#Chatzy:ryder

[robot-human-blog]

Escape

What: Escape from Australia Who: Ryder, Alyssa and Nate When: A week (ish) after Justin and Harris were kidnapped. Directly following Aussie guards turning on them.

Nate wasn’t thinking, just moving. Dialing memorized numbers that he had called several times over the past month, but for very different reasons. “CJ,” he said in a rougher voice than he normally used. “I need a favor.” His eyes kept darting back to Alyssa and Ryder, likely still in shock. He looked back, balancing the phone against his shoulder so she could grab the medical supplies they needed and shove them into the duffel that he’d grabbed on the way out of the house. “I need a plane...Twenty minutes...No, not at the commercial airstrip, dumbass. If I wanted a commercial flight I wouldn’t be calling you. I need a plane at the old private airstrip outside of Banksmeadow.” It had taken some practice, and a few misses with other shadier contacts before he figured out the persona that he needed to adopt in order to address these particular contacts. “Obviously I know it’s short notice,” he deadpanned. “It’s an emergency, and you’re good at making people disappear. Just name your price...Yes, five fake identities. Whatever you need, government ID’s, passports, social security cards, anything. Just get me the fucking plane.” He zipped the duffel bag and pulled it over his shoulder, motioning for Ryder and Alyssa to follow him. “I need three seats...I’d rather tell the destination to the pilot when we get there...I know it’s a secure line, I’ve just had the misfortune of believing a lot of things were more secure than they were lately.” He handed the duffel bag to Ryder in favor of pulling his gun from the back of his jeans, and scanning the outside of the building to make sure they were cleared before waving Ryder and Alyssa towards the car. “I owe you one, CJ,” Nate said. “Just send me the names and photos, I’ll start working on the ID’s as soon as I know we’re safe.” Nate ended the call and dropped the phone to the ground, crushing it under his heel before getting into the car. “We’ve got a plane, I’m going to get you guys out of here,” he said, eyes flicking up to the rearview mirror to watch Ryder and Alyssa holding onto each other in the backseat. It was actually only a fifteen minute drive to the old airstrip, but Nate knew this wasn’t the time to try and beat the clock, so he gave them a few extra minutes until they were supposed to meet the plane. The last thing they needed was to get pulled over for speeding, and for TC to see the cops run one of his aliases. He had no doubt they had all of their aliases flagged. He’d probably grabbed more at their faux pharmacy than he’d been able to grab from the house. He actually hadn’t grabbed anything, just told Alyssa and Ryder to take a few minutes to throw some things in a bag, and rushed them outside. There would be time to get food when they landed. Wherever they landed. He still wasn’t exactly sure where. All he knew was that Casey was going East, so he had to go West. He kept glancing back in the rearview mirror. He knew that more socially conscious people would ask if they were alright, but he always thought that was stupid thing to ask. They weren’t. He wasn’t. But they were alive. And that was good enough at the moment.

This wasn’t happening. This wasn’t happening. Those were the only three words that made sense whirling through his brain again and again. This wasn’t happening. ‘This’ had all happened so fast -- he had to be wrong. That was the only possible scenario, right? And yet, here he was standing in some disgusting never-been-cleaned-before excuse for a bathroom trying to scrub drying blood from violently shaking hands. His, Max’s, Keaton’s, Kalen’s -- it was impossible to tell at this point -- but it felt like it was everywhere. And despite Alyssa having somehow managed to get him into fresh clothes, the smell seemed to follow him. It took a few seconds to realize the water’d been turned off and another to register what that sound in the bathroom was. Nate was on the phone. And then Alyssa was nudging and somehow he got his feet unstuck and his legs supported him back to the car. His eyes stayed trained on his feet, curious how they were doing that. Lifting up, swinging forward, step, repeat. Who was telling them to do that? Confusion drew his brows closer as he blinked, but didn’t argue as he was led to a car and wrapped up in Alyssa’s arms. There was probably something he was supposed to say here. An “I’m sorry” or “Oh, my God.” anything. But it felt like someone’d taken an ice cream scooper to the parts that made him him. He couldn’t smile, or talk, or joke, or breathe. Keaton was such an important part of his life -- there was no way he was facing the rest of his days alone. That wasn’t possible. They were gonna grow old together. Like 45. Weren’t they? “Lys?” he mumbled. “I don’t understand. We should...I was wrong. We should go back. He’s alive. Right? He’s alive. I need him to be...please. Please tell me we were wrong. We left him there and we should go back for him!”

