#Cassian x reader angst

[shadowdaddies]

A Better Tomorrow

Best Friend Cassian x Reader / mated Azriel x Reader Hurt/Comfort

A/N: This is for anyone who is tired. Life is hard, but the world is better with you in it.

The loud echo of your boots against the hardwood echoed through the hallway, steps fast and harsh against the floors as though you could take your anger out against it. Face hot with waves of anger and shame, you heaved out a sigh, flexing and clenching your hands while you paced the room, seeking an outlet to calm the rage contained beneath your skin. 

As if they could sense you were about to break, a cool wisp of darkness brushed your hand, effectively extinguishing the wildfire burning within you. Feet stopped on instinct, your watery eyes falling closed as tension immediately left your body, the anger making way for a brief peace that quickly soured to melancholy.

“Love?” Azriel called out from the kitchen, your mate’s warm voice healing the hole in your chest as you padded towards his call. 

“Hey, Az,” you murmured, smiling in spite of yourself at the sight of bright hazel eyes. The scent of chilled mist and cedar permeated the air, a balm to your blazing emotions. A calloused hand brushed down your arm, just as softly and soothing as his shadows when Azriel pulled you to his side. 

Movement from the corner of your eye turned your head, Cassian’s hulking frame leaning casually over the counter as he cleaned the final scraps of food from his plate. “Hey sunshine,” he winked, pausing to take a long swig of his drink. “How’s Windhaven? Keeping those Illyrian louts in check for me?”

By the way Azriel’s shadows began to oscillate erratically, his grip on your waist tensing ever so slightly, you knew that you hadn’t hidden your reaction to Cassian’s question. 

“What happened?” Azriel asked in a lethal calm. The shame and anger from earlier rushed back to you, eddying in your mind like a whirlpool that threatened to pull you under. A cool shadow stroking your cheek pulled your attention back to your mate. Safety, love, protectiveness seemed to roll off of him, and you spared a glance to Cassian to find the same.

Allowing yourself to lean your weight on Azriel, you found the comfort and clarity you needed from his presence - and with that clarity, the awareness of Azriel’s own simmering anger just below his composed facade. 

“Azriel,” you whispered, hand reaching up to brush a lock of onyx hair behind his curved ear. “I think I need to talk to Cassian about this alone, if that is alright.” 

Warring emotions seemed to play out in Azriel’s eyes, the irises reflecting golden light as his gaze flicked between his mate and brother. “I will talk to you about it, but I need to speak with my General right now,” you promised, offering a small smile of encouragement.

The shadowsinger’s sharp stare softened at that, understanding falling like a blanket of comfort over the two of you. Azriel recognized your need to separate your work from home life - it was a value which you both shared, and worked on balancing together. Pressing a kiss to your hair - and flashing a warning glare at Cassian that sent a shiver down your spine - Azriel went outside, leaving you alone with Cass.

Without Azriel’s presence by your side, the weight of the day seemed to fall all at once, Cassian’s expression turning from that of a concerned General to a worried friend instantly. His eyes tracked how your weight shifted awkwardly, hands twisting with each other. 

“C’mere sunshine,” he murmured, pulling out the chair next to where he sat. You took the chair, elbows instantly landing on the table and hands tangling in your hair. 

“I don’t think I can do this, Cass,” you admitted, hiding your watery eyes by studying the woodgrain of the table. “Windhaven. As a female. I’m just not strong enough.” You could feel Cassian’s intake of air, so you spoke before he could interject his platitudes and hollow encouragements. 

“It’s so hard - and I knew it would be - but day after day, nothing changes. Some of these males get worse with how they treat me, how they even treat each other. And I know I should ‘not let it bother me.’ I know that ‘it’s a reflection of their character and not mine.’ I know that ‘I am the bigger person.’ But gods dammit, I am so tired.”

You dared a peek at Cassian, expecting something of pity or even judgment, but he sat back in his chair with eyes that matched your own, sparkling with the same barely-held tears which held memories, understanding. He nodded silently, both an encouragement and an affirmation.

Loosing another sigh, you ran one hand through your hair as the other picked nervously at the textured table. “I tried to fight back today. To take a stand.” Palms smacked the table, the sting left on your hands nothing compared to the sting of today’s memory. 

“Fucking Devlon,” you continued. “He brought a group of male soldiers to where we were training the new Valkyries. The way they taunted those young girls, the disgusting comments... And one of them-” Your eyes shuttered at the sound of his voice replaying in your mind. “I won’t repeat what he said to Gwyn, but it sent me over the edge, Cassian. I couldn’t let those females be treated like that.

“So I challenged the asshole to a fight, with a ‘cycle-tainted sword,’” you scoffed, rolling your eyes at the words. 

“And he accepted,” Cassian added, not a question, but a reminder. 

With a stiff nod, you watched his reaction carefully as you continued the story. “I pinned him, easily-“ You felt relief as Cassian sipped his drink, shrugging in a silent of course. “But I didn’t stop there. He continued to spew his shit even from the ground, and I saw the faces of those other males. They hadn’t changed. I hadn’t proved anything to them.

“So I took my blade, and I cut his wing.” You couldn’t help the tear that spilled down your cheek then, the salty droplet cool against your reddened cheek. “Not enough to hurt him, but enough to leave a scar. To leave a reminder of what we could do.”

Cassian’s lips spread into a smirk, eyes twinkling with the feral delight of a true warrior, but he remained silent. 

“It feels wrong, Cassian. I don’t know what to do - how to stand up for myself, for others. Those males will never change, and I fear I’m only becoming as terrible as them. But I can’t bear to see that evil. I just can’t do it anymore... I am not strong enough for Illyria.”

Your bottom lip quivered, the heartbreak of the situation weighing you down, curving your shoulders in as you wrapped your arms around yourself. 

Cassian watched you for a long moment, pushing his plate to the side before leaning closer, ruby red siphons pulsing light against the table where he now rested them. 

“I don’t know whether your actions against that male were the right thing to do. I do know that he deserved it - and much more - but if it weighs on your conscience, it may not be what is best for you. And that is what I care about. I don’t give a fuck about what happens to some Illyrian prick who went out of his way to hurt you all. He incited a reaction, and reaped the consequences. 

“You are right,” Cassian continued, his hand giving yours a gentle squeeze. “It is so hard, to see the hatred and evil day after day - not only from our enemies, but those within our own community. And those males will probably never change. But so much has changed, and will. The Valkyries are already bringing change in more ways than I think you realize.”

Cassian swallowed thickly, his eyes shining with a brighter kind of emotion. “Remember when I met you and Nesta in town after training at Windhaven last week?” You nodded,  curious as to where he was going with this. 

“I saw the two of you walking towards me, armed in your uniforms with heads held high. These little girls,” he breathed, tucking a loose strand of hair behind his ear. “They were watching you from the window. Two little Illyrian girls with a look that I had never seen them have in that town. It was more than admiration, it was hope.”

Hazel eyes bore into you with a captivating earnestness. “You give them hope. Something I am ashamed to say I hadn’t noticed was missing until The Valkyries brought it to them. Those males may not change, but you are helping to build a world for those little girls to be the change. 

We can’t change Illyria overnight. But it needs you, because you are making the world a better place for those children - a world with hope, where they can be themselves without fear, because they look at you and know it is possible.”

A sob broke from your lips, relief washing over you like a cool wave at the realization. You would make mistakes, consequences would have actions, people would do wrong by you and others. But as small as your work may feel, you are building a better world for tomorrow.

A shadow wound through your tousled hair, wiping at the salty tears that streaked down your cheeks. Cassian chuckled at the motion, standing from his seat with a grunt. “I think Azriel might be getting impatient out there,” he nodded towards the door. “Go have a good night with your mate.”

You stood, nodding with a sniffle as you wrapped your arms around your friend, his own returning the action with his usual tight squeeze. “Thank you, Cassian. You are a very good friend, and General.”

“I know,” he smirked when you pulled away, playfully elbowing him in the ribs. “I’m feeling inspired to go find my Nesta, and remind her just how much better the world is with her.” With a suggestive smirk, he winked and set off towards the library, leaving you laughing softly at his shameless behavior.

You opened the door to the outside where Azriel stood looking out at the sunset, his stillness making him look like a statue until he turned to face you, and you inhaled sharply at the beauty of your mate, a living work of art. 

“Are you alright?” he questioned, failing to hide his concern at the still-drying tears on your face. Pushing up on your toes, you pulled him in for a kiss. 

“Better than ever,” you murmured against his lips, tugging his soft lower lip between your teeth before pulling away to take his hands in yours. “I’ll tell you everything over dinner. I’m ready to enjoy my night with the one I love.”

That earned a cheeky grin from Azriel, the male effortlessly sweeping you into his arms before setting off to fly across the multi-colored hues of the evening sky, where you clung to the comfort of him.

[illyrianbitch]

A Place for Dying

Pairing: Reader x Cassian

Summary: A mission with Cassian goes terribly wrong.

Warnings: major angst, mentions and depiction of gore, injury, battle, death.

Word Count: 2.3k

✹ ✶ 𖧷 ✶✹ 

The rain lashed down in relentless torrents as the sounds of clashing steel filled the air.

You didn’t know where they came from or how they managed to sneak up on you and Cassian so swiftly— appearing as if conjured by the storm itself. Within seconds you were swarmed.

The male in front of you was unlike any you’ve faced before, eyes ablaze with an eerie light as he attacked. You parried his blows with all your skill, but the mud beneath your feet made your movements slow and predictable, and his skill was otherworldly— something far sinister than what you’d been trained to fight. From the corner of your eye, you could see Cassian locked in combat with two other males, hair matted and siphons glowing angrily as he moved.

And then a searing pain exploded in your abdomen.

Time seemed to slow to a crawl as you glanced down, watching in horror as a sword was drawn from your abdomen, coated in blood. You felt your own weapon slipping from your now lax grip as your hand found its way to your gaping wound. A faint scream echoed in your ears as you looked up, meeting the male's triumphant grin, his sword poised to deliver the final blow.

Within a seconds, there was a second figure before you as a flash of red glow and power surged.

But you weren’t paying attention as your legs gave way beneath you.

You felt yourself falling, the world spinning as a fuzzy darkness crawled into your eyesight. You blinked. Cassian was there, hands reaching out to catch you and pull you into him.

"Shit, shit," he cursed under his breath. "Shit."

"Cassian," you croaked. Your voice was barely a whisper against the roar of the storm, a painful groan that made his stomach clench. His gaze swept over the chaos around you, the soaked mud now scarcely decorated with the bodies of the fallen soldiers. He looked over briefly at the male that had stabbed you, now lying lifeless where Cassian had struck him.

"You're okay, you're good," Cassian said. He attempted to readjust himself, wrapping an arm around your torso as he pulled your other around his shoulders. His body groaned in response, searing pain igniting through his torn clothes.

"Cass, I can't—I can't.”

"Shhh," Cassian said. He took a deep breath as he began to walk forward, surveying his surroundings for the next possible move. "Don't speak. I got ya."

His shredded wings hung limp behind him, now sodden and stained with mud. You hung from him completely, unable to keep yourself up as your legs dragged behind you with every move. Cass clenched his teeth, his mind blurring out the pain of his own injuries to focus solely on you. Any wrong move could worsen your injuries. He needed to find a place to rest, to wait for Rhysand or Azriel.

Your grip tightened on your stomach, trying to staunch the flow of blood as Cassian's hand now covered yours.

"Cass," you rasped.

He kept moving, his body protesting with every step forward.

"Rhys and Az will be here, okay?" Cassian replied, his voice strained with the effort of masking his own fear. "Let me just get you somewhere safe."

"We don't have time."

Cassian shook his head, his feet dragging through the mud as he continued. Everywhere in his body screamed with pain, his senses overwhelmed by the taste of blood in the air and the relentless pounding of the rain. He could feel the weight of you pulling on him getting worse as you weakened, the strain growing in the tension of his muscles as he struggled to keep moving.

Through the hand that covered yours, Cassian could feel the blood seeping through your fingers. He fought to distract himself from the sight and sensation, focusing instead on the rhythm of his own breath, the steady beat of his heart. He needed to think.

He whispered silent prayers to whatever gods may be listening, willing you to hold on just a little while longer. But the taste of blood lingered in his mouth and every scream in his mind was met with empty silence. A deep sense of foreboding settled in his gut, a primal instinct that warned him that you might be vulnerable to yet another ambush. He also knew, deep down, that Rhys and Az wouldn’t be coming anytime soon.

All he could do was wait, to get you settled somewhere so your body could begin to heal. That wouldn’t happen as long as he was dragging your body through mud and rain. With a determined mind, he steered you deeper into a grove of trees.

You reached a small clearing, the burden of the pouring rain now lessened by the canopy above you. Cassian leaned against a sturdy tree, carefully lowering you both down until you were cradled in his arms, your back pressed against his chest. You let out a choked sound of pain, eyes clenching as a wave of nausea ran through you.

“I know, sweetheart. I’m sorry.”

Cassian’s voice was a gentle caress. If you had the energy to pay attention, you would have noticed the fear that settled in it, the utter desperation.

Cassian let out a deep breath, his jaw set in determination as he lifted his hand to help you raise your shaky one, guiding it to apply more pressure to your wound. He could feel it underneath his fingertips, see it even through your black leathers, the blood pouring from you still. A knot tightened in his stomach.

He felt your shallow breaths against his chest as your trembling form leaned back against him. You closed your eyes and let your head fall backwards onto his shoulder.

"It's bad, isn't it?" you whispered.

Cassian took another deep breath, his mind racing as he fought to keep his composure for your sake. "Nothing you haven't faced before."

A small laugh escaped your lips. For a moment, Cassian's gaze softened as the sound filled his ears, a sense of comfort rolling through his body in a slow wave.

"Just keep the pressure on it, alright?"

You gave a shaky nod. "Okay.”

Cassian took a moment to assess the situation. Without any materials to staunch the bleeding, all he could do was wait and try to keep you distracted from the pain. He looked down at you, taking in the sight of your matted hair, drenched in mud and blood, streaks of crimson mingling with the rainwater on your face. Despite it all, you were still the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen.

Desperation clawed at him as he continued to plead with Rhys in his mind, willing his friend to come to your aid. But yet again, his cries were met with a deep, heavy silence. No response, no feeling of a message having been received. Cass wrapped himself around you even closer.

"It'll make a badass scar," he said.

Again, you managed a weak laugh, but it was cut short by a bubbling sound that sent a chill down Cassian's spine. He felt his stomach drop as he realized the source— blood gurgling from your throat, staining your perfect smile crimson.

With a trembling hand, Cassian cradled your head, pulling you closer to him, his own face hovering inches from yours in a desperate attempt to offer what little comfort he could. There was a painful pang in his chest as he felt your breaths becoming shallower. He gave you a gentle nudge.

"Hey, stay with me," he implored, voice laced with desperation. "Look at me.”

"I can't… I'm so tired," you replied weakly.

"Yes, you can," Cassian said. "I know it's hard, but you gotta keep those pretty eyes open, okay?"

"Cassian."

His name was a desperate plea, a sound of pure agony that fell from your lips.

"I know, I know," he murmured, his own voice choking. He cleared his throat. "But you gotta keep fighting, alright? Can you do that for me?"

You nodded faintly, your voice barely above a whisper as you replied, "Okay."

"Good, good," Cassian said, his heart aching as he watched you struggle. "Let me see."

With great effort, you managed to tilt your head, your teary eyes meeting his. Cassian swallowed back his own tears, his voice trembling slightly as he whispered, "There they are."

Your brow furrowed in determination as you gathered the strength to speak, and you began, "Cass, I want you to know…"

But Cassian started shaking his head vehemently, his voice firm as he interrupted, "No, no."

"I should've told you sooner-”

Cassian's head continued to shake, his eyes pleading with you to stop. "Y/n, please.”

But you pressed on, the words tumbling from your lips despite his protests. "You need to know that I-"

"No," Cassian interrupted again, his voice desperate. "You can tell me when we get back. Don't say that."

"Cassian, please, let me-"

"No. You can tell me when we get back home," Cassian insisted once again, his eyes wide and desperate. "And then I can tell you I feel the same way. That I’ve felt the same way for centuries. And I can take you out on a real date. Do it all properly. Okay?"

You paused. After a moment, you quietly replied, "Okay."

Cassian leaned his head down, pressing a tender kiss to the top of your head before resting his own against it. "Just a little longer," he whispered softly, “I promise.”

He knew it was wrong, that he shouldn’t be promising anything in your condition, that he should have let you speak. But Cassian refused. He refused because your words were those of a dying female, words of a confession that you’d release upon death. And you weren’t dying, not today. He refused.

So he focused on your body against him, playing another chaste kiss atop your head. He felt you shift slightly beneath him.

"Isn't that beautiful?"

Cassian frowned, pulling his eyes away from you to look at the view in front. Over the small clearing the setting sun shone through gaps within the trees. Cassian nodded, his eyes fixed on the horizon for a moment before he looked down at you, gaze tender and unwavering. "Breathtaking," he said, his voice barely above a whisper. Those words were only for you.

"So beautiful.”

But as Cassian continued to hold you close, a sense of unease began to gnaw at him. Where were Rhysand and Azriel? Who else was hurt? What could he do to help you?

His thoughts ran through his mind, clumping into large knots he couldn’t read. But then, Cassian’s heart stopped, a surge of panic flowing through his body as he tightened his grip on your hand.

You weren’t moving beneath him. No shallow breaths, no coughing.

"Y/n?" he whispered, his hand moving to cradle your face, angling it towards him. “No, no, no.”

His hand trembled as he brushed your cheek, searching desperately for any sign of life. But there was no response, no flutter of eyelids or rise and fall of breath. And then he saw it—your eyes closed, your features peaceful in repose, the ghost of a weak smile.

His eyesight began to grow blurry as tears filled his eyes once more, now freely falling as he took you in. Cassian let his forehead fall to rest against yours as he began to sob, the weight of grief crushing him in its wake.

✹ ✶ 𖧷 ✶✹

The sun was gone by time Rhys and Azriel appeared, desperately running forward with bruised and bloodied faces. Rhys was the first to speak, his words tumbling out before he could fully take in the scene. "We came as fast as we could, there was an att—"

But his voice faltered the same second Az took a sharp inhale next to him.

Cassian sat before them, hair matted and wings limp around him, cradling your body in his hands. He brushed his thumb against your cheek, tears glistening in his eyes as he remained lost in his grief, not sparing his brothers a glance.

Without hesitation, Azriel's shadows swarmed around you, a protective cocoon enfolding your form. One shadow returned to him, and within seconds his expression dropped. He turned to Rhys with a shake of his head.

"I told her to stop," Cassian's voice trembled as he finally looked up, meeting their gazes. His face was still painted in blood and dirt, streaked by the rain and tears. There were bags under his eyes and a sense of despair they'd never seen before, not in the centuries he had existed. "I told her to wait until we got home to tell me."

