#Cure's Best Friend! What Wonderful Walkies!

[tsuki-sennin]

Another year, another new town, another team, another season of PreCure to be invested in! Can't wait to take it easy this year. (<- clueless)

All joking aside, I think this'll be plenty of fun. Buuuuuut if you don't wanna see my face around here, then the tag phrase for this season is "Cure's Best Friend! What Wonderful Walkies!"

Spoilers, I guess...

-Awwwwww

-Birds... horses...

-Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaan, this is already so pretty.

-Hello there, wan-chan~!

-Komugi...

-OHHHHHH

-HOT DAMN, THAT HUGE HUNKA BEEF IS YOUR DAD?

-...is he single? Or if he'd prefer, polyamorous?

-To all the beasts of the world, we bid you good morning~!

-Wonderful~!

-Theme sure is catchy.

-Ahhhhh, an animal hospital. Just like our old pal Buki from Yotsuba-cho.

-Breakfaaaaaast~!

-Hot damn, your mom's a babe too!

-Another busybody, eh?

-Small dogs have big loyalty.

-Misses her boss already, eh?

-Komugi-chan...

-Oh, guess we've got bad guys this time around too.

-...I'mma be real, I didn't think we'd have those.

-They gave the dog nightmares, how dare

-Wan-wan~!

-Walkies~!

-A lad... and a bun....

-"Hmmmmm..."

-"BWAH"

-Daifuku-chan~!

-Ohhhh, I get it

-Satoru

-Like Sato-kun the Rabbit.

-...Taro Sato...

-...I'd kill a man for some yakuniku now.

-Magical mirror...

-Neeeeeeeeeeeeeerd!

-Hah, you like her huh buddy?

-Oh, glowy~!

-Garugaru...

-Pretty Holic~!

-Business has been booming hardcore ever since they set up shop in Aozora Town. ...I wonder what they consider when they set up shop somewhere?

-Nya....

-Yuki...

-Hide, Mayu! Hide forever~!

-"See you, cat~!"

-Ah, yep~! Typical cat behavior.

-Wonderful...

-Oh that's a big boy

-Baaaaaaalll~~!

-Shiny.....

-The dogs are riled!

-That is one huge beastie.

-Iroha Inukai's courage stands strong.

-Jesus, this ram sure is strong.

-She is at her fucking limit.

-Iroha!

-"Who......."

-Wonderful Pact~!

-Pretty Cure~! My Evolution~!

-Three! Two! Wan~!

-Goddamn, that's one snappy transformation!

-Activation, countdown, introduction. All a doggy needs.

-Oh cool, the lead's our shielder!

-"Bad Garugaru! No milk bones for you!"

-Waaaaaaaaon~!

-The dream of all manner of doggy!

-Easing pain.....

-Yeah, I'd say I'm sold.

-Free the sheep~!

-"A sheep......"

-A dog who can use doors.

-Ohhhh, the ED~!

-I see the infectious rhythm keeps on.

-...does this technically make Komugi a werewolf?

-Kimi koso Only One????? For fuck's sake, I can't escape Momoi Tarou! ...and after I tried so hard to avoid making Tsubasa jokes.

-Next episode~! Cure Friendly~!

[l4v3nd3r-bl00d]

i thought i'd do an updated introduction post since i’ve been so inactive, so new mutuals/followers can know more about me!😊❤️

my name is kittie, i am 18, i have been diagnosed with autism & adhd since i was 15 (important to know because it explains why i am the way that i am lol) i don’t mind what pronouns you use for me, literally any are fine. i am just a person. 😁

i first started collecting violet exacts in 2019 however my collection has grown pretty slowly since i can’t hold down a job because disability.. disables. 🥲😭💔

i enjoy old things quite a lot, at the moment my main areas of interest are in: gothic architecture, silent film era (georges méliès films are my fav), skeleton keys, children’s books & toys from the 40s-70s, taxidermy, postcards, and vintage fashion/lingerie from the 40s-70s.

i also cosplay, i just don’t post it on the internet very much, my favourite anime are: kamisama kiss, vampire knight, nana, paradise kiss, love live, k-on, the future diary and chobits.

my main/oldest special interest is japanese fashion subcultures! (lolita, mori kei, fairy kei, dolly kei and cult party kei to be specific)

i don’t game regularly but my favourite games/game franchises are: american mcgees alice & madness returns, fran bow, sally face, little misfortune, stray, silent hill, elder scrolls, resident evil, skyrim, bloodborne, life is strange, the walking dead, the last of us and batman: arkham knight.

some of my favourite shows/movies: ahs (obviously), the office, dexter, the walking dead, its always sunny in philadelphia, lost, kamikaze girls, ghost world, sharp objects, wayne, a series of unfortunate events(both the series and the movie), gummo, ginger snaps, donnie darko, twin peaks, black mirror, and every wes anderson, tim burton and a24 project ever.

okay now here is a dump of all of my fav albums because i feel it’s very telling

blonde redhead - misery is a butterfly & 23

scarling - sweet heart dealer & so long, scarecrow

air - le voyage dans la lune & talkie walkie

oingo boingo - only a lad

brennan wedl - holy water branch

daniel johnson - hi how are you

teen suicide - dc snug film/ waste yrself & i will be my own hell

fox academy - luxury beverage

sidney gish - no dogs allowed

s.maharba - s.maharba

mcr - i brought you my bullets, you brought me your love & three cheers for sweet revenge

katie jane garside - lullabies in a glass wilderness

roar - impossible animals & i’m not here to make friends

candy claws - ceres and calypso in the deep time

imogen heap - speak for yourself

ricky eat acid - three love songs

dandelion hands - bleak week

catatonia - equally cursed and blessed

mort garson - mother earths plantasia

black box recorder - england made me

lady radiator - bounce energy hear me out

coma cinema - posthumous release

color filter - sleep in a synchrotron & i often think in music

jenny01 - jenny01 best & cluster

otto benson - songs before bed

marysgate - special memory

fear before the march of flames - the always open mouth & odd how people shake

the avalanches - since i left you

elysian fields - queen of the meadow & ghosts of no

leslie gore - i’ll cry if i want to

my bloody valentine - loveless

smashing pumpkins - siamese dream & mellon collie and the infinite sadness

jack off jill - clear hearts grey flowers

colour filter - sleep in a synchrotron

elliot smith - xo

panic at the disco - a fever you can’t sweat out & pretty odd

maple bee - chasing eva & home

nastyona - another secret

heartsrevolution - kitsune hearts japan

rasputina - transylvanian regurgitations &cabin fever

chris vrenna - american mcgees alice

queenadreena - taxidermy

bunny boy - Shelly & the bunny tree & did the angels come to kiss you

hole - live through this & celebrity skin

akira yamaoka - silent hill 2

hooky - something to look forward to

jack stauber - micro pop & pop food

satanicpornocultshop - arkhaiomelisidonophunikheratos

sparklehorse - its a wonderful life

susumu yokota - symbol

every album by the cure ever

i’m not very interesting so i don’t have a whole lot to say about myself on a personal level, i just like to share the media that i enjoy lol. don't be shy to message me if u ever wanna talk, especially about anything music, fashion or fandom related, just a heads up though that i sometimes really suck at replying(i apologise in advance)🥲

here are links to my other social media if you want to follow me elsewhere, though all personal accounts, not violet or ahs related.

tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@kittiebot?_t=8pZwtHs5DjU&_r=1

instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kittiebot13621?igsh=MnFpbzlpaWo0enpn&utm_source=qr

pinterest: https://pin.it/4Rlko08SX

spotify: https://open.spotify.com/user/qenp8br378218on2h77lzldq8?si=-sS3g8ATQECdosiCSmBVyw

- kittie😇❤️

[vanillann]

within the vision (bucky barnes x f.reader)

bare with me, this is obviously an au before anyone attacks me, i know it doesn’t follow cannon but i wanna do it this way so :)

since a bunch of people liked the idea, here the prologue!! ALSO THANK YOU FOR 1.1K!!

warning: swearing, WANDAVISION SPOILERS

word count: 1.7k

within the vision masterlist

Prologue

Steve let the walkie-talkie sit back on the metal table, his empty hand running around his forehead as he thought over his next options. I sat beside him, my back leaning on the table as I watched Wanda’s body lay lifeless in the bed.

The only reason we knew she was alive was the small heartbeat Banner had found and the words she would mumble every so often.

“No response,” Steve spoke, turning around to look at Wanda. Bucky and Sam stood against the other wall, all eyes on Wanda.

“S-straw-“ her words fell out as they had before. So far we had the word heart, music, and now straw.

“She has a straw?” Sam asked, looking across the room at Cap and me.

“Why does it matter if she had a straw or not! She’s in a coma,” I snapped, the anger running through my veins, causing the light of the room to flicker quickly before Steve placed a hand on my arm, ignoring the little shock he had become used to when I was touched.

“We’ll figure it out,” he did his best to calm me, I could tell if it was because he cared or because he didn’t want to explain to Tony why the power went out.

“Before or after she fries her own brain?” I turned around, my eyes boring into Steve’s.

“She isn’t going to fry her brain,” Bucky spoke up, rolling his eyes at my words.

“Look who's talking,” I muttered under my breath, smiling when he picked his metal arm up and flicked me off.

Steve and Sam both rolled their eyes, starting up and conversing to avoid Bucky and I snapping each other in half.

“If she doesn’t give us something then we can’t help her,” Steve spoke softly, pushing off the table to stand closer to her bed, frowning down at her.

“How does this even happen?” Same spoke up, watching someone he considered a friend, even if they weren’t close, lay on the bed with nothing to her.

“After Vision, you know,” I made blow-up motions with my hands, “she fell to the ground, and when I tried to walk her up nothing happened.”

I remember watching it happen, trying my best to make Thanos' glove malfunction while Wanda worked on the Mind Stone but I was compared to Wanda’s power. I still couldn’t believe she had to deal with the Mind Stone and Thaos at the same time.

“The Mind Stone,” I muttered the words under my breath, still remembering the explosion that wiped Wanda and me out in the woods.

“It’s destroyed,” Bucky spoke up. I didn’t even know he could hear me but I remember the super-hearing.

“The Mind Stone was destroyed by Wanda.”

I pushed off the table, pointing my finger at Wanda while I looked at the other three in the room.

“Maybe the Mind Stone did this, maybe she’s stuck in her own mind!”

Maybe it was a stretch, maybe it didn’t make any sense, but it was the only theory we had and I’d take anything at this point. I wanted my best friend back.

“Wait? You think when she destroyed the stone she got stuck in her own mind?” Steve repeated my words, looking over at me beside me.

“It’s possible, I was there when the explosion happened. It was nasty and since she was responsible for it,” I trailed off, whipping my head around to look at everyone's face.

“She might be onto something,” Sam spoke up, shrugging his shoulders.

The door to the room swung open, Banner and Stark side by side as they came for Wanda’s daily check-up.

“I think I cracked it,” I spun around, practically bouncing on my toes as I smiled at the two scientists.

“Cracked what? An egg?” Stark smirked at me, ignoring me as he walked to her heart monitor.

“No, I think I know what’s wrong with Wanda. She’s stuck in her mind.” I caught Banner’s arms, his eye looking into mine as he listened to each word I spoke.

“Well we know that-“

“No, like actually stuck in her mind,” I cut him off, stopping him from interrupting me again.

“She was the one who destroyed the Mind Stone, what if the explosion caused her to get stuck on her own,” I continued, nothing stopping until I probably looked crazy trying to convince the two of my theories.

“Then why aren’t you in her mind? You were there too,” Tony butted in, I didn’t blame him for thinking of all possible lope holes but god it got annoying.

“Because I didn’t destroy it, but what if there is a way I could get in there.”

I definitely sounded crazy now, I could tell by the glances I got from the other men in the room.

“How would you do that?” Banner did his best to not make me feel bad, I could tell by the look in his eye.

“This,” I dug around it in my pocket, pulling out a small piece of yellowish- orangish stone. It didn’t glow as it used to, but everyone knew what it was. Everyone looked at it wonder as I held a few broken pieces of the Mind Stone in my hand.

“Wanda chipped a few pieces off, hoping she could use it to save Vision.”

“It’s just a stone now,” Tony reached out for the piece but I backed up, running into Steve back in the process.

“What if we could charge it enough to teleport us into her mind?”

The room was silent, everyone felt frozen in time. Maybe it was stupid, the Mind Stone was destroyed and there wasn’t any way to bring something like that back, weren’t that powerful.

“I can’t believe I didn’t think of this,” Banner muttered lightly, staring at me as if I cured cancer or something.

“No,” Same muttered, coming around me to look at me with wide eyes.

“It's dangerous,” Steve said from behind me, this time he was the one trying to get the stone from my hand.

“I’m not leaving her there,” I turned around, looking at the two who decided to act as older brothers suddenly.

“We don’t know where it is,” Same answered, his arms crossed over his chest as he looked at me.

“That’s the worst part,” I snapped back, my arm going back to my side as the anger started getting to me again.

“What if you get stuck?” Steve spoke again, giving eyes caring but I couldn’t care at this moment.

“Then at least she isn’t alone.”

She has been my best friend ever since childhood, she was there when I found out about my father and there when the building was attacked by the Stark bomb. She was there when I found out about my powers.

“You can’t get into someone's mind and save them,” Bucky said this time, which pissed me off even more.

“What if someone left you in your mind? You’d be scared shitless,” I pushed Steve and Sam to look at Bucky in the eye, my finger against his chest and as I stared up at him.

“You should know better than anyone in this room how dangerous your own mind is,” I said in venom, the anger was so hot I was surprised that the light had flickered.

“(Y/N),” Sam's voice came out softly, his words catching me as I turned around. All eyes were on me, more specifically on my hand. When I looked down I saw the small bit of light flooding between my fingers.

I opened my hand, my jaw slacks as I looked at the once sad broken stone back into the horror it once was.

“Holy Shit,” Tony walked around the bed, taking my wrist and looking at the lit-up stone in my hand.

“Will you let me go now?” I looked up at him, my eyebrows raised as I waited for him to respond.

“You just resurrected the Mind Stone, I’d be scared to say no,” his eye never left the stone.

“I’ll go too.”

I looked over my shoulder, frowning when Bucky pushed off the wall, his word catching the entire room off guard.

“I can handle it, I literally time-traveled not that long ago-“

“This isn’t for you,” his chin pointed over at Wanda, ” she fought for me back in Germany, and plus, I know better than anyone about someone’s mind.”

I looked up at him, my hatred for him gone for a little bit as I nodded my head. Maybe he wasn’t Wanda's childhood friend, and maybe he didn’t know her great, but he was right. Wanda took his side when he needed it most, I did too but that didn’t matter now, and need this for his soul. He needs to prove himself one last time, to someone who proves themselves to him.

“Then it’s set, Bucky and I are going into Wanda’s mind.”

Again, the room fell quiet at the idea. Everyone knows of the little problem Bucky and I had with one another. I was loud and opinionated and didn’t know when to close her mouth. Bucky was laid back and was a little cold at times, he didn’t like me personally and I did. Nothing specific happened, we just clashed horribly around each other. We could do serious missions together, hell I was even on his side during the civil war, but otherwise, he ignored my comment and I always went too far.

“Are you sure?” Steve spoke up, looking between his childhood friend and his newest friend with wide eyes. He knew better than anyone how much they clashed, he knew Bucky liked girls who were laid back, and he and (Y/N) would literally start sparking when she got mad.

It was fire and ice, inside Wanda’s mind, a mind they knew nothing about.

“It’s for Wanda,” Bucky spoke up, looking at the girl who laid in the bed.

“Okay,” Tony and Banner took the now alive stones from my hand, apparently making bracelets to help us with the travel.

“For Wanda,” I spoke softly to myself again.

“For Wanda.”

permanent taglist:

@kittykylax @itstaylorcale @head-over-heart @marvel-rhapsody @accioxtina @always-spaced-out

marvel taglist:

@lovinlikeloki

within the vision taglist:

@emmabarnes @euphoniumpets

[kasu-meow]

⭐SE Headcanons - The Main 10 during a zombie apocalypse:

@xfangirl-trashx gave me this wonderful idea :D I hope it turned out well. Under the cut because of length, but before continuing I also have to warn you about characters death, and suicide. Please proceed at your discretion.

