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chiyalawritesrewind · 8 years

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Rewind, Chapter 21

Fanfic: [ch1] [ch2] [ch3] [ch4] [ch5] [ch6] [ch7] [ch8] [ch9] [ch10] [ch11] [ch12] [ch13] [ch14] [ch15] [ch16] [ch17] [ch18] [ch19] [ch20 on AO3] [ch20 on ffn]

Podfic: [ch1] [ch2] [ch3] [ch4] [ch5] [ch6] [ch7] (Rest coming soon)

Pairing: Gratsu - Gray Fullbuster / Natsu Dragneel ; Acnologia / Zeref

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: Major Character Death; Graphic Depiction of Violence

Summary: When a mission turns out to be fatal for one of the team members, Natsu finds himself being given another chance to change the events.

Beta by @serpenttailedangel and @wildrhov <333

Tagging list: asdf @f-r-f-t @truedreamchasing @eitomagical @galaxiesandfairies @eternalsterekbitches @becausewhenyoupracticeyouimprove @oliversantics @nekodemon73 @moonlustelara @pantykawa @ice-bringer (if somebody else wants to be tagged [or not tagged anymore] in the future, please let me know!)

SPOILER WARNING (in the fic and this Author's Notes) for the Manga/Anime in case you haven't yet gotten past the Tartaros Arc.

Beware, some of the information given in this fic is entirely wrong when it comes to the original Manga. I twisted things, completely made up some others, and also disregarded stuff that happened in canon. I wouldn't want you to mix up canon with my fic, so please always keep this in mind: This fic is non canon compliant.

More specifically in regards to this chapter: I changed the reason for Zeref's curse, disregarded the fact that Mavis was cursed, too (meaning: she wasn't cursed), and probably some other things I don't remember right now.

Things get somewhat resolved in this chapter. But don't get me wrong: this fic is far from over.

Enjoy!

Natsu needed several minutes to recover from the ride when they reached Tenrou Island. Since nobody besides Jellal and Natsu knew what they were supposed to do, they didn't have any plan on how to go about things.

Everyone looked at Natsu expectantly. Time to reveal a part of the truth, at least. He couldn't just say, 'Let's wait and see what happens' when he knew exactly what, or rather, whom they were looking for.

Natsu straightened himself. "There is somebody on this island we need to find."

Makarov interjected, "Somebody? This island is Fairy Tail's sacred ground. Nobody can find and enter it unless they're a member of Fairy Tail. As far as I know, there's no member missing."

Natsu took a step back. If that was true, was Zeref a member of Fairy Tail? A former member maybe? No. There was no way a dark mage was a former Fairy Tail member.

"Well, I don't know about that, but the Oracle said there's somebody here. And we mustn't fight with that person. They can help us. We don't have time to waste, so let's go!"

Natsu took off running, not waiting for them to answer. He had a good nose, so he had the best odds of finding Zeref. Sniffing him out couldn't be that difficult. Sure, the island was huge, but as long as Zeref didn't stay holed up somewhere, they would eventually find traces of his scent. Natsu cast a glance over his shoulder to make sure his friends were following before concentrating on his nose.

Somewhere along the line, Gray grabbed his hand, eliciting a fond smile from Natsu.

The later it got, the more nervous Natsu became. Even an hour after their arrival he hadn't yet detected another presence.

'Only one and a half hours left until he dies. Come on, concentrate! If we don't find him soon, we won't have time for explanations anymore.'

Thankfully, Happy announced that he'd recovered enough to use his wings again. Natsu accepted the offer, and soon the two of them outpaced the others. Maybe it was better that way. A confrontation between Zeref and Gray didn't seem to be wise, and Natsu really didn't want to lie to Gray only to stop them from fighting.

A new and somewhat familiar scent invaded Natsu's nose and he nearly caused them to crash into the nearest tree with his surprised jerking and yelling. Happy had a good nose, too, so he was able to follow the trace with a minimum of guidance.

Natsu's pulse quickened with every second as the scent became stronger and stronger. They reached a clearing and with it their goal—a young, black-haired man stood there, wearing a white tunic over black clothes and a pendant around his neck. His eyes and mouth were wide open in surprise. It was the same young man Natsu had seen in the vision of his future, where he'd been standing protectively in front of him. Was this Zeref?

"Na-Natsu..."

Before Natsu had the chance to ask why the hell he knew his name, the man flinched and put his hands on either side of his head, his face scrunching up as if in pain.

"N-No... It's coming..." A black sphere formed, like black clouds swirling around him. "R-run. Run! Now!"

There was an immense magical aura around him, and Natsu found himself unable to move a muscle, overwhelmed by the sheer power buzzing in the air. Happy seemed to feel it too. He let out a strangled groan and then dropped Natsu.

"Run!" the black-haired wizard shouted, but to no avail.

Natsu was paralyzed. He could only watch as the sphere expanded rapidly, causing everything in its range to rot and die.

"Run or you'll die!"

'Happy!'

Natsu charged at his friend and hit him square in the stomach, sending him flying into the bushes, out of the attack's range. The clouds hit Natsu the next second, pulling him in and making him stumble. It was over as quickly as it started, leaving Natsu lying on the ground. He sat up immediately, his eyes searching for the black-haired wizard. Everything around them was dead—some trees were even gone for good.

The man was staring at him in disbelief, and he was crying. What the hell was going on? Where did he know his name from? Did they know each other?

"Natsu... I... I missed you..."

Tears rolled down his cheeks in a steady stream, and Natsu found himself unable to say anything.

'He missed me? He knows me? Is he Zeref? Why does he know my name?'

A bit wobbly, Natsu got to his knees. He cleared his throat and then asked, "Zeref?"

The man flinched and opened his mouth to say something, but before anything could come out, Happy's voice resounded from behind Natsu, shocked and disbelieving.

"What do you mean, Zeref? The dark mage Zeref? Is that him? Did we come here to kill him?"

Natsu whirled around. A stab of guilt surged through him at the sight of Happy's eyes wide in panic.

"He's not our enemy for the time being."

"B-but he's the dark mage Zeref. How is he not our enemy?"

Before Natsu had the chance to reply, there was a rustling sound and a second later, Gray, Jellal, and Makarov jumped onto the clearing, all three out of breath. Gray glared at him.

"Did I... hear that right? Zeref... and he's not... our enemy? Have you gone crazy?"

Oh, perfect, that was impeccable timing they had there.

Something seemed to catch Gray's attention as he lowered his gaze a bit. "Why the hell is your scarf black?"

'My scarf...?'

Indeed, it was pitch black. What happened? Did that black cloud dye his scarf?

Zeref's voice rang out: "Natsu, do you... remember me?"

Natsu whirled around, confused by the hopeful look on Zeref's face. So they had met before? When? Where? Why couldn't Natsu remember a thing?

He had to proceed carefully from here on. He would have to tell Gray a lie to keep him from attacking Zeref, so if he said 'no' now, there was little justification for knowing something about the dark mage that nobody else did. It was too late to think of a credible backstory—he'd just have to hope that nobody would ask about the details.

Trying to look and sound as convincing as he could, Natsu said, "Yes."

Gray was right in front of Natsu in an instant, his back turned toward him and his arms stretched out protectively. He snarled, "Did you mess with him? Are you controlling him? Release him, right now!"

'No! Shit!'

Natsu put a hand on Gray's shoulder. "I'm still me. Hey. Look at me. Nobody's controlling me."

Gray turned his head until he could look at Natsu with wide, unfocused eyes. He was panicking inside, Natsu could tell as much. It was probably best to play his trump card right away or else Gray would surely freak out and attack Zeref any second.

"Don't attack him, please. If you kill him, I'll die as well."

Gray's eyes went even wider. Both Happy and Makarov let out a surprised sound, but Zeref's voice overshadowed everything else.

"What? How can you possibly know that?"

Huh? Had somebody informed Zeref that they were pulling this off? Had Lydia paid him a visit as well? Either way, albeit unexpected, his reaction was perfect. Nobody would doubt Natsu's lie like this. However, Zeref really seemed to wait for an answer.

There was no way Natsu would let Gray and Zeref be around each other any longer than necessary, and saying 'Go away, Gray' didn't appear to be the best solution. Therefore, he went for, "That's unimportant. Can we talk in private, please?"

Gray snarled, "As if I'd leave you alone with this crazy mass murderer!"

Natsu didn't know what else to do than playing dirty. He embraced Gray from behind, raised himself on tiptoes and snuggled his chin up to the crook of Gray's neck. Hoping that Zeref wouldn't hear, Natsu whispered, "Lydia said it's essential that I gain his trust. She said he won't hurt me. I need information from him to save you, so please, trust me and leave us alone. Even if he kills me, so what? Time will be turned back anyway. Don't waste this chance, I beg you."

Gray shuddered, his heart rate picking up even faster. Natsu didn't feel well telling so many lies at once, but he saw no other way. He didn't know what exactly he needed from Zeref, or if he really wasn't in danger of being attacked, but he'd find out soon. It was like he said—even if Zeref killed him, it wasn't going to be a problem.

"I... o-okay."

Natsu loosened his grip, and Gray used the opportunity to turn around, snatching a chaste kiss before stepping away. He nodded toward Happy and the others, and then they retreated in the direction from which they'd come. Natsu could hear Gray say that they should go back to the ship.

"Are you two... a couple?" Zeref asked when the others were out of earshot, his eyes still glassy, but his expression unreadable.

Natsu snarled, "I don't see how that's any of your business."

A small smile spread out on Zeref's face, and it nearly looked as if he admired Natsu. "You've... grown up. Not only do I get to see you again after so many years, but also your boyfr—" he clutched his head— "ngh, ah, shit, run!"

The black clouds around him were back. "Run! Your scarf can't protect you a second time! Run!"

This time, Natsu didn't hesitate. He ran out of the attack's range and only went back after he made sure that the black clouds were gone.

"What's the meaning of this?" Natsu asked. It didn't appear like Zeref had any control over what was happening, so the least he could do was to explain what triggered it.

Zeref dropped his head. "I'm cursed... Ankhseram, the contradictory curse. The more I value life, the more I kill. I'm amazed you don't know this when you do know that our lives are irrevocably connected."

Natsu took a step back, shocked. "I... what? That was just made up to keep Gray from attacking you."

Zeref looked up again, his face blank. "Gray... that's his name? Is he your mate?"

"Mate? What are you talking about?"

"You love him, don't you?"

"Stop sticking your nose into other people's business!"

Zeref furrowed his brows. "You really have forgotten who I am. It's true that it may not be my business, but there's a reason why I'm interested. My name is Zeref Dragneel. I'm your older brother."

Natsu felt as if somebody punched him in the gut. The dark mage Zeref, his older brother? No way! Zeref was supposed to be four hundred years old, so how could Natsu possibly be his younger brother? He was nineteen, for fuck's sake!

"It's only natural that you don't remember me. You were so small when our ways parted. Igneel was the one who raised you, after all."

Never mind him probably lying about his and Natsu's relationship—he knew Ingeel! Did he know something about his whereabouts?

"Where is Igneel?"

Zeref opened his mouth, but then closed it again, shaking his head with a sad look.

Did that mean that he thought Igneel was dead? No. Natsu wouldn't accept that. Igneel wasn't dead, he couldn't be—

"How did you find me? What are you here for? Why do you need to talk to me in private?"

Right. There were more pressing matters at hand, although he'd get back to the Igneel issue when they still had time at the end.

"The oracle of the Magic Council said I have to find you. I have a... problem. You're the only one who can help me, I guess."

Zeref cocked his head. "You're going to have to be more detailed than that."

Natsu gritted his teeth. Why was Zeref's scent so familiar? He shouldn't trust this man, yet he couldn't help but feel secure around him. There was no way he'd let himself trust the dark mage Zeref! He only tolerated his presence because he needed him to revive Gray, period.

"We're all caught in a time loop. A mage turns time back because Gray always dies at the end of the day so that I can save him. I'm the only one whose memories will stay intact; everyone else forgets what happened when the day starts anew. We haven't found a way to save him yet. It appears to be impossible to prevent his death. He died ten times already, and his magic always vanishes at once after his death."

Zeref's eyes widened and his jaw dropped. He took half a step toward Natsu but then flinched and stopped. "Th-that... Why would she send you to me?" He bit his lip. "I can't help you."

There was something he didn't want to say, that much was obvious.

"I know you can, and I don't plan on giving up. If you refuse to help me, this day will loop endlessly. I'll come here again and again, until you give in and help me. You could speed this up if you just tell me now."

Zeref scrutinized Natsu's expression, but whatever he was searching for, he didn't seem to find an answer. After a while of silent staring, he asked, "You love him, don't you?"

Why was he still on about that?

"Does that hold any importance here?"

"It does. I... once revived somebody I love, and I paid a high price... I was cursed."

Revived!

Natsu subconsciously took a step forward. "So you can revive him?"

Zeref lowered his head. "No. I'm already cursed... I can't do it anymore."

Natsu closed the distance between them in with a few quick steps and grabbed him by the collar. "Then teach me!"

"You fool! Stay away from me!" With that, he slapped Natsu's hands away and jumped backward until there was a generous distance between them again.

Well, if that was his condition, then Natsu could work with that. As long as he taught Natsu how to revive Gray, he'd do anything.

"I..." Zeref gulped. Various emotions flickered over his face, as if he was fighting an internal battle. Finally, a shadow passed over his face and his expression went grim and determined. "No. I don't want to do this to you. Even if I could, I wouldn't want to teach you. It would be too painful. I'm sorry."

Too painful? Natsu clenched his fists, trying hard to fight the urge to attack Zeref. "Bullshit! There's nothing that could be more painful than losing him. I mean it. I already killed myself once over this. I'm ready to give my life for him. The oracle said I'm ready and now you're telling me this would be too painful? What would you do in my position? Did you know what awaited you when you revived that person? If yes, you're a fucking hypocrite."

Zeref flinched. "I... I didn't know back then. It's forbidden to bring somebody back to life. That's why the price is so high."

"If you went back in time with the knowledge that you're gonna get cursed for reviving that person, would you still do it?"

Judging from the look on his face, Zeref was close to tears again. He didn't take his eyes off Natsu, an uninterpretable softness in them.

"I would do it again."

"Then teach me. There's no way you could've loved that person more than I love Gray."

Zeref took a tentative step forward, tears glistening in his eyes. "That's... another kind of love. I just—" He gulped. "—don't want you to throw your life away like that. I've always wanted you to be happy." The first tears made their way down his cheeks. "If you do this... you'll have to stay away from the people who are precious to you... o-or you end up k-killing them."

"I told you, that's fine with me. If you truly wanted me to be happy, you'd help me save him. So show me, please."

A sob broke free from Zeref's throat. In the next second, he hunched up and buried his hands in his hair. "Run!"

Natsu ran out of reach before the dark cloud even appeared.

Why did this curse activate every few minutes? Was it normal? Did it hurt the cursed one? Would Natsu end up killing everything and everyone in his close vicinity because he valued life? Did he even value life, when he'd already thrown away his own once?

The black clouds disappeared and with them all the questions in Natsu's head. All that remained was firm resolution. He had to save Gray and this was his only chance.

Back in the clearing, Natsu found Zeref crouching on the dead ground, shivering and crying. Natsu's first impulse was to go over and comfort him. However, he held back, both because of Zeref's request to stay away and because Natsu didn't want to feel sorry for someone who had taken countless lives.

"You'll teach me then?"

Without looking up, Zeref said, "I d-don't even know i-if you're a-able to do it. Y-you'd need a far greater amount of magic than your target... H-how much magic does your boyfriend have?"

"I think... we're about even? I think that if I enter Dragon Force, I have far more than him. It's worth a try."

Zeref lifted his head, his teary eyes meeting Natsu's head-on. "There's no way I can talk you out of this and make you give up, right?"

Oh, thank Mavis! He finally seemed to understand.

"There isn't."

A sigh escaped Zeref's lips as he shook his head. He got to his feet and made a beckoning gesture. "Well then, come closer. Prepare to run at any given time, though."

Natsu was surprised by the request, but didn't hesitate to close the distance. If he wanted this to work out, he had to cooperate after all.

When Zeref reached out for his head, he flinched involuntarily, but scolded himself for it a second later.

'Cooperation. Even if I don't believe in his stories, I need his help. Relax.'

Being up close to Zeref, the scent that invaded his nose was much stronger. Natsu couldn't shake the feeling that it was oddly familiar. There was another faint smell on him, one that Natsu didn't know.

"I won't harm you... well, not intentionally. My curse is the only thing you need to be afraid of, I swear."

There wasn't a trace of dishonesty in his face, so Natsu believed him for now. He nodded, and this time he didn't flinch when Zeref put one hand on his forehead.

"Close your eyes and concentrate on your magic. No need to enter Dragon Force now. I can feel it if you just concentrate on it."

The moment Natsu's eyes shut, he felt the trace of another presence in his body, searching, examining. It lasted only a few seconds until the touch on his forehead was gone. Natsu figured that it was okay to open his eyes again and was met with a doubtful look.

"I'm not sure if it's enough if what you say is correct and his magic and yours are level when you're not in Dragon Force. You might end up using up all of your magic if you try."

"That's okay."

Zeref took a step back, glaring at Natsu. "No, it's not okay! Do you know what happens when a mage runs out of magic? They die. If you die, then your lover dies as well. In case you manage to revive him first, that is."

"Why would he die?"

Zeref bit his lip, apparently battling with himself over his next words. He sucked in a deep breath. "If you revive him, his life will forever be bound to yours. If you want him to live, then you need to stay alive as well."

This information made Natsu's head spin. It all made sense now. Lydia's words. His sacrifice. The bond he needed to form with Gray. The apple Lydia was talking about, a forbidden fruit. He was about to do something forbidden, as per Zeref's definition. He had to 'live in order to save his beloved one'. He wouldn't be allowed to be together with Gray. This had to be how he was going to save Gray. That meant...

"It's going to work out just fine. The oracle saw it. She said I'll make the right decision, and I choose this. Teach me. I'm gonna make it work."

Zeref didn't look convinced. "I needed years of research until I was able to revive... that person. Even if you're able to succeed, you're not going to learn this in a few minutes. You said time is turned back because your lover dies, and that he dies at the end of the day. How much time do we have left?"

