#DAMN IT merula DX

[carewyncromwell]

“When you're all alone, far away from home, There's a gift the angels send When you're alone... Everyday must end, but the night's a friend -- Angels always send a star When you're alone... At night, when I'm alone, I lie awake and wonder --  Which of them belongs to me? Which one, I wonder...?”

~“When You’re Alone (cover)” by Jess Anderson

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previous part (with more context) here! // full tag here! // original concept of Duncan Ashe in this universe inspired by conversations with @ag907​

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Now, one must keep in mind, Merula was truly not a terrible person. She wasn’t even a terrible fairy. But what she ended up doing to Carewyn and by extension Orion was objectively pretty spiteful, so some context is necessary. And that context begins with the introduction of a new player in this tale -- the helmsman of the Jolly Roger, who was known by Neverland’s residents as the Pirate Without Pirate Eyes. The name he answered to was Ashe. 

Ashe was the second newest addition to the Jolly Roger’s crew. As such, he still remembered his home of London, or at least pieces of it. He remembered living with many other boys there and hating it quite a lot. He remembered a lot of locked doors and dead bodies being carried out. And he remembered first arriving in Neverland, as a young man -- of catching sight of the Jolly Roger’s outline in the clouds one night through his window and running out into the street so he could cry out to it in the black of night for it to take him away. (He was far more a young man than a mere boy at that time, but he had been very feverish, and his mind had not been clear enough for his common sense to put down such childish fancies.) And that was how Ashe was conscripted into a life of piracy aboard the Jolly Roger, beside the magical island of Neverland, where its residents never fell ill and never grew old. 

It was a pretty decent arrangement for Ashe, all things considered. And that arrangement improved when his employer, Captain Hook, brought another new crewmate aboard -- one exactly Ashe’s age, sixteen. This crewmate was called Jack, though in the beginning, he insisted there was more to that name. 

“My name is Jacob!” Jack had snarled at Hook, when he tried and failed to pull out of Blaise and Pearl’s combined hold. “Jacob Evan Cromwell! And I will never work for the likes of you!”

Jack was worn down soon enough, though. Hook was very good at pinpointing a person’s weaknesses and exploiting them, and soon enough the captain determined that Jack’s was fear -- not for himself, but for his loved ones. A certain loved one in particular usually kept Jack in line.

“Obey me,” Hook whispered in such an effortlessly icy tone, it was like he was Frost incarnate, “or I shall find sweet Winnie, and force her to obey instead.”

“Winnie.” Jack often called her simply “Wyn,” but Ashe had heard plenty about her second-hand through Hook and Jack. She was Jack’s little sister, and too good to be true, from the sound of it -- sweet, brave, and caring, with a voice like a cherub and a heart too big for her tiny frame to contain. Jack clearly thought the world of his little sister, and Hook -- whether to twist the knife in Jack further or out of pure sadism -- seemed to relish the thought of having her in his grip as well, to do with as he pleased. And that thought was something Jack dreaded -- dreaded so much that he actually fraternized with the enemy, Orion Amari.

When Ashe had woken up to find Jack sneaking off the Jolly Roger and covertly followed him, he came across his fellow pirate speaking to Orion in the woods. And what Ashe heard was like a club to the back of his head.

“...She’s younger than me – much younger, with ginger hair – small and sweet as a cherub. She’s brave and sharp and she sings like a bird...”

Ashe's eyebrows knit tightly over his eyes. Jack’s sister? Why would he tell Orion Amari about -- ?

“She’d fit right in with your sort – no one would have any idea she has anything to do with me. Just…spirit her away, like Hook did me. Take her with you, and keep her safe here, in Neverland. She doesn’t need to know I’m here, or even why you took her, just…just keep her away from Hook. Please.”

Ashe felt like all of the color had left his face.

“Keep her away from Hook?” No...no, Jack couldn’t be serious -- he couldn’t actually be trying to sabotage the Captain -- 

“And what will you give me in return?” Orion Amari’s boyish voice was very soft and calculating in his response. For however hard to read his overall affect was, he was clearly interested.

Part of Ashe wanted to just bolt from the trees at that very moment -- grab onto Jack and pull him back away from the Flying Boy, shout him down angrily, scold him fiercely -- stop him from making whatever deal with Devil he thought was so bloody important that he’d --

But Jack’s response made Ashe’s heart still just as much as he physically had, as he strained to listen. 

“Anything. Anything.”

The desperation of Jack’s voice in that moment flooded Ashe’s veins with an emotion he’d never known before. It chilled him from head to toe, while also lashing at his insides like some terrible poison. It made him hunch in on himself, staring at the ground, as Jack and Orion’s voices faded away into nothing but an indiscernible buzzing hum. 

Jack...would do anything, for his little sister. Anything to make sure she didn’t become a pirate the way Hook clearly wanted her to be -- anything to keep her away from him. Even if Jack himself was a pirate, even if Ashe was a pirate and liked being a pirate...the thought of his little sister being one was something Jack couldn’t bear. He saw his fate as so unbearable...that he was willing to do anything to make sure his little sister didn’t share it...

Ashe had known Jack had been taken to Neverland against his will -- of course he knew that. Jack had rebelled against Hook more than enough to make that clear. But Jack had started to forget the world outside Neverland, as everyone eventually does -- he’d resigned himself to the position he was now in, he’d accepted it. It had encouraged Ashe, that Jack had started to forget -- Jack always seemed happier, when he was able to forget...and really, he made for an excellent pirate! He was endlessly curious about things -- brilliant, dynamic -- excitable about seemingly tiny, insignificant things. It bewildered Ashe to no end, but it was also oddly endearing. He’d never known anyone like Jack before...he’d never felt for anyone, the way he had Jack. Even now he’d long forgotten or cared about who he was before, Ashe knew this, down to his bones. 

