#Chaore's Tragic Backstory

[chaorelance]

Oh right bunlord because I've consistently bungled up your url like multiple times in the past, where does it come from anyways?

I always take a second to answer this one, because short hand: it comes from the olden backstory days where I was an absolutely to the max loser. Before I embraced the ways of the rabbit and became the strongest.

Chaore, in short, is a hasty 13 year old mashing of ‘Chaos’ and ‘Gore’ (See that o?), that I literally came up with whilst on the toilet. ‘Chaore’ in short, became one of two of my first few OCs, along with his brother ‘Puream’ (Pure and Ream, oh god, young bun why). Their last name was Lance because Puream used VARIOUS POINTY THINGS ON STICKS, and since he was the ‘good’ brother (spoilers: chaore was loved way more by everyone because Puream was KIND OF MY MINETA PHASE IN ONE PACKAGE WHOOPS) and I thought he got dibs on last names.

I could go on about their lore, but in short: He was like, my first real OC.

I shifted to using his name as my namesake once I left my old den and was reborn as the Bunlord in a forum space most will know me from, and wanted to change my name to distance myself (AND STOP USING MY ACTUAL NAME AS MY USERNAME)

In another universe, there is the pandalord, who uses PureamLance instead, and one day we will meet in dire combat in the battle for the universe, which is why I have been cultivating the favor of powerful Allies, such as a pasta elemental, and a Snake- And Maybe I should consider finding stronger allies, Shit.

tldr; It’s baby’s first OC name turned Username, made from smooshing ‘Chaos’ and ‘Gore’ into one word like it was a fucking ship name.

[chaorelance]

And unless I feel like, coming up with something I remember later on.

The end on a much better part.

So, Neonlare.

The first thing I saw from him was a Star Control II RP, which was both the most fitting of his taste, and least fitting of his RP style. For the most part- Neonlare was by far the most creative, interesting man on BTG.

I will fully note that is not a high bar in any manner, but I mean it all the same. Neonlare was a genuinely creative and dedicated person- He not only made sprites for all of his games, loving crafted maps and unique mechanics to make an actual game without relying on actual dice, and created actual fucking unique, original settings.

When you roleplayed with him, you felt like you were playing an actual game. You were creating a story, a game you could imagine was real in some sense. GOD were they actual fun to play. I’m told that’s supposed to be the actual experience.

He was good. Like, he made actual music for each setting. On his own.

I’ve heard he made a game actually. For a GDQ at some point! I really should like, try and find if he actually made that one game we played into a game like he said he would.

Nobody is without their faults, though.

See. When I say you feel as if you were playing a game he created- I mean, HE created. He was in control all the time, things went HIS way, and when you handed in your sheet... he might as well own it from then on.

Famously, to this day I will fight him on how the end of one of my characters is that he died trying to fight without his magic talking sword bro that sacrificed himself for the world, not that he went back to marry a random baker lady he met at some point.

Like, a day ago.

Even the peanut gallery agreed that was super weird. I had like, friends elsewhere who also got to be important in cool, while apparently I just marry a baker and like LET ME DIE DRAMATICALLY DAMNIT.

aaaaaaa

aaaanyway, yeah. Neonlare was cool.

Eventually... well, He moves on. But he was a good damn DM, and he unlocked all the power of BTG we never could.

...If I was to ever return, I guess I’d like to make something close to what he did. But I guess that’s beyond me.

Because it was everything I wanted. It was what I THOUGHT BTG was, but for real.  It was a fun time, it was a GOOD game. I legitimately would love to take some of you with me to that time.

But, well. I guess that’s impossible.

As it stands, BTG is 15 years or so, is opened maybe... once every often or so, I could never tell you WHO or what is still playing it, and for the most part is dead.

That part of my life is over. And for the most part, I think I regret a lot of it.

But I think I’m glad to get it all out off my chest.

[chaorelance]

So, Story time. We’re nearing the end, atleast.

I guess I kinda like, ran out of material because I feel like there’s so much more.

It’s kind of impossible to condense a full two years of my life when I hardly remember it all though.

But let’s get to a fun part to lead in. I can’t remember his name for shit, so we’ve finally got a new guy, and his name is ‘Rich’. Because all I remember is his name had R and some numbers.

Rich was the newest kid in the BTG, at some point. We picked him up from, as weird as this shit fucking sounds, a rival RP game. Like an ACTUAL RP one, not DBZ game but with words to justify shooting a man.

I really am not trying to sound cool or anything, but I swear to fuck, the best way to describe Rich is that he was my fucking fanboy.

-Straight up- the kid looked at me, a slightly older and more weary kid, as if I was the coolest dude and I feel like I let him down every day honestly. Poor kid sounded a bit messed up and I... actually really hope he came out alright.

But yeah, Rich was my fucking fanboy. And he was the newest blood into BTG.

And besides like, the fact that’s honestly hillarious: I think that’s when I really started navel gazing at what was going on.

The first thing is like- eventually I stop doing the fuck. I legitimately just sit down and realize the whole thing is ridiculous, but I still want to be here and I just want to stab people and have bad storylines together with my friends.

...It...works out a few times? I almost contract with a demon as a demon hunter specicially to save everyone I know and probably tell one of my seniors who’s trying to fuck me she has to kill me or something, who coincidentally, was also Sanae, but like

Chi kills that one right then and there because okay, thanks tiny attention span man.

God like actually, fuck, there were a few chances but Chi always fucked them up and MRRRRR GOD DAMNIT I AM MAD AT PATRIOTISM MAN.

But like, that’s kind of when I start realizing there’s nothing left here.

Chi’s games are getting shorter, and he’s... getting less interested too.

Everything is slowly stopping.

I can’t find what I want anymore, and... well. People are gone now too. Resaiyu fucking bails at some point, Most of the jobbers are gone, it’s basically Me, Nathan, and the terror duo (who have chilled out and Hensou is MIA a lot too.)

BTG, essentially, is Dying.

I try a few more outlets, terrified of losing Roleplaying for a few reasons. I guess it had become a source of ego and escapism for me at this point.

But eventually, weirdly, out of nowhere... I dunno, I guess he’d always been there but I was too scared to enter, there’s a new DM.

His name is Neonlare.

And while he is part of why I am well aware the British are fucking cunts, to put it lightly, He was the last and greatest DM of BTG.

[chaorelance]

storytime

So, look.

It’s time I kinda come clean, a bit. I’ve kind of been rushing over a few people in storytime who have been really present and, well. Kind of some of the most important to me during my stay in BTG, and absolutely why I even went as far as entering the Chi-scape.

...For Nathan, I’ll kill the joke. It’s because that’s really the best way to describe him. Nathan was the generic Protagonist of our group. He was the Faceless Male. He was... honestly, bar that one rape-thing incident a good friend and really unnotable. Which just made that whole shit even more striking.

But he’s really bland and unless you want me to describe anime protagonists for a post I don’t think I need to. I mean, get back to me if you really want me to.

But.

For Resaiyu, that’s because to talk about Resaiyu really was to me and who they were I had to set the scene first. I really, really had to introduce all these people and things.

So that’s today.

And because it’s today, step back with me to the very beginning.

The first time I actually met the infamous Miss Montclaire was in a Final Fantasy game Jin was running, because everyone had... basically already established relationships and friendships when I joined. The game was closing and like, Boton was there, boasting about how she had fucked all the people which like

Remember, she was like 20+ and we were all minors. That woman had issues, seriously.

