#ClarexJessie

[lesbianstories-blog1]

Unfinished

Clare comes into town to chase the girl she doesn’t want to get away. 

It was nearly 1am when Clare walked into the bar. Her heart thudded against her throat. The bar was crowded, which made sense. It was Friday night and Monet Money, one of Chicago’s most popular local drag queens, was performing.

And that’s why Clare was here.

Monet Money was roommates with Jessie. Jessie went to all of Monet’s shows. At least, she used to. For the first time since making the decision to come tonight, Clare felt the long fingers of doubt run along her spine.  What if Jessie wasn’t here?  What if she was here with Aliyah? What if she didn’t want to see her?

Clare shook her head. She needed to snap out of it. She made it this far. Butterflies still fluttering in her stomach, she pushed her way through the swarms of people to the bar.

“Hey, Clare? Holy shit is that you?”

Fuck. Clare forgot Marcus worked Friday nights.

“Hi” she said.

Marcus grinned at her from behind the bar, his tank top slick against his chest with sweat.

“Busy night?” She cocked an eyebrow at him.

He winked. “I may have been on the bar a few times. Vodka soda with two limes?”

“Nah” she said, “Two jameson shots. I’m on a mission”.

Marcus laughed and turned to grab the bottle. Even though she had wanted to be in the city incognito for the night, it was nice to see him. He was familiar and despite the fact that she could see both of his nipples through his shirt, he made her feel safe.

“Now tell me why you’re here and why you didn’t hit me up?” Marcus said, setting down two shots.

She downed one fast, grimacing at the back end.

“It was unplanned, I just have this thing I have to do and then I’m gonna drive back”

The music swelled and people began cheering. Monet must be back for her second set.

“Whats this thing you have to do?” Marcus asked, squinted at her.

Clare held her hand to her ear, feigning innocence when Marcus rolled his eyes at her.

“Call me tomorrow” he said.

She blew him a kiss, took her other shot and slipped into the crowd.

The back room of the bar held the stage where drag queens and dancers performed. Clare inched closer until Monet came into view. She stood over 6 feet tall, long green braids brushing against the back of her heels as she painted furiously on an easel. . She wore a long black gown with a scoop neck almost down to her belly button. Clare remembered scouring Goodwill with Joshua and Jessie on the Tuesday after Christmas and finding that dress. Joshua had pulled it from behind a wedding dress.

“Ladies” he said, his voice booming through the store,I’ve found my dress”.

Jessie had come through the aisle, wearing an oversize knit vest with crochets kittens on the front.

“Ladies” she repeated, “I have also my dress. Well,” she amended “my vest”.

Clare began moving toward the right side of the stage, where Jessie usually stood. A roar of approval shot up from the crowd, and Clare watched as Monet triumphantly revealed her canvass; a huge, very detailed, neon green penis a huge set of lips opened above it, the same shade of pink as Monet’s lips. Amongst the cheering she heard one, very distinct, boo.

Clare would recognize that voice anywhere; Jessie.

And there she was. Leaning against the back wall of the bar, a half finished drink dangling from her fingers. Her hair was shorter than the last time Clare saw her, less shaggy. But she had the same grin on her face and acid wash jeans slung low on her hips. Clare felt her body propel forward, as if by instinct alone. The bar was so loud she managed to come right next to Jessie without her noticing. And for one small moment, it was enough just to look at her. To recognize each freckle on her nose, the way her cheeks flushed with color from the alcohol, the small hole beneath her bottom lip left over from an impromptu lip ring decision when she was 19. She was wearing small hoops in the line of piercings that crept up her ear, the last one covered by a small curl. And then, the moment passed, and Jessie turned, laughter on her face, and her eyes met Clare’s.

Her mouth dropped open and Clare could hardly breathe.

“Clare? What the fuck?”

Clare froze, suddenly worried that she was wrong to appear out of nowhere. She should have just texted.

But Jessie threw her arms out and hugged Clare, and Clare could feel her laughter reverberate through her own body.

“What are you doing here?” Jessie said against her hair.

Clare pulled away, and in that moment she almost kissed Jessie right there. But that would not be right. “Uh, let’s talk” she said, gesturing to the back door of the club. Jessie bobbed her head, downed her drink and followed her.

They walked into the alley, littered with broken bottles and smelling like stale beer. There was a guy sitting on an old crate on the far side of the street, his head in his hands, crying, as another guy rubbed his back and sucked on his cigarette feverishly. Not exactly the scene Clare had pictured. But, with Jessie looking at her expectantly, Clare knew she wasn’t going to have another chance.

“I think I love you”.

Shit. That was not the smoothest start.

Jessie’s eyebrows crinkled. “What?”

Clare stumbled over her words. “I mean, I don’t think, I know I love you.”

Jessie turned, so she was facing her head on.

“But you moved.”

“I know”

“You never said anything”

“I know”

“So why now?”

Clare let out a gust of air. “I just, I thought that I needed to move. Take that job offer, be independent, live in a new place on my own. And at first it was great. I made friends and found a new favorite sushi place and made a real salary. But something always felt unfinished. I would be laying in bed at night unable to fall asleep because something kept nagging at my brain, like I had forgotten something in Chicago.”

She looked at Jessie, at the glitter she wore beneath her eyes to hide her dark circles and the edge of the cat tattoo peeking out from her sleeve.

“I don’t know if you’re still with Aliyah, and I don’t even know if you have feelings for me.”

Clare shrugged, “But honestly, you are the one who got away. And I had to tell you. Even if you still get away.”

Jessie blinked at her. Clare counted the seconds. How many silent moments should pass before she should run away?

“You know I had the biggest crush on you, right?” Jessie said.

Clare opened her mouth and then closed it. That was not what she had expected Jessie to say.

“I mean, I had an inkling”

“An inkling?”

Clare held up her hands, “I didn’t know for sure!”

Jessie laughed, shoving Clare’s shoulders. “I switched the schedule so we worked together every Saturday. I brought you candy, I put notes in your work locker like a goddamn middle schooler!”

Clare blushed. “Well, I was scared!”

Jessie smiled at her, but didn’t say anything else. Nerves bubbled in Clare. She looked down at her hands.

“Am I too late?” she mumbled.

She felt Jessie shift in front of her, and Clare looked up at her.

“Maybe” Jessie admitted, “but I kind of don’t care”. She smiled.

Clare smiled too, and in a moment she had been dreaming about for months, she reached forward, and kissed Jessie.

It felt like kissing someone for the first time. In her head, this moment was full of lust and passion and fiery eyes. However, standing, pressed against Jessie in an alley, Clare felt nervous and giddy and 13 again. Jessie tasted like whiskey and coke and she felt Jessie’s hands flit between her shoulders and her hair, and their teeth bumped. It was awkward and sweet and so worth the wait.