#Charles saying he’ll miss the stupid challenges me too Charles

[alexturntable]

What Charles and Carlos are gonna miss about being teammates - Abu Dhabi GP Fan Forum

[pinkysfaultorbrainsfault]

pinky and the brain: s1e7 - tv or not tv

y’all do NOT understand how many times i have tried to post this. tumblr just will not stop eating it. this was supposed to be out last wednesday LMAO i am doing my best.

episode summary: brain engineers a pair of Mouse Dentures that give him a charming smile. anyone hypnotised by these dentures Suddenly Adores Him For No Good Reason. unfortunately, he’s also a bit of a shut in, so nobody is actually going to see his charming smile-- unless he gets himself a sitcom.

....or something.

the rundown:

we open on brain talking about the “weird and magical power” of celebrity. he has defaced several women, and is sticking his ass out. as you do. what is he doing to CINDY! and her ilk?? he must be stopped.

“those who have it weild tremendous influence. few can avoid the enchantment of its’ spell.”

“do you know what gives them this power?”

holy shit. he just stabbed CINDY!.

pinky absolutely does not care for CINDY!’s fate. “haha. narf. hey, paddlefoot, do you know what they call a quarter pounder in france?”

of course, sirius black was not in pulp fiction, and neither, as far as i can tell, was he in france. brain silences him with “enough gay banter”, like he wasn’t just sticking his ass out in his general direction, like, two minutes ago.

(this was the 90s, y’all. gay definitely meant gay back then. this is not the faraway tree.)

“pinky! behold the key to the power of attraction!”

“pushpins!”

“hurraaaaaaaaaaaah!”

“no, pinky.”

apparently the key to attraction is a

“winning smile”, as brain points out, tapping on CINDY!’s poor mutilated face for emphasis.

“and a nice healthy gum!”

“and... a nice healthy gum.”

it turns out that brain has “taken this idea of the influential smile to a new level - a level no less than world domination“, which is bold words for Mr Tumble Dryer. to achieve this, he has invented

teeth.

(okay. so it’s a bit bigger than that. he shows pinky the plans for,

and then a prototype of, a whole machine built specifically to engineer him little mousie dentures. a lot of work went into this one. shame, really.

“when did you have time to build that?”

“while you were engrossed in your mr belvedere reruns.”

“oh, i miss him. ):” )

anyway so. brain puts his teeth in.

there he is.

pinky describes this as

“enchanting (’:”

and brain affirms that it’s supposed to be. apparently the “reflective vibrations” (okay) of his smile stimulates the medula oblongata,

“causing the viewer to adore me for no good reason!”

“zort! i’m adoring you for no good reason!”

(he does point out, while brain is admiring his reflection in a nearby bunsen burner, “what if they’re wearing sunglasses?”

brain’s response is “we’ll work nights.”)

still, brain can’t just sit around in the lab twiddling his thumbs and expect the general public to Adore Him For No Reason. he needs exposure! and as pinky ponders “what would mr belvedere do,” brain asserts that he would “eat some butter”.

“i’m afraid, my friend, that you’ve seen far too much of mr belvede--”

more like mr belvIDEA lol. sorry i’ll see myself out.

“pinky, are you pondering what i’m pondering?”

“i think so, brain, bur it’s a miracle that this one grew back. ):”

.....okay.

thankfully, the plan is not, in fact, to amputate pinky’s leg. again???? instead, brain intends to use a weapon of “great stealth, power, and corruption.”

OUR OWN SITCOM.

✨

meanwhile, at the wb studio, we meet jerry kilmer. mr kilmer is currently being harassed by some dudes who also really, really want their own sitcom. for far less nefarious purposes, presumably.

“so there’s this guy, right?”

“and get this! he designs--”

“BIKINIS.”

“TINY LITTLE BIKINIS. OKAY okay okay okay so here’s the hook.”

“HE’S PRETENDING--”

“TO BE BLIND.”

it does not appear to be what mr kilmer is looking for.

(meanwhile, the mice are spying on the acme labs janitor. he seems like a cool dude! but the mice are not here for friendship.

they sneak into his jacket pocket!

and...... steal his.... car keys? “YES. to the television station!”

✨

this isn’t even the first vehicle he’s stolen. hopefully he’ll have this one back by curfew as well.)

they do get pulled over by the police, but i don’t want to go into that. unless you guys reaaaallly want me to. instead, they park outside the studio and harass some poor receptionist.

“excuse me. we’re here to-- pitch. as they say. a sitcóm. my dear.”

i don’t know why brain says words like that.

“appointment?”

“oh, i’m sure you can--”

“work us in.” says brain. he is sticking his ass out for no reason. all the appeal is in his sparkly dentures, so.... there’s really no need for that, my dude.

✨

“you’re next! for no good reason!”

these dudes are still here. “wait!” yells our budding comedian, “wait! check out this idea. it’s about a guy!”

original.

“who always sticks his foot in his mouth!!”

clever. unfortunately, his demonstration goes wrong, and he ends up kicking mr kilmer in the face.

bonk.

gives him a nasty black eye to boot. ouch.

“ugh. can’t i ever just see someone normal?”

good thing these very normal individuals have just shown up, huh? nothing shady about these guys. “ugh, thank goodness,” says mr kilmer. they introduce themselves politely as jonathan michael charles (left) and jamal spelling (right).

“you guys have quite a look.”

“thank you.”

✨

“alright then. what do you got for me?”

“egad, brain.”

“he’s not adoring you for no good reason!!”

“drat.”

“well. we’re young hip adults--”

“and hijinks ensue!”

“who sit on a big fat couch and whine--”

“with disaaaasterous results!!”

“and have lots of generation x friends who trade zippy, sarcastic banter.”

“and i have a monkey.”

a very original concept.

at least, mr kilmer sems to think so. “hmmm. fresh. but tell me! what really brings you here. what are jamal and jonathan all about.”

“actually,  we are two lab mice involved in a broad and sweeping plan to take over the world.”

mr kilmer thinks this is hilarious, apparently.

these guys do not. but they’re not important, for the moment.

the long and short of it, anyway, is that kilmer can’t give them a sitcom because nobody knows who they are, quote unquote. “the day i see your face on the cover of peeple magazine is the day you get a sitcom.”

irritated, jamal and jonathan make their exit.

and mr kilmer laughs so hard at the idea of lab mice trying to take over the world, that he falls out of his chair.

this will become relevant later.

meanwhile -- i just had to screencap this, okay, because of brain’s face. pinky suggests that he get on the cover of peeple by marrying prince charles. and brain thinks this is a horrible idea.

he’s much more interested in princess diana. but no, pinky, the path he must follow is “the same one followed by the leading sitcom stars of the day.”

“i must become a SUCCESSFUL STANDUP COMEDIAN.”

“so hey, how about those mitochondria? do they have enough cilia or what?”

“hey, why don’t you tell a joke you know!”

this may be harder than brain thought. undeterred, though, he presses on.

“do you ever notice how when you’re looking in the mirror of a quadrant electrometre, your forehead seems large?? why is that??”

“i just flew in from cleveland! and boy are my upper extremeties fatigued by a buildup of lactic acid!”

“booooooooooooooo!” says our guy on the left.

“go back to your troll village, squirt!” says his friend on the right. “what do you say to that?”

“i find you repugnant.”

(well. that made them laugh, at least.)

“your stupidity is matched only by the ill-slipped caterpillar, that chews off its’ own wings after emerging from its’ cucoon!!!”

“in fact! all of you! are just a gaggle of pathetically misguided root diggers!!”

“why don’t you all stand under a stalactite and bellow the resonate frequency, causing it to plummet onto your cranium!!”

“you’re all repugnant i say!!! repugnant!!!”

and with that little mousie tantrum out of his system, brain trundles off to sulk.

pinky claps him on the way out.

“egad brain! narf! they love you!”

“yes.”

so then he goes on tv, i guess.

“our comedy challenger is the master of insults! the prince of putdowns! jamal spelling!”

“you’re all a bunch of crevulating nitwits with peat moss for a cortex. repugnant!”

i don’t envy that guy third from the right. he doesn’t look like he’s having a very good time. he’s sensitive about his peat moss cranium, okay? don’t make fun of him.

NEXT ON G, HOWIE TURN HOSTS COMEDIAN JAMAL SPELLING.

“so, uh, jamal spelling. what kind of stupid name is that? cmon? what’s your real name?”

this would be racist if jamal spelling was a human man comedian and not like, a lab mouse. thankfully, this is not the case.

“my real name is the brain.” says brain, helpfully enunciating the “the”. “and you, my unwashed friend, are repugnant.”

HA HA. HA HA HA HA HA.

“oh, you’re hot, baby.”

okay.

but we’re, uh. we’re not going to think about that, and we’re going to go look at the david letterman show instead.

“uh, my next guest-- paul, do you know who our next guest is?”

“daaaaave, i know he’s a beautiful kind of-- nutty cat who just got us all a-wow.”

“here he is, ladies and gentlemen! for your comedy dollar, jamal spelling!!”

jamal spelling appears to be naked.

but he’s funny, so nobody minds.

“somebody here smells like a coagulated agar slant growing in a petri dish. repugnant!”

see! he’s just too comedy for clothes.

(meanwhile, we take a short trip to the office of janet mekko. “welcome, mr kilmer,” she says.

“my... secretary sent me here-- actually, i feel kind of stupid.”

“oh, honey. that’s a good thing! if there weren’t any stupid people, i wouldn’t have any business.”

“now. ya got some paaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiiin.”

(in the distance, dan reynolds - at the tender age of eight - mumbles “you made me a, you made me a believer” in his sleep.)

“yeah.” says mr kilmer, completely unaware of this. “i fell out of my chair.”

“i’m gonna hypnotise you, so relax.”

okay.

“this’ll make you sleepy.”

“what is it?”

“a kenny g album.”

“okay. you’re in a trance. i’m gonna give you a random word. if you feel pain, say that word, you’ll feel good.”

