#DEVASTATED HEARTBROKEN AGONISING EXCRUCIATING

[humanplaypretend]

The way Tabitha was Barbara's entire world

The way she stuck with her throughout all, good and bad, even when the times were rough and they got separated, she always came back, because they need each other. Because a part of one's soul has been ingrained into the others heart like a hot iron branding.

It's the way they matured together, the way they explored life together.

Tabitha came from a life where she was but a weapon for her brother to use. She wasn't a human, she was merely a hitman. Living in the shadows of a pathetic man, being denied the humanity and respect she deserves.

And Barbara could relate to her. She was brought up to become a cliché housewife. A blonde, rich little girl that was gonna become married to a good policeman. Her life had been planned out for her even before she could talk.

They met each other in a moment of chaos, and found peace within the others embrace.

A peace that was disrupted many times, yes, but that persisted throughout it all. The candle's fire dimmed, but never went off.

Barbara saw the intelligent, caring and loving human that was behind the war machine that Tabitha was made to be, and Tabby fell in love with the woman that understood her.

Barbara helped Tabby regain the humanity she was denied, and Tabby helped Barb to realise that she didn't need a man or anyone else for herself to be worthy. Worthy of love, of respect, worthy of a nice life.

Barbara had not only found someone that understood her, but also someone that loved her for who she was. Not like Jim, who loved the "sane version" of her, who wishes for her to change and go back to who she wasn't. Tabitha saw the true Barbs and she decided to stick with her, be with and for her. She was her pillar of support, of unconditional love (although sometimes rough). And she was taken away from her in front of her eyes.

The love of her life, the only one that saw her for who she was and loved the true version of her, was ripped away from her. Her reason to strive and get better, her will to live, gone.

The fact that Barbara not only went behind Tabitha in what was essentially a suicide mission, she PUT HERSELF in the middle of the gunfire in a last attempt to get revenge, heartbroken and desperate. Something she would NEVER do for anyone else. If she had to go, it might as well be avenging the only person that truly ever loved her, die by her side, asking for forgiveness for all the ways she erred Tabitha.

The scream she let out when she saw Tabitha's eyes lose the beautiful glimpse they once had was HEARTWRENCHING. Never once has she acted this way about anyone else because never has she cared so deeply about anyone else

And Tabitha's last words being "Barbara, don't", meaning to not do anything that could get her killed or harmed out of revenge, just adds even MORE to the heartbreak because even in her dying moments, even in the agonising pain that is getting stabbed through the heart, she cares about Barbara. Even when the world is getting blurry, and the tiredness is scarily taking over, even then, the safety and health of Barbara are her priorities.

I am sobbing.