#Chelsea’s finest lad

[therealslimshakespeare]

first off I just want to say that ur a QUEEN GODDESS and may ur reign be undisputed forevermore😭🙏🏽💞

now onto business😎: ur writing has inspired me to write (for callum turner characters) so if u ever want to read more fics about joe rantz, Thomas Webber (because damn he was fine in the only living boy in New York), Tiger, Theseus, AND John…stay tuned

But thanks for being not just a talent but an INSPIRATION❤️ur a girls girl fr

Oh my gosh darlin’, you’ve sent me into a tailspin tizzy with all this kindness, I cannot cope!!! Me @ you 👇🏼

I am so delighted to hear that you’ve gotten the bug, it’s a wonder and shock I had anything to do with it -but, if I can manage it? YOU CAN ACE IT. You’ve got this and I’m thirsty for content on any and all of these wonderful manifestations of Mr. Turner’s wonderful talent. Tbh I’ve not even seen Boys in the Boat as yet but due to gifs and love of Joe from the book I am thirsty as a desert nomad for content of the man.

Please tag me in whatever you accomplish, may the muses attend you, sweet Anon. 💋

[therealslimshakespeare]

@ab4eva I am once again suggesting that something ought to be done about this

#my Roman Empire

[ab4eva]

‘The Three of Us’

-

Fully co-authored with: @therealslimshakespeare

Thanks to: My incomparable co-author & sweetheart Marina, for being willing to follow this rabbit hole with me and explore this little trio! And for the gorgeous mood board and vibes, I’m obsessed. And to Ashley, for being the best damn cheerleader we could ask for. ♥️

Warnings: All the sex, 18+ only

Word count: 8k

-

Sometimes in Hollywood, magic happens behind the scenes - in a dark corner of Bar Lubitsch or a little poolside bungalow at the Chateau Marmont. Things that are only whispered about in certain circles or sent to Deuxmoi with the stipulation of “anon please.” The blurry flash of a hand, littered with telltale rings, on her Instagram story. The paparazzi photos of a drunken night out before the three of them disappeared into the balmy Los Angeles evening. The fandom set ablaze by rumors as they combed over every sign, every possibility, every look that they took for god’s honest truth. A myth in the making, never confirmed, never denied.

When a ballsy journalist had the gumption to ask Callum about the rumors some months down the road, he just grinned his Cheshire smile and shook his head, the slightest blush hinting at the corners of his already ruddy cheeks.

“Nah, mate, can’t believe everyfing you read in Hollywood, can ya.” A statement, no trace of question in his ice blue eyes as he licked his cherry lips and stared the journalist down, daring them to dig deeper. His heart may have started pounding a little too hard but only he knew that. Nothing belied the steely gaze he turned on the journalist - not a flex in his jaw or a slight blink or the whisper of a breath. Needless to say, that journalist had no desire to go toe-to-toe with all six feet two inches of Chelsea’s finest lad. They let the subject drop, though the air had already been sucked out of the tiny interview room. Callum noted with suppressed glee the way the journalist shifted in their seat uncomfortably, trying to regain the upper hand.

Serves ya right, ya wanker, floated through Cal’s head and it took all his energy to focus his thoughts on the next question being asked of him. Now that the taboo subject had been brought up, he couldn’t keep his mind from drifting back towards that fateful night, like the breach in a ship’s hull the memories flooded in. The soft give of her flesh beneath his fingers as he dug them into her hips, needing her closer, closer. The salty taste of Austin’s skin on his tongue as he dragged it slowly across his friend’s collarbone, the streak of wetness left behind shimmering in the moonlight. The mingled sighs and shared breaths, overpowering and heady in that dark little bungalow. That was the night he couldn’t get out of his head, no matter how hard he tried. It didn’t matter how many books he read or women he kissed or bloody hikes he took in Runyon Canyon, he was always going back to the night when everything changed.

-

“Didn’t I see you at the Luchino Visconti retrospective a couple nights ago? At the Academy?” The very definition of tall, dark and handsome has just walked in the room, smiling down at you and waiting expectantly for your answer. This is Callum Turner, the new client you’re working with for Masters of the Air press (alongside Austin Butler, your regular client and current boyfriend-adjacent…guy. It’s casual, you’re both keeping it casual. For now.).

“Oh! Were you there? Wasn’t it amazing?” you gush, a little flustered.

“It’s kind of rare to meet another Visconti fan. You must be one of the good ones.” He grins at you, all warmth and puppy dog eagerness. A kindred spirit, an instant connection. You would be very charmed by him, if you weren’t already attached to someone else. Who are you kidding, you’re charmed by him anyway. Talking with him comes easily, and the time flies by as you style his hair, moisturize his skin, add a bit of concealer here and there. He’s funny, sweet, intelligent. Austin has told you a bit about him, about his friend who helped him during one of the most confusing times of his life. But this - this is more than you were expecting. He’s more than you were expecting. And you’re pretty sure he’s flirting with you. When he asks you out for a drink later, you’re absolutely certain. It is with no small amount of regret that you turn him down.

-

The first time you noticed something akin to a spark between the man you’d casually been dating and his co-star was during press interviews for their new television series, Masters of the Air. As Austin and Callum’s groomer and makeup artist, you were allowed a seat at the back of the room, near the video monitors, ready to jump into action if one of Austin’s curls needed to be twisted back into place or if Callum’s nose got too shiny and needed a bit of powder. You glanced up from your phone to see the two of them leaned so close together their shoulders touched, just barely. You couldn’t hear what they were saying, but Callum’s mouth looked as if it might graze the shell of Austin’s ear, a smirk playing at the edges, as his dark, curly head bent conspiratorially towards his friend’s blonde one. Silly boys, you thought, smiling to yourself as you watched them. You’d seen that look on Austin’s face before…it was almost one of… adoration.

Without warning your mind flashed back to last night, Austin gazing up at you through your thighs, a look of devotion on his face, his sandy hair ruffled and his eyes slightly dazed. The very same look that he’s now turned on Callum… Nah… You laughed at yourself quietly and shook your head to clear your thoughts, silently scolding yourself. You’d been reading too many spicy novels recently and clearly your imagination was running wild. It made sense that he and Callum were close. Austin had been lost as a newborn calf without a mother after Elvis had wrapped and Masters of the Air had started filming. A brotherhood, that’s what Austin had called it. And Callum had been his right hand man. And that’s all, you were sure. Pretty sure.

-

Bar Lubitsch is dim and noisy, crowded with cast and crew of Masters for an impromptu celebration while so many of them are in town. Austin hasn’t been here in years, always remembered it being a good time. He wants to show you and Callum a good time, after all the hard work you three have been putting in for press the past couple of weeks. That was two hours and three drinks ago, and you watch them now from your perch at the bar and how much they feed each other’s souls, like displaced brothers, reunited after years apart. The evening is starting to shift and blur, so many drinks and people and noise and singing. You never knew Callum loved to sing so much, until he was singing karaoke at the top of his lungs and the whole bar was gathered around the little stage in the back room, jumping to the beat while he sang the most risqué lyrics right to Austin, like they were the only two people in the room:

Even when the cold comes crashing through

I'm putting all my bets on you

I hope they never understand us

I put my heart inside your palms

My home in your arms

Now we know nothing matters

Nothing matters

And you can hold me like he held her

And I will fuck you like nothing matters

You’re not sure you’ll ever be over Callum pinching Austin’s cheeks, channeling his inner Egan, and singing right at him with drunken gusto while Austin is too tipsy to remember not to bask in it and it’s probably the cutest, and hottest, thing you’ve ever seen. It’s only afterwards that you start to feel a tiny flicker of jealousy. There’s something between them, a connection that time and distance hasn’t untethered. Later, you drag Austin into one of the faded velvet booths, snuggling up to him as he pulls you into a one-armed embrace, kissing your temple with glassy eyes and a crooked smile. His heady mix of sweat and cologne mingle, along with the alcohol, and suddenly you’re lightheaded. Not to mention the fact that his soft lips have seemed to have move, with lightning speed, from your temple to your neck. You gently push him away, and he gives you a questioning look but you need to see his face when you ask him this.

“Hey…what’s going on with Callum? Because, it’s clearly something? And whatever it is, it’s ok, really it is…but…I do have eyes, Austin,” you blurt out, biting your lip. You see a dozen different emotions cross his features, like a movie playing out in real time - surprise, guilt, defensiveness, longing, acceptance. His face goes all red and he leans his head back, his tan throat open and inviting, his Adam's Apple bobbing up and down as he swallows thickly. It takes everything in you not to kiss him right this second.

“It’s…complicated. Kind of,” he sighs as he stares up at the ceiling and you can tell he doesn’t want to talk about it and that’s answer enough for you. You don’t push him further as you quietly turn his mouth to yours and make him forget anything and everyone but you.

-

“Come on Aus, it’ll be just like old times,” Cal goads drunkenly, placing a proprietary hand on Austin’s belly, his words laden with meaning and a hint of pleading. It’s not like he’s missed Austin or anything…not like that. Not that he’d admit anyway, hell no. Couldn’t two dudes have a consensual thing and not be weird about it? It must be liquid courage that made him suggest it aloud. That and the fact Austin keeps looking at him like he hung the damn moon.

“Swear you’ll shut up? If I say yes, will you just…chill?” Austin’s eyes are trained on you and it takes everything in him to play it cool, keep a calm head. Cal’s hand is still on Austin’s stomach and he starts to pet him, just above the belt and it makes Austin lurch in sudden need. He licks his lips, they’re suddenly parched, and swallows hard. He hears Cal snicker softly in his ear.

“Now, see, as I recall, you wouldn’t stop asking me to keep sayin’ shit last time.” Callum’s voice floats above the music, scratchy from gin and karaoke, hot breath tickling the shell of Austin’s ear. His hand moves to squeeze Austin’s neck, and if Austin didn’t know any better he’d swear it was a subconscious power move, Callum trying to literally bend Austin to his will. There’s an all too familiar twitch down Austin’s pant leg, and oh god he wishes- he thought, he was so sure, he was past that phase of responding like one of Pavlov’s dogs to Callum’s adoration and teasing.

Maybe it’s just the notion, his suggestion. That’s what’s suddenly making Austin’s blood feel hot and his eyes hazy, it’s the idea of her…and him! But mostly her, just her, and sharing her and- None of that explains the way he wants to bend to that firm hand squeezing in drunken cajoling at the base of his neck, makes him want to knock noses and yank at the stupid collar of Callum’s sweater until there’s collarbones to see and a draft under the wool. This is winter in Los Angeles, heating inside is state of the art, there’s no reason for such coziness and it’s making the man sweat and all Austin can think of from the smell is memories of an English summer, worn out and floating in his own body, biting down on Callum’s upper arm, tangy, sweaty flesh to keep an awfully strange escapade quiet.

