#Crowley fucking off and Dean thinking he’s left but he actually went to beg someone more powerful than him to not kill his friends

[annmariethrush]

I’m not a Drowley shipper really, but I’m a BIG fan of them being exes. And the way that Crowley’s character shifts so significantly following his and Dean’s summer of love is so fucking insane. Like, they literally made that part of the plot???? That is not even subtext? They call it the summer of love and they start acting like gay exes who aren’t entirely over it but know that if they can’t be chill then every party they go to for the rest of their lives will be awkward. And the way they have a soft spot for each other still and know each other too well even after they’ve stopped actively going out. Exes Drowley my beloved

[whatareyousearchingfordean]

Supernatural Series Finale

It took me a couple days to collect my thoughts on one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to watch in my life. Like I said a few days ago, I cried even harder watching it the second time around. But now that I’ve had a chance to process and also see what other people were saying, I think I can finally put into words my impression of the finale. 

Buckle up, this is a long one....

Let me preface this first off by saying that as an adamant Dean girl that has said numerous times over the years that all I’ve ever wanted was to wrap Dean in a blanket and give him some forehead kisses and tell him everything is going to be fine, this episode gutted me. I fully believe that my boy did not deserve to fight so hard for so long to just die as soon as he was free. He deserved a lifetime of truly enjoying time with his baby brother, the person he loved most in the whole world.

Now with that being said, having watched this series so many numerous times, I truly don’t believe that the show could have ended any other way. It’s something that has been pointed out by the creator, the writers, the actors, and even the characters themselves in the show. Dean never saw anything else for himself than dying doing the one thing he knows best, hunting. I saw a post that discussed how this would have happened numerous times already had Chuck not been interfering in their lives, and I wholeheartedly agree with that sentiment. 

And Dean had been raised to never think anything of that. It goes back to Cas’ declaration that he is “the most loving human he has ever met”. Dean is and always has been a man of duty. He would gladly die at the end of a blade if it meant he saved someone from the fate his family was ‘destined’ to live. He has always cared more about other people than he ever has himself. It part of the reason that his freak out in 15.17 didn’t throw me because for fuck’s sake wasn’t it his turn to be a little bit selfish for once?

Anyway, I digress. Dean has been fighting for others his whole life. And as stated in 15.19, him and Sam were free to finally write their own story. Is it not 100% on character that Dean would die a hunter’s death? As we see in the beginning of the episode, the Winchesters could have chosen to walk away from the life then. They could have chose the apple pie life, a wife and 2.5 kids. But they didn’t, they chose to continue saving people, hunting things. They were writing their own story, even if it ended tragically. But that’s life, it’s messy and depressing, but it’s also beautiful and even if Dean only got a small taste of that, I can be happy.

I know a lot of people feel like that negates their character growth throughout the seasons, but I disagree. I think that the way this ended shows just how much both of them had grown. Sam very well could have went to Jack and begged him to bring Dean back and Dean could have asked him to. But neither felt that it was necessary any longer. Without Chuck pulling the strings, that scary, neurotic, codependence they used to hold was gone. Dean was okay with dying and Sam let him go. Dean told him how much he loved him and how scared he had been to go get him at school. Dean opened up, something that season 1 Dean never would have done. Just look back at “Faith”, the episode where Dean makes every joke in the book about dying instead of facing the truth that his time was up and Sam refuses to accept it so much that his one source to save him (unwittingly) is black magic. The men I saw in 15.20 were far from the men we met in season one. 

Coming back to finally being free, I have to talk about the dammed paperwork in Dean’s room. I’ve seen the speculation about that. But that’s all it is, speculation. We have no idea what that was supposed to be about. If they had meant for us to see it, they would have shown it to use like they showed us the “Dean’s other other phone” sticker. But they didn’t. So it’s perfectly fine to speculate about it, that all a part of art interpretation, but in my opinion, even if Dean was working on ‘something else’ I don’t think he ever could have fully walked away from hunting. This ending was for all intents and purposes, inevitable. 

For all the rest, as a writer, I fully understand the way that they chose to do this episode. Sure covid played a role but the boys had said that the crux of what the episode was did not change. There is a certain nuance to storytelling, like I posted back on Thursday and something that is probably one of the most famous lines from this show. Endings are hard. Writing is hard. It’s impossible to please everyone and even harder to tie up all loose ends. At the end of the day, the writers had to be satisfied with the story that they put out, irregardless of what you or I think. As Jensen so beautifully puts it, Supernatural is a piece of art, one that has numerous hands in the pot. From writers to actors and directors. And art is always up for interpretation. But that’s the beauty in it. 

I talked to a dear friend, @waywardbeanie after the episode and was like “I want to know x.y.and z” because a part of me wanted all the answers from them. I’ve always been a person so very deeply rooted in canon (I know as a fanfic author that sounds weird but stay with me). I trust the information given to me and take it as face value. I seen my stories as an extension to canon, not trying to rewrite it. So it took me a few days, and more conversations with other fans of the show, like @winchest09 , to understand that the facts left out of the final were most likely intentional. 

This is a show that has such a passionate and loving (mostly) fandom. Together we have done so much good for the world, and that is something even if you hated the finale, you can’t take back. The writers left the ending open for us, to write our own stories, whether it’s just your thoughts or if you actually write a piece of fanfiction. There is so little about what happens after Sam leaves, presumably for Austin (don’t even get me started on the essence of that cause I might cry again), because it’s our job to decide. Did Sam quite hunting all together or was he a pseudo Bobby, manning the phones for other hunters? Did he finally go to law school or end up getting some other mundane job? Who was his wife or girlfriend or baby momma in the background? Was it Eileen? If not did she know about his life? One could drive themselves crazy answering these questions, and it’s your right to do so however it will make you happy. But at the end of the day, it doesn’t really matter to the story. 

At the end of the day, what mattered was the peace that the boys found together, in heaven. Sure Dean missed Sammy when he first got there, but he didn’t fuss, because as Bobby said “he would be along”. So Dean did what he’s always done, he took a drive in Baby, and Sam was there when he finally brought her to a stop. In the end their story ended just as it had started, our boys together. 

And I know a lot of people are angry because one of the big themes this show touched on was that family doesn’t end in blood. And I agree wholeheartedly that I would have loved more familiar faces or even the mention of them (I screamed when Donna was mentioned), but at the end of the day, something Eric Kripke has been saying since season one, this show is and always has been about the brothers and their relationship. I in no way think that this negates the family they found along the way or how they could not have done a lot of it without them but, it’s not their story. I’m sorry but it’s true. 

It’s not about Cas, Jack, Bobby, Crowley, Ellen, Jo, Mary, Eileen, etc. It’s about Sam and Dean and it sucks that people can’t let that go, but I get it. I can’t imagine putting so much time into something to let something like that ruin the whole experience for you. I hope that you can find peace eventually. I guess that’s my blessing, that I never really cared for anyone besides Dean. Which isn’t to say I didn’t like characters but what happened to them never mattered to me, as bitchy as that sounds. 

I’m at peace with this ending, no matter how much it hurts me. And I think it’s just the finality of it that hurts. Jensen and Jared and Kripke are satisfied with their little show that could and that’s what matters most to me. Because those are the real people with real feelings that I care about. 

So there you have it. I have zero tolerance for negativity, so please keep your comments off this posts. You are free to your opinion but I don’t want to see it and put any seed of doubt in my acceptance of this ending. I’ll be the first to admit I’m too easily swayed, ha!

But if you need to talk, my inbox is always open. I’m still coping with the loss of this show and everything that comes with it. I don’t do well with change or facing my own mortality, something that has rattle me these past few days. I feel a million years older and that scares me. So know your feelings are valid and I’m here. 

[smol-and-grumpy]

Something Just Like This - CH29

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader

Summary: Dean Winchester, mobster boss. He’s a little cocky, a lot ruthless and more often than not, short tempered. But he’s also, Dean Winchester, a war veteran and hero who suffers under a shit ton of PTS. He met her in a bar and thinks it’s fate that brought her to him. Little does he know why she’s really here.

Warnings: NSFW, of course there’s fluff (at this point, I’m just taking all the relationship fluff and throw it at you)

WC: 3374

SERIES MASTERLIST

They’re having a slow week where nothing much is happening and Dean didn’t need to go away as often as he did the week before in preparation of Operation Freedom. 

Ash’s working with the new guy Chuck, and Ash’s actually doing the majority of work since Chuck is kind of a weirdo. Dean just hopes that Ash will be able to pull it all off. Crowley’s plotting with his men and pulling his strings to get CEO’s on board as not to raise too much suspicion around the trucks and so far, it’s looking incredibly good. 

Y/N comes back from her art class, her hands full and a backpack almost as big as herself. Dean just finished preparing food when he sees her, rushes in to help. “Jesus, why didn’t you call me when you got out of the car. I could have come help. You're still not back to your full health!”

She laughs, drops both her bags at the entrance and takes off her backpack, “Relax, I’m good, I would have called when I knew I couldn’t manage. But I already walked a block to my car like that, I’m okay, don’t worry.”

“I’m sorry, have you met me?” He growls, but bends down to kiss her, his hand on her waist.

“I know, I’m sorry.” 

“That’s okay, food’s almost ready.” 

“I’m just gonna take a quick shower, alright?” 

Dean already picks up her bags and backpack, “The fuck do you have in there? A dead body?” 

She laughs as Dean walks to her art room, drops the bags all in there and goes around his task on setting the table. 

Y/N walks out when food’s ready and he places the dish into her plate. Chicken linguine with a side of greenery. He doesn’t like the greens but she does, so he kind of puts more of it on her plate, hoping she doesn’t notice.

Of course she does, grins like an idiot to which Dean only shrugs.  

They eat while she talks about her day, it’s rare that he’s the one staying at home and she goes out to face the world. There’s a teacher, Mr. Walker, who’s apparently a dick to her, but she said that Dean shouldn’t be worried because she’s been a dick to him too. So there’s that. 

The people in her class are mostly younger but apparently she gets along with the girls. They even invited her to go out partying with them and even Dean urged her to go but she doesn’t. Dean has met the girls before. Sees the bunch of them sometimes when he picks her up. When they see him, they always start to blush and giggle. 

“So,” She says, stabbing around in her food with her fork. “I went to have lunch with the girls.”

“And?” Dean swallows the chicken.

“Well, they talk a lot.”

Dean lets out a chuckle, “I can imagine.”

“And I’ve been thinking, you know, what would you say if I call you daddy?”

Dean almost drops the wine glass onto the table, the little wine he has left in his mouth went down the wrong pipe and he’s having a coughing fit. 

She grins, all cocky and he hates that.

“What?”

“I mean, in bed, obviously.”

“Well, I know what you mean but why that word?” He can’t tell her that it turns him on. Already imagines her below him, begging for him with her sweet voice, hears it in his mind. Daddy, please.

“I don’t know. The girls talked about it and I was curious. It’s new and like, we’re trying new things too sometimes, and you want me to be honest with you and tell you what I want, and I was wondering if that would be something you’d like to explore? With me?”

“Jesus,” Dean empties his glass and walks around, scoops her up from her seat and she laughs, drops the fork into her plate with a loud clatter. 

“Now?” She shrieks out.

“Duh,” He’s already halfway through the bedroom door. He had thought about pushing the plates away and taking her there but he’s not in the mood to clean up the mess after. “You can’t drop that word and then not want me to act it out now.” 

That’s true, his dick went from soft to hard in seconds while she still tried to explain why she wanted to use the word.

He drops her on the bed, pulls at her sweat pants and she helps him, taking off her shirt while he pulls at her underwear. She leans back as Dean’s trying to get rid of his own clothing and he takes a break to look at her. What a fucking beautiful sight. She’s spread on the bed, blushing a little but she grins and says, “Daddy, I’m ready.” 

  It’s a week later when Y/N’s on the couch, tending to Bubbles while Dean scrubs down the couch. Bubbles has had trouble digesting and food that’s going in, doesn’t really stay in. So she’s on the couch, comforting bubbles, wraps the cat up in a fluffy blanket and strokes the cat’s head.

“Bubbles is your cat, why am I doing this again?” Dean groans, walks back to the trash can and gets another roll of paper towels from the pantry.

“Do you wanna trade places?” She asks him, knowing that Dean is really not the cuddly type. Not with cats. It’s a whole different story with her, though. 

“She wouldn’t want to be in my arms anyway,” Dean mumbles, proceeds to spray some cleaning spray on the leather sofa. 

That’s true. Bubbles doesn’t like Dean that much. Y/N thinks it’s something psychological. Maybe Bubbles had been mistreated by big grumpy men. 

They called the vet but he said that they should wait another night to see if Bubbles might get better on its own. So far, no luck.

“‘Kay,” Dean says, stands up and walks over to the kitchen, drops things into the trash. “I need to take a shower and I’ll be out. Will you guys be okay?” 

He’s standing at the back of the couch, hovering above her now and she looks up, sees him upside down in her vision. “Are you asking me or the cats?”

“Both,” He says, leans down and kisses her forehead. “If you want, I can stay.” 

She laughs, “You’re only saying it because you don’t wanna go.”

Dean lowers himself on his knees, braces his arms on the sofa next to her head. “I really don’t wanna.”

“You’ll be fine.”

“Come with me. I’ll call Cas to take care of the cats.” 

The thought of Cas taking care of cats while he sneezes is indeed a funny image, but no, she’s not leaving Bubbles alone. What if something happens. “You’re a big grumpy boy that everyone fears. It’s not your first social gathering, Dean.”

He’s been invited to another social function by Crowley and she was invited too, but since Bubbles’ not feeling well, she decided to stay home. 

“No,” He says, “But it’s the first one in weeks without you. Who will I finger under the table? Who can I escape to the bathroom to have a quickie with?” Dean drops his head and she threads her hand through his hair, leaning her forehead against his scruff. 

“Awe, poor you. I’m sure you’ll find someone. Just, refrain from fingering Crowley, please.”

Dean chuckles, looks up and kisses her temple before he pushes himself up completely. “I can’t promise that.”

 *

 Dean finishes showering and comes out of the bedroom looking like a full course meal which, in retrospect, makes her regret not going with him. 

“That’s not fair,” She lays Bubbles down on the sofa and walks over, she’s still dressed in her sleep shirt and underwear, it’s been a long night and after showering she just slipped the shirt back on. They didn’t do anything other than lounging around today anyway.

He’s standing there, perplexed and then proceeds to crouch down to lace up his shoes. Getting back up again he raises an eyebrow. “What’s not fair?”

She fists his suit jacket and looks up at him while he strokes her arm. “That you look so yummy and I have to stay here.”

“Yummy?” He laughs.

“Like a meal, I could eat you alive.”

Dean turns her around, pushes her against the wall, their noses touch and she grabs his biceps. They’re hard and firm under his suit jacket. His hands roam around, touch her thighs, her ass. “It’s not fucking fair to me either. You always look yummy in my shirt.”

He kisses her then while his hands knead her flesh. My god, she forgets how quick it can build up between them. She’s wet already and he knows because he’s rubbing her through her panties. 

“Fuck, come on,” Dean parts from her, crouches down and pulls her underwear down. “Just a taste before I have to go.” 

“Dean, no.” 

“Dean, yes.” He grins, all bravado and fucking cocky and how can she say no to that?

He noses at her folds, his hands on her thighs, spreading them wider before throwing one leg over his shoulder. And there it is, his talented tongue that can tickle and push at all the right buttons at the right time. One of his hands comes up, slips underneath her shirt and toys with her tits, squeezing and kneading, twisting her nipples, making her arch her back and push her pussy against his face. Her hands found his head, and she tries, really tries not to make a mess of his hair but she just can’t hold herself back. 

“Shit, Dean, yeah right there, right there, don’t stop,” She’s panting by now, can let herself fall so easily when she’s with him. 

He takes it as a clue, sucks and nibbles harder and he pulls him closer, grinding herself on his face as he pushes her over the edge. 

Dean’s still licking at her lazily, slurps up her cum before he places one last soft kiss on the hood of her clit and stands up. He kisses her after, letting her taste herself on his tongue. 

“You always come so quick, it baffles me every time.” 

“Only because it’s you.” She smiles and her hands go down, palms his dick through his pants, realizes that it’s hard. 

“Baby, I really need to go.” He whines, but it’s not like he wants to go at all.

“How long til you really have to leave?” She asks, still stroking at him through the thin fabric and his breathing picks up. 

“I should have left ten minutes ago.”

“Good, what’s a couple of minutes more, right?” She shrugs and winks before she lowers herself, her hands working on his belt buckle. 

“Baby,” Dean tries to say but didn’t get any further, it’s like he’s given up on being the reasonable one around here. Instead, he bites on his lips and watches her pull down his zipper and pushes his pants past his knees.