“but careful! cause if you say it when you’re feeling good, the pain will come back! bad.”

spooky.

“and your random word is--”

“repugnant.”

there is, of course, absolutely no way this can go wrong.)

let us turn our view to happier pastures. namely, the mice are watching tv.

TONIGHT ON CIRCUS OF THE STARS

HARRY DEAN ANDERSON GETS SHOT OUT OF A GIANT PASTA MAKER

COMEDIAN JAMAL SPELLING FLIES THE TRAPEZE

AND BOB SAGET GETS TRAMPLED BY A BEAR. we hope.

pinky is elated! “egad, brain! circus of the stars! narf! you’ve really made it!”

pinky wants to be on circus of the stars, don’t you know. unfortunately, as he dutifully informs brain in pretty much the same breath, he hasn’t quite made it into peeple magazine yet.

“hm. it’s time to use plan b, pinky.”

“there was an a?? poit.”

ouch. jesus, pinky.

undeterred, brain marches his merry little ass over to the old timey corded phone.

beep.

“yes, connect me with buckinham palace, please.”

“egad! you did it brain! the cover of peeple!”

rule britannia is playing in the background of this scene. let’s... not think too hard about how this works, and agree that, yes, pauly shore, enough.

no more pauly shore, please.

conclusion:

jerry keeps his word, and, upon learning that jamal spelling is now legally married to princess diana (a fact which would certainly not lead to a warrant for his arrest in a couple of years) he asks him for a demo tape.

for such small hands, jamal sure does have very neat handwriting.

“make me laugh, jamal, and you got yourself a sitcom.”

“why don’t you all stand under a stalactite and bellow the resonate frequency, causing it to plummet onto your cranium!!”

he seems to like it! kilmer makes a little hee hee noise, unprepared for where this is undoubtedly going.

“you’re repungnant!”

“AAUGHGHGHHH.”

there it is.

“repugnant!”

“i say repugnant!”

repugnant repugnant repugnant repugnant

repugnant!

and with that, jerry kilmer falls out of the window.

as he does, he yells “i’ll get you, jamal spelling” which personally i think is unfair. jamal couldn’t have known, surely? don’t be mean to jamal. he’s got a lot on his mind, what with that restraining order against howie turn.

meanwhile, in the lab, the mice debate a good pitch for a pilot (i’ve got it, brain! it’s a show about nothing!) when jamal spelling gets a call.

“hi jamal! this is nina from the tv station. could you come down for a meeting?”

“mm hmmm.”

✨

it’s the WB.

as nina types away, jamal and jonathan enter casually, like this is their house, or something. “are you pleased to see us?” asks jamal, in a cocky, egomaniac labmouse sort of way.”

“yes i am!”

(nina somehow doesn’t notice.)

anyway then these guys find the dentures and pitch the first idea that comes into their heads.

“hey cortex! what do you wanna do tonight?”

don’t ask why mouse dentures fit a human man. we suspend our disbelief here.

(also there was no way this was brain’s fault. he couldn’t have known. outside influence it is. a shame, really.)

brain: 7 pinky: 7 outside influence: 14

thanks for the fun meme, @shuunthenonbeliever​ !

[caroline18mars]

A Man On Fire - Chapter 67

So this wasn't some joke, he was gone and not coming back? I don't..get it, ok so what do I do? I've made reservations now..fine ok, I'll paint some more and then go to dinner by myself..what a loser am I? I just got stood up in my own apartment. She brushed an angry tear away, what am I to do with his birthday present now? I don't like my life, I just don't like it anymore, what life Harper? What kind of life did you have so far? One full of trouble, rebelled against my parents, rebelled against my upbringing, rebelled against men and where are you now? What do you have to show for? Some paintings that nobody out there is waiting for? She plopped down on the floor and let her emotions run free, that stupid fuck had put her in a rollercoaster and her cart was running off the track, the track she had gotten back on running from him. Him coming back to NY just wasn't healthy, and what a cow she had been letting him closer again, close enough for him to start manipulating again and you just let him. Jared was in the cab, his heart hammering, this was so messed up, he was such a prick to up and leave like that, she wouldn't understand, if he even had another chance with her, it was now completely blown. Wash off the day, it was all she could do, don't spend another hour here all by yourself, not today, just go out and walk in the snow, let all the memories of these last two days freeze out of your system. Shivering she stepped from under the hot water and quickly dried so she could get this stupid brace back on, painting all afternoon had put too much strain on her wrist again. Ok, what dress? The place I'm going to on my own now Mr. Stupid Rockstar has ditched me, definitely requires a smart dress..but what about shoes? I can't go walking in the snow with stilettos..ok sneakers and take a bigger handbag to put the stiletto's in, you've already strained your wrist, you're not gonna fuck up your feet too. And whatever you do, do not, I repeat DO NOT feel alone, or abandoned or dumped, you can do this, if this is gonna be your life from now on, then so be it, how many times do you need to be told that you've done things on your own most of your life, so why not now? She talked to herself in the mirror as she got dressed, he bought me this dress..NO, don't you dare, you're not gonna feel sorry for yourself.

An hour later, she stepped back out all dolled up in the cold and on a slippery pavement, ugghhhh, maybe better take a cab? She looked around but there was one parked right in front of her, no light on, ok that was definitely hired already, gently she started walking when she heard someone whistle at her. The cabbie waved at her “need a ride? I saw you looking around?” he grinned at her, ploughing through snow , “I do..” she slowly walked to the curb where he held open the door for her, weird cabbie, please don't let it be some crazy loon or worse a serial killer. “Where to?” he looked at her in the rear view mirror, “Estela please? It's in Soho” she said as she put her key back in her purse, “that's gotta be one loaded guy if he's taking you there” the car mingled with the traffic, could you stop looking at me and watch the road instead?. “It's just me” why did she even say that? I don't want to share anything with this guy, “what? No way, a mighty fine lady like you dining all by herself? That's fucked up” just drive, will you? She nervously straightened the skirt of her dress and ignored him by looking out of the window. They had been driving for half an hour with the endless banter of the cabbie before she checked where she was “wait a minute, I think you're going the wrong way” she frowned, “nahh, I'm just taking a shortcut, we'll be there in 5 minutes” ok wiseguy if you say so, I'm just not paying the extra miles if that's what you're after. Five minutes later he stopped in front of a building that was not even close to the restaurant “I'm sorry, I just got the message that the road is blocked up ahead, you'll need to get out here, my shift is over, I'll call my colleague who'll come and pick you up” he pushed a few buttons on the dashboard and a brief conversation later he turned around to her “you can wait here in the lobby, he'll come and pick you up in a few minutes” he pointed at the hotel they were standing in front of, what? What the actual fuck? “no charge of course! Enjoy your evening”.  Just get out Harper, what a nutcase is this? She got out of the cab and hopped over to the entrance, anything was better than standing out here in the cold, she pushed through the revolving door and looked around her, “excuse me Miss, we got the message you're waiting for another cab? Will you please just follow me? The cab is already waiting on the other side of the hotel, this road is completely blocked” a bellboy invited her to follow him. “Yes, the cabbie told me the same thing, this is not even close to Soho, is it?” she quizzically raised an eyebrow at him, “oh no, it's not..please” he held open a door for her. Just as she walked in, all the lights were dimmed suddenly, turning wherever she was to pitch black, “Oh” she breathed nervously, but then the lights shot back on again.

”HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!” a wall of excited screams and cheers thundered out to her and she froze on the spot as she blinked against the blinding light, her heart pounding in her throat. “Happy birthday sweetheart” Charles walked up to her with his arms wide open and pulled her in for a hug, “Charles..but it's not my birthday, you got it all wrong” she stammered still in shock but he just smiled mysteriously when he let go of her to help her take off her coat. “Happy birthday Harper” Jared doomed up behind him while the party behind them burst into full swing “but..I don't understand” had everyone here lost their marbles?. “I felt bad for not being there on your birthday so I wanted to surprise you, Charles organized it all, the cab, this party..” he put his arms around her but then let go again “all I had to do was buy you this..”. Charles gave him a box that he handed to her “open it!” he gave her a sweet nudge, just open it so I can hold you again, Harper gently opened the box that held another box with a name on it that made her gasp “You didn't..oh my god, the Dior bag..you remembered that?” all the stress and adrenalin translated in tears when she pulled out the bag she had been drooling over so many times. “I take it you like it?” he grinned as she put her arms around his neck for a hug, “I love it” she whispered almost breathless “I'm just..this is all so..unexpected”, he could actually feel her shaking “and I love you”. If she was shaking before, those 3 words made her freeze on the spot, but he didn't regret saying it, this was his heart taking over, his brain had left the building a couple of days ago, slowly she let go of him with a huge blush across her cheeks, she didn't say anything back, she just smiled uncomfortably. Change the subject, this is getting too heavy and I'm not ready for things to be awkward between us again, we had a lovely couple of days, so let's keep them lovely “this is not a present anymore, Jay..it's too much..”. What am I saying? A gift is a gift, I don't even want to give it back “no, it's not..it's given with all my heart” too much again, Jared, too much, please keep this nice and light “thank you, I'll cherish it always” she whispered in his ear before she pushed a kiss on his cheek and hurried to the nearest mirror to check herself out with her brand new bag, amusing both men but one of them's eyes had little hearts dancing in them.