And yet...his sister, his “Wyn”...kept Jack tethered. She was the line that kept him from flying free, off into the atmosphere, free from grief and loss and sorrow and pain. She was someone...who he couldn’t forget.

Unable to handle the ball of jealousy, sorrow, and conflict rotating sickeningly inside of him, Ashe swiftly left, pushing roughly through the tall leaves and bushes out of the forest and back toward the Jolly Roger.

Ashe didn’t speak to Jack for about a week. He couldn’t. Jack had betrayed the pirate captain they both served, and yet Ashe couldn’t even fathom the idea of reporting what he’d done to Hook. Jack was the only person on the Jolly Roger who was Ashe’s age and, more important, the only person Ashe really liked. Pearl was the muscle and firepower, devoid of just about any compassion for anyone else, while Claire was the “yes-man” who probably had more water in her head than a brain...and the First Mate, Blaise, was just as manipulative as Hook in his “caring” for the crew, but with a hotter temper. For all of Jack’s own faults -- his own violent temper, when provoked, and how much of an airhead blabbermouth he could be -- he had this driving instinct to help more than hurt, to do more good than bad...to sacrifice...put himself in the line of fire, for those he felt something for...

Ashe spoke to Jack again after he’d had to pick him, Hook, Pearl, Blaise, and Claire from Marooner’s Rock. He’d scolded Jack for quite a while for putting so much strain on his broken leg. 

“For Pete’s sake,” he muttered irritably, “pain doesn’t even exist here in Neverland, unless you dwell on it -- ”

“You expect me to forget that Hook broke my leg?” said Jack. 

“You’ll heal faster if you just let Neverland’s magic do its work,” Ashe shot back.

"Hardly! Neverland’s magic is to make you forget, not undo anything...otherwise Hook’s hand would’ve just popped right back to life after getting eaten by the Croc, wouldn’t it have? So, by that logic, the most Neverland would do is just make me forget what happened and forget that it’s supposed to hurt -- no injury can just go poof into the ether, not without a proper splint and bandaging and -- ”

“Put a sock in it!” snapped Ashe. “Ugh -- just...stop overthinking everything!”

Despite his waspishness, Ashe still changed Jack’s bandages and tightly rebound his wound.

Fortunately within a few weeks, Jack had forgotten about Hook breaking his leg. Kind of hard not to, when the life of a pirate involved so much routine -- trimming the sails, swabbing the decks, sailing around the island, chasing Lost Kids, almost killing Orion Amari for the eightieth time -- that it was easy to forget little things like that. Within those few weeks, Jack even returned to the self Ashe had become accustomed to -- angry and rebellious toward Hook, sure, but delighted by Neverland and its beauty. At one point Ashe had even actually managed to capture a fairy, and Jack had spent an entire evening studying it and its wings with an almost reverent glee.

“Just look at the length of this forewing, Ashe!” he said, perfectly ignorant of how much the fairy struggled to try to get free. “Even if it’s so much like a butterfly’s, it’s so perfectly clear, like a dragonfly’s, and yet long and pointed, more like a cicada’s...and that sheen! Like it’s made of some sheer diamond! And the dust!”

He gave the fairy a little shake, so as to collect a handful of the dust that came up off the wings and grind it through his fingers like sand.

“It just dissolves away, into the skin! It evaporates -- like snow melting in your hand...”

Something flickered in his pirate-like blue eyes as he smiled.

“Snow...”

The flicker grew a little stronger as he stared at the dust slowly fading into his rubbing fingers. 

Ashe’s own dry smile faded.

“Jack?”

But Jack didn’t seem to hear him. Something melancholy seemed to pass over his face, peeling the boyish smile slowly from his face. 

“Think of Christmas...think of snow...think of sleigh bells...off you...go...”

His eyes grew a little wider, more aware. In an instant he’d released the fairy, and the frightened, furious little creature flapped away, back toward the mainland.

“Jack!” said Ashe, looking upset and irritated. He’d worked hard to catch that! 

But Jack didn’t seem to care. He’d clearly come back down to Earth -- and as he stared out at the island of Neverland, his pirate-like blue eyes rippled with anguish that he nonetheless fiercely tried to hold in. 

“...I forgot,” he murmured.

“Well, of course you did,” Ashe scolded him lightly. “Everyone forgets, Jack.”

But Jack didn’t answer. He instead kept his gaze on the mainland, his eyes drifting off into the high trees. 

Ashe frowned deeply. He looked from Jack’s shoulder to up at his face and back.

“Jack,” he said lowly, “maybe you should forget.”

“No,” said Jack stubbornly.

“Neverland is supposed to make you forget!” Ashe challenged him. “It’s supposed to be a place where you can forget the past -- forget the world of mortal men. It’s supposed to be a place where your wildest dreams come true...”

Steadying his courage, Ashe took hold of Jack’s shoulder. 

“You were happy until just a few seconds ago,” he said very lowly. “Is it so bad to just be happy?”

Jack pulled out of Ashe’s grip and walked over to the far railing. “You don’t understand.”

This response and withdrawal only served to make Ashe flush with anger. “You’re right, Jack, I don’t!”

Ashe pursued Jack across the deck, grabbing onto the railing as he came around to look at him better, even as Jack faced the sea and not him. 

“Jack, I know what this is about,” he said fiercely. “I know this is about ‘Wyn,’ your -- your saintly little bugger of a sister -- ”

An acidic lump formed in Ashe’s throat at the thought.

“ -- but she’s -- she’s lost to you! You’re never going to see her again, all right? You don’t want her here -- you don’t want her to be a pirate -- ”

Jack closed his eyes and turned away, but Ashe strutted harshly around, so as to look him in the face again. 