Alyssa couldn’t stop crying. She had given up wiping the tears away a while ago. She wasn’t sure how long ago. She was shaking, everything was blurry, and all she knew how to do was cling to Ryder. None of it made sense. There was Max-- and sure, she knew everyone hated him, but he’d been nice to her. But then he was-- and Keaton. She couldn’t get it out of her head, watching him collapse to the ground. As she watched and tried to help Ryder wash the blood from his hands, she wasn’t even sure which was worse for him, or if either had hit him yet, that Keaton was killed or that he himself had killed the man responsible. She leaned up on her toes to kiss his cheek, pretty sure she’d left more tears behind on his skin than the kiss, but he wasn’t moving unless she guided him, and that scared her more than anything. She took a moment to wash the blood from her own hands, and change into a spare set of clothes she’d managed to grab. Her hands were shaking when she dropped the bloody clothes on the ground. Keaton’s blood. It had to be, because she didn’t even go over to Kalen after he was shot. One of her best friends, and she hadn’t even ran to him. Or, not her best friend. Fake best friend. She wasn’t even sure. She still saw it in her mind, watching him raise his gun, looking at her only long enough to give her an amused smirk that hadn’t even looked like her Kalen, and aimed to gun at Ryder. Her throat still ached with her sharp scream when she heard the gunshot, but Kalen had just collapsed there to the floor, and Nate was there behind him, reaching for them, rushing them out. Nate was saying a lot of things, and she didn’t catch most of it. Of what she did hear, she didn’t understand more. “Compromised,” he’d said. “Code black,” he’d called over his shoulder at Casey as they ran out. Then rushing them into a car without a pause to breathe, and rambling about a pharmacy. Not a real one, a fake one. He only gave them a minute to try and grab things to take with them, and Ryder had been in such shock, Alyssa grabbed things for him too. Standing in the dirty bathroom, Alyssa took a few paper towels and wiped at her face, not daring to look in the mirror. She’d glanced at her reflection and Ryder’s when they first walked in, and the pure horror reflected back at her made her want to break down in tears again, but Nate was saying they needed to leave, and something about a plane. “How’d this happen? Nate, what’s it mean? Where are we going? Why’d they do this? Nate, please,” she mumbled, trying and failing to hold back the tears. She looked up at Ryder when he started talking again, and fresh tears started falling again. She opened her mouth, but a lump formed in her throat, choking back the words and she just pressed her lips closed and shook her head, wrapping her arms tighter around him and burying her face against his shoulder.

‘Grieve on the plane,’ was what Nate wanted to snap, but he could already hear Coral’s voice in the back of his mind, reprimanding him for being insensitive. They didn’t have time for it, though. At least they were in the car. He’d worry about dragging them from the car to the plane when they reached the airstrip. His eyes flicked up to the mirror at Alyssa’s tear-filled questions, but he couldn’t answer her. What did she expect him to say? If he’d known this was going to happen, he and Casey would have snuck everyone out of the house months ago. It wasn’t like he could give some play-by-play of how their guards had turned on them. Though, he thought morbidly, he probably should be able to write a play-by-play by now. He should be able to write an entire goddamn book. “I don’t know, Alyssa. I’m sorry,” he said. Where Alyssa had moved into full-blown bawling though, Ryder was still clearly in shock, and moving into denial. “You weren’t wrong, Ryder,” he said as gently as he could. “He’s gone. I’m sorry. There’s nothing you can do now, except stay safe. We’re here.” He parked the car a bit out of the way, behind a shed that wouldn’t completely conceal the car, but at least wouldn’t be as obvious as sitting in the middle of the airstrip. The plane was in place, as promised, and it looked like the pilot was rushing around checking the engines and making sure everything was ready for a quick takeoff. “Let’s just get onboard, and we’ll figure it out from there, alright?” It was strange actually, going to the underground to find contacts when they were trying to escape from TC. The thing he’d learned though, since he’d started easing his way into shadier circles in his search to find information on Marty, was that one underground circle could be counted on to be in strict and deadly competition with another. It had come to this, with him trusting an international drug dealer’s transporter more than he trusted the agency. “So you must be Fisher,” the pilot said, echoing off the alias Nate had given to CJ. “That’s right. I’m told you can get us where we need to go.” “So long as it’s this side of the Atlantic, yeah I can do that.” “It is. South Africa,” he said. He hadn’t seen any agency or TC bases in the country when he was working with Harrison, Casey and Agent Klein to pinpoint where they intersected. And as far as he knew, they mostly spoke English and French, so with Alyssa along, he was hoping they’d be able to manage alright. At this point, just getting away was good enough, and South Africa seemed as good an escape as any.

Panic gripped hard onto his heart but they weren’t moving. Alyssa wasn’t even speaking, just crying harder and holding onto him, so he turned pleading eyes onto the reflection of Nate in the mirror. Please, please, please, turn the car around, he tried to silently will Nate but the man just unapologetically told him no. Keaton was gone. Without permission, his bottom lip started to wobble, but that was easy enough to bite down on as he turned his gaze out the window. No. His mind wouldn’t fathom a world without Keaton in it. They were two peas in a pod. Soul mates. It wasn’t supposed to end like this. It wasn’t ending like this. So he focused on what was around them, the shed, the sketchy guys, the plane. They were flying somewhere. Was this how the New Yorkers had felt? Ripped out of their homes and shuttled off without ever knowing if or when they’d be able to set foot on their home soil ever again. Ryder loved Australia. He loved New Zealand. Somehow, he doubted they were heading towards Auckland. A wild flash of irrational desire made him want to run, kidnap the plane, and go back home. To their home. The flat the four of them had shared inbetween tours. It seemed like a dream that their life had been like that once. Fun, parties, movie nights, weekly family dinners, and a whole lot of music. Had that even happened? Dazed, he looked back at Alyssa when he registered the soft pushing and eventually managed to untangle his limbs and follow Nate from the car towards the plane and all the shady people. Most of it flew by him unnoticed until he caught wind of a country name and reached out to curl fingers around Nate’s arm -- uncertain if he was trying to ground himself or prohibit Nate from leaving. “We can’t go to South Africa.” he whispered, eyes wide like that was the most absurd thing he’d ever heard. It was second after Keaton being dead. “We can’t leave him there like that.” If by some improbable chance Nate was right and he was dead -- then he was lying amongst Max and Kalen’s bodies and he deserved better than that. Who fucking knew what TC or the Agency or who-the-fuck-ever would do with him. No. They had to -- they had to properly deal with that. Why were they bolting anyway? Max showed up but assumingly he was empty handed. Nate and Casey hadn’t turned on them and neither did the other New Yorkers so -- why couldn’t they have taken the time to deal with Keaton properly? “He deserves more.”

