#DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU HAVE DONE TO MY EMOTIONAL STAYE | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

electricbluebutterflies · 1 year ago

Note

"starting to heal" for the prompts!!

Jessica/Leto, mid-era, also on ao3.

It happens slowly then all at once, as such things do.

Jessica is unable to pin down exactly when her loyalties changed. Perhaps from the moment her placement was confirmed, alone in an unfamiliar space with a strange man whose sense of obligation was enough to protect her. Perhaps on one of the quiet nights that followed, the slow realization that she would not need to defend herself and she did not want to alter any of his tendencies. Perhaps the night she broke the world with a shifting of her hips, or…

No, she thinks some years later. It was after that. After she had done quite a few things she could not come back from. Later than anyone would ever believe.

She turns this secret into a seed in the dark warmth of her heart, somewhere around the end of her confinement, somewhere around the realization that she has become impossible to get rid of. Tethered to this place, to the rocks and water, nearly as much as the rest of her family. And to them, above all else, above-

Maybe, she thinks, maybe her path is not what anyone else planned in advance.

She accepts this on the night of a winter storm, brutal cold even in the depths of the compound, any room with a significant window unpleasant for more than a few heartbeats. Jessica used to be acclimated to worse – at least this is a wet cold, at least this is necessary balance – but her time here has made her soft and perhaps the worst part is she doesn’t see that as a loss and-

“You’re troubled.”

And distracted enough not to hear the door open, she processes, her partner does try to be quiet when there’s a chance she might be asleep but-

“Was there a moment you fell in love with me?”

She’s asked this question before, but never so peacefully – in the depth of intimacies, on occasion, or after she’s warded off a possible replacement. Never calm, never-

“Did I miss something?”

She understands the worry – she does not speak of emotions when stable, she’s at least made herself that clear. But there’s something heartbreaking in his voice, something she wants to slip inside and wrap herself around to protect and-

“I don’t recall when my heart changed,” she murmurs. “And I can’t help but wonder if it has been the same for you.”

They don’t speak of emotions, but she has been shown love in thousands of little moments, in how much her partner can say with the movement of his eyes or hands, how clear it has been for so long that he has given himself to her every bit as much as he has claimed her. Somewhere along the line they became one, and-

“If I say that a few moments come to mind, is that enough of an answer to calm you?”

“Only if you say what they are.”

He moves around her, close enough to touch but doesn’t, the bait of escalation not quite tempting enough. “The first time I saw you was memorable. You were fearless. Your eyes… something in you wanted to burn and I wanted to burn with it.”

“But you were still cold in those months.” Respectful, yes, she can’t recall feeling unsafe at any point after their first encounter and even that had been more due to unfamiliarity, but-

“You didn’t make things easy.”

Polite as always, and something of an understatement even within those boundaries, and-

“You were patient anyway,” she murmurs after a few moments’ silence. “And now here we are.”

That feels like enough talk of emotions for one night, and she turns and folds her body into her partner’s – how easily they fit together, she thinks, compatible contours and the slight height difference and everything about their entwinement is so pleasing and-

“There were other moments,” he says, apparently less interested in dropping the conversation. “All of them so small. You proved your loyalty and I-“

“You are still the only person who’s given me a choice,” she breathes, and her voice breaks with the weight of it. For once in her little life an amount of control just great enough to make her dangerous, for once-

She could have stayed at her end of the hallway, all those years ago, become a wraith apart from offering her body a few times a year. Perhaps not even that, perhaps perfect isolation after she’d birthed enough daughters to satisfy her superiors, perhaps-

Removed from that pressure by her own hand, Jessica sees the beauty of her rebellion that much clearer. She is adored, she has made a life for herself that actually feels like a life, she has-

“What worries you now, my love?”

“Not worry, just-“

Is it wrong to think that this love may have saved her? Is it wrong to give another living thing such power over her?

“Whatever set you off…”

“I was once supposed to shape you,” she murmurs. “That you might shape me as well was… never part of the plan. And I’m not sure I mind how it’s happened.”

She wears vibrant colors for her own pleasure, she spends most of her nights in innocent proximity to her partner, and their son has always been surrounded by love. None of that was supposed to happen as it has. All is that much more meaningful for it.

Whatever her partner has to say about that is kissed against the side of her head and traced on her lower back, powerful even in their silence. Adoration, always, and-

“Are you happy that way, my love?”

Jessica tilts her head and takes a kiss. “Completely.”

#leto x jessica #ebf writes fic #queue

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hwrryscherry · 4 years ago

Text

The one where Y/N is a princess.

characters: HARRYxPRINCESSY/N

blurb: Y/N is the youngest daughter of Prince Charles and Princess Diana which makes herself the youngest sister of William and Harry(the duke of Sussex). Harry(Styles) and she meet at the Dunkirk premiere when Y/N attended with her brother Harry. This time, Harry(Styles) is in London and show Princess Y/N what it feels like to be just a girl called ‘’Y/N’’ for a day.

word count: 2.4K

warnings: fluff, a little sad in the end.

author’s note: I received a request about Y/N being a heiress and my mind just go directly to royalty so I guess this could be cool? I tried lol. If you’re british and you felt ofended by any way while reading this I’m extremely sorry!!!! I hope you guys like it as much as I do. And also, I just wanted to share that I wrote this listening to ‘’Ophelia’’ by The Lumineers and ‘’The Book of You & I’’ by Alec Benjamin.

You and Harry scheduled to meet in the British Museum situated in the Bloomsbury area of London even though it was a public space, it wouldn’t be a surprise as people already knew that you and harry new each other. You both met on the Dunkirk premiere which you attended together with your brother Harry. Harry(Styles) was such a gentleman, he actually were nervous. As a British man he respects the royal family as much possibler than he can, and he would never want to make neither you nor your brother to feel uncomfortable.

But anyway, you both scheduled there because Harry had been in England for a while and as you stayed friends it just felt right to meet up. You actually felt really tired, emotionally tired. You were so used to traveling the most amazing places with friends and now being basically locked up at The Buckingham Palace because of the corona virus felt draining for you. So when Harry came up with the meeting you were so glad to finally be leaving home, and Harry has always been the type of person who you felt like you could talk openly and be exactly who you want to be, and we don’t even have to say that the British museum it’s probably one of your favorite places in London. You were enamored by art, and there were so many interesting things in there and every time you’ll go there you’d find something new.

It was 9am and the museum it’s actually closed now but you did have some perks. You were in the Egyptian part accompanied by your bodyguard Jasper, when you suddenly listened the rough voice of you dearly friend coming closer to you making you turn yourself to look at him getting closer. He greeted you with a simple hug in which you reciprocated by opening a slight smile looking at him.