Y/N places open mouthed kisses on his bulge through his underwear, makes him groan out and closes his eyes briefly. She hooks her fingers into his underwear, pulling them down, making his hard cock spring free, and it almost hits her cheeks in the process and she grins, her mouth is watering at the sight.

She pushes his underwear past his knees too, looks up again and places a kiss on the tip of his cock. It’s already leaking. Then, she holds his hard dick in her hand, pushes it out of the way to lick and suck at his balls. Dean braces one hand on the wall. 

Coming up again, she holds his cock firm in her hands now. It’s hot and heavy in her grip. She wraps her mouth around the tip, hollows out her mouth to suck while she goes deeper, and she strokes the rest of him in the same motion her face makes. 

“Look up, baby, look at me.” His breathing is heavy and she can sense that he’s holding himself back from fucking her face. She doesn’t know why because she wouldn’t mind and she told him that already but still, he wouldn’t do it. 

“So fucking pretty.” Dean growls above her. 

Y/N lets herself come up for air, strokes his now wet dick when she looks up at him. “I want you to help me get it deeper, Dean.” 

“No.” It comes out too quick, he doesn’t even need to think about it.

“Please?” She begs, it comes out whiny, she doesn’t care. “You don’t have to fuck my face, just help me get it deeper.”

“God dammit,” Dean curses but places the hand that’s not bracing himself on the wall on the back of her head, “Ok, but tap out, alright?” 

She nods as she opens her mouth to take him in, braces her hand on both his thighs. 

“Look at me.”

She does, at least at the beginning. When she can’t take him any further, Dean’s pulling her closer by the back of her head. 

“Open up a little more,” He says and she tries, stretching out her mouth as far as it can go. 

“That’s good, now, try to relax your throat, stick your tongue out a little too.” 

It’s hard to do it, she gags a little but it’s still tolerable. 

Dean’s hand pulls her in, and she flinches as his cock goes deeper.

“Jesus,” His voice sounds strained. “More?”

She looks up at him with a look that says so much as How the fuck can I answer you?

“You didn’t tap so I take it as a yes. Hard to talk with your mouth full of my cock, isn’t it?” He’s grinning at his own comment, “Breathe baby, don’t forget to breathe. My god, you looks so fucking good. Such a good girl.” 

He applies more pressure at the back of her head, making her take him a little more and it goes in until she feels him at the back of her throat, a place he’s never been before and there’s the gagging and she feels like she’s running out of air. 

Dean let’s go of her head, lets her come up and there’s a string of thick saliva that attaches her mouth to the tip of his dick. She massages it in, strokes him with both her hands as she looks up at him with teary eyes and a smile on her face. 

“Keep on stroking, baby.” He says and she knows by the way he’s panting and the way his dick twitches slightly in her grip, that he’s close. “Open that mouth of yours, show me your tongue.”

Y/N does, rests the tip of his cock on her tongue and strokes the rest of him. 

“Christ,” Dean breathes in, holding his breath as he comes. It’s warm and it feels heavy on her tongue. “Look at me, stick that tongue out.” He thumbs at her tongue, whispers “Beautiful,” before he pushes his cum to the back of her mouth with that thumb and she seals her lips around it, swallowing his cum in the process. 

She smiles after, licking and sucking at his spent cock, cleans him up so he would be ready to go before she brushes at her own mouth with the back of her hand. 

Dean pulls his underwear and pants back up, dresses himself properly again and she stands up. He kisses her then, tasting himself on her, which makes him moan out. “You’re unbelievable.” 

“You too.” 

“How do I look?” He asks, and there’s a perfect mirror next to them but he doesn’t even want to look in there, would believe everything she says. 

Her hands go up to his hair, brushes some strands and lays them down perfectly in place. “You look great.”

“So do you,” He smiles, steals a kiss before he walks to the door. “Will you be awake when I get back?”

“I can try.”

“Try harder. Okay, be good.”

“Always.”

 *

 After she showered off the stickiness and laid herself back on the couch to look after Bubbles, her phone vibrates. It’s a text from an unknown number.

AK: Hi, I’m Ketch. I got your number from Linda. Can I call you? 

She rolls her eyes at that. 

Y/N: It’s not a good time to talk.

She lies. Mostly because she’s not in the mood to talk to that guy.

AK: No problem. Can we meet? I’m in town. Tomorrow 2PM at the café on the 7th Street okay for you?

How can someone be so blunt?

Y/N: I’m being watched. I don’t think I can come up with something to meet you.

AK: I’m your cousin from England. Just a little talk. See how things are going. Catching up. No strings attached. 

Y/N: Did Linda set you up with this?

AK: She didn’t. I’m just bored since we can’t get me into it, so I might as well listen to you talk about it. It doesn’t have to be long. An hour? Please?

Y/N: Fine. Don’t contact me again. I’m deleting and blocking your number.

AK: Deal.

She does. Deletes the conversation and blocks his number. How dare Linda. She’s gonna hear from Y/N for sure.

  Dean gets into the apartment quietly. He slips out of his shoes, walks in on socked feet and sees the screen on the TV asking if the viewer is still watching. Apparently, she is not. 

He walks closer, peeks over the edge of the sofa to find Y/N curled up on her side, the blanket with Bubbles next to her and she has a protective arm around the fur baby. Cuddles is lying at her feet. The older cat sees Dean, acknowledges him, but doesn’t really pay Dean any attention like he always does. Cuddle’s probably worried about his new friend and his mommy. Because that’s it. She’s Cuddles mommy now and Dean thinks that the cat accepts her better than he ever did accept him. For all Dean knows, Cuddles just tolerates Dean because Dean is mommy’s friend. Even though Dean’s been here first.

For reasons unknown to him, she gave the new cat its new name and Dean couldn’t even say anything, even though Bubbles wouldn’t have been his first choice. If it would have ever been his choice at all. Yeah, no, it definitely wouldn’t. 

He goes into the bedroom, showers off the night and slips into his favorite pj pants. He now has several of them. All courtesy to her. His favorite though, is still the first one she bought him. It has ugly cats on it and Dean first said that he wouldn’t wear them but here he is. 

Walking out, he goes to the fridge and empties a bottle of water. He didn’t drink that much but he’s better safe than sorry. That’s also a thing from the past. The need for him to drink has declined significantly since she’s living with him. He doesn’t miss it at all. 

Dean walks over to the sofa after, scoops her up in his arms and walks her over to their bedroom. She wakes up, “Whatchu doin’?”

He couldn’t help but chuckle. “Getting you to bed.”

“But Bubbles,”

“Don’t worry, I’ll get her next.”

“And Cuddles,”

“He can join too.”

“Good,” She says and is almost slipping away already.

Dean makes his rounds, picks up the two cats and places them on the bed next to her and climbs in on the other side, spooning her from behind and breathes in her scent from the crook of her neck. 

She turns around a little and Dean lays his head on her chest, it’s her left side, her right one still hurts sometimes. 

“How was it?” She whispers, but her voice is full of sleep. 

“Boring,” 

“You fingered anyone?” 

“I sat between Crowley and Cas.”

“Ah, poor you.”

“Yeah,”

“Good night, Dean.” It’s barely a whisper.

“Night, baby.” 

He lies there, listening.

It’s a faint thud. A beat that slows down with every breath she takes. 

Sometimes, Dean thinks, sometimes, home has a heartbeat.

CH30

[marril96]

The Distance Between Us

Chapter 9: Witch’s Familiar

Pairing: Rowena x reader

Summary: The time for the Halloween dance has come.

Editor: @cherrypierowena

You loved Halloween, you really did, but your idea of it was more sitting in front of the computer as the latest horror movie played on screen than a dance full of people you couldn't stand clad in cheap costumes and getting blackout drunk.

Yet here you were. At school. At seven PM. Dressed up as a cat; furry suit, fuzzy ears, and fluffy tail, all black as night.

You looked ridiculous.

No more ridiculous than the girls dressed as slutty nurses, but still ridiculous.

Your friends begged to differ, but then, they looked no better than you so it wasn't like they had any place to comment.

Sam and Dean had showed up in plaid shirts, worn jeans, and brown boots. Basically their everyday attire, but they claimed to be monster hunters. They carried ridiculous looking plastic knives (which still earned them odd looks from teachers at the entrance, one of whom had demanded to inspect said "weapons" despite their quite obvious fakeness) and had painted on some scars and tattoos on their arms. Dean had given himself a scar over his entire face, stretching from the right side of his forehead to his left cheek. Claimed it made him look more badass. Which was actually, strangely, true.

Castiel was an angel, dressed in all white (including the trench coat). He'd stuck a fluffy halo atop his head, and had on a pair of wings, big and feathery. You were tempted to rip out a feather or two. His glare at having seen right through you stopped you in your tracks.

Meg was clad in black leather from head to toe. Her eyes were full black, courtesy of contacts, and she had on wings that looked identical to Castiel's, only his were white while hers were ink black.

And Crowley…

Crowley had on a suit, one that almost looked tailored specifically to him. A crown was perched on his head, black with blood-red crystals. He wore red contacts, making his eyes look like menacing rubies.

"Lemme guess," you'd said the first thing you saw him. "A demon."

He'd looked at you with such offense, as if you'd just insulted his mother. Throwing a quick glance Meg's way, he'd made a face and told you, "King of Hell."

Because of course he was.

What else would he be?

Stupid you.

You didn't exactly have many ideas for your costume. Dressing up wasn't your thing, especially when it came to school-related events.

Browsing the local costume shop, nothing stood out to you as special, as you. You were there more as a courtesy. You weren't even sure if you would show up to the dance.

Then you remembered Rowena. Remembered her smile, so happy, so bright, as she showed you her dress.

You had to see her in that dress.

You didn't know why. Didn't understand the euphoria that went through you at the image of her clad in it, of the fabric hugging every curve of her body.

That was when it occurred to you that you could be a cat. A black one.

Witch's familiar.

You wondered if she would get the reference. If anyone would, for that matter.

It was silly, really, but oh, well. It was a school dance, not a castle gala. Silliness was basically law.

"Drink?" Crowley asked. He looked around to make sure the coast was clear, then pulled a flask out of his inner pocket and took a big swig.

Whiskey most likely.

You made a face. "No, thanks."

He shrugged. "More for me."

He took another swig. Then another.

Nice.

The dance had just started, and he'd already started working on getting drunk.

"Easy there, your majesty. Leave some for later."

With a sly smirk, he opened up his suit jacket, revealing three more flasks neatly stashed in each pocket. "A king always comes prepared."

Of course he did.

"I'm not driving you home because of your preparations," you threatened.

He held his hands up in a placating manner.

"And I'm not helping you walk. You're not drooling on my shoulder. Again."

One time, a few months ago, was more than enough.

"Thanks for the warning, love, but I can handle my liquor," he said in a modest tone that was faker than his title.

You laughed out loud, right in his face.

"What's up?" Sam asked, breaking through the crowd of costumed bodies with Dean in tow. Both held plastic cups filled to the brim with foamy amber liquid that didn't look like juice.

"Crowley's a drunk," you said. Before the king could utter a response (which earned you a middle finger from him instead), you asked, "Where'd you get that?"

"Some seniors snuck in a six pack," Dean said with a shit-eating grin. He took a sip of his beer, then another before finally downing half a cup.

Beer. One of Dean Winchester's weaknesses, right alongside hot chicks, porn, pie, and Jack Daniel's.

You stared at him like a deer caught in headlights. How did one sneak in a six pack?

You decided you didn't want to know.

They were seniors. It was explanation enough. Just like that time Garth Fitzgerald did something that got the entire school evacuated and guys in hazmat suits called in. How? It didn't matter. All that was known was that whatever he'd done occurred in the chem lab and it was an honest to god accident.

It had happened, and everyone had gotten a day off.

And tonight, everyone who wanted would get to party properly.

Crowley opened up his jacket again, flashing the goodies right in the Winchesters' faces. "Amateurs."

Dean's face lit up. "Crowley, my man!"

Crowley held up a hand. "No."

"Come on."

"You get nothing."

"Don't be a dick."

"I'm proud of the title."

He looked it.

"I'll pay you," Dean said.

Crowley raised an eyebrow. "How much?"

The elder Winchester peeked into his wallet. "I got two bucks."

Crowley looked offended. A flicker of amusement flashed over his face. "Generous, but no."

"You're an ass!" Dean whined.

Crowley sighed. "Need I remind you what happened last time?"

Dean, drunk out of his ass, had stolen and then drank his entire stash. And had gotten so sick he'd almost ended up at the ER.

Crowley knew better than to let his guard down around him. Fool him once and all that.

"I was wasted back then," Dean said.

"And you'll be wasted this time. Not on my account." Crowley shooed at him as if he were a pesky stray. "Off you go."

Dean did, in fact, go away, became one with the crowd, but not before holding up a middle finger.

"Charming," Crowley quipped with a smirk.

"You guys should just fuck and get it over with," you teased.

You knew Crowley would happily take that option. He never said anything, but you could tell he was attracted to Dean. And Sam. And Castiel. Maybe even Meg and you.

Crowley was attracted to everyone. Flirted with everyone. And, if given the chance, slept with everyone.

You still loved him to bits, but only as a friend. He was attractive, and funny, and could be sweet when he wanted to, but he was your friend. That was what you loved him as. Nothing more and nothing less.

"I'm in if he's in," Crowley said suggestively.

You laughed. If he were a girl, it most likely would have happened yet.

Sam, through a laugh, said, "I'm gonna go find Eileen. See if she wants to dance."

Eileen Leahy was a cute and sweet Sophomore girl Sam sometimes saw in the library. They would make an adorable couple.

"Leaves just you and me," Crowley said, cocking up a teasing eyebrow. "Up for a dance?"

"I can't dance," you pointed out.

"You can stand and watch me dance."

An offer you couldn't refuse. "Sure."

It wasn't like you had anything better to do.

Grabbing your hand, he dragged you into the crowd. People were drinking. Dancing. Moving and swaying to the rhythm of the loud, deafening music blasting through the speakers. So many different costumes surrounded you; some good, some terrible, but, despite the quality of their attire, everyone seemed to be having an amazing time.

Without warning, Crowley took your hands into his and started dancing. He was a great dancer. A rather sophisticated one. He moved just the right way. No mistakes, no slip ups. Just good, old-fashioned dancing.

What the hell.

If he could do it, if all these other kids could do it, so could you.

Talent didn't matter.

It was all about enjoyment.

You let Crowley spin you around. Let him pull you in and out. You were stiff, more robot than human, but you moved alongside him, copied everything he did to the best of your — rather limited — ability.

No one paid attention.

No one pointed and laughed.

Everyone was lost in their own joy.

"Where did you learn how to dance?" you asked, shouting to be heard over the music.

"Dance school," Crowley said.

Seriously?

He didn't seem like the type.

But then, it was Crowley. Everything was possible.

"What?" he asked defensively.

"You don't look like the type to go to an extra school."

Or school in general.

"Mother signed me up," he said, shrugging. "Quit when I was ten. Seemed like a waste of time."

Now that was more like him.

You chuckled.

"Still got the moves."

"They're great moves," you said.

He spun you around again.

Right into someone's back.

Shit!

"I'm so sorry," you said.

The person you'd crashed into whipped around, pissed to high heavens.

Then your eyes met and all anger vanished in a blink, replaced by surprise. A quite welcome one.

"Y/N?"

"Rowena," you breathed out.

It took everything in you to regain your composure. She was gorgeous. Stunning. Mesmerizing. The sparkly black dress fit her perfectly, hugged her every curve as if molded on her body. Her nails were painted black, and she wore a pointy hat adorned with spider web patterns.

Dear god!

She was the most beautiful witch you'd ever seen.

"I didn't think you'd come," she said, flashing a bright smile.

Neither did you.

"Thought I'd have some fun, after all the math," you said.

She gave a small laugh.

"How's that going for you?"

"Good. When I'm not crashing into people."

"Och, it was nothing."

Right.

That was why she wanted to rip your head off — until she noticed it was you.

Did that mean you weren't on her shit list anymore? That her mean girl persona didn't apply to you?

What a privilege.

Rowena narrowed her eyes at her brother. "Fergus."

"Sister," he retorted in a rather uninterested tone.

Such sibling love.

"It's so nice to see you guys," Lucifer said cheerfully.

He was dressed in all red, with red contacts and horns stuck atop his head.

The devil.

Fitting.

You flinched, having not noticed him. You were too distracted by the beautiful witch to notice the garbage that came with the package.

Rowena may have become nicer to you, but that didn't make her choice of boyfriends any less disgusting.

"The feeling's not mutual," you said, then turned to Crowley. "Come on, I wanna get something to drink."

"You're leaving?" The devil pouted. "What did I do?"

"You exist," you replied.

He dramatically slammed a hand over his heart. "Ouch. That hurt my feelings."

Good, you thought. Fucking awesome!

Rowena gave you a polite smile on your way back. A tad… apologetic.