Alyssa was shaking, and couldn’t find it in her to make it stop. She had cried to the point that her breaths were coming in soft hiccups, and her cheek were starting to feel tingly, but still the tears refused to relent. It just didn’t make sense. None of it made sense. She couldn’t shake that face, Kalen’s face, laughing, almost maniacally, staring down at his own brother bleeding out. At Ryder, shaking as he instinctively pointed the gun at whoever happened to walk through the door next. And it was Kalen. There. Just laughing. A sobbed ripped from her throat, and she was leaning heavily on Nathan when he opened the door and helped her out of the car. He was mumbling something, she wasn’t sure what. She just followed where he guided her, the vague thought crossing her mind that, oh right, he was a guard too. Just like Kalen. She reached behind her, grasping at empty space until she found Ryder’s arm. “Please, can we just- Ry, please. I’m scared. I just wanna go. I wanna go.” She stayed put when Nathan motioned for them to stop, clutching desperately onto Ryder’s arm as Nathan disappeared into the plane for a minute. He called out a minute later, and she walked up the steps first, keeping a tight grip on Ryder’s hand. She constantly wiped her eyes, trying to keep the tears away, but they kept coming back. “It’s not right,” she mumbled, looking at plush looking seat for a moment before slowly sinking into it. None of it made sense. Not a single moment of it made sense. “Nate, why’s it happening?” She turned desperate eyes on the American. “We didn’t do anything- did we? Why then? And where’s everyone else? Where’s Luna? And Jer and Coral?” Another sob made her double over. “They were gonna- Were Kalen and Max- Were they gonna take us- Take us like someone took Harris? And Justin?”

Nathan didn’t have any solid way to calm either of their fears. At the moment, it wasn’t his concern. They were aware of the agency, of TC, of the risks- So why didn’t they understand that? Why didn’t they understand that hurt feelings and confusion could not take priority right now? All Nathan knew how to offer was harsh honesty, and it wasn’t something either of them likely wanted to hear, but it was what they needed to hear. “Yes, Keaton does deserve more than that. But he also deserves more than his death being in vain,” Nathan said, looking over Alyssa’s shoulder to address Ryder. “And if you go back, and get yourself killed, that’s exactly what his death will have been: meaningless. We don’t know if it was the entire agency, or only them that were compromised. What we do know is that they’re trained agents. And trained agents don’t do anything without a contingency plan. And I’d bet a hell of a lot that that contingency plan is currently searching the house and everywhere around it for us. I’m sorry that we have to leave him like that, but I’m not letting you go back and end up the same way. Now both of you wait here.” He made sure Alyssa was leaning at least enough on Ryder and the handrails to keep herself upright before he made his way into the plane first. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust his contacts. More than he didn’t trust anyone. “It’s safe, you can come on,” he called out, stowing his gun away and waiting for them to join him on board. He made sure they were both settled and ready for take off before he went back to speak with the pilots. He introduced himself to the co-pilot, and clarified exactly where they were going, before ducking back into the main cabin and taking his seat. “You didn’t do anything, Alyssa,” he sighed. “None of this is because of you. I don’t know why, but I know that. I’m sorry, I should’ve picked up on it. Noticed the signs. Not the first time guards have turned on us,” he finished quietly, speaking more to himself than to them. “No, I don’t think they were going to take us like they took Harrison and Justin,” Nathan said, watching her uneasily. He didn’t quite know how to handle the emotional part of this, and now that they were just waiting for take-off, all he had to focus on was the emotional part of it. It was easier when he had something to focus on, getting them to the plane. But now he didn’t have that to focus on. “Jeremy, Coral and Luna are safe. They’re with Casey. I don’t know where they’re going, but they’ll be safe.” Granted, he did have a guess. TC weren’t the only ones with a contingency plan in place, especially after their guards had turned on them the first time. No, they had a plan too. Code Black, and he, Casey and Justin all knew what to do. Take the protected and go dark. Disappear. Casey would go East, Japan if Nate had to guess; his father was stationed there. Justin would have gone north, likely Russia. And Nate would go West. He didn’t have any family or connections except his family in New York, so he’d have to be more creative, but he liked that better anyway. No one could guess where he’d go, even himself, and that gave him, Alyssa and Ryder an advantage. “You should both rest. Try and get some sleep. We might not get much chance to slow down once we land. We’ll have to move quickly to find everything we need, and a safe place to hide out.”

