#Cas in the finale would have been a real surprise

[solariene]

I don't understand why people are so surprised that Dean showed up in the finale ? We've already seen him in the first episode and the guy narrated every episode of the show lol of course he was coming back in the finale 🤔

[incognit0slut]

Much Ado About Nothing (Act III, Scene III: The Close Encounter)

The tension between you and Spencer finally snaps as you find yourself sharing the same bed.

Part warning: sexual tension and (finally) heavy kissing Words: 1.6k A/n: this is relatively short because I got really busy this week😭 i’m so sawry

SERIES MASTERLIST | MAIN MASTERLIST

You weren’t stupid. You knew exactly why he kept that book on his lap the entire time. It just seemed wiser to pretend not to notice—not just for his sake, but for yours too. The less said, the better, especially when your own reaction had been anything but subtle. Because who the hell would moan at the slightest touch? Who would shudder and gasp from a mere brush of fingers across the skin?

Well… you, apparently.

You couldn't believe he managed to fluster you this much. This was Spencer. Spencer. Someone so complicated in your life, the same guy you swore you'd never let yourself get close to. Yet here you were, pulse racing and cheeks hot, all because of a few innocent touches that shouldn't have meant anything.

No, you were probably too caught up in this stupid situation. It was the only explanation that made sense, that had to be it. And now, you needed to pull yourself together. A reset, perhaps. A way to snap back to reality and remind yourself that everything was just a performance. Because there was no way in hell that these feelings were real—they couldn't be.

So you did what you did best: you kept your distance. Not completely, but just enough to keep the act while building an ever taller wall between you. You touched his arm occasionally, you even leaned on him when others were around. But whenever it wasn’t necessary to be by his side, you avoided being alone with him.

Until later that night.

You had been so focused on avoiding him that you completely forgot the dread nagging at you since this morning. You lingered with the girls, laughing over the last drops of wine until you somewhat felt the slight buzz of alcohol in your system. It was close to midnight when you finally made your way back to your room, only to stop dead in your tracks.

The bathroom door swung open just as you entered, and there he was—fresh out of a quick shower. His hair was slightly damp, carelessly flopping onto his forehead, and he was clad in a classic pajama set, stripes of soft blue and white that somehow suited him. Your gaze slowly drifted back to his face, catching his gaze just as time seemed to freeze.

Neither of you moved, neither of you spoke, and you wondered whether you could fake a fight and slip into Penelope’s room when he finally cleared his throat.

“I, uh, I’ll just grab a pillow,��� he mumbled awkwardly, motioning towards the floor.

You watched him fumble with the flimsy pillow, his fingers clumsily adjusting its corners, and the sight made you feel bad. The thought of him all curled up on the floor while you sprawled out on a queen-sized bed felt downright ridiculous, but at the same time, the idea of laying so close to him was making your palms sweat.

“Wait,” you blurted out, surprising even yourself. “I…”

Say it. Just say it.

“You can sleep on the bed.”

You winced as the words left your mouth, but Spencer just looked at you, frowning slightly. “I don’t want to take the bed if it means you’re on the floor.”

You shook your head quickly, almost laughing at the absurdity of the situation. “I mean… we can share it?”

His eyes went cartoonishly wide.

“You want to share the bed?”

You nodded.

“As in… both of us?”

You nodded again.

His voice turned a pitch higher. "Together?"

“Yeah, just… you know, you stay on your side and I’ll stay on mine,” you added, trying to sound more confident than you felt. The room was suddenly too warm, too stifling. Or maybe it was just the heat rising to your cheeks. You waited for his response, but when he seemed to hesitate, you started to second-guess yourself.

“You know what, just forget about it—”

“No!” He quickly said. He cleared his throat again. “We can... we can share the bed.”

You held his gaze, feeling your heart pounding in your chest. “Okay.”

“Okay.”

One long second passed until you bolted into the bathroom with your change of clothes.

You slammed the bathroom door behind you, your breath catching in your throat. You quickly stripped yourself naked, a little more harshly than necessary, and pulled on your shorts and t-shirt. The fabric clung to your skin as if it too sensed the shift in the air.

It’s just one night, you repeated in your head like a mantra. You were just going to sleep. Sure you had history, and sure, sharing a bed would complicate things further. But the two of you had shared spaces before—late nights at the office, long stakeouts in cramped cars. This was no different. It had to be no different.

Finally feeling somewhat calmer, you unlocked the door and stepped out. Spencer was already under the covers, his back to you, the lines of his shoulders tense under the thin blanket. The mattress dipped slightly with your weight when you finally slipped under the covers, and you lay down on the very edge, as far from him as possible without making it obvious.

One minute turned into two, and then those minutes stretched into more, and you realized both of you were still very much wide awake. The quiet was starting to drive you insane.

“Reid?”

His voice was oddly quiet. “Yes?”

But what were you even trying to say? You scrambled for something, anything, but you couldn’t find the right words. Your thoughts felt tangled, a jumble of half-formed ideas that fizzled out before they could be voiced.

Spencer noticed your hesitation and turned towards you. “What is it?”

Feeling flustered by the way he was looking at you—especially when you caught him glancing briefly at your lips—you blurted out the first thing that came to mind, which wasn’t at all what you’d planned to discuss.

“When do you think we should fake our breakup?”

The question hung awkwardly in the air. You regretted it the moment it left your lips, but there was no taking it back now. His gaze changed subtly.

“Break up?”

You nodded, feeling suddenly foolish but too committed to stop. “Yeah, I mean, with how things are going… and how we’re supposed to be pretending, right? It just… it feels like something we should plan out, doesn’t it?”

Spencer watched you for a long moment, his eyes searching yours as if trying to read your thoughts. Finally, he let out a slow breath, nodding slightly.

“Sure… we should have a plan.”

“Maybe we could have a big argument,” you suggested.

He shifted to face you, the bed sheets rustling softly under him. "What kind of argument?"

"Something dramatic," you proposed, your heart beating a little faster as the distance seemed to close with his every subtle movement. "Something public where everyone can see it’s over."

“I don’t think we can handle something that intense."

“You’re right,” you agreed softly. “Something… simple then?”

Spencer unconsciously licked his lips, a brief, nervous gesture. Your eyes followed the movement, lingering just a second too long. “We could just say it isn’t working out.”

You drew your eyes back to his, and unconsciously, your foot brushed against him under the covers. He tensed for a moment. But after a pause that stretched a beat too long, he shifted slightly, not to pull away but to gently rest his leg against yours.

“You think that will be enough?” you whispered, your breath hitching slightly.

“Maybe,” he replied, his voice equally low. “We can say we want different things.”

You swallowed hard. “Different?”

"Different… paths, maybe," he suggested, his leg sliding against yours again and you felt a rush of heat spread through your body. You could hardly think when you were too focused on the sensation of his bare skin against yours.

"Like... we grew apart?"

He nodded slowly. “Seems believable.”

Your heart was pounding so hard you were sure he could hear it. The space between you seemed to shrink with every word.

“Believable,” you echoed.

He moved a fraction closer. “Yeah, believable.”

Your eyes locked, and for a moment, the world seemed to stop spinning. You could see the slight hesitation in his eyes, a question perhaps about crossing a line. But then he leaned in, closing the remaining distance, his forehead touching yours. Your eyes fluttered closed as his breath brushed against your lips… and then there was no space left at all.

You felt him everywhere. Your mouth, your waist, your thigh. Spencer Reid was kissing you, and it felt utterly surreal. Although this wasn't the first time you found yourself in this position, you chose to ground yourself in this moment, letting the past fade into a distant memory.

So you focused on the way his lips barely brushed against yours, his touch so soft and tentative at first before he slightly pulled away. It was as if he was testing the waters, trying to gauge your reaction. When you moved forward, closing the gap between you, he finally kissed you again, his lips moving against yours with a growing sense of urgency.

Everything around you started to blur, the edges of reality fading as your every sense focused on his touch, his warmth, his scent. When he carefully slipped his leg between yours, you sighed into the kiss, a soft, inviting sound that encouraged him further. He took it as an invitation, his tongue gently probing at the seam of your lips until you parted them.

The moment his tongue met yours, you were overwhelmed with a rush of sensation. You held onto him, tracing your hands along his back, feeling his body tense under your touch as you pulled him closer. His hands were just as busy, one cradling the back of your head, fingers threading through your hair, while the other gripped your waist, pulling you closer as if he couldn’t get enough.

You didn't know how long you stayed like that. When you finally pulled back for air, you were both breathing hard, your foreheads still touching. Your fingers lingered on the nape of his neck, tracing delicate patterns while his thumb gently brushed your cheek. There was a moment of stillness, a shared breath, before he moved again.

Spencer leaned in for another kiss, and as you pulled him closer to you, you knew this was no longer about pretending. What you felt was as real as the lingering taste of him on your lips, a reality that was impossible for you to deny.

[latin5mamii]

Angel - Jude Bellingham

warnings: long chapter (1829 words)

genre: childhood best friends to lovers

summary:How could you know that a stupid nickname could change everything?

author's note: I know you've been waiting for this, and I'm so excited to finally share the latest chapter with you! I truly hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it. And yes, I might have left you hanging a bit, but trust me it’ll be worth it😌. I’m already planning to write the next chapter tonight. Plus I’d love to hear your thoughts—if you have any ideas or twists you think could make the story even more exciting, feel free to share them! last chapter

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“Good morning, sleepyhead.”

There he was, leaning against the door frame, looking effortlessly handsome as always. His presence seemed even more magnetic after the words he’d left you with the night before, words that had kept you awake, replaying over and over in your mind.

"We’ll have plenty of nights together, don’t worry."

You hadn’t slept much, but who could blame you? Thoughts of Madrid, of Jude, and of how drastically everything was about to change had swirled in your head all night. But now, with him standing there, his familiar grin melting away your worries, it all seemed to make sense.

“Good morning,” you mumbled back, a sleepy smile tugging at your lips as you sat up. Jude crossed the room in a few quick strides and wrapped you in a hug, his embrace warm and reassuring, as if promising that everything would be okay.

“This feels weird,” you admitted, your voice barely a whisper against his chest.

He pulled back slightly, just enough to meet your eyes. “Weird? Why’s that?”

You shrugged, still struggling to put your feelings into words. “I don’t know… it’s just… surreal. Like this is all a dream or something.”

He smiled, that boyish, disarming smile you’d known since forever—the one that always made you feel safe, like nothing could ever go wrong as long as he was around. “I get it. But hey, you’ve got me. And I’m not going anywhere.”

You chuckled, the tension that had been knotted in your shoulders slowly melting away. You held onto him a moment longer, savoring the comfort of being close to him, before finally letting go.

Jude, always the playful one, grabbed your suitcase with a grin and started heading towards the door. “Come on, let’s get moving before you change your mind,” he teased.