And I was kind of there...standing on the outskirts, not really knowing anyone.

And then Miss Montclaire happened (once Boton stopped boasting about all the hot erp they had) and I had a friend? And that’s it.

Resaiyu just -made- friends with me, and I don’t even know how it happened. Sometime between the start of JIn finishing this shit up because the man could not keep a story going, and boton storming out for some reason we were friends. Like that was nothing new.

And like, then I found out they were a ~girl~ and oh no teenage hormones and I was a tsundere in their Harem, too. Within the span of maybe like 3-4 hours.

And while not to downplay that- It’s also time I like, properly address that.

I’ve said kind of for a while I was the Tsundere of the Harem, and shit, as if I just straight liked her and wasn’t saying it to her face.

But that’s not fair, because even Little Bun Blue is me, and frankly this may sound strange- but I am usually 90% right.

And I think even for the ridiculous Tsundere Act, Little Bun Blue was right. I don’t think I REALLY liked Resaiyu, in the end. I think there may have been Chemistry I Missed in hindsight, but I think, honestly, I was more In Love with the Idea of Being In Love. Not to even mention Little Bun Blue had trust issues and an even worse view on Romance than present Me, owing especially to his parents just getting divorced.

But like. If you asked me, with a gun to my head, to list three people I had a crush on in my lifetime, Resaiyu would’ve been straight after the obvious.

And even if I frankly didn’t ‘Like’ her, I sure as hell played the role of the lovesick Tsundere the most. I think everyone, as we all belonged to the Resaiyu Harem, played a love interest to her at some point. But I -bid- for that role probably the most, and I think bar one exception (which ended with a LOT of tragedy and mangst, which somehow ended up the closest thing to a good RP in a Chi game, but that’s maybe a side story if people want to actually get an idea what a chi game was like) I never actually played the role, because I was a tsundere and denied it.

Okay maybe there was another time, but somehow I ended up with a baker but that’s a really, really, later story.

But yeah, after that Resaiyu started showing up everywhere. Even though I had never met them before while I was hanging with Beamed, they showed up there now. Resaiyu was an ALLFORCE of BTG, which is part of -how- they built their Harem. The only person close to being in as much of everything was Nathan, but even then Resaiyu clearly just... did more.

The honestly, clearest sign you were sunk in BTG, such as when Gal finally gave up, was when Resaiyu stopped showing up. Because everyone followed her. Bar like, Me an Nathan in that case I guess.

In short, having Resaiyu’s favor was the lifeblood of BTG for a while. Like, before Chi happened and that didn’t matter. And, like, in hindsight? I think that’s actually a lot of why I managed to accumulate so well into the community. I was non-threatening and nice, but I was also non-threatening, nice, and favored by the literal goddess of the community because we were all horny nerdbros and there was one girl tbh

so like, I’ve said a lot about Resaiyu- but like

None of this actually -describes- Resaiyu.

This is what she was to BTG. Not... as a person. And that’s a lot of why I say I think I was just kind of... Not really ‘actually’ crushing on them or whatever?

A lot of this was just Resaiyu being a Girl in a mostly male Community. Especially after Boton was chased the fuck off and M kinda disappeared. And if nothing else, I think that was why I focused so hard on them.

They were kind of like me I think. Or more that, really, in context of everyone else I was like Resaiyu with a slight twinge to aggressiveness. Resaiyu was just kind of softspoken, kind of shy, and overall a nice person.

In hindsight, I’m not convinced they weren’t actually Amra remembering how much they liked Monster Girls, but that’s the booze talking.

But like, that’s not saying a lot. When I say that and I refer to myself- I fully realize that’s because I did not express myself much early BTG. I don’t think anyone I played with, even Resaiyu, who like- was probably the actual closest to me, actually KNEW me.

I acted like this because I didn’t want to reveal who I was. I thought that, on the internet-  you just... acted like a blank slate? Not you. I was afraid if I revealed too much of who I was (while being me) I would somehow get like

Tracked down and murdered.

...and okay, I’ve been doing a subtle lie the entire time, because I KNOW why they were kind of like me. Because they were explicitly hiding something.

And I’ve been -intentionally- obscuring that.

See.

Hensou and Kiba for the most part, were radical figures. I don’t think Hensou was a good person, but they had a point in that BTG was being stagnant and had a lot of fuckin’ problems, and Resaiyu was kind of... one of them.

An unhealthy devotion to a single girl? Yeah, maybe we should stop.

and like.

Remember how I talked about Jin and Ookami? And how in BTG, you REALLY didn’t trust people to be who they said they were? Everyone had to be a white pasty nerdbro like us, ebin early 2000s internet culture dude.

...so like, See.

I think you kinda get it.

So, someday in the later half of the Chi era, I come into the server and Kiba and Hensou are like rapidly Pming me until I say just take this shit to public and before I know it they’re all like ‘Resaiyu is Actually A Dude And We Have Receipts’.

Which, bar none, is probably one of the clearest parts I can remember of BTG for a lot of reasons.

The two were fucking ecstatic, and they had pretty much hard proof and were like

Ready to boast and start shit and make everyone drive off their beloved ‘goddess’.

And Resaiyu comes on, the receipts are pulled, and everything is silent and.... Res just admits to it all with no fuss. Straight up admits to doing it all because they thought they’d fit in better with everyone if they did, which like, yeah.

Honestly, wow did that pan out.

Everything is like, dead silent.

And then, collectively, everyone straight up goes ‘alright, well cool whatev’. And not even remotely halfheartedly.

Hensou and Kiba go fucking nuts because without even a second thought, we all just straight up ignored their big revelation and everything just went on anyway with the knowledge Resaiyu was a guy named Paul on the other side of the screen.

The harem kind of like

Wasn’t even a factor anymore, because frankly it was already basically down to me and Nathan at this point. And Nathan was ~TOO COOL~ to act like he cared, and that gave me all the exodus I needed to justify my year of tsundereness.

So in short, They got away scot-free because fuck it they were our friend anyway, and we all got to watch Kiba and Hensou be REALLY MAD we didn’t freak the fuck out and exile one of like 5 people left playing with us.

And I had a fucking smile on the entire time because it made Hensou upset.

...for the most part, I don’t think the whole thing changed how I acted around Resaiyu either. I had been such a good tsundere I honestly hadn’t even considered I liked them until I started Storytime.

Like, yeah. Still easily one of the top three friends of BTG. I don’t know if I’d want to meet them again but... like. It’d be cool?

idk.

Not sure how to end this one. But like- in short: BTG was such a weird community the one woman we didn’t kick out and like everyone crushed on was legit actually a guy (atleast at the time, no idea where they’re at now.).

And man.

That is one of the biggest rides I wish I could’ve properly taken you all on of BTG.

[chaorelance]

brief storytime interlude

So, anyway. We’re in the Chi era and everything- but there’s a slight lie I kinda told. Chi wasn’t the ONLY DM left, actually. Two more followed him, and one may have outlived him in the end, if only slightly. I can’t remember fully for reasons I’ll explain when we get to that guy.

The other GM, is slightly more forgivable as he kinda blends in with Chi.

I forgot his name, but we’ll call him Catdude for brevity. Because god damn did he love him some animal ears.

Catdude was Chi’s cousin, and he was actually for the most part the host for Chi’s server. So when Chi wasn’t around, he was usually DM for the day.

