#Couldn't afford the other 47

[natsgrave]

THE SMALLEST WOMAN WHO EVER LIVED | natasha romanoff

and i don't miss what we had, but could someone give a message to the smallest woman who ever lived? i do not give permission for my work to be copied or translated on other sites. plagiarism is a crime!! masterlist

The night was dark, and the moon hung low in the sky, casting an eerie glow over the cityscape. Shadows danced across the abandoned warehouse where she had taken refuge, a place forgotten by time and society. The woman sat in a corner, her breath coming in ragged gasps, her body trembling from exhaustion and fear. Her name was Y/N, but she hadn't been called that in years. To HYDRA, she was known only as Subject 47.

For years, Y/N had been their pawn, subjected to torturous experiments designed to unlock her latent powers. She had been forced to use those powers in ways she could never have imagined, becoming a weapon in HYDRA's arsenal. But she had endured, biding her time, waiting for the moment when she could break free. That moment had come, and now she was on the run, trying to stay one step ahead of the organization that had taken everything from her.

The memories of her escape were still fresh in her mind: the alarms blaring, the shouts of the guards, the searing pain of the injuries she had sustained. But she had made it out, and that was all that mattered. She had to keep moving, had to stay hidden. She couldn't afford to be found, not now.

As she sat in the darkness, her thoughts drifted back to the years of torment she had endured. She remembered the faces of the scientists who had experimented on her, the cold, clinical way they had treated her, as if she were nothing more than a specimen. She remembered the pain, the isolation, the despair. But most of all, she remembered the moments when she had been forced to use her powers to harm others, to carry out HYDRA's will. Those memories haunted her, gnawing at her conscience.

She knew she couldn't go back to being the person she once was. That person was gone, replaced by someone who had been forged in fire and darkness. But she also knew she couldn't let HYDRA win. She had to survive, no matter the cost.

Y/N's powers were formidable. She had the ability to manipulate energy, to create devastating blasts of force that could level buildings. She could also control minds, bending others to her will. These abilities had made her a valuable asset to HYDRA, but they were also a constant reminder of the monster she had become.

She had tried to lay low, to stay out of sight. But it was difficult. Her powers were unpredictable, and sometimes they manifested in ways she couldn't control. And then there was the constant need for resources. Food, money, shelter— these were things she couldn't simply conjure out of thin air. She had turned to a life of crime, using her powers to rob, to steal, to survive. It was a dark path, but it was the only one she knew.

One night, as she was preparing to leave the warehouse and find another place to hide, she heard a noise. Her heart raced as she turned, her powers at the ready. A figure emerged from the shadows, a woman with a determined look in her eyes.

"Who are you?" she demanded, her voice cold and wary. "How did you find me?"

The woman raised her hands in a gesture of peace. "My name is Natasha," she said calmly. "I'm not here to hurt you. I just want to talk."

"Talk?" Y/N scoffed. "I don't have time for talking. If you're HYDRA, you won't leave here alive."

"I'm not HYDRA," Natasha assured her. "I know what they did to you. I know what you're capable of. I'm here to help."

Y/N narrowed her eyes, her suspicion evident. "Why should I trust you?"

"Because I've been where you are," Natasha replied, her voice softening. "I know what it's like to be used, to be turned into something you're not. But you don't have to keep living this way. There are people who can help you, who can help you control your powers, who can give you a chance at a new life."

Y/N's resolve wavered. She wanted to believe her, but trust was a luxury she couldn't afford. "How do I know you're not lying?"

Natasha took a step closer, her eyes filled with sincerity. "You don't. But you have a choice. You can keep running, keep hiding, keep doing things you hate. Or you can take a chance, and maybe— just maybe— find a way out of this darkness."

Y/N stared at Natasha, her mind racing. She had spent so long fighting, so long surviving. The idea of something better, something different, was almost too much to hope for. But as she looked into Natasha's eyes, she saw something she hadn't seen in a long time: hope.

"Alright," she said finally, her voice barely above a whisper. "I'll listen. But if this is a trap, if you're lying to me…"

"I'm not," Natasha interrupted gently. "I promise you, you're not alone anymore."

And for the first time in years, Y/N allowed herself to believe that maybe, just maybe, there was a way out of the darkness after all.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

Over the next few weeks, Y/N and Natasha grew closer. The walls Y/N had built around herself slowly began to crumble as Natasha showed her a different way to live, a way that didn't involve fear and isolation. They spent their days training, honing Y/N's powers with precision and control, and their evenings talking, sharing stories of their pasts.

One evening, they sat on the rooftop of an old building, the city lights twinkling below them. The air was cool, and a gentle breeze rustled their hair. Y/N sat on the edge of the rooftop, her legs dangling over the side as she stared out at the city lights. The memory she was about to share was one she had buried deep within herself, a wound that had never fully healed. But Natasha's presence, her understanding, gave Y/N the courage to finally let it out.

"It was one of the worst days," Y/N began, her voice barely above a whisper. Natasha's eyes gazed into her softly, curious about what she was about to share. "I had been with HYDRA for a few years by then. They had already started experimenting on me, trying to unlock my powers. I was in so much pain, all the time. But this day… this day was different."

Natasha sat beside her, listening intently, her eyes filled with empathy.

"They had me in this lab," Y/N continued, her gaze distant as she relived the memory. "It was cold, sterile. The walls were lined with equipment, and there were a dozen scientists there, all watching me like I was some kind of animal. They strapped me to a table, injected me with something. It burned, like fire coursing through my veins. I screamed, but they didn't care. They just watched, taking notes."

Y/N paused, her hands trembling as she clenched them into fists. Natasha reached out, gently placing a hand on her arm, grounding her.

"I could feel my powers surging," she said, her voice shaking. "It was like they had torn down a dam inside me, and the energy was flooding out. I couldn't control it. I couldn't stop it. They had these targets set up, and they told me to destroy them. I didn't want to, but the pain… it was unbearable. So I did. I blasted them apart, one after another."

Tears welled up in Y/N's eyes, but she forced herself to continue. "Then they brought in… people. Prisoners, they said. Enemies of HYDRA. They wanted me to use my powers on them. I refused. I begged them to stop, but they just laughed. One of the scientists, Dr. Zola, he was the worst. He looked at me with such contempt. He told me that if I didn't do as they asked, they would make the pain even worse."

Natasha's grip on Y/N's arm tightened, a silent offer of support.

"So I did it," Y/N whispered, the tears now streaming down her face. "I used my powers on those people. I saw the fear in their eyes, heard their screams. I tried to hold back, to minimize the damage, but it was no use. I could see what I was doing to them, the horror and pain I was causing. And all the while, Dr. Zola was there, taking notes, completely detached from the suffering."

Y/N's voice broke, and she covered her face with her hands, sobbing. Natasha pulled her into a hug, holding her tightly as she cried.

"It wasn't your fault," Natasha murmured softly. "They forced you. You were a victim, Y/N, just like those people."

Y/N shook her head, the guilt and shame overwhelming her. "I still see their faces, Natasha. Every night, the same nightmare. I can never forget what I did."

"You were put in an impossible situation," Natasha said firmly, pulling back to look Y/N in the eyes. "HYDRA did that to you, not the real you. The real you is the person sitting here with me, the person who has the strength to fight back, to survive. You are not defined by what they made you do."

Y/N nodded, though the pain was still raw. "I want to believe that. I really do. But it's hard."

"I know it is," Natasha replied, her voice gentle. "But you're not alone anymore. We'll get through this together. We'll find a way to make things right, to move forward."

Y/N took a deep breath, the weight of her past still heavy on her shoulders, but there was a glimmer of hope in her heart. With Natasha by her side, she felt a strength she hadn't known in years.

"Thank you, Natasha," she said quietly. "For listening. For being here."

"Always," Natasha replied, a small, reassuring smile on her lips. "We'll face this together, Y/N. One step at a time."

And as the night stretched on, they sat together on the rooftop, two kindred spirits bound by their pasts but looking forward to a future they could shape with their own hands.

"You know," Y/N said, her eyes fixed on the horizon, "I've never told anyone that before. Not even the other subjects."

Natasha nodded, her expression thoughtful. "It takes a lot of courage to share something like that. I'm honored you trust me."

Y/N glanced at her, a small smile playing on her lips. "You've given me a reason to trust again. I never thought I'd feel that way after everything that's happened."

They sat in comfortable silence for a while, the weight of their shared experiences hanging in the air. But a nagging thought had been bothering Y/N for days, and she knew she had to address it.

"Natasha," she began hesitantly, "there's something I need to ask you."

Natasha turned to her, her expression open and encouraging. "Anything, Y/N. What is it?"

Y/N took a deep breath, trying to steady her nerves. "How did you find me? I mean, really find me. I've been running for so long, staying off the grid. It doesn't make sense."

Natasha's face grew serious, and she looked down at her hands for a moment before meeting Y/N's gaze. "I understand why you're curious. The truth is, I was able to find you because of my past. You see, I wasn't always… on the side of the angels."

Y/N's brow furrowed in confusion. "What do you mean?"

Natasha sighed, her eyes distant as she delved into her memories. "I was trained by a group called the Red Room. It's an organization that turns young girls into assassins, into weapons. They took me when I was just a child and molded me into what they wanted. I was one of their best."

Y/N listened intently, her heart aching at the pain in Natasha's voice. "That sounds… horrible. I'm so sorry, Natasha."

Natasha shook her head. "It's in the past. But the skills they taught me, the connections I made— they're how I was able to track you down. I recognized the signs of someone trying to hide, because I've been there myself."

Y/N's eyes widened in realization. "So you used your training to find me?"

Natasha nodded. "Yes. But not to hurt you. To help you. I saw a kindred spirit in you, someone who had been used and discarded. I wanted to give you a chance to break free, to find your own path."

Y/N's emotions swirled within her. "Thank you, Natasha. I don't know what to say."

"You don't have to say anything," Natasha replied, her voice gentle. "Just know that we can face our pasts together and create a better future."

As the weeks turned into months, their bond grew stronger. They trained together, pushing each other to their limits, and spent their downtime sharing stories and dreams. Y/N found herself opening up more and more, revealing details about her life before HYDRA, her hopes and fears. Natasha, in turn, shared her own experiences, the pain and triumphs that had shaped her into who she was.

One evening, after a particularly grueling training session, they sat on the rooftop again, watching the sunset. Y/N turned to Natasha, her heart full of gratitude and something she hadn't felt in a long time.

"Natasha," she said softly, "thank you for everything. You've given me a reason to believe in myself again."

Natasha smiled, a warmth in her eyes that made Y/N's heart swell. "You've always had that strength, Y/N. You just needed someone to remind you of it."

And in that moment, surrounded by the fading light of the day, Y/N knew that she had found not just a friend, but a kindred spirit. Someone who understood her pain, her struggles, and her dreams. Together, they would face whatever challenges lay ahead, and for the first time in years, Y/N felt truly free.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

Months and months passed, and Y/N and Natasha became inseparable. Natasha taught Y/N everything from combat techniques to espionage tactics, sharing stories of her own childhood in the Red Room and even recounting funny anecdotes that brought laughter back into Y/N's life. The once distant and cautious Y/N now felt a warmth she hadn't experienced in years.

Y/N sat on the edge of her bed one night, staring at the ceiling, her mind filled with thoughts of Natasha. Every day, she found herself falling deeper in love with the woman who had not only saved her but also given her a reason to live again. Natasha's strength, compassion, and unwavering support had become a beacon in Y/N's life, guiding her through the darkness.

But with those feelings came fear. Y/N was terrified that if she confessed her love, it might push Natasha away. Despite Natasha being a trained assassin with an uncanny ability to read people, Y/N had managed to keep her feelings hidden. She didn't want to risk losing the one person who meant everything to her.

One afternoon, they were training in an abandoned gym they had discovered. The space was perfect for their needs— isolated, spacious, and filled with old equipment that they could use for their rigorous routines. As they sparred, Y/N couldn't help but marvel at Natasha's agility and skill. Even after months of training, Natasha still amazed her with her prowess.

"You're getting better every day," Natasha said, wiping sweat from her brow as they took a break. "I'm proud of you, Y/N."

Y/N smiled, her heart swelling with warmth. "I have a great teacher."

Natasha chuckled, but there was a hint of seriousness in her eyes. "It's not just about the training. It's about finding yourself, trusting yourself. And you're doing that."

Y/N nodded, feeling a rush of gratitude. "Thank you, Natasha. For everything."

Natasha's expression softened. "You don't have to thank me. We're in this together."

As they sat on the gym floor, catching their breath, Natasha began to share another story from her past, this time about a mission that had gone hilariously wrong. Y/N laughed, feeling the tension in her chest ease as the sound of Natasha's laughter filled the room.

"You should have seen the look on his face when the cat jumped out of the box instead of the intel we were expecting." Natasha said, grinning. Avoiding to mention any name.

Y/N shook her head, still laughing. "I wish I could have been there."

Natasha's smile faded slightly, replaced by a thoughtful look. "You know, Y/N, I don't think I've ever felt this close to anyone before. It's… different."

Y/N's heart skipped a beat, and she looked down, trying to hide the blush creeping up her cheeks. "Yeah, it's different for me too."

They sat in silence for a moment, the weight of unspoken feelings hanging in the air. Y/N wanted so desperately to tell Natasha how she felt, but the fear held her back.

One evening, they decided to take a break from training and relax on the rooftop of their safe house. The night was clear, and the stars were scattered across the sky like diamonds. They lay on their backs, side by side, staring up at the cosmos.

"Do you ever wonder what it would be like to have a normal life?" Y/N asked softly.

Natasha sighed. "Sometimes. But I think we make our own normal, don't you? Whatever that looks like."

Y/N turned her head to look at Natasha, her heart aching with unspoken words. "I think you're right."

Natasha met her gaze, her eyes searching Y/N's. "Y/N, is there something you want to tell me?"

Y/N's breath caught in her throat. The moment had come, and she felt both terrified and exhilarated. "I… Natasha, I—"

Before she could finish, a loud noise from the street below startled them both. They sat up quickly, their training kicking in as they scanned the area for potential threats. After a few tense moments, they realized it was just a group of teenagers making noise.

Natasha sighed in relief, then looked at Y/N with a small smile. "I guess we'll have to save the deep conversations for another time."

Y/N nodded, her heart still pounding. "Yeah, another time."

As they settled back down, Y/N felt a mix of disappointment and relief. The moment had passed, but the feelings remained. She knew she couldn't keep them hidden forever, but for now, she was content to cherish the bond they had, hoping that one day she would find the courage to tell Natasha how deeply she cared for her.

The night had settled into a comfortable stillness, the kind that Y/N had come to appreciate in her new life with Natasha. They had spent the evening on the rooftop, their bond growing even stronger with every shared story and laugh. But the moment of potential confession had been interrupted, leaving Y/N with a mix of emotions that she couldn't quite sort through.

"Hey, I'm going to run to the store to grab a few things," Natasha said suddenly, breaking the comfortable silence. "Do you need anything?"

Y/N shook her head, offering a warm smile. "No, I'm good. Just hurry back."

Natasha grinned. "Won't be long."

As the door closed behind Natasha, Y/N found herself alone in the quiet apartment. She tried to shake off the lingering thoughts of her unspoken feelings, instead focusing on the simple task of tidying up their training equipment, replaying the evening's conversation in her mind, wondering how she might finally confess her feelings to Natasha. She was just about to sit down and relax when she heard the door creak open again.