”This party is just crazy” she shouted at him over the music as she left the dancefloor to get herself a drink, “it is” he followed her like a puppy “if you don't want to be too hungover tomorrow, we should go and have something to eat” he pointed at the buffet that had just opened, he just wanted to sit somewhere with her, just the two of them. “God yes! I'm starving! Let's go” she took his hand and dragged him to the buffet where they filled up a plate and he guided her towards a quiet spot “ah some peace and quiet” he sighed happily as he sat down. “You're really getting old Jared, and I was hoping for some more dancing later on” she grinned as she put a potato in her mouth, “I'm perfectly happy sitting here with you, I don't care if you think I'm old, I think I've proven on more than one occassion that I can still keep up with young people”. Somehow she got a little annoyed hearing him say that “that you did..your physical escapades with whats-her-face and some other chicks sure proved that..I still haven't recovered” gone was her appetite, getting lost in her thoughts she pushed her food around her plate. It felt like he had kicked himself in the stomach seeing her upset again, those last couple of days they had been able to diplomatically dance around their break-up, growing a little closer again with every minute, only to find themselves on opposite sides of the spectrum again. “Harper..I..I'm sorry..I didn't mean..” he couldn't find the words right away, “don't matter, Jared, it's done with, nothing either of us can do or say to make it better” she quickly pushed some more food in her mouth to stop herself from turning this into another drama or fight. 

Is that what 'we' are to you? Over and done with? How many times had he felt his heart break over this? More than he could count, I want to make it better Harper, more than anything. “So, is time our only friend then? Is there nothing I can say or do?” he blurted it out before he got too much time to think again, “I..I don't know Jared..when you..what you did was so..I was completely gutted, like you had ripped my chest open and yanked out my heart with your bare hands..the first weeks I could barely breathe, in the beginning when we started dating I knew it wasn't gonna be challenging knowing that with your popularity there would always be women hanging around you, but somehow you got me trusting you..I gave myself to you heart and soul..and look where we are now” she put her fork down and leaned back in her chair to look him straight in the eye. “I can't go through that agony again..I won't..”, in his eyes glared an infinite sadness when he kept looking at her without saying anything. “Hello beautiful” Nathan's voice blew up their little intimate bubble of sadness, “oh Nathan, hi” her head shot up, “a late happy birthday, now don't make me sing because there are people who are better at that than me” he grinned at Jared. “Oh..I'm not interrupting something, am I?” Nathan picked up on the tension between them, yes you are you prick, just leave, I really need to be alone with her right now. “Uhm, we were just talking..” Harper was trying to snap back to reality, “do you have a moment, I got you a little present, it's in my jacket, wanna come and open it?” he pointed at the other side of the room. “Ok..” Harper got up reluctantly, she had to zip up the raw, open wound of heartache in a split second, this was none of Nathan's business anyway “lead the way” she mumbled, feeling bad for Jared all of a sudden. Jared watched her walk off and banged his fist on the table in frustration, his frustration wasn't about what she said, because she was right, he had done what he had done, but it was the fact that she was giving up, the hurt was too real and raw for her, and she was moving on which was the hardest  part, watching her frolic with that fucker was almost too much to take.

[zarcake-writes]

Secrets and Wishful Thinking

Hello everyone! I took so long to come up with a title and I still don’t like it. Anyways, here is the first part of my oc Kit’s story. I’m so excited and I hope you all enjoy it. Also, I hc that Arthur is bisexual, so he’s gonna be bi in this fic. 

Tagging: @reddeaddenial 

Part 1

Arthur Morgan grumbled to himself when he saw how low the food supply was in camp. It felt like he was the only one doing anything lately. He was going out hunting, running stupid missions for everyone, donating money, saving idiots from death. Hell, he even had to chop wood the other day because no one else would.

Turning from Pearson, Arthur looked around the camp. Horseshoe Overlook was quiet for the moment. The camp was situated off the main road among some trees; it was quiet and hidden. It was just the type of place everyone needed after the horrible time spent in the mountains. The sun felt good on his skin, and the cool air made Arthur feel alive.

He frowned when looked around the camp for someone suitable to accompany him on a hunting trip. Lenny was out with Micah, poor kid. Charles was busy making arrows and had guard duty later. John was… was useless at the moment. Hosea was still “recovering” from the bear hunt. Dutch couldn’t leave camp. Arthur almost gave up until his eyes rested on Kit, the newest member of their gang and no doubt the quietest.

The kid joined up with them just before all hell broke loose in Blackwater. Hosea had brought him into the gang, claiming he was a good thief. Kit was quiet and short, shorter than Javier. He had a baby face, which he usually kept hidden beneath the brim of his hat. There wasn’t anything special about him. He did as he was told, helped out around camp when no one else would, and kept to himself. The only people who regularly spoke with him was Miss. Grimshaw, Karen, Hosea, and Charles.

When Arthur first saw him, he thought the kid would be dead in a week. But here he was, still alive. He had lived through them fleeing Blackwater, helped fight off the law and Pinkertons who were hunting them, and even survived all that snow. In the mountains, Kit not only gave his heaviest jacket to little Jack but was also one of the reasons the gang didn’t starve.

He was one of the best hunters in the camp, right after Charles. He helped make sure the camp had food, whether it was rabbits or deer. The pelts he brought back were always perfect, and always worth something. It was when the gang was hiding in Colter that Arthur learned of the game Charles and Kit played.

“You gonna tell Kit you caught these two, Charles? Or let him think he’s the better hunter?” Pearson asked Charles.  

“Kit is an accomplished hunter, there is no need for me to lie to him. However, it will be funny seeing his reaction. Oh, there he is. Arthur, play along.” Before Arthur could even react, Charles was calling Kit over. “Hey Kit! Come here!”

Kit was in the middle of walking pass them when Charles yelled his name. He looked over to the men and frowned, there was a dusting of snow on his hat and shoulders. For a moment, it looked like he was going to ignore them, but after a sigh, he made his way towards them. The jacket he wore nearly covered his whole body, making him look smaller than he was. When he saw the deer, he gave Charles a suspicious look.

“Like my catch?” Charles asked. Arthur saw what looked like a smirk on Charles’ face. Pearson was doing his best to hide his face, and Arthur found the burning coals in front of him to be very interesting.

“You caught these? Bullshit. Your hand is hurt.”

“A skilled hunter doesn’t need both his hands.” Kit narrowed his eyes at Charles, then glanced at the other two men. Pearson was looking away, but Arthur made the mistake of meeting Kit’s eyes. Arthur’s face must have said it all because Kit let out a noise and hit Charles.

“Oh, you liar, playing me like that. This doesn’t count, you know? You didn’t kill them, Arthur did. Didn’t he?” Charles and Pearson let out soft laughs, and Arthur smiled at how perceptive Kit was.

“Yeah, Arthur killed them. Not bad, huh?” Charles said. Kit squatted down to examine the carcass on the floor.

“Not bad at all. Maybe we should invite him into our game. What do you think Charles?”

“Game? What game?” Arthur asked.

“It’s something Kit and I do. We try to outdo the other when we go hunting. Responsibly, of course,” Charles explained.

“One day he’ll bring in a buffalo, then next I’ll bring in a moose,” Kit said.

“You’ve never killed a moose.”

“Well, not yet I haven’t.”

“Oh, I’m not much of a hunter,” Arthur said. Charles and Kit turned their attention back to Arthur.

“So, you got lucky with these two then? Well, I suppose you should leave the hunting to the real hunters then,” Kit said. The challenging look on Kit’s face caught Arthur off guard. He was so used to Kit rarely speaking and barely looking him in the eyes. Arthur found he rather liked that cocky look on Kit’s face, for some reason he wanted to see it more. Especially if it meant he could see Kit smirk at him again.

“I think I’ll join this game of yours. Better get ready for an ass-kicking, Kit,” Arthur said.

“Only ass getting kicked around here is yours, Mr. Morgan,” Kit replied. That smirk remained on his face, and Arthur couldn’t help but grow warm the longer he looked at Kit.

That had been several weeks ago. Now, at Horseshoe Overlook, Arthur was eager to see just how good of a hunter Kit was. The thought of putting that boy in his place made Arthur march over to where the young man was resting against a tree.

Since arriving at the new camp, Kit hasn’t gotten the chance to leave. He’s been on guard duty most days, or he’s spent his time doing the chores no one else wanted to do. No doubt he was itching to get out of camp.

Walking towards Kit, Arthur noticed he really was asleep. His head was down, the hat he claimed was lucky covered his face, and the old brown jacket he always wore was open slightly. His black shirt was buttoned up to his neck, but Arthur could see the slow rise and fall of his chest. His rifle was resting on the ground beside him.

“Kit! Kit! Get your lazy ass up!” Arthur said as he kicked the bottom of his foot. Kit jumped and let out a startled noise that sounded like a yelp.

“What the fuck? Micah, I’m gonna fucking ki- Oh! Mr. Morgan.”

Arthur couldn’t help but smirk at how nervous he suddenly became. He was ready to fight Micah, the biggest asshole in the gang, but when it came to Arthur the kid was all nerves. Arthur didn’t know if he should be flattered, or insulted at how nervous the kid was around him.

“I’m up, Mr. Morgan.” Kit stood up quickly. He hung his rifle over his shoulder and buttoned up his jacket.

Arthur examined the young man’s face. Soft features and warm, nervous eyes. His black hair was wavy and shoulder length. Kit usually kept it hidden beneath his hat. The few times Arthur saw it, he would only slick it back with pomade and put the hat in place.

He was so much shorter than Arthur, even shorter than a couple of the women. The tattered brown jacket he always wore covered most of his body from being seen. It was several sizes too big and had a discolored patch on the back.

“You are now. Come on, I need someone to go hunting with me.”

“Ah, eager to see how good I really am?” Kit said with a grin. The nervousness was gone and the cocky attitude, again, took Arthur by surprise. He was tempted to smack it out of Kit, but he wanted to see just how good this kid was.

“If Charles says you’re a good hunter, then I believe him. The camp needs food, and I figured if two people go out, we can catch more. I would ask Charles, but he’s busy at the moment.”

“Course I’ll go; we got to feed all these people. Where are we heading? What are we hunting?”

“I was thinking just deer, but Pearson was complaining that people want variety. So, I suppose some rabbits would be good to add.”

“If we’re gonna get rabbits, let me grab my varmint rifle.” Arthur followed Kit to his small tent and waited for him outside.

When Kit joined the gang, he showed up with the tent. It made Arthur wonder just how long the kid had been on his own. Arthur glanced inside but was only able to glimpse a small cot before the covering fell in place. Kit exited a moment later, a small rifle in his hands.