That does it. What is he even thinking? He must’ve drank more than he realized but then, oh god, there Cal goes, throwing his hands up in defeat, shrugging his shoulders like a kid caught trying to push his luck. The arm around his shoulder is suddenly gone, and he’d give anything to have it back again. He shakes his head - he really must’ve had too much to drink. It was making him melancholy and sobering him up fast. Funny how alcohol will do that to you.

“Scouts honor, Butler, I’ll-I’ll-I’ll,” he seems to search the ceiling in drunken concentration for the correct wording most likely to open the doors to the kingdom, “I’ll be- it’ll be: HER, YOU and a um, uh mannequin. How ‘bout that, mate? Good enough for ya? You’d probably like that, wouldn’t ya? Ya little freak!” He lands a playful right hook to Austin’s jaw, hard knuckles digging into soft cheeks.

The usually inflammatory epithet of ‘freak’, coming as it does from a man begging for a threesome with himself and his girl, is nothing short of rabidly complementary. Callum’s shit-eating, triumphant grin could light up the whole damn room in this moment. He knows he’s got Austin right where he wants him and starts to count down silently in his head - three…two…

Austin finds himself grinning, a warning, measured thing but a condoning of the sentiment all the same.

“One,” Cal says out loud, his arm going back around Austin’s shoulders, squeezing so hard Austin winces a little. It’s a reflective motion then, done almost without thinking, when Austin slaps Callum’s thigh, not realizing there’s a boner bent down that trouser leg. A wounded hiss leaves Callum’s lips as he caves in on himself a little bit and Austin freezes, his face turning crimson and he feels another twitch down his own trousers.

“Steady on mate,” Callum coughs, shaking a leg, trying to discreetly readjust. “And I thought I was the eager beaver here.” Austin wants to wipe that smirk right off Callum’s smug little face but the moment their eyes meet they can’t help but start to laugh. Giggles, really, which turn into loud guffaws that has the whole bar turning to see what the commotion is about.

Your head whips around at the sound you’ve grown to know well over the past few weeks, the loud and boisterous laughter of two friends who seem forget that anyone else exists when they’re together. You spot them, huddled close as they always seem to be, and shake your head. A grin tugs at your lips and threatens to spill out the feelings fluttering around in your chest, no your stomach, no…somewhere else, lower. You’d be lying if you said you didn’t think about the two of them…together. Sometimes you’re with them, sometimes you’re not, in these little fantasies of yours. You catch yourself biting your lip and staring at them a little too longingly. You wonder what they’re saying now, both of them look flustered and awkward, just slightly. You can actually feel the tension rolling off of them in waves from where you stand across the bar.

Austin chooses that moment to look up and catch your eye. There’s a fire in his gaze that wasn’t there earlier and what is that look on his face? You’ve never seen it before…shy and almost…guilty? He looks just like a little boy who’s been caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

Your eyes question him across the dim bar, an unspoken tether ties you together wherever you are, and uncertainty about the deal he’s just struck with Callum comes creeping in. What has gotten into him? He’s just agreed to share you, with another man. And not just any man, one he has a rather interesting history with. The thought of Callum touching you, kissing you, fucking you…suddenly he’s stone cold sober and beginning to regret letting Cal sway his decision. Because there sure as hell won’t be any take backs, not with Callum. He’s like a dog with a bone once he gets what he wants.

-

“Dude no, there’s chemical flavoring in there, that shit’s bad for you and it’ll give her irritation!” Austin looks slightly perturbed, not for the first time this evening. He sways slightly under the florecent lights of the drugstore, the constant buzzing adding to the pounding in his head.

“What if it’s not intended to go on her? Hmm? Thought of that Butler?” Callum murmurs under his breath, his eyes focused solely on the lube he’s holding, a pink blush creeping up his neck to his ears. Has a blush under drugstore fluorescents ever looked so lovely? And Austin hasn’t stopped biting that lower lip since you walked into this place. It hasn’t stopped him from grinning, though, his excitement bubbling through in little ticks and tells, the nervous turning over of the vaseline jar in his large hands.

“You haven’t even bought me dinner Cal, just straight to the flavored lube,” Austin bemoans, faking offense. “’Sides, she’s already sweet enough, aren’t you baby? I’ve had my fair share of licks,” Austin’s shoulder bumps yours as he sends you a smoldering look, his eyes flickering down your body briefly before his cheeks turn a slight rosy color you can see blooming up from his chest through his open shirt collar.

“Austin!” you hiss, slapping his arm playfully and hiding your face in his neck, embarrassed.

“Leave it to you two twig Bettie’s and we’d be down to nothin’ but socks and coconut oil,” Cal snarks, not at all inaccurately.

“I don’t remember you minding coconut oil last time,” Austin says under his breath, clearly meant for Callum’s ears only, but you manage to catch it, and your heart starts to pound at the implied meaning.

“Mmm, and it was bitter so - mojito,” Callum says decidedly, leaving no room for argument. Austin smiles at you, lifting his shoulder in a shrug and rolling his eyes heavenward. You giggle nervously, wondering for the first time just what you’re getting yourself into.

“I saw that! Listen mate, feel free to shut me up at any time. This would do nicely, ya reckon?” Callum lifts a silk sleeping mask with one, long finger and swings it around seductively, waggling his eyebrows up and down comically. You laugh and the butterflies making a home in your ribcage start to settle down again.

-

The whimpers emanating from between your parted lips take you by surprise and you promptly shut your mouth, unexpectedly embarrassed to be mewling so wantonly. You bite your lip as it becomes harder and harder to hold them in with every slow thrust of Austin’s velvety cock filling you, his swollen tip hitting just the right spot, and every flick of Callum’s tongue as he laves at your tender little clit with vigor. You feel Austin tense slightly beneath you as Cal swirls his tongue down to your opening to lap at where you and Austin join, sloppy and wet. A soft moan floats past your left ear, Austin’s hot breath sending a shiver through you, and it seems to invigorate Callum as he doubles down on his efforts to have his tongue cover as much surface area as possible. He chuckles and it jolts through you as your back arches, your fingers finding his dark curls and yanking him closer, demanding something you aren’t even aware of. He understands what you need even if you don’t and as his lips close around your sensitive bud you can no longer keep quiet, keening softly. You practically buck off of Austin’s lap and his arm tightens around your waist to keep you in place. The harder Callum sucks, the more Austin starts to whine - you’ve gotten so tight around him he can hardly thrust.

“Oh fuck, what’re you doing? Cal…what…” you slur as you pull at his hair, trying to dislodge him from your clit. You feel him grin against your heat as he slowly slips two fingers in you, resting them alongside Austin’s length. You hiss at the stretch and Austin starts to pick up his pace again. Your head is too hazy with pleasure to register fully what is happening as Callum gently slides another finger in next to the first two. His mouth works your clit, sucking and pulling, harder then soft again.

“More…more more more,” you beg hoarsely. You feel as if you might fly away and the only thing anchoring you to earth are these two men and their hands and their mouths on your body. Callum cocks an eyebrow at you and his eyes shift to Austin. You feel him nod, barely, and then another burning stretch as Cal slips his pinkie in next to his other fingers. It drives you insane and you feel yourself clenching and coming, harder than you can ever remember. You stop breathing for a moment, your mind going numb with rapture as you come apart at the seams.

“Oh fuck,” Austin whispers, biting your shoulder, his hand absentmindedly palming your breasts, pinching your hardened nipple. “Come on baby, I know you’ve got more, give us another one. Cal, can’t thrust with you in there…give me some room, huh?”

Callum let’s go of your clit with a wet pop and gently slides his fingers out. His nose and chin are shiny with your juices, even his eyebrows look a little damp and he’s grinning from ear to ear.

“Go on then, Butler, show us what you got.” He stands, knees popping as he does. From up here he can see your faces clearly, yours and Austin’s. He watches, rapt, as Austin nuzzles your neck, nipping at your earlobe as he speeds up his thrusts, toying with your nipples mercilessly. Your eyes flutter closed and your head drops back onto his shoulder. Callum shakes his head, dazed and pussy drunk - why was he on his knees so long?? He coulda been watching this the whole time? But he knows why- fresh, homegrown pussy. And he means to have his fill. He can’t take being on the sidelines, watching Austin move in and out of you at a punishing pace, having all the fun. One of Callum’s massive palms descends onto your clit, slapping and rubbing cruelly, back and forth, faster and faster. And then you’re gushing everywhere, all over Callum’s hand and Austin’s cock and the bed, soaking everything.

“Come on then girl, give us all you’ve got,” Cal encourages, his raspy voice driven to the point of hoarseness. He grabs his painfully hard, throbbing cock and roughly starts to slap your clit. You gasp, jerking in Austin’s arms as you fall apart again. And then Callum gets a thought, because his dick is doing most of the thinking just now, and it’s been sadly neglected thus far. He’s just had four fingers in you and now you’re literally flinging droplets with each swipe, it’s a goddamn swamp down there it’s so wet. He slows his slaps and starts to rub soft circles against your clit, stopping every once in a while to try your entrance gently, just to see. You moan breathlessly and his heart speeds up as he looks at Austin questioningly.

“I recognize that gleam in your eye, Turner…spit it out,” Austin says in a slightly strangled voice.

“Think you can take us both, angel? At the same time?” Callum directs his question to you, ignoring Austin.

You can’t take your poor abused clit getting ground on anymore, it’s just too intense, anything to give it a break. You nod your head so fast he thinks it might fly off. Your trembling little hand reaches down with disjointed begs of “Put it in baby, put it, please Cal, it’s burning.”

Your sloppy wet pussy hole visibly clenches with a tiny space of room left each time Austin digs in. Callum drunkenly wonders if they should have a medical professional on standby for this sorta shit, like it’s gotta be a crime to wedge two boys into a girl, especially when Butler’s packing like that. But your whine suggests you need it and he’d really like to not be left out. FOMO -that’s what he’ll blame when he’s driving the ambulance or else coming down from the craziest high he’s ever had with a pool of cum drying on his belly.

Austin goes still as a statue under you and drags your sweaty hair across to the other shoulder so he can really see your face and ask, “You sure? Baby, talk to me, you really wanna try?” His hand gently grips your chin, forcing you to focus on his eyes, his question.

“I’ll die if I don’t have you both,” you plead, your voice barely above a whisper, but Austin still looks concerned and slightly perturbed. Is the girl he knows even in there? But you want something, you want this and he’ll be dammed if he doesn’t give you anything you want that’s within his power to give. And if there’s one thing he loves about you it’s your love of a challenge. He bites his cheek, trying not to blow his load over your sweet determination.

“Ok ok.” Austin takes a deep, steadying breath, kissing your wet temple and gives Callum a very familiar look of admonishment and also trust in his good intentions. “Careful, man, really careful,” he instructs as Callum nods his silent assent.