There had to be a way to fix this. His mind just couldn’t comprehend actually losing Keaton. Like, that was going to be the last time outside of his memories that he’d ever see, smell, or feel Keaton ever again. And he’d been too busy shooting bullies and staring horrified at what he thought was their lifelong brother from another mother trying to kill them to you know, really take that in. So how was his death not in vain? According to Max and then Kalen, there’d been no chance that he was going to walk out of that cabin alive so was it still in vain if it was inevitable? Lost in his thoughts, he didn’t get the chance to form a response before Nate was up and out of the car so he hugged his knee closer while resting his head against the glass. Did he care? Honestly? What was the fucking point now? His family was gone. Alyssa hadn’t yet stopped crying and he had no words to make the tears stop. The stray’s nightmare had become theirs and despite knowing how their story went and watching it happen to them -- it hadn’t prepared him to know how to deal with this. Before he could think of some stupid thing to offer her -- Nate’s voice was telling them to get on the plane. That it was safe. And he wanted to laugh suddenly. This was all just fucking hilarious. For a long moment, he stayed where he was, feet firmly planted on Australian soil and thought about it. Thought about bolting back for the car, for tearing it back to their city, their home, but … but what good would that do? To chase ghosts down memory lane all alone? Alyssa was all he had left and more importantly, he was all Alyssa had left and she was begging him so he gathered what little strength still remained and drug himself up and into the plane, and even somehow managed to get his harness buckled up. But he found he couldn’t look at anyone. Not the strangers, not Nate, and not even Alyssa. Not yet. Everything was too much. Too raw, too uncontrollable, too impossible -- he felt like the smallest sneeze was going to shatter him and he very much did not want that to happen. So he stared at the runway and tried not to listen to Nate reassuring Alyssa about it not being their fault while simultaneously blaming himself. Technically, they’d all been told the stories. The strays came with a warning none of them heeded and now Harrison, Justin, and soon if not already Jer and Luna would be dead. Coral’d probably be the only one to survive beside Casey and they’d never hear from her again. So many people. Just...gone. This time he pulled both his legs up, not caring about shoes on the seat, as he watched the asphalt under them start to roll, before Nate’s words pierced through the haze and started drawing out a harsh laugh. “You think it’s possible to sleep? I’m not entirely sure I’m still breathing and you think I can close my eyes? Relax? Jesus fucking Christ. Have you loved anyone? Ever? You couldn’t have. There’s no fucking way you’d be saying that to us right now if you had and could empathize with what it’d feel like to --” his words shut off there, equal parts too traumatized and too superstitious to say it out loud. If he didn’t say it, maybe it wasn’t real. “Unless you grabbed bendaryl or ambien from the pharmacy, don’t get your hopes up on sleep. In fact, it’s probably better if you just don’t talk until we get there.”

Alyssa pulled her knees against her chest and leaned against the wall of the cabin, staring through blurry eyes out the window. There were voices, familiar voices, but ones she didn’t care much to try and listen to. Comforting but hollow words from Nathan, and gentle suggestions of rest that she didn’t really understand, but didn’t want to comment on. Then angry words. Demanding questions, and frustration lashing out at the nearest and easiest target. Alyssa closed her eyes tight, trying to block it all out, but they shot open again almost immediately when it was Kalen’s laughing face that greeted her in the darkness. “I don’t want to sleep,” she mumbled against her knees, certain neither of them heard her, as words were shot back across the cabin. How long would the flight be? How long would they be arguing? None of it was right. She just wanted it to end. To just wake up and be told that it was a horrific dream. For Kalen to wake her, shaking her shoulder as she thrashed from a nightmare, and comforted her that something like that could never happen. That he would protect her like he always had, and that Keaton was safe, and that Max wasn’t coming back. Maybe even that Harrison and Justin were back, and safe. But it was that thought more than the others that caused a sharp pain in her chest. Because they weren’t coming back. It wasn’t a dream. None of it was. It was all real.

The anger came quickly enough. Nathan scrolled through the stages of grief in his mind. At this rate, maybe they could be at a productive place mentally where they could find a safe place to hide without emotional baggage pulling them backwards by the time they landed. That wasn’t what made Nathan clench his own fists though. Anger he could deal with. Anger was an acceptable reaction. Attacking him though, accusing him of being unable to understand love was what made him turn a hard glare to the Australian. “I’ve given my life, dedicated my life, to protecting people, protecting lives, yours included in case you’d forgotten. Don’t question my ability to love, or whether I have loved anyone. Only a sadist would continue this job after everything I’ve seen, everything I’ve been through. Only a sadist, or a person who honestly does love people, loves humanity as a whole. Sees the value in people’s lives, not just for life itself but for a life’s potential. But if you think you understand love so much better than I do, what would you rather do? Go back? They would kill you before you even reached his body to try and give him a proper funeral. Do you think Keaton would want that for you? If you truly believe that he would want you to die by his side in a fruitless effort to bury his lifeless body, then that’s an insult to his memory and an insult to any form of love that you shared with him.” Nate dug through the bag of medications that he’d pulled from the pharmacy and held out the requested Benadryl to Ryder. “I didn’t say rest would come easily. I said it’s what you should do,” he said evenly. “Grieve when we’re safe.”