No.

You were seeing things.

She loved that asshole and, despite the recent change in your relationship, hated you.

And, for some strange reason you couldn't put your finger on, it made your heart feel like it was being picked apart by dull knives.

*****

Tags: @werewolfbarbie @oswinthestrange @songofthecagedmoose @apurdyfulmind @getthesalt-sam @metallihca @salembitchtrials @jay-eris @hellsmother @elizabeth-effie @victoriasagittariablack @rowenaswife @wonderifshelikesroses @xfireandsin @liddell-alien @hotdiggitydammit @lae-lae @darkhumorsblog @gaysnakess @angel7376 @cherrypierowena @ruthieconnells @evil-regal-vampiress @collectorofsecretsandsouls @angel-e-v-a @tasyahilker @a-queen-and-her-throne

[maximumkillshot]

Disposable-Part III

Warnings: Angst, Descriptions of violence towards children, Darkness, Pain, Just really fucked up, descriptions of torture, hints of sexual assault (you really have to squint at it),

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Characters: Abbadon!Dean Winchester(Abbadon in Dean’s form), Sam Winchester, Reader, OMC Demon Lykeonel, Reader, Dean Winchester, 

A/N: Dude, this one hurts, I’m sorry... I really really am.... But also, this may lead to something good... I have no clue, enjoy!

“All I Could Do” Masterlist- CLICK HERE

Overall Masterlist- Click Here

“When You Call” Masterlist- Click Here

“The Situation” Masterlist- Click Here

*********

Dean’s POV:

It’s been four months. Four months since I heard her laugh, seen her smile. I can’t find it in me to do much of anything these days. Everything reminds me of her. 

Rowena hasn’t left. She’s been trying to help me, making potions to help me sleep, ones that would only give me good dreams, since all I see when I close my eyes is me lowering my wife into the ground. 

I was in the kitchen when I heard someone yell from the war room.

"MOOSE! SQUIRREL!" 

"Crowley?" Sam exclaimed as I walked into the room to find him sitting there with a whiskey in hand....

"Either of you boys mind telling me how exactly I'm alive? WHAT DID YOU TWO IDIOTS DO?"

“Fergus?!"

"Oh Lord not now mother!"

"Oh thank heaven's you're back" Rowena ran into the room and hugged him as his eyes rolled. 

As soon as she pulled back she smacked him, "How dare you go and grow a heart, Fergus!? I thought that you were dead!"

"To be quite honest mother, anything is better than being hugged by you..."

"Oh hush Fergus"

“Everything woke up four months ago when God decided to start another apocalypse, after he killed Jack, the nephelim Kelley was pregnant with. What the hell took you so long?” I asked as I crossed my arms….

“You wouldn’t believe where I woke up… That hellscape that I stupidly sacrificed myself to get you boys out of.” Crowley looked around, “And as you know, Feathers was here with you so it wasn’t exactly easy to open a rift.”

"Apoligies for the late arrival... And where's Little Swan? I missed her.." Crowley commented as he looked around the room.

That was his name for Y/N.. My eyes welled up with tears...

"Squirrel... Where's Y/N?" He could tell by the look on my face, on everyone's faces.

"She's gone, Crowley." Sam weakly replied.

"Gone where? Call her, I want to see her" He said, thinking nothing of it.

"No she's gone gone.”

"WHAT HAPPENED?" He exclaimed, "What killed her? Whatever it is consider it dead..."

"Azazel"

Crowley cocked his head to the side, "I thought you boys killed him."

"You weren't the only one that woke up Crowley." I responded.

"And here I was thinking I was someone special." His eyebrows shot up sarcastically. “Where is she… her soul, Feathers find it yet?” 

“No, we’ve been looking ever since she…” I couldn’t finish the sentence.

“I may have an idea where she is…” Crowley smirked.

“Where?” I asked.

“Where can an angel never go and most hunters end up, Squirrel?” He said matter of factly ...He turned around saying, “I’ll be back boys…” “And where are you going?” I growled out. “He turned back around and said, “To get my throne…” Then he disappeared.

“Selfish bastard” I grumbled under my breath and Rowena glared at me. 

I smiled and said “I mean yayy your son’s back.”

“Don’t give up on Fergus so easily, Dean. You never know what my boy has up his sleeve.” Rowena smirked. ‘Would you hold your breath?” 

“Well…”

“Exactly… Where’s the whiskey?” I asked as I grabbed the bottle and began to walk out. “Dean? What are you doing?” Sam asked.

“Like I said, Sammy, not holding my breath.”

I slammed the door to my room shut. 

________________________

Crowley POV:

“Y/N Y/N Y/N” I repeated to myself as I walked up the stairs to my throne, “what have you gotten yourself into now?” 

I went to the low level demon, Lykeonel. He was the one in charge when no one was on the throne, which he was now sitting on. I yelled, “Aye! I never gave you permission to sit in my chair.”

“Cr-Crowley, you you’re…”

“The opposite of dead, yes. Now get the hell offa my chair.”

He scurried off of my chair and I said, “Send out the word will you… I’m back.”

He nodded furiously but before he left I asked, “Any new hunters come in?”

“Yes… A Winchester, courtesy of Azazel. Was a shame we couldn’t get the triplets since the Angel took them before we could grab them.”

“Triplets?And what angel?” I asked.

“Yes, she’s Dean’s wife, was knocked up and didn’t even know it until minutes before she was killed in front of the brothers. As for the angel, Castiel, he chose to save the children and not Y/N. I don’t know why he didn’t save her too…”

I hid my disgust well but I was aching inside for the poor Swan. She never deserved any of this. “And how many years has her hell been?” I asked.

“150 years.”

“With who?”

“Abbadon” “And she isn’t a demon yet? How?” I asked perplexed. She lasted longer than either of the boys, how?

“She keeps on saying that she’d never hurt anyone, rather being taking up the room on the rack so Abbadon won’t torture anyone else.”

“Ughh Winchesters are so noble.” I said with mock disgust. “You know I think I’ll pay the Winchester a visit.” I chuckled.

When the demon scurried away I got up off the throne and almost ran towards Abbadon’s racks, “Don’t worry little Swan… I’ll be there shortly.”

As soon as I reached Abbadons section I heard her, “What part of ‘fuck you’, do you not get?” She screamed.

“Oh you will, Y/N… you will.” I heard what sounded like Dean in response.

“You are a son of a bitch you know that.”

“Oh please, Baby. I’m your son of a bitch.”

“Get your hands off of me! No… not again, Get the fuck off of me, Dean!” I heard her scream, on the borderline of weeping. 

“There it is… who am I?” I heard him seethe.

“Dean… stop… please” I heard her breaking down.

“Well if you won’t cooperate, then someone has to pay…”

Then I heard children’s voices…. he can’t be doing this to her. 

I heard him again, “do it, Sammy”

She responded in shreaks, “No! Dean, they’re our kids, they had nothing to do with this please!”

I heard a little girls voice crying , “Uncle Sammy… why do you have a knife? Are you gonna cut mommy down?”

I rounded the corner just in time to see a demon in Sam’s form stabbing the little girl, her eyes brimming with tears as she screamed, “Uncle Sammy stop!!! Daddy! Mommy! Tell Uncle Sammy to stop!” 

I was frozen in horror as I looked at the scene, Y/N was hung on the rack, her shoulders dislocated, meat hanging off of her like a butchered animal. Her face cut to all Hell but her mouth in tack to scream… and scream she did…

“Sammantha!!!! No!! Dean, stop Sammy why are you just standing there?! Dean!”

Then Dean turned to her and said, “you’re right….” as he grabbed a machete, “too many kids for one guy to kill.” 

He went to grab another child and I couldn’t see anymore of it… “Abbadon!” I yelled, “that’s enough! Didn’t anyone teach you not to play with your food?” I tried to cover the utter pain in my voice as I looked at the little girl,eyes like her father, but hair and face like her mother, blood running out of her mouth, along with her tears.

“Crowley get me down! My kids, Crowley, please!” Y/N begged, practically ripping her own arm off to free herself.

“This is an illusion, Little Swan, it's all an illusion meant to hurt you.” I stated simply.

This Dean frowned, “You had to ruin the fun, didn’t you, Crowley?” 

The gruesome scene faded away and Y/N was confused, who could blame her.

“Oh c’mon, killing her children in front of her, that’s a little overplayed isn’t it?” I questioned.

“Not when she screams like that…”

He took a break and walked towards her, “ you should’ve seen when I used her… took what I wanted… still fighting for no reason, I could smell the fear on her...that's some good torture.”

He turned to me, “ It’s good to see you up and awake.” Abbadon then said absent mindedly, “now if you don’t mind I have a Winchester to torture for eternity.”

“Fun’s over Abbadon.” I retorted.

“What?” He questioned…

“She is mine now.” I responded harshly.

“You are back for 5 seconds and you're already claiming souls…no way crossroads boy, you’ve got work for this cutie,” he said as he forced Y/N’s lips to his.

“Abbadon…” I snickered, “I came back from another universe to rule… and believe me...the journey wasn’t pleasant… so give me the girl… before I lose my temper.”

 “You think I give a shit about your temper?” Abbadon laughed, “This is my soul, Azazel sent her to me to do whatever I please, Crowley. I don’t care how pissy you are… she’s mine.”

“Not anymore,” I interrupted, “I’ve always wanted a Winchester as a pet.” I said as I walked up to her and touched what was left of her face, “and this one, is actually pretty, even when she’s ripped apart.”

“Well see, that sounds like a ‘you’ problem and less of a ‘me’ problem.” 

“There is no problem, because she’s mine now, Abbadon. You had her for 150 years. I’d call that more than enough time to have your fun.” I said as I snapped my fingers, immediately she was healed, and I unhooked her from the rack.

“Crowley, you can’t take her!” Abbadon screamed.

“Watch me! And if you try to stop me… let’s just say I have a rack with your name on it. And you know how cruel I can be, don’t you, Abbadon?” I seethed. With that Abbadon backed off and I hooked Y/N up to a chain, leading her out of the racks and into the throne of Hell.

I took her behind the throne, through a labyrinth of halls and I finally stopped at my sleeping quarters. As soon as the doors closed I ripped the chains off of her and tilted her head up, “Little Swan? You alright? Talk to me darling,” I stared into her eyes, analyzing her soul, well, what was left of it. 

She just  looked at me and said, “don’t let Dean near me.” She started trembling.

“Swan, that wasn’t Dean, all of that wasn’t him, that was Abbadon taking his form. He knew it’d hurt you. You remember the real Dean don’t you?” I questioned as I sat her down, draping my jacket over her bare chest.

“My husband, he slept with women...only way he could deal with the pain… then he came down here with Sammy , they both… they did things to me… beyond torture, Crowley… I told them to get off of me…. but they wouldn’t, then they killed my kids… over and over again.” She started to cry half way through.

“Swan all of it…. everything that’s happened over these years… they are lies. And they feel real, I know better than anyone that they do. It feels so real that it tears you apart, I know. I also know that you have no reason to believe me right now. Not even one, but you need to understand that you are in Hell… these last 150 years have really been 4 months. Abbadon accelerated your Hell, to do more to you… to break you, Swan. He wants you to hate Dean, despise him, his brother too. I talked to Dean, he looks worse than you feel, darling. I can tell by the full on lumberjack beard and putrid smell of booze offa him… he has never touched another woman, he has never dealt with the pain because he isn’t him without you. He most definitely never EVER came down here and the same goes for Moose.”

“How are you here? I saw you die.” She questioned defiantly…

“There’s the Y/N I know.” I said as I got her a drink and brought it back to her.

“I wondered the same thing when I woke up in the apocalypse world. It took me months in that hellscape to find a way to get back. When I did I knew I needed to find the loveable idiots that probably caused my awakening,” I looked to her cautiously as she listened intently, not touching the drink I made.

“They filled me in… about Kelley’s child… Jack was his name they told me.” I saw a tear roll down her eyes…

 Her voice shook, “Jack? He… he called me Mom… my son… my boy…” she looked to me, “Jack, is he alive?!” Her head perked up, hoping for any news, anything good.

I shook my head ‘no’ and she deflated, I continued, “I’m sorry for your loss…” I continued recalling the memory of how I found out about her, “ then I asked for you… I missed you most, my Little Swan.” I said as I petted her matted hair back, “Squirrel couldn’t even say it… what happened to you… the minute I heard I came back to get you.”

She looked at me, tears filled her eyes, “ had I known sooner, Y/N… had I known anything,  I would’ve been here sooner, but you’re safe now.” I wiped the tears as they fell, the blood mixing with them, “I’ll find a way to get you outta here. But first, let’s get you cleaned up, that sound alright?” 

“This is real? You’re really helping me?” She asked, looking like a child.

“Yeah… yeah I am, love.” I assured her, “can you stand? How many times have you been off the rack?” I asked.

“Three times, only for a few minutes, then I was hung back up again.” 

I winced at that. That was a trademark of Abbadon, he’d hang the souls up… just leave them there, dangling until they are almost unconscious, then he’d torture them to wake them up. He’d repeat that over and over again.

Her soul is mangled. Chunks permanently missing, if she does go topside, she won’t survive. This is worse than Moose when he didn’t have a soul… Hers is diseased, but I can’t tell her that. 

I looked at her again, “I’ll have someone bring you clothing.”

She froze in fear as she said, “Don’t leave me, Crowley, what if Abbadon comes back?”

“He knows that if he were to touch you again, he will be on my hooks. And he knows better than anyone, I am not forgiving when it comes to torture.”

“What happens after that?” She asked me.

“We’ll find a way to get you topside.”

Her voice quaked as she muttered, “Okay.”

While she got cleaned up I got her new clothing arranged and made sure she was comfortable when she got out. 

“Ok, Swan. I’m going to go up top, see how we can get you home, okay?” I said as I petted her hair back. She nodded and when I came back up I was full of anger…

She didn’t deserve this and Castiel had a choice in saving her and the children or just  the children. He chose the children…

********

I appeared in the bunker and I yelled, “Castiel!”

Dean stumbled into the room, empty whiskey bottle in hand. 

“What are you doing here, Crowley…” he growled.

“There’s something you need to know.” I said as Castiel poofed in.

Castiel uttered,“Crowley.”

I turned to him, anger boiling over,“You had a choice to make… Save Y/N and the triplets would live with her, or just save the triplets…” I began to seethe.

Deans eyebrows turned down, “Cass, what’s he talking about?”

“You had the power to save them all, but you only chose the triplets… why?” I asked.

“It wasn’t as simple as you think Crowley.” Castiel said.

“Oh come on!” I yelled, “Seems pretty simple to me… You let her die! You watched her, buried her! When you could’ve saved her...WHY?!” I screamed.

“Cass…” I heard Dean’s voice crack, “Cass… tell me it’s not true.”

Cass turned his head down, “I… I had no other choice.”

. 

I shoved Castiel, “The only right choice was to save her! It’s simple, Castiel… If you would’ve seen her! The fear, the pain! You could’ve stopped it, saved her!” 

I was filled with rage as I said, “She was tortured by Abbadon for 150 years in the form of her husband and brother-in-law! She was ripped apart by the people she loved most because of you!”

Dean looked like he was going to pass out, completely glassy eyed and confused… “Castiel, what did you do?”

Castiel looked to Dean and said, “I did it to save you, to protect you, all of you.”

“Cass, what did you do?!” Dean screamed.

“Chuck… he… he gave me a choice, he resurrected Azazel and Abbadon. He told me what was going to happen, and that I had to make a choice, let Y/N die and close Hell’s gates, or… save them all and doom the world…”

I looked disgusted at Castiel, “And you call yourself an Angel of the lord.”

Dean screamed, “YOU HAD NO RIGHT TO MAKE THAT DECISION CASS!”

Sam ran into the room, hearing his brother yell. 

Castiel looked hurt as he said, “Dean we were drowning in tortured souls! What else was I supposed to do?”

Dean yelled, “You damn well weren’t supposed to let my wife and children die!”

Dean started tearing up, his face broken into fragments of who he was, “I…. I chose YOUR SON… over EVERYTHING! And you LET MY WIFE and MY CHILDREN DIE!” 

“Dean…” Cass tried to speak but Dean interrupted.

Dean yelled,“NO! The choice should’ve been clear. We can deal with everything else, this wasn’t our first apocalypse! You should’ve saved them all, Castiel! My wife included!”

“Dean..”

“Get out…”

“What?” Castiel looked confused,

“Get out! You are dead to me… you hear me?! I will never see my children’s faces because of you… and my wife will never be the same…. I will never be the same so get the Hell out!” he screamed.

As soon as Castiel vanished Dean turned to me and asked the question I was hoping he could answer, “How do we get Y/N back?”

___________________________

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[shirtlesssammy]

14x10: Nihilism

Then:

Son of a bitch. Michael’s back.