He was actually pretty good at it. He put a lot of effort into his stories, and he was pretty good at working with people to include them IN them. The key word though is -his- stories.

I won’t pretend to be an expert on roleplay, or what everyone thinks the proper DM style is, but... well. He had an idea on what he wanted to happen and that was pretty set in stone. He didn’t host a lot, but most people agreed it felt like our impact was very little overall. I was usually pretty fine with that, because that’s where my... ‘style’ tended to lead, but that was his downfall in the end.

Eventually, people just wanted to go back to Chi games all the time, and the two had some kind of falling out. I don’t really recall what happened, to his credit- I remember more about his games and what I planned for them than him. Which is a credit to how interesting they were, potentially.

Catdude pitched a fit, a bunch of stuff happened and eventually he left, taking the server with him. Luckily, Resaiyu was a backup host so we had that available to us anyway.

And that, briefly, was the ballad of Catdude.

[chaorelance]

arashikurobara replied to your post: HEY KIDS WHO WANTS STORY TIME, RAISE YOUR HANDS,...

STORY TIME?!

STORY TIME!!!

ANYWAY, We’re going to start NOT REALLY buckwild like one might expect, and most certainly will not hit the big payoff of this series of stories, but I figure some people on here have hit a high enough relationship level to learn my tragic backstory, so here we go.

Or in short, today is not the day I talk about how a tiny, confused, Chaore ended up ERPing with a Conservative Military Nut for about a Year, but is most certainly a lead up to how that became a thing in due time.

There is a lot to unpack about this period in my life, but we’re going to talk about BYOND, first.

If any of you have ever heard about BYOND, you’ve probably heard about Space Station 13 and how Something Awful fucks around in it and let me be clear. This is not about Space Station 13. I have, in my life, played SS13 twice at behest of friends and never enjoyed it.

If you wanted me to be honest, SS13 is inferior Mitadake High. But that is neither here nor there, and may be slightly influenced by the fact Mitadake High lets me be Tohno Shiki and fuck everyone’s face over. or Ciel, and fuck everyone’s face over EVEN MORE. BUT TO SUFFICE MITADAKE WAS THE SHIT.

90% of games on Byond are neither Space Station 13 or Mitadake.

They’re the same Naruto game repackaged over and over, sometimes as different Anime. Such As Bleach. Or DBZ. Sometimes with Roleplaying, except instead of being like Balmung and about fucking people, it’s about murdering them, usually. And a lot of people just set their Ki Blast to Kill (This was a legitimate feature) and shot you anyway. And you died while trying to type.

Just a lot of tweens trying to kill eachother. It’s pretty bad.

But all of these AMAZING Games, were not enough for a young, impressionable Bun. No. I had to go deeper, I had to go even more hipster.

I went to Byond Tabletop Gaming.

Byond Tabletop gaming was unique, in that everyone there was TOO HIPSTER for normal games, and instead of having crisp, pixelated, shitty representations of Goku, we had... Text. Lots of text. Like IRC, but with a few more features, such as sheets we could refer to for game systems, and the inbuilt ability to roll dice, and play music.

It was really, really low-tech. But, to be honest, it was all we really needed at the time. Most of us played other games too, which made us appreciate it, because at the very least when we tried to kill eachother in game (we usually didn’t, bar some exception we ended up a pretty close-knit community), atleast we did so with SOME degree of ‘roleplaying’ (Honestly, none of us knew how to for shit).

Suffice to say, despite being clearly geared more towards roleplaying... It... did not actually work out as such. See, I mentioned Dice.

We fucking loved dice. Dice were the basis of everything. And I don’t mean, ‘we were DND players overly obsessed with Dice’. I mean everyone tried to make their own ‘game system’ and WE LITERALLY DECIDED EVERYTHING WITH DICE. A few of us eventually moved away from it, and later we gave up the dice altogether, but in the early days? The golden Days?

Everything was dice. Everything was easily gamed dice systems. Your character lived and died on dice- sometimes from the very beginning.

There was one time we actually tried to do a traditional DND game, where I rolled up a standard fighter because I had no idea what I was doing, and that went nowhere.

In the end, the Roleplaying game meant for roleplaying was really just a chat hub that occasionally we acted like idiots in.

But, to be honest.

It was really fucking fun, I’m almost certain even if part of this was me developing depression, back then I was the happiest I’ve ever been, and even knowing that a lot of the people I knew were awful people- I think, if I was honest with myself, they were some of my best friends as a Kid, even if I don’t really miss many of them.

It was fucking stupid, but everyone was fucking stupid. We loved it.

For a time period, this was....somewhere between 2002 to 2009. I’m not quite sure, but I was probably around 14 or so at the time, so probably like...2006? God, maybe it was 2004.

But suffice to say, Around 2004 or so, a young Bunlord found Byond, and after gobbling up DBZ THE FIGHTERS: Roleplay server and BLEACH; EXTRA WHITE edition, found Byond Tabletop Gaming.

Briefly had the fact he would become a huge Nasuverse fan foreshadowed by a Fate RP that went nowhere, fucked off for a year or two, and came back.

That would be where he met a very green bean man named Beamed.

And that,is a story I will have to continue after a few hundred Bees die.

[chaorelance]

So, Story time. Kinda been a while.

So like, I’m not fully sure where we left off- but we’re in the Chi Days. Everyone is erping all the time, every time. And that includes...a number of people I haven’t talked about before now. And Nathan.

But first! Lightening Interlude: Gal once really, REALLY wanted me to try School Days, and was doing the obnoxious part of hiding the twist. I literally just found it so boring and he could never convince me to watch it and then a few years later I learned about boats.

I’m sure he still regrets it to this day, that lovable hoodlum.

ANYWAY so. The base group of people for Chi’s games, that basically stood to the end was... kind of five people. Not including his Cousin, they had a falling out like I said. Me, Resaiyu, and Nathan were 3/5. The remaining two people were ‘Kiba’ (he had numbers after his name, but I forget them. Also yes, after the naruto character.) and ‘Hensou’.

I liked Kiba, actually. He got along pretty well with everyone even if as i’ll later explain, he was a troublemaker. I think he kinda liked me too, but like I said- dude was friendly to everyone. But he stuck damn well to Hensou, especially during this time.

I have only said one other time I outright hated a person in these stories, even if I look back and say a few were not very good people.

For the most part, I absolutely fucking loathed Hensou to my very being. I do not mean this jestingly. I have absolutely fucking NEVER hated a person like I did Hensou. I say this even with respect to the future, where I will meet someone who literally triggered the worst years of my life.

Hensou was, to put it kindly, a shit-stirrer. Kiba was his right-hand, but I assure you Kiba without Hensou was a harmless and generally good-natured guy. But Hensou just wanted to start shit all the fucking time. He was antagonistic in the most ‘unoffensive’ manner in that he would always imply what he was saying and never say it. The only time he jumped was when he had a smoking gun, and that’s a great story we’re saving for another time.

The main reason I hated him, as much of a piece of shit he was, was not this though.

I’m going to give you a moment to guess how that kind of person, an antagonistic piece of shit who would LOVE a boundary between what he’s doing and himself, would roleplay like in this environment.

Yeah.

Hensou, obviously played a villian all the time. He played that role so hard you could’ve sworn he was a Heel and the ERP session were an elaborate Wrestling Roleplay League or some shit. Ladder match between Nathan and Hensou, this sunday night! (Spoilers, Nathan was always Cena.)