Assuming that all the main 10 miraculously survived the initial outbreak, and consequently formed a group:

 Tadashi:

Would quickly step up and take the command

He has experience in leadership positions and logistical planning, is used to being under stress, and is good at keeping everything in check

Not everyone is happy to have him as their leader though, and he often butts heads with Axel

He doesn’t complain about that too much though, as he has no idea how to proceed in this situation, so he recognizes that he has to set his pride aside and listen to other people’s opinions and ideas

He never thought something like this could happen in real life, and is unprepared to deal with the situation to its fullest

Tries to compensate by keeping track of everything they learn about their situation, be it the characteristics of the zombies, which weapons are best or which roles need to be fulfilled

When making a plan, he always accounts for everything, and prefers not to take any unnecessary risks

He is among the worse fighters though, the only reason why he doesn’t die right away is because he usually leads the operations from afar

When dealing with a zombie apocalypse, there is always one thing you have to keep in mind, though: if a place is safe today, it doesn’t mean it’s going to be safe tomorrow

So, when their refuge inevitably ends up falling, he is not fully prepared to deal with it

He dies trying to make an escape route for the group

 Alistair:

He acts as Tadashi’s advisor and the group’s peacemaker

Since Tadashi is not the best at communicating, Alistair always steps up to smooth things over and calm everyone down during fights and difficult situations

He does a great job at keeping a level head and cheering people up, but he is secretly dying inside

He has not been able to contact his family since the outbreak and he is worried sick, but he tries his best to block the bad thoughts for the sake of the group

He is one of the best fighters in the group and has great physical abilities, but he is not fit to be a gatherer, so, he acts as a soldier and a hunter

His job is to keep things running smoothly in the group, and he always leads the way when they have to move elsewhere, making sure to eliminate any zombies blocking their path

He frequently offers to be the lookout whenever there is a need for one, and he is responsible for hunting and providing for the group

He has some of the most dangerous roles in the group, and he always offers to lead the way to protect others, so he is constantly exposed to danger

His big heart is going to be the end of him

When things go south, he puts other people’s safety above his own, and would even go to the extent of jumping in-between a zombie and of the group members

After getting bit, he would ask someone to end his life before he turns

He is afraid of dying, but he doesn’t want to risk turning and putting the group in even more danger, and he tells whoever gets chosen to do the job that he was more than happy to sacrifice himself for his friends

Is secretly glad to die, because at least this nightmare will be over. He just hopes is family is okay

Axel:

Axel is well-liked, he is smart, and he is good at leading people, so he takes over after Tadashi’s death

He is also the entertainer of the group along with Tyler, he tries his best to keep the morale up, especially after losing someone

After seeing Tadashi fall despite his thoroughness, he is honestly scared, and doesn’t know if he is the best person for the position

It would take him a while to warm up to his new position, but he quickly gains everyone’s trust, and is glad for the support of his friends

At least he knows he is not alone in this, and if he screws up, they have his back

Axel is a decent fighter, and would offer to lead expeditions with Alistair, especially after becoming the leader

When planning for operations, he makes sure to hear everyone out so even if the plan is not perfect, they can cover for each other

He quickly learns from his and Tadashi’s mistakes, and always tries to prevent more deaths from happening

That is not always possible, but he does a pretty good job at protecting the group

Because of all these factors combines, he manages to stay alive

 Claire:

The medical specialist of the group

Her gentle heart would never get used to the situation

She does her best to treat everyone and avoid any deaths, and when one occurs, she is beyond heartbroken

When someone is bitten, she spends all of her time and effort to heal them, even if she knows it’s not possible by now, she still has to try

If she has access to advanced medical equipment in their settlement, she will try and work on a cure on her own, and will blame herself for failing

Is that one person who constantly asks herself if it’s right to kill zombies, if they are just sick, and if they would go back to normal after they find a cure

She puts all of her trust in the government, she keeps hoping they will do something or find a cure but with each passing day, a little bit of her hope dies

She considers the option of suicide, but she knows her group needs her and she would never do that to them

Unfortunately, she is not much of a fighter and she is incredibly kind, so when the zombies override her group’s settlement, she hesitates to fight back and dies in the chaos

 Ellie:

She acts as both a scavenger and an engineer

She is small enough to fit everywhere, she can run quite fast, and she is very observant, which makes her perfect for a supplying job

When it’s a small job, she likes to go alone with Tyler, as it’s actually safer

You need to be silent and sneaky during a gathering job, so a lot of people or big athletes like Alistair would actually make the operation more dangerous

Ellie knows how to be careful and adapt, so even if the situation gets dangerous, she can take advantage of her small size and hide till things get better, so she makes it back safely every time

She is also incredibly cunning and an amazing mechanic, and her skills prove useful whenever there is a generator to tinker with, or a radio to fix, making the group’s life much easier

Thanks to her repairing equipment, the group can benefit from working radios and walkie talkies, so keeping in touch wouldn’t be an issue

Ellie has every quality needed to survive

 Tegan:

Communication specialist and fellow engineer

Him and Ellie would team up a lot to repair useful pieces of technology, and try to keep in touch with every member of the team

Is responsible for communicating with the scavenging team whenever they are out, and tends to pretty much run the operations from the inside along with Tadashi, then alone

If there is any way to stay updated with what the government is up to, he is also in charge of that

He is also always in touch with the lookouts even at night, so in case of emergency, he can alert the entire group

Is probably the worst fighter out of the entire group and is not much of a runner either

So even if he stays in the refuge most of the time, if a large group of zombies attacks it, I don’t see any way for him to survive it

 Karolina:

Wanted to be the commander, but will accept a lower role if Tadashi ends up becoming the leader

Is a bit difficult to deal with, because she does not easily cooperate with people she does not deem worthy

However, she is very smart, so she understands very early on that she will have to make compromises if she wants to survive

Would quickly make an esteem of who will be useful to her and who won’t, and she makes sure to keep the people belonging to the first category close

She is pretty much devastated after Tadashi’s death, but still tries to keep a strong front

She closes up even more and becomes even harsher, and she won’t accept the fact that Axel is the leader now

While it’s true that Karol is smart, she is also hot-headed and stubborn

So when the people she deemed useful (Tadashi, Claire, Tegan) die, she makes a plan to separate from the group, and asks Neha to go with her

Neha tries to stop her from going off on her own, as that means certain death, and tries to convince her to stay with the group

She refuses, as she is convinced of her decision, and leaves in secret at sunrise, to prevent others from stopping her but also because leaving at night would have been too dangerous

No one can survive a zombie apocalypse alone for long, though, as there are just too many things to account for (shelter, protection, food and water…)

She gets attacked by a group of bandits who see an easy prey in her, and she dies

 Neha:

She has an incredibly difficult time dealing with the situation

She is good at adapting though, so she tries to block the negative thoughts, much like Alistair

Her job is to manage supplies, and she is a bit of a tradeswoman

Initially, Claire should have been in charge or rationing the food and distributing it equally, but she is too busy with her medical work

Neha is fair in judgment, very good at keeping track of things and a decent cook, so she is in charge of managing their stocks, sending scavengers out to get things if necessary and cooking balanced meals

Her sewing skills are not the best, but they are more than enough to make necessary adjustments to clothes and other items

She does well in the settlement and has one of the most vital roles, but things go south when Karolina approaches her with her plan

She does not believe leaving would be a good idea, but she can’t convince Karolina to stay

When she discovers she took off on her own, she starts feeling guilty for not being able to stop her, and even thinks she should’ve gone with her even though it was certain death

Neha will secretly try to get ahold of Karolina and tries her best to find traces of her passage on her own time

When she finds clear signs of what happened to Karol, she is inconsolable

Cannot deal with the guilt of having let Karolina die, and commits suicide

 Tyler:

Tyler is an extremely useful tool for the group

He has all the necessary characteristics to be a scavenger, and his artistic ability and photographic memory make him quite a skilled cartographer

He can keep track of shortcuts, dead ends and escape routes and thanks to him, the gathering missions are all very successful

Him and Ellie are used to working together and cooperate incredibly well, and he also has a good relationship with Raquel, the other scavenger

He also joins Axel as an entertainer from time to time

He understands that in this situation, it’s important to keep the morale up, so he does his best to make everyone else have fun even when he is scared himself

After Neha’s death, he offers to take care of the stock and basically becomes Axel’s second in command

He is always careful, trusts his friends and has a good team to back him up

That is why I think he would also survive

 Raquel:

One of the scavengers, and she frequently offers to be the lookout at night

As an athlete she is very confident in her physical abilities

Her job is to keep an eye on the surroundings and alert the team if any groups of zombies get too close to the settlement, or to the other scavengers

She can put up quite a fight so she wouldn’t have trouble taking out small groups, and as a football player she values teamwork, so she understands that she has to rely on the group and therefore doesn’t die that easily

She is always one to take unnecessary risks, and frequently improvises when she is out scavenging and the situation becomes difficult

Because of that habit, she tends to butt heads with Tadashi, for as long as he is their leader, at least

She is a bit reckless, so I can see her getting too confident, which is the most dangerous thing you could do in this scenario

She ends up taking a risk and making a mistake, ending her life

[itscalypsosims]

Hey everyone! Finally uploading the rules to the Sims 4 Zombie Apocalypse challenge I’ve been playing! It was originally a sims 3 challenge I found on the sims forums that was never finished, so I’m still working on adjusting it to the sims 4 and making my own changes. 

If you’re intersted you can watch my Let’s Play for this challenge:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Mect-bEKcA&t=29s

Original (sims 3) rules can be found here:

https://forums.thesims.com/en_US/discussion/949037/sims-3-zombie-apocalypse-survival-challenge

I modified and changed them a lot for the sims 4, and added many new things to make the game more interesting.

Keep Reading for the Sims 4 rules!

Be careful! The zombies have arrived! Create a group of survivors to live through the apocalypse! 

Setting up the challenge:

You start off with 8 sims. These 8 sims will need to have four kids. Those four kids will have two kids and those kids will have only one child (Of course you can have more and add outsiders to the group. It’s up to you. The point is to have 4 generations). The last child will be the one who saves the world and ends the apocalypse. 

Every sim has to have a role:

The leader - The protector and the organizer of the group. They must have the kleptomaniac trait so they can lead their people on gathering and hunting expeditions.

A second in command -  The person the leader trusts th most. They will take the place as a leader when the leader is away gathering, pregnant, or dead. They should be friends with the leader. Must have the kleptomaniac trait.

Gatherers - Each gatherer will need the kleptomaniac trait. They are responsible for collecting items and gathering food. Swiped items that aren’t usable, you can delete and use the money to build. It is up to you how many gatherers you have in your camp.

Painters - They spend their time painting. You can use the money from painting to build walls. Can not have the kleptomaniac trait.

Planners - The intelligent one.  They spend the day learning how to craft things on the woodworking table. Remember, the higher you get in handiness the more things you can craft or fix. The planners cannot have the kleptomaniac trait.

Gardeners - Any sim can do this no matter what role they play in the group, but it would be useful for a sim to specialize in this activity as well as their other role.

A Doctor - Each generation should have a doctor. this is the person who will work on the cure and some other scientific things to use against the zombies. The doctor can have the kleptomaniac trait. (Rules about each generation’s doctor listed below).

**Remember - Only kleptomaniac sims can leave the camp! A sim without the kleptomaniac trait who leaves the camp must die. they can’t defend themselves.

**Try and craft/steal whatever is possible. Only use build/buy mode if you can’t obtain the object any other way. 

Select a camp:

The size and location are up to you, but you will need shelter from the elements. This could be a shed, a ruined green house, or even a run-down cabin. Just make sure there isn’t anything useful in them. Must have the off the grid lot trait. no beds, showers/bathtubs, electronics, fridges, etc. no crops or ponds. For more realism add trees to delete when you want to build. **Hot tip: Try to find a place in the sims world where you can fish quietly. Zombies will attack you while fishing outside of camp.

Few more setups before we begin:

Give each sim a sleeping bag. Use this mod: http://www.pickypikachu.com/2017/06/snug-as-slug-functional-sleeping-bag.html

Silent phones (Honestly, it doesn’t really work in the sims 4. just imagine they’re Walkie Talkies or something).

Delete the school with mc command center. If you don’t have it just make sure you always click off school.

Lock the door/gate for everyone. The sims will get out and will get bit if you don’t.

Go to the city produce stall and buy 4 tomatoes, 4 apples, and 4 potatoes, and 12 of any other fruit or vegetable. The 12 extra food will be for your sims to eat. Keep in mind that it takes a while for the plants to grow and you’re racing against time. You need to save as much food as you can. So make sure to plant your food as soon as possible.

You are allowed to buy one skill book and one nonskill book. I reccomand a handiness lvl. 2 skill book as it’s the hardest skill to achieve.

Set your family funds to 500.

Make sure your sims are all in the camp before you start the outbreak.

The apocalypse has started! Start the outbreak! You will need to use Sacrificial’s zombie apocalypse mod, you can find it here: https://sacrificialmods.com/zombie-apocalypse-news.html

There are a lot of stuff in the survivor kit you can find. First generation can only use the guns and ammo, and the first aid spray if they can afford it to cure a sim before they turned into a zombie. If they already turned - game over for them, remove them from your household before anyone else gets bit by them. (Each generation will have more things to buy as the doctors progress. Listed below.)

To gain money you can:

Paint.

Sell things you crafted on the woodworking table.

Sell things you stole and don’t need.

Delete walls. But remember- they’re your only protection from them zombies!

Deleting trees or anything made off wood. This is for realism when using the woodworking table.

Gameplay Rules:

One child per sim. Pregnant sims can't go hunting!

Sims must stick together when they leave camp. (Do that as much as you can. sometimes it’s safer to send only one sim, but there’s always a risk).

You can only have toilet bush. Until your planner can craft one out of the woodworking table.

No bathtubs or showers until your planner can craft them. You have to have walls for them.

No electronics, fridges, or lighting. There's no electricity in the apocalypse. 

Scavanging:

This includes fishing, harvesting, and stealing from houses. If you move towns while gathering, you must take a sleeping bag with you and spend the night in said town. You can spend up to 2 nights in that town, but in the hour you left of the next day you have to return to camp (if you left on Sunday at 11 am, you must return on Tuesday at 11 am, for example). If you don't return until then, one of the people who got left behind has to die. This is because you leave them with little food and protection.

**if you have Get Together I recommand starting a group with the leader in charge for the whole survivor group, and one for the scavangers. For scavangers only let kleptomaniacs sims join, and set the group activities to swiping objects, or maybe fishing and harvesting too. This will make the scavanges so much easier.

Being attacked:

Whenever your sims leave camp, they risk being attacked. The zombie apocalypse mod is hectic and they have high chances of dying. When you have enough money, you're allowed to buy weapons from the survivor kit to protect your sims. If you have a kleptomaniacless sim wonder out alone, they die- try to keep them inside the camp. If they get out with a klepto sim, hope for the best. zombies make no exceptions.

If a sim is bit, they will start turning. If you have enough money you can buy the first aid spray to prevent them from turning. Once they've turned, no turning back. Get them out of the household as soon as possible.

Sims keep dying and you’re in shortage of people?

You can add new survivors to the group! You can pick a non infected person off the street or create one yourself and put them in a different household. They can’t join until the leader approves them! The leader must make friends with them before adding them to the household. 

Pregnancy and children:

NOTE: As I haven’t arrived to that moment yet in my game, These rules might still change according to the way things play out.

Though it is a necessary part of life, pregnancy and births do come with their own risk. There's no healthcare in the apocalypse.

**Remember: Each sim can have only 1 child!

When the mother discovers she is pregnant, roll the number generator by 1-10. If you land on 1-4, the mother is sick. Keep her in quarantine and only let her eat fruit and vegetables. No fish. If she eats fish then roll the numbers 9-10. 5-8 everything is perfectly fine, no need to worry. The pregnancy is going smoothly, make sure to keep the mother in camp. 9, the mother dies, but the baby is strong. Wait until after the birth to kill her. 10 the baby passes away. The mother is fine, though distraught. Wait three days before you try again. If the mother has three unsuccessful pregnancies; give her the “hates children” trait. Terminate the pregnancy or delete the baby.

During the pregnancy, keep the mother in camp. If she leaves at all for any reason you will have to roll again. If your sims are trying to have a baby, It would be a good idea to keep her in camp until they are born.

Your Sims offspring should stay in camp until they are a teenager. If they do end up escaping roll a number. 1-2 they die. 3-6 they are sick. 7-10 they are fine.

You should have two boys and two girls at the end of generation one. You can use any mod or fruit to achieve this.

Optional: The child should take the roles of their parents. Or, you can base the roles on their traits. Your choice.

Leader rules:

If the leader dies, those are the options:

The second in command automatically takes their place. Base game compatibe.

If you have Get Together: Create a survivor group, and make the person you want to lead and is not the second in command try and take over the group. If they succeed, they become the leader. If you want it more extreme, they have to kill the previous leader (can also take over a leader if they don’t die, not only the second in command).

If you have Discover University: Make them debate. The winner takes over the group. same rules from the above applies.

When a new generation arrives, you can just choose a leader, and if you can’t decide you can use one of the above, or based on their traits and skills, and social interactions inside the group.

Generations: (Still in developement)

The first generation: The sufferes

These sims are the founders. This is the hardest generation. Lots of sims will die, especially when you start off. But as you work on their skills and scavange more stuff, you will get better at protecting them.

Goal:  By the end of the first generation you must...

Have a fully functional camp made by crafting and stealing. 

Have a graden full of harvestables.

Have at least 2 weapons from the survivor kit: One for the leader, one for the second in hand.

Have at least 4 kids.

Keep the doctor alive.

Rules:

Doctor 1 - The doctor must survive the first generation until the next doctor is picked, then has to teach them what they know. must survive until Doctor 2 achieves level 7 logic skill. Or else the next Generations can not do the things that will be opened up for them below (listed). Also, if the doctor dies no one will ever know how to stop the apocalypse.  This means the doctor has to acheive at least level 6 of Logic skill, and at least the first part of the nerd brain aspiration. (May experience changes in the future).

Can not be left without Kleptomaniac sims! Or else everyone dies and challenge over. 

Only objects that can be used from the survivor kit: Broadcasting radio (only for starting the outbreake), First aid spray (If you have the money), any weapons and ammo that you want (when you have the money).

The second generation:

The children of the founders. This generation will already have a functional camp and have been born in the apocalypse. They are born and raised survivors. When you raise your kids make sure to already work on their skills and assign a role to them. When you give them traits remember to give them the kleptomaniac trait if you want sims to leave camp. Can be the last trait you choose as they turn into a Young adult.

Goal:  By the end of the Second generation you must...

A sim in each role as the original group. (1 leader, one second in command, planners, painters, gardeners, and a doctor).

a fully functional camp! The second generation can choose to move camps! but they can only take what they can carry in their inventories (not the household one). choose carefully! (Use the freerealestate on cheat to move them and don’t sell the furniture to not gain more money by moving. they literally just took whatever they can carry and took over a new place).

Have a graden full of harvestables.

Have at least 4 weapons from the survivor kit. More people in the group know how to protect themselves.

Have at least 2 kids.

Keep the doctor alive.

Rules:

Doctor 2 - The doctor must survive the second  generation until the next doctor is picked, then has to teach them what they know. Must survive until doctor 3 achieved level 8 logic skill.  Or else the next Generations can not do the things that will be opened up for them below (listed). This means the doctor has to acheive at least level 7 of Logic skill, and at least the 2nd part of the nerd brain aspiration. (May experience changes in the future).

Can not be left without Kleptomaniac sims! Or else everyone dies and challenge over.

Only objects that can be used from the survivor kit: Broadcasting radio (only for starting the outbreake), First aid spray (If you have the money), any weapons and ammo that you want (when you have the money). - Zombie Repellent Spray - Only if doctor 1 survived until doctor 2 reached level 7 logic.