“So just -- just FORGET her!” Ashe implored him. “Forget her, and start over, here, in Neverland!”

Jack turned away again and didn’t answer. It made Ashe come around Jack a second time and hold his shoulders in place, trying even harder to get him to look at him. 

“Why would you even want to be anywhere else?” Ashe asked him, his lips turning up in a weak, beseeching smile. “Here, you’re free! You never have to worry or take anyone else’s burdens on as your own! You never have to care about what other people think of you, who you are or what you like – ”

Images of unfamiliar, disgusted, condescending faces -- of punches and distorted, swearing voices -- rippled over Ashe’s mind. He blinked them away at once. 

“-- you can just be you, fully you, and nobody else!”

Jack wordlessly pulled out of Ashe’s grip with seemingly little effort. Ashe chased him across the deck.

“You can go on grand adventures,” Ashe persisted, “explore things no one else has ever seen!”

He sped up, looping around in front of Jack to stop him from walking past him. 

“You never have to get sick, grow old, or die,” said Ashe, his eyes flashing with both aggravation and desperation. “You never have to grieve or feel pain again!”

He grabbed onto Jack’s arms, his hands squeezing tight. 

“You can live, Jack,” he said earnestly. 

Jack finally opened his eyes and looked up at Ashe. The pirate-like blue glinted with such melancholy, and yet there were some odd cinders of resilience there.

“…Is that living, Ashe?” he said very softly.

Pulling one arm free of Ashe’s hold, he brandished it widely toward Neverland, across the railing. 

“Is it freedom, to run around chasing and scaring children in some petty game of revenge? To mindlessly obey the whims of our Captain, and never ask why?”

Ashe’s grip on Jacob’s remaining arm faltered. Before he could speak, however, Jack pressed on more insistently. 

“To kidnap people and spirit them away to a land where they forget everything of who they were and who they loved, for no other reason than just to add more members to our ranks?”

Jack strode back up to the railing, swinging his arms out theatrically wide as he whirled around back toward Ashe. 

“Is this life?!” he demanded, his blue eyes shining with emotion the likes of which Captain Hook’s could never know. “Being stuck as we are forever, separated from the entire rest of the world – doomed to never be more than we are right now?”

“It could be,” Ashe said lowly. “If you stay.” 

With me.

Jack stared at Ashe for a very long moment. His blue eyes pulsed with remorse, as well as something softer, almost...beseeching. Then, closing his eyes again, he turned away. 

“I am staying, Ashe,” he murmured. “Even if I did remember where I was from before, I could never hope to fly back there...I’m far too old for that...”

He rested his crossed arms on the railing and bowed his head. 

“...Without Wyn...” his voice barely came out as a whisper, “there’s no reason for me to go back anyway...”

Ashe stiffened up sharply. 

Had Jack even realized what he’d just said? That he’d basically admitted that Wyn was no longer in the Other World -- that she was, in fact, here, in Neverland...with Orion Amari and his Lost Kids? 

No...it seemed to have just been him thinking out loud. It was made much more obvious by just how quiet Jack got afterwards -- like he’d momentarily forgotten anyone else, even Ashe, was still there. 

He’d forgotten her...and yet now, remembering the pain of being apart from her...he’d forgotten all of the happiness and enthusiasm he’d felt, just moments before...

Ashe’s lips came together tightly as he watched Jack at the railing.

He would never be truly happy, so long as they were apart. Ashe could see it clearly now. Jack would never be able to forget his life before, so long as he was without the one thing that made him remember it -- his “Wyn.”

Gloom, resentment, and shame swirled through Ashe’s veins as he turned his back on Jack at last. As he walked away from Jack, right off the Jolly Roger, he tried to block out the sound of Jack’s melancholic, angelic Tenor voice dancing over the wind --

“And any star I choose watches over me,  So I know I'm not alone when I'm here on my own... Isn't that a wonder? When you're alone, you're not alone -- not really...alone...”

Meanwhile, on the mainland, the Lost Kids had finished unwrapping all of their “Christmas gifts.” Merula had as well, but she had left the proceedings a while ago -- a fact that nobody had really paid much mind to, at the time. 

At first everyone compared the pockets Carewyn had made for them -- then, at another point, they badgered Carewyn to tell them the story about Father Christmas (which ended up involving him befriending a penguin and facing off against an ice wizard at one point). Then mid-afternoon the Lost Kids set about playing with the new wooden crocodile Skye had made for Orion, pretending it was the real “Tick-Tock” crocodile and passing it to whomever was “It” in their game of tag. Orion at several points had to put a halt to the game whenever anyone got hurt, at which point Carewyn would wrap the injury up with some spare ribbon and the kid in question would completely forget about it and get back to playing. 

It was close to the evening when Carewyn was preparing everyone for bed that Bill reminded Carewyn and Orion of something very important.

“Leave all that stuff to me,” he told them with his arms crossed and his mouth spread into a proud smile. “You need to get ready to go out.”

Carewyn blinked. “Go out?”

Charlie’s eyes lit up as he realized what Bill was talking about. “Oh yeah! Mothers and Fathers always go out for a party on Christmas night, while Bill and I look after the others!”

“The others meaning us?” said Tonks brightly.

Bill frowned slightly. “...I guess so...”

Before he could think on this too deeply, though, Charlie interrupted him. “It’s always fun! We pretend to go to sleep and then wake back up and eat sweets while Mum and Dad aren’t home...”

Carewyn put her hands on her hips. “Charlie!”

“Hey, it’s all in good fun!” laughed Charlie. “We also make our beds and clean up the kitchen nicely, so Mum won’t be mad...”