Natsu checked his watch, surprised to see that it was already half past six.

"Half an hour until he dies."

Zeref shook his head. "That's not nearly enough. We'll have to meet again in the next repetition. Do you already have a plan how to go about things with your lover? You said everyone beside you loses their memory. Have you thought about what you'll tell him, or if you want to let him know what's going to happen?"

Good question indeed. Natsu hadn't yet thought about either, seeing as he hadn't known what exactly was awaiting him.

Zeref continued without waiting for an answer: "There's something else you should know. He won't be fully human anymore if you revive him."

"What do you mean?"

Zeref looked away. "He'll be... a demon. Your demon."

Natsu flinched. A demon!

"Are you kidding me? There's no way I'll turn him into some human-eating beast! Why didn't you tell me this earlier?"

Zeref looked back up with wide eyes and his mouth open in surprise. "Human-eating beast...? You clearly have a wrong impression of a demon. That's... not what a demon is like. He'll still be himself and likely not even notice that anything changed."

Liar.

Natsu clenched his fists. "Deliora killed Gray's parents. One of your demons! I've already fought another one, myself. You want to tell me they're no different from humans? Bullshit!"

"His parents?" Zeref gulped, and then hesitantly continued, "He must hate me with a burning passion."

"He does."

"Why don't you hate me?"

"How do you know that I don't?"

Zeref studied his face closely. "You're right. I don't know that. You need me to revive your friend, but you could still hate me. Well, then. Deliora and that other demon you fought were created out of nothing. Gray won't be any different from now except that he'll have a demonic form which makes him stronger, but he probably won't ever find out unless it gets activated."

"When does it get activated?"

"He can either activate it consciously, but that presumes he knows of his demonic side, which he won't unless somebody tells him. Or it'll get activated when he's desperate to defeat an enemy he wouldn't stand a chance against under normal circumstances. At least that's what my research suggests. There might be other circumstances in which the demonic form activates, but there's no way we can know that. After all, the only human demon I've ever created—" He lowered his gaze and with it also his voice. "—doesn't know that he's a demon yet."

"Yet? When did you revive him? How old is he?"

Zeref shook his head. "Human demons aren't immortal if that's what you want to know. They age like humans. There's another thing you need to know. You'll need a book for this and you'll have to guard it like gold afterward. Gray's life will depend not only on your life, but also on the book. If it gets destroyed, he dies."

A book...? The dream he had on the seventh repeat suddenly replayed in his mind.

"Make it stop! You're going to kill him! We've suffered enough!"

"Too bad for you I'm not a person. I don't even have a body. I can't change this no matter what you say. These blades won't stop until your lover is dead, no matter what."

"Then what can I do?"

"Oh, I don't know. But did you see what's next to you?"

Natsu frantically looked around, searching for anything that would help him fend off the blades, but all he found was a book, buried under some stones. He kicked them aside to have a free view on the book and noticed that it was his diary.

"How can a book save Gray from blades?"

His diary. It wasn't supposed to prevent Gray's death, but to bring him back to life.

Natsu reached for the rucksack on his back and took it off. He practically tore the book out of it, uncaring that he ripped a seam of the brown bag.

"This—" He held up the diary for Zeref to see. "—is the most precious book I have." It was also the only book he possessed, but there was no need to tell him that.

"Yeah, that should work."

"Good. One more thing: you said he won't notice, but Porlyusica said his magic vanishes right after his death. Will he get his magic back?"

"Naturally. That's why you need such a huge amount of magic in the first place. How much time do we have left before time rewinds?"

Natsu glanced at his watch. "Twenty minutes, given that Ultear turns it back right away... Oh! Wait, I think I can buy us another hour. But I'd have to do it soon, otherwise it'll be too late."

Zeref stared at Natsu in disbelief. "Well, if you say so. I shall just... wait here until you're back, then."

Natsu didn't even bother to stuff the diary back into his rucksack, but instead kept it in his hands when he ran off in the direction the others had left.

Following their scents back to the ship brought him there in a matter of a few minutes. Happy spotted him the second he emerged from the trees. He flew to Natsu and carried him back onto the ship, where everyone crowded Natsu as soon as he set foot on deck.

Gray slung his arms tightly around Natsu, ignoring the diary altogether. "Are you all right? How did it go?"

Natsu didn't want to give away too much information since he hadn't yet decided how to go about things. It was standing to reason that Gray wouldn't want to be turned into a demon, seeing as a demon killed his family. What Natsu would tell him was something he'd think about later, after he knew what exactly he had to do to Gray. So, for now, he decided to stay vague.

"Yeah, all right. It's going well so far, but I'll need more time with him. That's why I came." Without breaking the embrace, he looked at Jellal. "Please call Ultear."

Gray pushed him an arm's length away. "Did he try to hurt you?"

"No. And he won't."

"How can you know that? He's a dark mage! He killed my family! Why do you trust him?"

Careful, a voice inside his head warned him.

"I don't trust him. Lydia said he's our only chance to save you. I have to do this or I'll never be able to re- ... save you."

Gray's eyes widened and he shook Natsu by the shoulders. "What is it? If we have to kill him in order to save my life, then let me help."

Shit. What to say? Natsu would have to lie. Telling Gray what he really was about to do was out of the question.

Thankfully Jellal saved him from needing to answer by clearing his throat and announcing that the connection with Ultear was enabled. Natsu broke free from Gray's grip and stepped before the communication lacrima.

Convincing her of giving him the extra hour after Gray's death again proved to be easy. He only needed to mention that he'd found a way to save Gray but needed more time to learn how. She didn't ask any further questions, apparently noticing that he was in a rush.

Making Gray stay on the ship afterward was another matter altogether. He didn't take the message well that he was going to die again, insisting that he at least needed to protect Natsu's life if his was lost already.

"My life isn't in danger."

"No. I don't trust him," Gray snarled right into Natsu's face.

"Don't you trust me when I say it's okay?"

"How should you know it's going to be okay?"

This wasn't going anywhere. It was time to reveal some information and pressure Gray.

"Lydia showed me the future. I saw that it's going to be all right, but if you hold me back any longer, it's going to fail. So let me go. Now."

"But—"

Makarov intervened by slapping Gray's hands off Natsu. "I think that's enough. Your only choice is to rely on Natsu, and if that's too much to ask, then I shall personally make sure you won't follow him." He turned his head toward Natsu. "Go, my child."

Natsu nodded at him briefly, ignoring Gray's shocked stare altogether. Happy grabbed Natsu by the scarf without being asked and carried him back onto the island, to the spot where Zeref waited. Natsu thanked him, opened his mouth to ask Happy to leave them alone, but it turned out to be needless. His friend already flew off, shouting, "Please take care of yourself," on his way up.

Zeref appeared not to have moved a centimeter while Natsu was gone. He silently observed everything and waited until Happy was well out of earshot before speaking.

"How long do we have?"

Natsu glanced at his watch. Seven pm. That meant Gray was about to—

'No. Don't think about that now.'

"Exactly an hour from now."

"Okay. I'd prefer to use this hour for preparations rather than teaching. You have to make some decisions, and you need to have a clear mind when we start."

Natsu hung his head low. He'd have to leave his friends, his family behind. He needed to think about how to end things. Should he just sneak away without saying a word, leaving them wondering what happened? They'd probably search for him everywhere, not leaving a stone unturned. Better not. A clear cut would be for the best. He didn't want anyone to hope that he'd return when there was no chance that he ever could.

"It's probably for the best if I tell them that I'll drop out of the guild for some reason. And then I'll... I don't know, live somewhere on my own, far away from other humans, just like you."

Zeref nodded. "That's a wise decision. Do you already know where? Judging from the behavior of your better half, he won't let you go that easily. After his revival, he'll be unconscious for a while, but when he wakes up, he'll surely search for you. You better get away from there as soon as possible."

"Yeah, I better... I don't know any place that's uninhabited. Maybe staying on this island until I find somewhere to stay would be best."

Zeref's eyes opened wide in surprise. "N-no. You can't. That's out of the question."

Why did he react this strongly?

"What's the big deal? I can live on the other end of the island. It's big enough for the both of us after all. I can survive on my own, so you don't have to look after me or anything."

"No! That's not the point."

Zeref looked terrified. What exactly was his problem?

"Your curse won't reach me and my curse won't reach you. That's what's bothering you, right? Unless the range of my curse may differ from yours?"

Zeref determinedly shook his head. "No. Even if it does, that's not it. This island is not a safe place for you."

"What do you mean? Are there any monsters here who'll eat me while I'm sleeping?"

Zeref's jaw dropped. "Err... no, but... you're not that far off."

"Is there another person on this island? There's a scent on you that doesn't belong to you."

After a second of staring in disbelief, Zeref let out a defeated sigh. "Person...? I think monster fits him better. Have you ever heard of Acnologia?"

Natsu shook his head, which prompted Zeref to tell him the story of a Dragon Slayer called Acnologia who was born over four hundred years ago. He became corrupted by his power and eradicated all the dragons, bathed in their blood and finally transformed into a dragon himself, with the ability to shift between his human and dragon form anytime. Zeref said that his goal was to kill all the Dragon Slayers, and thus Natsu shouldn't come anywhere near him.

"But I'm already here and he hasn't come to kill me yet."

"That's because I'm with you. He knows you're my little brother and that I'll protect you. He can't defeat me, so there's no way he could kill you while I'm with you."

"Then just let me stay with you. He won't attack me this way, right?"

Natsu bit his tongue. Why did he propose something like that? Zeref was his enemy, a liar, and the one who was responsible for the death of Gray's parents, along with other countless lives.

Then again, he was also the one who would help him to save Gray's life. For whatever reason, Natsu couldn't help but feel secure around Zeref. His scent was too familiar and soothing, and Natsu's nose never lied. Was it true that Zeref was his big brother? Why should he lie about such a thing in the first place?

"True, he probably won't attack, but what do you think will happen if two cursed people stay in the same place? I've never met anyone else who was also cursed, but I guess we'd just—" He gulped. "—end up hurting one another."

"We could... stay close to each other but always with a... what, twenty-meter distance between us? Come on, I don't want to have to search for a place to stay before I save Gray." Natsu let out an unhappy sigh. "This is already... hard on me."

Zeref sucked in a sharp breath, looking worried. "I... sorry. Well, if you really do stay away from me, I guess it's okay... until you find somewhere else to stay. But that way he'll still find out..." He trailed off and left it at that, not showing any inclination to continue his sentence.

"Find out what?"

"That... uh, that you're here."

"Why should that be a secret?"

Zeref's eyes narrowed. "Like I said, he's going to try to kill you. It'd be better if he didn't know your whereabouts."

Natsu still didn't understand why that should be a problem when Zeref was around to protect him, but then Zeref changed the topic, making Natsu forget about the question.

"Do you think you could come here a bit earlier on the next repeat so that I have more time to teach you? Don't forget you'll also have to convince me anew to teach you in the first place since I think I'll forget what happened today, right? At least I have no recollection of this day ever happening before."

Natsu felt his insides clench at the thought that he'd have to do repeat everything he said. And just when he thought that he'd never have to repeat his words again because of Lucy's brilliant solution...

'Wait. What's wrong with giving Zeref a page of the diary, too?'

Natsu suggested the idea, explaining that the pages of his diary would stay where they were. Zeref accepted the suggestion and also offered that in this case, he could come to wherever Natsu was. It was admittedly the most comfortable solution, but Natsu didn't want him to come to their guild and possibly cause a commotion. Thus, he asked Zeref to meet him in the woods near Magnolia. Together, they thought about a time for the meeting and decided that all things considered, early afternoon would be reasonable. Zeref would need some hours to get to Magnolia. Natsu had some things to take care of in the morning, plus he had to be at his strongest for the lesson and therefore should eat lunch before they met.

By the time Zeref sat down to write a text for himself, Natsu's head was spinning. Too much information, too many unanswered questions. His thoughts were in total disarray. There was a lump in his throat that made breathing difficult, but he couldn't make it go away. The questions would have to wait until the next repeat to be asked, seeing as their time was running out. Zeref had only little time left to write a text that would convince himself of helping Natsu out.

Zeref chose pages nearing the end of the diary to write on. When he was finished and about to tear the pages out, Natsu flinched and shouted, "Wait!"

Zeref paused, staring up at Natsu questioningly.

"That book... You said Gray's life will be bound to it and that I have to protect it."

"Yeah, well, but that's only after you've conducted the revival. I advise you not to rip out any pages after that, but it's no problem if I do it now."

Natsu nodded, checking his watch nervously. A minute before eight.

"Hurry. It's safest if you put it somewhere in a pocket. A friend of mine already proved it'll stay there."

Zeref nodded, did as he was told, and then got to his feet.

"We don't have much time left, right?"

"No. A minute, tops."

Zeref seemed to fight with himself for a second, but then he met Natsu's gaze head-on. "I don't mean to keep secrets from you, but I didn't tell you the whole truth today. I wasn't sure if I should burden you any more than you already are. I'll tell you the next time we meet, so please ask me about our past. You have a right to know."

This made Natsu's head spin even more. He wasn't able to decide whether he should be happy or angry or whatever, so he went for a simple, "Oh. Okay."

A sad smile spread out on Zeref's face. "I'm truly happy to have met you again and to soon have you back in my life if everything goes as you plan. I just wish the circumstances weren't this unfortunate. I mean it when I say that I want you to be happy. If you're really going to be cursed, I'll do anything to be able to break it and bring you and y—" He clutched his head. "Ahhh! No! Run!"

Natsu was about to follow his request, but then dizziness overcame him. He saw the sphere expanding, heard Zeref screaming at him to run, but Natsu passed out before the black clouds came anywhere near him.

Mirajane's Notes

Day 11:

Jellal barged into the guild this morning. He dragged Gray out. I followed, but Jellal requested me to stay out of it.

They didn't come back until shortly before noon. Natsu and the others stormed right into Master's office, and a few minutes later, they left with Makarov in tow. I followed them until Magnolia station. Natsu told me he met the Oracle of the Magic Council today and he will be able to save Gray. She told him to go to Tenrou Island. Apparently, the key to Gray's salvation lays on that island.

No update next Sunday. I'm still not sure how long Chapter 22 will be.

Thanks for your reassuring words on the last chapter :)

Your thoughts on this chapter? Any idea about future chapters you want to share?

#gratsu #ftfanfics #mywriting #Chiyalawritesrewind

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chiyalawritesrewind · 8 years

Text

Rewind, Chapter 20

Fanfic: [ch1] [ch2] [ch3] [ch4] [ch5] [ch6] [ch7] [ch8] [ch9] [ch10] [ch11] [ch12] [ch13] [ch14] [ch15] [ch16] [ch17] [ch18] [ch19] [ch20 on AO3] [ch20 on ffn]

Podfic: [ch1] [ch2] [ch3] [ch4] [ch5] [ch6] (Rest coming soon)

Pairing: Gratsu - Gray Fullbuster / Natsu Dragneel ; Acnologia / Zeref

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: Major Character Death; Graphic Depiction of Violence

Summary: When a mission turns out to be fatal for one of the team members, Natsu finds himself being given another chance to change the events.

Beta by @serpenttailedangel and @wildrhov <333

Tagging list: @f-r-f-t @truedreamchasing @eitomagical @galaxiesandfairies @eternalsterekbitches @becausewhenyoupracticeyouimprove @oliversantics @nekodemon73 @moonlustelara @pantykawa @ice-bringer (if somebody else wants to be tagged [or not tagged anymore] in the future, please let me know!)

Enjoy!

Day 11 Part 2

After they arrived in Era and Natsu recovered from his motion sickness, there was no stopping him. He stormed off toward the Magic Council without checking if Gray and Happy followed.

Lydia waited amidst the flower meadow that surrounded the expansive building of the Magic Council. Natsu would've missed her if it wasn't for her calling his name. She smiled at Natsu, and as soon as he got into her close vicinity, a warm and happy feeling settled in his gut.

"You heard my call. Thank you for coming. I want to talk to you in private, so let us wait for your two friends and then go into my office. We do not want to worry them."

Natsu nearly asked how she knew that he was accompanied by two friends, but caught himself at the last second. She could see the future, after all.

A moment later, her grin widened as she waved eagerly at Gray and Happy approaching.

"Welcome, Gray Fullbuster and Happy. I am Lydia, one of the three oracles of the Magic Council."

Gray opened his mouth, but Lydia was quicker.

"You do not need to introduce yourselves. I already know who you are. I have to ask you two to wait here. I need to talk with Natsu Dragneel in private."

Happy lifted his paw and took a step closer. "Why can't we come, too? He'll tell us anyway."

"He can do whatever he thinks is best after, but first, I need you to respect my wish."

After a second of hesitation, Happy nodded. "But why here? Aren't we allowed to enter the Magic Council?"

Lydia shook her head, her smile never fading. "You can go wherever you want besides my office. However, the waiting area of your choice will always be this garden. You do not like the inside of the Magic Council and you think the colors of the flowers are beautiful. There is also a pond with fish just around the corner. You may eat them."

Happy's eyes glistened. "All of them? But aren't they like your pets?"

She winked at him. "Please do not worry about that."

In excitement, Happy tugged at Natsu's clothes, shouting what a beautiful day this was, and that he was sure it would end well.

Gray let out a contented sigh and folded his hands behind his head, looking up at the sky. "Well, it's rather nice out, so we'll just wait here."

Natsu couldn't tear his eyes away from Gray's relaxed face, even as Happy continued to tout for his attention. Why Natsu was suddenly drawn to Gray's lips, he had no idea. Maybe it was the warm summer sun making them shine as if he'd just licked them a second before. Whatever it was, the desire was impossible to resist.

Natsu found himself reaching out for Gray's chin, tilting his head down. Gray jerked in surprise, but when he noticed what Natsu was up to, he pulled him into a tight embrace, pressing their lips together.

The kiss was chaste and short, interrupted by Lydia's giggle.

"Fear not: you will see each other again."

Was that what impelled Natsu? The fear of not being able to see Gray again? Possibly. He couldn't feel fear while being close to Lydia, after all.