The third generation:

They are born and raised survivors. When you raise your kids make sure to already work on their skills and assign  a role to them. When you give them traits remember to give them the kleptomaniac trait if you want sims to leave camp. Can be the last trait you choose as they turn into a Young adult.

Goal:  By the end of the third generation you must...

a fully functional camp! The third generation can also choose to move camp. They figured out how to carry more things, life is easier now! They can use their household inventory. (Use the freerealestate on cheat to move them and don’t sell the furniture to not gain more money by moving. they literally just took whatever they can carry and took over a new place).

Have a graden full of harvestables.

Have at least 8 weapons from the survivor kit. More people in the group know how to protect themselves.

Have at least 1 kid - They must have the kleptomaniac trait and be the next doctor.

Keep the doctor alive.

End the apocalypse! complete the cure.

Rules:

Doctor 4 - The doctor must survive the fourth generation until they reach level 10 logic skill and complete the nerd brain aspiration.

Can not be left without Kleptomaniac sims! Or else everyone dies and challenge over.

Only objects that can be used from the survivor kit: Broadcasting radio (only for starting the outbreake), First aid spray (If you have the money), any weapons and ammo that you want (when you have the money). - Zombie Repellent Spray - Only if doctor 1 survived until doctor 2 reached level 7 logic. - High quality Zombie Repellent Spray -  Only if doctor 2 survived until doctor 3 reached level 8 logic.

The fourth generation:

The generation that will end the apocalypse. This generation will decide if the apocalypse will stay or end! If you managed to follow all the rules above, you have a higher chance.

Goal:  By the end of the fourth generation you must...

A sim in each role as the original group. (1 leader, one second in command, planners, painters, gardeners, and a doctor).

a fully functional camp! The third generation can also choose to move camp. They figured out how to carry more things, life is easier now! They can use their household inventory. (Use the freerealestate on cheat to move them and don’t sell the furniture to not gain more money by moving. they literally just took whatever they can carry and took over a new place).  

Have a graden full of harvestables.

Have at least 6 weapons from the survivor kit. More people in the group know how to protect themselves.

Have at least 1 kids.

Keep the doctor alive.

Rules:

Doctor 3 - The doctor must survive the third generation until the next doctor is picked, then has to teach them what they know. Must survive until doctor 4 achieved level 9 logic skill. Or else the next Generations can not do the things that will be opened up for them below (listed). This means the doctor has to acheive at least level 8 of Logic skill, and at least the 3rd part of the nerd brain aspiration. (May experience changes in the future).

Can not be left without Kleptomaniac sims! Or else everyone dies and challenge over.

Only objects that can be used from the survivor kit: Broadcasting radio (only for starting the outbreake), First aid spray (If you have the money), any weapons and ammo that you want (when you have the money). - Zombie Repellent Spray - Only if doctor 1 survived until doctor 2 reached level 7 logic. - High quality Zombie Repellent Spray -  Only if doctor 2 survived until doctor 3 reached level 8 logic.

Zombification Cure Serum: The most important one, this will end the challenge. Only if doctor 3 survived until doctor 4 reached level 9 logic AND doctor 4 reached level 10 logic skill.

You’re done! You found the cure! End the outbreak by using the Broadcasting radio to cure everyone!

[zrtranscripts]

Season 8, Mission 28: Captain of a Shipwreck

Skincoats and Turncoats

~

SAM YAO: Janine, I know what you're going to say.

JANINE DE LUCA: Do you?

SAM YAO: I mean, well, yeah. You're going to say we shouldn't be on this boat going to get the cure Frances and the people on Dearg Island have made for you because you're unimportant and sacrifices must be made. Which quite literally they are being, because not only is... not only is Tom dead, but also Amelia told me this morning that a good dozen of her soldiers have now joined the flipping red god and have made some sacrifice of a lamb to it.

Which I mean, I'm not sure what they think a fungus would want with a lamb, but... [sighs] I'm just telling you I'm not going to take it from you, all right? Not one more speech about how you're unimportant and we should be doing something other than trying to help you!

JANINE DE LUCA: I'm not going to say that. Runner Five, Mr. Yao, Chief Macallan, we have very few friends on this island. Most of the people have succumbed to the red fungus. We have long wondered who our enemy was and now we know. 

Shona wormed her way into our group and cleverly gained our trust. She set us against those who might have helped us. Chief Macallan, only you and Miss Brown have remained apparently free of the skincoats' malign influence.

DUNCAN MACALLAN: They're a force of darkness, Colonel. I will do whatever I can to fight with you.

JANINE DE LUCA: Thank you. Five, you must observe my condition. My left eye is useless. My shaking has worsened. In these circumstances, Mr. Yao, I cannot doubt that my duty is to become well and to fight. If Miss Reid is able to enact her plan, the country - indeed, the world - will be overtaken by her red fungus.

DUNCAN MACALLAN: Doesnae bear thought. I'm here to help however I can. Have you heard from Laird Reid? I've not seen him since we took you to safety, Five.

SAM YAO: Nobody has. He couldn't shoot at Shona, of course. Oh, poor man. Probably just wants to be alone. Imagine knowing your daughter did all this.

[thunder rolls]

DUNCAN MACALLAN: Storm's brewing.

SAM YAO: Look over there, Five. It's those beached ships we ran over to reach Dearg's dropoff point the first time. Hang on. Are those people on the ships? What on earth are they doing out in this weather?

JANINE DE LUCA: They're afraid. Look. They're salvaging weapons, anything they could find to defend themselves. Miss Spens has made it clear that she is willing to kill everyone on the island to stop the king of the rocks ceremony. She has found a sense of duty at last. 

If the ceremony goes ahead and the red god takes the island, the Undaunted will deploy nuclear missiles to destroy the entire archipelago. Miss Spens and I have discussed which of the tribal leaders in the UK might be best placed to take over from her if she dies here. If we cannot save ourselves, we may as well save the world.

SAM YAO: Rousing words, Janine, as ever.

DUNCAN MACALLAN: Will that work? Nuclear explosion... might it spread the fungus further?

JANINE DE LUCA: No one knows. This is as far as our boat can take us. We can reach the dropoff by heading across the capsized tanker. Everyone, with me. Run!

~

JANINE DE LUCA: The automated boat is coming ashore. Ah. The Dearg researchers have repaired the control box. It can command the nanites in my body to reverse the harm they've done.

SAM YAO: What's in the little vial? It says break seal to open.

JANINE DE LUCA: According to this note, the cure is in two parts. My body has already sustained terminal damage. The existing nanites will work too slowly to save me. The vial contains the rare silver metal they're made from. With it, the nanites can replicate. In greater number, they may turn the tide. This must be administered into my system in sterile conditions. Dr. Cohen will treat me. Let us return at once to the village.

[radio static]

LAIRD REID: Hello. Can anyone hear me? Blasted walkie-talkie.

SAM YAO: Five, are you getting that? It's the laird!

LAIRD REID: I don't have long. I'm on a shipwrecked yacht. I went back to the caves, tried to find Shona. I know there's good in her heart. I know it! It's the skincoats. They've twisted her, polluted her mind! I followed them from the caves. We can stop them now. Please, you have to come to -

DUNCAN MACALLAN: Look, skincoats running across that yacht, chasing the laird!

JANINE DE LUCA: We can intercept by cutting across the shoals to our left. Go!

~

DUNCAN MACALLAN: Laird Reid, over here. Are you safe, lad? They've not hurt you?

LAIRD REID: Colonel, Chief Macallan, thank God. I was afraid they'd catch me.

JANINE DE LUCA: They may yet. The skincoats are swarming over the sand banks behind us. We must keep moving.

SAM YAO: Yeah, there must be... sorry, hard to count while running backwards. Must be at least nine of them, right? All of them are here.

LAIRD REID: They summoned the others when they spotted me. They can do that. Talk without speaking over a distance.

SAM YAO: Yeah, Five said. Some spooky property of the red fungus. The same thing that's giving us all the same dreams. Although did you hear Amelia said she'd been having dreams about arguing with the red god over and over again? [laughs]

JANINE DE LUCA: I dream of fighting it. And it overwhelms me again and again. Laird Reid, have you heard anything from the skincoats that might help us?

LAIRD REID: All they talk about is the king of the rocks. They must have learned something important about it from the Edda. But of course, much of their talk is among them in their minds. I think we need to stop the ceremony somehow. I think that is the only thing that will bring back Shona, if I can discover which part of the king of the rocks ceremony is important to the red god and stop it.

DUNCAN MACALLAN: The skincoats are getting closer. Come on, through that ruined freighter to the rocky outcrop beyond!

SAM YAO: We need to avoid the islanders on the wrecks. We don't want them caught in the crossfire.

DUNCAN MACALLAN: I know a secret way. Run.

~

SAM YAO: We made it! Oh, that was a twisty route through the freighter, Chief. I think we've lost them.

SHONA REID: [slow claps, laughs] You cannae lose us on these islands, mainlanders. The red god sees everything.

SAM YAO: Oh crap. They must have known exactly where we were going. Oh look, it's Mrs. Webster, who took Rory in. Skincoat! And Mr. Hendrickson, who runs the pub. Oh, this is horrible! Skincoats all around us. Eight, plus Shona.

DUNCAN MACALLAN: Nine, counting me. Laird Reid, you are needed.

SAM YAO: Oh no, Chief, don't tell me you're with them.

DUNCAN MACALLAN: It doesnae make me happy, Sam, but my Phyllis knew the red god. It couldn't cure her, but it gave her her last years, and I still see her in my dreams through the red god. I owe it more than I owe you.

SHONA REID: Come on, da. The red god wants you. It wants all of you.

JANINE DE LUCA: We are armed. Don't think we'll come easily.

LAIRD REID: Shona. Please, lass. Listen to me. This cult has brainwashed you!

SHONA REID: Grab him.

JANINE DE LUCA: No! We cannot allow this, Shona!

LAIRD REID: Colonel, please. I must be with my daughter. Do not fight this. If the only way I can know her is through the red god, so be it. Do you understand me? To know her.

JANINE DE LUCA: Oh. Yes. I understand. You want to be with your daughter. I understand. You are a brave man. Five, Mr. Yao, with me. Back to the village.

SHONA REID: Do you think I'm just going to let you go?

JANINE DE LUCA: I think you want your father more than us, and you won't risk the casualties of a firefight.

SHONA REID: [laughs] Aye, I won't shoot you now. It's true. The red god will take your bodies whole for his vessels when the time is right.

SAM YAO: Janine, what are you doing? We can't leave the laird with them!

JANINE DE LUCA: We are outnumbered. It's what he wants. Run!

~

SAM YAO: Janine, I thought we never left anyone behind. Look at him, there on the promontory above the wrecked ships, surrounded by skincoats. He's just... He's just - he's just an old man.

JANINE DE LUCA: It's what he wanted. I think he knows what he's doing. His walkie-talkie is still operating. Listen.

[radio static]

LAIRD REID: Shona, think what your mother would say about this, please!

SHONA REID: Mum was in touch with the island. She wanted to know it! I'm doing what she would have. You've never seen me, Dad, not for who I truly am. You are the sacrifice the red god demands. But before that, we have something we must do. Look at those people in the wrecked ships, searching for weapons. Not trusting the red one to protect them. What are they?

SKINCOAT: They are unbelievers.

SHONA REID: We will make them believe.

SAM YAO: What are they doing? The Chief's got – what's that? A crop sprayer? He's got something he's misting over the people on the wrecked ships.

LAIRD REID: Shona, please. They are innocent. You told me I am the one the red god wants because I am your kin.

SHONA REID: All shall belong to the red one.

SAM YAO: Oh no. That scent on the breeze. Celery. Fungal accelerant. Crap. I just realized Shona found out about the accelerant because she went to Dearg with us. There they go. All the people on the wreckage are turning V-type, red fungus blooming out of their mouths, their eyes.

SHONA REID: I can feel them now. Janine, Five, Sam, I know you're listening. These are servants of the red one now. They feel me in their minds. I can tell them what to do.

SAM YAO: Oh God. They've turned to face us, and now they're – yeah, obviously.

JANINE DE LUCA: The V-types are [coughs] after us. [coughs] Run!

~

SAM YAO: Oh God, the V-types are coming out of the water in front of us! They must have cut across the seabed. They're blocking off the boat.

JANINE DE LUCA: Intelligent in numbers.

SAM YAO: [sighs] Janine, what do we do? Oh God, don't! That's your cure, what are you - ?! You smashed the vial! Silver's gone everywhere... the silver stuff that V-types hate. They're backing off, leaving a path to the skiff.

JANINE DE LUCA: Full speed, Five! We must get back to Mor Island. Miss Reid is controlling the V-types. They will find a way around. Quickly!

~

[boat engine turns over]

SAM YAO: Come on, come on, turn on! The V-types are almost on us. Come on!

[engine rumbles]

JANINE DE LUCA: That's it. Five, steer a course away from this sand back as quickly as you can.

SHONA REID: You will come to me in the end. The chase will make our victory all the sweeter. And we have our prize. Father, your friends can listen as you ascend.

LAIRD REID: Shona, we can go home together now. All that you've done, it's these skincoats that have made you. I know you're in each others' minds.

SAM YAO: He still believes it. Incredible. He still thinks he can save her.

JANINE DE LUCA: I think perhaps he does not believe it anymore.

SHONA REID: Hold his head.

LAIRD REID: No! No, I am your laird - ! [chokes]

JANINE DE LUCA: She's tipping a goblet of liquid down his throat.

SHONA REID: I tried to give him the red blessing at the naming festival. I knew this way, he wouldn't disappoint me.

SAM YAO: There's red fungus starting to bloom across his face.

LAIRD REID: I can see it. I can see what the red sees. All of it. Janine, I can see it. The red god fears the king of the rocks. The ceremony stops the red god. It must be done properly. Janine, the skincoats don't want to perform king of the rocks. They want to stop it! It is the king of the rocks they fear. King of... [growls]

JANINE DE LUCA: That brave man.

SAM YAO: He did it on purpose. Let them take him on purpose.

JANINE DE LUCA: I believe he did, so he could see what the red god sees. And the information he has given us is vital. We must ensure the king of the rocks ceremony is performed successfully. It is the only thing that may save us.

SAM YAO: But Janine, you destroyed your cure.

JANINE DE LUCA: It was the best way to keep you safe. I have the control box. I can ease my symptoms enough that I will be of some use these last few days. But I cannot save myself. 

We know what the skincoats want, Five. Something in the king of the rocks has kept the red god subdued for millennia, something lost to history but recorded in the Edda. They wanted the Edda so they could learn how to stop that element of the king of the rocks ceremony. We must discover what it is. For some reason, the fungus seedpods could not conquer the mainland, but the V-types can. Miss Reid now has an army. If we do not stop her, I fear nothing will. 

SAM YAO: I wish Tom were here. He'd say something military like threat level omega or last action protocol and I'd be so confused, it'd take my mind off the danger. 

JANINE DE LUCA: I would know the terminology, and it would remind me we were kin. I miss him very much. I think I've not even begun to feel how much I will miss him. But you and Five are my family, too. We will make sure the laird did not sacrifice himself in vain, and I will protect you. 

~

[just-jordie-things]

Lovely - Bill Denbrough

word count: 9703 warnings: georgie’s death, pent up dark emotions, swearing

[prologue]

She was a normal child, y/n.  About as normal as you could get in Derry and still be unique enough to have people notice her.  Actually, she was so much more than normal, but she kept the facade of being average up in fear of being anything… weird.  Her parents always told her to never stick out, to never attract attention to herself, that she was weird.  And a part of her listened.

The other part of her longed to dance in the rain, to sing in the shower, to leap of cliffs with her boys into the lake.  She was artistic, she was sweet, and while she had a softness to her, there were sharp edges that just dared others to rub her the wrong way.

She was an honored member of the Losers club, having been a part of it since it was founded back in the third grade.  y/n had met Bill that year, and the two instantly had clicked.  It was like they’d been destined to be best friends.

She was sitting at her desk while all the other girls were playing with the dolls at the dollhouse during indoor recess.  Bill was sure he’d spent the last ten minutes staring at her instead of working on the race car track with Richie and Eddie.

“Stare any longer and your eyes’ll fall outta your head” Richie said, adjusting his glasses before socking his friend in the arm.  Bill winced, but his gaze on the girl only faltered for a brief moment, before he was staring back at her again.

“Sh-she’s really pretty” He commented, and Eddie scoffed in disgust.

“Pretty leads to sex.  That’s what mom says.  Sex leads to disease” He said, and while Bill had no idea what the hell that meant, he didn’t really care.

“You’re a disease” Richie uttered, causing Eddie to retaliate and soon they were hitting each other with wooden blocks.  In the meantime, Bill stood up and wandered over to the girl’s desk, a nervous tremble in his hands as he stood over the table.  She looked up at him, surprised to see someone around her at all.  Usually she kept to herself, she didn’t expect to have friends to play with during free time.

All Bill could do was stare, but this time it was at her bare arm, the sleeve of her sweater having been rolled up to her elbow.  Over it, were various bands of crayola marker inked onto her skin, all up her forearm

“W-woah” He stammered out, and the girl smiled brightly at him.  He hadn’t figured to find her coloring all over herself.

“I like the colors” She told him. Holding up her arm with pride.

“Y-yeah colors ar-are fun” Bill responded, and she smiled again before going back to work.  After a few moments, she realized that he was still standing there.

“I’m y/n” She spoke, her voice timid at the simple introduction.  

“I-I’m B-Bill” He replied, a bright and happy expression taking over his features.  y/n stuck her hand out to the boy, and her soon to be best friend, and he shook it enthusiastically.  Thus beginning their friendship.