Carewyn still looked faintly disapproving, but when she caught Orion’s eye, she saw him smiling wryly.

“Well, then, if that’s what’s meant to be done on a proper Christmas...Bill, you’re in charge, until your ‘Mother’ and I get back.”

Bill straightened up with a bright grin and saluted. “Aye, aye, sir.”

And so Erika and Face Paint Kid helped Carewyn “get ready” to go out by helping her put on the new breastplate and belt Bill and Charlie had given her and fixing the tiny forget-me-not flowers the centaurs had given her in her hair. They really were just the same color as her eyes. 

Once Carewyn was ready, Orion -- his mouth spread into a very white, amused smile -- extended an arm for her to take and floated with her to the worn little tunnel that led to the surface. 

“Now, children, behave yourself while we’re out,” Carewyn said in a rather good imitation of a plump, red-haired woman she only vaguely remembered. “I’ve left you some spare ribbon by the armchair if you need it, Bill. And Charlie, eat your sweets and then tidy up the kitchen. That way you won’t have to clean it twice.”

“Yes, Mum,” Charlie teased. 

Bill was grinning broadly too, clearly just as amused by the game as anyone. “Have fun, you two!”

His grin broadening further, Orion then swept up into the air, pulling Carewyn along behind him.

Orion flew with Carewyn through the trees for a long way. At several points, Carewyn asked where they were going, only for Orion to quiet her with a finger beside his lips. At long last, after what felt like a half-hour, they reached a glade near the far south end of the island -- the home of the legendary Pixie Hollow.

This Hollow was the home of all Neverland fairies. Every tree therein sparkled with fine lines of gold and rainbow dust, for these trees were nourished by fairy dust the same way trees in our world drink water. Even the dew excreted from their branches glittered like gems. And at the center of all of these trees was the grandest and most beautiful of all of them -- the Great Tree, where the Queen of the Fairies reigned. And on this very night, the Fairies and their Queen were hosting a grand ball, so as to celebrate their newest arrivals. It was a ball that was thrown quite regularly, actually, but given how short one’s memory really was in Neverland, it always felt like a remarkable event. 

It was here, therefore, that Orion took Carewyn...and as he’d hoped, she was enamored with the sight. As the fairies flitted out from the tree, dancing through the air and singing a song as high and tinkling as bells, Carewyn gasped, her free hand flying to her mouth.

“Oh, Orion!” she breathed in delight. 

She gave his arm a squeeze, unable to express how in awe she was. When she looked at him, the fairies’ light danced in her pirate-like blue eyes.

Orion’s eyes softened just seeing the pure, girlish happiness in her face. She even seemed lighter, just floating beside him.

With a playful smile, he gave her a light push. With a laugh, Carewyn soared backwards, up higher into the air. She swept through the crowds of tiny dancing fairies with as much grace as a swan, her arms outstretched and her eyes closed. Her flushed face was spread into a bright grin as her ginger hair flapped into her face and she laughed. 

Freedom. This was what it had to be like, wasn’t it? To be completely free, weightless as a bird, with no worries, no cares? Free to be yourself, and only yourself, and have that be enough? 

“Don’t you know what Neverland truly is, Carewyn?” 

Carewyn felt someone bringing their arms around her. She opened her eyes again, to see Orion beaming from ear to ear at her.

“Freedom,” Orion’s words came back to Carewyn again, and it made her start to giggle happily. 

His black eyes sparkling, Orion twirled her around, mirroring the dancing fairies around them. The two danced a mid-air waltz as fine as any fairy, and all the while, they laughed more fully and happily than either of them could remember. 

Playing pretend and doing silly things, all without care of anyone else or what they might think -- just enjoying time together, just the two of them, connecting and laughing and enjoying each other’s smiles...

This was fun. It was so much fun...

Little did Carewyn and Orion know they were being watched -- nor that the two sets of eyes were so close together. 

One set of eyes were tiny and pink and narrowed with suspicion as they darted from Carewyn and Orion to the owner of the other set of eyes, who she’d spotted leaving the Jolly Roger and promptly decided to follow. 

This second set of eyes were brown and sharp-lidded -- rather unusual for the likes of a pirate -- and were fixed squarely on Carewyn as she floated around Orion in mid-air.

Could that be her? Ashe thought to himself suspiciously.

His hand lingered on the pistol on his belt, but he remained hidden in the tall leaves. He had no idea if Orion had any reinforcements, aside from the fairies, who most certainly would all tag-team against him, if he attacked Orion in the middle of their Hollow. And truthfully, he had no interest in hurting Wyn, if this girl was her. 

Carewyn and Orion were still both laughing as they soared up higher above the Great Tree. Orion led Carewyn down onto one of the tall branches, “escorting” her down it before she gave another large leap, and they soared around in circles through the air. 

Finally the two had to catch their breath, slowing down to a more leisurely, dreamy rotation as the fairies likewise started to slow-dance.

“...Ha...ha...this is...” Carewyn giggled. 

“Fun?” finished Orion.

“Yes!” Carewyn said eagerly.

Orion’s face broke out into a smile so huge, his glittery black eyes had to crinkle up to make room for them. Carewyn beamed brightly -- then, abruptly, she’d thrown her arms around Orion in a hug. 

The gesture startled Orion noticeably. 

“Thank you,” Carewyn said, grinning over his shoulder as she squeezed him tightly. “Thank you, for this -- it’s...it’s all so magical!”

When she pulled away, Orion looked at her with an oddly confused expression. Putting it together quickly, Carewyn immediately lost her smile and blushed a bit self-consciously.

“Oh! I’m sorry, I...just wanted to give you a hug, that’s all,” she said sheepishly. “I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable...”

Orion shook his head. 