But, well.

Most importantly, without a doubt, Hensou played a rapist, basically. There were probably like, times he wasn’t doing that and was just twirling his mustache, but he had that mentality where the bad thing in an ERP had to be rape.

Little Bun Blue was if one thing, overly attached to these fictional worlds, because frankly they were all he had. Unhealthily so. Thus, Hensou, who would always play a rapist, was the one person he couldn’t forgive.

I never got to take a swing at him in game though. Like, Little Bun Blue was not fucking subtle because there are things I can’t forgive and rape slowly edged it’s way up that list.

I would’ve fucking won though, I promise. Little Bun Blue was on a warpath with that shit.

...But well, Hensou rarely if ever took consequence for his shit, even in game. He was always ‘too slippery’ and even when he came across PCs, I don’t think we ever caught up with him that often.

Even worse though, he had his desired effect though. Pretty quickly... well, uh. Look, Chi was like I said not a smart man, but an edgy man.

Rape started happening a LOT more eventually. There were always NPCs worryingly close to going for it, even if I don’t think many succeeded, and I don’t think Chi ever took after our ‘marks’ or whatever (oh god please help me I almost vomited on that one). But it became a lot more prevalent from... everybody.

...I’d like to say I was an exception, I really do. But peer pressure is really, really, strong and everyone eventually started noting that Little Bun Blue was maybe a bit too on the lawful good side.

...so, eventually, one day, i role up a character in a shitty Vampire/Werewolf session. A vampire because sure, yeah, I’m down with Mind Control. Makes everything easier.

I feel a little sick discussing it in full, but suffice to say I basically ended up failing utterly and by the end of things I was somehow in a loving consensual relationship with another vampire as the world burned to the ground around us, and we’ll leave it at that! No other details needed! Lets move on folks!

The absolute fucking pinnacle of this shit, though, is a story worth telling.

So, Nathan and the crew (me included) are all EDGY REBELS trying to overtake the empire or some shit. For the most part, we’re succeeding and have captured a BIG Enemy general, biggest threat.

But Nathan, being Captain Chaotic Good is like, taken with this girl. Because yeah sure, things aren’t her fault and brainwashing. I don’t give a fuck she’s our enemy and that ain’t changing.

I want to stab her and get it done with, we have a rebellion to lead.

Nathan, though, comes up with a ridiculous idea that if she’s pregnant, she’ll have to quit the army.

Please let that sink in.

He wanted to impregnate an enemy general instead of killing her.

Suffice to say, OOC fucking exploded because for fuck’s SAKE JUST KILL HER WHAT THE FUCK. I might’ve made the cut if I focused less on ‘RAPE IS BAD’, but Rape is Bad and this was fucking ridiculous.

Everyone else is mostly down to clown though, and Nathan, one of my last bastions of sanity, basically outright tells me ‘My mother was raped once and she said it was totally not all that bad’. And that kids, is how I know, ‘yes, rape culture is a fucking real as shit thing good fucking god’.

And in the end, this all ends up for fucking naught because then he tries to abuse her naivety to make her think she’s pregnant from a kiss.

It solved like, fucking nothing because then she just left promising to come back and kill us and then herself or some shit and i’m just here like ‘SURE WISH WE STABBED HER NOW HUH GUYS’.

And that’s the kind of lunacy that things devolved to, and that in a large part is why shit involving rape tends to raise my ire.

So yeah, that was like a year+ of my life still.

I think, eventually, Hensou kind of chilled out, and I think we started acting fake pals just for Kiba’s sake (or both just got tired of our feud, as I was slowly becoming JADED BUN and he was doing less shit so whatevs.)

But like, I don’t think I’ll ever take it in me to forgive the guy.

Fuck you, Ghost of Hensou. Wherever you’ve floated to.

[chaorelance]

S T O R Y T I M E

So, like, I mentioned Chi was a conservative military nut? Yeah, that’s not actually super important in the end. God knows he was part of the Obama Birth Certificate crew, though.

Today though, we self-incriminate! We self-incriminate in the most hillarious manner, because now that I have this shit out I need to laugh with everyone about this.

So, I’ve already mentioned. Chi had the writer’s sense of a fucking brick wall, which is slightly better than Urobuichi, I’m sure if you really bothered, I could talk about one or two that were interesting enough I remembered them.

But for the most part, the defining part of this time and kind of BTG as a whole is that instead of making new characters, Chi often just took the same characters and placed them in new settings. For the most part, this means once you saw a name and a picture (BTG allowed you to have pictures, and often we used Random Anime Images, some of my favorite being ‘literally just Sanae, but we don’t know about touhou yet’) you knew what a character was going to be like, probably.

This also leads to the DUMBEST SHIT EVER that happened in Chi’s games, courtesy of the Bunlord. Like, Dumb and petty enough, even in this, I would never tell it.

The main thing being, after a few sessions, I developed ESSENTIALLY a waifu in these games. As in, no matter what, once this character showed up you knew I was gunnin’ straight for her. And for the most part, this was a stated fact (That I was teased about, for good fucking reason) and something that Chi abused by putting her in almost assuredly each time. Sometimes trying to make me fight her!

I apparently was so fucking enamored by this character, I can still remember her name. I have no clue why or how, but to be honest I’d wager it’s because essentially that was the point of ‘sex’ in these games. Just for the sake of consummating and saying you had a relationship with these characters, that in this time they were yours. It was weird! This entire social period is REALLY FUCKING WEIRD, I don’t know why we did any of this because it’s so stupid in hindsight, but I guess it was close enough to actual Roleplay for us.

But whatever, the point of this isn’t that she existed and I was a giant weirdo for this. I don’t know why I was so hung up on it.

The point that blows my sides the fuck away, is that the picture Chi used for this character was a Bunny Girl with a fuckoff scythe.

This, by the way, is LONG before rabbits became an actual part of my identity.

So yes, in the deep depths of roleplaying with a creatively corrupt conservative military nut, I waifu’d a fucking bunny girl. Before I was even the Bunlord proper.

And that fucking blows my sides away everytime I remember it, as fucking pathetic as that was.

Sometimes, there are early warning signs.

Other times, there are glaring red flashing signs that say ‘YOU WILL BECOME THE RABBIT GUY LATER IN LIFE’.

[chaorelance]

HEY KIDS IT’S STORY TIME

TODAY’S THE BIG ONE SO STRAP THE FFFFFUUUCCCCKKKK IN

So, yeah. Last time we talked about the lead up to this decision, but today itty bitty bunlord actually enters the ERP server.

Now there was one very important worry itty bun blue had. See, I’ve mentioned it before but by this time I am 14 at -most-. I am not only 14, but I am a formerly super christian kid, who for the most part is super into the concept of purity and totally like ‘s-sex is bad though!’.

14 year old Chaore, who is pretending to be 16 or so, has a very vague idea of sex, but absolutely no clue how to do the sex or what the sex is like.

As it turns out, this is not a problem.

-Because no one else does either-.

Like see i’ve built this up, but let’s be clear NO ONE in this server, except maybe after a few years, is actually 18 in any aspect. We are all very stupid teenagers at this point. The people with the most experience, are probably those who have read doujin or watched Hentai. (itty bun blue did not).