“No safe words, just if somebody says stop we stop, ok?” Austin’s starting to pant, as he can feel the poofy mushroom head of Cal’s cock brushing his sack at your entrance. “Anybody who says stop,” he clarifies, half thinking he might be the first to wimp out and do it.

“Yeah, yeah, ‘course.” Cal actually looks sober as fuck except for the sheen of sweat that always seems to come with his pints and somehow the eye contact he makes lights a fire in Austin’s belly.

“I might say no,” you squeak, “I won’t mean it though, just a heads up. I’ll say stop- if I need to stop.”

“No?” Cal laughs nervously. “That might make me feel a little…bad,” he admits, still rubbing maddening circles around where Austin’s been practically cockwarming you for ages.

“Stop getting all existential and give her what she wants, man,” Austin rebuts.

“It’ll make me feel bad if she says no,” Cal blurts, running a hand through his already messy hair.

“Then I’ll do it.” Austin’s voice is rough in your ear and your nipples harden into peaks as he gently pulls out of you and pats the bed. “Tell Cal to lay his big ass self down.”

You giggle as Callum dives onto the bed, bouncing for a moment until he settles, turning over onto his back, head propped on a lazy forearm. He pats his meaty thighs and you roll your eyes but can’t deny the flip flop your stomach does at the thought of those thighs and what a nice cradle they’ll make while you’re railed within an inch of you’re life. And then you’re hovering over him, Cal kneading your hip encouragingly while running an admiring hand up and down your spine, like you’re a skittish horse in need of calming. You hesitate, momentarily unsure, but Austin nods at you reassuringly from the foot of the bed and ever the gentleman, gives you his hands to hold as you sink slowly down on Callum. Though his gentlemanly hands are gripping yours tightly, his eyes are glued to your pussy taking every inch of uncut Brit cock that he’s maybe gagged on once.

“Earth to Butler!” comes from behind you because Austin’s zoned out a little and it’s been a hot minute and you’re somewhat situated now.

“Oh, yeah, yeah, uh, ok, ok…”

Cal snickers before crunching up behind you, his chest hot against your back as he wraps his arms around you. “You feel lovely, darlin’, wanna lay back wif’ me? Don’t mind him, he’s lost it. Always goes a bit soft in the head around a pretty pussy or my cock.”

It’s a lot from this position and laying back against Callum’s chest is intense. You feel like he’s fully in your belly and it stretches your womb over him. He feels different…his isn’t as wet as Austin’s little water fountain but it throbs more noticeably, sending little shocks of pleasure through you. Cal pets your belly soothingly and spreads your pussy lips for Austin to really get a look at. You whine and squirm, realizing again the want for more. Those fingers dabbling at your entrance, threatening to push inside you once more and that’s when Austin breaks, recalling that’s what he and his cock are here for.

“Yeah, ok, ok, present and accounted for. Move your hand,” he murmurs, swiping Cal’s hand away. He thumbs at you himself for a bit, just to be sure and to watch as Cal loses his cool facade for a second when you clench tightly around him.

“Still sure about this, baby?” He asks one more time as he’s pressing at the ring and the burn has you bracing. You feel Cal’s hand move from your waist to your thigh, behind your knee, cupping it and dragging it wide, spreading you apart before you’ve even said your piece. The vote of confidence does you good and you take a deep breath, nodding once, decisively.

“Then put me in, angel,” Austin tells you, fat cockhead already snagged in but there’s a little ripple in his hard cock from the resistance of the tight space. Steeling yourself, you reach down and wrap your fingers around him, tugging him closer and slowly feeding his thickness into you alongside Cal’s, who starts thrashing his head and moaning at the drag like he’s the one getting breached.

“Good girl, good girl, please more…know you can take more.” Cal’s begging for cock by proxy and it alters your brain somehow. Austin’s too, he puts his hips into the effort and soon he’s gotten past the muscles at your command and into the threshold where you can’t manage to push him out if you tried. It makes you panic a little, but Cal is softly shushing in your ear, a distracting thumb stroking behind your knee, other freckled hand mauling a tit and begging you to take more cock so he can get friction.

“She can take it, come on, Austin,” he vouches for you, a little self promotion as you can’t even form words right now. Somewhere about six inches in your vocabulary consists of yelped little “fuck’s”and whimpering “I cant’s”.

Austin caresses your cheek, commanding you to look at him, his blue eyes focused in on yours, “That’s it baby, just a little more. You’re doing so good for us… such a good girl.”

Callum grab’s Austin’s shoulder and brings him fully deeper, which is all well and good when Austin kisses your forehead and insists raggedly, “You are doing it, baby.”

When he finally pushes in that last little bit, you lose any control you thought you had, instantly coming from the stretch and threatening to push Austin out. But he presses nothing less than his full weight on you, keeping you in place and himself snug inside next to Callum. You gasp for air and wrap your arms around his broad shoulders, clinging to him. Austin tries to remember to breathe and promptly forgets how when he makes eye contact with Callum for the first time since being balls deep.

“Are you -is that you…twitching?”

“Woulda thought you’d remember that,” Callum smirks. “Coulda sworn I recall you saying something about it jumping like a live wire in your hand?”

“Christ, well it feels different all…snuggled up next to mine,” Austin grits out, coloring slightly.

After a moment or two, when breath has been regained and a few laughs shared and some semblance of sanity restored in right spaces, Cal starts to pepper every inch of your neck and cheeks in kisses. Now that he’s not so desperate he’s become utterly grateful for you, for this. The kisses turn into sloppy, wet groans in your ear as Austin begins to move and Cal’s hand is gripping your jaw, his eyes locked on Austin, your legs thrown wide over his thighs, spread to the max and he’s a perfect recliner. He throws his other arm across your chest in a loving armbar, holding you still on top of him, “So Butler can get a rhythm, baby.”

Austin looms above you both, finding his pace, measured and steady. His beautiful face is flushed full of awe and there’s a heat in his gaze you’ve never seen before. He puts his hand on Callum’s shoulder for leverage, long fingers digging into freckled flesh and Cal promptly lays a little smooch on Austin’s forearm with a cheeky grin. Austin’s eyes shift and change, become a deeper blue and an expression you can’t read flits across his face as he jabs a particularly hard thrust into you. Callum starts to whimper and squirm when he realizes Austin’s thrusts are rubbing him too well, and it's not just you who’s getting their spot hit - that spot being his foreskin being drug back and forth in maddening little drags.

“Y’all like that? Feel good?” Austin growls lowly, rhythmic thrusts pushing you and Callum deeper into the fluffy white sheets, both of your whimpers combining until you can’t tell who they belong to. Austin groans and drives in harder, his white knuckles gripping Callum’s shoulder hard, while he reserves his tenderest touch for you, rubbing his thumb back and forth across your cheek.

“You’re…enjoying this…” you manage to moan between thrusts. His face splits into a grin as he pushes all the way in, pausing for a moment to kiss you hard, all tongues and teeth and desperation.

“Oh, fuck mate, that’s so good. Oh my god,” Callum babbles. “Right there, fuck, right there. You feel so good.”

“Which one, baby girl? Me or her?” Austin smirks.

For once, Callum has no witty response except the heavy panting in your ear. He squeezes your waist harder and his fingernails indent your hip and it gives you something else to focus on while you catch your breath, a tiny escape from the mind-blowing ecstasy you feel and the slight alarm bells ringing in your head. You can feel Callum somehow expanding and growing inside of you, even bigger than he was before. Austin’s eyes go wide and a look of panic crosses his face - his perfect pink mouth forms a perfect “o”.

“Oh shit, what…why is everything so fucking tight again…what is happening,” Austin groans breathlessly, his mouth set in a determined line, teeth ground together so hard you worry momentarily he might break a tooth. He tightens his grip on Callum’s shoulder and Cal’s massive hand encircles Austin’s delicate wrist, knuckles white as he holds on for dear life.

“Faster…faster,” Cal begs, again and again. “Sorry no, mate it’s, it’s fuckin’ happenin’…oh fuck.” His head cranes forward and you can feel his belly and hips flexing beneath you as he tenses over and over, letting out a hoarse sort of howl as he comes. His warmth fills you and it shakes something loose in your head, your own stomach starting to clench as you grab a handful of Austin’s golden hair, urging him on. Callum’s hands are all over you, petting you everywhere as he starts to come down.

“S’ok I came in ya? Yeah? Good, ‘cause I did,” he whispers hoarsely with a remorseful little laugh, back to babbling to you now that Austin’s got him there. He wipes the sweaty hair from your forehead, tucking a piece of it behind your ear and kisses your neck, whispering encouraging words, “That’s it, babe, give us another one.”

Cal’s bitten off little whimpers spur you on, as his soft cock is trapped in there too, getting pummeled. He’s trying to focus on you, with little pets and murmurs of encouragement but you feel his jaw clench as he grits his teeth, taking the pounding Austin is giving the both of you.

“Got me feelin’ like a proper woman, squealin’ n’ shit, Aus.”

You feel another orgasm build and shake through you, one of the many countless times you’ve fallen apart tonight, but this one stands out. It would bring you to your knees if you were unlucky enough to be standing at this moment. You’re sure it has something to do with knowing you’re satisfying two men at once, Callum having found his release and Austin being close to his. You can tell he’s on the verge by the little signs you’ve grown to recognize over the course of your relationship. The way his forehead creases in between his brows - you’ve kissed it away a dozen times in the heat of the moment. The way his pulse beats on the side of his neck, his vein there popping out and becoming more prominent. The short little huffs of breath he inhales, in quick succession - one, two, three, bam, bam, bam, like three shots straight to your heart. It’s your turn to take care of him, the last one standing after he made sure you and Cal got yours.

“Your turn, baby,” you whisper, pulling his forehead down to meet yours, thumbing at the hollows of his cheeks as he begins to tremble and his thrusts turn sloppy. He kisses you again, sucking on your tongue before moving to latch onto your neck. Cal wraps a hand around Austin’s throat, pushing his head back and squeezing just enough for his eyes to widen and his mouth to pop open. His blue eyes darken and you think he’s going to put his mouth on you again, but he bypasses you and goes straight for Callum’s collarbone, his perfect, white teeth sinking into Callum’s lovely English skin and biting down, hard. Cal yelps but doesn’t let go of Austin’s neck, and that’s when you feel it, your belly filled with warmth again as Austin pulses and twitches inside you, a stuttered moan muffled into the crook of Callum’s shoulder. He collapses on top of you and Callum, completely and utterly spent, the three of you breathing heavily and unable to move for a few moments. You squirm a tiny bit, trying to take a deep breath with one man plastered to your front and another to your back.