Now:

Welcome to tonight’s AU fanfic entitled:

Dean’s living the contented life running a bar (I’ve read this fic before, but I’m intrigued) listening to The Marshall Tucker Band’s “Searching for a Rainbow” (the BIGGEST EYEBALLS EMOJI), and working with Pamela Barnes! (Wha!?!!! Yay!!!) This bar had a squirrel and a moose and the monkey from The Roadhouse and the Impala’s old license plate and “Daphne Loves Fred” engraved on the bar. Here’s a great breakdown of the bar from @bluestar86. There’s a lot here, guys. This is a Jerry Wanek deserves all the accolades and attention possible blog. Pamela and Dean discuss where Sam and Cas are (hunting a ghoul in Wichita) when a businesswoman with a briefcase arrives. Apparently she’s been trying to buy the bar from Dean, but he’s not selling. 

The woman storms out back into the rain. (About that rain: I loved this post by @postmodernmulticoloredcloak)

Later, Dean’s doing paperwork in his office (WHAT A CUTE, RESPONSIBLE NERD). Pamela comes in with a couple of shots and THIS exchange happens:

Pamela: I’m heading out for a hot date.

Dean: How come you always have a boyfriend?

Pamela: How come you only want what you can’t have?

Dean: Whoa.

Pamela: Besides, you don’t want me. You just like to flirt. I’m a psychic, so I kinda know.

That was a lot to process in 30 seconds and then we’re all blindsided by Pamela’s arm? Not cool show.

Later, Dean is pulling some Texan Beer (just go read all tagged posts by @mittensmorgul) from the walk-in fridge when Pamela alerts him to trouble: Vamps are at the bar.

They make fast order of the situation and in a moment I found quite touching, Pamela starts to clear the blood off of Dean’s face, and he lets her. And I just want Dean to know how much he can be loved and cared for if he’s just let someone (*cough* CAS *cough*) do it.

This whole scene almost made me forget that THIS ISN'T REAL. After the title screen, we’re back in St. Louis, Michael is possessing Dean, and his fingersnap that we all thought would end the world, just updated his clothes to a snappy suit. Michael is so extra.

He grandstands a bit and tells Sam, Cas, and Jack that he knew their plans the whole time. Cas starts to run at Michael, giving Sam time to Molotov Cocktail him, allowing Cas to throw the archangel cuffs on Michael. Whew, Team Free Will, they really are better together. Sam pleads with Dean to hear him, but Michael mocks, “Dean’s not home right now. Please leave a message.” Meanwhile, Michael’s monsters are out in the city attacking and building an army. Maggie and the other hunters check in. They need to save other people. Sam, Cas, and Jack are on their own.  

Monsters arrive before they can make their escape from the highrise. Cas can only hold the door for so long. Jack asks Sam if they’re going to die here. Sam pauses, but it gives him an idea. He calls for Jessica, the reaper. Violet arrives instead. It seems the reapers have to take shifts on monitoring the Winchesters.

Sam begs for her help, and Jack and Cas wonder who he’s talking to. They can’t see her. There’s some back and forth, and Violet appears to have a silent conversation, and without a word transports them all back to the bunker. (BILLIE! She’s got a soft spot for the Winchesters. Ok, not really, she just knows way too fucking much and it’s stressing her out.)

They wrap Michael up in chains in the war room and discuss the details of how to hold him. He informs them that he can hear them, so they move 2 feet further away from him. (I’m pretty sure he can still hear you. He is a celestial being.) Sam brings up when Crowley busted into his head when Gadreel was possessing him. Maggie calls before they can formulate a plan. The monsters have left St. Louis and are heading for Lebanon. (Sidenote: I am so creeped out how Michael says “Castiel”.)  Cas and Jack head off to secure the bunker, while Sam stays and listens to Michael mock that it’s just a matter of time before he escapes and everybody dies.

Sam pulls out the British Men of Letters mind meld machine. It’s their only hope to get in Dean’s mind and alert him to what’s happening. Cas agrees.

Meanwhile, Dean continues to relive the same moments at Rocky’s Bar over and over. (Seriously depressing Mystery Spot FEELS.)

Jack is left with Michael while Sam and Cas set up the machine. This is the perfect opportunity for Michael to place the seeds of doubt in Jack about how Dean feels about him, and Jack’s place in their lives. “You’re not Sam, you’re not Cas. You’re a new burden that he was handed.” UGH. Cas interrupts, and stops Jack --making it clear that Jack shouldn’t believe a word Michael says. Jack doesn’t look him in the eye before walking away.

Meanwhile, Maggie and the other hunters are preparing to stop the onslaught of monsters.

It’s now Cas’s turn to listen to Michael’s taunts. He doesn’t bite as easy. They exchange barbs about loyalty and weakness. All AU!Michael and Lucifer wanted was for Chuck to return, and he didn’t. So now Michael just wants to “burn every one of his little worlds” until he finds him. Michael reveals that he wants to kill God. Story aside: How crackling was this scene between Misha and Jensen? Even with ZERO sexual tension, they cannot turn off their chemistry. It was beautifully shot (Bravo Amanda Tapping!) and mesmerizing to watch.

The other hunters lose track of the monsters. One hunter, Tiger, runs into the woods alone. It’s all good though! He’s fine and alerts everyone that the monsters went around them, heading for the bunker.

At the bunker, while Sam preps the machine, Jack wonders if this’ll work, and then offers to use his life-saving magic. NO BBY JACK.

Later, Sam and Michael are all plugged in.

Cas is going to mind-meld with Sam to hitch a ride. Jack is going to watch over them, making sure no one kills them.

Sam and Cas find themselves in a place astonishingly reminiscent of the Empty. It’s Dean’s mind, but he’s a no show.

Cas uses his power to scan Dean’s mind. It’s mostly just...screaming and pain. “There’s so much trauma,” Cas notes, traumatically. Having to hear the love of his life Dean in pain is hard, but the worst part is that there are so many awful memories they’ll have to sort through to find the real Dean. That’ll take time. Sam has a different theory. He thinks that Michael would swaddle Dean in something good because “Dean thrives on trauma.” Inspired, Cas begins searching for good memories and quickly locks on to the bar.

They zap to the bar, only to be confronted by the soft twang of music and Dean’s jovial greeting. Dean shills for Jensen’s beer company (which is, frankly, AHdorable) while Pamela warmly greets Cas and Sam. Both of them immediately swap stories about how they done Pamela wrong (burned out her eyes / got her killed by a demon). Oh. Bbys. 

Sam tries to convince Dean that he’s living in a fantasy when Dean and Pamela zap out of there, cutting to one of their other canned scenes. The memories get increasingly choppy as Sam and Cas threaten Dean’s fake reality. Soon enough, they’re both bloodied bystanders of Dean’s monster bar fight.

For Nice Work, Special Effects Department Science:

Dean’s head is still sticking with the script, though and Pamela attributes Cas and Sam’s new blood spatters as leftover from their ghoul hunt.

Sam’s getting kind of fed up and reminds Dean of how Pamela was blinded. RUDE. Moments later, Pamela turns to them, eyes white in their sockets, claiming she’s been blind for ages. “You can thank Feathers here for that one.” (Cas looks mortified and tells Dean it was an accident. CAS BBY.) And then Dean remembers she died and she disappears.

“This is the dream!” Dean protests. Cas begs him to remember his real life and come back to them.

“Poughkeepsie,” Sam whispers suddenly after a long, searching look. Memories rush back to Dean.

“I remember,” Dean says. “I remember everything.”

Suddenly, off to the side Michael slow claps. Ugh. Go away, Michael.

He proceeds to tell veiled lies. Dean only tolerates “the angel” because he “gripped you tight and raised you from perdition.” As for Sam, he was a burden well shed when he went off to college. Dean looks utterly perplexed by these stories.

Cas realizes that Michael’s stalling so his monster army can attack the bunker. Speaking of which...outside of Dean’s head the bunker door swings open and Maggie & Company rush inside. They start to lock down the bunker.

This is all okay. It’s FINE! Because Dean’s ready to take on Michael, given that Michael’s totally depowered inside Dean’s mind.

And then...it all goes to hell. In the bunker, monsters slam against the door but the bunker’s locked down. They should be safe there for a while! HOWEVER Tiger, one of the AU hunters, went into the woods alone and emerged a monster. The bunker door is actually unlocked and everyone in the bunker start to fight for their lives.

The hunters engage in a fruitless firefight against the mostly immune monsters and it’s looking like they’ll lose when…

Jack taps into his soul and zaps away some of his soul’s energy. Oh Jack. :(

Back in Dean’s head, he hits upon a brainstorm (har har?) and tells Michael that he’ll lock him up inside his own mind. He tries to shove Michael into a walk-in refrigerator and fails. Never fear, though. Because Team Free Will is here! Sam and Cas team up to trap Michael in the fridge and Dean slams home a locking pin. “I’m the cage,” Dean growls and my face melts off.

In the aftermath of the fight, Maggie promises to help clean up the mess from the fight and Sam thanks her. In the kitchen, Cas has a serious conversation with Jack. It’s 40% angry and 60% worried.

Cas tries to help Jack understand that the soul makes him who he is and he needs to protect it. “It won’t happen again,” Jack tells him and UUUUUUUGH it’s totally going to happen again oh NOOOO.

Meanwhile, Michael pounds and screams inside Dean’s head while Dean hunches over the sink in front of his mirror. “It’s only you,” he begins. “It’s all you.”

Suddenly, Billie appears.

For Science:

She knows about Michael throwing the equivalent of 80,000 keggers in Dean’s head. She tells him that Dean’s universe-crossing hijinks have delivered nothing but pain. She reminds Dean of the many notebooks describing how he might die. Since Dean’s possession, all the books have been rewritten to show Michael escaping his brain-cage and destroying the world. Actually, correction: all but one have been rewritten. She hands him a single volume. Dean opens it and….we have no idea what’s inside. 

“What am I supposed to do with this?” Dean asks, looking shocked.

“That’s up to you,” Billie tells him cooly before flapping away.

Where Everybody Quotes Your Name:

How come you only want what you can’t have?

It’s a big trunk.

The worst part of workin’ here is having to clean up the blood after some pissed off monster busts in to kill you.

What can I say? I’m famous.

Put a chair against the door. That’ll help.

You’re confusing loyalty and compassion with weakness.

Get me a shot WITH YOUR BRAIN.

My mind. My rules.

Want to read more? Check out our Recap Archive! 

[lefthologramdeer]

I Can’t Do This Anymore Part 2

Words:

Warnings: none

AN: I am so sorry it has taken me so long to write something. These past few months have been stressful and crazy.

It had been a week since Y/N had left Sam and Dean at the hotel. She took her time getting back to the bunker, stopping at every roadside diner and attraction that she happened to come upon. Every day brought at least 10 phone calls from Sam, a few from Dean, and a handful of texts from Castiel.

The only people she would actually answer her phone for were Jody and Donna. She would talk to them at least twice a day, updating them on where she was, how she was doing, and also reminding them both not to tell the boys they had spoke to her.

"Honey, you have to tell Sam that you are okay. Just tell him that you made it back to the bunker safe and that you still need time to think." Jody told Y/N as she sat outside in front of the bunker.

"Well technically I made it to right outside the bunker. I haven't been able to talk myself out of the car yet." Y/N answered while fidgeting with the door handle.

  Jody audibly sighed before answering Y/N. "Listen, you are the one who said that you were going to go back to the bunker to think about everything. You told him to go home so you guys can talk. You are the one who wanted this so get your ass out of that car, take a warm shower, then call your fiance and fix things."

Y/N rolled her eyes at Jody's words but she knew she was right. Damn her she thought before she took a deep breath. "Why do you always have to be right?"

Walking into the bunker alone was weird for Y/N. As soon as she opened the door, all the memories of the last time she was there flooded her mind, making her second guess Jody's advice.

"Come on Y/N put on your big girl pants, it's just the same old bunker that you've been in hundreds of times." She told herself out loud as she walked through the darkened hallway leading to the library.

The bunker was oddly warm for no one living in it for almost a month she thought to herself as she made her way through the library towards the war room. She stopped in her tracks when she saw that the war room light was on. Slowly, Y/N took her back pack off of her shoulder and placed it on the floor, then grabbed the knife she had tucked in her boot.

Quietly she placed her back against the wall next to the door way and listened for any sign of an intruder. After a few minutes or silence she figured it was safe enough to continue through the bunker.

The war room was empty, except for the books that Sam had left on the table the last time he was there. "How different things were only a few weeks ago." She thought out loud, placing a hand on the table and shaking the memories from her head.

Y/N pushed herself away from the table and started to head for the stairs when she heard a slight banging coming from the hallway. Turning into hunter mode, Y/N went to one of the book shelves lining the war room walls and grabbed the emergency stash of salt and holy water.

I really hope she likes this, Sam thought to himself as he made his way around the bunkers kitchen. He knew Y/N for years, knew what all her favorites were but after their last fight he didn't think he knew anything anymore.

He knew he had to hurry though, Jody called him half an hour ago to let him know where Y/N was which didn't give him enough time to finish getting ready so Sam put Dean on flower duty while he did the cooking, and Cas was on fluffy blanket detail.

"Dean, you go get a dozen white roses. Cas, you go get the softest and fluffiest blanket you can find. But both of you need to hurry!" Sam ordered them around.

Dean scoffed at his younger brother and rolled his eyes. "This situation calls for a lot more than just a dozen roses and a fluffy blanket. Don't worry about it, we got this, you just handle your part."

Slowly making her way down the hallway, Y/N checked each room silently waiting for another noise to give away the location of the intruder.

The only rooms left to check were the kitchen and the holding room where they usually kept Crowley tied up. She decided to check the make shift holding cell room, "maybe we forgot to cut him loose this time.." she thought out loud.

As Sam pulled the hot pan off of the stove, he saw his phone light up from the counter. He placed the pan back on the burner and walked towards it to see who it was.

Jody: hey just an fyi, Y/N is right out side. I just talked her into going inside. You might need to hurry!

"Shit!" He shouted and dropped his phone on the tiled kitchen floor.

The holding room was surprisingly empty, which meant that there was only one more room to check. She made her way out of the room and closed the door behind her. Taking a deep breath as she stepped into the hallway, Y/N tightened her grip on the knife in her hand.

"Dean, you both need to hurry. Jody just texted me that Y/N is right outside." Sam whispered into the phone that was resting between his ear and shoulder.

"Would you calm down Sammy, everything is already taken care of. Cas and I are waiting in the garage to hear the good news. Now take a deep breath and go win your woman back."

When Y/N got closer to the kitchen, she could see that the light was on. "Someone really broke into the bunker to steal our food?" She whispered to herself. She inched her way closer to the open doorway, stopping to rest her head against the door trim.

She tried to figure out when her plan of attack should be on the intruder in her kitchen but when she heard someone cough, her plan went out the window and she charged at whatever was in there.

Her body met the intruder's with a hard thud as they both lost their balance and fell to the floor. As they both fell   Y/N's knife got knocked out of her hand and went crashing to the floor. She cursed under her breath and braced herself for the fall.

The intruders body hit the ground first, causing Y/N to slam right into their chest. "Fuck!" She shouted as she felt one of her ribs crack and she fumbled to get herself up off the floor.

Finally gaining her balance, she stood over her intruder, placing a boot to their chest. "Who are.....Sam?"

Sam realized who it was as soon as she charged threw the door way. He felt bad for not saying anything as soon as he heard something crack but as soon as she stood up, the kitchen light enveloped her head like a halo and he was too mesmerized to speak.

"Sam?" Y/N asked confused. "Why are you sneaking around the bunker like you broke in?"

"Surprise." Sam answered as he pushed himself up onto his elbows.

Y/N rolled her eyes and backed away bringing her hand to her side. "Surprise, really? Surprise what? Surprise here's a heart attack!" She yelled down to him.

"Can you at least help me up before you start yelling at me." Sam laughed and he out stretched his hand for her to grab.

Y/N stared at his hand for a second before she grabbed his hand, letting him pull himself up. "I'm pretty sure my rib is broken, so thank you for that." She told him after he was standing right side up.

"I thought you would realize it was me before you attacked, but I should have known the hunter in you would attack first and ask questions later." Sam chuckled.

"Yeah, you should have." Y/N answered him, slight annoyance in her voice.  "So why did you decide to give me a heart attack and break my rib?" She asked as she leaned against the counter.

"I'm sorry you got hurt, that wasn't my intention at all. Jody has been calling me with updates and told me that you were on your way home.  So we raced home to get here before you. I wanted to surprise you with dinner, and then talk afterwards."

"Jody told you? I asked her and Donna not to tell you guys anything."

"Don't be mad at her, I begged her to tell me." Sam answered, taking a step towards her. "Why don't you go get changed into something comfy while I finish dinner. We can eat and then talk, okay?"