So like, I say ERP. But let me be clear. It is a comic JOKE how much this shit is not actually even remotely sexy in any way. Common intercourse was basically lines of ‘x thrusts’ ‘x moans’ and related. It was the stupidest shit I have ever partaken in, bar none.

Like I am pretty sure none of us were jacking off or even mildly aroused by any of these things, but there was like this one guy who purportedly was anyway, and that confuses me. I don’t remember that guy well anyway.

We kicked him for some reason because I guess we were pretending it’s serious business.

So, yeah. What the threatening 18+ roleplay turned out to be was a complete joke that even itty bitty bun blue could fake. But let’s be clear, technically, there was a lot of sex going on. I think I fucked someone on a horse once, while they were pregnant, but that’s another story.

So after this is clear, Little bun blue enters into this server for the first time, rolls a character...

and In my very first session, Everyone fucking dies and the game ends. A random super-powerful bitch appears and everyone just fucking dies, game over, we’re moving on.

And trust me. This would be far from the last time.

See, here’s where we talk about the man of the hour. We all called him ‘Chi’, but he went by ‘Hauai Kumori’ for an actual username.

Chi, in hindsight, was probably the worst actual DM of the entire community, even including myself. At this point in BTG, hosting a game was more of a popularity contest and ‘who wants to actually host’ though, so he was the longest lived DM and I’d fucking shove money on the table the last DM of BTG, before it died. But I can’t remember well these days.

And while he lacked in quality, holy fucking shit the man had quantity. Often he pulled that ‘kill em all, let god sort em out’ ending of a game just to start a new one right then and there. I think there was maybe one or two where it legit ended, and they were often really unsatisfying because If I wasn’t clear he was the Edgy Anime Is So Cool guy. He was urobuichi, except more talented, to be honest. All of his games, ESPECIALLY some time after I joined, were some variation of magic school, war, or BECOME GOD.

People died for no reason, inexplicably stronger than everyone characters just happened, and often shit was just needlessly violent.

It was honestly more fun than the sex, though.

So yeah, when we weren’t fucking someone was god damn dying, and when they weren’t it was pretty much an orgy. All with Chi’s ‘NPCs’. So everyone was basically just.. roleplaying sex, with the same guy. It was really weird, and super pointless because not sexy.

But like, this was BTG now, and no one was ready to change it, and most of us would miss everyone else if we left. So we stayed!

For like, at least over a year, Often from like...10 to dawn, We roleplayed shitty ass faux anime games, often with copious amounts of needless violence and sex. We did so because no one wanted to suggest an alternative, and often it was POINTLESS to suggest otherwise, because Chi had everyone else already.

It was... strange.

And by god, it only gets stranger.

[chaorelance]

It’s getting kinda late so this will probably be the last STORY TIME tonight.

So anyway, now that I’m done talking about shit I just remembered.

Let’s get to the main crux a lot of people have been waiting for. ‘The fall of BTG’.

This is ironic, because as far as I’m concerned this is where a lot of BTG really started. See, before now like i said- BTG was a fucking free as shit for all. But people started to drop off, due to the drama shit I’ve been talking about.

Boton was take it or leave it, but MSnake, Gal, and Beamed? Those were kind of major DM heads, and several of them were the only ones who could host. Jin really fucked off for a while too.

We were kind of bleeding people, and those who remained for the most part... didn’t want to DM anymore. A lot of us didn’t have the talent for wrangling players, or most likely just plain didn’t have any kind of creative talent anymore.

Of the people I’ve mentioned so far, only Nathan, Myself, and Resaiyu really remained.

And we were fucking out of ideas. Myself? Look, even when I tried to be original at this age I wanted to do anime shit.

Everyone was fucking done with that at this point. No one wanted to do Anime shit anymore, we wanted to be ~original~. I was out of the running, and frankly I hated the common aspects of BTG games, because they were all dice run, and for the longest time I just

didn’t want to bother with it.

I’ve been saving talking about Resaiyu for later, but she just really was bad at wrangling people for the deeds. We kinda ran over her. She was a doormat.

Nathaniel thought he was too cool to actually host shit.

I don’t really... recall who the last few games came out of. I think they were older people I haven’t mentioned here, or gal maybe.

But eventually, there was basically only one server left.

I hadn’t been joining this server for a very long, partially because it had a password on it, because the owner didn’t want people they didn’t know coming in.

For the most part, this meant that... well... basically, eventually BTG became a gated community. I had a way in, of course, I’d been around long enough and could pitch a reccomendation through people.

Anyone new? Mostly shit out of luck. I’m amazed for the most part we HAD newcomers, of which I can only recall one. But they had to come from SOMEWHERE.

That wasn’t why I hadn’t joined, though.

The main reason, and biggest reason, was that on the top of that server there was a number attached.

18+.

[chaorelance]

No seriously, I’m amazed. I’m forgetting so many people.

OKAY KIDS, IT’S TIME FOR ME TO GET REALLY GIDDY AS I REMEMBER YOUNG BUNS FUCKING VICTORY LAP.

So like, look. I’m literally looking at a list of names of people I used to play with. A lot of them... well, I REMEMBER them, but besides how stupid some of their names were, they’re not really memorable. The closest one I could really make a ‘story’ out of, is like...’TheCheat8′, who honestly?

He was just another of like, Resaiyu’s harem. Kinda. He had no defining traits in the end. I remember him, but I can’t like...say he’s important? I think he was maybe one of the more forward ones.

But then I stumble upon a name I’d LONG fucking forgotten. Which, in itself, is a major victory to me. Because it means in the end they just were forgotten.

Today, we’re going to talk about Boton85.

Like I talked about Ookami and shit and how I butted heads with Jin? But like, all of these cases were people I were basically sorta friends with in the end, or friends with for a while.

Boton85, I absolutely fucking loathed from the word go.

Boton85 was not a part of Resaiyu’s Harem. No. As far as Boton was concerned, she wanted to make Resaiyu part of HER harem. There was another dude she led on in this light, and I think maybe Jin in his heyday. But she mostly wanted Resaiyu, because... well... Resaiyu. I think Msnake was also on her list, so i guess you knew her preference.

Boton -needed- control or she did not function. And she spared little expense at this. If people did not oblige by her and go by her words, she would get instantly offensive. If you stayed out of her way, she didn’t really care- as long as she could get her kicks.

She was also the first person, I think, to try and get people into ERP and the like. Often by pulling them into whisper for private sessions.

In short, she fancied herself the Dominatrix ruler of BTG, and thought she could control everyone, because everyone else just left her alone.

Enter little bun blue. Bright eyed Chaore, known for being kind, generous, and an endless doormat. If there was anyone who should’ve stepped to the side and just hung out with Nathan, chilling and ignoring the ERPers while we slayed the dragons, it was me.

However, I had a head full of stupid, Was currently tsundere as shit for a lady, and a big fucking mouth.

We clashed almost instantly, and despite Beamed and Nathaniel being like ‘dude fucking chill’ things heated up really fucking fast. She threatened to shoot my nuts off within our second meeting, I think! Texan, had a shotgun with salt rock or something. I had a head full of stupid and about half a country distance from her.

You didn’t solve disputes in BTG with guns, luckily. I think she was like an older lady hitting on someone my age? She was kind of creepy, honestly.

You solved it through connections. You solved it through social ties, because both your RP character’s general strength, and your standing in the community fucking revolved around that.

In this regard, Boton was older than me, a fact I normally FEARED, and more well liked. She had gotten people to ERP with her, after all.

