#D0 N 0 T REBL0G

[foxpunk]

hmmmmmhoo boy

oooooooh boy oh boy l o v e this feeling

love my lifetime abuser constantly trying to contact me and see me. love her trying to convince me shes changed when i fucking k n o w she hasnt. love the feeling of being constantly terrified that shes literally just a few miles away from me at any given point and she could end up coming over when my dad isnt home to help stop her.

love being constantly fucking consumed by anxiety that i only have one (1) solid form of support (irl) where i am. and if anything happened to my dad id be forced to either move super fast probably to my tias place cause no FUCKING way am i staying here alone when my abuser knows my location and shed fucking. p o u n c e on the opportunity to make me “rely” on her again.

love being in a super unstable situation where i just constantly drain my dad’s finances cause im a chronically ill fucker who may get better but will never Get Better. love not having access to so many things that could help my physical health because we just dont have them down here and because theres. no jobs for me down here cause our city is so small. love not having access to these things that could help me improve and help me drop some meds thatre literally slowly deteriorating some of my organs just so i can mildly function for the day

i need to get out of here. i love my dad and hes probably the main reason im even. still fucking here, but he can only do so much and i cant just. keep relying on him. im tired of being here im tired of being stagnant physically and emotionally. im tired of being stuck in anxious muck.

ive been trying not to show it but my mental health is super fucking shit lately and everything seems so much. more. especially bad shit. and i cant. like. i recognize the spiral im entering and i know exactly how deep the bottom of it goes and its not fucking good. but i dont have the tools or fucking. e ne rgy to combat it and its fucking terrifying. i need to get out. and not a “running away from my problems” get out (def that too tho l m a o). just a. “this place doesnt feel safe and lacks the resources i need to truly heal” get out

like dgmw my physical shit has been slowly improving. slowly. but i know if i was somewhere that i had access to proper resources i could do so much better. and physical shit aside, my brain?? fuckt. fucked fucked fucked.

ugh

UGH