Y/N grabbed the bag she said left in the library and headed up the stairs to her room. It had been a long week of driving and she couldn't wait to peel off her jeans and throw on some sweats. 

As soon as Y/N reached her bedroom door, she saw a faint glow coming from underneath it. She pushed the door open slowly and her jaw fell to the floor. Her entire bedroom floor was covered in white rose petals, tea lights outlined her bed and a basket full of candles and a giant fuzzy blanket laid on the corner of her bed.

"Oh my Chuck." She whispered as she tried to take everything in. She dropped her bag on the floor and stared at the scene in front of her. "He's really trying hard isn't he?" She asked herself out loud as she headed for the bathroom to wash her face. 

The same faint glow came from under the bathroom door, causing herself to giggle. "Oh yeah, he's definitely trying hard." She added as she opened the door.

Floating candles were lit and waiting for her in an already drawn bath. "I swear, if that water is still warm..." she trailed off, bringing herself to the edge of the tub.

She placed a hand in the tub and quickly pulled it out. "How the hell?" She yelled as she pulled her hand away.

Y/N heard a muffled laugh in response coming from downstairs, causing her to smile. "Maybe I should hear him out."

"Dinner was amazing Sam, thank you for cooking." Y/N smiled as she took both of their plates off the table and walked them to the sink.  And thank you for the bath...and the rose petals." She giggled.

"Don't thank me, your room and bathroom was all Dean and Cas. I haven't even seen it yet." Sam replied as he went to go meet her by the sink. "I uh..have been wanting to apologize to you since the night you left." Sam started, watching Y/N for any sign of her not wanting to have the conversation right now.

Y/N hopped up on the counter by the sink and nodded her head for Sam to continue.

"I know I should have called you that night and told you how the hunt was going. And not just that night, every night. I know you get worried when Dean and I go out on a hunt. I'm sorry for making you worry."

"Thank you for your apology."Y/N said, as she took a deep breath before continuing. "Honestly, that's all I've ever wanted from you. I know that hunting is what you have been doing since you were a kid, I'm not doubting your skills at all. I know you can handle yourself out there, but I still worry about you both. You don't even have to call, just a short text saying that you are okay is all I need and then we can talk about the hunt when you get home."

Sam took a step towards Y/N, moving her legs so he could stand in between them. "I promise to text you hourly updates while we are on a hunt. I promise to call you if things are really bad." Sam told her, moving closer to Y/N and resting his palms on her thighs. He felt her legs shudder under his touch, and moved his face closer to her.

Y/N could feel Sam's hot breath on her lips, and it took everything in her not to jump off the counter and onto him. "Do you promise to never have to share a room with Dean and Cas again?" She winked at him.

"I can definitely promise that."

Y/N couldn't take the tension anymore, she wrapped her arms around his neck and her legs around his middle.

"Does this mean that we are okay?" Sam asked, raising his eyebrow.

"Oh, we are more than okay." She answered before she attacked his face with kisses. "Now let's go put that warm bath to good use." She winked playfully.

Sam lifted Y/N off of the counter and into his arms, heading for her bathroom. "One more question though." Sam said. "Are you still my fiance?"

"I never stopped."

Tags: @coffee-obsessed-writer @kazosa @padasteph-nie @sorenmarie87 @waywarddaughter @xxdragonagequeenxx

[supernatural-official]

Trust and Truth

(Ignore the fact that I wrote this before Jack was.....well Jack. Pretend Jack healed Kelly somehow and they’re happy in Florida) 

Those two words look so alike, and they went hand in hand, Dean reasoned. You had to trust that someone was telling the truth. And truth most of the times helped build trust. A small shaking breath went through Dean. Cas was back from the dead, back from the Empty, which according to Billie, was impossible to escape from. So, how the hell did his angel do it? And somehow Cas had managed to bring Gabriel for the ride back. And that all led to today, Dean Winchester, sitting alone in his room, trying to decide if he trusted his Castiel, his best friend. God did he want to. He hadn't said anything to Sam. He didn't want to be right. But Cas... He had just waltzed back into the bunker like Lucifer hadn't run him through. Like nothing was wrong. Sam... Sam was happy, happy to have Cas back, with Gabriel as an extra bonus. As much as Sam would deny it, Dean knew his younger brother admired Gabriel after he had died for them. Hell, even he himself had kind thoughts for the fake pagan god after that. Dean sighed, leaning back on his bed. "Maybe I should talk to Cas." He mumbled out loud staring up at his ceiling. It'd probably wouldn't go how he planned. Dean grit his teeth and clenched his fists. He wanted to hit something. The only things near were a laptop and his desk. Dean stood, and with a yell of anger, threw the laptop against the wall. It shattered, but Dean didn't care. He over turned his desk. Paper and research flew everywhere onto the floor. He looked up briefly, "If think this is funny, you son of a bitch.... It's not. Stop screwing with us you bastard!" He yelled, past the point of caring if the others in the bunker heard him. Sam chose then to walk in, alone thankfully. "Dean?" He laid a careful hand on the other hunter. "You seem a little...." Sam trailed off looking around the room. "I'm fine Sammy, just a little angry. That's all." Dean faked a smile. "Yeah, I can see that." Sam let go of his brother and picked up some of the papers. Then he left, sensing that he wasn’t wanted. When Dean looked up, Castiel had replaced Sam in the doorway. 

Pt 1 1/2 (what Sam and Gabe are doing while Dean and Cas... you know....)

 Sam rolled his eyes at the short angel. "You are impossible." He said smirking slightly. "Sammoose. Please." Gabriel begged, on his knees. "We should spy on them." "Gabe, no." Sam sighed. "Let's go to the library together." "Awe, is this our first date? At stay at home read fest? How nerdy, Sam-a-lam." Gabe teased as they walked together.

"It's not a date. If it was, it would be dinner. And I'd make you buy." Sam sassed back. Gabe looked speechless for a moment before grinning. "Sammy! I didn't know this is how you felt!" He bumped the giant man's arm with his shoulder. As they entered the library Gabe snapped a lollipop into existence. He sucked on it while he watched Sam research. After a while Sam looked up. "Hey, get this, so while many pagan gods eat humans, some, like you, eat what is considered connected with that god. So for you, it's candy." Sam smiled, "I found you out." "I'm mean you could always find out more." Gabe winked. "But how about dinner first? Let's say.... Two days from now? At 7?" Gabriel let himself be hopeful. Sam blinked at him before registering what the archangel had said. "Uh, yeah. That sounds good." He nodded with a smile.

Castiel looked at Dean Winchester, his human, the one he loved, his best friend. Castiel didn't know that Dean had been on to him. On to his lies. Why hadn't he told the truth in the beginning? "Dean... I..." The fallen angel began. "Don't." Dean said, holding up a hand to stop him. "Cas... I don't want another excuse. And I want to know the truth and why the hell you hid that from us.... From me." Dean's heart broken expression made Castiel want to undo every thing he had done, even back when he had been searching for Kelly. "Cas. I don't know why. But you think you can't trust me." Dean looked down. "I hate that." "You...." Castiel could feel his anger rising. "You want to know why I don't trust you Dean? It's because you don't treat me like I'm important. That after all we've been through. I mean nothing to you." Castiel pointed a finger and poked Dean's chest. "You've treated me like I'm just here to help you. Well, I found Crowley in the Empty. And after we escaped.... We talked, Crowley, Gabriel and I. About you Winchesters. And I realized that you've never cared about any of us. Not Crowley or I, or anyone else that has died for your cause." Cas felt angry and sad tears run down his face. He watched Dean's face tighten with anger. "Castiel, maybe if you were actually helpful, I'd treat you better. As it is the only thing you seemed to be good at, is getting yourself killed." Cas took a small step back. And he could tell by Dean's eyes that the green eyed hunter knew he had gone too far. " Cas... I-" Castiel was already gone. 'Gabirel, I know you care for Sam, and he for you. I just couldn't stay there with Dean. So I left.' Castiel sent a prayer to his older brother. Flying far from the bunker to a forest. He sat on a stump and held his head in his hands. He wasn't sure if he would be able to face Dean ever again. Dean ran through the bunker. Eventually running into Gabe and Sam. Gabriel automatically shoved him against the wall. "What the hell did you say to my brother." Gabriel growled, his eyes flashing gold. Sam surprisingly didn't move to stop Gabe. "Dean what did you do." Sam looked worried. "Cas sent Gabe a prayer saying he wasn't coming back because of you." Dean avoided their eyes. "I said some pretty harsh things. Which I regret." He said. "HARSH THINGS." Gabirel's voice reached a ear shattering level. Sam winced. "Gabe, my ears." Gabe glared at Dean once more before letting him go. "You broke my brother's heart. He loves you Dean." Gabe said as Sam placed an arm around Gabe. "Why don't I get you some hot cocoa. Fighting each other won't bring back Cas." Sam gently led Gabe away. Though Dean say the disappointed look in Sam's eyes. And Dean knew, things were never going to be the same.

It had been a year ago that Cas had left. Dean was on a hunt, hunting had become something he threw himself into. But now that he was tied to a chair and about to die. He was thinking, he should have done better to find Cas and tell him he loved the angel. They say separation makes the heart grow fonder. And Dean reckoned that was true, because he had never loved Castiel more than when he was gone. "Dean Winchester. Never thought I'd have the opportunity to kill such a pretty man." The vampire in front of him spoke, bringing his thoughts back to the present. "Don't swing that way, you son of a bitch." Dean glared at the male bastard in front of him. Which was somewhat true, he would never even consider anyone with this personality, guy or girl. "I could make you." The vamp leered, reaching forward and ripping Dean's shirt. 'Well, looks like Cas won't be my gay first time then. I'm just going to get fucking raped by a vampire. Not at all what I pictured.' Dean thought, not realizing that he actually was praying, to Castiel.

Cas heard him, and rushed to where he pinpointed the prayer. Smiting the vampire was easy. Facing Dean? Not as much. (That's all for now.) 

[kdfrqqg]

French Perfume Part 7

Crowley X Reader

Summary: Female reader receives a package from an admirer.   She also learns about her special gifts.

Warnings: angst, language

Catch up: French Perfume Series

Your​ head swam with panic. “Oh God, No!” You held Crowley’s unconscious frame in your arms unsure of what to do. Shit, you didn’t even remember where you were. He had bounced all over the world tonight. Remember, Remember, (Y/N), you thought. You ran to the dresser and looked at the hotel note pad, you were in some swanky hotel in Kansas City. Great, you weren't​ far from the bunker but you didn’t have a car and trying to steal one, that would just take too long. A thousand thoughts raced through your mind. You bundled up yours and his clothes and ran back to the bed. Shit, your magic hadn’t worked yet but you were desperate, now that Crowley’s life was in your hands.  

You gripped him tight thinking about your bedroom​ in the bunker, you closed your eyes even tighter​, and calmed yourself. You opened your eyes and miraculously you in your room. “Baby, I did it!” You kissed his cheek with excitement. Maybe things would be ok. Now you need to find the guys, mainly Cas. You pulled an extra blanket from the closet and covered Crowley’s naked body. You reached for your white bath robe and tied it around your​ waist. Running down the hallway in your heels, your long flowing y/c/h hair and pearls bounced as you yelled for help. The guys ran to your aid and met you by the kitchen. “Cas, Cas it’s Crowley. He’s, he’s” you were out of breath and terrified. “Breathe (Y/N), what happened?” Sam tried to calm you. “We ahh…” You were embarrassed to say it. “We, we.” Dean looked at your black pumps and robe putting the pieces together, “That damn horny bastard, y'all fucked!” Dean exclaimed. “Yeah, we did.“ You took Cas’ hand, “Come on, that isn’t what matters. I don’t know how long he has. Cas, I need your help. Please you have to save him.” You began to beg rushing them to your room. Cas sat on the edge of the bed, placing two fingers on Crowley’s forehead, “(Y/N), I’m trying but my powers were not made to heal demons.” “Cas, is he still…?” you were unable to form the full question. “Yes, he is, only barely.” Cas addressed your concern standing up next to you. “Cas, I don’t understand.” You fell into Cas’ arms crying, “He said he was fine, great even, then as soon as we were done, he just went non-responsive.” You were just trying to make sense of it. “I should have mentioned this to you yesterday, but I was too shy to say anything​. Your love is like a drug, after we kissed, I was riding a level of ecstasy I have never felt before. Even now, knowing you could drain all of my Grace away and leave me comatose, I would gladly suffer that fate. I can only imagine that those feelings plus his actual love for you combined, his judgement would have been completely clouded.” Cas explained. “The other day, Crowley said he would rather die in your arms than any other place.” Sam interjected. “Hey Katy Perry, why don't​ we leave them alone for a bit.” Dean signaled to Cas. You walked back to Crowley’s side holding his limp hand, “Guys, I shouldn’t be around him any longer.” “(Y/N) you haven’t been siphoning any of his or my powers since we’ve been here.” Cas informed you. “I haven’t!” you let out a relieved sigh mixed with a small cry. Cas pulled you close, “I think your fear of losing him has stopped your powers.” “But Cas that is no way to live, afraid and angry.” Remembering, yesterday’s lesson. “(Y/N/N), you may want to just let him go, he told Sam and I, he wanted to die in your arms.” Dean informed you. “Dean Winchester, if you aren’t here to help then get the hell out!“ You yelled glaring at Dean, “I just can’t lose him, guys.” You sniffled. “Ok sweetheart,” Dean huffed, “how about a spell? You are really good at spells.” “Yeah a spell!“ You placed your hand on top of Crowley’s hand, “Baby, I’m going to get you back.” You thought with all of the extra juice coursing through you this might actually work. You pulled your favorite spell book from your desk drawer. You began to flip through the pages, you knew that you saw a healing spell a few weeks​ back. You continued to turn pages but couldn’t find it and you got frustrated, your emotions were on overdrive, “Dammit!” You cursed throwing the book hard on your desk. All the candles around your room lit up by themselves​ and the book magically opened to the page you needed​. The boys looked at you with complete amazement knowing that you were the only one able to do that. “Finally!” You breathed out. “Sam, get my magic box!” You ordered while you reviewed what you needed​ to make the spell work. He brought over the wooden box you had Bedazzled with the word Magic all over it when you were drunk and high one afternoon. You threw some sage and a few other herbs in your mixing bowl then cut a rose from the bouquet on your dresser, crushing it with the pestle. Cas watched your hands work then he handed you some myrrh from the box. “Are you sure?” “I am sure. It will make the spell stronger.” Cas told you. The ingredients smoked in the bowl as you began to chant in Latin. You moved the bowl closer to Crowley allowing him to breathe in the magical smoke never breaking the the chant. After a few minutes of chanting, you broke down, he was wasn’t waking up. You dropped to your knees, pounding on his chest, the ingredients in the bowl fell to the floor spilling everywhere. Tears gushed from your eyes, “Come on baby!” you wailed. “Please, please, please!” Crying louder, the guys could barely watch as they all held back the tears that were welling up on their eyes. “I don’t know what else to do, just come back to me.” Your arms reached across him continuing to gently pound his chest. Crowley’s eyes started to flutter, “Love, if you hit me in harder you’re going to give me a heart attack.” Your lips turned from a quivering mess of a frown to an overjoyed smile. “Oh baby!” You whimpered as you flung yourself into his arms, your robe opening enough to give the guys a show, sprinkling kisses all over Crowley’s face. “I thought you were a goner. Dean took a quick peak at you before signalling to Cas and Sam, then the three men walked out of your bedroom giving you some time to yourselves. “I thought I was gone too but you never gave up on me.” Crowley kissed you deeply. “I heard everything you you said, Love.” You laid cradled in his arms almost on top of him unable to stop crying for what seem like an eternity or thirty seconds you weren’t sure. He shushed you, calming the pool of doubt that formed your brain. When you finally quieted down, he spoke softly, “Darling, will you hand me my phone. If I don’t check in, well things can go to hell down in hell.” He chuckled with a bit of a cough. He hit speed dial on his phone. “Hello Jarrell. My relationship with Miss (Y/L/N) is progressing quite nicely. I shall be indisposed for the next few days. (Y/N) may pop in once or twice, I give her full authority of the crown when she is there. Treat her like a queen. Do you understand?” You heard the other man hesitantly agreeing. “Good.” He hung up. “What was that all about?” You asked. “I will need you to pick up a few things for me.” You gave him a side eye seeing if he was going to make a point. “You could have just let me die in that hotel room, you should have but you didn’t. I trust you and only you.” He kissed you nose making you smile. “Now, Love, why don’t you fix yourself up, put that dress back on” he wiggled his eyes, “and hop on down to hell and assert yourself as the Queen.” “I guess it will be good practice using my powers. What do you need?” He listed a number of items before you left to freshen up in the bathroom. After getting ready you felt like a million dollars, you walked to the war room. “Ok guys, I have to go run an errand for Crowley. When I get back we need to find a way for me to control my this, cause I ain’t go through this again.” “Do you really think you are going to feel this way about him if you stop siphoning his powers?” Dean questioned. “Dean!” Sam snapped. “She clearly loves him.” “When Cas and I kissed sure there was an instant attraction that makes me blush but I am not in love him.” You explained. “It’s true, Dean. I want to experience her warmth again but she isn’t who I desire.” Cas’ eyes locked on Dean. “Alright then so I shouldn’t be but an hour or so. Someone please check on him for me.” You suggested. “How long…” Dean didn’t get his question out before you teleported out of the room. Ten minutes had past since (Y/N) popped off to hell, Dean knocked on (Y/N)’s open door before stepping in, “Hey man how you doing?” He asked Crowley, pulling a swig from his beer. “Better. No thanks to you.” Crowley jested. “Had it been my call, I probably would’ve let you die.” Dean confessed. “Your concern is heartwarming.” Crowley sassed. “Come on, man, she almost killed you! Do you still think you love her?” Dean was determined to understand your relationship. “I know that I love her. I knew it over a year ago. In the last few days, she has shown me more kindness, and love than I may have ever felt. I haven’t felt this way since I was human.” Dean thought that Crowley was done speaking and started to turn and leave. “Dean, I knew I wanted to make her my Queen but I thought I would have to turn her into a demon first. Don’t you think it’s better this way? That she doesn’t just want to be with me out of obligation but because she actually loves me. You know Dean, it would be a shame if you knew someone cared for you that much and you let them slip through your fingers.” “Thanks, man but I know how to get a girl.” Dean chuckled. “You know, mate, I’m not talking about some bloody girl. I was once your best friend, you can’t lie to me.” Crowley reminded. “Yeah, yeah.” Dean shrugged off Crowley’s comments and walked away. “Jarrell! Jarrell!” You called out once you reached Crowley’s throne room. “My lady, I wasn’t expecting you until later or tomorrow even.” The older blonde man spoke so sweetly to you. You held your head high to proclaiming​ dominance over him, “The King gave me a list of things he needed for the next few days.” You pulled the list from your bag and gave it to Jarrell, “May I ask, why did he send you instead of coming himself?” You quickly told him a half truth, “He wanted me get used to using my new powers.” “Yes, ma'am.” He scanned the list and walked to another room. The throne room was empty, you occupied your time by walking around the room touching everything you could. Sam had always gotten on you and Dean about the awful nervous habit the both of you shared. This was probably the worst place you could do this at, since you didn’t know what was cursed or not. You were startled by Jarrell, “My lady, here are the King’s possessions.” He handed you a black leather over night bag and a black suit garment bag full of his suits, “Thank you Jarrell. Does the King have any comfortable clothes? It’s just I’ve never seen him in a t-shirt and jeans.” “The King doesn’t own any thing like that, my lady.” He responded. “Oh ok I’ll have to pick him up a few items later then.” You thought he would be pissed if you brought him some Wrangler’s from Walmart but whatever the man loved you. “Oh Jarrell, what kind of magic books does the King have?” “We have lots of books on Magic, my lady, but I would want the King’s permission before I gave them to you.” You nodded, “go ahead.” He pulled out his phone and called, “My King, it’s Jarrell. Miss (Y/L/N) has asked about magic books.” He paused, “Yes sir, anything she wants.” He continued to shake his head in agreement, “No sir I won’t forget.” He hung up, “my apologies, my lady.” “All is forgiven, Jarrell.” You knew he had to ask. This was an unusual request. He lead you to the books and pointed out the King’s favorite. He let you be for a moment to look over the books. When he returned, he gave you a small navy gift bag, “The King said for you to have this.” “What is it?” You asked. “He told me not to tell you.” “Again, thank you.” You walked to Jarrell and placed a small kiss on his cheek. “You are very loyal.” “He spoke of you all the time. I know the other demons don’t agree your relationship but I can tell you are going to change hell, My Queen.” He smiled and bowed his head to you. You nodded, bowing with your eyes, and started walking so you could clear your mind, thinking of the bunker you then disappeared leaving the throne room.