After a few weeks of getting to know each other, eating lunch together, partnering up in class together, hanging out at recess, he finally asked.  He asked her to meet the rest of the Losers gang.

seven years later

y/n smiled to herself as she pulled down the hood of her blue raincoat, a long and awkward thing for her to wear as it fell all the way to her knees.  She had been walking quickly to avoid the rain, but lost care and took her leisurely time, enjoying the rainfall.  Bill was home sick, and she knew Georgie would need someone to play with.  She splashed her shoes in the water, not caring that they were getting soaked through and that her socks were practically ruined.

Her arrival was ten minutes later than originally planned but the entrance was just as exciting as always.  She didn’t knock anymore, just walked inside and announced she was there.

“Good afternoon Denbrough residence!” She called, and not halfway through her exclamation little feet were pounding against the floor in a dead sprint.

“y/n y/n!” Georgie’s voice that always seemed to hold a child like wonder to it echoed throughout the foyer as y/n pulled off her wet shoes and socks, before he came barrelling into her arms.

“Georgie!” y/n giggled joyfully as she picked him up with ease, swinging him back and forth as she hugged him tightly.

“Okay okay! I’m six not three” He said whilst laughing as he was set back down.  “Bill’s sick” He told her, and she pulled a face.

“Can I see him still?”

“Yeah! We’re gonna make a boat to play with in the steams from the rain!” y/n smiled at his excitement as he yanked her towards Bill’s room.  The young boy knocked a few times but didn’t wait for an answer from his brother before walking into the room.

“Georgie-” y/n was about to scold him for his impoliteness when she heard Bill speak up.

“y/n?” He called in a croaky voice after hearing her familiar tone carry through the room.

“She came over to play!” Georgie called, climbing up onto Bill’s bed.  His older brother laughed awkwardly, pulling on the blankets as Georgie indirectly messed them all up.

“Here, Georgie why don’t you go find some wax for your boat” y/n spoke up, helping him off the bed as she saw Bill’s discomfort.

“But it’s.. It’s in the cellar” He said, looking up at y/n with big doe eyes of fear.  She knelt over, smiling at him and booping his nose with the pad of her forefinger.

“You’re Georgie Denbrough and you’re scared of an old shitty cellar?” Normally Bill would’ve chastised her for cursing around the six year old but he was too tired and nauseated to care.

“But it’s… dark” Georgie mumbled, but y/n just winked, standing up and going over to Bill’s desk before grabbing his walkie talkies, turning them both on and handing one to the boy.  She held the other close to her lips and pressed the button before speaking.

“y/n to Georgie, y/n to Georgie, come in Georgie” The boy grinned and laughed as her voice came muffled through his receiver, and turned to leave the room.

“Thanks n/n!” He called as he ran away.  The girl chuckled, watching him until he turned the corner, before twirling back around to face Bill.

“How’re you feeling Billy?” She asked in her softest tone as she unzipped her long coat, having to bend over just slightly to completely open it.  The boy shrugged as she set the blue material over his desk chair, revealing her jeans and plain red tee shirt.

“N-not puking a-anymore” He said, and she smiled as she sat on the edge of his bed, her hand holding her up on the mattress.

“Well that’s good” She said with her kind smile that he was certain could cure him.  “Missed you in school today.  Had to hear about how this shirt makes my boobs look good from Richie” y/n rolled her eyes and Bill nearly did too, a small groan coming from his throat as well.

“I m-missed you t-t-today t-to” He stammered out, swallowing the lump in his throat that only worsened his stutter.

“You should go to sleep” y/n sighed, leaning off the bed and standing up again.  “The more rest, the faster you’ll heal- oh, speaking of which” He watched as she went over to her coat and dug into the pocket.  “Eddie told me to give you these” She revealed a bag full of a multitude of pills, all varying in shape and color and size, and making Bill’s eyes widen.

“W-what are a-all those?” He asked, and she laughed as she set the bag onto his bedside table.

“No fucking clue” She responded with a chuckle, looking from the medications to him, her features softening as her eyes lingered for a few lasting moments.

y/n jumped and nearly yelped when the radio static of the walkie talkie crackled, and she rushed over to it to hear whatever it was Georgie had to say.

“y/n I got it! I’m coming up!” y/n laughed as she could hear him rushing as quickly as his little legs could take him back to Bill’s room.

“Alright kiddo great!” She responded and was at the door just as the boy came galloping towards the room, out of breath and panting as he handed her the wax.  She was certain he went so fast because of how afraid he was, but didn’t mention it aloud.  “Thanks for being so quick your brother was boring me to death” She joked.

“Hey!” Bill argued, but burst into a coughing fit.  y/n gave him a sympathetic look before Georgie started tugging on her wrist to help him with the boat.

“Okay okay, I’ll help” She chuckled and he stood and watched as she expertly folded the boat the way Bill had shown her so many times before.  Georgie watched in total adoration as she took a pen and wrote in a neat font S.S Georgie.  “There ya go” She said softly, handing him the paper folded boat.

“Thank you so much!” Georgie threw his arms around her neck in a quick and tight hug, she didn’t even have the time to hug him back before he released.  “I gotta go play with it!” He yelled before he was running off again.  “Love you guys!” He added, and soon they heard the front door slam shut.  y/n’s heart swelled, and she spun to exchange a look of pure happiness with Bill.

“Did you hear that?” She murmured, her hands covering over her heart as her smile made it’s way to her eyes.  Bill chuckled, his own smiled pulling his lips upward.

“Come on, Georgie’s s-so in love with you, y-you might as w-well take him huh-home with y-you” y/n smiled at him and went over to put her coat on.

“Well I love him too” She gushed and leaned over him as she pulled her sleeves over his arms.  “I’m gonna go make sure he doesn’t wander off too far” She told him, and pressed her lips against his forehead  in a quick peck of a kiss.  “I’ll be back in a bit” She told him and he merely nodded as she headed out of the room.

All he could do was sit and stare, even as she’d left he was just left with his mouth hanging open.  Sure, he’d hugged her and they cared about each other deeply, he’d even shared a bed with her a few times during sleepovers, but lips had never touched skin before.  And it was a feeling he never wanted to forget.  Yeah, he was pretty embarrassed that he was sixteen and had never been kissed before, but it just felt like… there could be something.  Bill was just too anxious of a person to make a move.

“Georgie!?” y/n had run out of the house, her shoes untied and coat still being zipped up as she made her way through the rain.  “Jesus how far did this kid go?” She muttered to herself, growing out of breath from all the running.  “Georgie?” y/n called again.

“Down here!” She squinted to peer down the street, seeing him hunched over in his little yellow raincoat at the side of the road.

“Georgie what’re you-!?”

“Come meet Pennywise!” The girl’s brows furrowed as she paused for a moment, then began to quicken her pace to the point of running.  Complete and utter fear consuming her as she struggled to get there fast enough.

“Georgie don’t! Come here!” She yelled through ragged breath.

“No y/n it’s okay! He’s a friend-“

It was like her entire world stopped, as Georgie’s happy voice was cut short by a loud shriek as he was suddenly tugged towards the sewer, and all that she could see was the red surrounding the waters.

“George..” Her voice was quiet and weak as her feet moved without her realizing it, bringing her closer to the agonizing screaming of the boy, repeating his name, louder and louder.  Until she was desperate and flying towards him.  She could see clearly now he was missing the most of his right arm as he dragged himself as far from the sewer as he could manage.  

“Billy! y/n!” Georgie screeched, reaching towards her as her own arms flung to him, her hands grasping around his one.  “y/n! It hurts!” He screamed and cried.

“I’m right here, it’s okay, you’re gonna be-” Suddenly her comforting but panicked words were cut short by his body being pulled backwards.  y/n eyes widened as she frantically yanked on him, trying to gather all of her strength to pull him away from whatever was slowly but surely bringing him back towards the sewer.

“y/n! He’s got me! He’s got me!” Georgie shrieked, both of their faces now covered and soaked with tears and the dumping rain.

“I’m here! Just hold on George- hold on!” Her voice nearly failed her as now his legs were inside of the drain.  “Hold on!” She cried frantically, holding as tightly as she could to his left arm, the sleeve of his rain coat clenched in her fingers and surely leaving bruises on the skin beneath it from how hard she’d been trying to hold onto him.

“y/n!”

One final cry, before the boy was ripped from her hands, pried right out like a piece of meat, and vanished under the ground into the sewer right before her.

“G-Georgie” y/n mumbled out looking down at her hands to see the plastic feeling yellow coat, with a ripped and bloody right sleeve.  Slowly, she sunk to the ground, her eyes wide and her body beginning to tremble at the realization of what had just happened.  Soon she was in a violent spasming of uncontrollable shaking, but not a sound came from her besides the chattering of her teeth in the freezing downpour.

Georgie Denbrough was dead.

y/n spent weeks in near silence.  Only speaking when it was absolutely necessary.  Which was mostly just to Bill.

They spent a lot of their mourning together, often just sitting with each other in silence.  Their grief period seemed to be lasting a lot longer than the Denbrough parents, confusing pretty much all of the Losers club.  How could they move on so quickly from their youngest son’s… disappearance?

Death was a dirty, dirty word.

y/n never cried, as far as Bill knew.  She never did shed a tear in front of him.  He on the other hand, had broken down a few times and tried not to let her see out of shame but she always wrapped her arms around him and held him tightly.  Or crawled into his lap when they were sitting and wrapping her arms and legs around him, trying to convey as much as she could that she was there for him, always.

After months of scheming together and traveling far into town to track all the places that the sewer empties out, nothing came up.  Bill was certain that his brother was out there, and was alive, and because of this certainty y/n was on board with every plan he came up with, but as more time passed, everyone seemed to have the same thought.

They weren’t going to find him.

Present Day (six months later)

It was a good night, a fun night.  Everyone was gathered in Bev’s living room, drinking Colas and laughing as Richie and Eddie got into one of their stupid spats.  But it was light hearted and everyone was happy, because nowadays this feeling only came around on rare occasions.

Beverly had told the gang that her father was out on ‘business’ and wouldn’t be returning until the night after tomorrow, so everyone came over with their sleeping bags and snacks and planned to all spend the night.

“I’m just saying! You know how much we sweat in our sleep? It’s disgusting to sleep in a bag!” Eddie shrieked, causing y/n to nearly choke on her cola with a laugh.  Bill looked over at her, chuckling himself as he rubbed her back as she tried to stop her coughing.

“You do know you were in your mom for nine months, right?” Richie asked, and Eddie outwardly gagged, his body hunching over as he retched.

“Don’t puke on my carpet I am not cleaning that up” Beverly stated, and Richie continued to egg on Eddie.  Eventually y/n began to cringe herself, not wanting to hear about Mrs K giving birth to Eddie.

“Beep beep Richie” Mike grumbled as the girl stood up, shaking her head in disgust and headed towards the kitchen.

“Great, you made y/n sick too” Eddie said, smacking Richie’s arm with the back of his hand.  Bill looked from them up to y/n as she walked around the corner into the kitchen.

“I-I-I-I’ll be ri-ri-right back” Bill said, standing up and flattening down the front of his pants.

“I-I’m g-g-g-gonna go ch-check on my g-g-g-girlfriend” Richie mimicked, earning another slap from Eddie.  Bill ignored the comment and followed after y/n.

She was standing at the counter, her elbows resting on it and her head in her hands.  Bill frowned, walking over and standing across the counter from her.

“y-y/n?” She jumped slightly, looking up to see Bill.  “A-a-are you c-crying?” She shook her head, and his brows furrowed.  “W-what ha-happened you-you ran o-off?”

“I just came in here to get a glass of water” She responded in a quiet voice, and he looked at her blankly, knowing it was bullshit.

“The-then where is i-it?” He asked her.  She didn’t say anything, just wandered over to the cupboard to get a cup.  Bill keeps his eyes on her as she fills it at the sink, and takes a tentative sip from the glass.

“You shouldn’t say that word” She finally spoke, a mere murmur in the room.  Bill sighed, knowing she’d meant ‘It’.  

“It’s j-j-just a w-w-word, w-words c-can’t hurt y-y-you” She wanted to believe him, as she stared at him with doe eyes that seemed to hide every feeling inside of her, she wanted to believe him, especially since it is him.  But she couldn’t.

Words are what hurt the most.

“y-y/n?” She blinked, as though zoning out of something.  Something that had made her freeze up completely, not taking account of the fact that he’d walked around the counter, his hand resting on her arm.

“S-sorry” She stammered, which he’d caught immediately seeing that she almost never tripped over her words.  “Sorry” She repeated, clearly this time.  Bill frowned, and she knew that he’d seen through her, as he often seemed to do.  He didn’t say anything, just tugged on the arm his hand was still laying on and pulled her into a soft hug.  A much needed one too.

Neither of them spoke, not a single word.  y/n’s arms slipped around his flannel covered torso and she tucked her head underneath his chin.  She’d never really taken into account before that he was almost significantly taller than her.  But she appreciated it.  He was warm, and she just wanted to melt against him and not let go.

She let her eyes fall shut.

Bill didn’t even think she’d hug him back, in fact he had thought she’d push him away, tell him she was fine and leave the room like she had been doing recently.  It was a blatant lie, and a stupid one at that, no one was fine.  Not with Pennywise, and not since Georgie.  His hands rubbed up and down her back after a moment, and he was rewarded with her small nuzzle against him.

“I-it’s g-g-gonna b-be f-fine” Bill tried to sound reassuring, but they both knew that there was still a lot to be done before everything would be okay again.

“I believe you” She whispered, her arms releasing him only to encircle behind his neck, her head as unmoving as the rest of her body.  Bill almost could’ve confessed right there, with her holding onto him in a way that made him feel like playing music and dancing her around.  In fact, maybe if his friends (Richie) weren’t there to make comments, he might’ve suggested it.

“C-come on” Bill held back on letting out a long breath as he pulled away from y/n, his hands clasping around her wrists gently and removing them from around his neck.  She pulled away, by just a little bit as he set her hands at her sides, his own setting on her shoulders for a moment out of comfort.  “L-let’s get b-b-back before they s-st-start to get t-t-too weird w-w-without us” She nodded, allowing a small smile to tug on her lips.  He smiled back, and leaned forward to press a kiss to her forehead.  y/n’s smile grew in that moment, almost painfully and she had to refrain from flinging herself onto him again.

It was a short little kiss but her heart had never beat so fast.  Even as they walked back out of the kitchen with his hand on her back, guiding her carefully back to the group.

The rest of the night went more smoothly, watching films with everyone in their sleeping bags.  Except for Eddie, who’d brought his entire, freshly washed, bed sheets to lay out on the couch.  Richie was passed out and snoring at the end of the row of sleeping bags, Mike next to him with his face down in his pillow to drown out the noise.  Ben had fallen asleep rather easily after having a sugar rush earlier.  Beverly ended up going to her room, unable to handle Richie’s obnoxious snores.  Bill was by Ben, but a little further spaced apart.  Opting to lay closer to where y/n was.  She always distanced herself a little bit, sort of out of respect, but mostly because that was her way to ignore Richie.

She was wide awake, laying in her back with a blanket over top of it, bundling her in an extra layer of warmth.  Her head was buried against her feathery pillow, and she was dragging her finger through the carpet and making invisible designs as Bill laid and watched.  As creeped out he felt by staring at her as he laid there, he had know idea how comforted she felt, how relaxed her body had become as she lay there tracing names and pictures in the worn down carpeting.

“I’m sorry if I’ve kept you up late” She whispered out, as not to wake the others that lay maybe three feet away from them.

“Y-you haven’t” He told her sincerely.  I probably wouldn’t be asleep if she wasn’t here anyways.  “I-I spend most my time s-st-staring at-at the ce-ceiling before s-sleeping so” Bill shrugged, and she gave him a timid smile in thanks.  y/n was so, so fucking grateful for him and she didn’t even know how to say it.

So instead she just reached her previously drawing hand out and wrapped it around his, her eyes meeting his for the briefest of moments before her cheeks grew pink and she flickered her gaze down towards the ground instead.  Pretending to inspect the faint lines where her finger had drug through the floor.

“y/n” He spoke her name without a stutter, and he had a moment of pride for that.  The tired girl looked back up to him, anxiety flooding over her completely as she was hyper aware of their closeness.  Of his thumb just barely caressing over the back of her hand, of the way his eyes flickered between hers, that if she rolled over right now, even just to lie on her stomach, she’d be lying right next to him, their bodies pressed together at their sides.

“Yeah?” She finally spoke up after a silence that seemed to last ages had fallen over them.

“J-just try a-and sleep o-o-okay?” Her lips quirked upwards at the care in his words almost instantly.  Bill just had that effect on her.

“That’s kind of hard to do these days” She whispered, her line of sight falling on their still connected hands.  

“I-I know” He said, catching the way she seemed fascinated by their hands.  “Y-you know w-what helps m-m-me s-sleep?” She looked back at him awaiting an answer.  “T-trying t-to not s-stutter” y/n smiled awkwardly.

“But I don’t have a stutter”

“N-no but y-you could h-help if you w-want” He offered.  She thought for a moment then nodded in agreement.

“Okay” She agreed.  “What do you want me to do?”

She’d heard him practice before, usually he was quiet and would whisper phrases to himself and try his best not to stammer over syllables.  She would listen and stay silent so that he could do it in peace.  There were particular days where he would grow frustrated with himself and give up on it after a string of curses.  She’d wanted to help, she just never knew how.

“Um..” Bill thought for a moment, unsure of how she could help.  In fact, y/n’s presence had a tendency to make his stuttering worse.  “How a-about you th-think of something a-and I’ll repeat w-whatever you s-s-say” He suggested, and y/n grinned almost maniacally.

“A chance to make Bill Denbrough say stupid shit and look like a fool? I’m in” She rubbed her hands together but instantly regretted the action, not having wanted to let go of his hand.  But he’d already moved it away, using it to prop his head up with his elbow on the floor.

“A-alright” He said nervously, his free hand tapping his fingers on the material of his sleeping bag.  y/n pushed herself to sit up, on top of her own sleeping bag, but keeping her extra blanket draped around her shoulders to preserve her warmth.

“Okay, here we go” She started, trying to come up with something for him to repeat back to her.

“Okay here w-we go” Bill replied, making her laugh and roll her eyes.

