HER LAST HOW STUPID AM I? 

Kait I love you, I really do but I am going to be so salty if I get out before you. <3

Pat is my favorite thing about this game. 

as nice as it is to float, my name is bound to come up, and it has, from what pat tells me.

most likely, its ruthie going home on andaman, but i REALLY dont want that because she doesnt deserve it and i already feel bad for voting her.

also me and ruthie are just raging about how cliquey this season is

i feel like im about to Get Got™

I'm trying to make Andaman feel paranoid by telling them all to vote for me.  HOPEFULLY this will work and they will think I have an idol and my life will be spared.  This is either really genius or really stupid but I can't wait to see it all play out!  

Pat is legit my favorite person on Andaman though and I'm more than likely going to be voting him out so... we'll see. I'll probably be down to one life but I love little miracles <3

I really want to trust Jimmy/Jenn for this next vote but I'm awful nervous. I'm kinda half tempted to pull out the idol just to direct votes off me in case Owen has an idol. Apparently Jenn spoke with him to tell him he's leaving in game B which sucks because now if he has an idol he'd most likely play it in game A, which would send me home if he votes me, unless he'd like to revenge boot Jenn. I'm scared yet again that my time has come. I don't think Jimmy would lie to me though, but maybe I should push to shift the votes towards Logan should an idol appear...

also it looks like Matt will be "leaving" but I think he has sourced an idol which is great! Rooting for him all the way. 

[1/27/17, 8:54:15 PM] Ruthie: Who should I vote for on Andaman, why is no one suggesting names? D: [1/27/17, 8:55:24 PM] carson (tibet host): Idk people probably think you have an idol when you say to vote you so theyre scared sdjlsjkd [1/27/17, 8:58:06 PM] Ruthie: LOL I wish I had an idol. [1/27/17, 8:58:26 PM] Ruthie: Everyone is still voting for me right?

ESSSSSSSS.  The fact that this may work? Yes. <3 

i have a REALLY bad feeling about this tribal, and honestly, im just hoping i stay in both games.

if matt votes me like ruthie is saying and then plays an idol, im fucked. SO! i might throw a vote somewhere, who knows.

Hmm.

[holmsister]

Cont.d

Isn't this post about the Winged Lion too?

We're getting there.

The Winged Lion's introduction is very subtle. At the start he looks like a random decor choice. Then in the Golden Country chapter we are told about his role as protector deity and that whoever unseals him will defeat the Dungeon Lord and become the next king. Laios has been apparently singled out for this.

Then nothing for a bit... then the succubus chapter. Yeah. Remember succubi? The monster/demon from Kabru's backstory?

The ones we meet are definitely the monster version.

We are told again: the demon succubi are legend. Tho Laios is right, it IS quite mysterious.

And then Laios drops the bomb:

His succubus fantasy started normal enough (for Laios), with a very silly and goofy fantasy of a monster Marcella turning everyone into a monster. But THEN, Laios finds himself conversing with a God, and as noted by various posts I would link to if I could, that's when the real seduction scene starts. Scylla Marcille was just for fun. The WL is the pro.

And, well, let me cut the chase here: we discover soon enough that the charming WL is, in fact, a demon. Who seduces mortals by granting their wishes, much like the succubus demon of legend... altho he doesn't use them as incubators for its children, but rather feeds on their desires and uses their minds to fuel the dungeon, that then acts as a honeypot to attract more humans.

But here's what's interesting to me:

The WL, much like Kabru, has been observing Laios for the chance to introduce himself.

The WL, much like Kabru, has singled out Laios as possible conqueror of the dungeon, and much like Kabru, is worried about his motivations.

In a story in which characters are often poised to be foils and mirrors of each other, i dont think that's a coincidence.

That seems like an asspull dude

IT SO ISNT

1) Kabru's backstory about being possibly the child of a succubus is an extra. The main meat of his story remains the same even if we cut it. We could just say his mom was, say, the widow of a dungeoneer.