He glanced down at you again, running a hand over your hair as he continued, "I didn't let her tell me she loved me." Each word hung heavy in the air, a tangible ache in his voice as he spoke.

Rhys stepped forward, clearing his throat as a deep sadness weighed in his stomach. "Cass—"

But Cassian shook his head, cutting him off. "I didn't get to tell her I love her."

Loved her, his mind reminded him. Loved her.

Rhys knelt down in front of him, exchanging a solemn glance with Azriel. He gave a nod with his head towards Cassian’s wings. It only took Azriel seconds to take in the state of them, torn and bloody, more of the membrane missing than what remained.

"We need to go home," Rhys said quietly, his hand resting on Cassian's shoulder. “You need Madja.”

But Cassian only shook his head as he pulled you closer.

"Just five more minutes," he pleaded, pressing his face to your head. He took a deep breath, his senses filled with the smell of dirt, sweat, and blood. But beneath it all, he caught a hint of you, of the smell he’d grown to love. A scent that felt like home.

He inhaled it deeply, savoring it and storing it away in his mind. He would never smell it again.

“Just five more minutes.”

✹ ✶ 𖧷 ✶✹

me saying i need to get in the headspace of writing angst for one of my series parts and writing this teehee

also… isn’t it so sad when u realize they never ever kissed 😭(😋😋)

permanent tag list 🫶🏻: @rhysandorian @itsswritten @milswrites

[velarisnightsky444]

Breathe

Angstober Day 12: Panic Attack with Cassian

CW: Anxiety, panic attack, allusions to past SA(she's a priestess)

AN: Guys I've posted so many of these today

Summary: You have a panic attack during training, and Cassian helps calm you down.

Word Count: 558

October Masterlist

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It took a year of Gwyn's pestering for you to work up the courage to train with the rest of the Priestesses. It wasn't until Nesta, Gwyn, and Emerie completed the blood rite that you talked yourself into joining. You figured if they could complete such an incredible challenge, you could train. 

Some days were easier than others. Sometimes, you enjoyed yourself at training, and you found that you felt yourself getting stronger. Other days, it was a struggle to leave the sanctuary of the library. And you had to force yourself to get through the training. 

Today was a struggle. You'd been plagued with nightmares all night, only seeing the face of your attacker. You'd confided in Gwyn that morning, and she had told you that if you needed the day off, nobody would judge you. But you felt that you needed to come to training. 

You were landing hit after hit on the punching bags, tears welling up in your eyes, even as you tried to blink them away. He had turned you into a shell of yourself, and you would never, ever be the same. You couldn't even get through the day without seeing him, feeling him. 

Your breaths were becoming rapid, tears blinding you, and your punches becoming sloppy. You could feel your chest closing up, and you knew what was happening. You stopped punching, trying to breathe, but feeling as though air was not getting to your lungs. 

Your blood roared in your ears, in a way that made you feel like you were dying. You collapsed onto the ground, squeezing your eyes shut. If anyone had noticed what was happening, you wouldn't know. 

Every breath was a violent attempt to get air to your lungs, and it hurt like hell. Breathing fucking hurt. You had no control, black spots appearing in your vision. And his fucking face was all you could see in your mind. 

"Hey, hey, it's okay," a voice said. The only thing you could hear over the roaring in your ears, and your erratic heartbeat. "You're going to be alright, YN." 

You recognized the voice as Cassian's, but you couldn't see him. You couldn't see anything through your tears and the spots in your vision. But you could feel his presence, could feel him kneeling in front of you. 

"Look at me," he said softly. 

You couldn't lift your head. But he lifted your chin very delicately, forcing you to look up at him. You could just barely make out his figure. He reached out, taking your shaking hands in his. And you held onto them, grounding yourself. 

Your tears didn't stop, but the black spots faded just a bit. The only thing you could see clearly were his eyes. His hazel eyes that were so full of sincerity and concern. 

"That's it," he murmured. "Breathe for me, YN." 

You nodded as best you could, trying to calm your breathing, even if it was nearly impossible. He guided you in your breaths, reminding you of the breathing meditation he had taught you for moments like this one. 

You didn't care that everyone was watching. You held onto his hands and breathed with him, calming yourself down. 

Because your attacker was dead. And it was not him in front of you. 

It was Cassian. 

And Cassian would never hurt you. 

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Kink/Fluff/Angstober Taglist: @serxndipity-ipity-blog @danikamariemain @book-obsessed124 @winchesterbbygrl @kissesfrommads @binnieonabike @fourthwing4ever @ghostslittlegf @mollygetssherlockcoffee @hawke1917 @nesta-houseofwindfantasy @wirdbeimaufhebengebunden @honk4emoboys @rogerbarnesxx @a-courtof-azriel @kodokunarisu-blog @dxjaaaa @secretsicanthideanymore @littlepippilongstocking

Cassian Taglist:

General Taglist: @lilah-asteria @anneas11 @andreperez11 @isnotwhatyourethinking @effervescentbutterfly

comment to be added to any of the taglists.

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[tadpolesonalgae]

Messy Breakups and Messier Bedsheets

Cassian x reader

For Day 5 of @acotar-omegaverse-week — Mating Bites: Chomp Chomp <3

a/n: Blame Escapism by Raye for this one

warnings: biting; smut; angst; some fluff

synopsis: When Cassian notices a fracture in your and Azriel’s relationship, he can’t help the hope that sparks. And when—almost a year later—his brother comes for him for relationship help, yet again he can’t help giving advice to his own benefit. Splitting you apart for good.

word count: 4,917

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“…what?”

The world is coming down around you, debris and shrapnel raining down from fire-filled skies, clouds of ash billowing far above, stinging your eyes as bile burns your throat.

In front of you Azriel sits with his eyes lowered and his throat rolls before looking back. “I’m sorry for hurting you.” Lies. “But you’re strong. You’ll manage.” Lies. “I know you are.” Lies.

“You’re just saying that… Tell me what’s wrong.” Your voice comes out inappropriately calm, nowhere near matching the raging tempest that’s cleaving through your heart, slowly but surely splitting it into tiny pieces, stretching the muscle until it’s unbinding from itself, cramping and aching from the pain.

A muscle works in his jaw, forcing himself to watch as heat wets your eyes. “I don’t love you anymore.”

“You don’t mean that.” Your throat tightens. It’s painful to swallow. “This is coming out of nowhere. Things have been rough maybe, but…” You shake your head, a tear dripping from below your chin down onto the satin of your dress. “It hasn’t been that bad, has it?”

“It’s not bad,” he tries, looking at you imploringly. “But it’s not-…” Azriel breaks off, casting his gaze elsewhere as he searches for the words. Hazel eyes find you again, “You deserve better-”

“Don’t.” Your voice breaks, the fractures growing deeper as they find your surface, cleaving apart in spite of your attempts to keep yourself together. “Don’t- Don’t use that excuse. I love you.”

Pain glimmers in his eyes before it’s pushed away with a hard blink of his lids. “You deserve someone who loves you back.”

————

One Hour Earlier

“I don’t know what to do,” Azriel confesses.

His right hand is resting on his head, scarred fingers threaded through black hair. His left hand is loosely grasping a small glass of heavily diluted whiskey. If he’s really going to do this, he needs to be entirely sober.

Cassian shoves his weight back into the chair besides Azriel, throwing his boots up on the table and crossing them at the ankle. “Cheer up. These things happen,” Cassian assures, wings knocking twice with Azriel’s in a sign of comfort.

“Falling out of love with someone you thought you were going to marry?” Azriel murmurs, head still hung, staring at the tinge of liquor in his crystal glass. Beside him Cassian stiffens, leather rustling as he folds his arms over his chest, “And how long have you been…out of love with her?”

Large, leathery wings lift and fall in a shrug, the male not looking up.

Cassian’s jaw works, watching his brother closely. The general can see he’s hurting, but…

“Can you pretend?” He asks.

Azriel pauses, then sits upright for the first time since Cassian’s been in the kitchen. “What?”

“Can you fake it?” Cassian repeats. “Can you convince her you still love her?” Azriel shakes his head, glancing back to his watery whiskey. “She’d see right through it.”

“Sounds like you have your answer then.”

Hazel meets hazel, Azriel’s brows narrowed over defensive irises. “It’s not that simple. I still…” He releases a heavy sigh, one that deflates his entire chest, slumping back into the chair. “I’m not blind, Cassian. She’s the best I’ll ever have.”

“So you’ll drag her down with you?”

Cassian’s features are sternly set when Azriel turns his head to stare at his brother. Azriel’s jaw works, molars grinding together before he tears his eyes away to return to the diluted glass. “I can get better,” he murmurs, but they’re just words.

“You don’t just get better, Az.” The Spymaster doesn’t want to listen. “Are you going to make her wait until you’re ready and stable? Until you’ve found a way to make time for her?”

“I make time for her,’’ Azriel counters, his tone low and sharp.

“Mhmm. When did you last take her out?”

“Last week.”

“And before that?”

“Will you get off my back?” Azriel snarls, his hand slamming down on the table top. “This is as good as it’s going to get for me, Cass. She is the best I’ll ever have.”

“And what about her, huh? Are you the best for her?”

Azriel narrows his eyes. “And what’s that supposed to mean?”

Cassian swallows, realising he misspoke. But he’s said it now.

Cassian’s jaw works, looking away once before returning to an icy gaze, “Do you think you’re good for her?” A beat passes.

“Where’s this coming from, Cass?”

“Stop deflecting.” There’s ice in his voice and fire in his eyes. “Do you think you’re good for her?”

Silence.

The General exhales lightly but his body remains tightly locked. “Not being good for her doesn’t make you bad, Az. You’re just…maybe not the best pairing.”

“I’m trying.” He grits out.

“It’s not good enough, Az.” Cassian murmurs. “Let her go.”

————

The kohl is so thick you can almost see it bunching in your lashes, forming heavy clumps that obscure minuscule parts of your vision but you don’t care. You want to forget him. Want to tear him from your memory and regurgitate his tender touches into the Sidra to be washed away, but the thought of leaving any of him behind causes your heart to split. Moving his things out, one toothbrush in the bathroom, no tea-stained mugs in your cupboard, no waking up in the early hours of the morning when your body senses his presence despite his complete silent.

Sleeping in a bed triple your size. Sleeping without the sturdy presence of heat at your back. Sleeping without the weight of a wing draped over your side like an extra cover.

The glass hits the wooden table of the bar, ice clinking against the crystal encasing it, having not been allowed the time to chill or dilute the liquor before it was flung to the back of your throat. They’re expensive little drinks, and though you’re hurting you can’t quite bring yourself to put them on Azriel’s tab. It’s not his fault he stopped loving you.

A small bowl of salted biscuits is pushed your way, and you look up to find the bartender offering you a sympathetic look. Your lower lip wobbles but you offer a grateful nod of your head, nibbling the edge of one to at least absorb some of the alcohol in your stomach. He offers a brief smile, then he’s whisking himself away to the other end of the bar, called by someone else who’s probably having a much better evening than you are.

You startle when a rough palm cups your shoulder, patting twice before a large, male body slides into place besides you. Hazel eyes, looming figure, Illyrian wings.

“You look miserable,” Cassian muses, bracing his forearms on the table top. Your tongue pokes at the inside of your cheek, jaw working. “Did Azriel ask you to come?”

“Azriel?” He asks, catching the bartender’s eye, succinctly ordering a drink. “Did something happen?” You release a derisive scoff, standing abruptly from your chair and grabbing your purse. “Fuck off, Cassian.”

The General’s broad palm wraps carefully around your upper arm, and you spin around seething, only to be met with an apologetic expression on his sincere features. “I’m sorry,” he eases, “I wanted to see if you were okay. Alright?” You try to jerk out of his hold but alphas have always been stronger than omegas, and he’d be a powerhouse even without that aiding him. He gives you an imploring look, urging you to speak with him before slowly releasing his hold on you, allowing you to leave if you want.

Your jaw works, clutching your purse tight as if debating smacking it across his shoulder for trying to lie to you. But, “so you know? That he broke up with me?” Cassian nods his head, and you swallow harshly. The lighting and music, the sweat and pheromones…it’s getting a bit much for your state. “Do you know why?” You ask, slowly sliding back into your seat, cradling the bowl of crackers to your chest. He makes a vague shrugging gesture in response and you grit your teeth. “If you know something, tell me.”

“What reason did he give you?” Cassian asks, making a hurt sound when you harshly swat his hand away from your crackers—perhaps with a little more force than you should have. Your throat rolls, watching with interest as the bartender delivers Cassian’s drink—something you don’t recognise but it has a leaf in. You turn back to your salted biscuits. “He said he doesn’t love me anymore.”

Silence hangs between you, stringed instruments plucking away in the background, the jingling tap of a tambourine making infrequent appearances along with the fluttering tune of a flute.

“So…you came here?” You shoot him a simmering glare and he exposes his palms in earnest. “It just doesn’t seem like your type of scene,” he reasons. “Drinking, staying out late, dancing…? Sure, but not when you’re-”

“Hating everything and everyone?” You suggest dryly, not looking at him.

“Alone.”

You huff sharply. “Thanks.”

“I didn’t mean it like that. But why are you here? Wouldn’t you rather be with someone right now?”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” You seethe, standing so suddenly the stool screeches back. “Just fuck off, Cassian. Take your little report and scamper back to Azriel.”

Then you’re striding for the exit, the night air cold and stark against your somewhat dewy skin. Footsteps follow after you but you barrel ahead, heels clicking relentlessly over the slick cobbles. You know he’s trailing you when he doesn’t catch up—with his height it would take little effort to match you, especially with the added encumbrance of your heels. It’s only when you reach your door that he approaches you again, probably trying to give you some time to cool off.

“I didn’t mean to upset you,” Cassian starts with while you’re fitting your keys into the door, kicking off your heels as soon as you’re inside, tossing your purse onto the entry table. The front door clicks shut behind you, but he’s quietly followed you inside. “Just tell me if you’re okay…if you’ll be okay tonight.”

You spin around on bare feet, “Do I look okay to you?” Tears had escaped on the way back and you’re certain the kohl will have smudged by now. Even without the tear stains charcoaled in it would be easy to tell you’re a mess. “Do I look fine, Cassian?”

Without your heels on he’s much taller. Especially between the narrow walls and low ceiling of your hallway.

“We were together for five years. And he ends it all in one night. Out of nowhere.” Your chest rises and falls rapidly, skin heating with the rush of blood from adrenalised sadness. “Of course I’m not fucking okay.”

“I know it’s difficult, but don’t you think it might be better this way? For both of you?”

“How could it be better?” You spit. “I loved him. I still-” You cut yourself off, lip wobbling as more tears spill and you have to hide your face. “You weren’t compatible,” Cassian says softly, boots appearing at the top of your vision, your head hung. “Lifestyle, routine, free time…” Calloused palms tentatively skim across your shoulders, before they’re wrapping around your back, pulling you closer. “You can’t force love, sweetheart.” His palms rub up and down your spine. “I’m sorry.”

His touch feels good…warm. The broad strength of him securely wrapping you up, encompassing your body. Keeping you stable and secure within his hold.

You allow your arms to wrap around his back, fingers curling in the fabric of his shirt. His scent is familiar as it invades your senses, inhaled into your lungs and sweeping throughout your bloodstream. Perhaps it’s just instinct—because he’s an alpha, and you’re an omega searching for company—but he’s soothing. Calming the erratic beat of miserable thoughts, the firm strokes of his palm over your back letting warmth reenter to your body, some of the darkness skittering away, ice thawing and melting.

You push deeper into him, treasuring the comfort. How good it feels to have some kind of company that’s listening and caring. Just the physical presence of someone. The comfort of a strong, male body. The heft of his well-muscled arms and the self-contained power that’s confined to his body. The scent that alerts you to his secondary sex as an alpha. Like Azriel. Big, Strong, and Illyrian.

“Sweetheart?”

Cassian’s voice draws you from your thoughts but you keep your face pressed to his chest, arms wrapped around his waist. After a beat his palm moves to the crown of your head, stroking gently. “You’re probably tired and worn out by now,” he tells you in a soft tone you haven’t heard before. “We can speak in the morning. Why don’t you get some rest for the night?”

Almost instinctively your grip tightens on him, keeping him from potentially pulling away. The fabric of your dress is pretty sheer, and you aren’t wearing a bra… He won’t be bothered by it, you’re sure.

You breathe his scent deeper into your lungs, sighing. It could be Azriel you’re holding. Could be Azriel who has his arms wrapped around you. Your fingers graze higher out of habit, brushing the base of his wings how you once did for Az whenever he was on edge. Just a light touch would be soothing, tender and intimate. Instead it has Cassian’s breath hitching, muscle going taut beneath your hold.

“Sweetheart?” Azriel would be calling you pretty thing. Azriel would be cupping your cheek and tilting your jaw to nose at your neck. Azriel doesn’t want you anymore.

You pull back enough to look up at him, tender hazel eyes watching warily, his hands having paused their strokes. Your lips part.

Cassian swallows, palms settling on your shoulders. “Bedtime?”

Instinct is urging you. You’re used to having an alpha to fall back on at the end of the day. Used to crawling into bed to nestle against an alpha’s side. Used to feeling an alpha’s teeth scratching against your throat.

Azriel used to bite deep.

Your fingers tighten in the back of Cassian’s shirt, and you’re pushing closer to him, gripping him tighter and dragging on the fabric as if it’ll pull him lower. The General blinks, taking a step back but you go with him, keeping him within your hold. You incline your chin to look at him directly and his hands lift from your body, the thick column of his throat rolling as a faint heat colours his cheeks. You push up onto your tiptoes…if you were wearing your heels this would be easier.

“What are you doing?” He asks. He’s breathless and his temperature is rising. You can hear the quickened beat of his pulse. See the dilation of his pupils. You lick your lips. “Lean down,” you murmur, staring at him intently. Cassian swallows again and you swear you gain a deeper awareness of his scent. The heat and strength of him. How he would feel on top of you, keeping you to his body, hidden away from the hurt of the world.

“What for?” He asks, less than a murmur. Softer than a whisper. “Come here and find out,” you reply. When he remains still a seed of frustration takes root in your chest, and you step forward, watching him intently for a beat more before you’re laying the bare fronts of your feet atop the hard curve of his boots.

Hazel eyes widen marginally as you gain those extra inches, hands moving from his back to lace over his shoulders, all done so painfully slowly. Fingers slide up his nape, tangling in the dark, clean hair he keeps tied back. You arch and stretch, body straining with feline grace as you reach for him, inclining your chin as you exert pressure to pull him down. His eyes glaze, and then a familiarly broad palm is sliding around the curve of your spine, reaching all the way around until he’s clasping your hip from behind. His other hand cups your ribs, sliding to lift up between your shoulder blades.