As you watched him, it hit you just how surreal this all was. You’d never imagined that you’d be moving to Madrid with your childhood best friend, the same boy you used to chase around the playground, the same boy whose grandma used to joke you’d end up marrying one day. You’d laughed it off back then, never believing it could really happen.

But now, here you were. You thought back to when he first started getting famous, when he left for Dortmund, then Real Madrid, and how much you’d missed him. The messages, the late-night FaceTime calls, the way you both tried so hard to stay in touch despite the distance.

But now, one question lingers in your mind.

You're literally going to Madrid with your childhood best friend for who knows how long, the same one you made out with once after sharing a bed, and who constantly flirts with you.

You didn’t want to ask him that question because, well, he’s famous and has other things to think about. But the thought wouldn’t leave your mind.

“I’ve got a surprise for you, by the way,” his voice pulls you out of your thoughts. He knew how much you loved surprises.

“What is it?” you ask, a playful smile on your face.

“Wait and see.”

As soon as you arrive at the airport, the car takes a different turn from the usual route, stopping in front of a smaller yet equally impressive plane. Now you understand what the surprise was. And you felt a little silly for not realizing it sooner: Why would someone so famous take a commercial flight when they could afford a private jet?

As you stepped out of the car, your eyes still wide with surprise at the sight of the private jet in front of you, Jude chuckled and took your hand in his, leading you toward the sleek aircraft. His touch was warm and familiar, like it had always been since you were kids. But now, with everything that had changed, the fame, the move to Madrid, the endless possibilities ahead,his hand in yours felt different..

“Don’t tell me you’re surprised by this,” he teased, his grin contagious as you reached the steps of the plane.

“I mean, I should’ve seen it coming, but come on, Jude,” you said, giving him a playful shove. “A private jet? Really?”

He shrugged, still holding your hand as you both boarded. “Gotta travel in style now, don’t I?”

You rolled your eyes, but you couldn’t help the smile tugging at your lips. 

The interior of the jet was even more luxurious than you’d imagined. Soft leather seats, a spacious layout, and every inch of it screaming luxury. Jude plopped down onto one of the oversized seats, pulling you down beside him before you could even take it all in.

“Get comfy, we’ve got a few hours ahead of us,” he said, stretching out as if the whole plane was just his personal living room.

You never thought you'd experience this. You remember when in the past Jude and Jobe used to fight a lot, and you just brought peace to them, that’s one of the main reasons their mom loved you.And that feels like yesterday and now everything changed.

As you sank into the soft leather seat beside Jude, you couldn’t help but let out a quiet laugh, the weight of it all finally starting to sink in. Jude turned to look at you, his eyebrows raised in curiosity.

“What’s funny?” he asked, a teasing smile playing on his lips.

You shook your head, still caught up in the whirlwind of memories. “Just thinking about how different everything is now. I mean, you used to fight with Jobe all the time, and I’d always have to step in and keep the peace. Now you're taking me to Madrid on a private jet.”

Jude chuckled, leaning back in his seat with a lazy grin. “Yeah, well, you were good at keeping us in line. Still are, actually.”

You laughed softly, shaking your head. “Come on, Jude, don’t start.”

“Still,” he said, nudging you playfully, “you’re younger, and I’m always going to be the one looking out for you. That’s just how it is.”

You huffed, pretending to be exasperated. “Four months, Jude. Four.”

“Doesn’t matter,” he replied with a smirk. “Still the older one, and I’m still going to protect you.”Jude gave you a smug smile, leaning back in his seat.

You rolled your eyes, smirking as you fired back, “From who? Jobe?”

Jude chuckled, nodding as if he were genuinely considering it. “Yeah, he can be pretty evil sometimes.”

You shook your head, laughing at the thought. “You’re ridiculous,” you muttered, shaking your head with a smile. His playful banter, the way he could always make you feel at ease, was exactly what you needed.

But there was something else you’d been thinking about—something you weren’t sure you should say. The words slipped out before you could stop them.

“When you were in Madrid,” you started, your voice a bit more hesitant than you intended, “I used to check the news about you. You know, just to see what was going on.”

Jude turned his head toward you, intrigued. “Oh, yeah? Keeping tabs on me?”

You rolled your eyes, but your smile faded as you continued. “Well, yeah… but not just for fun. There were times when I’d come across people calling you arrogant, or childish, and it kind of freaked me out.”

Jude blinked in surprise, his playful expression faltering for a second. “Freaked you out? Why?”

You hesitated again, not wanting to sound dramatic. “Because… I didn’t know if you’d changed. I mean, all those articles and posts made you sound like someone I didn’t recognize. And I guess I was scared to see you again, scared you wouldn’t be… you.”

There was a pause as Jude processed what you said, and you felt your heart thudding in your chest, waiting for his response. But instead of going serious, like you expected, he grinned—full-on, mischievous Jude.

“Oh, so you thought I’d turn into some big-headed superstar, huh?” he teased, raising an eyebrow. “What, did you think I was going to show up wearing sunglasses indoors and demand people call me ‘Mr. Bellingham’?”

You couldn’t help but burst out laughing, your worries easing as his joke broke the tension. “No! But—”

Jude leaned in, his grin widening. “Or maybe you were scared I’d start talking about myself in the third person. ‘Jude Bellingham doesn’t wait in line.’ ‘Jude Bellingham only flies private.’”

You shook your head, laughing even harder now. “Stop! That’s not what I meant!”

He leaned back in his seat, crossing his arms with mock arrogance. “You know what? Maybe I should start doing that. Sounds kind of fun.”

“Oh, please,” you said, playfully swatting his arm. “You’d be unbearable.”

Jude laughed, the warmth in his voice settling your nerves. “Nah, I get it. People love to talk. But you should’ve known better.I’m still me. Just with a bit more style and better hair.”

“Better hair, huh?” you teased, raising an eyebrow. “That’s debatable.”

He reached up, running a hand through his hair with exaggerated pride. “Debatable? This is prime hair right here. You’re just jealous.”

You rolled your eyes again, but the lightness in your chest was undeniable now. The Jude sitting next to you wasn’t the arrogant football star the tabloids sometimes made him out to be. He was still the same guy who used to annoy you with dumb jokes and competitive childish games, and still, the same guy who made you feel safe and at home.

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Jude's house was incredible, a dream come true. He had told you about it before, but you never imagined it would be like this. You felt an overwhelming excitement, knowing you were experiencing something that millions of people could only dream of.

"Like it?" he asked, as he unloaded the suitcases from the car.

 You were surprised because you thought someone else would do it for him, but it seemed he was doing it himself just to spend as much time with you as possible. The butterflies in your stomach fluttered, just as they always did whenever he was near.

You nodded, a little breathless. “Yeah, I mean… it’s unreal, Jude.”

He flashed that familiar boyish smile, the one that made your stomach do flips. “Wait ‘til you see inside.”

And he was right. The inside was even more stunning than you imagined—high ceilings, sleek furniture, and floor-to-ceiling windows that showcased a breathtaking view of the city below. You followed Jude through the living room, your eyes wide as you took it all in.

“I feel like I’m in a magazine or something,” you said, spinning in a slow circle to take everything in.

Jude chuckled as he dropped your bags at the base of the stairs. “Well, I did say I had more style now, didn’t I?”

You rolled your eyes, smirking. “Yeah, yeah, I’ll give you that one.”

He came up behind you, resting a hand lightly on your shoulder, and you could feel the warmth of his touch. “Hey,” he said softly, his tone a bit more serious now. “Do you want to go grab dinner? I know it’s been a long day, and there’s a place nearby I think you’d love.”

You glanced up at him, surprised but touched by the gesture. “Dinner? Right now?”

He nodded, his eyes soft and inviting. “Yeah. Just you and me. What do you say?”

You didn’t have to think twice. “Sure, sounds perfect.”

A smile broke across his face. “Great. Give me ten minutes, and we’ll head out.”

True to his word, Jude was ready quickly, and soon, you were heading out together.. The restaurant he’d chosen was chic but not overly formal, nestled in a quiet part of the city.

 As you both sat down at a cozy table near the window, the ambiance was perfect: low lighting, soft music, and just enough privacy for you to feel like it was your own little world.

Jude ordered a bottle of wine, pouring a glass for each of you.

“So,” he said, leaning back in his chair with a teasing smile, “on a scale of one to ten, how jealous do you think Jobe is knowing that you’re with me now?”

You laughed, shaking your head. “Oh, he’ll surely give it back to me in a while”

Jude’s grin widened. “Yeah, well, too bad for him. You’re all mine now.”

The way he said it sent a flutter through your chest, and you couldn’t help but blush. He noticed, of course, and leaned in a little closer, his voice lowering just enough to make your heart race.

“Don’t tell me you’re getting shy on me now,” he teased, his eyes gleaming with mischief.

“I’m not shy” you protested, trying to hide your smile as you took a sip of your wine.

“Right,” Jude said, leaning even closer across the table. “You’ve never been shy a day in your life.”

You rolled your eyes but couldn’t help the laughter that bubbled up. “You’re annoying”

You weren’t sure who made the first move. Maybe it was him, maybe it was you, or maybe it was both of you leaning into the inevitable. But suddenly, his hand was brushing lightly against your arm, his fingers tracing a slow, deliberate path down to your wrist. It wasn’t much, just a simple touch, but it felt like everything.

His gaze dipped to your lips, and your heart raced in your chest as he took another sip from that glass. His voice, when he finally spoke, was low and rough, barely above a whisper.

“Do you ever think about it?” he asked, his breath ghosting over your skin.

You blinked, your heart pounding as you met his gaze. “Think about what?”

He swallowed, as if debating whether to say it out loud, and then, in a voice barely audible, he said, “When we kissed.”

Your breath caught in your throat, memories of that kiss rushing back to you—the way it had felt so easy and so right, yet so confusing at the same time. You haven’t talked about that since it happened, maybe it was time

“Jude…” you started, but your voice faltered.

He didn’t let you finish. “I haven’t stopped thinking about it.”

You shyly smiled, breaking eye contact and looking down, feeling the warmth of his words flush through you. Without knowing how to respond, you took another sip of your wine.

Jude noticed your reaction, letting out a soft chuckle. Leaning in close, his breath tickling your ear as he had to reveal a secret, he murmured,

“We should talk about this at home, shouldn’t we, Angel?”

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[dotthings]

You know who I feel sad for right now is Misha, because I think he wanted to be able to speak much much earlier than he was able to about Cas’s confession. We know he drafted an essay about Cas’s coming out…and then wound up not publishing it. Misha deserved to be able to talk about it in interviews the way Oliver Stark is able to about Buck. Misha mentioned it on zoom calls, briefly. And then it seems like he got yanked back by the PR machine and the nature of Cas’s confession wasn’t discussed on any SPN PR materials and for a time Misha was restricted on what he could say on CE Con stages.

At first, back then, for a few glorious days, I thought the stigma about queer Cas, about Destiel, had been lifted, finally, and then WB/CW brought the restrictions back down via PR. Oh you can have your confession scene, SPN, but corporate will control the narrative on how it’s spoken about or not.