Why introduce it at all, if not to introduce a parallelism with the WL?

2) game recognises game.

The WL recognises Kabru might be an obstacle in his plan to groom Laios into the perfect dungeon lord to execute his plan, and enacts a mini-sabotage:

We know at this point the WL is controlling Kensuke. Like three pages later hes speaking thru it. Why else would Kensuke show up at this time, if not to make sure Kabru can't lie his way thru his one and therefore drive a wedge between him and Laios?

Later on, this dialogue happens:

Again I wish I could link to the post that first made me realise that the WL's last line is meant for Kabru as much as Laios. In fact, giving that he's still answering Kabru's comment, it might be meant MORE for him. It sure irks Kabru the wrong way.

"I know what [the WL] is going to say..." Probably because it's similar to what KABRU would say. Again, game recognises game.

So, is Kabru like... an evil demon?

Nah. In fact, i think Kabru as a foil to the Winged Lion entirely exist to say: the desire to connect and understand other humans is great. Kabru is someone who Laios can connect with and feel understood by in the same way the WL made him feel, without the manipulation.

The WL consumes wishes. Kabru wants to understand why people do what they do. It's very similar. But. Consuming is necessarily a one-way action. There's a predator and a prey, a perpetrator and a victim. Understanding can, and should, be reciprocal.

We cannot know if Laios would have made all of the same choices had he not met Kabru. It's possible, Kabru definitely had an influence - we see his little face when Laios thinks back on imposing his wishes on everyone, for starters.

Crucially, however, what got Laios' ear in the end wasn't Kabru's experienced seduction. It was this:

Being a *friend* is different than being an object of seduction. It's reciprocal. Kabru comes clean with his desire to understand Laios, and in exchange, he reveals something of himself. In order to truly understand others, one must in the end submit to the mortifying ordeal of being understood, on an even level.

Ok, my long delayed post about Kabru and the Winged Lion. This does not end here, I'm adding more in a reblog.

Heavy on spoilers. Taking the extra material from @dunmeshistash who I apologise to as usual

Let's start here:

I don't care if you're a wasp you owe him 22 years of alimony

Two important takeaways here:

1) Kabru's hatred of monsters is caused not just by the Utaya catastrophe, but also from the fact that even before that, his unusual eye color was connected to monsters in local lore, and this led to ostracisation and, we can imagine, violence or at least the threat of violence towards him and his mother, serious enough that she escaped to Utaya, aka the place where the dungeon would kill her.

Kabru crucially does not place the fault for this on his father's family, but on himself for being born with 'monstrous eyes'. This is a normal way of reacting to ostracization in children, interiorising instead of projecting the trauma. It's much easier to imagine a world in which there's actually something wrong with you than one in which others might make you suffer for no reason. Monsters are also much more likely to be offered as an explanation by the adults than the actual more realistic explanations (infidelity or rape), which would not be considered appropriate.

This means that indirectly, child Kabru feels that his own 'monstrosity' is responsible for his mother moving to Utaya to protect him and ultimately dying.

2) in the Dungeon Meshi world there are specifically legends about *demon* succubi and incubi (real world lore says succubi prey on men and incubi on women and I assume that's what Laios is referring to with the distinction, but besides that lets assume theyre one and the same), distinct from the *actual monsters* succubi. The demons and monsters have a similar MO of using a person's desires to capture them, but while monster succubi suck a person's vital force, the demons supposedly use the men for their seed and the women for their womb to reproduce (again, completing dungeon meshi lore with bits of real world lore here). Laios, our local monster expert, thinks those demons are just legend. He tells us there are monsters that do use people as incubators for their eggs but I highly doubt that's Kabru's case, uncanny resemblance to a wasp notwithstanding (Laios...)

From here we go to:

Kabru's incredible rizz

This is where the tumblr search function spat in my face and ran away with the rest of my references while giggling. Oh well.

