#DEPO 2015

[creepytyan2005]

my bestie

[ruralcat]

the 2015 tumblr girly in me saw lily rose depo's name on hbo max and took ofer mind body and soul

[hiddlesdarlinggabrielsangel]

This is pretty raw, and a lot longer than I expected but I think I needed to let it out. If you’re currently grieving a pet, this might be too much to read.

My dog passed away this past Saturday morning.

I’ve been in shock ever since and absolutely devastated. My appetite is gone and I’m nauseous and I’m realizing that even though my mom had a similar bond to Ivy, her way of grieving is very different, and I just feel alone.

While Ivy lived a wonderful life of 10 years, longer than many dogs get, she seemed to be doing fine until literally midday on that Friday and we had no idea it was something that would ultimately take her life. We’re struggling with all the “what-ifs” and “if only” thoughts but even though we don’t know for sure, we suspect the cancer we had removed a year ago had come back and even though we get her checked out routinely, we just didn’t catch it in time. The emergency vets said that it was as though her body was attacking itself. It’s just hard because we have her father from the breeder who literally turned 13 the day after she died, the day we buried her. We also still keep in touch with the breeder and she’s told us that HIS father is still alive. So, it was just so unexpected. And Zac, her dad, doesn’t even seem to be registering the fact that she’s gone. We showed her to him when we brought her home, but he barely noticed and just laid down next to her for a second before getting up and wandering off. He doesn’t have the best eyesight and maybe what they did to her body made her smell different, but I thought there would have been some recognition. But he just sort of moved on like nothing happened. Maybe he just understands better than we humans do that death is a part of life, even for his own daughter, but when she was alive he did look after her in his way. I just hope he doesn’t wake up one day looking around for her but we did all we could do.

I didn’t expect to get into the actual event but to be honest, it helped to type it out. The thing is, while I’m absolutely devastated right now, it’s not like I was on top of the world before she passed. Three years before we got her as a puppy in 2014, I was diagnosed with endometriosis. The year I graduated college, 2014, I got a job as a nanny for an emotionally abusive family (which I thankfully left after 3 months but was still a bit traumatized). I had a second surgery for endometriosis in 2015 and was prescribed depo provera which made my depression and anxiety way worse than it already was. I got a job as a photographer taking photos for church directories which was insane (12-17 hour days, no breaks worked in, at least 2-4 hour drives, many kind people but enough rude people to make it miserable), I developed panic attacks and took a medical leave of absence (ultimately left), was judged by so-called friends, went through a time where I couldn’t work because I didn’t know enough about what would trigger these panic attacks, isolated myself from my friend group (hardly any of whom were reaching out anymore anyway), and realized in early 2017 that most of those “friends” who did reach out weren’t really my friends, and between April 2016 - Sept 2017, my “job” (because I didn’t have a real, paying one) was to work on myself in individual and group therapy. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, I’m very grateful for both, but when your job becomes analyzing what’s wrong with you, or why you do what you do so you can stop/change/adjust constantly, it gets to be a bit much. Then I got a retail job in Sept 2017 where I dealt with a narcissist coworker. I also started getting migraines at that job in 2018. Sometime in 2018, my brother met his now wife who has never liked us because we don’t fit in to her “fantasy” (not confirmed, but my theory). When we first met, she told my brother I was “too nice” and “not candid enough”. We have done and continue to do everything we can to be welcoming and she’s nothing but disrespectful to all of us. She even sent something to members of her own family recently that they have been very hurt by. Anyway, in July of 2019, I briefly got a job canvassing neighborhoods for a construction company until I had an 8-hour long panic attack. Needless to say, I did not stay there. Feeling ashamed and hopeless, I made a plan to take my own life. My dad interrupted me as I was writing the suicide note, and obviously I’m still here. I got another job the following week, one that I’m still at, but it didn’t come without its hiccups. A man who yelled at me and who I still have to set boundaries with nearly five years later. Another man who acted inappropriately but ultimately he was set straight. As you can imagine, my brother’s girlfriend/fiancée/wife made our lives difficult and did everything she could (and succeeded a long time ago) to separate him from his family who he seemed to be so close to before (I used to think of him as my best friend). In the summer of 2020, I started having hypnopompic hallucinations where I’d wake up physically but I would still see things as though I was in a dream state which freaked me out. In December of 2020, I made a total of 6 batches of cookies, rolled out, embossed, all the works for literally hundreds of cookies, and that triggered an underlying back issue from carrying too much weight in my backpack slung over only one shoulder in college. This resulted in me going to the chiropractor, getting massages, and as the back issue was finally working itself out, it felt as though it dispersed all that pain and more to the rest of my body. I won’t go into it because that would be a post somehow longer than this, but about a year later after having had a third surgery for endometriosis in 2021, seeing a gastroenterologist, worrying if I was having seizures, and finally seeing a neurologist, I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia in 2022. I found out my uncle had been diagnosed with cancer earlier that year too, a sarcoma. He passed away in May.