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[the--blackdahlia]

Red Dawn Chapter 13 (SPN AU)

Title: Red Dawn Chapter 13

Summary:  Calumet, Colorado is just a normal, American town. And the Winchesters are just a normal family. Until war breaks out on their doorstep. Now, they have to fight not only for their lives, but the lives of their friends, neighbors, and all of America. Based off the Red Dawn movies.

Warnings: Character death, angst, language

There was a thick layer of snow on the ground. It had been a strangely warm winter up until this point. The Hunters were hiding behind trees and rocks. The sound of planes overhead was almost overwhelming. Sam wanted to cover his ears a few times, but that would mean setting his gun down and facing the wrath of Dean.

 “It’s ours!” Cas called out, smiling up at plane that flew over.

 “How can you tell?” Crowley asked.

 “It’s ours.” Benny and Dean said at the same time.

 “Old married couple.” Ruby mumbled under her breath.

 “Fry ‘em.” Benny growled. Just then, the plane that flew over dropped bombs on strongholds. Dean’s smile grew as he watched it unfolding. Fire and explosions.

 “Dear god.” Jimmy said, watching all of the bombs going off.

 “And we’re going over there?” Bobby asked. Benny nodded.

 “Welcome to war kiddos.” He said. Dean looked over at Sam. He never wanted him to be in this position. He never wanted him to see the horrors of war. To see someone as your friend but they turn out to be your enemy, or your enemy is actually your friend. There were so many things in the world that Dean didn’t want Sam to see, and most of them involved the world that they were living in. That’s when there was a noise to the left of the group.

 “Son of a bitch!” Dean called out. “Move!” A large tank headed their way. Everyone took off running from their hiding spots. Weapons in hand, Dean and Benny led all of them to a snowbank. “Get down!” He ordered. They all dove behind the snow, watching the tank come closer before it stopped right in front of them. But it wasn’t there for them. It was there to fire at the Freedom Fighters that were down below. Another tank showed up then, parking just down from the other one.

 “What are we going to do?” Rufus whispered to Bobby over the tank fire.

 “You think I know?” Bobby asked. Caleb looked down at his gun as the tanks kept firing. He reached over towards Benny and snagged two explosives from his bag.

 “Hey!” Benny said. Caleb climbed up the snowhill.

 “Get out of here.” Caleb said, ignoring the boys and girls trying to grab at his ankles to stop him.

 “Give him cover!” Benny said. The kids raised their guns and started firing, trying to help Caleb out and to get him back down towards them. Dean fired the grenade launcher at the tank across from them, hitting the target. It knocked the gunman off his post. But as he fell, he let off a shot, hitting Caleb in the stomach.

 “CALEB!” Meg screamed. She had grown close to him. Sam’s eyes widened as he watched his friend slump against the tank he was standing on. Jimmy screamed out and shot at the gunman over and over, hitting him several times. He kept screaming even after he had run out and the gunman had fallen to the ground, red snow surrounding him. The tank that Dean had hit with the grenade was on fire. Anyone that was in there was gone.

 “Caleb, get down here!” Bobby begged. Caleb shook his head, holding where the bullet wound was.

 “I have to do this.” He groaned. He grabbed the explosive he had taken from Benny. He pulled the pin and tossed it through the hatch for the tank. He rested against the hatch, a smile on his face. “Fuck. You.” He said right before the explosive went off. He fell off the tank onto the ground. Meg ran to him.

 “Caleb?” She said, shaking him gently. Lisa ran over and touched the side of his neck. She shook her head.

 “I’m sorry.” She said. Dean turned away, unable to look down at the young man on the ground.

 “We have to get out of here.” Benny said. “Back to our safe hold.”

 “We can’t just leave him here.” Meg cried, large tears falling down her face. Ruby put a hand on her sister’s shoulder.

 “Come on Meg.” Ruby said softly. Jo helped her to pulled Meg away from Caleb’s body.

 “Should we take him with us?” Sam whispered. Dean looked over at Sam as more bombs exploded to the side of them.

 “We have to go Sammy.” Dean told him. Sam nodded and turned away, heading back toward their hidden camp, tears in his eyes.

 ****

 Meg was crying as they set around the fire, getting warm and trying to calm down after what they had just seen. Sam got up with his knife and headed out to their memorial rock, carving Caleb’s name into it beside Rick’s name. All these deaths were starting to catch up with him. His dad had been his only parent since he was six months old. Jessica had been the love of his life since she moved in 6th grade and almost broke Sam’s nose during dodgeball. He had been friends with Caleb since first grade when one of the mean third graders tried to steal Sam’s lunch. Dean wasn’t there to protect Sam like he always did, but Caleb was and he knew how to tackle and hit.

 Sam cried for a minute or two while he set up at the rock, but soon it disappeared to anger. He was mad at Caleb for running off into danger like that. He was mad at whatever force that was up above for not keeping him safe, keeping them all safe. He was mad at Benny for leading them out there in the first place. He was mad at Dean for agreeing with him and for leaving Caleb behind. Sam balled up his fist and hit the rock over and over until it was so painful that the cold air hitting it made all the nerves in his body scream out in agony. He slid down onto the snow, leaning up against the rock and cradling his injured hand against his chest.

 “Sam?” Dean called out. Sam didn’t realize how long he had been at the rock, but it had been longer than he had intended. Dean saw his brother sitting against the rock and came over. Then he saw the blood that had dripped on the snow from his hand. “Sammy! Are you hurt?”

 “I’m fine.” Sam assured him. But the grimace when Dean knelt in front of him and gently took his hand gave it away.

 “Yeah, real fine.” Dean said, examining his hand the best he could. “Because that rock really needed to be beat up.” Sam didn’t say anything, just hissing as Dean probed his hand, asked him to move his fingers, and other things like that. “I don’t think it’s broken. We’ll have Lisa clean it up and wrap it for you.” Sam nodded. “Sammy, say something. You’re starting to scare me man.”

 “I’m so tired of death.” Sam said, looking around. They could hear bombs in the distance. “I just wanted to play soccer and go to school. I didn’t want to be a soldier.” Dean could see the tears in Sam’s eyes. Out of the two of them, Sam had always been the more emotional one. Sam had only seen Dean cry a handful of times. Once was because he got nailed in the balls by some kids playing baseball, and once was because Sam had gotten so sick he had passed out and Dean was scared.

 “I’m getting you out of here.” Dean told Sam, pulling him into a hug. “One way or another, I’m getting you out of this place. You can still go to California. It’ll be okay Sammy.” Sam wanted to believe Dean, but after losing their dad, Jessica, and Caleb to this damn thing, he was finding it harder and harder to believe.

 “Yeah…” Sam said, offering Dean a small smile to tell him he believed him.

 “Come on. We need to get your hand cleaned up before it has a chance to get infected.” Dean said, patting Sam’s shoulder. Sam nodded and followed his brother back to camp. Meg and Ruby were nowhere to be seen, but Dean had expected as much. Lisa jumped up from where she was sitting with Benny when she saw the blood on Sam’s hand.

 “What happened?” She asked, eyes wide.

 “Sammy here decided to pick a fight with a rock.” Dean explained. Lisa got her med kit and set Sam down by the fire to start cleaning him up. Benny went over to talk to the others as Dean hovered over Lisa, watching her dab peroxide on Sam’s hand. With ever hiss Sam had, she got a glare from the older brother.  

 “Dean, relax.” Sam said. “It’s my fault, not Lisa’s.”

 “Still. I thought nurses were supposed to be gentle.” Dean said. Lisa glared at Dean but bit her tongue. How did she ever even remotely think that she was in love with this? She focused on Sam instead. Sam was always nice to her, even when he had no reason to be. Sam was nice to everyone. Lisa carefully wrapped Sam’s hand and smiled at him.

 “There. All better.” She said. “I’m out of lollipops though.” Sam laughed.

 “Thanks Lisa.” He said, standing up and holding his hand against him. She cleaned it, but it still hurt. But Sam refused to take anything for the pain. It wasn’t that bad and they needed that stuff that they had “borrowed” for real emergencies. He found himself a large tree and set by it, pulling his knees to his chest. Lisa watched him for a second before Dean headed his way. She turned back to Benny. Dean set down by Sam.

 “I want to go home.” Sam said softly, not even looking up at Dean. Dean wanted to tell him that they would go home soon, that John would be waiting there with a beer in his hand and Jessica would come over. And even Dean would have a girl on his arm. Caleb and the guys would crash their barbeque and everything would be perfect.

 But Dean couldn’t promise any of that. He couldn’t even promise that they would survive the night. All Dean could do was wrap an arm around Sam and offer soft words.

 “I know.”

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[roxy-davenport]

My Future

Pairing: AU Endverse Dean x Reader

Word count:  2,737

Beta: The awesome @raspberrymama :D

A/N: This was written for @paigeinastory Paige’s Country Song Fic/Sentence Prompt Challenge with the prompts, “When She Calls Me Baby” by Jason Aldean and “I don’t know what it is but damn.” This was also written for @jessica-bones-winchester’s Dating Dean Writing Challenge with the prompt, being called sweetheart. As well as for @dancingalone21 Lau’s AU Funny Quote challenge with the prompt,“That was scary!” AU slightly with Future!Dean. Romance, smut vaguely referenced. Hella fluffy. These are snippets of moments between endverse Dean and the reader. This is told from Dean’s POV

Also on AO3

Some days it’s tough just gettin’ up

Throwin’ on these boots and makin’ that climb

Some days I’d rather be a no show

Lay low ‘fore I go out of my mind

When Balthazar first came to drag me out of the future, I fought him off fiercely. First of all, in my time he was dead. So I was quite confused how and why he was here. He said some bs about wanting to give me some happiness away from “heaven’s drama”. Of course I looked at him like he grew two heads. But can you blame me, really? I growled, spat at him, even shot him but in the end, I was so happy he did it. I owe my happiness to him. I surely would have died in that timeline either by the Croatoan virus or by how hard and cruel I had become.

Balthazar placed me back in my previous timeline before there was any talk of Sam being Lucifer’s vessel, back to the good old days, just me and Sam hunting like we used to. No more apocalypse, Lucifer Sam, no more virus, just simple cases. Of course, I remembered the other timeline but I had a chance now to change it, maybe even get out of the life.

Naturally it took a while to conform to the “real” world but Sam was very understanding. Balthazar explained that he rescued me from a different timeline. Sam took it in stride because I was his brother after all, timelines or not. Sam taught me how to act in the world again with civilization. I could tell he wanted to ask which timeline but he didn’t and I didn’t tell him. There was no sense in burdening Sam with the truth.

I got right back into hunting like riding a bike. I guess a hunter never forgets how to hunt. And through hunting I met Y/N. I never thought I’d love anyone. I never thought I could. Y/N thawed out my cold heart and reminded me what it felt like to feel.

I love calling girls sweetheart. That’s my MO in relationships and dating. Some girls liked baby but I liked that used for me. I’m baby, she’s sweetheart. On rough days, I would close my eyes and remember our first date, the first time I called her sweetheart. It was after a hunt actually. We ran to the motel to clean up and then went to a dinner together.

I was shaky and about to back out when Sam urged me to go and gave me the mother of all pep talks. I sat across from her, my leg shaking underneath the table. I offset my nervousness by being extra cocky. The second I sat down I felt butterflies in my stomach. My eyes were on her almost the entire time. Y/N wore a dress and I got to see her shapely legs. She looked amazing in that dress. I could tell she was nervous, too, because she was fidgeting with her sleeves. I could stare at her all day.

Clearing my throat and tearing my eyes away from her for a second to look down at my menu I said, “You look a lot better without-.”

Y/N cut me off and smirked stating, “So do you, handsome.” I blushed - actually blushed...  like a girl. How embarrassing.

“What can I get you two?” Y/N looked up and I saw her frown. I followed her eyes and looked up at the waitress. She was definitely my type, well before I met Y/N that is. My eyes quickly returned to Y/N. A cocky smile appeared on my face as I shook my head and very obviously looked Y/N up and down. I took in her blushed face and the way she bit her lip. I wanted to make sure she knew the waitress while attractive, had nothing on her.

“I’ll have an omelette.” Y/N replied.

Nodding Dean added, “Same with a beer...Sam Adams if you got it, if not then a Guinness will be fine.”

The waitress nodded and left. I saw out of the corner of my eye, a longing look from the waitress but my attention was on Y/N. It would always be on Y/N. No girl would ever satisfy me again. No more one night stands and that’s one of the reason why I was nervous to go on this date. But once on it, I couldn’t wait to claim Y/N as mine.

“So sweetheart how did you get started in hunting?”

“My father is Crowley.”

My eyes went wide as I spit out my water all over the table. Y/N giggled and offered me napkins.

“Never got that response before.”

Curiously and tentatively I probed Y/n, “What’s the usual response?”