It was a really hopeless battle. I think she actually managed to almost kill a character of mine, or ran me out of a server when we first went at it.

....but, like. Remember how I mentioned the Shotgun? Yeah.

Her social skills sucked, actually. She just had a pair of titties and those were in the minority in BTG. When I didn’t back down and she kept lobbying abuse at me, things started to change.

I think a lot of people already harbored doubts about her, and the only one who really stuck up for her was her manslave. Don’t know who the fuck that was, really. Beamed and Nathan at least were on my side damn fast, because we were kinda tight, and Beamed hated everyone honestly.

It took a while, but eventually when she started announcing she was ABSOLUTELY out for my ass at every turn and going to kill me in the game... People said fuck that, and she didn’t get her way.

That was new, and that was all it took to set her off. She started lobbying abuse at everyone, and pretty soon there were only a few people left and she tried to take them, and Resaiyu, and bail.

Resaiyu stayed, she didn’t.

She came back a few times, threatening to oust me, but by that point she was old news and I had most of BTG on my side.

It wasn’t my victory, really. Like I said- EVERYONE wanted a piece of Resaiyu, and she was direct competition. A lot of people probably hated her before I started everything.

But god, was it an egotrip. I was cloudnine when I realized she was fucking gone. When Ookami followed up, and I DIRECTLY removed someone from the community...

I actually probably got a bit ahead of myself. I started feeling important, like, in BTG I thought if anyone started shit with me at that point I would’ve been able to come out on top.

...I don’t think I really threw that weight around though. There weren’t many people I hated, until the fall.

Speaking of, It’s probably about time I talk about that.

[chaorelance]

SO ANYWAY HERE’S THE FIRST EPISODE OF THE NIGHT, DEPENDING ON IF I DO EPISODES ON THESE JOBBERS I REMEMBERED EXISTED.

Like, no, seriously. I just remembered a guy who called himself CHAOS BLACK was part of the motley early age crew. God, I’m amazed at how many people I fucking forgot.

We probably won’t get an episode on him, sorry, I think he ran a few characters or games that were alright but he’s really not important in any way.

Today, we’re going to talk about a good pal named ‘Gal’, of which that is a nickname because I can’t remember his full name.

Gal was another case like Ookami, except he was more like Geintz in which he was HONESTLY just an unbearably human being. He ran games occasionally, and to be honest they were among the more fun ones, mechanically.

But everyone fucking hated this dude, besides again, Me and Nathaniel, because Nathaniel was just that guy, as I’ve said, and well... Look, Ittybittybun just wanted to be friends with everyone.

Completely and honestly, I was the kind of kid who would’ve walked up to you on the streets and said ‘Hey, want to be friends?’. I could’ve probably been an anime protag before I fell off the truck.

Especially because I was super dumb, god was I super dumb.

So yeah, Gal was a pariah and like Beamed he eventually kinda faded out and no one liked him. But he fucking stuck like GLUE to me, because I was super accepting and have always been super willing to talk to people.

Gal especially, liked to talk to me about Robots. Gal is actually how I learned about SRW. He imported that shit from Japan and like screencapped to me a shitload of shit about Z when it first came out, mostly about how fucking awesome Rand was and holy shit you like Masaki, look at ASAKIM. It was actually kind of cool.

Like god, I remember him super negatively because he WAS kind of annoying, but he’s why I love SRT and shit. I actually really remember being excited when he was going to run an SRT game, and then I ended up making kind of revere Calvina Coulage by mistake and it was kind of hillarious???

CHRIST, YEAH, he was an annoying shit but I think I really enjoyed being his friend. ‘Unbearable’ pfpfpf I sat through that shit for years, self. He was kind of annoying, but he was a good guy? way older than me, and clearly had his shit more together.

Like, I don’t think we stopped being friends because drama like I started this thinking we did? I eventually just got tired of talking to him.

I don’t super miss the guy, but actually he was a good friend. He was just... out of BTG, and at the time BTG had slowly became my life. Everyone I knew was there, and eventually that was all I had.

...it was kind of sad, honestly. I spent hours on the computer- till dawn sometimes, just doing that with those guys.

Gal was the sole exception for a pretty long time.

I think my most vivid memory besides all the super robots was when I asked him what he thought I looked like? Keep in mind at the time I had massive body image issues. I still kinda do.

He said he thought I was probably like my avatar, an anime dude.

...it cheered me up a lot, at the time. Fueled my egotism and desire to never reveal myself to anyone online, but man.

He was a good guy, Gal. Fuck what anyone else said.

[chaorelance]

‘hey chaore why did you tell that one’

Look, I just wanted that part out of the way.

So anyway, Drama.

Like I said, 90% of the BTG group were young teenagers and while I did not get to experience REAL HIGHSCHOOL DRAMA, Holy SHIT did I get to experience hell of a lot of internet drama.

Geintz was not the only pariah.

Like, look. I mentioned I was kind of a shy person with no self-confidence. I still kind of am, I’m not good at starting conversations, and like fuck I can approach people, which is why I will almost certainly die never scoring, and for the most part am pretty alright with that.

But like when I was younger, I was the most agreeable, kind human being possible. I had a spark in my eye, a smile on my face, and that is why I got in ALL these situations I have mentioned.

There was a person who eventually broke that, and no, despite what I have to say about Beamed, it was not him.

Their name was Sakura Ookami, and apropos of nothing the fuck else, They were the person who got me to eventually stop being nice.

For the most part, they clung themselves to a few people. The obvious suspect was a miss Resaiyu MontClaire, who for sake of clarity, was also the girl I mentioned when I discussed Jin. There is a lot to go on there, but it is generally to be assumed that Resaiyu lived the fucking Harem life, because EVERYONE wanted a piece of her. Especially the girls.

The other, is a person who’s name I can not remember for the life of me, which is incredibly mean of me but the truth. We’re gonna call them Msnake, because I’m pretty sure they were either 2 people or one person, and one started with M and the other hand snake in there.

And look let’s cover them too because this is the drama post. Derail time.

Like, I said Resaiyu basically lived the Harem life, though a HEALTHY amount of separation of RP character and actual person can be applied to that. It is generally a fucking case that everyone loved them, even if not romantically.

Msnake made it clear there was NO separation. She wanted it bad and was very forward about it, which is partially why she never liked me. I don’t know why of all people I was competition, but I was apparently. She was extremely clingy to Ookami and Resaiyu (who were the only other girls) and I don’t know if she cared about anyone else particularly, besides hating me, because I was close to them.

Suffice to say, I don’t recall liking her, but I think she’s second on list of people I’d like to apologize to because to be honest, I don’t know her deal.

I really don’t.

But I mentioned I didn’t know if she was two people or not. M, for the most part, is who I talked about already.

‘Snake’ was her brother. Snake actually ran games, did things. Like I’ve said, I have no clue to this day if he was real but he was around a lot less. He was also unsurprisingly fond of Resaiyu, babied his sister constantly, and like as far as we know only existed to help set his sister up.

But that’s unfair, because we have zero real proof on them or whatever and my memories are obviously biased. I liked Snake a lot more, if I remember, though. I had a fun game or two with them honestly, they did like...a thing with that one anime with the dude who punches balls. Synced or something. I’ll remember the name later.