It's noted over and over in canon and extra material that Kabru is charming. More than that: Kabru *will do anything to get someone to like him*.

Worth noting that Daya and Holm *like* Kabru. This is not them disparaging an acquaintance, this is them levelling a criticism at a good friend, a criticism that seems to have been levelled at him before even ("it's no surprise...").

So, important takeaway: Kabru isn't just charming in general, he VERY SPECIFICALLY makes an effort to be charming. He needs people to like him, to trust him, and in order to obtain this, he's willing to lie and pretend.

Like with the Canaries: he needs them to trust him so they will keep him privy to their plans. So he plays up the poor innocent baby orphan angle:

And with Laios? The what (pretending to like monsters) we know, but why?

Kabru thinks Laios is the only one who can conquer the dungeon without the elves or the dwarves intervening and taking control. He is however very worried about his motivation. He wants to know why Laios is going so deep into the dungeon - beyond wanting to save his sister. What motivates him? Can he be trusted?

In the Toshiro chapters we find out that he has been trying to get in contact with him for weeks, possibly months, but this is the first time he has had a real possibility to meet him, and in order to make sure to leave a positive memory and possibly be an influence in the future, he pretends to be aligned with Laios' as much as possible, including hiding his hatred of monsters. I have written tons on this that has now been lost to tumblr like tears in the rain, but: I do not joke when I say that I think Kabru is flirting with Laios before and after the harpy egg incident. Let's be clear: Kabru's intentions are not romantic at this point. But he has noticed how lovestruck Laios was with Toshiro before their confrontation, and he's thinking, well, if I can get him to develop a similar crush on me, I can probably get him to listen to me more easily. Like I can mince words and put things in scary quotes but that's straight up what's happening. Kabru is trying to establish a close bond that wasn't there before: it might not be necessarily sexual, but it's definitely a type of seduction.

It kinda works.

The rest in a reblog because I ran out of space.

[survivor-all-stars-blog]

EP 2: “That Was a Little Coo-Coo Crazy for Me” - Jack [ PART II ]

First, the positive: Kabru dodged tribal for the second time, and not only that but we put up a very high score that could've easily been competitive for the top spot. That tribe is rolling, and I chatted some with Jakey last night which reassured me about him a lot. No idea why I was so intimidated, he's super chill and friendly.

Now, the bad.

ANDAMAN IS NOT BAD ENOUGH TO BE GOING TO TRIBAL FOR THE SECOND TIME. ANDAMAN IS NOT BAD ENOUGH TO BE GOING TO TRIBAL FOR THE SECOND TIME. ANDAMAN IS NOT BAD ENOUGH TO BE GOING TO TRIBAL FOR THE SECOND TIME. ANDAMAN IS NOT BAD ENOUGH TO BE GOING TO TRIBAL FOR THE SECOND TIME. ANDAMAN IS NOT BAD ENOUGH TO BE GOING TO TRIBAL FOR THE SECOND TIME.

This SUCKS. In the first round, we lost a tiebreaker despite doing everything right. In this round, we lost the tiebreaker TO the tiebreaker. 

Complete and utter shenanigans. 

Tomfoolery. 

Nonsense. 

We could've avoided the whole damn thing if I'd have been less of an idiot and taken my time on step 18. And I acknowledge the ridiculousness of putting any of the blame on myself when I was our highest scoring player and miles ahead of Abbey and Emma. But there it is. I wish I could have saved my brainfart for one more step.

Anyway, it can't be helped now, unless someone knows how to build a time machine. I'm relieved that Jack, Abbey and I made this alliance because, although I wish we didn't have to show our cards so soon, this just makes sense. The vote will be an easy one on our end, but it still sucks and I hate burning Emma like this. She deserves better. Wrong place at the wrong time is an especially shitty way to go out.