“Really? You? Or just running away but not spilling water everywhere. That’s a new one.”

Y/N spoke again answering the unasked question.“I hunt because I refuse to be my father’s daughter.”

Her past, like mine, doesn’t define her. She isn’t her father, she’s my light in the darkness, my rock. She pulled me out of myself and showed me that I deserved to be happy.

That night we started with no lies. I told her how I got into the business, the timeline I came from, everything. By the time we finished eating, I felt like I had known her for years. I put my arm around her as we walked back to the car. I called her sweetheart every day since. I feel lucky to hold her hand and call her mine. Sam is grossed out by the massive amount of PDA but he’s happy I found someone I love.

But when she says baby

Oh don’t matter what comes

Ain’t goin’ nowhere

She runs her fingers through my hair

And saves me

Yeah that look in her eyes got me comin’ alive

And drivin’ me a good kind a crazy

When she says baby

Oh when she says baby

She’s still asleep. I always wake up early just to watch over her. She looks so peaceful. On days away from her, I get no sleep. I need to feel her body against mine. I need to hold her.

She stirs before her alarm clock goes off and she turns in my arms murmuring, “baby.” She nuzzles into my chest as i reach over and turn the alarm clock off. Slowly she lifts her head up and looks into my eyes.

I reach down and stroke her cheek. “I don’t know what it is, but damn. You had me at hello.” She laughs at the corny but true line. God, do I wish I could make her laugh all the time. Her face crinkles in the most adorable way and she has the cutest dimples.

I hug her close to me and kiss her forehead. Her fingers cart through my hair and I moan happy to have her hands on my body. I’m happy to have made it back to her again. I’ve had a bad hunt, deep cuts, a worried Sam and one hell of a fight to gank that mofo but here, I’m saved. Here, none of that matters, it’s only me and her. I can be the real me. I can tell her what really happened on the hunt and she takes it all away. She eats the pain and suffering and replaces it with love. She’s my own personal sin eater.  

I look down at her and see her eyes are filled with such love and a hint of mischief. When her lips find mine, she kisses me without abandon. I melt into the kiss and hold her tight against me. She knows what I need without me having to say it. She’s determined to remind me how much she loves me. Every touch, every word, every moan she releases from me reminds me that I am hers. Her tongue, her whole mouth is like magic. She has hardly any gag reflex and can take me inside her warm mouth all the way to my pubic hairs. She licks the underside of my cock and I’m already fighting not to cum. Even if I’m trying hard not to come, she’ll make me come in a matter of minutes.

She’s a goddess in the bedroom. She knows how to read my body and I know how to read hers. Whenever I have a bad hunt like today, she gives me free reign over her body. She lets me take her anyway, in any position, anywhere I want. Nothing is off limits. How can I resist that? How can I focus on the hunt with a proposal like that? Which is exactly the point.

I missed her soft skin, her delicious curves, the way her body responded to me. It all drew me in. I‘m a breast man. I like asses and she has an amazing one but breasts are infinitely more fun. I can play and fondle them to my heart's content and watch her writhe and moan under me, begging me to fuck her. I love teasing my sweetheart. And when she cums, it’s the most gorgeous look ever. She says my name over and over again along with the word baby almost reverently like I’m everything to her. And in truth, she’s everything to me. 

Every time I’m on a hunt or in a motel room, she’s on my mind.

Some nights I come home fightin’ mad

Feel like runnin’ my fist through the wall

Is it even worth what I’m fightin’ for anymore

Feelin’ torn, oh the hell with it all

I came home again, another bad hunt. She could’ve told me to stop, I was making quite the mess but she didn’t. She let me get out my rage. She started throwing things into the center of the room; a bunch of pillows, some papers, a lamp she always hated and a couple of knick knacks. She just let me tear things apart. She gets that sometimes I need to just destroy, vent, and scream, especially on hunts where Sam and I nearly die.

She took a pillow and held it up to her mouth screaming into it. I copied her screaming into mine over and over again. I felt better. She always makes me feel better. I offer to explain but she puts a finger on my lips.

“I don’t need to know, baby. The point is that it bothered you to the point of rage. Tell me one thing...is Sam okay?”

“Yeah he is.”

“Good, then let it all go, baby. Forget the hunt. You’re with me now and nothing else matters.”

I get lost in her embrace, her kiss and just submit to our desires. The trigger to let go is always the way she calls me baby. Some might think that’s ridiculous but if you heard how she said it, you’d understand.

But when she says baby

Oh don’t matter what comes

Ain’t goin’ nowhere

She runs her fingers through my hair

And saves me

Yeah that look in her eyes got me comin’ alive

And drivin’ me a good kind a crazy

When she says baby

Oh when she says baby

I had to go on a hunt with Sam. I really considered just getting out of the life, I was married for Chuck’s sake, but as much as I tried to deny it, hunting was in my blood. I would sit and eat breakfast with her and read the newspaper and see people in pain, suffering knowing what monster it was and that I could help. She understands. She knows I have to be the hero and she’s okay with it. This hunt goes without a hitch. Instead of calling her or facetiming, I just barrel out of the hunt like a bat out of hell. Sam is holding on for dear life while I make sharp turn after sharp turn till I get to my baby.

Everything gonna be alright

Just lay down by my side

Let me love you through this life

She’s a perfect shot of faith

When every bit of mine is gone

Somethin’ I can believe in

A best friend, a heaven sent

Love to lean on

When I get home, I find her looking at the wedding video. It was simple. Elegant with only close friends and fellow hunters there. Jody Mills helped document it. The camera work was on the shaky side but Jody caught all the quiet moments, all the moments I whispered to a nervous and happy Y/N about how much I loved her and how much I wished I could take off her wedding dress and make love to her right then and there. In fact, I made her cum with my tongue five minutes later in the woods. I watched myself and her on that video and remembered all over again why I loved her. We looked so young and idealistic then.

She looked like an angel in that dress. I looked amazing in that suit. I had to hand it to Crowley for letting me borrow his new tailor. No one questioned that the King of Hell was our officiant or that Y/N was his daughter. Everyone just accepted our happiness and left it at that. 

Y/N got up to a segment where me and Sam were talking about her. I didn’t know Jody was filming us at the time.  

“Hey congratulations, Dean. You found your soulmate. After everything, you deserve to be happy.”

Clapping Sam on the back I added, “Thanks Sammy, now we gotta find you a girl.” Sam smiled at me and nodded before giving me a bear hug.

When the hug ended, I took a deep breath out and confessed, “That was scary!”

Sam looked at me confused, “Scary? How so Dean?”

“Well she’s my everything and I don’t do chick-flick moments.”

“Or so you say.”

“Not helping Sam, anyway, It took me a week of staring at her. We stumbled into the same hunt and every hour we did research, my eyes went to her. God, was I creepy. Finally she helped me out and gave me her number. After the first hunt, we kept hunting together, flirted with each other and man did we have a bunch of sexual tension.”

“Had sex, finally. You waited for two months for it, remarkable really.”

Ignoring Sam’s comment Dean continued, “And then we just moved in together. We never talked about it, it just happened-”

Sam interjected, “Or she basically showed up with stuff and you beamed at her nodding.”

“Same thing.” Dean stated quickly.

“Anyway it was scary asking Y/N to marry me. I’ve been with other girls but never felt a connection like with her. She was my tether to this world, my reason, my life, my everything and so it took me days to get the courage up to ask her. Right after she killed a werewolf to save me, I just bent down on one knee and whipped open the ring box. I wanted it to be romantic but with the adrenaline pumping, my fear was gone, I didn’t trip over my own words they just spewed out. She cried and chanted yes and baby so many times. I really am the luckiest man in the world.”

“And I still am,” speaking loud enough for her to hear me over the noises from the TV.

She looked away from the tv and ran into my arms. “I have more good news to tell you Dean.”

“What’s that, sweetheart?”

She stepped back and put her hand on her belly. My eyes widened and she nodded. I cried, not able to stop myself. I finally had a family. It wasn’t just me and Sammy anymore. I had a life, a future. I had no idea what would come next or whether I would keep hunting now that Y/N was pregnant but I knew that whatever did happen, we’d do it together.

But when she says baby

Oh don’t matter what comes

Ain’t goin’ nowhere

She runs her fingers through my hair

And saves me

Yeah that look in her eyes got me comin’ alive

And drivin’ me a good kind a crazy

When she says baby

Oh when she says baby

Yeah that look in her eyes got me comin’ alive

And drivin’ me a good kind a crazy

Tagging

Forevers: @purgatoan, @killerofthesouth, @charliebradbury1104, @chaos-and-the-calm67, @chelsea072498, @everyday-supernatural-af, @kalliravenne, @toogardenenthusiast, @winchesterprincessbride, @one-shots-supernatural, @take-me-tonirvana, @hellsmother, @ellen-reincarnated1967, @faegal04, @deals-with-demons, @mamaredd123, @atc74, @hamartiamacguffin, @donnaintx

Dean Folks from my list: @buckysmetallicstump, @faith-in-dean, @bennyyh, @ruprecht0420 @supernatural-jackles, @jesspfly, @webcricket

@aprofoundbondwithdean, @thing-you-do-with-that-thing, @mrswhozeewhatsis, @dr-dean, @nichelle-my-belle, @leatherwhiskeycoffeeplaid, @thegreatficmaster, @salvachester, @blushingsamgirl, @bkwrm523, @whispersandwhiskerburn, @lipstickandwhiskey, @impala-dreamer, @samsgoddess, @frenchybell, @scorpiongirl1, @for-the-love-of-dean, @jelly-beans-and-gstrings, @fiveleaf, @deansleather, @curliesallovertheplace, @whywhydoyouwantmetosaymyname, @waywardjoy, @imadeangirl-butimsamcurious, @kayteonline, @supernatural-jackles, @idreamofhazel, @wevegotworktodo, @ilovedean-spn2 , @quiddy-writes, @wi-deangirl77, @deantbh, @mysaintsasinner, @chelsea-winchester, @sinceriouslyamellpadalecki, @fandommaniacx, @teamfreewillimagines, @deanwinchesterforpromqueen, @castieltrash1, @supernaturallyobsessed, @memariana91, @writingbeautifulmen, @captain-princess-rose, @plaidstiel-wormstache, @idreamofhazel, @revwinchester, @supermoonpanda, @ageekchiclife, @i-dont-know-how-to-write, @vintagevalentinexx, @ohwritever, @ruinedbydestiel, @winchester-writes, @mysupernaturalfics, @thinkwritexpress, @sammit-janet @bowtiesandapplepie, @itsemmyb, @ezauraemmaline, @matteson-crazed, @castielspahdehrah, @charliesbackbitches, @crzcorgi, @gryffindorable713, @deerlululucy, @walkingencyclopediaoffandom, @MrsJohnSmith, @manawhaat, @growleytria, @thegleegeneration, @samtomydeanwinchester, @sinceriouslyamellpadalecki, @i-never-said-a-pilot, @thewinchestielboys, @supermoonpanda, @sis-tafics, @amaranthinecastiel, @kittenofdoomage, @samanddeanwinchester67, @prettyxwickedxthings, @ferferelli @lilyoflothlorien, @myfand0msandm0re, @olitzisbae, @iridianuniverse, @the-morning-star-falls,  @shortandlongstories, @strange-inhumanity-blog, @ackleslaugh @noisilyyoungpuppy, @fangirling-instead-of-working, @eyes-of-a-disney-princess, @chrisatplay, @kayteonline, @spnsimpleman, @faith-in-dean, @gimmethepieandnoonegetshurt, @for-the-love-of-dean, @mamaimpala, @zanthiasplace, @sleep-silent-angel, @pada-ackles-reads, @thing-you-do-with-that-thing, @gadreelsforbiddenfruit, @trenchcoats-and-bees, @curliesallovertheplace, @jencharlan, @not-so-natural-spn, @skybinx-blog, @thebunkerismyhome, @feelmyroarrrr, @beachy2014, @fandom-book-nerd, @tia58, @sams-little-toy, @sunriserose1023, @saving-things-hunting-family, @winchesterswoonathon, @jotink78, @lucifer-in-leather,  @babypieandwhiskey, @howmanytuesdaysdidyouhave, @supernatural-jackles, @avasmommy224, @angelwingsandsupernaturalthings, @mysaintsasinner, @chelsea-winchester, @besslincoln-bruh, @wheresthekillswitch, @maraisabellegrey, @notnaturalanahi

[death2thevirgin]

Down the Rabbit Hole pt 2

Dean’s POV

Summary: What happens when the person you lived for is no longer there?  When the person you draw strength from turns his back on you? What do you have left?

Characters: Reader x Dean, Sam, Mentions of a lot of other characters

Word Count: ~ 2,500

Warnings: Lots of angst, Language, mentions of death, mentions of serious medical conditions

A/N: I wrote part one for @nichelle-my-belle ‘s angst challenge! My prompt was “I destroyed myself so you couldn’t hurt me.” I was really happy with how the first part turned out and the story in my head wouldn’t stop.  So this is going to be a three-part series.  The part is entirely from Dean’s POV and has a bit of over lay with the first part.  I would love any feedback.

Part One 

Memories/ Flashback are in Italics

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I can’t go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.” -Lewis Carrol

The first moment I saw her I knew she was special. I remember that day often, I was 8 years old and it was the first time Sam and I were dropped off at Bobby’s house. 

Dad was heading out on another hunt but he was going to be gone longer than usual, so he was taking us to a friend’s house so we weren’t alone.  We got further down the long dirt road approaching an old looking house that was surrounded by junked cars.

 As we pull closer I notice her, she is sitting on the front steps playing with a doll. Her long pigtails laying unevenly on opposite sides of her head. It isn’t until we get out of the impala that I get a good look at her. She stands shielding her eyes from the sun with her hand, calling for her father’s attention. “Daddy your friend is here.” Her overalls were a bit big on her and she is missing her two front teeth.  

 Even at a young age I knew this girl was going to be a big part of my life. Over the years Y/N, Sam and I grew closer.  I use to promise her we would be friends forever. She fit in great with us, maybe because she was a bit of a tomboy. The fact that she was two years younger than me and two older than Sam only helped her relate to both us more.  

 As we got older Y/N began to drift away from me when we would visit.  She became more wrapped up in normal teenage things and distanced herself from the hunting life. The more she pulled away from the lifestyle the more I threw myself into it. Sam and Y/N always stayed close, maybe because they both wanted something different.  The last time I saw her I was 18 and decided to hunt full time, she begged me not to and pleaded saying she didn’t want to loose me.

 It wasn’t until Sam and I came back to Bobby’s looking for help to find dad that I saw her again.  It was almost ten years later and she looked great, she definitely grew up well.  That day was the first day I realized how I really felt about her. Our timing was never right, either she was dating someone or I was busy trying to save people. She was never able to stay out of the hunting life, like us it followed her and when she was to college she lost her best friend to a Vampire.  After that she knew there was no escape, sometimes we would help her on a hunt or vice versa but she usually kept her distance.  

 That was until the apocalypse, with the world on the verge of ending we needed all the help we could get and that meant Y/N. After Sam trapped Lucifer in the cages I had a choice.  I could do what Sam wanted, I could go find Lisa try and make an apple pie life with her or I could go to Y/N’s, tell her how I felt about her and live the life I knew would make me happy.  I chose the latter and I was happy, we were happy.

Sure we had our ups and downs but what couple didn’t? She made me happy and I hoped I made her feel the same.  She was what got me through purgatory, sure I had Cas and Benny but it was the thought of being with her again that made me push through. I still remember the first time I saw her when I came back.

When we made it out of purgatory, I had to fulfill my promise to Benny and get him back to his body. As soon as we parted ways I was in route to Bobby’s. If Y/N/N stayed put, that’s where she would be, I walked for miles maybe days.  I wasn’t even sure what time of day it was when I started down Bobby’s driveway.  The sun was just starting to rise and as I got further down the drive I could see the sun light reflecting off baby’s hood.  

She was here, I knew it.  My legs move faster as if I am being pulled to her by some unknown force.  I think of just barging in but decide to knock instead. A couple knocks later, I hear some rustling inside and the door opens.  There she stands in one of my flannel shirts, her hair it piled messily on her head.  She looks beautiful. Before I can say or do anything I am splash in the face with what I can only assume is holy water. “Same old Y/N, better safe than sorry.” Her face is a mix of happiness, wariness and a little sadness.  After the usual test she allows herself to believe it is really me.

Once she is convinced, it takes her about a half second before she is in my arms. We spend the night wrapped in each others arms, tangled in sheets.  She never looked as beautiful as she does laying across my chest. “I missed you.” She says as she nuzzles deeper into my side. “So much.  I never stopped looking for you.”

“You were the only thing that kept me going, fighting my way back to you.  You and Sammy is why I knew I couldn’t give up.” I kiss the top of her head.