Considering guards left and right on both sides of the pond went homicidal, forgive him if he found the whole dedicating his life in an effort to protect other life a little fucking hard to believe right now. Half of him was convinced he was a pig being led to the slaughter and he couldn’t find a fuck anywhere in him to do something about it. But all he could do was watch Nate form words and still feel like he was missing the point entirely. Seeing value in a life was not the same as holding your entire world in your arms as they let out the last breath they’d ever take and then being told to get some sleep. Sleep. “I don’t think bolting blindly into the dark to country hop with essentially a stranger was exactly spelled out in Keaton’s will either.” he pointed out drly. But he caught Alyssa’s soft words and shifted a little so he could get an arm around her and press a kiss to her hair, fighting the urge to dissolve into helpless endless tears himself. Like that’d help. What he wanted was to go home. But he could already hear Nate tell him to go ahead but he’d be letting Keaton down because the whole country was overrun apparently. Who knew you could have a ninja problem? For a long moment, he looked at the drugs being held out to them before reaching a shaking hand over to take them and look at them for awhile. He wasn’t entirely sure how he’d tell if they were tampered with or not, but ultimately had to look up and shrug. “I’m sorry for snapping. I owe you a thank you for ...for um, for doing what you did and for helping us get out. If you point us in the right direction, we’ll get out of your hair and you can head back home with the rest of your group. Or wherever they’re going.”

Nate watched as Alyssa curled in tighter to herself, while simultaneously trying to move closer to Ryder. It didn’t look like it worked very well, but she didn’t seem concerned about the difficulty. His eyes flicked up to Ryder’s at his words, and he just stared at the Australian. “Bolting blindly anywhere with a guard, in order to keep yourself alive and safe is part of the wish of every guard that signs up with agency.” He shifted and looked out the window. “All the loyal ones, anyway. The ones that are here for the right reasons, and actually care about the people we’re assigned to protect. Your life came before his, it comes before mine, Casey’s and Justin’s. Whether your safety is spelled out in his will or not is irrelevant.” He had to admit, he was surprised that Ryder actually took the pills. He didn’t expect him to. Ryder was clearly already upset with Nate, and there was no reason for him to believe that drugging himself when he was in mourning, while on a plane with someone he’d already described as a stranger, was a good idea. And yet he took the bottle and just stared at it, before apologizing, and then going off on an idiotic tangent. Nathan really didn’t understand this boy. It was like he followed perfectly logical facts in a perfectly logical pattern until they ended quite unexpectedly at a cliff which he expected to jump from, and found no flaw in how he got there. “What part of anything that I’ve said thus far led to you to think that I’m just going to dump you in a strange country and leave you to fend for yourselves?” He leaned forward with his arms on his knees to look at Ryder at eye level. “Let me say this as plainly as I can: You are in danger. Someone wants you dead. I am trained to protect people that others want dead. I’m here to protect you. I’m not leaving until whoever wants you dead is dead first. Are we clear now?”

[badasssugarrae]

Cookie Monster || Rygar

Tagging: Sugar Motta and Ryder "Ryan" Lynn

When: Tuesday, December 17; Mid-Morning

Where: Under the Bleachers; WMHS

General Notes: Ryder brings Sugar a peace offering and the two talk things out

Sugar sat on the ratty old couch under the bleachers and lit her cigarette. It was strange being out here so early and practically alone, aside from a few serious stoners who probably didn't even realize they were at school, much less that it was finals week. She took a long drag as she crossed her legs and relaxed, lost in her thoughts.

Ryder felt terrible for what happened yesterday and how Sugar had reacted to him and Marley’s conversation. In his defense Sugar hadn’t exactly been a doll to him but he wasn’t in the mood to start yet another argument over who got it worse. No, Ryder wanted to set things right- or at least try to. So with a package of cookies in hand he set off towards the football field, knowing just the place he’d find Sugar. He wasn’t surprised when he made his way under the bleachers to see Sugar there already and he cautiously made his way towards her, holding out the cookies in front of him as he slowly neared her as if she were some rabid animal he was trying to coax into being friendly with food. Which.. was sort of true.

Sugar saw Ryder approach and her relaxed mood quickly dissipated. She glared at him and pursed her lips, ready to pounce, when she saw the cookies. She eyed them suspiciously, no way he was just bringing her cookies, something was up. "Come to poison me?" She spat at him, still on guard. She couldn't stop herself from eyeing the package again, however, wondering what kind they were.

Ryder slowly put them down beside Sugar and smirked. “Poison you with delicious sugary baked goods? My plan is flawed.” Ryder joked before he sat himself down on the opposite side of the couch, not wanting to be too close in case she struck. “They’re your favorite kind. The seal is still on the package too so you know I didn’t open them.” Ryder took his backpack off and placed it by his feet before he leaned back against the couch and sighed, watching his breath disappear in front of him. “I don’t know how you can stand to be out here when it’s this cold out.” He grumbled, adjusting his coat so he didn’t have any spots for air to get to him.