Around a month later, my mom, a non-smoker, was diagnosed with a rare type of non-small cell lung cancer. It’s called ROS1 and it’s very aggressive. Not only that, but it does not go into remission; my mom will have this cancer for the rest of her life. Already, she’s gone through two treatments, and the when we suspected the trial she was on wasn’t working anymore because of a mass they found in her right lung, she had a biopsy done in December right before New Years, and in the middle of it, she had heart failure. Thankfully, they revived her and she’s ok. At first they thought it was a heart attack but her arteries were clear. They said it was a case of broken heart syndrome. Her heart has recovered fully since then, but she was taken off the trial, and after briefly trying another targeted treatment, she’s now on chemotherapy.

After experiencing a traumatic event with my brother and sister-in-law back in December of 2023, my family hosted a baby shower for them at our house earlier this month. I’ve been conflicted about how I feel about the coming of this child. I have been overwhelmed about my mom and the side effects she’s been having from the chemo along with the other drug that they’re giving her for the first 4 rounds. My dad caught pneumonia a few days before Ivy passed. I was already overwhelmed.

I was almost always already overwhelmed. But through all of the above, except those first 3 years of endo, I had Ivy. I could go to her. I could play with her. I could pet her. I could cuddle her. Or I could just watch tv or be on my phone but she always had a way of knowing when I’m sad or upset and needed her there. And I think she just genuinely wanted to be with me whether it was on the couch, on the floor, or even upstairs.

That’s part of why this is so hard. It’s ALL of these current things, plus Ivy. Ivy made it bearable. I know I’m not always going to feel this way, but I think I need to get it out somewhere. While I know that I will move on and live my life through the good and the bad… part of me doesn’t want to. I don’t want to face life without Ivy. I don’t want to have people come into my life and not be able to introduce them to my “buddy”. I know how that sounds. And again, I know I won’t always feel that way, but the thing is, I don’t have any friends I can talk to. I have people who care about me and that I care about, but I’m not close enough to share this and one person I used to think might be that type of friend kind of has proven that she’s not interested in a real friendship. She just checks on me by text every few months and says she’s praying for me. While that’s sweet, whenever I try to engage, she ignores it and then literally just writes another text checking up on me a few months later. She responds to updates, but not when I try to reciprocate.

So, with my friends falling away, with my brother turning away from me, Ivy really was my best friend. Possibly my only real friend.

[evsvolunteerstotem]

Visits from home and some special events in Plzeň

27.02.2024

It is official guys- I'm currently halfway through my volunteer service!!! I've been here for 6 months now and what can I say, lately it feels like I just blinked and another month is over again. I mean that's a good sign, right? It shows that I'm enjoying my life currently but it's also a little bit frightening because I have the feeling that I have to consciously enjoy everything now, since the last few months will go by so quickly.

Well, I guess that's what I just have to do from now on, and I've already made a good start to this with my February. ;D So read on if you want to know more about the last few weeks…

It all started on the first weekend of the month when I was visited by my sister, my best friend, my mom and two of her friends, with whom I also get along very well. We met on Friday evening directly at the Big Theatre and went to an interesting ballet performance called "Čajkovský" that told the story of the well-known Russian composer, about whom I learned a lot of new things that evening that I had never heard before. But to be honest, it was difficult to only concentrate on what was happening on stage, as we were sitting in the second tier and had a very good look at the orchestra, which was again playing extraordinarily well.