"Natasha, that was quick." she began, turning around with a smile. But her words died on her lips as she took in the sight before her.

Instead of Natasha, a group of several figures stood in the doorway, none of whom were Natasha. Y/N's heart began to race.

Steve Rogers, Captain America, stepped forward. His expression was firm but not unkind. "Y/N, we need you to come with us."

Y/N's heart raced, confusion and fear flooding her mind. "How did you find me? Who are you?"

Clint Barton, Hawkeye, responded calmly, "We're the Avengers. We need you to come peacefully. We don't want to hurt you."

But Y/N shook her head, taking a step back. "I'm not going anywhere with you."

Tony Stark, Iron Man, sighed. "We were hoping it wouldn't come to this."

"Y/N, please," Captain America urged, taking a step forward. "We don't want to fight you."

Without further warning, Y/N felt a surge of adrenaline. She couldn't let them take her. She had fought too hard, endured too much, to be captured now. Her powers, usually kept in check, surged uncontrollably as her fear and anger took over.

The energy crackling around her as she prepared for a confrontation. "I'm not leaving without a fight."

The battle began with a blur of movement. Y/N unleashed a blast of energy that sent Captain America flying backward, his shield barely absorbing the impact. Iron Man's repulsors fired in response, but Y/N dodged with agility, her movements a blur. Thor swung Mjolnir, but Y/N countered with a force field that deflected the mighty hammer.

Iron Man flew into the air, attempting to get a better angle for his attack. "She's fast. We need to contain her!"

Y/N responded by sending a wave of energy that disrupted Iron Man's flight, causing him to crash into a wall. He recovered quickly, his suit's systems recalibrating, but the momentary distraction gave Y/N the upper hand.

Captain America threw his shield, aiming for Y/N's legs to incapacitate her, but she leaped into the air, avoiding the strike and landing a powerful kick to his chest. He stumbled back but quickly regained his footing, his determination unwavering.

Thor charged at Y/N, lightning crackling around him. He swung Mjolnir with all his might, but Y/N created a barrier that absorbed the impact. She pushed back with a surge of energy, sending Thor skidding across the floor.

Clint shot an arrow aimed at disarming Y/N, but she deflected it with a wave of energy. Steve charged forward, his shield raised, but Y/N countered with a blast of force that once again, sent him skidding backward.

Tony, in his Iron Man suit, launched a series of repulsor blasts. Y/N dodged them with agility honed from months of training with Natasha. She retaliated with a powerful blast that knocked Tony off balance, sending him crashing into a wall.

Thor entered the fray, his hammer Mjolnir crackling with electricity. "Stay your hand, mortal! We mean you no harm!"

But Y/N was beyond reasoning. She unleashed a torrent of energy, attempting to fend off the god of thunder. The two clashed in a dazzling display of power, the air around them crackling with raw force.

As the battle raged on, Y/N's control over her powers slipped. She sent waves of destructive energy in all directions, causing the building to shake and debris to fall. The Avengers fought to contain her without causing her harm, but Y/N's desperation made her unpredictable.

In the midst of the chaos, Y/N caught sight of Natasha standing at the edge of the room, a look of pained determination on her face. Y/N's heart ached with a mix of relief and confusion. She was about to call out to Natasha, to tell her to run, when she saw Natasha raise her wrist, the Widow Bites charging with electricity.

"Natasha, no—" Y/N's words were cut off as the electric shock hit her. Pain surged through her body, and she collapsed to the ground, gasping for breath. She fell to her knees, her vision blurring as she tried to process the betrayal.

Confusion, hurt, and betrayal were etched across Y/N's face as she looked up at Natasha. "Why?" she whispered, her voice barely audible over the sounds of the battle.

Natasha's eyes met Y/N's, a silent apology evident in their depths. "Y/N, please. Just listen—"

Before Natasha could finish, Tony approached Y/N cautiously, his helmet retracting to reveal his concerned face. "I'm sorry about this." he said softly, before administering a knockout shot that sent Y/N into unconsciousness.

The last thing Y/N saw was Natasha's face, torn between duty and the bond they had shared. As darkness enveloped her, Y/N's mind swirled with unanswered questions and a profound sense of betrayal.

When Y/N woke up, she found herself in a sterile, secure room, her hands restrained. The cold metal of the restraints bit into her skin, a harsh reminder of her new reality. The stark whiteness of the walls and the faint hum of machinery around her brought back a flood of memories she had desperately tried to bury. Her hands were restrained, the cold metal digging into her wrists, making escape impossible. Panic set in, and her mind raced as she tried to piece together the events that had led her here. The fight with the Avengers, Natasha's betrayal— it all felt like a nightmare she couldn't wake up from.

Memories from her time in HYDRA began to resurface, unbidden and relentless. She could almost feel the cold, damp walls of the cells they kept her in, hear the echo of her own screams as they experimented on her, pushing her to the brink of insanity. The pain had been unbearable, but the psychological torment was even worse. They had stripped her of her humanity, treating her like a lab rat, an object to be used and discarded.

She remembered the countless nights spent in isolation, the darkness her only companion. The silence was oppressive, broken only by the occasional distant scream of another unfortunate soul. Y/N had learned to dread the sound of approaching footsteps, knowing it meant another round of torture or experiments. They had tried to break her, to mold her into their perfect weapon, and for a time, they had succeeded.

She could still see the faces of the scientists, their expressions cold and detached as they inflicted unimaginable pain on her. She had begged for mercy, for death, but they had only laughed, their eyes void of any empathy. The experiments had been brutal, designed to push her powers to their limits, often leaving her on the brink of death. They had injected her with unknown substances, subjected her to electric shocks, and forced her to endure endless physical and mental trials.

Her mind drifted to the times when she had been restrained, much like she was now, unable to move or defend herself. She could feel the tightness of the straps, the helplessness that had consumed her as she lay there, vulnerable and exposed. The scientists would talk about her as if she wasn't even there, discussing their next steps in cold, clinical terms. They had stripped her of her identity, reducing her to a mere experiment number.

The fear and anger she had felt during those years were now mingling with the sense of betrayal and hurt she felt towards Natasha. The two emotions intertwined, creating a storm of confusion and pain within her. She had thought she had found a semblance of peace, a way to move forward from her past, but now it all seemed to be crashing down around her.

Y/N's mind shifted to the happier memories she had shared with Natasha, the woman who had seemed to be her savior, her light in the darkness. The way Natasha had smiled at her, the sound of her laughter, the warmth of her touch— all of it felt like a cruel joke now.

How could someone who had meant so much to her be the same person who had deceived her so completely?

She remembered the nights spent talking with Natasha, sharing their deepest fears and dreams. Natasha had made her feel safe, cherished even, something she had never experienced before. The bond they had formed had been real, or so she had thought. The betrayal cut deeper because of the trust she had placed in Natasha, a trust that had been shattered in an instant.

The memories of their time together played in her mind like a cruel montage. Training sessions where Natasha had pushed her to be better, moments of laughter and camaraderie, the quiet evenings where they had simply enjoyed each other's presence. Y/N had opened up to Natasha in ways she had never done with anyone else, revealing parts of herself she had kept hidden for so long.

But now, all those memories felt tainted. She couldn't shake the image of Natasha standing there with the Avengers, the look of determination on her face as she shot Y/N with her Widow's Bite. The physical pain had been nothing compared to the emotional agony of realizing that the one person she had trusted had been sent to betray her.

Y/N's thoughts circled back to her time in HYDRA, the endless cycle of pain and hopelessness. She had endured so much, fought so hard to survive, only to be betrayed by the one person who had given her a reason to keep fighting. The feelings of helplessness and despair were overwhelming, threatening to consume her once more.

She could feel tears welling up, but she refused to let them fall. She had cried enough during her time in HYDRA, and she had vowed never to let herself be that vulnerable again. But the pain of Natasha's betrayal was too much to bear, reopening old wounds that had never truly healed.

Y/N closed her eyes, trying to shut out the memories, but they came flooding back with even greater intensity. The faces of the scientists, the cold, clinical environment, the pain, the screams— it all felt too real, too immediate. She had spent so long trying to bury those memories, to move past them, but now they were resurfacing with a vengeance.

She thought about the other subjects in HYDRA, the ones who hadn't survived. She could still hear their cries for help, their pleas for mercy. She had been one of the few to make it out alive, but at what cost? The memories of those who had perished haunted her, a constant reminder of the horrors she had endured.

Y/N tried to focus on her breathing, to calm herself, but it was a losing battle. The memories were too strong, too overwhelming. She felt like she was back in those cells, trapped and helpless, with no way out. The room she was in now felt eerily similar, the restraints on her wrists a cruel echo of her past.

The memories of Natasha brought a new wave of pain. She had thought she could trust her, had believed in the bond they had shared. But now, it felt like all of that had been a lie. Natasha's betrayal was a knife to her heart, twisting with every recollection of their time together.

Y/N remembered the times Natasha had held her, comforting her during moments of weakness. She had felt safe in Natasha's arms, believing that she had found someone who truly cared about her. But now, that sense of safety was shattered, replaced by a void of distrust and heartbreak.

She tried to reconcile the Natasha she had come to love with the woman who had betrayed her. It was impossible. The two images clashed in her mind, creating a whirlwind of confusion and pain. She had fallen in love with Natasha, believing in the goodness she saw in her, but now she couldn't tell what had been real and what had been a façade.

The tears she had been holding back finally began to fall. The memories, the pain, the betrayal— it was all too much. She felt like she was drowning, unable to breathe, unable to escape the torment of her past and the heartbreak of the present.

Y/N's mind was a battleground, the memories of HYDRA and her time with Natasha colliding in a cacophony of emotions. She felt the weight of her past pressing down on her, the sense of hopelessness creeping back in. The fight to survive had taken everything she had, and now it felt like she had nothing left to give.

As she sat there, restrained and helpless, Y/N's thoughts drifted to the future. She didn't know what lay ahead, whether she would ever be able to trust again, whether she could find a way to heal from the betrayal. But one thing was certain— she would never forget what she had been through, and she would never forgive Natasha for what she had done.

The pain of betrayal was a wound that would take a long time to heal, if it ever did. But Y/N knew she had to keep fighting, to keep pushing forward, even if it felt impossible. She had survived HYDRA, she had endured unimaginable pain, and she would find a way to survive this too.

The memories of her time in HYDRA, the torment, the helplessness— they were a part of her, but they didn't define her. She was stronger than that, stronger than the pain and the betrayal. And as she sat there, tears streaming down her face, Y/N made a silent vow to herself. She would find a way to move past this, to find her strength again, and to never let anyone break her the way HYDRA had tried to.

With that thought, Y/N closed her eyes, trying to find some semblance of peace amidst the chaos of her mind. The road ahead was uncertain, and the pain was still raw, but she was determined to keep fighting. For herself, for her future, and for the chance to prove that she was more than the sum of her past traumas.

Her closed eyes instantly shot opened when the door of the room opened, and Natasha walked in, clad in her black widow suit. Her expression was a mix of concern and determination. "Y/N, how are you feeling?" she asked, her voice soft.

What do you think? She wanted to spat but instead, Y/N sat in silence, her gaze fixed on the floor. She couldn't bring herself to look at Natasha. The betrayal cut too deep, and the words she wanted to say were lodged in her throat.

Natasha took a step closer, her eyes pleading. "Please, Y/N, talk to me."

After a long, tense silence, Y/N finally looked up, her eyes filled with pain and anger. "Why?" she asked, her voice trembling. "How could you do this, Natasha? After everything we've been through, everything you made me believe? Was any of it true?"

Natasha's face crumpled with guilt and sorrow. "I… I didn't want it to happen like this. I never wanted to hurt you."

"Then why?" Y/N demanded, her voice rising. "Why did you lie to me? Why did you pretend to care?"

Natasha struggled to find the right words, but they seemed to elude her. "It was my mission. But that doesn't mean what we had wasn't real. It was real, it was real to me!"

Y/N scoffed, bitterness lacing her voice. "Real? You were sent by someone who wanted me dead! Now tell me, Natasha, did you sleep with a gun underneath our bed?"

Natasha's eyes widened, and she shook her head vehemently. "No, Y/N. I never wanted to hurt you. I wanted to protect you."

"Protect me?" Y/N's voice was filled with incredulity. "By lying to me? By using me?"

Natasha took a deep breath, her own eyes filling with tears. "I did what I had to do. But my feelings for you were real. They still are."

Y/N's voice was a whisper now, raw with emotion. "I would have died for your sins, Natasha."

The words hung in the air, heavy and damning. Natasha was stunned, her mind racing to process the depth of Y/N's pain.

Y/N continued, her voice breaking. "I loved you, Natasha. Every day, I fell deeper in love with you. And now… now I find out it was all just a goddamn mission to you."

"No," Natasha said quickly, her own heart breaking. "It wasn't just a mission. You mean so much more to me than that."

"But it wasn't sexy once it wasn't forbidden, was it?" Y/N's voice was filled with hurt and sarcasm. "Once the truth was out, it lost its appeal, didn't it?"

Natasha shook her head, tears streaming down her face. "No, Y/N. Please, believe me. I… I love you too."

Y/N looked away, the pain too much to bear. "I don't know what to believe anymore. How can I trust you after this? You were the one person I thought I could rely on."

Natasha took a step closer, reaching out to touch Y/N's hand, but Y/N pulled away, the betrayal still too fresh. "I'm sorry, Y/N," Natasha whispered, her voice breaking. "I'm so, so sorry."

The room was filled with the sound of their silent tears, the weight of their shared pain too heavy to bear. And in that moment, both of them knew that their lives would never be the same again.

Y/N's heart ached with the weight of her emotions, "I want you to leave, Natasha."

"Y/N, please…"

"I SAID LEAVE!"

Natasha left the room, her heart heavy with guilt and sorrow. She wanted to stay, to explain herself further, but Y/N's shout had left no room for argument. As she stepped into the corridor, the weight of her actions pressed down on her, making it hard to breathe. She leaned against the wall, closing her eyes, trying to calm the storm of emotions raging inside her.

The mission had seemed straightforward at first: locate the escaped HYDRA experiment and bring her in. It should have been simple. But Y/N had become so much more than a mission. She had broken through Natasha's defenses, seen her vulnerabilities, and made her feel things she hadn't thought possible. Y/N had become her person, the one exception in her life of secrecy and deception.

Natasha walked through the sterile halls of the Avengers' facility, each step feeling heavier than the last. She made her way to an empty room, seeking solitude to process everything. She couldn't shake the image of Y/N's face, the pain and betrayal in her eyes. The girl she loved, the one who had seen her at her weakest, was now lost to her.

"Natasha," a voice called softly. She turned to see Steve Rogers standing at the door. His expression was filled with concern.

"Steve, I—" Natasha began, but her voice faltered.

Steve stepped inside, closing the door behind him. "I know this isn't easy for you."

Natasha shook her head, tears threatening to spill. "It wasn't supposed to be like this. She was just a mission, but she became so much more."

Steve nodded, understanding in his eyes. "Sometimes, the lines blur. You can't help who you care about."

Natasha sank into a chair, burying her face in her hands. "She hates me now. I don't blame her. I lied to her, used her. How can she ever forgive me?"