“Kiss me,” you whisper.

A huff of breath fans across your lips, then his body is wrapping around you, laced with strain, muscles tense as fingers tremble up the knuckles of your spine. Hot lips meet your own and his hold incrementally tightens on you, squeezing your hip, lifting to your waist, squeezing harder. It’s perfect—warm and safe and familiar. You trust him, you know him. It’s going to be okay tonight.

You pull away, keeping your body flush to his and your eyes lock. Both of you are flushed, heat radiating and swelling between you, then he’s stepping forward as if to kiss you again. You lose your footing, having been balanced on the tips of his boots, and you half-stumble, half-crash into the wall, knocking your purse from the side table. Cassian’s mouth descends over your own, the hand on your ribs snaking up to cup the side of your neck where a set of bite marks lie, thumb skimming across your jaw as his lips repeatedly push against your own, teeth nipping at your lower lip and tugging.

Cassian’s tongue flickers out, swiping across your lip once before dipping into your mouth, tilting your head for a better angle and a moan bubbles up from somewhere in your chest. A sound almost like a deep groan rises in response and you feel as your body begins to instinctively melt beneath the touch of an alpha. A familiar syrup liquefying in your veins, turning you favourably soft and deliciously pliable.

You pull away again, hormones and lust addling your mind. All you can think about is you have an alpha again. He’s big, and strong, and hungry for you. And you aren’t far from your bed.

“Follow me,” you breathe, before wrapping your hand partially around his wrist, tugging him with you as you swiftly ascend the staircase, dragging him firmly down the hallway and shoving open your bedroom door. Cassian seems to be just as on board with this as you are because as soon as that door clicks shut hands are biting into your hips and spinning you around, pushing you up against that very same door and kissing you with starving ferocity. Palms slide over the curve of your ass, squeezing your thighs and handling you up his body while his mouth is still attached to yours. Your legs lock instinctively around his hips, spine curving to press the swell of your breasts into the hard muscles of his chest, cupping his jaw between your hands as you kiss him back, nails scraping through his hair, pulling locks from their bindings.

You grip onto him tighter when he pulls you away from the door, walking you over to the bed and dropping you into the plush mattress. The scent of the sheets puffs up, filling your lungs, infusing the air around you and- It’s Azriel. Beneath the cleaner, and your own scent, he’s there. Still clinging to the fibres of your sheets, and emotion - emotion ugly and furious, vicious and ravenous for pain - rears, searching, searching, for-

“Take that dress off.” The order rips you from your thoughts, and your hands are gripping the hem of the skirting, pulling up, up, up over your thighs, your hips, your waist, your breasts. Your hair is a mess by the time it’s off and you’re left in a mismatching set of underwear but Cassian’s looking at you like you’re wrapped in fine silk or black lace and thoughts of any other male, of any other alpha swiftly melt away.

“Take your clothes off,” you breathe, carefully moving back on the bed. He obeys, fingers making swift work of the ties holding the slats together, shucking the shirt off and tossing it to the floor. “Trousers, too,” you demand breathlessly, settling comfortable in the collection of pillows at the head of the bed. Cassian growls but works free the ties of his leathers, tugging them from his legs then following you up onto the mattress.

“Any more orders you want to give me?” He growls, pupils dilated, his arms caging you in as they land either side of you. “Kiss me,” you demand, “kiss me right n-mmph!” His mouth crashes down and you spine arches up into him as his calloused palm rasps up your stomach, pushing one strap of your bra down your shoulder. Teeth and tongue and lips swirl and flurry, biting and nipping and licking while your knees part beneath him.

Two pinpoints in your neck ache, spiking with a needling pain and a light sweat breaks across your skin as you instinctively crane your neck to direct him. He follows without complaint, trailing small nips and licks down your jaw, down the length of your throat, sucking and biting at spots he finds pleasing. A low growl resounds in his chest, heavy and strained but you don’t have time to think about what might be causing such a territorial noise.

“Cassian,” you pant, legs curving around his hips. You lightly lift yourself from the bed and he’s hard, so hard against your clothed sex, hard and ready and you need him right now. You buck against him eagerly, aching to feel him, to really feel him in whatever way you can. He takes his cue seamlessly, pulling away to drag your underwear from your body while you unclasp your bra, both items of clothing hurled somewhere onto your floor.

Cassian’s palm wraps around your ankle and the next thing you know he’s throwing your leg over his shoulder and lowering himself between your legs. You cry out when he licks his way up your centre, groaning like it’s as pleasurable for him as it is for you and this—this is what you need. The orgasm follows quickly enough for how riled you are but he’s still not inside and you need him to be inside. Need him in every way you can, to banish something from your body and memory and skin.

“Tell me if it hurts,” Cassian orders you, his skin hot and flush and his pupils wide and full. “Sweetheart?”

“I’ll tell,” you repeat, not acknowledging his words. Just the name. Sweetheart.

It sounds good.

“Arms around me,” he instructs gruffly and you follow his command, arms lifting up and around his shoulders, fingers playing with the small hairs at the nape of his neck. His head glides through you easily, coating himself in the slippery wetness that’s been worked up between your thighs, his tip bumping your clit before dragging almost teasingly down to your entrance. You whine, tilting your hips upward in attempt to have him enter but he holds firm.

Hazel eyes find yours and your heartbeat stutters. “Are you sure about this?” He whispers atop your mouth, “You want to do this?”

“Yes. I’m certain.”

“With me? You’re sure you want to-”

“Anyone would do. Now please, Cassian,” you beg, cupping his cheeks between your palms. You can scent his arousal, the scent of an alpha and gods does it feel good to be wrapped in him. So good you miss the flicker of pain in his hazel eyes. They dance away once before returning to you, but anguish is overridden by emotion as he pushes his hips forward.

Your mouth parts and he likes that you look at him, that you let him see the pleasure he’s giving you as he fills you up. His heart is pounding and he can feel you around him. It’s messy, the situation you’ve found yourself in, pinned beneath the weight of your ex-lover’s brother, the General of the Night Court’s armies, and…Cassian. He’s Cassian.

“Say it again,” you pant, cradling his head in your hands, “Call me your sweetheart.” Cassian’s hips buck but he obeys. “Sweetheart.”

“Again. Move. Again.” He draws his hips back then pushes in again, sliding deeper than before, inching himself further and further into your wet heat, cursing as he goes. “Fuck, sweetheart. You’re perfect.” You moan at the praise, beginning to feel weightless. He repeats the motion, beginning to set a pace. It’s slow, and deep, and he’s touching spots you like despite having never searched for them before.

“Cassian,” you call, likening the flavour of his name on your tongue. “Cassian…” His cock rubs against that spot and you feel that itch beginning to rise. You tilt your head to the side, wanting him to wipe away those marks in your throat. It’s considered foul, whorish, to be bitten by anyone other than…a mate. Your eyes shut tight with pain. You’d thought he’d be…

“Eyes open sweetheart,” Cassian breathes, “You’re here with me.”

You follow his order. “I’m here with you,” you repeat.

“You’re feelin’ good?”

“Feeling so good, Cass.”

“Then that’s all I can ask for.” His hips find yours again, thrusts slowing to a precise drag, sliding in and out with aim and intention. “My perfect sweetheart.”

You need comfort. Need his presence. Need him to feel permanent.

Cassian stiffens as you bare your throat, chin tipping to the side to make room for him.

“Bite me.” Along your throat lie two scar marks, discoloured and narrow, but he knows who they must belong to.

“I can’t.”

You blink, turning your head to look up at him. “What?”

“I’m not biting you.”

Your lips part in confusion. “I want you to, Cassian. It’s my choice.”

“And I’m choosing not to bite you.” He shakes his head. “Not like this.”

Your eyes narrow. “Then like what?”

“With a mate.”

You flush, and all at once the situation dawns on you with fresh clarity. A wound bathed in salt and medicinal alcohol. “Bite me.”

“No.”

You stare up at him helplessly, nails digging into the muscles of his back, his wings flaring above the both of you, blacking out the ceiling and the scene is so familiar it physically hurts. “Cassian please. I’m asking you to. Bite me.”

“I’m not biting you.”

Tears well in your eyes. “Am I ruined, Cassian?”

Cassian freezes, staring down at you with widened eyes. Then he manages to shake his head. “You’re not ruined.” He shakes his head again, as if he can’t understand the question. “You’re-” But he cuts himself off before he can finish.

Your lower lip wobbles, breathing becoming irregular and shallow, stuttering inhales passing between your lips. Your hands slide away from the nape of his neck. “I want to stop.”

“You want…?”

“Stop.”

Cassian stares down at you, feeling your touch recede. Feeling you pull away. He pulls away too, easing out of you. “Sweetheart?” He tries, but—

“I’m not your sweetheart.”

His heart fractures, and he pulls back more. He shakes his head. “I’m sorry.” Fingers run through his hair—you’d taken it down at some point and now it’s free and tickling the tops of his shoulders. “I shouldn’t have…fuck, I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine. I wanted it.”

“But I should have-”

“Cassian stop. Just stop. I chose this. Stop trying to-” You give a harsh sigh, a mix of pain and frustration and it tugs on his already stretched-thin heart strings. You’re sitting upright, knees curled to your chest with your back to the headboard. “I chose this…”

He watches, lost for words. Is there anything he can even say in this position? Is there any sequence of words, of actions to help you feel better. To wrap you in the warmth and affection he so desperately wants to give you. His throat rolls. “I don’t want to leave you tonight.”

You shoot him a cold look. “I don’t want to have sex.”

“I’m not looking for sex,” he replies softly. “I want to make sure you’re okay.”

Cassian tries to hold himself together as your eyes run over him analytically, weighing your options, making your decisions. Will you deem him enough?

“You’re fine without…?” You hedge, still watching him with an edge of frost. He forces the corners of his lips to curve, to put a gentle expression on his face, “How long have we been friends?” You don’t smile like he’d hoped, but some of that ice thaws. Then you nod your head, a vulnerable glint in your eyes, “I’d like for you to stay.” Cassian thinks he’s misheard at first, but then you continue. “I…thank you,” you whisper, looking away from him. Wiping a tear from your cheek. “I’m sorry for making this so messy.”

You swallow thickly, then manage to meet his gaze again. “Would you mind just lying with me? Just for the night, and you can go first thing in the morning. I’d just-”

“I’ll stay with you,” he reassures, and there’s just something about his tone that makes you believe him wholeheartedly. He’s going to stay, and he won’t mind. You aren’t being a pain.

You’re not going to cry.

You nod your head, pushing back the sheets with your feet and pulling back the duvet for him.

His heat is a welcomed bonus of his company, and while a small distance is kept between your bodies you keep close to him. You can face this mess in the morning, and he’ll still be by your side when the sun rises.

You just know it.

But you’ve been wrong before.

——————————————————————————————————————————————

general taglist: @myheartfollower @tcris2020 @mali22 @slut4acotar @sfhsgrad-blog @needylilgal022 @hannzoaks @hnyclover @skyesayshi @nyotamalfoy @decomposing-writer @soph1644 @lilah-asteria @nighttimemoonlover @mrsjna

[velarisdusk]

Veil of Frost

Cassian x Reader

Series Masterlist Part 6 <-

word count: 4.3k content: [ emotional conflict, arguing, yelling, name calling, mention of infidelity, explicit language, angst ] summary: A heated confrontation with Cassian uncovers painful truths, forcing both of you to face the devastation of what's been lost. author's note: we made it!! thank you all for reading and replying and asking lots of questions, it really kept my love for this fic up. come november, i'll be working on some requests and also feeling out some ideas for whatever my next series may be :) i hope yall will like whatever i've got in store just as much as you liked breaking the ice :) MWAH much love <3

The silence after his words hit like a bomb going off. The room felt impossibly small, the air too thick, and you could barely breathe through the weight of it all. You stood frozen in the middle of the living room, surrounded by the memories you’d made together, staring at him as the realization of what he had just said settled deep into your bones. 

Elain. Right here. On this couch.

Your stomach twisted painfully, bile rising in your throat as your eyes drifted to the sofa, where you’d both spent so many quiet nights wrapped in each other’s arms. Now, the thought of it made your skin crawl, a hand instinctively rising to your mouth as you fought a gag at the thought of having tasted Elain on him.

“Cassian…” Your voice trembled, barely a whisper. “What the fuck did you just say?”

He didn’t answer immediately. Instead, his eyes lingered on you, cold and hard, his posture relaxed, as if daring you to question him further. The cruel glint in his eyes sent a fresh wave of nausea rolling through your body. His hand rested on the doorknob like he was already halfway out, leaving you to suffocate in this mess. 

You swallowed thickly, stepping toward him, your legs weak, but your anger slowly rising to meet the despair. 

“Cass, answer me,” you demanded, voice rising steadily. You could hear the clock ticking in the corner, the seconds stretching out like hours.

He raised an eyebrow, the corner of his mouth twitching as if amused by your desperation. Slowly, deliberately, he shrugged—casually, like it was the simplest, most insignificant thing in the world. 

“You heard me,” he said, his voice devoid of emotion, just cold indifference. “Elain. Right here.”

His gaze flicked down to the couch, where the two of them had been, where the two of you had been, and back to you as if to drive the knife in deeper. And then with that same nonchalance, he added, “Raw.”

The way he said it, the casual cruelty in his voice, felt like a punch to the gut. You could feel your skin prickle with humiliation, with fury, as the bile in your throat threatened to choke you. He watched you, waiting for you to react, his expression still cold and detached, like he wasn’t talking about something that should’ve destroyed both of you. Like this was just another conversation. 

You felt your hand twitch at your side, tempted to grab something—the whiskey glass he left on the counter, the potted plant on the coffee table, anything—but you clenched your fists instead. The pain was so sharp, so overwhelming, but underneath it all, the anger was simmering, threatening to boil over. 

“You…” you started, voice trembling but growing stronger with each word, fury building in your chest like a storm. “You’re… disgusting.”

“And you’re a fucking joke,” Cassian snapped, his voice sharp. He didn’t even flinch. He snatched his hand off the doorknob, turning to face you fully, the cold detachment in his eyes igniting a fire in your veins.  “You think I wouldn’t find out? Did you think I’d never even suspect it?” How could he stand there like this meant nothing? Like you meant nothing?

“How the fuck could you do that?” you spat, stepping toward him, hands trembling. “Elain of all people?”

Cassian’s eyes flicked up to yours, a bitter smirk tugging at his lips. “Don’t act like you’re any better,” he said, voice low and biting. “You fucked the whole team. My goddamn friends…” He pointed toward the shattered picture frame lying on the floor beneath the wall, the glass reflecting the remnants of the bonds he once thought unbreakable. The photo inside, now a bloodied mess, had captured a moment of camaraderie, laughter shared between him and the very people who betrayed him. 

Your heart pounded, your voice rising, anger spilling over. “That doesn’t give you the right to–”

“Oh, spare me,” he interrupted, stepping closer, eyes flashing with an icy rage. “Don’t act like you have any right to be angry. The flirting, the little touches—fine. But you went too fucking far,” he said, jabbing a finger toward you. 

You could feel the heat building under your skin, your shame burning up through your chest, fusing with the anger like gasoline on a fire. “That doesn’t make what you did with Elain okay!” you shouted, voice breaking. “I made a mistake–”

“A mistake?” Cassian scoffed, his cruel laugh sharp as a blade. “You didn’t trip and fall onto their dicks, you spread your legs for them. You chose it. Every. Single. Time.”

His words hit like a slap, your whole body tensing. “Don’t fucking talk to me like that–”

“Or what?” he shot back, stepping even closer, his face inches from yours. His eyes burned into you, the tension between you crackling. “What are you gonna do, huh? Run back to Eris?”

You flinched at the name, your heart hammering in your chest. “I never wanted to hurt you,” you whispered, voice trembling, trying to hold on to any sense of control.

“Bullshit,” he snapped, cutting you off. “You wanted to get fucked. That’s all it was about. You didn’t care about me, about us. You just wanted the attention.” His lip curled in disgust as his fingers flexed at his sides. His gaze locked onto you, daring you to deny it. “Was it worth it?”

You knew you were spiraling, but you couldn’t stop. The guilt, the shame, it all swirled into something reckless. “Maybe it was!” you blurted out, your voice breaking as you threw your hands up. “Maybe it was worth it in the moment–”

“Oh, was it?” Cassian’s voice dripped with sarcasm, incredulous, his eyes narrowing as he loomed over you.

You couldn’t help but roll your eyes as you spun away from him, your arms jerking frantically in frustration.  “God forbid I feel some fucking excitement for once in my goddamn life–”

“You fucked all of them, (y/n)!” The shout exploded from him, cutting through the air like a knife. You froze at the sound of his voice, your breath catching in your throat as the words hit you square in the chest. The room seemed to shrink, his fury overwhelming everything as you turned back to face him. His eyes locked onto yours, watching as the reality of what he’d said sank in, your entire body stiffening in response. “All of them! That was a fucking choice, and you know it!”

His voice echoed in the small apartment, louder than the ticking clock, louder than the memories, slamming into you with a force that nearly knocked you back. Your pulse pounded in your ears as you stared at him, feeling the weight of everything crash down on you at once. The room felt too hot, too small, as if the walls themselves were pressing down, threatening to bury you alive under the weight of it all.

“Yeah,” you snapped, throwing your arms out in defiance, desperate to defend yourself, to fight back despite the crushing guilt. “It was a choice. So what?”

His eyes widened, disbelief flashing across his face as he stepped toward you, his towering frame making the distance between you feel even smaller. Though he was still several feet away, the sheer force of his presence made it feel like he was crowding every breath you took. “So what?” he repeated, his anger radiating off of him in waves. His hand shot out, gesturing wildly to the apartment around you, the couch, the room, the life you’d built together. “Do you even fucking hear yourself?”

You did. You hated it, but you couldn’t stop. The anger was driving you now, reckless and raw. “I can’t believe you’re acting so innocent in this!” You matched his volume, circling to the back of the couch, putting some distance between you. “You fucked my friend too!”

“You think I’m the one who did this?” he shot back, following you, the tension crackling. “You threw it all away for what? Some thrill?”

“Don’t you dare try to act like you know what I wanted!” You stood near the hall now, eyes locking on the picture frames hanging on the wall, Cassian mere feet ahead of you. “I just wanted to feel something more than this! This boring, endless fucking cycle!”

In one swift motion, your hand flew to the picture frames on the wall, ripping one down without even thinking and hurling it across the room. The glass shattered against the hardwood floor, splintering in every direction, like the jagged edges of a broken promise, cutting through the air. Cassian flinched at the sound, his gaze snapping to the broken frame. “Don’t you fucking dare blame this on me,” he hissed, voice shaking with barely-contained rage. “I didn’t push you into anyone’s bed!”