After the seemingly never-ending applause, we went to the nearby "Lokál" where we enjoyed extremely good Czech food and drinks. Since the evening was a little longer, we slept in the next morning before we met up with the women in the city and then spontaneously made our way to the Pivovar Plzeňský Prazdroj, the Pilsner Urquell brewery, for which the city is so famous. This visit has definitely been on my bucket list here but I hadn't found a good opportunity for it before. As a group of only women, we were certainly a bit exotic there, as we mainly encountered men, but the tour was still extremely exciting, funny and simply unforgettable, which had certainly something to do with our guide Jiřinka and her sense of humor. And of course, the freshly tapped beer at the end of the tour topped everything. ;D

Afterwards, we went to the cathedral on the Náměstí Republiky and although I was there at the beginning of my stay in Plzeň, I had forgotten how strenuous the climb with a total of 299 steps would be. But when we reached the top, we were rewarded with a fantastic view of the city at dusk. The women then moved to the nearest pub - probably inspired by our brewery tour - and we girls made ourselves comfortable at home before cooking dinner and ending Saturday with a few exciting discussions and a board game evening.

The next morning we enjoyed a late breakfast at my favourite café "Schována kavárna" and later it was already time to say goodbye. I really enjoyed the "only women" weekend and at the same time was happy to have the opportunity to get to know Plzeň even better.

The days went by and suddenly there was the next weekend again. On Friday my good friend Tatiana stayed over, we made some Chinese dumplings together and ended the evening with a lot of talking, some trash TV and a good sleep before we got up quite early the next day (I think that I'm just not able to sleep in anymore haha). After breakfast, we made our way to the DEPO 2015 and visited the vintage kilo market there. I loved how it was organized extremely well and both of us quickly had our hands and bags full of pieces. You probably think that it takes some time to have together one kilogram of clothes- well we thought the same and Tatiana wanted to take almost everything that she tried on. But then we weighed again to determine the price, and well, in the end, we only chose our favourite pieces because the weight on the scale went up dangerously quickly. ;D After the purchase, we still left the DEPO very satisfied, as consuming second-hand goods in my opinion always feels better than buying new items.

On the same day, I also visited the football stadium here for the first time, because Viktoria Plzeň had its opening game after the winter break. Even though it was only enough for a draw in the end, it was a really great experience and I was happy to enjoy a football game with fewer interruptions and more play.

The following Monday the second pub quiz took place and this time I didn't sit on the participants' side, but helped Kuba with counting the points. Once again the evening was extremely well prepared by Martin and I found it exciting to sit on the other side that time. One thing I can say for sure is that it's definitely more relaxing than always worrying about whether you have the right answer or not. ;D

On Friday that week, my stepbrother came to visit me and the first thing we did was going to the DEPO 2015, where an event called "eclectica" took place. There was Techno music until 4 am and as it had been some time for me since my last night out it was definitely fun but also demanding for me and I can remember how I was feeling energetic and at the same time super tired in the end. We slept until 12 pm the next "morning" and although that was definitely not enough we also didn't want to miss the whole day.

After breakfast, we made our way to the centre and I guided my brother to my favourite spots around the city before we went to the boulder hall near the Plaza. It was my first time being there and I really enjoyed pushing my limits but at some point, my body was just getting sour and I didn't have enough strength to climb to the top anymore. That's why I didn't get to finish one route but this gave me the motivation to keep going and now I want to go there once a week for sure- or at least to finish the route I was failing at last time. ;D After this sports session, we were extremely hungry and cooked some really good vegan Pad Thai before we ended the evening with a movie and went to bed a bit earlier than the day before…

Since we still had a lot of sleep to catch up on, we slept in on Sunday too and had a slow morning before I took Edgar for a little walk in the forest nearby and then straight to the tram station to go to the city centre again. Because my brother wanted to try the fresh Pilsner beer before leaving, we went to a pub to have one and then made our way to the brewery again to get some souvenirs for him to take home. After that I just brought him to the train station, we said goodbye and that's how fast a weekend can go by when you fully enjoy it. <3

"How are things going at work right now?", you might ask. Everything is going well there at the moment. I have my routine, the conversation lessons are fun and I'm becoming more and more confident with it. The mood during the lessons is always very good and I don't know how many times I've had to laugh recently because there was another funny situation or misunderstanding in the course haha. It's just nice how I can now be more and more relaxed with the seniors and it's even nicer to hear from them that they have fun and enjoy coming to TOTEM every week. The next 6 months will definitely be just as good, maybe even better and I'm looking forward to all the upcoming events at work!!

Delicious Dinner at the Lokál after the theatre visit ;)

View from the cathedral to the beautiful Great Synagogue <3

With freshly tapped beer in the Pilsen brewery. Na zdraví!