“I was not uncomfortable,” he said at once, his voice almost mellowly stoic. “It’s just unfamiliar to me is all.”

Carewyn’s eyes softened. “...I thought so.”

Orion blinked.

“Well, it’s just...you said the Lost Kids were like us...that they didn’t have parents. ...That you don’t have parents.”

Carewyn looked up at Orion, her blue eyes warmer and more empathetic than Hook’s could ever be.

“So I thought...you must get pretty lonely sometimes too...even with the Lost Kids, and the mermaids, and the fairies and the centaurs keeping you company. I suppose that’s why Celestina said you’ve cried so much...”

Orion’s expression was very unreadable. Carewyn bit her lip, but she fixed him with a rather determined expression, before she threw her arms around him in another hug with such force that they floated through the crowds of dancing fairies again. 

“It’s not right, that you feel lonely,” Carewyn said as she clung onto Orion. “With how many people care about you...you should never have to cry alone.”

The two drifted in several leisurely circles in mid-air. Orion’s arms lingered awkwardly in mid-air on either side of her for a good chunk of the time -- then, slowly, as Carewyn made as if to pull back at last, he rested his hands on her shoulders, tilting his head so as to look at her from below curiously. 

“...It’s so interesting.”

Carewyn raised her eyebrows. “What?”

“How generous you are. You’ve given the mermaids your songs, the centaurs a blanket...the Lost Kids baubles and stories and pockets and warm milk. You’ve given me a handshake, and now not one, but two hugs.”

He smiled, his eyes crinkling up a bit more fondly. 

“...You give so much, and yet hardly take.”

And this from a girl with the eyes of a pirate. How unlike a pirate Carewyn Cromwell truly was!

Carewyn shrugged off this compliment as easily as she might’ve shrugged off a cool evening breeze. “Well, you give quite a lot too, you know.”

“Do I?” asked Orion. 

“Of course!” said Carewyn, as if it were obvious. “You look after everyone here in Neverland -- the Lost Kids, the centaurs, the mermaids, the fairies...you protect all of them from the pirates, and you don’t ever seem the least bit afraid.”

Orion cocked his eyebrows amusedly. “Fear is a thing that drags you down. No one could fly, locked in those chains...and I fly higher than all others.”

“Higher than my ‘standards,’ you mean?” said Carewyn with a laugh. 

“Sky high and further still,” Orion said proudly. 

Carewyn giggled harder. “To the stars, beyond the blue!”

As she laughed, though, something flittered to life behind her eyes.

“...Up you go with a height and ho...to the stars, beyond the blue...”

Her smile seemed to dim. 

“There’s a Neverland...waiting for you...”

Orion blinked, startled, down at her hands -- he could feel some weight through them. 

“Carewyn?” he said softly. 

“...Where all your happy dreams...come...”

She was falling now. A flash of concern shot through Orion as he brought his hands up as if to take hold of Carewyn’s shoulders. 

“Carewyn -- ”

He flinched back, however, seeing the tears that had overtaken her wide, bright blue eyes. For a second, they hovered over them like rippling diamond dew -- then they overflowed and streaked down her cheeks in multiple lines.

“I’ve...I’ve lost him,” she whispered.

Orion’s eyebrows furrowed. “Carewyn...”

“I’ve lost him,” Carewyn repeated again, her voice audibly distraught. “I’ve lost him -- his face, his name -- I’ve lost him!”

Orion’s eyes rippled with dismay as he watched Carewyn. She was crumpling in on herself as she drifted slowly back down to the ground.

“Come back -- come back, please -- ”

“Carewyn -- ”

Orion flew down after her, throwing out his arms as if to catch her. When he extended his arms, however, Carewyn clutched onto them tightly with her hands, clinging to Orion as she cried harder.

“I can’t -- ” she choked. “I can’t lose him again -- not my brother -- I can’t forget my brother -- I can’t!”

Orion didn’t know what to do, in the face of Carewyn’s tears. His arms lingered helplessly on either side of her, not knowing quite how to give her a hug the way she had moments ago.

“Carewyn...��� he whispered, as Carewyn only sobbed harder. “Carewyn...it’s okay...”

“No,” Carewyn moaned. “I forgot him -- I forgot -- how could I forget him!?”

“We all forget, Carewyn,” Orion said gently. 

Carewyn’s head shot up abruptly. Her tear-soaked eyes were very wide upon Orion’s face. 

“That’s part of what Neverland is,” he murmured. “It wants you to forget your pain -- leave behind your greatest sorrows, from that Other World. It wants you to be happy, and at peace...be young and free, forever.”

Carewyn stared at Orion. She stared and stared, even as her tears continued to fall and her feet met the ground. Orion himself even ended back on solid ground, bending down to be more on her level, as he tried to comfort her.

“There’s nothing back there for you, Carewyn,” he said softly. “Everything you’ve ever wanted and needed is here. Adventure, excitement -- freedom -- a family of children just as lost and alone as you...every dream you’ve ever known and many you’ve yet to know...”

Carewyn turned her wide, teary eyes down to her feet, unable to look at Orion. His black eyes grew a little smaller as he took a step closer to her.

“You belong here, Carewyn. With us. The Lost Kids. We’ll protect you. We’ll take care of you, forever -- and you can take care of us.” 

He hesitantly brought an arm up along her back and rested a hand in her hair, trying to give her a hug in return. 

“...Forget him, and be happy,” he said very quietly. 

Carewyn’s eyes flooded with fresh tears. All of a sudden, she’d pushed herself out of Orion’s arms. 

“NO!”

Orion was so startled he couldn’t summon any kind of verbal defense before Carewyn ripped into him. 

“I WON’T FORGET JACOB! I WON’T, I WON’T!”

Her blue eyes flared with righteous anger. It made Orion visibly falter.

