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daysofourlivesrecaps · 1 year ago

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The players

In the interest of providing some context for this incredibly ill-informed venture, here are the 50+ main characters currently appearing on this show:

Abe Carver

Abe has been on the show since the early 80s and he's managed to keep more of his Billy Dee Williams looks and charm than Billy Actual Dee Williams Hisownself has. Currently mayor of Salem and married to Paulina "It's All The Time With Her" Price.

Abigail DiMera

Deceased wife of Chad, sister of Gwen and easily this show's greatest "you love to hate them" character until the performer decided she wanted to go off and do movies. Last seen as the actual angel atop her family's Christmas tree, she briefly came to life to tell Dead Wife Chad to fucking move on with his life already.

Alex Kiriakis

Extremely handsome and surprisingly enlightened member of the Kiriakis clan. Alex showed up a week after Ben Weston stopped appearing on the show, which is fortunate since they're played by the same actor but not in the fun "wigs and fake teeth" way that Kristen and Susan Banks are. Alex seems at first glance to be a douche-bro but has always been extremely respectful of women, conscious of the importance of consent and is now actually going to therapy.

André DiMera

Allegedly dead twin of Tony (last seen briefly resurrected by Satan in the DiMera family crypt). Included here because I read a spoiler that he might be coming back really soon. (Turns out that spoiler was wrong, actually. But I'm leaving him on the list, if nothing else, for the phrase "resurrected by Satan," which absolutely did happen.)

Andrew Donovan

Secret agent with the totally-real ISA. Related to a bunch of these people in ways I don't feel like looking up right now. Currently half of the only gay couple on the show (along with Paul Narita). For this reason alone, we're really hoping he moves to Salem with Paul because they just shipped the last gay couple off to New Zealand & we need some boys kissing on this show.

Anna DiMera

Wife of Tony & in a show filled with interloping, entitled Karens, easily the most interloping entitled Karen in all of Salem.

Ava Vitali

The other half of "Kara Squad" (see: Gwen Rizczech). Ava was a former mob boss who tried to go legit but she recently lost her damn mind and did a bunch of crazy shit that culminated in her driving a car off a cliff & possibly killing Susan Banks (our cat's namesake). She (Ava, not our cat) is currently in an off-camera mental institution & is regularly visited by her son, Tripp.

Belle Black

Daughter of Marlena & John, wife of Sad Eyes Shawn and one of the only three lawyers in town.

Ben Weston

A former serial killer who is now supposed to be sympathetic somehow. Is in love with Ciara, whom he refers to as "babe" about every fifteen seconds. And this is the entirety of his character. Ben left the show in favor of Alex (played by the same guy) and things improved substantially when this happened. They're threatening to bring Ben back again and I really wish they wouldn't because he sucks.

Bo Brady

With Hope, one of the great "supercouples" of the show's history. Died quite some time ago. A recent miniseries actually focused on him in heaven, watching the events on earth as though they were a soap opera (GET IT?!) Bo has recently been brought back to life by Megan Hathaway, but escaped her custody and ran off, only to be shot by his son Shawn. Is currently in a coma.

Bonnie Lockhart

Tacky, outspoken southern wife of Justin (once referred to by Victor as a "dime store Dolly Parton.")

Brady Black

Son of John, ex-husband of Kristen. Brady and Kristen have a daughter together. Her name is Rachel, and thanks to Kristen's not-so-subtle maneuvering, Brady was recently forced to break up with his girlfriend Chloe because Rachel openly despises her.

Chad DiMera

also known (by me) as Dead Wife Chad. Chad was married to Abigail, until she was murdered in the first complete plot line I saw when I started watching the show (ie, everyone else has long forgotten about it, but it will loom large for me indefinitely). Chad spent most of last year drunkenly threatening people, assuming they were the ones who MURDERED HIS WIFE!!! He eventually calmed down a little and is now dating Stephanie.

Chanel Dupree

Daughter of Paulina Price and owner of Sweet Bits, a popular bakery that recently served poisoned biscuits to a bunch of people in Salem. Chanel was great for the first couple of months she was on the show, but then they abruptly switched performers and now she's like a ten year old who looks 25.

Chloe Lane

Apparently a pretty interesting goth girl when she was introduced on the show as a teenager in the late 90s, the most interesting thing about Chloe now is that her arch-nemesis is an 8 year old girl.