Austin gets the hint and lifts himself back up on shaky arms, slipping out of you with a squelch. You gasp one final time, at the sudden loss of him, and a cold emptiness is left where he once filled you to the brim, almost to breaking. The coldness is replaced quickly by a gushing warmth spilling out of you. You feel Callum suck in a breath, his broad chest expanding beneath you, his right arm still wrapped tightly around your chest.

“Christ, it’s running down my balls,” he wheezes out, taking another shuddering breath.

Austin braces himself against the headboard and slowly disentangles himself, flopping limply beside you on the bed. He looks at you and Cal still entwined, his eyes moving from both of your faces flushed with heat, down to Callum’s arm still tightly wrapped around you, one large, meaty hand gripping your breast, his middle finger absentmindedly pressing the sensitive bud of your nipple down. Austin sucks in breath after breath, and his eyes travel lower, to your legs still splayed wide over Callum’s sturdy thighs, his softening cock still nestled deep inside you, the spend of both men slowly dripping out of you. A sudden flash of possessiveness roars through him - for you, for Callum. For the sacred thing he has with both of you. His face goes numb and his ears start to ring. But it’s gone as quickly as it appeared.

“What is it, Aus?” you whisper, stretching out a hand to him. He looks forlorn, alone on the other side of the bed, his vulnerable face a mix of emotions crashing together all at once, lost and unsure, the gravity of everything settling on his shoulders like a blanket.

“Come back to us.” Your fingertips barely reach to brush his bronzed chest, the little blonde hairs soft against your skin. “Please.”

He lets out a breath you didn’t realize he was holding and crawls back over, wrapping his arms around you both and collapsing on top of you again. You’re hilariously squished in the middle of a bear hug now, both men squeezing with all their might, a strange show of masculinity to mask true feelings.

“I can’t breathe….” you manage between giggles. Callum lets out a soft chuckle in your ear, his breath warm against your cheek as his arm shifts beneath you. He digs his fingers into Austin’s armpit and wiggles them around none too gently. Austin bucks against you and squeaks out an uncharacteristically high laugh, trying to squirm out of Cal’s grasp, but it’s too strong and Austin’s body feels like jelly just now.

“Hey! Hey hey, no fair…you know I hate… being… tickled…” Austin grunts out, trying desperately to writhe out of this strange embrace.

-

Bright, cheerful sunshine spills onto the hotel room floor and across the bed, where it has no right to be at this ungodly hour. It shines in unabashedly, through drapes you forgot to close properly in all of your horny desperation. A little sliver of verdant green Hollywood hills is the only signal from the outside world. In here, somewhere between sleeping and waking, in that hazy early morning dreamland, you register Austin tucked up close behind you, his knees pushing the backs of yours and his warm, heavy arm slung over your waist. This is how you wake up every morning and you scoot your bottom back, into the cradle of his hips, momentarily unaware of the pulverization of your insides. But scenes from last night play out like a clip reel inside your head almost as soon as you’re conscious. You squeeze your eyes tight, refusing to give the sun its due. You stretch your legs gingerly, wiggling your toes against Austin’s, and take stock of things. There’s the obvious ache between your legs - more of a throbbing fire, if the truth is to be told. Your nipples seem to remember the previous evening’s activities as well because they immediately harden and stand at attention. And you can’t feel them yet but you’re pretty sure you have a few bruises, too. Ah well, you think as you yawn lazily, that’s what makeup is for.

You blink one eye open (it’s so bright in here!) and the first thing you encounter is a massive arm right next to your nose, tiny, golden hairs glinting in the sunlight. The second thing you see is Cal, on his belly and sans sheets or clothes, his lush and muscular bottom swelling above the white duvet beneath him. His adorable face is pressed into the pillow next to yours, dark curls swirling across his forehead and day’s worth of stubble dots his jaw. He feels your eyes on him, he’s only been snoozing for a bit, waiting for you two to wake up. He cracks one bright, blue eye open and stares back at you a moment. He senses a rush of what he feels everytime he sees you but this time it’s magnified by endearment and gratitude. Then, his face lights up, still smushed into the pillow and a massive, squinty grin splits his face. Your heart gives a funny little leap inside your chest and you find that your fingers are caressing his cheek softly, of their own volition and you resist the urge to kiss the little freckle under his mouth. He grabs your hand and kisses your fingertips, holding them to his warm lips as he smiles. And suddenly, any worry about things being weird has evaporated, as has any possibility of him being a third wheel. He just belongs.

“Hey! Quit making goo-goo eyes at my girl.” Austin’s gravelly morning voice rumbles from behind you playfully, and quick as lightning the arm still draped around your waist reaches over and smacks Callum’s ass, hard. The slap echoes around the room and you see the pale flesh of his bottom bounce and reverberate with the force of it. Cal, and his red, pillow creased face, jolts forward, yelling and jerking in the sheets, which in turn rubs his raw cock. This causes a chain reaction of events which results in him immediately pulling a sore muscle and flopping back down on the bed, moaning and rubbing his reddening backside.

“No fair, bruv,” he groans into the pillow. “That was too fuckin’ close to my balls.”

Austin chuckles and swats your ass gently for good measure. Slowly, everyone starts to shift and stir. First there are whines about soreness and muscles. Then about how sticky it all is. Then about who’s gonna order room service - but more pressingly, who’s gonna walk to the mini bar and grab a water. And then there’s an argument about who’s voice is less hoarse to call for the food - this ends up being you, hilariously. Then there’s moaning arguments about who is intact enough to wobble to the door and tip the server. In between massive amounts of doting and fretting over you, obviously. The boys are ever attentive, fluffing your pillows and making sure you’re comfortable while they feed you omelets and sausage and pancakes until your energy is restored. Over breakfast in bed, the arguments continue about who’s more bruised up - there’s a nasty bite mark on Cal’s collarbone but the fingerprints around Austin’s neck are a fair rival. There’s a panicked and very male discussion about emergency rooms when you admit you can barely move. But you manage to convince them that a nice, hot soak in the tub would do you wonders right about now. So Austin goes to draw you a bath while Callum helps you out of bed, wrapping a protective arm around your waist, and guiding you to the bathroom.

Twenty minutes later you’re starting to feel somewhat restored and a little more like yourself. The boys take turns showering, getting ready for the screening event later today. They go about it quietly though, almost reverently, leaving you to relax in peace. You turn the hot water on again, you’ve soaked so long it’s turning tepid but you’re not ready to relinquish this luxury. You ask Austin to bring you your makeup kit, eying the marks on both of them that need covering up. First Austin, then Callum, one after the other they kneel beside the tub in only their dress pants, chest and feet still bare. There are bruises and hickies and bite marks on clavicles and necks and wrists. Poor Callum, with his delicate, reactionary British skin has what looks like beard burn over half his chest and up the side of his throat. You turn sideways in the fancy clawfoot bathtub, gingerly dabbing concealer here and there, doing the best you can to cover up any evidence of last night's revels. Austin sits patiently, a towel underneath his knees to buffer the hard tile floor, and watches you with his kind, enigmatic ocean eyes. They’re distracting, those eyes, as they watch your face, every blink and every smile.

“What is it, Aus? Something on your mind?” you finally murmur, unable to take such naked contemplation any longer.

“You’re incredible, you know that?” He smooths the hair back from your forehead, rubbing a silky piece between his fingers. “I’m so lucky.”

Callum slouches against the doorway and lets out a quiet hum. “I think you mean we’re lucky, mate. The three of us.”

-

Pt 2 - The Three of Us: Brat Behavior

-

Tagging some Austin & Callum lovers I know: @jelliedonut @crazymadpassionatelove @elvisabutler @slowsweetlove @stylespresleyhearted @steph-speaks @blurredcolour @pearlparty

[onestowatch]

Governors Ball 2019: 10 Ones to Catch (Who Aren’t Tyler, the Creator or The 1975)

We are only days away from New York’s premier music festival. We are of course talking about The Governors Ball, which is set to take over Randall’s Island Park in New York from Friday, May 31 to Monday, June 3. Featuring multiple stages hosting some of the best names in music, from The Strokes, Tyler, the Creator, to The 1975, there is no shortage of must-catch acts at this year’s festival. 

So, while we are all obviously going to be shouting out every lyric to IGOR before cry-dancing to A Brief Inquiry Into Online Relationships, the question is who are the hidden gems yet to be discovered on 2019’s Governors Ball lineup? Well, we have your list of future stars right here, as well as a helpful playlist to familiarize yourself with each and every one of them.

Easy Life

“I’m trying to lock doors with these musical keys,” is a standout line on Easy Life’s “Pockets” and in many ways defines the band’s musical manifesto. The project of five of the finest lads from Leicester, England, Easy Life exists in an era where genres have given way to innovation and fluidity. Jumping between the vintage vibes of J Dilla, the lackadaisical indie rock of Rex Orange County, and the top-of-the-head storytelling of Arctic Monkeys, Easy Life’s blend of a myriad of genres, influences, and sounds are nothing short of intoxicating.

NJOMZA

The fact that the name NJOMZA translates to “fresh” in Albanian makes perfect sense given a single passing glance at this R&B star on the rise. With a series of ever-changing neon hair, a Kill Bill aesthetic, and an otherworldly blend of R&B and soul, NJOMZA is not just another artist coasting in on a renewed interested in the timeless genre; she is positioning herself to constantly be a step ahead. Her futuristic and constantly evolving sound comes through in spades, whether it be in her own solo work or electrifying collaborations with Party Favor and FKi 1st.  

Elohim

Elohim is the very definition of a commanding one-woman show. The electronic singer, songwriter, producer, and musician entered the music scene a few short years ago, and, in that timespan, has grown to be one of its greatest innovators. Nowhere is this notion more realized than with the recent release of her lauded EP Braindead. Released in support of Mental Health Awareness month, with 100% of the May proceeds going to charities focusing on providing outreach and supporting for those living with mental health issues, Braindead further cemented Elohim as an artist to watch and most certainly catch.

Cautious Clay

“Ever since I started playing music, it was always about the feel,” shares New York–based artist Cautious Clay. It is this intangible, perfectly indescribable feel that begins to explain the wonder of Cautious Clay’s music. Blending experimental indie with R&B and hip-hop, the New York artist crafts utterly mesmerizing works that are often rooted in deeply personal introspection. The end result plays out like an artist vulnerable enough to wear both his heart on his sleeve and let his mind unfurl like loosely-tied-together poetry.  

Chelsea Cutler

Like the best of modern-day artists, Chelsea Cutler got her start with a series of self-produced work on SoundCloud before realizing she had a hit on her hands with “Your Shirt.” The single, which has been streamed over 65 million times on Spotify alone, is only one of many impeccably heartfelt electronic pop gems the artist currently holds in her repertoire. Then there is the fact that Cutler recently dropped a joint EP with Jeremey Zucker earlier this year, the same Zucker who is also on this year’s Governors Ball lineup. Special guest surprise anyone?