“Carewyn...” he whispered.

“NO!” she screamed louder still. “YOU CANNOT MAKE ME!”

“It’s not me that’ll do it,” Orion said, and his voice in contrast became softer and softer. “Everyone forgets, Carewyn.”

“NEVER!” Carewyn shouted. “I’LL NEVER FORGET HIM! NEVER, NEVER!” 

Orion was at a loss. 

“Why?” he challenged her at last, in a very quiet, yet oddly hard voice. “Why won’t you? Why will you hurt yourself like this, when you’ll be happy, once you’ve forgotten? When Neverland itself wants you to forget and be content?”

“BECAUSE HE’S MY BROTHER!” Carewyn shrieked back. “Because when I was alone and friendless, he was there! Because when I was scared and lonely, he was there! Because when Mum died and we were cold and hungry, he was there, and he would smile, and I would press on, because I had to be there for HIM! I only know who I am and how much good I can do, because of him -- because of Mum -- because of them -- !”

Her tears were streaming down her face harder than ever. 

“I don’t care how much it hurts -- I don’t care how much happier I’d be, if I forgot them forever and never cried again -- if I forgot Mum and Jacob, if I ever forgot them...I’d forget why I’m still here!” 

Orion was lost for words. Carewyn’s tears seemed so blackened with despair now -- and yet, sparkling silver and gold, all the same...

Silver for resilience...gold for courage...

“...Carewyn...”

Orion once again tried to give her a hug, but Carewyn was just unable to accept it. The sobbing little girl pushed out of Orion’s arms and ran right into the trees, leaving him alone in the shade of the glittering Great Tree. 

Ashe immediately set off after Carewyn -- Merula was about to chase after the pirate too, but the look on Orion’s face made her hesitate.

Orion stared after Carewyn for a long moment, his eyes darkening with displeasure -- almost something frustrated. 

This was not supposed to happen. She hadn’t been too old to fly, she had been able to fly -- she’d been able to fly as high as he did! She’d been happy, and free, and she’d loved it -- she’d been so happy, being free and flying, without a care in the world...she’d known that joy, she’d felt it, that joy he felt every time he flew amongst the fairies...

She’d...known what he felt...she’d known it! She’d known it in a way that none of his other Lost Kids did, that no one else had!

No one else...

Shadows of faces Orion had forgotten years, perhaps decades ago, flickered over his closed eyelids. Orion firmly closed his eyes, forcing back the emotions trying to leak through.

He thought...she’d understood...she said she thought he was lonely -- he thought she’d said that because she’d known what that was --

He thought...she’d stay...

The shadows of forgotten faces came back, rippling into the darkness of Orion’s eyelids, now moist with tears. Orion fiercely wiped them off on his glove, forcing them back.

Forget. Peace. Forget. 

In Orion’s abrupt movement to wipe the moisture from his eyes, the bauble that he’d tucked into his shirt the previous night came loose, rolling out through his sleeve and down onto the grass with a light flump. The contact with the group made the melancholic Tenor voice of Carewyn’s brother inside of it echo with fresh clarity -- 

“ -- mustn’t let them see me cry...I’m fine...I’m fine...”

Orion’s eyes shot open, flitting down to the silver-glinting bauble reflecting Jack’s pale face on the grass. Feeling a new wave of nausea and misery wash over him, Orion firmly turned his back on it and took off again, flying back toward Hangman’s Tree like some gloomy vulture. 

Rather than fly after Orion, however, Merula made that aforementioned spiteful choice. She picked up the bauble and flew off with it into the trees. 

Over the course of the next twenty minutes, Merula tapped the bauble several times, to make sure Jack’s voice sang the entire song multiple times. And sure enough, the song caught the ear of the still miserable and crying Carewyn -- as well as the ear of the pirate who Merula knew had been following her. And when Carewyn tried to get the bauble back from Merula, the fairy was able to lead her right into the Pirate Without Pirate Eyes’s path.

“Give that back, Merula -- give it -- !”

Carewyn froze, stock-still, at the sight of the pirate who she’d just about run into. Merula dropped the “bauble” at once right in front of Ashe, before darting off into the trees.

Ashe stared at Carewyn for little more than a few seconds. He’d long since determined who the girl was, but once he saw those eyes, he knew. They were Jack’s eyes -- Jack’s eyes, exactly. 

“You -- ”

Carewyn, for her part, wasn’t going to go without a fight. She immediately opened her mouth to scream -- when Ashe grabbed her covered her mouth, she bit down hard on his hand.

“OUCH!”

Carewyn then tried to kick him as hard as she could -- although she wasn’t particularly strong, her ability to fly had given her some height, which allowed her to wriggle enough to land a blow right to Ashe’s shin. The pirate winced, struggling to hold onto the little girl as he reached into his green suede coat.

“Sit still, will you!? Ugh -- !”

Finding what he’d been looking for, he snatched out a white handkerchief, which he then used to cover Carewyn’s nose and mouth. The little ginger girl screamed and writhed, trying frantically to get loose, but her mind was slowly dying -- her vision blackening --

“Sorry, lassie,” Ashe muttered in her ear. “You’ll thank me later...”

Carewyn kept lashing out desperately, her voice coming out as nothing more than a squeak as all of her strength dissipated and all consciousness left her. 

[ramblings-of-a-mad-cat]

You say the story of Rescue Team frustrates you? How come?

Rant ahead. Rant ahead about a game I unironically love, but I spend far too much time overthinking the plot of, hence my grievances.