“No, you didn’t!” you fired back, your chest heaving with every breath, the tears you’d been holding back finally burning in your eyes. You could feel yourself unraveling, but there was no going back now. “But I wasn’t happy! I didn’t–”

“Bullshit!” he roared, his voice thundering through the room as he slammed his fist into the drywall, rattling the remaining picture frames and leaving a gaping hole in its wake. “You weren’t happy? You?” He laughed, a bitter, broken sound, his hands clenching and unclenching like he didn’t know what to do with them. “You had everything! I gave you everything!” He struck his chest with an open palm, his words echoing in the small space. “Everything, and you threw it away because what, you needed ‘excitement’?”

You felt your whole body shaking, trembling with fury and regret as you shoved past him, pacing the length of the small living room. “It wasn’t like that–”

“Like hell it wasn’t!” Cassian’s voice cracked, his hands flying to his hair, tugging at the roots in frustration. He spun toward you, his face contorted in disbelief. “You think I didn’t give you everything I had to give? You think I didn’t love you more than life?”

Your throat tightened, and you could see the heartbreak he was barely holding together. But you were too deep in it.

“I didn’t say that,” you muttered, the fight draining from your voice for just a moment, but Cassian wasn’t done.

“Then what the fuck is it, (y/n)? What was missing? What the fuck could I have done to stop you from running to them?” He pointed toward the door, his hand shaking as if he could see every one of them standing just outside, their shadows lingering in the doorway, waiting to take what was left of you.

You swallowed hard, tears still spilling down your cheeks as you whispered, “I don’t know.”

Cassian’s jaw clenched tightly, nostrils flaring as he stared you down. “You don’t know?” he shouted, his voice rising like a raging storm. “You don’t know? After everything we had, you’re telling me you just…don’t know? You don’t know why you cheated on me? Five fucking times?”

“Three… four if you count what happened at Ianthe’s…” you replied, your voice barely above a whisper.

Cassian stared at you, eyes widening as he processed the revelation. “No…” His breath caught in his throat, the gravity of your confession hitting him like a punch to the gut. “You let them…” You watched as his eyes flared with rage, his voice rising to a near roar. “Are you fucking kidding me? You just—how could you? At the same time (y/n), are you serious?” He stepped forward, closing the distance between you.

“Did you think it was some kind of game?” He gestured wildly, the pain etched across his face morphing into rage. “You think this is a joke? You let them take you like that? You think I’m just supposed to stand here and take it?” His voice thundered off the walls, every word laced with venom.

“Cassian, I–” you stammered, but the words lodged in your throat, leaving you grasping for something, anything, to say.

“They don’t want you!” he continued, eyes blazing with anger. “I loved you! All they wanted was a quick fuck, and you just let them! How could you be so stupid?”

His words cut through you like shards of glass, igniting a whirlwind of doubts in your mind. Loved. The past tense hung heavy in the air. Was he already moving on? Was Elain really just a rebound, or did he genuinely believe he might care for her?

You couldn’t help but think of Eris, recalling how he’d been there for you. Had that tenderness been real? Or was it just a façade to get closer to you while Cassian kept his distance? The confusion gnawed at you, a storm of uncertainty swirling within.

“Do you even understand the mess you made?” Cassian’s voice snapped you back to reality, his voice quiet but the rage still palpable. “I gave you everything I had, and you threw it away for nothing.”

Your heart raced, caught between the chaos of his anger and the torment of your guilt. “I didn’t–” you started, shaking your head in disbelief. “You don’t understand what it was like for me. Each time, I felt like I was suffocating… Trapped.”

Cassian took a step back, looking at you with disgust. “Trapped?” he repeated, disbelief etched across his features. “You were living in paradise! You had a goddamned menu of men to choose from whenever you wanted them! Do you have any idea how that feels?”

You opened your mouth to respond, but the words wouldn’t come out.

“Tell me,” Cassian stepped closer, his eyes boring into yours. “Were there times I fucked you right after one of them did?” His voice was a whisper full of rage and pain that sent chills down your spine.

You felt the heat rush to your cheeks, your gaze dropping to the floor as the truth ached in your chest. 

“Who?” he demanded, his voice dropping low. You hesitated, your mind racing with dozens of bad ideas to escape this mess. Your heart pounded in your throat, primal instincts urging you to run. 

But you stood frozen.

“Who?” he repeated, louder this time, stepping closer, invading your space until you felt the heat radiating off of him. For the first time, fear flickered in your chest at the sight of him.

“It was Helion and Tarquin,” you squeaked out, the words hardly audible. “The night at the club.”

His expression shifted from anger to something more profound—betrayal and dismay. “That’s why you weren’t wearing any underwear?” Each syllable was sharp and cutting like glass. “What the fuck, (y/n)?”

Your stomach dropped as his words sank in, and you fought against the rising tide of shame. “I didn’t mean for it to happen,” you protested weakly, but it felt like a feeble excuse.

“Didn’t mean for it to happen?” he echoed, his voice laced with incredulity. “You think that makes it any better? You think it changes what you did?” He shook his head, pacing away for a moment, processing the confession. “You let them use you. You let them take you, and then came to me like nothing happened!”

Cassian stopped abruptly, his fists clenching at his sides. “What was I to you? A way to check off the names on your list?”

Your breath hitched, the pain in his voice slicing through you. “No! Cassian, you were–”

“Then why the hell did you choose them?” he cut you off, moving toward you once more, and you stepped back at the hostility blazing in his eyes. “Why didn’t you come to me? You had me right there, ready to fuck you however you wanted, however you needed, and instead, you went to them!”

Your voice wavered as you responded. “I didn’t know what I wanted…”

“Clearly,” he spat, his tone bitter and full of hurt. 

Your pulse quickened, and a sudden thought surged through your mind, breaking through the haze of anger and regret. “What about Elain?” you blurted out, your voice shaking. 

Cassian’s expression shifted, surprise flashing across his face before his anger returned in full force. “What about her?”

“Don’t play dumb with me,” you shot back, feeling a surge of defiance. “You think I didn’t know before tonight? You think you made some big reveal? She can’t keep her big fat fucking whore mouth shut!” You crossed your arms defensively when his only reply was, ‘Pot. Kettle. Black.’

“I heard her eavesdropping on my phone call with Nesta about you. So why her, huh? Why did it have to be her?”

Cassian paused, his jaw tightening as if he was weighing his words. “I fucked Elain because I needed to feel something after you broke my heart,” he admitted, voice rough, like gravel grinding underfoot. “She was there, willing, and I wasn’t thinking straight. I didn’t want to feel that empty. I didn’t want to think about you.”

You felt the words hit you like a slap. “So you just used her? Like I did with them?” The bitterness in your voice tasted like acid. 

“It wasn’t the same, and you know it!” he barked, the tension thickening the air between you. “I was lost. You broke me, and Elain was… she was just–”

“Just what? A distraction?” You pressed, desperate to keep the conversation moving, feeling the adrenaline coursing through you once again. “Do you love her? Does she mean anything to you?”

“No!” Cassian shouted, running a hand through his hair. “I didn’t love her! How delusional are you? I was fucking angry! You have no idea how much I wanted to hate you, and I thought that maybe if I let someone else in, it would hurt less. But nothing worked. I still wanted you.”

The confession hung in the air, a fragile thread between you, binding you together in the chaos. You felt your heart twist at the realization that he was still clinging to the remnants of what you once had. 

“You still want me?” you whispered, disbelief mingling with hope. “After everything?”

“Of course I did!” he replied, his voice rising again, but the anger was mixed with desperation now. “You were the one I loved, (y/n). You always were!”

But as that dreaded past tense slipped from his lips, your flicker of hope was snuffed out. The weight of ‘loved’ and ‘were’ crushed you, drowning out everything else he said. 

“But it only made me miss you more,” you heard him finish. 

“Then why didn’t you tell me?” You stepped closer. “Why didn’t you come to me instead of running to Elain?”

“Because you made your choice!” he yelled, his voice trembling with heartache, stepping back as the full weight of those words hit him for the first time. “You decided to sleep with half our fucking friends, and I was left picking up the pieces.”

His shoulders slumped, and you could see it—the exhaustion behind his eyes, the sadness beneath all the rage. He wasn’t just furious; he was broken. Cassian’s chest rose and fell with labored breaths as everything that had transpired seemed to crash down on both of you at once. The fight was slipping from his voice, replaced by something far more agonizing.

“I never wanted this,” he whispered, eyes brimming with the grief of everything that had been lost. His voice trembled, softer now. “I didn’t want any of this. I thought we were perfect, I thought we–” He paused, the words choking him as he forced them out. “I was going to propose to you, my God…”

The confession knocked the air out of you. It felt like the ground had been violently ripped from beneath your feet. “You…what?” you breathed, eyes wide, tears streaming freely down your face.

“I had the ring,” he continued, the bitterness in his voice turning to sorrow, his hands trembled uncontrollably, and he shoved them into his pockets to steady himself. “I’d been carrying it with me for weeks. I was waiting for the right moment, the perfect time to ask you to spend the rest of your life with me. And then–” He let out a hollow laugh.

The anguish in his voice shattered something deep within you. He was going to propose. You could barely breathe under the weight of that realization, now knowing just how much you had ruined. “Cassian… I didn’t know… If I’d known, if I had even the slightest idea, maybe…” You took a shaky breath, your heart splintering further with every word. “I wasn’t thinking. I don’t deserve you, I never have.”

Cassian looked at you, his brows furrowing. “But you didn’t have to–” he began, but you cut him off, the weight of your guilt too much to hold back.

“I know! I know I ruined everything. I betrayed you, and I betrayed us. And I’ve spent every day since wishing I could take it back–”

“But you can’t, can you?” he muttered, dragging a hand down his face. “You can’t take back what you did with them. You can’t undo how much you destroyed me.” 

“And I’ll never be able to forgive myself for that.” More tears threatened to spill from your eyes, but you blinked them back. “But Cassian, I… I never stopped–”

“Don’t say it,” he interrupted, shaking his head, his jaw tightening as if he couldn’t bear to hear the words. “Don’t you fucking dare say you still love me.”

The silence that followed was deafening, thick with the unsaid words that hung between you like a blade poised to strike. 

“I don’t know how to stop,” you whispered after a beat, your voice raw and fragile. “I’ve never stopped loving you, Cassian. Even when I hurt you, even when I–”

“Do you even know,” he exhaled sharply, “what it feels like to be torn apart by the one person you thought would never hurt you?”

“I never meant to,” you breathed, but it was too little, too late. 

Cassian’s gaze locked onto you, his eyes dark with unshed tears. “It doesn’t matter what you meant. It’s what you did.”

The ache in your chest became unbearable, each breath a painful reminder of how much you’d ruined. And just as you opened your mouth to speak, he cut you off, voice breaking.

“I lost everything the moment I lost you.”

It left you speechless, the silence that followed let the full gravity of what you’d done come crashing down over you like a wave. And in that suffocating silence, you felt the final thread between you snap.

Cassian closed his eyes, a single tear slipping down his cheek. He let out a breath like he was carrying the world’s weight on his shoulders. “It doesn’t matter anymore,” he said quietly, the hopelessness in his voice cutting deeper than any of his ire. “You can’t fix this. We can’t fix this. It’s gone.”

You reached out, your hand hovering just inches from him, desperate for one last chance, one last remnant of that thread to pull you both back from the edge. But your fingers fell back, useless. 

Cassian stood there for a moment, the silence between you louder than any of the shouting. He took a deep breath, his shoulders sagging. Then without a word, he turned around. The movement was slow like he had to force himself to walk away. You watched as he grabbed his keys and wallet from the table near the door.

Panic bloomed in your chest. You weren’t ready for this to end, not like this. You stepped forward, your voice shaking as you called after him, “Cassian… Are you going to her?”

He froze, his hand already on the doorknob. The question hung in the air. For a moment, it seemed like he might not answer at all. Then, slowly, he turned his head just enough to meet your gaze from over his shoulder.

“Elain?” His voice cracked slightly, as if answering you pained him. He swallowed hard, hesitating for a beat that felt like an eternity. “No… No, I’m not going to Elain.”

Relief washed over you, but it was fleeting. The look on his face, the sadness that lingered in his eyes, shattered your heart all over again. But then, just as your lips parted to speak, to say something, he spoke again, his voice colder now, each word cutting deeper than the last.

“Why does it matter? Go run back to Eris—or, hell, any of them for that matter. See where that gets you.”

His words slammed into you like a physical blow, knocking the air from your lungs. You didn’t have the strength to respond, your mind reeling from the venom in his tone. 

Cassian turned away again, pulling the door open. He stepped through it, pausing only to glance back at you one final time, his expression unreadable. He didn’t slam the door—didn’t give you the satisfaction of one last angry outburst. Instead, he closed it gently, the soft click of the lock echoing through the now painfully silent apartment. You heard his footsteps recede through the door.

And then… he was gone.

For a long moment, you just stood there, staring at the door as if somehow willing him to come back would work. But it all settled in—the empty space where he used to be, the cold, hollow ache in your chest that threatened to swallow you whole.

Your legs gave out beneath you, and you crumpled to the floor, your sobs coming in broken, ragged gasps as you finally let go. Alone in the wreckage of what was once your life together, you wept quietly, broken and lost.

[sarawritestories]

Unwavering Presence Teaser

“You’re not taking her!” Cassian snarled his siphons blaring. His face held a mixture of emotions I didn’t care to decipher. Azriel’s siphons flared in response. “She asked for me. This is Rhys direct order. I’m taking her home.”  Cassian swung at the Shadow Singer only for Azriel’s shadows to flair out and push him to a chair. I stepped out of the room as shadows pinned Cassian to the chair. “Azriel.” Both males looked over at me Cassian had a pained look on his face and opened his mouth to speak. Az’s shadows wrapped over his mouth as Azriel glared at him. “You don’t get to speak.” Cassian lunged at Azriel, and I jumped back gasping. Cassian slammed back in the chair trying to fight Azriel’s shadows and I moved closer to the Spy Master. His hand slipped through mine and Cassian glared as his hazel eyes, cold and unyielding, he watched our hands intertwine. Always hoping someone will save you. Cassian’s words swirled in my head and when our gazes meet, I can tell that he knows what words are filtering through my head, as his gaze shifts from cold to guilty. I tried releasing Azriel’s hand, but he gripped tighter. “She is going to gather her things and we are going to leave.” Cassian dipped his head in what appeared to be shame as Azriel continued, “Rhys expects you home in three days’ time. Meaning that he does not want to see you until then. Nod if you understand, Cassian.”  Cassian gave a nod. “Good.” Azriel led me to my room, and he shut the door, and I closed my eyes my heartbeat racing. My thoughts began to overtake my senses. Weak Pathetic Worthless You don’t belong with him. You don’t belong with anyone. You. Don’t. Belong. I choked on a sob leaning against the bed post. Shadows swirling up to my cheeks, kissing away the tears.

[honeybeefae]

Bigger Than The Whole Sky (Cassian x Reader)

Summary// This entire year had been devastating for you and your mate. On more days than not you found yourself laying in bed, the pillow wet with tears, while Cassian stroked your hair and whispered soft words into your ear. You were so ready to give up, to crumble away like sand against the waves of grief, until you discover something that gives you and him hope.

(I know this is a few days late but I wanted to get it right! This is very angst heavy, I’m just going to warn you. It has a happy ending but it deals with the loss of a child, miscarriage, etc. As a mom who lost her first child, this fic is almost cathartic to me. It was years ago but that kind of pain never leaves you and although I don’t know if anyone who reads this has gone through this, statistically 1 in 4 women will suffer through this. This is for you, or for anyone going through grief)

@starfallweek Prompt: Character A swears they recognize one of the stars blazing past when Character B is trying to tell them something important. 

WARNINGS: Angst, Miscarriage, Blood, Death, Vomit, Pregnancy, ending is hopeful

The curtains in the room billowed in the calm breeze, the sun streaming into a room that was full of darkness. You stared blankly at the door of your bedroom, listening to the soft snores of your mate while you furiously rubbed at your eyes to keep yourself awake.

It was the same every single night. You would try to sleep, your entire being exhausted from just existing, only to be plagued by the nightmares that replayed the night over and over again. No tea, herb, or medicine seemed to help, and every night you were edging closer and closer to the edge.

You quietly got up when your eyes tried to shut once more, walking over to the open balcony doors and stepping into the outside air. The warmth of the sun warmed your skin and kissed your face, making you briefly smile, until you laid a hand over your empty womb.

“Cassian! Cassian, help me!” You screamed from the bathroom, blood covering your legs as you fell to your knees in pain from the sharp cramps that were stabbing into your stomach. “Please…please no…”

Footsteps thudded loudly outside, your mate frantically searching for you, until he barged into the bathroom and saw you crumpled on the floor. “Y/N, what happened? What’s wrong?” He asked, kneeling in front of you despite the blood to grab your face. “Are you hurt? Where are you bleeding from?”

Your eyes were red from how hard you were crying, half from the pain and half from the realization of what was happening. It was the same thing you had seen your mother go through when you were young. You remembered hearing her screams, her prayers to the Mother to save her child, and then silence. 

“I…” You started to say before sobbing again, his arms immediately pulling you into his chest as he cradled you closely. He shushed you, rocking the two of you back and forth as you cried and cried and cried. 

Cassian figured out what was happening quickly, his heart shattering right along with yours. His tears fell onto your head, holding you to him as if you would also disappear. You stayed that way for hours, not moving until Feyre had come looking for you and immediately turned to go grab Madja.

She had to pry you from his arms to examine you, grimacing as she glanced at you in sympathy. Cassian’s hands never left yours as you lay on the bathroom floor, laboring for a few hours until you birthed your sleeping child. It was a boy, his wings so tiny as was the rest of his body, and you just sat there gazing at him until Madja gently took him and wrapped him in a blanket.

“Y/N?” Cassian called, pulling you back to the present. He looked over your sunken face, and your cracked lips, and felt as if he were looking at a ghost. “How long have you been out here?”

“Just for a few minutes.” Your voice was hoarse as you wrapped your arms around yourself, looking out towards the bay. “Did you sleep okay?”

“Did you?” 

You looked away in silence, his face softening as he reached out to touch you. It felt foreign though like you were out of your own body. 

“Y/N…you need to rest. Please.” He pleaded but you shook your head, looking up at him sadly.

“I can’t, Cass.” You mumble, the memory still burning in the back of your mind. “Every time I close my eyes, every time, I just see him and-”

Before you could break down, you snuggled into his chest, his lips pressing on the crown of your head to comfort you. Although the pain was still there, being in Cassian’s arms made it dull. You both had lost your son, you both were mourning and even though it had been a year of this agony, you at least knew you had someone to hold you in the dark.