Beautiful sunset after volleyball training…

Tatiana & I enjoying one of the first rays of sunshine this year :D

Cheering on at Viktoria Pilsen's opening game

Edgar enjoying his first beer in Plzeň

At the Depo 2015 partying to the electronic music =D

A short walk in the nicest weather before Edgar's departure…

Let's come back to the fact that I've already been here since the end of August last year. I really can't believe it and something that confuses me, even more, is that I'm already going to be at my mid-term seminar next week. Can you remember how I talked about my on-arrival training in October??? - Well, the day this blog is published I will already be together again with the other volunteers who I met back then. It's crazy to think about that and I'm super excited to listen to them talking about their journey so far and of course to tell them about mine as well. I'm sure that this week will again help me to develop personally and to learn a lot of new things from the others.

I'm looking forward to it and will definitely tell you more about all my experiences at the end of March.

Stay safe and see you soon… (and probably again even sooner than expected^^)

Posílám mnoho pozdravů, Laila:)

[mitrasynergyglobal]

Fast work call 6285102919599.

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[deactigayted]

i think i'm about to get my first period since 2015 because i've been too lazy to get my depo shot :[

[dimequiens0y]

some fair at depo 2015

[tofiam]

Já jsem se před dvěma lety odstěhovala a náhledem někoho, kdo tam jezdí už jen navštěvovat příbuzný, říkám, že to šlo dolů.

Spousta prima míst už neexistuje. Přibylo divno lidí.

Nechápu, koho napadlo vybudovat v části s největší koncentrací feťáků a bezdomovců něco jako Palubu Hamburk. Proč paluba? Proč Hamburk? Proč je tam divnej železnej cosi a "rozhledna", ze který si můžete prohlídnout nádraží v opravě? Otázky, na který nikdo nezná odpověď.

Od starého CANu a situace okolo dali všichni ruce pryč. Jako obvykle.

Město Kultury 2015 už žije v roce 2023 bohužel bez kultury. Pár akcí se ještě drží. Oceňuju snahu na DEPO 2015 a Papírny. Podniky jako Bílej Medvěd nebo Zach's Pub mají svoje akce pravidelně, ale těm nikdy Město Kultury 2015 nic nepřispívalo ani s provozem nijak nepomáhalo.

Ale hej, máme obchvat, abychom se projeli rychlejš v autě!

Žila jsem v Plzni většinu života, takže je mi z toho drobet smutno, no.

Aye, tady maturant-grafik ze Zámečku a covidový dropout ze Sutnarky, napadlo mě se zeptat po dlouhý době Plzeňáka ^^" Přijde mi to, nebo bylo v Plzni líp kolem roku 2016-2019? Páč jsem tam přes týdny kvůli studiu žil a pamatuji dost zajímavý život (kort bazary hehe)... a co slyším od bráchy co letos udělal promoci v ZČU fakultě právnické, tak říkal že ta úroveň prý šla dost dolů.. zase jsem v Plzni nebyl pořádně od lockdownu, maximálně letos odtaď bráchovi stěhoval nábytek z bytu a loni párkrát neúspěšně snažil najít práci :/

Teda nečekala jsem že po čtyřech (pěti?) letech na čumblru mě konečně najde někdo z Plzně lol

Asi moc nepomůžu hele, v roce 2016 jsem šla na střední do Prahy takže jsem v Plzni byla akorát o víkendech a o prázdninách, a po střední (2020) jsem vypadla do severní Anglie.

Na období před střední není úplně spolehlivé vzpomínat, vzhledem k tomu, že jsem byla moc mladá na jakýkoli společenský život, který by se k tomuhle mohl vztahovat, plus jsem prakticky žádný neměla :D Volný čas jsem trávila v knihovně nebo s vypůjčenými knihami v posteli a aktivně jsem se vyhýbala lidem mého věku.

Když se to tak vezme, sotva si vlastně můžu říkat Plzeňák, ale pražští přátelé na tom celou středoškolskou kariéru docela viseli, takže mi to zůstalo :D

[airplanes924]

[vibraste]

Anjo...