“You know where to go for rabbits and deer?”

“Was thinking around Valentine.”  

“Sounds good. Lead the way.”

The ride started off quiet. Arthur was lost in thought and enjoying the ride. The country around them was beautiful. The wide blue sky above them, the warm sun beating down, and the open land before them set Arthur at ease. He was looking out for any animals or trouble when Kit spoke.

“I take it you don’t trust what Charles says about me?” Arthur glanced at him and let out a dry laugh.

“I trust him. But, no offense kid, you don’t look like you would be a good hunter, or good at anything really. If I hadn’t seen you use that rifle of yours, I wouldn’t believe anyone who said you were good with it.” Glancing back at the kid, Arthur saw he was giving him an unamused look. He wanted to laugh at how insulted the kid looked, but that would only further piss the boy off.

“Thanks for the show of faith, Mr. Morgan,” Kit said dryly.

“Don’t take it the wrong way kid, but look at you. You’re small and you don’t talk much. Shit, sometimes I forget you’re even part of the gang. You ain't even got any facial hair."

“What about Charles? He barely talks.”

“Yeah, but that man is huge. You see him when he walks in a room. You ain’t got any facial hair, and you don’t have the deepest voice. You… well, you look like a kid wearing daddy’s clothes.”

There was no reply to Arthur’s comment, only silence. Glancing at Kit, Arthur saw his head was bowed so his hat covered his face. Realizing he might have taken his joke too far, Arthur felt bad. It wasn’t something he was used to feeling, but it happened occasionally.

“Oh, don’t get so sour kid. I was just playing.”

“I’m sure you were.”

Kit urged his horse to move faster and took the lead, leaving Arthur to chase after the kid.

Several hours later and the two were heading back to camp. Their hunt was successful. Between the two of them, they had caught two deer, a turkey, and a rabbit. Arthur regretted doubting Kit. He was a skilled tracker; his eyes were sharp and he seemed to know where the animals would be. He could move through the brush quietly, which was a surprise for Arthur, who felt like he was stomping loudly everywhere he went.

Kit was just as skilled as Charles when it came to using the bow. Arthur found himself fumbling with his own bow at times, while Kit made it look easy. Each of Kit’s kills was clean and quick, leaving the carcass hardly damaged. At the end of the day, Arthur regretted agreeing to play Charles’s and Kit’s game, there was no way he would be able to beat either of them. Well, he did have that map of legendary animals, maybe those will help him win.

“Hey Kit?” Arthur began.

“Yeah?”

“I didn’t mean to insult you earlier, I was just playing. And I’m sorry for doubting you kid. You’re a good hunter.”

“Thanks, Mr. Morgan. You’re not too bad either. A bit stiff and you tend to stomp around, but not bad.”

“Jeez, you heard that?”

“Everything heard you, Mr. Morgan. It’s why we had to head a bit further north.” Kit laughed. Arthur joined him and nodded his head in agreement. He glanced at Kit and saw he was smiling at him. It was a small smile, just the corners of his mouth were turned up. Arthur looked away and back towards the road.

They both grew silent. The sun was setting and the air was growing colder. Arthur rolled down the sleeves of his shirt and wished he had brought a jacket. As they continued to ride on in silence, the sun was beginning to set. There was the faint chirping of crickets, and the sound of an owl hooting in the distance.

Arthur couldn’t help but glance at his companion. There was a peaceful look on Kit’s face, and for once his hat wasn’t hiding his face. Kit was looking up towards the sky, a small smile graced his features. His eyes were dark, but Arthur could have sworn there was a hint of green in them earlier. Arthur’s gaze traveled back down to Kit’s mouth. His lips were slightly parted now, and he was still focused on the darkening sky above them.

“Where did you learn to track and hunt?” Arthur asked. He was quick to look away from Kit, and he prayed the blush on his face wasn’t visible.

“I kind of taught myself. Failure is a wonderful teacher.”

“It is. Why did you start?” Arthur glanced at Kit when he let out a long sigh. The smile on his face was gone now, and he looked sad.

“My pa was a hard-working man, but he enjoyed drinking. There were times he would vanish for a few days and we would run out of food. So, one day, I stole a bow or tried too. I got caught by the man, but he felt bad for me. Think he saw how skinny I was. He gave me some tips and sent me on my way. It took some time, but I managed to get the hang of it.”

“Survival drove you, then.”

“Yeah. For myself and my siblings. My older sister was busy taking care of my younger sister and managing the house. Our wonderful mother ran out on us after my youngest sister was born. Think that drove my pa to drink more. I had to do something to put food on the table. But my sister and I learned really quick that food wasn’t all we needed. We needed money, and with our dad drinking all his money away, we had few options. She could become a whore or I could start stealing. I decided to steal and rob didn’t want to put my sister through that.”

“That’s admirable of you.”

“Nothing admirable about it, Arthur. They’re my sisters. I would die for them.”

“Still. I know men who would sell their sisters instead of doing something themselves.”

“Well, it’s not like I was working an honorable job. I robbed drunks and started breaking into homes. Soon, I was a rather accomplished thief. I never liked stealing from people though, but I had to help my sisters out somehow. Hell, I’m still helping them out.”

“Even your father?”

“Nah, he died a few years back. Pneumonia. Just doing what I can to help my sisters.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. By the time he died, he had stopped drinking so much and was much more helpful. His death was hard on us, but watching him die was harder. This jacket is all I have left of him. Some debtors came through after he died and took almost everything of value. I was so angry and my sisters were so scared. I started stealing and robbing more after that.”

“That’s when you met Hosea?”

“A little after that. The gang I used to steal with started getting bigger ideas and wanted to rob from hard working people. I only robbed assholes or people who could spare losing the money. I headed to Blackwater and sent my sister’s further west.”

“How did you meet Hosea again?” Arthur couldn’t hide the smile on his face.

“Oh gosh. You know the true story.” Kit waved his hand dismissively, but there was a smile on his face again.

“Do I?”

“Yes. We were robbing the same target and happened to bump into each other while we were sneaking through the house. That’s all. There was no dancing, swapping clothes, or impersonations. I didn’t play his long-lost son, and he didn’t fake an illness. Hosea has a tendency to embellish his stories.” Arthur let out a laugh and Kit couldn’t help but join in.

“That he does.”

A comfortable silence fell between them once again. Arthur had to admit, he didn’t expect to enjoy his time with Kit. Yeah, the boy was quiet and always seemed nervous, but once he got used to Arthur he seemed to open up. Arthur glanced back at him once more. He was looking straight ahead this time, that small smile was back on his face.

When they arrived back to camp, the sun had almost fully set and the camp was winding down. Arthur carried the deer’s while Kit grabbed the turkey and rabbit. The boy might be a good hunter, but he struggled to lift the carcasses. It concerned Arthur that the boy was so weak. He wondered if he needed to eat more.

“You do know this doesn’t count, right?” Kit said.

“Count for what?”

“The game. You need to go hunting alone for it to count.”

“I know that. Charles told me,” Arthur said. Kit let out a hum and nodded his head.

“Now that we have food, do you need help with anything else, Arthur?”

“Not now. I have to collect some money for Strauss. Might do that tomorrow or the day after. You ever been collecting?”

“Nope. You sure I’ll be of help? I’m not very scary looking.” Kit gestured to all of himself. He was right, he wasn’t very scary.

“No, you are not. But I’ll show you how to appear scary. I’m sure we can add some makeup or something to your face.”

“Maybe Micah can pass some of his ugly onto me, that will be a good start.” Arthur let out a loud laugh and grabbed a beer from Pearson’s wagon. He handed one to Kit and motioned for him to follow him to the cliff along the side of the camp.

“We want you scary, not ugly.”

“Yeah. Well, you’ll have to teach me to be scary then Arthur.”

“Gladly Kit.”

The two stood there in silence and drank their beers. Kit was the first to sit, his legs dangled over the edge. After a moment, Arthur followed suit. He noticed how much longer his own legs were compared to Kit’s. He didn’t say anything, he simply glanced at the young man beside him, then continued to admire the view.

The world around them continued to darken and the moon rose. The sounds of Javier’s guitar and Karen’s singing drifted over towards them. There were laughs and stories being told further in camp, but for the moment Arthur and Kit weren’t interested. They sat on the edge of the cliff together, drinking their beers and enjoying the quiet night.

[hamilton-one-shots]

Hamilton High School AU 86

But he couldn't do it. "No way. You want him, you can get him yourself. I'm not doing your dirty work, creep."

He scoffed. "What? So you're just going to share that little twink? You like knowing he's taking dick from someone else?"

Thomas grabbed his collar. "Don't you fucking talk about him like that."

"Okay, I'm sorry."

He tutted and threw him down. This guy may have talked big, but he was just a wimp, picking on those smaller than him just because he could. "You're fucking pathetic." He turned and walked away, feeling his glare on his back. He didn't care. Thomas was used to people hating him. At least now, it was because he was doing good.

Charles Lee tutted and picked himself up, dusting himself off. This was a setback. He thought that this guy was going to see things his way for sure. It made things harder, but oh well. The harder the challenge, the better the reward.

Thomas kept walking around until it was time for class again, sitting near everyone, except for John, of course, he had a different class. He leaned towards Lafayette and tapped his shoulder.

"Hey, man.. I just wanted to say again that I'm really sorry about how I treated you. All of you." Naturally, he'd gotten Alexander and Hercules's attentions as well.

"I just.. I realize how much of a jerk I was and I feel awful every time I get reminded."

"I'm sure you do." Lafayette stated coldly.

Thomas furrowed his eyebrows. "I do.. I mean it, Laf."

He just nodded and faced the front of the room. "Class is starting."

Thomas furrowed his eyebrows, but paid attention as class began.

After class, he caught Lafayette alone, while Hercules was going to take a make up test and Alexander went to find John.

"Did I do something?"

"Did you?"

"Laf, I really don't know why you're mad at me right now."