"Come with me now. If we do not arrive at my office within the next ten minutes, you will run out of time today."

The threat was enough to make Natsu and Gray let go of each other immediately, albeit reluctantly.

***

As soon as the door to Lydia's office clicked shut, Natsu positioned himself on the rim of the magic circle without being instructed. Lydia nodded in approval and stepped onto the opposite rim, facing him.

When Lydia's eyes fluttered shut, Natsu followed her example. The feeling of wind and water running through his veins was there again, just this time it felt much more pleasant than last time. Breathing didn't become difficult as the minutes ticked by.

For a very long time, nothing seemed to happen. A tingling feeling here, a twitch of a muscle there, but nothing else. About ten minutes into the procedure, there still wasn't any change. Natsu was starting to grow impatient when he suddenly found himself in that strange black room again, only this time it wasn't completely empty. There was a crumbled wall right in front of him, and Lydia was at his side, nearly touching shoulders with him.

"I have already seen what lays behind it. If you take a step forward, you can see snippets of it... It would not endanger the future, but please... think twice. It is truly painful."

She swallowed heavily, and Natsu saw her biting her bottom lip out of the corner of his eye.

Painful, huh? What could be more painful than death? Natsu was ready to die for Gray—had already died once—so surely there couldn't be anything that could shake him anymore, right?

He took a small step forward, careful not to stumble over rubble. Nothing changed, so he took another step, bigger this time.

Suddenly, everything around him was gone, and Natsu fell endlessly. He passed the head of a roaring black dragon. Then a young man with black hair, his back turned toward Natsu, holding out his hands in a protective gesture. Then there was Gray's face, oversized, glaring at him.

"Traitor."

Natsu wanted to scream that no, he wasn't going to betray anyone, but he couldn't utter a word.

"Liar," Gray spat out, and Natsu wasn't sure if he'd meant it as a stand-alone statement or as a reaction to Natsu's thoughts. Either way, it hurt.

Gray opened his mouth again, but before anything could come out, Natsu was yanked backward. He stumbled over rubble and dropped to the floor. Lydia was right beside him, biting her bottom lip and looking at the floor.

"This is enough. I cannot show you too much of your future or else it will change."

"Is this my future? To be hated by Gray?"

She lowered her head even more until a curtain of blond hair hid her face from Natsu's sight entirely. "I... I am truly sorry... but I can only tell you what you have to do next."

"Go ahead."

The dark room vanished, and with a jolt Natsu came to, noticing belatedly that he was falling yet again. He absorbed the impact with his hands and pushed himself right back into a standing position. They were back in Lydia's office. She sat on the floor, sobbing.

A pang of guilt surged through Natsu's body. He was beside her in no time at all, kneeling next to her and patting her shoulder. He let out shushing sounds, but she was inconsolable.

"I... I d-did n-n-not s-see this c-coming, I am s-so sorr-sorry... Y-you do n-not deserve wh-what is awaiting y-you... You h-have already s-su-suffered enough."

Not knowing what else to do, Natsu pulled her into a half hug, running his hands soothingly up and down her back. "It's not your fault."

Another wave of sobs overcame her, heavier this time. It rendered her unable to talk, and calming her down to the point where she could articulate herself again took some minutes. When her sobbing ceased, she pushed Natsu away and looked at him, her eyes red-rimmed and glassy.

"You are ready to sacrifice your life to save the one you love."

Was he supposed to answer? She stared at him, unmoving. A few seconds ticked by silently before Natsu decided to give a careful nod.

"But you are not aware that this does not mean death. I have seen that you are going to do it, but I want to enlighten you before he does. You have to live on. Live in order to save your beloved one, but you will not be allowed to be together with him."

"That's... indeed not what I expected. But I'll do it. I'll do whatever it takes to save his life."

She gulped. "Are you prepared to stay away from him?"

"S-stay away? Y-you mean—"

"Far away. Very far."

"Does that mean—"

"Yes. Far away from your guild and everyone you call your friend."

Natsu gulped. There was still this soothing aura, but it couldn't completely suppress the uneasiness Natsu felt. He was sure a strong wave of negative emotions would crash over him as soon as he got away from her, but he pushed the thought away for now. He straightened himself.

"If he's going to hate me, then staying away would make it easier. Being around him while not being able to be with him would be torture. Especially if he were to choose anyone else."

The thought should be unbearably painful, but the aura surrounding Lydia dulled the pain.

"Yes, I think so. Well then, what you need to do today is go to the island that has a strong connection to your guild's history. I advise you do not take your lover. He could ruin it."

"Ruin what?"

"Everything. Your plans. The odds are very low, but I can see one possible future in which he causes the time loop to end today without being saved."

"Then tell me what I need to do to prevent this and it's gonna be okay, right?"

She sighed. "If I tell you, the possible futures will change."

"Just a tip?"

"I... Give me a moment."

She closed her eyes, titled her head back and stretched her palms toward the ceiling. A warm blue light encompassed her, making her hair float. Natsu sat back on his heels and waited patiently. After a while, the light vanished abruptly as Lydia opened her eyes wide.

"I will tell you. You must not defend Zeref's past actions. That is all. If your lover thinks you do not blame Zeref for the death of his parents, he will cause an uproar, possibly destroy all the progress you made and throw the world into darkness with his actions."

Why would Natsu do such a thing in the first place? It was Zeref's demon who killed Gray's parents, thus it was clearly his fault.

"Okay."

"You have to prevent them from fighting, but please choose your strategy wisely. I can see you already have a good idea. Please use it."

"The one where I say that if he kills Zeref, I'll die as well?"

Her lips pulled into a small smile. "Yes. I do not know whose idea it was, but it is a good one. Another thing: You cannot save your lover today. What you have to do needs preparation."

"What? How long?"

"That is up to you. You can do it within two days or you can choose to spend some more time with your lover and postpone it. Now, we do not have much time left. May I ask you for one last promise?"

The promises he made with her until this point had turned out to be very helpful, so he didn't hesitate to nod.

"Do not blame yourself for what will happen and what already has happened. It is not your fault. Nothing is. As soon as you have made your decision, you have next to no control over the situation. Your decisions will be the correct ones. What happened two days before was fated to happen. It had to happen. The same goes for the future. You will not endanger the future if you do not promise this, but you will be better off if you do and keep it. I am worried about you."

Now that was a lot to ask. Natsu didn't feel any less guilty because of what she said, and if she said something like this, then he was surely going to do something else that would elicit an equally strong feeling of guilt. If it was something he believed to be his fault, how could he shake it off?

"I know it is difficult, but please, at least try. You had to feel responsible for your lover's death and commit suicide. Otherwise, you would not have been ready for this. So, please, try not to blame yourself."

"O-okay. I promise to try."

She nodded in approval and then shooed him away, saying that if he didn't hurry, time would run out. She instructed him to go straight to their guild master once they arrived at the guild. Natsu thanked her and then ran outside, trying his best to fight down the fear creeping up his spine as soon as Lydia's soothing aura didn't affect him anymore.

He sniffed the air to locate Gray and Happy and then took off in their direction. He didn't want to give himself time to imagine all the horrible things that could—would—happen. Next thing he knew, he bumped into Gray, sending him flying to the soft grass with Natsu landing right on top of him.

"He-hey, be careful! Did you miss me that much?"

Gray's expression was totally different from the one Natsu had just seen. Soft eyes, a teasing smile on his lips, a faint blush on his cheeks. If it could just stay like this... Him and Gray, in happily in love. Natsu was about to reason that he didn't deserve it because he killed Gray, but the promise he made to Lydia resounded in his mind.

'It is not your fault. Nothing is.'

"Natsu? What's wrong? You look unhappy."

There was no point keeping secrets from Gray now, right? Lydia said time would turn back at least once more, so Gray would forget. Although he had to be careful because of the Zeref-issue. Natsu knew from experience how strongly Gray reacted to his name alone.

"She showed me pieces of my future... One of them was... y-you called me 'traitor' and 'liar'. Your expression was... really angry."

Gray furrowed his eyebrows. "Why would I say such a thing? You're going to save my life. Calling you a 'traitor' and a 'liar'... That would be very ungrateful of me. What exactly do you need to do to save me?"

"Sh-she didn't tell me. She just said we need to go to an island that has a strong connection to our guild's past." It wasn't exactly a lie, but there was no way he'd make things worse by saying Zeref's name.

Gray cocked his head and pursed his lips as if he was thinking hard.

Suddenly Lydia's voice spoke in his head, 'Hurry.'

Natsu pushed himself upright and held out his hand for Gray. When Gray didn't react right away, Natsu made an impatient gesture and said, "We don't have time to waste. We have to leave. Come on!"

The warning spurred on Gray and Happy, who had been sitting on the edge of the pond with a fish in his mouth, and they took off running in the direction of the train station.

The future that lay before him scared Natsu, but he tried his best to push the thought away and focus on the here and now. It was the first time in his life that he was happy about being motion sick on the train, since it banished all thoughts beside 'I want this ride to end!'

***

When they arrived at Magnolia station, Natsu didn't give himself time to recover from the ride. He made a run for their guild the second he stepped out of the train car, urging Gray and Happy on to follow him.

Whenever dark thoughts threatened to subdue him, he sped up so that he had to focus more on his surroundings in order not to trip. Gray and Happy were only a few steps behind him all the time.

Natsu burst through the door of their guild hall without bothering to open it, breaking it and its frame in the process. People shouted at him, but he didn't much care. All he wanted was to talk to Makarov. He left the door to his office intact in case their master wanted to talk to him in private, but he didn't knock before storming in. Makarov jumped so high he nearly hit his head on the ceiling. Natsu caught him and gently set him down in his chair again.

"Which island has a strong connection to our guild's history?"

Makarov stared at Natsu in disbelief, his mouth wide open. Gray and Happy entered the office and closed the door behind them, but neither said a word.

Natsu grabbed Makarov by the collar. "Come on, gramps! We don't have much time!"

"Wh-why do you want to know such a thing?"

"I don't have time to explain. It's to save Gray. Please."

"Tenrou Island. But you can't just take a normal ship. It has to be the Fairy Tail ship."

Natsu lifted him from his seat and shook him, trying to convey urgency. "I have to go there! How long does it take?"

Beads of sweat formed on Makarov's forehead. "Our ship is in Hargeon Port. We could reach Tenrou Island by late afternoon if we go now."

Natsu put their master down and urged the three of them on to get going. This meant another train ride, then a boat trip, thus more nausea for Natsu, but he could take it.

If it meant that Gray could live on, he would take anything, even Gray's hatred. No matter how much it hurt, he would rather be separated from Gray and incur his wrath than let him die again.

Natsu grabbed Gray's and Makarov's wrists and made for the door, not giving them time to explain anything to their guild mates. Mirajane followed them until the train station, where they needed to wait some minutes for the next train. It didn't really matter who came, or did it? Lydia hadn't said anything about his other guild mates. She'd only advised him not to take Gray.

However, Mirajane didn't want to come with them. She just asked where they were going and why. Natsu didn't see any reason to keep their destination and his meeting with Lydia a secret, but he still didn't mention Zeref.

When the train arrived, Mirajane seemed to be content with the answers and wished them good luck. Jellal wasn't hiding himself very well. He didn't even wait for them to be inside before he entered the train a car behind them, but Natsu didn't comment. Jellal would either have to show himself if he wanted to get on the ship or do a better job at hiding and sneaking aboard.

***

Gray didn't leave Natsu's side on the trip, always appearing worried about his health, both mental and physical. He tried cooling down Natsu's forehead to help his nausea, but that made matters worse. He talked with Natsu even when he wasn't able to give a coherent answer.

On the one hand, Natsu was happy that Gray was this worried about him, but on the other he wished Gray would just stop promising stuff he didn't know he could keep. How could he say that he wasn't going to hate Natsu when he didn't even know what was going to happen? He most probably wouldn't be able to keep it if what Lydia had showed and told Natsu was true, and he didn't want to get false hope.

So, on their way from the train station to Hargeon's port, Natsu grabbed Gray's hand and slowed down, making them drop behind. They had a bit time anyway since Makarov needed to obtain their ship first. Gray lifted his eyebrows when he noticed what Natsu was up to, but Natsu refused to say anything until they were out of earshot. Happy looked back in confusion once, but Natsu shook his head, gesturing him to follow Makarov. Jellal would always be close, but there was just no helping it. He had already seen and heard them do worse things.

As soon as the port was in sight, Natsu stopped dead and turned to face Gray. "Please stop promising stuff you can't possibly control. I'll end up believing you and get hurt even worse."

Gray took a step back, removing his hand from Natsu's. His eyebrows were furrowed in confusion. "But I'm telling you, I won't let that happen. We know what the future is supposed to be like, so we can change it, right? I don't think I could hate you anyway, no matter wh—"

"Shut up! You don't know that! What if I have to betray your trust? What if I need to wipe out our whole guild just to save you? Can you still say you won't hate me, huh?"

Gray retreated another step, his eyes wide in shock. "Wh-what? You wouldn't do such a thing, right? Killing our family to save me."

Natsu's throat constricted. This wasn't meant to be considered seriously. He didn't have a clue about what he'd need to do, but for all he knew, it could be something cruel like that. Would he be able to take other people's lives to save Gray? Natsu didn't want to think about it.

"I don't know. I would prefer to wait until we know what's on the line and then think about what I would and wouldn't do. All I'm saying is, you don't know the future. Of course we can try to change it, but I'm inclined to believe Lydia when she says that certain things have to happen the way they are supposed to. I don't want to destroy our possibly last day together by fighting."

Gray stepped forward and grabbed Natsu by his scarf, glowering. Oops. That shouldn't have come out.

"What do you mean, 'our possibly last day together'? Do you know something you haven't told me?"

'Careful. Don't mention Zeref. Stay vague. He's already angry enough as it is.'

"She... uh, implied that... th-that..."

A sharp pain originating in his heart surged through his body, leaving him unable to speak. Why was this so difficult? Natsu had already come to terms with losing everything, including that he'd have to leave Gray, so it shouldn't be a problem to say it out loud. Yet he couldn't utter a word.

Natsu averted his eyes. Looking at Gray's face was just too painful, even though his expression softened considerably after Natsu's speech died down. Maybe it was for the best if he really did leave Gray behind. The farewell certainly wouldn't become easier the more time he spent with Gray. More time with Gray meant their bond would grow stronger, at least on Natsu's side.

There was a lump in Natsu's throat that wouldn't go away no matter how many times he swallowed. A warm hand brushed over Natsu's cheek, prompting him to look back up. Gray had his bottom lip pulled between his teeth.

"I... I'm sorry. I have no right to judge you." Gray pulled Natsu into his arms and patted his head. "It's you who's suffering the most, you who has to bear all the pain and heartache. If there's something you feel you need to hide from me for whatever reason, that's all right. Maybe you're keeping secrets to spare yourself more pain, or you're trying to spare me. I just—" Gray's grip tightened. "—want to help you. I may not know what will happen, but I know that I don't want to lose you."

Was Natsu imagining things, or was Gray having trouble keeping his voice even? When he heard a muffled sniffle, he knew for sure: Gray was crying. And Natsu wasn't that far off, either.

He didn't want to be separated from Gray—not now, not ever. Gray was his whole world, the reason he was looking forward to each new day. Even after all these horrible things started happening, Gray was his only light in the darkness. How could he carry on when his light was gone? He would succumb to darkness, lose his will to live. It was just a matter of time, given his current mental state. No matter how much he'd tried to ignore it thus far, he wasn't the same anymore. Seeing Gray die countless times had taken its toll on him and his mental condition. Where he'd always seen a colorful world full of possibilities, now it was a world full of possible threats to Gray's life and their future, a world full of sorrow, pain, and heartache.

"N-Natsu... d-don't cry..."

The lump in his throat made it impossible to answer. He hadn't even noticed that he'd started crying, but his tears had already soaked Gray's shirt. Natsu swallowed and tightened his grip on Gray. He spoke with difficulty: "Y-y-you're one t-to talk... idiot."

Gray's wailing only intensified, as did his grip on Natsu. They stood there for a while, both crying and clinging to the other, neither of them saying anything.

Lydia had mentioned that it was up to Natsu how often time would still loop. He could do it within two loops or delay it as long as he wanted. If it really meant farewell, would he have the heart to end it within one more day?

"Natsuuuuuuuu!" Happy shouted from the distance, prompting Natsu and Gray to jump apart.

Natsu wiped his eyes frantically, not wanting to worry Happy any further. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Gray doing the same. Happy came closer at a rapid pace. In the distance, Natsu saw a sail with the Fairy Tail emblem, meaning they were ready to take off. On closer inspection, the ship had its bow to the sea, already sailing away.

"Natsuuuuuu, Graaaaaaay, hurry! Run to the port, I'll carry you on board! Master said this is the best solution if we don't want to waste time."

They didn't need to be told twice. Upon reaching the port, Natsu told Happy to take Gray first. As soon as they were out of earshot, Natsu called for Jellal to show himself. He didn't have to wait long until Jellal emerged from the shadows of a nearby alley, body stiff and his brows furrowed in worry.

"Are you okay with being carried by Happy? Or do you want to... dunno, use your... err, Motor magic?"

Jellal rolled his eyes. "Meteor."

"Yeah, that."

"I'd much rather not waste my magic. Who knows what awaits us there. Is your cat reliable?"

"He's not my cat; he's my friend. Of course he's reliable."

"Then I'll take him. Is there something you know and haven't shared with Gray yet? You can tell me, I won't reveal it."

Natsu quickly checked where Happy was, noting that he'd just reached the ship and was about to set Gray down. There was nothing wrong with letting Jellal in on what was awaiting them, right? Natsu was nervous as hell about the fact that they were supposed to meet the greatest dark mage, who was supposed to be dead. Like this, he could share his sorrow with somebody.

He clenched his fists and looked Jellal in the eye. "Zeref."

Jellal's eyes widened in horror, and he took a step back. "Th-that's... h-holy shit! You're kidding, right?"

Natsu shook his head in defeat. "I wish I was. But it seems like he's not our enemy. Lydia said I have to prevent a fight."