Logan and I were talking last night and I think we both agreed: since this twist is fairly limiting, it's pretty reasonable that until someone feels the timing is right to topple the apple cart, we'll probably keep seeing the people going to two tribals being the first casualties. So I really hope there's a swap or a change-up soon, otherwise we're in line for more predictable boots. As a cast of all-stars, I think we'd all like our hands a bit less tied. But all we can do is adapt to the circumstances.

I'm also making an effort today to improve my bonds elsewhere, just in case a swap does happen. Focusing on those I haven't spoken to much since the reveal (Simon, JC, Owen, Ricardo.) I also genuinely do want to get to know Simon a bit better, because despite our past differences he's always struck me as a pretty bright dude. It'd be neat to see what makes him tick. Owen, too, but I know from past experience that we're just not super socially compatible. SUPER kind dude, but our conversations always fizzle out. And JC will be interesting, too, even though I feel like I already know them a bit due to our past game. Where neither of us remember what happened. BUT DAMMIT, JC WAS THERE.

After this vote cycle, I think one of two things happens: 1. there's a swap to proactively stop this pattern of voting. Two tribes of 8, with one person from each game sent to exile and joining the losing tribe post-vote, maybe? That would at least give more options if people are INSISTENT on knocking both versions of a player out at once.

OR

2. We wait until one tribe is reduced to two players, a la Philippines, then 'disperse' them. I say 'them' because I'm using all the positive thinking in the world and hoping it's not Andaman but Makalu, and that it's Logan and Jenn who emerge unscathed from the pile of rubble.

Or, come to think of it, maybe a Palau-esque absorbtion? Man, there's so many moving parts and possibilities. 

It's exhausting being social. But I think I'm managing to be friendly with people in a way that's not seen as annoying. And I think the big difference is that I'm not talking to people just for the sake of talking to them, like I did in Rebels & Rogues. I genuinely enjoy a lot of this cast and I think (hope?) the feeling is mutual. So I'm doing everything I can to shut down the gamebot thoughts that pop up, and it's been paying dividends on the social front.

Now, if we could just win a fucking challenge. 

This challenge was pretty yikes, not gonna lie! When I came up with it for Machu Picchu I was very proud of myself but like...now I realize the pain I inflicted on all of my players and I would like to apologize for that. I decided to just type out each message instead of copy + paste because I thought I would be able to go faster that way, but instead I just got super frazzled and accidentally typed the wrong thing and I flopped with only 8 points. At that point I was in panic mode and I was CONVINCED I was going to get blindsided on Okhotsk and savagely voted out of Jannu so I had to get to work!

I first started talking to Jessy, and we both agreed that as more old-school players who haven't played in a while that playing with a bunch of recent players was very intimidating. We worked together in Adversaries a bit but not too much, but I do trust that she's telling the truth when she says she wants us to have each other's backs, so I felt confident there. Then, I messaged Steven about how I fricked up and he was very quick to tell me that even if we ended up going to tribal, he would work with me to figure out a way to stay. Looks like my social game and strategy of connecting to him day 1 paid off! We didn't end up having to go to tribal, but I feel confident enough in my relationships with Jessy and Steven that if that situation ever comes up I'll be alright.

Both of my tribes came middle of the pack which meant NO TRIBAL, but also no adventure. I'm eager to win a reward at some point because, as far as I know, I'm one of 5 people (myself, Simon, Kait, Jenn and Jimmy) who have a clue to the whereabouts of the idol. Any of them, or Alex for that matter, could have told other people in which case #RIP, but I figured that letting that group know would be beneficial in hopefully keeping the idol close to home instead of out and around for anyone to find. Jimmy said he had no luck, so next round I'm DETERMINED to get out there and find that idol myself.

i still dont have an alliance i literally just talk to people what the fuck someone align with me or im gonna align. if someone doesnt aling with me by next round im gonna make an alliance

So avoiding the first 6 tribals has been fun, really enjoying not having to put myself through any torment whatsoever.

Still feeling like a grungy disease-ridden spud among quality potato gems which is really good for the ego, but hey there's getting less and less of the potato gems.