Lafayette stopped walking and sighed, turning to face Thomas again. "So, you're just going to deny selling out my brother to Charles Lee?"

Thomas furrowed his eyebrows. "What?.. What are you talking about?"

He rolled his eyes. "Don't play dumb with me, I'm not stupid. I saw you talking to Charles Lee. I heard him talking about you wanting him gone, you wanting Alexander gone so you could have John all for yourself. I'll give you a chance to tell them yourself, but if you think you can just-"

"I didn't sell him out."

"Oh, right, so I just heard someone else that looks exactly like you. I'm not stupid."

Thomas sighed. "I know that. I didn't sell him out. I told Lee I wasn't going to do it. I'll admit, it sounded like a sweet offer, but I wouldn't do that. Alexander makes John happy. All I want is to make him happy. I don't care how I feel about Alexander, the second I remembered that, I couldn't think of saying yes."

Lafayette's expression softened as he realized his mistake. "You mean that.. I'm sorry. I should've asked you before I just jumped to conclusions like that."

Thomas smiled a bit. "It's fine, I get it. I was afraid I was going to for a second there. But I won't, no way."

"Good." Lafayette smiled.

"Are we cool?"

"We are."

They shook hands and parted ways, both with a newfound respect for each other. Lafayette was beyond glad that Thomas was changing and Thomas found it refreshing to see this more human side of Lafayette. It was nice to see him making a mistake, too.

He found John outside of the school, talking a bit with Alexander, and smiled. "Hey, sunshine. Ready to go?"

John glanced over and smiled, kissing Alexander's cheek before watching him leave with Lafayette. "Yeah, I'm ready."

"Great. Let's just get Lucy, then we can go."

John nodded and followed him to his car, getting in the passenger's seat and going to the preschool with Thomas.

When they got there, he parked in front of the school, waiting in the nonexistent line. "They haven't let out yet, but if I go and drop you off, then come back, the line would be massive."

"No, I get it."

"Good." Thomas smiled and kept the radio low. "So.. How are you feeling about that Lee guy being here? Do you want me to get him expelled?"

John thought for a second before shaking his head. "It's not my choice to make. Ask Alexander about it, see what he thinks." After all, Charles Lee was his bully and he didn't want to make it seem like Alexander couldn't stand up for himself.

"You know what he'll say if I ask. You know he won't take any help from me.."

John paused for a second before responding. "Right... I don't know.. I'll talk to him about this."

"Alright.." He nodded and sighed, the car going quiet for a minute before Thomas put his hand on John's knee.

"Not now.."

"I wasn't planning on doing anything, don't worry babe." He leaned over and kissed his cheek, feeling him relax a bit.

"Sorry.. I'm just worried for Alex.."

"Don't be sorry. You didn't do a thing."

John smiled and put his hand over Thomas's, letting it stay where it was.

When the bell rang and the kids started coming out, Lucy was among those in the front, beaming as she saw John in the front seat of the car. Thomas opened the back door for her and she practically flew between the seats again, wrapping her arms tightly around John's neck.

"Johnny!"

John smiled at that, his breathing perfectly fine, and pried her off, hugging her normally. "Hi, Lucy. I missed you, too this past week."

"Why were you gone?" she asked with a whiny tone, her face pressed against his shoulder.

"I was having some time with Alexander. I'm sorry, princess. I promise I'll get to see you all week."

"Yay!" That seemed to easily fix whatever grudge she had against John and she let Thomas pluck her off and put her back into her car seat, buckling her in before getting into the front seat himself and beginning to drive off.

The entire drive home, Lucy talked to John nonstop about her previous week, making sure not to leave out any details, and he listened to every bit of it, nodding along and reacting where it was appropriate, until he received a phone call from an unknown number. He furrowed his eyebrows a bit. "Lucy, can you hold that thought for a second, please? I'm getting a phone call."

"Aww... Okay..." she reluctantly agreed.

"Thanks, sweetie." John smiled and answered the call. "Hello?.."

"Hey, Jack. It's Martha. Don't worry, I'm at a friend's house, using their phone."

"Hey, Martha." He smiled widely. "What's up?"

"Um... You have to talk to the boys. They've been... changing a bit and it's freaking them out.."

"Oh.." It didn't surprise him too much. He and Martha both started puberty at around 10 years old. But... It seemed so soon...

"Yeah.. And I don't know how to explain it to them.. I'm sorry, I've been on every website there is and I've tried to give them the talk, but I can't. I don't know what I'm talking about and it's just so awkward and... You know dad won't do it." He made John give Martha the talk when it was her time and John had to figure out for himself why his body was changing.

"What are you suggesting I do?.."

"I'm not asking you to come over. Not after last time.. But we're all over here because dad's friends are over at the house having a poker night," John felt his stomach twist, "and I was hoping that maybe you could face time and talk to them?.."

John hardly had to think about that. "Yeah, of course. I'm on my way home, but I'll call you in, maybe half an hour? Just to give myself a little time to prepare, you know?"

"Yeah, sure. Thank you and I'm sorry."

"Don't be. It's fine. Call back in half an hour."

"Will do. Bye."

"Bye." He hung up and sighed, glancing outside and seeing that they were at the building, just about to park.

"Everything alright?" Thomas asked.

"Yeah, just my brothers.. They're, you know, changing and Martha wants me to talk to them."

"Oh.. Isn't it a little early?"

"No, this is about when I started. It's normal."

"Why are they changing?" Lucy piped up from the backseat.

John got out of the car, letting Thomas handle this.

"Um.. Let's get you inside, then we can talk about this."

"Okay."

All three made their way into Thomas and Lucy's apartment and sat in the living room, Thomas thinking for a few seconds before turning to his curious little sister.

"You know how me and Johnny look different from the guys in your class? How we're taller and I have hair on my face and on my arms and legs where he doesn't?"

"And your voices are lower?"

"Exactly." He smiled. "Well, when they're about 12 years old, maybe a little older or a little younger, they'll start to change to look like us and.. other things. Like they'll go more girl crazy, or boy crazy, like me," John rolled his eyes and chuckled, "and they'll probably want to be even weirder to get attention from the girls, or boys. It's called puberty and everyone goes through it, but it's different for girls."

"How?"

"Um..." Okay, Thomas was a very sex positive person and was very okay with the idea of letting his little sister know about these kinds of things, even if she wasn't going to be allowed to date until it didn't matter anymore, but... "I don't really know much about that one. Maybe Johnny can talk to you?.." After all, he did give Martha the same talk.

"Sure I can." He paused for a second. "You know, I'm going to talk to my little brothers and sister about this. Why don't I just tell you all at the same time?"

She nodded. "That makes sense."

"Good. In the meantime, what do you usually do after school?"

"I get a snack and do my homework." She hopped off of the couch and went into the kitchen.

Thomas sighed. "I don't know how you do it... Talking to kids is hard..."

"It's not that hard for me. They're just like us, but smaller and they just haven't learned certain things about life. I'm just teaching them, you know?"

Thomas nodded. "You're really going into your element, teaching little kids."

John smiled. "Yeah.."

Lucy came back with an apple and a juice box, placing them on the table before reaching into her backpack and pulling out her homework. She stood up at the table and began working on it, mumbling to herself and occasionally asking Thomas for help.

He helped her get to the answer, rather than just give her the answer, which she didn't seem to like, but she let it be.

John just smiled and watched, not wanting to interrupt the harmony of the routine by interrupting Thomas or stealing Lucy's attention.

About a minute or so after she finished her homework, John got the phone call. He accepted the face time and beamed as he saw his little brothers and sisters there, all sitting in a line.

[jacobssibling3]

The Ball ft. MC x Charlie

“And one, two, three, one, two, three, one, two three-” Andre and Penny carefully surveyed their friends with matching looks of disappointment. It seemed teaching their fellow fifth years to waltz was going to be a bigger challenge than they had anticipated.

“Ow! That’s my foot, Charles!” Everyone turned to see both Tulip and Charlie’s faces turn as red as their hair.

“Tulip, I- I didn’t mean to-” Charlie frantically apologized when Andre and Penny shared a look and mutually decided to end the lesson for the day.

Half an hour later, the group congregated in the Clocktower Courtyard, excitedly discussing the impending ball.

“I need to know what each of you is wearing.” Andre asserted.

“Why?”

“I have to make sure my outfit is going to be overshadowed!”

“As if that’s even a possibility!” Anya nudged Andre and the group shared a chuckle.

“Speaking of the ball, are you any of you planning on asking anyone?” Penny looked around with a mischievous look in her eyes. In that moment, the teens split into two groups: those who genuinely hadn’t considered asking anyone and those who wouldn’t say because their intended dates were within the same group. “Really? None of you?”

Tulip took this opportunity to extract her revenge in honor of her bruised foot. “Not even you, Charlie?”

“There’s a girl you want to ask, Charlie? Tell us!” Barnaby, completely oblivious to Charlie’s discomfort, prodded.

“No- there’s no girl. Or person. I was- I was just going to go alone.” Charlie’s lies went unnoticed by all but a couple in the group.

“Me too. I bet the ball will be more fun without having to worry about a date anyway.” Tonks chimed in.

“So then it’s settled.” Tulip continued, attracting the attention of her friends. “None of us will get dates. And…” she smirked, “if anyone DOES get a date, they don’t get to hang out with the rest of us at the ball.”

“Wait-” Barnaby started.

“What’s up, Barnaby? Who did you want to ask?” Tulip’s question silenced Barnaby. “So it’s settled then.” You should’ve been careful not to trod on my foot, Weasley, Tulip mused.

-

“You’re the worst.” The Ravenclaw girls finally returned to their dorm when Anya turned on Tulip.

“What did I do now?” Tulip lazily flopped onto her bed.

“You knew I was going to ask him to the ball!” Anya threw a pillow at her roommate and friend.

“Anya DID tell us that a few days ago.” Rowan spoke up.

“Well, now you don’t have to worry about it! It’s a win-win.”

“How do I win in this situation?” Anya demanded.