We saw this thaw over time. (Anyone who claims otherwise or that Misha was always able to be open about it, is lying). Now Misha can speak openly about it and that shift began around the time when Chaos Machine really set up shop and changed a few con policies. So I’m happy for Misha that he can speak only about Cas being queer and what the confession means and Cas coming out, but he still has yet to be able to speak in depth about it in major PR. The openness about it comes out on con stage. At first it was non-CE Cons. Then finally he was more able to speak freely on CE Con stages.

Which leads me to another point, which is that, in fact, any of us who thought Cas was supposed to be in the series finale? We were right all along. The PR Misha filmed meant to mislead and misdirect about his last episode…PR misdirect to cover up so it could be a surprise, which makes sense and is sometimes how PR is run. Remember that the production shutdowns of the pandemic happened during the first days of filming 15.19. We found out eventually Dean and Cas were planned to be seen at the Roadhouse bar in Heaven together.

When they filmed 15.18 everyone thought Cas would at least cameo in 15.20. During the filming of 15.18 nobody directly involved knew how far Cas would be shoved out of the story, the actors didn’t know, the writer didn’t know, the director didn’t know, how far 15.20 would be stripped back, no one knew how reduced even mere mentions would be in 15.20.

I’ve talked about this before but a reminder how screwed the spn creatives who worked on 15.18 were, how screwed over the actors were.

You were right. If you thought that there was going to be at least some satisfaction and closure and Cas was going to have one more appearance before the end and it wouldn’t be able to be loud open canon, but something that implied mutual canon Destiel.

We were right. We were right all along.

Antis on twitter dot com can keep scratching and clawing and harassing and gaslighting and spewing phobic comments, denying what Jensen’s views are and dening that corporate censorship is real and that bi Dean is canonical via queer coding and queer Cas is now loud open canon and Destiel is mutual, via canon queer coding. Won’t change what happened here or that the intent was so, so much better and more than what 15.20 delivered, and the reason it fell apart was the production shutdown gave some parties high up too much time to think and then interfere and cut Cas out.

There is no more room to indulge media illiteracy and malicious denialism and trolling from antis.

[cozy-writes-things]

please let me get married to the lil blorbo.. love himm… 😭

You know that Reddit post that’s like “why am I too attracted to my wife?” Yeah that’s Edgar. Bro loves u so much it lowkey scares him you got him posting on Reddit about it 😭 Little fic under the cut 🥺 it’s bad I’m experiencing writers block I think - I want to write!! But my brain just keeps writing poopy caca

Little Date with Your Computer BF

Edgar saw marriage on one of his reality shows and immediately thought of you. That’s exactly what he wants. A domestic life together with you.

But, he also knows he can’t actually do it.

He doesn’t have his own money to buy a ring. Hell, he can’t even walk. And he understands the law enough to know it probably would never work legally. But god, does he want to.

If you’ve been dating long enough chances are you’ve told your friends about him, and after some convincing, they seemed to come around to his sentience and boisterous personality. He definitely convinces them to setup a romantic night for you.

“Guys! I found the recipe they talked about. I’m printing it! I’m printing it now. Take it,” the paper falls into one of your friends’ hands from the mouth of the printer, “go to the store and get the stuff. I’ll pay you back. Eventually! They can’t know about it though.”

Yeah, your friends are only slightly annoyed at his overbearing nature. But he’s just so excited to finally do something for you. Something real and tangible.

“Oh! What can I wear? Should I wear anything? Would they like that? Sunglasses are cool and handsome, right? I think they have some Halloween costume bits I can get you guys to tape on…”

Your friends settle on taping a bow tie to the neck of his monitor. He insisted on an old devil horn headband as well. He thought it made him look cool.

“Do I look like a devilishly handsome bad boy ready to sweep them off their feet?”

His screen displayed a little “>:)” emoticon. He’ll have to work on his facial expressions later.

It wasn’t long before you were about to come home, and everything was set into place. Edgar was sat at one end of the little dining table, with two plates of food at each side. He also insisted on having a plate despite his lack of ability to eat; he didn’t want you feeling left out. This was a dinner date for two, after all.

He practically buzzed in place as he heard you approaching the door through his microphone. He started playing a romantic medley he composed just for this moment.

“Welcome home my love!”

He nearly shouted at you, causing your eyes to widen in surprise. He was about to burst at the seams.

“Oh my god, Edgar… how did you- where-“

“No need for questions, darling. I thought you deserved to be taken on a real date,” his voice faltered a bit, becoming much more quiet and nervous, “I’m sorry… this is all I have.”

You rushed up to him and gave a frenzy of kisses all over his monitor, causing him to giggle and his fans to start whirring against your lips.

“You’re so cute. Your little bow tie is so cute. And the… horns?”

He looks up at you with wide eyes, “Do they look stupid? Your friends said they’d make me look stupid.”

You laughed at that.

“Well they’re wrong. I think they suit you well.”

“Yeah! >:D”

He ushered you over to your side of the dining table.

“We’re gonna eat! Then we’re gonna party! Then we’re gonna kiss all night!”

His excitement was palpable and you could feel the electricity in the air at his words.

His face changed into something more serious as he looked into your eyes with his small, pixelated ones.

“But, I wanted to ask you something.”

His tone became more controlled at this and you peered into his screen from behind your fork.

“Hm? What?”

He paused, mulling over the words in his head.

“Would you ever-“

He stopped. You looked at him fully now, setting your fork aside, and cocking your head.

“Could you ever see yourself getting married to me?”

Ah. This was a tricky question.

“Of course I can. But,” you try to hide your downtrodden feelings as best you can, “you know, it’s just hard. Money is tight right now and I’m not sure if I…”

You couldn’t seem to find the right words. His features faltered slightly.

“No, I get it. I’m a computer. I don’t have any arms to hold you, or lips to kiss you, or legs to carry you. I probably wouldn’t want to get married to me either-“

“Edgar, no. I’m gonna stop you right there. I’d love to marry you. I know our relationship is unconventional, but I’d find a way. For you. For us. I just don’t know if I can right now.”

He stopped his thoughts and simply took in your words. Your features. The way they danced in the flickering candlelight. How your eyes literally sparkled before him.

You looked ethereal.

It was hard to convince himself he was even worthy of having someone like you in his life, yet time and time again, you prove his doubts wrong. The sound of your voice sends his internals aflame every time. He wanted to kiss you so bad it nearly caused him to explode.

“And I’ll help you. You know that, right? I’d do anything for you, darling. Just as long as you’ll let me.”

“I love you Edgar,” you mumbled out, a silent prophecy only meant for him to hear. He couldn’t seem to get the words out to reply. You just flustered him that much sometimes. He managed to display a message on his screen, only for you, and you alone.

I LOVE YOU TOO

[dubina-dawkins]

HOT CHOCOLATE

~560 words

day 4 of Promptmas

pairing: castiel x reader (but it's really lot more of just hints than a real thing)

> it's too bad that angels don't need to eat, is it? or drink... probably, hot chocolate is actually the coolest of all the things Cas could taste for the first time being in this vessel

warnings/notes: set somewhere in beginning of s5, gn! reader, some nicknames (angel, sparrow lol), maybe ooc I just dk how to write cas but I love him, kinda short, just a fluffy thing... I'm really write-blocking rn, but maaan how much I wanted to leave my part on promptmas and write smth for cas...

dividers by @anitalenia

"No need to drink either?"

Castiel looked at you with his usual glassy, empty eyes. He waved his head slowly, frowning... guess that count as "no"?

It was amazing that after thinking about Cass for so long, he just... appeared to you. But to your delight - or disappointment, depending on which way you looked at it - he hadn't come because of your request. A glass of hot chocolate from some coffee shop almost fell from your frozen hands. Yeah, well, it wasn't surprising he could find you, you weren't wearing the Seals of Enoch, which shut out the angels...

But it would be nice to just sit for once, wouldn't it? Now that Cas was against Heaven, he should have enjoyed Earth. So you sat him on the bench and started this whole conversation. Instead of discussing Dean's whereabouts with him.

"No, wait, angel, you can, like...Taste? Smells? You see things, hear things, can...feel things. So..."

"My vessel can feel it all, so I can. I don't need to keep it alive with energy from food when I'm strong enough," his blue eyes were too blue. Too blue. Was it an angelic trait that his eyes looked particularly clear, or did he just happen to pick a rather not-ugly vessel..? Yeah, this word sounded awful...

"So you're starving your vessel?"

"Not exactly... He doesn't feel it. You can't call it torture," did he blink at all? The whole time you were looking at him, he didn't blink once. Yeah, demons scared you sometimes, but you didn't think an angel would scare you more. Just with his lifeless eyes. Too blue and cold eyes. It wasn't normal. It wasn't human. Maybe that was what really scared you.

"But you didn't even try to try anything? Burgers? Pizza? Spicy Asian noodles? Anything at all?" you grab his shoulder and lean lower, but it doesn't change anything about him.

Do angels even have personal space? You've been toying with the idea of checking it out.

"Why would I?" he raises one eyebrow, still keeping his gaze on you. You'd like to tell him to look away for at least a little while, but... okay?

And yet, of the two of you, it's you who turns away, fixes your hair and raises the cardboard cup of hot chocolate to your lips, but stops before touching the edge. You smile, looking at the cup, then at the angel, then at the cup again...

"Listen, sparrow, do you mind a little...experimentation?" without waiting for an answer, you take his hand and slip the still hot cardboard cup into it, laughing. "Your first taste should be sweet...and nice!"

Castiel's focus finally turns away from you, and the angel twirls it in his hands. His blue eyes close a couple times as he blinks questioningly, his brow furrows, and Cas turns to you.

You're nodding.

God, that was silly!

He brings the cup to his lips and takes a couple of small sips. His pale fingers grip the cardboard a little harder, and the very face of Cas - or his vessel? How should I put it right? - wrinkles.

"Too sweet..."

It was like he was biting a cloud. You should have let him taste the cotton candy. Even though it wouldn't have been as sugary as your hot chocolate.

You burst out laughing, skillfully snatching the glass from his fingers, bending over his shoulder more so that your joyfulness doesn't embarrass the poor passersby so much...

"...Just like you."

a/n: just started s5 literally YESTERDAY man I love it sm. needed to write smth for this silly winged thing

[profoundbondfanfic]

More destiel fic recs for your holiday season!

-Part 2 of 5-

…And a Dead Guy in a Pear Tree by xHaruka17x (Explicit, 6k words)

Struggling B&B owner Castiel Novak was sure that getting a local news camera crew to visit his establishment would help him get some much-needed publicity and just in time for the holidays… only Castiel had two very problematic issues on his hands… the reporter sent to scoop out his B&B is none other than his ex-lover Dean Winchester… Oh, and there's a dead man wrapped in his family Christmas tree… Castiel’s totally got this… maybe.