— Hello, darling — Harry said while using his hands to style his short and messy hair with a smile on his face. — How are you?

— Hi, I’ve been good, just tired! But what about you? — You asked as you both started to walk through the beautiful masterpieces — How’s your mom and Gemma? — You had that really strong British accent, which Harry understood completly, and he really likes it. He thinks it’s the cutest thing. Actually, Harry thought everything about you were extremely cute, you both have a little crush on each other but as you already told him a lot of times before, just the thought of how many things he’d have to leave for because of the royal regulation made you sad for him. You’d never ask him for something like that.

— They’re good but... — Harry stopped walking looking fixedly to your face trying to analyze your emotions by their expressions — Why are you tired? I mean, I understand it must be really bad living in a castle but anyway, what happened? — Harry said smirking at you and your reaction of laughing and rolling your eyes at him.

— Haha, really funny! You should be a humorist — You answered mocking a bit and running your right hand through your hair as you started walking again — And I asked you how were you, you won’t answer? I’ll lock you in the dungeon for your audacity! — You both always joked like this because when you first started being friends, Harry had all that idea about the old royalty with dungeons and prisoners so you’d always make fun of him for that.

— Alright, alright! I'm good, they're good, we're all good. Now, tell me! — Harry said putting his right hand slightly on your shoulder making you stop walking and look at him with all your attention. You sighed trying to form your words to explain exactly what you were feeling to him.

— I don't know, I'm just... I'm so tired of the routine, you know? I wish I could just go out to do the craziest things and not be recognized. — You were looking straight to Harry's green eyes, it felt like they were watching your soul because e was giving you his full atention. The boy really did care about you. He stayes quiet for a while in complete silence, it was a comfortable silence though. It never felt like you and Harry needed to talk all the time when you got together because it was nice just to stay together and enjoy each other's company.

— Let me take you out! — Harry suddenly said after a few seconds making your eyes widen up as you looked at him.

— Excuse me? — You asked.

— Let me take you out! We can put on some disguises and take the best London tour we can find, I bet you've never done it! — Harry said with a little smirk in the end. He was right, you never took a tour through your own city which seems crazy — You know... I really like you and if you wanna have fun this could be great! You'll be just a girl called Y/N and I'll be just a boy called Harry. — He said trying to argue with your thoughts thinking if this would actually be a good thing to do. But you didn't really have anything to lose, did you? — So, do you wanna do a bunch of fun things with me today? — Harry held out his right hand to you indicating that as soon as you shake his hand you would leave that museum and probably have the best day of your life, and so you did.

So as soon as you could, you both were out of that museum with the most ridiculous disguises, if I might say. Harry changed his fashionable clothes for some neutral grey hoodie and you changed your cute black dress to a jeans and hoodie as well. Your heart raced a bit when you both left that museum, the fear of being recognized was in you. It's not that you don't love the people of this nation, it's just... a day off could fit you pretty well.

It was hard to convince Jasper to leave you both alone though, it was his job to keep you safe and actually you don't even remember the last time you left your home without him, you just needed freedom for a while but you did convince him. He spent some minutes actually talking to Harry tons of rules about keeping both of you safe and how he couldn't risk your life and all that stuffs.

For the first time in your life, you were on those big, red and popular British bus. You and Harry entered by the back door and within minutes, you both were on the upon side of it on the last chairs. You looked through the window admiring this city and thinking about how much you would never want to live anywhere else. Harry was making a lot of dad jokes beside you though. You tried to laugh as lowly as you could but it was almost impossible, come on “What's the name of a man with a rubber toe? Roberto” it's so bad that it turns out to be funny. But anyway, the bus took both of us to King Cross where you entered a very popular fast-food place called “Five Guys” as Harry guaranteed you was the best he'd ever had and even though you'd doubted it so much, you agreed to go with him. When you were there, you ordered the biggest burger it had on the menu, which actually surprised Harry, but he surprised it too as he ordered it on the name of “Archie and Eleanor” so you could maintain your disguise.

— So.. Archie and Eleanor? — You asked smirking when you finally took the first bite of your burger. It was delicious but Harry was definitely lying, this is not the best one ever, but yep, all for the experience.

— Come on, you loved it! It's very charming, don't you think? — Harry asked as he took a sip of his coca-cola. It's crazy how these stupid disguises was working, is it really that impossible to recognize someone with a hoodie, cap and sunglasses? You didn't want to know because you were having a nice time.

— You know what, I think we need to get those Chinese cookies because I wanna read my luck! — You commented making him shook his head in reaction to your ask.

— Ok so we need to dinner Chinese food so bad! — You argued taking Harry from surprise as he didn't thought you'd stay this late with him.

— You'd have to buy actual Chinese food, you can't just buy the cookie! — He answered raising his eyebrows at you taking his last bite of his burger.

It didn't take much long for you both to be moving again. It was definitely the best day you've had in a while. You both went to Kensigton High Street and bought the most stupid UK theme hats. Harry bought a fake glasses too; it was blue and had a UK flag handed on it making you laugh every time you looked at his face.

— Come on, I still look cute! — He said putting his hands on his hips and posing like a model, on the middle of the street.

— If you say so!

Next you both went all your way up to Abbey Road which is the famous street from The Beatles photo, and you and Harry as the great fans you are had to copy them. You asked to a random person to take a photo of you two with the best American accent you could impersonate to her. The photo looked so cool and a car almost hit you two but you were fine and for some reason you both laughed and ran to the woman with your phone.

— Oh, to be drunk in love! You both are a really cute couple. — The old lady said giving your phone back to you and walked away before any of you could contest her. You both looked at each other and Harry smirked at you.

— Oh, we're such a cute couple! — Harry said blinking his eyes on a very cute way and you just rolled your eyes at him and started walking again.

— Come on, Styles! I wanna go to the Queen's Gallery — You said walking your way up to the bus stop. Harry had a big smile on his face, he didn't remember the last time he actually had that much fun. He loved England. He loved those places and he loved having this much fun with you.

In the Queen's Gallery, you and Harry tried to not make that much of a noise, it was a museum right? But it felt hard to keep it quiet because you both were taking the weirdest and funniest photos with the arts in there, for a moment you even thought you both were going to be expulsed of the location, but you didn't. None of you realized how much the time was flying and it was probably 3 pm now.

The next step was the Columbia Road Flower Market. It was probably the coolest thing of your day. You both ran around taking a lot of photos and videos. You bought one of the most delicious breads in there. You were looking at some flowers when Harry came back to you with a bunch of pink tulips on his hand, it was your favorite flowers and he knew it.