But really, She only clung to Resaiyu DEFENSIVELY and that drove everyone insane even if they weren’t a part of her unofficial harem. Eventually, everyone started calling them out...and... that’s kind of when we learned that she had legitimate problems, I guess. Snake, real or fictional, told us about how his sister had apparently bashed her head into a fence or something and developed Borderline Personality Disorder. Which was why she was so clingy and had so many issues and like.

As jackass kids? We... ignored that. Christ. We just hated them so much and were so CONSUMED with the idea people were lying, they were lying- they weren’t even two people, that we bought nothing. I was IN on that, too.

She stopped coming around eventually, too. I don’t know what happened to her, but honestly I wish I could find her and apologize, like with Jin.

Those days are gone though. I’m not going to get that chance, and even if I did I don’t think they’d even remember me. -I- barely remember who I was then, or what happened.

But back to Ookami.

Like I said, they clung to me, Resaiyu, and Msnake constantly. Because we were their friend, because... mostly, we were the most open and accepting.

Because Msnake kinda just wanted any Girl, and Resaiyu and I were absolute fucking doormats of people who were overwhelmingly kind and docile.

So in short, we were really easy to take advantage of.

....Look, there’s a lot of muddy things about Ookami, if it isn’t clear, I don’t try and pretend I know all sides of things.

I don’t know why Ookami pretended to be a girl, and then admitted they were ‘Will’, behind everything. I don’t know if that was just a sign of attention seeking I overlooked, or them experimenting and then feeling forced to ‘confess’ to their closest friends because everyone else is telling them they’re a liar, and has been for ages. i don’t know what really happened.

I don’t know if they clung to us so closely BECAUSE we believed in them, trusted them. I don’t know if it wasn’t just Young Chaore being a good honest person, that I will never be again.

I don’t know if they really tried to kill themselves, and their mother came online for some reason, or if it was just another fucking lie. I don’t fucking know if we really did drive them to depression, and I don’t know what the fuck happened to them.

I really, honestly, don’t know if everyone else was right about them.

But, if I said what I thought.

They just fucking wanted the world to fucking revolve around them at all fucking times, and we were the only ones playing along, and that angers me in hindsight.

If Ookami was really a girl, I don’t think they would’ve fucking created their own server, ELABORATELY roleplayed the reveal of ‘Will’ and have them destroy themselves or whatever.

I don’t think anyone’s mother would’ve fucking known about Byond, or how important we were to them to GET ONLINE THE RIGHT SERVER to talk to people.

I don’t think a friend would’ve reacted to me saying ‘No, I don’t want to go that direction with my game. We’re not doing that.’ by cutting ties with me, because I wouldn’t do what they want.

I don’t think Ookami was my friend, I think they were a manipulative piece of shit, and I KNOW that’s why I eventually stopped saying yes.

I know that’s why i’m not a pure ball of sun and happiness, That’s why I get fucking angry and tell people off when they’re being shits.

If Ookami taught me anything, it was how to stand up for myself.

And god fucking knows, I don’t regret that listen.

Ookami, for the most part, is not on my fucking apology list.

I wish them fucking well for sure, as I don’t know their situation, but quietly fuck off out of my life.

And I’ll drink to that one.

[chaorelance]

‘hey chaore are we just basically talking about people you kne-’

Yes.

Welcome to the first fun one.

So I mentioned Geintz last time.

Now we’re going to talk about him, and I’m going to not try and trashtalk someone they remind me of at the same time, because that is really, really unfair to that person in actuality.

Geintz was an angry, childish, piece of shit.

Geintz, arguably, was also very very good at the actual roleplaying thing when he put his feelings aside. If my discussion of our brief collaboration wasn’t clear, he was VERY good at actually setting shit up. There is only one person who was actually better, and we’ll talk about him MUCH MUCH LATER because he doesn’t even exist yet.

For the most part, this made him extremely unpopular for the most part, but that’s not why everyone eventually told him to fuck off.

For the most part, a good chunk of people actually still hung out with him. Jin and I, obviously. Nathaniel was just... kind of one of those personable types, so he shows up too. For the most part, Nathaniel is ALWAYS around. So are a few other people, but again, later stories I suppose. For the most part, he had... ‘friends’.

We all fucking abandoned him later though, and here’s where we get to one of the really big lessons about roleplaying I learned rather harshly.

See.

Geintz had a fetish.

We all really didn’t notice at first, because fuck i don’t know, maybe he wasn’t actually a grown adult the entire time and was learning himself. But he started out roleplaying really, really, normally. Kinda similar to us- quirky and often combative, but normal.

We didn’t really notice that the general age of his characters was dropping, and even then- who could blame us? Some of us had played kids before. It was all a part of roleplaying.

Then the diapers came out.

Geintz really, really liked diapers. And deaging, and people suddenly losing their ability to control their bowels. AND BEING FORCED TO SHIT THEMSELVES, INTO DIAPERS.

GEINTZ WAS REALLY INTO THAT SHIT.

AND HE MADE US -watch-.

In the later half of his cycle he would just- not stop having it happen in every game he opened. We TRIED to stand it, but eventually we were all just done with it, and when he tried to pop into our games and do his diaper shit in them we told him go.

Eventually, very angrily, he did. And fuck, thank god he did. Even if he made better games than most of us- no one wanted more of the shit play.

I don’t think ANY of us got why or when he started doing it, but it’s a really really good example of ‘please don’t force your fetish on me’.

And, for the most part, I need another drink.

And we’re not even partly buckwild into all the ACTUAL DRAMA that happened.

[chaorelance]

I’m going to just like, keep going till I’m tired I think. So let’s get further and further from the point everyone really wants to hear, while I try and get my thoughts together I guess.

Anyway, like, I’m done rambling about Beamed for a bit. Like I said, he was relevant to me but not BTG.

He’ll be around for a bit, because NOW we’re going to talk about my first core venture into BTG proper in my memory.

When I really, really tried to host a game. NOW, I have a rough time frame for this because I know it was around Kingdom Hearts 2′s proper releaaaaa holy FUCK 2005?! is that actually correct, what the fuck was I doing on the internet then. What.

But anyway, KH2 just released, I’d been fucking around on BTG for a while, and we were all giant video game nerds and a lot of us weeaboos, though I was not one proper at the time.

So, I wanted to make a Kingdom Hearts game. Somehow, I ended up splitting the ‘DM’ role three ways. This, was, as you probably guessed, what eventually lead to the game’’s death by creative differences.

I was working with two people. They went by ‘Geintz’ and ‘Jin’, and they were... odd bedfellows for the young bunlord. At the time, I was REALLY softspoken, shy, and nowhere near as confident and bellowing as I am today. I had like, no self-ego. I really, really didn’t believe in myself, which is probably how I ended up working with them.

Jin, is the person that if I ever met today I think most owe an apology to.

Jin probably saw me as a friend. Like, he was a goofy guy and honestly comparatively one of the nicest people to me. He tried to connect with me a lot. I think he genuinely saw me as a close friend.

In my head, to be honest? I think I saw him as Krillin.

And by that, I mean Team Fourstar Krillin, because I gave him so much shit. I didn’t even believe him when he said he was a black guy for some reason, which is an extra level of fucked up. I just thought he was lying for some reason, and like...

He posted some weird shit, I think some kind of fucked up doujin with Children in it, and I NEVER LET HIM LIVE THAT DOWN. I constantly called him a pedophile for some reason??? Holy shit??? I was an asshole???