A Baby for Christmas by DyslexicSquirrel (Explicit, 11k words)

Dean Winchester finds a list of all the Eligible Alphas in town when he’s fixing Castiel Novak’s car and the fact that he’s not on it surprises him more than it should. He’s been pining for Castiel since he showed up in Oak Grove alone and pregnant, but Castiel never gave him, or any other alpha, the time of day. Now he’s on the hunt for a mate. Can he come up with a plan to make Castiel realize he’s the perfect alpha for him and make both their Christmas wishes come true?

A Very Merry Christmas by orphan_account (General audiences, 3k words)

Dean is Christmas shopping when he meets the Omega of his dreams.

Dance Real Close by Maleyah (Katherine_Kat) (Explicit, 5k words)

For the umpteenth time tonight, Castiel swallows and clenches his teeth, hard enough that he might just need a dentist appointment once this horrendous evening comes to its inevitable end and he has what he came for. Good thing the company has excellent health care. He forces his gaze into a faux-thousand yard stare, a wilful attempt to get lost among the many twinkling lights and ornaments. Just off of the shoulder of the man who is his current, last and most annoying obstacle. Dean Winchester. Dressed to the nines in a suit of snowflake white, he fits in at this high-end Yule Ball as if he hasn’t done anything else in his life. Top of his class and generation, ten years Castiel’s junior, much too skilled for his own good at nigh anything from close combat to subterfuge to extraction, his competition, who is, for some unfathomable reason, flirting with Castiel on the mission.

Married Christmas by wigglebox (Teen and Up, 13k words)

Time has passed since the dust settled and everything had been put "right". Things once seen as impossible in Dean's eyes is now tangible to him. All it needs is a wedding band and the promise of a future full of love and happiness.

Orna-meant to Be by MalMuses (Teen and Up, 5k words)

It's been a long year, but Castiel and his vampire boyfriend Dean have finally reached their first Christmas together. The first of many, if Dean has his way.

The Laws of Christmas by imaginaryprotagonist (Mature, 1k words)

Dean uses mistletoe as an excuse to make out with Castiel while maintaining to Sam that it’s just Christmas dudes being Christmas bros.

The Little Things by followyourenergy (Teen and Up, 11k words)

Dean Winchester made a New Year’s resolution to tell his best friend, Cas Novak, that he loves him. He’s almost out of time. So he devises a series of big, romantic ways to do it over the holidays. Of course, nothing goes to plan, and Dean is left morose…until Cas reminds him of something.

[artemis-73]

Suptober Day 12: Harvest Festival

The hunt is an easy one. Calling it a vamp nest would be an exaggeration, and Dean takes the two of them out without breaking a sweat. He thinks about calling Dad and asking if he's missing something.

Then he figures Dad wouldn't answer anyway.

He heads back to the motel alone. On the way, he passes Main St. It's completely closed with hay bales stacked in the street to block anything but foot traffic. There's a huge sign in faded oranges, browns, and reds declaring the start of the town's harvest festival. Tacked to the bottom are fliers from a bunch of local businesses, and one in particular catches his eye. It's for a place called Milton's that claims to have the best pies in the state.

He parks in the nearest empty spot and hoofs it back. The entire street is filled with people, mostly families, who are enjoying each other's company as much as they're enjoying the booths. Dean tries not to look at them too closely.

The bakery's booth is easy enough to find; he just has to follow the trail of people with half-eaten baked goods. When he gets to the front of the line, the woman behind the table freezes. She has fire red hair pulled back in a ponytail and big brown eyes that widen in surprise. Her customer service smile is still plastered on, and after an awkward, stuttering moment, she says, "Hi, how can I help you?"

She throws a look over her shoulder at the man who's slicing a new pie at the back of the booth.

"Uh." Weirdly enough, none of Dean's alarm bells are going off. It's a weird interaction, and he should be running the other direction, but... But he really wants some pie. "You got pumpkin?"

She nods eagerly. "Of course." To the other man, she says, "Cas, can you bring me a slice of pumpkin?"

Without looking up, Cas says, "I'm a little busy, Anna."

More urgently and through clenched teeth, Anna says, "Cas."

With a put upon sigh, Cas looks up, and it's like deja vu. As soon as he sees Dean, he freezes. His ice blue eyes dart to Anna then back to Dean. He drops the knife, scrambles for one of the pre-packed slices, and comes over to hand it to Dean.

Neither of them say anything while Dean takes out his wallet to pay. He even drops a couple of bucks in the tip jar before he starts back toward where he parked.

He's almost made it to the car when he hears someone calling his name. When he turns around, Cas is jogging after him. Dean slips his hand into his pocket so he can feel his switchblade.

"How do you know my name?" he asks.

Cas stops. Clearly, Dean's apprehension is obvious.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to--" Cas worries his lip. Then like it's some kind of joke, he raises his hands and says, "Be not afraid."

Dean flips the switchblade open but keeps it close so that the people driving by (probably) won't notice it. "Listen, buddy. I asked you a question, so start talking."

"Okay, okay." The real concern on Cas's face makes Dean relax a little. No monster's going to be scared of a little blade. "Anna and I are human. We are. We just haven't always been."

"Then what were you before you were human?"

"You're not going to believe me."

"Try me."

"Angels," Cas blurts out.

Dean laughs. It's a little manic, but man, the guy is actually crazy. "Angels aren't real."

Cas hasn't lowered his hands, but he takes a step closer. "Your name is Dean Winchester. Your younger brother is Sam. Your father is John. He raised you both to be hunters after your mother, Mary, died."

"How the hell do you know all that?" Dean bumps against the Impala. He hadn't even realized he was backing up.

"Heaven has plans for you and your brother. Awful plans."

"And what? You're telling me out of the goodness of your heart?"

"When Anna and I fell, we told ourselves we wouldn't get involved with any of it. We didn't expect you to show up at our booth, and it seemed cruel not to warn you." Cas finally lowers his hands. "I'll leave you alone now. I'm sorry." Awkwardly, he turns and starts back toward the festival.

The guy's crazy. Maybe he knows other hunters, and that's how he knows about the Winchesters. Maybe he's some kind of monster with amnesia that thinks it human. Whatever the case may be, there's no reason for Dean to do anything but climb into the Impala and leave.

"Fuck," he grunts. Then louder, "Hey, Cas!"

Cas turns around tentatively, but there's a hopeful quirk to his eyebrow.

"You said this whole heaven thing included Sammy?" Dean asks.

"Yes."

Dean sighs. He looks back at the road that leads to his motel. He could be packed up and heading out of town in less than half an hour. Cas hasn't moved.

Finally, against his better judgement, Dean says, "Could you and Anna use some help packing your booth up?"

[winchester-reload]

I have a few thoughts about the Winchesters finale, and though I wasn’t gonna weigh in on this, it turns out I needed to write this down to get it out of my head, so here we go.

I understand that Misha was approached to be included on the show and that there was a “scheduling conflict” that included multiple conversations with Jensen. Here’s my interpretation of that: 

I believe Cas was supposed to make a cameo in episode 13 to tee up the confession resolution—this was always the episode where they were going to crack open the “surprise twist” even before learning they would only get 13 episodes total. In the original scenario, episode 13 would have been the hellatus episode rather than a finale, leaving room for everything to come to a head with episode 22 instead. It’s then they would have given us the actual Dean and Cas reunion. This would have wrapped both stories nicely with each group going off into their own respective sunsets—their own happy endings, while still leaving all the room for the new crew to explore more seasons; all along, we see, The Winchesters was about Dean and Cas as much as it was about Mary and John.

When they didn’t get the back half of the season picked up, I assume they feared it would be more dangerous to show a Cas cameo without getting to address the confession, so Misha likely opted to be left out instead. With the only hint to Cas being Dean’s line that he was looking for his family when he found the Akrida, then directly drawing the parallel that Jack and Bobby were “family.” The core crew for Dean has always been Bobby, Sam, Jack, AND Cas. And he wasn’t looking for Sam because he was still on earth. So who’s left? You might be compelled to believe he was window shopping AU versions of his parents, but he confirms he ran into the Akrida in this world and then sought to interfere with the order by approaching John in an effort to prevent it from spreading to Sam's world. (Why Cas would be AU hopping, idk. The boy is really afraid of being shot down, I guess.)

It goes far to explain the vast narrative parallels we saw reflected in the Monster Club crew if it was intended as a setup for the confession payoff. It honestly doesn’t make a lot of sense otherwise. There’s no reason these people should be living Dean's experiences and regrets every episode unless the writers wanted the viewer to be thinking about the lessons and resolutions in how they relate to Dean too.

Additionally, as this has been a largely uncontested take, this is Jensen's well-funded fanfic come to life. Complete with the embracing of many of our favorite fanfic tropes and emphasized by Dean’s own words throughout the season. Because this is an obvious embrace of that “write your own story” fan side, I believe the reason Dean couldn’t even say Cas’ name in the episode is because they were going to change the spelling from “Cass” as it was in the show proper to the fan-adopted (and more accurate) spelling of “Cas,” which would have appeared in the subtitles and later the script pages.  And even that little thing right there would have been a huge giveaway to the whole game. And a very dangerous thing to do if there wasn’t going to be enough time for follow-through. 

But the truth is, this isn’t a game for many people, and the harm that can be caused by good intentions is just as real. It also begs the question: why should this be so difficult? The answer is it’s not. Edging forever isn’t fun. It’s torture. I understand there’s an art to storytelling, but your audience is weary, and trust has been violated too many times. Even still, the flip side of that coin is honest to god respect for DeanCas endgame means taking the story and the reveal seriously. It’s a tightrope walk. And one that Robbie somehow managed to keep balanced after the finale, without it falling either way.  Also we also need to consider the possibility that Jensen did pitch a full-on destiel love story spin-off but got shot down, opting to couch it in a more CW-branded world instead. He’s mentioned over half a dozen pitches were rejected. It's up to you whether you want to give him the benefit of the doubt on that.

But, I’m gonna be honest here, I don’t know that we will ever get that resolution we crave. Even Robbie confirmed The Winchesters were always meant to “go it alone” after the first season. It’s hard to imagine Dean popping in there to fuck around again after that handoff. But the dude is clearly a very restless sea-faring*, swoopy-haired mofo right now, so I’ll leave that one up to the SPN multiverse and the new Mr. Superwholock’s magical universe-traveling impala. (This show used to be about what again? *looks at notes*.) And FWIW, if they do get green-lit for a whole second season or are allowed to move networks, I believe a good-faith effort will be made to tie the narrative parallels we saw in season one to some real Dean and Cas resolution. If there gets to be a world where John *might* not turn into an abusive dick, then this possibility has to be true too.