Maybe I just held it to unfair standards on account of playing it for the first time after Explorers of Sky. Which is easily the greatest pokemon game ever made, accept no substitutes. Nah, Rescue Team DX is addicting, the music is incredible as always in these games, and the gameplay has been massively overhauled and made far superior to the original, which while fun, was pretty buggy. And the game does have some pretty cool characters, too. Like...whatever I may yell to the heavens about Albus Dumbledore from HP, make no mistake that he’s an exceptional and three-dimensional character. Same goes for Snape. And that applies to this game as well. 

The main reason this game’s story irritates me comes down to Gengar and Alakazam. Again, they’re very well written characters...but I hate them. I despise both of them. I don’t know what it is, but Alakazam rubbed me the wrong way right from the start. Him and his whole team are so self-important, so arrogant. They condescend the MC and act like they’re the ruling body of the town square. Alakazam goes around telling people that he knows everything. That’s a god complex if you ask me. At several points, the characters make decisions based on the assumption that he is stronger than the MC, which you as a player never get to challenge. (Think of Leon from Sword/Shield, but a million times worse.) The Partner character is so in awe of them, so enamored by them. Yet behind MC’s back, Alakazam knows (or suspects) them to be the human of legend and doesn’t tell them “for their sake.” Which gives me strong Nozomi (SMT IV: Apocalypse) vibes, since later on he ignores all responsibility for having been "complicit" with the MC's secret. 

The Fugitive Arc doesn't make any damn sense. First of all, Xatu claims that the disasters, all of the trouble, are being caused by the Human from the Ninetales Legend. Ninetales later debunks this. When I first played this game, I legitimately thought Xatu would wind up being some kind of secret villain, that he had lied, and that the Fugitive Arc was all started by him. This doesn't wind up being true, and we never get an answer for why he thought the Human of Legend was responsible for the state of affairs, nor did anyone question his being wrong or acknowledge his role in all this. But the one who really started everything was Gengar. He doesn't really annoy me until the Post-Game (I'll get to that) but everyone else's reactions to Gengar's story bother me. He is a known liar, a known trouble-maker who no one likes. It's well known that he has a vendetta against the MC. He has no proof whatsoever of his allegations. And everyone just buys it, despite MC now having a great reputation, because...I guess MC didn't actively deny it? Which the player was given no agency in? And it doesn't stop the accusation from being ridiculous? 

Enter Alakazam. Apparently, everyone held a town meeting that must have taken all of ten seconds, to decide what to do about MC. They held this meeting without MC or the Partner present, because having them there would make too much sense I guess. Team A.C.T. prepares to...I guess kill MC? As well as the Partner, even though they're completely innocent. Before Alakazam hesitates and decides to give the MC a day to run away. Hold on, if he is so convinced that MC has to die to save the world, how do he justify letting them go? I guess the same way he justifies how he "knew" MC was the human of legend this whole time and said nothing about it? He bids MC to run, and throughout the entire Fugitive Arc, his team is the looming threat. Which was quite frustrating for me, already a Diamond Rank and probably higher leveled than Team A.C.T, because I would have been happy to settle things with Alakazam right then and there. It is beyond frustrating that the story denies me this chance. Not to mention, half of the town shows up to say goodbye when MC and the Partner take off. Like...okay, at least half of the town believes in MC. How in the hell is this even happening? Why do we have to flee when so many characters are on our side? When there's no proof? Why is Alakazam's word just considered law? If he “knows everything” how come he doesn’t know that Gengar is human as well, if he could sense MC’s humanity? 

You don't know how badly I wish there was a fight with Team A.C.T. when all was said and done. And the game could have done it, too! Just have it take place at the top of the Mt. Freeze, before Ninetales shows up. They have a skirmish that takes place in a cutscene, but even in the remake - there's no boss battle. Why not? It's not like this dungeon has a boss battle otherwise. Wouldn't it have been a fitting conclusion to this arc? Maybe I'm biased, maybe I just think it would have been cathartic to kick Alakazam's ass, to make him put his money where his mouth is...because again, the arrogance. He demands Ninetales tell him what happened, and that "depending on your answer, I may be forced to eliminate MC" Ah, slow your roll there, buddy. Ninetales already broke up the fight and made it clear that it's not going to happen. You're a guest in their domain. On top of that, Team A.C.T. basically forbids you from going to Magma Cavern to challenge Groudon. As if you haven't just proven yourself capable of braving dangerous dungeons. As if, after they chased you halfway around the world and were proven completely wrong, they have any right to talk down to you or tell you what to do. Again, I so, so wish we could have fought them and taught them a lesson. 

In general, this is a consistent thing with the other characters, following the Fugitive Arc. Everyone focuses on how happy MC and the Partner must be to have their names cleared, (Again, the Partner was accused of nothing. Like, literally nothing.) and no one stops to address that everyone in the Town Square should be falling to their knees and begging our forgiveness for what they put us through. Several of them tried to kill us. Upon returning to the Town Square, Gengar acts like MC is turning them-self in because they don't have any proof, even though he never had any proof to begin with, and it's only after MC is "cleared" by Team A.C.T. that everyone remembers that Gengar is untrustworthy. Reading the words "under the watchful eye of Alakazam" has always made me extremely salty. I don't have much to say about the Mankey brothers but they irritated me as well. Maybe I was just out of patience after the Fugitive Arc but I found myself wondering why we appeased them at all. Initially, we give them the chestnuts because they attack us if we don't. No matter how many times we beat them, they keep attacking if they're told no. I realize it's a staple in Pokemon games to have false yes/no choices, but those are especially noticeable in the games that focus on story. And sometimes the excuses are just pathetic. Meanwhile, the other pokemon continue to treat you as rookies, as kids. You are once again "forbidden" by...um, the other townsfolk, from going on the Rescue Mission until you talk them into it. It's like...guys. You put us through hell. We could have died a dozen times over, because you bought into the mob mentality for no good reason. How does everything just go back to normal after that? 

