#Corporal Fluffytail Shepard the Space Hamster

[ramblinganthropologist]

Theme Cage

Summary: Garrus meets the Corporal and learns that Shepard knows... a lot... about hamsters. Turns out he’s passionate about something that isn’t Reaper related.

(Pre relationship, ME1.)

---

“Hey, Garrus. Could you hand me that bag?”

It was supposed to be a simple request. Garrus kept thinking that to himself as he looked around the room that was assigned to the Spectre, feeling his mandibles twitch in outright confusion. All he was supposed to be doing was handing off some datapads to the Normandy's commanding officer from the medbay. Now...

Well, he didn't know what the hell Shepard wanted him to do.

The man was currently seated in front of a large tank, a small container off to the side. A few bags surrounded him, full of shredded material in various colors. Others held wooden structures of various sizes, some of them bearing chew marks. All of the had a weird, woody smell that Garrus wouldn't necessarily have called bad, just odd.

Odd; that's what the situation was.

“Garrus?”

The turian snapped back to reality as he glanced around. “Yes, Shepard?”

One blue eye glanced over a shoulder to check on him. “You ok, Garrus? Turians don't get low blood sugar too, do they?”

No, they didn't. That was a human thing that the turian was still trying to forget, thank you very much. It wasn't every day you walked in on your commanding officer slumped over his desk, only to be saved moments later by a children's candy. Bizarre didn't even begin to cover it, but how the room looked got close.

“No just...” He cocked his head to the side. “What are you doing?”

The tips of Shepard's ears flushed to match the short shock of red hair that stuck up in the front. He rubbed the back of his neck, smiling nervously. Then he gestured to the smaller container that was sitting off to the side, tucked safely away.

“Oh, uh... Corporal Fluffytail needed a cage change.”

Corporal... Fluffytail.

Garrus realized now that there was something in the small cage, watching him with beady little eyes. It was a space hamster, he realized – like the ones he saw in the Citadel gift shop, only much rounder and much calmer. The ones exhausted parents bought for screaming children tended to practically be chewing on the bars of their cages as they got carted off. Instead, he was pretty sure the Corporal was sizing him up.

How did a hamster become a corporal anyway?

“A cage change.”

Shepard nodded as he gestured to the large glass tank in front of him. “I like to do a deep clean monthly, and he needed a change of scenery. It keeps him from getting bored and engaging in destructive behavior.”

He gestured to the bags by the door. “Can you grab me the red and pink bedding? I'm almost out over here.”

Garrus responded by stiffly making a grab for the bag and depositing it by the Spectre. This put him in closer contact with what Shepard was working on. He already had a good amount of white material at the bottom of the tank, all of it much cleaner than the stuff he saw other space hamsters living in. There was also... more space, he supposed.

Really, did space hamsters need that much space? Especially on a warship?

“Does the corporal need such a large tank? Looks like he takes up the whole table.”

Garrus regretted his words almost immediately as a switch flipped in the mild mannered Spectre. A real fire glowed behind those mismatched eyes as Shepard started to tap in something into his omni-tool. All the while, Corporal Fluffytail watched. The little bastard almost looked smug.

Shepard's voice was a quarter pitch higher than it usually was as he turned to face the turian. “Space hamsters and Syrian-space hybrids like Fluffytail need at least 600 square inches of unbroken horizontal floor space for adequate living area. Any smaller, and you start to see cage biting and other stress symbols.”

He tapped down with firm resolve. “So no. He can't have a smaller space. Not if I want to raise him right.”

The turian winced as he held up his talons. “I meant no disrespect... I can't say I know all that much about space hamsters. You never see them in cages that big on the -”

“The Citadel gift shop needs my damn foot up their ass! Those assholes keep trying to sell genetic cedar as bedding!” He scoffed, rolling his eyes. “Really, did they do any research on hamsters before they decided to sell them... and don't get me started on how small the wheels are, do they-”

He stopped, and his cheeks turned blood red. Garrus was left blinking, processing the conversation. It was... well, those were certainly words. His translator was doing the best it could to keep up, but specialized knowledge was often beyond its reach sometimes. Usually he just had to download packs for that...

But for hamsters?

“Right. They've got it all wrong for proper care.”

Shepard's face was still red as he dug into the new bag to start laying material down. “Sorry. I keep trying them to adopt better husbandry practices but they practically laugh me out of the shop when I try.”

