#Chemically Imbalanced

[nyxwordsmithwrites]

Chemically Imbalanced Chapter 40

Trigger warnings: violence, unplanned pregnancy, immigration problems, abuse, spousal abuse,

Jose couldn't believe that his son was sitting in front of him. Years had passed since he last saw him and he'd all but lost hope for a reunion. But here they were. Roman, his son, had become an adult in the time that passed. The reunion was bittersweet to Jose as it reminded him of just how much of his son's life he missed. Remus and Roman chatted as though no time had passed which only made the guilt he felt sting more. 

Virgil shifted in his seat and moved a cup of tea towards Jose, "You look like you might need it just as much as me." He offered, trying to lighten the mood when he'd noticed that Jose held his tension in the same places as Roman. 

The older gentleman sighed and rolled his shoulders attempting to release some of the tension, "I--thanks." He replied, taking the hot ceramic cup and letting the heat ground him. The next time he looked up he saw Roman looking at him, "Roman." He offered quietly, "I don't even know where to start or how to explain." He said quietly, looking back down at his tea not daring to look at Roman for fear of seeing resentment or hate. 

"Just like in the Sound of Music, the beginning is a very good place to start. " Roman offered with a smile, watching his dad and taking him in. Even though it had been years there was something so familiar about him, that familiarity brought safety.

Jose let out a wet chuckle, "Alright then. The beginning it is." 

There was no denying that it had been love at first sight. Jose had been studying abroad for a semester when he met Natalie. The whirlwind romance was one for the ages. They quickly went from strangers to never seeing one without the other. 

Their friends had said something about how they were too dependent on each other however both of them brushed it off. Those comments only made the two of them seek each other out even more. 

When the semester came to an end Jose tried to convince Natalie to come back home with him but was met with resistance. 

"I don't want to move. What if it upsets the baby?" Natalie worried, resting her hand over her nonexistent bump. 

Jose nearly fainted right there as he took in his beautiful Natalie, she stood near the window with the setting sun behind her casting a bright halo around her making her look angelic,  "You're pregnant?" He asked, leaning heavily against the bench for support. 

Natalie turned towards her boyfriend with a bright smile and nodded, "I am." 

With those two words, Jose's fate was sealed. He would do anything to be there for his child. Natalie had never looked as beautiful as she did at that moment. He quickly moved towards her and spun her in circles, quietly whispering near her ear in his native language about how happy he was and how he couldn't wait to be a father. 

_____________________

Jose did his best to provide for them but unfortunately, immigration policies that had been put in place did not work in his favor. Eventually, Natalie stated that the visa process and the money were a waste of time when they could just get married. With their marriage came the ability to earn more money with better-paying jobs due to his visa.  

But the marriage had been more out of necessity or obligation than love. For years Jose had tried to get a visa through the legal channels and had poured so much money into the process. He had his second thoughts about the marriage especially when they were really struggling and he'd picked up any overtime that was offered. The reason for the overtime was two-fold. One was because they needed the money as Natalie insisted on being a stay-at-home mom. Two he dreaded going home every night. If he didn't work overtime Natalie yelled that he was good for nothing and tried to starve their son to death. On the other hand, if he worked overtime Natalie became suspicious and accused him of cheating on her. Of course, neither of these were true but after hearing them so often it felt like maybe she was right.  

With a better-paying job and more manageable hours, Jose finally felt like he was able to see the light at the end of the tunnel. All that changed after Remus was born. 

____________________

There was something different about Natalie after Remus. She looked at the child like she feared he might spontaneously combust or perhaps she was wishing he would. She had never looked at Roman that way. Jose thought maybe he was just seeing things since her behavior towards Roman hadn't changed. 

After a long shift, Jose came home and found Natalie barricading herself in the kitchen with a knife pointed at Remus. She was shrieking and crying as she watched her son. It was impossible to understand what she was saying and honestly, Jose wasn't sure he wanted to know. 

His eyes went to Remus who was sitting up and looking at his mom, reaching his hands out for her but by the look in Natalie's eyes she didn't even recognize the child as her. The first thing he noticed about Remus was the blood around him that was coming from his hand. 

Jose picked up Remus and took him and Roman to the bathroom so he could patch up his son. He would likely never know how Remus got injured as that day Remus stopped talking to anyone but Roman. 

This was the first time Jose considered that maybe Natalie needed help. He did his best to keep Remus away from her and ensure that he had everything he needed. Jose also tried to urge Natalie to seek professional help but if anything that only made things worse. Even when he suggested Roman and Remus go to therapy he was met with resistance by Natalie. 

When Jose had brought up seeking help Natalie had screamed and cried for hours about how she was trying her best and maybe if he did more this wouldn't be happening

Without Natalie's knowledge, he did manage to take both of his sons to therapy. Jose couldn't care less what Natalie's reaction would be if she ever found out. This was in the best interest of his children.  

At this point, Jose was half convinced that this was normal behavior. There were times after the fact that Jose went over all of the days leading up to the end that he tried to pinpoint if he'd missed a sign but everything seemed normal. 

One day he came home from work with Remus on his hip to find the house trashed. There was a letter amongst the wreck from Natalie that said she was taking Roman and leaving. That Jose was no longer the man she married and she couldn't take it anymore. Upon reading that letter Jose knew he should've felt sad or ashamed but he couldn't help but feel relief. That Remus was safe, he was safe. The only thing he was worried about was Roman. How he'd ever find his son or ensure that he was okay. There was no telling what Natalie would be capable of. Thankfully, she hadn't shown any aggression towards Roman but Jose knew that it wasn't safe for Natalie to have him. 