I don't mind Gengar at first. He's a villain, and a well-written one. He's got a clear personality and there's hidden depth in there as well. He's one of my favorite characters in the game, easily. And all of the stuff he does in the main story? Stealing the mail, manipulating Caterpie, and the stuff during the Fugitive Arc? That weird psychedelic sequence where he's dragging MC down to hell at the end? (Or whatever that was?) All fine by me. He's a villain. He's doing bad things. But sweet Arceus is Gengar annoying in the Post-Game. I wonder if this must be how Merula Snyde Antis feel, over in the HPHM Fandom. Because the MC has absolutely no motivation or reason to help him out. He just demands that they act as his bodyguard, offers nothing in return, and won't leave you alone until you say yes. Buddy, my team has like thirty pokemon at this point and they're all hanging out in the Friend Areas a few feet away. You think you can intimidate me? The only reason I'm helping is to progress the storyline. And throughout this entire storyline, you have to help Gengar even though he hasn't earned it. 

He does not deserve forgiveness, or a reconciliation with Gardevoir. What if I don't want to help him because I don't think Gardevoir would want to see him? What if I think that it would do her no good to see him? He's unrepentant and awful, the story does the bare minimum to suggest that he's changed. Now I will admit one thing: I love the moment that Ninetales first appears, sees Gengar, and simply goes "...What do you want." Like. Like that was the moment that I put it together, before he went on to tell the rest of the story. I love simple moments that make the big reveal crystal clear without needing to directly tell or show the audience. I've always dug that. But everything that happens after that is frustrating. Gengar demands the curse be lifted, despite having no justification to offer Ninetales. He threatens to attack them, but then clarifies that MC will be the one doing the fighting. Excuse me? Why would I ever do that? MC just found out the truth about Gengar, what he did to Gardevoir, and then how he pinned it all on them during the fugitive arc. Gengar, why would I attack Ninetales after this, instead of attacking you? Tell me I don't initiate battle against you right now? Thankfully MC doesn't have to actually fight Ninetales, but they are still forced to testify at Gengar's "trial" and it's a forgone conclusion because no matter what answers you give, it's treated as MC acknowledging his growth and he is forgiven at the end. 

Oh, I’ve just thought of something else. MC isn’t given a reason for why they have to leave the Pokemon world, or why they were able to return. Explorers gave a reason. Gates to Infinity and Super Mystery Dungeon made a whole post-game story out of their reasons. Here? We get nothing. MC’s “role” has finished and so they have to return to the human world. Never mind what they want. Not until after the dramatic moment where they have to leave has passed, anyway. That voice at the end who suggests that we may be able to see our partner again just by “wishing.” Who the hell was that? What did they mean? Look, by Pokemon standards, the Rescue Team story is quite substantial. By Pokemon Mystery Dungeon standards? It’s...probably the weakest story. I mean, to be fair, Super Mystery Dungeon had the endless schoolhouse arc that added up to nothing in the second act. But hell, that was still fun. And I suppose the Fugitive Arc and Gengar’s “redemption” were fun too. Just frustrating as well. 

[carewyncromwell]

Banarby Lee for the character ask >.>

hate them | don’t really care | like them | LOVE them | THEY ARE MY PRECIOUS

ship with: ...Are you really asking me to pick between Sarahi @dat-silvers-girl and Montague @montaguehphm? :< Not to mention Paula @immagrosscandy and Selene @no-moon-nor-stars and Ellie @that-ravenpuff-witch...damn it, why is absolutely everyone friggin’ adorable with Barnaby?! DX

friendship them with:  Carewyn! Hahaha, no, seriously, though, I do really enjoy the friendship I’ve developed for my girl Carewyn and Barnaby, where Carey-Bear sort of mothers Barnaby and encourages his dreams and Barnaby protects Carewyn and is a great ray of sunshine in her rather serious world. Barnaby learns what makes a true friend from Carewyn, while Carewyn learns about how misleading appearances can be and how much potential people can have, when given the chance.

That being said, I really love Barnaby’s friendships with Liz and Charlie. (Creature kiddos!) I also think Diego and Barnaby would be an epic awesome duo, given their shared interest in dueling but completely contrasting personalities -- I could see Barnaby mentoring Cedric a bit too, if they’re all at the Dueling Club together. ( “Don’t worry -- if your opponent disarms you, you can always just punch them real hard. That’ll give you the chance to get your wand back!” “Uh...I don’t know if I could really punch anyone, Barnaby...” “You don’t? Oh...I could show you how, if you want! :)” XDDD) I would honestly love to see more interactions between him and Ismelda as platonic friends too, as I think that could really help give Ismelda some of that organic character development I think she’s been kind of lacking in the game. (Sorry, I couldn’t help but feel the Puffskein!Merula quest sort of just dropped a lot of the characterization previously established for Ismelda rather than show a different side to her -- you need to show an evolution between the way Ismelda acted at the end of the Crushed Sidequest with MC and her suddenly being glad to see MC at the Sphinx Club, unless you want the shift to feel disjointed.)

general opinions: BARNABABYYYYY. X3 For real, though, Barnaby is my favorite character in the entire HPHM game. I’ve been so starved for an indisputably, unflappingly kind and heroic canon Slytherin, so Barnaby was an answer to my prayers! He’s such a perfect, wonderful surprise in every aspect, starting off as something of a “Crabbe/Goyle” type but evolving into a truly gentle, selfless, deathly loyal friend. It’ll always disappoint me whenever Jam City pigeon-holes him as “the dumb one” in his dialogue, since I think Barnaby is a perfect example of how intelligence isn’t something strictly academic, and how it can also be an emotional and interpersonal thing, as well.

Character Ask!