2015, mudando de colegio em plena 3ª semana de aula. Eu estava perdida, cheguei la em um dia de Simulado, todas as carteiras ocupadas e todo mundo junto. Uma unica garota veio falar comigo, e me perguntou o que eu gostava de fazer. “ler” “vou te apresentar alguem então” E ela vai para a fundo da sala, onde um garoto com oculos fundo de garrafa estava lendo Percy Jackson. Eu chego ja dando minha opinião “Romanos são melhores” Ele levantou o olhar, e respondeu “Gregos” Assim começou a amizade com meu melhor amigo. Uns 3 meses depois do começo das aulas eu estava gostando dele, acontece né.. E no dia 12 de julho ele começou a namorar. Com uma garota um ano mais velha. As noites no skype, jogando Stop e gartic diminuiram. As vezes que iamos assistir doctor who juntos estavam quase extintas. Estavamos nos afastando. Em dezembro, meu aniversario, dia 12. Ele iria fazer 6 meses com a namorada, provavelmente não iria a minha festa… E ele foi. Com 2 horas de atraso, mas foi.

Eles terminaram o namoro. Não sei por que, nem quando exatamente, mas sei que terminaram ainda em dezembro. Janeiro ele não falou comigo. O Skype criou teias e mofo, whats e face a mesma coisa. Ele sumiu do mapa

As aulas começam. Eu estou na mesma sala que ele, e parece que nada mudou, ele continua me interrompendo a leitura toda vez que pego um livro, e a discussão de “Romanos x Gregos” ainda não acabou. Dia 25 de março de 2016 vamos ao cinema assistir Divergente. De noite, call no Skype. “Oi” “oi, eu gostei de hoje, foi legal” eu disse… Algumas horas depois (23:36) eu pensava seriamente em contar que eu gostava dele… E eu contei. Mandei uma msg enquanto estavamos em call “eu gosto de ti..” “Eu tambem gosto de ti, MUITO” Foi a resposta que recebi 5 minutos depois, seguida de um pedido de namoro. A call durou até 3 da manha do dia 26.

Segunda no colegio ele se atrasou. Chegou na segunda aula com um sorriso no rosto, e pegou minha mão. Ficamos o resto do dia de mãos dadas. Eu nunca tinha beijado ninguem. Ele esperou 3 semanas para nosso primeiro beijo, no cinema. Começei a chamar ele de Anjo, e ele me chamava de Deusa. Eu era a Deusa da vida dele, do universo da vida dele. Ele era meu Anjo. Quando completamos 6 meses de namoro, compramos a aliança. “Deusa” na dele, e “Anjo” na minha.

Nesse meio tempo conheci o Ruyther. Jogava League of Legends comigo, virou o melhor amigo. E em uma call no skype, me contou que nunca tinha beijado. Cheguei para meu namorado e contei, contei que quando O ruyther disse que nunca tinha beijado, tive vontade de beijar ele. O Anjo sempre ouvia tudo, dava opinião, era aberto comigo, e nunca teve ciumes. Eu amo ele. Ele respondeu “você quer? Tudo bem” e assim começamos um relacionamento aberto.

4 meses depois disso, teve meu aniversario. 10 de dezembro de 2016. Foi um dia incrivel, estava com o Anjo, e meu melhor amigo. O anjo foi para casa, e o Ruyther dormiu la em casa. Na verdade não dormimos. Ficamos assistindo filmes. Rolaram caricias e mão boba. Na hora de ir embora, chamei ele para perto, e roubei um beijo do meu melhor amigo. Contei para o Anjo “tudo bem meu amor, vc quer ficar com ele de novo?” “Não sei anjo… Eu prometo que te conto caso fique. Eu te amo” “Eu te amo Deusa”

Fiquei com ele mais uma vez. Eramos muito proximos, e eu estava de regata e shorts em call com o Ruyther. Ele printou um momento em que eu fiquei de costas. Eu não sabia. Dia 28 de dezembro de 2016 eu entrei no Facebook dele, e encontrei uma conversa dele com um primo. O print estava la, junto com um “olha essa bunda na minha tela. "Estou pegando ela” “Gostosa né?” “Apertei o peito dela por baixo do sutiã mano, guria gostosa.” Eu havia pedido para deixarmos entre nós isso tudo que havia acontecido. Brigamos, me senti exposta, chorei, eu não acreditava que ele havia usado uma foto minha como trofeu. O anjo pegou raiva dele. Era meu Anjo afinal, sempre me protegendo. Eu não falei com ele por muito tempo. Voltei a falat com ele uns 2 meses depos disso. Até hoje nossa amizade não é a mesma.