Clyde Weston

Living embodiment of the word sleazy. Imagine a dollar store version of Twin Peaks' Bob and he's from, like, Alabama or something.

Colin Petersen

Brand-new (as of last week) character and immediately a detestable piece of shit. Brother of Sloane, currently manipulating his girlfriend, Talia, to seduce Chanel (Talia isn't even into girls and it's all really gross) so she can then break her heart. British. But not in a hot way.

Doug Williams

The guy who plays Doug is literally 98 years old and we often joke that he only has enough mental capacity left to say I'M DOUG! every now and then. But honestly, he recently played the devil and he kinda fucking nailed it.

Duke

A bear.

EJ DiMera

British (in a hot way) co-CEO of DiMera Enterprises. Everyone talks about EJ like he's a villain but in almost two full years of storylines (since this performer took over in the role) we haven't seen him do anything remotely evil apart from very occasionally retaliating when someone wrongs him first.

Eric Brady

Son of Roman. Former priest. Currently dating Sloane. Eric was orignally played by Jensen Ackles, which is why we were able to locate copies of every episode he originally appeared in from 1999-2001.

Gabi Hernandez Sister of Rafe, currently dating Stefan. I do not wish to overly objectify anyone on this show, but EJ once referred to Gabi's "platonic ideal of an ass" and he was 100% correct.

Gwen Rizczech

Gwen is my precious cinnamon roll and she can do no wrong. The first week I started watching this show, she was in prison. Her sister, Abigail, came to visit, saw the horrible coffee mug that Gwen had made for their dad, and smashed it on the ground. Gwen didn't deserve that. Or anything else bad. She's British, and she's one of two characters who looks a lot like my friend Kara (who voice acts for my projects and plays, among others, Naomi on Endeavor).

Harris Michaels

Former Navy SEAL who was brainwashed to do Megan Hathaway's bidding. Harris has since recovered and dated Hope for about 30 seconds until she discovered Bo was still alive.

Hope Williams Brady

With Bo, the other half of one of the show's great "supercouples." Hope has been working for the definitely-real ISA, but is currently stuck in a hospital waiting for her recently-resurrected lover to come out of his coma.

Jack Deveraux

Father of Gwen and Abigail. Has apparently left town after Gwen (along with Xander and Leo) extorted control of the town newspaper away from him.

Jada Hunter

Detective serving under Rafe, and also apparently romantically interested in him (gross). Jada's sister Talia recently moved to town and Jada strongly suspects that Talia is behind the poisoned biscuits served at Sweet Bits bakery.

Jan Spears

The extremely delusional woman obsessed with living happily ever after with Sad Eyes Shawn. Has been in four different comas. Last seen attempting to escape apprehension in the harbor, but they never found her body. Come on guys, I've read comics. She's still out there somewhere. Jan is Amanda's favorite character.

Joey Johnson

Tripp's extremely lame brother with an extremely lame little mustache. Joey lives in Seattle, and if I ever ran into him, I would point right at him and laugh at how bad his mustache is.

John Black

John is played by Drake Hogestyn, who has apparently only ever had one acting job: this one. And... what an eccentric performance it is. John is ostensibly a private eye (with Steve) and is married to Marlena. (They are another of the show's "supercouples.") He's not very bright but kind of lovable despite this, like if Mister Peanutbutter was played by a knockoff of Clint Eastwood.

Johnny DiMera

The worst character on the show by far. Johnny claims to be a filmmaker, but the only film he attempted to make (a fictionalization of his grandmother Marlena's satanic possession) failed spectacularly and he hasn't done a goddamn thing since. Mostly spends his time judging the sex lives of the people he's close to (particularly his father) and whining.

Julie Olson Williams

Wife of Doug (and the performers are actually married in real life too, which is pretty cute). Julie's job, as far as I can tell, is to invite herself into people's homes and ask extremely personal questions when she doesn't think the plot is moving along fast enough.

Justin Kiriakis

Dad of Alex and Sonny. Justin is a lawyer. I don't know a whole lot else about him, actually. I guess I'd hire him if Sloan or Belle weren't available.

Kate Roberts

Tough old broad who is currently being held captive at sea for some reason. I have a big coffee table book about this show that divides the characters up into families (Brady, DiMera, etc.) and there's a whole section called Kate's Brood, because she has apparently been married to half the significant male characters in this show and I think did at least hand stuff with the other half. Is ostensibly the partner of Roman, but despite them being extremely well-established legacy characters, I do not buy their supercouple status at ALL.