I'm just gonna continue making mates and fart-arsing around 

I'm not going to tribal again YASSSSS. I'm so glad to not have to go to tribal again where I could end up possibly go home!! However I'm hella worried that my ally Emma might end up getting sent home because in my mind it'd be a smart strategy to vote out someone who's going to tribal in both their A and B games because then there'd be no way for them to get revenge on you if they were going to tribal. However, I'm hoping that she has enough ties to stay in regardless :s

Apart from that I'm also upset that I didn't get to go on the bombass adventure, like Simon gave me the idol clue that he got from the sacrificial lamb which is poppin if it's real. But oh well I'll just hold onto it til I do finally get to go to the adventure bleh!! 

I still haven't gotten any alliances or anything yet but I think I'm in the numbers on THOTse, like if we go to tribal again it'll probably be Simon going home. Idk about Hudson but I think I have a good relationship with Logan at least? Idk hopefully the others like me too, or enough that I'll be safe if we do end up going to tribal.

I guess I could do a mini cast assessment now that I've gotten to know my tribes better? I'm still struggling a bit to get conversations going with EVERYONE but like..come on...over 20 people so I'm trying my best. 

Lets start with Bering: Jenn - Really hit it off with Jenn early on and would definitely like to work with her on this tribe. She seems pretty level headed and kind of reserved which is nice because I'm kind of bad around really vocal people. Carson - Again really nice and I've had a few conversations with him. Not sure about how I could work with him in the long run because he's keeping his cards close to his chest. MJ - He's hard to call. Had one conversation with him and it was a little forced which is meh. He seems a little forceful in his opinions and I'm not sure if that's someone I want to work with. He doesn't seem to like his other tribe though so I'll be nicey nice to him. Ruthie - Honestly really amazing. Our conversation flowed pretty well straight off the bat and she seems like such a lovable person. I really want to work with her purely because she's so nice and I feel she would be loyal down the line. Okay...onto Jannu! Matt - So I was really happy I got put on a tribe with Matt. He's really cool and we got chatting before we even ended up on a tribe together and I like people who take the time to approach me. I think he is a strong gamer and honestly I'd like to have someone like that close to me because they know what's going on. He's also a really nice guy so hopefully something could work out there. Jessy - I LOVE Jessy. She's got so much positive energy and is just a bundle of fun. Everyone must love her..right? RIGHT? I'd really like to work with her too but I think her and Matt have played with each other previously but I'm yet to find out if that ended ugly or not. Ultimately her and him would be my 2 main choices on this tribe. Steffen - We have a lot of mutuals but we've never actually got to play together so it's fun being on a tribe with someone I know well-ish. He is kind of known for being a bit.....loose with words so I've gotta be careful there. I also think he's pretty close with Abbey so there's that... Abbey - Really had to force myself through a conversation with her. I just don't think we're gonna have any longevity together in the game. She's kind of....bland? I don't know maybe I just need to try harder. I'm just not getting the positive energy like I have with the rest on this tribe. I'll need to get to the root of the Jessy/Matt conundrum though b/c it could become a case of her being the swing. Other people: Jimmy - Love Jimmy, he's easy to talk with and definitely an ally going down the road since I don't think he knows many people here. Lydia - Honestly? Still struggle to talk with her. I think if I can get her to give me info that's what I can hope for at best. Definitely don't see us replicating some Port Royal alliance. J.C. - I love them! I wish they were around more often because they have an Irish connection which is lol. I think they'd be someone I'd like to work with in the future. Ric - Ric is a cutie, but he's also messy as fuck. Nearly cost me my game last time we played together in Sicily AND left with 2 idols. Gage - I'd love to work with Gage, definitely need to start shooting him a few messages. We know each other from different series but he's a player and will cut you so I'll be weary. 

Everyone else I've not spoken to since opening night TBH. Jack gave me a cool vibe so idk. Kait gave a shitty one so probably ain't gonna go after that one. Simon...lol. Maybe i'll send him a message fo the lols. And I've still not even added Logan or Pat, whoever they are!