You both went to so many places actually; you went to HMS Belfast, Battersea Park, Albert Memorial, Old Spiralfields Market, Serpentine Lake, Carnaby Street and Holland Park.

When it was closer to the sunset, you went to Princess Diana Memorial Garden. It was a hard place for you. It has always been and Harry even asked if you really wanted to go there, but you did. You needed to sit down for a moment on your life and miss your mom. You were little when she died so you're probably the only one of your brothers that remember her the least.

You both lied down on the grass. It had a fresh breeze in the air, but the sun was still out, it was that golden hour moment. You rested your head on Harry's thorax looking up to the sunset orange sky above you.

— You know this can be great... If we're willing to try! — Harry said in a very low tone. He was caressing your hair with his hand analysing your face, so he could get any reaction for you.

— It would be for a while. — You said sitting up to look at his face, your faces were a few inches apart, the golden coloration on his face giving him the glow he did have naturally — But what would happen 3 years from now when someone tells you that you couldn't perform anymore? Or you couldn't release your songs? It's not right, I can't ask you this! — Harry looked away for a moment, probably trying to contain his emotions and think, just think — But we have today, we have now. Maybe we should just enjoy what we have now!

He looked back at you, directly into your eyes and again, comfortable silence. The comfortable silence Harry thought was so overrated felt right any time he was with you. He put himself closer to you if that even it's possible. His ring handed touched your cheek, eyes never distracting, you leaned in and your lips touched his. It felt magical, it felt quiet and it felt right.

The sun was out now, bringing the night and the sky full of stars. You both were by The Mall avenue, running, and dancing to the song playing backwards; it was Ophelia by the Lumineers, after that day, this song was your song and any time any of you listened to it, each other was brought up to your minds. You called it a night when you both were by the top of the London Eye, where all the big lights inspired you. When the cold breeze hit your hair and the height scared you but Harry made you feel safe.

Harry dropped you off at the castle's gate at midnight, just as he promised. You stayed by the balcony of your room until the sunrise looking at the sky because you knew that Harry was on the other side looking at the sky too thinking about how you'd never get to finish the book of you and him, and if you weren't faded to end together at least you had today.

#harry x reader #hwrryscherry #harry styles imagine #harry styles imagines #harry and y/n #harry styles and y/n #hwrryscherryxreader

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twilightxcx · 5 years ago

Text

Finding home

Part 11 - "So there is nothing that you wanna ask me?"

NOVAS POV

"So apparently, you seem to be the Cullens new shining toy? Correct?" Emily asks placing down a bag of apples in the cart as I push it walking towards the vegetables. In my left hand I also hold Claire's hand, since her daycare is closed today Emily insisted she could take her for the day instead. I sigh at Emily's question, looking down at Claire as she holds strongly onto my hand, half afraid, and half exited about the new area she is currently in.

"I guess you could call it that. The thing that freaked me out the most though was that Renesmee tried to follow me and Paul into Pack land, making everyone stop breathing for a moment. And that Alice saw mine and Paul's future. Call that the surprice of the year" I speak, stopping the cart as Emily walks away to grab atleast two big sacks of potatoes, some carrots, a few sallads, a cucumber and two peppers.

"Ah yes, the baby. Sam told me everything last night when you all had gone home. Must have been scary for you to hear a woman you don't even know talk about your future like that. Especially when it involves children. You don't believe her do you?" Emily's tone is calm but serious as she speaks. I shrug my shoulders, unsure of how to answer.

"I don't know Emily, what if she is right? I mean Edward seem to have seen it too, and why would she lie? But I don't know, I mean I and Paul just met and we aren't even married or anything like that." I speak, a little bit conflicted about how to feel about it all as Emily takes the cart moving further into the store, with me and Claire following closely behind. Claire starts to jump in excitement when we walk past the toys section, only to get even more eager to look at all the shiny toys when Emily stops right in front of it.

"I knew it! You are planning to get married! Is it soon? Omg please let me be a bridesmaid. Will your family be there? I'm-" Emily starts to say before I interrupt her. "No Emily no, no wedding. It may look like me and Paul are taking it very fast right now but we are NOT getting married this year! You hear me? No Mrs Lahote this year and definetly no mini Lahote this year.." I speak with a determined tone as she stands there with a smile on her face and a glimt in her eyes giving me the you-are-lying look. As I feel Claire draging me towards the cars in the toy section, Emily quietly follows us pushing the cart infront of her. Claire points at a purple car with red air horns on top of it whilst jumping excitedly up and down, making me sigh.

"Please please Emily, Nova pleaseeee I need it. It looks so cool!" Claire almost screams out as I take it in my hand giving Emily a look that says we are done talking about mine and Paul's relationship as I put the plastic car in the cart, letting Claire get the shiny new toy. Claire tightly puts her arms around my middle in a thank you hug as Emily just gives me a teasing look back saying nothing but that she will get it out of me eventually. I roll my eyes at that.

"And that will be 257 dollar and 39 cents. Thank you, do you want a recipt?" Emily stands by the counter paying as I stuff all the heavy bags into the cart ones again. Damn these boys can eat, why isnt it them that are buying all this instead of us?

Looking down at Claire I find her already running around with her new toy on the floor, making me smile a little at the little girl's excitement. While holding my last bag of food my phone all suddenly starts to vibrate, and just a second later Emily's does too. Placing down the heavy bag on the floor again I take up my phone from my pocket only to realise half a second later that it is Paul calling me. I answer.

"Hey Paul, had a goo-" I only have time to say before he interrupts. "Where are you? Are you okay? Sam said you were supposed to look after Claire all afternoon with Emily but none of you is here." Paul implies with a worried, almost panicked tone, making me feel bad about not notifying them about our trip to Port Angeles. Especially when all of the imprints constantly are under a high treath its good to maybe have mentioned it to them before we left.

Just a few feet a way I can now hear Emily have the exact same conversation with Sam as she in slow steps walks over to me and Claire.

"We just went shopping some food baby, I'm sorry, we should have told you. We are actually on our way home now, we'll be there in 20 minutes." I speak as I hear Paul speaking with Sam and another one of the boys before I hear his voice in the speaker once again.

"Me and Sam are on our way, stay where you are. I love you." He says with a stressed tone before he adruptly ends the call, which surprices me a little. When I look up Emily is already done speaking with Sam and is on her way to push the cart out to the parkinglot. Claire stands right infront of me with a worried look on her face, the purple car in her hand.

"Has something bad happened?" She asks quietly, with a sad look on her face, putting me at unease that she is so young but already so aware of how a big part of the people she knows and cares about are in some sort of danger. I shake my head with a sympathetic smile, crouching down to the little girl's face level.