Before Natsu had the chance to react, Jellal was right there, grabbing him by the scarf, glowering. "You are kidding me! There's no way—"

Natsu grabbed Jellal's wrist and squeezed it as tightly as he could. "If you refuse to believe me, I'll fight you right here and take your communication lacrima. I don't need you to be with us. You want to come? Then promise not to lay a finger on Zeref unless he's posing a threat to us."

Jellal gritted his teeth. "He's posing a threat to humanity merely by existing."

Natsu let out a snarl. "Let me rephrase that. Promise not to lay a finger on Zeref unless he's attacking us."

They stared at each other for a long while, neither of them budging. Only when they heard Happy shout Natsu's name did they avert their eyes.

"Natsuuuu! What's wrong? We don't have time or I'll get too tired to use my wings. Can't you postpone your fight? And why is he even here?"

Natsu turned sharply back to Jellal. "So?"

Jellal glared at him for a second, but then let out a resigned sigh. "Fine. I accept your conditions."

Pleased with the outcome, Natsu asked Happy to carry Jellal to the ship first, but his friend was confused. Natsu gave a brief explanation that Jellal was needed for this, that he would help. Happy accepted the explanation, but still insisted that Jellal would be the last one. He grabbed Natsu and flew off with him, not caring about his protests.

The ship was fast, fueled by Makarov's magic, and Happy just barely managed to carry Jellal to the ship before exhaustion overtook him. Having Jellal on the ship caused some questions, but Natsu was in no condition to answer them. Happy repeated Natsu's brief explanation, and that seemed to be enough.

Despite Natsu's nausea, Gray never let go of him during the whole ride.

Did anyone think that things are looking up for Natsu from now on?

Important announcement! Please read! I won't be able to maintain the weekly updates anymore. I pushed myself too much and it worked just fine for a couple of months, but now I've reached a point at which writing is not fun anymore. I obsessed over this story and pressured myself to keep the promise I made, instead of taking a step back and admitting that it wasn't the right thing to do (but I'm doing it now, so now it's fine). It wasn't good for my mental health and I also didn't allow myself to do anything else in my free time anymore. Whenever I found something that I wanted to do (like reading a book / reading another one's fanfic / playing a game / etc.), I immediately thought 'no, you don't have time for that, you have to write, you have a deadline to meet, you aren't allowed to indulge in anything else'. Just writing this makes me so sad.

It wouldn't be a problem if I were a faster writer, but currently, my average writing speed is like 100-200 words per hour (and with a daily word goal of one thousand, you can do the maths), and I have the feeling that I get slower the more pressure I put myself under. There were times when I wrote 6k words in one day (that was a Saturday where I wrote from morning until late evening with few breaks, but still), and it was so much fun! I want to go back to these times. I didn't have pressure at all.

I'm not saying I'll abandon this fic (because I never will), just that the updates will come irregularly in the future. Chapter length may vary between a few hundred words to ten thousand or even more, depending on what makes sense (there'll be no more dividing a day into parts etc.)

Chapter 21 will still be published next Sunday (that chapter is already written, just needs to be edited), and Chapter 22 will maybe be published the Sunday after that (I'm like halfway through), but from then on, I'll need more time.

I won't discontinue this fic. I love it too much for that.

I know I spoiled you with the weekly updates, and I know you might be sad and frustrated, but I never want to put other people's expectations over my hapiness & health anymore. I hope you'll still continue reading this fic~

Have a nice day <3

#Gratsu #Chiyalawritesrewind #mywriting #ftfanfics

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chiyalawritesrewind · 8 years

Text

Rewind, Chapter 19

Fanfic: [ch1] [ch2] [ch3] [ch4] [ch5] [ch6] [ch7] [ch8] [ch9] [ch10] [ch11] [ch12] [ch13] [ch14] [ch15] [ch16] [ch17] [ch18] [ch19 on AO3] [ch19 on ffn]

Podfic: [ch1] [ch2] [ch3] [ch4] [ch5] [ch6] (Rest coming soon)

Pairing: Gratsu - Gray Fullbuster / Natsu Dragneel ; Acnologia / Zeref

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: Major Character Death; Graphic Depiction of Violence

Summary: When a mission turns out to be fatal for one of the team members, Natsu finds himself being given another chance to change the events.

Additional information: weekly updates; every Sunday.

Beta by @serpenttailedangel and @wildrhov <333

Tagging list: @f-r-f-t @truedreamchasing @mushi0131 @eitomagical @galaxiesandfairies @eternalsterekbitches @becausewhenyoupracticeyouimprove @oliversantics @nekodemon73 @moonlustelara @pantykawa @ice-bringer (if somebody else wants to be tagged [or not tagged anymore] in the future, please let me know!)

Notes: If you read the last chapter, then this one shouldn't be a problem for you. If you skipped the last chapter because of the trigger warning (which wouldn't be a problem because it basically just contains Natsu committing suicide), then I'm not sure if this chapter might be triggering for you as well. It contains suicidal thoughts, especially at the beginning. Proceed with caution.

Also, because it's long ago and some people might have forgotten: Ultear keeps a diary, just like Natsu. That's why she 'remembers' the most important stuff. She and Jellal have a communication lacrima, so that's how he's informed pretty much right away if there's something wrong.

Enjoy!

"Come to me..."

"You are ready."

"I can help you now."

Was he dead? Was this was being dead felt like? Hearing voices?

"You were very brave."

It sounded like a female voice. An angel?

"You have a pure heart."

No, that part wasn't true. However, he couldn't answer. He didn't have a physical body.

"Salamander. Natsu Dragneel. You are ready now. Come to me."

Was it only one person talking? Or many?

"Can you hear me?"

'Yes,' he wanted to say but he couldn't. It was strange though that he could see something when he didn't have eyes. A woman appeared right before him. She had long blond hair, a gentle smile on her lips. She seemed familiar.

"Come to me. Alone or with your beloved one."

'My beloved one isn't here. He's still in the world of the living,' he wanted to say.

The smile of the woman grew more tender. "He is with you. You love him after all. He will always be with you."

'Gray... don't tell me you're also dead... permanently?'

"If not physically, he will be with you in your heart."

Oh, so that was what she meant.

"Promise you will come to me."

Why promise? Could somebody who was dead still keep promises? He'd failed so many of the promises he'd given. He couldn't be trusted with keeping them anymore. Besides, he was already right before her.

"Not in this realm. Come to me in the real world."

What was the real world? Was there even such a thing as a 'real world' for the dead?

"You are not dead. I can help you. Please come to me."

Not dead? Had Ultear not granted him his last wish? Didn't she know that she couldn't force somebody to live? Natsu had committed suicide once. He could do it again.

"What she did was right. You can save your beloved one now."

Save Gray? How should he be able to save him?

"Come to me. Promise."

Who was this woman? She seemed so familiar. And why did Natsu feel like he was drawn to her?

She held out her hand. "You know me. You promised something to me and you kept it. Now that your first promise is fulfilled, I want you to promise something else. Come to me. Please."

Natsu stretched out his hand, surprised to find that he had one. He jerked shortly before they touched, but when his gaze met hers, the hesitation was gone. They shook hands.

'I promise. I'll come to you. I'll save Gray.'

"I take you at your word. I am waiting for you, Natsu Dragneel."

She nodded and then shoved him backward.

Natsu jolted upright in his bed, panting heavily, the strange feeling of falling slowly fading. His whole body was shaking, and he couldn't even bring his hands to wipe the sweat from his forehead—instead, he ended up punching himself in the face.

"Ouch..."

'Useless body.'

He lowered his hand and looked around. His room was as untidy as always, but what caught his eye was the locked diary on his bedside table. Everything seemed so real. The stench of his own sweat, the pain in his face, the sheets. This couldn't possibly be a dream or the realm of the dead. So it was real then and Ultear hadn't respected his last wish.

If the circumstances were any different, Natsu would've become seriously angry at her. However, with the prospect of being able to save Gray's life this time, his spirits were revived. He pushed aside all thoughts that weren't directly related with his goal of saving Gray.

Since there was no way Natsu was going to save Gray while smelling like a gym locker room, he needed to take a shower first.

Just as Natsu stood in the middle of his bathroom, drying himself with his flames, he heard the door to his house bang open. He closed his eyes, listening closely and trying to identify the intruder. Before he even had the chance to process that the person was coming closer at a rapid pace, his bathroom door was kicked open, revealing a frantic looking Gray.

"Nats—oh."

Oh? Oh, right! He was still naked. Natsu grabbed the nearest towel, wrapped it around his hips, and tied it in a makeshift knot.

Gray was out of breath and flustered, but he neither backed off nor took his eyes off Natsu.

'Why is he here? He's never come to my house before. Did Lucy send him? But it's a bit too early for that. She's in the shower at seven. It can't be any later than twenty past seven. What happened yesterday? After my death...'

Natsu had to look away. He couldn't stand this strong feeling of guilt, couldn't look Gray in the eye. He felt that he shouldn't even be around Gray anymore, yet there was probably no way he'd be able to save him without being near him, right? He'd have to endure it, if only for a while longer. When Gray was saved and time didn't loop anymore, Natsu could atone for all he'd done.

"Jellal told me you're suicidal and that I need to check on you immediately. He wouldn't explain anything to me, he just said it would be too late if I don't run. What the hell is going on?"

Oh, great. That left Natsu with the task of explaining everything all over again. Because if he didn't, then Gray wouldn't believe him. That much was painfully clear since the morning of that fateful day when he'd tried to have sex with Gray without confessing.

He sighed. "Let's sit down somewhere. This will be a long story."

They decided on Natsu's bed since every other surface that was originally meant to be used for sitting was cluttered.

Natsu got the standard explanations over with, clumsily trying to leave out the fact that he and Gray had become lovers, but Gray noticed that something was off when Natsu was halfway through. It was bound to happen, with Natsu flinching and cutting off his sentences regularly. He wanted to wiggle his way out of the question, but Gray didn't let him.

"Come on, I can see that you're hiding something. Whatever it is, please tell me. I want to understand all of it. I won't judge you."

'Of course you won't. You'll like this part, and that's the problem. I'm not good for you, and you shouldn't want me of all people.'

"I'm sorry, but I can't tell you. It's not important for the story anyway."

"It's important to you, I can see that much. Please. I beg you."

Gray lowered his head, indicating a bow. This movement brought his head much closer to Natsu. If Natsu just stretched out his hand a bit, he could touch Gray's soft hair, his face...

'Cut the crap! You killed him. Get this over with, save him, and then get the fuck away from him! If you confess this time, he'll know and won't forget. He won't leave you alone. He'll find excuses for everything, he'll reason that you didn't do anything wrong when you clearly did.'

However, his body wasn't listening. His heart hurt so much it was unbearable. Only when his hand softly touched Gray's cheek did he notice what he'd done. Was there any way this could be mistaken for a friend's touch? Friends didn't caress each other's cheeks, did they? Natsu certainly didn't.

Gray sucked in a sharp breath at the contact and didn't move for a moment. Why couldn't Natsu just stop caressing? He was despicable, indulging in his feelings like he had every right to.

Hesitantly, Gray lifted his hand and placed it over Natsu's. His skin was always so warm. He was an ice mage, so shouldn't it be cold? Before Natsu even noticed that Gray had moved at all, he found himself staring right into icy blue eyes, the most beautiful pair of eyes Natsu had ever seen. He didn't deserve the way they looked at him: so warm, so full of love.

"Correct me if I'm wrong, but... c-could it be... that y-you... uh, l-love me?"

Natsu wanted to object but he couldn't. He couldn't lie.

A tear dripped from his chin. Just when had he started crying? Gray wiped the tears away, and his hand lingered on Natsu's cheek longer than necessary.

"You must already know my answer. What's wrong then? Why are you crying? Or is it that you don't feel the same and you've just taken pity on me the last times?"

"I don't do such stuff with you out of pity!"

Gray's eyes widened only a fraction, and there was a glimmer that hadn't been there before.

Oh shit. Had he just... Yeah. Confessed. Stupid. Incredibly stupid.

"That's... good to hear. C-can you... uh, maybe tell o-or show me what kind of... err, stuff you've done with me? Though I think I can imagine... Probably... this."

Gray inched closer, a blush on his cheeks. He cupped Natsu's chin, tilted it slightly upward, and shortened the distance between their faces.

The moment their lips met, Natsu snapped back into awareness. He shoved Gray backward onto the bed and wiped his lips.

"Don't touch me! I killed you. On the ninth day, I killed you with my own hands. I have no right to be kissed by you anymore, no right to be loved by you. You shouldn't even be here. You should despise me!"

Gray's eyes widened, and he took a moment to sit back up.

"Is that why you're suicidal? Tell me exactly what happened."

That was what Natsu intended to do anyway, so he did. He needed to take a moment to calm down halfway through. Gray respected his wish and stayed away, calming him with words alone. The rest went smoothly. Telling Gray that he really did commit suicide the previous time had him feeling nervous and guilty, but as soon as it was out, there was nothing left. Only emptiness. He didn't dare look anywhere but at his sheets, too afraid of Gray's reaction.

"You said you 'killed' me, but what you did wasn't something you could control. I don't see any reason why you should blame yourself. I mean it. You were talking of fate; why can't you accept that fate had this planned for you from the start? I don't want you to feel like shit because of that, and I'm sure I didn't blame you when it happened."

Natsu punched the bedsheets, but didn't look up. "You didn't have time for that because that sword pierced your heart! You died right away."

"Well, that doesn't change the fact that you can't be held responsible for my death. And anyway, why does it even matter? I realize it must be hard for you, but try considering it from a different angle. It didn't change anything, right? If you hadn't accidentally pushed me into that sword, I would've died of a heart attack."

Natsu knew that this would happen. Gray didn't understand what he was going through. How could he, if he'd never experienced something like this?

"You can't possibly know that. I could've saved you. You don't know how this feels..."

At that, Gray cupped Natsu's chin and tilted his head back up, glaring daggers at him.

"I do know what it feels like. Don't you remember that Ur died because of me? I might not have pushed her into a blade, but I did cause her death. If it weren't for me, she wouldn't have fought against Deliora. She wouldn't have had to use Iced Shell to protect Lyon and me. She was like a mother to me, and I had to live on with the remorse of having killed my mother."

"That's not the same!"

"Of course it's not. But the resulting feelings are similar. Remorse. Guilt. Self-hatred. Do you know who helped me get over it? You. You and the others, but mainly you. When we first met, I didn't enjoy life at all. I was full of hate and thirst for revenge. My smiles were rare and mostly fake. I hated you and your positive attitude, but our rivalry gave me back what I thought I'd lost forever. I didn't even notice at the time, but it was you who saved me from my inner demons. It was you who made me laugh again. So please, let me be the one to save you from your demons now."

Save him? What if Natsu didn't want to be saved?

'That's not true and you know it. You can't lie to yourself. Of course you want to be saved! Of course you want to spend more time with the one you love. You're selfish, and deep down you know that it wasn't entirely your fault this happened. You want to atone for what you've done, yet at the same time you want to be forgiven and be happy, even though you think you have no right to be... What is right, what is wrong? What is okay and what is not? Why is this situation so fucked up?'

This train of thought lead nowhere; it only made his head spin, as did the current conversation with Gray. They could talk about this once everything was resolved. There were more urgent matters at hand, and they were only wasting precious time. Thus Natsu decided to change the topic and get to the point.

He gave a noncommittal sigh and said, "Anyway, there's still something I didn't tell you. This morning I had a dream. Lydia, the oracle, called me. She said she can help me now and we should come to the Magic Council again."

Gray let out a surprised gasp. "You mean you had to commit suicide in order to move things along?"

Natsu flinched. "What? How should me committing suicide make any difference?"

"I have no idea, but what else could've caused this? If I understood correctly, the only thing you did the last time was committing suicide, right? Or maybe it was because you didn't try to save me for once."

Gray didn't expect Natsu to answer, that much was clear. Natsu wouldn't have been able to provide a proper answer anyway because he hadn't given the why any thought until now. Questions and possibilities flooded his mind, leaving him unable to form a coherent thought for a moment.

What if he needed to offer up his life in exchange for Gray to live? What if that was the key to stopping this? Could he die for Gray, exchange his life for the man he loved to end the cycle?

His answer was clear: he'd do it without hesitation. Just like Gray had done the first two times, Natsu wouldn't have to think twice about his decision.

Gray snapped him out of his thoughts by jumping up and saying, "Anyway, that's great, let's go! And just to be clear: I won't let you commit suicide again. I'll do anything I can to heal your wounded soul." He held out an inviting hand, encouraging Natsu with a nod to take it.

Well, if he was going to die and thus redeem his sins, he might as well enjoy his last day, right? Not only did Natsu take Gray's hand to pull himself upright, but he also stumbled right into Gray's arms. Maybe it was selfish, even undeserved, but he pressed their lips into a much-needed kiss.

Gray didn't reciprocate at first, but after a few heartbeats, he wrapped his arms tightly around Natsu's waist, kissing him back. Natsu let out a contented sigh, pushing away all the negative thoughts for now.

Having Gray so close again, being held by his strong arms, having his soft lips pressed against his own... It was so much more than Natsu had let himself hope for. No, it wasn't a matter of hope. It was a matter of self-restraint, which Natsu evidentially didn't possess.

Gray licked over Natsu's lips, and before Natsu even knew what was happening, he opened his mouth to welcome Gray's warm tongue. When Gray loosened the embrace, Natsu nearly let out a grunt of protest, but the next second Gray's hands slipped under the towel, groping his ass. The movement untied the makeshift knot, and the towel slid down Natsu's legs, pooling around his ankles. Natsu knew he shouldn't let himself be seduced, he totally wasn't going to, but indulging for a few seconds more wouldn't hurt, right?

However, when his cock stirred, a wave of guilt overcame him. He shoved Gray away and covered his crotch with his hands, feeling self-conscious.

"Don't. We have a mission to do. Let's go."

Gray's face was flushed, his eyes fixed on the floor. "I'm sorry. I got carried away."

"It's okay, but let's focus. I'm not gonna let you die again."

Gray gave a small nod. He said he'd wait outside and left Natsu alone. Natsu could hear Happy questioning Gray about what happened 'between the two of them,' but he tuned their conversation out in favor of getting ready quickly.