Sugar tentatively took the package and inspected it closely. Slowly opening it she took out a cookie and sniffed it. Seemed legit. She eyed him suspiciously as she took a small bite and chewed carefully. Okay, it tasted okay, and the guy couldn't possibly have access to high end poisons. She popped the cookie in her mouth and shrugged. "I'm just used to it, I guess." She said, taking another drag of her cigarette. "What are you even doing out here?"

Ryder adjusted the beanie on his head and sighed at Sugar’s question. “Well, I knew you’d be out here.” He shrugged and glanced over to Sugar for a moment before looking back off in front of him at nothing really in particular. “Look, I’m sorry things got a little out of hand yesterday. I know you weren’t happy with what Marley and I were saying but we were only kidding. I figured if anything you’d just join in and just say shit about me too, I didn’t intend for you to end up hurt over anything. And y’know, I just wanted to make things okay between us again.” Ryder shrugged and looked over to Sugar with a small smile. “You’re not gross or anything, quite the opposite actually but you didn’t hear that from me.” He teased awkwardly, trying to be genuinely nice but also light-hearted and silly. “I guess I was also a little upset still about the whole Finn stuff from before, and when Marley mentioned the suggested gay stuff it sort of didn’t help either but I’m not defending what I said. I was still a jerk and I’m here to say I’m sorry.” Ryder was never really good with words. He often just spoke without thinking but he was still trying to be as genuine as possible with his apology.

Sugar chewed her lip and took another cookie to avoid having to speak. She hated apologizing, it meant she was wrong, and she hated being wrong. Swallowing the second cookie she took a deep breath and decided to get it over with. "I'm sorry too. I honestly had no idea you didn't know about Finn and I wouldn't have said anything.... I guess I shouldn't have said anything either way, it was rude. And the whole gay thing, I wasn't trying to rag on you, I just..... I don't get why you're not all over Marley, I mean, she's hot dude. Even if she is a bit of a prude." She paused and took another cookie, breaking off a small bite this time. "I just.... I don't think cheating is funny and I don't like being associated with that shit, it's not a joke to me. And no, I didn't particularly like being called gross or.... "a disgusting joke," I think was the term you used, either...." She looked away, taking another small bite of cookie, afraid she'd blush or get emotional if she looked at him.

Ryder looked at Sugar as she spoke, glad she was apologizing too but he still felt guilty about what he said. “You’re not a disgusting joke, and for the record when I said that I meant the conversation- not you. Though I don’t know, depending on how you look at it I guess it can be taken either way but regardless it was wrong and I’m sorry. I don’t want to start some dumb argument over this stuff.” Ryder let out a sigh and slid down against the back of the couch, sitting a bit uncomfortably with his legs extended out in front of him on the ground. “Marley’s totally hot I know. It’s embarrassing how many awkward boners I get when we’re like making out and stuff. And I want to do stuff with her and all but up until yesterday I was under the assumption she was some class A virgin who’s never even let a guy get to second base before. So I didn’t want to pressure her because I love her and want to be this awesome gentleman of a boyfriend. But now that I know that her and Finn slept together not once, but twice during the time of them being together for like a couple weeks it makes me feel like shit that she doesn’t seem interested in doing stuff with me. I mean, fuck she won’t even talk about anything sex-related. It’s this whole taboo thing with her.” Ryder knew Marley might not be too happy about him delving into their personal lives but he trusted Sugar to an extent. Besides, if anyone could maybe help him out a bit it would be her. “I know it’s super selfish of me and stuff too and I’m happy with taking things slow if it’s what she wants to do. But then I don’t know, I just keep thinking about what you said about comparing me to Finn and maybe I’m just not good enough or something. I mean he’s my friend and all and he’s totally great but I have to try to compete with him enough on the field and stuff already as it is. I don’t need to be outshined by him when it comes to doing stuff with Marley.”

Sugar swallowed and nodded, partly glad he had just changed subjects and moved on so easily, partly wary of the subject he chose to turn to. "Look, it's not my business, and maybe I've already meddled too much in your relationship as it is.... but, when she lost her virginity to Finn, she talked to me about it first, so I know it wasn't something she just jumped into lightly, she really thought about it. And knowing her and.... knowing Finn..... maybe she felt like she would lose him if she didn't..... and maybe she doesn't feel that way with you. You know? Like she's more.... comfortable in certain ways. And she's probably also waiting for you to make a move, virgin or not a girl wants a guy to at least TRY, you know? It's flattering. Even if she's not ready and says know, it's still nice to know you WANT her that way, it's sexy. And if or when she says know, you respect that and back off, that's sexy too." She shrugged. "Look, I'm not good at this, I haven't been in many relationships, and as everyone knows, I don't often say "no" in that department. So...." She took another drag and offered him the package of cookies.