Steve placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder. "Give her time. She needs to process everything. And you need to be honest with her, even if it's painful."

Natasha looked up, her eyes filled with anguish. "But what if it's too late? What if I've lost her forever?"

Steve's expression softened. "You haven't lost her. Not yet. But you need to fight for her, Natasha. Show her that your feelings are real, that she's more than a mission to you." squeezing her shoulder softly, he added, "Who you are is not what you did."

Natasha nodded, though uncertainty still clouded her mind. She knew Steve was right, but the path ahead seemed so daunting. She had to find a way to bridge the gap she had created, to make Y/N understand that her love was genuine.

The days that followed were torturous. Natasha threw herself into training and missions, trying to distract herself from the ache in her heart. But no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't escape the thoughts of Y/N. Each night, she lay awake, replaying their conversations, the laughter they had shared, and the tender moments that had made her feel alive.

Natasha sat alone in her quarters, staring at the ceiling, trying to wrap her mind around everything that had happened. The sterile, cold walls seemed to close in on her, echoing her isolation and guilt. She had replayed her confrontation with Y/N countless times in her mind, each time feeling the knife of betrayal twist deeper. The mission had been clear-cut, simple even: locate and capture. But then she had met Y/N, and everything had changed.

She closed her eyes, trying to remember the first time she had seen Y/N. It had been a rainy night in a rundown part of the city. Y/N had been fighting off some low-level thugs, her powers crackling around her in a wild display of raw energy. Natasha had been struck by her ferocity, her determination, and the deep sadness that seemed to emanate from her. She had been assigned to neutralize Y/N, but instead, she found herself captivated by her.

Natasha's heart ached as she remembered their first real conversation. It had been awkward, filled with mistrust and guarded words. But over time, they had grown closer. Y/N had slowly let her guard down, allowing Natasha glimpses into her world, her pain, and her struggles. They had trained together, laughed together, and shared stories that had created a bond Natasha had never expected.

But now, all of that was shattered.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

Weeks passed and Natasha still feel the weight of her poor decisions pressing down on her like a heavy, unyielding burden. The guilt gnawed at her constantly, making it hard to focus on anything else. She had tried to compartmentalize, to push the feelings aside, but they refused to be ignored.

Because now, her person— Y/N— was filled with anger and betrayal, emotions that Natasha herself had caused. Every time she saw Y/N's face, the pain was still evident, a constant reminder of the trust she had shattered. Natasha had made a series of poor decisions, each one leading them to this moment of intense suffering.

In the quiet moments, when she was alone with her thoughts, Natasha's mind would wander to a life that seemed like a distant dream— a normal life with Y/N. She imagined lazy mornings in bed, laughing over shared breakfasts, evenings spent watching the sunset, and a future filled with love and happiness. But those dreams felt like they were slipping further and further out of reach.

She often found herself in a spiral of doubt and regret. Was what she did worth it? Was there any way to redeem herself in Y/N's eyes? The questions were relentless, and the answers were elusive. Y/N had become her everything, the one person who had seen the real Natasha and still loved her. And now, that love seemed impossible to salvage.

Natasha's thoughts often turned dark, filled with self-loathing and despair. It was a losing battle in her mind. On one hand, she was a hero, an Avenger dedicated to protecting the world. On the other hand, Y/N saw her as a villain, a betrayer who had shattered their trust. The dichotomy was tearing her apart, and she didn't know how to reconcile the two.

Everywhere Natasha turned, she was haunted by the decisions that led her to this point. She recalled the moment she first saw Y/N's file, the cold detachment she felt as she read about the mission's objectives. Y/N was just another target then, another task to be completed. But then the mission parameters blurred, and Natasha found herself drawn to Y/N in ways she hadn't anticipated.

She was not even supposed to tell and share stories, let alone her past life when she was still under Red Room.

But Y/N's strength, resilience, and vulnerability captivated Natasha, breaking through her professional detachment. She remembered the first time she saw Y/N laugh— a genuine, carefree laugh that lit up her entire face. Natasha had felt something stir within her, something she hadn't felt in her entire life: hope. Hope that there was more to life than missions and deception. Hope that she could find redemption through love.

But now, that hope felt like a cruel joke. Natasha was left to grapple with the reality of her actions. She had deceived Y/N, played with her emotions, and shattered her trust. The look of betrayal on Y/N's face was seared into Natasha's memory, a constant reminder of her failure. It haunted her dreams, turning them into nightmares where Y/N's eyes bore into her with unspoken accusations.

Natasha tried to lose herself in her work, but it was no use. Every mission, every fight, felt hollow without Y/N by her side. She replayed their last conversation over and over in her mind, dissecting every word, every gesture, searching for a way she could have handled things differently. If only she had been honest from the beginning. If only she had found a way to protect Y/N without betraying her trust.

The guilt was relentless, gnawing at her insides. Natasha found herself questioning her very identity. Who was she if she could betray the one person who meant the most to her? Could she still call herself a hero? The lines between right and wrong had become so blurred, and Natasha felt like she was losing herself in the murkiness.

She sought solace in her training, pushing her body to its limits in an attempt to silence her mind. But no amount of physical exertion could quiet the storm of emotions raging within her. Each punch, each kick, was a futile attempt to fight against the guilt and regret that consumed her.

In her quieter moments, Natasha allowed herself to imagine a different reality, one where she and Y/N were living a peaceful life together. She envisioned a small, cozy home, filled with warmth and laughter. She saw herself waking up next to Y/N, their fingers intertwined, the morning light casting a gentle glow on their faces. She imagined sharing quiet moments, stolen kisses, and whispered promises. But as beautiful as these fantasies were, they were also a painful reminder of what she had lost.

Natasha's mind was a battlefield, torn between the desire to make things right and the fear that it was too late. She replayed every interaction with Y/N, every smile, every touch, trying to decipher where she went wrong. She questioned her own worthiness, wondering if she deserved forgiveness, if she deserved Y/N's love.

Her nights were the hardest. Alone in her room, Natasha would lie awake, her mind racing with thoughts of Y/N. She would reach out to the empty space beside her, imagining that Y/N was there, her presence a comforting balm to Natasha's troubled soul. But the emptiness only served to deepen her sense of loss and regret.

Natasha's heart ached with a longing she couldn't quell. She wanted to reach out to Y/N, to beg for her forgiveness, to prove that her love was real. But she was paralyzed by fear— fear of rejection, fear of causing more pain, fear of facing the truth of her actions. The vulnerability that Y/N had awakened within her was both a gift and a curse, leaving Natasha exposed and raw.

In her moments of despair, Natasha would recall Steve's words: "Who you are is not what you did." But it was hard to believe those words when the evidence of her betrayal was so clear. She had hurt Y/N. The guilt was suffocating, a constant reminder of her failure.

Natasha's mind would drift back to their time together, to the small, intimate moments that had defined their relationship. She remembered the way Y/N's eyes would light up when she talked about her dreams, the softness in her voice when she whispered Natasha's name. She remembered the warmth of Y/N's touch, the comfort of her embrace, the way she made Natasha feel like she was worth something, like she was more than just a weapon.

But now, all of that felt like a distant memory, a beautiful dream that had turned into a nightmare. Natasha was left to grapple with the reality of her actions, with the knowledge that she had destroyed the one good thing in her life. The weight of her choices was crushing, leaving her feeling hollow and lost.

In her darkest moments, Natasha would wonder if it was too late to make things right. She questioned whether Y/N could ever forgive her, whether there was any hope of salvaging their relationship. But despite the overwhelming doubt, there was a small, stubborn part of Natasha that refused to give up. She clung to the hope that, somehow, she could find a way to prove her love, to show Y/N that she was more than her mistakes.

Natasha knew that the road ahead would be long and difficult. She would have to face her own demons, confront the parts of herself she had kept hidden for so long. She would have to earn Y/N's trust, step by painful step, proving that her love was real and unwavering. It was a daunting task, but Natasha was determined to try.

As she lay in bed, staring at the ceiling, Natasha made a silent vow to herself. She would do whatever it took to make things right with Y/N. She would fight for their love, for the future she had once dreamed of. It wouldn't be easy, and it might take a lifetime, but Natasha was willing to give it her all.

With that thought, Natasha finally felt a small sense of peace. The guilt and regret were still there, but they were tempered by a newfound determination. She would prove to Y/N that their love was worth fighting for, that she was worth fighting for. And maybe, just maybe, they could find their way back to each other.

As the first light of dawn began to filter through the window, Natasha sighed and stood up, pacing the small room. She knew she had to try to explain everything to Y/N, even if it seemed impossible. She couldn't just leave things as they were. She owed Y/N the truth, even if it hurt.

Taking a deep breath, Natasha left her quarters and walked towards Y/N's room. The halls were quiet, the soft hum of the facility's systems the only sound. As she approached the door, her heart pounded in her chest. She hesitated for a moment before knocking softly and entering.

Y/N was sitting on the edge of the bed, her eyes red from crying. She looked up as Natasha entered, her expression guarded. The sight of Y/N in such pain made Natasha's heart ache even more.

"Y/N," Natasha began, her voice trembling. "I know you don't want to see me right now, but I need to explain."

Y/N's gaze was cold. "Explain what? How you lied to me? How I was just a mission to you?"

Natasha shook her head, tears welling up. "No, Y/N. You were never just a mission. Not to me. Let me tell you everything, from the beginning."

Y/N crossed her arms, clearly skeptical but willing to listen. "Go on then."

Natasha took a deep breath, gathering her thoughts. "When I first found out about you, I was assigned to the mission. It was supposed to be simple— locate you and bring you in. But from the moment I saw you, I knew it wasn't going to be that straightforward. You were different. You were fighting off those thugs with such determination, and I saw something in you that I couldn't ignore."

Y/N's eyes softened slightly, but she remained silent, letting Natasha continue.

"I watched you for a while, trying to understand you," Natasha said, her voice filled with regret. "I saw the pain you were in, the loneliness. I couldn't just complete the mission and hand you over to people who would hurt you. So I made a decision. I approached you, and I tried to get to know you. And the more I got to know you, the more I realized how special you were."

Y/N's eyes filled with tears, but she still didn't speak.

Natasha took a step closer, her voice pleading. "It wasn't supposed to happen like this. My feelings for you are real, Y/N. They always have been. I love you." Natasha continued to confess her feelings, her voice raw with emotion. "Y/N, I know I hurt you. I know what I did was unforgivable. But please, believe me."

Y/N finally spoke, her voice trembling with emotion. "How can I believe you, Natasha? After all the things you did?" Y/N's eyes blazing with anger. "Is this the goal, Natasha? Breaking me? Rusting me?"

"No," Natasha answered quickly, shaking her head. "No, that's not it at all. Let me explain everything." Natasha felt a lump in her throat. "I know I've given you every reason not to trust me, but I'm begging you to believe me. I couldn't just let you die, especially not at HYDRA's hands. They're still after you."

Y/N's voice was filled with bitterness. "I just died inside. And it's because of you, Natasha. You killed me, you sleeper cell spy."

Natasha flinched at the harsh words, feeling the weight of her guilt. "I'm so sorry, Y/N. I never wanted any of this to happen. If I could go back, I would change everything. I'd never do this to you and… and I'm not what I did. Believe me."

Y/N's laugh was cold and sarcastic. "You are what you did, Natasha."

The words echoed in Natasha's mind, clashing with Steve's voice reminding her that who she is isn't defined by what she did. But Y/N's words felt truer in this moment, cutting deeper than any physical wound.

"I'll forget you, Natasha, someday," Y/N said, her voice chillingly calm. "But I'll never forgive."

Natasha's heart shattered at those words. She had known that repairing their relationship would be difficult, but hearing Y/N's definitive statement felt like a death sentence to her hopes.

Y/N continued, her eyes cold and unforgiving. "You're the smallest woman who ever lived."

Natasha stood there, speechless, the weight of Y/N's words pressing down on her like a physical burden. She wanted to fight back, to prove her love and remorse, but the pain in Y/N's eyes told her that it's a bit too late.

three days in the making!! ( became four since i added a few things today, lol ) how was it? was it worth it? i think so. i love tsmwel soooo much!! been playing it over and over and over again. i mean, isn't it obvious? ( 9.361k words… ) let me know what you think and enjoy reading!

if i said best ttpd song, you say what??

[thessalian]

Thess vs Birthday Stuff

Okay, so, time to practice the answer to the "how old are you?" question:

47. ...Yes, really. (I may have got some increasingly disbelieving reactions from the lady who did my hair today.)

Anyway, pretty low-key birthday, given that the vast majority of gifting from the parentals was done and dusted (though in honour of where my present allotment went this year, I looked at my Critical Role cast autographs and it still makes me smile as much as it did on the day, so I have zero regrets). Mum didn't want to let the day go uncelebrated, though, so she made me an appointment at the hair salon she goes to - which she picked because a) the lady does a good job with her hair and b) travelling to find someplace that will cut my hair well at a price I can easily afford is hard for me, and her hairdresser is nearby. For someone who is as notoriously non-tactile as I am, I still surprisingly find the "having my hair washed" part of the whole process to be my favourite part of the whole thing. But now my hair is nice and short, just how I like it, and I no longer look like a Briard.

Anyway, while I was having my hair done, Mum went to the Japanese place in East Dulwich I like but can seldom afford and picked up sushi, which she brought back to eat in the comfort of my sitting room. She's found a way to balance "don't make me cook on my birthday" and "don't make me sit in a loud crowded restaurant on my birthday", which is nice, let me tell you. Though for my own part, I spent last night baking, because I wanted a birthday cake and I can't just buy one like a normal, gluten-tolerant person. Behold:

Chocolate cake with whipped chocolate mint ganache frosting. Also little sugar stars to make the thing look more festive. Mum almost finished her entire slice (she did entirely demolish the frosting, so I guess I come by the "GIVE ME THE FROSTING" thing I have going on honestly), which is always my benchmark for having done well. I also had a slice, obviously, but I sent a big chunk home with her so that my stepfather could have some. I'd love to have them both here at the same time, but apparently their dog, Digby, is ever so slightly co-dependent and they prefer one of them be home with him at all times.

Oh, speaking of dogs, a couple of bits of news about the whole "getting flats renovated" thing. (This will make sense in a minute, I swear.) So my stepfather has been working his ass off on the other flat - the original flat I was living in, the one that's going to be an investment flat of sorts when all the work is done on both that one and this one. The plan is to finish the work on that one, move me back into that one until this one is fixed up - which it needs desperately; pulling up this fucking carpet for a start, and dear gods a shower pump - and then have me finally settle into this one when it's not full of horrible peach carpet and carpeting in the fucking bathroom (WHO DOES THAT?!?). There will be a pause on the "him working his ass off" thing because he pushed too hard and has managed to do himself an injury so bad he couldn't manage the stairs in his own home for a week. But he's insisting on doing all of this himself, for some insane reason.

Point is that in the week of mad working, he discovered that the neighbours in the flat next to the one he's working in have a dog. Why is this a big deal? Because the management company that manages the building has a "no pets" policy. Now, we've been pretty sure that at least one person in the building has a cat, but it's harder to prove cats than it is to prove dogs, who require regular trips outside. Anyway, we've been keeping to the "no pets" policy, but my mother in particular has hated doing it because she firmly believes that I would do better with some small living furry companionship around the house. I'm not saying she's wrong, mind you.