He was almost done when the diary on his bedside table caught his attention again. He hadn't yet opened it to check if there was something new written in it. His throat constricted when he thought of all the possible outcomes of the previous day. They surely found his diary and thus knew that he committed suicide.

'But what if they also found my corpse? Gray... what would you do if you found my dead body? I didn't want you to find it. I thought I went far enough... Far enough so that nobody would find me... But still... what if...'

His hands were shaky as he removed his necklace and reached out for the diary. He needed several tries until he managed to fit the key into the lock, growing more nervous with every second.

'Just a quick glance, maybe skim over it, but then I'll close it again. We already wasted enough time as it is.'

He should've known that it wouldn't work, that he would sit down on his bed and read all of it. His insides clenched painfully as he imagined Gray sitting beside his dead body, crying, desperate, probably angry. A needle piercing his heart couldn't have been any more painful than this. When he finished, he went back and reread the sentences that had the most impact on him, blinking his sight clear of tears every few seconds.

I can barely see anything anymore and my throat is sore. I can't believe you did this.

I beg you, don't kill yourself again. Do it for me.

Let me be your reason to live.

I love you so much, I don't know what to do with myself.

Life without you will be possible... but it's pointless.

You've clearly lost all hope, and I want nothing more than to give it back to you.

And then, of course also the whole last paragraph, written by Lucy:

Gray didn't fully let it on in his text just how devastated he actually was. He went on a rampage. It took Erza, Freed, Laxus, Mirajane, and me to stop him. Don't do this to him again. Don't do this to all of us. We love you. We'll help you get over your trauma. We'll always be there for you. But right now, we have no other choice than to put our faith in you. Please save Gray. And please let yourself be saved by us.

Natsu bit his bottom lip and wiped his face dry.

'Stop wasting precious time, idiot. We have to leave now.'

He shook his head, resolutely closed and locked the diary, put it into his rucksack and got up.

When Natsu emerged, Happy was in Gray's arms, crying. Gray had told him everything, or at least most of it, then. The sight sent a stab of pain and remorse through Natsu and his feet automatically carried him toward them. He laid his hand on Happy's head.

"I'm so sorry, Happy.HapHhh"

As a reaction, Happy hurled himself right into Natsu's arms, and his sobbing intensified.

'That's right... Happy and Gray are the ones who would suffer the most from my death. I haven't thought about their feelings at all. What a selfish way to act. Didn't I blame Gray for the exact same thing on the third day? For "throwing away his life" without considering my feelings? I'm such a failure.'

Natsu squeezed Happy in a weak attempt to apologize, although he wasn't sure if Happy even knew of his suicide. Maybe he was just crying because he heard Gray died so many times already. Natsu couldn't ask Gray what exactly he'd told Happy without calling attention to the fact that there was possibly something Happy hadn't been informed of yet.

However, Gray locked eyes with him, shook his head, nodded toward Happy, and held a pointer finger to his lips in a shushing gesture. Then Natsu understood; they weren't going to tell him. Natsu gave Gray a curt nod and a thankful smile, relieved that Happy didn't notice the gesture, or at least didn't let on.

Had Gray already told Happy that they had to go to the Magic Council today? Would they take Happy with them or not? Natsu had neglected him too much in the past days, and if this was his last day, then he wanted to spend his last hours with the two people most precious to him. In his dream, Lydia said that he should come 'alone or with his beloved one,' but Happy could just wait outside, right? It shouldn't be a problem.

"Shhh. Don't cry. It's gonna be okay. Did Gray already tell you that I can save him today? I've been called to the Magic Council. The oracle will help us."

Happy's grip on Natsu tightened. "It's o-okay, I c-can handle i-i-it, you d-don't have t-to lie—"

"I'm not lying. I have been summoned to the Magic Council in my dreams. That lady can help us."

Happy peeled himself from Natsu's arms and looked at him with a frown. "Why didn't she help you earlier, then? Gray said it's the eleventh day."

"She couldn't. I don't know why, but we'll find out once we are there. Let's go!"

Natsu flashed a bright smile, grabbed Happy's paw and Gray's hand, and pulled them along.

Finally being on the way to the person who could help them save Gray's life lifted Natsu's spirits and mood palpably. It seemed to have the same effect on Gray and Happy. He only let go of Happy's paw after the umpteenth complaint that he would prefer to fly. Gray didn't complain. Quite the opposite; he laced their fingers together, a soft smile on his face as he easily matched Natsu's pace.

Natsu only realized now how much he'd missed seeing Happy smile, and how much he'd missed being together with his two favorite people. His heart clenched painfully at the thought that this was possibly his last chance to enjoy their presence in a somewhat carefree setting.

Even so, it would be worth it. There was nothing more important to him than Gray's wellbeing. If that meant sacrificing his life, Natsu would do it without hesitation or regret.

Things are heating up~

This is your second last chapter where you have room to wonder about their bond and Natsu's sacrifice. Things will be revealed in Chapter 21.

Do you think Natsu is right with his thought process? Maybe you have another idea altogether?

See you next Sunday :)

#Chiyalawritesrewind #ftfanfics #gratsu #trigger warning: sucidal thoughts

24 notes · View notes

chiyalawritesrewind · 8 years

Text

Rewind, Chapter 18

Fanfic: [ch1] [ch2] [ch3] [ch4] [ch5] [ch6] [ch7] [ch8] [ch9] [ch10] [ch11] [ch12] [ch13] [ch14] [ch15] [ch16] [ch17] [ch18 on AO3] [ch18 on ffn]

Podfic: [ch1] [ch2] [ch3] [ch4] [ch5] (Rest coming soon)

Pairing: Gratsu - Gray Fullbuster / Natsu Dragneel ; Acnologia / Zeref

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: Major Character Death; Graphic Depiction of Violence

Summary: When a mission turns out to be fatal for one of the team members, Natsu finds himself being given another chance to change the events.

Additional information: weekly updates; every Sunday.

Beta by @serpenttailedangel and @wildrhov <333

Tagging list: @f-r-f-t @truedreamchasing @mushi0131 @eitomagical @thatartcorner @eternalsterekbitches @becausewhenyoupracticeyouimprove @oliversantics @nekodemon73 @moonlustelara @pantykawa (if somebody else wants to be tagged [or not tagged anymore] in the future, please let me know!)

Notes: A whole day in one chapter again, wohooo! The shortest chapter of the whole fic!

Trigger warning for this chapter: Suicide!

This was originally planned as a 'joker chapter' for myself if I ever have a writer's block and don't want to endanger the weekly updates. It somehow evolved into a key chapter plot-wise.

I may sound like Satan if I say 'enjoy', so I'll go ahead and do it: Enjoy!

Day 10

Natsu's eyes opened wide the second he awoke, staring blankly at the white ceiling.

'I killed him.'

He didn't have the energy to scream or cry anymore; he'd done all those things after he'd killed Gray. It was no use. No amount of screaming or crying would erase his guilt.

'I killed the one I love, the one I swore to protect. He said he trusted me. I betrayed his trust.'

Natsu felt despicable. Promising Gray to save his life and then doing the exact opposite. He didn't deserve to live, didn't have the right to see Gray ever again. He was unworthy of Gray's love. Unworthy of living.

This had to end. Anybody else would be better suited for this task.

Natsu turned onto his side, grabbing the diary and a pen. He put the key onto his bedside table. He wouldn't need it anymore.

To Jellal and Ultear,

When you read this, I will be dead. Please respect my last wish: Keep it that way. Overwrite the point of return by another one at around nine. Give the task of saving Gray to somebody else. I killed Gray. I can't do this.

So this was it. Natsu never would've thought that his life would end like this. He never would've thought he'd one day be responsible for Gray's death. Not only because he'd actively killed him the previous time, but because he hadn't been able to prevent it the other eight times as well. And he wouldn't ever be. He was guilty. He deserved nothing less than death.

Without bothering to get dressed, he opened his window as silently as he could, not wanting to wake Happy. He wandered around barefoot, only in his boxers. It didn't matter. Nothing mattered anymore. His destination was Fairy Hills. There were some high cliffs. One of those would do.

His mind replayed the scene of him pushing Gray into his own sword over and over again until he reached the edge of a cliff that he deemed high enough.

'Sorry, Gray. I know this won't be easy for you, but I hope you'll get over my death eventually. Maybe reading what I've done to you will make it easier. I hope it does. Goodbye, my only love.'

Natsu closed his eyes and took a step forward.

Natsu’s Diary

Day 10

To Jellal and Ultear,

(Author: Gray)

Jellal stormed into the guild hall this morning, forwarding a call from Ultear to me. She was alarmed and told me the whole story, including what happened the previous time. Jellal informed her of what happened, and that it was not your fault.

He said it all happened too fast, you didn't have time to react, let alone stop your momentum. You may have pushed me into a sword, but it wasn't your fucking fault! Judging from what I've heard and read in your diary, I'd rather say it was fated to happen that way from the start.

I'm alive. Yet here I am, sitting next to your dead body. I've been here for some hours already. Both Porlyusica and Wendy tried to bring you back but we found you too late. Laxus tried to restart your heart with electric shocks, but it was useless.

I can barely see anything anymore and my throat is sore. I can't believe you did this. Ultear won't overwrite the point of return. You'll live again, and this time please respect my wish, even if it's not my last one: live on. You may think that you've failed on all fronts and that you're responsible for my death, but you clearly are not a failure, Natsu. You're not! None of this is your fault, I would never blame you no matter how many times it takes or what things you have to do to right this. So just please, live on!

I'm not saying this because I love you and I'm selfish. I'm saying this because you've tried everything to save me, everything you possibly could. You're working your ass off to save me and forgot yourself and your own health over it. I don't know how this could be interpreted as anything else but selflessness. You're not guilty, no matter how you look at it.

As for the accident of the previous time: it was just that, an accident. Realistically, it doesn't change anything. Ultear turned back time, I'm alive again, we get to try to prevent my death on our own. And let me tell you, we will still try. Because if we can prevent it this time, I'll write the solution into your diary and you'll see it once the day starts anew. You would be liberated from your grim but selfless duty. That's what I want the most: for your suffering to end.

And NOT by you committing suicide!

I beg you, don't kill yourself again. Do it for me. I know you're already doing everything for me... but, please. Don't throw away your life. It's precious, not only to you, but to everyone around you as well. You'd leave a gaping hole behind in the hearts of our friends, our family. Don't do this to us, please. Let me be your reason to live.

I believe in you, and I always have. The prophecy says that you have to save me, that you have to form a bond with me. I read that we considered marriage as an option. I read that I declined the idea and that you accepted my boundaries. But right now, I think that I was an idiot. I'd rather marry you right away than lose you forever. You've clearly lost all hope, and I want nothing more than to give it back to you.

I love you so much, I don't know what to do with myself.

Life without you will be possible... but it's pointless. This grief, sitting here next to your cold body, is so horrible, it makes me almost glad that this day will be rewritten and forgotten, even though it likely means I'll die. It makes me not even care about that, because I can't imagine living into tomorrow without you here. I hope I completely forget this pain, as well as the memories of seeing the tears on the faces of all our friends.

It should be YOU forced to see them, Natsu. You! If only so you'd realize how precious you are to all of us... and to me.

So please... God, please don't make me go through this again.

I honestly don't know what else I can say or do for you but this: beg you to be strong, to keep working hard, even if that's greedy of me. Please keep fighting, Natsu. Please don't let me be the reason you give up on life again.

(Author: Lucy)

I'm so sorry, but we couldn't save Gray's life. Freed set up a rune shield all around us, preventing outsiders from manipulating Gray in any way. Laxus sent electric shocks right to his heart that weren't strong enough to kill him but strong enough to confuse his heart to a point where it would lose its rhythm. Porlyusica and Wendy were here all the while, supervising the whole thing. It didn't work.

Mirajane’s Notes

Day 10

Natsu apparently caused Gray's death the previous time according to Ultear (Gray's using a communication lacrima to talk to her). We'll go check on Natsu now. If I don't add anything after this, something must have gone terribly wrong.

#Chiyalawritesrewind #gratsu #feed me with your tears #I cried too much while writing this #please tell me I'm not the only one who cried #tw: suicide #tw: death

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chiyalawritesrewind · 8 years

Text

Rewind, Chapter 17

Fanfic: [ch1] [ch2] [ch3] [ch4] [ch5] [ch6] [ch7] [ch8] [ch9] [ch10] [ch11] [ch12] [ch13] [ch14] [ch15] [ch16] [ch17 on AO3] [ch17 on ffn]

Podfic: [ch1] [ch2] [ch3] [ch4] [ch5] (Rest coming soon)

Pairing: Gratsu - Gray Fullbuster / Natsu Dragneel ; Acnologia / Zeref

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: Major Character Death; Graphic Depiction of Violence

Summary: When a mission turns out to be fatal for one of the team members, Natsu finds himself being given another chance to change the events.

Additional information: weekly updates; every Sunday.

Beta by @serpenttailedangel and @wildrhov <333

Notes: The whole chapter is in Gray’s POV.

Enjoy!

Day 9 Part 2

As soon as Gray entered the guild hall, Lucy was before him. She looked worried and anxious.

"Where's Natsu?"

"He's outside. On the backside of the guild."

Lucy rounded him and wanted to make for the door, but Gray grabbed her wrist and whirled her around.

"Wait. He's... different."

"Different how?"

"I think he's... turned crazy. Lost his mind."

Lucy's eyes widened in horror and her hand came up to cover her mouth. Her eyes told him that she was expecting an explanation. But he wasn't ready to tell her. He nearly had sex with Natsu, there was no way he'd tell this to anyone. It had to be a vague explanation.

"He said that I did some things I didn't do. He tried to make me believe that he could see the future, and he hinted that I would die...? It's creepy, honestly. He reached out for me, didn't stop even when I told him to. So I hit his stomach and ran away."

"You did what?"

Oh shit. Lucy gave off some scary vibes. What had he done wrong?

"My voice didn't reach him anymore. It's as if his mind is controlled by somebody. He isn't the Natsu I know. He changed. You'll notice it, too."

"And why didn't you ask him for an explanation?"

"I..." Gray took a step back and let go of Lucy's hand. Her angry stare was too much, and he felt guilty even though he still thought that his reaction was reasonable.

"He's reliving this day for the ninth time now. He's seen you die eight times already. Ultear turns back time, and nobody but him can retain their memory. He's trying to save your life, but until now he hasn’t been successful. Can you even imagine what he must be going through? He doesn't need you to add insult to injury."

Gray flinched, his head spinning. He needed a moment to understand what she'd just said, torn between feeling extremely guilty and doubting her. But what reason did she have to lie? She looked seriously troubled, and she wasn't the kind of person to play pranks. However, her explanation had a flaw.

"If nobody remembers, then how would you know? Have you already talked to him today?"

"No, but he has a diary which has been enchanted by Ultear, and he let me rip out some pages the previous time. I wrote down everything that's important and put it on my desk. It stays there even though time is turned back. I wrote down that Natsu's mental state is unstable, and that we have to take care of him. I can't believe what you did to him."

With that, she stormed off, leaving a dumbfounded Gray behind.

'What the hell? Ultear? Natsu trying to save my life? This is the ninth time? Natsu's mental state... unstable? True, he did seem out of it, but this...? Oh my god, if that's true then that means... I'll die... Holy shit! I have less than a day left to live!'

Gray wobbled outside the guild and leaned against the façade. He clutched his chest, trying hard to prevent himself from having a panic attack, reasoning that he wasn't going to stay dead.

'That's right. Natsu's trying his best to save me. He's in a bad mental state because of this. He's been through so much pain and heartache, yet he's not giving up. Shit! I'm such a fool! What the hell did I just do? I'm despicable! Natsu... oh god, I'm so sorry... Fuck!'

Still a bit wobbly, he went to the backside of the guild hall, finding Natsu—still naked—in Lucy's arms. She patted his head soothingly and when she noticed Gray approaching, she shot him a venomous glare.

He didn't let himself be held back by it, determined to make up for his actions. Because if what she said was true, then everything Natsu said had to be true as well. And he'd said that he was in love with Gray—no matter how hard to grasp this was—and that they'd already had sex. It would explain Natsu's confident demeanor earlier. He'd known that Gray wouldn't refuse. Hell, they'd probably even talked about exactly this situation already.

Upon getting closer, Gray noticed little sniffs coming from Natsu. He made him cry. Shit.

"You've already done enough. Leave him alone," Lucy bit out.

Natsu stiffened in her arms and then turned his head carefully until his gaze met Gray's. Natsu's eyes were red and teary.

Gray took another tentative step forward, hoping that he wouldn't scare Natsu. Lucy bared her teeth at him, tightening her grip on Natsu protectively. Gray had never seen her be that scary.

"Relax, Lucy. I'm here to apologize."

"I swear, if you dare hurt him again, I'll—"

"If I dare hurt him again, I'll surrender myself to you and Erza. I'll be careful, I promise. There's no way I'd ever intentionally hurt the one I love..."

Her eyebrows creased, and she inspected Gray's features closely. She seemed to be satisfied with what she found there because she sagged against Natsu, her expression softening tangibly.

"Fine. Then talk."

Natsu turned his body fully towards Gray, but Lucy seemed unwilling to let him go. Her arms were still around him, now hugging him from behind while Natsu sat between her legs. His knees were drawn so that his private parts were covered. They both looked at Gray expectantly, remnants of Natsu's tears still running down his cheeks. This was very awkward. Gray wanted to be alone with Natsu, but he'd probably have to convince Lucy of his good intentions first.

He sat on the ground two steps away from them. "Natsu... I'm sorry I didn't believe you. I'm sure you already know, but... You're the most important person to me."

Gray gulped and looked nervously at Lucy who gave him an encouraging nod. However, this was getting too private for Gray's liking.

"Err... No offense, but could you please leave us alone?"

Lucy's expression clearly said that she wanted to object, but Natsu patted her hand. "It's okay. You can leave us alone," he assured her. "It was my fault anyway."

"How can you say that? Gray didn't believe you."

"No. I know from experience that he doesn't believe me unless I give him a logical explanation and I didn't do that this time. Everything that happens is caused by me because I am the only one who remembers and thus the only one who can change the events."