After a few minutes, he pulled away, brushing the tears from your eyes. “You know tonight is Starfall, princess. Rhys and Feyre said they understood if we couldn’t make it but maybe it would be nice to get out for a while? See everyone?”

If you were being honest it was one of the last things you wanted to do but deep down you missed your family, and you knew your mate did too. He was always the social bat, the life of the party, and ever since the incident he changed, and became more withdrawn and sad. You hated how it had changed him, wishing you could take that pain away so his heart wouldn’t be marred by it.

Of course, it was impossible, you couldn’t change the past. However, maybe tonight was the first step you both needed to start healing. Starfall meant so much to both of you and while you definitely wouldn’t stay for the whole thing, an appearance was something you could manage.

“I don’t know if I can handle the entire party, but I think it would be nice to get out for a change.” You said, the corners of your mouth slightly turning up when he grinned from ear to ear. 

“Of course, we don’t have to stay long. Just say the word and we can leave.” He affirmed, surprising you with a soft kiss on your lips. “I love you.”

“I love you too. Now go spread the good news while I go bathe.” You shooed him, watching him throw on his clothes and walk out the door at breakneck speed. It reminded you of your old Cassian. 

You started to draw a bath, letting the hot water almost sear your skin as it began to fill up. As you started to realize what you had just agreed to, you found yourself growing nauseous at seeing everyone again. It was no secret what had happened and while you were safe inside your room, out there you would be opened to the prying eyes and gossip of everyone else. 

Could you handle it? What if it was too much? What if it was a disaster?

The contents of your stomach started to rise in your throat without warning and you barely had time to make it to the toilet before throwing it all up. It made your eyes sting as you gripped the bowl, blindly reaching for a towel to wipe your mouth as you slowly slid to the floor groaning.

Perhaps it wasn’t a good idea to go tonight. If your nerves were already giving you this much trouble, you couldn’t imagine-

“Y/N?” Madja called from the bedroom, her voice laced with concern. Your brows furrowed in confusion as you quickly wrapped yourself in a robe and peeked out, surprised to see her already halfway across the room. 

“Madja? What are you doing here?” You asked as she seemed to examine you with her eyes, trying to decipher the look in her eyes. 

“Are you feeling okay?”

She must have heard you throwing up. “Yes, yes, I just was worried over Starfall tonight. It will be the first time I’ve been out in public since…” You trailed off, looking past her as the painful memory threatened to surge forward again. 

Madja watched as you closed your eyes and breathed through your nose, calming yourself, before opening them once more. “I’m okay, just feeling a little sick. Do you think I could have some tea to settle my stomach?”

“I…I don’t think that would be wise, child.” She answered, brushing past you and into the bathroom to turn off the water. “Nor this hot of a bath.”

“Madja I assure you I am fine, I just wanted to relax and-”

“That’s not what I am concerned about.” She interrupted, crossing her arms as the wrinkles around her face softened. “Y/N, do you know when the last time you bled was?”

“It was…” You began, stalling when you couldn’t recall. After your loss, you hadn’t had your cycle and thought it was normal, you were grateful for not having to go through it on top of the trauma you had already endured. 

But as Madja stood there, watching as you pieced together what she was asking, you stumbled back in disbelief, hitting the doorframe behind you. She immediately rushed forward, calling your name, but all you could hear were the screams and the sobbing of yourself and your mate.

“Y/N! Y/N!” She shouted, grabbing your face and making you meet her gaze. Your eyes were already welling up with tears once more, feeling as if your heart was about to fly out of your chest. “Y/N, you need to breathe. Breathe.”

Her hands were comforting as she grabbed one of your own and put it against her chest, letting you feel her breathe until you slowly started to match it. 

“Please…please tell me it’s not true.” You whimpered, your bottom lip quivering as she shushed you and placed her hand over your womb. It was a few minutes before she pulled back, her lips tightened as she only gave you a slight nod of confirmation. 

It felt as if the entire world was crashing down upon you. She did not stop as you buried your face into her neck, shaking in fear at the news. In your grief, you had only had a few brief moments of intimacy with your mate, mainly as a distraction to pull yourself out of the hole if only for a little while. 

Madja softly ran her fingers over your head, shushing you, like a mother to a child. She was usually professional with the rest of your family but after what she had witnessed with you, she looked after you more closely.

“I can’t do it again, Madja.” You cried, shaking your head. “I’m so afraid.”

“Hush now.” She soothed, rubbing small circles into your back. “I know it is frightening, the unknown and the known, but you are already farther along than with your last.”

You were shocked to hear that, pulling away to see if she was serious. All of the symptoms you had had before were missing but you supposed with how you had been feeling and how overwhelmed you were, you probably just brushed them off just as you had this morning.

She wiped away your tears and used her magic to examine you once more, taking in the position of the growing babe. “I cannot guarantee you there won’t be any problems, this will be a higher-risk pregnancy, but I do have faith in the Cauldron and my hands.”

“What if it happens again?” You whisper, placing your hand over your belly. “What if I lose them? What if there is something wrong with me? If I cannot carry this baby, Madja, I fear that I will not be able to handle another death. My soul is already weary.”

“If you go throughout this life always worried about the what-ifs, you will never live, child,” Madja spoke softly. “Be afraid, grieve, feel whatever it is you are feeling, but also rejoice in this news and try to find the light in the darkness. That is what this child is.”

You let her words stew in your head, trying to sort through each of your emotions one by one as she wrote down a time and date for you to come visit her. “We will be doing weekly meetings to check, and if you have any worries come find me.”

As she started to walk out the door you called out for her, fiddling with your fingers as you asked, “Can you not disclose this to Cassian? I want to tell him.”

Madja smiled and nodded, holding a finger to her lips, before disappearing from your sight. You walked backward until your knees hit the bed, sitting on the edge as you processed what had just happened.

Anger, worry, guilt, and hope were the four biggest emotions you were working through. Anger that your body had allowed this to happen after what happened with your first, worry that you would lose another child, guilt that you got pregnant again so soon and that you were replacing your first, and a small hope that you would actually get to bring a child into this world for you and Cassian to raise.

It was a lot. What would Cass say? Would he be angry at you, or would he be excited? What about everyone else? What if your first son, wherever he was, was angry with you for replacing him? Were you being irrational?

The sun was already high in the sky and since your mate wasn’t back yet, you knew he probably wouldn’t return until later tonight. You had to tell him soon, it was a miracle that he hadn’t been able to smell it on you already. 

Your bath was sure to be at least lukewarm by now so you decided to go ahead and start getting ready, finding yourself gazing at your stomach every time you passed the mirror and imagining who was inside you.

Later that day, 30 minutes to Starfall

The dress you put on was one you had worn before but it was still as beautiful. You had styled your hair in your favorite way, your makeup light, and your shoes comfortable. After making sure everything looked good, you turned to the side and stared at your abdomen once more. There was a small swell that you could easily hide if you tried.

You were dreading talking to Cassian, your mind racing with what could happen. Although he seemed more okay than you, you knew it was just a mask. He was grieving just as hard as you, tossing and turning at night and trying his best to hide the pain from you.

If he wasn’t happy with this…you didn’t know what you would do.

As the sun disappeared underneath the sea you finally found the courage to step out of the door, heading upstairs to the balcony where you could already hear the party starting. You had told him to meet you there when he tried to get you to walk out together, assuring him you just needed more time.

Your heart was beating as loud as your heels against the floor as you stepped out into the world for what felt like the first time in forever. Everyone was dressed beautifully, some of them conversing with each other while others were grazing the food table and bar. 

Thankfully no one looked toward you, gawking or pointing like in your nightmares. It took you a minute to find Cassian but when you did you beelined to him, blushing when he pulled you into his arms and kissed you sweetly.

“You look beautiful, princess.” He murmured against your lips, kissing you once more before pulling back. “I was worried you were going to miss the start. I think the first one just streaked across the sky.”

“Well, I’m glad I came when I did.” You replied, snuggling into his side as you glanced up at the sky. You heard your friends behind you, laughing about something, and you were thankful they hadn’t spotted you yet. 

You needed to tell him now, while you had alone time, but when you finally found the courage to speak everyone begin to cheer and toast as the first couple of souls appeared in blazing lights. It was enchanting to watch, distracting you for a moment as Cassian kissed your forehead. 

And as you stood there beside him, his arm wrapped around you while you were surrounded by the beauty of the night and the liveliness of the party, that small spark of hope grew brighter and brighter. It was like the Mother herself was assuring you everything was going to work out. 

“Cassian, I need to tell you something.” You said, turning to look at him. However, he seemed to be focused on something past the horizon. “Cassian?”

“Did you see that?” He asked breathlessly, his eyes wide in disbelief. “D-Did you see?”

“See what?” You turned to try and look at what he was staring at, only seeing the bright streaks of green. “I don’t see anything, Cass.”

“I swear, Y/N, I thought-” He paused, looking down at you with a mixture of happiness and sorrow. “One of the souls, I swear….”

You held your breath, your hand flying to your mouth as you squeezed his arm as hard as you could. There was no way, it couldn’t be. It was just your brain trying to make you feel better about your situation, he couldn’t have possibly seen what you thought he did.

Still, you couldn’t stop yourself as you whispered, “Our son?”

He nodded once, his large hand cupping your cheek as you drew in a shaky breath. “It could have been a trick of the light, or something else, but I saw a small soul, it looked like he had wings and I just felt it. It felt like him, Y/N.”

However you knew it wasn’t, you knew Cassian would never joke or say something like this unless he fully believed it. And hearing him say that, looking at into his eyes, you knew this was a sign. 

Your son had come down to visit you, he knew you needed him even if he never got to see you. It was destiny. 

You quickly grabbed his hand and placed it over your stomach, tears freely falling as your voice wavered. “No, no it wasn’t a trick Cass. It was him.” You affirmed, smiling more than you ever had before. “He came to tell me, to tell us, that everything will be okay.”

“What do you mean?” He breathed, his gaze flickering between you and your conjoined hands over your womb. “Is this…are you…?”

Cassian couldn’t even finish the sentence as you nodded, biting down on his bottom lip to stop himself from sobbing in front of everyone. You rubbed your thumb over his knuckles, laughing incredulously as you said, “He wanted to visit his sibling.”

It took two seconds for him to digest your news before you were lifted into the air and spun around in his arms, grinning as he hollered in delight before bringing you into a crushing kiss. You felt warmth blossom in your chest where you had thought it never would again, your fingers tangling in his hair.

Everyone was probably wondering what had happened but for the first time in a year, you didn’t care. You didn’t care about the worries of tomorrow or of others, about the what-ifs, all you cared about was now. 

Starfall had blessed you with your mate, your son, and your new babe all in one night. It was a happiness you never thought you would have again and you weren’t going to waste a moment of it. 

[thehighlordishere]

Clipped

Bat boys x gn!reader who got their wings clipped

Tw: violence, blood, kidnapping, protective bat boys, death

Rhysand

Halfillyrian!reader

-You two went there for high lord and high you business

-Ofc Devshit was there😒

-While in a meeting discussing over the camp you felt queasy

-When you went outside to get fresh air you were jumped on before Rhys could do anything, the poison dulled the bond and magic

-The Illyrians we’re angry with having you as their other ruler and someone who was also only half Illyrian

-you were taken to the camp’s dungeons, two men held you down

-you screamed as you felt the muscles in your wings splintered into pieces

-they decided that wasn’t enough

-one by one as you screamed as they shredded the wings off your back

-Rhys just barely missed by minutes

-mans mad af-

-would rip out all of their throats before gathering you in his arms and caressing your face while taking your pain away

-“I’m here darling”

-as you fell asleep of pain and exhaustion in his arms on the flight back, he set you down on his (absolute 20ft long) bed and accessed the damage

-prepared himself to take care of you when the realization hit

-holds you for days, won’t move or leave you till you wished for it

-would heal you personally unless your comfortable with madja

Azreil

-Mistake number one, touching you, even looking at you

-like who do they think they are? 😮‍💨

-would not stop until he got you back, safe and unharmed in his arms

-he’s like a animal- a beast- he will not rest until you can peacefully

-Rhysie pieces is busy so Cassian comes with him

-kill everyone in their way, while cassian takes them out he unbinds you and holds you, rocking you back and forth and shushing, whispering sweet and comforting words softly in your ear as you sobbed for your loss

-top tier healers

-would help you bathe if you want to, only if your comfortable with it, would sit outside the door and wait

-literally throws a mini spa for you like??

-gently rubs oils and creams on your back

-his shadows cooling your back to help you feel better

-Laying on his chest as he runs his hands gently and comfortingly down your arm

-“I’ve got you dear”😮‍💨😭😘

-reads you to sleep😮‍💨📖

Cassian

-have they not learned???

-making death wishes frrr

-you went with him to the camp to train with him and the females and help them emotionally with everything

-he was occupied with a conversation

-It’s amazing that someone was able to get his attention away from you, like literally impossible

-the other female Illyrians screamed as someone grabbed you swooped you away

-this was planned

-his roar of anger could have quite destroyed the mount

-immediately snapped the neck of the ones he was talking to and took off after you

-the man flying you knew that he wouldn’t make it to the ideal spot so, he tore them clean off with his dirty bulky hands midair

-your scream of horror, pin, shock, echoed through The Valley on mountains

-not even a few seconds more and something grabbed you, it was Cassian, you looked up, sobbing in pain at his face of anger

-the other man was shredded btw

-“I’ve got you sweatheart”

-cradles you like glass but holds as if he let you go you would get hurt again

-refused to leave the room of healers

-growled at anyone who came near

-protective Illyrians 🙄

-practically held you from the side of the bed

-when your squirmed in pain he would blow cold air on your wounds😭

-kisses them gently too

-gives you a long forehead kiss before pampering your face

-holds you in the medical bed while pampering you,

-big Illyrian baby🦇

[l0caltiredgirl]

when i want fluff/angst fics and all i’m getting is smut

the struggle is real

[olive-main]

oooo if you’re interested would love to see your take: reader is Azriel’s mate, nobody knows. The inner circle keeps trying to set him up with females (including Elaine & Gwyn). They like reader but don’t view her as an option for being his partner. Lots of angst, she’s hurting, she overhears them saying she’s not an option for him. Up to you what happens for her and Azriel. Loved your last story, and that you wanted more angst ideas!! And if this isn’t what you’re looking for, all good!

Between Us Alone

Pairing: Azriel x Reader

Summary: Azriel’s mate overhears a conversation that shakes her confidence in their hidden bond, but he reminds her that love, even in shadows, is unbreakable.

Wc: 1.2k

A/N: Annndddd welcome back to our regularly scheduled programming. This time I come with the gift of some fluff (with angst ofc bcs duh—who do y’all think I am?) Enjoy the happy endings while they last…..evil laugh

Masterlist

——

The corridors of the House of Wind were quiet, save for the faint hum of conversation that drifted from Rhysand’s office. You’d gone looking for Azriel, hoping he might steal away from his “boys’ night” early and join you at your shared apartment.

A secret, the two of you. Hidden in plain sight. Quite fitting for Rhysand’s spymasters.

It was exhilarating at first—the quiet smiles across rooms, the fleeting brushes of hands, and the stolen glances when no one else was looking. But there were cracks now, small fissures of insecurity that made you wonder if keeping the bond private had been the right choice.

Your footsteps slowed as you neared Rhys’s office, voices clear now, though you didn’t mean to eavesdrop. You were about to knock when you caught the sound of Cassian’s boisterous laughter.

“Oh, come on, Az,” Cassian said, his tone teasing. “You’ve been spending all that time with Gwyn. Don’t tell me you haven’t thought about it.”

“Gwyn’s sweet,” Rhysand added. “And she clearly enjoys your company. You’d make a good pair.”

Your heart clenched painfully, the words hitting you like a physical blow.

Azriel’s reply was quieter, almost unreadable. “Gwyn is a friend. I’m not looking for… that.”

Cassian scoffed. “You say that now, but it’s been centuries, Az. When was the last time you even tried to let someone in? Gwyn’s perfect for you—kind, strong, clever. She gets you.”

“She’s not the only option,” Rhys said smoothly. “There are others. Nesta’s mentioned a few priestesses who would be good matches.”

Cassian nodded in agreement. “There’s also Y/N.”

You pressed your hand to the doorframe, your breaths shallow as you heard Cassian say your name.

“No, I don’t see them together. They rarely speak to each other outside of missions and a few shared words at dinners.” Rhysand says with a shake of his head as if the thought of you and Azriel together was the most unlikely thing he could think of.

You shouldn’t have stayed, shouldn’t have listened, but you couldn’t move. Couldn’t breathe. They didn’t mean to hurt you—you knew that. You’d always been on the periphery of their circle, a friend but never a true equal in their eyes. Azriel’s shadows had been your sanctuary, his quiet love a solace you cherished.

But to hear them speak so casually, as if you weren’t even a possibility…

Azriel’s voice cut through, firm and unyielding. “I don’t need you to play matchmaker. I can handle my own life.”

“You’re avoiding the question,” Cassian said, clearly amused.

“Drop it,” Azriel snapped, his tone brooking no argument.

The room fell silent after that, but the damage was done. You turned and fled, the ache in your chest twisting tighter with every step.

—

The space you shared with Azriel was small but cozy, tucked away in a quiet corner of Velaris where no one thought to look. It was your haven, the only place you could truly be yourselves without prying eyes or whispered questions.

But tonight, it felt suffocating.

You sank onto the couch, wrapping a blanket around yourself as the doubts clawed at your mind.

This charade was necessary. You both knew that. If they ever found out you and Azriel had been together for months—years, now—it would complicate everything. Not just for him, but for you.

As Azriel’s partner, you worked in the shadows as he did, your work as vital and delicate as his own. Secrecy was second nature to you both, and you’d agreed early on that revealing your bond—to anyone—was too risky.

You’d thought you could handle it. But moments like this, when they talked about Azriel’s love life like you didn’t exist, like you weren’t his, made you question how much more you could endure.

You told yourself it wasn’t Azriel’s fault. He hadn’t encouraged them. He’d even told them to stop. But the weight of their words lingered, stirring fears you’d tried so hard to bury.

What if they were right? What if Azriel deserved someone like Gwyn, someone who could stand beside him without the need for secrecy?

You didn’t hear the front door open, too lost in your thoughts to notice the familiar sound of Azriel’s footsteps until he was standing in front of you.

“Something’s wrong,” he said immediately, his hazel eyes scanning your face. His shadows swirled around him, restless and sharp. “What happened?”

You shook your head, forcing a smile. “It’s nothing. Just tired.”

His brow furrowed, and he crouched in front of you, his hands resting gently on your knees. “Don’t lie to me.”

The sincerity in his voice nearly broke you. You looked away, your throat tightening as you tried to hold back tears.

“Y/N,” he said softly, tilting your chin up so you had no choice but to meet his gaze. “Tell me.”

You hesitated, the words sticking in your throat. But you couldn’t keep it in any longer.