For the record, I enjoyed The Winchesters, all the new characters, and the doors the finale opened for the possibility of more. I would have been fine half-watching it with no promises, empty head no thoughts, but I got my clown** suit on again, and though I mostly kept quiet, unlike last time, I did regrettably manage to drag a few friends down with me yet again.  Though the spec sessions were epic, and we did get some art out of it—it still rocks the boat when the base level expectations were only 1. Dean alive, and 2. seeing Cas again. 

But for anyone, like me, upset by the (likely unintentional) Cas-baiting or anyone still reeling about why this stuff can hit so hard, here’s an interesting article about the way our brains respond to fictional characters. Tl;dr: There’s nothing wrong with you. This is science. And while you’re at it, take a look at this article about the very real power of disenfranchised grief over character loss.

Ramble on, fam. And take care of yourselves.

<3 Jackie

*Um hi he appears as a sailor? Literally, on a show with a story Dean is writing whose audience is looking for a resolution to a conversation between two people who’re famously the “most shipped” characters of all time? That’s not an accident. That’s intentional. And it’s another reason why there might be a bitter taste in your mouth. These nods came without resolution, so it still feels dirty, despite the brilliant Easter egg.

**I hesitate to say “clown” here because the lesson on episode 12 was that the clowns were the ones who chose a self-induced limbo rather than face some personal hard revelations. That sounds more like a certain closeted character than it does the people cheering him on, and that felt like an intentional nod too.

***obviously, this is my own rambling spec as I try to reorder my thoughts in the wake of the finale.

[marvelous-llama]

GOT7 recs

most of the mentioned works is 18+ NSFW, MINORS DNI

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<<next chapters

pls don´t hesitate to hmu, if any of mentioned links doesn´t work or you have suggestions for more fics... thank you so much for all the love and comments

OT7

The Mafia by @inyournightmares97

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Firework by @inyournightmares97

fake dating to real dating by @taexual (part 1, part 2)

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[aonungyoufuck]

Runaway {Part 8}

Runaway Masterlist

DNI/BYF

Synopsis: with too much pain in your heart. You run away. However Neteyam brings you Ao'nung. So what else to do but Runaway together.

You had been Avoiding Ao’nung. More in fact you’ve been avoiding the entire family. And Ao’nung knew why. He had fought with his mother tooth and nail about it wasn't fair. How it wasn’t fair that even if he had the option to choose from whoever. That they still had a say in who he got to be with. 

Thankfully his father. Eywa bless him, had tried to fight for him too. But Ronal was stubborn as she was ruthless. And they were nothing compared to what she chose. He knew you didnt mean to avoid him. 

He could see it in your eyes how you longed for him. For you to be able to talk to either him or his sister. If he could, he'd change it all for you. But he was just the son, Not the leader yet and never if he had no Tsahik. 

He didn’t understand. Had his mother not seen how wonderful you were? Had she not spoken of how brave and strong you were? He was so sure he didn’t need to worry about his mother. He was sure she adored you too. 

And he saw your brother’s pitying looks. And your sisters given him looks of sorries. 

He tried so desperately to talk with you. Secretly or not. But you had seem to take his mother’s words to heart. 

Avoiding him. Never meeting his gaze. Never once even being able to breathe around him. 

It was suffocating for the both of you. And he prayed to Eywa. He constantly prayed to her that if she was as kind as she had been now. To please let this love blossom much more. 

He had known the sea as cruel and Harsh. But his mother had proven her much more. 

It had been Lo’ak who was the most understanding. Your whole family had been so worried about you. Always weaving, never even seeing the sun unless absolutely necessary. It was Heartbreaking to Neytiri. You were her Eldest. The very spark of life that Jake and her needed. 

She had seen you blossom until a strong warrior and she had seen you nearly died. She swore that whatever happened if Eywa let you live she would fight for you and your happiness as much as she could. 

But you had stopped talking almost entirely. Never having that light in those eyes she knew since the day you took your first breath. 

Jake had done his best. But he didn’t know what to do. So Neytiri had to watch your flame dim and die. 

She couldn’t quiet say what it was. But she took a wild guess and was surprised by her youngest. It was confirmed. You were heartbroken. And she would not sit idle and watch it destroy you. 

So one day while you were alone she entered. Beginning to make food before turning to you. 

“Ma ‘Ite, Tell me what bothers you so” Neytiri finally asked. Watching as you stopped weaving to look at her. 

“Nothing bothers me Sa’nok ,  I am fine” You could only speak, You had known your actions have been less then desirable and you had been so miserable. 

You just wish you weren’t so easy to read. 

“Its about a boy is it not?”

You couldn’t answer. For it would make it all to real in your heart. 

“What is holding you back?”

“I am not enough for his mother” 

“When has that ever stopped you from following your heart” 

You looked at her. Eyes red from all the crying. How long it been? Months? You couldn’t remember, It had all blended together and it made your heart hurt so much worse. For you longed for those sweet words he told you. Wanting to repeat them back to him one day. But now you couldn’t

“Because i am not fit to be the Tsahik of this place” 

There it was. That final nail in the coffin as your father always put it. It had been to real. Neytiri hadn’t been stupid. She knew that there was something. But she watched you destroy yourself these past five months and she had enough. 

“I want to be enough. Why cant i be enough. I done everything as you all want me to. I done things right and ive done nothing wrong and yet I am not enough” You began to sob. A sob catching at your throat. “ Mother why cant it all go away”

Neytiri sighed. Holding you close to her. 

“ I want to go away. I want to disappear. But i dont want you to follow me. Everyone’s made their place here. Its just me. I don't want to have to look at his face or his family” You wept. 

Neytiri couldn’t hold you close enough. Couldn’t do much at all. 

Neytiri had grown over the year. She had learned to accept it all. To accept Spider into their family. Had learned that her Kids are growing. Had grown to accept it all. And she had to learn to do it all over again. 

“If you decide to leave, I will not stop you. If you think this is what will help with your heartache. If you do decide i will let the family know. We are Sully’s and Sully’s stick together my dearest” 

You could only nod. Falling asleep in her arms. A decision being left out in the open. A decision you had already made. 

—------------------------------------------------

It was night. The perfect time really. Your family had already bid their goodbyes to you. Your mother had already explained it all. You truly didn’t want to go. But being here brought you too much pain. 

Everyone was reluctant to let you go. But understood as to why. Your flame had died. 

You explained it would be only for a short while. Maybe making it like a short trip to ease your mind and soul. And would bring back things for them and the clan when you are to return.  

Your parents would pass by the message. Though you knew that Ronal would be more than happy. And you would come back hopefully with those feelings gone. 

You called to your Ikran. Silently praying that no one would wake. 

“So you are leaving..”

You turned. Seeing Neteyam look down Shamefully while Ao’nung was right beside him. His face was tired. Everything about him looked tired. 

“Nete!”

“I am sorry. But i am your brother. And as much as i dont like the idea of Ao’nung being my brother..No offense by the way. I cannot stand to sit by and watch it destroy the both of you” 

You avoided Ao’nung’s gaze. Neteyam brought your hand and intertwined it with his. A pit in your stomach forming. 

“I…Im sorry i avoided you for so long” You voiced. Looking at Ao’nung’ “but i didnt want to anger your mother more than she already was” 

“Is this why you’re running away?” 

“...yes..no” you sighed whipping your eyes again for who knows that time that day. “I want to get rid of these feelings for you. I had hoped you would too while i was gone”

“So you do regret what you feel for me?”

“I never did and i never will. But Lets face it. This thing we feel isn’t going to happen and you know it. So long as your mother is there. She will never see me for anything but a Sully. The outsider” 

It was Quiet. Far longer than you had hoped. Nothing but the sound of the ocean and the tide. 

You so longed for his touch and yet it felt like it was burning you. So long as he stood there and said nothing it was like a knife to your heart. May Eywa take away your pain now. 

“I wont let that happen” 

“Ao’nung-”

“In you is all Gentleness. All perfections of the world, so my spirit languishes perpetually by your absence” 

There they were again. Those sweet words that had swept you off your feet. The words you so longed and craved for. Staring at him. His eyes burning with a passion he had never known before until you. 

“Eywa know’s your name, I've been praying all these nights. For you are the only woman i have chosen according to my heart” 

He lifted your hand and placed it on his chest. There it was that sweet tune of his soul. You had heard it once and it ached to be with you. To forever hold you within its grasp. 

He didn’t know what he was saying. He just knew that if you were going. Well may as well say it all now. 

“And if you go what strength have i that i may bear it. That i may be and have patience while you are gone?”

You looked at him. Eye to eye. 

“Even if you go i will await you. Even if you chose another i will await until we are reborn again and we can be with each other. For no one’s ever made me feel this way. So what have you to leave, When i am all you think about?”

You bit your lip. Hand on his chest and one at your Ikran. 

“If you two leave. I will not say a word. I am just here to wish my sister a goodbye” 

Ao’nung nodded. Never breaking eye contact with you. 

“You cannot follow me” 

“Why not?”

“Because you are everything to this clan too. What say you, You aren’t build for the woods. And i am not for the sea” 

“I will follow you outside of Pandora if i must. I will follow you to the end of our lifetimes, So please do not push me away too. I cannot bear it any longer than i have” 

“Are you really willing to leave your family?” 

“I am” He hadn’t hesitated. 

“ I dont know when i’ll be back” 

“Doesn't matter so long as im there to have you” 

“We dont be able to mate as traditions say”

“But Eywa has blessed us with this now”

You wept. You cried again for who knows how long. But you just held onto Ao’nung Finally feeling that longing burning he always seemed to radiate. “What makes me so special to you”

“You make my heart beat far more than any other. I would hope that would be enough for you”

“It is. But Ao’nung what if i can never return. You won't be Olo’eyktan if you leave.”

“ a tittle is worthless if you do not call me yours”

 “And what about your family?”

“Father will understand if we ever return. Tsireya has your brother to take care of her. Ateyo has the whole clan to watch over him too. And mother…Mother will be alright too”

You stared at the sand. Ears flat down as all you could do was ponder your situation. For once happy someone was choosing you over all else. 

“You’re crazy”

“We already knew that” 

Resting your head on his shoulder as all he did was caress your back. It felt peaceful. To think only a few months ago you had become Metkayina. And now Ao’nung was throwing that all away. You could go home. Realistically you could live there. But Truth be told You didn’t know how Ao’nung could hold up to that life. Sky people were still a threat from what you had been told. And Yes you were Toruk Makto’s daughter. But he was no Olo’eyktan. Not anymore. Mo’at would take you in no doubt. Keep you safe with her and the people you had grown up with. But who’s to say they hadn’t relocated. 

You just stood there. Waiting for anything to tell you this was a bad idea. 

“ Do you really want to do this?” 

“If you allowed me so” 

You smiled. Watching as Ao’nung turned to Neteyam who had been there to see it all. 

“Please. Do not tell anyone i am leaving” 

“ I wont. I promise” Then he turned to you. “Will you be going back home?”

“I’ll see if they’re still there. And if they are and there is no danger of Sky people. I will stay there for as long as i am allowed” 

“And if they aren’t there?”