“Maybe being a Spectre will get them to listen next time.” At least it got the man's shoulders to lift as he continued to spread material. “So... why red? Did they run out of white or is it easier to find the corporal that way?”

It could have been possible, given the corporal was a little on the beige side with some darker brown spots on his face and the top of his head. Honestly, he was kind of cute – in a beady-eyed small rodent kind of way. He still would never understand why humans kept rodents as pets, but at least this was one of the less obnoxious ones.

Leave it to Shepard to pick a good one.

“Oh, I was going for a theme this time.” The Spectre's tone was much lighter now as he tucked a tube under some bedding, then placed more pink material around its entrance. It kind of reminded Garrus of flower petals on the Presidium. “Something nice for Valentine's Day, you know? It'll give him something to explore while we're in FTL.”

Garrus' translator supplied the information – human holiday, romance, lots of hearts. The Citadel had been participating in growing strength ever since humans had come into the galactic stage, but it really wasn't his thing. Not much time for romance and dates when you were chasing down bad guys or drowning in paperwork.

Not much time for the Corporal either, given Garrus didn't see a friend in there with him.

“I'm pretty sure hamsters don't celebrate Valentine's Day.” He paused, before adding, “They don't, do they?”

Luckily, no lecture followed. Instead, Shepard chuckled softly as he finished spreading out the pink and red bedding. Now he was working on arranging the wooden toys he had picked out, sometimes holding them out to the cage for Fluffytail to inspect. Judging on the pile that was slowly growing with each rejection, he had discerning tastes.

Great – a spoiled hamster. At least it only affected his owner.

“No, they don't. That's mostly for me. Themed cages help me have a little fun, you know?”

Never before had Garrus been convinced humans translated that word completely differently than he did.

“Ah.” The turian knew when to let an issue die. “So... does the corporal enjoy it?”

Shepard nodded as he stood to grab a small pan of what looked like sand. “I think so, he loves exploring when I come up with something new for him. You should come by to watch in a few days when he's awake, he'll probably have moved it all around by then.”

And then the human laughed again as he placed the pan inside the cage. It was the second time Garrus had heard it, and he had to admit it wasn't a bad sound. Honestly, it was pleasant – in a human sort of way. With all the shit they were being put through, it was no surprise he didn't hear it often.

Something like that should be more frequent...

“Hey, do you want to meet him?”

The turian blinked. “Meet... him?”

“Yeah, Corporal Fluffytail. He's awake right now and I need someone to keep an eye on him while I put the wheel in and get his food.” Shepard sounded oh so casual as he reached down to the small cage. “I promise he won't bite.”

At that moment, Garrus very much doubted the corporal could bite through his carapace. Still, his heart skipped a beat as he watched the Spectre carefully cup his hands around the furry body. Slowly, man and hamster rose up, bright eyes focused straight on the turian. They were coming over.

A few seconds later, Garrus was having his talons manipulated in order to hold a hamster right. Turians, as it turned out, needed a different grip that he wasn't altogether used to as the Spectre moved his hand around in order to make sure the corporal would be safe in his care.

Was it hot in there, or was it just him?

“He's... warm.” Garrus kept his arms close to his carapace. Fluffytail was sniffing at his talons, but no nibbling was going on. He seemed curious, if those bright eyes were anything to go by. So... this was a space hamster.

“He's a soft little guy, comes from his Syrian side.” Shepard was smiling as he watched the two. “I'll be right back. Just stay calm and he will be too.”

And then the Spectre was gone, leaving Garrus alone with the corporal. The hamster kept sniffing at him, shuffling around in his talons. Once, he got close to the sharp edge. Garrus could feel his heat jump in his  throat. Then the instincts took over.

“You better not pee on me, Corporal.” Garrus gently deposited the hamster in his cowl. After all, if it was safe for baby turians it should be fine for anyone. Or in this case – anything. The hamster shuffled around a bit, but at least he didn't try to climb down his back. “Good... just hang out there until Shepard gets back.”

A furry body brushed against his mandible and settled in. Corporal Fluffytail, it seemed, was a rather calm fellow. That, or he was terrified of turians and this was a hamster terror display. If that was true, he was about to be in deep water with the Spectre.

“I guess I can see why he likes you. You're not loud, you don't smell... I guess the biting might be a problem, he doesn't have a carapace.” Garrus didn't really reflect on the fact he was talking to a hamster as he carefully reached up a talon to pet the small, furry head nestled close to his mandible. “Not a bad pet for a Spectre, though I think I would go for something a little more intimidating.”