Lucy let out a heavy sigh. "Well, yeah, but even so... Gray could've reacted more mildly."

"He said he's sorry, and I know he'll take good care of me like he's done all the other times. Please go now."

"Okay, okay. If there's anything you need me for, I'll be there."

She released him and got to her feet, strode over to where Natsu's discarded clothes lay scattered, picked them up, and dropped them into Natsu's lap. She shot Gray a warning glare and then went back inside.

Not wanting to scare Natsu any more than he probably already had, Gray stayed where he was. Now that Lucy was gone, his nervousness spiked. He cleared his throat, noticing that his hands were sweaty and trembled slightly. He folded them firmly together and pressed them into his lap, hoping that Natsu wouldn't notice.

What exactly made him nervous, he couldn't tell. Whether it was the fact that he'd die if this was true, or because he was worried about Natsu's wellbeing, or even because he couldn't quite believe yet that his feelings were reciprocated, he didn't know. Probably a mixture of everything. What he did know was that this was a delicate issue, and he needed to go about it carefully. Steeling himself mentally, he looked up and met Natsu's red-rimmed eyes.

"So... everything she said is true, and you're reliving the day?"

Natsu nodded, biting his lip.

What to say next? This was like walking on a mine field. What exactly could he bring up that wouldn't make Natsu sad? Or worse, give him a panic attack? Was that even a thing? Was it already that bad? According to Lucy, this was the ninth time and Natsu had seen him die eight times already. No matter how much Gray tried, he couldn't even begin to imagine how he would feel like if he'd already seen Natsu die eight times. His head spun with the mere thought of it, and suddenly his throat felt constricted, leaving him unable to say even one more word.

"Come here... if you want to, that is," Natsu said in a soft tone, reaching out for Gray, but not moving from his spot. He gave Gray the choice to get closer this time. A pang of guilt and regret surged through Gray's body, making him want to flinch—a reaction he suppressed with difficulty. It would make Natsu draw the wrong conclusion and that was something he wanted to strictly avoid.

Gray crawled toward Natsu, entwining their hands as soon as they came into reach. He knew that Natsu was technically still naked, but at least the clothes Lucy had dumped on him covered his crotch. So, Gray didn't think twice before crawling into Natsu's lap and pushing him gently backward until Natsu was caught between the soft grass and Gray's body, their fingers still entangled.

Natsu's eyes were shiny from the tears, and he looked utterly broken. There were so many emotions in his eyes, all negative. Guilt, sadness, hurt, doubt, grief, fatigue. How had he been able to mask them all, earlier?

"Gray... I'm sorry for what happened. I should've known better."

"Don't apologize. I should've... I shouldn't have... I mean, my behavior was... totally uncalled for... I'm sorry. So sorry..."

Natsu didn't show any sign that he'd heard him. Instead, he asked, "Do you still trust me?"

Gray kicked himself mentally because he'd always thought his trust in Natsu to be unshakable. And yet he'd doubted Natsu's sanity just a few minutes ago. What a jerk he was!

"Yes, I do."

"I might have an idea how to save your life, but it would require blind faith..."

"Let's hear it."

Natsu bit his lip, turning his head sideways to avoid Gray's gaze when he spoke.

"The first two times, someone killed you... And from the third day on, you always died of a heart attack, always at the exact same time... That means the cause of your death varies depending on the circumstances. Or maybe there are just those two options. In order to find out, we'd have to take a shot at it."

"Meaning?"

Natsu gulped, then turned his head back, meeting Gray's stare head-on. "What I want to say is that I'd like to create a potentially deadly situation for you when the time has come, only to save you in the last second. To kinda... trick fate? It's just a shot in the dark though."

That was indeed... special. The idea of purposely endangering his life seemed absurd. He hadn't yet fully wrapped his head around the fact that he was going to die in the first place, and now he should do something to forward the issue? To commit suicide? Or nearly commit suicide. Was that even possible?

"What gave you that idea?"

This question wasn't something Gray deemed worthy blushing about, but Natsu blushed anyway.

"Uh... we nearly had sex earlier... And my behavior was what prevented it from happening. So, I wondered... What if I could do the same with your death? I can't prevent a heart attack, so there's nothing to do there. But the first two times were different, yet there's no chance I could save you from that if it ever were to happen again. I thought, if fate has an alternative cause of death planned for you, something where I could step in..."

"Okay. What makes you so sure that it's fate causing my death?"

"I'm not sure. It's a shot in the dark. Maybe you're cursed. But on the fourth day, Porlyusica said something... 'The death of somebody whose time on earth is over can't be averted.' It implied fate."

"She told you something like that and you didn't ask what she meant by it?"

Natsu flinched, a shadow passing over his face. Uh-oh. He'd been too harsh. Shit, this was difficult. Gray wasn't used to dealing with a mentally unstable Natsu. Was there any way to take it back, to ease Natsu's pain?

"I-it was shortly after y-your... death... I w-wasn't—"

"Shhh. Shit, I'm sorry. Forget that I asked. Shit. Shhh, I'm right here, focus on me, look me in the eye. Hey... Don't cry. We'll find a way. How about we go to Porlyusica's and ask her? I have to admit, I'm reluctant to put my life on the line voluntarily. That has nothing to do with my trust in you, it's just... I'm not suicidal. I would never throw my life away. I'm not sure if I could... commit suicide."

The sniffling slowly subsided, and Gray felt the strong urge to kiss Natsu. To comfort him, to let him feel he was there. He wasn't sure Natsu would appreciate such a thing though, so he stopped himself.

"I'm n-not asking you to commit s-suicide. W-well, not directly, anyway."

"Then what?"

"I don't know. We'll have to think about something... suitable. Sorry. I know that's too much to ask... I... I'm sorry. It's probably a stupid idea anyway... I guess I'm just clinging to the tiniest of hopes. Otherwise I'd probably lose my mind."

"That's understandable. What do you think of my proposal to go to Porlyusica?"

With the back of his hand, Natsu rubbed the remnants of his tears away, and then looked at Gray with a determined expression. "Yeah. Let's do that."

They got dressed quickly, and only when they wanted to head towards the guild did Gray notice that Natsu had discarded the vibrator as it was lying out in the open, albeit partly hidden by the grass, but still.

"Natsu, your toy."

"Huh? Oh, that. Yeah, let's just leave it here. It'll return to my room anyway."

"But it's out in the open. What if somebody sees?" Gray felt heat creeping into his cheeks when he thought of somebody finding it there, still slick with lube.

For some reason, Natsu smirked when he answered, "Now we wouldn't want that, right?"

He picked it up, hesitated a moment, and then his grin widened. Gray felt like he was missing something here. His suspicion was confirmed when Natsu took up a straddle-legged position.

Natsu shouted, "Shut up, would you?" and then threw the vibrator into the bushes.

Gray was baffled and wanted to ask who the hell Natsu was addressing, but in the next second he was grabbed by the wrist and prompted to run. Half running, half stumbling, he kept pace with Natsu until they reached Porlyusica's.

They leaned against the façade to catch their breath, when Natsu suddenly burst out laughing.

It was refreshing to see him laugh, but also a bit scary since there was a hysteric touch to the outburst. Should Gray ask Porlyusica if she had tranquilizers? Although that wouldn't make much sense, seeing as the effect would wear off anyway once the day started anew.

After the laughing fit subsided, Natsu sank to the floor, holding his stomach, trying to catch his breath. Gray decided that he didn't need to wait until Natsu could breathe evenly again, and knocked at Porlyusica's door. It took her a while, and he needed to knock insistently several times until she opened the door a crack.

"What? You don't look ill. Go away."

"Nobody's ill—well, at least not physically. We need your advice."

Porlyusica stuck out her head and sniffed at Gray, scrunching up her nose. "You reek of sex. Don't worry, you can't get pregnant. If you want to have your girl tested, you should bring her here. Now, if that's all, would y—"

"My girl is right here, but that's not what we're here for."

Gray stepped aside, revealing Natsu. Her eyes widened.

"Well, in this case I can safely say that neither of you is pregnant."

"Yes, thank you. Can we come in for a bit? We really need your help."

"Take a shower and then come back."

She tried to slam the door, but Gray managed to slide his foot in, regretting doing so the next instant. Damn, that woman was stronger than she looked. Gray's foot hurt, but there was no way he'd let it show and give her satisfaction.

"This is a serious issue. We don't have time. Let us in, please."

Porlyusica shot him a glare, but Gray held it without blinking. After a short staring duel, she sighed and stepped aside to let them in. Natsu had thankfully returned to the current situation with his full attention, not a trace of mirth in his eyes anymore. He was back to being gloomy. Were such massive mood swings a sign of mental instability? It had to be. There was no way Natsu would behave like this under normal circumstances. Gray would really have to be careful in his handling of Natsu.

It turned out that Porlyusica didn't have any concrete information on the matter. She just referred to a very old tale she once picked up somewhere, and when Natsu told her what happened on the evening of the fourth repetition, she frowned and was lost in thought for a while.

Gray noticed that Natsu's gaze wasn't focused on anything in the room—he stared blankly into space. Not knowing what else to do, Gray reached out and gave Natsu's hand a tight squeeze, entangling their fingers. It worked, albeit only temporarily. Natsu gave him a weak smile that was surely meant to be reassuring, but it wasn't convincing at all. Gray was about to say something encouraging, but Porlyusica beat him to the punch.

"If what you say is true and his magic vanished at once the moment he died, then I don't see any way to save him. Magic is needed for a mage to live. His death can't be natural. Normally magic slowly seeps out after the death of a mage. Trying to revive a mage who has no more magic left inside their body is pointless."

Natsu looked at her with a grim expression. "That's why I need to prevent his death before it happens. I already tried to revive him once, and you did, too. But what I didn't really try yet was to intervene before he dies, experiment with the causes of death." Natsu flinched, probably aware of how that sounded.

A guinea pig. But then again, there was no helping it, was there? The only way to make any progress was to try out things, even if that meant to make Gray feel like a test subject. The current conversation did its share to convince Gray of the truth of this belief. Whether he wanted or not, he would die. The awareness hit him once again square in the gut.

'My time is over. Natsu is working his ass off to save me, and all I'm doing is put obstacles in his way. Shit. He's already broken. Broken because of me dying. I have no right to judge him or his behavior in any way. He's offering up his sanity to save me. The least I can do is to trust him and follow his instructions.'

Gray straightened himself, took Natsu's hand between his own, and pulled it into his lap protectively. "It's alright. I'll do it. Whatever it is, I'll do it. I trust you with my life."

Porlyusica let out a grunt that could mean anything from disgusted to approving. "Well, in the tale they had only one chance to prevent the death of the princess. They weren't lucky enough to have a time mage who can turn back time as often as needed. The princess was murdered with a knife the first time, so they locked her up in a cell and reinforced the guards. She slipped on a slippery spot on the floor in the cell and fell very unluckily. She broke her neck and died. Strange though that there was no slippery spot when they checked a few minutes later. And the moral of this story is that you can't trick death. Or destiny. Or whatever you want to call it. However, there is not enough research on the issue to be able to exclude options. And this is just a tale anyway. Nobody knows if it's true."

Natsu practically jumped at the implication, his face brightening instantly. "You mean it could work?"

Seeing him like this, suddenly in high spirits elicited conflicting feelings in Gray. On the one hand, it was good that his mood was positive again, but on the other, it was probably wise not to let Natsu get his hopes too high. The fall would be all the more painful if it didn't work. Which, judging by the current state of information, seemed very likely. Gray hated it but crushing Natsu's hopes right now would be for the best.

However, Porlyusica beat him to it. "I think the odds that your theory is right are very low. If I were you, I'd prepare to be disappointed."

Natsu's face fell, but only for a second. "Nobody knows that. Not even you. You said it yourself. The causes of death until now were something I couldn't prevent no matter how much I tried. We just have to create a situation, a physical attack, something I could dodge in the last second. We could trick fate or whatever into thinking that Gray will die by the physical attack, and then I'll step in and cheat it out of Gray's life."

It was kind of cute, the way Natsu's eyes glistened. Like a child at Christmas, looking forward to its presents. No matter how loudly Gray's inner voice protested, he couldn't bring himself to destroy this moment for Natsu. Not even Porlyusica seemed to be that heartless, and so neither of them said anything on the topic anymore.

To think of a situation that was suitable turned out to be rather difficult. They quickly came to the conclusion that it had to be something out of both Natsu's and Gray's control. Or at least not something they could fully control because neither thought that they could actually pull it off convincingly. Plus, it wouldn't really count as 'stepping in in the last second' because it would've been planned from the start. And what would make a situation somewhat unpredictable? The only choice seemed to be another person who wasn't in on the plan.

Gray thought this to be the perfect opportunity to ask about the mysterious person they'd fled from earlier, and Natsu told him that it was Jellal following them. He was the one who kept Ultear informed. He'd apparently complained about being their babysitter and having to witness something that would give him eye cancer, which had prompted Natsu to throw his toy into Jellal's general direction, not intending to land a hit. Of course, he'd still hit, at least judging by Jellal complaints as he chased them to Porlyusica's.

Natsu heavily protested Gray's idea of involving Jellal in their plan, because he didn't want to affect Jellal's neutrality in any way. Their guild members were beyond dispute since neither wanted to make their friends do something that would probably harm Gray. There was a short silence, and then Natsu reluctantly offered the idea of involving their 'enemies'. He shortly described their looks and personality, and immediately said he would in no way allow Gray or anyone else to fight against Bubbles since his magic was what killed Gray the first two times.

Natsu froze in the middle of describing Bubbles' magic, inhaling sharply as if he had a flash of insight. "I... I might have a plan... Gray, how much detail do you want to know? Do you think you could dig your own grave when you know exactly what will happen?"

That was a reasonable question indeed. Did he really want to know? Would it be easier to follow instructions if the outcome was unclear to him? Probably.

"I don't want to know. Just tell me exactly what to do, and I'll do it."

Gray was scared as hell, and he didn't manage to mask it all that well. His voice sounded shaky and croaky. Shit. This was getting real, wasn't it? No going back. Not that there ever was a going back, but the current situation made everything more tangible. It was a miracle that Gray heard Natsu talking over the noise of his own blood rushing in his ears.

"Okay. Then I won't tell you about the other's magic. We'll go on that mission without Gajeel and Pantherlily, we'll match you up with the same opponent, delay your fight a bit so it matches the time of your death, and you're gonna use a different strategy. You're gonna fight that girl, Ichika. You'll create many ice swords in the air, and shoot them at her..." Natsu gulped, obviously struggling with his next words. "Make sure to... make them... sharp. That's all. After you launched them, you may want to close your eyes. I-in any case, d-don't... don't defend yourself... just stay where you are."

It was very hard for him to think of something like this, that much was clear. Thinking of a strategy to kill the one he loved... It must be devastating. To show him that it was alright, that Gray trusted him, he brought their entwined fingers to his lips and kissed the back of Natsu's hand.

Porlyusica let out a disgusted groan and asked if there were any more questions she could help with, the undertone clearly saying, 'If that's all, then leave me alone now.' Unable to think of any additional ways she could help, they bid their goodbyes and left for the guild.

Upon entering the guild hall, Juvia threw herself into Gray's arms, crying like a waterfall, begging him not to die. He didn't have time to react and stop her, and Natsu apparently thought it was okay, seeing as he kindly stepped aside. Gray hesitantly wrapped his arms around her, patting her back.

"Shhh. It's okay, I'm sure Natsu will find a way—"

"J-Juvia wants to h-help, too! Juvia can't stand the thought of Gray-sama dying! Please!"

"I don't think there's anything you can do though..."

"No! Juvia wants to help."

Gray looked over to Natsu, intending to silently beg him to help, but Natsu was already there, his hand on Juvia's shoulder.

"Juvia. Please believe me when I say that there's nothing you can help with. I already have a plan, and as much as I hate to say it, I think you would be in the way."

Juvia's wailing only intensified. "B-but N-Natsu-san... Wh-why w-would y-you say s-s-something l-like that?"

True, it was a harsh thing to say, but Gray had to admit that Natsu had a point. Juvia's behavior would probably be overprotective if they took her on the mission. He could easily picture her wanting to prevent him from fighting, taking the enemy on in his stead. And she sure as hell wouldn't agree with a plan that was supposed to purposely endanger his life.

His shirt was already mostly soaked from her tears, and he wanted nothing more than to get away from her. Naturally, he didn't like to see her crying, but he knew nothing could make her stop now, not when she knew that his life was nearly over. He didn't have the nerve to think of something to say that could possibly calm her down a bit; his own problems already made his head spin, leaving little space to think of anything else.

Natsu looked just as lost as Gray felt. Thankfully, Lucy approached them and undertook the task of soothing Juvia, managing to make her let go of Gray and hug Lucy instead. The whole calming down business took quite a while, and Natsu patiently waited with his lecture until Lucy was available.

It wasn't that long, seeing as Lucy had already roughly informed the guild of the events. Although she'd apparently left out the fact of Natsu and Gray being a couple, judging by Juvia's behavior.

Explaining why they wouldn't take Gajeel and Pantherlily on the mission was a difficult endeavor, especially since Natsu and Gray had agreed that they shouldn't let their friends in on their plan. What did the trick in the end was Natsu telling them that he'd possibly found a solution but needed them to place their trust in him.

The rest of the morning passed rather uneventfully, other than Natsu being extremely clingy. He had no qualms with kissing Gray in front of their whole guild, much to Juvia's dismay. She tried to pry Gray out of his hands, but Natsu fended her off and gave her a lecture on how to behave 'when your loved one doesn't love you back'. Why exactly he reacted this strongly to Juvia now when he'd let her hug Gray before was a mystery to Gray, but then again, he must've had enough of her theatrics when it came to this. There was no way this was the first time she didn't want to accept their relationship. When Gray assured Juvia that he was indeed in love with Natsu, that he hadn't been forced into doing anything, and she would do him a huge favor if she just let it go, she stormed off, crying.