“y/n is my favorite loser” She decided, a small smirk on her mouth from her wittiness.  Now Bill was the one to roll his eyes, even though the statement was the truth.

“y/n is my fuh-favorite loser” He got most of the sentence out, but cringed on his slip.

Maybe this was a bad idea, this was humiliating and only further proved why their group were called Losers.  But y/n just smiled warmly at him.

“That was great! Just one slip” She complimented.  “Wanna do another one?” He nodded in response as she thought about something else to say.

“Try t-to think of s-something hard” Bill said, and she nodded, sucking in her lips and squinting her eyes while thinking.

“Like a tongue twister?” He shrugged.

“Sure if you w-wanna make me l-look stupid” He responded, and y/n chuckled quietly.

“You couldn’t look stupid Bill” She told him sincerely.

They spent the next hour or so coming up with different things for him to say, random things, funny things, made up tongue twisters that sometimes y/n couldn’t even get out properly.  It was growing late, and the room was almost pitch black.  The only sounds being Richie’s continued snoring and their quiet whispers as they laid across from each other.  Both tucked into their sleeping bags again.

Their eyes would begin to droop shut as they spoke, sleepiness washing over them and suddenly their makeshift beds were so inviting.  And warm.  Their voices grew even quieter, below whispers and then silent for a few minutes.  A while passed before Bill realized that she had almost fallen completely asleep.

“Goodnight y/n” He said without a single slip, and settled into his own bag and closing his eyes to go to sleep.

Her own eyes fluttered open, a tired but soft smile on her lips as she whispered back.

“Goodnight Bill” And like that she was out like a lightswitch.

“Do you think we should wake them up?” Mike pondered aloud as he looked down at Bill and y/n, fast asleep on the floor, with the late morning light poured over them from the open window.  The whole crew was circled around, watching them sleep there, and wondering what to do.  The plan was to go to the quarry for some swimming and cliff diving, but these two wouldn’t wake up.

“No, maybe let them sleep a little longer” Beverly said.  “In the meantime I can make breakfast” She suggested, hoping the boys would leave the two alone.

“It’s disgusting, they’re so close.  They’re gonna get-”

“Eddie” Mike kicked the hypochondriac in the shin slightly.  “If you say AIDS, I will scream”

“That’s not even how it fucking works dumbass” RIchie’s voice raised, and everyone gave him a wide eyed look, gesturing between him and the sleeping pair still on the floor.  “Oh fuck off” He muttered and walked off towards the kitchen.  “Their cuddling is not going to stop me from eating a fucking meal” He called.  The others watched Bill and y/n intently, making sure they wouldn’t wake.  But they didn’t even stir.

“It’s kind of nice” Ben admired them.  y/n had reached to him in her sleep, her one hand wrapped in his and the other hooked under her head as she’d moved off of her pillow and laid on the actual floor to be closer.  “Do you think they went to sleep like that or do you think it happened overnight?”

“Definitely happened overnight” Eddie snickered.  “Billy boy would never have the balls to cuddle her while they’re both conscious”

“Maybe he would” Beverly shrugged, her lips pursed as she thought.  “I mean, he stares at her all the time what’s he got to lose?” Eddie snorted louder now, but instantly clapped a hand over his mouth.

y/n stirred on the ground, her brows tugging together for a moment as she moved awkwardly.  Only to lay closer to Bill.

A small squeak made it’s way through Eddie’s hand as Bill’s hand squeezed hers for a moment, neither of them fully conscious or aware of their own actions.

“Oh my God” Eddie’s hand lowered.

“Holy shit” Mike muttered.

“They’re so in love” Ben swooned.  The other two boys gave him a bored and grossed out look.  But Beverly smiled.

“Come on, let’s just leave them be” She said, and they followed her into the kitchen where Richie was already helping himself.

Bill awoke not too long later, y/n still fast asleep and snoring ever so quietly in front of him.  He was surprised to find her lying so close, but even more so to find her hand was held in his.  It took everything he had to stay totally silent as he loosened his hold on her fingers, hoping not to wake her as he got up.  Luckily she stayed asleep even as he adjusted her to be laying back on her own pillow.  She snuggled right into it as he smiled before heading to the sound of his friend’s voices.

“Hey lover boy!” Richie exclaimed, and Bill’s face flushed pink, realizing they must’ve seen them sleeping.

“W-we were j-just sleeping” He defended immediately

“Yeah whatever” Richie rolled his eyes.  “Of course you were” Bill looked back at him confusedly, not understanding what his friend was talking about.

“It was so sweet, you should ask her out” Ben said, and Bill nearly jumped at the thought, his eyes wide and his flushed face burning now.

“W-what wh-why-why would I-I-I do-”

“Stop butchering it kid it’s clear that you like-” “Like what?” Bill spun around and almost toppled to the ground when he heard her voice.  There she was, shuffled into the kitchen with her blanket around her and her fist rubbing her eye like a tired child.

“Likes my pancakes better than Mike’s” Beverly spoke up, covering for the boy.  Bill made a mental note to thank her later.  y/n nodded and smiled.

“Yeah me too” She whispered, and Mike looked between the two with fake hurt in his expression.

“I feel attacked” He mumbled to himself.  Bill chuckled and awkwardly walked over to the cupboard for a plate to make his breakfast.

“It’s okay Mike, I still like your pancakes” Ben spoke up, trying to fill the silence.

“Are we still going to the quarry today or are we all just gonna awkwardly stand in the kitchen like a bunch of fucking kids?” Richie spoke, his mouth full of pancakes as he stood, opting not to sit at the table.

“That depends” y/n said groggily, keeping her blanket around her shoulders like a robe as she trudged for a bowl of cereal.  “Are you gonna stop being such an asshole trashmouth?” He sneered playfully and she stuck her tongue out at him before laughing.  “Why were you all up so early anyways? You should’ve woken me up we could’ve left by now” She said, putting milk in her bowl of Life, and stirring her cereal together

“Oh, you just seemed so comfortable” Eddie said in a mocking tone that made y/n’s brows furrow in confusion.

“What?” She questioned.

“Yeah, didn’t wanna ruin a moment” Richie added, earning a slap in the shoulder from Beverly.  y/n looked at the others for an answer, Mike, Stan, Ben, Bill… but none came.  So she just ignored it as the boys being stupid and ate her breakfast.  They often did random shit like this.

After eating and changing out of her too big sweatpants and tee shirt pajamas, exchanging them for shorts and a plain blue tee shirt, y/n was outside in the driveway with the rest of the Losers.  Each of them holding up a bike, but she didn’t have one, so she sat in Bev’s oversized basket on the front of her bike to ride in.

She liked riding around town this way, it always provided a nice breeze and she liked holding her arms up in the air while riding.  It was a small moment of feeling pure freedom.

“You ready?” Beverly’s voice drew y/n from her thoughts and she nodded with a small smile as she climbed into the basket as her friend kept the bike steady.  “Good?” She checked, and y/n nodded.

“I’m ready” She said with a big smile.

“Ready for anything eh?” Richie snarked, earning a sharp glare from both girls, but y/n especially.

“Not anything you’re offering” She said with a fake disgusted eye scan over the boy with the glasses too big for his face.  Bill snickered, and y/n instantly looked over to him as he laughed while getting on his bike.  She found herself smiling as she watched him, her eyes unable to pull away or even glance anywhere else.

“y/n? Earth to y/n?” Stan was snapping in her face and she jolted a little as he got in his own bike, leaving her and Bev.

“You are the most heart eyed girl I’ve ever seen” She spoke, and y/n turned to look at her with wide and almost petrified eyes.  “Oh please, it took these losers a while to see it, but come on n/n, it’s me” Beverly chuckled.  “Of course I know”

“Kn-know what?” y/n stammered and Beverly smirked, pedaling off.

“Don’t even mess with me y/n l/n” Beverly laughed, and y/.n avoided looking at her by letting her gaze land on all the surrounding boys.  “y/n” Beverly singsonged her friend’s name to gain her attention again.  “I know you like him, why’re you trying to hide it?”

“Because” y/n mumbled quiet so no one else could hear them.  “After everything that’s happened? That’s still happening? It’d be… it’s just not right Bev” y/n sunk into the basket.  Her legs were hooked over the front of it, and she lowered her arms from the air to wrap around her knees.

“You make no sense.  Now is the prime time!” Beverly exclaimed.  “There’s no time better than the present!”

“Would you lower your voice?” y/n muttered, but she just laughed happily.

“Think of it this way, Derry’s gone to shit these last couple… well years but lately it’s just gotten worse”

“Where are you going with this?” y/n questioned.

“What if something happens? To either of you? And you never fessed up?” y/n thought about that for a moment in silence.  While the thought was dark, she wasn’t exactly wrong.  y/n huffed, rubbing her eyes with her fists.

She’d barely even spoken to him since last night, and now all she could think about was telling him how much he really meant to her.

“So? You gonna tell Bill you’re into him-”

“Shhh” y/n hissed.  “Don’t talk so loud I-... I’m still thinking” Beverly shrugged, hoping her friend would come to the conclusion to confess.

Because to be completely honest, Beverly saw both sides of this situation.  She glanced over as she pedaled and y/n stared up at the sky.  Sure enough, Bill wasn’t even looking at the road as he rode his bike.  Bev thought for a short moment how hysterical it would be if he were to crash because he was too distracted by y/n.

Lovestruck fools, Beverly thought to herself, but smiled as she shook her head.

“Quarry!” y/n leaped out of the basket before Bev even completely stopped, but didn’t care as she took off running towards the cliff side that the gang spent so much time at.

“C-careful!” Bill called but the warning fell short as the girl tossed her backpack towards the rocks so she could lean over the edge.

“What? Thought your girlfriend was gonna go jump off a cliff?” Eddie teased and Bill scowled, thanking God that y/n could hear.

“Sc-screw off” The boy responded, and followed after y/n.

“Oh right, she’s gotta strip first” Richie said.

“Beep beep Richie” They said in a close unison.

y/n spun around, her eyes darting between Beverly and Bill’s, her bright smile contagious to the both of them.

“Look at the water! It’s so clear!” She said excitedly, and walked over to her bag as she pulled her shirt over her head and set it with her bag, her shorts following.  ‘

Once they were all down to their undergarments they stood at the edge.  The first jump was always the most terrifying.

“They’re still a bunch of wussies” Beverly mumbled into y/n’s ear, and she giggled as quietly as she could.

“Oh yeah!?” Richie’s voice rose as he took offense, and before anyone could retort he leapt off the edge, free falling into the water.  Everyone awaited his resurface in silence, but soon he came right back up from the water, yelling up at them.  “Fuck you!”

“I-I think y-you hurt his f-feelings by l-laughing at h-him” Bill said to y/n, who was standing next to him, and she shrugged.

“He’ll get over it” She said, a wicked smile on her face as she looked down at Richie, who was currently giving them all the finger.

“Pussies!” He yelled, and y/n just rolled her eyes.

“Later losers” She winked at Bill before leaping off of the cliff and doing a forward flip before meeting the water.  It was cold, but felt good as she came up for air, smoothing her hair back.  Beverly followed, then Bill, Stan, Mike, Ben, Eddie always being the last.  Standing up at the top and staring down at the drop.

“I don’t know guys” He called.  “Maybe not today”

y/n cupped her hands around her mouth to yell up at him.

“It’s nice! You can do it!” She tried to sound positive, seeing that Richie was yelling about how Eddie should just jump to his death already.

After a few more minutes of yelling up at him, Eddie finally jumped, screaming the whole way down, his splash silencing him.

“Knew you could do it!” y/n said, swimming over to him as he resurfaced.  Eddie grinned and high fived her.

“That was lame” He muttered to himself after, and swam back to the group.

y/n swam over to Bill, who’d just been floating on his own, but smiled as she came over to him.

“You okay?” She asked softly.  “You’ve been quiet” Bill nodded.

“Y-yeah I’m g-good” He said, and she smiled back at him.  “I’m just t-tired still”

“Me too, you kept me up late”

“I-I kept y-you up l-late? Y-you fell a-asleep on m-me w-we were in the m-middle of c-conversation” y/n laughed nervously, her cheek flushing pink of embarrassment.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to” She mumbled, looking down beneath the surface of the water as her feet kicked lightly to keep her afloat.  She let herself submerge, liking the feeling of the cool water surrounding her.  Her hair floating above her and she felt at peace.

She opened her eyes, only to be met with blackness.  The water no longer a clear blue around her, just a pitch, dark, nothing.  Her eyes widened, and she would’ve screamed if she didn’t fear drowning.

“y/nnn” An eerie voice seemed to sing into her ear.  “y/n….” She darted around, frantically looking for the owner of th voice that made her stomach turn.

“Hello?” She croaked, surprised she could speak.

She wasn’t in water, she was simply floating in an empty abyss.

“Hello!?” She yelled louder, desperate to find whoever was speaking to her, to know she wasn’t going insane.

“Fuck y/n shut up” She turned nervously to the owner of the voice, recognizing it.  Even though it didn’t contain it’s usual stutter.

“Bill?” Her voice trembled.

“Jesus Christ” She could see him clearly now, right in front of her.  His eyes were filled with hate and she was frightened by his rigid stance.  “There’s a reason we’re called the Losers, and it’s your fault.  Everything’s your fault!” His voice rose and she fell back, surprised to have hit a solid ground, seeing she was surrounded by blackness, except for Bill, who was clear in front of her.

“Wh-what do you mean?” Tears begin to slip out of her eyes, down her cheeks.  “What are you talking about what’s going- what’s going on?”

“It’s your fault he’s fucking dead!” Her breath caught in her throat, her e/c eyes wide and a pit grew in her stomach.  “Georgie’s gone because of you! He’s dead, because you barely even tried to save him!”

“No… no Bill I did everything I could,  I did- I did... I swear I tried my hardest to fight for him” She burst into tears after having held it all in for so long.  “I tried!” She cried aloud.

“I tried I tried!” Everyone backed away from where y/n was thrashing and screaming on the ground.

She’d gone under the water, and the next thing Bill realized is that she was drowning.  In fact, she was taking in water as though it were air.  He’d quickly retrieved her, earning kicks as she continued to violently thrash around as though she were being attacked.  He yelled at the others and everyone swam to shore, carefully placing y/n in the grass.

“What the fuck is happening?” Richie muttered, growing frantic by the strange scene before him.  It made no sense, she had been drowning, but now she was screaming and moving as though she were completely conscious.  Even though her eyes were still closed.

“I-I don’t know I-I-”

“It’s not my fault!” y/n’s plea cut off Bill’s stuttering, and his chest ached.  SHe was losing her mind and there wasn’t anything he could do about it.

“What is she talking about?” Ben asked quietly.  “What is she seeing…” He trailed off, looking up at his friends in realization.  “It’s It, he’s doing it, she’s seeing something she just doesn’t know it isn’t real” Bill’s eyes widened and he went into a state of panic.

“y/n!” He knelt down on the ground and took her shoulders, shaking her rapidly.  “y/n it’s not real! It’s not real!” He was yelling the same phrase over and over, and the rest of the Loser’s gang exchanged a look of shock.  In all of his pleading he didn’t stammer once, every word came out in a desperate, and clear yell.  “Wake up wake up! Open your eyes damnit!”

“Bill…” Richie mumbled, and y/n’s body stilled.  Bill halted his shaking on her, and she remained completely unmoving.

“Oh my god” Eddie stared at the girl’s body in absolute fear.  “Oh my god she’s dead! She’s dead she’s-!”

y/n breathed in deeply, in need of a gasp of air to fill her lungs.  Her eyes opened, gaze falling on the blue skies before seeing the worried eyes staring back at her.  Baby blue irises prodding her silently.

“Bill” She cried, reaching up to him and winding her arms tightly around his neck.  Sobs followed her call for him, crying hard.  Her entire body shook in his arms, and for a few moments he just held her, looking to the other Losers for some sort of answer on how to respond.

She’d never showed this much emotion, she hadn’t cried in front of him, not a single tear.  y/n was always the one to keep it together, and he’d admired her for having so much control over her emotions but now he knew the truth.

He held her tighter, a hand running through her hair while occasionally cupping the back of her head.  He understood now.  She wasn’t in control, she was completely out of it.  She shut down in difficult situations, she lost the ability to detect emotion, but now it had built up into something ugly and she was breaking down because of it. 

It had known exactly how to get to her.

“It’s okay” He mumbled, squeezing her for a moment before going back to rubbing her back.  “It’s okay” y/n sniffled, her eyes shutting tight as she pushed her face further against his neck, willing the images in her head to go away, but they just wouldn’t.

Surely they would all ask her what it was she saw.  They must be curious, or worried enough to wonder what her absolute fear was.  And it wasn’t that she was against telling them, she just wasn’t sure how.

“Come on, I’m taking you home” It was then that y/n noticed Bill hadn’t stuttered since she’d woken up.  She nodded, releasing her hold on him and shakily pushed herself up to stand.  Her eyes darted over the other Losers, all bearing the same terrified look that made her decide to stare down at the ground instead.  She didn’t want scared and pitiful looks, she just wanted to go home and be by herself.

“Georgie’s gone because of you!” The phrase repeated over and over inside of her head.

It didn’t stop until an arm wrapped around her shoulders, guiding her up the hill to the cliff side where she’d left all of her things.  The simple action calming her ever so slightly.  She looked over at him, staring intently while he fought himself not to look back at her.  Neither said anything, though there were many things that the both of them were just itching to get out

He handed her her clothes, and they both changed before y/n grabbed her backpack and slid the loops over her arms.

“You good t-to go?” Bill asked, cursing that his stutter had returned.  y/n nodded as he picked his bike up, moving to sit as far up on the seat as he could so that there was room for her, even though the petite thing barely took up any of her space.  She swung her leg over, her arms wrapping around his torso as she settled in the seat.  y/n closed her eyes, her forehead leaning against his back as she tried to recoup her thoughts.

Bill pedaled off, careful to ride on the smooth parts of the road so that y/n wouldn’t be disturbed.  She appreciated it silently.