Ryder let out another sigh and fixed himself on the couch so he wasn’t basically half off of it and reached for a cookie. He nibbled on it a bit as he thought about what Sugar said. “I don’t know.. I guess I just don’t want her to hate me or not trust me anymore. I mean I get what you’re saying, I always loved it when a girl was like- all over me and stuff but most of the time it just seems like Marley and I are just friends who kiss.” Ryder shrugged and popped the rest of the cookie into his mouth. “I guess it wouldn’t hurt to try something at least. I mean even if it’s not a physical move I’m sure I could get her to understand like, how wanted she is and stuff verbally or something.” Ryder appreciated Sugar trying to give him some advice, but when she hinted to her ‘old lifestyle’ he got a little upset. “You know what, I know some guys that are super huge man-whores. Like, they’d make you look like some innocent little girl. Society sucks man, so many double-standards. I’ve had my fair share of hookups but no one bats an eye, and I don’t understand why people have to make a big fuss about girls who do it. It’s just bullshit and totally not fair.”

Sugar nodded. "I'm just saying, next time you're makin out, gently and slowly go for some boob, if she pushes you away, then don't push. Worth a try anyway." She shook her head and rolled her eyes lightly as he went on. "Ryan I guarantee I've had sex with more people than you have, anyway, I don't care. The Cheerios started calling me a slut my very first day of high school and it didn't bother me then, it doesn't bother me now. It's just a word. Like okay, I'm a slut, I have a lot of sex, what a huge insult, what are you gonna say next, I dress well?!" She snorted. "What bothers me is that because I'm a slut people think I have no morals, and that's not true. They just don't happen to be the same morals as a lot of other people."

Ryder let out a chuckle and rolled his eyes. “That’s so bogus too. I mean for cheerios to say shit like that? You don’t want to know how many of them have-“ Ryder stopped himself, feeling a little weird talking about his past endeavors with Sugar when he was just talking about Marley related things. “Well, whatever. It’s in the past now, but it’s totally one of those pot calling the kettle black things or whatever.” He joked and reached for another cookie. “Whatever, high school is like the time for all the experimenting and fooling around. College just offers more choices and you don’t live at home. But either way everyone’s getting some somewhere and I don’t know, people just need to stop being such assholes about everyone having sex but them.” Ryder was pretty sure he made no sense but he didn’t care much. At least they were having a nice civil conversation right now. “How are things with you and Puck? If you don’t mind me asking.” Ryder figured since he went on a little vent about his relationship the leas the could do is listen if Sugar had anything she needed to talk about as well.

Sugar waved her hand with a chuckle. "Don't worry, I've fucked half the Cheerios too." She shrugged and listened to him speak, but she wasn't sure it was relevant, she only wanted to go to one college and there was no guarantee she'd get in, and even if she did, she already had the only guy she ever wanted to hook up with again. Just as her mind was wandering to Puck, she heard him say his name. "Oh, we're perfect. his work schedule is annoying, but we spend all the time we can together. And our sex life happens to be amazing, if that's what you're asking."

Ryder rolled his eyes. “Between you and Puck I assumed your sex life must be thriving.” He teased as he looked over and smiled at Sugar. “So do you spend every single day out here or something? Because it’s seriously ridiculously cold, and it smells like homeless people and pot back here.” Ryder crossed his arms over his chest, feeling a little chilly. “I mean don’t you have a car? Can’t you like actually go somewhere rather than sit out here?”

Sugar shrugged. "Of course I have a car, what am I poor? I dunno, usually my friends are out here and we hang out and chill and it's fun. It's a good place to smoke." She said, taking the last drag off her cigarette and flicking the butt aside. "I don't like to smoke in my car." She exhaled a long stream of smoke.

Ryder nodded and looked around at the few pot smokers under the bleachers. “I get it; cigarette smoke isn’t exactly the best smell to have.” Ryder had come out here to talk and apologize to Sugar and now that he had done that he felt like he might be over staying his welcome. Besides, while he enjoyed the occasional skipping of classes he knew Marley wouldn’t be pleased if he ended up wasting half of the day outside in the freezing cold. “Alright well I’ll leave you to enjoy your cookies and cigs then.” He said as he pushed himself off the couch and grabbed his backpack from the ground. “I’ll see you around, and after school on Thursday.” He gave Sugar one more smile before he turned and headed off.

Sugar nodded and waved goodbye to him, pulling out her phone she scrolled through her contacts and decided to text a few people out of boredom, lighting up another cigarette, she settled back and took a deep breath. It was going to be a long day, but at least now she had cookies.

[badasssugarrae]

Therapy Time || Rygar

Tagging: Sugar Motta & Ryder Lynn (Feat. Terri the Group Therapist)

When: Thursday, August 8; Mid-Afternoon

Where: Lima Community Center

General Notes: After discovering they share the same therapy/support group, Ryder and Sugar have a chat

  Terri leaned forward and let her eyes land on each member of the group. "Okay, this has been an excellent session, congratulations to our first timers, now as I said earlier, from time to time I will give out homework so this week I would like all of you to reach out to the people who you consider your personal "support group" your friends and family, by making a confession to them. This can be as a group or on an individual basis, it can be interpreted in any way you like, all I need to know next week is how the completion of this assignment made you feel." She nodded softly and smiled at the group. "Okay, now let's close with some soothing deep breaths and when you feel ready to leave, you may go. Namaste." She smiled again and closed her eyes, taking a few deep breaths. When she was finished she opened her eyes and stood stepping back for questions.