But at the time, for many reasons, he was kind of a rival to me. But he was actually usually on my side, and I think when I wasn’t being an asshole to him, I kinda respected the dude.

And then there was Geintz.

Look.

Geintz is a story in himself, but suffice to say at this point, he is mostly a very angry and childish person, who I think is an actual grown adult in a crowd of teenagers.

He is why, eventually, shit dies. Partially because he’s right, in fairness.

Because for the most part, dev works involved Geintz doing most of the grunt work and designing while me an Jin butt heads, and for the most part, this extended to the plot too, where Jin and I, even as DMs, made NPCs SPECIFICALLY TO FUCKING BUTT HEADS WITH EACHOTHER. BOTH OF THEM WERE OVERPOWERED, BY THE WAY, BECAUSE WE WERE KIDS.

But for the most part we tried to launch a plot, and with one competent DM and two frolicking children, we launched our story.

It was a disaster, and let me start with the main reason why.

See, I’ve said a lot of shit in my lifetime, and I’ve said a lot of shit about love, and I’ve said a lot of shit about how I don’t believe in it.

But I’ve also said I’m a tsundere.

I said Jin and I butt heads a lot.

If I said me and Jin were basically butting heads over a girl, would you believe me?

Maybe. I dunno, I don’t really know if that was the case myself. For a large part, I’m really shitty with my feelings.

But what unarguably happened, is that the one female member of the entire BTG community, at the time became the focus of the story.

She became Sora, and for the most part Jin and I WOULD NOT STOP HAVING OUR NPCs FIGHT OVER HER, HOLY SHIT. While Geintz was trying to push the story along properly, to his.. few credits, Jin and I had our brooding Tragic Backstories fighting each other.

Jin was like, trying to be Riku. I was just a really, really strong dude with Oblivion and Oathkeeper or something, because fucking of course. My eventual argument was ‘Jin, your guy doesn’t get to just come back from being evil, what the fuck.’ and then I tried to stab him, and then like eventually Geintz kind of gets sick of everything.

I think Jin took more of the blame, because while I was really, really not supposed to be a part of this story or anything, I wasn’t like, constantly macking on her. I was kind of just trying to play Nice guy mentor or  some shit.

But like it’s the last straw for Geintz, he’s out. Jin and I try and patch stuff up and it doesn’t really work out.

After that, Jin kinda fucks off for a while. He plays with us occasionally but after our big collab, it’s mostly regrets we couldn’t make it work. Life happened to him, I guess. He sticks around a lot longer than Beamed did... and, I spend most of my time giving him shit.

Like I said, I really regret it, okay? Fuck, I wish I could find the guy and apologize.

But after all this, I feel like I won, so we’re not really butting heads or anything. Hell, when we played together, Jin straight up tried to be my friend always. I think I obliged, too.

I think he feels like I won too, because one of the last things I remember him asking me was if I ever hooked up with the girl.

Of course, I’m a giant tsundere.

I think I tried to make a few other ones besides that- but like, my memory of this time is actually SUPER, SUPER FUCKING SCATTERED, because A) It was years ago, and well B) Repression.

None of them were ever as popular, honestly. It didn’t help that to actually host a server, you often needed someone else to because your ports weren’t forwarded or some shit. BYOND was some finicky shit. Between that and people being bad at multitasking, you rarely got multiple games up at once.

This is important later, because eventually, multiple games stop existing.

But for the most part, that was my brief exchange in DMing. I think I learned a lot of lessons there, but... it was always either ‘me’ or someone else, and that kinda sunk my credibility.

I wasn’t a very inventive kid anyway.

[chaorelance]

Anyway, Bees are dead, Filthgear has won the ENTIRE GUILD WAR, etc, so, on with part 2 of my tragic backstory with the big green bean man.

If you asked ‘what the fuck kind of name was Beamed’, in summary, it was the kind of name where he pointed you to a dictionary definition for a really fucking obscure slang variant of the word, and called you an idiot for not knowing about it.

Today, I can’t remember what the fuck it precisely meant or find it when I look the word up.

And that, in summary, was the kind of guy Beamed was. He had a real name too, I think it was his actual one, but while I may be calling out people’s handles that’s because most of them are outdated and probably won’t find you them.

Beamed, and a dude we’ll call ‘Nathaniel’ were the two first people I met on BTG that were of any long-term importance. We met in a DBZ roleplay that Beamed had cooked up.

I think there were more people involved in this RP, but for the most part like a lot of early BTG things for me, it was basically Me, Beamed, and Nathaniel fucking around. Nathaniel was a human, Beamed was a Namekian, and I was the tiny Half-Monkey that accompanied them because what the fuck is DBZ if you can’t go SSJ come on guys.

And if you’re asking ‘wait, but Beamed was the DM, why does he have a character?’ the answer is simple.

We didn’t really have a campaign. We barely had a game system, as actually if I remember the actual game included typing ‘X Trains’ and that was how progression happened. I don’t even fucking recall if there were actual villians?  don’t know what happened? This is my strongest memory of Beamed as an RPer, with him as the green bean man, and I DON’T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED.

I guess I was just really into DBZ and that was enough for me. But that’s how we met, and if you’re wondering ‘okay so you were the strongest of those 3 right’, absolutely the fuck not. We’re talking about a pseudo-intellectual fuck, Saiyains of course underperformed the ~glorious~ namekian race, and well.

Nathaniel had ways, but that’s another story.

But as a result I spent a good portion of a few days playing third wheel to those two, and I ended up befriending them and that got me into BTG. I didn’t keep playing with Beamed as ‘DM’ though- He basically stopped trying after like, a Superhero game. Which was actually pretty fun if I recall- He took more of a stance as a DM like he should, and when he focused in his ‘character’ (Raise your fucking hand if you’re surprised he chose ~superintelligence~), there were enough people we had a legitimate conflict run solely on players. I felt more relevant, too. Mostly because I had super strength and if I hit anyone they would’ve been a blood splatter, BUT ANYWAY.

Eventually, Beamed stopped even playing BTG. I think I was really sad, because I rarely did things out of BTG after a point in my life.

I did to try and keep in contact with Beamed, though. Beamed was my ‘Best Friend’, even though he didn’t even treat me as well at Nathaniel did, and I had known him just as long.

We occasionally played shit like Byond Risk, his shitty DBZ RP game (now with visuals, and I think even SS13, but for the most part we just...talked occasionally, until he eventually just kinda disappeared.

In the grand tales of BTG, maybe Beamed was a part of the glorious ‘Golden Age’ that he talked about occasionally. How before a bunch of people joined, and well... the conservative military nut, the game was great. Creativity ruled.

But in my terms, he was just the beginning. And he was my best friend.

But he was kind of a prick, like I said. He was full of himself, rude, assholish, Hell most of the persona I use when talking that’s super combative and assertively tries to come off as right is probably modeled after him, but nicer.

Did you know? When I was a tiny bun I was actually super christian, I went to church and everything. I believed in the whole package, God, Hell, Heaven.

Beamed was an atheist. Beamed was one of those Atheists.

I don’t go to church anymore.

But he was my best friend.

.... like I said, I don’t know where he went though, but one day, he was even on MSN anymore. And we didn’t talk.

I think I was sad, but at that point, I was probably doing other things.

BTG moved on without him, even though he was my best friend.

And to be honest, so have I.

I don’t really miss him, honestly.

I’ve got a better best friend now anyway.