This vote is rough. I feel like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place and it's exactly why I wanted to avoid going back to tribal in Game B. I want to work with Emma, Jenn, and Owen, buuuut I can't!!! Do that!!!! If we're going to tribal!!!!! Like, I even thought of a way to keep us all in the game, but with Emma being on vacation, communication with her has been limited. And the plan requires a lot of trust between all four of us. Basically it would be that one of the people safe in Game A (Jenn, Owen, and myself) would sacrifice their life in Game B to keep in Emma, who is definitely going home in Game A. But again, with Emma being gone, I don't think she was able to gain enough trust with Jenn and Owen to make them willing to rock the boat for her. I have no problem throwing away my Game B life, mostly because doing this move would shake up what's been kind of a stale game thus far, but even I'm not sure if I trust Owen enough to want to. Between Emma and Owen, I definitely think Emma is the better ally. But I don't trust him to keep things on the down-low, and my plan would kinda backfire if someone outside of us for knew about it. I can't vote Owen out either, since he's safe in Game A and could blow up Jenn and I's games by revealing our alliance to the One World chat. I really wanted Emma to go far, especially after what happened to her in Olympics. I've wanted to play in a game with her for a long time too. This is suuuch a bummer....

Dear Diary, 

It's been a rough one. I won immunity on both tribes, but at what cost? My loving, caring, amazing, perfect, showmance is going to tribal and so is Jenn. Jenn is just okay, but I still care about her safety. Logan apparently was being a weirdo about keeping Emma instead of Owen, which like I get yk! I get it you have your pals and want them to be safe! But Jenn is gonna get what Jenn wants like that's just how it works friendo! 

Anyways Diary, I'm really pissed I didn't get to go on the adventure! Especially, since Jakey got this cool record player thing that flips the immunity results. I can't wait to be fucked over by it! But he can make the losing tribe be safe and the winning one go to tribal, so that's kind of yikeridoodlydoos!!! Anywhooooo! I gave him the idol clue for shits and giggles tbh. Probably a bad idea in the long run but honestly I hardly even want the idol! So WHATESJDK  whatever idk who cares im just here to have a good time hehehehee 

Also Emma is leaving apparently. I know what's going on in the game unlike Ricardo who messaged me once today asking me if i was going to tribal and I said no and he goes oh okay and doesn't message me again. Okay hunty!

Okay Diary thank you, love always, 

Lil Kait

so at the start of this round, alex gave owen his immunity idol clue, and owen gave his clue to jake. jake gave the clue to me and we had a whole plan to get to the idol system first and find the idol or whatever it is and i thought i had a good chance because the immunity challenge was something i'm really good at but my tribe wasn't really good at it, so i didn't get to find it :(

i think i did really good in the challenge though to the point my tribes might see that i'm useful but i think i'm not in the clear just yet. matt and steven are definitely working together and matt implied that to me that he's talked to him the second most and honestly? i don't trust matt for shit. he tried to butter me up and say that i'm the "only one he talks to" as if! 

in the tribe chat he said his score was 8 and then he said it was 7 and nearly made me go to tribal council and i think it was a mistake but i think my tribe thinks he's a shady heck and that's cool whatever idc! 

i have zero alliances and i really want that to change, but i literally don't know how to work with these people. i really don't think they like me that much, so i'm really praying for a swap. 

jake found the record thing at the adventure thanks to owen's help and i know he's more loyal to me than owen. thanks owen for handing him the golden record though. it's not exactly an idol because you only have one hour to use it and that's scary as shit.

emma's leaving tonight on both tribes and i'm honestly heartbroken :( she's literally a queen and now i'm running out of people i was going to work with. i had a dream i was going to be in an alliance with her and jake but i guess it just won't work out.