Natsu seemed to be mostly back to his usual self when they rode the train to their mission, giving last-minute instructions to everyone on how to behave. Wendy excused herself first when she felt the effect of Troia wear off, and Natsu used the opportunity to lead Gray away from their friends, to the other end of the wagon. They spent the few minutes writing a short diary entry, with Natsu covering the previous ones. He said that Gray shouldn't read them since they contained information on their enemies' magic. After they finished writing, they proceeded to kissing and groping until Natsu's motion sickness kicked in.

Their enemies were exactly the way Natsu had described them. Not that Gray needed any final proof to be convinced of the truth of Natsu's story, but this would have been it. There was no denying that Natsu knew what was going to happen.

Throughout the whole course of events, Gray's attention was focused on the female mage, Ichika. He tried to take her measure, but she was mysterious. Cheerful and tough on the outside, but she appeared to be shrewd. She was probably the kind of person to befriend easily, regardless of whether she liked someone. Gray had the feeling that if she didn't like you, she might just stab you in the back when you weren’t paying attention for a second.

They reached the area where the fights would take place shortly after six-forty, and Gray's nervousness had reached its peak by then, to the point where he'd rather describe it as 'panic'. He couldn't take his eyes off Ichika, trying desperately to figure out what type of magic she wielded, but it was useless. Natsu's attempts at distraction were futile, whether it was squeezing his hand or a peck on his lips.

Erza's 'fight' against their healer, Yushin, ended before it began, much to her surprise. She tripped and landed face first on the grass. Natsu nervously checked his watch when Bubbles urged them on to start the next fight.

It was still too early, seeing as Natsu yanked Gray in by the collar, whispered, "We need to stall this fight a bit longer," and then pressed their lips together hungrily.

Ichika whistled and clapped loudly. "Oh my, oh my. That afraid to lose your sweetheart?"

Natsu didn't pay her any attention. He was too busy kissing Gray senseless, and it actually helped to calm Gray's nerves a bit.

The one to wrench them apart some moments later was Erza. Her face was flushed, her expression angry. "Don't you think there are more important matters to take care of now?"

Yeah, right. They hadn't explained after all. For anyone beside him and Natsu this must look like a desperate goodbye kiss, and maybe it was. Natsu had told him that his time of death was 7:03.

'Less than ten minutes to live... Oh god.'

Gray's knees gave in and he sank to the floor, trembling like an aspen leaf. Natsu was by his side in an instant, loudly asking their enemies to give them a few minutes. He shot Erza a glare, telling her to leave them alone and trust them. She flinched, saying that she hadn't known that this was a part of the plan, and then retreated, leaving them alone.

Gray's head was spinning and his heart racing. Was he about to have a panic attack? How did something like that even feel like? His sight was blurry, and he barely registered Natsu's warm arms wrapping around him, pulling him closer. Only when his nose was pressed into Natsu's scarf and the distinctive scent he'd come to love invaded his senses, he got a grip of reality again. Natsu rubbed soothing circles over his back, nudging Gray's forehead with his nose.

Natsu cocked his head so that his mouth was right next to Gray's ear and then whispered, "It's okay, I'm here. I won't let you die, I promise. Please, trust me. I'll do anything to protect you."

"I... I know. Sorry. I'm alright now."

"Sure?"

"Yeah. How much time left?"

Natsu shifted a bit, checking his watch. "Five minutes. I'd say we delay the fight another three minutes. Is there something I can do to make it easier for you?"

How did he even have the nerve to ask such a thing? Gray expected Natsu to be freaking out just as much as himself, if not even more. However, Natsu was as calm and confident as ever. He believed in this plan.

Gray desperately prayed for it to work the way Natsu planned because if not, Natsu would be destroyed. Knowing him, he didn't even think about the possibility of this failing. But was it wise to bring up the topic again, with the fight just around the corner? Probably not. It would also increase Gray's anxiety, and if that happened, he wasn't so sure he would be able to concentrate and cast proper ice swords.

So instead, Gray went for, "It's okay. I trust you."

Natsu hugged him tighter, pressing a kiss to his forehead. "I love you. Once this is over, let's move in together. I want to wake up by your side every morning, fall asleep in your arms every night."

Gray's pulse went up again, and not only from the sappiness of Natsu's proposal. Him saying such things could only mean that their time was up.

"Yes. I want that, too. I love you, too."

It was time. Gray's stomach churned as he stepped forward, signaling Ichika that he was ready. She made a sly remark Gray didn't bother paying attention to.

The first few seconds neither of them moved when eventually Ichika made a beckoning gesture. Gray took a deep breath, and then took up his Ice Make stance.

'You can do this. You can do this. You can do this. Breathe. Concentrate. Make them sharp.'

"Ice Make: Swords!"

Dozens of swords appeared in the air before him, and he didn't hesitate to launch them all at once at Ichika. She smirked, and shortly before they reached her, they halted and turned around.

'Don't defend yourself. Let it happen. Natsu is here. Natsu will save me.'

Gray couldn't hear anything beside his own heartbeat anymore. He saw the sharp blades quickly approaching him, but his mind had already disconnected from the real world. His feet wouldn't move even if he wanted them to. The only thing he could do was watch as his death approached rapidly, in the form of his own creation. Wasn't it beautiful to die like this, by ice he'd created?

Only that the swords wouldn't hit him like this. She'd directed them to inflict mere superficial wounds, not lethal ones. They were nearly there, when Gray was shoved to the side, and before the nearest sword pierced his chest, he heard a heartbreaking cry next to him.

'Natsu.'

His chest hurt. It felt as if his lung was pierced and his heart too.

'It wasn't your fault. Please don't blame yourself.'

Natsu’s Diary

Day 9:

* We went to Porlyusica to ask her for advice. She told us a tale about a princess she'd picked up somewhere. It wasn't really useful, but I have an idea anyway: Gray will endanger his life purposely, and I'll rescue him in the last second. We'll use Ichika for this. I told Gray to create sharp ice swords and shoot them at her. I think the plan is a good one. I'm positive it'll work, and then Gray and me can finally be together for real!

Mirajane’s Notes

Day 9:

They didn't take Gajeel and Pantherlily on their mission. Natsu didn't explain, just that he 'has an idea and we should trust him.'

#Chiyalawritesrewind #gratsu #zerelogia sp #although they don't appear in this chapter but oh well #no smut this time :D #I'd give everything to see your faces when you're reading this #a reaction video or something haha xD #let me dream #anyway have fun #and I'm not sorry #:P

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chiyalawritesrewind · 8 years

Text

Rewind, Chapter 14

Fanfic: [ch1] [ch2] [ch3] [ch4] [ch5] [ch6] [ch7] [ch8] [ch9] [ch10] [ch11] [ch12] [ch13] [ch14 on AO3] [ch14 on ffn]

Podfic: [ch1] [ch2] (Rest coming soon)

Pairing: Gratsu - Gray Fullbuster / Natsu Dragneel

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: Major Character Death; Graphic Depiction of Violence

Summary: When a mission turns out to be fatal for one of the team members, Natsu finds himself being given another chance to change the events.

Additional information: weekly updates; every Sunday.

Beta by @serpenttailedangel and @wildrhov <333

Tagging list: @f-r-f-t @truedreamchasing @mushi0131 @eitomagical @thatartcorner @eternalsterekbitches @becausewhenyoupracticeyouimprove @oliversantics @nekodemon73 @moonlustelara (if somebody else wants to be tagged [or not tagged anymore] in the future, please let me know!)

Enjoy!

Day 8 Part 1

When Natsu awoke, he needed to make a run for the toilet immediately. He barely made it there before puking.

Going through his morning routine proved to be difficult as his body wouldn't stop trembling. It took him twice as long to take a shower, but at least that left him enough time to come up with a plan for the day.

Since the theory that having sex would prevent Gray's death wasn't correct, it would be advisable to figure out what else 'forming a bond' could mean, just like Gray suggested. Natsu was sure that if he threw the question to everybody around, then he'd probably only receive one or two different answers and a big discussion afterwards, so it would be better to ask everyone privately.

He also needed to think of a good excuse to ask them such a question. Would it be odd if he said that he was just curious? Or better, he could say that he'd made a bet with Happy, that they guessed their answers and would get a point for each correct guess. Whoever won would have to do the winner a favor, no matter what it was. Yeah, that sounded great. The others would think that Happy was trying to get more fish out of Natsu, knowing full well that he wasn't as dumb as Natsu when it came to relationships and feelings, and that he could probably win easily.

And why only pretend? He could challenge Happy for real.

By the time he was fully dressed, Natsu was in high spirits again, his worries and nausea forgotten.

Happy liked the idea of the bet very much. He surely thought that his victory was guaranteed, and he was probably right. With a huge grin on his face, he listened to Natsu's guesses.

The question they agreed upon was the following: 'What do you consider a strong bond between lovers?'

"Hmmm, let's see. Gajeel will probably say 'eating iron created by Levy'. Erza... 'eating strawberry cake'? Lucy will probably say 'spend a romantic evening together where one reads out a book to the other'. Or better yet, a candlelight dinner!"

"You have to decide on one."

"Then I'll take the candlelight dinner for Lucy. Wendy... probably a kiss."

Natsu knew that he was probably far off, and the confident grin on Happy's face as he listened to the rest of his guesses didn't do much to shatter that idea. Natsu purposely omitted Gray until the very end, as Gray was the only one he didn't want to be wrong about, and yet he had no clue what it could be. What would come to Gray's mind first when he asked for a 'strong bond between lovers'?

Natsu was disappointed in himself that even though they'd confessed so many times and gotten intimate already, he didn't know what Gray's heart truly desired, other than being close to the one he loved. He'd been talking about a life together with Natsu and Happy, so it had to be that, right?

"Gray will probably say 'moving in together'."

Happy nodded. His announcement that he thought everybody would say 'marriage' staggered Natsu. The option of marriage hadn't even crossed his mind.

Natsu nearly stumbled over his feet when the realization of what this theory would entail sunk in. Marry Gray? How the hell was he supposed to realize that? He had a timespan of exactly twelve hours until Gray lost his memories again. How the fuck was he supposed to go from being rivals to getting married within twelve hours?

More importantly, was Natsu even ready for such a thing? If by some miracle he managed to get Gray to marry him, and the marriage ended up saving Gray's life, would Natsu be ready to lead a life as Gray's husband? He'd never seriously thought about getting married. He was still nineteen, for god's sake! People didn't think about marriage at such a young age, did they?

However, Natsu was sure of one thing: He wanted to spend his life with Gray by his side, and nobody else. Then what harm could a marriage do? A ceremony and a formal recognition of the fact that they belonged to each other wouldn't change their feelings, after all.

"Natsu? Everything alright? Worried that you'll lose?"

"No way! Let's do this!"

It turned out that Happy's guess had been a very clever one, since he got almost fifty percent—mostly because of the girls—right, which earned him a decisive victory. The only time Natsu guessed accurately was when Erza answered that 'eating a strawberry cake together' was the first thing that came to her mind.

The only one Natsu hadn't asked yet was Gray, who was still unaware of what was going on around him. Natsu had kept the whole thing as subtle as possible, keeping his voice low and such. Truth be told, he was anxious. Because whatever Gray would answer, Natsu was almost a hundred percent sure that he was going to be determined to make it happen.

So, when he flopped down opposite of Gray, he tried real hard to keep his nervousness in check. Gray eyed him warily through many seconds of tense silence. Finally, he averted his gaze and resumed playing with his glass of water.

Natsu cleared his throat. "I have a bet with Happy. We guessed the answers of all our friends to a certain question, and the one whose guesses turn out to be more accurate wins."

Gray lifted his eyebrows. "Oh? Let's hear it then."

"What do you consider a strong bond... between lovers?"

"What kind of dumb question is that? The strongest bond between lovers is obviously marriage."

Natsu just gaped at Gray, unable to process the answer. He ignored Happy's wide grin in favor of dwelling on his spinning thoughts.

'Dumb... Obviously... Is he ready to get married? Has he thought about it?'

His curiosity got the better of him, and before he could think about his wording, he blurted out, "Do you want to get married?"

Gray jumped to his feet, letting out a startled "what the hell?" and staring at Natsu with his mouth wide open.

Why did he react that harshly when all Natsu wanted to know was if Gray would want to get married someday? Gray had been the one to bring up marriage in the first place, so why was he so shocked when being asked another question on the topic?

Happy shoved Natsu's arm and regarded him with a suggestive wink. "You're not wasting time, are you? Well, good luck." With that, he flew off towards the bar, where a red-faced Wendy was trying to distract Carla and Mirajane.

What had he done wrong? Gray was clearly expecting an answer, but what should he say?

'I only asked him if he wants to get married. I mentioned neither a time nor a partner, so why is he freaking out? Unless... wait. WAIT. Oh shit. Oh my god. No, no, nonono!'

Had he just accidentally proposed to Gray? This couldn't be true!

However, on second thought, there was nothing wrong with marrying Gray. After they spent some years in a stable relationship and both wanted to take things to the next level.

'Shit. What should I do?'

Gray still stood there, growing more and more baffled as the seconds ticked by. Looking around, Natsu noticed that they held the attention of nearly all their friends. As much as Natsu loved public displays of affection, and as much as he didn't mind letting their guild mates in on their relationship, this was off limits. So, he grabbed Gray's wrist and dragged him out of the guild, ignoring his protests.

They'd just closed the door when a furious Lucy walked up to them. "Which of you sneaked into my apartment while I was taking a shower? And what's the meaning of this?"

She raised the snippet for Natsu and Gray to see, and Natsu was startled when he recognized the text Gray had written on a torn-out piece of Natsu's diary the previous time. He would have to look into that, too, but right then with his mind already reeling he just wasn't capable of thinking about yet another issue.

"I'll explain everything later, I promise, so could you please give us some privacy right now?"

Lucy's eyes widened, but then she took in Natsu's hand around Gray's wrist, blushed, nodded, and entered the guild.

Gray shouted, "What the hell is this about? That was my handwriting, but I don't recall writing anything like that. And you're behaving strangely."

Natsu bit his lip. "Let's go somewhere more private. I'll explain."

Gray nodded, and Natsu let go of his hand, leading him to the backside of the guild hall.

His thoughts were in total disarray, and when he tried to figure out a way to explain the current situation to Gray without having to include the information of his death, he came up empty.

Plus, Gray should have all the details before he decided on something important like their wedding.

Natsu took a deep breath, mentally apologized to Gray for putting him through this yet again, and then told Gray everything, from the very beginning until the current day. It took him nearly an hour to explain the whole thing and answer Gray's questions. His nerves were raw by the end—the memories were just too painful. Gray holding him close during the last half was soothing, but it didn't make the pain go away completely.

"So... you want us to marry because you think that would prevent my death?"

"I'm... not sure about that, to be honest. I mean, I've never thought about getting married before today. It's a huge step, one I'd only be willing to take after years of being a couple. Well, under normal circumstances at least. If it can save your life, I'd do anything, including this. But we don't know if it can save you... it's just a guess."

Gray tightened his grip around Natsu and let some moments of silence pass by before he answered.

"I honestly don't know what to do. If the assumption turns out to be correct, then I'll live and we're married at the age of nineteen. I'm not sure what to think of that. If it turns out to be wrong, I'll die on the day we marry, everyone but you will forget it ever happened, and you'll probably go through much more pain than you already are."

Gray sighed, and then added in a much lower voice, "And I'm afraid you'll never want to get married again because you're traumatized..."

Natsu hadn't thought about any of the things Gray just said. He wasn't usually one for thinking about consequences of his actions, but in this case, he really should. A wedding would change their lives, regardless of the outcome, because Gray was right. There was no way Natsu wouldn't be affected by it if the assumption turned out to be wrong. He couldn't even begin to imagine how painful it must be to have his husband die in his arms.

A shudder ran through his body, and as a reaction, Gray ran soothing circles over his shoulder blades.

"Natsu... I'm sorry, but I'd prefer to search for another solution. I love you, and I don't want to fuck this up. I know it's already messed up because I don't even remember the first time we kissed or had sex, and I know that you're already scarred... For one, I don't believe in this theory, and two, I don't want to take the risk. If I knew that it would work, I'd do it."

Natsu pushed Gray away so that they could look each other in the eyes. Gray's brows were tense, yet there was an understanding softness in his eyes. This wasn't easy for him. And Natsu knew that what he was going to say wasn't fair, but he couldn't suppress the thought.

"Don't you care that you could possibly end my suffering if you just accepted?"

Gray took a step back, looking shocked, but also angry.

"You know that's not true, and you can't guilt-trip me into marrying you."

"I'm not guilt-tripping you, I'm just saying that it's an option, and it could work!"

Maybe Natsu was letting himself being deluded by the possibility, however low it might be, of saving Gray's life with this, but right then he didn't care. That Gray absolutely refused to consider it unless it was proven to work made him furious.

Because what was there to lose, really? Them being married at the young age of nineteen... well, who cared? They loved each other, and Natsu was sure they'd figure things out. It wasn't like the fact that they were legally married would change their relationship, right? If it didn't prevent Gray's death, so what? Natsu was already suffering as it was.

"Whatever you're thinking right now, you need to knock it off."

"Why? Why can't we just try, and if it doesn't work, you'll forget anywa—"

"Haven't you listened to what I said? I don't want to get married because of a theory that doesn't sound convincing at all!"

"How is it not convincing? The prophecy says we need to 'form a bond', and half the guild said that the first thing that came to their mind when hearing of a 'bond' was marrying. Even you said the same thing."

"I recall you asking me for a 'strong bond between lovers', not just a 'bond'. A bond could be anything, from laughing together to buying a friendship bracelet to kissing or holding hands. The options are endless, and they don't need to be romantic at all. Or did Lydia say it was a romantic bond?"

"N-no..."

Gray let out a sigh, took a tentative step forwards, and put his hands on Natsu's shoulders.

"I can understand that you're desperate and already at a point where you're willing to try anything as long as it seems like it could help. That's exactly why you should rely on me now. Organizing and executing a wedding usually takes months, and we have half a day. Even if I accepted right away without any further explanation, we'd still have to at least buy rings. We'd have to get an appointment for the same day with the marriage registrar, or convince Makarov to—"

"Alright, alright, it would probably be very difficult to arrange, I get it. But aren't you just searching for excuses?"