Rolling Blackouts Coastal Fever

Rolling Blackouts Coastal Fever finds themselves in the unique position of both having the longest name of any artist playing Governors Ball this year and being one of this year’s best-kept-secrets. Self-described as a “tough pop/soft punk” outfit, the Australian band delivers dynamic rock and roll that is underscored by a penchant for dry wit and sprawling lyrical tangents. It is the sort of music perfectly fit for losing yourself in, whether that be in an island off New York or in the band’s fondness for expansive instrumentation that calls to mind the heyday of the art punk movement.  

Ric Wilson

If you were to ask Ric Wilson to describe his music, chances are you would find yourself on the receiving end of a list of genres that are as expansive as the music the Chicago artist creates. Nouveau disco rap, electrified motivational funk hip-hop poet, gospel rapper, and more may begin to explain the colorful world of Wilson, but it feels like we are still only scratching the surface of one of Chicago’s future stars. So why should you go see Wilson? Well, if the above did not make it apparent enough, no one else is quite making music like he is.  

Injury Reserve

Injury Reserve is an alternative rap trio whose music traces a line from the golden era of hip-hop, á la A Tribe Called Quest and Black Sheep, to the daily and political struggles of modern day living. Championed as the next wave of underground rap, the Arizona-based trio will be hitting Governors Ball hot off the heels of their acclaimed self-titled album, which features everything from Elon Musk references to features from Freddie Gibbs, Rico Nasty, DRAM, and Aminé. Plus, as anyone who has been to an Injury Reserve show can attest, there is no shortage of energy to be found in that mosh pit.

Calpurnia

In many ways, Calpurnia reads as act one of a yet-to-be-conceived nostalgia-laden indie film. The project of four teenagers and close friends who all found a shared bond in the classic music of the Beatles, Nirvana, and David Bowie, it felt like destiny that they would come together in the hopes of creating a generation-defining rock band. And with the release of their debut EP, Scout, Calpurnia proved they were well on their way to do so. A phenomenal collection of emotionally-driven garage rock with lyrics that touched upon subject matter well beyond their years, Calpurnia is undoubtedly here to stay.  

Tobi Lou

There is a pervasive effervescence to the music of Tobi Lou. Hailing from Chicago by way of Nigeria, the rising rapper crafts music that is as lively as the animated cover art and visuals that often accompany his idyllic sonics. Yet, this is no mere child’s play. Behind the buoyancy of Tobi Lou’s work is an undeniable gift for spirited hip-hop that is equal parts infectious and brimming with lyrical depth. If you do not want to be kicking yourself come Monday, do not miss out on catching Tobi Lou at Governor’s Ball.  

[sacramentonewsjournal]

Brighton boss De Zerbi makes Anfield admission as he discusses loopy Liverpool conflict

New Brighton boss Roberto De Zerbi has revealed how he happy he was together with his aspect’s efficiency in opposition to Liverpool on Saturday. The Seagulls shocked all inside L4 as they went 2-0 up inside 17 minutes. The hosts turned it round and led 3-2 till Leandro Trossard accomplished his hat trick inside the ultimate 10 minutes to make sure the spoils had been shared. De Zerbi, who changed Graham Potter after he left for Chelsea lately, insisted he’s conscious of how tough it’s to carry out at Anfield in what makes the outcome and the way of his aspect’s efficiency that significantly better. “I’m pleased with this sport. We performed an excellent match, we might have scored extra however we play at Anfield,” the Italian advised BBC (by way of Liverpool World). “It’s my first sport within the Premier League however I do know Anfield, I understand how tough it’s on this stadium. “A loopy sport. I’m completely satisfied and proud for my gamers and my membership. There was a chance to win the sport however Liverpool is a incredible workforce. I knew earlier than the sport it could possibly be tough and it was very tough. “In that second I didn’t suppose we needed to win the sport. It’s 90 minutes plus extra time at Anfield. “[On Leandro Trossard] When he was within the nationwide workforce I despatched a message to him and I advised him he wants to extend the variety of his targets and I feel he made me completely satisfied! “We’ve got to discover ways to enhance with the ball possession and to extend our ball velocity and it’s as much as us to resolve it. It’s actually arduous to regulate the sport within the Premier League – solely Manchester Metropolis is doing that. Our goal is to begin to management rather more of the sport.” The south coast outfit had been by far the higher aspect in the course of the first half and we had been fortunate to not discover ourselves greater than 2-0 down earlier than the comeback started. Brighton handed the ball spherical with tempo and precision and lots of of our lads simply weren’t at it – not for the primary time this season. VOTE for Empire of the Kop as Finest Membership Content material Creator (Premier League) right here: Soccer Content material Awards OR on Twitter with the FCA’s one-click Twitter hyperlink with: I’m voting for @Empireofthekop in @The_FCAs for #BestClubContentCreator (Premier League) Credit score have to be given to the guests, however the likes of Fabinho, Virgil Van Dijk, Trent Alexander-Arnold aren’t performing on the stage that we all know they’re able to and the aspect are struggling because of this. We had star males in Diogo Jota, Luis Diaz and Darwin Nunez all on the bench and also you’d subsequently count on Klopp to make quite a lot of modifications for the go to of Rangers within the Champions League on Tuesday. We’ve mentioned it far too typically this season however an enormous response is required from the lads. Huge Liverpool downside could have already been solved after Merson notes worldwide break benefit Originally published at Sacramento News Journal

[junker-town]

The Premier League’s race for fifth place is the best thing about the Manchester City ban

Photo by Matthew Ashton - AMA/Getty Images

What Manchester United’s win over Chelsea tells us about the Premier League’s chaotic, beautiful race for fifth.

Good hello, and welcome to another edition of Tactically Naive, SB Nation’s weekly soccer column. We drink sparkling water now. We’re classy.

These are not the best teams

We start, of course, with the news that Manchester City have been banned from the next two seasons of the Champions League. That’s assuming they don’t win their appeal, or somehow through the force of the appeal bring an end to UEFA and the Champions League as we know it. We’re not going to predict what will happen, but betting against the deepest pockets in football seems unwise.

Anyway, we’re sure the movers and shakers at UEFA have their motives. Things like “wanting to enforce their own rules”, or “wanting to appear like they have some kind of power.” Or possibly, “jealously hating Manchester City because they’re jealous haters. Boo our anthem, will you. See how you like this.” But here at Tactically Naive Towers, we deal in consequences. And so, UEFA: what the hell have you done?

Please do not misunderstand. Though Tactically Naive — like plenty of other roving football columns — finds the whole business of sportswashing profoundly depressing, we’re not speaking here out of any particular affection or distaste for Manchester City. Our brief is football and chaos and comedy, and UEFA have inadvertently created something beautiful. And terrifying. And wonderful. And awful:

The race for fifth.

Savour it. Roll it around your mouth, then spit it out. What a thing.

We were already resigned to the fact that next season’s Champions League might well be welcoming a Big Six side coming off a very Small Six season. Now it might be welcoming two. Manchester United might qualify by accident. Ole Gunnar Solskjaer’s incoherent lads, stinking out the continent’s finest competition then somehow beating Barcelona. Truly, the spirit of Brexit.

The happy upside is that this now means Sheffield United have two spots to aim for, rather than one. Let’s all cross fingers, then toes, then knock on as much wood as we can …

Down to the Maguire

… because if this game is anything to go by, the race for fifth is going to look something like a sack race. But one where the sacks go over the heads. Here’s Ole Gunnar Solskjaer reviewing his victorious team’s performance:

I didn’t think we played particularly well. Particularly with the ball. In the first half we were cumbersome, slow, the passing wasn’t great. But we got the first goal and hung in there.

Glory glory!

Solskjaer was correct, of course: United were bad. Chelsea, in failing to beat the bad team in front of them, were also bad. And since these days there are three protagonists in every high-profile game of football, we should also find space to note that VAR had a rather weird one as well.

At least Olivier Giroud was definitely offside. No complaints there, wipe that goal away. As for Chelsea’s other disallowed goal, well, maybe that was a shove in Brandon WIlliams’ back. But maybe it wasn’t. And maybe there was another shove, by Fred, in César Azpilicueta’s back, that sent him into the back of Williams in the first place. Who can say where an action truly begins?

Aristotle reasoned that all motion in the universe had to be traceable back to one prime mover, an immortal and unchanging being, and as such VAR only had one real option: rule out the goal, and a booking for God.

But none of this should have happened, because it should have been 11 vs. 10 at that point. After 22 minutes, Harry Maguire, while sliding backwards through Chelsea’s technical area, kicked Michy Batshuayi in the testicles. It was a delicate and impressive feat of balance and improvisational physics; it was also, obviously, a red card. But VAR said no.

All of this means that it’s kind of hard to tell just how concerned at this result Chelsea should be. Had they played more than an hour against ten men, they’d likely have won, and that they didn’t do so was no fault of their own. Yet they conceded two shabby goals, failures of organisation and defensive application, and have taken just 15 points from their last 14 league games.

But Chelsea’s loss is the race for fifth’s gain. United sit in seventh, now just one win behind Chelsea. Sheffield United are one point ahead in sixth; Spurs another single point ahead in fifth. And José Mourinho returns to Stamford Bridge with Spurs next weekend. We wouldn’t bet against another kick in the balls for Chelsea. Metaphorically. But also literally.

[therealslimshakespeare]

for science

since you were talking about those thighs...

I need to study this gif in detail for... reasons

[fmlfpl]

Lineup Lamentations - GW22

Our Transfers, Captains, and Starting 11s for the week.

WALSH

TRANSFERS:

OUT: Son

IN: Salah

As much as it pains me to say goodbye to Privatecorporal Suonnylad it had to be done. It was always the plan as I left exact money in the bank for this move with my double swap last gameweek. Time to get Mo back in and not have to watch Livp with a clenched butthole will be a nice thing. Welcome back to the team lad.

GK:

Patrício (mci)

Rui. lol.

DEF:

Digne (BOU)

Digknee has a tricky home fixture against the Cherries but with rumblings that Silva might run him out at wing I'm not mad about it. He's still a start every week for the near term so hopefully he gets in there with some cheeky puntos.

Chambers (bur)

Luckily Chambo doesn't play Arsenal this week and I get to start the boy at Burnley. Somehow they are scoring again but it's still a good on paper fixture and better than my alternatives so Callum gets another go. Still waiting for his goal...it is coming.

Wan-Bissaka (WAT)

Finally, 1b home Watty looks pretty good. Should be a cagey game and our defense continues to be nails. Good job by us.

MID:

Deulofeu (cpl)

Speaking of our defense being nails, I have to start Gerry D so dunno really what to hope for there. Whatever. I guess the problem with having the shittiest defenders of life is I routinely have an attacker against them. Oh well.