“You don’t have to worry about how and when you’ll ask him or if he’ll say yes. You can just enjoy the ball! And how likely was it you would even have the guts to ask him?” Tulip’s comments shut Anya up, at least for the time being.

-

The day of the ball, the boys were getting dressed under Andre’s supervision, letting him fix their appearances as he deemed necessary.

“Ben, we’ve got to do something about that hair. Come with me.” Andre escorted Ben out of the room.

“What’s wrong with my hair?” The door closed behind them, leaving Charlie and Barnaby.

“Did you have someone you wanted to ask, like Tulip said?” Barnaby asked while he adjusted his tie.

“Erm- I guess I did.” Charlie internally begged Barnaby to end the conversation.

“Oh, thank God! Me too!” Barnaby turned to Charlie with a big smile. “And I would’ve said something to Tulip but she was THERE… and I didn’t want her to hear.”

Charlie’s mind began working rapidly. It was a relief to hear he wasn’t the only one who wasn’t exactly happy with the date ban- but which girl was Barnaby talking about? There was just Tulip, Tonks, Rowan, Penny… and Anya. Blimey, please don’t let it be Anya, Charlie silently begged.

“Y’know Charlie, I feel a lot better knowing I’m not alone! Who knows, maybe we can dance with them tonight!” Barnaby said, totally ignorant to the cogs turning through his friend’s mind.

-

As the girls entered the Great Hall, they shared a quiet gasp. Gone were the long tables that took up most of the room, replaced by a stage, ample place for dancing, and smaller, circular tables off to the sides. Anya looked around quickly, “Where are the boys?”, as the boys walked into the Great Hall right behind them.

“Let’s see how you girls did.” Upon hearing Andre’s voice, they each turned around and found themselves face to face with their friends. “Very nice… I’m especially impressed with you, Tulip.”

Tulip burned red, “My parents sent it. If I had a potato sack, I’d wear that instead.” Tulip shifted uncomfortably in her expensive blue gown while the lot found a table.

Bill spotted the younger students and approached their table. “Well, don’t you all look sharp! Charlie, we’ve got to take that picture for mum. Does anyone know how to work a muggle camera? Dad sent us one and I haven’t got the faintest idea how to work it.”

“I can do it.” Anya stood and she and Charlie got a good look at each other for the first time. They both took in a deep breath and walked off to take the photo for Mrs. Weasley. “Who’re you here with, Bill? We haven’t seen you around much lately.”

“Gemma and I decided to go together.”

“The Head Girl?”

“Yeah, she’s a nice girl.”

“Well, now you won’t be able to hang out with us at all.” Anya mused.

“Why not?” Bill’s eyebrow raised.

“Tulip decided none of us could have dates or we’d be exiled for the dance.” Anya took the photo and handed the camera back to Bill.

“Wait, you two aren’t here together?” Anya and Charlie blushed deeply when Charlie grabbed her arm and turned around abruptly.

“We better get back to the others.”

-

The first dance was about to commence and the students had already begun to pair up. As the best dancers of the group, naturally Penny and Andre decided to open the dance together. Tonks and Tulip were already betting on who could come up with the most ridiculous dance between the two of them. Even Liz asked Ben to dance with her and was already chatting his ear off about Puffskeins. As the music started, Barnaby leaned over to Charlie and whispered, “I think I’m going to go for it.” Charlie’s palms started to sweat, worried Barnaby would get to ask Anya before he had the chance.

When Charlie turned back to look at his table, he was startled to find Anya still seated. “Barnaby…”

“Just asked Rowan to dance.” Anya watched Charlie make a surprised face. “It is a little odd, right? But she’s been helping him study a lot lately and I guess they’ve bonded.” The young witch and wizard then spoke at the same time. “Charl-”

“An-”

“Sorry, you go first.” Anya was beginning to lose her nerve.

“Oh, no, really, you can go first.” Charlie could feel the heat radiating off of his face as he watched Anya stand up and reach towards him.

“Do you want to dance, Charlie?” Anya closed her eyes, not wanting to see his face when he rejected her. To her surprise, she felt a calloused hand grab her own and, before they knew it, they were dancing together.

-

After a few dances, Anya whispered, “I’ve got use the restroom. Be right back.” and ran out of the Great Hall. Charlie made his way back to the table with a stupid grin on his face, not noticing his present company.

“So, she had to ask you? Some Gryffindor you are.” Then, Charlie noticed Tulip at the table, elevating the foot he had previously stepped on.

“You did this on purpose, didn’t you? The whole no dates thing?” Charlie did his best attempt at a glare.

“My foot’s been blue ever since you stepped on it. I’d say we’re even.” Tulip gestured towards her foot and Charlie sighed and sat down. He soon found himself surrounded when Penny, Rowan, and Tonks retreated to the table.

“She finally asked you?” Rowan grinned like a madman.

“Finally?” Charlie asked confusedly.

“You better watch yourself, Weasley, that’s our girl. You better not do anything that makes me endanger my chances at being an Auror.” Tonks smiled, though her voice had a bit of an edge.

“I know how to make a few potions that have no known antidote. Just keep that in mind.” Penny smiled menacingly before returning to the dance floor to share a dance with Liz. The other girls followed, Tonks helping Tulip keep the weight off her bad foot. Charlie sat there in shock and a bit of fear when Anya returned.

“What did I miss?”

[watchingthesuperbowl]

Notes taken during Super Bowl XXXVII

PREGAME

This recording appears to include the entire ABC pregame show. They've added Kid Rock to the Hank Williams Jr. intro song. Gross.

81 degrees and sunny in San Diego.

Al Michaels and John Madden! I'd forgotten that Madden ever worked for ABC.

Michaels: Raiders feature 37 year old Rod Woodson, 40 year old Jerry Rice, and 37 year old Rich Gannon.

Michaels: Raiders called one running play in first three quarters of AFC championship game. Can they do that today? Madden: They can and I think they have to.

Madden: Rich Gannon has to make some plays with his feet.

Raiders Pro-Bowl center Barrett Robbins won't play today. What's the story? Melissa Stark: He disappeared, nobody could find him. Eventually they did find him. It's not clear where he is - maybe went home, but some reports say he's in the hospital. (He was in the hospital with a manic episode as a result of previously undiagnosed bipolar disorder.)

Terminator-style into starring Arnold Schwarzenegger.

ABC shows preproduced season wraps for the Buccaneers and Raiders - this is how the two teams got here. It seems like maybe they played them in the stadium? Can't tell. Either way, neither team has its players introduced individually.

Lynn Swann to John Lynch: What's it like to play in the Super Bowl in your hometown? Lynch: It's a dream come true. Extra special.

Celine Dion performs God Bless America. They got a Canadian to do this?!? What the hell?

Now the Dixie Chicks perform the Star Spangled Banner. If someone took a knee while the Dixie Chicks sang this song, the American right would spontaneously combust.

Coin toss. Hall of Famers from the '72 Dolphins. Don Shula tosses it. Raiders call heads. It's tails. Buccaneers will receive.

FIRST QUARTER

Buccaneers have never returned a kickoff for a touchdown, in the regular season or postseason.

And they still haven't. Aaron Stecker takes it to the 26.

First play, play-action pass to Alstott. Charles Woodson smashes into him with his helmet. Gain of 3.

“Charles Woodson. Fremont Ross Little Giants.”

Third down, an absolutely horrendous throw from Brad Johnson. Ah, he got hit as he threw it. Not Johnson's fault. It floats tantalizingly through the air until Woodson picks it off. Raiders take over at the Tampa Bay 36.

Raider drive stalls when Simeon Rice goes almost entirely unblocked on third down. Sacks Gannon. Forces a 40 yard field goal attempt by Janikowski. It's good. 3-0 Oakland.

Stecker "fumbles" during the tackle on the ensuing kickoff return. Oakland recovers. It didn't even look close to me. He was down for days before the ball came out. What a horrible call. Tampa is challenging the call, which...yeah. Replay shows I'm not blind or crazy. He could have grilled up some burgers in the time between the tackle and the "fumble".

Teams only got two challenges at this point, even if they were correct in challenging. That's unbelievably stupid. You're punishing teams for calling you on your incompetence.

Brad Johnson pass hits Michael Pittman in the hands, bounces, rolls on his helmet, and falls incomplete.

Madden: Buccaneers seem nervous. Jon Gruden wants this to be a high-speed game, but maybe his team isn't ready for that yet.

A couple of throws from Johnson to Joe Jurevicius underneath and the Bucs are across midfield. Oakland's defensive coordinator was worried about Jurevicius in the leadup to this game.

Now a huge run from Michael Pittman. A pitch left and Mike Alstott throws a great block to spring him. Alstott took out the contain guy. Bucs now on the Oakland 14.

Michaels: Commissioner says there might not be another Super Bowl here if they don't build a new stadium. They should have the Super Bowl in San Diego every year. Yeah, well, about that, Al...

Bucs stall at the 14. Martin Gramatica does the honors and it's a tie game.

Bump in from commercial: Bill Romanowski on how hard it is to win a Super Bowl ring. Yeah, Bill, it's tough. You've only won four of them.

Coming up at halftime: Shania Twain, No Doubt, and Sting.

Madden: Oakland center Adam Treu is a good player. Maybe not as big or strong as the mysteriously missing Barret Robbins, but it's not a big dropoff between the two.

Raiders go three-and-out. Greg Spires sacks him on third down. Shane Lechler will boot it away. Great kick, fair caught at the 15.

Michaels: Both teams are trying to run a hurry up, but it's been awkwardly paced. Offenses are trying to go up-tempo but not able to move the ball.

Johnson pass hits Alstott in the hands and it bounces away. Lands in the middle of four Raiders. A very fortunate incomplete pass.

Michaels: We've played nine minutes and had 22 minutes. It's like we're in mud here.

Now the Bucs go three and out. We've got some very fast-paced punts.

Madden: These quick possessions will hurt Tampa defense, which is undersized and can be worn down if it's not able to rest.