i'm disappointed i couldn't find the golden record for myself. i have to try really hard in these challenges or i'm going to be voted off. i think jc might be the hudson tribe boot if we ever go to tribal council, but with this dual tribe twist, i think if both my tribes lose, people will just vote me off in order to have the game move faster. i really hope that doesn't happen, and i'll just HAVE to try much harder socializing to ensure it doesn't.

literally pray for me

[survivor-all-stars-blog]

EP 2: “That Was a Little Coo-Coo Crazy for Me” - Jack [ PART I ]

ALEX’S EXIT INTERVIEW

So, now I'm all alone in a game where everyone else knows one another and both people from the only season I've played were the first two to be voted out?  FUCK.  I think I'm screwed but I'm not going to give up all hope yet.  

Alex failed the idiot test by taking things in the challenge, and then he played himself out of the game. Good job, bro.

Well that worked out quite nicely huh? I feel bad for Nick, that real life got in the way for him and hope he's okay. From a game standpoint, there aren't any repercussions from that vote since Alex left. It does feel nice to get down to 23 people, or rather, 48. It leaves Ruthie, although a social butterfly I am sure, without any connections to her previous game. I didn't think Nick and Alex would work together anyways because of Alex believing that Nick's catfish was the reason he was voted out in Arabia, but, I'll take it anyways. It also means that people like Pat, JC, MJ and even Jack and Jessy to some extent, survived, which from a friend standpoint I'm happy. 

Owen was being weird yesterday with suddenly trying to get Emma out, but that was squashed pretty quickly. Pat told Logan that Nick was definitely going, and I'd already had Matt and Kait tell me that Alex was going in Game A, so it was easy to convince him to stick to the easy route and take out Alex. Logan suggested that Emma and Owen have some issues from a previous game? I don't know. I like my alliance with them though, it's not always about the game which is less stressful for me? Again, I don't know but here's an example:

Now in Game A, someone on my tribe needs to sit out. I think I can do this challenge, it's not a flash game, but if you sit out, you can't be blamed for a loss and still get to go to Adventureland if your tribe wins. Choices bro, they're killer. 

whew i dont know if ill make it far. I aligned with pat on my first tribe but will he probably not vote me off???? idk and right now i think logan trusts me. I feel like im gonna go early i wanna dont want to go early atleast higher than 22nd... Thinking about 22nd makes me think of olympics like ew! 

Man, that sucked. I hate that we went to tribal after all doing the right things. I suppose it couldn't be helped, since that tiebreaker was part logic but even bigger part luck. And the cards weren't on our side.

Regardless, I think this provided a great opportunity for Andaman to come together in uniting against Nick. I wish it hadn't gone that way. He didn't deserve that. He had no control over what was going on in his personal life. And I really hope things turn out okay for him. Unfortunately, the reality of it is that we're all self-interested players. And someone who isn't in a position to respond – for whatever reason – is out of necessity someone you can't include in your plans.

So, we've got our first two boots – a super kind and fun player who was the victim of bad circumstances, and a complete mess who screwed himself over then couldn't even fight for himself. AND HE VOTED LOGAN. Um, bye Felicia.

I THINK Andaman is pretty much on lock until a swap. Jack and I established a pretty solid pair from day one. We swapped info like we'd been doing it our whole lives yesterday. It was beautiful. I spoke a good amount with Abbey too, and as I suspected she's totally chill. And Emma and I formed an alliance, although in classic messy Pat style I don't have any intention of honouring it if we hit tribal again. Sorry, Emma.

During that last tribal, Abbey and I agreed we'd have each other's backs. And since Abbey had no problem cutting Emma last round except for Nick's inactivity, Jack and I pulled her into a three-person alliance. I think we might hit one more tribal before a swap, so in that case we'll be alright with Emma as a shield. If it goes any further than that, I'll have a decision to make. Right now, I'm keeping Jack... but anything can happen, right?

That's the latest haps on Andaman. Switching gears over to Kabru, I've got a bad feeling about hitting tribal there this round. I think I'm protected ish. Kait and I still have each other's backs and I think the same holds true with Wes and I. So that's three right there... but of course, no way it's that easy.