Sterling & Sané (WOL)

Double City boys Razzy and Sane home to Wolves feels a bit meh. They'll still prob score two so hopefully I have some shares in there.

Salah (bri)

New friend Mo goes to Brighton in what I expect will be a battering. Brighton are shit.

Martial (tot)

Finally, the glove merchant himself Tony M is at Wembley in a tricky on paper fixture but I'm feeling United and although having Tony instead of Rash has been really rough lately he still feels like a good pick and good value at his price. 

FWD:

Kane (MUN)

Kane remains in the team and will prob score against United because he usually scores every game. Good job by him.

Jiménez (mci)

Alongside the mouth breather I'm fucked into a corner and starting Jim at City. It was either him or Rondon at Chelsea so ugh. They aren't rotating nicely for me this week so just hoping for some lucky shit from Jiminez idk. Maybe Neves isn't on the pitch and Ederson flies out and kills someone for a pen. Not expecting anything from him and feels bad but still happy to have him as their fixtures turn decidedly for the better after the City game.

BENCH:

Rondón (che)

Kiko Femenía (cpl)

Bennett (mci)

CAP:

Salah (bri)

Mo. Never in doubt best player in the league in an easy away fixture get in there.

ALON

TRANSFERS:

OUT: Fabianski

IN: Guaita

Even though a GK swap is never ideal and feels bad all the time AND this will ensure that I’m taking at least a -4 to get in Salah next week I’m still ok with it. West Ham’s defense is that bad and Palace are really a legit defense and Guaita seems good... In the last 8 matches Palace are tied in first with Chelsea, Liverpool, and Spurs for 4 cleans, and Palace are 3rd best in xGA in that time-frame too... They’re keeping cleans at a “top four rate” this season and so getting in Guaita for what is essentially a hit (because it’ll make me take a hit next week) is fine because one more clean then Fab and we break even, and anything more then that we’re ahead on this move.

GK:

Guaita (WAT)

Even with Liverpool next week for Palace I still back Guaita to keep at least one clean in the next four like we said on pod and that’ll level out my hit with West Ham’s horrendously bad fixtures in the next four. And long term I prefer Palace’s defense a lot too. Watty are weird so no idea what to expect but a clean is definitely a real possibility this week.

DEF:

van Dijk (bri)

Seems good even though his CB partner will probably be Fabinho.

Alonso (NEW)

Great clean shout and should be able to get forward vs. a bus in Newc.

Schindler (car)

Lucky to dodge Schindler’s -3 last week and now he comes in for me with Jonny vs. City... Come on Schindy let’s get a clean baby boy. Cardiff always a cleanable shout and Huddy need it desperately.

MID:

Felipe Anderson (ARS)

Arsenal’s defense is still an injured diabolical mess. I see goals in this game and I’m hoping Felipe returns to his finest for me.

Richarlison (BOU)

Everyone seems to be getting rid of Richarlison ASAP but I duno why I’d get rid against Bournemouth which could be the best fixture in the league at this point -- it seems premature to me. And then after Bournemouth we’re looking at a pretty decent run. I’m holding faith in a good player on a pretty good attacking team.

Sterling (WOL)

Raz is fantastic and City seem “back” so I expect goals and points as per usual.

Son (MUN)

This match is going to be so interesting. Can see it going so many ways it’s a really really tough one to call but at the bare minimum I expect Tottenham to score goals. Hard for me to imagine them scoring less then two with upside of three, four, five very possible unless DDG pulls an Arsenal from last season... I like my odds of Kane, Son, and Alli running by Matic/Herrera and at United’s absolutely terrible back four on counters sprung by Eriksen and Trippz... I just don’t know how United avoid this from happening unless OGS sits them really deep which would be surprising to me.

FWD:

Mitrovic (bur)

Mitro running out of time in my team. We know Walsh’s thoughts on owning Mitro and I am a bit higher, but only a bit. Another blank this week against Burnley would be very disheartening.

Rashford (tot)

Feels like I nailed this one when I brought the boy in so feels are good there. Standout non-premier forward in the game get the fuck in.

Aubameyang (whu)

Lastly Aubz in a fabulous fixture. He probably should've scored at least two last week but a hat-trick would not have been undeserved... Against another shambolic defense this week in West Ham I expect big things yet again. Go on Aubz.

BENCH:

Stephens (LIV)

Jonny (mci)

Vinagre (mci)

CAP:

Aubameyang (whu)

He’s very consistent and very good... I’m basically spreading my legs wide open this week and asking for Salah to penetrate and destroy me because he will be capped by every competitive player in the world but fuck man. Aubz really should return in what is a better fixture then away Brighton and hopefully he can equal or surpass Mo’s points for one week. Come on Aubz do it for me baby. We’ll find out early tomorrow morning if we have our Arsenal back yet or not. I’m already very scared.

[footballghana]

We will not underrate Hearts of Oak – Medeama coach Samuel Boadu

Head coach for Medeama SC, Samuel Konadu has stressed that his team will in no way underrate Accra Hearts of Oak when they host them this weekend in the Ghana Premier League. The Ghanaian top-flight continues this weekend with the second round with a lot of exciting fixtures. One of the big games is the fixture between the Tarkwa-based side and the Phobians.The Rainbow lads lost their first match of the season against Berekum Chelsea and after sacking head coach Kim Grant, the odds look to be against them ahead of the game against Medeama SC.Previewing the big match, Coach Samuel Boadu insists Hearts of Oak remains one of the biggest clubs in the country and hence it will be ridiculous for his side to underrate them.“We are playing against one of the finest teams in Ghana and Africa and will ridiculous to underrate them. They have some fantastic players and will be extra motivated against us," the coach told Medeamasc.comHe added, “We don’t have lesser respect simply because they lost 1-0 at home. No, it’s the other way round. We have to be very careful when they visit. They are a good football team and... source: https://footballghana.com/

[ultrasfcb-blog]

England World Cup squad: Gareth Southgate says choice not a chance

England World Cup squad: Gareth Southgate says choice not a chance

England World Cup squad: Gareth Southgate says choice not a chance

We’re selecting younger gamers as a result of we imagine they’re one of the best – Southgate

England’s World Cup squad is just not a chance regardless of it being their third youngest within the event’s historical past, says supervisor Gareth Southgate.

He named a 23-man squad for Russia on Wednesday, together with uncapped 19-year-old defender Trent Alexander-Arnold.

“I do not see it as a chance and I do not assume being freed from inhibition is playing,” stated Southgate.

England begin their Group G marketing campaign towards Tunisia on 18 June, earlier than video games towards Panama and Belgium.

Southgate countered former England captain Gary Lineker’s suggestion the event needs to be seen as nothing greater than a studying curve.

“I do not assume once you play or are concerned with England you may ever write off any sport or any event. That would not be acceptable,” he stated.

“We predict that is one of the best group of gamers accessible, we predict they are often very thrilling now and much more thrilling sooner or later.

“I do not wish to restrict what they assume is feasible as a result of they’re younger and hungry they usually wish to have a go at issues.”

In his first information convention since asserting the squad, Southgate additionally stated:

He would talk about the captaincy when the gamers meet up on Sunday.

It was “not the top of the street” for goalkeeper Joe Hart, who was neglected of the squad.

He had picked one of the best three keepers within the nation this yr.

Arsenal midfielder Jack Wilshere, who additionally missed out, was not as efficient in the direction of the top of the season.

In an interview with BBC Radio 5 live that Gary Cahill, fearing he had not been picked, initially didn’t reply his telephone name.

Perception in ‘fearless’ England

Southgate accepted England will lack the expertise of event favourites Brazil, Germany, Spain and France, however lamented the dearth of English gamers within the Premier League to select from.

“Perhaps it’s courageous to take gamers with out the variety of caps, however we now have to present these guys perception,” he stated.

“We choose from 33% of the league, which is sort of a novel scenario, however there’s pleasure with the place we’re going.”

The squad have made 449 worldwide appearances between them at a median of 19.5, and Gary Cahill (58) is the one participant with greater than 40 caps, however the supervisor has religion in his choices.

He stated: “I feel it is being fearless in how we wish to play, being courageous sufficient to place individuals in and never assume, ‘effectively, he is one of the best participant however he is younger, possibly we must always choose a lesser participant who’s a bit extra skilled.’

“You may make excuses at occasions for not placing younger individuals in, accepting that they’ll make errors due to the way in which we have been asking them to play, however I’ll take accountability for that. It is necessary for me to permit them to go and carry out.”

England’s key World Cup dates 2 June v Nigeria (pleasant) 7 June v Costa Rica (pleasant) 12 June Squad leaves for Russia 18 June v Tunisia (opening group sport) 24 June v Panama (second group sport) 28 June v Belgium (last group sport)

Door open for Hart return

Manchester Metropolis goalkeeper Hart, 31, has received 75 caps and was England’s first-choice goalkeeper on the previous three main tournaments however has endured a tough season, conceding 39 targets in 19 Premier League video games on mortgage at West Ham.

He was the odd man out as Jordan Pickford, Jack Butland and Nick Pope – who’ve a complete of 9 caps between them – earned choice for the journey to Russia.

“After all it was a tough name. He performed in most of our qualifying matches, he is been a giant a part of the England crew the previous few years and he is a valued member of the squad,” stated Southgate.

“However ultimately I’ve obtained to take a look at performances during the last 18 months with their golf equipment and the three lads we picked have been the three finest goalkeepers within the league this yr.”

Requested about Hart’s future prospects, he added: “I choose gamers on kind and if he is taking part in effectively for his membership, why would not we choose him?

“There isn’t any cause for this to be the top. He has an necessary profession choice this summer time and I hope he will be again at his perfect.”

Of Wilshere he stated: “Jack had a superb spell main as much as Christmas and simply after, however was possibly not as efficient in the direction of the top of the season.”

Southgate praised the “persona and skill” of Alexander-Arnold and revealed how shut his Liverpool team-mate Adam Lallana, who’s on the standby listing after recovering from damage, got here to being included

“It has been a irritating season for him. Underneath regular circumstances he would not be wherever close to the squad however he’s a participant we now have plenty of time for,” he added.

Southgate stated he would “assume in additional element” in regards to the captaincy. Jordan Henderson, Harry Kane and Eric Dier have all been skipper over the previous yr.

Trent Alexander-Arnold’s ‘unbelievable journey’

Cahill didn’t reply Southgate name

Southgate needed to go away a voice message for Cahill when he rang the Chelsea defender to inform him he was included.

“I had left Gary Cahill out of the squad in March,” he stated. “I had a little bit guess with myself that if I referred to as, he would not choose up. He did not choose up at first after which I left him a message saying: ‘I do not solely name when there’s dangerous information.’