Anyway, the point is, she tells me this while we're finishing up our sushi, then tells me that once all the stuff with the flats is finally sorted, they will get me the small furry pets of my choosing. Because apparently, or so said my mother's tone of voice, "They get to have a fucking dog, and my daughter can't have a pet at all? Fuck that and fuck them!"

(I come by my stubborn-and-petty honestly, too.)

She's also very much come around to the idea of me having pet rats, at least partly because I refuse to have a pet cat, however much I might want one. In winter, I have to keep the doors to the various rooms closed to keep the heat in (and the heating bill down), and it's not fair to cram a cat into too small a space. Besides, this place isn't designed to have a decent space for a litter box, and rats are somewhat less likely to eat my plants and get sick. So anyway, point is that I have so many more reasons to really hope the renovations and stuff get done soon. I just wish my stepfather would hire a fucking contractor, for his own sake. He's going to hurt himself badly doing that shit.

Anyway, a happy birthday to me, all told. Not that I did much - had my hair done, got fed sushi, had a rather glorious nap - but honestly, that's probably enough for me at this point. And a whole week off stretches out before me. A week of sleeping in, video games, maybe making myself some more potato soup... Oh, and banana bread. I have a plan that involves adding chocolate chips and peanut butter chips to the next batch of banana bread. I've just got really into banana bread lately. It's easy, it's filling, and maybe I just need the potassium, I dunno.

[dontmeantobepoliticalbut]

In May 2016, Richard Osthoff was living in a tent in an abandoned chicken coop on the side of Route 9 in Howell, New Jersey, with his beloved service dog Sapphire. A veteran's charity gave the pit mix to Osthoff, a disabled veteran who was honorably discharged from the U.S. Navy in 2002, he told Patch.

When Sapphire developed a life-threatening stomach tumor, Osthoff, now 47, learned the surgery would cost $3,000. A veterinary technician took Osthoff aside and told him, "'I know a guy who runs a pet charity who can help you,'" Osthoff recounted.

His name was Anthony Devolder, and his pet charity was called Friends of Pets United, the vet tech told him.

Anthony Devolder is one of the names that Long Island Rep. George Santos used for years before entering politics in 2020. Santos faces multiple criminal investigations after reports surfaced that he fabricated much of his resume during his congressional campaign. Many Democratic and Republican lawmakers on Long Island are calling for him to resign.

Osthoff and another New Jersey veteran, retired police Sgt. Michael Boll, who tried to intervene to help Osthoff in 2016, told Patch that Santos closed the GoFundMe he set up for Sapphire after it raised $3,000 on social media and disappeared.

"He stopped answering my texts and calls," Osthoff said.

Sapphire died Jan. 15, 2017. After being out of work with a broken leg for over a year, Osthoff couldn't afford the dog's euthanasia and cremation, he said.

"I had to panhandle. It was one of the most degrading things I ever had to do," he remembered.

Boll is a retired Marine Corps veteran and Union Township police sergeant involved in veteran outreach. In 2017, he founded the nonprofit NJ Veterans Network. He was an acquaintance of the vet tech, and knew Osthoff through his outreach work — he also shared Sapphire's GoFundMe page — so when he heard what happened, he tried to mediate, he told Patch.

"I contacted [Santos] and told him 'You're messing with a veteran,' and that he needed to give back the money or use it to get Osthoff another dog," he said.

"He was totally uncooperative on the phone."

Santos told Osthoff and Boll that he planned to use the money to help other animals, Osthoff said. Boll told him that he couldn't do that because the money was raised specifically for Osthoff, and his service dog.

On the GoFundMe page Santos set up for Osthoff, he wrote "Dear all, When a veteran reaches out to ask for help, how can you say no [...]." The GoFundMe was later deleted, and an Internet archive website doesn't have a record of it.

After Santos set up the GoFundMe page in early May 2016, he became hard to contact, Osthoff said.

"I only talked to him two or three times on the phone," Osthoff said, guessing that over half of the donations came from people he knew. On June 30, 2016, he posted on Facebook: "We made the goal, and then some."

But Osthoff's excitement changed to confusion, when instead of scheduling the procedure, Santos told him that Osthoff couldn't use the NJ practice, and instead insisted he bring Sapphire to a veterinarian in Queens, New York.

In August, the vet tech drove Osthoff and Sapphire to that veterinary practice in Queens because Santos told him he had "credit" with the practice from regularly using it so often for his charity.

"It was a tiny little hole in the wall place, but looked legitimate. The vet there said they couldn't operate on the tumor," Osthoff said, adding that he was confused because the New Jersey vet didn't express any similar concerns.

After that, Osthoff said Santos became elusive. In November, Osthoff texted him, "I'm starting to feel like I was mined for my family and friends donations."

He had one final phone conversation with Santos, who said that because Osthoff "didn't do things my way," he put the GoFundMe money from Sapphire's fundraiser into the charity to use "for other dogs."

On Nov. 13, 2016, in texts Osthoff showed Patch, he urged Santos to let him take Sapphire to another vet, saying "My dog is going to die because of god knows what."

Santos replied, "Remember it is our credibility that got GoFundme [...] to contribute. We are audited like every 501c3 and we are with the highest standards of integrity."

"Sapphire is not a candidate for this surgery the funds are moved to the next animal in need and we will make sure we use of resources [sic] to keep her comfortable!"

Santos said in a text message he would take Sapphire for an ultrasound, but Osthoff couldn't come, and it couldn't be done at the New Jersey office recommended by the Howell veterinarian because they wouldn't accept his organization's funding method. Osthoff doesn't know exactly what funding method Santos was referring to.

"And your [sic] not coming for the ride FOPU will handle this from now on only with the animal! We do not drive people around nor do we give them rides we transports animals in need not needy owners," Santos texted Osthoff.

In December, The New York Times reported that the charity was not a registered nonprofit.

After that conversation, "he wouldn't pick up the phone," Osthoff said, and the GoFundMe was gone. He tried to reach out to GoFundMe, but didn't get a response, he said.

In 2016, GoFundMe had less resources available to handle fraudulent fundraisers, Boll explained.

"I told Rich to go to the police, but we had limited information [about Santos]," he said.

Osthoff told Patch he was preoccupied with finding a place to live at the time, and planned to involve the police or hire an attorney after he found a home, but "as time went on, I guess I stopped thinking about it."

Boll said that "luckily [Osthoff] was able to get a new service dog right away."

The vet tech didn't reply to a request for comment. Emails to Santos and his attorney about Osthoff's claims were not returned.

The full details of the charity's activities are not known. Santos created a Facebook group for the charity around 2015, where group members shared images of dogs who needed foster homes or donations. The Facebook group was archived around 2020, according to Barbara Hurdas, who met Santos when she worked with him at a Dish Network call center in Queens in 2011, and remembered him starting FOPU and sharing it on social media after he left Dish in 2012. Facebook groups cannot be deleted, but an archived group becomes inaccessible to anyone besides its members, and Hurdas reported that the name of the group was changed to "The End."

Santos also posted GoFundMe fundraisers for dogs needing medical care on his now-deleted personal Facebook page, mostly toy breeds with stories of medical issues, Hurdas said.

When Osthoff and Boll saw Santos on television in December 2022 after the scandal around his admitted resume fabrications broke, they called each other, shocked to see the Anthony Devolder who took the fundraiser money years ago.

"I really felt bad for Rich [in 2016]," Boll told Patch.

"He has PTSD, and this dog is his lifeline. When I first heard about it, I thought, this is going to kill him."

Osthoff told Patch he was "crying his eyes out remembering Sapphire's last day."

"Little girl never left my side in 10 years. I went through two bouts of seriously considering suicide, but thinking about leaving her without me saved my life. I loved that dog so much, I inhaled her last breaths when I had her euthanized."

[guessimate]

We are starting round 2 of the Asian part of my sim town today with the Laos, the family of florists. This family is quite lucky with random occurances. They got a kaching (+5000), but - spoiler alert - it was not enough to afford the instrument I promised to get for Mazu ($5500). It's from this set here. Saving a bit more money is probably a better choice in the long run, because flower arranging is not very lucrative, and it does need money for crafting.

By the way, sims in my town don't pay taxes on gifts from the gods, or inheritances and such. They only pay taxes based on what they earn in businesses or careers.

Mazu was not feeling very well even after her pregnancy and she was still having nightmares. Because she was so miserable, she wouldn't have had the time to practice music, so I decided to have Haru spend the gift on crafting before they would get the instrument.

I think her mood was so bad because of the environment. Sims really don't like big, open spaces, and their whole house is one empty room. I gave them an outdoor toilet instead of a chamber pot, and it improved the score slightly. I also had some other bug fixing to do... Somehow I couldn't direct them to craft indoors anymore, so I moved the flower station outside.

~*~

The Laos' heir, Hisashi, turned out to be a Leo, just like his dad, but he's slightly more neat (as neat as his mom). He's 4 Sloppy, 9 Outgoing, 6 Active, 6 Playful, and 4 Grouchy.

Hisashi has the same One True Hobby as his mom - Music&Dance. He discovered it while his mom was teaching him the Nursery Rhyme. Mazu taught her son to walk and potty trained him, as well. Haru taught him to talk. As it was autumn, the toddler wanted to keep getting skill points. I might get them a chess table next round, as he skill has the want to improve his Logic to level 6.

I decided to impregnate Mazu on the last day of autumn, at the very end of the round, when the heir was aging up. Their next baby will be born in winter, because I set seasons as spring - autumn - winter, don't ask me why, but it works pretty well. The giving trees they planted are already maturing, so they will be able to light fireplaces.

~*~

They opened their business twice this round. I wasn't really planning to do that, but they had more flowers in stock. I was considering not opening businesses in winter, since they are outside stalls, but I think my sims couldn't afford their taxes at all then.

They sold the 12 flower arrangements leftover from last round, earning 492$ (they were sold for 'average' price). Later Haru crafted 20 wildflower bouquets (one costs 47$ to make). I put them for sale as 'expensive', as their business had reached rank 3 by then.

~*~

They crafted 20 wildflowers -940$, sold 10 of them at an 'expensive' price tag +610$. They also sold 12 daisies crafted last round +492$, earning a total of 1102$.

500$ - rent

441$ - tax (40%)

110$ - tithe

~1050$ = to pay (they paid 1750$, as they needed to pay the tax from last round too; the money was paid to the monk). This round they had to pay almost as much as they earned. I don't like it, but that's what running the florist's is like in TS2.

They only have 4236$ left, unfortunately, which is not enough to buy an instrument. They got to business rank 4. Haru got Silver Sales Badge, and Mazu - Bronze Register Badge. Mazu is also the first member of the Cuisine club in my 'hood, because of spam cooking ramen so much. Actually, I think I've considered this step as unlocking cheese before, as it allows you to serve cheese platters, so maybe they will get to eat something else...

[ainawgsd]

I posted 1,312 times in 2022

427 posts created (33%)

885 posts reblogged (67%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@ainawgsd

@ruffboijuliaburnsides

@akilah12902

@phoenixyfriend

@peribytes

I tagged 1,200 of my posts in 2022

Only 9% of my posts had no tags

#rebagel - 583 posts

#text post - 208 posts

#dogs - 79 posts

#gardening - 77 posts

#flowers - 61 posts

#cats - 51 posts

#quizzes - 48 posts

#daily dose of dog - 48 posts

#sven - 47 posts

#german shepherd - 40 posts

Longest Tag: 138 characters

#the one time my dad was stationed on a ship in an urban port (san diego) we lived in my rural home town because we couldn't afford housing

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Fixing a few holes in an old blanket. For the larger holes I'm using the matching pillow sham to applique over the damage.

203 notes - Posted September 16, 2022

#4

Went to the City Museum this weekend and finally got to go up on the rooftop. They have a ferris wheel up there that goes faster than any ferris wheel I've ever been on in my life!

We also got lots of compliments on our knee pads. They were pretty pricey, but worth it

207 notes - Posted June 6, 2022

#3

Jumping off of this post, there is a nationwide shortage on several drugs commonly used for these infections or to treat pneumonia or bacterial infections that can result from these diseases.

Every prescription we fill for liquid amoxicillin, generic Augmentin, and generic Tamiflu pops up an alert to check our stock because there is a nationwide shortage. I cannot order these medications because all of the manufacturers carried by my distributor are on backorder with no release dates.

Right now we are still able to call the prescriber and get the antibiotics switched to one we have (Tamiflu does not have an alternative you're just sol there) but if the shortage carries on long enough I would expect these alternatives will probably start having availability issues as well.

This year is expected to be very bad as far as influenza and, in my area anyway, RSV cases are also really bad. And Covid never went away, despite the general public's popular belief, so naturally we're likely to see an uptick in that as people get complacent.

So yes, do what you can to protect yourself and others. Get your flu and covid shots, wear your mask, and wash your hands.

254 notes - Posted November 16, 2022

#2

I'm gonna have to go back to the cemetery after the snow melts and see if there's any identifying information on this grave marker. But I really like how the ice reflects light over the lichen here.

287 notes - Posted February 4, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Bite that water Sven!

457 notes - Posted October 18, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[brennacedria]

I posted 3,130 times in 2022

That's 1,909 more posts than 2021!

538 posts created (17%)

2,592 posts reblogged (83%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@brennacedria

@nocturnal-belta

@meyerlansky

@thessalian

@thebearmuse

I tagged 2,408 of my posts in 2022

Only 23% of my posts had no tags

#queen queuesland - 1,355 posts

#dragon age - 271 posts

#star wars - 138 posts

#cats - 130 posts

#bren does life - 92 posts

#bren's cats - 67 posts

#bren's pics - 61 posts

#fashion - 60 posts

#dracula daily - 39 posts

#star wars spoilers - 38 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#technically they're both half tuxedo half siamese but the black one took only the color from their dad and she's siamese in every other way

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

fr, please send every form of well-wishes you guys believe in this morning. I will accept prayers, spells, supportive pats-on-the-back, comforting hugs, offers of kittens, idk, anything else you guys can think of. I am, please god willing, getting this damned iud out, and there's apparently no local for it except maybe that cold spray that "numbs" things but it didn't do anything getting the iud in but sure why not that's a legit tactic.

I've taken my advil (my doctor of nursing nurse practitioner swears 800 ib works better in this situation than oral toradol, which yeah better than ORAL toradol but not a shot of it so wtf srsly), and I'm going to take my muscle relaxer in about 30 minutes, I guess, so it's at its peak when I get to my appointment. then, when I get there I take my ativan and oh yeah it's the most painful thing I've had done short of actual fucking surgery but sure why not.

anyway yeah, thoughts and prayers and everything else, please, just not the political kind like actual thoughts and prayers

44 notes - Posted October 24, 2022

#4

Sorry but I'm having a lot of Kino Loy feelings rn

47 notes - Posted November 10, 2022

#3

Predictably dragon age

Morrigan. Always and forever, no matter how many others come and go. Just concept art had me interested in the game, and finding out Claudia Black voiced her immediately convinced me to get it. I couldn't afford it at launch, but I still got it entirely because of her.

Here, have some art @chenria did of her as a surprise gift for my birthday one year after sending an almost identical, tho anonymous, ask.

83 notes - Posted March 30, 2022

#2

No not me crying at the 10th anniversary episode of Welcome to Night Vale

785 notes - Posted June 15, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

there are many benefits to being a marine biologist

956 notes - Posted August 21, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[dark-lina]

W 2022 roku na moim blogu pojawiły się 1734 posty

O 1699 postów więcej niż w 2021!