Gray's brow tensed. "I'm not. I'm trying to explain why I think that this assumption isn't correct. You're free to believe me or not, but you have to stop what you're doing. I know you can make it happen anyway if you really want to. You could just invent something and make me marry you because I believe your lies. But that wouldn't be a loving th—"

Natsu slapped Gray's hands away and glared at him, because what the hell?

"Do you really think I'd ever do such a thing? Just how low is your opinion of me?"

"This has nothing to do with my opinion of you. You're growing more and more desperate, and I think I know best what somebody who thinks he has nothing to lose can cause..."

Natsu gritted his teeth. "Don't you compare your tragic childhood to this situation! Those two are totally unrelated!"

Gray let out an unhappy sigh and hung his head low.

"Sorry... I'm just... worried about you. About your... state of mind."

"If you're that worried, you would try to help me and just say y—ugh!"

Gray's fist hit hard, causing Natsu to sink to his knees while clutching his stomach. It wasn't only the fist that had hit him hard, but with it also the realization of what he'd been about to say, about to do. Just a few minutes ago, he'd said that he wasn't trying to guilt-trip Gray...

'And here I am, doing exactly that... Shit!'

"You're overstepping boundaries. I said 'no'. I know I could be wrong, and if I am, I'll hate myself for it forever, for putting you through even more pain. But right now, I'm convinced that my decision is the right one, and you have to respect that."

Why was Gray still that calm? He had every right to freak out, yet there he was, only giving Natsu a punch, raising his voice a bit, but otherwise being calm and reasonable. How could he still think straight when he was supposed to be angry? Natsu deserved far more than a punch.

"Why... aren't you beating me into a pulp? I... was about to do something... bad."

"I don't beat up somebody who's not fighting back. If you feel the need to be punished for what you did, then stand, promise you won't bring up the issue again unless it's confirmed that it'll solve the problem, and kiss me."

Natsu's head bobbed up. "How is kissing you a punishment?"

The faint blush on Gray's face was just too adorable, and it brought out fond memories which overshadowed Natsu's gloomy thoughts for the moment.

"It's not a punishment per se, but it's something I want right now, and I thought I could just slip it in..."

There was no way Natsu could deny Gray his wish, so he got up and took a step forward.

"I won't bring it up again. Sorry."

Gray nodded approvingly, and then he tilted up Natsu's head so he could seal their lips. It was their first kiss of that day, and thus started out as a hesitant and careful one. Natsu let Gray take the lead, relaxing into the gentle touches that accompanied it. It took Gray a while to grow confident enough to poke his tongue at Natsu's lips, demanding to be let in. Natsu happily welcomed the intruder, and soon the kiss grew hot and needy, their hands roving all over each other's bodies.

When they parted, a string of saliva stretched out between them, which Gray hastily broke, looking flustered. The last time this happened, Gray had been flustered as well—was it something that embarrassed him?

"L-let's go back inside. We still owe Lucy an explanation," Gray muttered.

"No need to be that flustered. I've already seen you in all kinds of intimate situations."

"Sh-shut up! This is new to me."

The blush on Gray's face intensified, and Natsu couldn't resist.

"I've already heard you moaning, seen how your face looks like when you're experiencing sexual plea—"

"Yes, okay, thank you for pointing that out! Now, how about we go back inside?"

Natsu only managed to wipe the smug grin off his face when they entered the guild.

Please let me know you’re out there (like/reblog/tags on the reblog/comment/kudos at AO3/private message/ask on tumblr/etc). Thanks to all the people who are continuously supporting me <3

#gratsu #chiyalawritesrewind #mywriting #somehow the feedback on ffn and tumblr is decreasing recently #even though the follower count goes up?#I'm sad

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chiyalawritesrewind · 8 years

Text

Rewind, Chapter 11

Fanfic: [ch1] [ch2] [ch3] [ch4] [ch5] [ch6] [ch7] [ch8] [ch9] [ch10] [ch11 on AO3] [ch11 on ffn]

Podfic: [ch1] (Rest coming soon)

Pairing: Gratsu - Gray Fullbuster / Natsu Dragneel

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: Major Character Death; Graphic Depiction of Violence

Summary: When a mission turns out to be fatal for one of the team members, Natsu finds himself being given another chance to change the events.

Additional information: weekly updates; every Sunday.

Beta by @serpenttailedangel <33

Tagging list: @f-r-f-t @truedreamchasing @mushi0131 @eitomagical @thatartcorner @eternalsterekbitches @becausewhenyoupracticeyouimprove @oliversantics (if somebody else wants to be tagged [or not tagged anymore] in the future, please let me know!)

Notes: I’m so excited to announce that the extremely talented @yuurivoice is recording a podfic for this!! I highly recommend it, his voice is so beautiful! Please also give him feedback ~ he’s putting so much time into the creation of the podfic.

Enjoy!

Day 7 Part 2

The Magic Council was a huge and posh building with an expansive foyer. All the marble statues, armors, and adorned pillars attracted attention so that Natsu nearly overlooked the old receptionist who eyed them bewilderedly. No, scratch that; he eyed their joined hands bewilderedly.

Out of spite, Natsu didn't let go of Gray's hand as they walked over to the reception. "Hi there! We want to talk to the Oracle!"

The receptionist scrutinized the pair, and when his gaze landed on Natsu's guild mark, his eyes narrowed. "And which Oracle would that be, young man?"

"Well... The Oracle of the Magic Council."

The receptionist rolled his eyes. "Obviously. Which one of them? We have three."

Did they? "Err... Is it possible to see all of them?"

Gray squeezed his hand tighter as if to warn him, but Natsu didn't care. Yes, the protruding vein was obvious, but was it his fault that this man held a grudge against Fairy Tail?

However, before the man could answer, a woman with long blond hair and a light blue silk dress rounded the corner, asking in a sing-song voice, "Fairy Tail's Salamander, I take it?"

"Yes."

"Come with me."

They followed her, but not without Natsu sticking his tongue out to the old man before.

When they entered the office of the Oracle, Natsu was surprised to find it empty, aside from a blue magic circle on the floor.

"You came here to ask me for help."

Natsu clenched his teeth, but Gray gave his hand a warning squeeze. Natsu's grudge against her was still strong, but for some reason, he wasn't at all in the mood to fight her. Strange.

"Yes."

The woman walked across the magic circle until she stood on the outer line that was farthest away from the door.

"Please step onto the rim opposite of me and close your eyes."

Natsu hesitantly did as he was told. He didn't want to trust this woman, yet there was something about her aura that soothed him and convinced him that she was trustworthy. As much as he wanted to, he couldn't bring himself to be angry.

As soon as his eyes were closed, a strange feeling flooded his body. It was like a mixture of wind and water, running through his veins, tingling his insides. It was so different from the heat of his own magic, yet it didn't feel unpleasant. The feeling intensified, and after about a minute he found it hard to breathe, almost as if his lungs were slowly filling with water. But he wouldn't be subdued so easily. He found that if he breathed very slowly, it was alright.

Another few minutes ticked by, and the increasing feeling of malaise slowly made it more and more difficult for Natsu to stay upright. He felt nauseous, choked, his heart ached, every single muscle in his body felt like he'd exerted them far past the point of exhaustion. His brain told him to take a step back and end this. His gut told him to stay and endure it.

Just when the pain got so bad that Natsu was about to take a step back, it ended abruptly.

Natsu's eyes opened wide and he sank to his knees. The ground was invisible, the room or anything else around him non-existent. It was like drifting in space, everything black. He heard a weak whimper from behind him and turned around.

The Oracle lay on her side on the invisible ground, dozens of scratches and stabbing wounds all over her body, bleeding heavily. Her hair fully covered her face.

Panic rose in his gut, and Natsu stumbled over to her. He'd seen too many deaths already; he didn't want yet another person to die in his presence, let alone die because of him.

When he pushed her hair aside, he shrieked when he found her staring wide-eyed at him. Where her pupils should have been, there was only whiteness.

She inhaled deeply and then talked with many different voices, "Natsu Dragneel, you are not ready yet. Please go your way, and come back when you are ready."

"How should I know when I'm ready?"

"You will know. Go now. Your time has not come yet."

"No... I refuse to give up. Can't I assist you somehow? Can't we try a bit harder?"

With a jolt, Natsu came to, and the first thing he noticed was that he was falling sideways. Just when he expected to hit the ground, he felt something soft beneath him. 'Gray...'

"Natsu!?"

Gray was right there, arms wrapped around Natsu's torso, asking whether he was alright, if he could stand, and what happened.

All the pain was gone. Natsu could breathe freely again. He looked up, nodded reassuringly, and then turned his attention to the Oracle.

She was on her knees, breathing heavily, clutching her chest. Relief washed through Natsu when he saw that she wasn't wounded. She locked eyes with Natsu, an earnest look on her face.

"It is impossible. You cannot pluck an apple from a sapling, no matter how hard you try."

Natsu wanted to voice a complaint, but Gray beat him to it.

"What do you mean?"

She shook her head. "I cannot help you. Please leave and only come back when you are ready."

Natsu sat up, indignant to accept the failure. "Tell me how I can help you. Let's try again."

"Plants need time to grow. You cannot force them to grow in a matter of seconds. It is impossible. Please leave."

"But I need to save Gray! What should I do?"

"Carry on. Live. Love. Enjoy. Do not rely on me. Now leave."

"Wh-what?"

"Leave."

An invisible power pushed Natsu and Gray out of the room, and the door slammed the second they were outside. Natsu scrambled to his feet, only to find that the door was gone. There was only a solid wall, far and wide no door in sight.

Anger suddenly rose in his gut. "Damn it!!" he shouted, slamming his fist into the wall, partly hoping to break through to the office that was supposedly behind it, but also wanting to make room for his frustration.

The wall crumbled, but all it revealed was solid stone. Where had she gone? How dare she tell them that they should enjoy their time when Gray was about to die! Did she know what they were going through? Did she even care?? Or was she the one behind it after all? Was she secretly laughing about them, satisfied that her plan had worked out?

Natsu bared his teeth, flames encompassing his body. "That bitch. Who do you think you are?! Come back here and fight me! You coward!"

His mind blanked out completely as rage took over.

Nothing could withstand his flames and the sheer power of his fists, and soon he was surrounded by rubble. He hadn't found the room of the Oracle yet, so he kept going, completely ignoring Gray's shouts and poor attempts to stop him with ice magic.

"FOR GOD'S SAKE, NATSU!"

A fist hit him so hard it sent him flying into the wall at the other end of the corridor. He looked up, noticed Gray's figure coming closer rapidly, and spew flames into his direction. Gray wanting to hold him back made him even angrier.

"I'm trying to save you here, bastard!"

Gray broke through his flames and hit him hard in the gut, pressing all air out of his lungs.

"How is this helping me in any way? You're in a blind rage! Stop it!"

Stop? And let Gray die again? No way. If Gray didn't want to help, then Natsu would have to do it alone. Gray was in his way.

A fight ensued in the middle of the Magic Council. Gray shouted at Natsu to stop like a mantra, and Natsu could tell he didn't use his whole power, but even so, Gray managed to land quite a few hits.

Natsu was inattentive for a split second, and suddenly found himself pinned down to the floor with Gray sitting astride his hips, pinning his wrists to the floor. He was about to kick Gray in the back, fight him off, but then he noticed Gray's forlorn expression and paused.

"You imbecile! Did you think I appreciate you running berserk to fight a woman who tried to help us?!"

"Help?"

"Yes, help! What happened in there? What made you so angry? Tell me!"

A tear dripped onto the torn fabric on Natsu's abdomen, and it was like a bucket of icy water hitting his face, making him realize what he'd done.

He gulped and turned his head sideways, closing his eyes. "I... I believe that she is the reason for your death."

He heard Gray gasp. "Wh-what? Oh god... What did she say? What did she do to you? What happened during those few minutes?"

"I was in extreme pain..."

Gray snarled, then punched his fist into the floor next to Natsu's body. "Something else?"

"I was pulled into a... dream? Something like that. She lay on the floor, hurt, bleeding, no pupils in her eyes. She told me that I'm not ready yet with a weird voice. She said I should come back when I'm ready."

"Well... She looked like she was in pain, too. Did she threaten you?"

"No... all she did was tell me that I'm not ready. And of course, she told me to enjoy my life, did you hear that?"

Natsu looked up defiantly at Gray, just in time to see a shadow passing over his face.

"I did. I wanted to be angry at her... but somehow, I couldn't. But still, running berserk and destroying half the Magic Council didn't help, now, did it? You could try asking for something for once!"

"She made it pretty clear that she doesn't want to see us again. Do you really think they'd let us if we asked nicely?"

Gray opened his mouth, but a male voice beat him to it. "Damn right, we wouldn’t."

And in the next moment, they were under attack from various directions. They fought side by side, defeating their attackers in no time at all—the soldiers protecting the Magic Council were incredibly weak.

"We surrender!"

Natsu stepped towards the man who'd spoken, asking him where they could find the Oracle. Instead of giving an answer, the soldier begged Natsu not to kill him, and after being asked a second time, he said that he didn't know a thing, that he was just hired to protect the Magic Council.

"What's the meaning of this commotion?" a loud, dark voice echoed.

Natsu shouted, "We want to see the Oracle!"

A tall, fat man with a huge, white beard emerged from the smoke. He stopped close to Natsu, eyeing him curiously.

"Oh, Fairy Tail. Well, I think Makarov has a separate fund to pay the costs for this repair." He smiled. "Which one of the Oracles do you want to see?"

"The one with pale skin and long blond hair."

In a creepy voice, the fat man said, "Ohhh, you mean Lydia. She's my favorite. Good choice." Natsu's jaw dropped, and the man cleared his throat, blush on his cheeks. "I mean, she's the best at fortune telling. Her prophecies are always so helpful."

Gray and Natsu exchanged a meaningful look before Gray spoke.

"Well, we don't understand one of her prophecies, that's why we'd like to ask her some questions."

"Oh, alright. But, may I ask why you didn't just... you know, ask for it?"

Gray regarded Natsu with a death glare while Natsu looked around awkwardly, taking in the destruction.

"Ah, well, you're Fairy Tail mages after all. Can't be helped, I guess. Give me a moment. I'll call Lydia."

And with that, he retreated, stumbling over rubble a few times.

"Who was that?" Natsu asked.

"The chairman. Geez, you should know that at least."

Gray let out a heavy sigh, closing the distance between them with a few quick steps. Warm arms wrapped around Natsu's torso, making contact with his skin where his clothes were torn. Natsu sighed, reciprocating the hug. It calmed his nerves and dissipated a huge part of his anger.

"I'm sorry..."

"It's okay. Your nerves must be strained from all that happened so far. And she wasn't exactly nice to us at the end, too. I should've gotten mad at her, too, and I was a bit mad, but... There was something that prevented me from getting too upset."

Gray had felt it, too?

Natsu pushed them apart, shooting Gray a suspicious look.

"Me too! I felt something, and I had to trust her, had to believe her, couldn't attack her. Did she manipulate us somehow?"

"U-uh... Maybe...?"

"Shit, that nasty witch! I'm going to fucking roast—"

Gray slapped his flat hand against Natsu's face and kept it there, covering his mouth.

"Would you please wait with that until we know what's actually going on?"

As much as Natsu wanted to complain, he knew that Gray had a point. He recalled the situation that had happened the day before when they'd been talking about Zeref, where Gray had been the stubborn one. He recalled the feeling of helplessness when Gray refused to listen to any reason. That had to be what Gray felt right then.

He reached for Gray's wrist and removed his hand. "I'm sorry. You're right."

Gray nodded, and then pulled Natsu back into his arms.

The chairman arrived with some healers a minute later. He beckoned the two of them so that they wouldn't hinder the healers, and led them into a corridor that was still intact. The look in his eyes was reproachful to say the least.

"Lydia is being treated right now. She over-exerted herself, used too much of her magic power. She won't be able to cast magic for the rest of the day."

His expression turned cold, his eyes narrowing. "Tell your master that I've repaid the favor and that he now owes me one."

Natsu let Gray do the talking this time, knowing full well that Gray didn't trust him not to fuck this up otherwise.

"We will. Thanks. Err, actually, we still have a question..."

The chairman raised his brow in a silent invitation to go on.

"We've been wondering... There's this strange... aura around Lydia..."

"Ah, it was your first time meeting an Oracle?"

"Yes."

"They're very special mages. They're born with the magic ability to receive prophecies. However, they can't learn new magic like a normal mage can. The Oracle magic can't be used for fighting, so to protect them, they have another inherent magic that makes everyone around them peaceful. It also prevents them from lying, which is... mostly a good thing for the people around her, but as for how she feels about it... Well, don't ask her about it."

They couldn't lie? What kind of stupid magic was that?

"What happens if they try to lie?"

"They just can't. Lydia once tried to lie to me... Her words were cut off, and nothing came out of her mouth anymore until she decided to tell the truth."

"And is there a reason why they're born with this kind of magic? It seems suspicious."

Good that Gray asked. Natsu would've voiced his concern otherwise.

"We're not entirely sure... The records are sparse, but there seemed to be a time when all the Oracles formed an alliance, delivered wrong prophecies, and thus caused a civil war beyond comparison. That supposedly happened millenniums ago."

Gray nodded, but Natsu wasn't convinced.

"Well, I have other business to tend to, if you may excuse me. Please wait here. I think Lydia still needs a bit time to recover. She'll come here once she's ready."

He bowed his head, and then left them alone. Natsu let out a heavy sigh, unclenching the fists he hadn't noticed he'd clenched in the first place.

The fact that Mirajane has a note, too, seemed to be confusing to some people, so here's the explanation: When Lucy and nearly all the others read Natsu's diary in Chapter 8, Natsu was outside with Laxus and Gray was lost in thoughts. Mirajane used the opportunity to secretly cut out a page of the diary (one of the last pages) and hid it from everyone. She made the cut clean so that it wouldn't be noticed easily. The paper stays where it is because the pages of the diary are enchanted to keep the state they are put into (or else writing would vanish), while the diary itself will return to its place when the day starts anew.

In short: Everything that's still in the diary will return to Natsu's room, everything that's not attached to it (anymore) won't.

#gratsu #chiyalawritesrewind #mywriting #please also leave kudos over at AO3 :)#you don't have to have an account for that

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