If the corporal was bothered by this commentary, he didn't let it slip. Instead, he accepted the rub and didn't try to bite his talon. That, in Garrus' book, was a good sign. Add in the fact he really was damn soft, and it was all green for him, or at least until he found droppings in his carapace.

“So, do you alert for low blood sugar? I read up on that. “Garrus' mandible twitched. “Or... guess not. You're not a dog. Or at least I don't think you're a dog. Damn dogs come in so many sizes it's easier to guess what isn't one.”

Fluffytail never answered, just kept hanging out somewhere between his mandible and cowl. His furry little heart was quick, and something about it put the turian at ease as he waited for Shepard. A hamster might not have been his pick, but... they weren't bad. Not bad at all.

Maybe the Spectre was onto something.

“Well, looks like you two are getting along.”

Garrus picked up his head to see Shepard had returned and placed food in the corporal's enclosure. His cowl felt a little colder as he carefully scooped the hamster up and handed him over. Once his paws touched the bedding, off he went digging. He was fast.

“He makes a decent enough pet.” the turian nodded. “I'd say we were civil.”

Shepard chuckled again as he brushed some bedding from Garrus' cowl, fingers almost dangerously close to his mandible. “Looked like you were more than civil to me. I knew nobody could resist a cute hamster.”

He went to toss the bedding and empty bag away. “By the way, what did you come up for earlier?”

…

The datapads were still by the door, waiting for Shepard to read them over. They had both walked by them multiple times in the process of getting the hamster situated. Just the sight of them made Garrus want to make like Fluffytail and dig a hole. Instead, he cleared his throat and made a grab for them.

“Dr. Chakwas wanted me to give these to you.”

Thoughts of hamsters were abandoned as the pair slipped back into duty. Still, there was something about the faint scratching of a corporal exploring his new surroundings that put Garrus at ease as he watched Shepard pour over the contents. He could get used to that kind of sound, undying embarrassment notwithstanding.

Maybe if he was lucky, he could come see him again. Though... that would mean hanging out with Shepard more.

…

Well... there were worse things to do with his free time he supposed.

[ramblinganthropologist]

I need to write about Alistair’s Shepard’s first hamster now that I’m thinking about him. This also leads into his second hamster too.

Starting off, we have Corporal Fluffytail, and orange and white crossbreed between a space hamster and an earth Syrian. He was a damn fine hamster who went too young at age 3. Space hamsters can and often do live to 10 in proper conditions, and hybrids like CF can make it to 7 in good care, but Fluffytail was a rescue. As in, Shepard literally rescued him from somebody who wasn’t taking proper care of him.

Literally, he rescued him. One day on the last ship he was on, he heard some of the crew whispering and trying to hide something. It’s hard to hide shit from an N7, not to mention Commander - fucking - Shepard, so he eventually found out. Someone had snuck their pet aboard the ship and was keeping them in a tiny little cage. His original owner had been worried about his sniffling and had been consulting people about what to do. That led to the hamster being discovered. They couldn’t keep him, but you know who could? That’s right. Alistair took the little guy as his own and kept the name Corporal Fluffytail. It was only right to keep his original moniker.

It didn’t take long for Alistair to set him up in some proper housing and he got a lot healthier and happier. His sweet lil personality really started to shine, especially when they both moved onto the Normandy. To say Fluffytail was a hit was putting it mildly; he was the damn mascot. Everybody loved Fluffytail, and there was often fights over who got to babysit him when Shepard went ashore. Kaidan won those a lot by luck or maybe by rigging it. Who knows.

Of course, his early years didn’t help, and his breeding was somewhat suspect to begin with. The poor little guy never was in perfect health. He still sniffled sometimes, but it was never serious until the beginning of the end for him. Sometime around Virmire, he started to lose weight and and began to show the signs of something Alistair had worried about. He had wet tail. Even in 2183, there wasn’t a whole lot he could do for his little buddy but keep him hydrated and hope for the best. 

The best wasn’t good enough. Corporal Fluffytail left this world sometime before Ilos. He lived from 2180 to 2183 and was buried with the military honor he deserved. Alistair carried his memory with him as he faced down Saren on the Citadel and saved the day. Well, along with lots of other good memories... can’t exactly admit to thinking about his hamster while he saved the world, now can we?