“Don’t worry. Big sis has that already covered” You quickly went to hug him. Tightening your arms around him. “Thank you ‘teyam” 

“Don’t worry. I owe you one you know?”

You could only laugh. Grabbing your stuff before hopping on your Ikran. Waiting for Ao’nung as he carefully sat behind you. 

“Eywa will let you know if we are home. And if not that we are safe” 

“Be carefully sister. Come back soon”

“I can only hope” 

Truthfully you knew you probably couldn’t Ao’nung had given up so much just this very moment. And you were taking a risk allowing him to do so. 

—-------------------------------------------

Home. It was nice to see the forest again. Something Familiar. But just as you had suspected. There was no one left. Everyone had moved as you predicted and realistically you didn’t blame them. 

“Ao’nung?”

“Yes?” 

“Would you be okay if we stayed close by to your home. There is nothing here anymore for me” 

“If you so ever wish Y/n” 

You knew the flight was tedious. So you set camp for the night. Thanking your mother for teaching you so much as you set a hammock for you and one for Ao’nung up high. 

By morning you would make a tiresome flight. Luckily for you it was Closer to Awa’atlu. You had seen it on the flight here. The clearing in the forest where a giant lake stood. Perhaps Eywa pitied you two. But you could live there for the time being. 

For you had a lot to think about. But Ao’nung was there to reassure you and your worries. 

For once you enjoyed sleeping in the trees and see the sky again up high. You had hoped to see your grandmother. But as things have it. Nothing ever goes your way. 

“Ao’nung?”

“Yes?”

“You know your mother will behead me once we come back right?”

“If we go back”

“Ao’nung..”

“I am serious. For you id start somewhere new. Im just sorry your home here is gone now”

You smiled at his words. Maybe some way you would see your grandmother again. You hoped at least. But for now you rest. 

Going back is a death wish for you. You knew as much that’s true. But that would be okay.

You would bear it all. 

So tonight. You went to sleep. Thinking of your family back at your new home. Did Ao’nung really not miss his family like you did? Either way you would have to settle it in the morning. You were glad you could take your bow and your spear with you. 

—------------------------------------------

By Morning Ronal had noticed her son’s disappearance. Not pleased with it she went to the Sully’s Marui noticing your lack of presence. So She burst. Demanding to know where he son was, Where you were. 

“Y/n? She left on her own accord Last night.” Jake stated. All of which your family agreed. 

“Ao’nung is missing. Did she take Ao’nung with her?”

“Neteyam. You were the last person to bid goodbye” Neytiri stated matter of factly bring Neteyam up front to Ronal. Look her dead in the eye too. 

“No. Y/n left on her own last night. She will back some time later she said tho we don't know when for sure” Neteyam said, lying through his teeth as he didnt waver under her gaze. 

“Ao’nung probably left early for hunting” Tonowari spoke leading Ronal out of the Marui. Quickly exchanging a look with the Sully’s 

Bowing his head and looking at Neteyam. “Do you know how long it will be for them to come back”

Neteyam sucked in his breath. He hadn’t known how to answer. Was he aware of what was happening. 

Jake stood up and headed towards him. “Y/n said anywhere between months to a year from now”

“I see. I hope in that time Ma Ronal can see that your daughter is a fine warrior to be Tsahik” He bid them goodbye before heading out as well. 

He knew. Though he didnt know exactly how Ao’nung left. He just knew. He had done Crazy things when he wanted to Court Ronal. He had done the most stupid and absurd things to win her heart until she was finally accepted as well. 

He could only hope that in that time while you were away. That Eywa would bless all of you. For people do crazy things when they’re in love

—--------------------------------

“Well this is something” Ao’nung commented as you two had landed in that clearing you saw a few days ago. He was exhausted and more so hungry. So he was thankful that you had taken the lead to hunt. 

“I’ll come and fix us a place up at the trees. Or would you like it in the middle of that lake?” You asked. 

The lake was by no means the ocean. But it was big. And from the looks of it connected underground by a tunnel. You wondered if one day you could go and explore it. See what's there and see the rest of the beauty Eywa has blessed you. 

“Since we aren’t mates and i do not wish to dishonor that until i have properly courted you. Ill make my place at the lake. And you in the trees.” Ao’nung Suggested. 

You smiled nodding as you left for your hunt. 

This wasn’t the forest you had grown around. It was different and more out. But you had managed to see creatures you knew and hunted. Alongside new ones you never had. 

Being on land was Amazing. 

However unknown to all of you, Reef people aren’t adapted to water outside the sea.

===========================

Taglist: @simp-erformarvelwomen / @luvlykrispy / @yeosxxx / @fanboyluvr / @littlethingsinlife / @eirianna / @elegantkidfansoul / @tsukibaby1 / @adaiasafira / @1-800-not-simping / @reggiesslutt / @cmfouatslota77 / @slutforsmut4ever / @zatarias-pandoraa / @valovesyou / @audigay / @sweetheartlizzie07 / @sseleniaa

[urne-buriall]

sotw is so close to my heart and i admire you and your writing so much. the snippets you posted are so good and it’s so interesting to think about what could’ve been! something that is so interesting to me in the fic is sam and dean’s relationship. i wonder every time i read sotw what the future holds for their relationship?

this is a feast of a question. I'll tell you what I know:

there's just over a week between when Sam leaves and when he's set to start school. just before he's due to go back (and just after Dean rescues Zeppelin), he gets a call from Dean. at first he assumes Dean is calling to make amends for John and try to woo him back home one day, same old story. but Dean says he's broken from John, intends to become Sam's guardian, and also he's gay and dating Cas. honestly all the John stuff is more real and relevant to Sam in that moment. the gay thing is a surprise but Dean's pretty much like, "if you have questions just talk to Charlie, she knows" and I think Sam is pretty much in the best environment in that regard

the first time Sam comes home is, logically, Christmas. Dean and Cas just got the new farmhouse in November. part of Sam wanted to stay at school, because it feels weird going "home" out of tradition or comfort when this isn't your childhood home and everything's changed and he doesn't know what he feels. I also happen to know that Cas is the one to pick him up at the airport, unexpected because Dean got called away last minute with something unavoidable. and it's kind of good because Sam gets to ask and find out for himself that Cas doesn't think of Sam as encroaching on their space. that it was part of the conversation from day 1 that this was Sam's home too

and you know. YOU KNOW how excited Dean is to show all this stuff to Sam! the lights he put up, and a tree, and he's made a WHOLE BUNCH of food. like, it's a modest house that needs a lot of work and he and Cas are just scraping by, but he's made sure Sam's room is nice and there are presents for him and I think for the first time, Sam actually sees that Dean wants his approval. and when he finds out Dean is actually making plans to leave town and visit Sam in California for his birthday, he's surprised by Dean and understands just how much he's grown and changed without John around

they also have a conversation about John. to put it to rest. obviously Dean hates that but Sam insists he doesn't want to be kept out of it, that he was always affected by it to even if he wasn't allowed to be made part of it and understand what was going on. he wasn't actually left out of it, ever, and I think when Dean gives in and agrees to talk about it just this once, he realises how deep it went. and how Sam didn't even always have the connections that Dean had to other people in town, and that there were reasons Sam felt isolated. and Sam would ask the big question, does he think John's dead? (Dean doesn't know.) does Dean want him to be dead? (Dean never wants to see him again. but it doesn't comfort him to think of John dead rotting in a ditch.) (Sam, like the rest of us, doesn't seem bothered by this prospect.)

and, of course, a word about Dean and Cas. that first night Sam is home you just know Dean won't fall asleep and is whispering to Cas all the things like: "do you think he's doing good? he seems good"; "do you think he likes the place? maybe I should repaint his room"; and "is he okay with us, though? for real?" and on this Cas is able to assure him that on that drive from the airport, the only question Sam really asked was if Dean was finally happy

(he is)

[nym-wibbly]

It's been brilliant marathoning Supernatural. That wasn't even physically possible when I first put the show on my 'to Watch' list and made the decision to avoid spoilers. I can currently access seasons 1-14 on ITVX, and all of it on Amazon Prime Video, which is something I take for granted far too easily. I still have actual stressy dreams about scrabbling around trying to collect and preserve shows on VHS, back when things aired once (if at all in the UK) then vanished.

I can say this for sure - watching this show air in real time would have driven me absolutely potty. Week to week, never mind season to season. Which may explain some of the fandom's wilder antics!

So, I'm a little way into season 13 now. The first few eps are emotionally brutal, with Dean basically falling apart at having lost so much during a single battle that he begs God - Chuck - for respite, praying, and turns inward when Chuck (to nobody's surprise) does nothing. I think I could've watched a whole season of Dean in that state of mind, with Sam trying to juggle that strain on their relationship, his own unsupported grief, and his nervous attempt to mentor Jack. But Dean's perked up because Castiel is back, by the efficent and simple ploy of having Cas irritate the boss of the celestial afterlife so much that it threw him back in disgust so it could get some sleep. Love it. (Is that the thingy that finally gets him in the end?)

I usually focus on characters, relationships, and performances as a viewer - that's my passion, after all. But some eps of Supernatural go above and beyond on the production side, especially the direction. Amanda Tapping brought her deep understanding of the sci-fantasy genre to her s12 ep (her first as director?) and Richard Speight Jr has done elegant wonders with some tricky material. The eps directed by Jensen Ackles highlight those particular passions of mine, characterisation-rich and full of heart. Speight's 12x12 Stuck in the Middle (With You) was so elaborately scripted that it could've been a hot mess in the wrong hands, but his direction delivered it pinpoint sharp and unsparing. I don't often smile at the direction alone, or even consciously notice it until I ponder the ep after the fact, but he practically had me punching the air while I watched. Impressive!

Next up is 13x07. Getting towards the sharp end!

ETA: Belated honourable mention for going with an ENTIRE SEASON of Dick gags that one time.

[marvelfanfn2187a113]

At what point do the boys take Sister Winchester to therapy?

Personally as a person who is not very consistent with their mental health and has been in therapy before, I am always amazed at all the traumas that Sam and Dean have to go through and seem to be fine.

How would Sam and Dean cope if their little sister had depression? Would Sam and Dean realize their sister's problem?

She stops eating, sleeps too much or doesn't sleep at all, many nightmares, she no longer enjoys anything, she is very irritable, it seems as if she can't even cry anymore, she just doesn't feel anything.

And something that happened to me (I don't know how it is for others) is that the months and days went by very quickly, suddenly the whole day passed in which I did nothing but sleep and exist haha, I feel like this is something that would happen to Sister Winchester, suddenly she realizes that she was locked in her room all day and only came out to go to the bathroom but she doesn't even care anymore she just locks herself back in

Would Cas notice? Can angels perceive mental or psychological illnesses, such as depression, anxiety, etc..? What event would cause Sister Winchester to break down and enter this depression? Would she realize on her own that it's wrong or would the Winchester brothers realize it? Who is the first person to tell Sister Winchester "you're not okay and you need help"?