Kayla Brady Johnson

Chief surgeon at the hospital, wife to Steve (now THERE'S a fucking supercouple) and Dr. Marlena Evans' actual best friend. Was recently dead, but returned to her job at the hospital last week.

Kristen DiMera

My initial read on Kristen was that she was a glamorous, scheming supervillain-type... and she still has the potential to be. But she used up all her energy trying to (and succeeding at) breaking up Brady and Chloe. Has tried to kidnap her own daugter seven or eight times since I started watching.

Leo Stark

A character so gay that they might as well have gotten Charles Nelson Reilly to play him. Leo has actually grown on me as I spend more time with him, and he currently writes a gossip column under the name Lady Whistleblower. This has proven to be an outstanding narrative excuse for characters to know each other's business.

Li Shin

Li was formerly Gabi's husband, formerly a top executive at DiMera Enterprises and was never a good actor. Seriously, he just stares forward like David Puddy and reads all his lines really fast with no inflection. The only time he ever played a believable emotion was at Thanksgiving when he thought there would be pie but then there was no pie.

Lucas Horton

Lucas is a real piece of work (shit). He kidnapped Sami, the love of his life, but then (by his own admission) had no idea what to do next so just kind of... held on to her for awhile. Then he pretended to rescue her and almost married her. He's currently in jail. I hope they let him out soon because he's one of those characters that you love to watch fail over and over again.

Maggie Horton Kiriakis

Matriarch of the Kiriakis AND Horton families and current CEO of Titan. Married to Victor, who is definitely still alive oh hey that's him on the phone right now sorry I need to take this hi Victor I'm so happy you're definitely alive

Marlena Evans

The obvious hero of this entire 65 year spectacle. Marlena has been possessed by the actual devil; she died and went to heaven; she woke up from being dead and discovered that she was in a cryo tube in a lab someplace; and she's the only psychiatrist in Salem, who regularly hypnotizes hard-to-access plot points from people's memories. All of this has happened since I started watching the show about a year ago. She and John are a supercouple and despite the fact that John is... like that, it kind of works because Marlena is fucking amazing.

Megan Hathaway

This character died IN NINETEEN EIGHTY FIVE and they recently brought her back to life. NINETEEN. EIGHTY. FIVE. Almost forty years ago. Apparently a DiMera child, and every bit the supervillain Kristen should have been. Megan used her considerable resources to resurrect Bo, a guy she dated in high school LIKE FIFTY YEARS AGO. I cannot get over this. She's currently in jail but there's no chance she'll be there for long.

Melinda Trask

Hard-assed district attorney of Salem and the recent victim of the infamous poisoned biscuits. Melinda was only a plot device for a long time, but I guess the producers got the letters I forgot to write because now she's getting actual storylines complete with love interests and she's every bit as great as I expected her to be.

Nicole Walker

Nicole is currently dating EJ, but she never stays with anyone for very long. Mostly she keeps hooking up with Eric, who should fucking know better by now.

Orpheus

Yes, Orpheus. An actual evil genius who recently poisoned (and killed!) Marlena, Kate and Kayla. Best voice on the show, by far.

Paul Narita

Son of John. Currently dating Andrew. This is all I know about Paul, but I'm hoping he moves to Salem so I can get to know him better. He was involved in one of the show's greatest moments, in which his extremely doting father came to visit him and celebrate Pride. (see picture below.)

Paulina Price

Wife of Abe, mother of Chanel. Paulina is played by Jackeé, who was best known for sitcoms and quite honestly really works best on this show when she's playing comedy.

Rafe Hernandez

Brother of Gabi. Commissioner of Salem PD. Side note: this is a fictional world where it's best to pretend cops aren't horrible. That said, Rafe hasn't been particularly great for most of my time with him... but he's finally starting to grow on me a little bit.

Roman Brady

Owner of the Brady Pub and apparently maker of decent clam chowder. They keep trying to convince me that this nobody is the love of Kate's life but I remain unconvinced. The performer who plays Roman kinda sounds like he had a stroke. I really don't feel comfortable making fun of that but I also find him very hard to understand, which just makes me uncomfortable any time he's on screen. (This is definitely more my problem than it is his.)

Sami Brady

Daughter of John, sister of Belle, apparently the love of both EJ and Lucas' lives. Sami is a fucking mess —one of those delightful messes that we wish was on the show more. But she also has better things to do than be on this show, so she only shows up about once a year for a couple of weeks.