When he pulled into his driveway, she didn’t protest against him to take her to her own house.  Just followed him inside.

“I’m sorry I ruined the day” She whispered when he closed the door.  The fact that she’d even spoke him took surprise, before the words she’d said registered in his head and suddenly he was shaking his head furiously.

“No, n-no y/n y-you didn’t ruin a-anything” He said sincerely, stepping closer to grab onto her hands.  “You didn’t ruin an-anything” He repeated a little clearer.  “This isn’t y-your f-fault”

Tears fell from her eyes at his last statement, and Bill instantly wished he could take it back, for whatever reason it was that it had bothered her so deeply.  Bill frowned, tugging on her hands to pull her closer slightly.

“Hey” His voice grew quiet as he released her to tentatively (and rather shakily), cup his palms around her cheeks.  “Y-you’re safe, you’re s-safe h-here” He assured her, staring into her eyes deeply as tears rolled down her cheeks.

“H-he was r-r-right” She sobbed out brokenly.  “Y-you were r-right” Bill’s brows furrowed in confusion to what she meant.

“What h-happened?” He asked gently, not wanting to push her into telling him, but still wanting to know so that he could figure out how to fix it.  “I-I can fix it if y-you just tell m-me”

He was answered by a small cry, like she was in pain.  And she was.

“You can’t fix it” Her voice came out in a breath.  “He’s gone and it’s my fault” y/n stared down at the floor, unable to look him in the eyes as she admitted to him, for the first time, the truth of her feelings.  “I couldn’t save him, and now he’s never coming back- it’s my fault!” She broke down completely again, falling to her knees before Bill could catch her.

It dawned on him that she blamed herself for Georgie’s disappearance….

For his death.

“Oh, y/n” Bill knelt down in front of her, lifting her chin and staring sympathetically at her, before gathering her in his arms and pulling her against him.  “I- I don’t b-blame you f-for that whatsoever.  That cl-clown is j-just trying to g-get in your h-head” The girl sniffled and cried into his chest, unable to get herself to stop the on flow of tears.

“It was you” She whispered.  “I saw you” Her hands clutched fistfulls of the front of his shirt.  “You were pissed you… you hated me” She ended the sentence in a quiet, barely audible tone.  Bill’s face fell as he rubbed his hands over her back soothingly.

“I-I could never h-hate you y/n, you kn-know that” She smiled, hidden against his chest.  A soft but pained laugh left her lips that made Bill smile, and pull her back from him.  “Y-you wanna stay the night?” He asked, wiping at your tears with the pads of his thumbs.  Her watery smile tugged a little further.

“Thanks Bill” She whispered.  He nodded, eyes scanning over her features as her crying came to a stop.  It was quiet, but not uncomfortable.  In fact, y/n felt perfectly safe and comfortable.  “I should’ve just talked to you first, before it all turned into… well a shitty mess of fear” He smiled sadly.

“I-I’m just glad y-you’re talking to me n-now” He replied, but she frowned in return.  “W-why didn’t you t-tell me earlier? W-we could’ve t-talked about it” y/n shrugged her shoulders limply.

“I dunno.  I didn’t want to bother you with it…” Bill sighed aloud and all he wanted was to pull her in again for another tight hug.  But his frown just deepened and his fingers softly caressed over her cheeks.

“You c-couldn’t have b-bothered me”

“I’m sorry, I’m so, so sorry” She mumbled, but his frown lifted to a gentle smile and he shook his head.

“I-it’s okay y/n” He told her.  “Even i-if it d-doesn’t feel l-like it, it’s o-okay” She sniffled and smiled back at him, leaning into the touch of his warm and inviting palm on her cheek.

“Thanks Billy” She whispered, and wrapped her arms around him in one last hug, her lips planting on his cheek lightly before setting her chin on his shoulder.  Bill was lucky that she couldn’t see his blooming blush across his cheeks.

“O-of course” He said, squeezing her before releasing.  She wiped the remaining feeling of wetness on her cheeks, and excused herself to go take a shower.

She would take her time, he realized, and decided to sit at the kitchen table with his sketchbook.  Like he usually did to pass time.  He often just sketched his friends (cough) he often sketched y/n, her different profiles, in different beautiful settings or even just a plain sketch.

Bill spent a lot of his free time on sketching.  And more often than not, he always found himself coming back to sketching her.  She was like his muse.

The boy paused is actions upon this thought, setting his pencil down and his face scrunching up.  y/n was his muse.  She was this object of beauty that inspired him to do what he was most passionate about.  He smiled, liking this thought of her, and decided he would tell her this.  Hopefully it would lift her spirits.

It must've been twenty minutes until she came back into the room, hair damp, and clad her own pajamas.

(both Bill and y/n kept some spare clothes at each other’s houses, but it was her who took advantage of it more)

“What’re you up to?” She asked him curiously, padding over to the table and sitting down at the seat next to his.

“J-just drawing” Bill said.  He wasn’t sure why he moved the book over so she could see he was sketching her.  He always had worries that she’d stumble across these drawings and that it would come across as creepy.

But y/n smiled as she said, “Bill, it’s beautiful” Eyes full of sincerity as they glanced up to his.  “That’s so sweet.  I’ve never been sketched before” She told him, and he smiled at her.

“I-I’m glad y-you don’t thi-think it’s c-creepy” He told her, but she just smiled again and shook her head.

“I think it’s lovely” She told him honestly.

“I think you’re lovely” He responded, too quickly, but without stutter.

Both of their eyes widened as his words registered.  A silence hung in the air for a moment, before y/n began to smile slowly.

“I think you’re lovely too” She said bashfully, her hand reaching out to hold onto his, like he had done the night before.  “Bill I… you…” She trailed off, trying to find the right words to say.  Which was really just the beginnings of a bunch of unfinished words.  She shook her head, pinks flushing with heat at her own embarrassment.  “I think that…. I think that we… that we could maybe…” Her eyes met his under her long lashes, a bashful sort of look that he wanted to begin drawing instantly.  He stared back at her, his own ocean colored irises.  It was quiet for a moment, and the intensity she could physically feel in her chest was getting too much to handle.

y/n realized that it was your own heart beating against your ribcage.

She wasn’t sure she could take much more of this silence.

“Bill I think we could be-”

He cut the girl off, holding her face gently in his hands and leaning forward to press his lips against hers.  It was messy, seeing as neither of them had ever kissed anyone before.  But it was sweet and nice nonetheless.  y/n’s eyelashes fluttered shut, brushing lightly against his cheek.  Hands gently setting upon his shoulders as they pulled away.  Her eyes opened, wide as saucers (Though Richie would’ve said Eddie’s mom) and watching him open his own eyelids more hesitantly.

“-something more” She finished in a whisper, with the beginnings of a smile tugging at the end of her pink lips.  Bill’s thumb unconsciously stroked over her cheek as he nodded.

“I think s-s-so too” He murmured back.

“Could we… could we try that again?” She asked him quietly, her gaze falling down to his parted and smiling lips.  He only nodded, and she leaned back in to softly slant her lips back against his.

It was like two puzzle pieces that had been lost when the puzzle was first being constructed.  It was like the whole picture was put together, it was like the stars had aligned, the flowers had bloomed, the sun had risen.  y/n had never felt something so powerful and beautiful.

When they parted, Bill wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close, one of his hands raising to pet through her hair.  He took a quick liking ti holding her close, guaranteeing her safety in his arms.

“N-next time n/n, just t-tell me wh-when there’s a w-weight on your sh-shoulders” He told you quietly, and the girl rested her head against his shoulder.  “Y-you don’t have to c-carry it alone”

“Okay” She whispered, her hold on him tightening.

“D-don’t hide from us, es-especially n-not me, okay?”

“Okay Billy” She responded.

They stayed there for a while holding tightly to each other, she she prayed, she prayed her heart out that she wouldn’t let go this time.

xoxo ~ jordie

[sheriff-bow-and-arrow]

Genius (Chapter 3)

Words: 4353

Warning(s): Language

Summary: Reader makes a trip to Alexandria in order to drop off some supplies that Rick asked for. She doesn’t expect the extra cargo when she goes back home. 

That morning was absolutely beautiful, the sun was out and the temperature was refreshing. As you drove to Alexandria, your window was down, sending your hair flying behind you. A box of supplies that Rick requested was the only thing that accompanied you on your little trip. It was stock full of bandages, rubbing alcohol, canned goods, and some comics that you got just for Carl. You reached over to your cupholder and grabbed the pair of sunglasses that you kept in there and put them on, relieved that the sun was out of your eyes.

The fence around Alexandria was different than the first time you saw it. They added metal strips along the outside and barbed wire marked the top of it. You smiled, proud of yourself for giving them the tips. Standing on guard, you could see, was Daryl, a rifle held on his rough hands. When you pulled up to the gate, you stopped and stuck your hand out the window. You gave Daryl a small wave, which he returned before walking down from his post. He opened up the gate slowly and you pulled in, parking right as you entered. You pulled the keys from the ignition and put them in your pocket. You got out and closed the door before going to the other side and grabbing the box.

“Hey (Y/N),” Daryl said as he walked back over to you.

“Hey,” You said, nodding to him. “How have you been?”

“Been good.” He said. “You?”

“Good. Were you guys able to find those chemicals I was asking for?”

Daryl shook his head. “Sorry,” He said. “It’s hard to find stuff like that.”

“I get it.” You sighed. “I’ll talk to you later.” You balanced the box in your arms before you began to head towards the Grimes’ household. There were several people that you knew - barely - that you passed that you didn’t acknowledge. They gave you small stares or even ignored you all together. Either way, you brushed them off and walked up the porch. You entered the house without invitation.

As you distanced yourself from the source of the light, you took off your sunglasses and put them in the pocket opposite your keys. Afterwards, you made your way to the beautiful kitchen that Rick was lucky to have. You set the box on top of the kitchen counter and grabbed the cans of food, setting them down before you snatched the comics and headed for the living room. You could hear the giggles of Judith and smiled. When you entered, you saw Carl on the couch, playing with wooden blocks with Judith. An even wider smile appeared on your face as you walked over to Carl and tossed the comic books into his lap. Visibly, he jumped and let out a small sound, causing you to chuckle deeply. Carl glanced up at you and smiled.

“Hey.” He said and stood up. He wrapped his arms around you in a hug and you returned it. “When did you get here?”

“Less than five minutes ago. I came with some supplies and I need to check on your dad’s wound.” You said and pulled back.

“Is he still at risk?”

“I’m afraid he is. More so since his wound has successfully closed -  yay me.” You smiled. Carl smiled as well.

Judith stood up on the couch and looked at you, smiling. She waved her tiny hand in your direction. “Hi.” She said in a small, childish voice before she began to chew on her fist.

You looked at her and smiled lovingly. You walked over to her and picked her up, hugging her. “Hi.” You said and chuckled. Judith wrapped her tiny, little arms the best that she could around your neck before pulling away.

The feeling of Carl’s hand on your lower back made you jump and turn to him. He beamed. “She really missed you.”

“I can tell. I missed the little devil too.”  You informed Carl before planting a wet kiss on the toddler’s cheek. She cringed and giggled.

“Did you get anything else important?’

“Yeah, just some canned foods, rubbing alcohol, and bandages.”

“Alright, why don’t me and you go put the rubbing alcohol and bandages up?” He asked.

“Who will watch Judith?”

“We can get Tara to watch her. She’s not doing anything right now.”

“You know that for sure?���

Carl hesitated before he responded. “Yes.”

You smiled and chuckled. ‘Alright. I’ll grab the-”

“No, I’ll get the box.”

You raised your brows at his eagerness and then nodded. “Thank you. I set the box down on one of the kitchen counters.”

A white smile appeared on his face as he turned towards the kitchen with you following suit. Carl grabbed the box, leaving the canned goods near the fridge. Without a word, only a smile between the two of you, you, Carl, and Judith made your way over to Tara’s house, you carrying Judith and Carl carrying the box. You were the one that knocked lightly on the door, stepping back. It didn’t take that long for Tara to come to the door, glancing at Carl and then at you.

“Hey,” She said, pressing one hand on her hip and the other on the doorframe.

“Hey Tara, could you watch Judith for a little bit? (Y/N) and I have to put some supplies away.”

Tara nodded. ‘Sure,” She turned to you, holding out her arms. You handed her Judith, who went to her without any issue. “Come on Judith.” She smiled. “Let’s go inside.” She said and told Carl and you nothing else before closing the door.

“I can take the box now.”

Carl shook his head, his hair shifting with his movements. “I got it.” He told you. “Let’s go.” With his head, he gestured away from the house and began to walk away, you following right beside him.

Ever since you helped his father, you and Carl started to build a very fond relationship. Carl, you had to admit, was developing into a perfect friend - the first friend that you had since the start of the apocalypse. He was nicer, no longer a dick, shot you a smile every time that he saw you, and even went as far as staying up with you, talking, for countless hours, on the walkie talkies. The late-night chats were mostly based around your lives well before the world went to shit, but they were still talks that made you sleep easier and made you feel less lonely. Many times you have considered asking Carl or some of the other people in Alexandria if they wanted to move to the hospital with you to give you more company, but you would always back down, knowing that because you were new, and because they made Alexandria their home, they wouldn’t want to live anywhere else.

You understood, of course, that was one of the main reasons why you denied the option of living in Alexandria. The hospital had become your home, that and you had important research that was located there and you would be damned if you were just going to abandon ship or risk moving it. It was too valuable to you and you had made too much progress to jeopardize your findings. Still, it made your nights seem empty. That’s why you were thankful that you had Carl.

The clinic in Alexandria was small, but could hold up to six people in beds and cots. The cabinets were filled with as many medications as Negan’s men left and what Rick’s group had found over the course of two or three weeks after Negan stopped making his weekly appearances. You had to admit that they were limited on antibiotics and medications, but the ones that they acquired were powerful and high class, but there were some, you knew, that they would never be able to use. Bottles of Valsartan, Diuril, BuSpar, Montelukast, and medicines alike littered the shelves of the medicine cabinets. Those prescription pills were given to people with heart, blood pressure, anxiety, and coughing problems. Not necessarily the best for people with injuries. It got you thinking: you might just have to provide Rick with an offer of trading some of his useless medications with some of the well known ones that you had with you at the hospital - ibuprofen, tylenol, and even hydrocodone.

When the two of you entered, you closed the door, taking in the fresh smell of air that circulated throughout the room. The clinic didn’t smell as sanitary as the hospital did - which smelled as if it was brand new after a hard scrubbing on your part - however, you had to admit that it gave the small clinic a homey feeling when you were inside of it, which was a bonus in your book.

Carl set the box of items on top of one of the examination tables. He sorted through it, bringing out the alcohol and the bandages before he began to put it up. You started to help as well, smiling as you did so. Halfway through putting the items away, Carl stopped near the box, biting his lip. You, however, continued.

“Why don’t you come and live with us?” He asked.

This made you stop in your tracks right before you reached the cabinet. You frowned and turned towards Carl, shoulders slumping. “Carl, that’s...that’s my home.” You said. “I can’t just pack up everything and leave. It wouldn’t feel right to me.” You looked down at the floor with a look of shame on your face. “Plus, I have so much research there.”

“You can move it here.” He said.

“I don’t want to risk it. It’s too important and one little mix up can screw up the entire research and throws all of my work right down the crapper.” You placed the bandages on their designated row.

“Is it really that important?”

You turned back to Carl and started to walk towards him. “It’s more important than you will ever know.” You raised your brows and looked at Carl with utter seriousness. “Ever since I found that lab, I have been doing scientific experiments all leading down to one item that can change how we view this world for the rest of our lives. I’m not talking about more powerful painkillers, or developing chemicals that we can soak bullets in to melt someone from the inside out,” Carl’s eyes were wide with worry, wonder, and fear all in one. “Carl, I am talking about a cure. The most important cure that science has ever created. The cure from the infected.”

Carl shook his head. “(Y/N),”

“I’m being serious Carl. I have a feeling I’m close. Really close.” You shook your head. “Please don’t think I’m crazy because of it.”

“No...I...I don’t.” He shook his head. “The thing is, I just think it’s impossible.”

“That’s what science is Carl! Everyone thinks it’s impossible. People thought it was impossible to put a man on the moon, to be able to fly, to create an artificial intelligence capable of learning simple and complex tasks, but humans were still able to do that. Hell, Carl, people thought that the dead rising was something only told as scary stories to scare teenagers while they were out camping. Every day,” You stepped closer to Carl. “Our lives are filled with events that we thought was impossible, but the world works in amazing ways and humans are just as wonderous and mysterious.”

Carl sighed. “We...had a man named Eugene.” He said. “He works with Negan now, but he told everyone that he was a scientist from Washington D.C. and that there was a cure hidden there.”

“Bullshit!” You said and shook your head.

Carl’s eyes widened. He waved his hand. “We know. He told us.”

“The idea of him being a scientist I could care less about, but the government having a cure for the disease…” You trailed and swallowed. ‘I don’t even wanna get into that.” You began to put the rest of the supplies away.

Carl swallowed and began to slowly help. “I’m sorry for asking.”

You shook your head. ‘No,” You said. ‘Don’t be. I went way too overboard with my response.” You chuckled lightly. “Great question.”

“The cure, though...how do you know you’re close?”

“I have a gut feeling.” You shook your head. “I still need more research on walkers ever since I cut Howard in half. Poor guy.”

Carl nodded. ‘Well, maybe you can get another walker when you get back to the hospital.”

“Maybe.” You said.

As you made your way back to the examination table for the last time, Carl hummed.

“Hey, um, (Y/N)...”

You turned and glanced at him with raised brows. “Yeah?”

Carl moved his mouth up and down, as if he was trying to find the words. You cocked your head to the side.

“Carl, what is it?”

Carl shook his head, but just as it appeared that he was about to say something, a gunshot was heard. You jumped and glanced towards the window, seeing Daryl aiming the silenced rifle down near the area before the gate. You frowned.

“What is he doing?” You asked.

Carl walked closer to you and looked out the window at Daryl. He shook his head. “There might be some walkers banging on the gate.” He shrugged.