“He is obtained himself again within the crew at Chelsea and has carried out effectively. He seems happier in himself and happier in his sport. It was good to have the ability to let him know that the explanation for the decision was a superb one.”

BBC Sport – Football ultras_FC_Barcelona

ultras FC Barcelona - https://ultrasfcb.com/football/4161/

#Barcelona

[therealslimshakespeare]

Never resonated with a message on tumblr more than this

omg once again great minds think alike (i totally have read that fic numerous times idk how that part slipped my mind. anyways i know that buck loves the sturdiness of bucky’s thighs around his body 😃

All I can say is that we need more Callum in period-typical teeny tiny shorts

[ab4eva]

pls pls pls pls pls more aus/cal/reader

Oh, I am giggling, sweet darling anon! I see you’ve caught the feral bug that has compelled @precious-little-scoundrel & I to devise a plan wherein Chelsea’s Finest Lad is overwhelmed, in the best possible way, and made to feel very special.

The Three of Us part 2 blurb

[365footballorg-blog]

Salah... De Bruyne... Dunk - who else is in Garth's Team of the Season?

The Premier League season is over, with Manchester City deservedly crowned champions after sweeping all before them in a record-breaking campaign.

West Brom, Stoke City and Swansea are facing up to relegation, while Arsenal enter life without Arsene Wenger.

But who has made my team of the season?

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Goalkeeper – David de Gea (Man Utd)

The moment Jose Mourinho persuaded David de Gea to stay at Manchester United, rather than leave for Real Madrid, you knew something was brewing. Neither have managed to win the title this season, but I wouldn’t bet against them next term.

De Gea has once again looked imperious in goal, and one player in the United set-up who warrants the accolade ‘world class’. The issue for Mourinho is he has not been in a position to assemble a defence worthy of his keeper.

Petr Cech had William Gallas, John Terry and Ricardo Carvalho to protect him when Mourinho was manager at Chelsea in 2004-05. That’s why they won the title and why United haven’t.

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Did you know? De Gea won the Golden Glove this season, keeping 18 clean sheets in the Premier League. It’s also his highest tally in a single season in the competition.

Defenders – Kyle Walker (Man City), Lewis Dunk (Brighton), Nicolas Otamendi (Man City), Ashley Young (Man Utd)

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Kyle Walker: When Kyle Walker left Tottenham Hotspur for Manchester City for £50m I thought Pep Guardiola had suddenly gone to the ‘dark side of the moon’. When I saw Walker make his Premier League debut for his new club at Brighton, I knew then that City had spent over the odds but were sure of exactly what they were buying.

Walker has fulfilled his role and responsibilities brilliantly in this City side and got his reward as a consequence – it’s called a Premier League title.

Did you know? Walker has provided six Premier League assists this season, his highest in a single campaign.

Lewis Dunk: I have watched this lad in the Championship and I have watched him again in the Premier League and I can’t believe it’s the same player. The growth in the space of a season has been quite extraordinary.

It would have been very easy for me to have selected Jan Vertonghen (who has had another good season for Spurs) but Dunk has had to be outstanding week in, week out. Without that level of performance, Brighton would have sunk without trace.

If any of the big six have any sense whatsoever they should get their chequebook out immediately. He’s worth £30m of anyone’s money in the current financial climate.

Did you know? Dunk made more blocks than any other Premier League defender this season (56)

Nicolas Otamendi: I can never make up my mind about Otamendi. I have seen him play brilliantly for City and then suddenly be a complete disaster. I must say his calamities have been less frequent this season. He had a fabulous first half to City’s league campaign and deputised for Vincent Kompany brilliantly during a very important period for the club.

Defeats by Liverpool in the Champions League were not his finest hours, but overall he has proved to be a steady influence in a Manchester City team whose emphasis as always been on attack not defence. Lucky for him.

Did you know? Otamendi made more successful passes than any other Premier League player this season (2,825)

Ashley Young: I thought this lad was finished at Manchester United but that couldn’t have been further from the truth. United have converted yet another winger into a very competent full-back. First Antonio Valencia, now Ashley Young.

The England international was beginning to create a reputation for himself when it was alleged he would go looking for penalties in the days when he was a winger. He appears to have adapted his game and concentrated on becoming a permanent fixture in United’s defensive line-up.

His performances have also earned him a recall into the England set-up at 32 years of age. Not bad for a player I had written off.

Did you know? Young made more Premier League appearances (30) and starts (28) this season than he had in any of his previous seven campaigns with United

Midfielders – Kevin de Bruyne (Man City), Fernandinho (Man City), David Silva (Man City)

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Kevin de Bruyne: Of all the players I have watched this season, I have enjoyed no-one more than Kevin de Bruyne. It is unfortunate for De Bruyne that Mohamed Salah has had such a wonderful season, at the ‘award-winning’ expense of the Belgium international.

De Bruyne lifting the Premier League title with City will compensate to a large extent, but not completely – that’s the way it goes in football sometimes.

To play the game with such grace and win matches on such a regular basis without an ounce of ruthlessness deserves some recognition. Selecting De Bruyne for my Team of the Season is the best I can do.

Did you know? The Belgian finished the season with the most assists (16) and chances created (106) in the Premier League

Fernandinho: There is a one in every title-winning team. Claude Makelele did it for Real Madrid, Esteban Cambiasso did it for Inter Milan, and Fernandinho has done it on two occasions for Manchester City.

These are players who accept that their ability does not compare with Zinedine Zidane, Wesley Sneijder or Kevin de Bruyne but who will run through brick walls for their team and wonder what the fuss is all about when you pat them on the back and tell them just how wonderful they have been.

The Brazilian is the lynchpin for City and the first player Guardiola would have pencilled in his team every week. Fernandinho has had a magnificent season and wins another Premier League title for his efforts.

Did you know? Granit Xhaka (2,709) was the only midfielder to complete more passes in the Premier League this season than Fernandinho (2,679)

David Silva: What a wonderful servant David Silva has turned out to be for Manchester City. Along with the amazing Yaya Toure and Vincent Kompany, they have provided a platform upon which legacies are made.

How Silva has completed a title-winning season with the all his family issues[1] to contend with is a testimony to the resilience and dedication of the man himself.

He is a wonderful player and, from what I can gather, an even better father.

Did you know? The Spaniard had a hand in 20 Premier League goals this season (nine goals, 11 assists). Only in 2011-12 (21) was he been involved in more in a single campaign

Forwards – Mohamed Salah (Liverpool), Harry Kane (Tottenham), Sergio Aguero (Man City)

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Mohamed Salah: What this lad has done for Egyptian football, not to mention social cohesion, cannot be quantified. What I can tell you is there is no better place on the planet than Liverpool Football Club to appreciate the talents of Mohamed Salah. He has had the most wonderful season.

I’m not entirely sure what I have enjoyed more – the striker bearing down on the opposition with such blistering pace and leaving defenders in his wake, or his glorious ice-cool finishes. A chorus of “Mo Salah, Mo Salah, Mo Salah” ringing around Anfield is not far behind, by the way.

Put that all together and there cannot be a better place on the planet for a player of Salah’s class to play his football.

Did you know? Salah’s 32 goals is the most by a player in a 38-game season.

Harry Kane: This has been another magnificent season from Harry Kane, however it can’t be entirely comfortable for Kane or his team-mates to look at another empty trophy cabinet. Elsewhere, John Stones, Kyle Walker and Raheem Sterling all have titles, and Jordan Henderson, Trent Alexander-Arnold, Nathaniel Clyne are preparing for the Champions League final.

It would be sheer folly for me or anyone else to ignore the obvious. This lad cannot wait around forever watching his England team-mates achieve what he could do quite easily elsewhere.

It’s why Luka Modric, Gareth Bale and Teddy Sheringham all left Tottenham. It would be a crying shame if Harry Kane is forced to do the same.

Did you know? Kane became the first Spurs player to score 40+ goals in all competitions in a single season since Clive Allen in 1986-87 (49)

Sergio Aguero: Regular readers of my Team of the Week will know how much I think of Sergio Aguero. Of all the strikers in my Team of the Season, Aguero is the one who has joined the ranks of football greatness.

During his time in the Premier League there is no other striker who has scored as many goals over so many seasons, or held so many titles.

His goals blasted Manchester City into an unassailable lead at the top of the table before injury took its toll and Leroy Sane took over. We have at last honoured this great Premier League player in the PFA team awards, and the least I can do is honour him in mine.

Did you know? Aguero’s goal against Napoli in November made him City’s all-time highest goalscorer.

Manager of the season – Rafael Benitez

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I was asked recently who were my top three managers this season. Without a moment’s hesitation I said Rafael Benitez, Sean Dyche and Chris Hughton – in that order.

I never expected Burnley to qualify for Europe, for Brighton to survive a season in the Premier League, or for Newcastle to finish with 44 points, ensuring safety with games to spare having started the season with seven Championship players in the team.

Anyone who has watched Newcastle United this season will have observed Benitez and his boys refusing to compromise one iota on the brand of football their fans want to see.

I wish I could say the same for Jose Mourinho and Manchester United. If Newcastle have lost a game they have done so with their dignity intact. They have taken the opposition on trying to play.

There have been times when they have been outplayed, even outclassed, but they have never turned their backs on giving their fans 100%, which you have to do when playing for the Magpies.

That is why Newcastle fans love Benitez, because they have seen the Spaniard turn their team from a Championship squad into a credible Premier League outfit.

Give Benitez the resources and he would do what Kevin Keegan failed to do, and win Newcastle a trophy. Don’t give him the resources to compete with the very best and he will leave – and quite rightly.

Pick your Team of the Season

You’ve seen my picks this week. But who would you go for?

Choose your XI from the shortlist selected by BBC Sport journalists and share it with your friends.

Pick your Team of the Week

Pick your XI from our list and share with your friends.

Select formationConfirm team

References

^ family issues (www.bbc.co.uk)

BBC Sport – Football

Salah… De Bruyne… Dunk – who else is in Garth's Team of the Season? was originally published on 365 Football

[tivvygoldarmy-blog]

Ollie Knowles : Player Profile

Jay: How did you first get into football Ollie? 

OK: I remember playing at school from a young age then my old man took me down to the local team when I was about eight years of age and I just loved it from there.

Jay: Who were your greatest influences on your football career?

OK: I have to say my dad, without him I wouldn’t have got into the game and he was driving all around the country to come and support me as a kid and he still comes to every home game and the odd away game now. Player wise, growing up watching up Frank Lampard play, he was the player I looked up to and who I wanted to be like.

Jay: Ollie what is your finest moment in your career to date?

OK: On a personal note, signing my first professional contract with Exeter City. Although it didn’t work out it is something that I am proud of and glad that I achieved it. As a tea, unfortunately I was not here last year to have the promotion party with the lads, but probably reaching the play offs with Truro. There were some massive clubs paying big money and for us to finish 4th was massive for the club.