289 utworzonych postów (17%)

1445 zreblogowanych postów (83%)

Najczęściej reblogowane blogi:

@roxenne-and-vio--a

@death-in-shift

@overlord-vipermorrigenmoon998

@prince-of-the-depths

@a-hazbin-spider

814 moich postów w 2022 miało tagi

#morgana the vampire – 166 postów

#a hazbin spider – 56 postów

#hazbin rp – 53 posty

#valerian moth demon – 50 postów

#rp meme – 49 postów

#hazbin hotel oc – 47 postów

#valeria moth demon – 40 postów

#roze the vampire – 38 postów

#morgan the vampire – 36 postów

#hazbin hotel – 30 postów

Longest Tag: 61 characters

#he won't say what he thinks wesker uses these tentacles for;)

Moje najpopularniejsze posty w 2022:

Nr 5

@mizavia​

"I'm excited to see the end result. I'm sure it will look beautiful." Curiously, she looked over the shoulder of the seamstress and watched the slowly developing drawing. Her yellow-orange eyes sparkled with excitement.

Her inquisitive character was now clearly visible and even made her look a little younger than she actually was. "Dark colors go well with my dark hair I guess. I shouldn't prejudge anything, I'll see when it's done." giggled the 26-year-old.

"time to go young lady ... we have a lunch break now a table is waiting for us" Valerian walked over and peeked out of the corner of his eye, the outfit was quite covered as probably for Valentino's tastes, but Valeria was wearing similar clothes during the performance, she didn't like to expose herself.

32 notki (opublikowane w 14 czerwca 2022)

Nr 4

continue from : x

It took a while for Morgana to get things done … as well as to come back and prepare dinner. Judging by the lack of a blood smell, Jed ( @ask-the-ghostface​ ) was still alive and Wrin ( @wrin-derspaten​) had not eaten him yet. When she had prepared everything, she went to get her guests.

38 notek (opublikowanych w 15 października 2022)

Nr 3

Guardian Angel

Private starter @thefallenhumanlivingnightmares​

A human in hell is a real treat.Of course human souls go to hell here after death, they take the form of a demon.

One young man ,come to hell  alive, without power, would be a real attraction, probably in the Valetnino nightclub or as an appetizing snack.

 However, even in hell, the rules of heaven are bind  the angels who have been in this place, either by their own free will or for some other reason.

Therefore, Azazel intervened, standing between the demons and the man who found himself in Hell.

Killing hell demons  was no problem for him, he found some pleasure in it. However, the bloody holy spear and the blood on the angel's clothes could be terrifying.

" Everything's all right ?" he asked looking at the young man.

65 notek (opublikowanych w 30 sierpnia 2022)

Nr 2

The nights in the studio were never quiet, there was always something going on. Recordings of movies or songs. However, the studio where the white piano stood was usually empty. Valeria came in and closed the door behind her and breathed, she couldn't exercise in the apartment because Valerian was sleeping off his shift. And Val's office was occupied by him and Vox. Valeria put the notes in place. She tapped the keys with her fingers and started playing simple melodies just as a warm-up. Then she went on to something more difficult to Piano Serenade written by Schubert as she played, she didn't notice that someone was going inside room.

77 notek (opublikowanych w 15 maja 2022)

Mój post nr 1 w 2022

Rp Lucien with Viper Moon

Lucien walked out of the alley, looked from behind him again. A few bodies were lying, but what would be expected if a professional killer was hired to clean up all this company. Lizard adjusted his violin case in which the weapon was located and lit a cigarette. When Lucy was near, he didn't smoke, but now he could afford it. The little girl is going to stay with Rosie for the night, so he had time to relax even after work.

@overlord-vipermorrigenmoon998

198 notek (opublikowanych w 6 lutego 2022)

Zobacz Przegląd roku 2022 już teraz →

[tomoesrightclaw]

Broken Promises

------------------

1 Day

It's been a day sense Mikage went to town. I hope he's alright. He's never usually out this long without me.

Shrine Visits - 47

2 Days

Mikage has been out for 2 days. I'll go looking for him if he's still not back by tomorrow. I don't want him getting lost or hurt.

Shrine Visits - 42

3 Days

I went looking for Mikage today but couldn't find him anywhere. No store owners saw him either. Where could he be?

Shrine Visits - 51

5 Days

Mikage still hasn't returned. I sent letters to other gods so maybe one of them has seen him. He mustve gone to one of their places for a visit. He'll be back soon

Shrine Visits - 40

2 Weeks

I've received letters from the other gods. None of them have seen Mikage. I'm getting worried, what if he's hurt?

Shrine Visits - 38

3 Weeks

Shrine visits have started to decline. I suppose I should start writing wishes down for when Mikage returns.

Shrine Visits - 34

4 Weeks

We've barely received any offerings today. Mikage must've gone to the city by foot if his return is taking so long. I suppose he could've gotten distracted. He'll be back soon.

Shrine Visits - 25

1 Month

It's been a month sense Mikages departure. We've received a whopping total of around 500 visits this month. I hope he comes back soon...

Shrine Visits - 17

2 Months

Shrine Visits have significantly dropped this month. I've recorded them all down for Master Mikage. I should go look for him again.

Shrine Visits - 4

4 Months

I've begun to worry if Master Mikage is coming back. I doubt he would abandon the shrine like that. Right..?

Shrine Visits - 9

5 Months

I went to the Other World today to see if any other Yokai have seen Master Mikage. No trace of him anywhere. Where has he gone?

Shrine Visits - 5

6 Months

I wonder if Master Mikage ever mentioned Amy displeasures while we stayed together. I suppose he was mad at me when I called humans weak but I don't think it bothered him much. But I suppose it might've.

Shrine Visits - 5

7 Months

The shrine was looking a little rundown so I ran to town to get some supplies to fix it up. How was I supposed to know I needed to pay for stuff?

Shrine Visits - 2

10 Months

It's been nearly a year sense Master Mikage left. I hope he returns soon. The shrine needs him.

Shrine Visits - 7

1 Year

I wonder if Master Mikage hates me. Maybe he just never liked me in the first place. But, why would he help me then? Did I do something to upset him?

Shrine Visits - 3

1,5 Years

The shrine spirits insist they saw Master Mikage in town today. I hope their right. I hope he comes home soon. I'm worried...

For the shrine ofc.

Shrine Visits - 8

2 Years

He's not coming back is he...

No. He is. He wouldn't just leave like that.

Shrine Visits - 7

3 Years

He would never abandon the shrine. He cages about it to much. He'll return soon.

Shrine Visits 4

4 Years

He's still not come home yet. The shrine barely gets visits anymore. Master Mikage, the shrine needs you.

Shrine Visits - 2

5 Years

The shrine needed to be fixed up again today. But I still can't afford very good supplies. Offerings are close to nothing

Shrine Visits - 0

8 Years

Where have you gone Master..

Please come back...

Shrine Visits - 10

11 Years

The shrine needs you..

I need you..

Shrine Visits - 5

12 Years

What did I do wrong Master...

Why did you leave me...

You said you'd always be here for me...

You promised...

Shrine Visits - 1

13 Years

Master Mikage isn't coming back is he...

Shrine Visits - 6

15 Years

The shrine never felt this empty with Master here...

I miss him...

Shrine Visits - 8

17 Years

He left me.

He left the shrine.

He left his spirits.

He left his people.

He's never coming back.

Shrine Visits - 9

18 Years

I dont know why I'm still writing these. Why am I still here

Why am I still waiting

Why can't I just let go

He abandoned me

He broke his promise

I'm free

Shrine Visits - 5

19 Years

It's been nearly 2 decades sense you left Master.

How have you been..

Shrine Visits - 4

20 Years

Our land God has returned.

But it's not Master Mikage.

It's a little human girl.

She must still be in school.

She's just a child.

How could he leave us like this.

And then send us a weak human.

She has the landgod sign.

And his power signature is on her.

But she'll never be him.

She will never be my Master.

She can't.

She will never care for me like he did.

How he could he do this.

I just want my master back.

I miss him so much.

I can't believe I waitednaround for him for two decades.

I'm leaving.

I can't even look at the new girl without wishing it was him.

I wish I could hate him for leaving me.

But I just want him back.

I need him.

I'll never survive on my own.

But I have to.

I've done it before.

I don't care anymore.

He left,

So can I.

Shrine Visits -

[steadybelieverpersona]

Ch.47: Sword, Fish, Resistance

At the Sangonomiya Shrine on Watatsumi Island

Sangonomiya Kokomi: Food supplies are the absolute top priority, period. We can not afford any losses. With the conflict between us and the Shogun's Army getting more intense by the day, we must prioritize the stability of the rearguard.

Ookubo Daisuke: Understood. I will think of a way...

Sangonomiya Kokomi: Take heart. We have a fresh batch of supplies in hand, and I'm working on expanding the army. I appreciate that the lack of manpower has been hard on all of you. But things are going to get better.

Ookubo Daisuke: We're expanding the army? Oh, that's great. Whoever this mystery supporter is, they're doing us a great service... Huh? Teppei? What are you doing back on Watatsumi Island? Might I ask, who...

Teppei: Haha, VIP guests of Her Excellency, that's who. I'm acting under orders to escort them both here.

Ookubo Daisuke: Oh really? Wait, so are you the new recruits everyone's been talking about? Strength of twenty men, splits an arrow in twain from a hundred paces, skin as hard as diamond... That's you two?

Paimon: Seriously, what is going on with these rumors!

Ookubo Daisuke: You've come a long way. I'm sure you must be here on pressing business, so I won't disturb you any further. Feel free to visit me if you have any time to spare. Your Excellency, I'll take my leave.

Teppei: Your Excellency, I couldn't help but overhear Ookubo mention something about... a third-party supporter? What was that about?

Sangonomiya Kokomi: Not long ago, someone wrote to me saying that they wished to support the Watatsumi Island resistance effort. To that end, they also furnished us with a great deal of supplies. Thanks to them, we can finally start recruiting troops on the scale we need to openly confront the Shogun's Army on the front line.

Y/n: Miss Kokomi, can this mystery sponsor be trusted?

Sangonomiya Kokomi: Please call me Kokomi, I am not without my doubts... but Watatsumi Island is hardly affluent, and these supplies are a much-needed lifeline for us. The sender's conditions were also reasonable. They simply ask us to dedicate ourselves fully to fighting against the Shogun's Army. Whatever other motives they may have, we are at least aligned on this. So let's consider them an anonymous ally. Naturally, we shouldn't let our guard down. If you discover anything out of the ordinary, please report it to me at once.

Y/n: .... "That sounds even more suspicious..."

Teppei: Your Excellency, does this mean that the food at the front line is gonna get any better? I was at the field hospital the other day, and everyone was begging for some barbecued meat.

Sangonomiya Kokomi: Hehe... Don't worry. I've already made arrangements for that. Everyone will have their fill of meat. But to be clear, still no alcohol.

Teppei: That's fantastic!

Y/n: "Why would they complain about food? If I were them, I would be grateful since I recall that I was barely fed when I was with the Fatui, I was sometimes fed only once a week or so"

Sangonomiya Kokomi: I understand how hard it's been on everyone. The resistance army's rations have barely changed at all since the Vision Hunt Decree was first announced. I will discuss this with the logistics division to see what further improvements can be made. However, our supplies are still limited. I must ask you to remain patient until victory is ours.

Paimon: When will the Vision Hunt Decree finally end?

Sangonomiya Kokomi: That's the question... and I'm afraid I don't have an answer. The mere existence of the Vision Hunt Decree is baffling. The Tenryou Commission's attitude just doesn't seem to add up, and neither does the Shogun's. The Tenryou Commission's zealous support for the decree seemed to come out of nowhere. The Shogun seems completely indifferent to the fact that it has effectively caused a civil war... I suspect the Vision Hunt Decree won't end until these mysteries are solved. All I can say for certain is that as long as the Vision Hunt Decree remains in force, we will never give up our fight. Aether, Y/n to confirm... knowing the current situation facing Watatsumi Island and the resistance, are you two still willing to fight with us?

Aether: Yes. We won't give up, either.

Sangonomiya Kokomi: Good. Then here is your assignment: I hereby appoint you both as captains of the Watatsumi Island special operations unit: Swordfish II.

Teppei: Whoa, whoa, whaaaat!? Swordfish II!? Is this the same Swordfish special ops unit that I'm thinking of? It's hard enough getting into a special ops unit at the bottom rung, let alone jumping to captain in one fell swoop... this is incredible!

Aether: *smirking*

Sangonomiya Kokomi: Although this appointment breaks with convention, I firmly believe that with both of your wisdom, courage, and strength, you both can lead your team to victory.

Paimon: Great! So when do we take up our post?

Sangonomiya Kokomi: The members of Swordfish II are currently on standby in a valley to the southwest. Ronin have been causing trouble down there lately, and we need a special operations unit to eliminate them and stabilize the rearguard. I have already written your guys's Appointment Letter, which you'll need to show them on arrival. Once that's out of the way, please lead them in ridding the area of ronin. The special ops unit comprises Watatsumi Island's elite soldiers. They can be a little rough around the edges, but I have every confidence that you both will win their trust.

Teppei: Um, what about me, Your Excellency? Any battles you need me to get involved in? I want to make a contribution to the resistance, too!

Sangonomiya Kokomi: Of course. I'll arrange something and brief you shortly.

Teppei: Alright! One successful operation, coming right up! Hehe, Aether, Y/n, you may have swiped the captaincy of Swordfish II, but watch this space, 'cause this guy's on his way up!

Paimon: Okay, sure. Well, be careful out there. Don't push yourself too hard. Well, Aether, Y/n, let's move out.

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Swordfish II Provisional Squad Leader: Ah, you two must be the new captains of Swordfish II. Her Excellency briefed us in advance. Your reputation precedes you both, and the Appointment Letter is all in order. But I still have my doubts...

Paimon: Hmm? Do you have any other questions?

Swordfish II Provisional Squad Leader: I'll be straight with you. I want to know whether you have what it takes to lead us. Especially you girl *points at Y/n*

Paimon: You mean... like a duel?

Swordfish II Veteran: Normally, a duel would be the quickest way to settle the question. But this time, we've got a better way. We're stationed here because of all the ronin causing trouble in these parts. If you two can get rid of them for us, we'll take that as a measure of your strength.

Y/n: Alright. It makes sense, since your confidence twords us comes with the cost of weather or not you live on the battle field or not

Aether: Sure.

Paimon: Alright, let's show them what you're made of!

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Swordfish II Provisional Squad Leader: Okay, it seems like you two can hold your own... The rumors are exaggerations, of course, but still, your guys's abilities are admirable.

Koutoku: Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Koutoku, Acting Captain of Swordfish II. This is Yoshihisa, a fellow veteran of the team. I now formally cede the position of captain to you two. Swordfish II awaits your orders.

Y/n: Are there any other ronin to deal with?

Yoshihisa: There are two hard-hit areas. This was one of them, but thanks to you, this area is now secure. Their only remaining stronghold is located at the shallows on the east side of the island. That said, the ones over there are tougher, and there's more of them.

Y/n: We should go take a look. Kokomi said we need to secure the rearguard.