“I went to Rhys’s office,” you admitted quietly. “I was going to find you, but… I heard you all talking.”

Azriel stiffened, his jaw tightening. “What did you hear?” He already knew. There was only one part of the conversation that could’ve had you so distraught.

You swallowed hard. “They… they were trying to set you up with someone. Gwyn, mostly. Rhys mentioned others.” You laughed bitterly, the sound hollow. “They said I wasn’t even an option.”

Azriel’s eyes darkened, his shadows curling tighter around him.

“They didn’t mean it to hurt me, I know that” you added quickly, seeing how Azriel was ready to go back and pummel his brothers. “They don’t know about us. But… it still hurt.”

He exhaled sharply, standing and pacing the room. His hands curled into fists at his sides. “They had no right—”

“They care about you,” you interrupted. “They want you to be happy. And maybe they’re right. Maybe you’d be better off with someone like Gwyn. Someone who—”

“Stop.”

The word was a command, sharp and unyielding. Azriel crossed the room in an instant, kneeling before you again. He took your hands in his, his grip firm but gentle.

“Don’t you dare doubt this,” he said fiercely. “Don’t you dare doubt us.”

Tears spilled over, and he reached up to brush them away, his touch achingly tender.

“You are my mate,” he said, his voice breaking. “You. Not Gwyn, not anyone else. You are the only one I want, the only one I will ever want.”

“But they—”

“They’re idiots,” he said flatly. “I’ll deal with them. But don’t let their ignorance make you doubt what we have.”

You searched his face, finding only unwavering certainty in his eyes.

“I love you,” he said, his voice softening. “More than I thought I was capable of. And I don’t care if they don’t see it. I see it. I feel it.”

A broken laugh escaped you, relief washing over you like a tide. “I love you too.”

He pulled you into his arms, holding you tightly as if he could shield you from the world.

“I’m sorry,” he murmured. “I never wanted you to feel like this. I thought keeping the bond private would protect us, but if it’s hurting you—”

“It’s not,” you said quickly. “Not really. I just… I needed to hear this. To hear you.”

He pulled back just enough to press his forehead to yours. “You’ll never have to doubt me again.”

——

Aren’t they just so sweet *sigh*. Thank you for reading <3

Requests are still open ;)

[bluetimeombre]

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ And I wouldn't marry me, either.

You were Azriel's mate, but it took losing you three times for him to realise.

[this is long. i'm talking 5k words long so i've split it into two parts. anyway, azriel is the best bat boy and no i won't hear anyone out. i'm so excited to write for him and hope you enjoy. it's very angsty but that's what i love. i hope i can write more for him and maybe other characters if you like. it's been a while since i've actually read the series so if any information is wrong, do let me know. also it was my first time using the term y/n and yes, i cringed NOT PROOF READ... enjoy]

warnings: references to sexual assault and references to suicide. nothing explicit but please don't read if this is sensitive to you.

Part 2 soon…

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

The first, was the worst...

You were Rhys's half sister, the bastard daughter of his father. But when your mother had died giving birth to you, Rhysand's mother took you in and raised you with your brother and sister. You were so little and adorable that your sister loved you at once. Rhys did to, at some point of your life, you were sure he actually cared about you.

But when his mother and sister had died, his eyes shifted, he started to look at you with contempt. After all, you were only his half-sister. The worst half. He only kept you around because it's what his mother would have wanted.

And because there was no way Cassian and Azriel would ever let anything happen to you.

Besides, Rhysand knew when to use you.

Although Azriel was his spymaster, you were pretty good at staying swift-footed too. And you were frankly, very terrifying when you wanted to be.

You tread with power through the war camps, all of them looking at you as you went. All of their gazes wrecked with a predatory gaze. They either wanted to have their way with you, or kill you. Or both.

Rhys had said you could handle it, it was only supposed to be a check in. Cassian hadn't liked it, neither had Mor but it was Azriel who had almost- and for the first time- disobeyed his high lord to accompany you. But no, your brother wanted you to do this alone, so alone you would.

Just to show him you could.

'I can come with you,' Azriel had said, standing in your room as you tied your boots up. 'I won't even have to be seen.' At that, his shadows wrapped up your calf.

You smiled at them, as if they were his own pet. 'I'll manage just fine. Besides, i'm sure that's what Rhys wants, me needing a man.'

It had done nothing to calm your friend. The worry was still stuck between his brows, marring his handsome features. You'd held his cheeks, your wings hiding the two of you. His large ones (enough to swallow the both of you) over-lapped yours.

It was the last time you'd feel your wings.

The war camp wasn't as easy as you'd hoped. It was terror and horror in a place. You'd been to the court of nightmares, you'd gone to the slaughter of the spring court after they killed your family. But this, this was hell of another kind.

You had no idea how many days you'd been locked up, wrists bound in chains and hanging from the cell roof above you. Blood rolled down your arms from the force you'd tried to use to get them out. Your eye was swollen shut and your body trembled in pain.

All because they wanted to know your brothers secrets, and you wouldn't budge.

Your check was only supposed to be a day, but you were sure it had been longer. Days of endless pain and torture. Your uniform hung in rags of stripped material, your hair matted with blood and hiding your face.

You'd used the last of your energy to keep your walls up. You weren't anyone's mate, you didn't have anyone on the other end trying to feel what you felt. But should Rhys come looking (though you doubted it) you didn't want him to feel it. You didn't want anyone in your mind.

The gates opened with a sickening clash.

One of the Illyrian's knelt in front of you, his wings hiding those coming in behind you. 'Listen sweetheart. I don't want to make this any harder than it's about to get. All you have to do is tell us your brother's hide outs.'

You grit your teeth, staring down at the ground.

'So loyal, to a man who doesn't care if you live or die.'

Suddenly, your wings twitched as hands grasped them. Brute hands, the sort you wouldn't want touching any part of you.

Fear spiked in you, horror twisting your gut. 'What are you doing?'

'I told you I didn't want to get things messier, darling.'

You whipped your head from side to side, trying and failing to get a look at the assailants behind you. Your wings were being held apart, no matter how hard you tried to bat them away. You knew the sort of people they were, and what they did to girls like you.

That's when the begging started. 'No, no please. Anything. I'll do anything! Beat me, kill me, rape me, not my wings, please!'

'Anything?' the bastard asked, tongue poking out from his lips. 'Then tell me where your lord's hideouts are?'

You should betray him, you thought. He would never lose his wings for you. Perhaps it was stubbornness that kept you from, or maybe you were clinging to the last bit of love you want from him.

The bastard scoffed, 'anything, she says. Your brother has his own bitch wrapped around his finger.'

That's when they started hacking at your wings.

Your screams tore through your throat, blood spitting and dripping down your chin. Tears soon joined when they hacked away at the bone, the membrane, the flesh of it all. The three of them worked through your screams and your tears and your pain, tearing and cutting at it like it was nothing more than paper.

Not your whole life.

Let them hear you. You hoped your brother heard you, you hoped all and every court heard the pain.

Eventually, even you couldn't keep screaming. The only sound was the hacking away at your wings and the drops of blood.

'Now look at these beauties. I've got a perfect spot on my wall for these.'

They left you after that. There wasn't much more damage they could do. It already felt like they'd destroyed your life. You had never really thought about your wings, they were just part of you, as much as your wit or hair was. But they'd took it and now, you felt empty. Never would you fly with Azriel again, or use your wings to smack Cassian over the head.

Rhys, your dear brother, had took that from you.

The days blended in together after that. You were pooled in your own tears and blood, vomiting up anything they forced down your throat. No, they'd made it very clear they didn't want you dead. They just took pride in making it feel like you were.

At some point, you'd stopped reacting to the gate opening. You let them do whatever they wanted with you. Your wrists were still chained, arms still hanging up, your clothes hanging on your thin body in strips of dirt.

'No...' you heard a mumble. 'What have they done to you?'

Suddenly, the chains gave way and you lurched forward, with no strength to catch you. Luckily, you didn't have to, as strong and warm arms pulled you into his chest.

'Hey, wake up, look at me, dammit.'

Azriel.

You'd know the voice in the darkest days, in the pit of your worst nightmare you'd know.

You try to speak but your head's heavy, your lips are stone and your arms can't lift to hold onto him. You're exhausted, you're dying. The only thing you could do use all your strength to try to open your eyes.

'Please, please, look at me. You have to look at me,'

You were trying, you wanted to tell hm, snap at him, but you couldn't.

You felt Azriel shake, or maybe you were. Then, there was wet drops landing on your cheeks- you flinched.

'I'm sorry, i'm sorry. Rhys! Rhys! hurry up, please!' he was screaming. You'd never heard him scream before.

You heard the rush of feet at the cell doors, you knew it was your brother. You knew it from the presence of him, from the shuffling of feet and chocked sob. Your brother didn't cry, least of all for you.

'Her wings, oh mother, her wings,' said Azriel, his voice barley above that of a whisper.

Your wings. You didn't need reminding. They were gone, long and far gone. You were without a part of you, the very part of your soul that loved to be free. Never would you watch the stars up close or fly over everyone. Never race Cassian or make jokes with Az.

No, this would destroy you.

'y/n,' your half-brother called. 'No, y/n. Can you hear me?'

Your lips parted, mumbling. 'Hurts.'

Azriel's grip on you tightened. 'I know, we're gonna get you out of here, just hold on for me.'

You wanted to tell him you would hold on, you'd always need to hold on to him. That, no matter what he asks, you'd do it. To kill, to live, to breathe, to die.

And that's when it clicked. Amongst all the pain and the doubt. In your blood soaked clothes. In the fear you wouldn't make it, there was a tug. Weak and one-sided, but there. You knew you'd be safe with Azriel, knew you would always be with him.

Mate.

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

The pain subsided to a dull ache, there and beating but not excruciating. You were warm and covered in a soft material. Nothing like the cell you'd been kept in. Your fingertips sunk into something soft- a bed. Your bed. It was familiar in its lavender scent to you and the silk wrapped around you gave you some semblance of warmth.

Your wings.

Even coming to consciousness was difficult. You were exhausted but light, without the weight of wings holding you down. You'd never realised how much you needed to feel that weight, to feel pulled down in order to be free.

Gone, all gone.

Your hand twitches around something cold, a shadow holding your hand, creeping up your side.

'You're awake, thank the couldron.'

It wasn't Azriel, master of the shadows. It wasn't your mate. Mate. The word replayed like a terrible song in your mind.

How dare the mother do this to Az. How dare he- nothing but loyal and kind- get stuck with a person made in darkness, who bled shadows, who's heart was so full of hate there wasn't room for love. They'd cursed Az, with you.

But luckily it wasn't him, it was Rhysand.

'It really happened,' you whispered, voice hurting from the screams.

He sighed. 'I'm sorry, i'm so sorry. We-we thought you weren't going to make it, you'd lost so much blood.'

In spite of the pain in your shoulders, you made a shift, turning from him as he ranted on about your condition.

'y/n... sister, please,' he said. He'd never called you sister before. He'd always been content to treat you just like you worked for him.

'Leave me alone.' you couldn't bare to look at him, couldn't bare to face him. The shadows at your hand grew heavier, as if more were piling on. You stretched your fingers away from them, trying to get them off you.

'Are you in any pain?' asked Rhys.

'Get out,' you mumbled.

The end of your bed dipped where Rhys settled, hand splayed on the covers, begging for your hand. 'y/n.'

'Get out!' you snapped, body tense and straining. You felt your wounds open up, blood wetting the bandage around you. But you didn't care. You'd happily bleed if you couldn't fly. A part of you, sick part of you wanted to be left there. It would be better than false sympathy.

Be better than your mate being disgusted.

'Get out!' you yelled again, voice tearing through an aching throat.

'I just want to help you! please, let me help you!' said Rhys, standing from your bed and walking around, trying to face you.

'I don't want your help!' you screamed. You reached for the closest thing you could, a jug of water and chucked it toward him. You aim was terrible, marred with pain and exhaustion. 'Get out!'

Though hesitant, Rhysand slowly started walking back to your door. He did it all looking at you, his hands out to show he wasn't gonna hurt you, but you didn't care. You went for the glasses next and chucked them but they landed against the door which he disappeared through.

Before it slid close you caught sight of Cassian , Mor and Azriel. All crowded, all waiting to see you.

You'd be happy if you never let them see you again.

'Can we see her?' you hear Mor ask.

'Give her time,' said Rhys.

The shadows at your hand grew heavier, darker, tighter.

'Go away!' you yelled at them. To anyone else, you probably looked crazy, screaming to darkness. But the shadows understood. They departed, slithering away and under the crack of your door where you could see the shadows of feet.

Tumbling from bed, you stumbled over and locked the door, leaning on it to and catching your breath. Your nightgown was starting to get sticky with blood all over again. When you closed your eyes, you pictured the cell, the rough hands holding you down, the chain keeping you up.

And the pain, it all washed over you. The hacking at your back, the sting of a slap. It hit you like a tone of bricks as you slid to the floor.

There was a knock, rattling the door.

'y/n,' Cassian. 'Please let us in.'

Us. You felt him on the other side. Your mate, his presence lingering. His shadows under the door, wanting to come in but keeping their distance.

He didn't know. It hadn't snapped for him, you could tell. It was one tug on your end, a chord in your heart. At least he couldn't feel what you did. At least you could shoulder it alone.

'Please.' his voice was almost your un-doing. He sounded so sad, so desperate. It hurt you just to think you were hurting him.

Tears streamed down your face as your curled your fingers into a tight fist. You assumed Mor had left with Rhys, leaving you there with the males.

Cass was always like a brother to you. Granted- a brother you had slept with once or twice- but he was your best friend. You'd always been close to him. But you'd always been good, a happy person.

You couldn't be that for them now, perhaps ever again.

It lasted like that for hours. Cassian and Az begging to come in, you curling into a ball with tears down your cheeks and blood down your back.

Eventually, they gave up. You couldn't hear them anymore and the shadows of their boots had disappeared.

Except Azriel's shadows that still lingered under your door. Maybe he'd ordered them to be there while they left you.

Eventually, you managed to find your footing on shaking legs. Your room was large, one of the largest. It was just as much a mess as it was when you'd left for you mission, clothes thrown over the place, books propped open on the pages you'd left them on. Everything was the same but could never be again.

It took you longer than you'd care to admit to get to your windows and throw the curtains close. Candles light at your request, the house looking after you as it had since you were a child.

You caught sight of yourself in the full length mirror. It seemed smaller, everything in the room felt too large and you too small, as if you were being swallowed by the expanse of it.

Your frame was small in the mirror, your hair disarrayed. Your eyes were red and shutting of their own accord from the tears that had drained you. The starving in the cells had made you look weak, made you feel weak.

And your back. There was no more looming black figures there, no more fluttering. There was just nothing. In spite of the ache as you lifted your arm, you felt around your back, feeling the hitch there, the lump from where they'd been torn from you.

You cry. You sob. You scream.

The scars were long and the nightdress was sticking to you by the blood you'd shed. All you could do, was hold yourself up as your body wracked with tears.

A breeze came from your windows, shadows tugging at the curtains.

You felt him before you saw him. You wanted to tell him to leave you but you couldn't talk without chocking. Without feeling like you couldn't breath.

Azriel had you in your arms before your knees could hit the ground. He fell with you, softening your body on the floor. His arms held you into his chest, his legs caging you into his body. His head rested on yours as he held you. He didn't try to talk, he didn't try to help. It was just him, you and his shadows.

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

Azriel remembered dozing off with you, his head on yours. His arms holding you into him, as if it was up to him to keep the sadness away and take it for you.

Afterall, you were his best friend. He should have been there for you, and he'd failed terribly by letting you get hurt and your wings stolen from you. He could hate himself every day for it, for letting you down. But it would never amount to what you felt for yourself and that killed him.

He could see it in the way you cried, in the way you were already keeping everyone out. He'd rather die than let you go through all the pain alone.

When his hands had been scarred by his brothers, you'd help heal him, tell him about everything he still was and all the power he still held in his hands. In the worst days, when he didn't let anyone touch him, he let you.

It was always you.

Azriel wasn't sure how long he'd been asleep, or how deep. He was sure he was still with you, still in your bed.

His shadows crept up on him, engulfing him slowly and whispering to him. Your name, just your name on repeat. It was enough to lull him back into sleep, to keep him calm.

Gone. Missing. y'n. Roof.

He shot up and ran fastest than he ever had in his life. It was as if he'd never been asleep but had been fighting a battle with the way he raced over.

He burst through the doors, the cold hight air hitting him.

You stood facing the stars, your bloody back to him. It wasn't as much blood as when he'd found you, but it was still enough to put a lump in his throat.

Immediately his shadows fell to you, cascading down your body and wrapping around your waist. There was a breeze in the air, pushing your hair back and exposing more signs of the pain and torture you must have gone through.

'I'm not gonna jump, if that's what you're thinking,' you said. You didn't even have to turn to him. The shadows probably told you enough.

'Why are you up here?' he asked, walking to you slowly and with careful steps. As if every step closer could you push you away from him.

'I'll never feel the win properly again,' you answered.

Azriel gulped down his own pain. You’d never sounded so small. ‘Can you get away from the ledge?’

'I'm not on the ledge.'

'You're too close for my liking.'

'Leave if you don't like it.'

'Don't do this,' he said.

'Do what?' you asked, folding your arms over your chest. You were cold, out in the hight but you wanted to see the stars. Needed to see them.

'Make me leave. Make everyone leave you. I know that's what you're doing. It's what you do every time,' you could feel him dawning closer. His shadows were all around you, almost drowning you.

‘Every time,’ you scoff, stepping down and turning on him. ‘It’s not every day you lose your wings Azriel! But don’t let me stop you from leaving, flap them and go!’ You yelled, unable to stop yourself, no matter how hard you tried. You didn’t want to hurt him, you just wanted to be alone.

Mate. Mate. Mate.

'You jump and I’ll catch you,' he said. He was a step away, he could just reach out and touch, just a gentle caress. 'I swear it, whatever you do, I’ll follow. I’m not letting you get away.’

He watched your back shudder as he reached out, brushing knuckles against your shoulder blade. He heard your sharp inhale follow.

'Don’t think I won’t follow, y/n.'

Finally, you turned around in his shadows. You couldn’t meet his eyes but at least you could face his chest.

His hands were gentle on your shoulder as he rubbed it gently. 'Can I get Madja to clean you up?' He asked.

You nodded as he led you away. You truly did not deserve your mate.

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

Fifty-two years later...

When Amarantha had trapped the high lords of Prythian under the mountain, it hadn't be a conscious choice to follow your half-brother down. How Amarantha had allowed it, you weren't sure, but perhaps she wanted to use you just like her brother, or she thought it would bring more pain for him to see you suffer under there too.

You and Rhysand had barley spoke the last two years.