"Hey, nothing has happened and nothing will happen. Sam and Paul just missed us so much they wanted to come see us" I lie.

"And if something ever were to happen we will always protect you, whatever that something may be. Okay?" I speak with a soft voice. Looking into the little girl's brown eyes they now don't look as dull as second ago, she smiles at me.

"Okay. Do you think Paul and Sam would like to see my new car?" She asks, back to her normal happy self. I smile at hear, nodding. "Absolutely, now how about we go out to Emily and see if she need any help packing in the groceries into the car?" I speak as Claire nods in excitement. "Good, let's go" Whilst taking Claire's hand in my bigger one we walk out to the parkinglot and over to where Emily is already on her way putting in groceries into the grey car.

"Wow you really came here fast." Emily states as she leans in to hug Sam quickly whilst Paul almost runs over to me and have in milliseconds put his arms around me. Just a few minutes after me and Emily finished packing in the groceries into the car, Sam and Paul arrived in Paul's car and parked just a few meters away, Paul almost running out of his seat to be able to run over to me.

"Hi Nova" Paul speaks a little bit calmer now in comparison to when we spoke on the phone.

"Hi to you." I smile as Paul presses a kiss to my cheek and mouth. I put my arms around his neck pulling him further down to my face to be able to give him another, longer kiss this time. As we let go Paul pulls me - if even possible- more to his chest as he places his face in the crook of my neck, breathing in my scent. I shiver at the feeling, placing one of my hands by the back of his head.

"I was so worried something happened. We found two leaches just a fucking mile from the house. I just got so worried. I mean what if they would have got you? " He mumbles out, telling me what probably set his mind at unease during our call on the phone. His face is next to my ear while speaking and i hug him tighter when he says the last sentence, knowing that a vampire getting to me is one of his worst fears.

"Don't worry Paul, I am right here. Here with you, in your arms" I say, letting him hold me for as long as he needs. Based on the silence from Sam and Emily I can imagine they reason the same way. Paul is easiest the most emotional of the wolves, and that isn't something you should ignore neither joke about. We stay like that for a few moments, just hugging, him ocationally leaning down to kiss different parts of my face and neck.

After I don't know how long, Paul feels stable enough to let go of his strong hold on me, giving me a apologizing look while doing so. I shake my head, giving him a understanding smile as I caress his cheek. He leans into my embrance.

"Look Sam, I have a new car! Its soooo fast, look!" I hear from behind Paul as our eyes stays locked, making me laugh a little at the little girl's words. Paul smiles too, just before he places a open kiss to the palm of my hand, then taking my hand in his.

"Let's go, don't want Claire to wait far to long until she gets to show the rest of the guys her cool car. You riding back with me, right?" He asks, holding my hands in his. I smile, looking down at our connected hands, before I look up once again.

"Ofcourse. Are they taking Claire?" I ask, looking over at the couple who still seems to be looking at Claire showing of her new car. Paul calls to Sam, getting the attention from his packleader only a second later.

"Who takes Claire?" He asks and gets directly an answer from Sam. "We do, see you at home." Sam speaks as me and Paul nod at his words. In hand in hand we walk over to Paul's car to soon be siting inside of it.

"I'm sorry for my reaction earlier, I just got a little worried." Paul explains with a quiet tone driving out of the parkinglot behind Sam and Emily's car. He's eyes stayes locked at the car infront of us almost as if I were to yell at him about earlier.

"Don't worry Paul, really. If a long hug is what you need after some tough hours in patrol then I am all up for it. It is much better than taking it out on your bothers or yourself. Plus, I've missed you today so nothing bad with getting a extra long hug, right?" I assure him with a smile as Paul quickly glances at me before focusing back at the road.

"Thank you, the other guys would have just teased me about it, but you didn't." He says with a sad tone in his voice. Even though I know the pack members would always be there for each other, I can visualize them teasing Paul about exact situations like this, and unlike Sam, he needed more then just a hug and a kiss to be assured that I was actually here with him, and that I wasn't going anywhere anytime soon. In a soothing matter I place my hand on his warm bicep, making him look up at me once again.

"Joking about it doesn't make it better or easier for you. And If they ever joke about you like that when I am there you know I am gonna make their lives hard, don't forget I got your back." My tone is serious while speaking making Paul do nothing but smile, and laugh a little at the mentally picture of me punishing the guys probably displaying in his mind.

"Thank you babe, that's so sweet, but I doubt you could fysically fight any of the pack members. Not even if you so used a bat." He laughes, making my stomach go wild with butterflies over how wonderful his laugh is. I roll my eyes at his statemet, even though he absolutely is right.

"Who said I was gonna use a bat? I have something more powerful than that. I would deny them food." I smile teasingly, making Paul laugh even more. He takes my hand in his, it's a little bit bigger than mine, almost rougher, but I like it in some kind of way.

"Okay, you are right, you would win." He smiles before he continues. "Thank you babe, really, I needed that." He tells me, meeting my gaze one last time before focusing back on the road entirely. I shrug my shoulders.

"You deserve the best, and I think you should be treated like so"

PAUL'S POV

Arriving at Sam's house, Sam have already parked the car and are on his way together with Emily about to empty the car of groceries. Together with them I see Jared, Jake and Embry helping to unpack the car.

Turning to my right, I find Nova answering a text on her phone. She smiles a little at the screen, completely forgotten about the rest of the world around her. She might not even know we the car isn't moving anymore. I unbuckle my seatbelt.

"Who are you texting?" I ask, trying not too seem all to obvious about that I am jealous of the whole situation. She looks up at me, her beautiful grey eyes meeting mine, carrying that beautiful spark of hers.

"My mom, she asks if you are as handsome in real life as on the pictures." Nova laughes, making me feel both guilty about even thinking of her cheating on me, but also releved since she only talked to her mom and they talked about me. Gosh I am so stupid.

"Aha, okay, then what did you answer?" I ask shyly, feeling a blush creeping up on my face already. I'm not even embaressed anymore to say that Nova has the biggest influence on me, just by calling me handsome she gets my body all warm and a little electric.

"I told her you are even more gorgeous in real life. And that I miss her." Her voice is as always so kind, gentle, but this time also a little bit sad. I take her hand in mine, stroking it calmingly with my thumb across the back of her hand.

"Do you wanna visit Sweden soon?" I ask with a sympathetic tone very noticeable in my voice, taking in her red full lips and cute nose several times during the time she keeps her gaze locked at our intertwined hands, thinking. She soon looks back up at me.

"Only if you come with me." She offers with honesty and vulnerability, sighing just as she finishes the last word. "You dont, forget it, it's stupid." She tells me, adruptly changing her mind, waving it of as nothing.