Paimon: You got that right. Watatsumi Island is busy fighting the Shogun's Army on the front line. We can't let these guys mess up thing at the rear!

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Paimon: There's so many of them...

Koutoku: That's not even all of them. They have two more camps nearby. Whichever camp we attack, it's the ronin in the other two camps that'll cause us issues. They might decide to provide backup or abandon them and escape on their own.

Y/n: Then let's attack them all at once. We split each other up so could deal with the camps along with the ronin residing in them *drew out the plan*

Paimon: "Look at that, it almost sounds like she's a real Captain"

Koutoku: But Captain, that would put you in great danger... If we spread our troops too thin, we won't have enough men to guard you and our other captain. It's too risky.

Y/n: We'll be fine.

Paimon: Yup, they eat amateurs like these for breakfast!

Koutoku: All right then. We'll deal with them all in one go and rendezvous with you on completion!

Upon clearing out the nearby monsters

Paimon: That should be the last of them... Aether, Y/n, you guys didn't get hurt, did you? *looks at them up and down*

Aether: I'm fine.

Y/n: Just a little tired.

Paimon: Cool... Paimon wonders how everything is going with Koutoku and Yoshihisa. Should we go over and check on them? Captain!

Koutoku: Captain, the other two camps have been cleared. The entire rearguard of Watatsumi Island is now secure.

Paimon: Great! Hee-hee, we solved the ronin problem and got everyone to look up to us, too... But what's next? Let's go back and check with Kokomi.

Yoshihisa: Finally, we got it done. These ronin have been bugging me for ages, but Koutoku wouldn't let us at 'em till now.

Koutoku: What? No way could you have taken them down without the new captains here. I was putting the safety of the team first, got it?

Yoshihisa: Oh come on, you were just being a coward...

Paimon: Hey, cut the attitude! These guys, honestly... Aether, Y/n, forget them, let's go!

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Sangonomiya Kokomi: How was it, Aether, Y/n? Did your guys' initiation go smoothly?

Aether: Without a hitch.

Sangonomiya Kokomi: Hehe... I'm sure you're both playing it down a little. Koutoku and the others put you both through your paces, I presume? But with your guys' level of ability, I'm sure it was a walk in the park. Since you're both back, I take it that the ronin are now gone from Watatsumi Island?

Paimon: You bet. We sure showed them who's boss!

Sangonomiya Kokomi: Good. Now we just need to make sure Ookubo keeps a close watch to prevent their resurgence. Thank you. I believe in rewarding merit, so you will be compensated for your hard work. Let me see... too soon for another promotion, I think. I could increase your guys' pay...

Y/n: Hey, where did Teppei go?

Sangonomiya Kokomi: I gave him an assignment. He's taking part in a surprise attack against the Shogun's Navy. He expressed a desire to be on the front line, so I honored his wishes. Now. Speaking of assignments, Aether, Y/n, I have a special mission I'd like to give you both.

Paimon: A special mission?

Sangonomiya Kokomi: Yes. In between Watatsumi Island and Tatarasuna, there are some ruins relating to a god who fell in the Archon War. There are several small islands there, often used as a transit point when transporting supplies. Recently, however, supplies stored there have started to go missing for no obvious reason. Stranger still, the resistance army passed by and reported they found no signs of danger... I'd like to task you with getting to the bottom of this. It's not urgent, so there is no need to leave immediately. I suggest you take a few days to familiarize yourselves with the army and also with Watatsumi Island. When Teppei returns, you guys can catch up with him, then pick a day when the weather's good to set sail for the islands.

Paimon: Is Teppei really gonna be okay? He has a tendency to dive into action without thinking things through... Paimon can't help but feel a little worried about him. Oh Aether, Y/n, why don't we go wait for him at the training grounds?

After training with Swordfish II for a few days...

Teppei: Long time no see, Aether, Y/n! So, how's Swordfish II treating you guys? Getting along okay with everyone?

Y/n: Eh, they can be a pain in the butt...

Teppei: Hehe, well you're in luck, because this seasoned veteran's got a few leadership tips for you! Raising their pay will boost morale, while giving them a few bounties will act as an incentive to go the extra mile. It's also important to maintain strict discipline at all times, and finally... uh, wait, what was it, what was it...

Paimon: Wow... Where'd ya learn all that, Teppei?

Teppei: I read it in a novel from the Yae Publishing House... it was a long time ago. You wouldn't believe how many Dango it took to convince my friend to let me borrow it.

Paimon: You're seriously gonna use a novel to tell people how to run an army? Pretty sure that's called being an "armchair general"...

Teppei: Haw-haw, that's where you underestimate me! That's right, I'm learning military management on the job now, just like you.

Aether: Wait, you mean...

Teppei: You'd better believe it! Thanks to my outstanding achievements in the recent naval battle, I've officially been made the captain of my very own special operations unit! It's a brand new unit: Herring I! What do you guys think? Pretty awesome, right? I spoke to Her Excellency and she says our uniforms are in production. Let's go collect them together once they're ready. I can't wait to put them on! We're really gonna look the part. Ah, everything's going great. Our mystery sponsor's supplies have really helped turn things around...

Paimon: Will Paimon get a uniform, too?

Teppei: Of course! You're a recognized member of the Watatsumi Island resistance.

Paimon: Yippy!

Y/n: *clapping*

Herring Section 1 Squad Member: Captain, a new assignment has come in...

Teppei: Thank you soldier, I'll be there on the double. Alright, I'd better go. Aether, Y/n, see you two again soon. You'd better watch out, partners — at the rate I'm going, I'll overtake you both if you're not careful!

Paimon: Hah, in your dreams, mister!

Teppei: *clears throat*... I wouldn't be so confident if I were you. I'm at the top of my game right now. This is my time to shine! *leaves*

Paimon: Paimon is so surprised that Teppei's been made a platoon captain... He must have been working super hard. Let's take a break then go check out these Archon War ruins!

[dentaltreatmentturkey]

Veneers Turkey Reddit

Veneers in Turkey: Insights from Reddit

Introduction to Veneers in Turkey

Turkey has emerged as a popular destination for dental treatments, especially veneers, due to its combination of high-quality care and affordable prices. Reddit is a valuable resource for firsthand accounts and reviews from people who have traveled to Turkey for veneers. This article explores insights and experiences shared by Reddit users who have undergone veneer treatments in Turkey.

Contact Information for Top Clinics

Laviva Clinic: Website : https://lavivaclinics.com/

Email: info@lavivaclinic.com

whatsapp: +90 531 258 28 47

Why Choose Turkey for Veneers?

Cost-Effective Treatments

The cost of veneers in Turkey is significantly lower compared to countries like the US, UK, or Australia. This price difference is a major draw for international patients.

High-Quality Care

Many Turkish dental clinics are equipped with the latest technology and staffed by highly trained professionals. Many dentists have received international training, ensuring high standards of care.

Comprehensive Packages

Turkish clinics often offer all-inclusive packages that cover the procedure, accommodation, and transportation, making the process convenient for international patients.

Reddit Users' Experiences

Positive Experiences

Reddit users frequently share positive experiences about getting veneers in Turkey. Here are some examples:

User A's Experience

"I went to Istanbul for veneers and couldn't be happier with the results. The clinic was modern, and the staff were very professional. I saved a lot of money compared to what it would have cost back home, and my smile looks amazing."

User B's Experience

"I chose a clinic in Antalya after doing a lot of research. The entire process was smooth, from being picked up at the airport to the final fitting of my veneers. The quality of the work is excellent, and I have received many compliments on my new smile."

Concerns and Warnings

While many experiences are positive, some Reddit users share concerns and advice to ensure a successful treatment:

User C's Warning

"It's crucial to research thoroughly before choosing a clinic. Not all clinics are equal, and some might cut corners. Look for clinics with plenty of positive reviews and verify the credentials of the dentists."

User D's Advice

"Communication can sometimes be a challenge. Make sure you understand what is included in the package and get everything in writing. Ask all your questions beforehand to avoid any misunderstandings."

Types of Veneers and Their Costs

Common Types of Veneers

Type of VeneerPrice (GBP)Price (USD)Price (EUR)E-Max Veneers£225$281€253Porcelain Veneers£200 - £300$250 - $375€225 - €338Composite Veneers£100 - £200$125 - $250€113 - €225

E-Max Veneers

Known for their durability and natural appearance, E-Max veneers are a popular choice for those seeking long-lasting results.

Porcelain Veneers

Porcelain veneers offer a natural look and are highly resistant to staining. They are a bit more expensive but provide excellent aesthetic results.

Composite Veneers

Composite veneers are a more affordable option and can be applied in a single visit. However, they may not last as long as porcelain or E-Max veneers.

Tips for Getting Veneers in Turkey

Research and Choose Wisely

Read Reviews: Utilize platforms like Reddit, Google Reviews, and specialized forums to gather insights from other patients.

Verify Credentials: Ensure the clinic and dentists have the necessary certifications and training.

Ask Questions: Inquire about the materials used, the procedure, and any potential risks.

Plan Your Trip Carefully

All-Inclusive Packages: Look for clinics that offer comprehensive packages to simplify your experience.

Understand the Costs: Make sure you know what’s included in the price and if there are any additional fees.

Post-Procedure Care: Plan for follow-up visits or any aftercare that might be needed.

Reddit Discussions and Recommendations

Positive Feedback

Many Reddit threads highlight the positive aspects of getting veneers in Turkey. Users often mention the significant cost savings, the high quality of care, and the professionalism of the dental staff.

Common Questions on Reddit

What is the process for getting veneers in Turkey?

Reddit users often share detailed accounts of their experiences, from initial consultations to the final fitting.

How much do veneers cost in Turkey?

Many users provide cost breakdowns and compare prices with those in their home countries.

What are the best clinics for veneers in Turkey?

Users frequently recommend clinics based on their positive experiences, making it easier for others to choose a reputable provider.

Conclusion

Turkey has become a leading destination for affordable, high-quality veneers, attracting patients from around the world. Insights from Reddit users offer valuable information on the benefits and potential pitfalls of getting veneers in Turkey. By conducting thorough research and planning carefully, you can ensure a positive and cost-effective experience.

For more detailed discussions and personal experiences, visit Reddit and search for threads related to "veneers in Turkey".

[casspurrjoybell-29]

Healing Ties - Chapter 47 - Part 1

*Warning Adult Content*

Fanner was a different person around bigger groups.

Not as much had changed in him over the last few days as Yore had assumed.

Yore had looked forward to being back with the others because he'd assumed it would mean they could all feel safer but Fanner was sticking closer to Yore's side than ever and he kept sending him worried glances, especially when anyone else would approach.

Yore didn't think Fanner was afraid of the others. Not exactly.

Not in the same way he'd been scared of the rock golem or even, when they'd first met, of Yore.

He hadn't stuttered over his words when talking to Yore's mother because he'd been worried she might hurt him.

From what Yore understood, Fanner had been punished for the slightest transgression growing up, even if that was nothing more than standing the wrong way or not speaking clearly, things Fanner struggled with on a good day and seemed to only get worse at when he was nervous.

Milaine House didn't beat their slaves but they did teach them that their entire self worth was linked to their ability to look and act like they were expected to.

It would take time. That was all.

Fanner wasn't someone who could afford to give his trust to others lightly.

He'd been hurt too many times for that.

It helped, in a way, to think about that, to imagine it was the only problem the future would hold.

He couldn't think about what life might actually look like a few days from now, who might no longer be with them after the battle.

Yore hadn't wanted to feed into Fanner's fear but he wasn't wrong.

There would be no happy ending to the situation they were in.

They stopped for the night next to a clear, burbling creek, good for drinking water and bathing and not much else.

It was impossible to scavenge enough food for a group this size, especially with the kinds of appetites that werewolves and centaurs had.

That was okay, though.

They were expected to reach the Spire some time tomorrow and there would be food there.

For the first time since they'd rejoined the group, Fanner willingly allowed himself to be detached from Yore's side in order to help Danya gather piles of leaves to make sleeping spots for their group for the night.

Yore kept half an eye on Fanner in case anyone else approached them but he let them have their time alone.

There was a lot they needed to talk about.

Hamish was kneeling next to the creek with his shirt off, washing himself, while Duran stood next to him on the bank and did his best to flirt with him.

It didn't seem to be going too well judging by how little attention Hamish was giving Duran, possibly because of Hamish's moral concerns around messing about with Companions or possibly because Harrison was standing directly over Duran's shoulder, glowering at Hamish the entire time.

Simon stepped up beside Yore and followed his gaze.

"He's not already sniffing after Hamish, is he?"

"He is. He seems like he has a libido to rival Hamish's, so I'm not surprised."

Simon shook his head.

"Hamish is the biggest whore I know but he also hates relationship drama. He won't go for it."

"I can understand that. Duran seems to take a more pragmatic and detached approach to that kind of thing than most ex-Companions but it seems likely he's carrying around his share of trauma. I don't know if it's in Duran's best interests for Hamish to turn him down but it might still be in Hamish's."

Simon glanced over at Fanner and Danya.

"Are you and Fanner...?"

"Dating? Yes."

Simon nodded.

"I can't imagine that'll be easy but you've never been a man to care about what's easy."

"Maybe not, but having him in my life makes everything else easier in ways I never really thought having a partner would."

"Yeah?"

"In the past I've had mostly sexual relationships and I haven't really felt the urge to turn them into anything more than that. I love taking care of Fanner and honestly, letting him take care of me. He's been healing me, of course but it's more than that. He makes me feel like I can be vulnerable and real and me. Like I don't need to impress him. I hadn't realised how much I needed that room to just... relax."

"That makes sense and maybe I don't even need to tell you all this, just... it's hard. It's hard in special ways that I wasn't prepared for and the challenges run deep. Danya's so sensitive and he can be so good at pretending he isn't. For instance, it took me about a year to properly understand that if he tells me about something he's excited about and I'm distracted or tired or not in a good mood and I don't mirror his enthusiasm, often he'll just lose interest in whatever it was entirely. He needs validation. I'm sure anyone would be disappointed if their partner wasn't excited about something they were but Danya takes it to an extreme."

"I've definitely got a lot to learn about Fanner. He wears his heart on his sleeve a lot of the time, which helps but he also has a hard time seeing himself as worthy of... well, anything, really. He's pretty good at telling me with his eyes when he needs something but he won't always speak up for himself."

Jasper came bounding up, a big leaf in each hand and bumped himself against Simon's thigh.

"I'm hungry."

"Sorry, Jas," Yore said. "I don't have anything either."

"Why?"

"We ate all our food."

Jasper gave Yore a thwack in the stomach with his tiny four year old arm.

"Bad."

"Jas," Simon scolded, but Jasper was already running off, flapping his two big leaves like wings.

"Sorry. All of this is a lot for a kid his age, even if he doesn't really understand what's going on."

Yore dismissed the apology with a shake of his head.

"Is he holding up okay?"

"Yeah. I think so. He's been grumpy but it's kind of comforting that it's about things like being a little hungry or not being allowed to run off and explore when he wants to. Though, sometimes I wonder if that's just how it comes out of kids that small. Maybe the only way he can process what's happening is through more familiar feelings and worries."

"When all of this happened, I was just preparing to try for a child myself. I can't imagine how much scarier having a kid to protect makes going through something like this."