Wes made a mistake in the early going of this comp, which sucks. It's a very exponential comp, meaning we're far better off to take our time than rush at the expense of a quick drop. But hey., I understand. I've been there. That kind of mistake was a big contributor in my losing HvVII's final immunity comp. So I'm sure he's beating himself up more than any of us could.

And he provided a list of steps that he programmed, which is awesome. Makes the whole job that much easier. Just gotta do what we can to keep the pace consistent. I also decided not to share it with Andaman because that's the kind of thing that gets around. And when it benefits everyone, it really benefits no one. Not to mention that someone from Kabru would inevitably see it and call shenanigans. So if we can keep an advantage on Kabru, we're better off for it.

Here's where my dilemma comes into play: this comp is due by 10PM tonight. I'm spending some time with an old college buddy I haven't seen in a while tonight after work. I don't know if we'll be done before 10. So unfortunately for me, I'll need to do this at work. And the whole thing will fall apart if I get urgent work, a phone call or a coworker who needs me for anything. This is risky, but the alternative is not submitting, dooming my tribes and presumably killing any advantages offered by having good alliances. It's too early to be able to escape that kind of target.

Excuses don't mean anything in here, though. The stakes are clear – I just have to Step It Up.

did you see what i did up there seriously i thought it was pretty clever

guess who is a literal idiot and only got two points on the challenge lmao this guy. but its ok bc pat jack and i have a baby alliance so i should be safe if we go to tribal again so its whatever.  i told them i cant spell or read or count before we started so they cant be mad at me 

"Your score is 6"

FADSKSJHASKJFHDSKJHFDSKJHFKJHSDKJFHFDSKJAFHDSKJFHKDSJAHFKJDSHGFJGSDHFDGSHGDSFDSHGFHJDGSHJDGSDGSHSHDHSDDSHSH I LITERALLY CANNOT BELIEVE HOW SCREWED I JUST MADE MY SELF HOLY FUCKING SHIT PLEASE JAKEY PULL THRU BECAUSE I JUST FUCKED EVERYTHINNG UP FOR MYSELF AND I'M GONNA DIE AND BE VOTED OUT OF BOTH TRIBES I CANNOT BELIEVE I MESSED UP THIS BAD I WAS BEING SO CAREFUL WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED SADKFJHSDKJHKSDF KILL ME

i

i literally

i literally am gonna lose i i i i i i

my game just ended in four minutes fkjashds well it was fun while it lasted and there goes my chances of anythign GOOD IN THE WORLD now we won't get the idol and also i'm fucking DEAD GOD DAMN IT FSKDJFDSKFHJ

at least alex gave me the idol clue before he left so that's fun and two people lef tthem game but hust wow i'm gonna go cry now bye

That endurance challenge was satanic and gave my fingers arthritis I hate. 

Im so sad i know i am probably gonna go im so mad fuck... Well im not going down with out a fight.

YES!  I won't be seeing Tribal Council AGAIN.  I am so hyped about it too!  Also I'm waiting to go on my adventure and I can't wait to use the clue Alex left for me, unless someone gets there before me!  I still can't believe that I'm doing this all alone this time but I don't think I'll find someone like Alex that I can actually trust in this game.  I don't know... maybe?  But I highly doubt it.  I like that I'm playing for me this time though, I'm going to be a lot more careful and see how far I can make it without having to worry about anyone else! <3 

I am also tired of luck trying to punch my tribes in the face like go to hell i have a flight at 4:30am!! If i do go out well this was a good ts game and its a mockery at myself that i go lower then 22nd... Like down with emma why was her ass casted

ONLY I CAN FUCK UP IN AN ADVENTURE WHEN I HAVE AN IDOL CLUE UGH!!!!!!!!!!  I just hope everyone else has sucky luck too. 

Jules is making me learn an American accent y'all