Sarah Horton

Love of Xander's life who recently departed the show. But she was pregnant when she did, so she's absolutely coming back with that baby at some point.

Shawn-Douglas Brady

aka Sad Eyes Shawn. Most recently, Shawn learned that his father, Bo, was back from the dead and thought it would be a good idea to shoot him (?!) Now Bo is in a coma. If nothing else, Shawn has finally earned those sad eyes.

Sloan Petersen

A cutthroat lawyer obsessed with getting revenge on Chanel and Paulina for some drama involving her dead parents. Is dating Eric and, for some reason, has the name of Ferris Bueller's girlfriend (not the first time this show has cribbed character names from John Hughes, either).

Stefan DiMera

Boyfriend of Gabi and brother of EJ, with whom he is currently involved in a bitter rivalry over who controls DiMera Enterprises. (They currently share CEO status.) Was brought back from the dead like... 6 months ago, but only recently shook off a bunch of brainwashing that convinced him that he didn't love Gabi but actually loved Chloe (which should have been his first clue that something was amiss because... really? Her?)

Stefano DiMera

Long-dead patriarch of the DiMera family. Stefano looms large over the show and his children, and his portrait hangs in their living room, where they monologue to it regularly. (A replica of said portrait is also hanging in our living room.)

Stephanie Johnson

Son of Steve and Kayla, currently dating Dead Wife Chad. Stephanie runs her own PR firm, and inexplicably has as many work-related storylines as her mother, WHO IS A SURGEON.

Steve Johnson

The show's requisite Handsome Eyepatch Guy. Longtime love of Kayla. Private eye. Good dad. Good dude. I like Steve. It's hard not to like Steve.

Susan Banks

A full-on southern fruitcake and actual psychic. When Dr. Marlena Evans (whom Susan refers to as her "best friend," though Marlena doesn't seem to agree with this assessment) was possessed by the devil, she turned Susan into "a li'l kittycat," which is why we named our li'l kittycat after her. Susan is (was?) played by the same performer who plays Kristen, and this is often mlked for (pretty effective) laughs. Susan plummetted to her apparent death in some stock footage swiped from an old "Toonces" sketch.

Talia Hunter

Sister of Jada, apparently romantically involved with Colin (gross). Talia used to be a doctor, but quit so she could bake. And then it turned out this was all a cover for the sinister plots that Colin is putting her up to. She clearly knows better though. And she's going to stop doing what that creep tells her to do any day now. Right?

Tony DiMera

Brother of EJ, Stefan and Chad; husband of Anna. The consigliere to EJ's mob boss. Tony's like if Richard Dawson were still alive but not quite as handsome or charming.

Tripp Johnson

Son of Steve and Ava. Handsome, charming, a good dude. TLo has a little song she sings when Tripp shows up. It goes TRIPP! TRIPP TRIPP TRIPP TRIPP! It's pretty adorable.

Victor Kiriakis

Patriarch of the Kiriakis family. Victor was an absolute delight to watch, as he was openly hostile to every character on the show except for Maggie, whom he obviously cared for a great deal. Victor was played by John Aniston (Jennifer's dad), who died last fall. The show persists in informing us that Victor is "just over there, off-camera," despite this.

Wei Shen

Owner or board member or something of DiMera Enterprises. We've never been able to determine what DiMera actually does, so Wei Shin's role there is also a bit of a mystery. Father to Li and Wendy, and usually pretty disappointed in both of them.

Wendy Shin

Daughter of Wei, sister of Li. Wendy works in IT at DiMera and keeps threatening to date Johnny, which makes absolutely no sense. She is now dating Tripp, which makes a lot more sense because seriously, Johnny's the worst.

Wilhelm Rolf

Actual mad scientist who once worked for Stefano DiMera. Has brought so many people back from the dead that people actually refer to it as "being Rolfed." Recently seen trying to undo Stefan's brainwashing with ad hoc equipment built out of a crock pot, and eggbeater and other assorted kitchen props. Even more amazing than I'm making him sound.

Xander Kiriakis

British (Scottish actually, but sounds British) himbo who keeps ending up with amazing women (Sarah, Gwen) and then completely fucking it up. Xander is currently part-owner of the town newspaper for some reason, and is currently getting an apartment with Chloe for seriously what the fuck I have absolutely no idea.

#Days of Our Lives #DOOL #soap opera #Peacock

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