"I would like to go with you, to Sweden. We could even move there if you'd prefer it that way." I respond, probably feeling just as vulnerable as she does right now. She raises her eyebrows at my statement.

"You mean that?" She inquires, I nod. "Ill go wherever you go. Always." I answer, making a very big smile take place on her beautiful face.

"You are such a sweetheart do you know that?" She asks, pulling me into a hug I am not late to answer, not late to shrug my shoulders at the question.

"For the right person, yes." I flirt, winking at her making her roll her eyes, taking my hand in hers again.

"You are also such an idiot." She beames.

Walking into Sam and Emily's house Claire is as expected on her way to show of her very cool, purple and red car.

"Hey you two lovebirds, are you always gonna make out in the car when we carry the food into the house?" Jared jokes, coming into give me a hug as Nova takes of her jacket. He then does the same with Nova.

"Ha ha, very funny. No. We were actually talking about my home country and about how much I miss my mom, nothing else. " Nova implies taking my hand in hers, sending shivers up my arm in an instant. Jared nods at her words.

"Alright, fine. Anyways, did you come to any reasoning in who you are gonna ask to come with you to the hospital?" Jared questions, looking at our both with a excited gaze. Nova nods.

"Sure did" She answers. "So there is nothing that you wanna ask me?"Jared implies with a cocky smirk as Nova simply shakes her head, looking up at me. "Nope, Paul and I came to the agreeing that we should take the one I first of all feel the most comfortable with, but also the one we know for sure can handle being around a few vampires without freaking out"

"That must be a joke since no one of the pack can handle the Cullen's without sooner or later having to freak out on them" Jared argues, probably disappointed because of mine and Nova's choices, placing his arms over his chest in a defensive manner.

"You are right Jared, but I stand my case and you will not be the one to join us in the car when I get my medication this Wednesday" Nova says as Jared just rolls his eyes, clearly giving up on winning this fight.

"Anyway, I suppose Emily needs help preparing the food, I'll be in the kitchen if you need me" Nova continues with a smile, placing a small kiss on my jaw before she leaves the hall and enters the kitchen.

NOVAS POV

When the food is almost done and I'm on my way to make the table together with Paul, Quil, Leah and Seth enters the house. Both Leah and Quil gets called over by Claire siting on the sofa with her toys, telling them to sit down with her whilst Seth takes a seat at the dinner table in the kitchen. Paul offers me to take a seat while he finishes up the last parts of making the table.

"Hi" Seth breathes. With a tired look on his face he looks at me, but the smile he puts up is nothing but fake. The bruises covering his forearms and legs I know he resently fought a vampire, or atleast chased one, but that still doesn't tell me why he seems so sad. "Hi Seth" I answer siting down next to him. "Long day?" I ask.

"Yeah" He nods, looking down at his hands with freshly cut open wounds before he looks back up at me with a small smile, a real smile this time. "But now La push stays safe for a little while longer and that's all I'm here for" He continues as I scan him tip to toe, realising he must have been the one to come face to face with the vampire the most, if he weren't the only one to fight the vampire.

"Do you need stitches? Or something else, I'm sure we could work something out?" I ask, friendly taking his both hands in mine. He shakes his head. "No I'm fine I promise, I'll heal soon, we always heal" He says hurriedly, his mouth then continuing to say something I can't interpret, mumbling. Paul sits down next to me, placing his hand calmingly on my thigh, feeling my worry towards one of our closest friends.

"What happens Seth?" Paul asks, Seth imedietly meeting his gaze, mouthing words I once again can't understand, but Paul seems to understand.

"What did he say? Before you killed him?" Paul demands, making Seth close his eyes for a short second before looking back at me.

"It could just be a loose treath, I don't know" He starts, looking back and forth between me and Paul. "Tell us" I speak. Seth sighs.

"He said there are more of them coming, for revenge." Seth explains, I turn to give a quick glance at Paul but his expression seems as clueless as my thoughts.

"Revenge for what?" Emily asks, seeming to have been listening to our dialogue all along as she is making dinner. Seth looks down at our connected hands, mine kinda small grasping at his definitely bigger ones. Their roughness that still provides such gentle gestures reminds me alot of Paul.

"It seemed to have to do with the Cullen's. But since he crossed packland on his way there, I finished him before he got to them." Seth responds.

"Does Sam know about this?" Emily asks as Seth nods his head. "Yeah, we were about to finish our patrol when I caught it's scent. Sam was the one closest away from me, and after I killed it he came and ordered me to come here, taking help from Jake to get rid of the body." Seth explains as Emily places this big pot in the middle of the dinner table, telling Paul to go get the others whilst the food is still hot. He leaves my side after placing a quick kiss onto my cheek.

"I recommend you to let him take care of it, since you both were on patrol at the same time he must have heard the dialog between the two of you and if I were you I would let him decide what to do next." Emily tells Seth in a soothing voice as he nods agreeingly at her words. Emily sits down at the table just seconds before the whole pack enters the kitchen.

"It smells good in here" Sam says, hugging his wife from behind as she tries to hug back as good as possible siting on a chair.

"Yeah it definitely does. I'm starving!" Jake exclaims siting down next to Seth, giving him a gentle pat on the back whilst doing so. "Sam and I talked and we will stand by for now, so don't worry." He tells Seth in a calming manner. Seth sends him a thankful glanse as we start digging in on the food.

"She is coming this Friday, and not to exaggerate but she is really excited to meet you Nova, like really excited." Jared beames whilst talking about his girlfriend and Imprint Kim, you can really tell how much he cares about her just the way his eyes lit up talking about her. I nod with a smile, saying that I also can't wait to meet her, knowing that it probably would mean alot for not only Jared but also Paul if his imprint and his best friends imprint actually liked eachother.

"What happens this Friday?' Claire asks confused siting in my lap, looking up at me with her back towards me so that she almost hits my chin with the back of her head. From the corner of my eye, siting beside me on the sofa, I can see Paul jump a little at that, but he lets it go since no one were damaged.

"It's the weekly bonfire Claire, you know the one with all the hot dogs and hamburgers, where we tell all these cool stories about wolves, and you eat alot of marshmallows." Quil says standing up from the sofa opposite of us, walking over and crouching down in front of me and Claire, poking her in her little belly. Claire laughs at the ticklish feeling his finger made on her belly, smiling up at him as she spreads out her arms for a hug, and the second she's in his arms he runs off, with her and her toy off to the backyard as I hear both his and her laugh echoing through the house. She may only be five, but he may probably be the love of her life.