You looked at him. “Walkers?’ You asked. You smiled and, without word, ran out of the clinic.

“(Y/N)!” Carl called after you before running after you, abandoning the medical supplies.

As you ran towards Daryl, you waved your hands in the air frantically. “Wait! Daryl! Wait!”

Daryl glanced back at you with furrowed brows. “What is it?’ He asked.

“How many more walkers are out there?”

“Three.” He said and shot another one.

“Leave one for me!” You said as you ran to the car. You reached in the back and pulled out the closest thing you could find to rope: jumper cables.

“What?” He asked with a confused look, his brows furrowing.

“Just trust me, please.”

Daryl shook his head and growled before he shot another one. You ran over to the gate, soon followed by Carl. You glanced at him.

“Can you help me?’ You asked. “It’s a lot easier to get a walker here than it is to get one at the hospital.”

With slight hesitation, Carl walked over to you and helped push the gate open. The sound of the walker filled your eyes. It was a female, her chest nude and her bottoms torn. Her mouth was hanging open, teeth dark and yellow and covered in blood. Her eyes were faded, but the pupil was still visible. She made her way towards you and Carl, her feet scraping against the road. You and Carl backed up and watched as she charged towards you.

“So, what’s the plan?” He asked.

You thought for a couple of seconds. “How about we both grab an arm, put them behind her back, and I’ll tie them together with these jumper cables.” You held them up. “Then we can lead her to the clinic.”

“Alright, I guess we can do that.”

“We just have to make sure that she doesn’t bite us.”

“Right.” Carl nodded.

The walker trudged her way through the gates, growling as she did so. Daryl made his way down from the post and made his way over. “‘Yer insane.” He said and began to close the gate, grunting as he did so.

“I know, glad you finally noticed.” You told Daryl, rolling your eyes slightly before you turned to Carl. “Ready? Set. Go!” You said.

Carl and you rushed towards the walker, each grabbing one of her arms. Her hands clenched tightly as she tried to claw and bite you. You shook your head. “No, no, Sheila.”

“Sheila?”

“Leave me alone. That’s the name I picked.” You smiled as you and Carl pressed the walker’s wrists together. You began to tie them together.

Carl chuckled. “What about Sharon?”

You gasped and made a small knot with the cables. “That does sound Sassier.” You smiled. “Now, whenever something bad happens, I can just say, ‘goddammit Sharon’.”

Carl smiled and laughed, shoulders bouncing up and down. Once the knot was created, you grabbed the walker’s hands and her hair. You began to lead her to the clinic. However, before you could make it to the building, you saw Michonne and Rick in the distance, running towards you. Rick had his hand on his gun in his belt.

“What the hell are you doing?” He asked with wide eyes.

“Don’t worry,” You said and shook your head. “This is very safe and very necessary.”

“We don’t bring walkers inside the fence!”

“Don’t worry.” You repeated and brought Sharon into the clinic, Michonne, Rick, and Carl following. “No one is going to get hurt and I’ll pack her up right after I’m done.”

“What are you talking about? Why are you doing this?”

“Because I’m insane.”

“(Y/N)...”

“Because I’m doing research and I need a walker. Do either of you have a knife?” You bent Sharon over the examination table. She struggled weakly.

Carl pulled a knife from his pocket and you accepted it. You then began to cut through the skin on her neck, through the deteriorating muscles, and then through the weak bone, which was the most difficult of the three levels. Once the head was cut off, the body went limp and fell to the floor. You giggled and looked at the three of them. Carl shook his head while Michonne and Rick gave you a worried and disgusted look.

“What?” You asked with shrug.

“What….what research do you need a walker for?” Rick asked.

“I...have gotten close to developing a cure.” You said. “At least I am…” You looked at Sharon. “Eighty-three-point-five-six-nine percent sure.”

“A cure? A cure for the infection?”

“Yes.” You nodded. “That’s why I don’t want to leave the hospital. All of my work is there. I need to finish it and be prepared just in case something happens.”

“Nothing’s going to happen.”

“Anything can happen.” You nodded. “It’s sad to say, but it’s true.” You patted Sharon’s head. “I’ll pack her up as I’m getting ready to leave. Speaking of me leaving, before I do, I need to get a look at your stitches. Why don’t you have a seat on the other examination table and I can go ahead and take a look.”

Rick glanced at Michonne, then Carl, then the walker, before he sighed. ‘Alright.” He said and walked over to the other table. He sat on top of it and began to unbutton his shirt. The action caused a blush to fall onto your face but you tried to shake it away.

“Have you experienced any symptoms including: fever, fast heart rate, difficulty swallowing, drooling, stiff muscles, muscle spasms, episodes of no breathing and/or shortness of breath?”

Rick shook his head. “No.” He took his shirt off. You moved closer to him and pressed your fingers gently against his side, examining the stitches.

“Is the area still sensitive?’

“Not as bad as it was the first week or so.”

“That’s good. I don’t think you have tetanus disease, but until your stitches fade, I think it would be a good idea if we kept a good eye on it.”

“Alright,” Rick nodded.

You raised your brows. ‘Oh! Carl!’ You looked at him. “You had something that you wanted to say to me earlier. What was it?”

All eyes were on Carl, who was frowning at your mention of his little hesitation episode earlier. He glanced at you, then Rick, and then Michonne. A blush slowly crept onto his face as he rubbed the back of his neck.

“I….It was nothing.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah.” He nodded and placed his hands in his pockets, glancing down, causing his hair to fall into his face.

You gave a small nod. “Alright, well, if you want to tell me again, you can just, you know, do it.”

“Okay.” He said and turned back towards the box. He began to put the rest of the items away.

Rick glanced at Michonne, who shrugged. You patted Rick’s knee. “You can go ahead and put your shirt back on.”

Rick did so, placing the shirt back over his arms before buttoning it up. “What did you bring for us?”

“I brought canned goods, which we left in your house, bandages, rubbing alcohol, and comic books for Carl.”

“Sounds good. I’m sorry that we don’t have anything for you yet today.”

“That’s alright. All you have to do is bring it to the hospital or call me and I’ll stop by and grab the supplies from you.” You gave him a reassuring nod.

“We’ll do that.”

“I should probably get going.”

Once Carl heard you say that, he stopped and frowned. “But you just got here.”

“I know, I really want to stay, but I gotta get her home and start working on her.” You nodded.

Carl frowned, shoulders slumping. He packed up the last of the items before you turned to Rick.

“Can someone help me get the body to the car? I’ll carry the head.”

“Yeah,” Carl walked over. “Dad, can you help me?”

Rick got down from the examination table and nodded. Both him and his son picked up the body and began carrying it out with Michonne holding open the door for them. You followed with Sharon’s head, thanking Michonne and heading for the SUV.

“Just in the backseat.” You told them.

Rick was the one that opened the backseat and helped Carl throw the body inside. You then set the head in the passenger’s side before the two doors closed. Carl turned to you.

“Do you really have to go?” He asked.

You nodded. ‘Yeah.” You rubbed the back of your neck. “But you can always come and visit me whenever, as long as it’s alright with Rick. Plus, we have the walkies.”

“I guess.” Carl rubbed his arm lightly.

You smiled lightly and kissed his cheek before hugging him. His brows raised and eyes widened in surprise, but it didn’t take long before he wrapped his arms around you, engulfing you in his natural warmth. A shiver ran down your spine and red covered your cheeks. You almost allowed yourself to get comfy in the touch, but pulled away right before you could. You gave him a wide smile.

“Talk to you tonight?” You asked.

Carl nodded, smiling. “Yeah, I’ll talk to you tonight.”

You nodded in acknowledgement before turning and walking to the passenger’s side of the car, getting in and buckling in. Sharon growled, eyes darting around. Grabbing the keys from your pocket, you put them in the ignition and turned on your vehicle. After maneuvering so that the front of the SUV was facing the gate, you waved at Carl, Rick, Michonne, and Daryl, who was standing next to the open gate. You drove through the gate, then, leaving Alexandria behind you.

As you drove off, down the road, Carl watched, a frown on his lips. Rick brought everyone back inside the gates of Alexandria, and that was when Daryl closed the gates. Rick walked beside his son and Michonne with one hand hanging onto his belt.

“What did you want to talk to (Y/N) about?” He asked.

Carl hummed and raised his brows, glancing at Rick. He then blushed and shook his head. ‘Nothing. It wasn’t important.” He said.

Rick raised a brow, smirked, and glanced at Michonne, who looked at him as well. She shook her head. Rick glanced back at Carl. “You like her, don’t you?”

Carl stopped in his tracks, paused, and looked at his father with a wide eyed stare. “What?” He asked. “No!”

Rick stopped right beside Carl and nodded. “You like her.”

“I do not like her.”

Rick turned to Michonne. “Do you think he’s lying?”

Michonne raised her brows and nodded. “Without a doubt.”

Carl sighed and shook his head, face turning a bright shade of pink. “Just leave me alone. I don’t like her.” He said before storming off.

Rick smirked and Michonne bit her lip and glanced at Rick, arms crossed and hip cocked. “He likes her.” She said.

“Oh, I know he does.” He said as he wrapped an arm around Michonne’s hip, causing her to giggle. “Let’s go.” He mumbled as he pulled her along with him.

The entire ride home, your cheeks were flushed and the feeling of the hug that you had with Carl still lingered on your skin. His warmth was still against you as if you were still embracing - maybe it was the sun. A growl came from Sharon. You glanced at the walker head with furrowed brows.

“What? No, no, I don’t like Carl.” You said.

Sharon growled again, eyes moving back and forth rapidly and mouth moving up and down.

“Well….I wouldn’t say that. He’s not sexy. Gosh, I don’t even know what that means. He’s just...prepossessing. Yeah! That’s the word.” You smiled.

Sharon growled and you frowned.

“I like Carl.” You said. “Just not like that. I don’t think. I’m not sure really. The idea of romance and love and crushes has never crossed my mind before. I never had time. Heck, I never had a Kindergarten crush and everyone has had one of those.” You sighed and sat back in the driver’s seat. “What can I say? I’m basically an exile without the exile. Oh, no, I’m not making anymore sense.” Your shoulders slumped. “Maybe...maybe I do like Carl.” You paused. “What am I saying? I do not.”

Sharon growled.

“Do not.”

Growl.

“Do not.”

Growl.

“Do not.”

Growl.

“I said, ‘do not’.”

It took longer for Sharon to growl louder, chomping the air, longing for flesh. You frowned and glanced at her. You then looked back at the road with a look of defeat in your face as you drove home.

“Do.”

[tsuki-sennin]

Wan-Wan! Woof~! Our second week in Animal Town~! I sure hope that Cure is Friendly~!

Spoiers, I guess...

-Dog real.

-"TALKING SHEEP"

-I wonder how extensive Komugi's vocabulary is? And more importantly, what curse words she knows?

-Mey Mey...

-Maymay

-Niko Garden...

-It's basically Animal Crossing, okay

-Hmmm...

-So, where exactly does the power of PreCure come from this time around?

-Poor Iroha...

-Garugarugony.

-A very merchandisable suitcase!

-Ding dong ditched!

-"Oh, she is a dog!"

-That's how it is, eh? Born in a cold, wet cardboard box all alone...

-God I hope this season doesn't get depressing.

-Talking dog~!

-Wan~!

-Precious kitty...

-Yuki-chan....

-Oh, Satoru-kun! Daifuku-chan too~!

-Mayu didn't even leave behind frame data.

-Friendship and knowledge~! Admirable pursuits.

-A gigantic UMA, right there in the park!

-Garugaru?

-What a guy, that Satoru-kun.

-What a handy disaster detection system.

-"She speaks????"

-Use the mirror to enter the Dark World from Hyrule.

-Evolution~! Your dog, too, may become a magical girl.

-Look at that dog go~!

-"No >:c"

-An entire ostrich from one bird.

-This method of monster creation seems to evoke the OG Precure's bear episode.

-Oh, just like that!

-Iroha's ready to go!

-Everyone's smiles light up this world! Cure Friendly!

-Oh, I see, Friendly's blue and yellow, those're the colors dogs see in.

-Garugaru!

-She zoomin'! She too has the zoomies!

-Garugaruuuu!

-Not an exorcism, but a chance to heal.

-Yay~!

-Nikoniko~!

-There's just a whole ostrich in the middle of town.

-Quite high standards you've set, huh Mey Mey?

-"Step into my office."

-Hey hey hey hey~~!

-I hope this travel case isn't the one entrance to this garden. Obviously not, but

-What next, I wonder?

[apsbicepstraining]

What it’s like to be diagnosed with multiple sclerosis at age 25

In February of 2015, after a busy weekend, I began feeling some tingling in the bottom of my feet. I thought that I was just sore from wearing heels, but within a few days, the numbness and tingling proceeded to go up my shins and into my knees and through my thighs. Id compare the feeling to when your foot falls asleep.

Although the sensation was getting more and more intense over the course of two or three days, I wasn’t super concerned. I thought that maybe my diet had played a role. I’m a very active person and I work in health and fitness PR, so I was just thinking, “Oh, maybe I’m not getting enough magnesium or something.”

After about five days of this feeling traveling inch by inch up my legs, I went to see my primary-care physician thanks to the advice of my sister, who’s a surgical nurse. My doctor quickly ordered an electromagnetic test (EMG) and an MRI to rule out meningitis, ALS, multiple sclerosis, and lymphoma. That’s when I started to get a little nervous.

The next day I went and got those tests done. By then, the numbness and tingling had become so severe that I almost couldn’t walkI could feel the pressure of the ground beneath me, but I was forcing my leg to move. By day seven, it was almost a state of complete paralysis.

The EMG was the first test and it began with them sticking needles all over my legs and then sending electromagnetic shocks through those needles to see how my nerves reacted. I’ll never forget it. The neurologist said I had severe swelling in my spinal cord, and ordered an immediate brain and spinal cord MRI.

When I was done with the MRI they said, “Go home, get some food because you’ve been in testing all day. Your doctor will likely call you and go over the results tomorrow or they’ll bring you in. Just relax.”

But within 10 minutes of me walking out of that place, my doctor called me and said, “I don’t mean to scare you but you need to stop whatever you’re doing right now and go into the ER. I just got your preliminary images and there’s a major, major area of swelling in your spinal cord. You need to seek treatment right away.” That was exceptionally terrifying. I thought that I was going to be able to relax and see what happens, but instead it was back to the ER, where they whisked me into a wheelchair right away.

That’s when the series of diagnostic tests took place. I had two spinal taps, blood work, etc. I had four different neurologists come down to put me through strength tests, like the sharp-soft test, where they break a toothpick in half and they ask you if you can tell the sharp side from the soft side. At this point, they were trying to diagnose me through a process of elimination. 

RELATED: THE SURPRISING REASON MOST PEOPLE GET CANCER

At first, they said, “Oh, you definitely have to spend the night”, then it was two nights, then three. Every day they would come back and say, “Oh, you don’t have AIDS”, and I’d think, “Great, this is wonderful. Wasn’t hoping for AIDS.”

But in all seriousness, AIDS is an autoimmune disease, which is what MS is, so its not too far off. They would say, “Oh, you don’t have lupus. We can rule out Lyme disease.” And so on, and so on

In the meantime, my doctors were trying to reduce my spinal swelling. Every day I got a little bit more feeling back, but there was still a lot I couldn’t feel.

Then after day four or five, doctors told me that I had transverse myelitis. A neurological disorder caused by inflammation of the spinal cord, transverse myelitis can be an initial indicator of multiple sclerosis, according to Kathleen Costello, vice president of healthcare access for the National MS Society. 

There’s no one test that can determine whether or not you have MS. It was the combined results from the MRI, the spinal tap, blood work, electrical tests, etc. (not to mention, my symptoms) that led my neurologists to that conclusion. By the time I got my diagnosis, I had already figured it would be something severe based on my symptoms. Despite that, I don’t think any young woman is ready to hear that she has MS.

RELATED: DO YOU HAVE A VITAMIN B12 DEFICIENCY? ANSWER THESE 5 QUESTIONS TO FIND OUT

I’ve been told the paralysis I experienced is one of the worst ways that MS can initially present itself. To put it in perspective, when some people are diagnosed with MS, their first symptoms are blurred vision or a lack of coordination or they have a little bit of numbness in their pinky finger, says Costello.

At the worst point, the paralysis had gone all the way up to the top of my ribcage, right below my bra line, and I felt a tightness, like someone was squeezing my ribs together, making it hard to breathe and hard to walk. That, I later found out, is called the MS hug, which is a common first symptom. For me to go from a person who is boxing and doing Crossfit and yoga classes seven days a week to not knowing if Id be able to walk again, was quite shocking.

Of those who suffer transverse myelitis, around 30 percent of them are never able to walk again, another 30 percent can walk with limited mobility and residual symptoms such as spastic gait and urinary urgency, and the last 30 percent get back, for the most part, full mobility. Thankfully, at the end of my recovery, I was in that last 30 percent, and now I’m walking and moving and working out and doing most of the things I used to be able to do.

However, I now live with permanent nerve damagea common side-effect of MS. Any time it gets above 75 degrees or there’s humidity in the air, I have tingling all up and down the back of my legs and my spinal cord. I have this thing called LHermitte. It’s this weird, residual effect that happens when you put your chin to your chest, like if I’m looking down at my phone or if I’m tying my shoe. I get a weird electronic sensation from my nerves misfiring down my back. The way that I best can describe the sensation is that it feels like there’s a vibrator on your back.

Today, I tire much more quickly and I can’t do workouts that are as strenuous as what I used to do. Sometimes I can’t wear heels for too long because Ill begin feeling numbness and tingling. Im still navigating the waters of my mobility, but Im just thankful to not be confined to a wheelchair and have feeling in both my legs.

I had another attack recently, which was much less severe and less traumatizing. I lost feeling in my left arm, but this time I knew what it was and I got on steroid treatment right away. Now I have most of my feeling back with minimal permanent damage. Today, I manage my disease by adhering to a very strict, clean diet, going for MRIs every few months and blood tests every couple weeks, and taking medication and/or seeing my doctor when another attack comes on.