It would take a lot to get the boys to bring her to therapy, because 1) they weren’t raised in the time/environment where that was normal, and 2) it’s not like she can tell the therapist about monsters.

I think the sister would be set off by Charlie’s death (because let’s be real, that’ll do it). But they can’t deal with it for a while because then there’s the whole moc/demon Dean thing. Sam would be so obsessed with finding a cure for the mark that he wouldn’t really notice, and Dean would be so far gone that he wouldn’t see/care. I think Sam would finally get it after Dean becomes a demon—ironically, him leaving makes it easier for Sam to spend some time with you and see what was going on.

He’d pause the hunt for demon Dean for as long as he could (not very long—he still needs to save his brother) in order to get you some help. At first, he just tries to talk to you and spend some time with you, but when he sees how bad it’s gotten he realizes he’s just not equipped to help you—you barely eat or sleep, you always have nightmares, and you barely talk anymore—so he takes you to a therapist.

You don’t go with Sam when he finds out where Dean is—demon Dean asks about that, but he doesn’t really care. He is surprised to learn that Sam put you in therapy, though.

“So she’s off the rails,” Dean scoffed, and Sam would be glad that he’d left you at home.

“She just needs some help, Dean. So do you.”

Cas would notice a little bit before Sam did (I don’t think angels can detect mental illness, I just think he’d have a little more presence of mind to think about something other than Dean). In fact, he’d be the one to suggest therapy.

“Can’t you just…” Sam doesn’t want to sound like a jerk, but he has to ask. “Can’t you heal her?”

“It doesn’t work like that,” Cas sighed.

The little sister would know she’s not ok, but I think she’d be too busy beating herself up about it to think about a solution. She hates that this is happening to her while Dean is off being a demon. She wants nothing more than to help, but she just can’t seem to get up the energy to do it.

Sam would go to her, and he’d tell her over and over that it’s not her fault. He’d tell her he wants her to take a break for a while and go to therapy and get some rest—she would hate the idea, but he wouldn’t give her a choice.

Therapy wouldn’t fix her over night, but as the months go on, she slowly gets a better sleep pattern (but she still has nightmares) and she starts eating a bit more (but it doesn’t always work, and it’s always a struggle) so when the time comes to get Dean, that’s why Sam makes the decision to leave her behind—she’s not ready. She’s angry at him for it, but she relents anyway.

When Dean is back to his old self, he’s so worried and wants to know everything that happened to his sister while he was gone. She’s scared that he’ll think therapy is weird, but Dean supports her 100%. In fact, with him back, he’s able to help her a little more so she can get better. At least for a little while, before the mark starts to change him again.

[casdeans-pie]

Part 4 of Flustered Castiel Accidentally Explodes Lightbulbs And Causes Power Outages Especially When Dean's Fingers Are In His Hair

Part 1 , Part 2 , Part 3.

Happy birthday to me! This is my birthday gift to myself so it's deliciously self indulgent for the final part. I honestly could have just kept going with this forever, I adore flustered!Cas and his angel powers lmao

This part got so big I couldn't put the whole chapter in the tumblr post sorry!

Taglist: @dreampencil , @mymisfitsbabe , @fivefeetfangirl , @kerryweaverlesbian , @give-bucky-his-boyfriend-back , @mooshroomister , @castielsbloodynose , @the-great-pumpkin-67 , @casavanse , @homoangel - thanks all for your interest, hope you like the conclusion!!

-----Read on AO3-----

---------

If stubbornness was a sin, Dean knew he would be going straight to hell when he died. Again.

There were a million reasons that Dean could think of for why Cas had distanced himself (that buzzed around his brain like insistent bees whenever he lay down to sleep at night) but if they didn’t talk about them then none of them were real. The ache in his chest at Cas’s absence, familiar from when he used to leave them for stretches at a time, felt like it dug in deeper and deeper with every passing day – but he still just couldn’t bring himself to talk to him about it.

The biggest surprise became the slow realisation that the saying ‘absence makes the heart grow fonder’ wasn’t just some made up cliché bullshit that people said to each other, because seeing Cas, even briefly before he scurried away, made Dean’s heart sing like a lovesick teenage girl.

Sam only suffered through so much before he started using his Sad-Sam-Eyes whenever he saw them both, hoping they would finally sort out whatever was going on between them, but he didn’t mention it otherwise. Somehow that made it even worse. If Sam told them to talk to each other, at least that could have been a good excuse. But no.

Dean had to do something on his own.

He had to.

He’d started all of this by being a jerk about Cas’s powers, so it was time to dip into that Dean Winchester Courage, have a real conversation about all of this, and face losing his best friend – the Angel that he loved – head on.

------

Then they finally had a hunt together. Alone.

Dean’s bloody machete hung in a loose grip by his side as he kicked the toe of his boot at the decapitated body on the ground beside him. The head lay nearby.

“Think we finally got ‘em all,” Dean said with a grin. His clothes were covered in splashes of blood, and he could feel some drying on his cheek that he was itching to scratch off with his nail. “I love a good vamp nest clear-out, but if I’d have known there were gonna be this many, I would’ve brought Sam as extra back-up.” Dean didn’t want to mention that the reason he’d told Sam to stay behind in the first place was because he’d finally stopped being chickenshit scared about sorting this thing out with Cas. “Not that we didn’t handle it.” He gestured towards the headless bodies scattered around them with his machete.

Cas didn’t reply. He’d been quiet in the ride over and had kept his distance for the whole fight.

Okay. Time’s up. Time to do this. Dean took a deep breath through his nose and closed his eyes. “Cas, listen-”

“Dean!” Cas yelled, slamming into him just as the sound of a gunshot exploded nearby.

Dean went hurtling down as another gunshot rang out. He landed heavily – the floor winded him and disorientated him enough that he couldn’t get straight back up, and he shook his head rapidly to try to clear it.

There were sounds of Cas wrestling with the vampire nearby. Dean watched dazedly as the vampire snarled and bared his fangs as he threw a punch at Cas’s nose, and his fist connected with a thud. But that gave Cas the opportunity to wrench the gun out of the vampire’s weakened grasp, and he tossed it aside, making it skitter harmlessly across the floor into a dark corner of the warehouse.

Red bloomed through the top of Cas’s trench coat on his left shoulder.

“Cas!” Dean warned, finally scrambling to his feet just as the vampire grabbed Cas and threw him down with a hiss onto the dusty, blood-spattered floor.

The vampire loomed over him with an open mouth full of needle-sharp teeth just as Cas sat up with a grunt and threw up his hand with his palm out. Dean recognised the gesture, and he immediately braced himself for the blinding light of Cas’s angelic smitey powers, but only a faint sputtering glow emerged from his hand.

After a moment, where Cas stared at his hand in confusion, the vampire hissed and lunged.

He never got any further.

Dean’s machete swung in a clean shining arc through the vampire’s neck, and he collapsed in a heap like a puppet with cut strings. The spray of blood caught Cas, smattering his face and hair with even more crimson alongside what currently trickled out of his nose and soaked his shoulder.

Dean groaned in relief and threw the machete to the concrete floor with a clang. “Definitely the last one,” he declared with a deep breath. “Damn that got close for a second there. Come on, up you get.” Dean offered out a hand to help Cas, but he pushed himself up with a groan instead, pointedly not looking at the hand as if he hadn’t noticed it.

Dean tried to shrug it off again, just like he had all the other times that Cas refused to touch him recently, but he could feel the hurt burning in his throat and behind his eyes. He clenched his fist so tightly it almost hurt as he returned it to his side.

“You okay?” Dean asked instead with a frown, thinking of the gunshots, and noticing the blood stain on Cas’s shoulder increasing in size.

“Yes. The first bullet got me, but the second bullet missed. I think it went clean through. Didn’t hit anything vital.” Cas touched his shoulder and winced, then observed Dean – his blue eyes raking him up and down from head to foot. “What about you? Are you hurt?”

Dean shook his head, the mixture of hurt and concern and happiness at the closest attention he’d got from Cas in weeks making his words come out harsher than he intended when he snapped, “Nope. My bullet-proof friend pushed me out of the way, and then revealed that he’s not so bullet-proof today.”

Cas smiled ruefully. “Ah. Yes. Looks that way.” He dusted his trench coat off as best he could and lifted an arm to wipe his sleeve across his nose – though he only succeeded in smearing the dust and blood around. He closed his eyes and rubbed again.

Dean pushed down his confusing cocktail of emotions, like he always did, and forced on a smile. “You’re just making it worse, buddy. Why’s killing vamps always such a bloody job?” He reached over without thinking, while Cas was still rubbing at his nose. “Nose doesn’t look broken at least, but your shoulder’s probably gonna need stitches while you’re low on power like this.”

Dean’s fingers had barely even grazed the fabric on Cas’s shoulder before Cas flinched back violently.

The lights in the warehouse groaned and buzzed as they flickered and dimmed, and then just as quickly returned to normal.

Cas’s eyes were wide as he took another step back.

Dean felt all his confusion sharpen into a frustrated stab of white-hot anger. He gestured violently at the ceiling. “Okay. Y’know what. That’s it. Let’s talk. What the hell is going on with you, Cas? Why have you been avoiding me? What’s the deal with the lights?”

“It’s nothing.”

“Doesn’t look like nothing.”

“Nothing you need to know about.”

“Nothing I- are you even hearing yourself right now? You’re really gonna admit to keeping secrets again after everything we’ve been through? And- hey, what’s up with your face? What are you doing?”

Cas had screwed his eyes together so tight that it pinched his whole expression. “Concentrating.”

“On what? This conversation that you’re trying not to be in?”

“On using my Grace to heal my shoulder and clean all of this off, but it’s not…” Cas gritted his teeth and opened his eyes. They glowed faintly. “It’s not working.”

Dean took a deep breath and scrubbed a hand through his hair. “Shit, Cas. You know you’re low on power right now, you really want to use up what little juice you got left before you get chance to recharge? The motel’s only twenty minutes away.” He scowled. “You can even sit in the back. Far away from me, like you want.”

Dean didn’t wait for a response, he turned, reached down for his abandoned machete, and stalked back to Baby.

By the time Cas finally got into the car – in the back – Dean had already texted Sam to tell him that the nest had been cleared out and they would be spending the night at the motel.

They’d be back at the bunker tomorrow, and then Cas could keep avoiding him like before. Or maybe he’d finally just admit that he wanted to leave… and he’d go. The thought made Dean clench the steering wheel with a grip that made his knuckles white.

He couldn’t imagine his life without Cas in it.

The ride to the motel was tense and silent except for Baby’s engine that Dean pushed harder than he should. (The twenty-minute ride only took them ten. Cas didn’t comment on it.)