It had took you almost two months to heal fully enough to leave your room, another few months to face your family again. But even then, everyone knew something had changed in you. You didn't laugh as loud or smile as wide.

Rhysand was careful to ever let you out on a mission. Mor tried to take you out every night. Cassian spent all day every day with you and Azriel- he'd healed you better than any nurse.

Still, you had not told him he was your mate.

Still, you thought he wouldn't want it.

Still, you cared for your brother enough to not want him to go alone.

But being under the mountain, you could avoid your mate. At a painful price.

Until her. Rhys's mate. He hadn't shut up about her since he first met her, much to your dismay as you had to sit around and listen- having absolutely nothing better to do. And it only got worse when she turned up under the mountain. She was declaring her love for Tamlin- again, annoying your brother, and throwing Lucien into danger- which rather angered you. You had nothing against the ginger.

Rhysand had once sent you to find the girl to summon her as part of a bargain he'd made. He didn't want to go, he didn't want to look too forceful. You'd been lucky enough to find the two tangled up in each other against a cold wall, clothes ripped and hips moving together.

'Well, well well,' you'd intterupted.

Tamlin all but growled at you, but feyre was looking over you- evidently confused. She had no idea who you were. You, in your skimpy outfit that Amarantha kept you in (they all dipped low at your back, showing off your scars) and your eyes that were like a night sky.

'Amarantha's looking for her pet and Rhysand is looking for his. Honestly, i'd be a bit more worried if I were you. You know, considering Lucien still has an eye to lose.'

The two parted with your words as you sent Tamlin back to his master, the high lord glaring at you as you went. While Feyre tried to fix herself.

'Rhysand is over there, better not keep him waiting.' That was the first time you met her, having no idea how much trouble she'd be worth. The family that she'd become.

But Rhysand made sure you knew it all. From when the bond snapped in him and he'd stumbled. He ranted and ranted as they climbed out.

If only you were so talkative about Azriel. If only you could talk about him with your brother. But you'd tried not to painfully think about him. Climbing out of the mountain. It was all you could think of.

Maybe he'd have forgotten you? it had been fifty years. He'd probably realised how happy he could be without having to take care of you.

Rhys was allowed out of the mountain, he'd felt the breeze in his hair but you hadn't in fifty long years. You stood there a moment, bathing in the warmth as everyone left, as everyone ran off for their families and courts and the war that was inevitable. Eventually, Rhys offered you his arm. 'Shall we go home?'

He winnowed you there, on the balcony of your home. In a cloud of black smoke, the two of you appeared.

He went first, slipping through the doors slowly- like it could all be taken from them any minute.

You were hesitant, taking a moment to glance at the landscape behind you. It hadn't changed, not at all. The mountains were still there, everyone was still alive. Your home. In the last years it hadn't felt like home, but how could anywhere ever feel so close in your heart.

When you could find your feat again, you managed to slip through the doors. You were suddenly aware of how little clothing you were wearing, just enough to cover your chest and run down your legs. A chill settled down your back, your scars would be on show. What a way to great them all after fifty years.

Mor had her arms around Rhys's shoulders, crying into his shoulder.

Behind them you caught Amren, with something like tears in her eyes. You were just about to tease her before a body barrelled into yours in a blur of red syphons and your feet were lifted from the ground.

'Cassian.'

His arms tightened around you. You shoulder started to dampen with tears, his tears. The last time you'd seen him cry around you was when he'd seen a dog with only three legs. 'I'm keeping you on a leash from now on, stupid idiot.'

Your arms wrap around his shoulders, a smile gracing your lips. 'Is that a promise?'

He held you longer, tighter, not daring to let you go but at least settling you on the ground. He sighed against your head, controlling himself. 'He's missed you, you know,' he said. He was the only one you'd told, about your mate. 'Now that you're back, tell him. He deserves to know.'

Cassian slowly pulled away, holding you at arms length and smiling at you. He kissed your cheeks and then your forehead before parting to Rhysand.

Mor approached you next, slapping you in the arm.

'Ow!'

'Why would you follow him?' she snapped.

You blinked at her before she took you by the arm she'd slapped and embraced you, like a sister would. You dared not looking over her shoulder to find the one who hadn't come to you. Maybe Cass had got it wrong...

Mor pulled away, wiping at her eyes.

Azriel was as beautiful as the day you left him. His hair was the same length, he was the same height. He was just as you left him. It was hard to tell fifty years had passed on him.

And inside of you, tugging in your soul and heart you felt the familiar string of gold throbbing. But you still didn't feel that tug. You'd hoped it would have faded from you after half a year separated. Or at least have snapped for him. But no such relief.

He approached you, slowly. As if he was scared of scaring you away. But you just stood there.

His arms were delicate and soft around you as he brought you into his chest. He still smelled the same, cedar wood and shadows. Shadows that wrapped around you, shielding you from the rest of the room. They caressed you, head to two.

You held onto each other for what could have been another fifty years, but this time, it wasn't so painful.

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

Although nobody wanted to part after yours and Rhysand's return, you were exhausted. A trip to Rita's could wait another night or two. The only thing you wanted to do was hide in your room.

Strangely, your room looked lived in. As if somebody had moved in since you'd left. A moment of anger replaced grief. Had they brought someone else and given them your room? but then you smelt it, Az.

Lying in bed that night, exhausted, you couldn't find sleep. You closed your eyes and pictured Amarantha. You'd never been afraid of her, you weren't afraid of anything. But you re-played the horrors. Watching servants beat Feyre, watching Amarantha use your brother and on the occasion, even you. How she flaunted. How the most powerful lords were weak.

Under your door, shadows seeped in, rushing across the room to you. You smiled, watching your hand disappear in their darkness.

'Azriel?' you called.

There was shifting on the other side of the door before he slipped in, clicking it shut behind him.

You sat up in bed, shadows moving with you. 'Couldn't sleep?'

He wondered in, looking around your room. 'Sleeping's been... hard.'

You rolled over, opening the blanket and nodding your head. You couldn't think about the bond, not yet. Not while he looked so.... ruined. Beautiful- the most beautiful person in the world, but sad. As he climbed in next to you, you could see the dark circles under his eyes, his shoulders slumped and his wings too.

His eyes scanned over you. You were in a thin and silk night dress that only brushed your knees, but the way he looked at you, mother you could've been naked. 'Fifty years,' his voice sounded barley controlled. 'Fifty years. You followed your brother down for fifty years? Why would you do that?'

You gulp. 'I would've done it for any of you. Except maybe Amren, she'd probably enjoy the peace for fifty years.'

You go to brush your hair back but Azriel seizes your wrist. He was angry. That's why his voice was rough and his chest rising and falling with barley controlled emotions. Could he feel it? your nerves, your lying?

'You left. You should've stayed, y/n, you know Rhysand didn't want you under there with him,' he said. 'For fifty years I haven't been able to sleep through a night thinking about the pain you must have been going through. After I swore to keep you safe, after I promised to catch you every time!'

'You couldn't have stopped me. You didn't promise, Az.'

His grip grew tighter. 'It went without saying.'

You looked around his eyes, seeing the pain and grief there also. Slowly, you brought your other hand up. He flinched as you took his cheek but eventually settled as your thumb ran over his cheekbone. 'I won't leave again, ok? I promise.'

He gulped, letting go of your wrist and looking down. 'I slept here,' he mumbled, but just loud enough to hear you. 'I couldn't sleep in my room. This was the only place I could rest.'

Your heart stuttered. Your hand dropped from his cheek. This man was your mate. Your mate. Your only love, whether or not the cauldron deemed it.

Azriel took your hesitation. 'I-i'm sorry, you probably didn't want to hear that. I've probably ruined your one place of peace-'

'Stay,' you said, before you could think of what you were asking. 'Sleeping wasn't exactly easy under the mountain either. I just trust I won't have to put a wall of cushions between us.' as if you wanted that. As if you haven't thought about his calloused hands all over you.

Azriel smiled and stayed the night.

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

The third time he almost lost you, broke him...

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

[shadowdaddies]

can i please request one with cassian x reader where reader is pregnant but doesn’t know and is being extra clingy to cassian. literally he’s going up to drink some water and she’s going with him or he’s training and she’s sitting next to him waiting for him to finish. And at meetings she’s sitting in his lap and holds him close. everyone wonders why that is bc reader doesn’t usually like pda. the bond knows before them that she’s pregnant and she subconsciously wants to stay close to her mate to feel protected. they eventually find out after feyre recognizes the signs she also had and everyone are so happy for them, cassians extra possessiveness and protective instincts go crazyyyy😍🧎‍♀️

Okay so I'm combining this with this other Cassian x pregnant!reader request because I like how the stories go together:

So the first part of the story is fluffy, reader finding out she's pregnant. I'll mark with an * in the story for when it shifts from fluff to the action-packed part so you can decide for yourselves if you want to just enjoy the fluff or read the whole thing (I like the whole thing, I love how this turned out)

DISCLAIMER: I do not condone mortal combat while pregnant

Protect Our Family

Cassian x Reader

Warnings: canon-typical violence, mentions of sex, not proofread

Overwhelmed by fatigue, you were nauseous and achy as you had been on and off for several weeks now. It felt as if you had a cold and your cycle at the same time, but you weren’t due for your cycle for another six weeks. You weren’t sure what had you feeling so off balance lately, but you were overcome with anxiety anytime you were apart from Cassian. 

From the moment you woke up in the morning, you could feel the bond urging you to find your mate. It was different from the frenzy when you first accepted the bond; it was a sense of security you craved, one that was never sated until you felt Cassian’s comforting presence. One day, you joined Cassian to go to the River House for a meeting with Rhys about the Illyrian camps. The males were in the office while you talked with Feyre, the two of you playing with Nyx in the living room. 

They weren’t long into the meeting when you started feeling panicked again, that draw to find Cassian overwhelming your senses. Feyre immediately sensed your stress. “Are you feeling alright? You look like you’re going to be sick,” she questioned you with a concerned look. Clutching your hand to your chest, you took a deep breath. “I don’t know, Feyre. I’ve been feeling so sick lately, like I’m on my cycle except that I know I’m not. And I know this sounds ridiculous, but I have this new instinct that I have to be near Cassian for safety. I don’t know, I think I need to see Madja.” 

You looked over to Feyre, bracing yourself for the incredulous look you were sure to receive, but instead found her teary eyed, a soft smile on her face as she shifted her glance from your face, to your stomach, and then to where Nyx was playing with his toys. Frozen in place as realization dawned on you, you simply gaped at Feyre, who turned back to you and nodded reassuringly. “I had all the same signs early in my pregnancy with Nyx. The bond is pushing you to be around your mate to protect your baby.” 

Hearing the words “your baby” out loud brought both you and Feyre to tears of joy as you stood to hug her. As if the recognition of the pregnancy triggered it, your scent changed. There was no denying it now, you and Cassian were going to have a child. You laughed through your tears as you watched Nyx run up to Feyre, trying to grasp how that would be you soon enough. Cassian and Rhys came out of the office at the sound, concern on their features as they saw your and Feyre’s tears, before they scented you. 

You turned to Cassian, your broad smile affirming that they were in fact cries of joy as you nodded to him, “you’re going to be a dad.” An stunning wave of love flowed to you through the bond as you and Cassian ran to embrace each other. A tear rolled down Cassian’s cheek as he whispered in awe, “we’re going to have a baby.”

*

The moment faded quickly as Cassian looked to Rhys with a grim expression on his face. Cass growled out, “I’m not leaving her here.” You looked frantically between the two males, trying to decipher what Cassian meant as you took in Rhys’s conflicted expression. 

“What do you mean, leave me here, Cass?” you breathed out. Cassian looked down at you with a fierce expression before kissing the top of your head. “I need to go to Windhaven. There’s suspicions that Koschei’s spies have infiltrated the camps and Azriel believes they’re planning an attack soon.” Looking between you and Rhys, Cassian continued, “I can’t leave the soldiers during a time like this, but I’m not leaving you and our child right now.” 

The weight of an anvil fell on your chest as you registered the gravity of the situation. Before another tear could fall from your eyes, Feyre stepped forward. “What if we all went up to the camps?” She squeezed your hand as she looked to you, “I will leave Nyx here with Elain, but keep you company up at the cabin, so we can stay close to Cassian without being in harm’s way at Windhaven.” No one was excited about the idea, but it was the best option you had.

You and Cassian stayed awake all night, making love as you celebrated the life you would soon be bringing into the world, but come dawn, you were filled with dread at the thought of your mate being in danger and away from your child. The four of you left for the camps early in the morning, Cassian and Rhys helping you and Feyre get settled into the cabin before they left to meet Azriel at Windhaven. It took everything in you to deny your instincts to follow Cass to the camp, but you felt peace knowing that Rhys was with him, and they would not be far in the event of trouble, which Rhys assured you was highly unlikely. 

You held back your tears as Cassian begrudgingly winnowed away with Rhysand, and settled into the couch with Feyre. You had been relaxing on the couch for awhile, Feyre giving you advice on your pregnancy while you two sipped on tea, when Feyre’s eyes turned that glazed look that let you know she was communicating mind-to-mind with Rhys. She kept her composure impressively; if you didn’t know her so well, you wouldn’t have known the way her eyes widened and the tick in her jaw was her tell. Something was wrong.

You jolted up from the couch, prepared to find and protect your mate when Feyre gently grabbed your arm, drawing you back to your surroundings. She spoke to you as one might a startled animal, “Rhysand was just informing me that there is an attack at the camp. It’s a small group, though, and the Illyrian soldiers far outnumber Koschei’s party. They can handle this.” Despite every bone in your body telling you to do otherwise, you nodded as you sat back down on the couch. Feyre gave your shoulder a squeeze. “I’ll go fix us some food in kitchen.” 

You tried to relax on the couch, but that instinct from before was back. You needed to be with Cassian. You needed your family together. You padded into the kitchen where Feyre was cooking, catching her in a tense position over the stove as she seemed to be speaking to Rhys again. Before she could even turn to address you, you had winnowed to Windhaven.

Chaos raged throughout the camp. At every turn, you witnessed a battle or a body. Without a second thought, you let your protective instincts for your family take over, grabbing a sword from the ground as you raced through the camp in search of Cassian. Fortunately, the Illyrian warriors recognized you as their General’s mate, and worked with you as you fought off soldier after soldier in Koschei’s army. 

A soldier cornered you in front of a tent, taunting you. “I can smell that little Illyrian brute inside of you. What a favor I’ll bring to the world to rid-“ His threat was cut off by an obsidian knife through his throat. Blood splattered as Azriel yanked truth-teller out of the male’s throat, throwing his body to the ground. Before you could explain what you were doing there, Azriel pulled you into a hug, pressing a kiss to your cheek as he murmured, “congratulations, sister.” 

You only had a moment to be shocked by Azriel’s uncharacteristic affection before two more males approached you, and you two were thrust into the throws of battle once more. Adrenaline surging through you, it felt as though a mere second had passed from when you’d arrived to now, as you stopped to look around at the bodies that littered the ground, the battle seemingly over.

You turned to see Azriel, who you’d been fighting along side, taking deep breaths as he came down from his own adrenaline rush. It was then he looked at you with a bewildered expression, registering what you had just done. He came over to you, frantically searching for any injuries as he tried to keep his calm. “What were you thinking? Cassian is going to lose his shit. You went into battle pregnant!” Az said, almost more to himself as you both tried to comprehend all that had transpired.

It was then that you caught sight of your mate further across the camp, sprinting towards him without a second thought. Cassian did a double-take as he saw you running to him, frozen in shock as you felt his fear through the bond. You had no time to feel guilt as you threw yourself into his arms, hugging him as though he might disappear if you let go. When you finally pulled apart enough to look him in the eyes, you were taken aback by his intense gaze. “Please don’t be angry. I couldn’t live with myself if I knew something happened to you, Cass. I need you,” grabbing his hand and holding it against your stomach, you emphasized, “we need you. We are a family, and I will always come for you.” 

Cassian leaned down to kiss you deeply before pulling away to whisper, “I love you. But you are pregnant, and I will always be the one to protect us. I am-“ 

Before he could finish his sentence, a figure approaching behind Cassian caught your attention. In the blink of an eye, you drew a throwing knife from his belt, throwing it into the chest of the soldier just before he could thrust his sword into Cassian. Cass whipped around to see the soldier on the ground before turning back to see you cocking an eyebrow at him. “WE protect this family.”

[qwimblenorrisstan]

Insufficient | Azriel x Reader

Summary: After a few months of dating, your relationship begins to crack, and the truth behind Azriel’s odd behavior comes out.

Word Count: ~ 1.8k

Warnings: ANGST, so much angst, sort of unrequited feelings, breakup, mentions of sex + torture and murder, Nesta being an absolute queen

A/N: enjoy some delicious azzy angst😋 lmk what you think I should do for the next part, like should they get back together, or reader finds a new mans while az grovels??

Requests are open!

Masterlist | Next

It had been a warm, sunny day when you’d first met him.

The bakery had been going steadily as ever in Velaris, your family-owned shop hard at work to make the citizen's pastries and your famous sourdough bread. Generations of the family had owned it beforehand, and you were still helping out, you had been working the front that day.

Azriel had walked in, asking for some sort of treat that his High Lady was craving. His description of it hadn’t been the best, leading to almost thirty minutes of you showing him different sweet treats and pastries until he finally found what he wanted, and ordered a dozen of them.

That had been the beginning of your situationship, where he’d come to the shop asking for various things once every now and then, only to subtly get closer to you and even slightly flirt.

Eventually, he asked you out to dinner, and after a few more, you two began dating, and he admitted that he felt a little spark when he first saw you. Looking back, you wondered if that was the only reason he even pursued you in the first place, not for your personality, or even your looks, but just because of that spark.

The first few weeks had been lovely, him being thoughtful and caring to you in the little acts. Such as the way he made coffee for you just how you liked it in the mornings, how he began to put things lower on shelves so you could reach them, how he would talk quietly when you had migraines, or be patient when you were in a mood. The best example probably being the first time you had your period in front of him.

He hadn’t acted disgusted by it, instead, he’d gently cared for you, helping you through it, buying you chocolate and all the foods and snacks you were craving, getting heating pads, making sure you were alright for the entire insufferable week.

However, after that, the honeymoon period must’ve worn off, because he seemed constantly tense or stressed after that. His face remained like stone, not budging or cracking, even for you. The softening of his eyes that had happened before it was replaced by something strained as if he was waiting impatiently for something.

Even in bed, he wouldn’t look at you, remained quiet as a mouse, the only sign that he was enjoying himself being a large exhale as he buried his face in your neck or turned away. That was another problem, he knew how to fuck, he knew how to do that very well, but he didn’t know how to make love. Any time you tried to teach him, he just didn’t accept it, simply giving an unsatisfactory hum in response and continuing what he was doing.