After Natalie left Jose never stopped looking for Roman. However, there were very few people who wanted to assist an immigrant in finding his child. He'd told his story many times and found that most people just stared at him and came to the conclusion that his wife was abused and running for a reason. During his search child protective services had been called on him multiple times as anyone who listened to his story assumed that Remus was also in danger. Thankfully these assumptions were unfounded and he was able to take care of Remus on his own. 

_______________________

Years had passed and Jose had stopped telling people his story. This didn't mean he'd stopped looking for Roman but he mostly used the internet or prayed that somehow they would make it back to each other. 

The day has been like any other day when he received a text from an unknown number claiming to be Roman. Jose was hesitant to believe it at first as it seemed so impossible but upon further investigation he realized it was actually Roman. 

It took everything in him to be patient to schedule a meet up. This was his son they were talking about. A son he never thought he would be allowed to see again. With the reconnection came the hard part of trying to explain to his grown son what had happened. But it felt like all he had were excuses. That he hadn't tried hard enough or been a good enough father. 

______________

Once he'd said his part Jose hazard a glance at Roman and saw that his son had tears streaming down his face, "I'm so sorry." He pleaded, needing his son to understand.

Roman shook his head, "Dad no." He whispered, wiping at his face and feeling Virgil's hand on his thigh rubbing small circles, "you did so much for both of us." He added, "She--she always told me you left."

"I promise you I didn't. I have spent all of my free time looking for you." Jose assured, setting his hand on the table near Roman and instantly relaxing when he grasped his hand. 

The teen choked on a sob, "I believe you." He whispered, squeezing his hand. 

Those three words broke all of Jose's resolve. Roman believed him. His son didn't blame him. He didn't hate him. Jose swallowed hard, "Roman. Can I have another hug?" He asked gently, trying to let his son set the pace. 

Roman immediately got up and wrapped his arms around his father, not even allowing him to get out of his seat, "please stay." 

Jose whimpered and leaned into Roman any attempt at trying to pull himself together shattered by his son's request to have him stay. 

[onmysideofheaven]

I guess I always thought that the world I grew up in, would be the world I lived in as an adult. Now that I'm here, I realize it's not the same. It's like when you buy something online because you think it looks cool, and then it arrives and it's nothing like the picture. That's exactly how I feel about life.

[zzombiegrrrl]

I am absolutely obsessed with the secretary gerard look. always have, always will be.

[let-roman-bite-someone]

oh also, to y’all who are complaining that sanders sides is way too fanservicey now, have you forgotten just how fanservicey it was in s1?

virgil only became a recurring character because the fans liked him so much, there was SO MUCH shipping fodder with prinxiety because thomas found out that it was a popular ship, same applied to logicality. i believe the whole patton and virgil friendship also became canon partially due to how much the fandom adored their dynamic.

if anything, sanders sides is a lot less fanservicey now, it’s only in the filler episodes that thomas makes the sides act a bit silly and in line with how the fandom views them.

[writingjourney]

my brain can’t handle dopamine anymore, I had a busy day (good busy) and got a lot done so then I had some dopamine and thought wow I should do more things while it lasts so I did more things and then the dopamine high ended and I crashed so hard that I sat around crying for half an hour 🙌🏼

[butchreyes]

on GOD we will get you medicated in season five king….

[iamhollywood]

when i'm trapped in my body and getting deeper every day and then they diagnose me born that way

[drop--pop--candy]

aughhhh shouldn't have broken my rule it's a rule for a reason

[venom-bitez]

Okay is it just me

I Like complimenting people by saying how they remind me or sound like a certain song by how they are. I just don’t do it anymore cause I think people are uncomfortable with me saying that like who just tells someone “You remind me of the song Purple Rain by Prince”

[reliquarian]

i want to make things i am DESPERATE to make things but when presented with the opportunity i simply do not because i cant focus or dont think the idea is good enough. broken reward center.

[onmysideofheaven]

TW: SI

When I was little, there was one thing my mom did that always made me feel like maybe she really did love me even though she was awful to me. It’s be late at night, and we’d be in the car going or coming from somewhere. I’d get tired, so I’d lay my head against the side of my car seat. I was always scared that she would mad if she looked back and saw, but instead she’d say “you can close your eyes if you want.” It was the most loving thing she ever said. Having depression is like being a little kid who’s tired, and laying your head against the car seat. Suicide would be falling asleep. All I want is for someone to tell me it’s okay to close my eyes. When someone is sick, and they’re fighting it, their family will come to a point where they say “it’s okay to go, we know you tried your best and you’re tired.” I wish the same rule applied to depression, because I’m losing this battle. I’m tired. I don’t have any more fight left in me. Why can’t they see how tired I am? Why can’t my efforts be good enough? 

[pacifymebby]

Am literally on holiday, should be having the loveliest time but all I can do is sulk around the pool like a depresso wee loser <3 <3 <3

[placeinthisworld]

no but for real does Walgreens expect me to pick up my antidepressant today when it costs $85?

[thatiranianphantom]

Hey guys, did you know that if you have ADHD and your brain literally does not make enough dopamine to keep you focused, you can just dig deep? You can just not put things off and be organized?

Well, this is life-changing information!

[angelsarecomputers]

going on a pilgrimage to albuquerque new mexico to see the place where jesse pinkman was born

[theowolady]

This hurts on levels I didn't expect it to hurt

Anyone here ever heard of my chemical romance