"So, have you asked the person you wanted to come join you to the hospital yet?" Jared questions with a raised brow and a smirk, impatiently waiting for an answer. Imedietly I turn to Seth across the room, watching him play a videogame with Jake, Brady and Collin. His back is facing my direction, and so I cannot tell if he is secretly listening to our dialogue or not. Paul rolls his eyes.

"I thought we cleared that you are not gonna be the one joining, Jared." Paul empathizes, putting an arm around my shoulders as I lean into his embrace, thinking this might be the best chance I'll get to ask him all day.

"Seth?"I ask, as not only Seth but the rest of the guys siting by the TV turns to me, obviously irritated that I disturbed them in their game. During the same second I can hear Jared whisper 'No way' under his breath, probably since I am about to ask one of the smaller wolves with not the biggest experience in vampires to come join me in a situation where being able to defend not only himself but me is the highest priority.

"Would you like to come join me and Paul in the car when I visit the hospital next time?"I ask genuinely, as Seth suprisingly stands up from his spot at the floor, walking over to where Paul and I sit before he sits down next to me.

"I would never have expected you to ask me, but yes, I'd love to." He smiles, pulling me into a hug.

-------

Yooo so apparently I DISAPPEARED for like 6 months. I'm so sorry, I had a personal crisis(like every year) and I also finished another semester of high school! Yay me!

Anyhow, hope whoever is reading this are having an amazing day and that your tomorrow is even better!

See you again when I have inspiration and I'm hopefully feeling less tired.

#embry call #paul lahote #quileute #sam uley #seth clearwater #twilight #jared cameron #leah clearwater #quil ateara #emily young #jacob black #paul lahote imagine #wolves #claire #paul lahote x reader #paul lahote×oc #wolfpack #love

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clean-bands-dirty-stories · 6 years ago

Text

Wait... WHAT? (Richie)(part 9)

A/n: I um... I feel like I’m so obnoxious with this series lmao but I did it again an you know what I don’t fucking care anymore. I hope y’all enjoy this but if you didn’t whatever, I enjoyed writing it.

Anon: Pidge (Do I even need to clarify this anymore??)

Word Count: 4068 (...oops)

Sitting in the chair while all of my friends stood around me made me feel nervous and small and awkward, so I kept my knees pressed together and my hands in my lap, my shoulders and back rigidly bent. Bill was right in front of me, Stan to his immediate right and then Ben to Stan’s. To the left of Bill was Mike and then Eddie. Richie paced back and forth behind me, unable to sit still in this tense silence as my friends thought through what Richie had just told them.

“Under a bridge?” Stan asked, his eyes rising to Richie for confirmation. Richie nodded, I assumed, because he looked back to me.

A few more beats and then Bill asked, “How long?” His voice as quiet. It reminded me of when we had first met and his stutter was wild and overwhelming. Since that summer, he had steadily gotten more and more in control of it. But now his voice shook and I worried I had upset him enough to stutter again.

I shrugged, wanting to fidget but scared to move. When no one else talked, charging the subject or asking another question, I sighed. “Um, a few months before school ended...” I cleared my throat. Eighth grade, before freshman year.” Richie stilled behind me, as rigid as I was, and I flinched so that I curled lower into myself, hiding as his eyes burned into my back.

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Mike asked, more worried than anything else.

Another shrug. “I remember thinking that there was a lot going on? Once I got to where I trusted you guys, I didn’t want you to think lower of me for living under a fucking bridge.” I flinched. “And then when I got to a place that I knew all of you guys would still be my friends, I just...” I knew it was because I didn’t want Eddie to be disgusted with me. I didn’t want Ben to be guilty. I didn’t want Stan to be angry because I didn’t tell him I didn’t want Mike’s pity that would never end. I didn’t want Bill to feel the need to help and fix me, like I was a project and not the same me I’ve always been. And Richie... oh god Richie. As my friends all looked at me with the emotions that I had been trying to avoid - Ben’s guilt, Stan’s anger, Mike’s pity, Bill’s determination, and Eddie’s disgust - I tried not to think of how Richie must be feeling. Cuddling up to me and kissing me on the cheek and holding my hand when I was gross. Opening up to me about his problems when I had such severe issues of my own. Would he not want to touch me? Would he stop confiding in me? Would he distance himself because he felt like he couldn’t trust me now that he knew about this HUGE lie I had been keeping from him for so long? I felt my anxiety come back, my chest tightening and my throat closing. “Remember when we were...” My mind went blank but it wasn’t enough of a distraction to derail my panic or my thought so I pushed it aside. “When we were in the woods? The summer we met? We were wandering around and we came across... across the little nook under the bridge?” My eyes watered as the silence got even more awkward as they tried to pull the hazy memory from their memories. A single moment in a whirlwind of a summer as the Losers welcomed three new people into their little group and the dynamic of four shifted to accommodate for seven. “Ever since then I just... didn’t say anything.”

Eddie moved and I looked up. His face had changed, into one of sadness rather than disgust. “Y/n, I... if I had known it was you, it would have been a different story.” He was sorry for what he had said, but mostly he just wanted e to be happy and warm and safe and I could see his concern for me in his face.

Stan’s clearing his throat caught my attention next. “We would have been able to try and work something out, or at least try and help you. Get you food or clothes or have more sleepovers- I don’t know. We could have tried.” He felt the same as Eddie did, more concerned for my well being than the initial anger he’d expressed.

Mike sighed, rubbing the top of his head. “I’m sure my grandpa would have let you come stay with us. You’re different too. The only girl in the group.” He huffed, shrugging. “And he’s hard but he’d not one to turn away a good person like you, young and in need of help. Y/n we could have done something. Anything.”

“You’re our friend.” Ben spoke up next. “Which you know. We weren’t going to judge you or shut you out or whatever- we’re all from hard times. Stan’s right on the trying thing- you could have at least let us try.”

They all had the same care and compassion that was so foreign to me. Sure they were my friends- my brothers even. But I was far more used to banter and insults and teasing and getting into trouble and teasing than this protectiveness that was so much like home that it made my eyes water up and my heart warm, spreading soothing softness throughout my whole body. Bill stepped forward, kneeling in front of me. “Let us do something, okay?” I nodded. He took my hands in his and I relaxed. “What happened to living with your grandma?”

I winced but he squeezed my hands and it eased the truth out of me. “My parents never left. I didn’t lie about my dad bringing here to be with my aunt and them hating me because I look like my mom. I didn’t like about what it was like living with them...” My friends looked at me with increased pain but I didn’t shy away from it so much this time. “They kicked me out though. My dad told me to leave. About halfway through sophomore year my aunt got pregnant and they moved, finally fulfilled with no thoughts of me and a new child of their own.” I shrugged. “I guess they’re happy or whatever. Um, the old woman I call grandma, she’s just a lady I visit. Far less than I should actually, but she’s all alone and she knows I am too so we kind of just... adopted each other.”