ABC has a microphone on Jerry Rice. They play a conversation between Rice and Jerry Porter (a Raiders WR) on the bench saying they'd like to see if the Bucs can stop a power run game. They can rush the passer, but can they stop the run?

The Buccaneers defense does well enough against the run. Another three and out. Two runs up the middle for six yards and an incomplete pass on third down. Another Lechler punt, another fair catch near the Tampa Bay 15.

Michaels: If this game was a script, it would be a pilot that never made it to air. They'll have to go off script and start ad-libbing soon.

A quick slant from Brad Johnson to Keyshawn Johnson. They give him the damn ball for 15 or so.

Next play, Johnson lofts a ball downfield that's nearly picked off by Woodson. He's had some shaky throws early. Probably should have been intercepted.

Brad Johnson: 4-12, 50 yards, 1 INT

Cutaway: Buccaneers backup QB Rob Johnson. As a Bills fan, I begin to twitch a bit.

*shudder*

Buccaneers punt once again. Tom Tupa. So that's neat. Nice return from Darrien Gordon to the Raider 49.

Madden: Buccaneers are as good at tackling as anybody in football.

Madden: Gruden emphasized to defensive coordinator Monte Kiffin that they absolutely have to stop RB Charlie Garner.

Third down, Gannon scrambling and it's picked off by Dexter Jackson. He read the quarterback's eyes. One play later, the first quarter ends. 3-3 tie.

SECOND QUARTER

Third and 9, Raiders jump offside but it doesn't matter. Brad Johnson to Keyshawn for a first down. Bucs nearing field goal range.

Brad to Keyshawn again underneath. Bucs running a bunch formation and Keyshawn sits in between linebackers in a zone. Now Alstott carries to the 22. Tampa Bay is moving the ball nicely now.

Bucs stall again. Brad Johnson throws to the end zone on 3rd and 8 and isn't close. It's field goal time. Gramatica from 43 yards away. Got it. 6-3 Buccaneers.

Gannon pumps left and throws deep right. Picked off again by Dexter Jackson! Returns it to the Raiders' 45 yards line. Once again, he just read the quarterback's eyes.

Madden: Cornerback Ronde Barber blitzed on the interception. Gannon probably thought he had man defense with no safety. He thought wrong.

Brad Johnson: You'd love to be in a disco with Jon Gruden as the DJ. Oooohkay.

Buccaneers don't do anything and will punt from the Oakland 40. Tim Brown fair catches at the Oakland 10.

ABC graphic: Opposing quarterbacks vs. Tampa have a 48.4 QB rating.

Incomplete pass, Raiders go three and out. Karl Williams returns the punt inside the Oakland 30.

Big run for Pittman on Second and 4, gets inside the 5. It's now first and goal.

Warren Sapp in the game, playing on the left side of the offensive line.

Mike Alstott plows his way into the end zone on second and goal. Blasts right through the middle of the line. 13-3 Buccaneers.

Bump-in from commercial: Warren Sapp talking about winning the Super Bowl.

Madden: You have to be able to tackle to play for the Bucs. If you're a "cover" cornerback, you can't play for this team.

Charlie Garner drops an easy pass on first down.

Michaels: Raiders are on their seventh possession of the day. Have gained a total of 39 yards. Have had five straight three-and-outs.

And they break that streak. Complete a pass on third down.

But the Raiders can't get across midfield. Tim Brown drops a third down pass and Lechler will boot it away again.

Michaels: Buccaneers tried to hire Bill Parcells, then he said no, so they worked on getting Gruden from the Raiders, but the Raiders wanted too much, so they tried Nick Saban and Ralph Friedgen and Steve Mariucci, but couldn't hire them, so finally went and did the deal for Gruden. If Gruden doesn't get the job, what do they do? Do they hire a coach on Monster dot com? Madden: That's why the Glazer family had to do the deal. They'd have been embarrassed.

To get Gruden, Bucs sent Raiders 2002 first and second round picks, 2003 first round pick, 2004 second round pick, and $8 million. Looking it up, those draft picks were used on Daniel Graham, Langston Walker, Tyler Brayton, and Jake Grove. Not a huge haul, though the Buccaneers wouldn't have drafted the exact same players.

Big run for Pittman up the middle. They pick up a Raiders blitz and Pittman has a massive hole. He gains 9 yards. Now a quick pass to Mike Alstott, who gets out near midfield as we reach the two minute warning.

Pittman has 72 yards in the first half. Fourth-best first half of all time in terms of rushing yardage.

Second down, Keyshawn Johnson makes a nice sliding catch at the 20. Third and 1, well inside field goal range. 0:46 left in the half.

Alstott picks up the first down on the Bucs' 42nd play of the first half. That's a ton in the NFL, particularly for a ball control team.

Michaels: Warren Sapp says the first guy he'll go visit if he wins the Super Bowl is Tony Dungy.

A quick pass outside to Mike Alstott. Gets the first down and stops the clock. First and goal from the 5. 0:34 left and one timeout.

They won't need that timeout. Johnson to McCardell, a great back-shoulder throw in the end zone. Charles Woodson had no chance. 20-3 Buccaneers. 0:30 left in the first half.

Zero chance for Woodson to do anything but watch.

Total yards: 198-58 in favor of Tampa Bay.

Madden: Bucs are having end-of-game type celebrations, not end-of-half.

Great kick return coverage again. Three yard kickoff return for the Raiders on a bouncing kickoff.

Bucs DB John Lynch to assistant coach Mike Tomlin: "Every play they've run, we ran in practice. It's unreal." Michaels: That's what happens when your coach was their coach.

Buccaneers call a timeout. It's third down with 0:13 left in the half. Gruden is going to make the Raiders either run out the clock or pass the ball.

Madden: Gruden is trying to set up a free kick after the punt, but he'll need the Raiders to throw an incomplete pass. That does not happen. They run up the middle and it's halftime. Tampa Bay 20, Oakland 3.

Raiders coach Bill Callahan: "We've hurt ourself in the first half with the sacks and the turnovers...it's a matter of composure right now."

Bucs coach Jon Gruden: "This is who we are...this is the kind of football we play...we've gotta do what we've been doing."

HALFTIME

Chris Berman, Steve Young, Michael Strahan, Brian Billick.

Billick: Raiders couldn't have expected this kind of pass rush. They're having to keep tight ends and backs in to block. Messing up their offense.

Young: Raiders have tried just about everything, but they don't have the speed to deal with this defense.

Berman: Is it out of reach for Oakland? What does Bill Callahan tell them? Billick: You tell them they're the best offense in football and they can do this. Strahan: Raiders can't give up, have to go hard on every play. Young: It's going to take a freak play or something to get Oakland into the game.

Halftime show. Another Canadian. Shania Twain. Obviously lip synching. I mean, I guess it's fine if you want to watch Shania Twain dance around and act like she's singing. I'm watching it because I watch these recordings from start to finish, but this ain't my thing, man. Not for me. Now she's being followed by a dude with a keytar and a guy with one of those, like, double guitars. That's fun. Oh,. neat, now she's not even moving her mouth. She can't be bothered to fake it, at least for a few seconds.

Dude. You cannot look cool with a keytar, no matter how hard you try. So don’t try.

Okay, here's No Doubt. This might not be lip synched. It sounds noticeably different from the album. "Just A Girl". Now Sting is here to perform. He does a Police song (Message in a Bottle), which means that Stewart Copeland and Andy Summers are probably throwing stuff at their TV. Gwen Stefani takes the second verse. Now it's a duet. If this is lip synched, it's a terrible recording. Their voices absolutely do not work together.

Scoreboard is flashing "SOS" during the "Sending out an SOS" ending of the song. Ooooohkay. I guess you can do that. If you want. I wouldn't. But you do you.

Berman: "The sting has been on the Raiders' offense." No, Chris. Stop it.

Raiders had three first downs in the first half. Three. This was the number one offense in football.

Michaels: How does Oakland get into this game? Madden: They need a big play. Maybe their offense, could be their defense or special teams. Doesn't really matter. But they need something to change the momentum.

Michaels: Bengals lost Super Bowl after Stanley Wilson went AWOL, Falcons lost Super Bowl after Eugene Robinson was arrested. Raiders are missing Barret Robbins. Does that affect them psychologically? Madden: No, I don't think so. People will say that if Tampa Bay wins this game, but they have Jerry Rice and Tim Brown and Rod Woodson and Charles Woodson. These guys are pros. They aren't losing because Adam Treu is at center, I'll tell you that much. In the first half, the Bucs just whipped themselves.

Melissa Stark: Raiders are going to open their playbook. Will double-team Warren Sapp more and help out left tackle Frank Middleton.

Lynn Swann: Gruden says more of the same in the second half. Will pound the football. Defensive coordinator Monte Kiffin says they have to continue to get pressure on Rich Gannon.

THIRD QUARTER

Raiders get the ball. Decent enough kickoff return, out to the Oakland 27.

Madden: Callahan likes to start games with confidence-builder passes for Rich Gannon. The problem is, they didn't work in the first half.

Three and out. Again. Lechler to punt. Again.

Bucs get called for an illegal block in the back on a fair catch. Oof.

Michaels: There's a no-fly zone for miles around the stadium. John, this is your dream come true! Madden, laughing: You're right! People shouldn't be up there in those things. (Madden famously refuses to fly. He has an extreme phobia of airplanes.)

Madden: Raiders look lethargic and slow. You get the feeling the Buccaneers are out there fighting for a world championship and I don't get that feeling from the Raiders.

Third and 2. Brad Johnson, who is not a fast guy, scrambles for 10. Nifty run. Matches his longest run of the season.

Bucs convert third and 7, Johnson to Jurevicius underneath, but there's a flag. It's on the Raiders. Declined. First down.

Madden: Jurevicius has a lot of stuff going on right now - his wife just had a baby and the baby is not doing well, in the hospital. He's got a lot happening inside his helmet.