He’d come home from missions, drenched in sweat and sometimes even blood, and not say anything even when you cleaned him off and led him to bed, giving you a cold shoulder. You fully understood that he had a bloody past and history, but you at least expected him to open up a little bit to you. Without any emotional transparency, it wasn’t really a relationship, was it?

His family was nice, though. You liked them, especially Nesta, since she seemed not to put up with everyone else’s bullshit. She was the only one you opened up to about your issues with Azriel, and how you were thinking of breaking things off or taking a break.

“He’s a hard one, but it sounds like he’s being an ass. If it were me, I wouldn’t put up with that.”

She said while you both sat in the library, neither of you noticing the small shadows lurking near the books. You sighed, nodding slowly.

“I know, it’s just…I feel like he’s waiting for something else, like just me isn’t enough.”

You said with a frown, and Nesta gave a little hum of acknowledgment.

“Just give it a week or two, and if you’re still unhappy, I’d leave.”

She said with a shrug, and not long after the both of you went your separate ways. You followed Nesta’s advice, giving the relationship a week or two, and it remained stressed and tense. However, when you finally managed to get into Azriel’s office during the day, about to break things off, he spoke first.

“Let me guess, your testing weeks weren’t satisfactory?”

He asked in a sharp tone, eyes narrowed on you with a piercing gaze. You took a sharp breath in, glaring at him despite the embarrassment that tried to take over.

“You were spying on me.”

You said, trying to keep your tone even despite how it wavered slightly. He stood then, towering over you from his superior height.

“I don’t like when people talk about me behind my back, let alone my partner.”

He said, the words clipped and full of anger simmering under the surface. He took a step closer, and you took a step back. You’d never been afraid of him, not really, but at this moment you didn’t exactly want to be close to him. His keen eyes noticed, and something like hurt and anger flashed in them.

“Don’t act like I’m some terrible person for having a girl talk because you’ve been acting weird. I can’t believe you spied on me.”

He huffed, taking another step closer, the shadows swirling and writhing, looking more agitated than ever. You took another step back, only to run straight into a wall that was now behind you. He continued stalking closer until your heart was beating faster and faster until he leaned down so you were eye-to-eye.

“I’m sorry I’m not what you signed up for. I’m not gentle or loving, I am a spymaster, I torture and kill people for my work, and have for centuries. I won’t be forced to change just to fit what you think I should be, or what you want in a relationship.”

He hissed, his words now full of anger and frustration. You leaned back, trying to keep away.

“That’s your problem. You don’t know how to separate your work life from your personal life, and you’re taking it out on me. You can be gentle and loving, I’ve seen it before, but I’m not what you want. You’ve been acting like I need to be something more for you when I’m not. I don’t know what you want, but your inability to communicate and be transparent isn’t my problem.”

You said back, tears now welling up as you tried to push him away. He didn’t back up, only moving closer and pushing you into the wall. His temper was building, and you could tell. It was only a matter of time until he would….

“A mate! I wanted a mate!”

Snap.

The silence stretched on and on for what seemed like hours after he said that, yelling it in your face. You’d never heard him raise his voice before. You gaped at the sight of him unwinding and shattering right in front of you as he rambled on.

“It’s not fair, Rhys gets Feyre, Cassian gets Nesta, Lucien gets Elain even if she doesn’t want him, and who do I get? No one.”

He said in an almost panicked tone, rambling on and on. He pushed off the wall, pacing around in his office, hands fidgeting.

“I thought—when I felt that spark when I went in your shop, that it might be you, but you weren’t enough. You aren’t my mate, because it would’ve snapped by now, I would’ve felt it, but I didn’t. You aren’t enough for me, and you never will be.”

He said, finally sighing at the end. He wouldn’t even look at you, eyes unfocused and only looking randomly around the room, anywhere but towards you. You swallowed, trying to hold back the tears that welled up because of his words. You weren’t enough. You never would be.

He looked like he felt a bit bad for half a second before his expression hardened again into that unflinching steel you’d grown to hate. He finally looked at you again, no hint of empathy or guilt now in his gaze for leading you on, or practically torturing you these past months.

Taking a shaky breath, you finally choked words out.

“Oh,” You murmured, trying to swallow the lump in your throat.

“Okay.”

You whispered, managing to push off the wall to walk to the door, opening it and walking down the hall, to the room you two had shared, and you began packing your belongings. Picture frames of your family, your clothes, little trinkets, toiletries, you left no trace of you behind as you packed it in a large duffel bag in the closet.

You walked to the front door of the House, open the door, and walk out, the 10,000 steps down looming in front of you. Azriel didn’t offer to fly you down, and it was only when you turned to look back at him, his face stone cold, that you felt it.

The snap.

A shifting warmth and coldness all at once.

And a mating bond.

His face fell in what looked like pure devastation and realization, hazel eyes wide and lips parted. It might’ve been the most emotion you’d seen him show in weeks. He began to walk out, trying to go after you as you began taking the steps, but a large flap and wave of wind stopped him.

Cassian’s large, hulking form stopped him, shaking his head grimly as he walked towards you, where you were still going down the steps, and he laid a hand on your shoulder.

“I’ll fly you.”

He said simply, and you nodded with a sniffle as he picked you up, his wings carried him into the air as he soared up, only to land moments later and drop you off back at the bakery where your family was working. He set you on the ground, pulling you into a warm hug.

“I’m sorry,”

He said, letting you pull away, and for some reason, you believed him. You, Cassian, and Nesta made quite the dynamic trio, and you would probably miss them the most. They were some of your closest friends, and also wonderful drinking buddies. You and Nesta loved cheating in card games and beating Cassian when he was too drunk to notice until he owed either of you a fortune.

“You can always come visit me and Nes, just send a letter or somethin’.”

He murmured to you, wiping the tears from your cheek, and giving you an apologetic grin, before sending you off inside your family’s bakery and flying off.

This time, when you saw the shadow still curled around your wrist like it always had been when you and Azriel were dating, you smacked it off, sticking your hand right into a clear ray of sunshine to chase it off.

You were done being dragged down by shadows and darkness, and for once in your miserable life, you were going to look for the light instead.

[luffyssa]

i got bored so here's a meme

[solbaby7]

High For This

pairing: eris x reader

warnings: jealous!eris, swearing, another overindulgent ball hosted simply for conspiratorial purposes, sexual themes, wrote this with the implication of Beron being dead, abrupt ending bc if i didn’t stop there i prolly wouldn’t stop at all, not edited

summary: Eris is a jealous man and you’re determined to see exactly how hot his fire burns for you.

—

“Excuse me?”

Your eyes roll on their own accord, hands fluffing through fresh curls as dark mascara dries on thick lashes. A tinted gloss stains full lips and Eris hates the way his lungs greedily gulp in the sensual oud permeating the air.

Everything in here smells like you and he doesn’t resist the indulgence of looking around to take in the fluffy duvet sheets neatly strewn over the mattress and the cream throw pillows tucked near your headboard. The canopy drapes are tucked to each post, the middle dripping dreamily like clouds hovering in the sky.

You’re meticulous, he notes; every item you own continent in their convenient little homes. “I said,” The tone you hold makes his jaw clench, his body visibly perturbed by your nonchalance while he felt himself slipping deeper into your pull. You barely spare him a proper glance—too occupied in looking over yourself in the floor length mirror. “I have a date so you don’t have to wait for me. We’ll meet you there.”

“A date?” Eris repeats sharply, staring at you through the mirror.

“Is there a problem with that?” You know the answer before the question is even fully spoken, a smug little smirk ghosting in the corner of your lips as you sift through your jewelry box. Rings are slid onto your fingers, gold bands and pretty emerald cut jewels glittering in the faelight. “I specifically remember you saying that you didn’t need a plus one.”

“Because,” Each syllable is drawn out, his restraint slipping as you pushed his buttons with such expertise. “—I already had one.” You read between the lines, a brow raising as you settle in the knowledge that the High Lord had expected you to hang off his arm.

“I don’t recall you asking.”

“It was implied.”

Dark kohl lines your eyes and accentuates full lashes, a pretty blush placed on the high points of your cheeks and such beauty seems lethal when you stare through the mirror. “You’ve never had an issue articulating your wants before—if you desired it bad enough, of course.”

You leave room for a response, trying desperately to mask the flicker of hope beginning to drudge to life within the embers. Centuries of waiting for Beron to no longer be an issue, no longer looming over both of your shoulders and destroying every meaningful moment.

Things were supposed to be different when he was finally dead.

Easier.

Only, Eris had grown more guarded. Terrified that showing a hint of affection would backfire as it had so many times before. He takes his time, smoothening out his tone and compulsively straightening out the neatly folded handkerchief sticking elegantly from the breast pocket of his perfectly tailored suit. “This is not up for debate, bunny. Turn your little friend away and let’s go before we’re late.”

“No.” You shove past him, clutch tucked under your arm and high heels clicking furiously against the hardwood.

It stuns him for a beat of time but he recovers far quicker and Eris all but barks out your name as he exits your door, following a few paces behind with a snarl working its way up his throat. “Get back here!”

“I am not some object that you can just command when you please.” Elegant curls bounce angrily with your every step, jewelry chiming with each little bounce down the stairs. One hand grips at the banister for balance, the tight fit of your dress forcing you to move slower than you’d like. “You do not own me.”

"You're right, bunny. I don't own you but I am your High Lord and you will stop walking this instant."

The immediate fae-like stillness of your form has Eris’ heart thumping with excitement against his ribcage. A perfect mask is painted across your features when you slowly turn on the balls of your feet to face him but nothing could ever quench the fire that burns behind your retinas. “My Lord?”

A noise is hummed low in his throat—pleased or patronizing?—you weren’t sure but judging by that leisurely stride and the special time he takes in looking you over, it has to be a mix of both. “I like that tone much better.” Eris’ hands are warm when he brushes a lock of hair away from your face, fingertips grazing against your neck with such care that you have to suppress the shiver threatening to rake up your spine.

You refused to allow him the satisfaction of knowing how his touch affected you.

Not when he was acting like such an entitled toddler.

“Wonderful,” Venom burns under every word, even if it is wrapped in a sickeningly sweet tone. “I aim to please.”

A smile bleeds its way onto his face, the faelight casting shadows over the handsome contours of his features and frustration forces your fingers to fidget when the intoxicating oud of his cologne engulfs your senses. “I’m thrilled to hear that, bunny.” Eyes narrow up at Eris as you clock that tone of voice—that devilish look burning behind amber irises. “Let’s hope all that enthusiasm helps you survive the night.”

“Funny you should say that,” The way your hand elegantly rests in the crease of his extended arm feels utterly natural, no matter how much contempt is quivering behind the movement. “It’s not me who needs to worry about surviving the night.”

—

Playing the part of the demure, doting date is a million times more difficult than you make it look. Sweet smiles and the inviting shape of your figure brings in more attention than normal—or maybe it was because of who’d been permanently fused to your side since the second you’d arrived.

Eris had never been so on guard, amber irises raking over anyone who came within a five foot radius and most of your time is spent wading the rigid line of his shoulders. “Quit it,” You snap through your teeth, concealing the bite if your words with a bright grin. “You forced me to be here with you and now you’re scaring everyone off.”

“Forced you?” He doesn’t even sound offended—just smug as he motions to your hand curled comfortably around his bicep. “Is that the narrative you’re running with tonight, bunny? How unoriginal.” The body language portrays anything but ‘forced’ and once he’s pointed it out, you’re quick to pull away, snatching your hand back and grumbling profanities under your breath.

“What else would you call it?”

Eris feigns aloofness when responding, refusing to grant you the decency of his gaze and your spine goes ramrod straight when his words sink in. “I’d say it’s no different than when any of the other High Lords attend with their plus ones—though it seems theirs are more well behaved.”

“I’m not some hound who submits to your every command, Eris Vanserra.” Hurt lingers in the words you spit out just loud enough for him to hear. “What the other High Lords have are wives, partners—mates. They’re not cowards; wanting someone and stringing them along.” Tears well in your waterline, grip shaky around the flute of champagne until you abandon it altogether. “You’re wasting my time and I have little patience left to offer.”

You’re forced to walk away before the dam breaks, refusing to wear your heart on your sleeve for it never worked well before. Makes you too vulnerable; too tethered to a male too afraid to return the sentiment.

Balcony doors creak under your touch, opening just enough for you to slip through and close it behind you. For once, you’re grateful for the solitude. Basking in the cool breeze and the comforting smell of fresh flora, you let your eyes slip closed, a single tear falling free and your back bows as you sag against iron railings.

Just a single moment of weakness.

And it’s completely shattered by another presence.

“Want me to kill ‘em?”

You snap up like a spring, neck nearly snapping with the force it takes to turn so quickly. Palms wipe at your cheeks, straightening out the fabrics of your dress. “Sorry,” You quickly flush the moment realization sinks in, eyes taking in the towering Illyrian standing just a few feet away. His hair held in a neat bun at the nape of his neck, burly form slouched in a lounge chair, wings stretched high behind him. “I thought I was alone out here.”

“Looking how you do, I doubt you’re ever really alone.”

You scoff, this hateful, bark of a noise that refuses to be tampered down or subdued. “Not everyone shares your sentiment.”

“Date ditch you?”

“A girl could only dream. No, my ‘date’ is spending his time being a grade A douchebag—needed fresh air before I did something stupid.”

He hums in acknowledgment, a chilled glass of amber liquor dripping condensation down the thick stretch of his forearm. His head cocks to the side when he looks you up and down, making note of that forlorn expression casting shadows across pretty features. “Want to make him jealous?”

You should be ashamed for how abruptly the notion piques your interest. For how quickly satisfaction settles within your bloodstream at the thought of Eris watching you waltz around with this brick wall of a male and his effortless presence. “What’s in it for you?”

“Pretty thing on my arm is prize enough, even if it is just for show.”

There’s a pause where the Illyrian can literally see the gears turning in your head. Outweighing the risks. Mulling over potential consequences.

He can tangibly grasp the exact moment you shove all that aside—too scorned to give a shit about retribution. Too much time had gone into getting ready to waste it all on a male too prideful to cherish the gift wrapped before him. You head nods with finality, one hand outstretched before him. “It’s a deal.”

His hand is warm against your own, significantly larger and riddled with callouses. Tattoos the shade of obsidian is etched into tawny skin, arms rippling with muscles that bulge against the tight fit of formal leather attire. “I’m Cassian.”

“I know who you are.” Hesitation lingers in the set of your shoulders, spine not fully lax though Cassian doubts that’s fully possible with the skyscraper for heels adorning your feet. “Do you know who I am?”

His grin only grows when he stands at full attention, so tall your neck cranes just to meet his eye. “I’ve got a pretty good idea.” Ice clinks against his glass as he offers it to you, lifting the rim to your lips and muttering a soft praise when you drink obediently. “There’s a girl. Drink up, you’ll need the liquid courage.”

Liquid courage. Makes sense when it burns on the way down, easing frazzled nerves and a short temper until your arm slips in the crease of Cass’ elbow like it was a regular occurrence.

He’s confident. Borderline cocky with the way he urges you closer, hips bumping into one another with each step. The closeness does the trick though, a smoldering set of sandy eyes fall on you the moment you’re thrusted back into the fray. “Chin up,” Cassian murmurs softly, lips barely even moving over the words.

You’re led to the dance floor, situated smack dab in the middle. It’s a spectacle but something tells you that’s the whole point when Cassian circles a hand around your waist. The other reaches for your free hand, easing your fingers against his own until you’re palm to palm. “Do you even know how to dance? I don’t recall that being apart of Illyrian curriculum.”

It’s a harmless tease—the jab earning you a laugh so organic that it shows both rows of shiny teeth and a pantydropping set of dimples in his cheeks. “Pretty and funny. You really should consider not being so charming, I have an awful habit of hoarding treasures like you.”

Your head dips, a blush growing along the apples of your cheeks that only grows when Cassian is emboldened, ushering you in closer until you run the risk of stepping all over his toes. If he cares, you can’t tell, too washed up in the feeling of being shown off—proudly at that. “I appreciate you doing this for me. Even if it doesn’t work.”

“Trust me,” Cassian drawls, his gaze far off as he focuses on something behind you. “It’s working.”

He doesn’t elaborate, though he doesn’t really have to when you pick up on a familiar step pattern. Nose catching the earthy scent of spicy cinnamon and nutmeg. Of pine trees and bonfire smoke. “Bunny,” Eris fixates on the Illyrian’s hold on you, the corded muscle in his jaw jumping with the effort it takes to restrain himself from burning Cassian’s hands to a crisp. “Mind if I cut in?”

“This dance is nearly done.”

“And you’ll be finishing it with me.” It’s sick how desire pools in your belly at the possessive tone. How pleased you feel with yourself when Eris all but pries you away from Cass and into his own arms. You barely have enough time to say thank you to the Night Courts General before the eldest Vanserra has whisked you far, far away from those giant wings and the enigmatic wearer of them. “Where’d you run off too? I was worried.”

“Worried about what? That someone else was cherishing what you neglect?” You hum to yourself at the raw guilt that screws up the handsome pout of his mouth. “What’s that saying? One males trash…”

“You aren’t trash. You know I don’t think of you as trash.”

“No, you just treat me like it.” The chattering of guests drowns out your words from prying ears. “Hiding me at the bottom of the bin like you’re ashamed of me or something.”

You’re working yourself up again. Overthinking. Self-depreciating. Resenting. Digging a hole with no means of pulling yourself out but Eris halts that train of thinking with a hand to your jaw. The grip is gentle but firm, guiding you to look him in the eye; insisting you see the seriousness that swirls in the copper tones of his iris. “You are everything to me,” His confession stops you in your tracks. Steals your breath away at you hang onto every constant and vowel like a lifeline. “I wake up everyday just so I can see your face and I lay my head down every night praying that it’s filled with dreams of you—of us. Everything I do, anything I’ve ever done is to ensure your happiness. Your safety.”

“Eris..”

“No, listen to me.” Both hands cup your cheeks, all space eaten up until each breath he exhales in the air you inhale. Two halves of a whole slowly sliding into place. The final pieces of a puzzle connecting as one to fulfill the bigger picture. “You are mine.” Thumbs brush over the curve of your cheekbones, tracing at the slope of your nose and memorizing the shine of your lips. “My woman,” Tenderness leaks from every syllable, sincerity bleeding from every pore until you’re unable to fight back the rushing currents of your tears. “My love, my mate and while I can never promise to be a perfect male, I can vow that I am thoroughly vested in all things categorized as your best interest.”

“If I’d have known dancing with another male was all it took for such a confession, I’d have done so long ago.”A breathless laugh emits, one that softens the stern line of his brow and eases the fear his father engraved in his soul.

Noses brush, lashes kissing until your lips meet his own and all of your doubt is washed away. “I love you.”

“All I’ll ever love is you.”