Jay: What are your footballing aims Ollie?

OK: Aims for Tivvy and the future with the group of players and staff we have here and the way we have started the play offs have to be the aim I think.

Jay: Is there any message for the fans Ollie?

OK: Just a thank you really, you’ve made me feel really welcome since joining in the summer and it’s good to see and hear you at home and away games.

Jay: What’s your favourite team apart from obviously Tivvy?

OK: Chelsea are the team I have supported since a kid. My uncle is a season ticket holder at the Bridge and I try and get up to watch a few games when I can.

Jay: Â Who do you consider to be your best mate in football?

OK: That’s a tough question because I have met some great people through football. I’ll have to go for my two best mates really, Elliot Frear and Connor Clifford. I played with Els and against Con but met them both through football so it has to be them two really.

[therealslimshakespeare]

Also, I need y’all to go pester (kindly, only ever kindly) the inestimable @ab4eva to help me salvo some Turner/Butler bombs to the tune of this vibe…🥂

first off I just want to say that ur a QUEEN GODDESS and may ur reign be undisputed forevermore😭🙏🏽💞

now onto business😎: ur writing has inspired me to write (for callum turner characters) so if u ever want to read more fics about joe rantz, Thomas Webber (because damn he was fine in the only living boy in New York), Tiger, Theseus, AND John…stay tuned

But thanks for being not just a talent but an INSPIRATION❤️ur a girls girl fr

Oh my gosh darlin’, you’ve sent me into a tailspin tizzy with all this kindness, I cannot cope!!! Me @ you 👇🏼

I am so delighted to hear that you’ve gotten the bug, it’s a wonder and shock I had anything to do with it -but, if I can manage it? YOU CAN ACE IT. You’ve got this and I’m thirsty for content on any and all of these wonderful manifestations of Mr. Turner’s wonderful talent. Tbh I’ve not even seen Boys in the Boat as yet but due to gifs and love of Joe from the book I am thirsty as a desert nomad for content of the man.

Please tag me in whatever you accomplish, may the muses attend you, sweet Anon. 💋

[ultrasfcb-blog]

Garth Crooks

Garth Crooks

Garth Crooks

The Premier League season is over, with Manchester City deservedly crowned champions after sweeping all before them in a record-breaking campaign.

West Brom, Stoke City and Swansea are facing up to relegation, while Arsenal enter life without Arsene Wenger.

But who has made my team of the season?

Goalkeeper – David de Gea (Man Utd)

The moment Jose Mourinho persuaded David de Gea to stay at Manchester United, rather than leave for Real Madrid, you knew something was brewing. Neither have managed to win the title this season, but I wouldn’t bet against them next term.

De Gea has once again looked imperious in goal, and one player in the United set-up who warrants the accolade ‘world class’. The issue for Mourinho is he has not been in a position to assemble a defence worthy of his keeper.

Petr Cech had William Gallas, John Terry and Ricardo Carvalho to protect him when Mourinho was manager at Chelsea in 2004-05. That’s why they won the title and why United haven’t.

Did you know? De Gea won the Golden Glove this season, keeping 18 clean sheets in the Premier League. It’s his highest tally in a single season in the competition.

Defenders – Kyle Walker (Man City), Lewis Dunk (Brighton), Nicolas Otamendi (Man City), Ashley Young (Man Utd)

Kyle Walker: When Kyle Walker left Tottenham Hotspur for Manchester City for £50m I thought Blues boss Pep Guardiola had suddenly gone to the ‘dark side of the moon’. When I saw Walker make his Premier League debut for his new club at Brighton, I knew then that City had spent over the odds but were sure of exactly what they were buying.

Walker has fulfilled his role and responsibilities brilliantly in this City side and got his reward as a consequence – it’s called a Premier League title.

Did you know? Walker has provided six Premier League assists this season, his highest in a single campaign.

Lewis Dunk: I have watched this lad in the Championship and I have watched him again in the Premier League and I can’t believe it’s the same player. The growth in the space of a season has been quite extraordinary.

It would have been very easy for me to have selected Jan Vertonghen (who has had another good season for Spurs) but Dunk has had to be outstanding week in, week out. Without that level of performance, Brighton would have sunk without trace.

If any of the big six have any sense whatsoever they should get their chequebook out immediately. He’s worth £30m of anyone’s money in the current financial climate.

Did you know? Dunk made more blocks than any other Premier League defender this season (56).

Nicolas Otamendi: I can never make up my mind about Otamendi. I have seen him play brilliantly for City and then suddenly be a complete disaster. I must say his calamities have been less frequent this season. He had a fabulous first half to City’s league campaign and deputised for Vincent Kompany brilliantly during a very important period for the club.

Defeats by Liverpool in the Champions League were not his finest hours, but overall he has proved to be a steady influence in a Manchester City team whose emphasis as always been on attack not defence. Lucky for him.

Did you know? Otamendi made more successful passes than any other Premier League player this season (2,825).

Ashley Young: I thought this lad was finished at Manchester United but that couldn’t have been further from the truth. United have converted yet another winger into a very competent full-back. First Antonio Valencia, now Ashley Young.

The England international was beginning to create a reputation for himself when it was alleged he would go looking for penalties in the days when he was a winger. He appears to have adapted his game and concentrated on becoming a permanent fixture in United’s defensive line-up.

His performances have also earned him a recall into the England set-up at 32 years of age. Not bad for a player I had written off.

Did you know? Young made more Premier League appearances (30) and starts (28) this season than he had in any of his previous seven campaigns with United.

Midfielders – Kevin de Bruyne (Man City), Fernandinho (Man City), David Silva (Man City)

Kevin de Bruyne: Of all the players I have watched this season, I have enjoyed no-one more than Kevin de Bruyne. It is unfortunate for De Bruyne that Mohamed Salah has had such a wonderful season, at the ‘award-winning’ expense of the Belgium international.

De Bruyne lifting the Premier League title with City will compensate to a large extent, but not completely – that’s the way it goes in football sometimes.

To play the game with such grace and win matches on such a regular basis without an ounce of ruthlessness deserves some recognition. Selecting De Bruyne for my Team of the Season is the best I can do.

Did you know? The Belgian finished the season with the most assists (16) and chances created (106) in the Premier League.

Fernandinho: There is a one in every title-winning team. Claude Makelele did it for Real Madrid, Esteban Cambiasso did it for Inter Milan, and Fernandinho has done it on two occasions for Manchester City.

These are players who accept that their ability does not compare with Zinedine Zidane, Wesley Sneijder or Kevin de Bruyne but who will run through brick walls for their team and wonder what the fuss is all about when you pat them on the back and tell them just how wonderful they have been.

The Brazilian is the lynchpin for City and the first player Guardiola would have pencilled in his team every week. Fernandinho has had a magnificent season and wins another Premier League title for his efforts.

Did you know? Granit Xhaka (2,709) was the only midfielder to complete more passes in the Premier League this season than Fernandinho (2,679)

David Silva: What a wonderful servant David Silva has turned out to be for Manchester City. Along with the amazing Yaya Toure and Vincent Kompany, they have provided a platform upon which legacies are made.

How Silva has completed a title-winning season with the family issues he has to contend with is a testimony to the resilience and dedication of the man himself.

He is a wonderful player and, from what I can gather, an even better father.

Did you know? The Spaniard had a hand in 20 Premier League goals this season (nine goals, 11 assists). Only in 2011-12 (21) was he involved in more in a single campaign.

Forwards – Mohamed Salah (Liverpool), Harry Kane (Tottenham), Sergio Aguero (Man City)

Mohamed Salah: What this lad has done for Egyptian football, not to mention social cohesion, cannot be quantified. What I can tell you is there is no better place on the planet than Liverpool Football Club to appreciate the talents of Mohamed Salah. He has had the most wonderful season.

I’m not entirely sure what I have enjoyed more – the striker bearing down on the opposition with such blistering pace and leaving defenders in his wake, or his glorious ice-cool finishes. A chorus of “Mo Salah, Mo Salah, Mo Salah” ringing around Anfield is not far behind, by the way.

Put that all together and there cannot be a better place on the planet for a player of Salah’s class to play his football.

Did you know? Salah’s 32 goals is the most by a player in a 38-game season.

Harry Kane: This has been another magnificent season from Harry Kane, however it can’t be entirely comfortable for Kane or his team-mates to look at another empty trophy cabinet. Elsewhere, John Stones, Kyle Walker and Raheem Sterling all have titles, and Jordan Henderson, Trent Alexander-Arnold, Nathaniel Clyne are preparing for the Champions League final.

It would be sheer folly for me or anyone else to ignore the obvious. This lad cannot wait around forever watching his England team-mates achieve what he could do quite easily elsewhere.

It’s why Luka Modric, Gareth Bale and Teddy Sheringham all left Tottenham. It would be a crying shame if Kane is forced to do the same.

Did you know? Kane became the first Spurs player to score 40+ goals in all competitions in a single season since Clive Allen in 1986-87 (49).

Sergio Aguero: Regular readers of my Team of the Week will know how much I think of Sergio Aguero. Of all the strikers in my Team of the Season, Aguero is the one who has joined the ranks of football greatness.

During his time in the Premier League there is no other striker who has scored as many goals over so many seasons, or held so many titles.

His goals blasted Manchester City into an unassailable lead at the top of the table before injury took its toll and Leroy Sane took over. We have at last honoured this great Premier League player in the PFA team awards, and the least I can do is honour him in mine.

Did you know? Aguero’s goal against Napoli in November made him City’s all-time highest goalscorer.

Manager of the season – Rafael Benitez

I was asked recently who were my top three managers this season. Without a moment’s hesitation I said Rafael Benitez, Sean Dyche and Chris Hughton – in that order.

I never expected Burnley to qualify for Europe, for Brighton to survive a season in the Premier League, or for Newcastle to finish with 44 points, ensuring safety with games to spare having started the season with seven Championship players in the team.

Anyone who has watched Newcastle United this season will have observed Benitez and his boys refusing to compromise one iota on the brand of football their fans want to see.

I wish I could say the same for Jose Mourinho and Manchester United. If Newcastle have lost a game they have done so with their dignity intact. They have taken the opposition on trying to play.

There have been times when they have been outplayed, even outclassed, but they have never turned their backs on giving their fans 100%, which you have to do when playing for the Magpies.

That is why Newcastle fans love Benitez, because they have seen the Spaniard turn their team from a Championship squad into a credible Premier League outfit.

Give Benitez the resources and he would do what Kevin Keegan failed to do, and win Newcastle a trophy. Don’t give him the resources to compete with the very best and he will leave – and quite rightly.

Now it’s your turn

You’ve seen my picks this week. But who would you go for?

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