Now Johnson downfield to Jurevicius for around 35 yards. First and 10 from the Oakland 14 yard line. Bucs have a chance to twist the knife here, and go up four scores (or three TDs and three successful two-point conversions) in the middle of the third quarter.

Madden: If this were a heavyweight fight: Tampa Bay would be landing a lot of body blows.

There's another. Johnson to Ken Dilger for around 13, down to the 1. First and goal.

Madden: Brad Johnson's beginning to have a lot of fun out there now.

After a holding penalty, the Bucs have first and goal from the 11. They're pounding the ball now. Under 6:00 left in the third quarter.

Another touchdown from McCardell. Johnson finds him wide open down the middle and it's an easy score. Buccaneers up 27-3 with 5:30 left in the third quarter. Barring a miracle, and soon, this game is over.

Bump-in from commercial: Keyshawn Johnson talking about winning a Super Bowl. Doesn't want to retire as a guy with a bunch of statistics and no rings. Wants to be great, not just good.

Next Sunday: NHL All-Star game and Pro Bowl. Madden won't be at the Pro Bowl because that requires air travel. He noped out of that.

Second down, Gannon looks for a short outside pass to Jerry Rice, and that does not fool Dwight Smith. 44 yard pick six. If the Raiders needed a miracle before, now a miracle might not even be enough. 34-3 Tampa Bay, 4:47 left in the third quarter. Gannon's third interception of the game.

Bill Callahan looked like this all day.

Great kick coverage again. Marcus Knight tackled inside the 20. Buccaneers had been very concerned about their kickoff coverage.

The domination continues. Gannon sacked on the first play of the next drive.

First downs: Buccaneers 20, Raiders 3

Oakland gets its first first down of the second half as the clock ticks below 4:00. Gannon to his tight end Jolley down the middle to the Oakland 41..

Madden: Both teams were throwing early, didn't work. Tampa went to the running game, Oakland didn't.

Michaels: Gruden's face is like a living caricature. Madden: Yeah, you wonder how one face can get in so many positions.

Third and 3, Jerry Porter goes deep and gets behind the Tampa Bay secondary, but makes the catch out the back of the end zone. Raiders challenge the call. It looks like maybe he got both feet in bounds. I expect this to be overturned. Now, watching the replay again...I dunno. The ball is rolling between his hands as he has his feet down. Michaels says it won't be overturned. Madden says it will be. Michaels: "Anything to hold an audience at this point."

It's overturned. Touchdown. That's a judgment call. I don't think there was a wrong call there. Raiders look like they're going for 2, which...okay. I guess. I'm not sure how you're better off at 34-11 than you are at 34-10. You're definitely not better with the score 34-9, which is how it turns out. Simeon Rice sacks Gannon on the convert attempt. Probably doesn't matter either way, but I'd have just kicked the extra point. I don't like to start chasing points until I have to.

Even the extra point net guy was confused.

Michaels: Jerry Rice was mic'ed up for this game, but Jerry took his mic off. Madden: Yeah, on the losing sideline they're not going to want you to hear them.

Michaels: What would Tony Dungy, Bill Parcells, original Bucs coach John McKay be thinking? Madden: McKay would be proud. Parcells would probably rather be here than anywhere. Dungy is thinking it could have been him.

Third quarter ends. Tampa Bay 34, Oakland 9.

FOURTH QUARTER

I guess they have to play the fourth quarter and I guess I have to watch it. Buccaneers run on third and long, keep the clock rolling, and punt on fourth down. 

The punt is blocked! Tim Johnson blocks the punt, Eric Johnson picks it out of the air, and takes it around 20 yards to the end zone.

They'll go for two again in order to cut the Bucs lead to 17 points. If they'd just kicked the extra point last time, they wouldn't need to do this. Rich Gannon chucks the pigskin out the back of the end zone. It's 34-15. Callahan has left two points on the table.

Be sure not to use the space in Super Bowl.com.

Michaels: Do the Raiders onside kick? Madden: No, that plays into Tampa's hands. You kick it deep, try to get a three and out, and have field position.

They don't get the three and out. Brad Johnson to a wide open Keyshawn Johnson. There was absolutely nobody covering him because the cornerback blitzed. First down.

Raiders give away a dumb defensive offside penalty on third and 8. It doesn't matter. Johnson throws it out of bounds on third down. But there's a flag?!? Pass interference?! That ball was five yards out of bounds. Totally uncatchable. Raiders got hosed on that call. First down, Bucs, at the 35.

Michael Pittman gets a pitch left and gains 24 yards. First and 10 at the Oakland 11.

Michaels: This is a nightmarish series for the Raiders. Penalties, failed blitzes, the big run from Pittman. Madden: Right after the momentum change, too. The momentum has changed back.

Bucs stall inside the 20, but as Madden points out, this is all about clock right now. He'll burn as much time as he can, kick a field goal, and go up by 22. Welp. Not today. The holder (Tom Tupa) drops the snap, Gramatica picks it up, and runs sideways for a bit before wisely falling over. 9:02 left, Raiders down 19.

It is never a good thing when your kicker has the ball and is running backwards. There’s no good outcome.

Hey, Tyrone Wheatley! It's a middle screen to the big fella. Raiders slowly moving downfield. 8:00 or so left, they're approaching midfield.

Madden and Michaels discuss the fact that the city is named Tampa and the area is "Tampa Bay". This needed to be explained?

Bump in from commercial: John Lynch talking about being a Buccaneer in the "Yuckaneer" seasons.

Bucs just keeping the Raiders in front of them, forcing them to run clock. 7:30 and counting, still haven't reached midfield.

A complete pass underneath converts a third down for the Raiders. Now we're below 7:00, still a 19-point deficit, still 45 yards from the end zone.

Third and 13, Gannon to Rice on a post pattern. Splits the seam against a two-deep zone. That's a touchdown. 34-21 now, Raiders going for two (again) and failing (again). It would be 34-24 if Callahan weren't a dummy. Raiders challenge the call - they say Porter would have landed in bounds but was pushed out. Problem is, that's not reviewable. They're reviewing it anyway. This is dumb. The review takes about two seconds. The Raiders lose a challenge and a timeout.

I don’t care how old Jerry Rice is, this is a touchdown 100 times out of 100 for him.

Why, Rich? To what end? What’s with all the two-point conversions?

No onside kick. Janikowski boots it to the end zone. Karl Williams downs it.

Michaels points out how dumb the two-point conversions were. Yes. They're super-dumb.

Michaels and Madden have no idea why Callahan challenged the two-point conversion call. Burned a timeout.

Bucs get a big first down, Johnson to Alstott. Under 5:00 left, Raiders still need two touchdowns.

Raiders burned a timeout on a second down run. Weird. Michaels and Madden hate the decision. Now they use their final timeout in the same situation - after second down. Announcers have no clue what Callahan is doing. Nor do I. 4:00 left.

Ah, there was an injury. Raiders get the timeout back. Clock rolling. 3:45 left.

Bucs will punt at around 3:00. Oakland still needs two touchdowns.

Raiders take over at their own 26. 2:46 left.

Bucs defensive coordinator Monte Kiffin to his players: Get a pass rush and don't let Gannon complete anything deep.

Two minute warning. Raiders at their own 39 or so, down 13 points.

Live performance from Bon Jovi coming up after the game.

Madden: Just voted for the MVP. Not going to say who I voted for. Probably not going to be the guy I voted for.

Third and 18, Gannon throws deep, picked off by linebacker Derrick Brooks, who takes it to the house. Game, set, match. 40-21, 1:18 left. 

Madden: Hey, lemme have that ballot back! (Says he voted for Simeon Rice, that it has to be a defensive guy.)

Cutaway: Keyshawn Johnson on the sideline, hugging his son.

Preproduced Gruden segment: We're here with one mission. To be number one and hoist that trophy.

ABC graphic: Gruden will become the youngest head coach to win a Super Bowl, breaking the record held by...John Madden.

Gannon throws with 0:10 left on the clock. It's tipped, picked by Dwight Smith, who takes it to the end zone for his second pick six of the day. His second INT and second score takes place just as Dexter Jackson is named the MVP with two interceptions and zero touchdowns.

Madden: Can't complain about Jackson as MVP, but I think this game was dominated and won by the Buccaneers' defensive line.

That was Gannon's fifth interception of the game, a Super Bowl record.

Extra point is good. 48-21 with two seconds left.

That's the final score. Tampa Bay 48, Oakland 21.

POSTGAME

Madden: You just had the feeling the Buccaneers came here to play a World Championship game, and for whatever reason, the Raiders couldn't get up to match them.

Warren Sapp: It's unbelievable. We had a focus and a goal and we were gonna get it done tonight.

Shot of the Horse Trailer, where ABC puts a picture of the player of the game. Crew members covering the entire trailer with pictures of everyone on the Tampa Bay defense.

Bon Jovi performs before the trophy presentation, which is hella weird.

Malcolm Glazer: Want to thank Coach Gruden. He came from heaven and brought us to heaven. Want to thank our players, the greatest players in the world. "THEY'RE THE TAMPA BUCCANEERS! IF YOU HAVEN'T HEARD ABOUT 'EM, YOU HEARD ABOUT 'EM TODAY!" The Tampa Buccaneers?

Tirico to Gruden: Did your familiarity with the Raiders help in this game? Gruden: That's all overrated. I stayed away from the defense [and let Monte Kiffin do his job].

Tirico: What turned the offense around this year. Gruden: Just time. We're still gonna get a lot better.

Gruden: Tony Dungy did a lot of great work and I'm reaping the benefits of that tonight.

Steve Young: Michael Pittman got this team started in the second quarter.

MVP Dexter Jackson: Watching coverage before the game, they were picking the MVP. I saw that and said I was going to go out and make a difference. I told some people I would be the MVP.

Jackson's wife is watching on TV at the hotel, 8.5 months pregnant.

Sapp: No greater feeling than to be getting it done with my teammates.

Keyshawn Johnson: Can't say enough about Brad Johnson. Nobody gave him credit all season long and here we are.