Sugar did the deep breathing as instructed before reaching for her purse. She couldn't believe Ryan was at this meeting, just her luck. She couldn't believe she had been forced to discuss her insecurities and issues in front of him too, her pathological need to feel wanted or needed, it was so embarrassing, the whole point of these meetings were the anonymity. She sighed and shook her head as she stood and hitched her purse strap onto her shoulder. Still, he had shared too, and she knew it couldn't have been easy for him, especially with her there, at the very least she had to respect him for that. She bit her lip, lost in thought.

Ryder attempted to take a few breaths as instructed, hoping that it would take his mind off of the fact that Sugar was in therapy with him. It wasn't enough that he had to deal with her online, she had to be there, in the flesh, with him. It must have been a really small world for them to be in the same group. If he was being honest though, he didn't really listen to anyone else's stories about their struggles, but he did listen to Sugar. Knowing that Sugar had issues made him feel more comfortable with sharing as well. They were both just as messed up as each other. As the meeting officially ended, Ryder stood up and kicked his feet across the floor making his way to the door.

Sugar was still lost in thought as she made her way to the door, ready to get home and take a long, hot bath. She was knocked from her thoughts as her body made contact with someone else's. Blinking a few times to clear her head, she looked up. "Oh god, so--" She met Ryder's eyes and took in a sharp breath. "Sorry." She smiled sheepishly, not knowing what to say, if she should day anything at all. She felt her heart pound with nerves and she swallowed hard.

Ryder was too much lost in his own mind when he felt something hit his side before he exited the door. When he turned, he looked to see what it was, finding Sugar at his side. He took a few steps back, "It's-" he paused, "Yeah, it's alright," he stumbled out. Not even sure where he stood with her anymore he just wanted to let her exit first so he didn't have to face it anymore.

Sugar swallowed again and bit her lip. "Look.... Ryan..... all the shit between us or whatever..... I'm not saying I was wrong, you were an asshole, but..... it wasn't really my place to come at you like that, so.... I'm sorry." She chewed her lip and rocked on her heels. "I've been dealing with a lot of shit and, I know I'm not perfect." She looked down. "Well.... except for physically." She joked with mock cockiness, putting her hands on her hips. As the moment passed she looked up at him seriously. "But you know.... I'm sorry." She shrugged.

Ryder wanted to just walk away, but once Sugar spoke up to him, he stopped and turned to face her. He took a deep breath, as she finished, he spoke up, "No Sugar, look.. yes, I was an ass but I didn't have to be to you, I was dealing with the after effect of what I had done to Kitty and you were just protecting your friendship.. I get it.. and I'm sorry I let my anger get the best of me." He took a step toward her, his toothless smile showed as she joked about her not being perfect. "No one's perfect, definitely not me, and I'm trying.. I really am. So, I'm sorry too."

Sugar nodded. "Yeah, well, thanks...... you know, the really stupid thing is I don't even talk to Kitty much anymore. She's hardly ever around and when she is we barely say anything to each other, so...." She lifted a shoulder in a half shrug and sighed. "Look, um, this whole thing is supposed to be anonymous, you know, safe circle shit or whatever.... I just want you to know, I respect your privacy, anything you say here stays here. So.... you know, you don't have to be shy or whatever." She shook her head at herself, she sounded like such an idiot.

Ryder felt his eye brows ruffle as she explained further. He leaned against the doorway, relaxing his stance, "Really? But you two were so close.. what happened? I mean, I don't want to pry or anything, and you don't have to answer," he paused, "Yeah, I know, same goes for you. You and I both need this and whatever we say stays between us and Terri and the group," he nodded.

Sugar exhaled a sigh of relief, she didn't need her business circling Lima any more than it usually did. She shook her head. "I dunno.... I mean, we didn't fight or anything, I guess she's just.... busy or something. And I've been pretty distracted, obviously." She sighed. "I mean, next week I'm going to Bora Bora and I've been redecorating my room and trying to focus on getting my shit together, so.... it's probably just one of those things."

Ryder was glad that he and Sugar were finally talking like respectable people again, it was definitely a start. They had more in common than either of them really knew and maybe therapy was exactly what they both needed. "Oh, well that sucks, but I'm sure she'll come around... she's probably just distracted or something. This summer's just been crazy," he said rolling his eyes. "You're both probably just busy, nothing wrong with that," he finished.

Sugar nodded. She had no idea why she was talking to him about his ex-girlfriend, but it was nice not to be at each other's throats for once. "Well, I guess I should get going.... it was nice getting a chance to talk to you, honestly..... um, I dunno if you're coming every week or whatever, but I guess I'll see you.... next time?" She smiled softly and tilted her head.

Ryder had finally moved on from Kitty, from everything that happened and talking to Sugar was actually helping a lot. He stood up from the wall he was leaning on to reply, "Yeah, I gotta get going too," he replied, "This was nice, and yeah, I'll be here every week, so I'll see you again soon Sugs," he smiled as he turned to walk away. 'Sugs' wow, he hadn't called her that in a while.. maybe things were getting better for Ryder.

Sugar breathed a sigh of relief and smiled and waved as she headed out the side door, maybe things were turning around after all, maybe she really could do this.