Theres a common misconception that MS is like ALS or that it’s this degenerative, terminal thing, that I’m just going to keep getting worse and worse and there’s nothing to stop it. It seems so much worse than it is. What I’m learning is that you can have an attack and then not have another attack for 30 years; that’s very common. On the other hand, you can have five attacks in two years, which could be really bad and result in a lot of permanent nerve damage. There is a chance that I could be in a wheelchair five or 10 years from now, but that chance is very slim. My youth and the fact that Ive led such a healthy lifestyle have both helped me recover from attacks quickly so far.

For me, the hardest part of all this is the unknown. There is no cure, so I’m waking up every morning wondering if Im going to have another attack, or if today is going to be the day where five lesions pop up into my brain and I wont walk again.

Eighty percent of people diagnosed with MS are Caucasian females in their childbearing years. Learning that statistic was shocking, but in a way, I was comforted by itI feel less alone.

RELATED: ARE YOUR PERIODS IRREGULAR? YOU COULD HAVE THIS SYNDROME AND NOT EVEN KNOW IT

The one thing I want everyone to know is that I can still live my life with this disease. A lot of people dont realize thateven my own friends.

I’ve had friends talk badly about me, saying things like, Well, if shes so sick, hows she drinking on Saturday at a rooftop brunch? and wondering why I look perfectly normal.

Its hard to be open with people because I can see how they might think Im using my disease as an excuse when its convenient. But the reality is I have bad days and I have good dayssometimes I feel ready to take on the world and other days I cant physically get out of bed.

I think thats been one of the more difficult parts for me, dealing with other peoples perceptions and judgments. Whether they think Im dying or being dramatic, its impossible for them to understand what I and other people with MS go through, which leads to misconceptions.

I dont blame people for being confused, but at the same time, I’m not going to lie down and not do things. I’m still a 25-year-old living in New York City. I’m going to have fun. I still want to date and try to find a good guyeven though that situation now comes with a plethora of complications.

At the end of the day, Im learning to appreciate every moment. Yes, it would be great to not have MS, but Im very aware of how lucky I am that my case isnt more severe. Thats been my greatest take away from this experience: Dont take anything for granted.

This article originally appeared on WomensHealthMag.com.

The post What it’s like to be diagnosed with multiple sclerosis at age 25 appeared first on apsbicepstraining.com.

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[apsbicepstraining]

What it’s like to be diagnosed with multiple sclerosis at age 25

In February of 2015, after a busy weekend, I began feeling some tingling in the bottom of my feet. I thought that I was just sore from wearing heels, but within a few days, the numbness and tingling proceeded to go up my shins and into my knees and through my thighs. Id compare the feeling to when your foot falls asleep.

Although the sensation was getting more and more intense over the course of two or three days, I wasn’t super concerned. I thought that maybe my diet had played a role. I’m a very active person and I work in health and fitness PR, so I was just thinking, “Oh, maybe I’m not getting enough magnesium or something.”

After about five days of this feeling traveling inch by inch up my legs, I went to see my primary-care physician thanks to the advice of my sister, who’s a surgical nurse. My doctor quickly ordered an electromagnetic test (EMG) and an MRI to rule out meningitis, ALS, multiple sclerosis, and lymphoma. That’s when I started to get a little nervous.

The next day I went and got those tests done. By then, the numbness and tingling had become so severe that I almost couldn’t walkI could feel the pressure of the ground beneath me, but I was forcing my leg to move. By day seven, it was almost a state of complete paralysis.

The EMG was the first test and it began with them sticking needles all over my legs and then sending electromagnetic shocks through those needles to see how my nerves reacted. I’ll never forget it. The neurologist said I had severe swelling in my spinal cord, and ordered an immediate brain and spinal cord MRI.

When I was done with the MRI they said, “Go home, get some food because you’ve been in testing all day. Your doctor will likely call you and go over the results tomorrow or they’ll bring you in. Just relax.”

But within 10 minutes of me walking out of that place, my doctor called me and said, “I don’t mean to scare you but you need to stop whatever you’re doing right now and go into the ER. I just got your preliminary images and there’s a major, major area of swelling in your spinal cord. You need to seek treatment right away.” That was exceptionally terrifying. I thought that I was going to be able to relax and see what happens, but instead it was back to the ER, where they whisked me into a wheelchair right away.

That’s when the series of diagnostic tests took place. I had two spinal taps, blood work, etc. I had four different neurologists come down to put me through strength tests, like the sharp-soft test, where they break a toothpick in half and they ask you if you can tell the sharp side from the soft side. At this point, they were trying to diagnose me through a process of elimination. 

RELATED: THE SURPRISING REASON MOST PEOPLE GET CANCER

At first, they said, “Oh, you definitely have to spend the night”, then it was two nights, then three. Every day they would come back and say, “Oh, you don’t have AIDS”, and I’d think, “Great, this is wonderful. Wasn’t hoping for AIDS.”

But in all seriousness, AIDS is an autoimmune disease, which is what MS is, so its not too far off. They would say, “Oh, you don’t have lupus. We can rule out Lyme disease.” And so on, and so on

In the meantime, my doctors were trying to reduce my spinal swelling. Every day I got a little bit more feeling back, but there was still a lot I couldn’t feel.

Then after day four or five, doctors told me that I had transverse myelitis. A neurological disorder caused by inflammation of the spinal cord, transverse myelitis can be an initial indicator of multiple sclerosis, according to Kathleen Costello, vice president of healthcare access for the National MS Society. 

There’s no one test that can determine whether or not you have MS. It was the combined results from the MRI, the spinal tap, blood work, electrical tests, etc. (not to mention, my symptoms) that led my neurologists to that conclusion. By the time I got my diagnosis, I had already figured it would be something severe based on my symptoms. Despite that, I don’t think any young woman is ready to hear that she has MS.

RELATED: DO YOU HAVE A VITAMIN B12 DEFICIENCY? ANSWER THESE 5 QUESTIONS TO FIND OUT

I’ve been told the paralysis I experienced is one of the worst ways that MS can initially present itself. To put it in perspective, when some people are diagnosed with MS, their first symptoms are blurred vision or a lack of coordination or they have a little bit of numbness in their pinky finger, says Costello.

At the worst point, the paralysis had gone all the way up to the top of my ribcage, right below my bra line, and I felt a tightness, like someone was squeezing my ribs together, making it hard to breathe and hard to walk. That, I later found out, is called the MS hug, which is a common first symptom. For me to go from a person who is boxing and doing Crossfit and yoga classes seven days a week to not knowing if Id be able to walk again, was quite shocking.

Of those who suffer transverse myelitis, around 30 percent of them are never able to walk again, another 30 percent can walk with limited mobility and residual symptoms such as spastic gait and urinary urgency, and the last 30 percent get back, for the most part, full mobility. Thankfully, at the end of my recovery, I was in that last 30 percent, and now I’m walking and moving and working out and doing most of the things I used to be able to do.

However, I now live with permanent nerve damagea common side-effect of MS. Any time it gets above 75 degrees or there’s humidity in the air, I have tingling all up and down the back of my legs and my spinal cord. I have this thing called LHermitte. It’s this weird, residual effect that happens when you put your chin to your chest, like if I’m looking down at my phone or if I’m tying my shoe. I get a weird electronic sensation from my nerves misfiring down my back. The way that I best can describe the sensation is that it feels like there’s a vibrator on your back.

Today, I tire much more quickly and I can’t do workouts that are as strenuous as what I used to do. Sometimes I can’t wear heels for too long because Ill begin feeling numbness and tingling. Im still navigating the waters of my mobility, but Im just thankful to not be confined to a wheelchair and have feeling in both my legs.

I had another attack recently, which was much less severe and less traumatizing. I lost feeling in my left arm, but this time I knew what it was and I got on steroid treatment right away. Now I have most of my feeling back with minimal permanent damage. Today, I manage my disease by adhering to a very strict, clean diet, going for MRIs every few months and blood tests every couple weeks, and taking medication and/or seeing my doctor when another attack comes on.

Theres a common misconception that MS is like ALS or that it’s this degenerative, terminal thing, that I’m just going to keep getting worse and worse and there’s nothing to stop it. It seems so much worse than it is. What I’m learning is that you can have an attack and then not have another attack for 30 years; that’s very common. On the other hand, you can have five attacks in two years, which could be really bad and result in a lot of permanent nerve damage. There is a chance that I could be in a wheelchair five or 10 years from now, but that chance is very slim. My youth and the fact that Ive led such a healthy lifestyle have both helped me recover from attacks quickly so far.

For me, the hardest part of all this is the unknown. There is no cure, so I’m waking up every morning wondering if Im going to have another attack, or if today is going to be the day where five lesions pop up into my brain and I wont walk again.

Eighty percent of people diagnosed with MS are Caucasian females in their childbearing years. Learning that statistic was shocking, but in a way, I was comforted by itI feel less alone.

RELATED: ARE YOUR PERIODS IRREGULAR? YOU COULD HAVE THIS SYNDROME AND NOT EVEN KNOW IT

The one thing I want everyone to know is that I can still live my life with this disease. A lot of people dont realize thateven my own friends.

I’ve had friends talk badly about me, saying things like, Well, if shes so sick, hows she drinking on Saturday at a rooftop brunch? and wondering why I look perfectly normal.

Its hard to be open with people because I can see how they might think Im using my disease as an excuse when its convenient. But the reality is I have bad days and I have good dayssometimes I feel ready to take on the world and other days I cant physically get out of bed.

I think thats been one of the more difficult parts for me, dealing with other peoples perceptions and judgments. Whether they think Im dying or being dramatic, its impossible for them to understand what I and other people with MS go through, which leads to misconceptions.

I dont blame people for being confused, but at the same time, I’m not going to lie down and not do things. I’m still a 25-year-old living in New York City. I’m going to have fun. I still want to date and try to find a good guyeven though that situation now comes with a plethora of complications.

At the end of the day, Im learning to appreciate every moment. Yes, it would be great to not have MS, but Im very aware of how lucky I am that my case isnt more severe. Thats been my greatest take away from this experience: Dont take anything for granted.

This article originally appeared on WomensHealthMag.com.

The post What it’s like to be diagnosed with multiple sclerosis at age 25 appeared first on apsbicepstraining.com.

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What it’s like to be diagnosed with multiple sclerosis at age 25

In February of 2015, after a busy weekend, I began feeling some tingling in the bottom of my feet. I thought that I was just sore from wearing heels, but within a few days, the numbness and tingling proceeded to go up my shins and into my knees and through my thighs. Id compare the feeling to when your foot falls asleep.

Although the sensation was getting more and more intense over the course of two or three days, I wasn’t super concerned. I thought that maybe my diet had played a role. I’m a very active person and I work in health and fitness PR, so I was just thinking, “Oh, maybe I’m not getting enough magnesium or something.”

After about five days of this feeling traveling inch by inch up my legs, I went to see my primary-care physician thanks to the advice of my sister, who’s a surgical nurse. My doctor quickly ordered an electromagnetic test (EMG) and an MRI to rule out meningitis, ALS, multiple sclerosis, and lymphoma. That’s when I started to get a little nervous.

The next day I went and got those tests done. By then, the numbness and tingling had become so severe that I almost couldn’t walkI could feel the pressure of the ground beneath me, but I was forcing my leg to move. By day seven, it was almost a state of complete paralysis.

The EMG was the first test and it began with them sticking needles all over my legs and then sending electromagnetic shocks through those needles to see how my nerves reacted. I’ll never forget it. The neurologist said I had severe swelling in my spinal cord, and ordered an immediate brain and spinal cord MRI.

When I was done with the MRI they said, “Go home, get some food because you’ve been in testing all day. Your doctor will likely call you and go over the results tomorrow or they’ll bring you in. Just relax.”

But within 10 minutes of me walking out of that place, my doctor called me and said, “I don’t mean to scare you but you need to stop whatever you’re doing right now and go into the ER. I just got your preliminary images and there’s a major, major area of swelling in your spinal cord. You need to seek treatment right away.” That was exceptionally terrifying. I thought that I was going to be able to relax and see what happens, but instead it was back to the ER, where they whisked me into a wheelchair right away.

That’s when the series of diagnostic tests took place. I had two spinal taps, blood work, etc. I had four different neurologists come down to put me through strength tests, like the sharp-soft test, where they break a toothpick in half and they ask you if you can tell the sharp side from the soft side. At this point, they were trying to diagnose me through a process of elimination. 

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At first, they said, “Oh, you definitely have to spend the night”, then it was two nights, then three. Every day they would come back and say, “Oh, you don’t have AIDS”, and I’d think, “Great, this is wonderful. Wasn’t hoping for AIDS.”

But in all seriousness, AIDS is an autoimmune disease, which is what MS is, so its not too far off. They would say, “Oh, you don’t have lupus. We can rule out Lyme disease.” And so on, and so on

In the meantime, my doctors were trying to reduce my spinal swelling. Every day I got a little bit more feeling back, but there was still a lot I couldn’t feel.

Then after day four or five, doctors told me that I had transverse myelitis. A neurological disorder caused by inflammation of the spinal cord, transverse myelitis can be an initial indicator of multiple sclerosis, according to Kathleen Costello, vice president of healthcare access for the National MS Society. 

There’s no one test that can determine whether or not you have MS. It was the combined results from the MRI, the spinal tap, blood work, electrical tests, etc. (not to mention, my symptoms) that led my neurologists to that conclusion. By the time I got my diagnosis, I had already figured it would be something severe based on my symptoms. Despite that, I don’t think any young woman is ready to hear that she has MS.

RELATED: DO YOU HAVE A VITAMIN B12 DEFICIENCY? ANSWER THESE 5 QUESTIONS TO FIND OUT

I’ve been told the paralysis I experienced is one of the worst ways that MS can initially present itself. To put it in perspective, when some people are diagnosed with MS, their first symptoms are blurred vision or a lack of coordination or they have a little bit of numbness in their pinky finger, says Costello.

At the worst point, the paralysis had gone all the way up to the top of my ribcage, right below my bra line, and I felt a tightness, like someone was squeezing my ribs together, making it hard to breathe and hard to walk. That, I later found out, is called the MS hug, which is a common first symptom. For me to go from a person who is boxing and doing Crossfit and yoga classes seven days a week to not knowing if Id be able to walk again, was quite shocking.

Of those who suffer transverse myelitis, around 30 percent of them are never able to walk again, another 30 percent can walk with limited mobility and residual symptoms such as spastic gait and urinary urgency, and the last 30 percent get back, for the most part, full mobility. Thankfully, at the end of my recovery, I was in that last 30 percent, and now I’m walking and moving and working out and doing most of the things I used to be able to do.

However, I now live with permanent nerve damagea common side-effect of MS. Any time it gets above 75 degrees or there’s humidity in the air, I have tingling all up and down the back of my legs and my spinal cord. I have this thing called LHermitte. It’s this weird, residual effect that happens when you put your chin to your chest, like if I’m looking down at my phone or if I’m tying my shoe. I get a weird electronic sensation from my nerves misfiring down my back. The way that I best can describe the sensation is that it feels like there’s a vibrator on your back.

Today, I tire much more quickly and I can’t do workouts that are as strenuous as what I used to do. Sometimes I can’t wear heels for too long because Ill begin feeling numbness and tingling. Im still navigating the waters of my mobility, but Im just thankful to not be confined to a wheelchair and have feeling in both my legs.

I had another attack recently, which was much less severe and less traumatizing. I lost feeling in my left arm, but this time I knew what it was and I got on steroid treatment right away. Now I have most of my feeling back with minimal permanent damage. Today, I manage my disease by adhering to a very strict, clean diet, going for MRIs every few months and blood tests every couple weeks, and taking medication and/or seeing my doctor when another attack comes on.

Theres a common misconception that MS is like ALS or that it’s this degenerative, terminal thing, that I’m just going to keep getting worse and worse and there’s nothing to stop it. It seems so much worse than it is. What I’m learning is that you can have an attack and then not have another attack for 30 years; that’s very common. On the other hand, you can have five attacks in two years, which could be really bad and result in a lot of permanent nerve damage. There is a chance that I could be in a wheelchair five or 10 years from now, but that chance is very slim. My youth and the fact that Ive led such a healthy lifestyle have both helped me recover from attacks quickly so far.

For me, the hardest part of all this is the unknown. There is no cure, so I’m waking up every morning wondering if Im going to have another attack, or if today is going to be the day where five lesions pop up into my brain and I wont walk again.

Eighty percent of people diagnosed with MS are Caucasian females in their childbearing years. Learning that statistic was shocking, but in a way, I was comforted by itI feel less alone.

RELATED: ARE YOUR PERIODS IRREGULAR? YOU COULD HAVE THIS SYNDROME AND NOT EVEN KNOW IT

The one thing I want everyone to know is that I can still live my life with this disease. A lot of people dont realize thateven my own friends.

I’ve had friends talk badly about me, saying things like, Well, if shes so sick, hows she drinking on Saturday at a rooftop brunch? and wondering why I look perfectly normal.

Its hard to be open with people because I can see how they might think Im using my disease as an excuse when its convenient. But the reality is I have bad days and I have good dayssometimes I feel ready to take on the world and other days I cant physically get out of bed.

I think thats been one of the more difficult parts for me, dealing with other peoples perceptions and judgments. Whether they think Im dying or being dramatic, its impossible for them to understand what I and other people with MS go through, which leads to misconceptions.

I dont blame people for being confused, but at the same time, I’m not going to lie down and not do things. I’m still a 25-year-old living in New York City. I’m going to have fun. I still want to date and try to find a good guyeven though that situation now comes with a plethora of complications.

At the end of the day, Im learning to appreciate every moment. Yes, it would be great to not have MS, but Im very aware of how lucky I am that my case isnt more severe. Thats been my greatest take away from this experience: Dont take anything for granted.

This article originally appeared on WomensHealthMag.com.

The post What it’s like to be diagnosed with multiple sclerosis at age 25 appeared first on apsbicepstraining.com.

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