"You're right," Simon said. "You can't. I used to think I could. Used to think, well, Hamish is important to me. He's my best friend. Like family, really. We fought together all the time, so I thought I'd already felt all there was to feel in terms of the fear of losing a loved one. But a child, my own little boy? I can't imagine living if something happened to him."

"He'll be safe," Yore said. "I promise. He's not as fast as a wolf, but he's fast enough. If the worst comes to the worst, there will be people waiting to take the children and run and he'll go with them."

"Thank you."

Simon let out a sigh as he watched Danya get into a tug of war with Jasper over a leaf that Jasper was trying to eat.

"I know it's stupid but part of me feels guilty. Like I'm a little bit to blame for all of this because I'm one of them. I'm human."

"That is stupid."

Yore shot Simon a smile to let him know he was joking.

"You can't help what you are. Most of us are on the side of the fight we're on by default. It just came naturally with the situations we were born into. You fought against your culture, your upbringing, what was easiest and expected of you, to get here. You made the choice to stand where you stand. That is what defines you."

"I hope everyone else sees it that way. I've made friends here but I don't expect to get the warmest of welcomes at the Spire."

"Not everyone's open minded but Libby's about as open minded as they come and she's in charge. She'll find what's in your heart and judge you on nothing else. You're a good person, Simon."

"Thank you. I appreciate that, really. I know being judged is probably the least of my worries right now, but some things are just too big, just too inevitable and painful. It hurts less to focus on the smaller things."

Yore gave Simon a clap on the shoulder.

"Let's go help with the beds. Whatever the future brings, I don't think we'll regret spending our time doing that."

[livehorses]

He compartido 602 publicaciones este 2022

49 publicaciones originales (8 %)

553 reblogueos (92 %)

Estos son los blogs que más he reblogueado:

@keepxsolxinxsolxinvictus

@livehorses

@queenofnevermore

@hectic-hector

@mademoiseli

He etiquetado 574 publicaciones en 2022

Solo el 5 % de mis publicaciones no incluye ninguna etiqueta

#❤️❤️❤️: 81 publicaciones

#disney encanto: 62 publicaciones

#fanart: 49 publicaciones

#yes: 31 publicaciones

#bruno madrigal: 28 publicaciones

#me tbh: 25 publicaciones

#cats: 24 publicaciones

#war in ukraine: 24 publicaciones

#pixar coco: 22 publicaciones

#mexican pride: 21 publicaciones

La etiqueta más larga tiene 132 caracteres

#and then suddenly everything became very solemn. a distant but very moving music started to play and i saw the both of them kneeling

Mis publicaciones más populares este 2022:

5

I would like to clarify on something I've seen the people have said a lot since The Sea Beast came out: the characters we see in the movie aren't pirates.

Why? Well, because pirates were people who stole property from other ships on the sea. There's no evidence in the movie that stated the crew of the Inevitable took away the richness of other nations. Not even in the name of the King and Queen as the corsaires did in their times.

The crew is completely a group of sea monster hunters sponsored by the Empire, they don't steal anything and aren't chased by any law.

I don't know if you like to call them pirates just because they behave like that, still, they're just common sailors and I don't see the point of calling them otherwise.

19 notas. Fecha de publicación: 25 de julio de 2022

4

You can congratulate me if you want, but just to be clear, here in México there's not such a thing like a mexican party for Cinco de Mayo. Of course, we have the day off, there are some commemorations in schools and the representation of the Battle in Puebla, but that's all. So no, I don't celebrate it and I don't consider it as the National Mexican Day. Wait four months later for September 15 and 16 to arrive and then we'll be talking.

22 notas. Fecha de publicación: 5 de mayo de 2022

3

Hispanic names (Both genders)

Here I leave a list of Hispanic names for people who write Coco and Encanto fanfics or any other Hispanic inspired story. I'll have reblogged each gender section separatedly because, as always, Tumblr doesn't allow me to have more than 4096 words per post. I'll start with both genders names and red will be used for less common names.

Adrián/Adriana

Alejandro/Alejandra

Alexis/Alexa

Andrés/Andrea

Camilo/Camila

Carlos/Karla

Cristian/Cristina

Daniel/Daniela

Emilio/Emilia

Eugenio/Eugenia

Esteban/Estefanía

Gabriel/Gabriela

Jorge/Georgina

José/Josefina

Juan/Juana

Julián/Juliana

Julio/Julia-Julieta

Luis/Luisa

Mariano/Mariana

Miguel/Micaela

Pablo-Paulo/Paula-Paulina

Patricio/Patricia

Renato/Renata

Valentín/Valentina

Víctor/Victoria

Agustín/Agustina

Alberto/Alberta

Alfonso/Alfonsina

Descúbrela

37 notas. Fecha de publicación: 29 de agosto de 2022

2

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47 notas. Fecha de publicación: 6 de mayo de 2022

Mi publicación más popular de 2022

I have something to tell to the people throwing soup at protection glasses of paintings

First of, why do you attempt against art? Do you really think it's useless and doesn't make any difference? Do you have any idea of how much it costed materially, physically and psycologically to the artists, principally Monet and Van Gogh? For these artists, their artworks were literally their lives. If it wasn't about how art made them feel alive by expressing their most profound feelings, was about how with art, they literally won their daily bread. It was their salary. Art meant so much for them as a way to send a message, to open up minds and challenge an elitist society that found impressionism worthless. They were outcasts.

Mainly for Van Gogh, life was rough. He couldn't even afford food, he only sold one (1) of his many paintings while he was alive, and he had way worse phsycological problems that you could ever imagine to the point he had to be half of his life on a mental hospital. But art held him on the worst times, gave him courage to go on. Even more, he tried anything before art to please his parents, to feel worthy, to make him feel useful, but nothing except art made him feel like he was doing something self satisfactory. Art doesn't have more worth than life, but life without art is meaningless. Art is nothing more than the incarnated manifestation of life experiences.Twelve Sunflowers in a Vase isn't but part of a collection that Van Gogh painted to show how much life was worth living for because society wasn't paying attention to little details that form part of our daily lives and make life beautiful. He was a social activist, and it can be seen that portrayed in many of his paintings. That painting you're attempting to, is the ancestor of the camera your pal was holding. Art makes more concience than soup spilled on a canvas.

Your points are very valid, and I agree with you. The World is at war, hunger and poverty is everywhere and we're on a climate World change crisis. Even more, it's outrageously immoral the prices that these paintings cost today. I think it would be better that these museums were open to the public in general but in the end, there is maintenance staff that live from the salary that the money won generates. But how do you expect to end worldwide hunger when you're wasting food on a multimillion dollar painting? Why do you brag of being against oil when you dye your hair with chemicals and use new printed shirts made out of this oil? How much did it cost the ticket to enter these museums? Why don't you spend that money donating to organizations that urgently need it? If the cans of soup you're throwing at paintings were better donated to home shelters or feeding organizations, people would stop starving. If you're against something, reduce, don't waste, be congruent.

There are other things you can do to stop these problems. There's a peaceful economic sabotage that you can do, way more effective than you think:

Stop buying oil based products like plastic, hair dye, cosmetics, clothing. Go for naturally made things, for artisan made things. You can buy clothing on second hand stores, and you'll reduce the massive clothing production that wastes an amount of water litters and contaminates air, ground and water.

Buy to local sellers. Many products are transported by vehicles like cars, airplanes and ships that use oil fuel and generates high amount of co2. The closer you buy, the better you're helping to reduce oil use. Also, go for public transportation or, if your destination is near, you can walk or use other transportation like bicycles.

Reduce your electricity use and the time you spend online. In the present, the majority of electricity is powered by oil based power centers, and all of Internet data is stored on centers that have to be cooled down by electricity so, the less you stay on social media, the more you will prevent the massive production of unnecessary electricity.

Donate money if you can to organizations that search for other electricity generators that are eco-friendly. Donate old clothing to people that need it, and consume food responsibly so you don't leave leftovers. The food that you get left can be donated as well.

Stop blaming art, and start looking to what artists of the past have to tell you and teach you through their paintings instead. Art is World Culture Patrimony. Start living responsibly and take real action, change your lifestyle, and you'll see how change starts becoming true. If no one uses oil, governments will stop producing it.

I will end this post quoting the russian author Fyodor Dostoievsky: "Beauty will save the World"

And this section of one of the many letters Vincent wrote to his brother Theo:

“What am I in the eyes of most people — a nonentity, an eccentric, or an unpleasant person — somebody who has no position in society and will never have; in short, the lowest of the low. All right, then — even if that were absolutely true, then I should one day like to show by my work what such an eccentric, such a nobody, has in his heart. That is my ambition, based less on resentment than on love in spite of everything, based more on a feeling of serenity than on passion. Though I am often in the depths of misery, there is still calmness, pure harmony and music inside me. I see paintings or drawings in the poorest cottages, in the dirtiest corners. And my mind is driven towards these things with an irresistible momentum.”

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194 notas. Fecha de publicación: 26 de octubre de 2022

Descubre tu resumen del 2022 en Tumblr →

[jtargaryen18]

Someone You Loved

Graphic is from @rainbowkisses31​ (who I adore 😍)

The story is for @sherrybaby14​‘s birthday challenge. Happy birthday to a lovely lady and a fantastic writer. I hope today is one of your best. 😍💖💕

Permission is not given to post this story elsewhere. Reblogs here on Tumblr are cool and appreciated.

Bucky Barnes x Reader

Story Rating: Explicit, 18+ only Warnings: Explicit sexual content, dub-con (not really), oral sex (female), bondage (slight) Relationships: Bucky Barnes/Reader  

3.4k

Prompts: Stalker,  One person has clothes on, other nude, Bikers,  Someone You Love – Lewis Capaldi

You sat on the back porch of your cabin, enjoying a beer while you swung lazily on the old bench swing with its creaky chains. The view of the mountains was spectacular, the cool green woods surrounding you on every side. You could smell the rain on the breeze that was gaining strength.

And just as you knew the rain was coming, as the stormy clouds began gathering across the sky, you knew he was coming too.

It had been five years since half the population disappeared. You’d known without being told he’d been taken by that phenomenon. You knew even before Steve Rogers called to bitterly let you know.

You hadn’t heard from Steve, from any of the Avengers who’d survived, in all that time. For the first couple of years, it had been a blessing to be left alone and you’d enjoyed it. You’d been able to find a place to settle, to find a stable job and keep it. To breathe.

After that, you’d dated here and there. No one had claimed your heart and most of them had no idea what to do with your body. For several months last year, you’d hooked up with people here and there. It was easier than trying to date, easier than constantly having to explain “no, it’s not you, it’s me.”

When the truth was, it was him.

You hadn’t wanted to fall in love with Bucky Barnes.

You’d gotten an internship at Stark Industries while you were in grad school. Somehow, you’d gone from working some gopher job for one of the security sectors to working to support the Avengers themselves.

You knew his story, had always thought it was sad that someone so handsome and brave had died as he had. Then you and the rest of the world found out he hadn’t died at all. He’d been forced to serve HYDRA, the enemy of his best friend. You had access to more information than the general public in that position. You’d learned about the brainwashing, the things they’d forced him to do.

When he’d joined the Avengers, you’d gone out of your way to make sure he had what he needed for missions, meetings, and just in general. Sure, you’d been crushing on him. You were in your early twenties then. You had no idea he’d be interested in you too. You’d been playing with fire.

Bucky had taken everything you offered. Then he’d taken you. For a time, you’d been happy. At first his attention, the attention from someone like him, had been everything your romantic little heart had ever wanted.

While he was old-fashioned, a complete gentleman in your day to day lives, in the bedroom, Bucky needed complete control. Those first weeks were thrilling, and he’d pushed your body and senses beyond anything you’d ever imagined.

Bucky had never hurt you but over time his obsessive behavior and jealousy began to scare you. When you disagreed with his plans in everyday life, he’d fuck you until he got his way. When you talked about the future, you had plans to use your Master's degree once you completed it, Bucky had plans for you to stay with him.

It was that he was taking your choices away more than anything that made you afraid. Steve had even tried to intercede on your behalf. Steve had really tried because, according to him, no one made Bucky as happy as you had. No one brought him out as you did.

When you fled, you should have known better. Bucky had been one of the world’s deadliest assassins. He’d hunted down people all over the world for HYDRA. You hadn’t stood a chance.

Steve would call you when you ran, beg you to reconsider, promise to work with you if you’d just come back to Bucky. Not long after that, Bucky would find you. He’d always find you.

Until the last time you ran…

The Snap had happened. Thanos happened. Half the world dissolved into piles of ash and that included him. It had been a mess, even in the life you’d barely established here in the Appalachian Mountains.

But it had also freed you…

For what?

Now you were almost thirty, working at a job that most days you didn’t enjoy. You had a few friends but they either fucked a different guy every night, which wasn’t your scene, or were married with families. And it was the latter you found yourself envying. They had comfy homes with pets and toys scattered across the floor and frames filled with pictures of happy life moments that your life was void of. Their arms were filled with little chubby babies and toddlers, their beds filled with husbands who went to work to help provide for them and took them out to small family restaurants on the weekends.

You wondered if they knew just how lucky they were.

When the rain started, you shivered at the drop in the temperature. Setting down your empty beer bottle, you headed down the stairs and out into the rain. When it went from a gentle rain to sheets of water, you just stood there with your face to the sky, letting it soak into your skin because you wanted to feel it.

How long had it been since you’d felt anything?

You didn’t know how long you’d been out there when you’d climbed back up on the porch, went into your cabin through the kitchen door.

The light turned on in your darkened house, startling you.

Bucky seemed so large in your kitchen, your gaze taking him in. Your heart squeezed in your chest because on one level, you were happy to see him.

But there was no denying the spike of fear that shot through you at the same time. Bucky, in these moments when he found you, could be highly unpredictable.

His long hair was gone, bringing back that rakish soldier you’d gazed at in the museum all those visits when you were a teenaged girl. He was dressed in all black, leather and some tactical gear. It looked like he’d come straight from a mission.

Maybe you were the mission.

Bucky whispered your name, those blue eyes intense and sharp on you as his gaze roamed over you.

You stood there shivering, dripping water all over the wood floor of your kitchen. You wrapped your arms around yourself as you made yourself meet his gaze.

“Steve said you survived,” Bucky told you, moving closer.

You automatically took a small step back, not sure after all this time how this would go.

When he took another step, you were backed against the counter. Bucky moved closer, an arm planted on each side of you, caging you in. He loomed over you, filling your vision until your heart started racing in your chest, alive in a way it hadn’t been in years.

“You trying to catch your death out there, baby doll?” he whispered, his flesh hand lifting the side of your wet face, his thumb smoothing up your cheek.

Sniffling, you shook your head. Your shivering only got worse and you knew it wasn’t just because you were cold. You leaned into his touch.

“It’s been five long years,” he whispered.

“It’s been a long time,” you replied.

“For you. For me, you left me again only a few weeks ago,” Bucky went on. “I would have expected you to find someone in all that time, start a family… But here you are. Alone.”

Alone.

You don’t know how alone I’ve been.

But you couldn’t tell him that. You weren’t about to own it.

“Why is that, doll?” he whispered.

You dropped your gaze. You didn’t want him to read in your eyes that you while he scared you, while he wanted to own you, you’d missed him.

“Hmm?” he prompted, those warm, strong fingers tipping your chin up.

You wouldn’t look him in the eye. “I don’t know.”

“Yes, you do.”