Bill tilted his head. “Why don’t you live with her?”

The thought had ever crossed my mind. My eyes widened and I looked at him like he had just said the most genius thing. He chuckled. “Now we’ll have a phone number and an address for you for real,” Ben joked. “And it’s the same one we thought you had anyway.” We went from the diner we had congregated before to visit Ms. Staye - the old woman. She welcomed us all in with the kind of warmth and love that always made me shiver because my heart was so unaccustomed and couldn’t handle it. My friends had never come in and talked to her before, always waving me goodbye as I pretended to go in after Ms. Staye had opened the door ad we exchanged hellos and a hug. Ben was the only one who had someone in his life to really compare to her homey, friendly aura but with his nasty aunt in the picture, it was ruining his relationship with his angel of a mother. I could see all of my friends leaning in, wanting to feel her love as much as I always felt myself wanting it.

When I explained to her my situation, flinching as she held herself back from fretting over me because she knew how awkward I was with constant affection, she was only too willing to accommodate. “I’ve had two unused, empty rooms in this house for far, FAR too long. Side my husband died, the house has been empty and quiet and lonely. I would love to have you here.”

My eyes widened. “You won’t tell the authorities?”

She smiled softly. “They wouldn’t let me keep you here, and after all you’ve been through, getting shoved into the system for the next two years of your life until you’re spit back out to find your own way in the world is NOT what I want from you. I know what that’s like and you’re too much of family for me to allow it.” My eyes watered again and she paused before offering me her opened arms. I slipped into them, clinging to her as she pat my back. As the faded memory of dark tunnels and my friends all around me attested to the only time I had ever cried in front of someone since I’d been kicked out of the house by my shitty dad, I cried openly in front of other people for the first time in about two years. And, for the very first time ever in my life, I felt no guilt or worry about doing so.

After everyone began heading home - after proper introductions and bonding time filled with lots of hot chelate despite the summer heat and cookies Ms. Staye had made out of pure boredom in the duration of some point today - Richie pulled me aside. He had said a surprisingly little amount of words since he had found me under the bridge and dragged me to his house for the night, refusing to touch me as he took to sleeping on the floor in favor of leaving me his bed to sleep.

Actually, now that I think about it, he’s been worryingly quiet.

“Are you leaving, dear?” Me. Staye called as Richie pulled me after him. “It’s getting dark.”

I smiled back at her. “I’ll be right back, Gran. Promise.” She nodded, going inside with an understanding smile. Richie pulled me all the way back to his bike, watching his friends turn out of sight before turning to me. His eyes met mine by he doesn’t say anything for so long that I get scared. “Rich-?”

He pulls me close, wrapping his long arms around me and clinging to me as if he let go one or both of us would die. “Do you know how worried I was? You looked so upset, so dazed. So unfocused. And then you didn’t turn the right direction and I thought... I thought you were really upset. Like you were going to- to leave or something.” I almost asked where he thought I was going before it clicked. Oh. OH. He held me tighter. “And then I didn’t know how I would stop you but it turns out you’ve just been lying to me- for like two years. Which I’m not eve mad about because I understand why you lied to me. Why you didn’t say anything. I would have done the same thing. I’ve done that before. But you, you deserve better. You deserve to have been living here from the start, with her. It hurt to see you get cozy in a position that I knew you would never be comfortable in at night in the woods like some... some... someone who isn’t you. You were shivering you were so cold. And I was so angry. So angry at you for settling with that, angry at your mom for leaving you to fend for yourself and your dad for kicking you out because he was guilty. Because he was selfish. I hated your family for being a giant ass bunch of assholes like, fuck. And I couldn’t touch you because I’ve only ever been that mad before and I’ve never seen me act so much like my mom in my life ad I swore I wouldn’t be that person. I wouldn’t be near people when I was that angry. I promised I wouldn’t ever hurt someone, and I was SO. ANGRY!

“But...” His voice faded a bit after I tensed at the raw rage in his tone. “But I was mostly angry at myself. I was angry for not seeing it sooner and doing something about it. Angry that I couldn’t help you. Angry for not being able to change the life you’ve had to live and all the pain you go through that I can’t take away from you. Being so small and helpless and young. I love you so much, Y/n, I can’t ever see you like that again.” He pulled me away from him and my eyes were wide and wet with tears. He had NEVER ranted to me like that, being so real and emotional. No jokes, no lightheartedness. Just fear and pain and anger and- and love.

I love you Y/n.

“Richie,” I whispered, dazed.

“Promised you’ll tell me if you need anything. If anything lie that happens again, Or something... something... anything. If you have nightmares or anxiety or you’re lost or lonely or if you’re just uncomfortable or bored or cold. Always tell me and we’ll try and figure it out.”

He looked at me and I bit my lip. “I’m not good at fixing my words,” I mumbled.

Richie shrugged. “And I’m not good at saying my words even though I always know what to say, but... But I’ll try to be more open and make helping me easier if you’ll do the same for me.” He leaned close. “I trust you.” A pause. “Do you... do you trust me?”

I nodded without hesitation. “Completely.”

That seemed to reassure him. “Then, communication, okay?” I nodded. He paused and then kissed my forehead. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” And he stepped away from me, moving to his bike. “Yeah?”

I nodded again. “Yeah.” I wanted to ask him what kind of love he meant. I wanted to tell him I loved him too because holy shit I DID, and I wanted to know if we loved each other in the same way. If he meant love love, like how Bill loved Stan and how everyone thought we loved each other, then did I mean love in the same way?

In the warmth and protection of a household that I had to worry about nothing inside of for the first time in my life, I still slept uneasy. But tonight, it wasn’t the cold or discomfort or hopelessness or loneliness or lack of safety that concerned me. It was y own heart and my brain, wondering exactly how Richie fit in my life.

The next day, I found Bill first. Early in the morning, hopped up on little sleep and loads of adrenaline pumped by curiosity and confusion and a desperation to know and understand, I pulled up to Bill’s and ran to his door after ditching my bike. I knocked three times hard and firm, and Bill’s dad answered. “Hello Mr. Denbrough, is Bill here? I really need his advice on something.” Mr. Denbrough, who had somehow gotten it into his head that I was PERFECT for his son, was only too happy to let me in and let me go to Bill’s room. I knocked on that door with the same solid three knocks I’d knocked on the first. Bill opened the door this time, much slower and taking longer than his father had. “Bill, your dad let me in. Can I talk to you about something?”

