#Cuz to live oneself you need to be even just a little bit proud of yourself
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@sobekcrocodile Thank you my love
"you have to love yourself first" WRONG. find love in companionship and connection
#So much easier to love myself when someone loved me#As I already was#Not some idealized version I could never live up to#Grew up believing (and being shown) that I had to be the perfect unobtrusive invisible person to earn any love#Especially love from myself#And Im human so I never got there#Cuz to live oneself you need to be even just a little bit proud of yourself#And only the perfect were allowed pride#But not too much! That's arrogant and makes others feel bad!#So never being perfect enough meant no pride and therefore no self acceptance and love#But my now wife came in and blew that all out the airlock (where it belongs)#She loves me AS I AM IN THE MOMENT#And is proud of me for things I never knew you were allowed to be proud of#Effort#Boundaries#Rest#Making myself seen and heard#So I learned to be proud of myself for those things too#And next thing I knew pride lead to acceptance#And acceptance lead to love#I still struggle with self worth and perfection paralysis#And my progressing chronic pain and illness doesn't help#But I know I can get through it all#Get through anything#With her at my side#And my own love for myself in my heart
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