You did.

You didn’t fight him when he bent to scoop you up, carrying you down the hall to your bathroom. He sat you on the closed toilet while he closed the door, turned on the heat.  Going down on one knee, Bucky began peeling your wet clothes off you. Your t-shirt, shorts, bra, and panties. You let him.

As you watched he pulled a couple of huge fluffy towels out of the closet, grinning at you as he approached you.

“Some things never change, huh?” That grin widened, messing with your insides. “You always did love these big, fuzzy towels.”

Under other circumstances, it would be funny to have a man as deadly as him all in black leather and tactical gear drying you off like you were a child.

It wasn’t until then you realized his arm was different. Darker, more elegant. Timidly, you reached your hand out, sliding your fingertips along the shiny surface. Those blue eyes tracked your movements, darkening. You knew where this was heading.

“Doll…”

You snatched your hand away like he’d burned you. Bucky paused in his efforts.

“You can touch me,” he told you gently. “I want you to touch me.”

He left the towels on your floor, turned the heat off, and picked you up again bridal style. This time he carried you to your bedroom. You didn’t want him to put you down. 

When did his arms become home?

Setting you on the end of your bed, he followed you down, on his knees in front of you. You tried to curl in on yourself, wrapping your arms around yourself.

Undoing the buckles at the front of his uniform, he shrugged out of the straps. Placing his hands on your knees, he pulled them apart, insinuating his clothed form between them. Carefully, he grabbed your wrists, pulling your arms down into your lap.

“It might as well have been five years for me too,” he leaned forward, whispering against your lips. “I need you.” His mouth claimed yours for a slow, heated kiss. “I need you so fucking much.”

Your entire form trembled in his grasp. Releasing your wrists, he slid his arms around you, pulling you around him close. Bucky tempted you with slow, careful kisses, his hands smoothing over you and reminding you of the delirium he could make you feel. Hot and cold sensations ran through your body like fever.

His mouth blazed a path across to your ear, the tender flesh beneath it.

“You left me, baby doll,” he whispered, so sad it made your heart clench. “Why do you have to leave me? Hurt me?”

The sincerity of his words, his voice, broke you a little. He had you gasping as his lips and tongue teased the slim column of your throat and his hands sought out all the places he knew you were vulnerable.

“If I… hurt you so much,” you whispered, gasping when his cold hand slid over your breast, “why do you keep coming after me?”

Bucky pulled back to gaze into your face, his smile so gentle. “Because you’re mine… Because I kinda like the way you numb all the pain.”

More kisses across your chest. Taking your hands in his, he pressed them to his head, into his hair. Your fingers clutched in the thick, short locks as his mouth closed around one of your nipples. His moan was a deep, hungry sound when you pulled because you remembered he liked that, the vibration had you shivering in his clutches.

All you could do was hang onto him as he teased your breasts with his mouth, knowing just how to use his lips, his teeth to make the tips into rock-hard little points. Bucky knew how to make you ache.

He was so careful with you, so patient. Why this time? Because it had been five years for you? Because he thought that was what you needed?

Bucky was wrong. You wanted more.

Trying to force his head back, you pulled yourself back, further up on the bed. All you had to do was what you’d done in the past. You didn’t want him to woo you. Not now. Your need was too great.

“Bucky,” you panted, pulling your knees to your chest and drawing up into a ball, “I can’t… Please…”

Those steely eyes were a wicked blend of disappointment and lust. You were sure he was disappointed. But the dark heat creeping into his expression told you he was going to have you either way. Where normally this part of the conversation inspired fear, it had your libido growing fangs. You wanted him rough and dominant. You craved him.

“You were doing so well,” he whispered, stalking up the bed after you. He stopped to pull off the tall boots he wore, but that was all. He came after you until he crowded you against your headboard. “You were being so good for me…”

“Please,” you begged, knowing he would think you were begging him to leave you alone, leave your small cabin in the woods.

You wanted anything but that.

His metal hand clutched in the wet locks of your hair, pulling your head up and back until you were forced to look at him. It was just enough to get your attention but not enough to hurt. Yet.

And you wanted him to make you hurt a little.

“As long as I draw breath,” he said against your lips, “I’ll always come for you.”

You did your damnedest to feign fear. “What… would you have done if I had belonged to someone else? Had children with him?”

Bucky’s gaze was unwavering.

“I’d have felt sorry for the poor bastard,” he admitted. “I know what it’s like to be someone you love.”

And you did love him.

“But I wouldn’t let you go,” he wanted you to know. “I wouldn’t let him keep what’s mine.”

Faster than you could blink, you found yourself on your back. Your blinds were ripped from the window over your bed and he pulled the length of nylon cord free from them before tossing the remnants across the room. He had your hands bound to the brass bars of your headboard with an efficiency that left you breathless, made all the quiet days of nothing begin to fade into the background.

You felt alive.

“God, it’s been too long,” he whispered, his dark gaze drinking you in.

Bucky was on you then, his mouth and hands teased your breasts for only a beat before he was moving down your body, not bothering to remove even the black leather jacket he wore. The cool leather felt heavenly when he threw your legs over his shoulders, dove for you with his mouth.

And then you were at his mercy. While his hold on you was tight and unyielding, his mouth was soft, gentle. And he knew it. Knew you needed more. Quick flicks of his tongue against your clit had you fighting to breathe above him, fighting against the cord he’d secured you to your bed with. He brought you off the first time just like that while your heels slid on the leather of that jacket, on the muscled expanse of his back.

He made you sing when he began fucking you with his tongue, your cries filling the room while you struggled helplessly in his hold. You wanted him to think you were fighting to be free of him because that’s what brought out the dominant in him. It was hard for you not to fight to press yourself into his face, to beg him for everything.

You came twice more on his fingers, his tongue teasing your clit until you couldn’t breathe. You begged him until you weren’t even sure what you were saying.

When he finally rose to his knees, undoing his belt, ripping open the black pants he wore, you were pretty sure you were begging him finally.

Bucky smiled at you, a triumphant smile, as he took himself in hand.

“Who do you belong to, baby doll?” he asked, lowering himself over you. When you felt the swollen head of him sliding along your folds – and you were soaked – you tried to wrap your legs around him, pull him closer.

“You, Bucky,” you managed. “I’ve… always belonged to you.”

When he began pushing into you, your heart raced.

His eyes slid closed as he slid slowly into you, savoring the feeling of being inside you again. Once he reached the end of you, he moved over you. His hands slid up into your hair, your bare breasts brushing against the jacket and the black shirt he wore beneath as he began to move in you.

“Never letting you go again,” he whispered against your lips.

His movements started slow and easy and you were grateful because you hadn’t been with anyone in some months, and no one as big as him. Gradually, as his lips chained kisses over your face and breasts, his thrusts gained in speed and power. He took most of your cries into his mouth as he kept up a dirty rhythm, angling his thrusts trying to find your sweet spot.

And find it he did.

Then he angled all his thrusts to hit it, making you come apart on his cock within seconds. You were a gasping mess beneath him, but his movements never faltered.

“Gonna give you this every night… when I’m home,” he said breathlessly, his hands sliding up to wrap around your wrists. “Gonna love you until… you can’t think of anything else.”

You were already there. You couldn’t think of anything else but Bucky fucking you, bringing you to the edge of oblivion over and over again. You came twice more on his cock, loving the edge of pain his thrusts brought as he rode you hard, chasing his own release now.

You screamed into the quiet of the cabin, the world fading as he lingered above you, his face wrecked as he reached his own pleasure.

The world faded in and out for you, leaving you in a realm somewhere between dreaming and sleep. You hissed at the sting when he pulled his cock from your center. You sighed in relief when your wrists were released, feeling the flow of blood return to your arms and hands. You felt the whisper-soft touches of his hands and lips over your body as he cleaned you up, tucked you under the covers.

Then you heard him talking, but not to you. He was on the phone.

“I found her,” he said quietly. “She’s doing just fine. I’m bringing her back with me in a couple of days.”

Where once panic would have claimed you, now you breathed out a sigh of relief.

If there was one thing you’d learned in the last five years? Bucky’s needs, desires, obsessiveness, and tempestuous moods? Living with them again would be so much better than the five years you’d spent without him, dwelling in solitude and temporary bodies.

“I have my bike with me,” he went on. “I’ll rent a car and drive us to DC. We’ll take a jet up from there.”

Your eyes slit open, seeing him smile as he ended his conversation. “Thanks, Stevie... I am happy.”

Closing your eyes, you rested. You could pretend to be asleep but he could tell the difference somehow. He always could.

You heard the rustle of fabric as he finally stripped off his uniform, then the dip of the bed as he slid in behind you. Tucking an arm up under your pillow, he wrapped the other around your waist and pulled you back into the heat of him. The feel of his skin against yours made you happy, had your lips curling into a smile.

His lips pressed to your shoulder. “I love you.”

Your only answer was to snuggle back against him.

[imagine-silk]

Fallout 4; Taking care of a Teen!Asian!Sole

Travis Miles

He felt like he needed to be a good influence to you, even though he's not older than you by a lot. Around you he grows a bit of a backbone. In the Doug-out he interrupts your conversation with Vadim to take away your shot and yell at him. Only to realize Vadim didn't realize you were a kid and unintentionally pressured you into having one.

In his quest he protected you during the fight and didn't want you to go to save Vadim, but he also knew he couldn't stop you. He didn't want to see you hurt due to something that was technically his fault. Actually punches Vadim before hugging him, calling him stupid for involving himself with raiders.

You would think he would be like an older brother but the role he takes in your life is akin to a father figure. Before you leave Diamond city he checks if you have the supplies to get across the Commonwealth. When you are there he takes you to get noodles, he'll listen to your adventures while eating. You are always welcomed to stay at his house if you don't want to stay at the Doug-out. He's always there to be your rock to lean on or even just to reminisce about life before the war.

Overall, Travis doesn't treat your race as anything because it is very far into the apocalypse, the concepts of race is almost nonexistent. To him you just have features he's seen from a few other people.

Nick Valentine

He remembers before the war, that includes all the Asian hate. Luckily for you, he never believed in calling random citizens 'commie bastards' in fact he's sympathetic. The only real difference in how he treats you is he'll ask about the culture because he knows a very limited amount.

Does help you with the main quest but low-key doesn't give you an option to dismiss him. He hates that a kid was put through this and is subjected to the woes of the Commonwealth. But at the same time he doesn't want to stop you. Productivity is a way of grieving, you lost both your parents, your little brother got kidnapped, and the world ended as you knew it. It wouldn't be right for him to tell you to let it go.

Actually closes the Agency for a while to travel with you. Not that he doesn't trust you, of course not, he doesn't trust everyone else. This is the Commonwealth, land of 'get mauled by a radiated bear' and home of the 'I'll kill you for a fancy-lad'. The world's not in the best place for someone who's not equipped.

Deacon

When Des recruited you he thought she was joking and was really surprised when she put you to the test with him supervising. After the mission he knew you could handle yourself but talking to you made him realize the gravity of you being a kid, and it hit him like a bus. He yelled at Des, away from everyone of course but she was less than pleased. The Railroad couldn't afford to be picky, he knew that, but using a kid who wanted to find their baby brother was a new all time low.

He jokingly asked if you were a spy before the war and immediately regretted it. The look of pure shame on your face was unforgettable to him. He apologized real fast. You forgave him but he beat himself up about it for the next week.

He didn't want to get attached to you, he didn't want you to get attached to him. But he did and you did. Not from a lack of trying. He did the whole 'you can't trust everyone' shtick but you just kinda stuck with him. To be fair, what teenager wouldn't find him cool as hell? Dude Agent 47 his way through the Commonwealth.

[Got this pic from Pinterest X ]

[thecreativitygeek]

Put It Down | Jack Kelly x Reader

Warnings: Self harm, depression, abuse.

Summary: Jack walks in during a mental breakdown.

Prompt: (47) You better put that knife (I'm using the word blade) down right now. (103) Calm down. You're scaring me.

You were behind.

You were behind on everything.

Your dad had kicked you out of the house just a few weeks ago. You had been a Newsie for years to help pay the bills every since your mom died, so your dad had been taking most of the money you made for a while. Still, you had a place to sleep.

He had gotten so fed up with you though, that he kicked you out. You still went back every night to give him about 70% of the money you were making, but he didn't give you food, and he didn't let you sleep there anymore either.

And you were behind on rent now.

The newsies hadn't even hesitated to let you move into the lodging house, and Mr. Kloppman had been so kind about it too.

Lots of the newsies could barely afford rent even keeping everything they made. You had managed to scrape together enough for the past month with your savings and what your dad had let you keep, but you weren't so sure about this month.

This led to you to doing the only thing you knew to do when things became stressful.

Grabbing the small blade out of your bag, you quietly slipped out of bed at 2am, and made your way to the common area.

There was still an abundance of cards lying out on the table from last night's intense gambling match, courtesy of the one and only Race, but all of the chairs had been set back up after a few of the boys stormed out in mock frustration.

You leaned against the far wall to the right of the door, and slid all the way down, resting you head against the wood and praying your hair wouldn't get ridiculously tangled.

You could feel your breathing begin to quicken as you dug your fingers into your hair, and you immediately grabbed the blade that you had let drop to the floor.

You started blindly cutting the skin on your arm, not caring where. They didn't form any sort of word or pattern, you just let it go. Every time a particularly painful or stressful thought popped into your mind, you couldn't help but notice how the cut that came after it seemed slightly more painful than the rest.

You could barely see through the tears collecting in your eyes as you looked down at your arm, a sort of magical feeling washing over you as you felt your mental clarity slip completely.

It was just you, your tears, and your blade.

This was why you hadn't even noticed when someone made their way in, freezing in pure shock at the sight of you making mark after mark on your arm.

"Y/N? Y/N stop!" The familiar voice of Jack Kelly snapped you out of your daze, and a panicked expression took over your features as you realized you had been stupid enough to get caught.

Jack half ran over to you to try and pull the one thing that had kept you grounded away from you, but you quickly scrambled to your feet, and backed away from him.

"What are you doing???"

"Jack I promise this isn't what it looks like." You mentally cringed at the words coming out of your mouth. "I promise."

"It's not? Then what is it Y/N?" Jack half-shouted, not wanting to wake the others. "Cause to me it looked like you were using that stupid blade to slice your wrists open!"

"Jack please calm down. You're scaring me." You pleaded, backing up a little bit and cringing at the way you sounded like you were about to cry.... even though you were already crying.

"Y/N I swear to God you better put that blade down right now." Jack said, taking a few steps forward. Everything inside of you screamed for you to back away, open the door and run, but you were frozen. You were stuck where you were and you couldn't move.

"Put it down."

You almost wanted to set the blade down. To collapse and just start sobbing. Everything in your life was already falling apart, and now you had been stupid enough to let yourself get caught doing the one thing that brought you any sort of relief.

Jack sighed, and stepped forward, never taking his eyes off of you. You refused to look up at him though, keeping your eye fixated on the ground.

The two of you were practically pressed against each other as Jack reached down and pried the blade out of your hands.

Neither of you said anything. You both just stood there, doing nothing other than waiting to see what the other would do next.

You heard Jack sigh.

"Please Y/N, just look at me." He said, defeated. You slowly turned your head up to see him.

You continued staring at each other, a few stray tears falling out of your eyes.

"Let's get you cleaned up."