Thus ends Fluffytail. However, he was not the last hamster to be in Commander Alistair Shepard’s life. Enter one Saren.

Now, what with being dead for two years and all, Alistair didn’t really have time to go searching for another pet. Really, it was kind of like Saren found him. This was during his first trip back to the rebuilt Citadel when he happened to stop by the gift shop. The sight of a little black and white space hamster with such strange blue eyes seemed to call out to him. Plus, he was in such a tiny cage that it couldn’t be good for his health. Once again, Alistair rushed in and wound up with a second hamster.

Saren didn’t really like his new owner at first. In fact, he pissed on him. Maybe it was his coloring, maybe it was the face he tried to bite him and then went to the bathroom, but he reminded him of a certain someone. Maybe it was ... strange... but the name just came to him as they were heading back to the Normandy with supplies.

Let’s just say some of the crew didn’t really... like... the new name at first. And Saren didn’t really like Alistair. For a chunk of time, he just stayed in his cage and wouldn’t come out when his new owner was in the room. Honestly, there were times that people thought he had escaped. There were jokes of Saren sighting, and they went over like a lead balloon with some of the older crew. Our little hamster friend did warm up to Alistair, however. 

It was during one of his anxiety attacks that they connected. It wasn’t anything too special that triggered it; they happened pretty frequently early on as Alistair grappled with having died and been rebuilt by Cerberus. That’s a long time without his anti-anxiety meds, even if they did rebuild parts of his faulty ass brain. So, he freaked out a lot in the privacy of his quarters, where a certain someone could see. Hell, maybe the hamster felt bad for the guy curled up in a ball by his cage.  At any rate, after a particularly bad one, Alistair saw Saren out of his little hiding hutch looking at him. Shakily, he reached out and managed to pick him up. For the first time, Saren didn’t bite him. Nor, amazingly, did he piss on him. They were cool now, and the hamster started coming out more to socialize with Alistair. Turns out, he’s a cuddler. 

Saren’s primary cage on the Normandy is in what used to be the fish tanks. Alistair hates fish, so replacing them wasn’t a big deal. In fact, he did it himself one afternoon when they were just drifting through space with only minor help from Garrus after seeing him nearly use his biotics on part of the tank. He made sure it was all ventilated properly and it’s great for his hamster to dig and play. Of course, a part of the floor is also his too; there’s something of a hamster playpen in Alistair’s quarters for when he wants to hang out with his owner. He’s partial to hoodie pockets and sleeves, but anyplace to hide and cuddle is nice. 

Like his predecessor, he’s a big hit on the Normandy. Everyone except Miranda wants to babysit him whenever Alistair isn’t on the ship. She’s out because he pissed on her when she suggested maybe the commander shouldn’t keep a space hamster on the ship. It’s a legendary story that gets told with varying amounts of exaggeration depending on who you hear it from. At any rate, that made him incredibly popular with Jack. However, his favorite person besides Alistair is probably Tali. He’ll happily cuddle with her any day when she comes to visit him, and she’s always one who can get him out to play. Second closest is Garrus, though - Saren can see chemistry when it’s going on.

In a move that surprised everyone, Saren survived the suicide mission. Maybe it was a faulty mass effect field, or maybe just dumb luck, but Alistair found him in his cage perfectly fine. His position of good luck charm and mascot on the Normandy was forever cemented in that moment he appeared in Alistair’s upturned helmet as he carried him down from where he had been. Talk about a badass. Pretty sure he was unofficially made a commander right then and there to match Alistair. It was one hell of a morale boost after what had been literal hell in space; one small creature that managed to survive the odds. Maybe it was a metaphor for something.

He’s not with Alistair at the start of Mass Effect 3. When the shit was about to hit the fan, Saren went with his sister and niece for safekeeping. So, he lived on the Citadel during the time between games, vexing Spectre the kitten and reminding Anora and Kelly Reynolds that Alistair wasn’t a fucking liar and did what he thought was right. They kept Saren updated on his owner’s progress, partially because they were worried he’d die of a broken heart before Alistair got free.

There will be no dying here, though. Saren Shepard is a tough little badass and he’s living to see Alistair again. Maybe that’s on the Normandy, maybe it’s after Mass Effect 3. But he’s gonna see him again, come hell, high water, or reaper invasion. 

A man and his space hamster is a beautiful thing.