Bill was shirtless and shuffling awkwardly, but I couldn’t quite figure out why. It was just me. He did seem to relax more than he was before, more anxious for his parents to be the one knocking than he was for me to be. “Y/n...”

I broke. “Bill, it’s what you said about me and Richie, when we were spending the night. I said that you guys were making it harder than it had to be and you accused me doing the same. Me- me and Richie. I... I know it’s early but I can barely breathe and I need to know what you meant.”

Something about my wide eyes and earnest need were enough to make him nod, opening the door for me to come in. He pulled on a shirt as I plopped on his bed. “What exactly are you confused about, Y/n?”

I bit my lip and then shut my eyes tight. When I opened them again, Bill was sitting cross cross applesauce on the floor in front of me, ready to listen and waiting patiently for me to find words. Any words. He knew how much I struggled with that. “How...” My eyes light up. “Do you love Stan?”

Bill’s eyes shot wide. “I- I- Um, I... I don’t- I mean I-“ He swallowed, running a hand through his hair with wide eyes and a blush on his face. His eyes flickered behind me but when I followed his panicked gaze all I saw was his closet. Why was he so nervous? He was shy, maybe, but when it cane to talking to me he wasn’t panicky like this. “Why?” He squeaked out, pulling my attention back to him.

“I think I love Richie,” I explained. Bill squinted his eyes and I rushed to explain. “I mean, I know I love Richie but Bill I think I may LOVE Richie. And he may love me too? Like love love? But what if I’m wrong and I don’t LOVE Richie? And then I bring all of this up to him and he does love love me and it turns out that I don’t love love him and I lose him? Or- oh god, what if I do love love him but he doesn’t love love me? And- and Bill, maybe you’d know because maybe if you love Stan then you would be able to explain it?”

There was several moments after my blabbering ended that Bill was quiet before his eyes evened with mine and he settled on a decision. “I... I do love Stan.” Pink dusted his cheeks again. “Love love.” He smiled and I grinned, scoffing in amusement at my childish, awkward working. “But, I make it hard. Probably how all teenagers in love do, for the very reasons that you just listed and more. It’s scary to be in love. Terrifying. And I think everyone loves differently, so I probably can’t really explain-“

Just as I was losing hope, there was a groan behind me and I turned as Bill’s innocent closet door busted open to a very shirtless Stanley Uris. Oh. OH. OH SHIT OKAY. The oddness of Bill’s interaction with me suddenly made perfect sense.

Not looking at Bill, Stan (also blushing) plopped down next to me on the bed still shirtless. He looked at me very seriously. “Describe him.” I sat there, silent, unsure of who he wanted me to describe or why, causing Stan to roll his eyes. “Describe Richie to me, Y/n.”

My eyes flickered to my hands. “He’s...” My mind filled with words, so much that there was pressure behind my forehead and no breath came out as they got stuck, clogging in my throat. “Tall,” I choked out. Bill snorted but Stan kept my attention, keeping eye contact and nodding encouragingly, urging me to continue. “He’s skinny and he... he’s nice to hug. Like you think someone so tall and skinny would be uncomfortable and sharp but he’s not. He- He has these really pretty freckles and, um, really big brown eyes that sparkle whenever he makes a joke. It’s kind of weird, actually, cause most girls that have a thing for him- see, they always try to befriend me when they have a thing for him, that’s how I know they’re after him, When they try to befriend me. They always talk about his smile though. His lips, like that’s the biggest novelty of his face. But I think his eyes are so pretty and his freckles are the cutest- like when his nose scrunches up and all those freckles push together. Did you know he can wiggle his ears?

“Anyway, there’s a lot about him that people don’t notice and it -returns me became how can they like him if all they like are how he flirts and how he smiles? Ridiculous. I like his hands and how he’s so clumsy with them. Like his hands are normal except that his fingers are so long it’s actually kind of scary? And um, he runs weird. Like maybe just because he had that huge growth spirt and gained like six feet of height-“ I cut pff, laughing, my eyes no longer on Stan’s but on the window as light filtered in the room, thinking about the wind pushing his curls away from his face, exposing his pale skin and bright smile. “He’s consistent, too. He might be a spaz and a general asshole, but he’s always that way. Just because he can’t focus or control himself with all of that energy - he needs a way to get it out.” I smirked. “Though, I’m sure he would be more than happy to spend energy in other ways.” I shook my head, my eyes falling to my hands again. “I like his sense of style and how loud it is. How he’s so unapologetically loud in every way, even when he worries that he’s annoying us. Because, he knows deep down that we would never leave him.

“Because of this, though, he;s so accepting of people’s oddities. Like how touchy and clingy and how modest I am. Or how Eddie sometimes need his food separated or he loses his shit. He teases, but he accommodates too. He touches me more, being more guarded in front of Eddie who complains about germs. Or how he’ll carry me when I’m tired even though he has, like, no muscle mass. I like... I love how he says my name and how he sits back and judges people because he knows when he’s quiet around people who aren’t;t his friends he can get the best dirt because no one notices him despite his clothes. He’s so sneaky and loves to cause mischief but he has a soft side that keeps him from being MEAN. Like Henry or Greta. He’s a jerk but it’s always playful...” My eyebrows knit together and I looked back up at Stan. “What was the question again?”

My friend smirked as he leaned forward. “I asked you to describe Richie to me.” There was a pause. “Ad instead, you told me what you liked about him.”

“I think she used the word love,” Bill piped up. I could hear the grin in his voice.

“I think YOU used the word love,” I quipped to get the attention off of me.

“Yeah we’ll get to that in a second,” Stan agreed. Bill kept quiet from then on. “But we’re focusing on you.” I gulped. He smiled. “I can;t tell you what you feel, Y/n, but I can say... How does he make you feel?”

I though for a second. “Safe. Warm. He.. he makes me happier. Whole.”

“Why?”

I struggled here. I knew why. Because he cared. Because he was there and no one ever had been before. Because I was his first, his most important, his number one. I’d never been anyone;s number one before. I knew that he trusted me and cared about me and waned what was best for me, even if it would destroy him. Especially after what he’d said to me last night I knew that he... “Because he loves me,” I whispered. “He makes me feel loved.”

Stan placed his hand on my shoulder, nodding. “Do you love him?”

I felt my body warm and I just nodded. “With all my heart.”

“I think you need to tell him that.”

I jumped up, racing at the door. I pulled short, catching myself on the door jam. “Thanks Bill!” I quieted, grinning. “Thanks Bill.” They both nodded and I raced out of the house and onto my bike, moving faster than I ever had towards the arcade.

I was in love love with Richie Tozier. And I couldn’t wait a single more second before he knew as much.

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