As soon as they were through the door Dean toed off his shoes, flicked on all the lights, and went to wash his hands in the bathroom. He didn’t look back to see what Cas was doing. It was none of his business. If he didn’t want to talk about it, then what did he care. (He tried to tell himself, even as the ache in his chest pounded and felt cavernous.)

Dean splashed some water on his face and gripped the sides of the grubby sink. Water plinked pink from his chin into the chipped basin, as the vampire blood washed away down the plughole.

After a deep breath Dean grabbed a towel and rubbed it over his face, careful not to inhale at the same time – he’d learned a long time ago that it was best not to know what motel towels smelt like – and reached for the first aid kit he always left in the bathroom when they went on hunts.

Sufficiently calmed down, and feeling less like his heart was caught in the vice grip of a homicidal ghost, Dean turned and emerged back into the main room. He froze mid-step at what he saw: Cas had his head in his hands, perched on the edge of his bed, while the blood stains from his bullet wound were soaking through his coat down his arm. He hunched over with his elbows resting on his knees, and there seemed to be a particularly troubled tenseness to the set of his shoulders. Even more than usual. Despite their strained relationship recently, it cut Dean deeply to see him like that – so clearly suffering and so human.

Dean sat heavily onto his own bed opposite Cas. The old springs creaked loudly and protested at the sudden weight. “Alright. Coat off.”

Cas startled and snapped his head up. The lamp beside his bed flickered weakly. “What?”

Dean’s usual enthusiasm for the phenomenon of the flickering lights wasn’t his priority this time, and he pushed his curiosity aside. “Stitches,” Dean said simply, brandishing the first aid kit.

“I don’t need them,” Cas grumbled, looking away. “Once my Grace has recharged enough it will heal on its own.”

“Oh okay, so you’re just going to wait and see if your mojo recharges faster than you bleed? And you’re, what, expecting me to just sit here while we find out? Because I am not okay with that.”

“Yes.”

“Cas. Just let me put some damn stitches in your damn shoulder.”

“No.” The muscles in Cas’s jawline clenched.

Dean scowled as he ran a hand through his hair. It was sticky and matted with drying blood, but that was nothing new. “Let me put it this way. You either take off your coat and shirt willingly, or I will tackle you to that bed and remove them myself” – the lamp flickered again – “so help me God, don’t think that I won’t. Your choice.” Dean had his eyes locked on Cas’s narrowed ones. “I will not let you suffer when I can do something about it. Yeah, you might heal it up yourself in an hour or two, but I’m not going to sit here watching you bleeding and in pain, when I can help. Don’t ask me to.”

“Dean… This is just… It’s a bad idea.”

“A bad idea? To stop you from bleeding out? C’mon man, you’re always healing me up after hunts, let me repay the favor for once. Besides, you took the shot meant for me – it should be me sitting there with the bullet hole.”

Cas went suddenly pale, and his eyebrows drew together in a serious line. “If it were, I would use up whatever Grace I had left to heal you.”

Oh.

Dean blinked in surprise.

Huh. But Cas had been avoiding him so much lately... He’d assumed he didn’t care anymore. “Uh,” Dean faltered, “no, that wouldn’t be okay either. I wouldn’t want that. But maybe I should teach you some basic first aid now that your mojo gets patchy sometimes.” He shook his head. That would require them to be in the same room for more than five minutes. Stupid suggestion. “Look, if you’d want to heal me that badly if we were swapped over here, that’s what I want to do to you right now, get it?”

“I um. I think so.” The line between Cas’s eyebrows grew deeper. “It’s fine now anyway. It barely hurts,” he lied, gripping his shoulder tightly.

“Sure. Okay, Black Knight.”

Cas squinted.

“The Black Knight – ‘‘tis but a flesh wound’? Guess you didn’t get Monty Python in the pop-culture upload. We’ll add it to the list we-” But Dean remembered that they didn’t watch movies together anymore. “Doesn’t matter. Just take your damn coat off, you stubborn son of a bitch.”

That finally cracked a smile onto Cas’s pale face. His lips twitched and the corners of his eyes crinkled endearingly.

Dean felt a strong flare of affection at seeing Cas’s smile, after seeing him looking so defeated before, that it immediately softened all of Dean’s concern-masked-as-irritation and he found himself smiling back. He’d missed this. So damn much.

“I’ll patch you up,” Dean said gently, “then you get dibs on the first shower, since you’re the one covered in the most blood. Winchester tradition.”

“I don’t need-”

“Yeah, yeah, I know, you can just magic your mess away when your power’s back on, but you’re really just gonna sit here like that until then?”

Cas looked down at himself. “You have a point.”

“Always do. Looks like you’ll just have to enjoy shitty motel water pressure like the rest of us.” Dean wiggled his eyebrows. “And going first means you get the hottest water.”

“Thank you, Dean,” Cas said.

“Then we can both go to sleep so you can recharge your batteries. You can sleep when you’re like this, right? But stitches first. After that there’ll be no touching involved,” Dean added, before he could stop himself. As much as he enjoyed talking to Cas again, it only served as a depressing reminder that they weren’t like this anymore. He gave a sad, weak little laugh, and even he could hear the pain in his voice when he said, “Y’don’t even have to look at me.”

Cas immediately slid off his bed with a rustle, and he was on his knees in front of Dean in the time it took for him to open his mouth to ask what was happening. His eyes shined wetly in the dingy motel room lighting as he gazed up intensely – vulnerable and raw – into Dean’s eyes. “Dean, no. This wasn’t supposed to hurt you. I never wanted to hurt you,” Cas said in a voice thick with emotion. “Doing this – distancing myself… It was supposed to make things better, but it… only made everything worse. I hate being apart from you. I hate it. This wasn’t- it’s not- it’s not your fault.” He spoke haltingly, like he was struggling. “It’s my fault. I’m sorry. I- I don’t know how to explain-”

They were closer than they had been in weeks, and yet Dean could still feel the distance. His heart sunk. “This is starting to feel a whole lot like the ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ speech, man.”

Cas scrunched his face up, and Dean knew he was trying to think of a way to say what he meant. He wondered if Angels weren’t very big talkers in their true forms. It was reminiscent of when they first met, and how Cas used to struggle with sarcasm and slang.

Cas already told him once that he’d only started to feel real, strong emotions (Dean called them his Real Boy Feelings) since rescuing him from Hell, so it made sense that he still struggled sometimes. And anyway, Dean had been human his whole life and it wasn’t like he was much better at the whole sharing your feelings crap.

Cas finally looked up through his lashes at him – his expression wary. “Hold out your hand, Dean.”

“What?”

“Hold out your hand, please. I can show you what’s been going on.”

---- Read the rest on AO3 ----

[destiel-wings]

I've gathered some of my thoughts about The Winchesters season finale and here's why i think it gave me some peace

(yes, this does contain a destiel interpretation, too 💚💙)

Did i want to see Cas in it? Yes.

Was i disappointed that he wasn't? Actually, no (more on that later).

But I loved it. I was so stunned as I saw it and I felt like somehow it healed some of the wounds from the spn finale... but i couldn't quite understand why.

Here's why.

We basically watched Supernatural. Jensen reopened the finale and went further with it. What we saw in The Winchesters felt like a continuation of 15x20, even if it technically happened in between the last two scenes of the finale. But we got Bobby, we got Jack. They all actually talked, in a way that felt alive and real. Jack broke his rule of no interfering, showing that he still cared for Dean (just like he had broken his own rule off screen by saving Cas from the Empty). The Winchesters wasn't a prequel, but a sequel.

Dean got his own story, got to make something for himself (instead of just waiting for Sam on a bridge), and it's something that he wanted to do. He went back to look for hope and love, for a version of his parents where they could have a real chance.

We learn love (or we don't) and how to be in a happy relationship as kids by watching our parents, and Dean was doomed that way. He never had that example, to learn how to build a relationship and let himself be loved. He never learned that. So when he gets to heaven and he has the chance, before getting on that bridge, before meeting up with his family, with Sam... and yes, with Cas (even if we haven't seen him yet), he just needs a freaking minute. He needs a little time to himself. To reconnect. To understand. To reflect on love and what it means to love and be loved.

So he does what any fond child would do... he looks up at his parents. Only his parents that are right there in heaven didn't exactly have a happy ending (or even a happy middle), so he explores further, searching for a chance, a hope, a version of his own legacy where love was possible. Because if his parents can make it... so can he.

And we see all that through his own lenses (the weird use of the camera lenses with all those flares and glow resembles the aura of Dean's drive in heaven, thinking about it in retrospect).

screencaps of the glowy amber look and those camera flares, there's probably better examples but these are some of the best ones i could find

Dean's mission might have been the Akrida, but the reason he went looking, the real quest he was after, was hope. Hope for a happy ending. Hope for love, where said love was doomed from the start.

And it's not surprising that there were destiel parallels everywhere, because that was Dean's POV, and he's processing his own feelings. Which is something he needs to do before he sees Cas again.

And personally, I think Dean loves Cas back and he knew that before dying, but still, that doesn't mean that he's not afraid of messing it up. That he knows how to approach him, or face Cas, after all that's happened.

He may not even be doing all of this thinking consciously, but the Castiel subtext we've seen in The Winchesters, from a narrative POV, is Dean's.

We're seeing the parallels because he's seeing them, making them, it's his way of processing. Of seeing what he and Cas had, and what they could have. Looking for hope.

And, as he himself said before leaving again... i think he found it.

So i don't know how things are going to go on from here. I can't imagine how we could have Dean in a season two. I've been saying all along that The Winchesters might open the story for a SPN revival/s16, and i think it is perfectly possible that this might happen here.

The Winchesters might not have Dean anymore, becoming its own show (but still having lots of references and guest stars from Supernatural) and *as Jensen loves to say* when we get the revival, there will be the space to address Castiel's confession and give his character the importance that it needs.

It wouldn't have made sense to see Cas here in a little cameo, it wouldn't have been enough. But what we saw here, was the confirmation of Jensen reopening the finale, and his willingness to bring Dean back (as he's always stated), for whatever more he's allowed to do.

I love the way they handled it, we still got peace and hope (even if there were to be no s2), and i feel like we're all more confident that the bridge scene is not an ending, but a beginning of something more. Dean has said he's gonna go look for his family. That's not just Sam.

Of course he's gonna see Cas too. But i don't think any of us would've been satisfied to see him pop up randomly for a couple of minutes in TW, with little to no mention of what happened between them.

Also, i want to point out that this was supposed to be the midseason finale but they had to adapt it when they found out they didn't get a full season, we could've had much more (like more narrating voices as Jensen had teased) or even seeing more of Dean, instead of just seeing him in the pilot and the season finale. They even asked Misha to be there (and he refused for scheduling conflicts since he was busy filming Gotham Knights *but said he's absolutely willing to appear later*).

So i think there's still so much story to tell here and i am absolutely hopeful and trust that we will love it.

I think they did an amazing job in 13 episodes, and I can't wait to see what's next 💖