“I’m not too sure where Sam is, after- after everything that happened he said he made you a promise and was going to find his normal. I thought I lost you for good.” She is looking up at me with an intent look on her face. “After loosing my dad I just couldn’t loose you too.”

“I’m not going anywhere, ever. Don’t you worry about Sam, ill find him sweetheart.” I wrap her in my arms tighter never wanting to let her go. 

After finding her things went back to normal, she was there for me when I couldn’t count on Sam.  She was there for me when Castiel started working with Metatron, When the angels fell and Gadreel turned out to be a traitor. She was there for me through everything… Just like she always had been.

She was unwavering, she was my constant. Even though she had apprehensions when I told her about taking on the mark to defeat Abbadon, she stood by my side. She was there the day Metatron killed me, by my side.

That’s when things get hazy, I remember waking up and Crowley explaining to me what happened.  I remember feeling different, feeling less like myself.  It wasn’t that I stopped caring, no not all together, I just cared a whole lot less. Not about her though, never her, that’s why I pushed her away.  

She had me corner, she knew it.  The way she looked at me I realized she knew exactly what I had become.  I quickly made a choice, I wanted her to be happy even if that meant pushing her away.

“Sweetheart, how you doing? Long time no see.” I put on an air of cockiness, flashing my eyes just to show her what I am.

“Dean you need to come back with me and Sam, we can cure you.” She pleads with me her voice almost breaking.

“What makes you think I want to be cured? I like this, I like what I’ve become.” I cock my head to the side, I can’t have her or Sam waste their life trying to save me.

“Dean you don’t mean that, you hate demons… you can’t want to stay one forever.” She tries getting close to me but I quickly move across the room. I can’t let her touch me, it will break any resolve I have left.

“Oh but I do sweetheart, I have never felt so alive.  I don’t have to worry about you or Sam.  I don’t have to care if you two get yourself killed.  I am untethered.” I try my best to stand firm, to make her believe me.   

She wipes a tear from her eyes and I try not to break, instead I know what I have to say to make my point. “Oh God, are you crying? You didn’t think I actually cared about you, did you.” She looks me in the eyes and I keep going, knowing I am breaking her heart. “You were just a convenient piece of ass.  If you thought for a second I gave a fuck about you, you’re sadly mistaken.” I play the part, maybe a little too well. “Oh you did, didn’t you? Everything you touch is ruined, everyone in your life dies. Bobby dying was your fault.  The only reason Metatron was able to kill me was because you distracted me.  To think I let myself get distracted by a lousy lay. I should of went to Lisa four years ago, maybe I would have actually been happy, at least id be human.”

I know I made my point, I know I made her believe I really felt this way. I knew what her insecurities where and I knew what buttons to push. “You don’t mean that Dean, you are only saying this because you are a Demon.”

I laugh as if to prove I really don’t care. “Demon me wouldn’t have said it if I didn’t think it when I wasn’t a Demon.”  I saw it all cross her face and I swore I could see her resolve break. With that she turned and walked away, the woman that was always by my side was gone.  I justified my action by telling myself she was strong and she could survive just fine without me.

After she left, I completely let loose to the dark side. Loosing myself to the demon life, knowing that Y/N and Sam were safe. After a few weeks some how Sam and Castiel got a hold of me, to be honest I think Crowley helped them. Though I fought them and wanted to give up they saved me and cured me.  Y/N was right they really could have cured me; I should have let her.

After I was cured I could only think about her. I had to find her and apologize, make her understand why I did what I did, why I said those thing and that I didn’t mean any of it. Sam told me that he and Castiel tried to find her but they couldn’t.  She was warded like me and Sam and that hindered Castiel and Sam was focused on me.

I would catch a lead and follow it, sometimes Sam or Castiel would come with me but Sam was so dead set on finding a way to remove the mark that he didn’t always come.  No matter where the lead came from I would follow up on it, dropping anything I was doing.  I always seemed to be a step behind her, she was always a good hunter.  She knew how to stay hidden.  The only thing I would ever find was stories about how she was living. I hoped they were lies, people would describe her as strung out, with a different guy every night.

I knew what I said would hurt her but I never imagined this much.  When I got back to the bunker after another dead end, Sam informed me he knew where she was.  I don’t know how he found her and I didn’t care, I needed her back.  I sped towards her, Sam and Castiel with me. Whatever stories I heard, the things people said she had done couldn’t prepare me for what I saw when I kicked down that motel room door.

She was sitting on the bed slumped against the headboard, I see the drugs around her and her arm is still tied off. “Shit! Y/N, Baby its me.” I rush to her side, wrapping her in my arms and rushing her to the bathroom.  I turn on the bath and pull us both in splashing water on her face. “Sam, I found her! We are in here.” I’m terrified her body is cold. “Baby, how much did you take?” She doesn’t respond and I can feel her getting heavier. “Y/N, Baby, it’s me… Sammy cured me.  I’m so sorry for the shit I said.  I didn’t mean it Baby.” With those words the tear I have been fighting off start to fall.  I was preparing for her to be anger with me, maybe scream or hit me.  I never thought she would turn to drugs, I never thought I would break her. I can feel her heart rate weaken, Sam is on the phone with the paramedics urging them to hurry.  I beg and plead for her to hold on, I scream for Cas to help even though I know he can’t.  “Why baby, why did you do this to yourself.”

“I destroyed myself so you couldn’t hurt me anymore.” Her voice is raspy and the words come out slurring.  Her words break me down, how could I be so careless? How could I think I didn’t hurt her as bad as I did. “Dean, I’m sorry I wasn’t strong enough.” Her word fade and so does the light in her eyes.

That night was the night I lost Y/N, the night that changed my life forever. I sat in the uncomfortable hospital chair staring at the woman I loved, it was the same Y/N but it wasn’t.  She had tubes going into her body, wires covering her. The low hum of the machines were the only sound.  I just hope that she is isn’t afraid, I hope that no matter where she is in her mind she is happy.

The doctor enters the room clearing his throat. “Sir, we got the results back from your wife’s tests.” He takes the seat across from me looking me in my eyes. “I’m sorry I have to tell you this Y/N shows no sign of brain activity.” He pauses as if to give me a chance to catch up. “Mr. Winchester you have a choice to make now.  Y/N has no chance of recovery, you should consider stopping the life support and letting nature take its course.” I just shake my head refusing to give up on her. “If you won’t consider that you need to start looking into a long term care facility, but Mr. Winchester the chances Y/N will make any type of recovery are impossible.”

I can hear the words he is speaking but I can’t wrap my head around what he is saying.  Y/N is gone and she isn’t coming back, no he said her chances were impossible. I wipe the tears from my eyes “Well Doc no disrespect but in my life I’ve learned nothing is impossible.” In that moment I make a promise to myself, I don’t care how long it takes or what it takes I will bring her back.

Forever Taglist: @16wiishes, @notnaturalanahi, @illbeguiltyifyouwantmetobe, @tom-is-in-my-tardis, @ally-miller16, @impala-dreamer, @iwantthedean, 

People I tagged who I thought would like it: @rissbennett, @attackdogcas, @dean-imagine-reblogs, @dundundunlife, @yourapril77love, @ackleholic-hunter @naih-reedus, @oursamanthaii, @sam-cass-dean (Let me know if you want me to remove you!)

[death2thevirgin]

Down the Rabbit Hole

Summary: What happens when the person you lived for is no longer there?  When the person you draw strength from turns his back on you? What do you have left?

Characters: Reader x Dean (Demon; some), Sam, Mentions of a lot of other characters

Word Count: ~ 2,000

Warnings: Lots of angst, Language, mentions of death, alcohol, drug use, overdose, Demon Dean (yes that is a warning), I am sure there are more but I think I got the major ones.

A/N: This is my entry for @nichelle-my-belle ‘s angst challenege! My prompt was “I destroyed myself so you couldn’t hurt me.” I liked the way this turned out, sorry for any broken hearts it may cause.  I would love feedback! 

Memories/ Flashback are in Italics

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“The little girl just could not sleep because her thoughts were way too deep, her mind had gone out for a stroll and fallen down a rabbit hole.”  ~ Anonymous

You were never a weak woman, that much you were sure. You experienced enough hurt and loss that would break any normal person, but not you. You lost your father Bobby a few years ago in the fight with the Leviathans, even that didn't break you.  As much as you'd like to attribute your strength to a character trait you knew that wasn't true. It was all thanks to Dean Winchester, he was your rock. He was your reason to keep going.  Sure you knew him your whole life and he was always a great friend but after Sam locked himself and Lucifer in the cage things changed. Instead of turning to Lisa and living the apple pie life Sam wanted him to, he turned to you. You remember that night often, the night Dean Winchester turned up at your door. 

He looked tired and defeated. He told you everything that happened and his promise to Sam that he would try and live a normal life. "So what's stopping you Dean? Did you just come to say goodbye?"  You asked him feeling a ping of sadness.  You know you shouldn't but you couldn't help but love Dean and not in the brotherly way. 

He just shook his head "Y/N/N, it's not like that." He has faint smile on his face. "You see the thing is, when I made Sam that promise I thought Lisa was the one that got away, the one that made me happy." 

"Look Dean, I get it.  Every hunter wonders what it would be like to have a normal life.  After loosing Sam no one would blame you for wanting out."

He lets out a labored laugh. "Woman would you let me finish?"  You nod allowing him to continue. "Like I said I thought Lisa was my key to happiness, but I was wrong. When I think about being happy, when I see myself truly happy it is with you." 

You let out a shaky breath "Dean..."

Before you can finish he closes the distance between the two of you.  He places one hand on your hip and the other rests on your cheek. "Just tell me I'm crazy, tell me you don't want this too."

You look up, searching his emerald eyes for any hint of avoidance or uncertainty. Maybe he was still grieving Sam and he needed to be around someone familiar. "I want this more than you know, but how do I know this is real? How do I know you’re not just going for something safe?" 

Dean leans in, placing a soft and tentative kiss on your lips "that answer your question?" He flashes you his classic Dean smile before he crashes his lips on yours again. 

Ever since that night he was there for you. No matter what, even after Sam came back. You thought it would change things that Dean would shut you out but it didn't. You fought beside him and Sam against the mother of all and You were there for him when Castiel started working with Crowley and set free the Leviathans.  You were there for each other when Bobby died and came back as a ghost. Even when Dean went to purgatory, you took baby and searched for him while Sam went off and tried to find himself. When he came back with Benny you were the one he came back to. You were there when they started the trails and when Dean felt like he could no longer trust or confide in Sam he came to you. You were the one Dean turned to once the Angels fell and and Gadreel turned out to be a traitor. Through it all you could always count on Dean and he could always rely on you, he was your constant.

Even after he decided to bare the mark to defeat Abbadon, though you begged him not to, you stayed by his side. Even when he started to change and get blood thirsty you stayed, unwavering. You were by his side the day he died. While Sam took him and returned to the bunker looking for a way to bring him back, you knew what you had to do. You found the closest crossroad and was preparing to sell your soul to have him back. 

You were standing in the middle of the crossroad, preparing to summon a demon so you could get Dean back. The thought of not having him was too much to bear. You were just about to bury your box when your phone went off. You pulled your phone from your pocket, a photo of Sam illuminated the screen. "Hello"

"Y/N, where are you? You have to get back here, Dean is gone!" You could hear the worry in his voice. 

It didn't take long for you and Sam to find Dean and discover what he had become.  Even when he became the thing you loathed you never once thought of abandoning him. You and Sam swore you would not let him stay the way he was; you would save him.  

You and Sam searched for Dean, neither of you wanting or willing to give up.  Just when you thought that you wouldn't find him Sam caught a break. He was spotted in a store surveillance video, same Dean kicking ass, except his eyes were black. 

You were able to catch up to him and finally had him cornered. It was just you and him, but this wasn’t your Dean.  

“Sweetheart, how you doing? Long time no see.” His voice is deeper than you remember and his eyes flash black.

“Dean you need to come back with me and Sam, we can cure you.” You plead.

“What makes you think I want to be cured? I like this, I like what I’ve become.” He cocks his head to the side.

“Dean you don’t mean that, you hate demons… you can’t want to stay one forever.” You try getting closer to him, reaching out but in an instant he is across the room.

“Oh but I do sweetheart, I have never felt so alive.  I don’t have to worry about you or Sam.  I don’t have to care if you two get yourself killed.  I am untethered.” The worst part was when you searched his eyes you couldn’t see any hint of dishonesty.  

You wipe a single stray tear “Oh God, are you crying?” he laughs. “You didn’t think I actually cared about you, did you.” You look look up and lock eyes with him.  He has smirk on his face, he was amused. “You were just a convenient piece of ass.  If you thought for a second I gave a fuck about you, you’re sadly mistaken.” He feigned a look of sadness. “Oh you did, didn’t you?” He clicks his tongue and you could feel more tears form.  “Everything you touch is ruined, everyone in your life dies. Bobby dying was your fault.  The only reason Metatron was able to kill me was because you distracted me.  To think I let myself get distracted by a lousy lay. I should of went to Lisa four years ago, maybe I would have actually been happy, at least id be human.”

That broke you, he knew you always were insecure when it came to Lisa. He knew you always thought he only choose you was because you were the safe choice.  “You don’t mean that Dean, you are only saying this because you are a Demon.”

He laughed off your fear. “Demon me wouldn’t have said it if I didn’t think it when I wasn’t a Demon.”  You knew he made a point.  Dean must have really felt this way.  You don’t respond you just turn and walk away.  You leave passing Sam on your way out, never looking back.

You weren’t sure how much time had passed since that day you last saw Dean. After you left him, you left Sam you nose dived into the closet bottle of whiskey and hadn’t been sober since.  You blew from town to town, never staying in one place too long.  You hopped from man to man, never spending a night alone.  After some time, the booze wasn’t enough, you had to turn to something harder, stronger.  You remember the first line of coke you did fondly.  

One of the men you used for company introduced you to it, it greeted you like an old friend.  That night it numbed your sadness and when you had sex, you were with Dean not this stranger.  It only took once and you were hooked.  You didn’t want to feel anything and the coke numbed you from the pain.  It took away the memories, the things he said to you and how he hurt you.  But most of all it took away the happy memories too, the ones you would ache to revisit.

Tonight the booze and coke weren’t cutting it, no matter what you tried to do you couldn’t escape your memories.  Just as you were on the verge of forgetting something would pull you back.  Maybe it was the rumbling of the ice machine that reminded you of his voice, you could swear you heard his laughter.

You needed him to be gone, you needed to forget.  You called the guy you got your drugs from told him you needed something strong, something good and a lot of it.  

A few hours later he had came and left you staring down a little baggy of heroin. As you heated the contents of the bag in a spoon and got the syringe ready and you thought to yourself “I am not a weak woman, that much I am sure… but even the strong break.” It felt like lead entering your blood stream, you make sure you get it all.  Almost instantly you can feel the calm wash over you.  Your limbs begin to feel as if they weigh more than you can carry.  As the edges of your vision begin to blur and you feel like you are entering a tunnel you see him. “Dean” Your mouth is harder to move than you remember.

“Shit! Y/N, Baby its me.” He rushes to your side, wrapping you in his arms and rushing you into the bathroom.  He places the both of you in the tub and turns on the water, splashing some on your face. “Sam, I found her! We are in here.” His voice sounds scared. “Baby, how much did you take?” You can’t respond, you just don’t have the energy. “Y/N, Baby, it’s me… Sammy cured me.  I’m so sorry for the shit I said.  I didn’t mean it Baby.” You can hear it in his voice he is crying.  You want so badly to turn in his arms and touch him. You’d settle for yelling at him in anger but your vision is getting darker and you know you don’t have much time. Maybe you can feel your body getting heavier or your heart rate slowing because he starts begging and plead with you to hold on. “Cas get your feathery ass down here. It’s Y/N, we need your help.  Why baby, why did you do this to yourself.”

“I destroyed myself so you couldn’t hurt me anymore.” Your mouth is dry and your words come out scratchy. “Dean, I’m sorry I wasn’t strong enough.” After you speak you know you can’t hold on anymore, you are so tired of fighting. You concede and close your eyes feeling in that moment at peace.

When your eyes open you are in your father’s living room.  You look across the coffee table and Bobby and Sam are seated together on the couch beers in hand, laughing.  You hear Dean’s deep laughter and realize you are sitting on his lap.  The realization washes over you and all at once you realize where you are.  The fact that you are with the three most important people in your life, laughing without a care in the world.  You don’t feel any pain, sorrow or sandiness.  You look at Dean kissing him on the lips. “This must be heaven” You whisper to your self.  

Part 2

Forever Taglist: @16wiishes, @notnaturalanahi, @illbeguiltyifyouwantmetobe, @tom-is-in-my-tardis, @ally-miller16, @impala-dreamer, @iwantthedean

Dean Taglist: @illbeguiltyifyouwantmetobe