O Anjo começou a ficar doente em janeiro de 2017. tinha crises de Raiva e Panico. Fechamos o relacionamento, e começei a me dedicar totalmente a ele. Ele tinha que melhorar. Ele podia não sei mais o Anjo do começo, carinhoso e romantico, mas ainda era meu anjo, e nunca havia me feito mal. Ele nunca melhorou. 5 meses se passaram, o colegio estava pesado, e ele não melhorava. Tinhamos feito um ano, mas parecia que só piorava.

Terminei com ele. Eu estava cansada, tinha dado tudo de mim, e ele não melhorava. Ficava chorando em call, trise. Não sorria mais. Era um"Boa noite meu Anjo, eu te amo, dorme bem meu amor" meu. E um “vc tb” dele. Cansei, eu amava ele, mas eu não sou psicologa. 3 dias depois voltamos a nos falar, a saudade falava mais alto. Meu Anjo. Ficamos no falando por mais de uma semana até termos coragem de nos abraçarmos. Começamos a ficar, e cerca de um mes depois do termino, ele ja estava melhor (levou um susto com o termino, se levantou e foi atras de ajuda, ele melhorou, era só.. Comodidade dele)

Um dia, ele chegou no colegio, com uma rosa vermelha nas mãos, se ajoelhou e disse “Eu sempre quis te fazer um pedido digno, então… Quer namorar comigo?”

Voltamos faz pouco mais de um mes, as calls até a madrugada voltaram, os beijos na testa, os abraços apertados, os apelidos carinhosos. E principalmente, o sorriso dele. Meu Anjo.

_____________________________________________________________

Olá @endofglass. O texto baseado na sua história foi escrito por @refeita e você pode conferi-la clicando aqui.  Obrigada pela confiança no nosso projeto.  💜💜

[indopoker188]

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[sammichscribbles]

Back on January 19 2021 marked the 5 year mark of me starting hormone replacement therapy.

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I’ve been on HRT for 5 years! I started transitioning socially in 2015 and in January of 2016 started testosterone gel (before switching to depo-testosterone at the end of August). It’s been a lot of ups and downs and trials and errors but I’ve finally reached a point in my life where I’m a lot more comfortable with my body. I’m still a work in progress but I enjoy figuring out myself and how I can grow further.

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#ftmtransgender #hormonereplacementtherapy #transman #transgender #5yearsontestosterone #sammichscribbles #lgbtq #lgbt #queerartist #digitalart #procreate #comics #comicstrip

[stardustcrusader]

fyi if you plan on going on t and taking birth control you will have to take a progesterone based one instead of an estrogen based one bc otherwise the estrogen basically nullifies the testosterone

My dear trans boys, 

If your period makes you feel uncomfortable or dysphoric, here are some things that could possibly help:

(Note: Everyone is different and what’s helpful for one person may be unnecessary (or even make it worse) for someone else. This list is only a list with ideas, not must-do’s!) 

- If you hate having to buy and look at pink packages, look out for those in more neutral colours. If no brands with neutral packaging are available in the stores you usually shop in, you might want to take them out of their packages at home and store them in a black box or similar. 

- If the language surrounding periods makes you uncomfortable, a sense of humor might be your best option. Some guys call it their “shark week” or “MENstruation”. 

- If you’re out to someone (and they’re supportive). you could try to ask them to use more gender-neutral language, too, for example to avoid saying “Girls on their period should..” and rather say “People on their period should..”. 

- Consider using menstrual caps. Some boys say they’re more comfortable to wear (especially when you wear boxers) and need to be changed less often/make less of a mess. 

- If you always use one option (for example, you always use tampons), it may be a good idea to experiment with other options to see which you feel most comfortable with. 

-  Write down positive affirmations/gender validation for yourself to read when things get hard. 

- To use birth control or not? There’s no golden rule here. Some things to consider*: 

~It can make periods lighter and/or shorter. 

~ It can lessen some period symptoms, such as cramps. 

~In some people, it can cause or increase depression or anxiety.

~ Here’s a statement by one of my followers who explained why he decided against it

* Regardless of your decision: if you have vaginal sex with a partner who has a penis, use condoms to avoid pregnancy and STDs (like HIV). 

- Heat can help a lot with cramps: Hot showers, hot baths. hot pads or a hot water bottle. 

- You don’t have to get painkillers specifically designed for cramps if buying them makes you uncomfortable. General painkillers work just as well for most people. 

If you got more advice, feel free to add to this post! 

With all my love, 

Your Tumblr Mom 

[marriedandttc]

In January 2015 my Depo-Provera birth control injection expired and we immediately began trying to conceive. We knew going into this that it would likely take at least six months because “the shot” is known to take a while to wear off. Regardless, we began trying right away and held hope.

For the first 8 months following the expiration of my injectable birth control we struggled with irregular cycles and crazy periods. It was hard to track and made trying to get pregnant difficult. Eventually though, things evened out and I had a regular 28-30 day cycle.

While we had hoped that regulation would bring our child to us we were dismayed when December passed and we were not pregnant.

In January 2016 (Cycle 13) we went to my primary care provider for a referral or some initial bloodwork. At this time I was 22 years old and in my reproductive prime. This fact made my doctor audibly chuckle and tell us we had been “trying too hard.” With a dismissive handshake he told us to relax and we’d find success.

By June of 2016 (Cycle 18) we still were not pregnant and my cycles had been nearly regular for a year. Even if we didn’t count those months where my body was out of whack we now met the requirement for infertility, again! This time I went straight to an OB/GYN hoping for better answers. I was still 22 and in my reproductive prime. The OB talked me into having a Pap smear done and sent me on my way home. “You will be pregnant in no time. Fertility issues just aren’t a concern for someone your age with regular periods.”

Finally in October of 2016 (Cycle 22). I was absolutely fed up with our situation. I had been taking ovulation tests for over a year and had been timing sex perfectly. The idea of spontaneity and passion was gone - we were focused on science. It was killing us to try so hard, but without any doctor’s aid there was nothing more we could do. I came to the same OB/GYN office but with a new doctor. I sat on the exam table with a notebook full of dried ovulation tests, cycle notes, and observations I had made. When the doctor came in I presented her with all the data and tried to explain it all. I didn’t get through our history before she cut me off. “You’re the last client of the day and I have a family dinner to get to, so I’m just going to be honest. You’re 23 years old. You were on Depo-Provera, it’s known to take up to 18 months to leave your system. I could order you some testing but it’s out of your price range and I’m out of time. You’ll be in here pregnant by December.” She proceeded to talk me into a flu shot and left for family dinner.

It was unprofessional but I was 23 and broken down by repeated dismissal. I had no fight left in me, I was sure this was the end of our road. We would never get an explanation for our infertility.

I never intended to see another doctor, but one February 2017 (Cycle 26) day a close friend of mine convinced me to try again. This time I chose a separate office and a third OB/GYN to speak with. I came prepared for the same denial I had grown to know so personally.

Dr. E barely got through the door before I tossed my notebook at him and began going over our history in excruciating detail. I wouldn’t let him get a word in edgewise as I pushed forward, determined to say my peace. He only got through to me when I stopped long enough to hear him say, “Something isn’t right here. I am prepared to help you. Where would you like to begin?”

For the next five months we would work with Dr. E monthly to take new ultrasounds, try new oral medications, and draw repeated bloodwork. It took a few failed cycles before we expanded our testing and discovered that we were dealing with a severe case of male factor infertility. A condition that was well outside our OB’s wheelhouse.

In September 2017 (Cycle 33) we got our referral to Dr. M and got the news we were not prepared at all to hear: in order to have biological children we would need a medical miracle, or In-Vitro Fertilization... a highly invasive and expensive advanced reproductive medical technique.

After nearly three years of fighting to be heard and recognized as an infertile couple we finally had the answer that would change everything.

[transmanconfessions]

In Man Alive, McBee asks, “What does it really mean to be a man?” by focusing on two of the most impactful men in his life – the father who abused him as a child, and a mugger who threatened his life and then released him in an odd moment of mercy. Standing at the brink of the life-changing decision to transition from female to male, McBee seeks to understand these fallen icons of manhood as he cobbles together his own identity. Man Alive engages an extraordinary personal story to tell a universal one – how we all struggle to create ourselves, and how this struggle often requires risks. Far from a titillating, transgender tell-all, Man Alive grapples with questions of legacy and forgiveness, love and violence, agency and invisibility. Written with the grace of a poet and the intensity of a thriller, McBee’s story will haunt and inspire.

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